Yes, one character seems to have taken over in a illogical way. No, not Double A (that’s the “good” product). We’re one year out from the “Summer of Punk II” shtick. Wow. This is not your Ten Year Old’s WWE. RIght Mr. Cena?
Oh yeah, remember that Zach Ryder guy? No? Me neither, but it appears he is the GM for Smackdown. Turns out the computer is more popular in the WWE’s opinion. YAWN. Oh well, here’s the magical picture part of the review and the “hopping” reference:
‘Nuff said, let’s hop to it, shall we?
I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.
-Will I be watching this PPV on Sunday? Fuck no. I’m getting stupid with my boys/girls at our annual “Stampede Retardness” event (we can’t spell correctly, that’s how retarded we get). So I turn this question of a Go Home show over to another more experienced member of the IWC to answer. An adopted son of the home of the Calgary Stampede, Mr. Lance Storm. Let’s get serious for a moment. Mr. Storm what’s your take on the current state of the WWE?
Disclaimer: I will probably enjoy the Smackdown MitB match, and will of course not illegally stream it. That would be wrong, and theft. Don’t steal, kids!
That’s my job.
- A little clip package of Zach Ryder starts the show, explaining how he got this GM spot and shilling his Youtube success and Twitter handle. Lillian Garcia introduces him, and he makes his way down to the ring. Ryder doesn’t get much in until Alberto Del Rio comes out and runs him down for calling himself the Internet Champion of the World…. Del Rio will become the real world champion. Ryder books him against…
Charles Barkley @G: “Wait, you’re telling me that the TNA show we used to review is now better than the WWE, but the channel got dropped by Viacom so most fans are stuck with this turrible product? Ha ha, sure G, and white boys can play basketball too.”
G @Charles Barkley: “Well first, I reviewed the Impact product, you usually just ended up in jail. Secondly, yes, that is precisely what I’m telling you.”
- * Alberto Del Rio vs. Sin Cara. To compensate for the lack of the trampoline, Sin Cara baseball slides into the ring, runs at the opposite middle ropes and does his somersault deal off of it. In a different era, when the black lighting effect shines above the ring, do you think Ricardo Rodriguez would have a bunch of white spots appear on his suit? I’m not insinuating anything, just thinking a la McMahon. Come on, this is the guy who originally wanted Kane in See No Evil to have a 3 foot penis in a masturbation scene. Just saying. Anyways, Del Rio’s initial domination is turned sour as the lucha picks up steam before our first commerical:
Farley on the brain, since Heath Farley appeared on Impact this week…
- And we’re back… Del Rio is back in control, and is methodically working the little man down with submissions and humiliation spots. After a kind of boring chunk of time, Sin Cara finally gets his steam but misses a high risk top rope 180 splash allowing Del Rio to submit him with an armbar.
- We get a bunch of fan videos from Tout. Great, this will fill one hour of RAW when it goes to three hours.
- Zach is congratulated by Teddy Long, but then Big Show tells him he sucks and Khali enters the shot and he is announced as the opponent. Then Khali does the “Woo Woo Woo, You Know It.” Guess one match I am FFW’ing through later? Can you?
- * Darren Young vs. Primo. I am literally reminded of these guys having a match 3 weeks ago, and then Primo punking out them back stage as Rosa Mendez shrieked some inane babble. AW rocks his introduction on his Britany Spears microphone of the PPs. His audio is kind of buried in the audience noise and entrance music. Epico and Primo are wearing what appear to be bibs. I guess they just came from Red Lobster? Mendez gets the hard camera side, but AW is on a live microphone hollering at his team to “get this money” and a funny spot when Darren Young gets a near fall on Primo where AW claims, “This beat down is brought to you by All World Productions and Darren Young! Come on Darren, get that money!” AW is much more enjoyable and is reminding me more of Jimmy Hart more than ever. Young dominates most of the match, and he and AW play off each other fantastically. Primo attempts a Backcracker, but Young hangs on! Young gets school boyed!!! PRIMO WINS! This is a great matchup, continuing the rivalry, and truly expanding what the AW gimmick is all about. Thumbs up here!
Truer words were never spoken… evolve WWE, because I’m almost done.
- 1000th moment is Edge on April 11, 2011 retiring due to neck injuries. I think that was a good choice, because it was very significant. Dude retired as a champion, and call me Canadian because I teared up a little that Monday.
- Ryder is talking to Sheamus about having a show to run, and Jericho enter and calls this thing a train wreck. I disagree Jericho, last Monday was a fucking train wreck. Sheamus steps up, so Ryder makes a match.
Dave’s right, you know.
- * Christian and Santino Marella vs. Dolph Ziggler and Cody Rhodes. It’s pretty noticeable that Ziggler is letting his blonde hair dyejob fade out. Read into that as you will. This looks like it could have some legs (but wouldn’t mind seeing this turn into a sledge hockey match either, and in all honesty check it out some time. Looks like fun for me, able-bodied or not. Takes some serious upper body strength. I watched a ton of it during the 2010 Winter Olympics).
- Anyways, Santino and Ziggler start us off with Ziggler shaking his head at the US Champ. But one should not underestimate the somovagun. An early tag brings Christian into the bout, as the heeltastic isolation story is told. At one point, Rhodes puts Christian in a ten second delayed slam. Always love that spot. Santino gets the hot tag and hits his usual routine with the splits, the diving headbutt, and goes to set up the Cobra… BUT NO! Rhodes delays this, Christian takes him to the outside and a recovered Ziggler hits the Zig-Zag and pins Santino for the win!
- Up next is “The Love Triangle” between A.J. and some other guys. Can’t remember who those jabroni’s are.
- Charlie Sheen is still advertized as the Social Ambassador for the 1000th RAW. We’ll see about that, and we’ll be talking about it on BWF Radio Episode 31 this Sunday! Then we get the clip package of the Punk/Bryan/AJ stuff and some laptop GM bits. Not a fuck was given that night by me…. not one. Well, that’s a lie… there was one thing I really enjoyed, and here is both an animated gif and retort as to what it was here:
Chael Sonnen was dissected in the second round by Anderson Silva last Saturday. Some might say this spot that occurred on RAW was a slight nod to that. It wouldn’t shock me, considering Chael is tight with Punk and consults Steve Austin as how to react. The dirty dirt sheets report that the WWE has interest in Sonnen. I’d like to see that. The dude can cut a promo, even when he isn’t quoting Superstar Billy Graham.
- * Big Show vs. The Great Khali. I told you I would not watch this garbage unless on FFW. And even then it’s pretty terrible. Meh. Skip this, don’t waste your time. Big Show KO’s him in under a minute. Did I mention the Wonderpod Episode 118″>BWF are talking Mike Tyson’s Punch Out on Wonderpod #118 this week?
I beg to differ, sir. ‘Round these parts, Khali is mediocre.
- Ugghh.. G gets distracted by things for 45 minutes…. Dammit. TNA is better. How did that happen, again?
- Tagteam titles on Youtube before the PPV. Non-title? Not watching.
- * Ryback vs. Tyler Reks w/Kurt Hawkins. I think Cole called Ryback’s finish “The March of the Competition”? Reks gets on the microphone and tells us he’ll what done that his partner couldn’t do. Sure, buddy. Both of you are getting double slammed on the PPV unannounced. Reks almost gets an offensive punch strike combination in… only to fucked up. First time ever, an outside competitor smashing a cane into Ryback’s face. Hawkins of course. Not enough, as Ryback puts him away. But we did see some actually “competition” between the two. Ryback is slightly leveled down in this bout with less hitpoints, stamina, defence, strength, and mana. Dude still eats the guy, though.
The WWE needs an “out,” like Q on Star Trek: The Next Generation, every show that jumps the shark needs an “out” of crappy story lines…. right, The Great Gazoo?
- 1000th RAW moment – Host Hugh Jackman discusses his RAW celebrity host spot. True, dude was in the backstage and immediately went up to the Brooklyn Brawler for an autograph… Too-tall-Wolverine gets a pass (it was good, and he did change my tune about his casting as Wolvie).
The_Great_Gazoo_65 @G: “If the shoe fits, Dum Dum!”
G @The_Great_Gazoo_65: “Now all we need is, is an out of this A.J. storyline that pulled “The Fonz” a couple weeks back…”
- More Tout bullshit. Don’t care. FFW.
- * Damien Sandow vs. Justin Gabriel. Being highly touted, Gabriel “Ex-Werewolf” is already in the ring. Tout takes precedence… Sandow enters gloriously. I smell a squash… Sandow does a new charisma move on fallen Gabriel with an arm swirl elbow drop. Sandow hits his finisher in about 2 minutes,
- Hornswoggle GM reveal clips from RAW… FFW… angry again.
As easy as it is to rip on Vince Russo, the CURRENT team of writers (see: VKM) thought Hornswoggle was the ideal choice for the anonymous RAW GM.
- Did I Know? “In 1993, Kofi Kingston, The Miz, and CM Punk were still in middle school.” It’s not even fun making fun of the “facts” anymore.
- * Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho – Sheamus enters first. Jericho “jackets” it up…. main event, next. Fucking ads…
This one is better. DUKE!
- This is a match that is about trading spots. Both men do damage and set up minor signiture moves for the first segment… decent so far. Jericho manhandles Sheamus during the break, we’re told. But of course, as we return, the pale one gets his attack on, hair did, etc. Exhaustion sets in, and the men get more careless, as Jericho lands a mid rope launched drop kick and a hard-camera Lionsault. Sheamus gets some steam back, looks for a Celtic Cross, NO! Walls of Jericho! Rope break… White Noise attempt into another Walls of Jericho! Middle of the ring face crawl… drag back… Hulk up to the rope! Sheamus breaks the hold and hits the White Noise! NO PIN. More finisher missed spots… ok this match is watchable, no doubt…. Sheamus pulls himself from the seated position on the canvas to the top rope only to eat a Code Breaker! DUDE! Sheamus pulls himself up after much abuse as an angry Jericho yell at him…. Y2J charges, right into a sick looking Brogue Kick, and wins the match. God Bless you Chris Jericho, you helped Sheamus look important and gave us a great match as a result!
- We’re not done. Post match Del Rio comes out and assaults the worn Sheamus, and dangles him off the entrance ramp side in an armbar.
I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.
The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.
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Tags: 2012, Anderson Silva, Assassin's Creed, Beth Phoenix, Boys Girls, Brodus Clay, Calgary Stampede, Chael Sonnen, Christmas, CM Punk, Current State, Daniel Bryan, Epico, Friday The 13th, Gm, Go Home, Hornswoggle, Hornswoggle is the anonymous RAW GM, Hunico, Iwc, Jinder Mahal, John Laurinaitis, July 13, Kharma, Lance Storm, Laptop, Mark Henry, Match, Money In The Bank, Myspace, Natalya, Play By Play, Ppv, Primo, Punk, Radio, Retardness, Ryder, Santino Marella, See No Evil, Sheamus, sin cara, SmackDown, Ted Dibiase, Teddy Long, The Big Show, The Great Khali, The WWE has jumped the shark, Three foot penis, tom, World Heavyweight Champion, wwe, Yawn, your mom