We begin with AJ apparently telling Punk, Bryan, and Kane that they should each go there own way. However, the camera pans back to show AJ talking to her own reflection in a mirror.
This should be a fun show.
We start RAW proper with an announced match between Big Show and Brodus Clay, plus a special announcement from John Cena later tonight. Right now Vicki is out, introducing herself as tonights’ GM, and expects to be made full time GM as of July 23, RAWs’ 1000th show. She announces our first match of the evening will be a triple threat elimination match. She doesn’t bother saying who, or what’s on the line so…
TRIPLE THREAT ELIMINATION: DANIEL BRYAN VS KANE VS C.M. PUNK
Brief Side Notes: During Kanes’ intro, Lilian Garcias’ voice sort of mesh with Kanes’ music in what sounded like a scary “haunted house sound effect” laugh, and the camera catches Punk rushing into gorilla position by accident.
WWE wants us to vote on twitter for who AJ should hook up with.
(Punk, Kane, or Bryan.) They use an image of her grining like the Joker, and option #4 is “All Three.”
Stay classy guys.
Side Side Note: Sign in the audience, “Nick Hogan Drove Me.”
The match starts with Kane dominating both men with big right hands and tossing them around like dolls. Punk and Bryan take over however, by double teaming the legs. With Kane down, Punk and bryan focus on each other, trading holds/take downs until Kane gets in a right to Punk. Bryan hits a sliding drop kick but Kane grabs him and smashes him into the guardrail.
Kane goes up but is caught by Bryan, who tries for a superplex. Punk lays in with forearms, and pulls Bryan back on his shoulders.
Kane misses a clothesline and Bryan rolls Punk up for two. Punk and Bryan return to double teaming Kane. Punk starts sending both men into each other. Kane goes for a chokeslam. AJ skips around the ring to distract Kane. Punk hits a GTS on Kane and gets three. Bryan kicks Punk in the head and gets the three.
WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN
Backstage; Alberto Del Rio tries to sweet talk Vicki into giving him back his no.1 contendership, going so far as to having Ricardo Rodriguez give Vicki a bouquet of roses. Dolph Ziggler walks in, taking acception to this. There’s a brief argument, but Vicki breaks it up by booking both men in a “contract on a pole” match.
(insert eye roll here)
The segment ends with Ziggler smashing Vickis’ flowers against the wall. Del Rio barks at Ricardo for some reason, and the bit ends with Vicki trying to comfort Ricardo. (Interesting)
We come back to a recap of Big Shows’ beatdown on Brodus Clay from one month ago, setting up tonights grudge match.
We’re back, and Funky is rolling. We get the whole routine with the dancing and the ripping off of pants, which doesn’t really sell the whole “out for revenge” motive we need here. Show comes out next, and here we go.
BIG SHOW VS BRODUS CLAY
The match is a quick brawl. Show fights Clay into the corner and teases the big chop, but Clay unloads with big punches and gets Show down with the head-butt to the chest. Show takes over with a kick to the bad knee of Clay, and from there-on, beats him down. Show works over the leg, and hits a second rope splash, but Brodus fights out of a WMD attempt and gets Show back with right hands and the big head-butt, but his leg goes out while attempting a slam, and Show squashes him for a three-count.
WINNER: BIG SHOW
Video package on Cena granting his 300th wish for the Make-A-Wish foundation, which includes him inviting the boy and his family to RAW’s 1000th show this july.
We come back with Bob Barker recaping his night guest hosting “The Price is RAW,” episode of RAW and offering to face Chavo Guerro on the 2000th episode.
We see Big Show landing a cheap shot on Brodus during the commercial while refs were helping him back to the locker room, followed by a recap of the promo face-off between Triple H and Paul Heyman that ended with Heyman knocked out, followed by an announcement that Brock Lesnar wil respond to Triple H’s challenge next week.
Our next segment is Kane writing himself out of the AJ thing by telling AJ she’s “mentally unstable” and for her sake, they should stay away from each other. He says goodbye. AJ looks like she’s gonna cry for a second, then bursts into maniacal laughter.
DID YOU KNOW: If you watched every episode of RAW back to back for 24 hours a day it would take you 75 days to finish them all? It would also get you commited. That’s not stable behavior.
U.S. CHAMPIONSHIP: SANTINO MORRELLA (C) VS. JACK SWAGGER
This is Santinos’ first defense on RAW since April against the man he beat for the title in January.
That’s a six month reign.
The match starts off one-sided as Swagger beats Santino down with the big right hands. Santino makes a brief comeback and teases the Cobra, but Swagger stops that with a kick to the gut and a leg drop.
Side Note: Swagger has a degree in finance.
Swagger works the arm, but Santino fights out and hits a belly-to-back suplex. Swagger knocks him down, Santino kips right back up with big left hands. Santion gets the hip-toss, the head-butt, a spining DDT, and the “COBRA!” for the three count.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: SANTINO MORELLA
Later Tonight: Divas Beach Battle Royal
Cena in the back, meets up with Zack Ryder. They trash one of Johnny Aces t-shirts and fist-bump it to commercial.
We come back from commercial. Cena hits the ring and recaps the events leading into No Way Out with a “Star Wars” analogy that… well… ghah. The few high-points were Zack Ryder refered to as a Woo-Woo-Wokie and a decent Yoda impression.
Cue Jerico (THANK GOD)
The arena goes black, and the fireworks hail the return of the sparkly jacket. We get a look at Jericho performing with Fozzie at the UK download festival and a plug for his album. Jericho tells Cena to get to the point and “shut the hell up,” and get out of his ring. Cena announces that to stop Big Show from becoming an unstoppable champion, he will enter the Money in The Bank match and win the whole “fudgen” thing. (It’s a PG show.)
Jericho calls him on his arrogance and claims credit for surviving as well as inventing “Money in The Bank” in 2005. He talks about his history with ladder-themed matches and enters himself into “Money in The Bank.” Vicki comes out to remind both of them their will be two matches-one for each title, and no-one can just declair they’re in the match. Jericho tries to get lippy with her and she yells at him for interupting. Jericho asks “What are you going to do? Suspend me?”
Vicki responds by saying that she spoke with the board of directors, and they’ve decided the WWE title contract match will only feature former WWE champions. This means Cena, Big Show, Kane(?) and Jericho. Cena says that actualy is a good idea, and Vicki might be a great GM, as long as she does what the BOD says, and doesn’t make any decisons of her own. Vicki responds by making tonight’s main event Cena vs. Jericho.
We’re back with Lilian Garcia in the ring trying to introduce tonights’ former WWE main event superstar, when Heath Slater comes out. We get a look at Slater being punked out by Cyndi Lauper last week. Slater doesn’t care, he’s the man that rules the world.
PSYCHO SID VS. HEATH SLATER
Psycho Sid (aka Sid Vicious/Justice) comes out looking like a man who just finished a hard prision sentence. He looks smaller but BY NO MEANS less threatening. The match starts off with Slater being slapped around like a bitch, until he ducks a shot and goes to work on the leg. Sid goes down to a knee and Slater scores some hard elbows to the head/neck, but Sid hits the clothesline, a leg drop, and ends this with the powerbomb and a cold dead stare into the camera.
When we come back, BEACH BATTLE ROYAL!
We’re back, and according to WWE.com, WWE has announced a social media celebrity ambassador for some reason.
Our next match is…
CONTRACT ON A POLE: DOLPH ZIGGLER VS ALBERTO DEL RIO!
Del Rio comes out in a 150,000 dollar ferrari and gets a plug for his facebook page. Zigglers out next, and actually gets a few people chanting for him.
The match starts off with both men going for the contract right off the bat. They exchange a few high spots, but it’s mostly a grab for the paper until the contract goes flying into the ring. The men take turns knocking the contract away from each other. Ricardo makes a grab for it, but eats a dropkick. The contract goes flying out in front of the announce table, the superstars wind up out on the floor on the other end. Sheamus comes out and announces they’ve both got a shot on Smackdown this Friday in a three-way with him, making this a huge waste of time.
We get a promo announcing Daniel Bryan vs. C.M. Punk for the WWE title at MiTB.
Punk is on the phone, AJ wants to play guess who? Punk guesses King Kong Bundy. No silly, it’s AJ, and she wants to dedicate her win in the beach battle royal to you! Punk says that’s great, but afterwards they have to talk, seriously. AJ would love to, but she has to win this match first.
Sept 27, 1999, Mick Foley’s most memorable monday night moment, the original “this is your life” segment with the Rock.
Okay, BEACH BATTLE ROYAL TIME! All the girls in the ring are in their swimwear, when Vicki announces she’s in the match! She does a sexy dance, giving all the divas an attitude, then droping the robe to reveal a cougar-print one piece.
Not all that bad actually.
The match is a quick and pointless clusterfudge that ends with AJ chasing Vicki out of the ring and winning the match. She celebrates by doing the “Yes! Yes! Yes!” chant.
Next tuesday, Super Smackdown: LIVE! The Great American Bash is back as a 4th of July special.
We’re back with our main event!
MAIN EVENT: JERICHO VS. CENA
Jericho is out in the electric vest. MiTB will be his 4th MiTB ladder match. Cena is out next. This MiTB match will be his first.
The match begins with a basic exchange of holds, Jericho slaps Cena, Cena goes for the AA, Jericho takes a powder.
We’re back. Jericho tries to hold Cena down, but Cena keeps getting to his feet. The tide turns back and forth with Jericho hitting vicious spots and Cena powering out and making short comebacks. Cena hits three of the five moves of doom, but Big Shows Music hits as Cena has Jericho up in the AA. Jericho escapes, and locks on the Walls Of Jericho. Show comes in and drops the leg on Cenas’ head. Jericho decides descretion is the better part of valor, and takes his leave. RAW ends with Big Show choking out Cena in the “colossal clutch.”
Tags: Brodus, Brya, Chokeslam, Clothesline, Daniel Bryan, Drop Kick, Forearms, Garcias, Gts, Guardrail, Haunted House, John Cena, Kane, Lilian, Nick Hogan, Sound Effect, Special Announcement, Threat Elimination, Triple Threat, wwe