RYTMANS RECAP – RAW 03/18/2013

Just a basic recap this week peep-holes; as the week’s off to a rough start, (family stuff.)

Let’s start with Match results;

JOHN CENA DEF DARRIEN YOUNG (w/”Pancake” Patterson.  I will get to that in a minute.)

RYBACK DEF DAVID OTUNGA (Like any other outcome was possible.)

FANDANGO vs GREAT KHALI: NO CONTEST (Not that it would’ve been one anyway.)

R-TRUTH DEF DAMIAN SANDOW BY COUNT OUT

WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO DEF PRIMO/EPICO w/Rosa Mendes

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO w/Roberto Rodriguez DEF CODY RHODES

RANDY ORTON/SHEAMUS DEF 3MB (Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre)

DOLPH ZIGGLER w/AJ and Big E. DEF KOFI KINGSTON

WWE INTERCONTINENTAL WADE BARRETT DEF CHRIS JERICHO AND THE MIZ (3 way for the title)

Okay, so let’s talk about the show…

“Pancake” Patterson

“Pancake” fucking Patterson

“PANCAKE” FUCKING PATTERSON

PANCAKE FUCKING PATTERSON!

Seriously

(Sigh) I’m praying this is something Titus actually wanted to do, because if this was any white guy’s idea, and Titus HAS to do it, then we need to shut down WWE, I’m sorry.  HOW IN 2013 ARE WE SUPPOSED TO JUSTIFY A BAD FRED SANFORD GIMMICK?  The sad thing is, this bit is stupid enough to actually go over, God help us all.

RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Guerrero and SMACKDOWN Senior Advisor Teddy Long pulled Ryback out of the six-man with Orton/Sheamus against the Shield and booked against Mark Henry.  Later in the night, The Shield jumped Orton/Sheamus, and Big Show made the run-in to cement the “face” turn. (Hey, it’s more effort than they put into Miz’s face turn.)  So, Big Show is in the six-man, and Ryback gets Henry.  My question is why not just book Big Show in the six-man in the first place?  For the record, Ryback would’ve been the better choice, as he still has “unfinished business” with the Shield, but since when does WWE care about continuity?  I’m thinking this could still turn into an eight-man, Henry and the Shield vs Ryback, Show, Sheamus and Orton.

I gotta admit, Fandango scored some points with me tonight.  I dig him with a different Ballroom Dancing girl leading him in every week, I was into the streamers, and the outline of his silhouette from the ceiling.  I dig him hitting on every Diva that comes to the ring with his opponents.  Kind of stupid, seeing how much I hated “Pancake” Patterson, but with Fandango, there is a small difference.  Fandango is still a “mystery.” I actually don’t know if he sucks in the ring yet.  There’s still a chance this could pay off.  With “Pancake,” I know it’s just a desperate attempt at getting a mid-card guy some heat.

R-Truth getting a count-out over Sandow felt like filler to me.  I could live with their “feud” ending here.  Neither man has enough momentum to justify a spot on Mania.

Cody had a bit with the Bella Twins and Kaitlyn that I’m hoping brings this “flirtation” angle to an end.  It’s going nowhere, and the only logical outcome is a face turn for Cody that he does not need right now.

Side Note: WHY DOES FACIAL HAIR COUNT AS A GIMMICK?

And now the highlight of the night, in the best heel promo in history, C.M. PUNK MOCKS THE UNDERTAKER WITH THE URN OF PAUL BEARER.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkGdq4NOBE8

I have nothing to add, genius.

So apparently, Ziggler is getting a shot at the tag titles w/Big E. as his partner.  WWE set this up with AJ skipping out to the ring during Hell No’s match against Mo/Co, Kane and Bryan responded by coming out to challenge Ziggler and Big E. after Dolph’s win over Kofi. AJ demanded they put the tag titles on the line.  I feel obligated to point out that Ziggy/Big E. haven’t wrestled as a tag-team in the entire time they’ve been on RAW, and Big E. has yet to wrestle an official match on any show besides NXT, however; one thing I’ve learned in all my years of watching RAW, the meaning of the word futility.

Side Note: Daniel DID get a win over Ziggler on Saturday Morning Slam, so you could argue they’re working a “program,” but you’d be stretching it. (You’d also be someone who cares more than any one else.)

ADR vs Swagger just got personal as Swagger took out Ricardo’s ankle with the “Patriot Act” after Del Rio’s win over Cody.  We got a “USA” chant during the match, which might not have been for ADR.  I hate to say it, but I did see this coming.  I’m guessing  a LOT of WWE fans are “Tea-baggers,” and are slowly inching on to Swagger’s bandwagon.  Also, Del Rio isn’t working as a baby-face.  I’m sorry, but his “champion of the immigrants” routine doesn’t ring true enough.  Del Rio really lost a step becoming a face.  He’s watered down his personality too much and his “come back from nowhere” approach in the ring is sloppy and awkward.  Honestly, I think Del Rio might have to drop the belt and disappear for a while if they want to salvage him.

The last actual match of the night was Wade Barrett getting a badly-needed win over Miz and Jericho.  Most people, including me, felt this was a bit anti-climatic as it would’ve made a good addition to the Mania card.  I’m thinking if they wanted to, they can revisit that whole “Intercontinental Open,” idea they scrapped so Barrett could feud with Bo Dallas. (Remember that?  Neither do they.)

The night ended with the big contract signing between Triple H and Paul Heyman, representing Brock Lesnar.  It ended with Trips clearing the ring and brutalizing Heyman before signing the contract.  Lesnar came out and pulled Heyman out.  Heyman revealed his big surprise stipulations – “No Holds Bared,” and Triple H’s career on the line.

This is where I allow myself to get optimistic (possibly masochistic,) and hope this is secretly Triple H’s retirement match, then I remember his match against the Undertaker a few Wrestlemania cards ago was supposed to be a retirement match.

And we are out…

RYTMAN’S REMARKS: Not bad, not bad at all.  This show was a good build-up to Wrestlemania. Still, if you watched it you can see how little fore-thought went into developing an under-card for the show.  Stuff is being thrown together and juggled around in a very last-minute manner.  We’d better hope the three “big” matches can carry the show, because it doesn’t look like they’ll have a ton of support.

 

 

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