As the world turns it’s attention to Big Bird, and MLB playoffs, or the accurate celebration of Thanksgiving, the WWE is a busy beaver. RAW went head to head with a huge NFL game. The debuting Main Event program in the US market would contend with Presidential Debates and Triple Crown feats. What a great idea! But, Smackdown continues to dwell in it’s miserable timeslot on Friday although now up against two wildcard MLB playoff games, and that means it’s time to hop to it, shall we?
I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.
- WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! I’ve already lost interest. Big Show lumbers out to start the program in ring gear, but decides to talk too. He reminds us of that god awful debate segment on RAW. Big Show is going to punch him, he tells us. Sheamus curdles into Unmixed Strawberry Yogurt and tells him “may the best man win,” extending his hand. Show walks off. But Sheamus shows clips of D-Bry cashing in his MitB contract at the TLC PPV last year. Then shows himself beating Bryan at Mania in 18 seconds. Show comes back… and extends his hand. But Sheamus leaves him hanging. So basically NOTHING develops, and no storyline is advanced.
So kindly fuck off with your invites, got that?
- * Prime Time Players vs. Kofi Kingston & R-Truth (Tag Team Tournament Match). This is the final opening round matchup in the bracket. A decent tag team match. While it doesn’t reinvent the wheel by no means, all four look good here, and the chemistry suggests a longer match could have been something better. Kofi gets caught in Darren Young’s finisher (whatever in the fuck that is called) with a little help from a trip-up on the Ghanian via Titus. The PTP’s will face Mysterio and Sin Cara in the semi-finals.
- * Ryback vs. Primo. Guess who wins this one? Other than getting man handled and destroyed, Primo gets 6 successful moves in (all in succession). 1 leg sweep, 2 quick kicks, 2 punches to Ryback as he gets up, and 1 more drop kick. Then Primo is pulled out by his friends, to no avail. Ryback kills them, and wins with a Shell-Shock.
Ryback knows the score. There’s marrow in those bones, and I expect you to eat the cutlery, glass, and dishes as well.
- CM Punk and Heyman are seen walking backstage…
- * Layla vs. Alicia Fox. Wait, they were tag partners like a week or two ago. The fuck? This is stupid. FFW. Layla wins with a kick to the head. Post match, Matt Striker interviews Layla live in the ring about Eve attacking people from behind, blah blah blah.
Sounds like a great name to me!
- Ziggler/Vickie run into Punk/Heyman backstage. Punk shuts up Vickie immediately, and demands to know why Ziggler left him hanging on RAW. Ziggler notes Punk did the same thing to him, turns into a bickering-fest about respeck. Booker, Shucky Ducky Quack Quack, flow chart by association, main event, Suckah!!!!
Something about all being pink on the inside.
- WWE Did You Know? 47 years ago today, Mario Lemieux and Patrick Roy were both born and became undeniable champions in the NHL. Also, fuck Gary Bettman. Check out Boredhockeyfan.com today!
- * Wade Barrett vs. Create-A-Wrestler #2. Guess who wins THIS one? Fuck. All sales are final. Barrett abuses this guy to no avail. Barrett Ryback’s this random guy. Hope he liked his Souvenir. Me, I opted for the coffee mug (which I stole from Otunga).
Ahh… The Damien Sandow approach is sometimes found in nature…
- * Sheamus vs. The Miz. Champion vs Champion match, they call it. But neither of the belts are on the line. Therefore this match is a fucking lie. Since Miz is rocking his new botox induced, lazy eye, unshaven, likely-with-a-wad-of-chewing-tobacco-under-his-lip-face… well, the outcome here is likely interference by the Big Show. Fortunately, the match isn’t booked as a squash (or even a gourd), even though it’s October and Thanksgiving Day weekend (unless you’re American and are living a lie, Timmy. TIMMAH!). Miz hits a nice DDT on Sheamus, which Big Irish actually sells for about a minute, but then reverses it into his math literacy spot on Miz. Sheamus hits “White Noise” on Miz, which in fact resembles Pink Noise (the naturally occurring version of White Noise in nature, look it up folks. And interestingly enough, the colour that Unmixed Strawberry Yogurt after being mixed). Then Show comes out, and knocks out Miz! Ha ha, DQ win for Miz!
Andre The Giant vs Cactus Jack. Wait… What?
- The Oil King, David Otunga, has come out to discuss Alberto Del Rio’s murder of Randall Keith Orton days ago. Orton’s music hits, but it’s ADR doing his best Orton impression! FUCKING AWESOME! YOU MUST WATCH THIS! HE HEARS VOICES! THEY TALK TO HIM! Even Del Rio can’t keep a robotic straight face once he hits the microphone… and declares himself the new apex predator of the WWE! Enter the Booker-Man who points out that means ADR is available to take on…
Charles Barkley @G: “LeBron James can be better than Michael Jordan”
G @Charles Barkley: “You can’t even say it with a straight face, can you, Barks?”
- * Kane & Daniel Bryan vs. Alberto Del Rio & David Otunga. I suspect this match will be ok, at best, with Otunga placed to be the obvious fall guy. Bryan makes Otunga look like a million bucks, and Kane and his partner take it to Del Rio as well. After an ok chunk of time, Bryan lands a flying head butt from the top rope to finish Otunga! I can’t remember the last time seeing that in WWE since… well… Benoit. I don’t know if I like that homage, if that was what it was intended to be. Just saying. Decent match otherwise.
- Backstage, Teddy Long reprimends Eve for suspending Beth Phoenix. Eve chalks it up to Teddy being old and senile, and that he knows she had something to do with the attack on Kaitlyn at Night of Champions. Booker shows up, questions Long’s jealously of Eve but doesn’t need the bickering. They pound it, and Long is concerned about the bullshit Eve is spreading around.
Well, at least they turned their heads only. Could’ve been a little more disgusting.
- * Big Show vs. Tensai. No. Will not watch this at normal speed… FFW through the slow and lumbering fight. As per usual, it will appear as if in real time. The two Thanksgiving Turkeys roll around and stuff themselves until Sheamus comes out and returns the favor, Brogue Kicks Tensai. DQ win for Tensai.
- Clips of AJ re-jumping the Shark again on RAW. For like, the 5,790,802,354th time. FFW.
- * CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler. Ali G and Borat argue to start the match. Respeck. Then we get down to the reason we’re here, about 20 minutes of wrestling. But after the arguing, and prior ring entrances, a teaser of action combined with commercials eats up ten minutes.
- And we’re back… to a rest spot. But as soon as they realize the cameras are back, both enter into “showtime” mode. Vickie starts shrieking and Heyman simply raises Punk’s title above his head. All people in this match understand television! For a TV match, this was a treat. The story is all over the ring, and the managers play an essential part. Wow, when was the last time I got to write THAT? The managers played an essential part? How about never? My favorite part was an almost-ten-count-spot that involved the referee in a clever way, which is waived off as the two men choreographed their roll-in perfectly! Loved that part! After an incredible back and forth, Punk hits the GTS to end the bout. Notably, Punk sells his injuries for NICKY! which is cool by this here G.
- Post match, Punk talks about Respeck and his talks with Foley and Ross. But he says fuck those old guys, in Hell in the/a Cell he will NOT step in the ring with John Cena.
- Final Thought: Overall, a watchable show (but I still recommend recording all television).
I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.
The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.
Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet
Survivor Naut G Has Returned to Wonderpod!
Yes, folks. It’s true, it’s damn true. For the remainder of 2012 on wonderpodonline.com, the Survivor Naut G series is back for action-packed, hilarity with special collaborators Chris and Andrew Lloyd as well as some special surprises! While the gents discuss video games, the radio mini-series will invade weekly to poise a question during the adventures that ensue. Some one dies too. Who will it be?
LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!
That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online. Keep in mind, we are trying to keep it clean. So do your best to avoid the language that offends people easily offended. I make a concerted effort to not call the product fucking shit ass bitch cock cunts. You can too. See? This is not on the air.
Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-220-8949. Or, coincidentally, 1(716)-HOGAN-97
Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?
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Tags: 2012, AJ Lee, Andre The Giant vs Cactus Jack, Best Man, Big Bird, Booker T, Brodus Clay, Bry, Busy Beaver, Charles Barkley, CM Punk, Damien Sandow, Daniel Bryan, Feats, Friday September 4, Ghanian, Jerry Lawler, John Cena, Kane, Kofi Kingston, Main Event, Mario Lemieux, Matchup, mlb, Mlb Playoffs, Nfl Game, Night of Champions, Obama, Patrick Roy, Play By Play, Playoff Games, Presidential Debates, Prime Time Players, Ptp, Respeck, Romney, Ryback, Semi Finals, Strawberry Yogurt, Tag Team Tournament, Thanksgiving, Timeslot, Triple Crown