SIN CARA/REY MYSTERIO VS RHODES SCHOLARS – Right off the bat, we get into the action. As Rey makes his way out, we’re told by Michael Cole that RAW GM AJ Lee has been called to an emergency meeting at WWE HQ. Sandow and Rhodes win when Sandow blocks the ref from a three count. Sandow and Cara spill outside while Cody hits the crossroads for the three.
It could just be me, but Cara looked like he was having an off night. The double teams from the masked men seemed awkward, and not as quick or crisp as you’d expect.
After the match, Team Hell No (Kane and Bryan) cut a promo on their new no. 1 contenders and Kane pulled Bryan behind him, grabbing him by the face, followed up by a pyro spot
We come back from break with a “Tout” by Zack Ryder about working the first ever WWE Egyptian tour. We get a look at pics and videos.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION KOFI KINGSTON VS MICHAEL MIGILLICUTTY – The Miz joins the commentary team to scout Kofi; however Cole and J.R. put the focus on his match later tonight with Ryback, and the Egyptian tour. Kofi wins it with “Trouble in Paradise.”
We go to a recap of last Monday’s contract signing when Cena gave Ryback the title-shot at Hell in the Cell, and Ryback gave Punk the “shell-shock.”
Back from break and we get a shot of Super Bowl Champions the New York Giants before Cena comes out to “really NOT pro-Cena,” crowd. Cole reminds us to go to WWE.com and help the Susan G. Komen foundation fight breast cancer by buying special John Cena merchandise. (100 % goes to the charity.) He cuts a promo about Ryback and Punk at HitC, putting over Ryback as a no-nonsense ass-kicker, promising a Ryback win.
C.M. Punk comes out w/Paul Heyman. Punk calls Cena on his predictable pandering to the Giants, saying he prefers the San Francisco brand. Punk says he’s the best in the world and promises he will win at HitC. He compliments Cena on his new role as “cheerleader” for Ryback and credits Cena for realizing he can’t beat him. Cena responds by saying he’s clear to wrestle and challenges Punk to step up/in the ring. Punk walks all the way to the edge of the apron, Heyman begging him not to do it every step, and backs out with the belt.
We go to break with another mention of AJ Lee tweeting about her emergency meeting with WWE HQ.
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS JUSTIN GABRIEL – Cole mentions how Cesaro said no American can beat him, and how last week he disrespected the Sun Records building, Elvis, and Jerry Lee Lewis. End of the match is Gabriel and Cesaro on the top rope, trading hits until Cesaro falls, and Gabriel hits the 450 splash FOR THE WIN! Cole and J.R. sell this as a huge upset and suggest Gabriel might be getting a shot at the U.S. title.
Backstage; a limo rolls in and Vince McMahon himself gets out w/RAW GM A.J. Lee in tow. (It looks like a kidnapping.)
Back from break, Vince has AJ in the ring. Vince tells us about AJ being called in by the Board of Directors, and gives the mike to AJ. AJ officially resigns as GM based on false allegations of “fraternizing” with a WWE superstar. AJ gives an awesome speech about how grateful she is to the WWE for giving a poor girl who grew up with nothing a chance, and how she went from having nothing to being the boss. Vince gives her a hug.
Out comes Paul Heyman, ragging on AJ for being a “Jersey Girl,” and complimenting her back-handedly for overcoming he faults. He nominates himself as new GM and gets shot down by Vince. We are introduced to new WWE “managing supervisor,” Vicki Guerro.
What the hell is a “managing supervisor?”
After Vicki thanks the WWE for the opportunity, Heyman tries to work his charm on her, and tries to get Punk out of his match with Ryback. Vicki shoots him down and makes tonight’s Main Event a champion vs. champion, lumberjack match with Sheamus against C.M. Punk. Heyman walks off having a conniption while Vicki cuts a promo on AJ, calling her too “immature,” for a position of authority. Vicki tells the crowd she was accused of having an “affair” with a WWE superstar. Vicki tries to dismiss her, but after a few steps, AJ decides to go after her. After a quick cat-fight, Vicki bails, and we go to break.
So for the record, dating WWE talent is a no-no.
Marriage, that’s a whole different thing.
Back from break; with Ryback in the ring, followed by The Miz.
RYBACK VS THE MIZ – Do you expect me to end this in ANY OTHER WAY than clothesline, followed by Shellshock, Ryback gets the pin?
After the match, we get a promo of the WWE talking to kids about bullying as part of the “Be a Star” campaign AND I’M THE ONLY ONE WHOS GOING TO POINT OUT THE IRONY OF EVE TORRESS DOING THIS AIN’T I?
We come back from break with Eve backstage dogging AJ on her phone, implying AJ hooked up with Zack Ryder and Primo. Kaitlyn confronts her with a picture taken off her I-pad, and it breaks down into a brawl with Layla getting into it.
If I knew how, I’d post video of Peter Griffin going “WHO THE HELL CARES?” on constant loop.
After that, we go to a interview backstage with Josh Mathews and Sheamus, playing with a WWE brawling buddy. Big Show comes in, knocks it away, and warns Sheamus to get serious.
Daniel Bryan comes out to the ring as we go to break.
When we come back, we get a pop for WWE.com and a story about Cena getting a special award from the “Make a Wish,” foundation.
DOLPH ZIGGLER VS WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION(S) DANIEL BRYAN – J.R. and Cole speculate about Vicki dropping Dolph and the future of RAW management while Ziggler and Bryan wrestle one of the best matches I’ve seen this year. There’s a LOT of high-spots and big-impact maneuvers, and a scary spot with Ziggler hitting the ring-post head first. Match ends with Kane (Bryan’s partner) distracting Bryan with a “YES!” chant and Ziggler hitting the Zig-Zag.
Side Note: CAN WE PLEASE JUST GET TO THE PART WHERE THEY LOSE THE TITLES AND FUED FOR A MONTH ALREADY?
After the match, Team Hell No argues until Matt Stryker comes out to announce that Kane and Bryan have been ordered by Vicki Guerro to compete in a “therapeutic game show,” against Rhodes Scholars.
They ain’t thrilled about it either.
After the break, we get a recap of AJ resigning, Vicki being made “managing supervisor,” and AJ going off on her ass.
Bryan and Kane are seated for “the Newly Tag” game, and act like they plan to play along. Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes come out, crap all over the segment, and walk. Stryker declares them the winners by forfeit as Bryan has a win-gasim. Bryan and Kane look at Stryker with murderous intent. Stryker bails and from the safety of the stage, smiles villainously and makes it clear he can’t wish them luck in their match on Sunday. Big Show walks up behind him and tosses him across the stage like a bowling ball.
So anybody gonna explain to me what Stryker did to deserve this bitch-booking? Or whatever happened to that whole “no touching announcers,” rule?
Back from break, Kane and Big Show have a match in progress.
BIG SHOW VS WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION(S) KANE – Slow back and forth brawl; with lots of punching and choking with a few high spots. Show wins with the big right hand after Rhodes Scholars comes out with the distraction and double team Bryan into unconsciousness.
Backstage; Santino tries to comfort AJ. Cena enters the picture and Santino walks. Cena tries to get AJ fight this, AJ reveals Cena was the one they accused her of “fraternizing” with, and she took the hit to protect him. Cena hugs AJ and promises to take care of this.
Back from break, Miz is Touting about Cairo Egypt, being awesome as part of the world tour.
Backstage: Cena confronts Vince about the decision to replace AJ with Vick – sort of. Apparently Vince has no say in how his own company is run.
ALBERTO DEL RIO VS ZACK RYDER – Okay, what is J.R.’s problem tonight? First he and Cole gripe about Roberto Rodriguez introducing Del Rio, then he says something about hearing people complaining about losing their “spot” for years, then he dumps on Ryder’s “internet champion” gimmick. Del Rio wins with the Arm-breaker, and then cuts a promo on Ryder as if he were Randy Orton while continuing to brutalize him. Del Rio mocks Orton’s posing.
Backstage; Vicki Guerro is cleaning out AJ’s office when Cena gets all up in her face, Vicki points out Cena asked her out on TV, and they were seen having dinner together. He claims it was a business dinner as friends. Vicki says it doesn’t matter; Cena is still the one who cost her, her job.
Back from break, we have an interview with Dolph Ziggler. He blames John Cena for the whole mess, and implies AJ should’ve had “better taste.”
We get a Ryback Video Package showing him destroy people and how much the crowd loves him.
Someone WILL have to explain this to me.
Backstage; Heyman tries to comfort C.M. Punk who’s upset about the lumberjack match with Sheamus. Heyman tries to keep his spirits up; reassuring him he will be Champion after this Sunday.
Back from break; we have a TON of WWE superstars around the ring and C.M. Punk in the ring. Sheamus is out next, and you can hear a faint C.M. Punk chant.
WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK VS WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION SHEAMUS – As Sheamus makes his way to the ring, Cole quotes a tweet from “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, wishing him luck. Early in the match, Sheamus is tossed out and the lumberjacks give him a huge berth. When Punk is tossed out a minute later, the “jacks” swarm him. We get a solid, if basic match that builds its pace slowly but gets the crowd into it. Two of the lumberjacks run into the ring and each eats a big boot from Sheamus. Sheamus goes for Punk but takes a chokeslam from Big Show allowing Punk to get the pin.
And no; I don’t know why Punk wasn’t DQ’d when the two guys ran in.
After the match, Ryback comes out to get a piece of Punk. Whenever Punk tries to run, the face lumberjacks toss him back to Ryback. Ryback tosses punk like a pizza and drops him on a bunch of heels. Punk whimpers in pain as Ryback stands tall.
Tags: Breast Cancer, Commentary Team, Contenders, Egyptian Tour, Fight Breast Cancer, Hitc, Intercontinental Champion, John Cena, Last Monday, Miz, New York Giants, Paul Heyman, Rey Mysterio, Rhodes Scholars, Ryback, Sandow, Shell Shock, Susan G Komen, Susan G Komen Foundation, Trouble In Paradise