It’s Summerslam weekend (well, close enough). We’ll be running down the Summerslam card on BWF Radio this Sunday with some special guests. I’m announcing no one yet, because it’s going to be huge… and awesome. Tune in to “www.boredwrestlingfan.com or www.wonderpodonline.com on Sunday to check it out with plenty of time before the PPV.
Pretty much the whole card has been announced. There’s even some last minute matches likely to be teased tonight and then cut for time on Sunday. I expect a holding pattern, and a whole bunch of clip packages. Maybe I’ll get through this in record time? Only one way to find out, let’s hop to it, shall we?
I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.
- Yep. We kick off our show with clips. It’s a rundown of the Sheamus/ADR feud and the so-called “cancelled” match at Summerslam this Sunday. Naturally, this segues into Alberto Del Rio coming out with Ricardo Rodriguez. And boy is he pissed. Booker T comes down to address the issue. ADR spoke with his lawyers… BREAK THE WALLS DOWN! Y2J tells him to SHUT THE HELL UP. Del Rio will have none of this, but Jericho speaks Spanish too. I don’t speak it, so I have little clue what he says. “His breath smells like dog poop,” Y2J Google translates for us. All in all it’s a fun segment which results in the Book-man making it a match.
The pride of Sunnyvale, The Trailer Park Boys in 8-bit. Hit the image for a link to Al Creed. You’re welcome.
- * Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara vs. Cody Rhodes/The Miz. These two respective teams are to face each other at Summerslam. The Sin Cara/Cody Rhodes one is still a bit up in the air though. Rhodes enters last with a microphone telling us he was trying to unmask Sin Cara to reveal his ugly face for what it is, warning the audience as he reveals an artist’s rendition of what the lucha’s face actually looks like. As the match starts, Cara attacks Rhodes and the two masked men take the advantage. You know what? I really dig these guys in as team mates, both teams. They seem to click. This match delivers! We get a high octane energetic effort, with a balance of technical and acrobatic moves. The finish comes with a neat spot where Sin Cara is outside the ring and Rhodes is leaning through the ropes trying to demask him, but Rhodes gets taken out with a 619! The luchas win! Post match, sneaky Miz attempts to attack Mysterio with the IC title, only to have it turn on him and he too eats a 619 breakfast. Totally worth the watch.
I’d do the same thing to anyone wearing a Jason mask at a campsite. You just can’t be too careful.
- * Tyler Reks/Curt Hawkins vs …??? Reks and Hawkins are in suits, which they take the jackets off… then their shirts, with ties… it’s a strip tease gimmick. By the end of it, they are in ring gear…. and are facing ??? Some random jobbers who get no name graphics. The Strippers work in little dance moves as they dismantle two guys that look like food for Ryback. “Interesting gyrations…” says Cole. Is this PG? Probably not. Do the two give it their all in an attempt to get the gimmick over? Yes. Guess who wins.
I can’t believe they spelled “laser” wrong.
- Backstage, Eve runs into William Regal who wishes her luck. Regal reminisces when he was GM of RAW and he fed off the power, and the dangers of power. Then some random worker asks what she is paying Regal for, and to take out the trash. LOL. That was funny. More Wade Barrett clip packages. I like’em. How about you?
- * Kaitlyn vs. Eve Torres (the winner becomes Booker T’s assistant). Teddy Long joins commentary as an observer for Booker. Cole notably mentions Eve’s appearance in “Stars vs Stripes” which goes head-to-head with part of the 6571835641432 hours of RAW on Monday nights. I wouldn’t tell the audience that, even in the DVR age. It’s not a very long match, but it isn’t horrible. These two do a good job. But, Eve picks up the win with what I presume is her finisher, fucked if I know. She grins maliciously and goes over to grin in an unimpressed Teddy Long’s face.
Charles Barkley @G: “I hear you were in a zombie parody or something, honkey.”
G @Charles Barkley: “Who me? Nah….”
But which one am I?
- Booker meets with his new assistant, and wants to know about how her history with Teddy Long is going to be an issue. Eve claims it will be ok, and leaves. Booker’s face drops and looks like he wants to kill a man…. or woman, for that matter.
- * Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton. Wow, they sure are giving these unique matchups, huh? First Cena, now Orton? Bryan continues to play off the crowd chanting “Yes” with his “No!” Boreton makes his slow methodical way out to the ring. Geez. On one side, you have a guy I WANT to watch in Bryan, and on the other a walking sedative. In a funny moment Bryan finds himself outside the ring as some crazy fan (plant?) is repeatedly shouting YES! at him. Funny shit. Bryan works Randall Keith Orton’s knee like a good heel should (no the “punt” is still banned). Bryan doesn’t care and stretches him real good. Orton’s worked punches still suck, BTW. Commercials…
Happy Birthday Little Jimmy! Source
- We return to Bryan focusing almost all his energy on carrying Orton and working the knee. It’s very good psychology, even though wrestling dies anytime littler men hold titles (right Big Lazy?). To give the Viper credit, he continues to sell the injuries through out, to the point of his counter attacks hurting him too as he limps around the ring. The crowd is very into this match, excellent atmosphere! Orton finally gets set up to pull out an RKO, which Bryan reverses into a No-Lock utilizing leverage on the injured knee. BAM!!!! Kane’s pyro hits, distracting the American Dragon! This allows Orton to pick up the win with an RKO. You know what? This was another great match on a show I thought would suck. But I don’t go back and edit what I already wrote. That’s my deal, I was wrong…. even if the rest of the show sucks from here on in, but I doubt that with Jericho and Del Rio left to go.
Catch them all, brother!
- * Antonio Cesaro vs. Zack Ryder. Santino joins commentary to watch the guy who will hopefully take the strap from him in the pre-show Youtube match this Sunday… and hopefully rename it the European Championship. More Cesaro five language shit… this week’s secret word is “Loser” as the crowd chants USA. Funny, Santino is actually Canadian and Cesaro is Swiss. Go figure, I guess that means Zack Ryder is Hacksaw Jim Duggan now. Ryder gets some attacks in, but let’s face it folks, WOO WOO WOO, it’s over. Cesaro makes short work of the Orange One. Sorry Joe!
I kind of want him to show up at Summerslam like this…
- Here’s the clip packages. Tells the story of Bork Laser and all the contract shit between him and HHH leading up to this Sunday. Broken arms, and all that stuff. Good times in FFW land for this here G.
DDP about to kick out a mad freestyle.
- * Chris Jericho vs. Alberto Del Rio. ? Or is it? Backstage a laid out and beaten down Chris Jericho is being yelled at by Dolph Ziggler who tells him he can’t win the big one… Booker arrives on the scene and tells him to get the fuck out of Dodge. Aces and Eights? LOL. Popeye? Too many inside references? NEVER!
I don’t know either, but still more entertaining than a Kelly Kelly Kelly match.
- We’re back with a replay of what we just saw in case we forgot. Del Rio dons a shit-eating grin in the ring, and asks about some more “Spanish” from Jericho. He gets Ricardo to tell the audience the winner is Alberto, and demands Booker T come out and award him with his Summerslam match. Nope, the Walls are broken down. Jericho shambles down to face the Mexican aristocrat.
- * Chris Jericho vs. Alberto Del Rio (take two). Y2J backs down for nobody, but Del Rio takes advantage of his injured sternum/chest-area. Wow, this is some good story telling! With the injury, Jericho continues to desperately fight back as the heeltastic Del Rio dominates the man from Winnipeg. We hit some commercials to enter our final segment of the show…
- Jericho will just not stop. He’s a face now, so what can you expect. He pulls out moves that hurt him like the lionsault, and the like, and even the Walls of Jericho hurt the man. Yes, I realize that Bryan/Orton played a similar card tonight, but no fucks are given by this wrestling fan. Dolph Ziggler sneak attacks Jericho c/o referee distraction and this allows the dastardly Del Rio to pick up the win! Ricardo almost loses his voice announcing the victory. Post match, Del Rio locks on an armbar (backstage Dean Malenko is smiling)… but Sheamus runs out and attacks Del Rio! Del Rio turns the tides and works Sheamus’ injured arm as the two brawl on the outside and into the arena. Del Rio walks away and the angry Irishman checks on his fallen new bestie, Chris Jericho. Booker T comes out and asks what’s up. Sheamus wants his match at Summerslam reinstated. Sheamus doesn’t care that he is injured and if it is for the World Heavyweight Championship. So Booker complies.
- Good show all around, three thumbs up! I attached another arm to my torso on Wednesday. Good times.
I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.
The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.
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Tags: 2012, 8 bit, Al Creed, August 17, Beth Phoenix, Book Man, Brodus Clay, CM Punk, Cody Rhodes, Creed, Daniel Bryan, Del Rio, Epico, Google, Hornswoggle, Hunico, Jinder Mahal, John Laurinaitis, Kharma, Mark Henry, Miz, Natalya, Play By Play, Plenty Of Time, Ppv, Primo, Record Time, Rey Mysterio, Ricardo Rodriguez, Rundown, Santino Marella, Segues, Sheamus, sin cara, Special Guests, Summerslam, Sunnyvale, Ted Dibiase, Teddy Long, The Big Show, The Great Khali, Trailer Park, Trailer Park Boys, Ugly Face, World Heavyweight Champion, your mom