Impact 12/9/13 – I’m Too Tired To Edit Edition

Due to time constraints caused by technical difficulties I had to watch Impact while eating my lunch so details of the firsst 15 minutes or so could be sketchy.

The show starts with a pretty awesome video package on the BFG series and the finals and the match between Bully and Anderson. It made the show feel pretty important. I forgot TNA were able to do that.

We get what we always get these days at the start of the show, Bully Ray. He has Brooke with him but no Toto. I wonder if he’s literally in the doghouse. Bully is willing to forgive Kenny because Hogan caused all of Aces and Eights’ problems. As if summoned by the very mention of his name like some sort of demon, Hulk Hogan comes out and welcomes the crowd and tells Bully to be worried about facing his brother, brother. Bully thinks Kenny will do the right thing. Anderson comes out and doesn’t shake Hogan’s hand. Kenny says he was out of line and can’t wait to get out of line again and knocks Bully out of the ring. He declares there will be a new WHC tonight and Hogan wishes Bully luck as he makes the title match a Last Man Standing match.

Austin Aries vs AJ Styles
AJ does the thing where he changes music during his entrance. I’d rather have the Sin Cara lights than that crap. There are duelling chants for both guys as we start with chain wrestling. Both guys hit and counter high spots inside and out the ring. Things slow down quite a lot after that. Some guy in the audience, on the hard camera, was actually reading a magazine and not watching the match. Fuck this crowd. AJ hits a backbreaker for a two count and a this is awesome chant starts. No it isn’t. These guys are great performers but no, this match has not been awesome. AJ went for the Styles Clash but Aries escapes. AJ hits a slingshot to take things outside. AJ hits his head on the apron but it doesn’t actually stop anything. AJ hits a springboard punch. Aries blocks a Styles Clash just by holding his arms to his chest and hits a hurricanrana. Why has no one else tried that? Aries hits the Brainbuster for a 2 count and fails to make AJ tap with the Last Chancery. AJ hits a Styles Clash from the second rope for the win and Magazine Guy gives a golf clap. I daresay Aries broke his promise by saying the winner would be the fans. I expected better.

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Forget the match, this magazine is awesome!

Backstage with Main Event Mafia. Sting says that MEM is supposed to be made up of former champs but they let Magnus in because they liked him, or some shit. Told ya, technical difficulties. He tries to pump Magnus up. Magnus says he’s tired of being told he’s the future and the future is now.

Tenay notices that Toto and Rampage aren’t around and speculates where they are.

Roode vs Magnus
We come back from break to see Roode bitching to the commentators and ref because Magnus hasn’t shown up. Magnus then comes out to his old theme. Tonight he is Magnus, and not Magnus of the MEM. Roode doesn’t wait to kick the crap out of Magnus but he evens things out. It’s a very physical matchup and to prove how much of a letdown the first match was, the crowd are entirely into this match. Even Magazine Guy put his magazine away to watch it. Roode beats Magnus down hard for a two count. It’s also revealed that Magnus is 26 years old. Okay, I’ll complain less when people are pushed over him now. He actually has a good ten to twenty years left in his career. Roode gets in a long headlock and the crowd tries to bring him back into it. Did they swap crowds between the first two matches? Magnus gets a two count and Roode hits a Spinebuster for a two count of his own. Roode tries to get a Crossface locked in but Magnus turns it into a Cloverleaf. Roode makes it to the rope. The finish came when Magnus hit a Jacknife pin for the win. See Aries, that’s a good match. I’m not even saying that because I’m a biased Brit but because the fans actually stayed in it and came alive.

Backstage with Bobby Roode who flips his shit and a chair. EGO run up to him and stop him. Roode says if he’s not going to the finals, no one is, and EGO agree and say they have his back.

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Look guys, it’s Christopher Daniels’ cat!

More backstage segments with Hogan now. He’s with TJ Perkins, I mean Rellik, I mean Suicide. What’s this guy called now? Oh, right, Manik. He’s out of the mask again and to be honest it does actually make some sense. I don’t mind he’s seen with his mask off really. I’d go into why but we’d be here a while and I have stuff to do. TJ and Hogan (JTHogan?) agree that when TJ puts the mask on he becomes someone entirely different and asks to face Hardy to test himself. Hogan agrees and Dixie walks into the room. She finally turned up to a taping then. Dixie says that she got a call from Bellator who have decided to pull Rampage and Toto from Impact because they have to protect their PPV and they don’t want Rampage and Toto to get injured. I can actually believe that. Hogan says it’s good and suggests feeding Toto to Ortiz after the PPV. The one on November 2nd. The Bellator one. Seems the match is official. You’ll see them beat the crap out of eachother legit, and then get to see them fake fight. Unless they do a shoot fight. That I would like to see because I’m not gonna watch this Bellator PPV. Though it would also be a kick in the face to anyone who paid for the PPV if they do another, legit, fight on a free Impact show.

Yet more backstage segments. This time with Aces and Eights. Bully says he thinks his lackeys are happy Anderson screwed him and they want Kenny to be their leader. Bully knows they’re proud of him because he’s proud of them and he loves them, and he knows they’ll do the right thing. He says he hopes they feel the same way about him and walks off to end the segment.

There’s a video package to promote the match between Kenny and Bully. Remember how I joke about how much Bischoff looks like Brodus Clay? DOC looked an awful lot like Tensai.

Tensai Gallows 300x98 Impact 12/9/13   Im Too Tired To Edit Edition
Bully Ray(c) vs Kenny Anderson in a Last Man Standing match for the WHC.
The pair fight on the ramp and Kenny throws Bully into the ring and continues the beatdown. If he stays aggressive I can live with it, as long as he doesn’t talk. I only really hate Kenny when he’s given a mic. Bully uses Hemme as a human shield and there was some epic side boob. I’m so surprised she didn’t pop out of her top. Given how they must have planned that you’d think she woulda wore something more appropriate. Bully rakes the eyes of Kenny to get back into it. He tells Brooke to go get him a chair and beats down Kenny some more. The ref checks on Anderson on the ground instead of counting him. I don’t remember if you have to be in the ring to be counted in a Last Man Standing match or not. Brooke comes back at last but Anderson is the one who uses the chair. Things finally get in the ring and Kenny hits a low blow and what I think was a rolling Firemans Carry. Anderson grabs a table and brings it into the ring. Bully hits a big boot to take control. The ref still didn’t count Anderson out and when we come back from break he’s still on the floor. That was way more than a ten count. Last Man Standing means that you have until a count of ten to get back up when you’re knocked down. Unless this is some shitty TNA variation I’ve never heard of. Like how they call Battle Royals “Gauntlet Matches”.

 

Bully gets in the face of Hebnar who shouts back. Bully shoves him into the corner. Kenny hits Bully with the mic check on the chair and tries to revive Hebnar. Bully stays down for about a fifty count and hits an RKO. I think Bully calls it The Bubba Cutter. Aces and Eights make their way down to the ring and help Anderson to his feet. Brooke runs into the ring and hits a low blow on Anderson and makes out with Bully Ray. Given how Bully is 42 I don’t think Taz should have referred to Brooke, who’s 28, as “A good little kid”. The three faceless lackeys of Aces and Eights hit a triple power bomb on Kenny. The Shield does it better but it was still a good spot and made sense. Bully brings Heb

nar to his senses and he finally starts counting. Kenny gets up using the ropes at a count of nine. Bully wraps a chain around his fist and knocks Anderson down and busts him open. Kenny gets up again at a count of nine and gets driven through a table set up in the corner. Kenny doesn’t get up and Bully wins. Bully killed Kenny. The bastard! EMTs try and take Kenny out on a stretcher and Bully grabs it on the ramp, saying his voice is the last Kenny will hear, and his face is the last Kenny will see. He flips Kenny off the stretcher, tears the brace off of his neck and beats him with his cut. Thankfully he didn’t go through with the rest of his threat involving burning it and pissing on it. Bully hits a Piledriver on the ramp and taunts Kenny, saying he’s the guy who just took him out.

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Prepare for an ambulance match! Or a stretcher match.

Backstage segment with ODB. She says a lot of things have changed except for the fact she’s not been Knocked Out championship (not a typo, her exact words) in over three years and some other things.

James Storm and Gunner are in the ring. Storm hits a cheap pop and says he’s drunk. I would not be surprised if he was. Storm says he wants to kick back and watch the BFG series but Gunner wants to fight and they’ll do both. All they need are some opponents. Chavo and Hernandez come out to answer the call and Chavo says that last years Bound For Glory is when they won the tag belts. He puts Storm over as a great tag team wrestler and Gunner as one of the strongest guys in TNA, though Hernandez is stronger. Chavo says Gunner and Storm are on a losing streak and it’ll continue if they fight. Gunner grabs the mic from Storm and challenges Hernandez and Chavo to a match next week. If they win, they might get a shot at the titles. If they win they should GET THE TITLES. He threatens them to end the segment.

AJ vs Magnus
AJ makes his way out to the ring and he’s either legit tired and hurt or doing a good job of selling the last match. Things start slowly with several headlocks and tie ups so maybe AJ was gassed as he shuffled to the ring. Magnus hits a back suplex to a yes chant. I normally don’t mind when the Impact crowd do the yes chant, as several chants are cross promotion such as the “What?!” chant and the “Woo!” chant, but it was worse this time because they were doing the arm thing too. That’s when it becomes bad to me. Not a great deal happened for a maority of the match really but it still seemed good to me. There was an occasional power move to keep things going and the guys were tired from the last match they were in. Things did kick off about half way in when Kaz and Daniels ran into the ring and assaulted them both. Roode hits Magnus with a Spinebuster and Daniels hits the Angels Wings on AJ and they attack them as refs come out and kick them out the ring. We come back from a commercial and the guys are exchanging blows on eachother.

 

AJ springboards into a slightly botched uppercut and Magnus gets a two count. Magnus goes for the Cloverleaf and AJ reverses it into a Hells Gate. I know it’s a Gogoplatter or whatever but Hell’s Gate sounds cooler and I’m a huge Undertaker mark. AJ hits a pele for a two count. AJ locks in the Calf Killer submission and Magnus makes it to the ropes and plants AJ for a two count. AJ hits what I think Tenay Called the Spiral Tap and picks up the vicotry. Both in this match and in the BFG series. I can’t deny I’m let down but really I was torn between both guys anyway. I would have been happy with either, and I was bound to be disappointed with either. AJ grabs a mic and hits a Cheap Pop, followed by several more as he thanks individual members of the audience. AJ says he got a lot of responses to his shoot promo but didn’t get one from Dixie and tells her to show up next so he can bust the biggest mistake next week. He says this is Dixie Carter’s wake up call for next week and drops the mic as we go off the air.

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Thoughts? To be honest I was so distracted by my laptop dying (don’t worry I have a spare) that I wasn’t paying as much attention as I usually do. The show seemed good but I didn’t really get into it much. There were also several mistakes, such as showing Dixie earlier in the night. We KNOW she’s backstage. It’s going to take her a week to watch this episode back and see she was called out? I am slightly interested in where they go from here though, and what’s going to happen now the BFG series is over, and that’s all I really need to be. Interested.

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