We open up with CM Punk opening the show as Cole/King recap his match w/Daniel Bryan @ MiTB.
“This may sound a little strange coming from someone who’s straight edge, but… I LOVE LAS VEGAS!” – CM Punk
Punk takes us back to the “pipe bomb” promo of last year and talks about how a guy who looks/talks/acts like him would never have been on the first RAW, let alone champion for eight months. He plans on holding that title next week on the 1000th episode.
Whatever Punk. Show talks about how he was inches away from winning….
Crowd: BIG SHOW SUCKS! BIG SHOW SUCKS!
“That is rude, I have a point I’m trying to make, please.” – Big Show
As usual, John Cena was in the right place at the right time, and if he had won the contract, he would cash it in right now.
Punk interupts with how almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. Show did what he always does, leave destruction in his wake… and lose. He has everything he needs to be Mr. MiTB, but he lost. That’s why Punk has the WWE title, and the respect of all the fans.
Show laughs. Punk thinks these people respect him? They don’t even respect themselves. If Punk left tomorrow, it’d be about a week before they moved on. Punk isn’t special, he’s just another cog in the machine.
Punk is WWE champion, and Big Show is an underacheving, well-paid shell of a man, who just happens to be a giant.
Show reminds Punk John Cena is Mr. MiTB and he could cash the contract in, right after Show knocks out Punk in the main event.
Cole mentions the very first RAW is on Youtube right now, and King reminds us THE ROCK will be at RAW next week for the 1000th show.
Back from commercial. King/Cole tells us we can go to WWE.com and vote for which championship we want to see defended next week. Our choices are Santino’s U.S. title, Christian’s I-C title, or Layla’s DIVAS title.
Our first match tonight will be…
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: KINGSTON/KILLINGS (C) vs. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS (O’NEAL & YOUNG)
Kingston and Killings come out with their pyro singing Little Jimmy (supposedly) and The PTP come out with AW hyping them on his headpeice. Cole and King mention them losing to Primo and Epico on the PPV last night, and AW taking a drink in the face from Kingston/Killings (guest commentators.)
K&K dominate the match with high-flying double teaming on Young as we go to commercial…
When we come back, the PTP have taken over and are taking turns beating down Kingston while AW keeps hyping them outside the ring. At one point AW actually fixes Young’s fro while Young chokes out Kingston. Kingston does make the tag and R-Truth comes in and cleans house. AW actually gets in an argument w/the ref, allowing Kingston to hit “Trouble in Paradise” from the outside. Killings hits the “Little JImmy” and gets the three count.
WINNERS-STILL CHAMPIONS: KINGSTON/KILLINGS
Backstage: Daniel Bryan wants to tell AJ he’s sorry for blaming her for everthing, and wants to admit something to her, But Eve interupts. She’s mad about Bryan bailling on her in the tag match last week, so she went to the Board Of Directors to demand a match with the partner of her choice against Bryan and the pipsqueak AJ.
“And you know what they say about payback… it’s exactly what you are AJ.” – Eve
Eve exits, and AJ ask Bryan what he was going to say. Bryan will tell her after they win. He goes in for a kiss. AJ looks confused, Bryan plants a kiss on her cheek, and exits.
We get a spot for Tout, encouraging us to send WWE a tout w/a hashtag for RAW and we might get to be on RAW.
We offically back, and we get a lok at John Cena’s first offical Tout, asking us to “Tout” our favorite RAW moments.
Zack Ryder is out first, as Cole reminds us how Ryder was the first WWE superstar to embrace social media. Ricardo Rodriguez introduces ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRIO who comes out w/o a custom car.
ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. ZACK RYDER
Zack gets in some offense, but the match is just about a squash, with an aggressive Del Rio brutalizing Ryder andgeting the submission w/the armbar.
WINNER: ALBERT DEL RIO
After the match, Del Rio continues to beat on Ryder until…
BOOYA! BOOYA! 619! Rey Mysterio makes his big return with a charge to the ring and a brawl with Del Rio. Rey hits the 619 and Del Rio scurries off.
Heath Slater does a Monday Night Memorable Moment promo. It’s a “highlight” package of Slater getting punked out by various WWE alumni while Slater puts a blatantly phony positive spin on each moment.
When we come back, Slater will be facing another returning RAW legend.
DID YOU KNOW?: WWE Monday Night Raw has ran moe episodes than ALLTHREE CSI shows combined.
We’re back w/Slater in the ring claiming he’s not stupid. The music hits…
HEATH SLATER vs. RIKISHI
Rikishi has retuned to back dat ass up into Heath Slaters face. This is a quick squash w/Rikishi crushing Slater… almost litterally.
The arena goes black. When the light comes back, we’ve got Jimmy and Jay Uso, Rikishi’s sons, in the ring for an Uso family dance party.
When we come back, AJ and Bryan will face Eve and her mystery partner.
Monday Night RAW has out ran shows like Lassie, Law & Order, The Simpsons, and Smackdown. Next week is show 1000 and we go to three hours.
We come back to Eve making her entrance while we recap Bryan bailling on her last week to prove his love of AJ. Eve introduces her partner….
The Miz comes out with his new haircut and jacket,
DANIEL BRYAN/AJ vs. EVE/THE MIZ
Bryan and Miz get a few seconds in the ring, but once AJ tags in, it’s her and Eve carrying the lion’s share of the workload. We get a solid two/three minutes before AJ hits the running knee lift. AJ goes for the pin but Miz distracts the ref. An angry AJ hits a dropkick on Miz, taking him off the apron. Miz and AJ trade smirks (I think Miz was impressed.) and Miz charges back in. Eve gets a small package on AJ, but the Miz is still arguing w/the ref. Bryan reverses the package and AJ gets the three count.
WINNERS: BRYAN AND AJ
After the match, Bryan confesses his feelings for AJ, AND ASKS HER TO MARRY HIM! AJ takes a minute and says YES!
AJ and Bryan lead the crowd in a huge “YES” chant in celebration.
Still to come tonight, more on John Cena’s MiTB win and WWE champion CM PUNK vs. THE BIG SHOW.
Monday Night Memorable Moment: The Rock steals Stone Cold Steve Austin’s skull design title belt, and tosses both the belt and Austin off a bridge.
We’re back. AJ and DB have both sent out tweets announcing their wedding next week on the 1000th RAW
JACK SWAGGER vs. RYBACK
Cole and King mention how Swagger has to start winning matches again. Ryback comes out and King pretty much gives up on that.
Swagger attacks Ryback in the ropes and actually gets in more offense that anyone else ever has. It’s short lived, and Ryback rebounds with force and fury. The match never offically started so neither man gets a win or a loss, but Ryback leaves Swagger laying on the floor.
We come back from commercial. We recap a “tout” from Cena earlier today. Cena will have a big announcement concerning his MiTB briefcase.
EXCUSE ME!!! Vcki Guerreuo introduces WHC MiTB winner Dloph Ziggler. Everyone who’s won a MiTB briefcase has cashed it in to become a champion, that means Ziggler is the next WHC, and will be the best champion of all time. It’s undisputed and…
Chris Jericho walks to the ring, but Ziggler cuts him off before he can say anything. This is HIS moment and Jericho isn’t leeching off of him. Jericho didn’t win MiTB last night, in fact , Ziggler can’t remember when Jericho last won an importan match. He’s all hype, and he’s losing his touch.
Jericho responds by “touching” Ziggler with the codebreaker. Dolph is left laying… but gets up smiling. Jericho walks back looking botherd by Dolph’s words.
We come back from commercial to a montage of “Touts” from WWE fans. Next Monday will be the wedding of AJ and Bryan, the return of DX, Brock Lesnar responds to Triple H’s challenge, and THE ROCK!
Funk is on a roll, and we get the big intro for Brodus Clay and the Funkadayctals.
Christian has won the WWE.com poll and will be defending the I-C title next week on RAW 1000.
We come back from commercial with our offical invite to the wedding, and an announcment that AJ and Bryan will be on “The Peep Show” w/Christian. JTG, sporting the new look, is introduced as the opponent for the Funkasaurus.
BRODUS CLAY vs. JTG
JTG keeps this from being a total squash by working the bad leg on the funkasaurus, but in the end is no match for Clay’s size and power.
WINNER: BRODUS CLAY
We get a dance party with some tykes, a promo for Punk vs. Show and Donald Trump’s most memorable monday night moment is Vince trying to hide his freshly shaved bald head from the crowd, only to have Bobby Lashley reveal it to the crowd.
We come back from commercial with a reminder of DX kicking off the 1000th episode next week with a reunion. CM Punk is introduced. Cole and King mention that if Punk gets knocked out, Cena could cash in his MiTB briefcase and take the title.
Big Show is out next as Cole reminds us we go to three hours each week, next week.
WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK vs. THE BIG SHOW (non title)
The first half of the match is Show beating down Punk with big right hands, slams, and chokes. Show misses a WMD and Punk takes over with some vicious strikes. Punk hits a macho an elbow for two, but gets caught in a chokeslam for two. Show pummels Punk in the corner and gets DQ’d when he shoves the ref down.
WINNER BY DISQUALIFICATION: CM PUNK
Show continues to beat on Punk. He sets the WMD but Cena’s music hits and Show gets out of the ring. Cena gets the mike and gets set to deliver his announcement, but Show interupts, trying to bait Cena into cashing in on Punk. Cena responds by saying he’ll cash it in on the 1000th episode when he and Punk are both fresh, and clocking Show in the head with the briefcase.
AND WE’RE OUT
Tags: 100th Episode, CM Punk, Cog In The Machine, Daniel Bryan, Horseshoes And Hand Grenades, Interupts, John Cena, Layla, Mitb, Neal Young, O Neal, Pipe Bomb, Prime Time Players, Punk Punk, Punk Show, Right Place At The Right Time, Santino, Shell Of A Man, Straight Edge, Tag Team Championship, Wwe Title