If anybody hasn’t seen the tweets from the BoredWrestlingFan Twitter, I’m trying to replace myself as the resident RAW reviewer here on the site. It’s a volunteer job. I wish I could pay people to do this. The job may only be temporary. I’m still hoping RYTMAN comes back at some point. Oh well. Let’s go, shall we?
I suffer through RAW so you don’t have to. Read on.
Oh boy, we’re doing the bit with all the talent on the stage and The Authority addressing them. Heath Slater and Hornswoggle look so lonely. The basic premise is that the ones who aren’t in the Money In The Bank WWE World Heavyweight Championship match already are in a battle royal later on to determine who gets the last spot. Well, all of them except for Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, and John Cena. Cena will be facing Kane in a stretcher match later tonight. Because those never suck.
Seth Rollins is still rocking his Shield gear as he faces Dolph Ziggler again. A hell of a match between the two of them, but as Rollins hits the Blackout and goes for the pin, Dean Ambrose runs in and attacks. Rollins escapes, Ambrose challenges him to come back, but Triple H appears on the screen and makes Ambrose vs. Bad News Barrett.
Ambrose is rocking street clothes as he faces Barrett. Barrett goes after Ambrose’s shoulder, which was apparently injured on SmackDown. I missed the show, so I have no idea. Ambrose starts to get on a roll, Rollins tries to distract him, but it doesn’t work – Ambrose takes out both Rollins and Barrett on the outside. Where Ambrose makes the mistake though, is that he continues to attack Rollins while Barrett gets back in the ring and picks up the count-out victory. Ambrose attacks Barrett after the match and hits the Dirty Deeds.
Roman Reigns is backstage (in Shield gear) talking to Vickie Guerrero, flirting and trying to convince her to put him in the battle royal. Then he does something to The Authority’s coffee as she walks away for a moment. He asks when she’ll tell them to take this job and shove it. She sneezes.
The Wyatt Family are here, and the cell phones are out in full force in Cleveland. Such a cool visual. Bray Wyatt is taking on Sheamus, since both guys are already qualified for the Money In The Bank Ladder Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship and need something to do tonight. Luke Harper and Erick Rowan will also be in action at Money In The Bank, finally getting their title shot against The Usos. Wyatt cuts a promo about power being the downfall of all mankind, and how after Money In The Bank, they will have all of the power because they will have the World Heavyweight and Tag Team Championships. Sheamus lets Wyatt finish before coming out and cutting his own promo about it being time to fight. So they have a match. The Usos come out to keep the Family at bay. They’re not very successful as Harper and Rowan drag Sheamus out of the ring, getting Bray disqualified. The Family take out The Usos and Sheamus. Harper and Rowan bring a ladder into the ring as Sheamus battles back against Wyatton the outside. In the end, it’s the Usos and Sheamus using the ladders to get the upper hand in this battle.
Vickie Guerrero is finally bringing The Authority’s drinks to them. Triple H knocks one out of her hand and all over her. Then he complains that he has nothing to drink and sends her to get another coffee.
Stephanie is still sucking on her coffee when being interviewed by Renee Young. Stephanie says the Authority is all about opportunity and may the best man win – and then she takes off as Paul Heyman shows up. He says where there’s chaos, there’s opportunity. He says that Cesaro is the only one in the match at Money In The Bank who has a strategist in his corner. Heyman says Cesaro will win the title at Money In the Bank. It’s not a prediction. It’s a spoiler.
Two weeks ago, nobody gave a shit about Rusev being presented an award. Not even anybody in the back, since nobody bothered to interrupt the ceremony. Heath Slater is in the ring. Lana and Rusev come out. Apparently we’re not going to get a promo tonight. I don’t even think Hornswoggle is out with Slater – though he was on the stage with him earlier. Oh, wait. We are getting a Lana promo after all. I don’t care. FFW. Rusev says resistance is futile. Slater gets a mic of his own. He says if they like Russia so much, they should just go back. He’s tired of hearing it, and so is the WWE Universe. Rusev is facing the American Rock Star in USA, baby! Slater gets some strikes in early, but it doesn’t last long. Lana tells Rusev to crush, and the accolade gets locked on. It took me longer to type the description than it did for the match to actually end.
Triple H is outside of a bathroom where Stephanie McMahon is puking. He asks Vickie what she put in her coffee before sending her in to check on her. Then Vickie gets projectile vomited on. Wonderful. Then Triple H puts Vickie in charge and tells her to take a shower. Then she screams. JT McMahon tells me it’s compelling television.
Roman Reigns is knocking on doors backstage. He finds Vickie Guerrero. He says she’s probably getting fired next week. She can stand up to The Authority and do something positive for the WWE Universe – she can put him the battle royal. She screams at him that he’s in.
Then we get a trailer for Kevin Hart’s new movie, Think Like A Man Too. Because when I think Harts in wrestling, I think Kevin Hart. Who is with Renee Young. And interrupted by an Adam Rose party. Rose puts over the new movie then tells him not to be a lemon, but to be a Rosebud.
Kevin Hart comes to the ring, because he’s on commentary for the next match, apparently. Fandango is in the match, accompanied by Layla of course. Oh, it’s a mixed tag match. So both of them. Summer Rae is one of the opponents, which makes sense since she and Layla have been pouring stuff all over each other the last few weeks. And Adam Rose is her tag team partner. And I’m not the only person who says that the gladiator in the Rosebuds is Nick Dinsmore. Layla tags in and goes after Rose. Summer Rae chases Layla (who tags back out) out of the arena, Rose hits the Party Foul, and the party continues, because it’s party time, ALL THE TIME! Kevin Hart gets in the ring and dances with Adam Rose. Then they both do the thing where they fall back into the Rosebuds and get carried out of the arena.
Damien Sandow is dressed like LeBron James as everybody is in the ring for the battle royal. Roman Reigns has a remix of The Shield theme and comes in through the crowd wearing his Shield gear. Ambrose earlier had new music, FWIW. And of course Sandow is the first one disposed of. Santino Marella is second. Los Matadores are both eliminated back to back. Xavier Woods is tossed. Titus O’Neil is next. Sin Cara follows. Jack Swagger gets eliminated. Kofi Kingston is dumped during the break. Ziggler goes when we come back. Everything slows to a crawl for a second as RybAxel and Roman Reigns battle. Fandango gets knocked from the top rope to the floor. Ryback gets low bridged out. Curtis Axel finds himself eliminated as well. Rob Van Dam gets knocked over the top. Barrett is next, followed by Big E. Bo Dallas is tossed, and we’re down to Reigns and Rusev. Rusev actually takes control, but Reigns doesn’t let that last. Reigns gets Rusev on the apron and hits a Superman punch – and Roman Reigns is going to Money In The Bank!
Renee Young is with John Cena. Cena says anything can happen on RAW. Cena is going to give The Authority a helping hand. There’s a message in the middle of it for them – but he doesn’t flip the bird. Because this is PG John Cena.
Cameron is in action, accompanied of course by Naomi. Cameron plans on proving she’s a contender for the Divas Championship as she faces the Divas Champion Paige in a non-title match. I really don’t care about the match, and I’d FFW, but G actually managed to escape the wacky world of SmackDown long enough to tell me that a friend of ours is mentioned on commentary at the end of it. Cameron slaps Paige, and Paige is pissed. Jerry Lawler mentions that Gary Barnidge will be on an upcoming episode of Total Divas. We’ll talk to Gary soon on BWF Radio about that experience. Paige wins with the PTO.
Goldust is with Byron Saxton, and says he’s met his tag team partner for this week, and he’s super galactic.
— Gary Barnidge (@garybarnidge) June 17, 2014
Rybaxel are in the ring awaiting Goldust and his new partner. His new partner is StarDust. It’s Cody Rhodes in Goldust gear. And once again he’s got new music. Cody uses a bit of Goldusts mannerisms in his moveset as the fans chant – get this – “Let’s Go Axel.” Stardust picks up the win for his team.
I hate stretcher matches, so let’s get this over with. FFW. Cena AA’s Kane through the announce table. Then he firemans carries Kane all the way around the ring and puts him on the stretcher. Or attempts to anyway. Seth Rollins and Randy Orton attack Cena. Orton hits an RKO. Rollins grabs a chair, but Ambrose makes the save. Kane chokeslams Ambrose as Cena gets back to his feet. Cena almost manages to win, but Kane escapes. Cena manages to AA Kane onto the stretcher and push him across the finish line. So Cena is in the ladder match at Money In The Bank. So that makes it Cena, Reigns, Orton, Del Rio, Cesaro, Wyatt, and Sheamus.
Thoughts: Interesting that Reigns didn’t come out along with Ambrose to save Cena. I think we’re done completely with The Shield. Oh well. Eventually they’ll all stop wearing the gear – well maybe not Reigns since he kept the music. Ah well. Another show in the books. I’m done. Goodnight.
Tags: Adam Rose, Adam Rose Party, BWF Radio, Byron Saxton, Cleveland, Cody Rhodes, Curtis Axel, Damien Sandow, Dean Ambrose, Dolph Ziggler, Erick Rowan, Gary Barnidge, Heath Slater, Jack Swagger, Jerry Lawler, John Cena, Kevin Hart, Kofi Kingston, Lebron James, Luke Harper, Money In The Bank, Nick Dinsmore, Paul Heyman, Randy Orton, Renee Young, Rob Van Dam, Roman Reigns, Samy Osman, Santino Marella, Seth Rollins, Stephanie Mcmahon, Think Like A Man Too, Titus O'Neil, Vickie Guerrero, Xavier Woods