James Storm comes out to start the show. It would have been so great if they booked it so that he ended Impact and we finally had a heel faction destroy a wrestling company. He calls out the Wolves for his answer. The one that Storm isn’t interested in tries to tell Storm no but Davey grabs the mic and tells Eddie he can speak for himself, and make his own decisions. He’s thought about Storm’s offer and it makes sense, but his conclusion is that Storm is insane. His answer is no. Storm and the boys jump the Wolves and Storm chokes Davey with his bullrope and is fired a la Daniel Bryan. Storm ties up Richard’s leg in the bullrope and goes to town on it with a chair. Security come out to seperate everyone while Richards cries like a little bitch.The Revolution leave and come back with Storm holding a briefcase. Storm hits Edwards with the case and goes back to hitting Richard’s leg with it. He opens the briefcase and it’s a Feast or Fired briefcase. Storm cashes it in as a title shot.

James Storm and Abyss vs The Wolves for the TNA Tag Titles

I completely forgot that Storm had that case. He won it with Gunner almost a year ago. Storm hits Eye of The Storm on Eddie, taunts him and is about to pin him when Abyss interrupts. Abyss gets on the apron and stares at Storm as Storm announces Abyss has joined him. Abyss is his tag partner, and Storm tags him in. Abyss choke slams Edwards, hits the Black Hole Slam, and gets a hug from Storm, who tags himself in for the win. Storm gets the pin, and the Revolution are the tag champs now. Post match Storm hits Eye of The Storm on Richards for good measure and walks off with the boys and his belts.

Madison Rayne vs Taryn Terrell
Taryn fights hard and Madison tries to walk off, and avoid Taryn. It fails and she dies. Rayne takes advantage with cheap shots and I just stop caring. FFW! Taryn wins.

Kurt Angle is backstage on the phone. Bobby Lashley walks in and says he wants his rematch tonight and Angle says he can’t have it. Roode is busy doing promotional work and isn’t around. Lashley threatens him and walks off.

That new Indian wrestler is backstage and is jumped by Manik who says he sounds like a superhero and he was awesome at the bar. Manik says there’s a powerful man he wants Bashira to meet and they walk off to see Storm.

I wonder what TNA is worth in rupees.

Kenny King comes out to the ring and introduces himself. He has a few things he wants to talk about. The first thing is his crew. MVP is away on a photoshoot and, yeah, Lashley is pissed off, but it’s not at the crew. He’s pissed off at Angle and Roode. When Lashley gets mad he destroys so he’ll be champ again soon. The next thing is to sort out his beef with Chris Melendez, and he calls Chris out to the ring. Chris comes out to the ring flanked by Mr Anderson. King complains that he’s been classed as not patriotic now. He loves America, but hates Melendez for being a fraud. Anderson says Chris is a hero and an inspiration. Great, another “America is so fucking awesome we’re going to suck our own dicks” angle. Anderson insults King and King says God gave man one mouth and one asshole, and he’s not sure which one Anderson is using, and calls Melendez Peggy. Love it. King is angry that people call Chris a wrestler and he wants to fight Melendez one on one as long as Chris has his blonde girlfriend sit at home. Chris says Ken believes in him and so do the crowd, so he’ll do it and he’ll win. King will learn that Chris is better than him and that he belongs here. King says that Ken is a role model, but he learned when he was a kid that role models are like Santa Claus; they don’t exist. He decks Anderson and runs off.

Gail Kim and Kurt Angle are backstage with Angle. They both want to fight Havok and Angle says next week it’s a threeway for the title. They thank him and walk off. Well that was short and sweet.

Here at Bored Wrestling Fan we educate, as well as entertain.

The Beautiful People (and The Bromans) vs The Menagerie (minus Rob Terry) in an Elimination Match
Yes folks this is a 4 on 3 handicap match. Of course if Rebel gets eliminated it’s straight 2 on 2 because this isn’t Lucha Underground. Rebel and Angelina Love start things off and Steve slaps her ass. The distraction lets Rebel get the pin and eliminate Angelina Love. Knux comes in and hits a fucking drop kick after a cartwheel. I had no idea the guy was that agile. He knocks Jessie Godderz down but DJZ hits a cross body and Godderz hits the pin. Steve runs in and pins DJZ immediately so its a mixed tag now.

Rebel and Velvet Sky go at it and things turn into a softcore lesbian porn as Tazz makes an amazing Stretch Armstrong reference. Love runs interference and Velvet Sky gets the win. Knux argues with the ref about the spray in the eye and DJZ blindsides Steve so Jessie can finish him off. Velvet begs for the tag and attacks Steve. At this point Steve should be allowed to punch her in the face but he can’t because of feminism. Steve reverses something and gets the pin so it’s one on one. Jessie shredrapes Steve hard. Steve manages to hit a Tornado DDT from the corner and gets the win. Menagerie win! MENAGERIE WIN! Mavenfan is seen celebrating in the crowd.

Eric Young and Jeremy Borasch are backstage. They debate if it’s possible to actually have the taste slapped out of your mouth and Spud runs in dressed in an army uniform suit. He asks JB if he’s okay and thanks Eric for everything he’s done. This week Eric is facing Tyrus and Spud asks if he can be in Eric’s corner. Eric says sure, and says they’ll put “The bigger they are the harder they fall” to the test and tells Spud to call him EY and not “Sir”.

The Revolution are backstage and Storm congratulates Abyss and notices Bashira. Is that his name? Manik tries to introduce him but Storm spits on the ground, says there is a price to pay for salvation, and slaps Manik in the face and tells him to get rid of Bashira. They walk off together and Storm calls Manik back and whispers something in his ear. Manik bows and walks off again.

Never forget

Tyrus vs Eric Young
Tyrus punches the beard off of Eric Young and Spud tries to intimidate Ethan Carter outside the ring. Ethan tells Tyrus to crush Eric Young, and he goes for the Swagger Bomb. Eric avoids it and fights back. Eric hits a sort of slam and Spud stops Ethan from interfering and even knocks him on his ass. Eric drops the elbow and manages to get the win. Tyrus is now buried deeper than the bones of the legendary Funkasaurus. Post match Bobby Lashley hops in the ring and Spears Eric Young before just destroying Spud. He grabs a chair and traps Eric’s arm in it before stomping in the chair and putting a crossface on him, while the chair is still on his arm. Austin Aries (he lives?) runs out with a chair for the save. Aries grabs a mic and challenges Lashley to a match. Lashley walks off while accepting the match.

Samuel Shaw and Brittany are backstage. She says she has to say something to him that won’t make him happy. Gunner came on to her. Heh. Shaw walks off pissed off while Brittany smirks. Sam Shaw should know Gunner only has eyes for him.

Samoa Joe comes out to the ring. Apparently he’s injured after the match last week. They air a video of him being put into an ambulance last week and Joe says he needs to do something. The hardest decisions are the right ones and he has to make the right decision. He’s been informed that he’s not medically cleared to compete and has to go on the shelf for a while. He wanted to reinvigorate the X-Division and bring the X-Division back to the light. It was the division of the true wrestler, for the true wrestling fan. That was a great line. Joe knows there are people who risk it all for his belt, and those men deserve better. The fans deserve better. As a result Joe has made the decision to vacate the title. VACANT WINS ANOTHER TITLE! VACANT RULES! Joe puts the belt on one of the turnbuckles and says when he’s healthy he’s going after whoever wins the belt. Tazz keeps questioning what the injury is and now I’m curious too. Joe walks off after saying he’s coming after whoever gets the belt. Next week it’s Low Ki, Tigre Uno, Manik and DJZ in a 4 way for the title.

Cats on RAW means cats on my Impact review

Bram is backstage. He pretty much says he’s going to kill Tommy Dreamer. That’s it.

Samuel Shaw vs Gunner in a No DQ match
I have to say, Christie Hemme is really comfortable with Sammy Shaw now. Shaw ducks to the side of the ramp and hides ready to jump Gunner. The distraction works and Sam jumps Gunner and chokes him with his shirt. Okay I’ve seen enough people getting choked, and enough people making out. The pair fight outside the ring for a few minutes and Gunner tosses his broken ass in the ring and beats him with a chair. Gunner beats Shaw with a chair outside the ring too. Shaw drops Gunner on the steel steps and teases suplexing him on to them. Gunner fights out and drops Shaw into the ring instead. Gunner punches Shaw out of the air and grabs yet another chair. Even though there’s already four or five in the ring. He hits Shaw with a chair and tries to Superplex him into a pile of chairs. He hits the Superplex but takes most of the chairs himself because he’s an idiot. Gunner crawls over and goes to attack Shaw, but Brittany distracts him. Gunner drags Shaw outside and powerbombs him on to the steps to mess with Brittany. Gunner tosses Shaw into the ring and Brittany follows him. She gets between him and Shaw and kicks Gunner square in the nuts. Gunner grabs Brittany’s leg and gets a chair shot to the back for his trouble. Shaw goes to put Gunner in the choke but Gunner reverses it and slams Shaw back on to the chairs for the win.

TNA fans when TNA comes back

Bobby Lashley vs Austin Aries
Aries goes for the win pretty early with the Last Chancery but of course he had no chancery. Aries keeps up the offence as much as he can to wear Lashley down and Lashley hits the occasional power spot. Lashley does his best BRACK LASNAR impression and hits suplex after suplex after suplex after suplex and you get the idea. Aries literally bites his way out of a Superplex attempt and hits a missle dropkick. Aries hits the discus forearm but can’t get the Brainbuster in. He hits a Neckbreaker through the ropes and a Suicide Dive. The pair put on a pretty great match. Lashley gets back into things by tossing Aries off the turnbuckle into the steel steps and Aries looked like he legit passed out. Lashley whips him into the stairs and Aries comes to life. Lashley hits the Spear outside the ring and the match ends in a double countout. I didn’t even realise there was a count going on. Lashley Press Slams Aries on to the ramp and locks in the Crossface. Other refs come out to seperate Lashley and Aries and Lashley walks off to end the show.

The post TNA Impact 12/11/14; Not Long Left Now appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Kurt Angle starts the show and brings out Bobby Roode right away. He says wrestlers all over the world dream of being world champion, and professional wrestling is all he’s got. Pro wrestling is all he thinks about and it’s all he’s wanted to do. He wanted to be the best and being the champ means he is the best. He says he’s proud to share the moment with Kurt Angle and that Angle is the best wrestler ever. He’s proud to be the TNA heavyweight world champion, and that’s when Bobby Lashley’s music hits and he comes out with the full crew.

MVP calls Roode a sorry excuse for a competitor and says the fans are too scared to even look Lashley in the eye. He doesn’t get why they boo Lashley, but cheer Roode after he cheated the system and conspired with a crooked authority figure. He asks who the cheaters really are says Roode knows he can’t beat Lashley without help. MVP then says he’s the one who deserves the title shot because Lashley stepped up because he couldn’t and that with how much MVP was blamed for Roode not being champ, he wants to be the real reason. Angle asks Roode if he accepts and Roode does. Lashley looks pretty pissed at this turn of events and glares at MVP as he walks off.

Low Ki and Joe are in the back. Mini promo about the tag team tournament final.

Game of the year 2014.

Low Ki and Samoa Joe vs the Hardys
Jeff and Low Ki start things off and split the crowd down the middle. The Hardys control Low Ki until Joe comes in and lays waste. Joe-Ki actually do some good tag team wrestling including double team moves. It’s a good match but I’m pretty tired. Joe takes control of Jeff Hardy as they cut to break. Everything goes to hell when they come back and Low Ki hits the Warriors Way on Matt, but Jeff makes the save. Jeff goes for the Poetry in Motion but Joe grabs him and Low Ki gets a two count on Matt. Matt hits the Twist of Fate, but Joe breaks up the pin and takes out Jeff. Joe reverses the Twist of Fate into the Facelock which Jeff breaks up with the swanton. Pretty cool sequence there. Got my attention at least. Jeff hits the Poetry in Motion and the Swanton, and Matt finishes with a moonsault for the win. Wolves vs Hardys is coming soon.

James Storm is in the back, trying to recruit the Wolf again, and says he has a week to say yes. Roode is in the locker room and talks about how MVP sent him home and he came back and took out every obstacle in his way. He won’t hide from MVP like MVP hid from him. MVP took pro wrestling from him so now he has to die. There was a good line when Roode said he would prove he’s more of an MVP to TNA than MVP will ever be.

Day 42; The Wrestlers still think we have a TV deal. Oh I feel bad now.

Some Sam Shaw video airs, detailing Gunner saving him and the Shaw betrayal. Shaw comes out to the ring with Brittany doing her best Rebel impression. Shaw says he turned his back on Gunner because Brittany showed him that Gunner thought he was a charity case. Brittany says Gunner was never his friend, and Christy Hemme could never him like she can. They can’t do for him what Brittany can. Brittany licks his face…and makes out with him. The in ring sex celebration is interrupted by Gunner.

Gunner says they’re making him sick and says Shaw was his friend, and that Shaw’s problem was he wanted to be Gunner, rather than just like him. Gunner says that they’re a pair of creepy bastards and Shaw flips, telling him not to call them that. Gunner calls him Sammy and Samantha before calling him a creepy bastard again and they brawl. Gunner chokes Sammy with his shirt, gets fired, and returns a few months later. Brittany jumps on Gunner and Shaw low blows him before taking him out. Brittany hands Sam his gloves and Sam puts them on to choke out Gunner. Gunner drops like a little bitch. Shaw and Brittany go back to making out and leave Gunner’s corpse alone.

My reaction to this segment.

There’s a video package on an Indian wrestler who wants to come into Impact. Good luck with that mate, Impact is on the way out. This guy looked pretty great though so it’ll be a shame if he doesn’t get a chance because TNA fucked up. The video ends with the voiceover saying they’re proud to welcome Mahabali Shera to the roster, so here’s hoping.

Kurt Angle is backstage and MVP comes up to him. He thanks Angle for making it so easy for him and says Angle thinks it’s all about him, but it’s all about MVP.

Bram and Magnus vs Tommy Dreamer and Abyss in a Hardcore Match
Hardcore match. Nuff said. Violence, weapons and EC-Dub chants abound. Don’t forget a healthy dose of cookie sheets and a ring filled with weapons spot. Good match for what it’s worth though. Even if it did shave a few more years off poor Tommy Dreamer’s life. I have no idea how this man is still wrestling. Devon hits one of those super cool triple superplex spots when Bragnus try to double team Dreamer. Devon sets a table up on the outside and Bram goes through it. Magnus takes revenge with a singapore cane. Dreamer sends Magnus into a trashcan in the corner and hits the spike DDT for the win. Oh boy the feud lives on because it has to end with Bragnus winning.

First Cat Duck and now Horse Duck.

Gail Kim is backstage and cuts a promo about her title match tonight. Then the thing we all want; Rockstar Spud segment. Spud comes out and joins Jeremy Borasch in the ring. His suit has clouds on it today. Awesome. Borasch asks him for his thoughts on the past few weeks and Spud says he doesn’t want anyone to feel sorry for him and admits he was a dick at first. He came to the country with nothing and Dixie took him in. He would have done anything for Dixie and for Ethan, and then Ethan turned into a “complete and utter wanker”. That he did folks. He defends his suits and says he’s not changing for anyone, especially Ethan. Spud says he’s the 99% and calls Ethan a douchebag. I fucking loved this. Borasch says Spud won British Boot Camp because he won everyone over, and it’s happening here now. He says he’s with Spud and pats him on the back, and Ethan Carter’s music hits.

EC3 comes out with Tyrus while the crowd chant “He’s a wanker”. Take it you yanks, and use it well. Ethan says it’s the most pathetic display he’s ever seen and calls the audience losers. Rockstar Spud is the new fearless leader of the losers. He tells Borasch off for participating in this, saying he and Spud owe everything to the Carters. Ethan gives Spud the chance to apologise as he and Tyrus close in. Spud won’t aplogise and he’s taken roughly from behind by Tyrus (COCK TALK!). Ethan demands an apology and Spud says he’s sorry Ethan is a big nosed douchebag. Jeremy puts his hands on EC3 and gets knocked the fuck out, and Spud attacks Ethan and does his best to fight off both Ethan and Tyrus before Eric Young runs out for the save.

Gail Kim vs Havok for the Knockouts Title
Gail tries to jump Havok before the bell and dies. Hard. Harder than Bruce Willis. Havok drags Gail up the ramp by her hair and then throws her off the ramp. The match never starts and technically never ends as the ref throws the X and an army of refs and medics try to resucitate Gail. They cut to break teasing no match, and come back to Borasch about to announce the match won’t take place when Gail grabs the mic and says the match is on. She runs in the ring and dies. Harder than Bruce Willis. Again.

I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen this movie.

Gail gets the occasional hope spot just to get cripped more. She even gets dropped face first on to the steel steps. The ref counts nine and Havok breaks the count to break Gail some more. She throws her back in the ring and tries to finish Gail off. Gail manages to lock in an Octopus submission but Havok drops her and slams her. Kim hits a Cross Body for a two and then Havok gets a two of her own. Gail reverses a Chokeslam into Eat De-feet for a 2. Havok finally manages to hit the Choke Slam for the win, keeping the title. Good match, but I never expected Gail to win so never got into it.

The Indian wrestler from earlier is shown in catering. Manik comes up to him and hugs him, and sits with him. Manik offers him his soda and they have a nice chat with Manik trying to get friendly with him. Lashley is backstage packing his bags and MVP is upset that Lashley is upset. Lashley walks out and leaves MVP on his own.

MVP vs Bobby Roode for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship
They put on a pretty good match but really, what did you expect? The fight spills outside the ring and Roode eats guard rail and steel steps. MVP takes control of the match and gets a 2 count with a bridging suplex. Roode fights back with a Spinebuster and Superplex for a 2. Roode hits the Roode Bomb for the three count. The match was a bit short for my tastes. Post match Lashley runs into the ring and Spears Roode. He passes MVP by and leaves him high and dry in the ring and walks out on his own to end the show.

Badasses everywhere.

Decent and solid show, it really was, but I’m having a hard time getting into TNA right now knowing the show could be over completely in two weeks.

The post TNA Impact 5/11/14; Wheeeeeeee appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Samoa Joe and Low Ki vs MVP and Kenny King
Ki and King start the match off as the crowd boredly chant “Joe’s gonna kill you”. They barely touch eachother before MVP and Joe end up in the ring with some beautiful chain wrestling. MVP pulls King out of the ring and Low Ki suicide dives on to both of them. MVP cheap shots Low Ki and he and King begin the ground and pound. Low Ki fights back eventually and Joe gets the hot tag. Joe takes both guys out and gets the visual tap as King taps but the ref doesn’t see it. Low Ki takes MVP out outside the ring and drop kicks King as he runs towards Joe. Great sequence. Joe makes King tap out again for the win.

Devon is backstage and says Magnus and Bram picked a fight with the wrong guy. He’s interrupted by a phone call and has backup. Roode is also shown backstage taping his wrists up.

Bram comes out and says he’s rewriting history. He says he’s going to destroy the Brotherhood of Hardcore and Abyss and Devon’s time is up. He calls out Magnus who joins him in the ring. Magnus says even if they aren’t brothers by blood, they’re brothers by the blood they’ve spilled and they’ve been disturbing the peace since they were kids. He’s still the guy who made history and broke the glass ceiling for the Brits. It’s still his time, and now with Magnus it’s their time. Bram says the two of them are going to rule the place and get rid of the dinosaurs of hardcore. Devon comes out on to the ramp and tells Bram to shut up. Devon brings out his backup for the night; Tommy Dreamer. To provide comic relief Tenay said Bully is taking time off to heal up and Tazz said they hope to see him again soon as Bragnus and Drevon beat the crap out of eachother. Devon and Dreamer scare them off with chairs and the segment ends.

Madison Rayne and Taryn Terrell are backstage. Rayne apologises for something that happened a few weeks ago. Apparently she pulled her tights. I can’t remember this at all. Teryn says they should focus on their common enemy because they’re against the “Beautiful” “People” tonight.

Shark Boy is backstage eating a hot dog. He signs some autographs for kids and takes pictures. Someone comes in and says he’s really let himself go and he’s blowing his chance here. He says this isn’t the real Shark and he asks Shark Boy if he can get in shape and be Shark Boy one more time. Shark Boy gives us a “Shell yeah” and walks off and the guy says there’s no chance it’ll actually happen.

The Beautiful People vs Taryn Terrell and Madison Rayne
FFW! Madison Rayne walks out on Taryn who gets pinned by both women.

Kurt Angle is backstage and lies, saying he’ll call the match down the middle tonight.

EC3 and Tyrus vs The Hardy Boys
Ethan starts with Matt and beats him off (COCK TALK!). Jeff comes in quickly and the Hardys use quick tags to control Ethan. Tyrus comes in and dominates Matt. Tyrus and Ethan take turns beating up Matt. It’s okay though because all those cheeseburgers gave him a protective layer of fat. Ethan misses a Stinger Splash and Matt makes the tag. Jeff and Matt take control of Ethan but he tags in Tyrus who takes them both out. They fight back with a double Twist of Fate and a Swanton for the win. Way to take away any momentum Tyrus might have had. Ethan and Tyrus argue outside the ring.

The Revolution come out to the ring and Storm says…a storm is coming. Before a storm there is quiet and the storm is very close. He doesn’t prey on the weak and instead brings them strength. They’re now loyal and disciplined and any of them can be a champion because the Revolution just gets things done. They’re here to extend an offer to Davey Richards, who comes out on his own. Storm says Davey is a part of a great team, and he was too, but his team went down because his partner held him back and the same will happen to Davey too. That’s why he’s offering him a spot. Before Davey can say anything Eddie comes out and begs Davey to tell him Storm isn’t getting through and there’s something wrong with his head. There’s no way Davey would give up everything they have for Storm. Davey grabs the microphone from Eddie and says he can speak for himself. Instead of saying anything Eddie challenges Storm to a match and it’s on.

Eddie Edwards vs James Storm
They cut to break straight away and when back Eddie is in control as Manik talks to Davey on the outside. Storm takes control with the distraction and keeps Eddie down and out. Edwards fights back but ultimately gets DDT’d off the middle turnbuckle. Sanada distracts the ref but Eddie sends Storm into him and gets a 2 count. He Moonsaults Storm from the ring and Manik talks to Davey again. Eddie baseball slides him and the Wolves argue. Edwards turns around into a Last Call Superkick and takes the loss. Tazz and Tenay tease tension by saying Davey should have told Eddie that Storm was winding up to kick him. Richards stares at Storm as he backs out the ring and up the ramp.

Bobby Roode vs Bobby Lashley for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship with Kurt Angle as the special referee
Bobby wins. I know how this match is going to go but let’s sit and watch it anyway. Lashley controls the start of the match and Angle keeps it fair. Roode fights back but never stays in control very long. Lashley utterly dominates during a commercial break but Roode manages to fight back hard and snap Lashley’s neck from the corner. He hits a Spinebuster for a two and Lashley fights back with a Spinebuster of his own for a two. Lashley accidentally clothesline Angle and hits a Spear. Lashley brings Kurt around to get a two count. Roode dodges the next two Spear attempts, with the second taking Angle out completely. One of the stage hands next to the ring eats a Spear too. Pretty much everybody but Roode ate a Spear. Roode hits a Roode Bomb on the ramp and drags Lashley’s corpse back to the ring. Roode gets the visual pin and Brian Hebner runs out to count two. Lashley hits a low blow and grabs his title. Hebner tells him to put the title down and Lashley obliges, and clotheslines Hebner before picking the title back up. He charges at Bobby and knocks him out with it. Angle comes around and climbs into the ring and counts two. Lashley picks up Roode but Roode fights out. Roode pulls Lashley off the top rope and falls down on to Lashley for the three count with a sit down pin. Roode is your new champion. It was a good match but a bad ending. After all that cool fighting Roode flukes his way into a win. Whoo.

Well that’s your show. It was decent overall but I never really got into it. If you missed this you didn’t miss too much.

The post TNA Impact 29/10/14; Better Never Than Late appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I think the first part of the show was missing for me. This video is only 73 minutes long and starts with a replay. Angle and Lashley are in the ring, let’s see what happens. MVP and King have the night off and Angle asks Lashley why he said no to Roode when he’s supposed to defend against all challengers. Lashley says that Roode already lost and gets in Angle’s face, asking him if he wants a shot. Angle says he’ll fight Lashley one day, but not today. Instead he’ll get him a number one contender. He introduces all of the people in the main event who come out. Angle wishes everyone luck and says the winner will face Lashley.

Theres a recap of the 3D induction. Then Magnus and Fatt Hardy are backstage. Magnus says Matt is still here to cheerlead for Jeff. Matt says his relationship is better than the one Magnus has with Bram and challenges him to a match. Magnus accepts.

The impossible happened.

Madison Rayne vs Havok (c) for the Knockouts Title
Havok “Rayne’s” all over Madison’s parade and kicks the tar out of her. Yes I’m proud of that line. Damn my video file is screwy but you get what you pay for. Madison fights back but gets put down. Hebner, the ref, argues with Havok when she gets a little too vicious and Madison takes advantage and causes Havok to run into the post. Madison hits a Missile Dropkick and Havok kicks out so hard Rayne rolls over Hebner. Havok hits some move she calls the Harlot Slayer, that I missed because of my video. Sounds like it was a Chokeslam. Either way, Havok wins and retains.

Kurt Angle is backstage with Devon. Angle congratulates them on going into the HoF and Devon says even though they’re in the HoF he’s going to do what he can for the TNA roster. By leaving. Eric Young is also backstage and hypes up the main event using Steiner Math. He asks if you’ve ever seen someone get struck by lightning twice. Yes, yes I have. I saw someone get struck twice within a few seconds of each strike. Take that beardy.

I couldn’t find the full version. Don’t worry he survived.

Magnus vs Matt Hardy
Matt Hardy has Jeff Hardy’s entrance music. That’s just lazy. Matt does a good job, right up until Magnus powerbombs him into the steel ringpost and then on the apron. I think Hardy’s dead now. The racist crowd chant USA. Matt manages to get into the ring just to be killed some more by Magnus. Matt fights back and hits a Side Effect for a two count. A Moonsault gets him another two. Magnus rolls Matt up and grabs the ropes but Stiffler notices and breaks up the pin. Magnus jumps off the ropes and Matt hits a mid-air Twist of Fate for the win.

The EC3 segment from Bound for Glory is replayed.

The Beautiful People and the Bromans vs the Menagerie
This match is Knux, Steve and Rebel vs DJZ, Godderz and Angelina Love. Tenay implies Tazz is masturbating at the table. I’m done. DJZ smacks Rebel on the ass and isn’t fired for sexual harrassment. Instead he gets his ass kicked by Knux. Knux bends DJZ over in the ring and spanks him. That happened. I’m so done. At least I have a better video file now. Steve gets Menagawasted by the Bromans and eventually gets a hot tag on Rebel. Rebel does a less than terrible job and DJZ molests her again and gets wasted by Knux. Again. Steve comes in and tries to rape Love. He hits a DDT from the corner and gets the win. Thank Maven this one is over.

Roode is backstage. He tries to hype up the main event but Aries interrupts him. Aries says tonight is about skill and this match is going to be something to remember. Roode agrees, but still believes he’ll win. Aries says when the bell rings mutual respect goes out the window.

E.C.3 segment. He comes out and just points to the back and Clodus Bray comes out straight away. Tenay goes to say who it is, but Tazz tells him that Ethan’s assistant texted him and said they aren’t allowed to say his name. That’s for Ethan to do. Ethan says he’s got a true W.M.D now and he’s ready to blow up TNA. He’s assaulted by the US secret service. He introduces Brodus as Tyrus and repeats it a few times so people know his name is Tyrus. Not Brodus. Tyrus. His name is Tyrus. He’s had to make a few cuts to hire Brodus, I mean Tyrus, and says “see you never” to Spud. Ethan is mad that Bully remains in the Hall of Fame. Boy I hope they let Ethan “retire” him. Ethan wants Bully taken out of the HoF and brings up how he’s beaten everyone in the HoF. He does his “You can’t wrestle” shtick, and ends it by saying “I’m undefeated”. And undefeated he will remain because no man alive can defeat him. The 3D music hits and Devon comes out.

Devon says all he does is talk and get his ass kicked. He’s beaten everyone in the HoF except him. Devon says he’s going to put Ethan through a table and he’ll make Tyrus his “be-yotch” if he interferes. Devon goes to enter the ring when he’s taken from behind by Bram (COCK TALK!). Bram hits him with a trash can lid and keeps up the assault. Bram walks off while the refs check over Devon. Ethan continues his promo after the break. He says technically he beat Devon and celebrates. He says he doesn’t want to leave and says he has a treat for Tyrus. He’s undefeated and wants Tyrus to be too. He couldn’t find someone on the Earth, so he went under the sea and found Shark Boy.

Shark Boy vs Tyrus
Shark Boy’s music hits but he doesn’t come out. They cut backstage to someone looking for him. He’s backstage eating donuts and lounging around on a couch. He needs some help getting up and drags his ass to the ring. His music restarts and he comes out this time. At least his being out of shape is actually part of his gimmick this time around. So it’s cool. Tyrus hits the “She-Plex” and just dominates Sharky. He hits a chokeslam for the win and does one handed press ups as the ref counts.

Bound for Glory highlights. Jeff Hardy hypes the main event, and the Wolves get a video package.

Eric Young vs Austin Aries vs Jeff Hardy vs Bobby Roode in an Elimination Match to be No.1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship
Everyone pairs up and fights. Aries rolls into the ring onto EY and straight into Roode who takes him out. That was a cool spot. They operate on a two in two out system, keeping two people in the ring at any time. Aries takes out everyone and tries to get a triple countout going. That would have been an amazing finish. Eric ruins my dreams and makes it into the ring. Jeff Hardy hits a triple Superlex. That was just pretty awesome. Eight minutes left in the show and still no eliminations. That helped keep everyone in the match strong. No one got jobbed out quickly. Aries and Roode hit their finishers at the same time and they both pin Jeff and Eric respectively. A triple elimination would have been nice but I’ll take a double one.

Now it’s down to Aries and Roode who start beating eachother with chops and forearms straight away. Roode reverses a pin into the Crossface but Aries reverses it into a pin and then the Last Chancery. Roode gets the rope break and Aries continues the assault. These two really know how to put on a match. Roode manages to hit a Roode Bomb for the win, and becomes the number one contender. All four men start a love fest in the ring and celebrate with Roode.

This was srsly good match.

It was a good show overall. I’d say it was a little better than last week. Last week was a one match show and this one had better things going for it. We got a debut, a title match, and sexual harassment. Seven ass grabs out of ten.

The post TNA Impact 15/10/14: The Only Review In Town appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with a Bobby Roode in ring promo. He says he won’t give up on his dream of being the champ again. He says that he’s going to stay until Lashley answers his challenge, rather than hearing MVP answering him. MVP and King come out without Lashley. MVP says they’re supposed to speak English in Canadia, and that he’s been demanding things he hasn’t earned. He lost to Lashley and the answer will always be no. Roode stops them from leaving and asks how their drive was. He implies they’re Lashley’s slaves and says he knows what it’s like to be at the top. That’s why he’s passionate. But King and MVP are content just being lackeys and know they don’t have what it takes to be champion. MVP says he’s not stirring anything up and King says if Roode really will do whatever it takes, then MVP will get him a title shot if he beats him and King in a handicap match. If Roode loses the match he’ll never get to have a total shot again in his career. Roode agrees and walks out.

Angelina Love vs Taryn Terrell vs Madison Rayne in a number one contender match
At Bound for Failure Velvet has the title match, this match determines who faces the winner of that match. Got it? Good. The match started quickly with Love getting rid of Taryn before Rayne even got in the ring. Typical one in, one out triple threat stuff. Don’t fix it if it ain’t broken I guess. Rayne and Taryn attempt quick covers on eachother and Velvet gets involved and gets rid of Rayne. The crowd are absolutely dead and make almost no noise for a match that feels like it drags on forever. Taryn hits a Stone Cold Stunner on Love but is rolled up for the win by Rayne. Taryn acts pissed off but no one cares. Havok comes out to the ring and wastes Taryn as Rayne makes a run for it.

They need to make this shirt.

MVP is backstage with Lashley and King and says they’ll kill Lashley so he doesn’t have to. Lashley spoke for the first time in this segment, saying “Thank you?” after King says he should thank them for killing Lashley. There’s also a Sanada/Storm package to set up the next match.

James Storm and Great Sanada vs Low Ki and Tigre Uno
The crowd comes alive at last for this match with a “Low Ki” chant. They like Low Ki at least. Sanada and Tigre put on a fast paced match and Manik does a run in when the ref is distracted, snapping Uno’s neck. Storm comes in and finishes him off. Sanada and Storm double team him for about 20 hours. Low Ki gets the tag and kicks the crap out of Storm. Manik distracts Low Ki, who eats a Backbreaker from Storm, but only for a two count. Sanada makes the save for Storm and Low Ki takes out Manik. Sanada mists Uno and Storm hits the Last Call for the win.

I crapped my pants when a Willow video aired but thankfully it was part of a ShopTNA segment. They’re still selling his merch and it’s on offer for October.

Things like this are why we watch Smackdown

Sam Shaw comes out to the ring shirtless and with weapons. There was supposededly a segment with Gunner and Shaw too but I didn’t see it. Apparently Shaw has tattoos to be even more like Gunner now. Hell if I know.

Sam Shaw vs Bram in a No DQ match
Weapons to the face, weapons to the body, weapons to the everything. Both guys are insane which can make for a fun hardcore match. This is a heel vs heel match so the crowd doesn’t care. The fans chant for tables but Sam gets a chair instead. The fans come alive for that at least. Sam loads the ring with chairs and Bram takes him out with a cane. Bram tries to Superplex Shaw into the chairs but Shaw reverses it into a Powerbomb. Shaw goes for the choke and Bram counters with elbows and throws Shaw into a chair set up in the corner. He Wailords Shaw with a cane and picks up the win. Post match Brittany comes down to the ring and cradles his head and strokes his hair and beard.

Roode is backstage and says he knows what he can do, and what he wants. He hasn’t slept since he lost to Lashley and the title means more than anything. MVP offered to open the door and Roode is going to kick it in.

What did Cena just offer to do for Stevie Richards?

Team 3D are also backstage. Bully calls them crazy for making it Full Metal Alchemayhem and the Wolves run in. They quote Flair, saying to be the man you have to beat the man, and to be the team you have to beat the team. They’re crazy, sure, but there’s a method to the madness. After they win at FMM they’ll have beaten Team 3-Hard at their own specialty. Then they walk out like CM Punk.

Bobby Roode vs Kenny King and MVP
MVP offers Roode one last chance to walk out on the match, but Roode doesn’t take it. He gets double teamed right from the get go. This isn’t a tag style match. It’s straight up Roode vs two men at the same time. Roode finally fights back but can’t take one guy out long enough to pin the other. Roode continues his steady decline towards death. He ducks a punch from King, who hits MVP by mistake, and sends King out of the ring. Roode dodges the Drive By and pins MVP. It’s elimination style too. So now it’s King vs Roode 1 on 1. Roode fires up and lays waste to King but only gets 2. Roode hits the Roode Bomb but Lashley runs out to prevent the pin and cause a DQ. Roode technically wins but it’s a hollow victory after Lashley hollows him out with a Spear.

Besties for life.

EC3 is backstage and says he’s willing to give Spud another chance. He implies he’ll be fired if he doesn’t. Then EC3 is in the ring and tells us he’s been undefeated for a year now. I think he’s right. He’s not been pinned or submitted in singles competition for a year. He’s vanquished all those who failed him, but he’ll give Spud another chance, and calls out Spud. Potatoman comes out in the most normal suit he’s ever worn. Spud apologises and says he’s EC3’s best friend. EC3 tells him to prove it, and Spud says he knows everything about him. His favourite colour is green because he likes money and he wants the thermostat at 71 degrees. It also bothers EC3 when the fans chant “You can’t wrestle” which inevitably starts that chant, and Spud mimics how Ethan would respond. Ethan says he still can’t let Dixie being crippled go. He can’t tolerate the presence of a failure and tells Spud he’s a loser. Spud disagrees and says he’s not a loser. He’s Rockstar Spud. Ethan calls him a failure again and shoves him down and slaps him while calling him a loser. Spud slaps back and Ethan fires him. That was it. Ethan’s music played for about three seconds and they jumped to a video package on the main event.

Before that main event though we have a backstage segment. The Crew are backstage and MVP says everything is good now. Angle runs in and chastises MVP for making a match. Angle says it won’t happen again and says Roode will wrestle to be the number one contender next week and tells MVP not to go anywhere near that match. They leave to go drinking. The crew that is. Not Angle. He’s learned his lesson.

You heard it here first.

The Hardys vs The Wolves vs The Team 3D in Full Metal Mayhem
The commentators say that Richards is injured and say he’s not at 100%. Apparently Devon is also injured. All three teams just pair up and kick the crap out of eachother. Anyone who goes for the titles is quickly stopped by someone else. Matt gets German Suplexed into two steel chairs by the Wooves (that’s how he pronounces Wolves), and they take out Jeff too with a little help from Bully. Someone gets up, someone else goes down. It’s a fast paced action packed match in which everyone ended up crippled. Bully goes for the Electric Chair on Matt, who grabs Eddie off the top rope and turns it into a Suplex. God damn this is awesome. Devon grabs a guard rail and sets it up between the ring and the steel steps, and tries to Suplex Richards onto them. Richards fights it off and goes to dive in Devon from the top ropes, but Bully grabs him for a Powerbomb, eventually missing a sit out splash. Richards gets Powerbombed onto the guard rail by Bully.

You want to know what happened in this match? Watch it. It’s too much to take down. We’re not even halfway through the match at this point according to the amount of time left in the show. It was amazing. Go watch it now if you haven’t. Davey pushes the ladder down to stop Jeff, and Jeff’s lifeless corpse puts Bully through two tables he’s set up on. That was also worth mentioning. Davey and Matt go for the top of the ladder and Edwards comes up to help and powerbombs Matt through a table, leaving Richards to grab the titles and pick up the win. Excellent, excellent match.

Don’t mess with Canadia

Having said all that, the show itself was good at best. The main event was amazing but that was the only thing really worth watching and a dead crowd really does make a show drag on. 4/10.

The post TNA Impact 08/10/14; Impact Rolls On appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with JB announcing some kind of one night tournament. Five matches and if the chosen wrassler wins, they go into a multi man match at the end, with a shot at any champion they want. It wasn’t as confusing as I made it. The five men are MVP, Magnus, Aries, Abyss, and Robbie E. Following that is a hype video for MVP.

MVP vs Low Ki
This match was surprisingly slow considering the guys in it. Makes sense though, they have to conserve their energy. Low Ki chops MVP and MVP unzips his bodysuit and offers his chest to Low Ki. That was pretty cool. Low Ki gets kicked so hard he flips over the ropes and dies. Low Ki recovers and tries and fails to hit a Ki Crusher. MVP hits the Drive By and wins.

The Bromans are backstage talking about their women. Then Robbie E is really happy about his life right now. He’s doing Velvet, he has a chance at any title, and next week he’s in the Amazing Race with Brook and no one’s gonna know. Then Jessie brings him back to reality saying cameras are all over reality TV and even points out the TNA camera filming them right now. Robbie runs for his life.

Titty Master also enjoys the back doors.

They recap the ladder match from last week and say they’re going to play highlights of the match. There’s no need to do that. They follow that up by paying more tribue to Eric the Actor than WWE did. They follow that up with a video on the whole tag team series and say the Wolves pick the last stip next week. TLC is my guess and I’ve not read ahead.

Robbie E vs Tajiri
Before the match Robbie E grabs a mic and asks the crowd what they see when they look at him. You see perfect eyebrows, a dope tank top, a perfect tan and really big muscles. Most of all you see a guy from Jersey, who’s tougher than anyone in New York. He’s tougher than anyone in the US, and the world. He’s inter-bro-national. He’s gonna prove it tonight. Then Tajiri comes out and the match is on. Robbie does surprisingly well in the match. This match was far less jobber than I expected. Robbie ducks a kick and hits a DDT for a two count. He gets misted, kickeded, and pinned…ed. Tajiri wins. Tajiri is in the last match and they’ve already changed the stipulation. They could have just said five matches, five winners, and a five way.

Spud is backstage and he’s asked about the problems he and EC3 have. Spud says there aren’t any and gets a call. EC3 is listed in his phone as “EC3 – Best Friend”. That’s sweet.

Things Chris Jericho ACTUALLY invented; Stunt doubles.

Austin Aries vs Knux
Rebel comes out with the Menagerie, so she’s still alive at least. She was in one piece too so this match was probably filmed out of order and before the Knockouts thing. Knux kips up and Aries bows to him as the fans applaud the feat. Knux makes teh mistake of bowing back and Aries takes advantage and attacks him. Aries dives right into Knux’s boot and almost decapitated himself. Aries manages to hit a Brainbuster for the win.

A recap like the one they had for the tag match airs for the title match last week. I take the opportunity to feed my cat.

Magnus vs Mr Anderson
Magnus traps Ken in the ring apron and tries for a countout. He fails. Tazz suggests you give the Knockouts calender to your kids, and as a Valentines present. Those are two situations you don’t want to gift it. Kenny fights back and hits his X Moves of Doom, but fails to put Magnus away. Kenny escapes a pin using the bottom rope and hits a mic check for the win. God damn it.

There’s a video of the photoshoot for the TNA Knockouts calender, and then an induction video on Team 3D. Talk about a juxtaposition. Bully says Team 3D are the KISS of Wrasslin. They’re not the best, but when they’re done you know you’ve been entertained. The less I say on my opinions of Gene Simmons the better. Lastly there’s a video on Havok and Gail.

Seth Rollins isn’t the only one who almost got impaled.

Abyss vs Samuel Shaw
Tazz says Shaw is starting to obsess over Gunner and Tenay says if Shaw wins tonight he might go for a tag match with Gunner. Totally gay. I don’t see how anyone didn’t catch the gayness but I’ve seen people say they hadn’t. Unfortunately for Shaw Abyss crushes his dreams, and his body. Shaw takes control part way through the match, all for Gunner. He focuses on a hand/arm Abyss “injured” by punching the corner post. Abyss fights back with his good arm and hits a Chokeslam. Shaw rolls out the ring, grabs a chair, and hits Abyss with it while the ref isn’t looking. Shaw charges at Abyss, and Abyss counters with the Black Hole Slam for the win.

Bobby Rood tweeted about not being done and next week he’s going to address his future.

Austin Aries vs MVP vs Tajiri vs Mr Anderson vs Abyss in a Five Way Match
Skipping through the entrances really saved time here. It’s the kind of match where there are two people in the ring, and you can tag in anyone to get out of it. This is the kind of stuff commentators should say. Of course they don’t. Abyss kills MVP and Kenny, and Tajiri tags himself in for Abyss. They exchange strikes and Tajiri gets a two count. Anderson tries to tag in MVP who jumps off the apron, instead Aries tags himself in for Ken. They do some good old fashioned mat/chain wrestling and Aries blocks the Tarantula. He goes for a Suicide Dive but MVP kicks him in the back when he hits the ropes.

I don’t think he’d like to be called “The Dutchman” now.

Kenny tags in for Tajiri and breaks Aries’ back but fails to make him humble. MVP and Aries end up together and MVP quickly brings in Tajiri. Tajiri mists Abyss and Ken tags himself in. Ken hits a top rope rolling Samoan Drop and MVP tags himself in for Tajiri. Ken doesn’t find out until it’s too late and gets Drive By’ed, and Aries breaks up the pin. Aries and MVP end up the legal men and Aries eats a boot, reverses a drive by into a pin, and wins the match. Aries celebrates to end the show.

A pretty good show but six matches feels like way too much for a two hour show. Plus the crowd was dead for the last match. I’m glad this is the last taping in New York. I’m looking forward to the new setting next week.

The post TNA Impact 24/09/2014 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Knockouts Battle Royale for The Number One Contendership
I had no idea this was happening. Let’s watch. Oh it’s No Surrender by the way. “No promotion” is more like it. Everyone pairs up which makes no sense. I expected everyone to gang up on Havok. That comes after a few minutes of teh match. Havok focuses on Rayne and eliminates her. Then goes Taryn. Then Brittany. Angelina eliminates herself thanks to Rebel. Yes. Rebel. Then Rebel is sent out by Havok from the top rope. It looked nasty. Maybe that was what injured her. Havok no sells Velvet’s attack and dumps her for the win.

They recap the Shaw match from last week and a backstage segment with Gunner telling Sam he should go back to a therapist. Sam says he doesn’t want to. Gunner avoids the shitty soap angle and tells Sam outright it’s Brittany that likes him. Sam says he’s fixated on someone else and leaves it at that. So we’re STILL getting a gay love angle. Gunner-senpai will feel Sam-chans love yet. No, I don’t know what I’m doing.

Undertaker didn’t like being drafted.

MVP and Kenny King come out to the ring. MVP looks like he still has a bit of a limp. MVP hypes up the title match and says the headline will be “Roode Awakening; Lashley Destroys Again”. I love puns. MVP goes on to bring up, and bring out Chris Melendez. Please don’t job MVP out to him. It’s way too soon. They all shake hands and someone already has a Melendez shirt. MVP calls him an American hero and thanks him for what he’s done, and says he’s a killer, and tells him he needs to make the right choices to make an impact. King says no one gets handed anything, and they want him to be their token white guy. They won’t give him anything but their bags. Chris declines and King gets in his face, calling him Peg Leg. He calls for a ref and makes a joke about “Boot camp”. Get it, cos Chris only has one leg. MVP wishes him luck and Kenny cheap shots him. Match is on!

Kenny King vs Chris Melendez
King mocks Chris during the match and keeps his advantage from the cheap shot. Typical story; face gets cheap shotted and beaten down building up for the big comeback. Melendez reverses into a sunset flip for the upset win, and King beats the crap out of him for it. Didn’t steal his leg though. King grabs a mic and says Chris can’t even defend himself, much less the USA. He’s not a hero, just a cripple. Tenay speaks over Kenny King and King tries to steal the leg after all. Mr Anderson runs out for the save and chases King off.

Chris and Ken are backstage. Ken says not everyone was going to respect him, and asks him if he’s hurt or injured. Chris says neither, and Ken says they’ll take care of things later.

Remember that time Triple H buried his own wife?

Homicide vs Samoa Joe for the X-Division Title
When Homicide does a suicide dive is it a Homicide Dive? I’m distracted during this match by my own thoughts. It was good and got all my attention at points. They trade control with big moves and have an even match. Joe reverses a Cutter into a Rear Naked Choke for the win. That was a beautiful reversal. Homicide and Joe go to shake hands when Storm and Sanada run out. Storm has a bullrope and chokes Homicide while Sanada kicks his head off. Manik 2.0 comes out. His new costume is blue, sleeveless, and his new mask doesn’t cover all his face. Dude looks jacked. All three pose to end the segment.

The Wolves are backstage with Jeremy Borasch. He reminds them they haven’t won in the series yet and they need to win tonight. Wolf One says that their legacy is literally hanging above the ring, and Wolf Two says they belong among the legends and they will fight and win.

Bobby Roode is backstage with Eric Young. EY asks him if he’s ready and Roode shushes him, saying they’re enjoying the silence. He reflects on how crazy the past year has been. He even mentioned how he almost became part owner of TNA. That’s good continuity. EY says that after he wins it’s going to get noisy for him. EY leaves him to his angst and thoughts.

That does sound pretty good.

The Wolves vs The Hardys vs Team 3D in a Ladder Match
Match three in the series. The Wolves are obviously going to win. I’m still going to hopefully enjoy this match though. Can someone tell Jeff to stop attacking ladders though? He does a Whisper in the Wind to the ladder to knock down the Wolves holding it. Sure, it made sense, but a drop kick would have made WAY more sense. Bully does the good old fashioned ladder spin and the crowd chant for tables. That was last week. Devon hits a super high WASSUP from the top of a ladder and neuters a wolf. Hardy gets Power Bomb’d onto a ladder set up on two other ladders, and the other two ladders take out Matt and a Wolf, which was a great spot. Jeff gets Superplexed from the top of a ladder. He was so high his feet hit the title belts. Team 3D grabs a table and the Wolves grab chairs, the last match is gonna be TLC it seems. The Wolves take out Devon with the chair, and Richards double foot stomps Matt Hardy through the table. Jeff and Edwards go for the titles at the same time, and Richards sends Jeff to the floor so Edwards can grab the titles for the win. That was an amazing match.

Bram vs Gunner
I feel bad for these guys. Good luck following that last match. They actually have a decent match. Hard hitting and powerful but not slow. Gunner lands badly and sells a leg injury, and Bram takes advantage by smashing it into the steel steps. Sam-Chan comes out to cheer on his beloved senpai and watches as Bram continues to injure the leg. Gunner loses his footing going for a power bomb and Sam Shaw tries to interfere, but accidentally hits Gunner who is rolled up and Bram gets the win. Sam tries to help Gunner up, and gets thrown aside. Gunner tells Sam off after the match and wants nothing to do with him. You can see the moment Sam’s heart breaks. Poor crazy bastard.

Gail Kim is backstage with comments on the Battle Royale. She doesn’t mind that Havok wants the title, she just has problems with how she went about it by attacking her and Taryn, and tells her to bring it.

Bluicide!

Bobby Roode vs Bobby Lashley for the World Heavyweight Championship
My money is on Bobby. Lashley keeps Roode down and everytime Roode puts him down, he doesn’t stay down for long. King gets on the apron for the distraction and Lashley takes advantage. MVP grabs Roode while he’s on the top rope and he’s kicked out, but King isn’t. Coming back from break Roode is now selling his back, and counters a Spear attempt into a Crossface. King grabs his boot and pulls him off, and EY runs down to take out King. Roode slides out of a running powerslam and applies another crossface. Lashley powers out and back drops Roode. Lashley hits a Spear and Roode kicks out at 2.

Lashley grabs the title, and goes to hit Roode with it. Roode ducks and hits a Roode Bomb for a 2 count of his own. They exchange punches and Roode gets another 2 with a Spinebuster. Lashley hits that Running Powerslam for a 2. I don’t mind people kicking out of finishers and signatures, it shows just how much they want it. Roode hits a Roode bomb over the god damn top rope to the outside. I think Lashley actually died. Nope, still breathing. Roode leap frogs over a Spear, side steps another, but doesn’t have the strength to hit another Roode bomb. Instead he’s hit by another Spear, and this time Lashley gets the three count.

Remember The Price is Raw? Remember Summer Rae being in the audience?

I’d say this was a PPV caliber show. The tag match and the title match were amazing. The other stuff was good too. I hope TNA gets to keep on living. It’s a shame they’re being consistently good at what could be the end.

The post TNA Impact 17/9/14; No Surrender appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with the playing of the national anthem. FFW! After that Chris Melendez debuts.

Sergeant Christopher Melendez vs DJZ
I hope this guy is goood, but he comes from Bully’s school so he has to be. Impact is still gonna be screwed when they start jobbing him. I wonder if they’ll introduce a US title just for him. I feel bad for DJZ. The crowd is obviously hot for Melendez, who puts on a good show. DJZ goes into super heel mode and clips him from behind. Melendez wins with a Samoan Drop. I think he did a good job. Keep at it Chris.

He’s still not as manly as Steph though.

Bobby Roode is in the ring with a microphone. He says Eric Young always brings out the best in him and thanks him. EY will always be a world champion to him and after beating him, he’s ready to be on top again. He was about to talk about the match, which is apparently next week, which is apparently No Surrender (excellent promotion) he’s interrupted by MVP and his team. MVP says every hero needs obstacles and objectives. In every movie the hero fights through obstacles and gets his objective. This isn’t a movie and the reality is Lashley is unstoppable. Roode won’t win, and the best he can hope for is a short hospital stay. Roode says there is no fear or doubt in Lashley’s eye. Lashley knows he can beat and destroy Roode and Roode knows he can beat and destroy Lashley. Lashley is bigger and stronger but Roode has a larger heart. An enlarged heart is a serious medical condition. Roode tells MVP there’s nothing he can do about that, and MVP responds by kicking his ass. Samoa Joe and EY run out for the save Joe sets up a tag team match playa.

Samoa Joe, Bobby Roode, and Eric Young vs MVP, Kenny King and Bobby Roode
Joe starts the match with a Samoan Suicide Dive on all three guys. King of all of people gets in the ring, starts the match for his team, and dies a painful death in the ring. EY and MVP go at it, and EY gets clotheslined from the apron by King. Excellent little touch. Lashley gets in and the crowd chants “Bobby sucks!” I think they need to be careful. Yes it’s Lashley’s first name but it’s also Roode’s first name. EY gets utterly destroyed by The Crew. EY reverses a Cross Armbreaker into a Powerbomb to get the hot tag on Roode, who cleans house. King breaks up a pin and everything goes to hell. Joe and EY take out King and Lashley so MVP and Roode can finish in the ring. Roode hits the Roode Bomb for the win. A sign in the crowd says the TNA network is only $9.98.

Canadians are badasses.

Gunner is backstage with Brittany. She asks if Sam is seeing someone, and he says he’s seeing therapists. What a complete dick. Brittany clarifies what she meant, and Gunner says he doesn’t know, but he’ll tell Sam about her interest.

The Bromans vs The Menagerie
The Bromans come out with the Beautiful People. I kinda missed the Menagerie. It’s a three man mixed tag or something. I’m not 100% sure what’s happening here. Okay it’s Steve, Knux and Rebel against Jessie, Robbie and Velvet. Knux actually does a cartwheel. This match was surprisingly not awful. And then…Rebel came in. Oh God. Steve raped Velvet in the ring and Rebel goes to the top rope. Angelina distracts her and Velvet rolls her up for the win. Velet pulled the trunks up a little, realised Rebel’s ass was exposed, and quickly covered it back up. That wasn’t as painful as expected.

Kurt Angle is backstage and says he’s tired of EC3 telling him how to do his job. He’s going to get him in the ring and tell him who he should be fighting and winning against. Team 3D are also backstage and are asked if this is their night. Bully basically says yes. The series isn’t going on longer than tonight.

Smackdown making an appearance on a Thursday after all.

Kurt Angle is of course, in the ring. He’s pretty happy with TNA right now. He’s proud of all the talent, except for EC3, who he calls out. EC3 gets in Angle’s face for not doing anything about Team 3D putting Dixie through the table. Dixie’s blood is on Angle’s hands too, and now EC3 is violent and is going to punish people if Angle won’t. He is the nephew of a broken Dixie and he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next. He’s taken out Angle twice and if Angle doesn’t do what he says, he’ll take him out for good. Angle hasn’t forgotten what EC3 did, and promises to kick his ass over it. Angle is the one who makes demands and if EC3 doesn’t shut up he’ll send him home. There’s someone who really wants to kick EC3’s ass. He won’t book EC3 in a wrestling match, but WILL book him in a street fight. Against Rhino. Rhino comes out with two trash cans filled with weapons.

Ethan Carter III vs Rhino in a New York Street Fight
The crowd chant “Change your pants!” at EC3, who’s wearing salmon pink trousers he borrowed from Mark Henry. Ethan takes control of the match with a low blow and concusses Rhino and whips him with his belt. I don’t know why I pop for that. I just do. I spotted the guy starting the “EC3!” chants as Rhino took control, right up until Ethan dodged a Gore and Rhino ran into a trash can. Ethan hit the 1%er onto a steel chair and got the win. Awww yeahhhhh.

They finally air some post match comments from Chris Melendez. He cuts a pretty good promo about how he can’t be stopped and wants others to feel the same.

Personal tales from my life.

It’s time for the biggest reveal in all of wrestling. I can’t contain my excitement. I really can’t. It’s time to find out who’s on the cover the of the 2015 Knockout calender! Angelina Love grabs the mic before JB can make the announcement and declares herself the cover girl, but JB grabs the mic back and says that it’s…Velvet Sky. Further dissension teased. Bane makes her way down to the ring, but Gail Kim runs up to her and starts a fight. She loses the fight. The Beautiful People throw Brittany at her, who dies. Bane ignores everyone else, grabs the title, and walks out with it.

A video package on Camp Storm airs. Storm asks Manik why he wears a mask and says his disciples will speak. He pulls Manik’s mask off but before it comes all the way off tells the cameraman to leave so he can rape him in peace. This is a very sexually aggressive episode of Impact. At least, I’ve made it one.

They air highlights of Lashley’s Bellator match, and plug Bellator itself.

Gail Kim is running around backstage looking for Havok. She doesn’t find her.

Seth almost found his death though.

James Storm and The Great Sanada vs Tajiri and Austin Aries
Boy am I glad Storm isn’t injured. Tajiri still looks very tired. Tajiri and Sanada start things off. It was short but interesting to see a slightly different style. Aries and Tajiri focus on Sanada and make a good team. Storm runs in to break up a Last Chancery and Aries STILL has mist on his chest. Get a shower you god damn hippy. Aries gets controlled by Stornada and Tajiri and Sanada end up against eachother again. Tajiri doesn’t wrestle tired at least. Tajiri puts the Tarantula on Sanada, and Storm spits beer in his face to break it up. Sanada picks up the win.

The Hardy Boys are backstage. There’s a mystery to solve. The mystery of who won the first ever Tables Match. That was the Hardys who beat Team 3D. Matt says it’ll happen again.

Gail Kim finds Havok backstage and they brawl like men. They cut to break mid brawl and end up in the ring, realising the crowd would have no idea what was happening backstage. Security seperates them and Bane kicks their asses. Kim had already left and Havok poses over her fresh kills.

Sometimes gifs need no context.

The Wolves vs Team 3D vs The Hardy Boys in a Tables Match
Well now that I know Bully WILL finish this series I can get into it more. Everyone pairs up, and beats down. It doesn’t take long for 3D to bring out the tables. The Hardy’s dropkick the table into 3D and it breaks. I think that counts. If Big Show can lose by stepping through a table then the Hardy’s can lose by putting their feet through it with a drop kick. The second table is used as a weapon without being broken. Edwards goes to superplex Jeff through the table but Devon moves it out of the way. Bully sets it back up as Devon is being corner punched. They set up the Electric Chair but someone else moves the table. I missed it because I was taking notes.

Jeff dropkicks the table in the corner and goes through it. The commentators clarify you HAVE to put someone else through the table. It doesn’t count if you put yourself through it. Well that nullifies some tables matches. The Wolves stop 3D from putting a Hardy through a table, and go to put Matt through it themselves. Jeff and Bully break it up and Hardy hits a Twist of Fate with Edwards on the top rope. Gee was right. Jeff hits a Swanton for the win and puts a Wolf through a table. As I was saying, Gee was right. This was an excellent match and I’m looking forward to match three and four. Post match the Hardys pull out and climb a ladder, teasing a ladder match. Matt has a microphone and confirms it’ll be a ladder match. Tenay says it’ll happen next week and hypes the rest of No Surrender to send us off the air.

Damn fine show but I wanted to see the horrible and uncut version of Velvet and Rebel. Unless they’re going to have a singles match soon. Or WERE going to. #BetterThanRaw

The post TNA Impact 10/9/14; #BetterThanRaw appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

MVP and his crew come out to start the show. MVP says that Lashley will soon be champ of Bellator too and no one on the planet is tougher than Lashley. That’s all he gets to say before Samoa Joe comes out. He says that while Lashley is pretty dominant, he’s not the toughest. He’s not even the toughest in the ring. He challenges Lashley to a match, King says racist things, and all three men jump Joe and kill him. Security runs out to save everyone and the crew walk off while Joe is held back. On his way out, Lashley accepts the match for tonight.

Havok has arrived. Not literally right now. Right now we have a video package on the Knockouts match.

Taryn Terrell vs Gail Kim for the KO title
A Havok video played before this match. I wonder how this is going to end. Maybe I’ll be surprised. Tazz is grating on commentary again but Taryn has learned to run the ropes at least. It’s a good match with some hard hitting moves including a neckbreaker on the steel steps and Gail Spear-ing her way through the ropes and onto the floor. They trade finishers and near falls, and Gail reverses a cross body into a pin for the win. No Havok involvement? Colour me surprised. Oh there she is. They hug, new music hits, and out comes Havok. She takes off her LED Bane mask and lays waste to Gail and Taryn.

Pretty self explanatory

Eric Young runs into MVP backstage. MVP reminds EY how Roode used to treat him like crap and tells him to remember history.

The Bromans have a date with a TNA knockout or something. DJZ asks who they got matched with but they argue and won’t tell him. Whoever it was texts Jessie Godderz and Robbie struggles to get a better signal so he can get her nonexistant text. Please TNA, stick to one stupid thing at a time.

They followed this up with something that’s never stupid. Giving EC3 a live mic. He says he hates everyone, and that Dixie is a charitable saint. The Carter Charity is over now. Rhino was the first victim and he’s going to get several more beatings. The violence will continue until his demands are met. Demand one; the termination of Bully Ray. 2; people in TNA aren’t allowed to say “Hardcore” and “Extreme” because he’s sick of living in the past. Demand 3 is respect. He’s tired of hearing “You can’t wrestle” chants, and chants back the fans aren’t creative and he’s the best wrestler too. The fans respond by chanting CM Punk and Carter says he wants to beat him too. Punk confirmed for TNA. Ethan says his line about the world needing the Carters, and he gets jumped by Rhino. Spud pulls him to safety and Rhino challenges him to a match. Ethan accepts a match, but throws Spud at Rhino instead. SWERVE!

Remember that time Randy Orton got punched in the dick? Now you do.

Gunner and Sam Shaw meet up backstage. Shaw says sorry and that he just wanted to feel like a hero. A hero like Gunner-Senpai. Gunner says it’s okay, and just wants to focus on the match that’s not only tonight, but on right now! Oh and during this segment a woman twirled her hair at Shaw and seemed disappointed he didn’t notice. He only has eyes for Gunner-Senpai.

Gunner and Sam Shaw vs Bramgus
I was slightly disappointed Bram didn’t have Janice with him. Shaw is actually pretty good as he goes against Magnus. Both guys tag in their respective partners and Gunner does his headbutt the corner spot. Nothing like giving yourself a concussion. Shaw tags himself in which displeases Gunner. Gunner misses an Axe Handle from the rope and tweaks his knee. Bram clips it and pins him for 3. Shaw was very late breaking up the pin and goes nuts towards Bramgus because Gunner got injured. Gunner calms him down.

MVP meets up with Roode backstage and tries to convince him that EY is going to cheat and says EY told him he’s not forgotten how Roode would treat him like crap.

Lesnar likes them old?

The Bromans are still together. Apparently Bromans aren’t allowed to wear the same shirts and they strip down. The Beautiful people show up and take a Broman each. Love says as long as they keep them happy then the BPs will keep them happy. DJZ calls for privacy as the orgy begins.

Eric Young vs Bobby Roode to be Number One contender for the World Heavyweight Championship
The crowd is split down the middle as two people who are pretty damn good at what they do, do what they do. Things are slow and mostly submission based at first but they pick up. There’s a whole lot of near falls. Probably a few too many. EY bridges out of a pin which looked good, and eats a Roode Bomb for his efforts and Roode gets the pin to become number one contender. Roode and Lashley could put on a pretty good match and Roode has the physique and record to be a legit contender. I think he was the best choice. EY teases a lack of sportsmanship at the end of the match but they hug and shake hands.

Will people please stop giving Lawler heart attacks?

Roode is asked how he feels, and he says he’s exhausted and beaten up, but excited and ready. He’s going to get his title back, and wants some water. He runs into Lashley and they just stare lovingly into eachother’s eyes. Team 3D are also backstage with Team 3D. They picked a Tables match for the next in the series. Bully says that the Tables match is what they do best, and tag team wrestling in making a resurgance in TNA. Tag Team wrestling is back, but not for long seeing how a Wolf is crippled and half of 3D is gone. Bully says he wants Team 3D to go into the H.O.F as champions.

Homicide vs Tigre Uno vs DJZ vs Manik vs Crazzy Steve vs Low Ki to be X-Division Number 1 Contender
No Sanada? I’m sad. It’s that style of match there are two people in the ring, and you can tag anyone in if you need a break. Uno and Low Ki start things up. Everyone goes in and out, flips and flops, hips and hops, zips and zops, and ultimately Homicide kills that Gringo Manik to win. Great Starnada and Storm come out post match and Sanada kills that Gaijin Manik with a Last Call Superkick. He kicks him out the ring to Storm and they drag him off. More recruits for the sex dungeon I guess.

More like FUNdertaker amirite?

Austin Aries is in the ring with a microphone. He’s still a little green from the mist Sanada spit on him. Filthy hippie bastard. He calls out Sanada and Storm. This was just bad placement given how we’d JUST seen them drag Manik out. Storm and Great Starnada do come out. Storm says he’s been reborn and that he was there to welcome Sanada with open arms, like he will with Manik. He’s given him visions of winning and championships, and that Starnada will be the greatest man to come out of Japan. When people think of great, they’ll think of Starnada. Aries disagrees, saying the fans think of him when they think of greatness. Aries says Storm is a legendary bastard, and that he pisses off everyone. Aries says he didn’t come alone and introduces TA-FRICKCIN-JIRI. I marked out as Tajiri and Aries chase off Storm and Starnada.

Rockstar Spud is backstage. He asks EC3 why he’s got to do this, and Ethan says it’s because he’s not done anything to get revenge for what happened to Dixie. He can either leave, or go to the ring.

WCW; World Cat Wrestling

There’s a Melendez video package. It was good, but I still need a bald eagle. They included videos of Melendez training too. Melendez makes his debut next week, on September 10th. Oh if only TNA had stayed on Thursdays. I wonder if that was their plan all along and Spike really threw them under the bus.

Rhino vs Rockstar Spud
Spud dies. LOL. The ECDub chants are finally replaced by EC3 chants. I’ve wanted that for a while. Spud dodged the first Gore but not the second. EC3 walks out and leaves Spud for dead.

Samoa Joe vs Bobby Lashley
This match was hard hitting and powerful, but with enough pace for me to enjoy it. They Wailord on eachother, knocking eachother down but not out. Joe dodges a Spear and puts Lashley in the Kokina Clutch but King runs in for the distraction. Lashley slams him with a Full Nelson for a two, then hits a Spear for the win. I knew Lashley would win but they still put on a good match.

Randy Orton is the king of facial expressions.

I don’t know if I enjoy Impact more when I review it or if this episode was just better, but I did enjoy it more than last week’s episode.

The post TNA Impact 3/9/14; EC3! EC3! EC3! appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

It’s Hardcore Justice which A) sounds like a porno and B) is way too soon given how we just had Destination X.

Bram vs Magnus in a Stairway to Janice Match
I was tempted to just turn Impact off and wait until tomorrow so I could skip this match. No interest. None. My predictions are coming true. Bram bleeds pretty early, which causes the fans to chant for fire. That’ll get even me interested. Both guys are sent through barbed wire boards and bleed all over the place. Bram grabs Janice, but Abyss counters and slams him into the tacks. Abyss gets Janice, rendering teh stipulation useless. Or not as Bram gets her again, and uses her to get the win.

Backstage Ethan Carter is asked how jail was. He says his mind is clear now and will kill those who killed Dixie.

Bram is backstage celebrating. Magnus asks if he’s going to outshine him now, because no one does. He’s going to be world champ again soon.

Wrong Wednesday

Ethan Carter and his stooges come out to the ring. Ethan is pretty pissed about Dixie going through a table. He demanded Bully be fired last week (it’s okay Ethan he’s gone now) but Angle said no. EC3 thanks Angle for having him arrested because he was able to think clearly in jail. Bully was to blame, but so was Rhino. He blames Rhino for what happened, and gets in Rhino’s face. Rhino grabs the mic and says he’ll be a dead man if he doesn’t shut up, and to shove his money up his ass. Ethan snaps, slaps Rhino in the face, and the brawl is on. Ethan even throws Spud away and beats the ever loving crap out of Rhino. Spud’s scared facials helped make this segment.

Samoa Joe is asked about the history he and Low Ki have. Joe says they have a legacy, not history. Low Ki is too self confident, and that’s going to be his weakness. Mr Anderson participates in a PSA about smoking because now Impact is sponsored by that The Real Cost thing. Don’t smoke kids. But feel free to try wrasslin at home. That never goes wrong. The Hardy Boyz are asked what’s left for them to prove. Matt says they need to prove they’re STILL the best team. Jeff implies they’re going for the belt and Matt pumps up the tag division, made up of exactly three teams (that he named). They’re going for the top basically. A pretty sweet video on Samoa Joe also aired.

Still the wrong Wednesday

Low Ki vs Samoa Joe for the X-Division Championship
This match took a long while to get started. Joe damn near killed Low Ki. It was Lesnar vs Cena all over again. This was almost the exact opposite of what I think an X-Division match is. It’s nice Joe is champion, but he’s hardly high speed. I understand he used to be, but that was a while ago. Joe transfers a Powerbomb pin into a Boston Crab into an STF. That got me into the match. Joe hits the Muscle Buster for the win. Not a bad match at all, just not very X-Division-y.

The Hardyz are backstage. They meet up with Team 3D and the door closes. JB is with Anderson. Anderson still hates Sam Shaw and still refuses to accept he might have changed. He asks if Gunner is an idiot, and Saw comes in and tells Anderson to apologise. They have a brawl and Tenay says the match has started as they cut to break. Coming back from break the match is indeed on.

Mr Anderson vs Sam Shaw in an I Quit match
The pair brawl at the top of the ramp complete with cables and chairs. Cables, Ladders and Chairs? I want royalties TNA. Gunner comes out to watch and I spy a Morphunky shirt! Sam Shaw pounds Anderson in the ring and locks on a Camel Clutch. No back breaking or humble making tonight though. Anderson locks on an ARMBAR! The fans chant for Shaw to quit and he does, but Anderson doesn’t let go. Gunner seperates them and gets in Anderson’s face.

It certainly is with Impact around!

The Hardy Boyz leave the 3-D room. 3-D follow them out and say they’ll let the world know soon what the Hardyz came up with. It’s going to be good, supposedly. There’s one team missing and they’re going to go see if they’re in right now. After the break.

A video airs of something that happened after the Knockouts match from last week. Angelina Love jumped Gail Kim and they had a serious fight that was broken up by the agents. Kurt Angle is asked about it and says it disgusts him. He feels Love doesn’t deserve a title shot, but Gail asked him for a Last Knockout Standing match with Love for the title. That’s later. For now there’s an “earlier today” video where Bobby Roode says to be the best you have to be the champ. He was the most dominant champ, and being sent home for seven weeks made him sick. Tonight he’s going to leave the six sides of steel as the number one contender.

The Hardys (no z’s and they’re no longer boys) come out to the ring. Jeff says the name Hardy is synonymous with tag wrestling. They’ve had good matches, but they can do better. They have an idea but I don’t know what it is because my feed cut out. It comes back with Team 3-D coming out to the ring. Bully says they’ve created history together and the fans call for one more match. Bully says he knows the Hardys want to be the champs, and Bully says he wants Team 3-D to go into the HOF as the tag champs. Bully calls out The Wolves. Think about this; one of the people in this segment is currently out with a broken leg, and another is no longer with the company. Taping in advance yo. Eddie says the Wolves want to be in a conversation about the best tag teams, and Davey says they can have a title match whenever they want. That’s it. Nothing on stips or anything. Instead we get Dixie Carter.

Dixie is in her bed, so at least she’s selling her injury. She’s asked for her thoughts, and says she knew straight away she was seriously injured. They use CSI style CGI to show where her back is broken, and apparently the part of her back that’s broken is pretty hard to break and typically only breaks in car accidents. They replay the table spot about five million times as Dixie says she saw it back once, and never again. She went to war with Bully, and she lost. She’s going to take time to herself, and focus on business outside the ring. She says you haven’t seen the end of Dixie or Ethan Carter, and Carter’s never forget. Tenay asks what that means, and Dixie tells her the interview is over, kicks them out, and calls for Serge to fluff her pillow.

My girlfriend found this. Very good advice.

Christy Hemme is pregnant. Sam Shaw must be either delighted or devestated. I’m devestated as they replay that weirdly sexual James Storm/Sanada video from last week.

Angelina Love vs Gail Kim in a Last Knockout Standing match
Kim wastes no time in going after Love. Love misses with a cookie sheet and gets her ass kicked. Speaking of asses, Velvet Sky whacks Gail in hers when she’s on the top rope. Tazz jokes in the event of a double countout Velvet would win as she’d be the last knockout standing, and one fan has to chant “you screwed Bret!” at Hebner. Let it go people. Speaking of letting go, Kim let Angelina go when she whipped her into the barricade. Gail grabs a chair but Love Botox Injections it right into her face. Damn fine match. Gail hits an impressive as Hell backdrop variation from the top rope onto a chair and Love doesn’t get up before the ten count. “Better than divas!” indeed, New York crowd.

Kurt Angle announces the three way tag match for the titles will be a series. Whoever wins picks the stipulation of the next match and whichever team is the first to get two wins wins the titles. Got it? Good. Because it’s MVP time. He comes out with the crew and says that it was unfortunate he was injured and couldn’t go for the title, but instead Lashley stepped up and won. MVP mocks the people Lashley has killed so far. The next match determines the new number one contender, but neither he nor Lashley is worried. Whoever wins has already lost because they can never beat Lashley. He calls for the fans to bow down to Lashley. They boo. He leaves.

You should also lend arc welders to cats.

Austin Aries vs Eric Young vs Gunner vs Magnus vs James Storm vs Bobby Roode in a Six Sides of Steel match
It’s an all out brawl with the cage mostly coming out on top really. They pair up, beat up, and beat down eachother. People go up the cage but they don’t get out. I also don’t get out of commercials. It felt like there were about two minutes between commercial breaks. Get your shit together America. Three submissions get put on in the ring. Aries jumps out of the Last Chancery and tries to escape but fails. There was a near synchroised double triple-powerbomb (best way to describe that). EY and Roode race to the top and drop down at the same time. Both men are pronounced winners by different refs, and they show side by side replays that confirm a double victory. The show ends with them arguing over who really won. Pretty good show. My prediction ended up being wrong.

The post TNA Impact 20/8/14; Wednesday Edition appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Thanks to technical difficulties I have to review Impact while I eat my dinner so apologies for any missed details. The show starts with Team 3-Dreamer backstage. Bully basically says he’ll kill EC3 and put Dixie through a table. Last week Impact told you that’s what happened. Well that’s this review done.

Abyss vs Bram in a Monsters Ball match
To be honest I’m mostly only interested in that final segment and not so much in this match. Not that I’d really be interested much in this match anyway. The crowd agrees by chanting “We want tables” loudly. Maybe they just wanted weapons as they cheer for them and also call for blood. Blood’s pretty much guaranteed in an Abyss match. #BloodHappens. It’s a hard hitting hardcore match. Janice even makes a cameo. She gets stuck in the turnbuckle and Abyss does indeed bleed. Bram gets chokeslammed onto thumbtacks to the approval of the crowd. Magnus runs down and the distraction lets Bram Spear Abyss through a barbed wire board. Abyss gets hit by Janice and Bram gets the win. Bram steals Janice at the end of the match, so this feud isn’t over.

Samoa Joe is backstage and he hypes up being in the X-Division and the Division itself. He’s interrupted by Low Ki. Low Ki cuts a promo in his sweet honey filled voice. I corpse badly as he says Joe won’t be able to stop him, and Joe says Low Ki can never prepare for him.

Team Ethan is also backstage. He pumps up his team, calling them the unsung hardcore heroes. He says there’s no way Dixie will ever (times 14) go through a table.

“Milday” doesn’t do this photo justice.

MPV and the Crew come out to the ring complete with prostitutes. MVP says he felt like a babysitter when he was in charge, and now he has all the power but no headaches. Lashley will be the champ pretty much forever. He got in a good line saying “Option C your ass later cos it ain’t happening”. As he’s saying Lashley has no competition left, he’s interrupted by Bobby Roode. Guess Roode is Lashley’s next opponent. Roode admits that MVP is right when he said Lashley is a destroyer. He calls Lashley one of the most dominant champions, and says he wants to talk to Lashley, not MVP. He says he was the longest reigning champion ever. He knows what it takes to win, and keep, the belt and MVP sent him home because he was a threat. The plan was for MVP to be the champ, and he was going to use Lashley to get the belt. Roode says Lashley hasn’t beaten him yet, and challenges Lashley to a title match. King cheap shots Roode and MVP joins in the beating. EY and Aries run down for the save. RACE WAR! MVP says they can play with eachother, while they go play with the hoes. Those were his actual words.

Sam Shaw and Gunner are backstage. They run into Anderson who wants to talk to Gunner alone. Sam gives them their space and Ken says he still doesn’t like or trust Shaw. Gunner says he trusts him, and that should be enough, unless Anderson doesn’t trust him.

Bully is still backstage and he’s asked who the 4th man is tonight. He says it’s not going to happen. Whoever it is, they’re coming out of retirement and it’s their birthday. That would be enough for most people, but not me. Curse my lack of wrestling trivia!

The Bromans vs Mr Anderson, Gunner, and Samual Shaw
I wish Sam Shaw still wrestled in gloves. They really completed the look. Shaw tries to start the match but Anderson tells him to get out so he can start instead. The story is taht Anderson doesn’t trust Shaw and won’t tag him in. He even shoves Sam aside so that Gunner can’t tag him and steals the tag. Gunner runs in to try and save Anderson but gets thrown out and Sam tags himself in to clear the ring and kick ass. He takes out all three guys and gets a huge cheer even. New York loves crazy people. Anderson gets in Shaw’s face and gets rolled up and takes the pin. Shaw had his legs grabbed so he couldn’t save Anderson. Anderson didn’t realise and tries to beat him up after the match but Gunner saves his crazy ass.

Heath Slater has won more matches than Kane. Suck it!

Dixie is backstage with King Mo. She says she doesn’t fear Bully as long as she has him. They’re going to watch Ethan win and then it’s going to be the end of Bully.

Gunner is backstage freaking out. Gunner tells him to calm down and they have almost get into a fight. Sam runs in and seperates them, and agrees with Ken. He says it was his fault, and Ken walks off to chill out.

EC3, Big Zeke, Snitsky and Rhino vs Bully Ray, Devon, Tommy Dreamer and Al Snow
The way this works is every 90 seconds a new man comes out, and Team EC3 have the man advantage. Ethan starts things out with Tommy Dreamer. No one can be pinned or submitted until every man is in the ring too. I’m really surprised this isn’t the main event. Dixie going through the table HAS to be the last segment or people are just going to tune out when it’s done. Rhino is out second and wastes little time wasting Dreamer with a trash can lid. Devon is out third with the rest of the trash can Rhino brought in. They cut to break and when they get back, Snitsky is the next out for Team EC3, and then Bully comes out. Bully kills everyone while we wait for Big Zeke. Zeke comes out and the mystery 4th man for Team 3-Dreamer is…Al Snow! “Coincedentally” as Tazz put it, most of the crowd had fake heads on them. The crowd let it be known that homophobia isn’t quite so rampant in the wrestling community by chanting they want head, and the Knockouts weren’t even in the ring. Progression people! Rockstar Spud runs out too and gets his ass kicked by Team 3-Dreamer. Spud gets Head in the Spuds and escapes with what’s left of his manhood. Get it? Al Snow hits a motherloving Moonsault. Rhino eats a 3-D and gets eats the pin so Team 3-Dreamer win. Bully calls for the music to be cut off and looks for Dixie. He finds her and throws the loss in her face. He shouts that he’s going to put her through a table tonight and Dixie says that instead, Mo is going to knock Bully out.

The best Youshoot question ever.

The “Beautiful” “People” are backstage. Angelina says she’s owed her rematch so she’s going to get it. Ethan Carter is also backstage. He’s asked what happened and he says his team failed him, but the mission isn’t over. They need to protect Dixie, and if they don’t then Mo won’t fail them, and Dixie is NOT going through a table. But, you know, she is.

The Beautiful People come out to the ring. I wish I could FFW. Love says they’re hotter and she’s a better wrassler than Kim and Taryn. She wants her rematch right now. She gets Taryn Terrel instead. Taryn says Love stole her title opportunity to see who was better. Love clarifies that she’s better than every other Knockout. She tells Taryn to go home and Gail Kim comes out. She says Taryn will get a chance to kill Love later. Kim says she gets to decide who gets a title shot, and she’s chosen Angelina Love AND Taryn in a three way. I think the fans can dig that threesome. Gail asks Velvet how she feels about Love saying she’s the best and the hottest. Love stops Velvet from speaking, and Gail says she’s in the now four way. The BPs try to jump Gail and Taryn but Velvet accidentally hits Angelina Love. Kim chases them off to end the segment.

Precious moments from WCW

James Storm and Sanada are backstage. Storm tells him he’s not doing it for anyone but him now. Storm showed him the light, and tells him to win. He also gave him a hard slap on the face, and made him bow before he left. This is getting into sexually agressive territory.

Another Havok video aired. This time the K at the end is left. So, yep, almost definitely Havok. Jessica Havok though? Also most likely.

Bully Ray is backstage. He basically describes what happened as orgasmic. That’s what I took away from this anyway. He says he’ll fight Mo wherever he wants, and knock his ass out. Dixie is definitely going through a table tonight.

Samoa Joe vs Low Ki vs Sanada for the X-Division Championship
James Storm comes out at the start of the match. He introduces himself as a legend, and says it’s an honour to introduce the man who ended Muta’s career; Sanada. Storm makes him bow again on his way to the ring. It’s one man in, one man out style for the most part. Sanada reverses Joe running for a suicide dive into a Hurricanrana which was a pretty cool spot. Joe hits the dive the second time around. Good match, not really the speed I expect from an X-Division match but I have no idea how these tapings work. For all I know these guys were tired out from the matches “last week”. Joe reverses a bridging pin into the Kokina Clutch. Damn that looked awesome. Sanada taps before Low Ki can break it up, so Joe is your new X-Division champion. I’m kind of glad that Sanada didn’t win, even though I’d have liked him to. It would have cheapened both him and the betl, and now there’s the story of Storm being pissed off at him.

Dixie should have gone through the table like this.

Dixie and Mo are backstage. Dixie tells Mo to take him out no matter what and they…make their way to the ring? That’s a huge logic gap. She should have gotten the hell out of New York.

Dixie vs A Table
Yep, Dixie comes out to the ring. She has Mo, Ethan, and Spud with her. Oh and the rest of the team. Why would you do this Dixie? Maybe she’ll tell us. She chastises the team, saying they’re all worthless and activates RAGE MODE. She fires Snitsky and Zeke. She fires the audience too and tells them to get out of the arena. She even curses, telling them to pick their shit up and get out. Team 3-Dreamer come out to the ring, complete with the Dixie Table. Again, why would Dixie stay in the ring? Bully calls Dixie the most hated woman in professional wrestling (I think that’s Claire Lynch) and reiterates his promise. Tommy Dreamer says he tried telling her before, and says again that she’s going through a table because she represents everything wrong with the business. Mo punches Dreamer out, and Bully punches out Mo. The ring gets cleared of everyone but Dixie, Devon and Bully. Dixie tries to escape and all the faces come out to the ramp to block her escape. Dreamer grabs Dixie, and throws her back in the ring. Devon picks her up and offers her to Bully. Bully holds her up high and powerbombs her right through the table. I need a gif of that, stat! Even I said “Holy shit!” when it happened. The crowd chants TNA as Bully rolls Dixie’s corpse off of him and celebrates her death.

Here, have it in low quality for now.

I have a lot of respect for Dixie now for letting that happen. I’m actually going to miss her, if only a little. Damn good show but I found it hard to get into most of it because I knew what was coming at the end.

The post TNA Impact 7/8/14; #ItHappens appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with none other than Dixie Carter and her stable. It’s kind of hard to hear her over the chorus of boos. She tells the fans they’re living in the past, but if they want E-C-Dub then she’ll do it. She’ll give them the real ECDub though, not the broken down version. She also brings a true star from a true company, in EC3. EC3 says that he is a general, and gives us his army. I didn’t catch what he called Ezekiel Jackson, but Snitsky and Rhino get to keep their names. EC3 proposes one last battle and the fans chant for tables, to which Ethan says Dixie will never go through a table. This guy is great. He says that he’s going to put them down forever, and drops the mic.

The Wolves vs The Hardy Boyz for the Tag Titles
At least I can tell the Hardyz apart. Matt isn’t as fatt anymore, but he’s still pretty chubby. The Hardyz still work together well, even if Matt doesn’t stay in the ring for long as they quick tag double team Davey. Richards counters the Poetry In Motion (I think I’ve got my spots right) by jumping off Matt before Jeff can, and tags Edwards in. Edwards clears the ring and they hit a double suicide dive. Both teams hit some great double team moves and both Matt and Jeff lock in Body Scissor submissions but the Wolves escape. There’s a lot of action and near falls that ends with a Power Bomb Back Breaker by the Wolves for the win. A dream match that really delivered, as Tenay put it.

Lana NEEDS to put this on the ‘Tron

There’s a video package on Low Ki. I love this dude’s voice. He’s like a reverse Brock Lesnar. Small body with a gruff and deep voice.

DJZ vs Manik vs Low Ki
There’s a tournament to crown a new X-Division champion and this is the first round. This match makes me sad WWE will never bring back their cruiserweights. It’s fast, fun, and flippy. DJZ even got to shine, just a little. There was an epic spot where Manik had a standing leg scissor on DJZ and hit a Northern Lights Suplex on Low Ki. Low Ki picks up the win on Manik with a move he calls the Ki Crusher.

There’s a recap of Sanada’s heel turn that leads to James Storm in the ring. Storm says last week was a student being awakened, and says he is the leader of some kind of revolution. Storm says he is Sanada’s new mentor and now Sanada will do what he’s supposed to, and get what he’s supposed to, and he brings out Sanada. Storm walks off rather than sticking around for the match.

My game of the year

Sanada vs Brian Cage vs Crazzy Steve
I’ve heard good things about Cage, but to be honest I can’t remember his Gut Check. He comes out hard and impressive by taking out both guys, so yeah he lives up to the hype. This match is like the last one, with all three guys getting a chance. A chance to be crushed by Brian Cage as he back throws both of them at the same time. Sanada manages to pick up the win in the end but I was pretty impressed with Cage and hope he sticks around.

There’s a recap of Ethan’s challenge, and then Team 3-Dreamer are backstage. Bully says they know the answer, they just need to give it. Aries is backstage too and Roode meets up with him. Roode mentions that two years ago it was him Aries was facing. He was overconfident and Aries beat him. He admits that Aries beating him wasn’t a fluke. He proved that he”s the better man and tonight he gets to redeem himself. Aries says that when he wins, he’d love one last match with Roode for the title.

I bet Jesus would tell you. He’d judge you still.

3-Dreamer come out to the ring. Devon says that Ethan must be stupid if he’s challenged them to war. They can start wars and they definitely know how to finish them. Dreamer gets the mic and says it’s about something bigger than Ethan. Being hardcore isn’t about the weapons, it’s a work ethic. Dreamer name drops people who have the same work ethic and says he’d go to war with them too. He’ll go to war with Bully and Devon, and calls out Ethan for their war. Ethan comes out with his team and says the war will happen next week. Bully Ray scoffs and says no one wants to wait until next week. He asks Ethan if he knows where he is, and says he’s in New York and he’s gonna die. Bully threatens to start a riot (presumably if someone loses) and the crowd calls for a riot. Bully says if Ethan wants to call the time, they call the terms, and Bully makes it an eight man weapons extreme hardcore war. He promises that by this time next week, Dixie will be through a table.

Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe are discussing something backstage. They shake hands and Joe walks off, and Angle says that Destination X is about to have no limits.

Team Carter is in Dixie’s office and Ethan is pumping them up. Bully has threatened Dixie too much and one way or another it’s going to end next week. Dixie says that King Mo is her “or another”. They recap the Knockouts match from last week and BP are asked why they broke up the match. Angelina says that the fans are worshipping the wrong women and that Angle is blocking her from having another title match. She has an announcement to make next week and they walk off. There’s also a pretty cool video for someone coming soon.

It’s so damn cute I couldn’t resist.

Samoa Joe comes out to the ring and grabs a mic. He says Angle told him tonight is about reinvigorating the X-Division. Joe told him that you can’t do that without Samoa Joe. He’s pro wrestling and will be the next X-Division champion. That match is now.

Samoa Joe vs Tigre Uno vs Homicide
This means they had an X-Division tournament without Shark Boy. Damn. This match is kinda slower than the other two, but still good. Tigre gets thrown out early and the other two basically have a singles match for a while. Tigre gets in a little offense so that was nice. Joe picks up the win by hitting the Muscle Buster on Homicide.

There’s a strange video on the Bram and Abyss feud. Abyss is backstage and he says that Bram took things to a whole new level when he attacked him with Janice, and next week there’s going to be a Monster’s Ball match.

Rollface

Austin Aries vs Bobby Lashley (c) for the World Heavyweight Championship
It starts out slow as Aries tries to wear down Lashley. Aries hits hard and fast, and Lashley just hits hard. Lashley takes control and just dominates Aries. I FFW until Aries mounts a good comeback. One sided beatdowns aren’t my thing. Aries hits a neckbreaker on the ropes and a dropkick, and Lashley answers with a running Powerslam. He goes for the Spear but Aries reverses it into the Last Chancery. Lashley fights out and gets another Spear countered. Aries hits Lashley as hard as he can and gets the Brainbuster in for a two count. Still impressive he hit that move. Lashley dodges a Suicide Dive and Aries dies as he crashes into the barricade. Lashley hits the Spear this time and gets the win. Lashley walks out and poses to end the show.

Great show. Please don’t die Impact.

The post TNA Impact 31/7/2014; Shortest Review Ever appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Bobby Roode vs MVP In a Falls Count Anywhere “Contest”
What’s this? Starting with a match? TNA! TNA! TNA! Not that this’ll really be a match as MVP is still injured. Tenay says something is happening backstage, and they cut to the back with MVP and Angle. He says he’s injured and won’t go out there, so Roode goes backstage to him. Roode finds him, punches him, and drags his crippled ass around the backstage area, and into the crowd, as they fight. MVP manages to run, so I think he might be healed. It’s so hard to tell when they tape in advance like this. Roode controls but MVP hits cheap shots to fight back. Kenny King runs in to help MVP and he’s chased off by Eric Young. MVP goes to town on Roode with a chair, and Roode grabs it to take out BOTH of MVP’s legs and put on the Sharpshooter to tap out MVP for the win. Good start TNA.

There’s a recap of the great title match from last week. Highest rated segment! That sets up a Hardy in ring promo, which will be after the break. Or not. Knowing TNA it could be the main event segment. Pot break they actually recap the Dixie/Bully angle. Never trust TNA, as this leads to a Dixie segment. She says she’s here to support Ethan, and says she’s here to promise that she’ll be standing over Bully’s dead body by the end of the night.

#Beardfacts

Jeff Hardy vs The Mic
Okay so it IS a Hardy in-ring segment. This should be…fun. Hardy says that we haven’t seen the end of Willow, he does everything he does to entertain the fans. He wants to talk about the future, and mentions having someone with him, saying they will be part of TNA’s future. The fans chant “We want Matt” and Jeff teases Matt is indeed there. He hypes Matt up and introduces him. Fatt (okay he’s actually not that fat anymore) Hardy comes out to the ring and grabs a mic. He says he loves New York fans and thanks Jeff for inviting him. When they were growing up they wanted to be tag champs just once, and they did better than that, but then Matt had to go away. He had to clean himself up, and he feels he let Jeff and the fans down when he did. Let’s not forget Jeff had to do that too.

Matt says it’s time for the Hardy Boyz to be the tag champs one more time. He wants to have that match at Destination X, and they’ll have to beat the best. He invites The Wolves to join them in the ring. Tall Wolf says they have a lot of respect for the Hardyz, and says he and Davey need to beat them to prove THEY are the best. Davey gets the mic and makes the match official for Destination X. That’s gonna be pretty good. They shake on it and end the segment.

Austin Aries is backstage. He says he’s made his decision, and teases he could go either way.

The Bromans are completely reunited and they’re in the ring. Robbie E says nobody has a body like Jessie Godderz, and Jessie implies they have a loving relationship, and says he’s no longer afraid of clowns and congratulates him on being on TV. DJZ says he’s better than everyone in the X-Division and NYC, and says Destination X will be his time. For now though he has a match with LOW KI. I marked out for this.

I also occasionally mark out for Google.

Low Ki vs DJZ
It’s a fast paced and great X Division match. Low Ki can really add to the division and help make it something big again. Low Ki controls most of the match and wins with a High Cradle Driver as Tazz called it. Remember Tazz said it, not me. Awwww yeah Low Ki. Someone hand him a mic!

Gunner is backstage with our favourite nutjob Sam Shaw. Sam jokes that he’s the most normal person in New York and Anderson comes into the scene. He tells Shaw to stay out of the match that he and Gunner have with Bramgus. Shaw says that Anderson will trust him some day, and Kenny denies it.

EC3, Spud, and Rhino are backstage. Ethan says that he IS the streets, born and raised on them. Dixie comes in with King Mo. Dixie says Mo won but made a mistake by not taking out Rampage in his home town, and tells Ethan to not make the same mistake. He has to kill Bully. Also Mo is Dixie’s bodyguard or something. Anyway, that’s done.

I’ve talked to my cat, have you?

Bram and Magnus vs Ken Anderson and Gunner
The crowd chant USA as there are two brits in the match. Fuck you NYC you damn racists. Gunner and Bram beat the tar out of eachother. I don’t mind big man vs big man when there’s some speed to it, which this had, so I was into it. Anderson and Magnus get into it too. Bram attacks Anderson outside the ring and sends him back inside for Magnus to hit his finisher the Spine Shanker for the win. Things break out into an all out brawl post match as all four men go to war. Bram goes under the ring, grabs a turnbuckle, but Sam Shaw gets in his way and takes the turnbuckle beating. Gunner still gets a good beatdown though until Abysys also comes out to fight off Bram. Abyss might not forget getting hit by Janice but I sure did. Bram manages to escape, but the set up is complete.

Bully Ray is with Devon and Dreamer. He really wants to put Dixie through a table. Really, really badly. Dreamer tells him to relax, and they’ll win, and Devon says “testify” to end the segment.

How Kang won the election.

There’s a video package on Option C that covers what Option A and B were. I was thankful for that because I forgot them. Option A was that only Aries would be able to cash in, on that one night, and Option B was that he would just keep the title. Option C was to make sure every year the X-Division champion could cash in. Anyway, Kurt Angle comes out to the ring. He says next week is Destination X and invites Aries out to join him. Angle basically asks him if he’s handing over the title or not, and Aries says it seems like a no brainer. Before he can answer properly he’s interrupted by ML, as King stayed in the back.

MVP asks him if he’s actually thought about his decision, as Lashley will pretty much eat him alive. MVP says Lashley will be champion for as long as he wants to be, and admits Aries is a great wrestler, and smart. The fans love Aries, but he can’t beat Lashley. A lot of time went into building up the X-Division, and tells him to stick with what he knows. Option C worked once, but it won’t happen again. Aries says he knows about taking things, touching them, and making them great, and he knows what it takes to be champion. He hypes up the X-Division, and says that X-Division wrestlers are willing to leave it all in the ring and he can do things MVP can’t do with four good legs. He’s come too far to give up now, and while Lashley is bigger and stronger than he is, he’s not tougher. Toughness is a mindset, and there’s no one he thinks he can’t beat. He hands the title in and says next week it’s Lashley vs Aries. When he beats Lashley he’s going to create Option D which means that he will be a fighting champion and give the X-Division champion a shot whenever he wants, not just once a year. Lashley gets in his face, and Angle makes it official.

I miss Sandow doing the cartwheel.

There’s a video recap of Taryn Terrell and Gail Kim’s excellent feud. All two matches of it. Time for the third one.

Taryn Terrell vs Gail Kim for the Women’s Title
The pair put on a pretty good match. Terrell seemed a little slow at times, but it’s still a good match. Tazz covers for Taryn being a little slow by saying she’s not used to the six sided ring, which I can understand. Taryn goes to the top rope, and the Beautiful People come down to ruin everyone’s fun. They attack both women and get the match thrown out.

Dixie is backstage talking to a mystery man in a car. She tells them to wait for her signal. She and Mo leave to find their seats. In the arena Jeremy Borasch introduces The Great Muta. The show was going so good I forgot Muta was on the show tonight. Muta is interrupted almost immediately by Robbie E who asks if this is a joke. He complains that Low Ki got an entrance and Muta did, but he didn’t. Robbie complains he didn’t get a match either, and calls for Muta to have one with him.

A general message to Robbie E too.

Great Muta vs Robbie E
Robbie beats up an old man for about a minute before Muta spits out the mist, hits his signature moves, and picks up the win with the Shining Wizard. Muta’s music is interrupted again, this time by James Storm. Storm is unimpressed by Muta and calls him a great fraud and a wannabe legend. He can fool Sanada, but not Storm. All he sees is another man coming in to the company his body built and trying to relive his glory days. Storm is a legend and in Tennessee they don’t spit mist, but spit beer. e spits beer in Muta’s eyes and starts beating on him, fighting off a random Japanese wrestler in the process.

Sanada runs out and chases Storm off with a chair. Muta threatens Storm and Sanada pulls a Seth Rollins. He hits Sanada in the back with the chair, spits mist at the random Japanese wrestler, and hits a Moonsault on Muta. He leaaves the ring, bows to Storm, and leaves with him.

Before the main event JB is with Dixie and Mo in the stands. Dixie says Mo has his back and that he is one of the biggest badasses on the planet. She’s sick and tired of hearing certain letters chanted. JB goes to say ECW but Mo cuts him off and Dixie says he’ll be fired if he says ECW. Dixie says he made the kool-aid and that Bully is drinking it and thinks he’s somebody again. If the fans want to chant ECW then she’ll give them a reason to.

This is extreme.

Tommy Dreamer and The Dudley Boyz vs Rockstar Spud, EC3, and Rockstar Spud in a NYC Street Fight
Everyone beats up everyone, and Spud is sacrificed to Satan. It’s a short and hard hitting match with weapons everywhere. The fans chant “We want blood!” and I’m surprised no one got opened up. Spud eats a Doomsday, and EC3 gets a trash can dropkicked into his face from the Tree of Woe. Thankfully the crowd chanted TNA and not ECW as they hit the Wassup on Rhino. Devon goes to grab a table when he’s jumped by a fan in a hoodie. Tazz teases he knows who it is, and Bully grabs them and drags them over the barricade.

Spud gets a Pile Driver in the ring and Dreamer takes out EC3 with a Singapore cane. He goes to Piledrive EC3 onto the chair when the hooded man stops him, and it’s revealed to be Big Zeke Ezekiel Jackson. EC3 hits the 1%er on Dreamer for the win. Post match Dixie tells the security to let go of the other hooded man (there were two after all) and it’s Baby Killer Gene Snitsky. Devon eats a Gore from Rhino and Bully tries to fight everyone off but he gets wasted. 3-Dreamer are left lying in the ring and Dixie poses with five men. Sounds like a heck of a night.

Speaking of a heck of a night, that was a heck of a show. A bit too much though. There were technically six matches, and so much happened. It was all good, but there was too much of it. Still an easy 8/10.

The post TNA Impact 24/07/14; One Last Live Impact appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Pretty much my feelings towards EC3.

EC3 and Rhino vs Tommy Dreamer and Bully Ray The match is indeed on. Bully and Dreamer take turns kicking the cash out of Extreme Cash III. Ethan tags out and the roles reverse, for only a second. Ray and Dreamer hit synchronised corner punches which was pretty cool, but Spud runs out for the distraction and to cheerlead. Ray gets the hot tag and clears house. Dreamer and Ray hit a 3D but Ethan kicks out, and then Rhino kicks off and throws Bully out the ring. Tommy tries to put Ethan away but Spud interferes. Dreamer tries to get rid of Spud and gets rolled up for a pin by Ethan. Angle is backstage. He runs into Aries and says the fans want some X-Division. He has one last match before Destination X. It’s an 8 man gauntlet match. Punk Lite says he’ll prove he’s the best in the world. I mean, greatest who ever lived.

Emma just can’t stop stealing. It’s the Aussie blood.

Sanada and Storm are backstage. Storm compliments Sanada and then slaps him in the face. He says if Sanada stays so disciplined and keeps listening to Muta, he’s going to continue to fail, and warns him to be careful who he listens to.

Austin Aries vs Eddie Edwards (And Others) in a gauntlet match for the X-Divison belt. Ooh, a real gauntlet match. The last gauntlet match in TNA was a battle royal. Oh wait, this IS a battle royal. It’s a mini-rumble. When two men are left it becomes a singles match. That clear? Good. Kinam (it’s Manik backwards!) is out third and sends Aries out through the middle rope, so he’s not eliminated. Davey Richards is out fourth and the Wolves work together. DJ Z is out next. I still kind of miss his old, beautiful, hair. Manik eliminates DJ Z and himself in one go. Back from break Crazzy Steve and Tigre Uno joined the match, but no eliminations. Damn, I wanted to hear Tigre Uno’s music.

Sanada is out next, and last. He chops down everyone, literally, and focuses on Aries. Steve goes Crazzy and sprays silly string on Tigre Uno and eliminates him. That actually happened. Then the Wolves eliminated Steve. Sanada reverses a powerbomb and eliminates both Wolves. It’s down to Aries and Sanada. Sanada has a cool little beard now too. Sanada crawls to the ropes in the Last Chancery. The pair have another great match that ends with Aries hitting a Brainbuster for the win. Aries picks up Sanada and they shake hands.

So many guys can win this award. It should be a new BWF award.

Eric Young and Bobby Roode are backstage. Roode says MVP is their common enemy and the only question is who gets to punch MVP first. I forgot he was healed now because he’s been crippled for ever. James Storm is backstage, he beats the shit out of Sanada while calling him a loser and telling him to fight back. He says Muta is a fraud and so is Sanada. I bet Storm mentions Pearl Harbour when he fights Muta. John Morrison is looking pretty ripped in Hercules. Oh wait, that’s The Dwayne. We’re also halfway through the show and I don’t really regret choosing to watch live. Jeff Hardy is backstage. He’s asked why he did away with Willow, and said it was Kurt Angle. Pretty much it. MVP is in the ring with the rest of his crew, and he’s still on crutches. Guess he’s still injured. MVP says he’ll still get in the ring on crutches, and Kenny King says he could beat Team Canada by himself, but Angle is abusing his power. MVP says he’ll still wrestle, but under protest.

A true Canadian hero.

MVP and Kenny King vs Bobby Roode and Eric Young King and EY start things off. MVP calls for a tag, and then calls for a time out when he gets one. He eventually gets in the ring, and King quickly tags himself in. MVP tags in and teases not being injured at all anymore. To be honest I’m not sure if he is or isn’t. He doesn’t stay in the ring long and King takes care of most of the match. MVP uses a crutch as a weapon and gets a DQ. King grabs the other one and they both go to town on the Canadians.

Brittany vs Madison Rayne in a no DQ match Come back to me FFW button. I’m sorry for rejecting you. I can’t tell what the fans are chanting but I’m sure it’s derogatory. The match isn’t actually too bad. It’s rough, violent, and aggressive. The TNA fans actually chant “Jerry!” and “Christie Hemme.” Told ya it was derogative. Rayne wins with that DDT thing she does. Tenay called it a Package DDT.

It’s a welcome return to the Impact review for Toto!

There’s 40 minutes left of the show and apparently the main event is coming up. Damn. Dixie is asked why she’s in the arena and she replies by saying she OWNS THE COMPANY. She says that she’s put Bully through two tables, and his bark is worse than his bite. Aries is asked about his victory and Angle interrupts him, saying he’s proud of him. Aries says Angle is the only one to, and that he created option C to help everyone and not just himself, and Angle says that next week he has to make it official if he cashes in or not.

Jeff Hardy vs Lashley for the World Heavyweight Championship This could be terrible. There’s half an hour left in the show. I wonder if they’ll end with a promo segment and not a match. Hardy manages to get quite a bit of offense in using his speed but doesn’t keep Lashley down for long. Lashley whips Hardy on to the stairs and then rips his legs out under him to send him down face first on to them. Ouch. He takes complete control of that and just pounds Hardy, well, hard. Hardy fights back and gets a near fall with a Twist o Fate and Swanton. He goes for another Swanton on the steel steps but Lashley dodges and Hardy breaks his own back. He’s then Spear’d into Oblivion and Lashley gets the win. Guess we’re ending with a promo segment.

Daniel Bryan’s new gimmick

Angle hypes up Lashley and tries to stop Dixie from going out to the ring. She chastises Angle and says she’s going to talk to her people, in response to Angle calling the fans “Bully’s people”. The Crew are celebrating backstage when Kurt interrupts them and says MVP is going to be in a Falls Count Anywhere match next week. Rockstar Spud is in the ring, and he introduces Madam Dixie Carter. The thing I’m going to miss most about Dixie is Spud. I hope he becomes EC3’s bitch. Dixie comes out with Ethan and Rhino for protection. Dixie thanks the fans for their love, but says the feeling isn’t mutual. New York City is so depressing she had to wear extra sparkles. She mocks Tommy Dreamer and him crying. He wanted change, but you can’t change perfection. There’s nothing about Bully Ray that makes him a star. She says the reason he asks the fans if they know him is because they don’t care, and he’s irellevant. She says she should be the Hardcore Star given how many times she’s put Bully through a table. I think some fans would enjoy seeing her in anything containing the word “hardcore”.

Chyna did it first.

Bully and Dreamer interrupt and drag out the Dixie table. They jump in the ring and clean it up, throwing out Ethan and Rhino. Spud promptly gets kicked in the face too. Dreamer grabs Dixie but Ethan low blows him and Spud drags Dixie away, saving her ass for another week. Or not. Devon comes out and he and Bully take out Ethan to send a message to Dixie, who watches from the crowd. Bully calls for the table and Devon obliges. What luck that the one they grab has EC III on it. They 3D him through the table as Dixie cries and the show goes off the air.

Great atmosphere, great crowd, great show. 8/10.

The post TNA Impact 17/07/2014; Impact Live(s) appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Kurt Angle comes out to start the show. He pulls out the script and announces all the matches for tonight. I think he did this last week too. He also calls out Willow for a chat. He Blandy Boreton’s his way to the ring and Angle tries to psychoanalyse him. Willow was born out of Dixie’s hate, and without that hate he can be Jeff Hardy again. Angle wants Willow to go away for just one night and Willow shakes his hand. Well getting rid of Willow was easy.

Austin Aries is asked for his thoughts on the match tonight and just puts himself over. He says he’ll cash in the championship. Again. Or at least teases it.

The Wolves (c) vs Bramgus (Bram and Magnus) For The Tag Team Championship
They mix high speed and high power as they basically beat the crap out of eachother at double speed. There’s a cool spot where Magnus traps Wolf #1 in the apron so he can’t escape and punches him in the back. He also runs around the ring and drops Edwards so he can’t get a tag. I used to do that all the time in the video games. Edwards got the hot tag and cleaned house. The Wolves hit a double team pin for the win, and get destroyed post match. At least they’re still the champs I guess.

Way better than Captain America

Bobby Roode is backstage and says he still wants to fight MVP. He says he’s going to call him out. Listen Bobby, MVP is INJURED. He CAN’T fight. I know it’s a technicality but it bothers me. Anyways, Roode goes out to the ring to fulfill his verbal agreement. He asks the fans if they’ve ever wanted something so badly they’d do anything to get it, and that’s how he was with the title. MVP suspended him though, and sees him as a threat. Roode says he doesn’t care about a “doctor’s note” and gives him to the count of ten to come out so he can beat him up. MVP comes out at 5, in a wheelchair. MVP says he didn’t take anything, and in fact extended his career. MVP says that Roode further crippled him which is why he’s in the chair now. MVP says he “literally won’t stand for it” and I popped. Roode threatens to kick his ass anyway and makes his way towards MVP. King jumps him but gets fought off and Roode grabs MVP and tips him out of the chair. King gets him from behind with a chair and they start an assault that ends quickly with the appearance of Eric Young. Young goes for MVP and gets Spear’d by Bobby Lashley.

Sanada and Storm are backstage, again. Storm tries to psych him out again, saying he’d disgrace Japan and Muta by losing his title. Storm says he likes him and wishes him luck, telling him to not choke.

Sanada (c) vs Austin Aries for the X-Division Championship
Two excellent X-Division wrestlers give us a great X-Division match. As always though TNA had to fuck something up. They plug the One Night Only Japan thing, and on the graphic it’s Sanada and Aries, with Aries holding the title. If they’ve spoiled this match for me I will not be happy. Sanada drop kicks Aries out of the air when he goes for a cross body. You don’t see that enough. Aries lifts Sanada for a Powerbomb but just drops him onto the turnbuckle instead. They both go for big moves but get countered. Sanada slaps and cracks under the pressure. Aries hits a Brainbuster but Sanada kicks out. Aries goes back up and hits a 450 splash for the win. Damn. Just. Damn. Aries winning the title just before Destination X and cashing it in just cheapens the hell out of that title. Sanada was a proud champion who made that belt. Aries gives no fucks.

Why do you do this to me TNA?

Bully Ray is asked how he feels about Rhyno. Bully says he’s going to talk to Rhyno in the ring right now. But before then Ethan Carter is backstage too, and says Rhyno has a lot to say himself.

Bully Ray comes out to the ring. He said that Bam Bam Bigelow gave him some great advice, and said by the time he was done he wouldn’t even need all the fingers on one hand to count the number of his true friends. Rhyno was supposed to be one of those friends, but he isn’t. Bully calls out Rhyno, and Rhyno comes out with his manchums Ethan Carter III and Rockstar Spud. Whenever Spud is shirtless and still wearing his bow tie he looks like a male stripper. I bet Kenny King dresses him. Bully asks Rhyno, simply, why? Rhino (as he spells it properly now) calls Bully a con man. Devon isn’t still with him because he conned Devon. He called Paul Heyman and Dixie Carter. Bully says that it’s a cop out and that Rhino is jealous of him. Rhino says Bully doesn’t deserve to be in the hall of fame, and the fans don’t know anything and shouldn’t decide he does. Bully says Rhino is the only one to blame for his problems. It’s his own fault he was fired from WWE (yes Bully actually said that) and from TNA too. Rhino used to be hardcore but he’s just a bitch now. Ethan says Rhino needs money, and that Bully deprived him of it by stealing the spotlight. Rhino is on Ethan’s payroll and will keep getting paid to take Bully out. Bully says he’ll take Ethan out and gets Gore’d by Rhino and the three on one begins. Tommy Dreamer runs out with a Singapore Cane for the save.

The Beautiful People complain they can’t sleep their way to the top. They really do that. Also Knux tries to pump up the Menagerie again. They don’t have to worry about anything in the Battle Royale. They just have to throw everybody out.

Rollins with a shot to the face.

Angelina Love vs Brittany vs Madison Rayne vs Gail Kim (c) for the Knockouts Title
Madison Rayne is attacked by Brittany on the way to the ring. The Beautiful People join in and Gail Kim fights them off. Gail throws Love into the ring and Madison does the same with Brittany and things get underway. Rayne and Gail work together at the start and then get it on themselves. It’s the usual stuff; Woman goes in, woman goes out, with the occasional double team. It’s the biggest problem I have with multiman matches but I get why it happens. Everyone hits a finisher and it ends with Gail hitting Eat De-Feet on Love for the win.

Aries is backstage and he mentions that every year, around this time, he gets the belt. I know. Give it back to Sanada. Aries says it makes too much sense for him to cash in and actually teases that he won’t cash in.

Roode is asked if MVP and King are distractions. He says that he has to let them go for now so he can get that Battle Royal win, but his business with them is hardly done. They play a Lashley hype video. It’s no Sanada video, but it’s not bad at all. You can run away from Lashley, but you can’t get away. He’s like Kobe Bryant in a hotel room; he’s unstoppable.

Never forget!

20 Man Battle Royal For The Number One Contendership
I missed the entrances because I was feeding my cat, but Jeff Hardy is back. I’m surprised TNA has 20 wrasslers left. My cat decided to just walk out of my room as Crazzy Steve is eliminated. Well screw you too cat. The Menagerie toss out the rest of the Bromans and then Freak is eliminated by Bramgus. When Bram gets eliminated he grabs the turnbuckle and threatens to cripple the next guy to get eliminated. Abyss runs out from the back to get rid of Bram. Abyss wasn’t in the match by the way. The final four are Kenny King, Bobby Roode, Eric Young, and Jeff Hardy. Roode tries to eliminate King, but MVP hits him in the stomach with his crutch. King tosses out King, and then EY throws out King. It’s down to Hardy and Young. Hardy dances like it’s 420 and they shake hands. They both tease going out, and ultimately Hardy wins by drop kicking Eric Young off of the apron. Post match Jeremy Borasch asks Hardy how he feels. He feels great of course, and says he’s the next champion. Hardy says that Lashley is tough, but he can get rough. Lashley comes down to the ring and they have a stare down to end the show.

RAW Delete scenes.

Well that was a good show. The in ring was great and the out of ring stuff was minimal, and good. I’m still a little bothered by Aries winning but I’ll get over it.

The post TNA Impact 10/07/14; appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with Angle walking down to the ring. It’s Kurt Angle’s Red White And Blue Throwdown or something. Kurt brings Earl Hebner out and reinstates him as a ref, and calls him the best ref who ever lived. BEST IN THE WORLD. Angle pulls out the script to let us know what matches are going on. They sound like decent matches. Angle tells the crowd to enjoy themselves, and goes to leave when Samoa Joe walks out. He’s not booked tonight and I guess that has something to do with it. Plus all the bad blood of course.

This is about as American as it gets.

Joe congratulates Kurt mockingly and says him saving everyone is bullshit. He says that Angle is no different from MVP, and that he covets the title. He asks Kurt how long he’ll book himself in a title match, and Angle says he’s dealt with the same problems Joe has. Joe denies it, and compares how they made it into the business. Angle was bought, and Joe fought. Angle says that Joe kicks everyone’s ass, and then comes in half assed, which is something he never did. He says the ring is sacred and asks if Joe feels the same. Joe gets in his face and says he helped rebuild professional wrasslin while Angle flew around the world. Joe says he IS pro wrestling and gets in Angle’s face. Angle says that’s the Joe he, and everyone, wants to see. Joe tells him to be careful what he wishes for and walks off.

MVP is backstage. He meets Roode and challenges him to a fight. Roode goes to punch the cripple and gets jumped by Kenny King, who kicks his ass. MVP joins in by choking him with his crutch. Post break Roode is in the trainer room. Angle meets him and Roode tells him to not apologise. If anything, he owes Angle. Angle says he respects him and asks if Roode needs to go to the hospital. Roode says he doesn’t and asks for a match with MVP. Angle offers to find King and MVP and they walk off.

This is the memo Rebel and Brittany got.

The Wolves vs Bromans vs The Freak and Knux
They should have caled The Wolves the American Wolves for their ‘MURRICAN edition. The Menagerie clear the ring to start the match. The Freak grabs one Wolf, doesn’t let go after being kicked by the other, and suplexes both of them in the end. Davey Richards clears the ring and The Wolves double team Jessie to get the win.

They cut to the back where Roode is confronting MVP. Guess we’re getting a promo heavy episode. Great. Nothing says “wrestling program” like no wrestling. Angle tells them to fight only outside the ring and tries to set up a match with MVP. MVP can’t wrestle because he has a doctor’s note. King gets in Roode’s face and Angle sets up a street fight between the pair.

Comes in all shapes and sizes

Bobby Roode vs Kenny King in a Street Fight
Roode cuts a quick prematch promo and calls out King. King comes out with MVP in tow and says that they’ve injured his shoulder, now they’re going to break his neck. Angle comes out and tells MVP to fuck off and keep it 1 on 1. Roode jumps King and the match gets underway. They quickly end up in the stands. Roode sends King over one of the stands and on to the floor below. Thankfully the fall was only about the height of Kenny King. They fight their way down to the ring with Roode backdropping King over the barricade. Roode gets thrown in the ring and the bell rings, meaning that the match didn’t officially start. King goes for cover after cover but doesn’t get anythings. Things actually get pretty tame here with not as much violent brawling. Roode bombs King onto a chair for the win.

EC3 is backstage and asked about his table match. He asks how many times Bully has to lose and says he will never be put through a table because he’s the Hardcore American Icon. Roode is also backstage. He cuts a promo thanking Angle for the match he just had. King was the first, MVP is next, and the final step is Lashley and the championship.

Deal with it

Also lurking backstage is Austin Aries. He meets Angle and asks Angle for help. MVP never gave him a rematch for the X Division title and asks Angle for it. Angle says Aries wants to win the title and cash it in again, and says that he can have his title match next week. Aries accepts and walks off, and Angle says they need to have a match together to settle who is the best.

Brittany is in the ring wearing less red white and blue you find on an American flag. She calls out Madison Rayne for a chat. God dammit it TNA don’t go back to this shit. Rayne says they can have a match if Brittany wants, but she doesn’t. She wants to tell Madison that she was right. She was naive and thought there wouldn’t be consequences, and Rayne tried to warn her but she didn’t listen. Brittany says she looked up to Madison, and says sorry again. She’s learned a very important lesson. Rayne says she’ll be there for Brittany if she has learned something, and if she’s really sorry. They hug it out and Brittany says the real lesson she learned is to never meet your hero and beats the crap out of Madison.

This is how it really happened.

Bully Ray walks down the stairs and cuts a promo on EC3. You have to be tough to be lucky, and EC3 is definitely tough, but he’s more lucky than tough. Without Spud and Dixie he’s going to die, and he swears he WILL put Dixie through a table. EC3 is going through one first though.

MVP is backstage with (Bobby) Lashley. He predicts Lashley will be the most dominant champ. It doesn’t make sense that Kurt is throwing the Gazelle to the Lion, and says that Kurt is responsible for whatever happens to EY. “If he dies, he dies” I guess.

Bully Ray vs EC3 in a Tables Match
Bully just absolutely dominates Ethan for the beginning of the match. Bully finally grabs a table and sets it up in the ring, so of course it was prime time for EC3 to make his comeback. Ethan tries to do the 10 corner punches but Bully fights out. He was about to Bully Bomb Ethan through the table when Spud of Hearts makes the run in and stops it. They keep Bully down until House of Hardcore leaks over and Rhyno of all people runs in for the save. He teases goring Spud but turns around and gives it to Bully Ray instead. Ethan grabs Bully by the throat and Bully practically jumps through the table in a moment for Botchomania. The replay made it look worse.

Bobby Roode and EY are broing it up backstage. Bobby says it’s EY’s night, but EY isn’t feeling it. He feels he doesn’t stand a chance, the facts are against him. Roode asks him what the facts on EY are, and EY pumps himself up. Now he feels he can win. Roode says he wants to be in EY’s corner, and EY agrees.

Roman Reigns is backstage. No wait that’s Rhyno. He says he owes no explanations to anyone.

There’s a Sam Shaw recap of everything that happened to him. He’s backstage with Gunner. Yeah…I don’t think that would happen. He says it feels weird to be back, and Gunner says they need to build some trust up. He needs to apologise to Christie but before he can, they run into Mr Anderson who doesn’t want to give him a chance. Gunner tells Anderson to lay off of him and tells him to never leave a man behind. Anderson wants him to talk to a friend, and they meet Christie Hemme. She freaks out a little, but ultimately relents. Samual tries to explain himself, and wants Christie to forgive him, and he apologises. He walks off before Christie can reply and Gunner follows him out.

Bryan “Stiff” Stiffler is with the Beautiful People. It turns into an amateur porno I refuse to watch.

Angle meets Stiffler backstage and tells him he’s not reffing the match and Bryan Hebner is instead. Knux is also backstage with the Menagerie. They need to focus on wrestling and not being circus freaks. They need ot start winning and making money. Just make calenders of Rebel. She has experience.

Freedom protects.

Gail Kim vs Mangelina Love for the Knockouts title
Love tries to flirt with Hebner but he has none of it. Velvet cheap shots Gail by throwing her into the corner on the outside but Gail kicks out at two. After more interference by Velvet she’s finally kicked out by Hebner. Gail really gets into the match and takes control but Love kicks her off the corner to the outside. Gail hits the Eat De-Feet and becomes the new Knockouts champion. It was a pretty damn good match overall.

Angle is backstage and says he’s pretty excited for the future, and says next week every title is on the line except the WHC, and there’s going to be a 20 man Battle Royale to determine the new number 1 contender for the WHC.

Eric Young vs Bobby Lashley for the WHC
MVP and Roode commit minor interference and BOTH are kicked out by Hebner. EY tries to use his speed but gets crushed by power. He gets some offense in but it doesn’t keep Lashley down for long. EY lands rough on the outside and teases an ankle injury. Lashley cares not for his pain and focuses on the injury. EY manages to hit the top rope elbow but Lashley kicks out. He goes for a Pile Driver but his leg is too injured. Lashley drops him with a Powerslam and Spears him for the win. Lashley retains and poses around to end the show.

Too much out of the ring stuff, but the in ring stuff was good. 6/10. You were doing so well TNA.

HAHA I’M JUST KIDDING I’M BRITISH AND THIS IS AMERICA

The post TNA Impact 3/7/2014; FREEDOM EDITION MURRICA appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I start the stream a few minutes early and see the end of an episode of Cops. Some white guy had weed. I wish I did. I have a disturbing love of Cop shows. Impact starts with MVP and the crew backstage, promising them hookers and blow. Speaking of hookers…(I almost feel bad about that)

The Beautiful People vs Gail Kim and Taryn Tarrel
I miss my FFW button already. The commentators tease Taryn might have ring rust but she doesn’t really show any. Taryn holds her own until she gets double teamed. Taryn gets the hot tag and Gail kicks ass. Taryn does a flying cross body to take out both “people” and Gail hits Eat De-feet on Mangelina for the win.

Is there anything this bastard won’t destroy?

The Crew are backstage, heading to the ring, and they cut to break. Taco Bell fired shots at McDonalds. Also Bound For Glory is live in Japan. That’s pretty cool.

Dixie is backstage and happy. She’s recieved good news.

MVP comes out to the ring with the Crew and some hookers. MVP personally introduces Lashley, who comes out with a hooker all of his own. MVP says he’s regained his power now that Lashley is the champ, and King has his hands full with whores. Things didn’t happen quite as quick as MVP wanted, but they still happened. The World is still his. MVP says that Eric Young probably wants to be released, and he’d be happy to do it. Eric Young disagrees and comes out with his arm in a sling. He says he wants an extension, and he won’t go anywhere. You can’t fight City Hall but he wants to take it down, not fight it. He rushes the ring and gets his ass kicked by the Crew. MVP even gets involved with his crutches. Bobby Roode runs down through the crowd, grabs MVP’s crutch, and beats up the cripple and the King. Lashley just watches from outside the ring as they…cut to break. I regret this decision.

Lawler likes them young

Bobby Roode has a mic and he uses it to talk about EY. They’ve had their ups and downs, but they have things in common. Mostly being Canadian. Oh, and starting at TNA on the same day. Roode has a deep love of wrasslin, and EY fought with everything for the love of wrasslin. He restored TNA’s dignity and the title’s too. Roode says the game is over, and it’s time to reclaim TNA for the fans and everyone who loves wrestling. Roode says MVP can fire him if he wants, as long as he does it to his face. MVP gets a mic and says he’s going to talk to Roode in a civilized manner. Not only did Roode make a mistake, but he repeated it by coming back. There’s always a reaction to an action, and MVP’s reaction is to fire Roode. Before he can say Roode is fired some random guy called Earl Sullivan Armstrong appears on the stage. He’s from the non-existant Board of Directors. MVP has been removed as Director of Wrasslin Operations. His replacement will be in shortly to fix the mess MVP made. Roode clarifies that MVP can’t fire or suspend him, and punches MVP out. The Crew carry MVP out.

The Menagerie are backstage. They owe someone money. Knux tells Steve to challenge Sanada to a title match and earn some money. Zema Ion interrupts and says that he’ll get to Sanada first and speak Strong Style. .Then TJ Perkins comes in, chases Ion off, and transforms into Kinam. It’s Manik spelled backwards! Speaking of backwards, there’s another commercial break. I wish I had booze.

Much like me, the world cup is “unintentionally” racist.

Dixie is backstage with Spud. Dixie got MVP fired and Spud implies Dixie will be his replacement and Dixie says she needs champagne when they announce her as the new authority figure. Or whatever she’d be.

Sanada vs The X Division.
Apparently Sanada gets to handpick his next opponent out of Manik, Zema, and Steve. He asks each of them if they want a title match, and says all of them are getting one. The match gets underway after that. There was a pretty cool spot where Zema got triple dropkicked, and Manik made Sanada clothesline Steve. It was a fast paced match with a lot of cool stuff going on. Sanada wins with a double underhook bridging suplex. Look at me, knowing what things are actually called.

The Crew are backstage freaking out about MVP being “fired”. He’s going to call his lawyer and get things sorted out, and blames Dixie for everything. She can’t take anything from him, as he’s the one who always does the taking.

Magnus and Bram are backstage hyping up the Monster’s Ball match. They haven’t been in the Monster’s Ball, but they used to fight with weapons all the time before even becoming wrestlers.

I have it on good authority this is true.

Dixie Carter comes out to the ring with Spud. I’m about halfway through the show. I should be two thirds of the way through. They cut to a guy in the crowd shouting “NO ONE CARES!” Epic. Dixie says she lost her job because she had faith in wrestlers. The fans put their faith in MVP and they got screwed over. Dixie says tonight is about her getting her job back, and promises the fans Dixie 2.0 will be better than ever. She’ll give them what they want, starting with a lot more Dixie. She introduces that Earl guy again to announce her as the Supreme Leader. Earl Grey comes out and basically makes it clear Dixie won’t be named Furher. Spud does a literal spit take as Earl confirms it’s not Dixie. The person who it is told Twinings to not tell anyone. Dixie throws a fit, throws her drink and Chamomile, and screams that no one will tell her she isn’t in charge. She goes to say “over my dead body” and Bully interrupts her with his mighty calves. #Calfzilla.

Bully threatens to kick Spud in the face, drink Dixie’s champagne, and says she can guess what’s going to happen after that. It rhymes with gape. Dixie pleads for Bully to listen to her, and tries to buy him off. Bully teases taking the offer of 200 grand to not put her through a table. Bully lets the crowd decide, and decides to put her through a table. EC3 runs down for the save, and goes out the ring pretty quickly. Spud gets thrown out too and Bully grabs Dixie, even gets her into position, but Spud saves the day by getting rid of the table and allowing Dixie to escape. Yeah, she’s definitely going through a table eventually. I consider putting my laptop through a table as we go back to break.

Post break Spud and Dixie run out the building, abandoning Ethan. Bully cuts a promo saying he won’t rest until he makes good on his promise to put Dixie through a table.

This is also true.

James Storm vs Ken Anderson
Do we really need this match? Do I really need to watch it live? They fight up on the ramp before even getting to the ring, but only for about half a minute. They put on a good match, as I knew they actually would, but I’m just done with both of these guys. Anderson lands badly after hitting a move and Storm hits two Backstabbers, but only gets a two count. Anderson ducks the Last Call, but Storm reverses a Mic Check into the Last Call Superkick and gets the win.

A limo, a real limo, is shown pulling into the building with the tease it’s the new Emperor.

Oh look, a Sam Shaw segment. Gunner-Senpai has news. They’re letting Sam Shaw out already, but only under Gunner’s care and supervision. Sam-chan agrees, and they shake hands. Back in the real world, James Storm talks to Sanada. He congratulates him on winning, and asks him if he’ll trade his belt in for the title shot, and asks how proud Japan and Muta will be of him if he wins, and what’ll happen if he loses. Sanada reacts badly, and Storm dares him to say something. Storm tells him to not choke, and walks off.

Ethan is on the phone to Spud. He begs Spud to come and get him, then just gets absolutely demolished by Tommy Dreamer. Dreamer wastes him with a trash can, a chair, and sends him out into the arena. Dreamer walks off, comes back with the trash can, and dumps it all over Ethan. Dreamer chokes him with his hoodie, which is when EC3 makes his comeback and drives Dreamer into the ramp. EC3 pulls the padding off around the ring, but it’s EC3 who gets sent into it and the brawl continues. They end up in the ring, and finally get pulled apart as the fans chant “head”, presumably for Al Snow.

The most terrifying faceswap in history.

Abyss and Willow cut a promo backstage, and Willow asks if “she” will attend the ball. Abyss says she’s always nearby. Guess he was talking about Janice. The Crew are also backstage and they tease going to attack whoever is in the limo. They get to the limo and threaten whoever’s in there. They pull the driver out and ask him where his client is. He won’t though, so Kenny drops him and Lashley eliminates him. The Crew walk off to continue the hunt.

Willow and Abyss vs Magnus and Bram in a Monsters Ball match
Damn, I wish I was more interested. It’s pretty much a tornado hardcore tag match. The Monsters fill the ring with weapons but it’s the Brits that use them to commit double homicide. Willow rises from the dead, fights the Brits off, and things go back to being bloody. Abyss pulls out Janice and of course fails to actually hit anyone. I wouldn’t be worried if Abyss pulled out Janice. Bram cuffs Abyss to the guard rail outside and the Brits double team Willow. Abyss powers out of the cuffs and tries to save Willow’s supple ass but gets beat. It buys enough time for Willow to recover and hit two Twist of Fates. Magnus threw a chair at Willow on the top rope, and Willow fell through a barbed wire board on the outside. Sweet. Magnus grabs Janice, and Abyss grabs him by the neck and slams him into the tacks. Monster’s Ball = tacks. Bram grabs Janice and someone finally takes a shot from Janice. He hits Abyss in the legs and picks up the win.

I’m loving Star Dust.

Time to find out who the new Shogun of TNA is…Lipton Iced Tea introduces the one, the only, Olympic Gold medalist Kurt Angle. Kurt admits that TNA has made a lot of mistakes in the past, but he doesn’t have any motives. He’s done everything he wanted, and now he wants to give back. Lashley comes out with the Crew in tow. I guess they don’t really agree. MVP says that Angle can’t be his boss, and wants to talk to him face to face. MVP says Kurt whined to the board, and asks him if he’s really dealt with his alcoholism. No one tells The Crew what to do. Kurt might have some authority, but MVP has power. Power he will use to end Angle’s reign before it begins. Angle says if any of them touch him, he’ll fire all of them. He sets up a match between Lashley and EY for the title next week and EY comes out. He also reinstated Bobby Roode’s contract. Roode’s music now has lyrics. That’s a nice touch. Roode and Young rush the ring and attack their respective opponents to send the show off the air.

Impact wasn’t bad, but I don’t need to repeat this experiment again. I need sleep. I’m not sure how I feel about Angle being in charge. Let me sleep on it.

The post TNA Impact 26/06/14; I Watched This Live appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with MVP crutching his way to the ring. MVP says he’s been reprimanded by the board of directors. He was told to give a fair main event and he did, but it wasn’t fair to him. He won’t let the board tell him how to run his show, and they’re doing things his way tonight. He brings out EY, who is defending tonight. They say some shit, and EY says he doesn’t have patience. He threatens to kick the cripples ass, and Kenny King makes a match between himself and EY for the title. EY brings out Earl Hebner and the match is apparently on. Someone needs to take Kenny King’s match making powers away.

Eric Young vs Kenny King (World Heavyweight Championship match)
Before I forget, this is how TNA should start the show. A short talking segment that heats up the crowd followed up by a match. King and EY have a fast paced match. EY gets sent outside and Lashley and MVP tease assaulting him before Joe, The Wolves, and Austin Aries come down to protect him. The match continues as King goes for a fancy move and Young reverses it. Kenny King is defeated by Eric Young’s small package. COCK TALK!

Second reference in two weeks. Damn.

They cut to break after the match, and when they came back MVP slaps the timekeeper. He made him apologise for ringing the bell, saying King kicked out. That would be the refs fault you idiot. EY and the gang come down to save the crazy old man. They brawl for a few minutes. MVP grabs a mic and compares himself to God. He says he’s really going to start abusing his power. EY has a second match, this time against Lashley. He’s also going to have everyone ejected from the arena. Not the fans though, like he implied. He also put the Wolves in a championship match against Joe and Aries, and another team. He doesn’t announce who they are, and instead calls out Hebner.

He threatens to beat Hebner up, but says he won’t. Hebner refused to count 3 on EY, and MVP fires Hebner and makes him take his shirt off. Mini-Hebner comes out to help his dad, but to no avail. Earl is stripped metaphorically and physically, and gets on the microphone. He says MVP is ruining the business, and he loves the fans. MVP tells him the fans can collect money for him, and kicks him out. Best first half hour of TNA in a while.

Bully Ray let himself go after his loss.

Dixie and EC3 are backstage. Dixie is asked for any comments, and she says that he’s just confirmed everything she said about him. EY calls himself the Hardcore American Icon again. I like that. The cameraman asks if Tommy Dreamer is invited, and Dixie says we’ll see. EC3 offers to go to the ring with her, but Dixie says she’s brought him a prostitute instead. I’m not kidding.

The Wolves vs Samoa Joe and Austin Aries vs Willow and Abyss (World Tag Championships)
Before the match Hebner is shown being escorted out the building, and EY says he’s gone too far and tells someone on the phone he needs him tonight. The camera pans over and shows that EY was talking to Kurt Angle. EY should have put the phone down properly. So Abyss is Matt Hardy? I thought he’d lost weight, not put more on. Willow and Aries start things off and Aries tags in Joe to pulverize Willow. Joe and Aries put on simultaneous submissions and the Wolves come in for the save. That ends with both the Wolves and Joeris outside the ring. Tommy Dreamer is shown walking into the arena before they cut to break.

Coming back Abyss is killing one of the Wolves. There’s only two of those left, and they’re both male. Where’s PETA when you need them? The Wolves do some beautiful tag work on Aries, and the match continues until the inevitable insanity of every tag match and three way match. That ends with a powerbomb/backbreaker combo by the Wolves that earns them the win.

Tag wrestling; THAT’S MY FETISH!

The Crew are backstage. MVP is shitting himself at the possibility of Kurt Angle. King says he’ll handle it, and MVP calls him a failure. MVP implies they’ll Tonya Harding Kurt Angle to end the segment.

Tazz and Tenay recount what’s happened between Dreamer and Dixie. Dixie promised him TNA talent and then pulled the plug. Samoa Joe and Austin Aries are shown being removed from the building in preparation for the main event. The Wolves walk up to MVP, who says he has a gift. They have a second match too, against Bram and Magnus. Is the roster THAT thin? MVP tells security to kick out the Wolves after that match.

Dixie Carter (with Five Star Spud) vs Tommy Dreamer
Dixie recounts EC3’s match and says that Bully is in no condition to even show up tonight. She says she’ll never go through a table, so she’s going through a table. When you’re as amazing as Dixie Carter, people try and latch on and use your name, and tell her how to run her company. She doesn’t care what they think. She tells MVP to keep doing what he’s doing because he’s digging his own grave. Tommy Dreamer has been saying mean things and digging his own grave too. She asks Spud for his name, and Spud reminds her that she hired him two years ago and says he never really won anything for her. Dixie wants to talk to him a little more before he can talk. Dixie actually does a really good job working with the crowd. It’s better for them to talk like this, instead of on Twitter or Dreamer insulting her on his show. She wants him to apologise, and allows him to speak. Dreamer thanks her for letting him on the show, and Dixie honestly made me laugh. The crowd chants “E.C.Dub!” and she says they never went to school, and don’t have the right letters.

This also happens when you change one letter.

Dreamer says they had a business disagreement, and that Twitter has changed the industry. They met through Twitter apparently. They put together Hardcore Justice and Dixie did it for the fans. What happened to the woman who was nice to the fans? Dreamer says that sometimes he feels embarrassed to be a professional wrestler because of the crap he sees on TV. Everyone wants to be supportive of TNA, but she messes everything up. She’s not a wrestler, and it’s her job to give the best product she can. Dreamer claims that wrestling cures cancer and says that there’s still good in Dixie. He knew that when he saw Dixie mark out for the Von Erichs at Slammiversary. He tells her to remember what the fans want to watch, and do the right thing. That was incredibly passionate. Other than the “Wrestling cures cancer” thing. Dixie cries and hugs Dreamer and, of course, knees him in the E.C.Dubs. Ethan and Spud beat him up while Dixie tells them to kick him out. She hugs Spud and walks out.

Kurt Angle walks into the arena and Lashley and King block his path. He says he doesn’t want to fight, just talk to MVP. King agrees to get MVP while Lashley watches him. They cut to break and come back with MVP with Angle and security. MVP says he has some business to take care of, and leaves MVP with security. Angle tells King that Lashley’s pipe is bigger than his.

Are we sure we want Tough Enough back?

The American Wolves vs The British Gladiators
The Wolves put up a fight but they’re weak and pathetic in comparison the the British Master Race. Richards comes in from the hot tag and makes Bram DDT Magnus with a series of kicks. I love it when that happens. Bram throws a chair to Magnus, who throws it at Richards, who wins by DQ as Magnus and Bram tenderize the Wolves. Edwards get his head put in a chair but Willow and Abyss “run” down before he loses his neck.

MVP meets up with Mini-Hebner backstage. He’s crying like a little bitch. MVP tells Bryan he wants him to ref the main event, but Bryan isn’t too thrilled. MVP basically strong arms into doing it, telling him to count the 3 on EY if he wants to keep feeding his kids.

Taryn Terrell is shown backstage. The Brits are also backstage and are accused of walking away from a fight. Magnus says that they were told to beat up the Wolves, and were paid handsomely for it, and then they’re beaten up by Abyss and Willow.

Gail Kimg is in the ring, and introduces Taryn. Kim says that she didn’t like Taryn much when she came in, but she opened her eyes with their matches. Taryn beat her, and earned her respect. That’s why Gail wanted to be the one to welcome her back. They hug and Taryn gets the mic. She thanks Gail, and says she took the time off to have her baby. Taryn says that they’re tied 1-1 and wants to have a tie breaker match. The “Beautiful” “People” come out before Gail can accept. In a way, it’s nice to see both the best, and worst, of the KO division in the same ring. Mangelina trashes Gail and says her opinion means nothing. Love says she’ll introduce herself to Taryn, and kicks her down. The BP go to double team Gail and Taryn recovers and they fight them off together. Congratulations to whoever designed Taryn’s dress as it stayed on.

#RAW

MVP is back with Angle and asks him what he wants. Angle says he wants MVP to look inside himself. MVP says no one has stopped him, and Angle won’t with mind games. MVP tells him he can either celebrate with him, or leave. King gets in Angle’s face and Angle punches him to the ground. He gets in Lashley’s face, and walks out.

Jeremy Borasch is backstage on his own because everyone is gone. MVP asks him if everyone is really goe, and then kicks out both Jeremy Borasch AND the cameraman.

Eric Young vs Bobby Lashley (world heavyweight championship)
EY puts up more of a fight than I expected. At least at first. Lashley beats the crap out of him and takes, and retains, control. Then it’s basically a showing of Lashley’s power. He even holds Young up with one arm. Young hits a piledriver but King pulls Hebner out before the three count. King grabs Young for Lashley to hit, but Young avoids it and King gets killed by Lashley. Eric misses with a diving elbow and gets Speared and loses. Lashley is the new World Heavyweight Champion. Post match King sticks Young’s arm in a chair and tries to break it, and Bobby Roode of all people runs in through the crowd and clears the ring for the save. Lashley tries to fight Roode but gets held back by MVP.

God damn that was an excellent show. Why can’t both WWE and TNA have good shows at the same time?

The post TNA 19/6/2014; The Six Sides Of Pain appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

MVPs crew are backstage looking for Samoa Joe. He however went right out to the ring. He’s pretty bad at hide and seek. He calls out MVP, who also wastes little time coming out. King is the one with the mic, and he complains about people complaining. Joe grabs the mic from him and gets in MVP’s face. MVP says he don’t have time for that, and tells him to just say his piece. Joe calls him a liar and says he’s courrpted absolutely. MVP counters by saying that Joe didn’t do his job when he went home in a temper tantrum. Joe challenges The Crew to a 3 on 1 fight. MVP can’t accept the challenge before Austin Aries comes out. He calls MVP a chicken who will only fight when he can stack the odds in his favour. Joe challenged him to a THREE ON ONE MATCH. The odds were unanimously in MVPs favour. Anyway, MVP says his hands are tied because Joe is in breach of contract somehow. Aries reminds MVP he’s the boss, and MVP sets up a match between Joe and Austin Aries. If Joe wins he becomes a fully contracted TNA superstar again. If Aries loses then he’s done. If Aries wins Joe is done.

Not sure if subtle troll or unintentional irony

Bram is backstage getting changed. Magnus wans him that Willow is more untapped and dangerous than Jeff Hardy, and he became that way when he lost to Magnus. Bram says that’s when he got lazy and complacent. The old Magnus would still be champ. He needs to pull that trigger again, but maybe he won’t.

Bram vs Willow
Bram uses his power to keep Willow grounded. It goes well except for when Willow does his Jeff Hardy impression and gives no fucks. Willow accidentally elbow drops the stairs and Bram grabs the pry bar. Who keeps leaving those things under the ring? Magnus runs out to actually save Willow. He takes the pry bar from Bram and then Russo’s Hardy in the stomach and beats the tar out of him. Bram cheers him on like a proud pappy.

This is glorious

MVP walks into his office and finds the Wolves. They say he’s the sheep in wolves clothing. MVP sets a match up between them. He’ll strip them if they won’t do it.

Ken Anderson was randomly backstage dressed as a cowboy and saying he loves beer.

Eddie Edwards vs Davey Richards
Luckily for me Richards is the injured one. Kenny King watches from the stage. They do a really good job of doing nothing while making it seem like they’re doing a lot. I don’t know why they had a series of nearfalls though. They could have just thrown the match for eachother. King grabs the mic and tells them to stop being pussies and start fighting. They step it up a little but don’t do any real offense. Edwards finally gets the pin but King says it won’t end like that. He whines about the lack of strikes so the Wolves strike him and send him running back to Momma Vontavius Porter.

MVP runs into Dixie backstage. She chastises him for making a contract vs contract match, and MVP says he understands more about wrestling than she does. He tells her to enjoy the main event and walks off.

How much rest does the man need?!

Brittany and Madison Rayne are backstage. It’s creepy as Brittany says she’s here for Madison. Madison tells her to do nothing and not get involved.

The Bromans are checking out women on their phones but Robbie E is depressed. The Menagerie scare him. Well, the clown anyway. He was raped by a clown on his third birthday. He wanted a DJ and got a clown instead.

MVP meets Brian Hebner backstage. He tells him to make sure there’s a winner tonight, and to ignore all countouts and shenanigans. Because making it a no-DQ, no countout match would be too difficult I guess. Samoa Joe is also backstage. He’s asked for a comment and says his biggest regret is endorsing MVP. He went home after he saw where MVP would go. Aries walks in and says he was sent home for speaking his mind about MVP. One of them is going home for good and Aries will make sure it’s not him. Joe says he’ll do the same.

The Bromans are in the ring. DJZ introduces them and asks Robbie E what’s wrong. They already had this conversation backstage. Jessie tries to reassure him that it’s all going to be okay and that’s when the Menagerie’s music hits. Oh damn the show is only a third of the way through. Knux says that the Menagerie is just like the Bromans, but they have a woman. Jessie says they could have her if they wanted and Crazy Steve traumatises Robbie. Steve and DJZ have a horn off…that actually happened. The Freak grabs DJZ off his podium and Knux takes out the other two Bromans. The Freak finally throws DJZ down onto his fallen brothers.

This is definitely trolling

Brian Hebner is meeting with Eric Young and Bully Ray. They tell him to do the right thing. Those wrestlers have a family. Brian reminds them he has one, and he’ll do what he has to do. Bully says they’ll do the same. Do the Dew!

Gunner and Sam Shaw are in the asylum playing Fish. Sam doesn’t even bother checking his cards. He asks if Gunner has any fives, and Gunner just picked that card up. Gunner says he wants a drink and Sam directs him to someone called Dave and chastises Gunner for asking if he and Dave also play Fish. The sexual tension was insane.

Austin Aries vs Samoa Joe (loser leaves TNA)
EY and Bully watch backstage as Joe and Aries put on a heck of a match. Bryan Hebner fast counts countouts. The exact opposite of what MVP told him to do. EY runs out to stop Bryan letting someone tap out. Bully comes out too and knocks Bryan Hebner out. EY grabs a mic and tries to justify knocking out an old man. Bully apologises and MVP comes out. Bully says he has a God complex and says he’s ruining TNA. So are a lot of people. Bully says if he wants a fight he can have a four on four match by adding EC3 to the Crew. EY says it should be a first blood match. MVP tries to say no but King accepts the challenge. They’re already teasing dissension. This bodes well for me.

Jorge; The Early Years

Ken Anderson is still being a dickhead backstage.

James Storm comes out to the ring with his old music, but, RUSSO! It’s Kennedy. He does some stupid shit and mocks James Storm and rednecks in general. The real James Storm comes out and says Anderson really pissed him off and they’re going to go another round. They don’t formally make a match before starting a brawl though. Storm comes out on top and sets up a Slammiversary match between them.

Gunner and Sam are still in the asylum. Gunner has Sam’s sketchbook and asks if he can look at the drawings. Sam says okay reluctantly. They’re the best of friends now guys. One of the pictures is his bedroom, an another is his mum. He misses his room and her sweet pie. There’s a picture of him as Christie’s shadow, and a picture of Gunner. Sam says he’s not finished with it and Gunner encourages him to finish it. They’ve got both a lesbian angle AND a gay angle? That’s so progressive.

Madison Rayne vs Angelina Love (KO title)
Velvet distracts Madison and Mangelina takes adavantage. Brittany comes out to stand by her woman and Angelina takes advantage of another Rayne distraction. Velvet sprays Madison in the eyes and Mangelina gets the pin while Brittany watches and walks out on Madison. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

The Crew meet up with EC3 and he tells him to not let them down.

Rayne gets in Brittany’s face backstage for not getting involved. Brittany says she did what she was told and walks off.

Now that Bryan is injured he can go back to doing this.

The Crew plus EC3 vs The Facetastic Four minus Silver Surfer
This is a traditional tag match, which doesn’t make too much sense. A full on brawl would make more sense and have more chance of blood. Bully calls out MVP and they have a test of manliness that Bully wins. Because he has a beard. A beard is just manliness leaking out on to your face. Listen, I’m tired and a first blood match is only worth watching for the last few minutes. So I watched at 1.5x speed. The heels trap EY in their corner and focus on his head to try and open him up. I’m surprised MVP is the one that got injured and EY didn’t get a concussion. EY finally tags Joe in and things go to hell as they always do in a multi man tag match. Bully grabs his chain and punches EC3 in the face to make him bleed. Facetastic Four win. Kind of a flat ending. The camera cuts backstage to the Crew beating the shit out of EC3. Dixie seperates the fight and says MVP crossed the line between business and personal by doing that. Dixie declares war on MVP. Oh damn that was awesome. MVP says that power has never been seized without the spilling of blood, and Dixie tells him to prepare to bleed. Oh that was good.

The show as a whole felt a little lackluster in places though. For the most part it was pretty good. So I’ll give them that.

The post TNA Impact 5/6/14; Mommy Vontavius Porter appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with Bully Ray. He says he’s more motivated than ever and as long as he’s breathing, he’s fighting. He’s obsessed with six people and he promises to put them all through tables. He has six tables, each with a name on for who’s going through it. There’s one each for MVP’s crew, Dixie, Spud, and EC3. Bully hobbles to the ring and calls out anyone in the Crew or locker room to fight him. MVP comes out and says he doesn’t respond to threats and that no one is going through a table. MVP brings out the Crew and they advance towards Bully, who’s taken out from behind by EC3 and Spud. He’s then dominated by three big black men. And a vanilla midget. Spud calls for EC3 to grab a table as Tenay teases MVP and Dixie could be working together. EC3 grabs the Spud table and takes it down to the ring. EC3 goes to put Bully through the table but Eric Young runs out with the Wolves and Austin Aries. They clear the ring except for Spud who hides under the table. Aries grabs a mic and says they’re obsessed too and calls for a three on three. Bully dares them to take the match and Bully Bombs Spud through the table from the top rope. EC3 cries from the ramp.

Clean Shaven Hogan. Now you know why it didn’t last.

Race War Match (Crew vs The Wolves and Aries)
They cut to break and come back to a six man brawl. No idea what Bully Ray is doing. Lashley dominates Aries in the ring while the Wolves Wailord on the rest of the Crew outside. Basically everyone just picks a partner, until all the Crew are sent outside by the exact same move; some douche pulling down the top rope. The Whitey’s all dive out and they cut to break.

Coming back it’s an actual six man match now. Three people in each corner. Edwards gets isolated and torn to shreds. Aries gets the hot tag and does a decent job dishing out and taking punishment. He hits the Brainbuster and tags in Richards to get revenge for his injured ribs. He hits a double foot stomp from the top rope and eats a Spear from Lashley. MVP finishes him off with a Mafia Kick for the win.

I wonder if our guest Gary Barnidge remembers THIS crushing defeat.

Bram and Magnus are backstage. Bram has a match and he wants Magnus to see and feel the violence. EC3 is also backstage and he wants the D…ixie Carter. He informs her of what happened in the opening segment. Dixie says she has important business with MVP and wants Ethan with her and they walk off.

Tigre Uno vs Bram
This is probably the fastest match transition in TNA history. Tigre Uno dies, and I wrote that during Bram’s entrance. I’ll admit I FFW. Bram dominates with hard hitting moves and wins with a powerful DDT. Post match he grabs a turnbuckle from under the ring and goes to impale Tigre. Magnus stops him and basically calls him a pussy. Bram says the old Magnus would have ripped Tigre’s mask off, and Magnus teases challenging him to a match, but tells Bram to face Willow in the end.

Anderson and Gunner are backstage. Anderson calls Gunner insane for dealing with an insane man. Gunner defends himself by saying they both served in the army and they know what it’s like. Anderson says Shaw didn’t serve, he’s just a nutjob. In any event, they’re teaming tonight.

Remember that other live sex celebration?

Speaking of teaming; Rayne and Brittany are backstage. Brittany has a tag match against the Beautiful People and asks Rayne to be her partner. Rayne tells her she’s not ready and shouldn’t take the match. She makes Brittany promise she won’t take the match.

Bromans vs Gunner and Mr Kennedy
Bromans got the jobber entrance. They’re the ones who take control at the start of the match though and isolate Gunner. Tenay mentions what Anderson did last week. Fuck. This is leading to Gunner and Anderson against Storm and Shaw. To make it worse Dixie has a segment after this match. Gunner eventually roids up and tags in Anderson, who cleans house. Gunner gets a blind tag and hits a Diving Headbutt for a win after a Mic Check. Post match the Menagerie comes out. The Bromans look absolutely horrified. I LOVE their facials. COCK TALK 2PM EST on Sundays. The Freak kills Zema Ion for taking his job and the Bromans scurry away.

I love facials

Brittany is running around backstage still. She asks Gail to be her partner instead. Bitch broke her promise to Madison. Gail accepts and Brittany has a new girl crush.

Dixie Carter vs MVP
Dixie wants to finish the conversation she and MVP started last week. MVP comes out with the whole crew. Dixie says MVP might need her, but MVP disagrees. Dixie says she could go to Nashville, or she could go to the directors and get him fired. MVP says she’s sexy when she threatens him. MVP also says he has a lot of money. I’m not sure why. I spaced out. MVP says if she wants to play chicken the games can begin, and Eric Young comes out with Bully Ray. EY has a pipe and MVP dares him to bash his head in with it. He says EY has heart, but not enough. When MVP beats him for the title he’ll dismiss him so he can do something he’s good at. EY tries to charge the ring, but Bully stops him. MVP tells Bully a true badass doesn’t tell people he’s a badass, and calls Bully just another New Yorker with a big mouth. MVP arranges a match between Bully and EY, with EC3 as the ref. That’s going to end badly for EC3. Bully says he won’t do it and MVP can fire him if he wants. Dixie calls him an overpaid quitter. She says if Bully leaves then no one will be left to stop her. New Yorkers don’t quit. Bully says he won’t quit until all the fans have what they want to see. A Dudley Boyz reunion in WWE. Bully calls Dixie a wench and says the fans would be happy if she went home and stayed there. He threatens to put them all through a table again as he and EY walk out to the back.

There’s a Kurt Angle recovery diary. He’s recovering slowly, but surely, and thanks the fans for their support.

CM Punk disapproves of your shenanigans.

Beatiful People vs Bri-Kim
FFW! Brittany tags herself in and fucks up. Mangelina Love kicks her head off and Velvet gets the pin. Gail is displeased. She lets Brittany live. This time.

Eric Young and Bully Ray meet up backstage and agree to have a good match. Apparently if Bully wins he’s the number one contender.

Brittany is still in the ring. She calls out Madison for a chat over tea and biscuits. Madison obliges and Brittany asks her why she rejected her. Poor girl. Rayne says Brittany is getting a little too weird. She’s had problems with the BP for years. She wants to take care of the business with them herself and doesn’t want to be responsible for what might happen to Brittany. Brittany says she’ll take full responsibility. She just wants to be with Rayne. HLA is back! Rayne asks her to clarify what she meant and it gets really, really gay. Rayne says she went too far, and to stay away. Brittany asks Madison why she doesn’t like her. She just wants Rayne to accept her. Accept her love deep inside her. Mangelina and Velvet appear on the ramp. They say Rayne just broke a young girl’s heart, and this is a side of Rayne no one else knows. They made her like that. The crowd chant boring now the lesbian stuff is over. Madison says she’s cashing in her rematch next week.

The one and only time I can and will use this.

EC3 is getting dressed backstage. The Crew walk in. I’ve seen enough videos online to know where THIS is going. MVP says he and EC3 can still work together, and Kenny King says they have his back.

Eric Young vs Bully Ray (EC3 as the Special Referee)
Kenny King comes out and does the introductions himself. I think I heard the crowd chant “We want Brittany”. Stay classy Impact Zone. Speaking of classy, King introduces Bully as being from “Hell’s Toilet” and Eric Young as “The current, and don’t have a lot of time left on that championship belt. The Bearded Wonder, Eric Young.” He’s chased off by The Beard and The Bully as EC3 comes out. Can they team up? Can they actually call themselves Bully and The Beard? Lashley is announced as the special guest enforcer. It’s RAW all over again. MVP is the guest timekeeper. By the time the match actually starts I give no fucks.

The Crew tease Bully and the Beard from outside. Now it’s become Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar. They eventually tie up and do some low impact moves. I hear glass shatter as Stone Cold’s music hits. He jumped through my bedroom window and pressed fast forward for me. EY drop kicks Bully out the ring, and goes out to pick him up. More shit happens, someone sometimes hits a move, and eventually Bully Ray kicks Ethan’s head off. That’s when it all goes out the window and the Crew launch a three man assault on EY and Bully. Samoa Joe of all people runs down for the save and takes out the entire Crew. I love the spot where he just walks away from someone doing a top rope dive. Joe hits the Muscle Buster on Kenny King and stares down MVP to end the show. In the preview of next week’s show MVP teases firing someone. Ooooooh.

No one fires The Boulder; Rock’s true love.

Pretty good show I’d say. The main event was slow but it had to be, and I just had no patience for that.

The post TNA Impact 29/05/14; Here There Be Things appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with a video package on the T.N.Ation of Domination. They run into Kaz backstage and kick the shit out of him. He called them “homie”. They finish making their way to the ring, and MVP offers to teach some history. He’s awesome, and he’s so awesome he could bring his homies in and take power. Power is always taken. A wrestler needs to be a politician too and he’s the best there is. The crowd calls him a sellout and he pulls a Bo saying “I AM a sellout. I’ve sold out arenas all over the world!” He lets Kenny King speak, and King says MVP is a genius. He says that the match against MVP was just to throw everyone off. MVP hands over to Bobby Lashley who says that playing the politician never works…but he joined MVP in politicking. Welp. That’s that. MVP calls himself a God and gets interrupted by The Wolves.

It’s not often I get to say something is for Joe. This is supposed to be animated.

The Wolves say it’s funny he wants respect because he lost theirs, and they ask him where the MVP went who didn’t care about money. MVP says the wrong name and says he gave them money and power. They have heart and to be where MVP is, you have to be heartless. MVP offers to send them back to the indies, and says that’s where they belong anyway. A 3 on 2 brawl breaks out. The Wolves get destroyed and Davey is carried up the ramp by Bobby. MVP picks him up and Lashley spears him off teh stage through a table.

Dixie arrives back at the Impact Zone with EC3, and they show Davie getting sent to hospital. They let Eddie ride in back with him. That was nice of them.

Eric Young goes out to the ring and grabs a mic. Wrestling matters so much we aren’t having any yet. EY calls MVP out on the 3 on 2 assault, and MVP comes out to hear what he had to say. EY tells him to shut up and listen, so MVP brings out the T.N.Ation of Domination again. The same faction in two segments in a row? Dammit. EY calls Kenny King a scumbag for being a male stripper, and says he’s highly disappointed in Bobby Lashley. He asks Lashley what he’s going to say to his son when his son asks him why he’s being called a sellout. MVP says that when his son does ask him that, he’ll be in a fancy car. MVP says again that you have to take power, and they aren’t selling out. They’re motivated by money, power, and respect. EY says the fans motivate him, and jumps Lashley. The Race War continues. Austin Aries runs out for the save. He does a pretty good job and together him and EY empty the ring. Aries says he always saw MVP for who he is, which is a valid point. Aries challenges MVP to a match and MVP accepts.

The internet responds to Trips on Muscle and Fitness

Bram and Magnus are backstage. Bram got Magnus a match against Willow. It’s Falls Count Anywhere. Magnus says he’s sick of Bram and punches him out. Bram laughs and says that’s what he wants out of Magnus, for him to beat people up.

Mangelina Love is backstage and she has an announcement. She’s issuing an open challenge, an Gail comes in and beats the crap out of her. She’s dragged off by security.

Mangelina comes out to the ring. She confirms there’s an open challenge, but the challenge isn’t open to former champions. That’s actually pretty cool. I think Brittany is the only one who qualifies. She’s who comes out at least.

Brittany vs Mangelina Love for the K.O title
It only took a third of the show for some wrestling. It’s a pretty cool and competitive match at least. Brittany holds her own pretty well and even gets the visionary pin as Velvet distracts “Stiff”ler. Age overcomes beauty as Mangelina wins via Botox Injection. That’s what she calls her Superkick. Post match they put a bag on Brittany’s head, Gail runs out because a third run out is best for business, and chases off the “Beatufiul” “People”.

You know you’re in England when…

Dixie finds out she’s been banned from the building as someone out in the ring says something about the Knockouts championship. Terrible.

James Storm is in a bar with Mr Anderson. Anderson buys him a beer and challenges him to a game of pool. Storm says he’ll hit him with the pool stick. It’s a cue you damn redneck. Kenny offers more games, and Storm makes them violent. They settle on a drinking contest and Anderson calls for the Bartendress to line them up.

Austin Aries vs MVP
Aries jumps MVP as he talks with the crowd. If this match ends in a run in I give up. It’s a pretty good match. I’ve missed Aries in the ring. He goes for the 450 and……there’s a run in. The Nation run in, and so does Eric Young. Seriously. Fuck this company. See you next week. I wish I could actually turn this off. I would if I wasn’t reviewing it. MVP grabs a mic and says that EY’s opponent for tonight is Bobby Lashley. There’s another run in! It’s Dixie Carter! God damn it.

Cena’s reaction to winning

They cut to break and when they come back, Dixie is chatting with MVP. His actions mean that she HAD to come back and she’s surrounded by three buff black dudes. Remember folks, YOU made it racist. Dixie teases a face turn, but says it’s not about what she wants, but what she can do for MVP. Then guess what happened? That’s right. A RUN IN. Bully Ray ran out swinging his pipe and chased Dixie out of the ring. MVP asks Bully why he’s here. Bully calls MVP a piece of crap and says he turned his back on everyone. Bully hypes up Eric Young and MVP asks him when he got a conscience. Bully is jumped by King and the race war continues. Dixie comes back out to watch. She gets off on suffering. The Nation leave Bully in the ring and Dixie calls for Ethan to get a table. Ethan sets the table up  and sends Bully through it. Dixie says she fears no one to end the segment.

Dixie and Ethan are walking backstage when Bully shambles his way towards them. They make a run for their limo and escape.

I see nothing wrong with this completely unphotoshopped picture.

Magnus vs Willow (Falls Count Anywhere)
Now, as a Falls Count Anywhere, this match can’t end in a run in. I’ll still count it if Bram is involved in the finish. The match almost immediately goes out the ring. Bram offers Magnus a weapon but he still refuses it. Nice to see he’s still being booked as an absolute pussy. Bram offers him the weapon again and a fan shouts “FINISH HIM!”. Magnus goes for the fatality but pussies out again. Bram wants him to hit Willow in the head but he just goes for the stomach. Willow hits the Twist of Fate for the win. Bram is displeased. A match ended without a run in. How ’bout that?

Gunner is still in the Asylum with Sam Shaw. Gunner says he’s been there twice but Sam still won’t talk to him. So Sam talks to him. Sam says Gunner doesn’t know what it’s like, but he does. Apparently Gunner has spent plenty of time in an Asylum. It just feels like it when you work for TNA.

Eddie Edwards is shown walking back into the arena. He abandoned his friend in the hospital. Douche.

Back in the Asylum Gunner tells Sam about a friend who went to war with him. He was traumatised, but Gunner was still there for him. Gunner HAS been to an insane asylum, but not been personally committed. Eventually his friend got better, and Gunner believes Sam can do the same thing. Sam doesn’t trust Gunner, so Gunner offers to try and get the jacket taken off.

Who ya gonna call?

Eddie Edwards gets in the ring and dares any member of the Nation to fight him. King comes out and gets his ass kicked. Edwards chokes him out with his shirt. That’s a man who gives no damn. This. This I enjoyed. King fights back and takes Edwards out with mic shots to the head. Edwards chokes him King out with his wrist tape. The more creative he gets the more I enjoy this. Edwards gets sent into the steel steps twice and suplexed on to the ramp. Yeah that’ll do it. King tells him to say hi to Davey, and then tells Davey, through the camera, that Edwards will get a bed next to him. A great end to a great brawl.

Anderson and Storm are still drinking. Storm is winning. I hope this ends with them ending up in bed together.

MVP has a word with Bryan Hebner. He apologises for what Kenny did to him, and makes it up to him by letting him ref the main event. MVP tells him to cheat and let him win.

Adam Sandler cheats too.

Back in the bar Kenny taps out. Storm tells him he’s a lousy drunk, and Anderson says he’s a good actor. The beers he’s been drinking have been fake, and Storm is the only one that’s drunk. No drunken sex for me then. Instead Anderson just beats the shit out of him.

EY has a pre-match interview. He says he’s not really in a condition to fight, but he learns from his mistakes and Lashley will too. The mistake is that he left Eric alive. EY is just crazy enough. That made sense.

Eric Young vs Bobby Lashley
Eric Young is introduced first and Tenay calls attention to how the champ is always announced second, saying it’s a tactic by MVP. Lashley controls most of the match and EY doesn’t get much offense in. EY finally gets some offense in and even hits a Pile Driver. He goes up for the elbow and…there’s a run in. Nation of Denomination come out and send EY off the top rope. The ref just lets it happen and counts the pinfall after Lashley hits the Running Powerslam. Post match EY gets beaten up a little more as TNA couldn’t resist just one more run in. Aries runs out for the save, and gets wasted. Aries takes whatever Kenny King’s finisher is called to send the show off the air.

Courtesy of Wrestling With Text. Affectionately titled “Now Russo is Gone.”

Almost every single segment and match ended with a run in. I never want to see one again. It wasn’t a turrible show, but it was far from great.

The post TNA Impact 22/05/14; Even I Did A Run In appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with EY backstage. He’s waiting for MVP. A limo shows up and MVP opens the back door and tries to drag MVP out, but he’s dragged off by security. In the arena, EY gets in the ring and cuts a promo on MVP betraying his trust. They hoped MVP was different, and says anything’s better than Dixie. He promised to be a fighting champion, and he’s done that, and now he promises this stuff won’t happen on his watch. He says MVP needs to watch what he wishes for, because EY is crazy. He calls out MVP but MVP appears on the big screen instead.

Because Cocks! #Cocktalk

MVP says that EY is the ungrateful one because MVP gave him the chance to be champ. He was happy when Eric Young won because it sped up his plans and EY was his patsy. MVP is the director of wrestling operations but true power and respect comes with the world title, and being a pencil pusher was never for him. You can never have enough power, respect, and money. He is a little sympathetic towards EY and that’s why he’s going to allow EY to be the champion for a few more weeks. When he does take it, EY can go back to being an insignificant nobody. EY says he said he would defend the title every week, and this week he fights MVP. MVP pretty much says no. He won’t fight for free, and he’ll stick with his security.

Spud loves Dix…ie time. Dixie is driving towards her house with Spud. She says it’s a relief to have the camera guys with her. When they get to her house there’s a table that says “Dixie fears Bully”. The segment ends with Dixie fearing Bully. There’s a video package on the history between Bram, Magnus, and Willow, to set up the next match.

I did not know this. Thanks WWE!

Willow vs Magnus and Bram (2 on 1 handicap) The match actually starts on Willow’s home on the stairs. He’s attacked by Magnus, and fights him off. Willow slides down the bannister and hits Magnus. That’s when Bram gets involved and they drag Willow to the ring and start the two on one heel domination. Bram gets his ass kicked by Willow and Willow knocks Magnus off the apron to go for the win. It doesn’t work and Willow eats the mat. Bram tags Magnus in and digs under the ring for a crow bar and tells Magnus to use it. Magnus says he doesn’t want to get DQ’d and picks up Willow. Willow reverses it into a small package for the win. Willow has a small package. Post match Bram berates Magnus for being a pussy.

EY is looking for MVP. He goes to his office, but MVP isn’t there, so EY just trashes it instead.

Spud and his Dixie are still in Dixie’s front yard. It’s full of tables that have “Bully Fears Dixie” on them. Bully calls them…from inside the house! Dixie tells the camera crew to record everything that happens while she calls the authorities, and sends Spud and the camera crew inside.

As a follow up to Canadian Bukakke

Gail Kim comes out to the ring and grabs a mic. She’s here to prove she’s the hardest worker, and calls out the “Beautiful” People because she wants a fight. BP come out and insult her outfit. Mangelina says she’s a good wrestler, but she’s not the champ and never will be. The “Beautiful” People are what everyone should aspire to be. Mangelina accepts Gail’s challenge as Velvet Sky jumps her from behind.

Gail Kim vs Velvet Sky

Velvet keeps the advantage. Gail fights back but Mangelina gets involved and punches her in the face while Velvet strip teases the ref. That happened. Velvet grabs one of Dashing Cody Rhode’s paper bags and puts it on Gail’s head to add insult to injury. Gail picks up the win with Eat De-Feet. Love hits a cheap shot and poses over Gail’s fallen body.

A video of EC3 from last week airs. He said he would beat Angle and he did. If it was Angle’s last match, it was good for him to go out passing the torch. He defeats all the meager legends TNA throws at him, and he’s the future because he’s destroying the past. That was pretty cool.

EC3 pleases Jinder Mahal.

Kaz vs Crazy Steve Taz refers to Rebel as “Knux’s tamatah”. Still no word if she’s his sister, but Tenay clarifies that Menagerie are here to earn money to send back to the carnival. Kaz weeps silently during the entrance at what his career has become. Crazy Steve offers Kaz his balloons. Kaz accepts, slaps Steve, and throws the balloons away. He threatens Knux and the freak, and falls backwards because Steve was bent over behind him. A “This is bullshit!” chant starts in my head. I tap out mentally as Steve splashes the balloons from the top rope and pops them. Rebel does a strip routine using the ropes and Crazy Steve pantses the ref, leading to Kaz winning by DQ.

Austin Aries gets in MVP’s face backstage as I contemplate suicide. Austin Mike Tyson Punch Out’s one security guy but gets punched out by MPV. EY jumps him from behind and they have a good old fashioned backstage brawl. MVP traps EY’s arm in a chair, stomps it, and then chokes EY with his tie. Daniel Bryan was fired for that. EY fights back and even hits a Spear, and that’s when security finally catch up to them and pull them apart. MVP tells the security to get out the ring, except for the ones holding EY, and kicks EY in the nuts. MVP finishes off EY’s arm and says he’ll get that title match tonight after all.

Where will you be when the flashbacks happen?

Spud is in Dixie’s kitchen. The tables are inside the house too. Spud hears Bully complaining about her wine and Spud hides behind the couch. The cameraman gives the game away by saying “Dixie sent US” and Bully grabs Spud and tells the cameraman to not go anywhere.

Mr Anderson vs James Storm

I can’t pretend to care really. Anderson dominates the start, and keeps the momentum most of the match even when Storm fights back into it. Storm takes control with a spike DDT and grabs a beer bottle outside. He takes a swig and goes to hit Anderson with the bottle. Anderson ducks it but Storm spits beer in his eyes and hits the Superkick for the win.

Remember Sam Shaw? He’s back. Kinda. They recap what happened to him and air a segment from the mental home or some shit. He has a visitor. Sam asks if it’s Christie but we don’t find out. We do find out there are more awesome Sanada video packages though. I’ve come to the conclusion Wrestle-1 handle everything about him. It’s the only way this stuff could happen.

Fans. Making everything better since forever.

DJZ vs Sanada vs Tigre Uno in a three way for the X Division Title The longer Sanada has the title the more hope I have for the Division. The fast patced, action packed match helped too. Traditional three way style. One guy in, one guy out.They even let DJZ play a part other than getting his ass kicked. That still happens to him mind. Sanada gets the victory over DJZ with a bridging suplex pin. I still have hope. It’s nice to have hope for something.

Dixie is still outside her house. Bully calls her from Spud’s phone and makes threatening remarks. Shaw is still in the home. His visitor is Gunner. Gunner says he needs someone to talk to, But Sam doesn’t say anything. Dixie is now inside her house. She’s still on the phone with Bully and tries to find out where he is. She grabs a poker from the fireplace and finds Spud in the living room. Dixie runs over to him, and Bully closes the door behind her. Bully says all this is her fault. He asks her if she thinks he’s afraid of her, and Dixie says no. He asks her if she wants it to go away, and if she wants him to go, and she does her best Daniel Bryan impression. Bully says he’ll go if she says “Dixie Carter fears Bully Ray”. Dixie starts to say it when EC3 takes out Bully from behind, and Dixie says “Dixie Carter fears no one”. Except maybe the Spike TV Execs. It took them to nearly the end of the show, but they finally make note of Bobby Roode being suspended by MVP.

Good job.

MVP vs Eric Young for the World Heavyweight Championship Eric Young jumps MVP before the match and chokes him with his own shirt. MVP fights back and sends EY into the steel steps to take out his arm some more. MVP focuses on the injured arm and shoulder. Looks like Eric Young won’t be able to hit his patended Maybe Lock. It’s like the Yes/No Lock but not as definitive. Yeah, I actually said that. MVP keeps complete control of the match, barely ever hitting anything other than the injured arm. EY fights back with his healthy arm and goes for the top rope elbow but he gets knocked off the turnbuckle and jumped by King of the Night Kenny King.

The match gets thrown out but MVP orders for it to be restarted. The ref says he won’t, and King knocks him out too. EY tries to fight off Kenny King but it’s not enough to stop the hate crime. EY gets destroyed but he’s still technically the champion. Bobby Lashley runs out for the save, but just spears EY instead. It seems the Nation of Domination IS being recreated. In TNA. Lashley picks up EY and suplexes him through two chairs. MVP poses with the title and rests EY’s head on it to send the show off the air. It wasn’t too bad a show. I was in a bad mood anyway. I am highly disappointed that a faction is running things. Again. Fuck this company. See you next week.

Yep.

Don’t forget to tune into bwfradio.com for BWF Radio this Sunday (and every Sunday) at 2PM EST. If I can be there, you can.

The post TNA Impact 15/05/14; The I Just Napped Edition appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show opens with a quick clip of Bully Ray painting a table, and Eric Young saying he’s not surprised he’s still the champ. He meets MVP who basically says he’s awesome. EY says he wants to defend the title tonight, and MVP hands him a pack of cards. MVP walks off and comes back with Gunner and Anderson. He says they won and deserve a shot, and Bobby Roode comes in too saying he’s earned one. They’re going to draw cards to set up a tournament. The person who gets the highest card gets a by as the other two people have a match. Whoever wins that match fights the guy who got a by, and the winner of THAT match faces EY. It’s not that complicated. Anderson gets a 4, as does Gunner. Roode gets an Ace which is high. It’s Gunner vs Anderson with the winner facing Roode.

I’d play this

In the real world, and in the actual arena, Magnus comes out to the ring. That first segment was only five minutes. It felt longer. Magnus is pissed because he wasn’t included in MVP’s little game. He calls out MVP for some answers but Abyss comes out instead and they beat the crap out of eachother. The crowd chants for Janice and Abyss pulls it out, so of course Magnus escapes.

The announcers start running down the card for the night when Bully Ray’s music hits. Post PPV Impacts have few matches. I didn’t even want to do this today. Bully shows off his painted table. It has “Dixie” written on it. Bully recounts the match and says he’s still standing. It’ll take someone better than Dixie to end his career, and he promises if he sees her she’ll go through the Dixie Table. That was short and sweet. Dixie herself is shown entering the arena backstage in a real limo of all things.

Spud and Dixie are backstage in catering. Spud tries to hide her because of what Bully said, but Dixie says she’s not afraid of him. Dixie says Bully is all bark and he’s not going to do anything because she’s a woman and his boss. This is a guy who put Mae Young through a table. I don’t think he cares.

I’d watch this.

Mr Kennedy vs Gunner
Oh God Kennedy is a stupid babyface again. Kill me. He botches his entrance by missing the microphone. The pain is real. The Dixie Table watches from the ramp where it’s been set up as the pair have a decent match and I have a sandwich. Gunner has control of most of the match because he’s a damn viking. James Storm runs down for the distraction but accidentally hits Anderson. Gunner picks up the win. I guess Gunner and Storm is over. Hopefully. I’m not sure I like Storm vs Anderson any more though.

Magnus is backstage in the locker room when basically a British version of Gunner walks in. At first I thought it was Gunner until he started speaking. He says he’s here to knock some sense into Magnus’s head, and calls him a sorry excuse. He’s an embarrassment to the UK and he’s gone soft. Britner holds Magnus up against a locker, and says he’s here for his own good to end the segment.

And bring us to EC3. In seven days he has a match with Kurt Angle. Ethan is glad that Angle is back because he needs to beat Angle to validate himself. He says he was 288-0 at prep school as the crowd chant “Where’s your boyfriend?” Ethan calls attention to it because he needs a sparring partner for his exhibition and calsl out his boyfriend Rockstar Spud.

Canadian Bukkake. I’d definitely watch this.

Ethan Carter III vs Rockstar Spud
Spud looks adorable in his amateur wrestling gear. Ethan says they’re professionals and accidents can happen, so no one should try this at home. As far as I can tell it was a good amateur wrasslin match. Ethan tells Spud to assume the position and Spud prepares his body. Angle’s music hits to save us all. Kurt Angle says that next week Ethan won’t be facing a little bitch, he’ll be facing the cyborg. Ethan really pissed him off by beating him and mocking him. Apparently Ethan is still technically undefeated too. Angle threatens to cripple him and tells Ethan to enjoy walking for the next seven days. You too Angle.

The “Beautiful” people are backstage. They say something about beauty.

They play the Knux “Not Crazy Steve, he’s crazy!” segment from Sacrifice. Apparently they’re going to be called “The Menagerie” and they debut next week. Fun.

Gunner vs Bobby Roode
Oh God the show is only a third of the way through. I’m surprised no one tried to steal the Dixie Table. It’s still there. This match is a lot more even than the last one. Roode uses heel tactics to take advantage and Gunner plays the valiant babyface. Gunner catches Roode out of a top rope dive and starts his comeback with the X Moves of Doom. Everyone has a Moves of Doom Sequence. Gunner gets a two count with a DDT and misses a flying headbutt. Roode takes advantage and hits a Roode Bomb for the win.

Dixie is walking backstage with security. She asks them to set up the Dixie Table in the ring, and not leave her side all night. Why not ask them to, I don’t know, GET RID of the Dixie Table?

Who says white boys can’t dance?

Mangelina Love is backstage with Velvet Sky. Apparently she got a letter. Even more surprisingly, she can read. The letter wants her to not dress and act like such a slut. If they don’t then the board are going to inflict “repurcussions” upon them. Mangelina says they’re going to have the celebration anyway and put on evening gowns. They tease stripping in the ring and walk off. I didn’t realise I was on the TNA board of directors. No, wait, in Kayfabe I AM an investor. MVP was introduced in Scotland and I said it would be me, but they put MVP out there because he’s more well known.

Dixie Time! I don’t know how to feel about finding Dixie cute when she had a beard. She introduces herself as the woman who put Bully Ray through a table, and says she won’t ever forget him double crossing her, and he’ll always remember a woman put him through a table. Bully keeps threatening her and trying to intimidate her but it just won’t work. She says that he should be afraid of her. She’ll get Serge to knock him out like he did AJ Styles. Don’t worry, she didn’t say that. Anyway, Bully comes out with a chain and walks into a wall of security. Bully says everyone wants to see him put her through a table, and mocks her petty womanly ways for thinking he’d be afraid of her. Bully talks to the security and tries to convince them to abandon Dixie. Even they want to see Dixie go through a table. They just have to walk away. They do. I hope Dixie sues them.

She still has three guys in the ring though. Bully says they have to a count of five to leave. Bully only counts to one before the fans count to five for him. He jumps in the ring and gets held down by the rent-a-cops. He fights out of it and clears the ring, but Dixie stands her ground and goes to slap him. Bully catches her arm and goes to commit sexual assault when MVP comes out for the save. He tells Bully to leave her alone, and tells Dixie to get out of HIS ring before he lets Bully rape her. MVP says he’s tired of their little feud and says he’ll get blamed for it if Bully puts Dixie through a table. He has a locker room of people and doesn’t have time for this shit, and bans Dixie and Bully from the Impact Zone.

Even Nostradamus knew.

Willow vs James Storm
Storm comes out hard and fast and keeps Hardy grounded and in pain. Maybe they feel they can job out Willow because he’s technically not James Hardy. Of course that’s not it though as Willow makes his comeback. Willow Baseball Slide’s his way out of the ring and transitions it into an elbow to Storm who was flat on the ground. That was pretty neat at least. Willow has one new move. He really needed to change up his moveset. Or stay really aggressive at least. Speaking of aggression, Willow grabs a chair but misses with it when he tries to splash Storm with it. Storm grabs a beer and takes a swig before knocking the ref on his ass. He got DQ’d for that, so Willow wins. So James Storm can drink in a match but Jeff Hardy can’t turn up high? That’s bullshit. Storm smashes the beer bottle and goes to hit Willow, but Willow hits him with his umbrella. Storm backs away up the stage and runs into a Mic Check by Mr Anderson.

Bromans are backstage with MVP and they say that 3 on 2 wasn’t fair. It messed with their heads and put them off their game. MVP says that they’ll have a 3 on 3 match with The Wolves next, with them having a mystery partner. Bully Ray walks in after the Bromans walk off, and says he is to thank for MVP having his job. MVP defends his decision and basically says Bully can put Dixie through a table OUTSIDE the arena.

Eric Young is backstage, and cuts a promo about facing Roode tonight.

These are some tough beans

The Bromans vs The Wolves and Seiya Sanada
It’s a real shame I don’t care about the Bromans. I don’t even care enough to hate them. Everyone pairs up for a quick brawl and the Bromans are sent out the ring and the Japanese Wolves dive out the ring. Robbie E gets gangraped in the ring by chops and kicks after failing to do some of his own. This match was just all over the place. I give up trying to keep track of everything. Just as I announce I give up they settle into an actual 3 on 3 dynamic. Then they give up on it. The Bromans inavertantly hit Zema when trying to break up a pin. Zema gets hit by three top rope moves for the loss. Oh God each TNA show has four matches, meaning only the main event is left but there’s still 20 minutes left of the show.

The Beautiful Celebration
It’s hard to believe two women can take female wrestling back so far. Mangelina says the BP’s take orders from no one and saying they can’t do something means they’re going to do it. They tease taking “it all off” and proceed to strip in the ring. This is why I’m ashamed to admit I’m a wrestling fan. They actually only take off their gloves before Mangelina mocks the crowd and calls them disgusting. She says that they couldn’t get women like them if they went to Nevada with a fistful of fifties. Yeah, they wouldn’t charge that much. Velvet says they wrote the letter to tease the audience and it was all a work. Angelina tells the crowd to worship her and Gail Kim comes out and says they’re making a mockery of the division. Gail says that she’s going to make sure they get stripped of everything. She sends Velvet out the ring and tries to rip off Manny’s dress but Velvet pulls her out the ring. As the BP’s try to escape Madison Rayne and Brittany come out and strip them. I give up. Someone buy me a “Fuck This Company” shirt from Bookertees because that’s how I feel.

That’s bookertees.com

The Canadian Dragon Eric Young vs Bobby Roode
It’s a pretty good match. You knew it would be. EY misses a dive, sening himself out to the floor and Roode takes advantage between selling his exhaustion. EY fights back, hits the dive this time, and calls for the Pile Driver. Roode counters and they trade near falls. EY hits the Pile Driver for a two count, so EY goes for the elbow. Roode dives on the ropes to knock EY down and hits a Roode Bomb for a two count. EY fights his way out of a top rope Roode Bomb and hits the Elbow for the win.

I try to stay positive, and I was kind of depressed during this show, but the show didn’t help. The last time I was depressed Impact actually cheered me up. Not this time. It wasn’t a terrible show, but it could have been a lot better. 6/10. Oh and just before the show goes off the air Bully says that he’s going to go to Nashville because he’s banned from the Impact Zone. Bully is joining the Force!

The post TNA Impact; 1/5/2014; I Am A Bored Wrestling Fan appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Angle is flexing backstage exercising. He threatens to kill EC3 if Spud gets out of his match tonight.

Magnus makes his way down to the ring with what Tazz identified as a turnbuckle. All I know is it looked sharp. I’m going to miss him introducing himself as the champion. Magnus doesn’t see what happened as losing, but rather being let down. Abyss let him down and he wants Abyss to come out so he can trash him. Abyss obliges and Magnus berates the heck out of him. Everyone abandoned Abyss and it’s because he’s a failure. He had one job, to make sure Magnus kept the title, and he failed. Abyss counters by saying MVP said he’d be fired if he interfered. Abyss didn’t work for MVP though, so it seems MVP couldn’t fire him. Magnus can though, and he does.

He doesn’t do as good a job as the lover of cock though. #CockTalk

Abyss says it was never about the money. He just wanted to belong. Magnus was supposed to be his friend! Abyss is a monster and now he’s going to turn himself loose on Magnus. Magnus says he can’t because he’s not contracted anymore, and he’ll sue Abyss. To no surprise at all MVP comes out. He tells Magnus to put the weapon down and says people deserve second chances. He offers Abyss a job and says he can have it if he beats Magnus tonight. MVP skips his way to the back. Seriously. Abyss says he never liked Magnus anyway and says he’ll kick his ass.

Spud is backstage preparing. Ethan appears and says he’s not going to give Spud a speech, he’s going to tell him the truth. Angle is alive and dangerous and there’s only one person who can beat him; Ethan Carter. Spud is Operation Human Shield and tonight Ethan needs him to be a gazelle. Ethan preps Spud’s tie and sends him on his way.

Kurt Angle vs Rockstar Spud
Seriously? This isn’t going to be worth my attention. Ethan interferes but Spud still loses to an Ankle Lock. Post match Ethan attacks Kurt, focusing on the injured knee. Willow runs out for the save.

Dean IS the master of the titty.

The Beautiful People are backstage. I tune out. I wish. They say they’re going to give Rayne a makeover.

MVP is also backstage. He founds Kenny King in his office. MVP sets up a match for Kenny King and doesn’t say who his opponent is.

Madison Rayne heads out to the ring. This is going to be painful. She calls the Beautiful People out so they can “Have at it”. I reserve the right to not pay attention. Tazz implies he’s about to watch lesbian porn. Angelina says that Rayne should forgive them. Rayne says she does, and she’s sorry for what she’s about to do. She attacks the Beautiful People and gets double teamed for her troubles. Brittany comes out to save the day and…gets thrown out the ring. Oh the effectiveness. Angelina puts a bag on Madison’s head that has Angelina’s head on it. It was better when Cody Rhodes did it. Damn I miss Dashing Cody Rhodes.

Mr Anderson is wandering around. He has Samuel Shaw’s childhood address. The segment ends with him getting in his car.

Gail Kim was in the female locker room. She says she’s not going to let the Beautiful People ruin her division, because they’re taking it in the wrong direction. She respects Madison Rayne and wants her to be her partner tonight. There was a quick cut that said “Someone messed up a line” but Rayne agreed to be her partner. Brittany says she’ll be there too but Madison tells her to fuck off.

Dwayne “The Brock” Johnson

Kenny King vs Bobby Lashley
Does this count as black on black crime? Lashley dominates because X-Division wrestlers can’t hang with the big boys. Lashley looked good but why would you destroy your number one contender? Kenny gets some offense in but gets caught in midair and dropped with a vertical suplex. After that King left the ring and lost via countout.

Another Kenny found his way to Samuel’s parents house. The woman he meets is called Christie. Basically Sam has mother issues. She has the same speaking style as Shaw too.

James Storm and Bobby Roode are backstage, reminiscing about kicking eachothers asses. James Storm never forgets even when he’s shitfaced. His words not mine. Storm says they should team together because they’re unstoppable together. They have enough respect for eachother to beat the crap out of everyone and eachother, and Gunner never respected him. It was funny to make his dad cry though.

Austin Aries vs MVP
Mike Tenay and Tazz argue over MVP getting involved physically as Aries and MVP have a good match. MVP hits a clothesline so hard Aries does a flip. He should have done a barrel roll. It would have negated the damage. Both men hit their signatures but no finishers. Aries misses a 450 and takes the loss.

WWE Magazine predicts Wrestlemania 31 and messes up.

Another awesome package on Sanada. Whoever makes these needs to make ALL the packages. If they are, then they need to learn how to do things right.

Kenny is still with Shaw’s mum. He claims he’s doing an exposé on talented people. Shaw’s mum is making pie and she makes him one every day. Shaw lives in his mum’s basement. Mamma Shaw asks Kenny if he wants to see Shaw’s bedroom, and he just has to say yes. I was expecting a joke about Kenny eating Shaw’s mum’s pie.

Beer Money vs Gunner Ray
For the most part the two matches of Gunner and Storm and Bully and Roode are kept separate. Beer Money employ their heelish ways and wear down Bully Ray and me. Storm even gnaws on Bully’s head. Gunner remembers he’s supposed to be calling for a hot tag and finally gets around to it. Gunner comes in and takes out both guys. Bully also gets in the ring and they hit the Wassup Spot. I’d be pissed off if I was Devon. Bully calls for Gunner to get a table and Bully tries to elbow Roode through it. Roode dodges and Bully goes through the table. Back in the ring Gunner hits his finisher but takes a Super Kick for the loss. Beer money wins.

Wrestling like a sir

Magnus is backstage. He says Abyss didn’t fulfill his obligation, so now Magnus will fulfill his obligation to himself. He’s going to end Abyss’s career, because Magnus’s time is here. His time is now. You can’t see him.

Kenny is still in the Shaw home. He walks down the stairs to Sam’s room and Momma Shaw waves goodbye to him and shuts the door. Three guesses where this is heading. Anderson turns on the light in Shaw’s room, and says “Oh my God” but we’re not shown what he sees. Instead they cut to break. When we get back, we are shown Shaw’s room. Basically he has the room of a five year old. Shaw walks in and beats the shit out of Anderson and the cameraman runs for his life. Momma Shaw asks him what’s happening and Shaw comes out of his room with a bloody lip. He hugs his momma and the cameraman just keeps on running, leaving Anderson to die.

I really didn’t think I’d get to use this properly…

The Beautiful People vs Gayne
Kim and Rayne did pretty well as a team. The crowd was just dead for this one. I couldn’t tell if they were fapping or bored. Angelina rolls up Madison Rayne for the win.

There’s another one of them there video packages on Mike Knox. There’s a girl who spins fire or some shit. Knox says he’s proud of her, and she’s proud of him, but he can’t stay around. He has to go back to Impact and wrestle again. The girl says that she’s going to go with him. Apparently they’re lovers. God that’s disturbing.

Abyss is backstage. He basically says what he already said to Magnus and admits he made a mistake when he hurt the people who cared about him. Tonight he’s going to massacre Magnus.

The Wolves have a video package and apparently they have a Wolves Nation too. I wonder if they’ll go to war with the Cenation.

The Man They Call String

Magnus vs Abyss for Abyss’s Job
EY comes out to sit on commentary. This was a damn short match. Unless they had a long commercial break. EY denies that he’s someone Abyss cares about. EY still cares about him, but he made a mistake and now he’s paying the price. EY was pretty good on commentary in my opinion. Outside of not focusing on the match at all. Magnus hits a low blow and gets disqualified. Technically Abyss won so he would have his roster spot back. Post match Magnus cripples Abyss with a chair. The crowd call for EY to save Abyss but he takes his sweet time to do it. Plus he just gets low blowed and chaired too. Magnus just keeps beating them to take us off the air.

THAT’S how you do a heel beatdown. You make it short and painful, and not 20 damn minutes long. The show wasn’t too bad at all. 7/10.

The post TNA Impact 24/04/2014; Clever Titles All Round appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show opens with your new champion B.Y (that’s B for Bryan) coming to the ring. He says the belt represents a lifetime of hard work, and everything he’s done has lead to this moment. He’s going to be a champ for the fans, and he’s going to pay the fans back with the belt. I think he’s going to pawn it or something. He’s going to defend the belt a lot and his reign is going to be a party, a party interrupted by the Prince of Bitches Dixie Carter. She congratulates BY and says she’s to thank for him becoming champ. She saved his job eight years ago or something, and she invented the beard. She made them fashionable LONG before everyone else and she needs royalty checks from EVERYONE who infringes on her copyright of the beard. B.Y reminds her MVP is in charge and says they don’t need her. Dixie promises to remedy that, but B.Y represents her. He’ll go wherever Dixie takes TNA. B.Y says he hopes she has puke bags because he makes her sick. Dixie wants him to hold her in high regard and B.Y says he’ll flush her like he would any piece of crap. Dixie wants him to honor and obey him, but B.Y doesn’t obey and honor anyone. He won’t be a paper champion, and makes a Dukes of Hazard reference. Dixie says he needs to be relevant and she’s going to give him a makeover. If he says no, she’ll go after O.D.B instead. B.Y says she gets one warning, and Bully Ray comes out to the ring.

For Jorge.

Bully apologises for interrupting B.Y but he really wants Dixie to shut the hell up. He says B.Y is a role model for wrestlers who are put down by bad bosses. Dixie says he took her money and double crossed her. He’s got no right to talk like that. Apparently Bully spent that money in a strip club. Hookers and blow people. Hookers and blow. Bully reminds her that he almost put her through a table, and sings Dixie out of the ring with “Hey Hey Goodbye”. Bully hypes up B.Y and says he doesn’t like many people in the business, but he likes and respects E.Y and gets the crowd to chant E.Y to end the segment. Normally I hate TNA having long promos to start the show but that was fun.

I actually forgot Bryan was paired with the Bellas in kayfabe.

Velvet Sky vs Madison Rayne in a Street Fight
Velvet waits at the bottom of the ramp with Kane, but Madison jumps her from behind and takes her by the back door. Things end up in the ring and no one really cares about the stip. Angelina even stays nicely out the ring. There’s minor weapon useage and minor Angelina involvement. Rayne goes to town with a trash can, avoids a Kane assault, and hits a spear for the win.

B.Y meets Bully backstage and thanks him for what he said. Bully says he still has some money left and leaves for the strip club. Abyss comes up from behind B.Y and says he’s worse than he’s ever been, and asks him for a title match. He then smells B.Y. Eric says he’ll do it in a Monsters Ball match. Pretty sure those require a 24 hour waiting period. You can at least stick to your own rules.

Rockstar Spud is also backstage, looking for Ethan. Ethan has a shirt that just says “Trouble” on it a lot. Ethan asks Spud if he’s afraid of Hardy, and has every right to be. He reminds Spud that HE was the one who pushed Jeff off a ladder. Ethan crippled Angle and tonight Spud is going to end Hardy’s career because he’s a lion.

And it wasn’t Chyna who did it.

MVP gets a jobbers entrance and is randomly in the ring. He congratulates Eric and brings up the name Sam-O-A Joe. I just wrote it how he pronounced it. He says Joe hasn’t called him, or returned his calls. If he’s disgruntled he should call and talk to M.V.P. Another disgruntled employee comes out, Austin Aries. He calls himself the most disgruntled man who ever lived. He cuts a promo using the prompts of Motivate Validate and Participate. He wants some answers. MVP says he made his bed by screwing him, and needs to lie in it. Aries asks if that’s why he’s being screwed over, but doesn’t really get an answer. MVP takes his jacket off and they tease fighting. Aries says they’ll do it next week. He’s not stupid, and won’t fight with a convicted felon. Instead he’ll wrestle one next week.

The Wolves vs The Bromans for the Tag Team Titles
I don’t give a damn at this point. Wolves start strong, but don’t stay strong. Richards gets tag teamed until he gets the hot tag and Edwards shredrapes both Bromans. The Wolves hit a double foot stomp and DJ Z whacks them with a chair for the DQ. I continue to not give a damn about the titles. I saw this coming. The actual defense will come at Sacrifice.

Some Willow promo airs about dirt sheets, Rockstar Spud, and EC3. Did you know you can buy a Willow Umbrella from the TNA store?

That’s right Mr. Uso, YOU can own a Willow Umbrella!

There’s an emotional video from Eric Young that was ruined by production values. The background music was too loud, and in the background of the video was Madison Rayne’s music. Get your shit together TNA. Please.

Ethan Carter III and Rockstar Spud vs Willow in a handicap match
Spud mimics the EC3 entrance by doing it with him. He looked pretty awesome doing it. I’m sad the Hogan “Brother Brother Brother” video seems to have vanished. It’s mostly Ethan vs Willow, with Spud occasionally getting involved. Willow overcomes the odds and wins by pinning Spud. Post match Ethan attacks Willow, and Willow gets saved by the one and only Kurt Angle.

They cut to break and come back to Angle stood in the ring. Angle cuts a promo on EC3, and says his career will only end when he says it will. He did win a gold medal with a broken freakin’ neck after all. Angle says that he’s going to have a match with Ethan soon, and he’ll break a lot of bones. Ethan’s bones that is, not his own. That’s unintentional. The match won’t end until Ethan literally dies either.

Trips always wins at Shovel, Shield, Evolution

Bobby Roode is backstage and he’s asked about this open challenge table match thing. Bully took away his chance to be a part owner of TNA, and now Roode is going to take tables away from Bully. He’ll put anyone who answers the challenge through a table, and he’ll put Bully through one too.

There’s an awesome video on Seiya Sanada about how he wakes up at 4:30 every day to train, and works harder than everyone to make Muta and Japan proud. This is how you handle Japanese, or any foreign talent, right. They don’t have to cut in ring promos, you can just have them do subtitled video packages.

Back in the ring, Kenny King makes an appearance. He came home, but home has changed. He ridicules MVP’s intelligence and business sense. He’s not going to challenge MVP to another match, he’s just going to commentate a match between Tigre Uno and Seiya Sanada

I’ve never heard of this Sting guy.

Tigre Uno vs Seiya Sanada, duh.
It’s part two of their best of three series. Sanada won the first round so Tigre has to win this one. After a good match I can’t do justice to, Tigre does pull out the win with a 450 Splash. Kenny was pretty quiet on commentary.

Bully is backstage talking to someone who can’t be seen. He wants whoever it is to put Roode through a table tonight.

Bobby Roode Open Challenge Table match
Pre-match Roode cuts a promo on Bully and asks his opponent to come out. That opponent is…Gunner! They have a good, strong match. Not bad at all. It’s a shame there’s no chance of Gunner winning and beating Roode just a few days before his PPV table match. Roode does the Bully Ray taunt and Gunner hits The Move That Beat John Cena. Kind of. Gunner tries to climb up to the top rope and James Storm appears out of nowhere. Gunner kicks Storm away and Roode drops him on the table. It doesn’t break though, and a “You fucked up” chant starts. Roode picks Gunner up and hits a Roode Bomb to break the table. Post match Roode and Storm start to beat up Gunner and Bully Ray runs out for the save.

FELLA!

Some video about how the other talent feels about E.Y being the champ. Willow says “Eric Young is the greatest world champion TNA has ever seen”. What a lack of confidence this nutjob has.

Eric Young himself is backstage with a trash can of weapons. He says the best part of it, is that it was his idea. He’s crazy, and he’s going to show everyone how crazy.

Bully is in the parking lot with Gunner. He tells Gunner to pick himself up, dust himself off, and next week they’ll team up to take out Beer Money.

Eric Young vs Abyss in a Monsters Ball match
EY wastes no time grabbing weapons and smashing Abyss with them. He even hits 15 punches in the corner. Always wondered why people only did 10. Abyss uses his size to gain the advantage and beat the tar out of E.Y. E.Y Baseball Slides a trashcan into Abyss’s face, and then Abyss counters a Suicide Dive with said trashcan. EY gets catapulted into a chair in the corner and damn, that looked like it hurt.

Abtista. Abyss looks like Bootista.

The tacks make their compulsory appearance and EY grates the monster’s balls with a cheese grater. EY goes for a pile driver but couldn’t get Abyss up. Abyss grabs Janice, but she gets stuck in the turnbuckle as EY ducks the blow. EY grabs Janice instead but takes a Chokeslam onto the tacks. Abyss throws a barbed wire board into the ring and goes for another Chokeslam. EY literally bites his way out of it and drop kicks Abyss onto the board. EY hits a top rope elbow for the win.

A good show overall for sure. There was no stupid shit or anything this episode. Barely even anything that didn’t make sense either. 8/10.

The post TNA Impact 17/04/2014; I Didn’t Hate This Show appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with Dixie entering the arena. She was in an actual limo too, so I guess they CAN afford them. MVP is in his office and says Joe isn’t in the gauntlet match, but he’s been replaced. Whoever wins gets a title match at Sacrifice.

10 Man Gauntlet (Royal Rumble) match for the number one contender spot
The match starts with Storm and Gunner, who just beat the shit out of eachother. Bobby Roode came out third and Beer Money  reforms as Roode focused on Gunner. Bully Ray comes out next and saves Gunner. It turns into 2 on 2 until Ethan Carter comes out, watching his back for Angle. Apparently Angle threatened him on Twitter. Ethan goes after Bully but gets overpowered quickly. The next man out is Bobby Lashley, who just has his way with everyone. Next out is Abyss, because this makes no damn sense. Magnus comes out to sit on commentary about a minute after Abyss came out. Eric Young and Seiya Sanada joined the Gauntlet too. The final comptetitor is Willow. All ten men are out, and no eliminations yet.

Spud rolls out to the ring in his wheelchair and eliminates Willow by standing up and pulling him off the apron. Willow chases him out as Abyss tosses out Sanada. Bobby throws out Bobby, as Roode eliminates Lashley, only to be eliminated by Bully Ray. Bully shows off and pays for it as Roode and Ethan drag him out the ring. Magnus was pretty awesome on commentary. Storm Superdicks Gunner and throws him out the ring. We’re down to the final four of Abyss, EY, Ethan and Storm. EY gets triple teamed and Ethan tries to throw him out. EY skins the cat and uses his legs to get Ethan out the ring. Storm tries to skin the cat like EY but EY drop kicks him to knock him off the rope for the elimination, leaving us with just EY and Abyss. EY puts up an epic fight and manages to knock Abyss out the ring with a clothesline for the win.

Scumbag Cena

Post match EY says he has a request for MVP and calls him out. EY says he’s feeling crazy tonight and he wants his title match tonight. He’s been waiting 10 years and that’s too long. I want to point out he’s also injured, his right arm is hurting. MVP agrees and tells Magnus, who was still on commentary, to get ready. Magnus says that it’s okay because it’s Magnus Rules. MVP says there aren’t any Magnus rules tonight. He can and will lose the title via DQ and countout, Abyss is banned from ringside and if anyone interferes they will be fired on the spot.

Rockstar Spud is backstage with a surprise party for Dixie’s return. She walks in the room and feels he over did it a little. She tells him off over his tribute, thinking that he swapped sides pretty quickly. She tells him to clean up and walks out the room, closing the door. Spud goes to follow her but he’s attacked by Willow when he opens the door.

ODB vs Gail Kim vs Brittany vs Angelina Love for the Number One Contendership of the K.O title
It’s Wrasslemania all over again! A multi man Battle Royal and a multi woman first fall to a finish match. Everyone pairs up with Brittany going after Gail and ODB going after Angelina. I hope she breaks her. She just throws her out the ring and challenges Brittany to a punch out. It’s typical four way fare; Throw someone out, double team, turn on eachother, rinse and repeat. Brittany was pretty fun to watch at least. Flippy shit ahoy! Velvet sprays Gail Kim in the eyes and Angelina puts her down with a mean kick for the win.

This hit me right in the feels. RIP Warrior.

MVP is backstage on the phone when Dixie walks in. MVP threatens to have her taken out by security. Dixie chastises him for attacking King backstage, saying MVP stands for “Massive Violation of Power”. She says he’ll fire him when she can. First she’s going to take care of who screwed her over, and wants him to watch so he knows how it feels when she does it to him. Not too bad for a Dixie promo.

The Wolves have a new haircut! Now I need to know which one is blonde. They walk into MVPs office which now contains the douchebag Bromans, minus Robbie. His flight got cancelled so he can’t make it, so they still have no title match. MVP notices Jesse has both titles and he says Robbie has until bell time to get to the ring because the match is still on. If Robbie doesn’t appear, then Zema Ion will take his place.

They replay clips of EY winning and getting his match. It was weird without commentary over the top of it explaining. Magnus is backstage and says that EY made a huge mistake by asking for the match tonight.

It’s Dixie Carter time. Because a month is too long for her to be gone apparently. She calls out Bully Ray, to no one’s surprise. I can’t believe they were acting like they had no idea who she was talking about. I’m so glad fans aren’t as retarded as the commentators. I spot someone in the crowd who’s wearing either a Power Rangers shirt, or the Xavier Woods shirt that you can get at Bookertees.com. That’s Bookertees.com. While you’re at it go to Amazon and get my new book A Chest of Childhood. I plan on printing a short story every week, and I WILL be prostituting them.

I think it might just be a power rangers shirt.

The crowd actually chants for Bully to put her through a table. He’s shocked she’s actually standing next to him. She wasn’t at the office when she called him last. Dixie calls him stupid for getting tricked by Bobby and being beaten by him too. Roode put him through three tables and that’s never happened to him before. Bad News Bully has some bad news though; he’s still standing there. Dixie plans to fix that, but wants to know why he betrayed her. Bully gets in her face for calling TNA her company, and says it never was. It belongs to the fans and to the wrasslers. Bully says that the fans and wrasslers respect him even if they hate him. Dixie paid him a lot of money to fix the match, and she wants it back. Too bad he bought a car and went to the cabaret with it. Bully goes to ask Dixie if she knows who he is, and Dixie interrupts him, saying she’s still in charge and the boss. She slaps him like a girl. She should take lessons from Steph on how to slap people. Bully approaches her in a Sam Shaw style and gets taken from behind by Bobby Roode. Not in a Sam Shaw style though. Dixie tells Roode to grab a table. Roode sets one up but Bully tries to put him through it. Roode slips out and runs off and Bully teases putting Dixie through it instead.

No word of a fucking lie but they cut to a backstage segment with Dixie and Bully Ray. That’s just awful. I guess Bully let her go or something. Magnus asks her what’s going on because she didn’t even say hi. She’s on business that isn’t him, but he’s the champion. He IS the business. He wanted Dixie to wish him luck, but Dixie says he doesn’t need luck. She plans to go home and get drunk. Magnus calls her a typical woman and Dixie gets in his face for forgetting her and abandoning her, and that’s why she’s leaving him alone. He leaves saying “I don’t need you anyway. Wrath of Dixie my arse.” Epic.

The Wolves vs Bromans for the tag titles

The Wolves are keyed as Jessie Goderz and DZJ, both spoiling that Robbie wouldn’t show up, and showing terrible, terrible production levels. Davey Richards is the one who’s blonde now. Richards is blonde. Richards is blonde. Richards is blonde. I don’t get why I don’t just get this. Robbie E makes a surprise appearance and gets the Bromans disqualified so they keep the titles.

What are production values?

Christie Hemme is backstage and she’s asked about something she did with Samuel Shaw. She tweeted or some shit. She wants to meet Samual in the ring to talk about commitment. Plot twist; she’s committing him to a mental institution. I’m calling it now. I write this stuff live yo.

Hemme is, of course, in the ring and she calls out Samuel Shaw. Shaw obliges and stalks his way to the ring. Hemme asks the crowd to not chant creepy bastard at him. She says she’s had a change of heart and Shaw is misunderstood. Shaw says he’s none of the things the crowd call him, he’s the love of her life. Hemme asks if Shaw trusts her, and if he’d do anything. She asks if he’ll go anywhere he wants her too, and bites his glove off. She tells Shaw to close his eyes and feel her. This was awkward as fuck. I don’t like to swear in my reviews, but it’s the only word I can use. A white van with “PSYCHIATRIC SERVICES” on it appears backstage. I called this!

That’s some top quality shit.

Anderson hops out of the van and makes his way to the ring as Hemme continues her stupid porn acting. Hemme tells Shaw to turn around and open his eyes, and he does to get a mic check from Anderson. Anderson shushes him and confirms he’s going to be committed to the psych ward. Anderson throws him out the ring and drags him off as the crowd sing Goodbye to him. Shaw leaps out of the Psychiatric Services van and makes a run for it, getting away too.

Willow promo. Willow doesn’t care about winning and challenges both Spud and EC3 to a match next week so he can get revenge.

Eric Young vs Magnus for the World Heavyweight Championship
Magnus starts strong and stays strong. Magnus starts attacking the arm, and throws EY into the steel steps. Magnus stays in control for pretty much the entire match. He even said “The paper champion is in control” at the crowd. EY turns a humbling camel clutch (or some variation thereof) into an electric chair to start his comeback. EY gets some good offense in, finishing with a top rope elbow for a two count. Magnus hits a Mikonochu Driver but doesn’t get the win. He gets frustrated and teases hitting EY with the belt. The ref takes it off him and Magnus hits the low blow while Hebner is distracted. Only a two count. EY hits a Pile Driver of all things and picks up the win. Eric Young is your new TNA World Heavyweight Champion. The celebration is what takes us off the air.

It was a pretty decent show, even with the production errors and cheap shit. I wanted Magnus to be champion but I’m not too sad he lost. I think his reign was a bit of a joke. I wanted more from him as champ. I wanted a dominating champion, not some chickenshit heel. Let’s see what they do with EY as champ.

The Canadian Borg are watching you, unless you don’t want them to.

The post TNA Impact 10/04/2014; It’s Impact Time appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The opening package reminded me of all the gimmick matches on the show tonight. I think I can possibly be lazy, but I’m less hopeful now.

Bobby Roode and EC3 vs Bully Ray and Willow in a tag tables match
Starting the show with a match? Good move TNA. Bully and Jefflow get on pretty well and make a good team, setting their opponents up for eachother. They even hit the Wassup Spot. The crowd is absolutely insane for this match. I think Hardy shared his drugs. Carteroode got back into things as they slowed down and we got standard match fare. Hardy and Ray helped eachother by moving tables before their partner could be thrown through them. Rockstar Spud rides out to the ring on a wheelchair with a cast on his leg for the distraction and Jefflow actually drop kicks him and carries him off. Dick move. Ray gets tag teamed in the ring. He put up a valiant fight but it ends with a Spinebuster through the table via Bully Roode. That’s what it sounded like Hemme said. Post match Ray gets sent through two more tables.

Kenny King is driven into the show by a security guard on a cart. Yep. He asks someone who his opponent is and he’s informed he doesn’t have one and goes looking for MVP.

That’s just how he rolls

Also backstage is Magnus, who says that he and Abyss are just as good as ever.

MVP is in his office, so go look there Kenny. MVP hypes up the card for tonight. King does find MVP, and says he’ll wait to talk to MVP. What a pusillanimous little bitch.

Samuel Shaw vs Ken Anderson in a Strait Jacket match
Tazz makes jokes about the Mannihemme. THAT WAS A MANNEQUIN OF YOUR COWORKER YOU SICK FUCK. Speaking of sick fucks, Anderson does his stupid self introduction spiel shit. At least he justified the match. Anderson said that Shaw can’t keep his hands to himself, but a strait jacket is a good way to make sure he does. Shaw comes out and says he’s not a creepy bastard, and asks Anderson if he knows what he does with his hands. He creates art, while everyone else does nothing because they’re ordinary. Being ordinary is the worst crime there is, and I agree. Normal people suck. Anyway, Shaw says Hemme loves him and Anderson jumps him before he can say another word. They could have extended the feud by cutting those promos one week and having the match another. By the power of Russo!

Anderson starts strong of course but it ends with Anderson being out in the ring. Shaw gets his arms in the strait jacket but Anderson fights back. Shaw puts the choke hold on to take Anderson out for easy jacketing. It works but Anderson doesn’t stay out long enough, so Shaw chokes him again. Shaw has a little trouble but he gets the jacket locked in. Post match he spoons Anderson. Seriously.

I told you the Anderspoon happened.

The Beautiful People are backstage and no one cares.

EY is asked about his title match. He says it wasn’t supposed to be for the title, but he deserves the spot he’s found himself in.

Seiya Sanada vs Tigre Uno in a best of three for the X Division Title
Wait what? Seriously…WHAT? Could it have killed them to have one segment where Sanada says he respects Tigre for their work together, and offers him a title match out of respect? The booking is terrible with this one. Before the match can start some guy called Kenny King walks out. He says some stuff no one understands, basically saying the X Division needs Kenny King and he 360 splashed his way out of the womb and was out performing Mil Mascaras as a kid. MVP comes out to shut him up. MVP calls him crazy and King acts crazy by saying he’s the biggest star in the ring, including MVP. Earl Hebner is a bigger start than King. He’s probably wrestled more in TNA than King too. MVP asks him to go backstage but King says no. He’s not going anywhere until he main events. MVP says that everyone is booked, and tells him to go backstage again. King tries to challenge MVP to a match. King asks if he can give a bow and does, and MVP eventually accepts the exhibition match challenge.

The match, you remember that, yeah that match finally starts. It’s flippy and fun X-Division. Sanada even did a drop kick after failing to hit a standing moonsault and landing on his feet. Entertaining and high octane, but too much to note down. Sanada wins with a double overhook bridging suplex. Hey, I’m starting to understand the names of moves. This match was shorter than the prematch crap.

Replace Milhouse with Shaw and Nelson with Kennedy.

Magnus is still backstage. Apparently we’re going to see Abyss like we’ve never seen him before.

That new girl Brittany is backstage with Madison Rayne. Subtle lesbianism abounds. She asks to be Rayne’s partner tonight and Rayne says no for her own good. Brittany talks her into it. Tagging, not lesbianism.

Magnus comes out to the ring and calls out Abyss. Abyss comes out dressed as Corporate Kane. Fun. Magnus says that Abyss won’t turn on him tonight because they’re friends, and he treats Abyss like a human. Magnus says that, as a Brit, it’s hard for him to express his feelings, but he manages to do it, and tells Abyss he loves him. He gives Abyss a very creepy one way hug and they leave the ring. EY attacks Abyss as they leave and Magnus saves Abyss and they beat the crap out of Young. Joe comes out for the save and clears the ring.

Speaking of Joe, I found ThinksoeJoe’s bed online. Seriously though this is an awesome bed.

MVP and The Wolves are backstage pumping eachother up and Little Robbie comes in the room and says that the other Broman isn’t cleared to compete thanks to a #QuadTear. The Wolves are pissed they don’t have their match, and walk off in a huff.

Knux meets his dad, who needs his help. He agrees to stay for a few days. Pretty much it.

The Beautiful People vs Madison Rayne and Brittany
Why is Mangelina Love in a team called the Beautiful People? I also don’t know how to feel I can tell Brittany and Rayne apart but not the Wolves. Brittany starts things strong until she gets heeled all over. Brittany finally geets a hot tag but doesn’t stay in for long as Brittany just tags herself back in and gets taken out with a double kick for the loss.

Kenny King vs MVP in an exhibition match
This match slow even in double speed. They were mostly supposed to be showing what they could do, rather than going for the win. Submissions, submissions everywhere. Eventually it descends into a full out brawl and the ref declares it a no contest and they get pulled apart by all the refs in the back. Kenny King came out on top of the brawl, so expect more of this down the line.

I’m afraid I have some bad news…this is Fandango’s April Fool’s joke.

Magnus meets EC3 backstage and says he’s doing better. Their business relationship has ended but their friendship is still there. He asks EC3 if he’s got his back tonight, and perfection is achieved. These two are just so great together. Ethan says he’s afraid that Abyss will turn against him, and doesn’t give him a definite answer.

MVP and Kenny brawl in the garage. Told you to expect more of this. The Wolves pull them apart and get on MVP’s case for letting his emotions get the best of him.

Magnus vs Abyss vs Eric Young vs Samoa Joe for the World Heavyweight Championship
They split up how you’d expect and keep it like a tornado tag match. EY took out everyone with a suicide dive and focused on Magnus, and Abyss accidentally splashed Magnus. Things went back to normal after that and Abyss obeyed Magnus as he told him to attack Joe. Abyss and Magnus focus on Eric and there’s small dissention as Abyss tries to hit a superplex but Magnus stops him. EY counters Magnus and takes both guys out until Magnus counters. At this point I wonder why Abyss and Magnus didn’t just clear the ring and then have Abyss lie down for the count. Anyway, Joe shredrapes Magnus and Abyss and EY breaks the pin. Joe chokes Magnus, Magnus choked the ref, and then hit a low blow to escape the choke. Abyss hit a Black Hole Slam on EY and could have won the title but listened to his British Overlord and didn’t go for it, instead offering the scraps to Magnus. Magnus wins with the top rope elbow and keeps the belt.

It was a decent show, bordering on good, but it felt like it could have been so much better. Next week isn’t looking better as the show ended with a short promo for a Dixie return.

Speaking of asses…enjoy.

The post TNA Impact; 3/4/2014; That Could Have Been Better appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with M.V.P in the ring talking about something. He was about to announce a decision when Magnus interrupts him. Magnus says Abyss has the same contract Alex Riley did. He works for Magnus, and not TNA. MVP can’t make decisions about him. MVP says he’s not going to fire Abyss, but he’s not afraid of him and will kick his ass if need be. MVP tries to appeal to Abyss and offers him a title shot. Abyss can only be in the ring if Magnus is you see. Abyss’s loyalties will be tested when the title is on the line. Next week there’s going to be a three way between Magnus, Abyss, and Joe. Yeah…put Joe in there with the heel and his henchmen on the hope that Abyss will turn his back.

I wonder if it was the creepy theme park owner.

Joe comes out and says he wants a fair chance, basically a one on one match. Joe points out that it would be a handicap match and MVP reiterates his hope that Magnus won’t be able to control Abyss. Joe attacks Magnus and it turns into a four way brawl, and then E.Y ran out and attacked Abyss. They cut to break and come back with all the heels gone. EY wants to take care of Abyss himself and asks to be put in the title match next week. If that happens, he’ll focus solely on Abyss and leave Magnus to Joe. MVP says EY hasn’t heard it and EY cuts a pretty serious promo about everything he’s been through and done. He cares about being entertaining, but he’s also a world class pro wrassler. Joe agrees EY deserves it, but he can’t have it until he, Joe, gets his one on one match. MVP says EY changeed his mind and put him in the match. EY and Joe have a shoving contest and get into a brawl. Joe calls for MVP to make a match between them and MVP agrees.

Bully Ray is backstage with his fire breathing twittah machine. He threatens Bobby Roode with tables. MVP is also backstage and puts the Wolves in a match against Abyss and Magnus.

Rockstar Spud and EC3 have their new roles. They’re hunting for Willow. They find the shitty little cabin he was in during his vignettes. EC3 says they’re there for vengance and tells Spud to keep following him. Spud asks for food as they walk off and the video ends.

I had no idea that Sting was under that mask.

The Wolves vs Magnus and Abyss
Magnus and Richards start things out slow. The Wolves tag team all over Magnus before Abyss tags himself in and takes them both out. Back from break Magnus took apart Edwards. Richards gets the hot tag and Abyss inadvertantly splashes Magnus. The Wolves hit a double team pin but Abyss breaks it up. The Wolves win by making Magnus tap out in a second. Taz covers for him by saying he was being smart. Abyss goes to give Magnus the belt but just keeps walking while holding the belt.

Angelina Love comes out to the ring and calls Velvet out. Apparently she’s not been returning her calls. Velvet joins Love in the ring and asks her why she beat the crap out of Madison last week. Love says she did it for Velvet and says she’d be mediocre without her. She’s lost her edge. Velvet says things have changed, and Love says that Velvet is the only one who’s changed. She left for two years because she was a headache, but she’d rather be blackballed than end someone’s bitch like Velvet. Love has a match with Madison Rayne and tells Velvet she’d better pick a side by the end of it.

There’s a video package about the history of Storm and Gunner. This one covered the beginning of their partnership.

Spud and Ethan are still looking for Willow. Spud doesn’t want to go in the barn, and that goes against Operation Human Shield. Ethan goes in and screams to scare Spud. Spud reluctantly gets in, and Ethan says he can imagine Jeff setting up ladders in there and practicing swantons. Spud gets abducted while Ethan is talking to himself. Ethan calls for Spud and hears Willow laugh.

Another video on Gunner and Storm, this one on the Feast or Fired match, and the match for the case after.

Scooby Doo was alive when Sin Cara got him.

Bully Ray comes out to the ring and Bully actually tweeted about this, saying for every 100 retweets he would put Roode through another table. I think he got about 300. Before Roode comes out, Bully hijacks RA-Impact. A bunch of fans come out the back, all in the same shirt, and set up tables. Bully asks the real crowd if they have enough tables, and says he wishes he had more but he bought all the tables they had. Bully is also now the biggest face because he got rid of Dixie Carter. He says again that Roode would have become another Dixie, and no one needs that.

Bully does some fan interaction about how many tables they want to see Roode put through, and that’s when Roode comes out. Roode isn’t intimidated, and admits that he was blinded by power. It’s cool now though because he remembered he was the longest reigning champion. He also spat in Dixie’s face before it was cool. Fucking hipster. He also tricked Bully Ray. Bully tells him to shut up and fight. Roode says the fight won’t happen and tries to walk out when he’s jumped and destroyed by Bully. Roode fights back but fails to put him through a table. If this was a match I wouldn’t care about how long it was, but because it wasn’t, I felt it dragged. Bully puts his foot through a table because Roode got out the way, then Bully charged through a table. Bully knocked himself out and Roode slithers away while Bully lays there like a drunk sorority girl.

Abyss gives Magnus his belt back backstage and asks Magnus why he tapped. Magnus says he tapped because the title wasn’t on the line, but Abyss is pissed because it counts as a loss. Magnus says he’s going to have to lose next week, and tells Abyss not to let MVP get to him.

Canadia; Made In the USA

Knux is back in where he lived or something. He’s in an arcade and all the machines were destroyed in a flood. He asks the girl how his dad is, and she argues with him about how he left them. He left them to literally drown. Epic. She tells him he needs to make things right with his dad before they can talk about them. She was wearing shorts that showed more ass than they covered, so I think he was eager to patch things up with his dad.

Angelina Love vs Madison Rayne
I’m sick and tired of this entrance music already. Rayne starts strong and doesn’t let up on the attack. Velvet comes out during the match and cheers on Madison. Love fights back and gets in Velvet’s face for supporting Rayne. Ultimately Velvet attacks Madison outside the ring and sends her in for Love to get the victory, which she does, as she stares lovingly into Velvet’s eyes.

MVP is backstage and Kenny King walks in. I honestly forgot who he was. He asks MVP for a match, and MVP says he can have one next week.

This man.

Samoa Joe vs Eric Young
EY takes shit seriously and actually gets in a lot of offense before Joe puts him down. Joe shredrapes EY but he kicks out at two a couple of times. EY gets some offense in, including a scoop slam, but he can’t keep it up for long before Joe puts him back down. EY tries to turn the choke hold into a pin but he passes out and loses. Post match Earl Hebner tells Mini Hebner that Joe’s shoulders were down and he should have counted a pin. I guess that was their attempt to keep Young strong.

Ethan is still hunting for Willow. He finds Spud’s camo and says Spud was right when he said you never leave a man behind. He heads for the house and the camera cuts.

Shaw has gotten a one week suspension for something he did backstage. He walked into the dressing room with Hemme and says he wants one thing from her. She slaps him and he cuts off a lock of her hair. He sniffs it, thanks her for it, and walks off. A one week supsension, for that?! Anyway, next week he’s fighting Anderson in a strait jacket match. Next week’s show looks pretty good actually.

Speaking of looking good…dayum girl!

One more Gunner/Storm video package covering the betrayal.

James Storm vs Gunner in an anything goes match
They waste little time and just beat the shit out of eachother, only stopping to set up a table. Storm suplexes Gunner on the ramp and they go back to their brawling. Gunner brings chairs into the match and they end up in the ring at last. Gunner sets up a chair in the corner and they exchange trash can lid shots to the head. Gunner hits a sloppy spear and Storm catapults him into the chair in the corner. Storm goes out the ring to get more weapons and gets speared through the table out there. Gunner sets up two chairs in the ring, one of which was broken, and superplexes Storm through them. It was how he won at Lockdown, but not this time. Storm hits not one, but two superkicks, and only gets a two. Both Gunner and Storm grab beer bottles and Gunner gets his in first. Gunner follows up with something called Hangar 18 and gets the win.

Spear! Spear! I made a Spear gif!

Rather than let that be the end of the show, they had to show the last Willow segment. Ethan calls for Willow and offers to trade Spud for not burning the place down. He finds Spud, and Willow beats the shit out of Ethan with his umbrella before disappearing. Ethan says it’s game on and the show goes off the air.

Decent show really. I got invested in some stuff, and was disappointed by other stuff. Standard TNA fare, 6/10.

The post TNA Impact 27/03/2014; I Am The True Pretty Ballerina appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show opened with E.Y getting beaten by Abyss backstage. ODB tried to get involved and failed. This went on far too long. They eventually ended up in the arena and my pain continued. It was fun that the fans chanted “Jo-seph” at Abyss. The highlight of the segment. It ends with E.Y getting choked out with a chain on the ropes. That looked pretty sick. His face actually turned purple and he may have died.

EC3 vs Bobby Lashley
There were no ring introductions for this. My guess is Sam Shaw got his hands on Christie Hemme. I missed most of Lashley in the E but went back to watch a few of his matches and enjoyed them, so I’m looking forward to him being on TNA. Lashley controls most of the match, with EC3 getting some hits and holds in to wear him down. Lashley stomps a mudhole on EC3 in the corner and then whips him into the ref. EC3 hits a lowblow while the ref can’t see and tries to walk out but he’s attacked by Willow. The DQ gets called as EC3 gets shredraped by Jeff, who tries to break his leg like he broke Spud’s, but Ethan crawled up the ramp and escaped.

Don’t believe any lies, I made this GIF.

There’s a video of Bully Ray at the TNA headquarters. He’s displeased that Dixie made him wait to see her, when she called him up there.

Backstage at the show Joe walks into MVP’s room and gets in his face over what happened at Lockdown, and over EY getting injured. MVP wants Abyss to be taken out, and for things to be done fairly. He’ll find someone else to chain to Abyss and fix things. Joe tells him every time he tries to fix things, he makes them worse, and walks out. He could just fix it by banning anyone from interferring. That always works.

Angelina Love is putting on her makeup and she’s asked if there’s going to be a Beatufiul People reunion. She says Velvet has had enough time, and they’ll find out tonight.

EC3 busts into Magnus’s dressing room and asks him where he was while he was getting beaten. This segment was beautiful. Ethan says that truly, from the bottom of his heart, Magnus is an ass. Magnus responds by pointing out Ethan was the one who just got assaulted by a clown and asks if the other 12 didn’t get out of the Volkswagen in time. Ethan says their professional relationship is terminated, and Magnus says he terminated it anyway. He got what he wanted out of Aunt D and kicked her to the kerb. Ethan gets in his face for insulting his aunt, and Magnus basically says Abyss is all he needs and tells Ethan to watch the match.

True real Americans brother dude brother.

Gunner comes out to cut a promo. He’s proud of his Lockdown win, and several other things. He thanked his dad, who just happened to be sat in the front row. Without their support he wouldn’t be who he is. He says he loves his dad and gives him a hug, and James Storm comes out to join the manly love fest. For what it’s worth, Gunner’s dad was the only one wearing a Gunner shirt. Storm is upset he wasn’t introduced to Gunner’s dad, so he does it himself. He mocks Gunner’s dad for being a crybaby with a dead dad. He actually said that Gunner’s dead dad is glad he’s dead and wasn’t alive to see his son and grandson become such disappointments. Gunner attacks him but eats a Last Call and gets handcuffed to the ring ropes. He even chokes out dear old dad in front of him. James Storm is, without a doubt, a huge fucking cunt. Gunner’s Dad tries to get Gunner out of the handcuffs and Storm whacks him on the back of the head with a beer bottle. I can only get so uncomfortable.

I also made this GIF. Thanks TNA!

Gail cuts a promo on Tapa backstage.

Bromans are backstage but I don’t really care. They find Sanada and Tigre and basically racist all over them. Mucho Racismo grande.

Lei’D Tapa vs Gail Kim
We finally get the second match of the night, and Hemme is back and does actual introductions. Tapa slowly but surely dominates the match until Kim hits her with the Eat Defeat for the win.

MVP is up in the rafters with Willow. He asks Willow to take out the last guy left and help get rid of Magnus. Willow should not be allowed to talk. Ever. EVER. NEVER FUCKING TALK YOU DAMN HIPPIE. He basically says he doesn’t play politics and will strike when and where he wants. Just as I was enjoying this shit. He basically talks how he did in the promo videos but without the distortions.

Angelina Love comes out to the ring and calls out Velvet for her answer. Get these girls different music already. Velvet mentions the good and bad they had together, and Love says she’s only seen as the leader of The Beautiful People because she was the veteran. Velvet did a lot on her own, but one is the loneliest number in wrestling. Velvet has trust issues thanks to Sabin, but accepts Love’s offer. The Beautiful People are back and Tazz calls their B.F.F gimmick a shoot. Love calls out BP3 Madison Rayne. Love asks her to join the Beautiful People, but does it in a pathetic and demeaning manner. Rayne says she’s paid her dues and she’s not interested in getting back together with them because they treated her like shit before.

How this segment made me feel.

Magnus is backstage and he’s asked if he has any concerns. He doesn’t. Joe walks in on the interview and threatens to kill Magnus. He’s walked off by what I think was Al Snow.

The Wolves vs Nippico (Tigre and Sanada) vs Bromans for the Tag Titles
Bromans racist it up again and tell Tigre to lay down. Tigre says no and attacks Bromans. Bromans try to walk out and that’s when the Wolves come in and make sure they get back in the ring. The two face teams work together at the start and then realise it’s every man for themselves. Nippico and Wolves are the focus and they do a great job. Frankly if they don’t even trust Bromans in the ring they shouldn’t be the champs. Robbie E tags himself in and basically gets assraped. Bromans get into it after Tigre tags himself in and Sanada and Jessie get hot tags. Sanada is great to watch. Zema poses with the X-Division title outside the ring and Sanada tags Tigre in so he can jump on Zema. Tigre high flies until the Wolves hit a double team Back Breaker Powerbomb. Anyone who wants to see how to be a tag team should just watch those guys. Unfortunately Bromans win with their Bro-down thing. They actually aren’t a bad team I just despise their gimmicks and they have X-Pac heat for me.

Angelina Love is crying backstage because Rayne doesn’t like her anymore. Velvet encourages her to talk to Rayne in private.

There was another Kenny King video and I’m low on jokes about how I don’t know who he is.

The evolution of The Rock. Also #PEDS

Angelina meets Madison backstage and wants to make up, but Rayne still doesn’t care. Angelina says she isn’t who she used to be, but she proved she was exactly the same earlier. Rayne agrees to think about it and Angelina attacks and beats the ovaries out of her when she tries to walk off. She shouts in Madison’s face that she doesn’t even want her in the Beautiful People anyway. The Beautiful People are her and Velvet. I guess we got ourselves another Sam Shaw, but this time it’ll be accepted because LESBIANS.

Possibly

MVP walks into Joe and says he’ll be the one chained to Abyss. He’s going to lead by example and take care of Joe personally.

There’s a video package on Knux. Yep. That guy’s coming back. He’s off to meet a woman who he’s not heard from for a few years. Knux is literally a carnie. Or his family is anyway. It ends before anything conclusive can happen.

Bully is still at TNA HQ. He decides he’s waited long enough and walks into her office. He cuts a promo about how much everyone hates Dixie to a chair that’s turned around, totally giving away the ending. What Bully said was good, but I wasn’t into it because I knew Dixie probably wasn’t in the chair. He turned on Dixie because she tried to control him, and no one respects her. He turns the chair around and of course it’s empty. He’s jumped from behind and demolished by Bobby Roode. Bobby Roode was the one who invited Bully, not Dixie, and he’s doing it entirely for himself.

Magnus vs Samoa Joe
Magnus does some heeling and lures Joe into some cheap shots as Abyss and MVP play Tug O War outside the ring. Joe hits hard and fast, as he always does, and Magnus hits back, as he always does. MVP and Abyss do pretty much nothing and just watch most of the match. Magnus tries to focus on Joe’s somehow-still-injured ribs and Joe sells not being able to follow up on some of his big moves. Magnus fights out of the Rear Naked Choke and the ref is taken out inadvertantly. That’s when Abyss and MVP finally move. They drag eachother around a little and MVP takes Abyss’s tacks away from him. MVP unlocks the chain and throws the tacks away, and gets his back broken with chair shots by Abyss. Joe goes to dive out the ring for the save and Abyss throws the chair at him. Magnus hits the top rope elbow drop for the win.

The Real Americans outside a Taco Bell with black kids..Zeb must be so mad.

It wasn’t that bad a show. I was just very unemotional about it. I was tired and hungry. The only thing I really responded to was Gunner’s dad. No rating this week.

The post TNA Impact 20/03/14; I Made Gifs appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Show starts with Bromans and EC3 walking around backstage. EC3 is upset Dixie lost everything at the PPV and blames Roode. They run into Roode and he blames Dixie because she got Bully Ray involved. Then he tells the JOB Squad to kick his ass when they see him.

MVP comes down to the ring  and says Dixie Land is closed, and Impact can move forward. MVP mentions Bully and says that he will be treated equally. MVP has a 3 point strategy for Impact; Motivate, Validate, Participate. I thought MVP meant Montel Vontavius Porter. Magnus walks out to the ring to extend my suffering. Did enjoy the “Magnus; what a wanker” sign.

What the internet has been waiting for…

Magnus says the MVP principle is pretty stupid and says he’s more formidable than ever thanks to Abyss. Abyss kinda looks like a cross between Undertaker and Kane now with a new mask and a long leather coat. He even has the beard. Magnus doesn’t see Abyss as a monster, but a machine that runs on money, and Magnus has plenty of that. This makes them the hardest challenge that MVP has. MVP says Magnus was getting his ass kicked until he literally pulled Abyss out of his ass, which must have hurt, and brings out Joe as the number one contender. MVP announces a title match for next week, and starts a match between Abyss and a clearly injured Joe.

Samoa Joe vs Abyss
Joe dives on Abyss and pounds his ass as they go to break. Back from break Joe is the one getting pounded. Enjoy that visual. Abyss focuses on Joe’s injuries and they trade control of a fairly decent match until Abyss goes outside the ring to get Janice. Eric Young runs down and dropkicks Abyss to stop him, causing the DQ. Abyss comes out on top of the brawl. See, we can keep Joe and Magnus as a pairing. Anyway, Tenay throws to JB in the back.

JB is waiting for Bully when Angelina Love pops by, asks JB if he missed her, and walks off. They cut to break and JB is still there when they come back. Willow does his Willow shit and the segment comes to a painful end.

I miss making Toto references

Brittany vs Gail Kim
Brittany is a new knockout. She’s a second generation wrassler whose dad runs an indy fed. Speaking of being fed, her opponent is Gail so this won’t go well. Kim is selling dissent between her and Lei’D Tapa and just beats the shit out of Brittany. Brittany fights back but Gail Kim is, well, she’s Gail Kim. The match comes to an end when Tapa inadvertantly splashes Kim and Brittany gets the pin because DQs don’t exist. Post match Tapa ladyrapes Kim with the worst beatdown I’ve ever seen.

Bully Ray walks around backstage and gets jumped by the JOB Squad. Spud even chokes him with a chain while Roode gets in his face over the screwjob. Roode screwed Roode. Bully gets one kick in before Roode whacks him with the huge whiteboard they write the schedule on in the back.

Seiya (Yes he has a first name) Sanada and Tigre Uno vs Bromans
Before the match they show a video of Sanada meeting Keiji Muto. Years of watching anime paid off as this was in Japanese with subtitles. Muta/Muto mostly pumps Sanada up and prepares him for life in America. Back in the ring the Bromans heel all over Tigre. Sanada tags himself in and they double team the Bromans. I’m pretty happy with this. I was a grumpy bastard and then this match happened and cheered me the fuck up. Sanada won with the moonsault.

Bully Ray was still bent over backstage. He picks up his chain and walks off. The Knockouts are shown backstage and Madison confirms Angelina Love is backstage. Sky wasn’t paying attention and sounded her best impression of surprised. Bully Ray beats the shit out of the Bromans with a chair in their locker room. Not the Knockout’s one. That segment ended already. Shaw is also backstage talking to someone who’s not seen, thanking them for helping him. He says Christie’s name out loud, implying he’s talking to her. He spots the cameraman and rapes him.

Taker has apparently NEVER broken kayfabe.

Willow is chilling in the rafters. Spud and EC3 meet up backstage. Spud has prepared a send off for Dixie, including a gigantic picture of her face. The segments are still not done as Joe gets in EY’s face for interfering. He gets a free pass tonight but Joe will kill him next time. EY don’t care, he just wants to fix his mistake of creating Abyss. EY is going to be chained to Abyss in next week’s title match.

Rockstar Spud and EC3 vs the Audience in a Last Fan Standing match
The crowd doesn’t wait to chant boring and Tazz says their chanting “mourning” and then EC3 tells them off for chanting “boring”. Spud is sad that wrestling operations are being controlled by an ex-con and he’s here to pay tribute to Queen Dixie and how she made people feel. She made me feel angry. He calls Ethan beautiful and supple, that made me happy and uncomfortable. Spud compares himself to Jesus and Dixie to the Virgin Mary. The crowd can chant boring but this was great. He thanks Dixie and plays a tribute video for Dixie. It was put together better than the Kurt Angle Hall of Fame video. It was touching and beautiful. MVP can’t take Dixie out of our hearts. Spud has also wrote a touching poem. This was majestic and I was upset when MVP came out.

MVP clarifies Dixie ISN’T dead, just pushing papers in Tennessee. MVP says Spud is growing on him, and commends him for being so loyal. He knows that Spud can be loyal to him and the roster too. Spud says he can’t as he’s the Chief of Staff, but MVP says that he’s not anymore. Even some Knockouts are taller than him. MVP sets him up with the newly debuting talent…Willow. At least Tenay admits it’s Jeff Hardy. Ethan laughs at his misfortune and MVP sets up a match between him and Bobby Lashley for next week. Lashley gets in the ring and Ethan still argues that Lashley isn’t signed. Except he is as MVP has signed him now. Spud gets in Lashley’s face and Lashley lays him out with the giant picture of Dixie. Rockstar Spud then caresses and pretty much makes out with said picture as Ethan and Lashley stare down. And you thought Sam Shaw was weird.

#PEDS

JB is backstage and asks Ethan for his thoughts on the match. Carter mans up and says he’s going to beat Lashley to within an inch of his life. He’s then beaten to within an inch of his life by Bully Ray.

Samual Shaw vs Ken Anderson in a street fight
Because that cage match you paid for wasn’t enough. Shaw comes out to the ring with his Christie Hemme mannequin. That’s an amazing touch. I can’t say how much I love this guy. He even gave it a quick kiss and stared at it while waiting for Anderson. He then magically appears on the ramp and attacks Anderson before he can introduce himself to start the match. Shaw fights him down to the ring and Anderson makes his short lived comeback. I’m glad they’re treating Shaw like a legit wrestler instead of just making him a gimmick. He continues the assault of Kenny. Kenny fights back and gets in a lot of offense. He makes a move on Manne-hemme. Shaw pleads for him to stop but he doesn’t. Kenny kisses Manne-Hemme, throws her at Shaw, and hits the Mic Check for the win. At least Shaw still has the woman.

What’s Hemme-Quin’s Twitter?

Angelina Love is backstage and says she’s backstage for one person only. That’s it. Willow is also backstage but no one cares.

There’s another video package for this new guy Kenny King. I can’t wait to see what he can do. I’ve never even heard of him before.

Angelina Love comes out to the ring and is warmly recieved by the crowd. You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, and she missed TNA, and the friends she made there. She calls out Velvet Sky, who obliges and comes out. Velvet does her full ass shaking even though her friend, who she’s seeing for the first time in TWO FREAKING YEARS, is standing there. Bitch. Anyway, they hug it out. Angelina says if it wasn’t for Velvet she wouldn’t have got as far as she did. Everyone asks Angelina when the Beautiful People are going to reunite, and Angelina thinks it’s time. Velvet grabs a mic and says she’s ready to move on, and move forward. Love says that sometimes you move backwards to move forwards, which makes no sense, and that they can do things now they couldn’t do before as the Beautiful People. Velvet says she needs more time, and Love agrees to give it her.

Bully Ray and Willow are still skulking around backstage.

Joey Ryan puts things into perspective.

Rockstar Spud vs Willow
I think I’d like Willow more if Jeff changed his moves up a bit but he doesn’t. He’s Jeff Hardy in a mask. At least Juan Cena TRIED. They also used a weird camera filter for his entrance. Thankfully they turned it off for the match. Tazz says that Willow is more aggressive and, okay, I can accept that, but still do something different other than wearing a mask. It’s your basic squash match with some creepy mannerisms by Jeff Willow. I can’t even make a good pun out of his name like Christie Hemme-Quin. Willardy? I think that’ll have to do. Willardy actually loses via DQ by brutally assaulting Spud with his umbrella. He even gives the ref a Twist of Fate. Okay I’m sold on this. I like Willow. Fuck you I’m fickle. Willardy grabs a ladder and a chair, but no table. He plants Spud, puts his leg in the chair, and snaps it. I love the smell of aggression in the morning. Willardy climbs the ladder and splashes Spud. I still feel bad for Spud though. I love that little guy. Willardy decides enough is enough and walks off, as Bully Ray walks down to the ring.

Bully Ray vs The Microphone
Bully says he never thought he’d hear the crowd chant his name again. When he was Mic Check’d into the coffin, his career flashed before his eyes. He wanted to give a good reason for what he did, the he was attacked. He tried to save Roode from himself. If Roode had any control, he’d have become Dixie Carter and the last thing wrasslin needs is another one of them. He challenges Roode to a match right there and then, with 3 minutes left on the show. Roode comes out at least. The pair have fisticuffs and Bully grabs a table. Roode tries to send Bully through said table and fails. Bully hits a Diamond Cutter and power bombs Roode through the table to send the show off the air.

8/10 show. I was tired, cranky, and a little ill but I enjoyed the heck out of this show. There were one or two things that brought it down a little, but nothing that really killed it. Much much better than last week.

Cena always wins LOL.

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Bobby Roode starts the show with the Bromans setting up a six man to decide who has the man advantage, and the Bromans winning their titles back in Japan is covered. Roode just can’t resist cutting a promo. He says in 3 days he’ll own 10% and TNA will be ran the Roode way, and MVP is the only thing standing in his way. Austin Aries comes out. What he did last week was in his best interests, and Roode only won because he helped. He wants the 10% Roode is going to get. Roode says they’ll talk if they win , and Aries says he wants to split the 10% 50/50, each getting five. Bromans argue they want some too. Roode reaffirms that winning is priority one, and Aries reaffirms he’s going to win it. That’s when MVP comes out with the Wolves.

MVP says that he’s got his latest man, but Dixie interrupts before he can say who. Spoiler alaert, it’s Willow. Dixie doesn’t care who it is, as last week she went to New York to secure victory. She says she wouldn’t give up the company for anything. MVP spends too long introducing Jeff Hardy. Dixie says that he’s been suspended because he walked out, and Dixie won’t un-suspend him, but MVP says he’ll definitely be there. Dixie says it’ll happen over her dead body, and MVP offers to have some wreaths made for her funeral. I think…I think he just said he’d kill her. Roode gets in MVP’s face and there’s a six man brawl. Yay.

I miss Edge…this is Edge vs Umaga.

Wolves and MVP vs Bobby Roode and Bromans
They cut to break during brawl and come back to the Bromans beating one of the Wolves. I’m too tired to remember which one is which. It’s elimination rules. MVP quickly eliminates Robbie E, and Roode quickly gets in the ring and Wailords on him. Edwards is eliminated by an Aries via

Brainbuster. Roode cheats to eliminate MVP with Aries’ help. Richards is tag teamed like a drunken college girl and I make myself feel bad. Aries and Roode work pretty well as a team but Richards fights back. He even makes Roode DDT Aries by shoving Aries into Roode, and then drop kicking Roode. That was something to see. Aries takes out Richards with a chair, eliminating himself but crippling the Wolf. Edwards comes out to check on Richards and they tease the match can’t continue. MVP comes out too and they go to break.

Post break they show Richards being taken backstage. Hebner is backstage too. He says that Richaards has an hour to recover and get back out there to finish the match, and the trainer says it won’t happen. To tell the Wolves apart I just have to remember that Richards is the one with the tattoos.

This is some damn good Photoshop

There’s a recap on Samuel’s Shaw gonna rape you. Shaw is backstage and says that Hemme created beauty when she slapped him. Now he’s going to show something beautiful in the ring.

Samuel Shaw vs Eric Young
Borasch does the introductions here as a nice touch and Shaw comes out with some tea he leaves with the time keeper. Shaw is also on Lockdown in a cage with Anderson. Mr Anderson comes out and says he’s going to play the part of Hemme. He introduces Shaw as “Creepy Bastard” and introduces his opponent. Someone needs to recruit Anderson back into a bike gang. E.Y attacks Shaw in the corner and Shaw just laughs at the pain and mixes his time between attacking E.Y and shouting at Anderson. The fight goes out the ring and Shaw throws his tea in E.Y’s face and chokes out Anderson. Shaw tells Anderson’s corpse he’s going to claim what’s his, and Hemme is shown backstage looking scared.

MVP is in the trainers room with Richards. He pumps him up and goes to find Aries. He finds him, they argue, and MVP says he has no character and walks out.

There’s a video package on Ethan Carter and Kurt Angle. Dixie goes to explain why she missed the show last week and EC3 walks in. They have a chat about MVP and Angle. MVP won’t see what Dixie has planned for him.

Shaw is wandering backstage looking for Christie Hemme. He walks into the female dressing room, and finds Velvet Sky in her underwear. Shaw asks her where Christie is and she tells him. Way to sell out your friend.

Seeing this was the first time I saw Hogan with a full head of hair.

EC3 heads to the ring and grabs a mic to cuts a promo on Angle. This was great. He says you should never meet your heroes, because they will sucker punch you in the face. EC3 says Angle will use the cage as a weapon because he fears his Leg Lock. It’s no Arm Bar, but it’ll do. EC3 defeated Sting and became the new Icon, and after he beats Angle he’ll be the new face of ‘Murrican Wrasslin. After this Sunday he’ll be The American Icon. I love this man. Speaking of men, Kurt Angle comes out and rips on EC3. They’re three days away from Angle ending his short career but Angle doesn’t want to wait. He jumps in the ring and Carter jumps out and walks out. Angle limps out and gets jumped by EC3, and subsequently pounded like a drunken college girl. I’ve seen the internet. It’s true, it’s damn true. EC3 locks on a Figure Something Leg Lock and gets pulled off by the refs.

Richards is still backstage, still getting pumped up by MVP. Richards says he’s hurt, but still breathing. Chris Sabin is shown walking in the back with three women. Lucky bastard.

Orgy? Orgy.

There’s a video package for some new guy coming in called Kenny King. Never heard of him.

Alpha Female, Gail Kim, and Lei’D Tapa vs Velvet Sky, ODB, and Madison Rayne
I’m too tired to give a damn. I fast forwarded TNA for the first time in a while. Everyone but Sky ends up outside the ring and Sabin gets in her face. She slaps him and sends him out the ring before getting the victory over Alpha Female.

Shaw is backstage looking for the make up room. Some English wanker shows him the way. If I was Hemme I’d quit because clearly no one cares about her safety.

Willow promo! “When trials are over, consequences determine what’s worth waiting for, and the overall experience is catastrophic. The waiting my friends, is almost over, as there’s nothing left to say. God did a lot in seven days, now let’s see what I can do. We love, we hate, we die, forever late in Willow’s way.” Told you I could transcribe that shit!

Shaw finds the make up room, and what he thinks is Hemme. It’s Anderson in a wig. They brawl behind a closed door and Anderson covers Shaw’s face in lipstick before continuing to pound him. Kenny tells Shaw to leave her alone and walks off. Shaw laughs, and says he’ll see them both Sunday after sniffing the wig. He’s a level above creepy.

“Maybe I can be your girlfriend tonight?”

Recap of Storm and Gunner. I just realised they should have called their team Operation Desert Storm. Gunner comes out to the ring and cuts a decent promo. Storm ran away like a coward, but they’re in a cage on Sunday. When Gunner is in a cage, PTSD is going to set in and he’s only going to see Viet Cong. Wait, wrong war. If he has PTSD I don’t think he should be wrestling. Storm comes out and says that his codes of honour are just excuses for losing. It’s going to be a nasty fight but that’s what Gunner wants. He wants to prove that he was the toughest part of Operation Desert Storm. The fake team, not the operation. Gunner says the match should be a Last Man Standing match. Storm doesn’t answer that, and just tells Gunner to pray to God because he’s going to be cut down. Storm hits a cheap shot and puts Gunner down with the super kick.

Roode drags the young Hebner to the ring as Richards is taped up backstage. Roode is in the ring and tells Mini Hebner to count Richards out and declare him the winner. The bell rings and Hebner Squared starts counting. He gets to 8 and the Wolves music hits. In the time it took Richards to get to the ring Hebner could have counted to 20 and used Japan rules.

Bobby Roode vs Davey Richards
What do you expect? Roode focuses on the injured shoulder. Roode pulls the tape off and keeps up the ass kicking. Richards fights back and gets a few hope spots, and Tenay gets in one really uncomfortable segue. He sends out his condolences on the passing of British wrestler Billy Robinson, and says he was also an MMA trainer, and then says “Speaking of MMA” and plugs some MMA shit. Fuck you in the ass with a rake Tenay. Fuck you. Roode wins by making Richards tap out like the bitch Tenay is.

Bootista looks down upon Tenay

Magnus is backstage with Dixie. She affirms she has the Lockdown match under control, and mentions having 100% of the company. If she wins, Roode gets 10 so she’d only have 90. Besides the match isn’t even for control of the company, it’s for control of WRESTLING OPERATIONS. I take that to mean that MVP books all the matches and handles the wrestlers, leaving Dixie to take care of the business aspects. I’m in a critical mood. Magnus asks what her plan to protect him is, and Dixie says she has a great strategy for him. The strategy is that he goes out and wins. Why has no one thought of this?

Magnus and Samoa Joe face off
8 minutes of this? Damn. Joe comes out first and calls out Magnus. Magnus does come out, and talks their tag team days, and their days before TNA. As soon as the Main Event Mafia finished, Magnus became the main event. That fills Joe with rage, and that will be his undoing. Magnus is afraid of Joe, but he knows Joe always loses the big match because of his rage. His rage makes him vulnerable, and weak, and that’s why Magnus will win. Joe says that Magnus is right, but his perspective is wrong. Sometimes Joe doesn’t win matches because he blacks out and wants to spill his opponents blood. The rules don’t support his brand of violence, but, hey, it’s Joe’s rules so it doesn’t matter. TL;DR Joe’s gonna kill you. Magnus jumps Joe, Joe fights back, and chokes Magnus out to send the show off the air with Magnus tapping.

5/10 show. It’s not often I go below six but I can’t think of much great about this show. Some good, sure, not so much great.

I felt like AJ

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Gunner runs around backstage looking for Storm and he’ll have no chance in hell.

MVP starts the show properly as Tenay informs us Dixie isn’t here. I don’t think Impact has ever made me so happy. Bobby Roode, Rockstar Supd, and EC3 are the bookers tonight. MVP runs down the Lockdown main event, and says that he’ll give Gunner a rematch, due to interference last week. He introduces Joe and Magnus and we have us a contract signing. Magnus is still getting booed, did he hump a mannequin of the queen in the ring or something?

Queen IN the ring, not Queen OF The Ring.

Magnus heels on London and the crowd, since he left it’s gone straight to hell. I’ve been to London, I can confirm that. MVP makes the Lockdown match “Joe Rules”, which means the match can only be won by pinfall, submission, or knockout. Madison Rayne for new TNA World Heavyweight Champion. Magnus calls Joe an unrefined animal and starts a “Joe’s gonna kill you” chant, and says he’ll put Joe down, and Joe will never be champion. Magnus gets in Joe’s face and gets his ass kicked for it.

They recap The Wolves winning the titles at a live event, and then the Bromans are backstage wanting their titles back. So, they flew to a live event, and then back to London. Still it’s kinda cool they tied their taped shows to their present day events. Bromans find Roode so they can be on his team for Lockdown. He says they lost to a team that beat Bad Influence. He makes a triple threat tag match between Bromans, Bad Influence, and the Wolves. Whoever wins is on his team, and if Wolves win, no one is.

The Wolves vs Bad Influence vs Bromans
It’s mostly Wolves vs Bad Influence, the two teams the fans aactually like. The Wolves come out on top for most of that too, with the odd cheap shot. Daniels teases tagging in Bromans to taunt them too. Edwards/Richards hits a pretty awesome looking move from the corner and the Bromans break up the pin. Richards climbs to the top and Robbie steals a tag as he jumps off and picks up the win. Bromans are going to Lockdown. I bet James Storm and Gunner are also on a team.

Hobo Carter III is backstage. He’s picked his own opponent; the best wrestler in England. He also has some truths for Angle or something, and says that he’s the new face of American Wrasslin, and holds up a ‘MURRICAN flag.

Hobo Carter

Aries and Roode are chatting. Roode questions if Aries can trust MVP, and Aries doesn’t trust Roode. Roode asks if he’d rather work for Dixie or MVP, and Aries sees through his bullshit. He knows it’s not about Dixie; Roode hates her, and just wants the 10%. Aries doesn’t like the idea of working FOR Roode. Roode walks off after telling him to make the right choice.

HC3 vs Doug Williams
It’s been a while since we’ve seen Doug. Kinda wish he was back for more than a squash match. That’s all this is, Hobo wins. He gets paid with a sandwich. Doug got some offense in at least. Oh and before the match HC3 heeled on the crowd, saying the US would win the SOOOCCEEERRRR world cup. Post match he cripples Doug.

James Storm walks out to the ring and gets a mic. He looks like The American Badass. Gunner comes out too, bitch tits and all. Storm always planned to cost Gunner the title. Being given the tag title case was what set him over the edge. Gunner was nothing without Storm, and never thanked him. Gunner says that he fought for Storm’s right to party and drink beer. Gunner chose his path, and Storm hits him with the truth. Gunner chose to become a robot, and no one would give a damn if he lived or died. Gunner says his family care, his friends care, and, for some reason, the British crowd cares. Frankly, no sir, I don’t. Storm says no one owes Gunner a thing and gets a fist in his face. Storm cowers in the audience like the bitch he is.

Gunner is shown backstage, waiting by the arena exit, threatening to just kill Storm when he tries to leave.

Magnus is in the ring with A-Train. Seriously, it was A-Train. It was actually that German from last week. He’s Magnus’s solution for Joe.

Samoa Joe vs Bad Bones
Must. Resist. German. Jokes. The Kraut gets tenderised and turned into bratwurst. I did Na- no. I won’t make that joke.

Aries is with MVP, who’s in his ring gear. MVP asks Aries for his decision, and Aries is undecided still. MVP says Roode will tell Aries anything he wants to hear, and Aries says MVP will do the same, so MVP asks him for his demands. Aries wants proof that MVP has drive and determination. He wants to ref the match between Roode and MVP that I forgot was happening. MVP questions Aries’ impartiality and Aries says if MVP wants him to be on his team, he has to trust him. MVP opts to trust him. Cos trusting people in wrasslin always works out.

Kurt Angle vs the TNA Hall of Fame
Jeremy Borasch is in the ring with Angle’s fancy new watch. He introduces Angle, and takes five years to do it. They show a Kurt Angle Hall of Fame induction video. Pretty sweet job too. Except for Angle posing in the rain, which was just far too hokey. Angle manages to gingerly walk down to the ring, and Borasch hands the watch over. I think a ring would be cheaper than a Rolex. Angle and Borasch hug it out and Borasch leaves him alone in the ring to accept the “Thank you Angle” chants. Angle says that the TNA HoF isn’t about Kurt Angle, or TNA, but the fans. Without them, it wouldn’t exist. Some fan shouts he loves Angle, and Angle reciprocates. He tries to be serious about his issues but can’t stop marking out for the fans who keep chanting his name. Fucking mark. He had to change his life, and he’s done that. He got clean and had some great matches. He thanks his God, his wife, kids, the talent, and the fans. He says it’s a great night to be Kurt Angle and is about to leave when HC3 comes out. He has a tribute video of his own for Angle.

As a follow up to last week’s picture.

It’s a comical thing showing Hobo beating the shit out of Angle with thought bubbles appearing for Hobo that have crap in them. Hobo says that Angle isn’t telling everyone the big news and Angle invites him into the ring to do it. Hobo pulls out a piece of paper with “I beat Sting (and Kurt Angle too)” written on it. Clever. Carter says that Angle is seriously injured and needs surgery, and may never perform again. He tells Angle that he should retire. Kurt threatens Carter, and says he should have gone straight to the source. Carter says the internet is always right, fifty percent of the time. Angle says his MCL isn’t torn, and neither is his ACL. There’s disturbing sexual tension before Angle punches El Hobo Carteria out of the ring. Angle says that MVP gave Angle a steel cage match at Lockdown against Mein Hobo.

Beauties (Rayne and Velvet Sky) vs the Beasts (Lei’d Tapa and Alpha Female)
Wonder if they’ll bring the Knockout Tag Titles back. Probably not, they only have four knockouts. Typical David vs Goliath style match with the occasional bit of interference from outside. Tapa wins due to said interference. Post match the heels attack the faces and ODB runs out for the save.

Random ass viedo package for that Tiger guy they hired. Tiger Uno is coming to Lockdown. I think this guy has about four names now.

Samuel Shaw time! He’s asked if he thinks last week was a mistake, and he says no one understands his love. But they will.

Samuel Shaw walks down to the ring and Christie Hemme is visibly uncomfortable. Samuel quotes some likely dead guy. To be great is to be misunderstood, and Hemme has misunderstood him. He wants her to enter the ring, and says he’ll respect her space. Shaw enjoyed their time together, and feels Hemme did too. There are people who lust after her, and he wants to protect her. He wants everything from her, not just one thing. Anderson’s music hits and Anderson looks in rough shape. There’s a nasty cut under his eye. Shaw says that Anderson is one of the guys lusting after Hemme and she’s lucky he was there. Yeah, the married guy who just had twins. Anderson calls Shaw a creepy bastard and tells him his relationship isn’t real. The ass whooping he’s going to give Shaw is. Shaw denies his creepiness, and basically says he didn’t rape her. Even if he did try to screw her, she wouldn’t say no, because she’s a slut. Hemme slaps him for that comment. Shaw throws Hemme at Anderson and tries to choke him out. And succeeds.

There’s a Willow promo and for Gee, I will do my best to transcribe; “There’s no rhyme or reason to my madness. No *misheard* slurs in my speech. Just the *misheard* enigmatic destiny that fills my being with their cold posion.” You know what, fuck it. He’s going to incur the wrath of challengers who will do nothing. Some other shit. I don’t care.

“Guys, I’m not Jeff Hardy. Stop it pls. Gais. C’mon. Stahp.”

Storm and Gunner have a good old fashioned backstage brawl. Wasn’t that bad actually. Security runs interference and holds them apart. Gunner tells Storm he’s done at Lockdown, and Storm says that sooner or later, God will cut Gunner down. I guess that they won’t be the missing two members in the Lockdown teams. I just remembered Hardy is going to be on MVP’s team. Well done on leaking that MVP!

Eric Young is backstage and he’s asked about Abyss. EY doesn’t know where he is, and hopes it’s Park that comes back, not Abyss.

MVP vs Bobby Roode with Aries as the ref
Aries comes out looking like a gay porn star. I’ve never seen someone look so bad in a ref shirt. Never do this again. Please. Aries calls a pretty decent match down the middle. There’s a whole lot of tie ups and not much striking for a while. There’s an odd big move to keep the crowd into it. It’s barely enough to keep me in it. The pace finally picks up as MVP gets on a roll and hits his Ballin’ Elbow Drop, and Roode kicks out of a bridging Suplex. Roode gets in Aries’ face after a near fall and MVP gets the Play Maker in for another near fall. The finish comes when Aries hits a spinning Discus elbow on MVP and Roode hits the Roode Bomb. Aries is the last member of Roode’s team, and Hardy is the last member of MVP’s. The show goes off the air with Aries and Roode celebrating.

6/10 show. Not great, but not bad.

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The show starts with The Dixithuaroty. Magnus asks her if something is a done deal, and she reassures him it is. He tells her if she goes down, he won’t go down with him. He’s not into man on man stuff. He also asks Ethan for his cooperation and tells Spud to keep an eye out for the Wolves. Dixie and Magnus then walk out to the ring. Magnus calls out MVP, who of course comes out. Magnus is not impressed by MVP’s history and says that nine years in jail would be nothing compared to nine minutes with him. MVP mocks Magnus’s attention whoring and says that a real champion doesn’t have to tell people he’s a champion.

He reiterates his Lockdown challenge and Magnus accepts. He won’t be in the match given that he’s defending the title against Joe, because he’s going to beat Gunner tonight. Whether you’re a decorated war hero or a 50 Cent knockoff, Magnus will make you his beyotch. His words not mine. MVP didn’t want Magnus to say “beyotch” and starts attacking Magnus after he says it. EC3 comes out and attacks MVP while the Wolves are shown backstage being restrained. Gunner comes out for the save instead. MVP dares them to come back while the Wolves approach Magnus and EC3 from behind. Magnus runs off like a bitch and EC3 gets his stomach kicked.

Before they were famous; Vacant.

Roode is backstage and declines to comment on his status.

Ethan walks into the locker room and confronts Magnus about literally throwing him to the Wolves. Heh. Magnus basically tells him to stop being a bitch.

Samoa Joe cuts a promo in the ring, because this isn’t a wrestling show. Or maybe it is, as the point of the promo was to offer an open challenge. The Bromans answer the call. They didn’t learn from the beating he gave them last week. Joe accepts the challenge of all three and a 3 on 1 begins.

Samoa Joe vs Bromans
He beats the shit out of them. The numbers catch up and he gets heeled on, but the end result is the same. Joe wins lol. Still worth it for the great triple teams. The Bromans, no matter how much I hate them, work well together.

Christie Hemme is hit on some by dude backstage who is then dragged away and killed by Samuel Shaw. Seriously. That happened. Shaw then fondles Hemme’s battery back. Not a euphamism.

Whoa man…whoa.

Roode is backstage with James Storm. He wanted to see Storm one last time before he did what he’s going to do. He laments on the horrors of the biz-a-niss and that the industry has left him alone and distant. He blames himself for the bad stuff that happened with Storm, and says that Storm was the only guy he could trust. Storm tells him not to retire and to just deal with the people he doesn’t like. It ends with a brohug.

Austin Aries walks into MVP’s office. MVP is part of his own Lockdown team, and asks Aries to be the fourth man. Aries asks what’s in it for him, and wants MVP to mean it when he says he wants the best for the company. Aries says he’ll think about it and we get a ghetto brohug.

They air a package about how great the UK tour is, and it leads to a “shoot” fight between Gail and Madison Rayne. I was enjoying it until then. This leads to a streetfight between the pair.

People aren’t as happy when I offer free ice cream to their kids.

Madison Rayne vs Gail Kim in a Street Fight
Rayne doesn’t even wait for the match to start to assault Kim with a cookie sheet and threaten Lei’d Tapa. It’s no DQ but screw it, Tapa has no reason to get involved I guess. Pretty decent match, barely any weapon use. Tapa gets involved by stopping Rayne from doing a cross body from the apron and breaks Rayne’s back and makes her humble. Gail puts the Figure Four on in the corner and gets a chair kicked into her face. Tapa gets beaten off with a stick but the distraction costs Rayne. Gail hits her with the title and picks up the win.

Christie Hemme looks at pictures of Anderson’s kids backstage. Samuel Shaw watches from a distance. It took me a while to realise it was Anderson she was talking to.

There were several videos on Gunner’s life through the show, one aired after this. The videos were pretty good. It’s odd how TNA can do some very good packages, and some terrible ones. Luckily these were good. Apparently he literally wrestled for a warm meal in nachos and cheese. These packages tought me to never be an indy wrestler. After the package airs Gunner is pulled into a side room by James Storm.

This happened when I added Power Rangers to my Netflix list. There are SO many Power Rangers series’

Ethan is asked to expand on his comments about ending Angle’s career. Ethan says that out of respect for Angle, he’ll let Angle announce his retirement next week.

Storm and Gunner are in the aforementioned side room. Storm hypes up Gunner and Gunner says he’s doing it for everyone who didn’t get to live their dreams. Storm essentially tells him to do it for himself. Gunner gives Storm the tag team briefcase and there’s a ghetto brohug between two white men. This was actually a pretty good segment.

Bobby Roode makes his way to the ring slowly. Oh I hope this isn’t a retirement. Roode says that he’s been proud to call TNA a home for 11 years, and to be a professional wrestler for 17. There are some things he’s not proud of though. He was an absolute dick backstage, and can’t change that. He can only change his future. He announces that tonight is his last night as a professional wrestler as the crowd chants “no” and “please don’t go”. He hates himself and he hates dealing with Dixie. He’s sorry, but he just can’t do it anymore. He wants to do something before he goes though, he wants to thank the fans. He thanks them, and goes to walk out but Dixie comes out and doesn’t let him.

I’d rather take this on tacks than lego.

Dixie tells him that he doesn’t get to decide when he leaves. He can’t walk out on his contract. Who does he think he is; CM Punk? Roode reaffirms that he’s done and Dixie reaffirms it doesn’t matter. She brings up the guys who left and says she didn’t need them, but she needs Roode. Dixie apologises for all the crap she’s put him through but Roode has none of it. Dixie asks him to be the captain of her Lockdown team and Roode asks her why he should trust her. Dixie offers him 10% of TNA. She’s going to give him ownership of TNA. Roode doesn’t believe her, and Dixie says he can have his own lawyers make the contract. Roode is almost sold on the idea. Then he is sold on it, and accepts Dixie’s offer. But if she screws him over, he’s going to kill her.

J.B is backstage with some German dude who won some worldwide gut check. What a better audience for the Germans than the English. Not that it matters because during Ftitz’s interview Samuel Shaw attacks Anderson, and injures Hemme in the process. He then walks off with Hemme’s unconscious body. Yep. She’s now officially been abducted while the cameraman just filmed it.

The mods are asleep, post Doctor.

Extraordinary Gentlemnan’s Organisation reunites backstage. They congratulate Bobby Roode and offer their services. Roode asks them to prove how great they are in their next match. I’ve missed Bad Influence.

The Wolves vs Bad Influence
I’m sure most of the internet creamed over this match. Kaz and Edwards start things off by flipping all over eachother. The Wolves hit tag team moves on both guys with no regard for the five second rule. Bad Influence hit some tag team moves of their own. This match was just a masterclass in tag wrestling. Rybaxel need to watch this match. There was no lost time or motion in this match. The Wolves win with a double double foot stomp, first to Daniel’s back, and then his stomach.

Shaw still has Hemme. He lays her on a bed and wakes her up. She’s confused and Sam reassures her everything’s okay. He notices the cameraman and the segment suddenly ends.

This is just freaky.

There’s another video on Willow. Stuff like this makes you realise just how many drugs Jeff Hardy is on.

Magnus counters the videos on Magnus with a package of his own. It’s also pretty good.

Gunner vs Magnus for the World Heavyweight Title
Before the match begins Tenay announces that the match has been changed a little. It’s now Magnus Rules. They’re basically Raven’s Rules. No DQ. The match starts with a five hour headlock, but I don’t care. I’m invested in the match. Gunner finally fights out of the headlock and the pair exchange strikes. Magnus calls for help from the back and instead the Wolves and James Storm come out as they go to break.

Back from break, Gunner is put in the Camel Clutch. I already make a Shiek joke so I won’t do it again. Gunner fights out and we get…another headlock. It’s more of a choke hold this time and Gunner gets out. Magnus Rules finally come into effect as Magnus goes to hit Gunner with the title. Gunner dodges and hit eachother with cross bodies. EC3 and the Bromans appear out of nowhere and get beaten off (COCK TALK!) by Storm and the Wolves. Gunner hits a powerbomb and diving headbutt but Rockstar Spud breaks the fall. Please put Spud in the Lockdown match TNA. Gunner gets hit with the title but kicks out at 2 and Storm comes back to counter Spud being there. Gunner fires up and Wailords on Magnus. Gunner goes to dive on Magnus again but Storm kicks him out of nowhere for the heel turn! Magnus picks up the win and is still the TNA champion.

Damn fine show, as per usual. I don’t care if Russo is booking this, I’m enjoying it. There might be some low points, such as bad acting and things not making much sense, but the good far outweighs the bad and I actually get emotionally invested in the show, which is more than I can say for WWE.

Brock Lesnar shoots rockets out of his crotch.

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The show starts with the Dixie Stable, which means this definitely didn’t start well. She’s not lost any sleep over MVP and won’t lose anything because she has Magnus. EC3 reminds her she also has him and Magnus gets the mic. He also gets “You sold out” chants. See yankies, you don’t have to cheer someone just because they’re from your hometown. They even booed after he said he was the first ever British world champion and hit a cheap pop. So he heels on them. He’s glad he’s in Manchester because it means it’s a year since he’ll have to come back and they make him ashamed to be British. It was a little unfair of the fans to chant boring though, I was enjoying him. He brings up MVP and says that MVP can’t buy him, and he doesn’t sell out. The lights go out and MVP appears with Joe at the ramp.

MVP says that if Magnus can’t be bought he must have bought Dixie, and hopefully got a discount given all the wear and tear. He makes the match between Joe and Magnus official for Lockdown and Gunner comes out with his case. He announces he’ll cash in…next week. Dixie counters by making a match between Gunner and Ethan, with the briefcase on the line. MVP counters by putting Ethan’s tag team briefcase on the line by hanging both cases above the ring. Winner takes all. Dixie agrees and MVP threatens to interfere himself if anyone interferes in the match. How about that, a non-painful opening segment that didn’t last half an hour?

EC3 vs Gunner in a Ladder Match for Two Briefcases
It’s typical ladder fare for a while, with people getting dropped from and in to the ladder. Magnus runs out and beats off Gunner (COCKTALK!) and James Storm comes in for the save, sending both Magnus and Ethan out of the ring. MVP comes out and makes this a tag team match playa. Insert racist comment here. MVP messes up though by making it the match it already was. He declares it’s now a case vs case, winner takes all match. The commentators clarify he meant tag team match. They go to break and come back with a tag match in progress. This kinda throws out the stip though, who gets the cases when a team wins? Can Magnus get his own world title shot? I’ll wait and see rather than shitting on it. It’s not hard. Unlike that ladder, which Gunner was sent into several times. They finally did a spot where a heel holds a face, and the face actually got hit!

This is not helping my racist reputation.

Magnus stops Ethan from climbing the ladder and tries to climb up himself. While they bitch Storm comes into the ring and kicks them out. Gunner gets taken out while Storm is setting up the ladder, and Storm sends out Magnus leaving Ethan as the one man in the ring. Gunner soon stops him and goes for the cases. He grabs the chain they’re hung on and jumps off the ladder, dragging the cases to the ring to take them off. That was a pretty cool ending. Gunner and Storm pose with both titles and don’t turn on eachother.

Anderson is backstage and he’s asked what the casket match is about. It’s about family. He shows a picture of his twins for the camera, which means Bully lost his chance to pile drive his pregnant wife.

Bromans walk into Dixie’s office and Spud is dividing the room in half. The Bromans say that they had an brogreement with EC3 saying he wouldn’t cash in the case. Spud tries to reassure them she has control and MVP comes out and says she’s losing control. Spud threatens to call the lawyers and MVP says that no one pays to see lawyers. They pay to see action, and he makes a six man tag between Bromans and The Wolves, and a mystery third partner for them. I’m really, really liking MVP. I hope this is a shoot. Or that they’re actually listening to him backstage.

I think this would hurt

The Bromans vs The Wolves and Samoa Joe
The match starts with a six man brawl ending with Richards in the ring with Jessie. The Wolves make frequent tags and occasionally use Joe as a weapon. If these are the guys they have on ROH I’ll consider watching it. Richards gets distracted and the Bromans take control of the match. Richards eventually gets the hot tag to Joe who just tenderises Zema. The Bromans try to break up a pin and Joe gets off Ion in time for them to hit Zema instead. The Wolves dive outside to take out the Bromans as Joe locks on the Clutch inside the ring for the win.

Abyss is shown backstage walking to the ring. He kills a guy.

Dixie and MVP are backstage. Velvet walks in and asks Dixie to call off her match with Sabin. She says no, and MVP gets in her face for making an intergender match. She says she wants him to wrestle so she can have him put through a table. MVP says he’s not wrestling because he’s busy cleaning up her mess. Spud says he’s not wrestling because he’s washed up and he, Spud, could put him in his place. MVP says he brought his gear he’s going to call the board, to their match next. Yep.

SPORTS!

What’s actually next is an Abyss in ring segment. He’s not wearing his mask, and says he didn’t want things to go this way, but EY messed that up. He tells EY to come and see what he’s done, and EY obliges. He says he was just trying to help and gets in the ring when Abyss says he’s afraid to. EY proved last week he’s not afraid of anything and EY says he was asked by Park to find Abyss, and he did that. EY says what he proved is that he’s Park’s and Abyss’s friend and he loves Abyss. He showed Park just who he is. Park asks who he is, and EY who he is and says he doesn’t know anything. He’s carved his body to bits, destroyed lives and careers and left carnage wherever he goes. He slips back into Park mode and says he can’t do it anymore. He can’t be Abyss anymore. He wants help. EY says he can help him, but Park slips back into Abyss mode and says he doesn’t want help and that him and EY are done. What he really needs to do is go away and embrace the hate. He needs to find someone who understands him. He picks up his mask, drops it, and walks off. You’d think he’d want to keep the mask if he wanted to embrace Abyss.

Christie is shown walking around before the show. Samuel helps her put her suitcase away and says she was right to want to keep things professional and he shakes her hand. He walks off and presumably jacks off with the hand she shook.

More sports!

MVP vs Spud
Before the match Tazz says he googled Rockstar Spud and found out he was the mascot of all of England. Damn straight he is Google. Tazz then goes on to imply he was the one who was penetrated in a gay relationship. Typical chickenshit heel stuff. Spud avoids getting into the ring until he can cheap shot MVP. MVP takes it until he can just Wailords on him. MVP hits the Ballin Elbow Drop and kicks him in the head for the win. He pinned him by shoving his knee on Spud’s throat. MVP is a dangerous man people.

Speaking of Rockstar Spud…

Bobby Roode charges around backstage opening every door and asking for Dixie as he screams her name. She has an office man.

There’s a video package for Jeff Hardy in a mask. That was freaky as fuck. It ends with the caption “Willow is Coming” so maybe it’s not Hardy. Sure looked like him though.

Dixie is backstage on the phone when Roode finally finds her. He demands a title shot and Dixie says the contender’s match was that shot and calls him a sore loser. Roode rages and says she owes him. When Dixie says she doesn’t owe him anything, he threatens her and walks off.

Velvet Sky vs Chris Sabin in an “Equality Bitches” match
Sabin mocks Velvet’s entrance and humps the ropes on his way in. He grabs the mic and lets Velvet get the first shot in. Velvet doesn’t so Sabin mocks her and calls her a skank. Velvet goes to kick him in the balls but hits his knee and then gets his balls. Sabin pulls out a cup so Velvet hits him there again and Wailords (it’s a thing now) on him until White Awesome Kong comes out and beats her off. Sabin tells Whitey to finish her off and she puts a Full Nelson on Velvet and drops her. Sabin body pops and pins Velvet for the three count. This is the most I’ve loved Chris Sabin. He celebrates on top of Whitey’s shoulders.

Wailord up in here bitches!

Bully is backstage in Anderson’s room. He takes out Anderson’s phone and calls his wife and this was just fantastic. He tells her that it’s the phone call she’s been dreading. Anderson isn’t dead yet but he will be, and he’s coming home in a coffin. He ends it by telling her to tell the twins “Daddy says goodbye”.

Bobby Roode is asked what happened in Dixie’s office. He says he lost it and everything needs to come to an end. It’s over. He needs some time to think, and teases potentially leaving next week. Security show up and escort him out the building.

Bully Ray vs Ken Anderson in a Casket Match
Anderson is wearing full tights now that have microphones on the side. By the divines they look hideous. Bully takes off his hoody to reveal a Liverpool Football club shirt. They’re in Manchester, they hate Liverpool, and he got huge heat for it while I laughed. Anderson Wailords all over Bully, tears off the football shirt and chokes Bully with it. Bully hits a cheap shot as they go to break, and both men have chairs as they come out of it. Time your matches better people! Anderson grabs a table and sets it up in the ring. Bully hits a big boot and opens Anderson up. Bully wipes Anderson’s blood on his face and smashes it to dust. Bully died of AIDS and formed Angels and Eights up in Heaven. He’s riding with Jesus now. Bully Ray’s corpse comes back to life and continues the assault Anderson with a Superplex. Zombies have superhuman strength. Bully throws Anderson into the casket but can’t put the lid down. Anderson gets hit with a chair and powerbombed through the table. Bully sets Anderson up for a pile driver in the casket but Anderson reverses it into a Mic Check. For added effect he throws in the Liverpool shirt too before putting the lid down for the win. There’s five minutes of the show left so I’m scared Dixie might ruin something. Of course she does.

The real reason they’re keeping Sin Cara.

They cut backstage with Dixie and MVP. Dixie offers to buy MVP’s non-existant shares. She hands MVP a contract that has a “substantial amount of money” and MVP agrees it would be the biggest payday he’s ever had. MVP says it’s not about money and he wants to improve TNA. He’s barely done with that. Her offer is good, but he won’t take it. He tries to set up a Lockdown match for control of TNA. Dixie originally says no but sort of agrees to it by the end of the segment and the end of the show.

The show wasn’t bad but once again they ruined a great main event with a segment they could have done before the match. Or just some other time. I was in a bad mood and tired but TNA kept my interest all throughout the show. I didn’t fastforward or skip through a single thing. Easily a 7/10 show. It would have been 8 but Dixie just ruins everything.

How I feel when Dixie ends the show.

The post TNA Impact 13/02/14 St. Valentines Day Massacre appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show opened with Eric Young and Abyss brawling backstage. So much for Monster’s Ball participants being locked in seclusion for 24 hours. They fight to the ramp and the bell rings, so the match is on.

Eric Young vs Abyss in a Monsters Ball Match
EY starts things off with pipe shots but Abyss just no sells, drops him, and fails to put him through a table. EY got in a nice reversal where he turned a chair on his stomach around so Abyss crotched himself on it rather than splashing him. There’s a good old fashioned tacks spot with EY doing a float over powerbomb to impale Abyss on them. EY even gets some in his mouth and spits them at Abyss. EY gets knocked off the turnbuckle and through the table outside the ring. Abyss pulls out Janice but EY unmasks Abyss to reveal it IS Joseph Park. Park hits a Black Hole Slam for the win. Post match Park acts highly confused and checks himself out in a piece of glass. Park refuses to accept he’s Abyss and they just cut away.

To continue “Before they were weird” THIS is Luke Harper.

Roode is backstage with Dixie, and wants her to sign a contract for him vs Magnus. Dixie says she can’t do it anymore because she’s not as in control as she used to, and she can’t convince people he’s worthy of a title shot. She sets up a match between him and Joe for the number one contender spot. Roode tells her she’ll pay if it’s a set up.

IMVPact time. That’s not quite as good as R.K.O.N.Spiracy. Anyway, MVP is speaking. He grabs a sign from the crowd that says “I am the new investor” and holds it up, failing to hide the other side that says “Magnus = Ratings”. MVP says that for the past few years he’s been living life, and brings up his troubled past. He said that he was taught that actions have consequences, and people in Impact have forgotten that. The fans are getting tired of megalomaniac owners disregarding the talent and it’s time for a change. He loves wrasslin, and as a wrassler, he wants to make that change. He couldn’t do it as just a talent, so he invested in TNA using the money he’s made in wrasslin. He’s also not the only investor. TNA CAN be great, but the management is bad. No more. He goes to give his agenda when he’s interrupted by Rockstar Spud. That’s a bit of a shame because I was really enjoying that. I still love Spud though. It was his birthday when the tapings happened.

And I thought Cena’s new picture was bad.

MVP says he’s going to be fair. Spud says that if he wants to be fair, he should go talk to Dixie. He almost calls her dressing room a Throne Room and says that MVP will be welcomed there with outstretched arms. MVP tells Spud that at the end of his outstreched arms are educated fists. MVP tells Spud to go back and tell Dixie that he’s scheduled a non-title match between Magnus and Angle with the help of the board. Other than TNA not having shares or a board of directors, I think they’ve managed to cover up any and all holes in this story.

Bully Ray is backstage with a coffin, and tells Kenny that he took Bully’s family away from him, and next week he’s going to take Kenny away from his. He threatens to put the next person he sees into the coffin.

Chris Sabin is in a room that holds meaning for him and Velvet. He doesn’t want to accept it’s over, and he’s going to fight for her.

Sad Triple H is sad.

KONICHIWA bitches! While MVP was in Japan he found Curry Man and brought him to England. For added effect he even had one of those Scottish hats with ginger wigs. Bully Ray comes out with a coffin and my enjoyment of Curry Man went down. He’s about to die. He tells Curry Man he’s in the wrong place at the wrong time. Curry Man fires up and runs into a Big Boot. Bully delivers a very delayed Pile Driver while shouting Kenny’s name and puts Curry Man in the coffin. Bully says he’s going to end Kenny’s career and closes the coffin lid.

Magnus is with Dixie. He complains but Dixie reassures him it’s a non-title match. She dismisses him and asks Spud how she looks. Spud compares her to Queen Elizabeth, an 80 year old woman. Way to go. Ethan comes in and Dixie doesn’t have time for him. Ethan’s a face now! Dixie dismisses him too, saying she’ll talk to him in a week. Not during the week, but literally in a week.

Up yours America! We don’t care about your shitty sport.

Your forgotten X-Division champion Austin Aries comes out and grabs a microphone. He says the man makes the title, and he’s held every major championship. He brings up Option C and there’s actually an “Option C” chant. He says he plans on cashing in the X-Division title once again this year and gets interrupted by the Bromanz. As they’re distracting Aries Zema Ion jumps in the ring and takes him out with his Feast or Fired case. Zema calls for a ref and cashes in his briefcase.

Austin Aries vs Zema Ion for the X-Divison Title
Ion hits quick pins but Aries kicks out of all of them, so Ion just sends him out the ring. Ion sends him back into the ring and hits a float over DDT from the middle rope for some more near falls. Ion misses a Spinning Corkscrew and Aries makes his comeback, hitting the Brain Buster for a win. Shame it was a short match, that was fun.

There was one man who wasn’t chanting “Boo-Tista”

Dixie is backstage with a nervous Spud. She reassures him they’re going to get through meeting MVP. There’s a recap of the Sam Shaw segment everyone but me shat on from last week. His Room o’ Christie is awesome. This leads in to a segment with Hemme and Sam that was filmed earlier today. Hemme says they need to talk and Shaw admits that he might have gone a little overboard with his enjoyment of collecting beautiful things. He’s such a sweet and gentle man. She asks him what the mannequin is about, and she’s not as freaked out as I think someone in that situation should be. Hemme is awful in this, not Sam. She says he’s great, but they need to keep their relationship professional. Shaw agrees and gives her rape eyes as she walks away.

Roode is backstage and he’s still angry about his match with Joe. Magnus walks in and says when Dixie says to do something, it’s not a favour, it’s his job. Roode asks him Magnus how many times he’s saved his ass and Magnus brings up the times Roode wasn’t there, and tells him to just go beat Joe. Roode burns him by reminding Magnus that he tapped out to Joe, and Magnus brushes it off as a non-title match. He says he’ll tap out as long as the title isn’t on the line because he’s smart. Roode says that Roode and Joe are going to kill themselves for a chance to take the title away from Magnus and wishes him good luck against Angle.

Trolololololol

More Dixie and Spud. At least this time they’re with MVP. She’s interested in getting along with him, and says that she made the company a global entertainment empire in the past 11 years. MVP asks her how she did that, and Dixie says it’s the roster. Dixie says she treats everyone the same, from the curtain jerker to the champion. MVP brings up the guys who have left, and says they wouldn’t agree. Dixie says they’re just disgruntled and would spoil everything, and brings everything back to her. She says that MVP will get a huge rub off working with her and asks him where they’ll begin. MVP says they begin in the ring, in front of the fans, after getting in a dig about her reputation. MVP wants to include the fans in decisions about the company. Dixie has no problem with it, but doesn’t want MVP to go into business for himself like when he made the Magnus match. MVP says it was a non-title match in all fairness, and walks out.

Kurt Angle vs Magnus in a non-title match
This was a damn fine match with some hard hitting moves by both guys. I didn’t know Magnus was on Gladiators. I loved that show. Anyway, the two whale on eachother for a while before Kurt Angle locks on the Ankle Lock. EC3 runs out and chops Kurt’s ankles for the save and the DQ. He beats Angle off and I guess he’s not a face anymore. Ethan and Angle brawl around the ring and Ethan takes out Angle’s already injured knees with a chair. Someone really needs to tell Angle “No you idiot, you’re hurt!” Ethan puts a leg lock on Angle in the ring and refuses to let it go. He finally lets go and leaves Angle alone while the ref throws the X. Ethan watches from the ramp as Kurt is stretchered backstage as they go to break.

I’m Sad I only have two of these.

Back from break Joe is backstage with Angle. Joe cuts a badass promo on Dixie. She’s started a war with the wrong man. Joe will win said war, and make Dixie pay.

Also backstage was EY. He’s asked about the match from earlier and EY says he pulled the mask off, and now he doesn’t know what’s going to happen.

Chris Sabin is still in the room he was in earlier. That room is the room that he and Velvet had their first kiss in. He welcomes Velvet Sky into the room and they sit down to chat. He says that Velvet breaking up with him was the worst thing that ever happened to him, but it was also a wake up call for him. He knows what he needs to do now, and he teases proposing to Velvet. He pulls out a ring box and when Velvet opens it, it’s empty. He’s not asking her to marry him, he’s asking her to leave him alone because he’s sick of everyone talking about Velvet Sky. He challenges Velvet to a match next week. She can’t tell him when it’s over, he tells her when it’s over. It’s now over. So is this segment.

This is the other one I have.

Bobby Roode vs Samoa Joe in a no. 1 Contender Match
Joe punches Roode so hard in the face it looked like a tooth came out. Joe might literally kill someone in the ring some day. The pair trade control of what is a very, very good match. It’s about damn time we got something like this. I was even into the freakin rest holds. This match was so great I’m not even going to tell you much about what happened. Just go watch it. They trade chops, slaps, kicks, just about everything. It ends with Roode getting hit by the Muscle Buster and then tapping to the Clutch. There’s about nine minutes of the show left though, wonder what they’ll fill it with. I bet it’ll take away from the great main event.

MVP vs Dixie Carter
Of course it’s going to take away from that great main event. Dixie comes out first and gives a severely boot licking intro to MVP. Flattery gets you everywhere with Dixie. MVP calms down the audience so that Dixie can speak. It doesn’t work. She says that Magnus has achieved everything they hoped he would and he’s an amazing role model. While Dixie is talking some fans from the front row walk out the building to beat the traffic as the fans holla holla “Boring!” She says that if everyone follows her lead they’ll all be successful. She’s dealt with investors before and wants to talk about changes. MVP starts talking and I tune back in. Him and Dixie only agree on one thing, and that’s that they’re going to disagree. She can’t tell the difference between a headlock and a padlock, and Dixie is the problem. Her reign of terror is over and he’s going to be very hands on. Changes are coming, and the party is over. MVP’s music hits and he stares down Dixie and Spud as they walk out the ring to end the show.

This is true. Call and ask why Bryan isn’t in the main event.

The show was pretty good. I’ll happily admit that. I was going to give the show an 8 out of 10 but that final Dixie segment just killed me. So it gets a 7 out of 10.

The post TNA Impact; 6/02/14 This Just Keeps Getting Better appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show is not just in the UK, but it’s also live. Take that yanks! Before anything can even happen there’s an altercation backstage between Spud, Ethan, Magnus, Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe. Spud actually stuck two fingers up which is the UK version of flipping the bird. He technically cursed on national live TV. Hardcore.

He’d continue to do it too. This is how you tell people to fuck off in England. Remember it.

Magnus, Spud and Ethan then come out to start the show. They actually get booed out the building. They’re in Scotland. The Scots hate us. Magnus uses this to heel on them. The boos are so loud he can barely be heard. He ended Sting, and now Dixie is getting rid of the dinosaurs. TNA is about the young guys now. He mentions Zema Ion, the Bromanz, and Spud, but deliberately ignores Ethan. Magnus says he single handedly got rid of Sting, Jeff Hardy, and AJ. Ethan calls him out on his bullshit but Angle and Joe come out before they can really argue.

Angle calls Magnus a paper champion and Magnus tells him to shut up before he regrets something. They wanted him to be somebody and now he is; he’s the world heavyweight champion. That’s what really kills them according to Magnus. Joe says the only thing killing them is that Magnus is alive. Magnus makes a tag match between himself and Ethan against Joe and Angle. If the heels win then both Joe and Angle will leave TNA. Joe raises the stakes ;If he or Angle win, they become number one contender. Magnus accepts the match. Dixie comes out to ruin the day. She calls for the music to be cut, after it’s been cut, and says the match isn’t happening. Dixie says she can’t risk him losing the title to Joe or Kurt. Way to show faith in your hand picked champion. Magnus ignores her and tells the faces the match is still on. The corporate structure is gone too. Dixie ruins things more than Batista.

True story.

Before the break a van appears and they tease the investor is in there. Post break the Wolves come out of the van and say that anyone who wants to talk to the investor has to go through them.

Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne vs ODB and Lei’d Tapa
The Beautiful People are back people. Gail Kim attacks Rayne before the match begins and it’s typical tag fare. Hot tags and heeling everywhere. Velvet Sky wins with whatever her finisher is called. Hail Satan hits and Chris Sabin comes to the ring. He calls Rayne a tramp and tells her to get out the ring. Velvet hasn’t been returning his calls and Sabin says she’s on her period and offers her one more chance. If she apologises he’ll let it go. Velvet breaks up with him and walks off.

Joe and Angle are backstage and they’re talking about what’s going to go down. They bring up how everyone else who did what they’re doing was assaulted, so they’re off to find Bobby Roode. Joe crushes his windpipe and doesn’t kill him because he wants Roode to think about what’ll happen if he interferes. Was Joe always this cool?

TNA is the one on the right. RAW is the one on the left.

James Storm comes out to the ring and somone makes the mistake of handing him a mic. He doesn’t do too bad this time though. He calls out Gunner, saying he wants to put an end to things. Gunner, of course, walks out. Gunner talks about their history and says things blew up when he got that briefcase. Gunner says he did right by his family and Storm would too in the same situation. Storm knows the stories Gunner hasn’t told anyone else about his army days. He fought for the guys standing besides him and the Scots start a USA chant. Fuck you British Canadia. You can go independent. Gunner says he did the same thing for Storm. He fought beside him. Storm acknowledges this and calls Gunner one hell of a wrestler. The most important thing to Storm is his kids. His daughter asked him why he’s mad at Gunner and Storm said he wasn’t mad at Gunner. He was mad at himself, and he wants to be the bigger man. He’s wants to put things behind them. They reconcile and Bad Influence come out. Kaz calls Storm out on his bullshit and says no one believes him. Kaz says Storm desires beer and ugly fat women. What he wants more than anything is the title though. Daniels grabs the mic and makes a match between Bad Influence and Gunner and Storm, with the title shot on the line. A brawl kicks off and a match starts after the break.

My reaction to every Bad Influence segment.

Storm and Gunner vs Bad Influence
So basically if Bad Influence win, they get the briefcase. Bad Influence remind us why they’re the best and tag team Gunner and heel all over him. Gunner gets a visual pin while the ref is distracted. Gunner reverses the Angel’s Wings for the tag and Storm has his way with Daniels. Kaz and Gunner end up in the ring together and Gunner botches a flying headbutt for the win. Storm saved him from Daniels’s interference and handed him the briefcase after the win. So Storm and Gunner are back together.

Dixie and Spud are backstage. Dixie is freaking out and tells Spud to find out who the investor is.

There’s a badass video package on Somoa Joe.

Dixie is still backstage. Bobby Roode walks in and Dixie says she doesn’t have time for him. Roode says he wants what Dixie promised; a title shot. He wants it at Lockdown too. Dixie says she has too much on her plate and Dixie tries to write him a cheque. Roode says he doesn’t want her money and that she has one week to figure things out. Until she does, he’s not doing anything for her.

EY is with ODB, and hypes up winning the tag team belt. ODB is worried about him teaming with Abyss and says they call him a monster for a reason. ODB walks off, and Abyss walks in, complete with thumb tacks.

More backstage segments. Spud is off to confront the Wolves about the investor but the segment ends before he can.

Spud comes out to the ring instead and Tenay blames Borasch for Spud because Spud won British Bootcamp, and Borasch was in charge of that. Borasch clarifies that Spud was voted by for by the people. Spud heels on the Scots and calls them the England B Team. I love this guy. He’s so awesome. He calls out the Wolves and gets what he wants. He asks who the investor is and gets no answer. He interrogates them Magnum TA style and tries to be intimidating. He’s actually the same size as the smaller Wolf. I think he could fit in the X-Division. Speaking of midget Wolf, he gets a slap in the face. The Wolves take their jackets off and double team Spud. The larger Wolf tells Spud to tell Dixie she’ll find out who the investor is when everyone else is. The investor is also interested in the main event and, if anyone interferes, they’ll be fired.

The one guy who wanted Batista to win.

Bromanz vs Abyss and EY for the Tag Team Championship
You know, if Joseph Park wanted to know if he was Abyss, he should have just taken his shirt off as Abyss has those huge tattoos. EY and Guido 1 start things off. Guido 2 is quickly tagged in and Abyss technically attacks them illegaly by just walking in and hitting people. EY gets heeled on for a bit before Abyss tags himself in and dominates Bromanz and chokes Zema Ion. Abyss picks up the ref and hits The Shock Treatment on him. He Chokeslams EY and just walks off. EY grabs a mic and laments his lost love. There’s one more experiment left and challenges Abyss to a Monster’s Ball match next week. Abyss accepts and keeps walking off.

The Wolves are backstage with the van. They harrass the cameraman and tell him to stay away from the van.

Bully Ray is also backstage, and he has a casket. He pushes it through the backstage area as we cut away to another segment. Christie Hemme and Dexter are just hanging out with wine and chatting. Hemme notices that Shaw had his hand over the candle and asks him if he’s alright, given how his hand was burned. They go up to his room and Shaw takes her hair tye and sniffs it. They continue the tour and the camera shows a room dedicated either to Christie Hemme, or torture. It wouldn’t be TNA if there wasn’t some shit somewhere. Shaw tells Hemme to go back upstairs and goes into the room and turns the light on, revealing it’s a shrine to Christie Hemme. No nudes though, which is odd because they must exist. Shaw puts the hair tye on a mannequin of Hemme and gives it a kiss. I’ll laugh about how stupid that segment was, but it was also pretty damn creepy and well done.

Shaw’s Shrine

Bully Ray still has his casket, and now he’s pushing it down towards the ring. Guess we’re getting ourselves a casket match between Bully and Ken. Bully introduces himself and says, once again, that Ken took away everything he had. No matter what Bully does, Ken keeps showing up, and Bully challenges Anderson to a casket match. Called it! Anderson comes out and carresses the casket and does one of his annoying promos. He asks Bully what he’s going to do after he puts Anderson in the coffin. Bully says he’ll pile drive Anderson’s wife and kids and clarifies that he would love to pile drive Anderson’s wife. Something tells me he doesn’t mean the wrestling move. Anderson says his wife and kids say hi and hits Bully with the casket lid and the pair brawl. Anderson comes out on top and Bully escapes up the ramp.

There’s a video package about how Angle is literally a cyborg. I’m sure the two guys getting video packages hyping them up are totally on their way out. These video packages were awesome though. ‘Bout damn time they focused on Joe.

The Cyborgs are coming!

Ethan and Magnus are backstage. Magnus calls Ethan a hothead and says that’s the difference between them. Ethan reacts, while Magnus thinks and strategises. He knows Ethan doesn’t like him much, and Magnus doesn’t like the idea of teaming with a rookie either. Ethan says he’s making excuses in case he loses and Magnus says the only excuse is Ethan, who’s an excuse of a wrestler. He’s just a spoiled rich kid with the right last name. These two were great. Then Dixie showed up. The boys pretend to get along for Dixie, who wants to escort them. She wishes Ethan luck and walks out with Magnus, teasing more dissension between Ethan and Magnus, and even Ethan and Dixie at this point.

EC3 and Magnus vs Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle
Ethan and Angle start things off together. Angle controls Ethan and tags Joe in, who keeps it up. They take turns with Ethan as TNA promote that they’ve already booked next years UK tour. That’s pretty good as the announcement of this tour was left pretty late. Ethan gets some respite by avoiding a shoulder charge and tags Magnus in. Magnus goes after Angle as they tease the investor finally leaving the van and walking into the arena, and they cut to break.

Back from break Ethan and Angle are going at it. Ethan controls Angle and tags Magnus in and the tag team of Angle begins. Angle hits a German and a true hot tag happens as Joe and Magnus get into the match. Joe hits his five moves o’ Doom and locks in the ARMBAR! Ethan saves Magnus and gets attacked by Angle outside the ring. Joe locks in the Clutch and makes Magnus tap like the bitch he is. Joe is your number one contender! As I’ve said before, the companies take turns at being good. WWE might not be running with their fan favourite in Bryan, but TNA are running with theirs.

Post match Dixie comes out with Spud. She’s upset and knew this would happen. Joe grabs a mic and threatens to kill Magnus. He also told Magnus to not blame EC3 because Magnus was the one who tapped out. He finishes off by telling Magnus to shine his, Joe’s, belt. Angle grabs the mic and says that nights like these are the ones that make him proud to be a wrassler. He says that after winning the cage match, and now winning this fight, he’s proud to say Kurt Angle is back. Angle tells Dixie to grab her checkbook because it’s time for Angle to go into the hall of fame. He tells Dixie to bring the investor too. Dixie grabs the mic and calls out said investor. Your new investor is…Montel Vontavius Porter…M.V.P! The rumours were true. They even call him M.V.P so I guess he has the rights.

Damn this was a good show. This was a damn good show. I’ve not slept much this week but I was totally alert for this show and I enjoyed it. I only feel bad that it comes in a week where everyone is pissed off with the E and this great show will just get passed by. Easily an 8/10 show as there was a bit of stuff here and there I wasn’t a fan of. Outside of that it was a good show and I don’t care what anyone says.

I was going to joke this was TNA’s writers but this show was good. This is now the WWE writers.

The post TNA Impact 30/01/2014; Better Than RAW appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Dixie, Spud and an attorney are backstage and Magnus shows up. Someone is setting up a hostile takeover and is buying TNA shares. I’m pretty sure TNA shares don’t exist. They aren’t a publicly traded company. Dixie calls conspiracy because a board meeting was called when she was at TV, and says the new investor is more interested in wrestling than business. Good, it’s about time some TNA management took an interest in wrestling. The investor has made Dixie put someone in Sting’s corner and Magnus makes the match no DQ and teases Sting is the investor. The attorney tells Magnus to stand down and Dixie tells him to win. Dixie sends Spud after Magnus to keep him in check I guess.

Bray and Bo a few years ago. Yep.

Magnus comes out to the ring with Ethan and Spud. I feel stupid calling him EC3, he’s Ethan now. Magnus calls out Sting for going behind his back and getting a guy in his corner and Sting comes out. Magnus asks Sting how much he paid the investor and Sting says he’s not a sellout and only knows he was allowed a guy in his corner. Magnus says all he knows is that it’s no DQ. All I know is this match was spoiled for me and I’m no longer interested in anything these guys have to say. Sting gets in Magnus’s face and says he’s lost everyone’s respect. A brawl breaks out. Samoa Joe comes out to save Sting. This time he’s totally getting a push. Just like Sting is going to Wrestlemania. Speaking of Sting, he names Joe as the guy in his corner tonight.

Spud runs into Dixie backstage and Dixie says that she needs to cripple Joe and puts him in a match with Rockstar Spud. My interest levels peaked. As Spud walks off Dixie sas “Oh please don’t get killed”.

This is Damien Sandow. This is his salvation. Have him disappear and come back clean shaven and no one will recognise him.

Storm vs Gunner for the title shot
It’s a briefcase on a pole match. They reverse eachothers moves a lot to show how well they know eachother and Storm hits a pretty awesome looking top rope head scissors. He grabs the briefcase and Gunner tears him off the top rope. He falls down and takes the briefcase with him but can’t keep a hold of it. Gunner grabs the briefcase off the ground for the win and the commentators tease this isn’t over.

Angle is backstage. He says if he can’t beat Roode he doesn’t deserve to be in the HoF.

They show an Impact 365 video with Velvet Sky. She has a package from Sabin that has a teddy bear in it, and a large phallic object that Sabin apparently wants her to throw into the ring from the cage.

I hate this angle so much.

Frail Sabin vs Austin Aries for the X-Division match
So when Aries sticks his nuts in Hemme’s face he gets fined but when he commits sexual harrassment on Velvet Sky and says he’d like to eat her out, it’s a storyline? I’m done. I don’t care about this match. They cut to break and a Royal Rumble ad airs. Seriously. The match is good but what’s behind it pisses me off. Not to mention if Velvet didn’t want to help, she would have just not taken the package Sabin gave her. Sky hands her bag to Sabin and it only has the teddy in it, no phallic object. Aries hits the brainbuster for the win. Aries is the new X-Division champ.

A pretty awesome video package of The Wolves calling Dixie stupid airs. They don’t dance, they dominate. The investor is going to be revealed next week on the UK tour. Okay, you got me, I’m the new investor.

Kurt Angle vs Bobby Roode in a Steel Cage
Kinda had some of this match spoiled for me too. Angle gets to the top of the cage and misses a hell of a moonsault. I’m pretty sure Angle shouldn’t be doing things like that. He’ll get another broken freakin neck. It looked pretty awesome and was the first thing I smiled at in the entire show. They have a pretty good match, as you knew they would. Kurt gets opened up hard way during the match but it’s a tiny cut on the top of his head. Hardly a crimson mask. Roode took off his elbow pads before delivering an elbow to the back of Angle’s head. It’s the little things folks. Roode tries to get out after Angle misses the Moonsault but Angle grabs his ankle just in time and drags him back into the cage. They do the spot again and this time Angle locks the Ankle Lock in. Roode reverses it and hits a Roode Bomb for a two count. Angle hits a top rope Angle Slam which is a move that’ll never bore me. Only a two count. This match was seriously great. Angle crotches Roode on the top rope and they did this awesome thing where they did a split screen as Angle went over the cage as Roode crawled out the door. Angle just manages to get to the floor first. Both men worked their asses off for what was a great match.

And so does Angle.

Spud is backstage with Ethan. Ethan hypes him up with his beautiful brown eyes. Ethan compares him to the American Dream and says he’s the British dream. He’s my dream. He looks like Billy Idol. Normally TNA backstage segments make me groan but this was awesome. It ends with Ethan kissing him on the top of the head after they roar like lions. Spud goes mental and slams a chair into the ground.

Bromanz are in the ring and I sigh deeply. I don’t know what they said, I fastforwarded through it all. For some reason Eric Young comes out and gets his ass kicked and then Abyss comes out. Proper Abyss too. No Park that becomes Abyss, but just Abyss. No TV title though. Yes, I remember he’s the TV champion. He beats the tar out of Bromanz and goes to chokeslam EY but releases him.

#RespectTheBeard

Joe is backstage and he’s asked about his knee. He says he’s never felt better and calls Magnus a sellout. He’s no longer suprised by anything that happens in the ring and in his genesis he’s going to spread a message using pain. The Barret Barrage, I mean Hall of Pain, I mean Path of Destruction, starts with Spud.

Angle was backstage talking about how they could lose Sting, and how it’s not enough that he only has Joe with him. There’s a match going on in the background. The cameraman tells Angle to look into the camera and say what could be his last words to sting. Angle says that Sting is loved and that he personally loves Sting. He wishes Sting the best and says “I hope you win. If you don’t, goodbye.”

Rockstar Spud vs Samoa Joe
Seriously, I love Spud. I hope Joe doesn’t actually kill him. Joe offers his back to Spud, who fails to do anything and gets killed by Joe. Not literally but close enough. Spud gets in a tiny bit of offence but Joe hits the Muscle Buster and locks in the Clutch for the win. Post match Joe says if Dixie wants to mess with the main event, she has to go through Joe. It’d be great if Dixie sends wave after wave of guys out again and Joe kills em all.

Scott Hall is pretty tall.

Sting vs Magnus in a title vs contract match
The pair have a pretty solid match, complete with Magnus mocking Sting’s woos or whatever it is Sting does. Ethan is sent out by Dixie but Joe stops him and makes him back away. Bad Influence come out with Ethan and they keep Joe distracted while Ethan attacks Sting. Joe fights off Bad Influence as Sting fights off Ethan. Joe dives out the ring onto all three of them and the match continues. At least until Zema Ion comes out to interrupt Sting getting the pinfall after a Death Drop. The rest of the Bromanz come out and take out Joe. At this point I question where the other faces are. It’s not like they’ve been killed like last time. Sting gets bukakked in the corner by the heel locker room and then Angle comes out for the save. He Angle slams everyone out the ring and Sting hits a Superplex to keep the actual match going. Sting accidentally splashes the ref and locks in the Scorpion Death Lock. Magnus taps but of course there’s no ref. Roode takes out Sting and walks out again. Magnus hits his finisher and Dixie drags Hebner out of the back to count Sting. Magnus gets the victory and Dixie helps him to his feet. She hands him Sting’s contract and, as Magnus proised, he tears it up. Sting is done in TNA. Until he gets signed by the investor next week. We all want Sting in WWE to face Taker but it’s not happening this year.

Speaking of Shawn Michaels and superkicks…

It was a two match show really. I want to say it wasn’t bad but that would be a half truth. The first half was bad and then it picked up. Angle vs Roode was just amazing. Easily a six out of ten. I’m kinda looking forward to next week to see this investor. Seriously though, pick up your game TNA.

The post TNA Impact 23/01/2014 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Spud is in the ring to start us off and introduced Dixie Carter. Spud sat on the rope to pull it down for Dixie and she kicked him in the butt. She don’t need no one holding the ropes down for her. It was a nice little touch. Dixie basically threatened the locker room and brought up last week. Dixie thanks God the AJ story is over and says it’s a new beginning. Hence the name Genesis. She introduced Magnus after that as the crowd chants for AJ. I hope he’s not done. I don’t remember the last time he was so over.

Magnus comes out with both belts and handed one to Dixie after calling her a champion of the people. Dixie/Rock at WM31. Dixie introduced the heels who helped out last week to thank them. Dixie gave Spud the title to hold and I marked out. Dixie thanks all the heels and said they’ll be getting a bigger paycheck. Tonight is the Genesis of Dixie Carter’s TNA, but to do that they have to stick together. EC3 is going to have to take out Sting. After that she brought EC3. Each week suicide is harder to hold off. Before EC3 can even speak the lights go out and Sting’s music hits. Sting’s in the crowd and he points a bat at the ring. The segment ended. I avoided committing suicide after all.

Or perhaps not as when we came back from commercial, Sting’s music is still playing. He said he hopes that the pay off was worth it and said the people who didn’t sell out have honour, and Dixie can’t comprehend that. He threatened Dixie and Shield’d his way to the ring. Shield is a verb now. He cuts a promo on Magnus and says that TNA is a house divided that cannot stand. “We” are gonna fight tonight. The faces appeared on the ramp and Sting says tonight they’re taking back what’s theirs and a locker room sized brawl breaks out. I want to say their roster is small but it’s about the right size really. No one is squandered or disappearing every few weeks besides Kenny King and TJ Perkins. Sting is left in the ring with EC3 and hits him with the bat as they go to break. Again. When they come back all the heels are on the ramp and Joe has the mic. What fabulous directing.

Even before meeting Sister Abigail, Bray was a weird dude.

This segnment insists on continuing as Joe says they’re not leaving until they get into a fight. Spud makes a six on six tag match playa that’s gonna start right now.

Faces vs Heels in a 12 man tag match
They all brawl at the start and people get hurt. Joe and Zema Ion are the two legal men by default as everyone else fights on the floor. Basically a pair of faces and heels go in the ring and then out one after the other. Storm is on the face team for what it’s worth, as is Gunner. My left foot went numb but my doctor says I don’t have diabeetus so it’s okay. Eventually this turned into an actual six on six match with people on the apron and I hit fast forward. I’d had more than enough by this point. TNA is sponsored by five hour energy because it takes one to get through it. Oh, Genesis is lasting two weeks. Fun. Park turns into Abyss and takes out Storm and Gunner too. Joe wins with the choke on Daniels. Look guys, Joe’s getting pushed. Again.

Velvet Sky is backstage with Austin Aries. He plugs his trading card and was trying to convince her to leave Sabin. Sabin comes in and drags her to the ring.

Angle is also backstage looking for Dixie and Al.

Speaking of before they became creepy, say hello to Taker.

Sabin is in the ring with Velvet Sky and he calls her selfish. I never realised how thin she was. Sabin tells Velvet she has some explainin’ to do and Aries comes out for the save. He tells Sabin that a better title for him would be “The worst boyfriend that ever lived.” and I nearly barfed as he said he’d make an exception to his veganism for “a piece of pigeon pie”. Oh God strike me down. If you love me you’ll kill me. Sabin says that Velvet loves him and does what he says, and Aries says that’s the problem. Velvet needs to be who she knows she is, and who the fans know she is. Aries goes to call her a hot piece of ass and Sabin interrupts him for feminism. Sabin calls her toots and grabs her ass. Aries challenges him to a one on one title match next week. To take Velvet out of the equation and wants Velvet to go inside a cage. Velvet says she’ll do it, it reminds her of her time before being a wrassler. Velvet wants a man who’ll support her, not blame her, and Sabin won’t have her help. She teases leaving Sabin if he loses the match. I saw someone on the Flock say they predict an Aries and Velvet live sex celebration. I think I’m going to have to take next week off.

Angle is still backstage but he’s changed his clothes. Still can’t find Dixie. Dexter is backstage and is congratulated by some faceless schmuck. Schmuck tells Dexter to not focus on Christie and gets his ass kicked for daring to mention her name. He beats the guy to death with his own shoe.

EC3 backstage segment. Magnus comes in too, and says he sees a rookie who doubts himself. The crowd was cheering and I wondered what they were seeing. They tease some dissension and Magnus walks out, wishing him luck. Or something.

That’s Tank Abbot giving a whole new meaning to “blade job”.

Bully Ray vs Mr Anderson in a No DQ match
Anderson runs out and attacks Bully before the match can start and the two brawl outside and inside the ring. The pair have a chair duel with Anderson coming out on top. Bully whips him with a chain for his troubles and gets in the ref’s face after a two count. It’s amazing how you can watch at double speed and not miss anything. Anderson introduces a guard rail to the match but it’s Bully who uses it before both guys take splashes on it. Anderson even hits a mic check onto it for just a two count. Anderson grabs a table and drives Bully through it but, again, gets a two count. He gets another table and Bully grabs the lighter fluid. Anderson snaps and goes to set the table on fire but Bully grabs him and pile drives him for the win. This feud will almost definitely see a flaming table though.

Kurt Angle confronts Al Snow in catering and knocks him out after Snow wouldn’t rat out Dixie.

Kurt Angle then comes out to the ring and grabs a mic. He calls out Dixie for involving his family. Dixie says Angle needs to realise things have changed and it’s not seven years ago. Angle says it isn’t because seven years ago Dixie was a good woman and asks her why she faked a family emergency. Dixie says she did it for the Rock, and for Angle. If she didn’t get Angle out the building he’d have made a choice he’d regret. Angle asks her why she’s so crazy and Dixie says that Angle isn’t smart enough to make the decision to not fight. She did what was best for him, and for her team. Angle says that he’s not on her team and he’ll be in Sting’s corner tonight. Dixie says he’s clearly insane and postpones his match until next week. I don’t see why the crowd booed that. They’ll still get to see it. Dixie threatens to fire anyone who gets involved in the main event and Angle dares her to fire him. He doesn’t care about his job, or his family, or anything. Dixie has him removed from the building for his own protection. Roode attacks Angle from behind as he argues with security and hits the Roode Bomb. That’s the name for that sweet looking Fireman’s Carry Neckbreaker he does. Security drags out a dead Angle.

Improper use of the Fireman’s Carry

Madison Rayne gets assaulted backstage.

Dixie is backstage with Scott Armstrong and informs him he won’t be the ref in the main event after his actions last week.

Madison Rayne vs Gail Kim for the Knockouts Title
A mild USA chant breaks out during this match because Gail is Asian and Americans are racist. The pair really go at it and Kim does her best to focus on the injured abdomen. Tapa attacks Rayne outside the ring and gets thrown to the back even though that’s grounds for a DQ. Gail does her good old fashioned Figure Four on the corner but ultimately Madison wins and is the new Knockouts champ. She’s now a five time, five time, five time, five time, five time knockout champ.

Sting is backstage and tells the guys in the back to stay in the back. A video package teasing a real new Impact or some stuff airs. Impact is getting a TV network or something.

Dixie is backstage with the American Wolves and says they have a tryout match next week. If they win, they get a contract…except…they already signed their contract earlier in the day. Dixie asks who counter signed it and they give her an envelope and walk out. TNA has a new investor and I hope this is a shoot. They could do with one.

This was called “If Vince Owned NBA” but Vince would never have a black man in the XBA.

Sting vs EC3 with special guest referee Rockstar Spud
Rockstar Spud actually got a “You’re a douchebag” chant. I don’t get why Tazz couldn’t say douchebag either. It’s TV14 after all. Spud is totally in EC3’s favour and pulls Sting away from EC3 whenever he can. Sting ignores him and just does what he wants, including suplexing EC3 on the ramp. EC3 gets back into it after a distraction by Spud and pounds more ass than a gay porn star. Cock talk! Sting gets the Deathlock in and Spud gets on his back. Sting just uses Spud to hit EC3 and drops him. Spud refuses to count but Sting grabs his hand and forces him. Magnus pulls EC3 out before he can count three and then takes his shirt off to reveal a ref shirt of his own. EC3 rolls Sting up and Magnus fast counts the three. EC3 wins.

Post match Sting challenges Magnus and says he’ll do anything, anything, to fight Magnus. Sting believed in Magnus and now he’s disgraced J.J Styles, Jeff Hardy, and the wrasslin business. Magnus is a cancer and Sting wants one. More. Match. Magnus says that Sting can never compete for the title again, and says he owes Sting nothing. Magnus says that Dixie is considering extending Sting’s contract and uses it as a negotiation tool. If Sting wins, he gets the title, and if Magnus wins, he tears Sting’s contract to shred and Sting is done. Sting accepts the match and in the back of his mind, dreams about facing Taker at Wrestlemania. The match is next week and it’s going to be hard for me to avoid spoilers. Tazz and Tenay hype up Genesis Part Two as the show goes off the air.

A collection of TNA scripts.

It wasn’t a bad show, I’m just getting very very tired. I’m interested to see what happens with Sting. I think the only way he’ll go to the E is if he can face Taker, but I don’t know if Taker is even doing a match this year. This might be Sting’s last chance. Maybe this ties into the new investor storyline and Sting DOES lose his contract, but gets resigned. This could all be building to a huge return for AJ, Sting and Jeff Hardy. Stay positive folks. Not understanding where something is going doesn’t make it bad. It means you get to explore the possibilities. THEN you get disappointed when they go with the worst option.

The post TNA Genesis 16/01/2014 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Me.

Dixie comes out to start the show with a contract for AJ to sign. AJ does come out and reminds me I’m going to miss his entrance music. Dixie makes the title match a no DQ match because she wants Magnus to break his face. She wants to remember him covered in blood and bruises. AJ mocks Dixie a little but ultimately signs the contract. He also says that if Dixie plans on sending her cronies out to screw AJ he’ll have friends of his own to even the odds. Dixie says they won’t because she owns them, and she can’t wait to break AJ. AJ says Dixie doesn’t get wrestling and if Magnus would get his head out of her skirt, he’d realise that too.

Magnus comes out after that, almost as if on cue. You’d think this stuff was timed or something. Magnus asks Dixie to leave the ring and cuts a promo on AJ. He last saw AJ running away and now AJ wants to come back because he’s not getting any attention. Magnus walks out the ring and AJ throws the contract at him. He says that at the end of the night, he’ll get to leave with dignity, honour, and the championship. He asks what Dixie is going to do then, and tells Magnus to get his lips off of her explitive deleted and ask her.

AJ is edgier than this cat battle armour. Yes, this is a real thing you can buy.

Eric Young and Joseph Park vs Bromanz
Before the match Dixie was backstage with the Bromanz. She asked if they knew what they had to do and said she was counting on them. I hit fast forward and got to hear Tazz talk super fast which was hilarious. A few minutes into the match ODB is shown getting destroyed by Tapa and Gail Kim and EY rushes to the back to help her. Park is left in the ring and gets handicapped. He got a few hope spots but it didn’t help. Bromanz hit the Bro Down and get the win. Post match Bromanz take a piece of the guard rail off and hit the Bro Down again, sending Park on to the rail.

Samoa Joe is backstage with Dixie. He basically threatens her and says he’s one of AJ’s friends and she’ll have to go through him to screw AJ. Dixie tells Joe he’s got a match against EC3 and should focus on getting out of that in one piece. Joe threatens to kill EC3 and walks out.

EY was backstage carrying ODB. He runs to the parking lot and runs into Sting, who blames Dixie for what happened and walks off to find her.

James Storm is in the ring, with a pre-recorded mic. Nothing has been live in TNA for a while. He calls out Gunner. Storm says that to be a great tag team you need to leave your ego behind. What a shame he has a big ego. The thing that tears up teams the most is the World Heavyweight Title. Gunner agrees and says that they both knew what they were getting in to, and says Storm is the one who’s a douche. Storm can keep his ego because Gunner has the case. Storm calls for ONE. MORE. MATCH. and proposes a ladder match for the case. Gunner accepts.

EC3 jumped Samoa Joe backstage and coming back from break, their brawl went into the arena and Joe got the upper hand. When EC3 ended up in the ring the bell sounded to start the match.

EC3 vs Samoa Joe
I fast forwarded through this match too. Triple speed FTW. Spud interfered and the match got thrown out as Spud and EC3 left Joe crippled on the ramp.

Borasch is backstage with Kurt Angle. Angle has issued an open challenge to prepare for his steel cage match. It doesn’t matter who he faces tonight because all he’ll see is Bobby Roode.

The Samoan Crippled Machine is backstage with a doctor who tells him to get to the hospital. Joe isn’t happy about that. After that Sting runs across another medical emergency. Gunner and James Storm have been laid out. He walks through a door and confronts Dixie about how everyone is in hospital. Sting blames Dixie because all the people who have been taken out are friends of AJ. Dixie tries to play it off as the danger of the wrasslin business but Sting has none of it. He tells Dixie it’s not too late, and she can stop. Dixie says she’ll stop when AJ is gone and Sting asks her what happened to her. Dixie tells him to focus on his match and not her and walks off. Sting walks off saying he’s had enough of Dixie.

Kurt Angle vs Bad Influence in a Steel Cage Match
Angle issued an open challenge for a steel cage match and the one that comes out…is Bobby Roode. Roode cuts a promo about how they’ll be locked in a cage together and how Angle will never be in the TNA Hall of Fame. He teases getting in the cage tonight but doesn’t go through with it. He has two guys who hate Angle just as much as he does and introduces Angle’s opponents; Bad Influence. Bad Influence team up on him for the majority of the match. Angle got a visionary pin but the ref didn’t see until it was too late. Angle fights back with about 50000 suplexes and the numbers get to him again. Angle ultimately wins by throwing one of them to the side, hitting the Angle Slam on the other, and getting the pinfall.

Words can’t describe the elation this kid felt when Angle won.

Dixie is backstage asking the Mexicans she has working for her to leave the cage up. Roode walks in and Dixie tells him he has a cage match. He gets Sting in a cage. Roode craps his pants but Dixie reassures him she has him covered. With a cage.

Angle was backstage posing with what I presume is a Make A Wish kid when what I presume is Al Snow shows up in a car. He tells Angle they need to get to the airport and he’ll explain on the way.

Sting vs Bobby Roode in a Steel Cage
Yeah, let’s put the two guys having a cage match next week in a cage match, and make the stip mean nothing. While we’re at it, put the guy who’s wrasslin next week in one of those cage matches. I can understand the storyline reasons but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. At least Roode put over how dangerous Sting is and it was a good match. EC3 and Spud do a run in and while EC3 climbs the cage, Spud throws a weapon to Roode. Roode goes to town on Sting and throws the weapon away because Cage matches have DQs. Roode walks out the cage for the win. Despite my initial complaints they at least protected Sting and provided further motivation for his match next week. Now Sting has more reason to want to beat up EC3.

Ken Anderson is shown walking into a funeral home. He walks into a room and sees Bully Ray randomly sitting in the corner. Bully says if he wanted to finish it, he’d have done it last week. He wants to hurt Anderson more. He cuts an awesome promo about forgiveness and how Ken took everything. Next week Genesis won’t be a new beginning for Anderson, but the end, and he’s left something in the coffin for Anderson. Anderson pulls something out and turns around to see Bully gone. I couldn’t make out what Anderson pulled out. I think they were baby clothes or something. They kinda looked like towels. Anyway that segment ends and another one starts.

No one knows…

Sting is backstage shouting at Dixie. Nothing’s gonna stop him. Dixie brings up that his contract is coming up and this year she tries to use it to manipulate him. She was actually good in this segment. That was scary. She tells Sting he has an important decision coming up and needs to make the right one.

AJ Styles vs Magnus for the TNA Title
Magnus teases he’s tweaked his knee and the match takes a while to start, and when it does start, it starts with EC3 and Spud running out to kill AJ. Sting comes out to save AJ and basically everyone runs out. Bromanz run out after a commercial break and Magnus gets a two count. Sting helps AJ fight off Bromanz and Bad Influence come out. Hebner refuses to count the fall and gets in Magnus’s face and walks out in disgust. Dixie drags out the other Hebner ref to count the fall and everything goes to hell outside the ring. Zema gets thrown into a cameraman and I hope he’s okay.

AJ locks in the calf killer and this time the ref gets attacked and thrown out. AJ hits a Styles Clash but of course there’s no ref. Earl runs back out but Bad Influence drag him out the ring before he can count three. AJ dives over Hebner to save him from Bad Influence and goes to hit a top rope move on Magnus. Roode runs out and attacks AJ. The commentators tease that Angle was taken to the airport as part of a grand ruse to keep him away. Dixie drags out another ref who counts the three for Magnus’s victory. Magnus is your undisputed TNA Heavyweight Champion. He poses with the belts and gives one to Dixie to send the show off the air.

I have very mixed feelings about the main event. The show itself was pretty good. I originally planned to rant about AJ putting over some young talent before he left because everyone complaining annoyed me, but that didn’t happen really. The match was far from clean and there ended up being very little interaction between AJ and Magnus. Having said that, I still enjoyed how it played out. Dixie had all of AJ’s friends injured or removed somehow and had him ambushed time and time again during the match. I can’t remember the last time a heel authority completely destroyed and demolished a face like that. It was damn impressive. The only problem I have with it is that it seems AJ might actually be done, and won’t be around to get his revenge. Other than that, I actually liked it.

I hop anyone who thought this might happen was joking.

The post TNA Impact 9/1/14 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show started with a Magnus package. I’m only mentioning it because they say he weighs 17 stone, which is funny because it’s a British measurement of weight. They also said he’s from the UK, which makes him British. Are the fans that retarded? Wow my enthusiasm went down pretty fast.

Angle comes out to start the show, and to address his future. He says that 2013 was the worst year of his career. He confirmed that he’s not a cyborg and he has plans for 2014. Before he can tell us them he’s Roode-ly interrupted. Damn I crack myself up. Roode asks Kurt if he’s actually going to retire and wants Angle to say that he, Roode, is better. Angle responds by challenging him to ONE. MORE. MATCH. Roode pretty much says no, but then offers stipulations. Roode wants it to be a retirement match for Angle. If he loses he leaves, and never goes into the TNA hall of fame. Angle confirms the match will take place at Genesis and wants it to be a steel cage match. Roode accepts the match and then a brawl started.

Rockstar Spud came out as part of the pull apart team which was just great. He was wearing a pure white suit on a white wrestling mat and he disappeared more than you’d think he would. He sets up a tag team match playa. Roode and Angle need to find a partner and then they get to have a tag match. Damn fine opening segment. Especially after all the turrible ones lately.

A white Spud in a snowstorm

Diiiiixiiieeee backstage segment. She’s said she’s waited 11 years to find a perfect champion and tonight he’s getting crowned. Someone yells cut and now everything that happens is totally real you guys. She got a letter that just says “See you tonight.”

Spuuuuuuuuuud backstage segment. Dixie hands him the letter and asks him to find out about it.

Gail Kim Open Challenge
I’m waiting for Tapa to just kick her in the face and win the belt. She’s eligible. This week it’s Madison Rayne. Still some of the best entrance music in TNA. Rayne posed on the top rope and gave Kim a flying cross body to start the match. Rayne dominated until Kim got back in it and this match was not pretty, but it was fun. Tapa got involved by pulling Rayne out the ring but to no avail. I think the commentators talked about everything other than this match. So now I’m going to copy them. Rayne hit a side roll and got the pin. That means she gets a title match.

Chris Sabin is backstage being Chris Sabin. He told Velvet Sky if he doesn’t leave with the belt, he’s leaving without her too.

Angle is backstage recruiting partners. He got one in the first segment. Gunner agrees to be his partner and Storm appears, unimpressed with his choice.

I can only hope someone gets this reference.

Frail Sabin vs Austin Aries for the X-Division title
I actually totally forgot Aries was the champion. I remember when this guy was the biggest guy on the show. The only shining moment. Now he’s forgotten. Both guys pose in the corner and Velvet reluctantly gives Sabin a kiss. Then Aries kicked the crap out of him and I thought they’d redo the 18 second Bryan loss. Sabin gets put in the Last Chancery and Velvet refuses to help him. Pretty damn good much. Not much flippy stuff given the X-Division name but still good. Velvet eventually gave in and helped and Sabin won the match, and the title, with a sneaky rollup. Post match Sabin thanks the one person he couldn’t have done it without, Chris Sabin.

Rockstar Spud was backstage practicing his lines when he gets a crank phone call. His ringtone was Dixie’s entrance theme.

Samual Shaw vs Norv Fernum
The jobbers live! Before Christie Hemme can announce Sam’s opponent he ushers her out of the ring safely. Sam has the worst ring gear I’ve seen in a long time but he wins the match in typical jobber fashion. They also continued to tease the relationship between him and Chrisie. I like him. He actually won by choking out Fernum for the three arm drops.

I get it’s an American Psycho reference like his character, but seriously?

Storm is backstage and tries to reform Beer Money. I’d love to see them come back. Roode asks Storm why he should trust him, and Storm makes it clear he doesn’t trust Roode. He just wants to send a message. Roode says no and Storm threatens to run out and beat up everyone if he’s not Roode’s partner.

Kurt Angle and Gunner vs Bobby Roode and James Storm
Damn Beer Money is back. They aren’t really in sync though and argue throughout the match and tag themselves in. Beer Money take control of Gunner and get along well enough to kick ass. Angle eventually got the hot tag but the ref didn’t see it. Angle flips and takes out everyone, including trying to hit the three amigos on Roode. Storm stops the third and then Storm saves Roode from Gunner’s submission. Roode picks up the win. Please keep Beer Money together TNA. Oh please. Post match Angle attacks Roode, who runs away from him.

Sting is backstage, it turns out he was the one who sent the love letter to Dixie. Spud confronts him but Sting walks off, saying he wants to talk to Dixie’s lapdop. Which makes no sense because Spud IS her lapdog, even if he denied she had one.

…I feel a great disturbance in the Force…

EC3 comes out to the ring and says he changed the face of wrestling thanks to his Aunt D. He pinned Sting as easily as EC3 and he mocks Jeff Hardy. I love this guy. He asks Christie to introduce his opponent, Jeff-er-ee Hardy. Jeff doesn’t come out of course. EC3 does a little dance though, and wins by default. EC3 owns a pinfall victory over Sting and a count out victory over Jeff Hardy. Before Carter can count to 10 Sting comes out. Sting calls Carter a puppy and Dixie’s lapdog. He needs to get off the leash and prove he’s a man. If he’s on Dixie’s leash then they have a very strange relationship. Well, it is the south after all. I think it’s legal down there. Carter walks out while Sting mocks him and Carter has enough. He said he will fight Sting one on one…in two weeks at Genesis.

Joseph Park is backstage and says he doesn’t remember being Abyss and continues to deny he is. Eric Young set up a match between him and Bully Ray, and says it’s a drawback to the beginning. Abyss fought Bully Ray and now it’s Park’s turn. EY walks off, and Bully Ray walks in, warning Park and telling him not to have the match. Park doesn’t want to be the man who burns for Ken Anderson’s sins. Bully Ray literally threatened to set him on fire.

I like shipping.

Bully Ray vs Joseph Park
A dominant heel? Like that’ll ever happen again. And they wonder why heels never get over. Bully just stands in the corner for what feels like forever and gives Park a very harsh low blow and loses by disqualification. Post match he pulls out lighter fluid and actually pours it all over Park. He pulled out a lighter too but Ken Anderson comes out before Park can be set on fire. Damn. Bully covers him in lighter fluid instead and uses the lighter to make sure Anderson keeps his distance. A very light “Fire hazard” chant starts. Bully walks out and no one gets set on fire. What a disappointment.

Magnus Coronation
Spud and EC3 are in the, now highly decorated, ring. Spud introduces the coronation, saying it’s bigger than the royal wedding. I didn’t care about that, and I slightly care about this, so he’s right. He introduces Dixie, saying meeting here is something that boys from the UK dream about. He’s such a massive heel, you yanks just don’t get it. Dixieland is a place where dreams come true. After that he introduces Magnus, and presents EC3 as the MC. MCEC3. I like it. It’s got a nice ring to it. Carter says that Brits worship their royal family, and America worships the one percent. He introduced Magnus and in my version at least, there was a very blatant cut. Anyone got a gif of it? EC3 introduces Dixie after that and she comes out at last after two introductions. Dixie tells the story of how she found Magnus. Him and AJ were in the same magazine and Magnus had a six page spread. I hope it wasn’t Playgirl. Dixie tells the fans to stand up as she introduces Magnus.

…Well if female wrestlers are picked out of modelling magazines…

Magnus sits on the throne and tells the fans to return their women to their upright and locked positions. I know I’m biased but I love Magnus. He thanks EC3 and Spud for their kind words, and thanks Dixie for being Dixie. Magnus delivers pretty much a great speech about how much the fans doubted him. He turned his back on the fans because they turned their backs on him. He’s never going to take a backseat again, and will the champion for a long time. Gunner comes out to interrupt him with the briefcase. Gunner tries to cash his briefcase in and Dixie says that it’s not going to happen. Spud, EC3 and Magnus team up on him and AJ Styles makes his triumphant return with his title. They pose together with their titles and Dixie tells AJ to get out the ring. AJ challenges Magnus who just walks out. AJ tells Dixie to call off her lawyers and she’s gotta be pretty dumb if she expects him to just hand it back. AJ came back because Dixie screwed the people by making their champ a farce. AJ challenges Magnus to a unification match and after AJ cuts a lengthy promo Magnus accepts. Dixie says it won’t happen and Magnus says if Dixie doesn’t let it happen, then he’s going to walk out too. Dixie brings up that AJ doesn’t have a contract and Magnus tells her to give AJ a one night contract. The match is on for next week and the show goes off the air.

I thought it was a pretty good show overall. I do wonder if the reason the unification match in the E was a response to TNA having their own unification match. Even though TNA has been building towards this for a while, I feel some idiots are still going to claim that TNA are just copying the E. E-diots. In any case, a pretty good show.

The post TNA Impact 2/01/14 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Though not as selfish as the E, who are going to unleash this on Joe

Rockstar Spud comes out to start the show and introduces Madam Dixie Carter. Dixie says that last week they crowned their greatest Heavyweight Champion and when she says the fans wanted Jeff to win, they tell her to shove it up her ass by chanting “We want AJ”. I think Dixie is the only one who wants Hardy. She teases a big announcement for next week but Jeff comes out to interrupt her. He’s limping so he’s probably going to hit about five Swantons in his next match. Hardy has something he wants to get off his chest but it’s not on the schedule according to Spud. Spud was pretty good in this little bit actually. He told Hardy to shut up, and shove the creatures up his little backside. Jeff responds to beating him up and advancing on Dixie. EC3 appears out of nowhere and shoves Hardy out the ring. Dixie tried to make her announcement again and this time is interrupted by Sting.

Sting has an announcement of his own, which is that he wants a match with EC3 to kick the entitled crap out of him. He then asks Dixie to make a tag match with EC3 and Spud teaming up to face him and Hardy. Dixie doesn’t want it to happen. One is old and the other is crippled, I don’t get her problem. In the end Dixie makes the match because she wants EC3 and Spud to shut them up. Her music hits and she tells them to shut it off so she can finally make her announcement. It doesn’t happen and we go to break.

Wade Barrett isn’t but Nigel McGuinness is.

Back from break and Dixie is still in the ring. Yay. She tries to make her announcement again and is interrupted by Gunner this time. You know what? Shove it. I want to hear this announcement. Gunner tries to cash in his money in the bank briefcase and Dixie says he can’t have it. Magnus in England celebrating so he can’t do it. James Storm comes out to interrupt her, again. I DON’T GIVE A DAMN. Storm brings up how Gunner threw in the towel and Gunner defends his actions. I’m really on Gunner’s side here. Storm implies that Gunner sold him out and told Roode he was in that bar and challenges him to a match for the briefcase. Dixie makes the match official because Gunner interrupted her. Dixie says she doesn’t want to make the announcement anymore and walks out. Most painful opening segment ever.

Gunner vs James Storm for the Money in the bank briefcase
Don’t care about these guys, don’t care about this match. The match ends in a double count out and the guys fight as officials split them up.

At least both guys have beards.

Bully and Brooke are backstage. He ignores her. She says she’s going to air all his secrets and Bully tells her it’s not a good idea.

Video package on the history of Magnus. I’m glad I missed most of this. His career that is. The package was pretty good. He even mocks Hogan saying “He’s good but not good enough because I’m not ready to lace em up yet brother.” It was nice but seemed a little too inside.

I could not resist posting this. JTHogan needs to read this.

Brook comes out to the ring and says she refuses to take the blame for what happened to Aces and Eights, and calls out Bully Ray who, amazingly, came out. Bully continues to ignore her and walks around the ring. Brooke was supposed to have used Bully for fame and money. Now he’s basically a weird high school kid that no one wants to talk to. Brooke says she’s done and tries to leave but Bully grabs her arm and tells her she’s done when he’s done with her. He doesn’t blame her for anything because she’s dumb. He kept her around to make sweet love to her, but she was bad at that. He’d close his eyes and pretend he was with Brooke Hogan. He could piledrive her, but he won’t. He’s got another use for her. He wants her to tell everyone how sick and twisted he is. He tells Brooke to leave, and she does.

Another video package on Magnus.

Speaking of beards…

EC3 and Spud are backstage with Dixie. EC3 tries to talk his way out of the match but fails. Aunt D has them covered. In Soviet Russia, the D covers you.

There’s a video package to set up the Monster’s Ball and Joseph Park comes out to Abyss’s music. And Janice.

Before the match starts there’s another backstage segment. This one with Sting and Jeff. Sting says he’s marking out and always wanted to tag with Hardy, but the feeling isn’t mutual. Jeff wasn’t even supposed to wrassle today and just wanted to talk to Dixie. They agree to take care of business.

Joseph Park vs Bad Influence in a Monsters Ball match
This was what you expected really. Bad Influence beat the crap out of Park for a while. Daniels even chokes him with the wrist tape. Daniels stops Kaz from hitting a chair shot to the head because they don’t want him to bleed and that’s when Park gets back into it for a few seconds before Kaz breaks a trash can on him and they go back to kicking the shit out of him. Park hits a splash on a trash can lid which wasn’t too smart as it hurt him just as much. Park tries to escape the match when Kaz grabs Janice and EY shows up to try and pump him up. EY went to open Park up and Bad Influence stop him. Kaz whacks Park with a Singapore cane and that was it. Abyss was summoned. Abyss no sells and beats the hell out of Bad Influence. He hits a black hole slam on Daniels for the win.

Hardy is backstage talking to his wife. He says there’s something he has to do. Teasing retirement? I bet he “retires” for a few weeks and that’s how they get away with him not being on the UK tour.

I hope Jeff Hardy has a dog so this is relevant. I think he had one that died in a fire.

Another look at Magnus’s package.

Lei’D Tapa vs ODB
Remember when we thought this would be a really big match? Me too. Gail Kim cuts a promo on Madison Rayne before the match. The two trade power shots and ODB tries and fails to lift Tapa for the slam. Gail slides the title into the ring to distract the ref and Tapa picks up the win.

Sabin and Velvet are backstage. Velvet’s resolution is to make their relationship stronger and Sabin teases leaving her when she says she won’t interfere in his match next week.

One more package on Magnus.

There are people even The Rock can’t beat.

Team Face Paint (Sting and Jeff Hardy) vs Team ECRS (EC3 and Rockstar Spud)
Before the match begins Dixie appears on the big screen to make her announcement at last. Next week they’re going to have a coronation for Magnus. The tag team match is now also a handicap match. ECRS are going to be joined by the Bromanz. My lack of interest and enthusiasm fell faster than Jeff Hardy when he was pushed off the ladder last week. Even though it’s a tag match things stay fair for a while. Jeff even takes out three guys by diving over the top rope and using Sting as a platform. That’s when they realise it’s a handicap match and start heeling all over Jeff. EC3 and Spud spent very little time in the ring. EC3 was avoiding Sting and I guess they didn’t have much faith in Spud. EC3 misses a Stinger Splash and that’s when Jeff gets back into it and gets the hot tag and Sting fights off all four guys before EC3 gets a quick and sneaky roll up for the win. EC3 pinned Sting.

Post match Jeff grabs a microphone and apologises to Sting, and says he wanted to be a wrassler because of Sting. Without Sting, there wouldn’t be a Jeff Hardy. That’s who we blame. Dixie has driven him insane and taken away his heart. He’s sick of the politics and the games. Sting grabs the mic from him and begs him not to say what he thinks he’s going to say. Jeff says he wants to stay and fight but the fight’s gone. Damn Jeff has a hairy chest. The match he just had was the last match he had in TNA. He’s going to leave and not come back until the sun shines again. He takes his shirt off and his sleeves, gives Sting a hug, and walks out, taking the show with him.

Two very good reasons Eva Marie is still employed. Nothing to do with the show, but it IS to do with TNA.

It was a pretty good show overall. I didn’t see the Jeff thing coming at all. There was no tease and I’ve not heard anything about his contract being up. It’s probably a work but it was still pretty good. I can’t say I like the idea of the wrestlers being so annoyed that they can’t stand the company anymore. The E did the same thing with the walkout angle though and that went pretty well in my opinion. Guess we’ll have to wait and see.

The post TNA Impact 26/12/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show started with Magnus backstage. He asked for Dixie and Hardy but neither of them were there yet, implying they spent a week together. He headed out to the ring and said he loves wrasslin. He also defected to America. Money talks in America but he’s not in it for the money. That’s why he’s in TNA. He asked if the same could be said for Hardy, who’s in it for the weed. He brought up Jeff leaving with Dixie and asked for an explanation, telling everyone to not let Jeff Hardy fool them.

Jeff Hardy came after that. Magnus brings up 10.10.10 in reference to Hardy turning heel at Bound For Glory three years ago. Magnus asks Hardy what his fans would think if he sold out and gets a “We don’t care” chant. I don’t know if they mean they wouldn’t care if Hardy switched heel, or they don’t care in general. Hardy tells Magnus to care about his own life and walks out the ring.

Christie Hemme was backstage with Angle, and she asks him about the match he has tonight. Angle says that he still has it. Oil that is. Or-tron approved. They are both cyborgs after all.

Jeremy Borasch was backstage with Chavo and asks for his thoughts about tonight, because it’s when the Feast or Fired results will be revealed. No one cares what he has to say, or what Zema Ion, who interrupted the segment, had to say. I couldn’t help but notice how much he looks like Gok Wan now though.

Zema Ion’s last job.

Bobby Roode vs Kurt Angle (2 out of 3 falls)
Say what you wanat about Angle’s recent storyline but this has been a heck of a build. They both have wins over eachother and it came to them saying they could beat eachother twice in one night. Bam, 2 out of 3 falls match. It’s a gimmick match that makes sense which is rare in this world of gimmick PPVs. Roode hits a sneaky low blow and something described as “We’ve seen this in recent weeks!” for the first fall. The commentators bring up 10.10.10 during this match to sell the main event. They still don’t say what it’s really about. I guess it’s because Hogan and Bischoff were the main players of the incident and they don’t want to reference them.

Anyway, Angle got the second fall to the shock of no one. I think Angle has problems. In almost all of his matches recently he’s bled from the mouth. It’s kinda creepy. Roode gets the final fall by rolling Angle up and grabbing the ropes for leverage so they aren’t done with this feud yet.

Borasch is still backstage talking about the Feast Or Fired match. Storm and Gunner are with him now and JB brings up that Gunner stepped over Storm to get his briefcase. Gunner says that Storm would have done the same thing and Storm says it could backfire on him, because he could be fired.

This is a real man. Like Gunner.

Angle is backstage and is asked what happens now. Angle said that Roode hasn’t outwrestled him, but he has outsmarted him and that’s something that’s never really happened. He’s asked if Roode really has his number and Angle says he won’t admit it. He also has to think about his next move. He was kind of teasing retirement.

Jeremy Borasch is backstage. Still. This time he’s with EC3. EC3 says that the only pink slip he has is to his legion of cars. He says that even if he gets fired then he knows the people in charge. His phone rings and it’s Dixie. His entrance theme is his ring tone by the way. Dixie says that she got lawyers to seal the briefcases so even she doesn’t know what’s in his briefcase. There’s nothing she can do if his case says he’s fired either. It’s not like she can re-hire him or anything.

EY is backstage with a badly wrapped steel chair. He dropped a mind grenade on Park and he’s going to continue the experiment. The chair is to bring Abyss back. He’s then in the ring with the chair and another wrapped present and brings Joseph Park out. He tells Park one more time that he’s Abyss. Park said he doesn’t know what to believe but his name is Joseph Park. Tonight there’s another experiment. Next week Park is going to go against Bad Influence. The best part is that it’s a Monsters Ball match. Park said he won’t do it but that’s what the second part is. The presents are a visual aid. The first present is, of course, the steel chair. The second present is a bag of tacks. The third present is some barbed wire. EY is a terrible secret santa. He wasn’t even secret.

Park says that the gifts don’t do anything for him and he still won’t do it. It’s alright though. EY has one more gift and it’s hidden under the ring. It’s Janice, Abyss’s main toy. Upon seeing the majestic nailboard Park says he’ll do the match and my pain ends.

Behold the purrito!

J.B was finally inside the conference room with the Feast or Fired guys. They’re going to reveal the briefcases. After the break! I thought about how nice it would be if Gunner got the tag team match case and they didn’t split him and Storm up. Before we can get to those results though we have to have a Jeff Hardy backstage segment. He’s with Samoa Joe, who tells him only a guilty man would look like he does. He told Hardy he can understand taking a short cut in a business like theirs, he just never imagined Hardy would be the type to do it. How long until Dixie buys Jeff’s house? Jeff tells Joe that no one is getting an explanation and walks out.

Feast vs Fired
JB introduces Dixie and EC3 helps her get in her chair. Dixie wishes the guys good luck and hands it back to JB. As well as sealing the cases, the lawyers also specified the order of the cases being opened. Ion goes first. He’s asked for any final thoughts and says there’s a 100% chance he’s going home, with gold around his waist. He gets the X-Divison title match and declares he’s keeping the briefcase. I wonder if it works like the MITB and he DOES have to cash in the briefcase. Gunner is next and he’s asked if he’ll have Storm as his partner should he get the title match. He says of course and opens the case. He has the heavyweight title match. Guess they are splitting up Storm and Gunner.

Chavo and EC3 are left. Chavo is up next and he said he’s confident he’s got the title shot. No matter what’s in the case, it won’t change the fact he’s still a Guerrero, and that I probably can’t spell Guerrero. EC3 says that he’ll never lose, and he’ll never be fired. Sting walks in and he said that he’s needed here because he got EC3 to join the match. EC3’s legacy is on the line, and saying legacy and EC3 in the same sentence makes him nauseous. As does what Dixie is doing to the company. Sting asks Chavo if he’s ever been handed anything and Chavo says his family had to work twice as hard to get ahead. Sting essentially said it sucks to compare Chavo and EC3, and that Chavo could get fired, leaving EC3 in the business. Sting can tell that Ethan is squirming and offers to take the case from him. The catch is EC3 has to face him in a match. EC3 says he’ll keep the case. He’s so getting fired. The briefcases are going to be opened at the same time. Chavo is fired. Sting consoles him and tells him it’s not the end, but it is the end of the Carters. Dixie disgusts her, and he doesn’t have any words for Ethan. I’m actually going to miss Chavo, even though he’s not been on TV for a while. Screw you guys, I’m sentimental.

Forget cases, I want to open this box!

Gail Kim and Lei’d Tapa vs ODB and Madison Rayne

Damn, Madison Rayne still has the best music in TNA. The match is mostly the heels heeling all over ODB until she can get the hot tag. Tapa throws ODB outside and goes after her, leaving it to just Kim and Rayne in the ring. Rayne reverses Eat De-Feet into a rollup for the win.

Jeff Hardy is backstage and Sting says that he owes the creatures and his family an explanation. He has to stay true to himself. He really understands what’s going on with Jeff. Sting is his dealer after all.

We get the first Impact 365 video of the night. Rockstar Spud said he was sorry for what happened last week. Dixie doesn’t care about his excuses. She has a title match coming up and doesn’t have a world title to present the winner. Spud needs to get another one made in time for the finals.

Jeff Hardy vs Magnus in a Dixieland Match
I don’t care what people say, I liked the sound of this match. Before the match Hardy grabs a mic and says that, sure, he’s made mistakes, but he can’t change that. He brings up 10.10.10, as well as the following Victory Road. Those mistakes aren’t going to be repeated. He was thinking about his future when he met Dixie. Dixie promised him a lifetime contract and the big money and he told her to stick it because no one owns him. He’s going to emulate AJ by winning the title and representing the company how it should be. Dixie came out in response to that.

If Shark Boy played Curry Man, then who played this guy?

Dixie says that the one thing he and AJ really have in common is that they owe everything to her. She supported Jeff through all his mistakes, not the fans. She tells Jeff to think about what’s best for her, and not his family. If he doesn’t then he’s going to be out of a job just like AJ. If that happens no ones going to sell his merch, CD’s, or art. He needs her a lot more than she needs him. Dixie decides to stay out and watch the match.

Magnus came out and the match started. No, seriously. I’d love for Magnus to win because he’s Magnus but they seem to be setting up Hardy to win. Part way through the match EC3 came out on to the ramp to stand with Dixie. These guys put on a pretty great match as you’d expect them to. Hardy actually tried to crawl out of the cage using the hole they put the camera through. I can’t say I’ve ever seen that before. Hardy climbed to the top of the cage and hit a Whisper in The Wind. As cool as that was, I wish he’d done a Swanton. He never hits the Whisper In The Wind and hit the mat hard. It also makes very little sense. They both climbed up to the top of the cage at the same time and EC3 tried to stop Magnus and attack him. Jeff stopped him and hit the Twist of Fate on EC3. Magnus and Hardy fight their way up the ramp, literally and figuratively. Hardy hit a Twist of Fate to Magnus on the ramp and hobbled up the ramp to the ladder. Dixie tried to stop him but Hardy just shouted at her and climbed up the ramp. Rockstar Spud came out and pushed the ladder over. Hardy landed very badly on his head. Spud set the ladder back up and cheers Magnus on. Magnus climbed up the ramp, up the ladder, and grabbed the title. Magnus is your new Heavyweight Champion.

And so begins round two of the British Invasion.

‘Nuff said.

It waws a pretty good show overall and of course I’m glad to see Magnus as the champion. I’m going to wait until next week to decide if he’s a heel or not. It was also good to see how the match really worked in the execution. Up yours to everyone who said it was a bad idea. Magnus posed with the title and The Impact Corporation to send the show off the air. Okay, maybe he’s a heel now.

The post TNA Impact 19/12/13; The British Are Coming, And Taking Your Title appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with Rockstar Spud. He’s on his way to AJ Styles’s trailer.

Jeremy Borasch informs the fans about Feast Or Fired. Four briefcases, three title matches, one man fired. The Wheel O’ Dixie is back too. Kurt Angle comes out before JB can spin the wheel and trashes the ring and calls out Bobby Roode. Roode comes out and says the match won’t happen. He can beat Kurt any day of the week if he wants. He’s just better than Angle. Angle says  he can beat him twice in one night, and a brawl breaks out. Angle owns most of the brawl as refs and agents come out but Roode knocks in a low blow and sets up the two out of three falls match. Next week.

There’s a video package about the Joseph Park angle followed by a backstage segment with Park and Eric Young. Park’s nervous as hell and EY tries to get him into it. It’s always weird when EY gets serious. He tells Park to trust him, but doesn’t tell him his plan.

I wonder if this is accurate.

Bad Influence vs Eric Young and Joseph Abyss
EY actually gets a chant. He starts things off with Daniels. Park is also doing a live Q and A. I wonder if he’s being played by Mistico this week. When Park is in the ring EY talks him through wrasslin moves and tells him what to do which was pretty nice. Not as nice as any time Bad Influece do a tag team move. Them hitting one launches the shredraping of Park. EY runs in and fights them off and punched Park in the head to make him bleed. It’s Morphin’ Time! Abyss makes quick work of Bad Influence and pins Kaz. Damn I hope Abyss doesn’t have any diseases.

Post match Park is back and EY tells him that the reason he can’t find Abyss is because he IS Abyss. Guess we’re finally getting some closure. Park denies it at the crowd chants “You are Abyss!”. It sounded awkward.

One of their Impact 365 videos airs. EC3 is getting a massage and says that tonight he’ll not just have a hall of fame moment, but a moment that makes social media explode.

He’s taking over the world like this cat is taking over America.

EC3 vs Social Media
EC3 tells Bryan Hebner that he’s safe today, he has something different in mind tonight. Tonight he’s going to face TNA’s social media guru, Jeremy Borasch. Sting’s music hits before Jeremy Borasch can get in the ring. I guess it WAS EC3 who Sting was talking about. He does some weird stuff and calls EC3 a shooting star. The truth is though that EC3 has done nothing and been given everything. Sting talks up the Feast Or Fired match to make a point that EC3 has never taken a risk and he tells EC3 to man up, and join the Feast Or Fired match. Or he can fight Sting. EC3 tells Sting he’s on but clarifies he’ll be in Feast or Fired, and not fighting Sting.

Rockstar Spud is still lost in Georgia. He finds a hick who points him to a bar that AJ’s friends usually go to. We Brits make such good lackeys.

There’s a video package on Jeff Hardy who recaps his time in the tournament and what the title would mean. He also talks up Magnus a little, saying that he’s the future of TNA. There’s a similar package for Magnus afterwards.

Never give up Magnus.

Gail Kim Open Challenge
Gail says that the competition hasn’t been very good lately and calls out her next opponent. ODB comes out and Gail Kim tells her to get out because she’s already beaten her a lot. ODB says that she’s out to kick Tapa’s ass and it goes well until the numbers catch up on her. A random chick runs out to save ODB and it’s Madison Rayne! Madison Rayne is back! Things might turn around for the Knockouts now. She’s looking pretty good too.

Rockstar Spud is in the American pub wearing an awesome bow tie. Screw you, bow ties are cool. Spud buys a drink that sounds pretty cool but the bartender screws it up. She just gives him a bottle of beer with a lemon wedged into it. Spud grabs the mic from the band and asks again if the bar knows AJ Styles. He’s told the mic is for singing and sings God Saves The Queen. It got bad when he got tangled up in the Christmas lights and didn’t know the words to the song. He’s then thrown out the bar.

There’s a video package on the Feast Or Fired match. They show Curry Man getting fired after this match, which to me kinda telegraphs the ending to THIS Feast Or Fired match. Curry Man is in it again. No Shark Boy though. Maybe Gee has been right all along.

Why does he have hair Joe? WHY?!

Storm and Gunner are backstage. Gunner says sorry for snapping and Storm says they can fix everything in the Feast Or Fired match. One of them gets the tag title match and the other gets the world title. They’ll have ALL THE GOLD.

Spud is still in Georgia. He seems to have found something. He runs off down a dark road armed with only a tiny flashlight. He’s so getting raped.

Dixie Carter comes out to the ring and Taz says that Brits don’t make good rockstars. UP THE IRONS YOU BASTARD. UP THE FUCKING IRONS. Dixie Carter confirms the 2 out of 3 falls match for Angle and Roode. Her biggest problem is still AJ Styles. She’s getting a new champion next week though, so what does she care? She brings out Magnus and Hardy because go home segments don’t have to be the go home segment now. Dixie wants to know if they have any final words for eachother and Hardy goes first. 2012 was a decent year but he messed up at Bound For Glory this year. He’s going to rectify that by winning next week. Magnus says he may be young, but he’s not stupid. The crowd are his creatures. He even thanks Jeff for putting food on his table. Next week all Jeff is is an obstacle. Next week Magnus has to beat the number one guy, and that means beating Hardy. I doubt Magnus actually sees Hardy as the top guy.

Dixie says that even though the Wheel O Dixie was destroyed there’s one match left. It’s called Dixie Land. There’s an incredible video package setting up the Dixie Land match. It starts with a Cage Match and once they get out of the cage they have to go up the ramp to a ladder. Atop the ladder is the title. You win by grabbing the title. That’s actually a pretty cool match. Dixie says that whoever wins will be traveling with her and a bunch of other stuff I missed. She also invites both men to have dinner with her.

Needs moar rainbow bow tie.

Velvet Sky and Frail Sabin are backstage. Stuff happens.

The Adventures of Rockstar Spud continue. He’s walking around a house and walks through an open back door and makes an awful lot of noise. He’s in AJ’s house and looking for the title. He even finds it. It was on the coffee table all along. AJ comes down the stairs. His friends told him that Spud was coming. That’s why the door was unlocked and why the title was out in the open. AJ says they can call the police or call some friends. I think he was threatening to kill Spud. AJ takes the title back from Spud, who runs home like a little bitch.

Austin Aries vs Frail Sabin for the X-Division Title
Aries plays mind games and messes with Sabin and Sabin responds by using Velvel as a human shield to stop him. Sabin keeps control of the match and it’s not very X-Divisiony. It’s pretty slow paced. Or Sabin is. I guess since he’s a heel he can’t use flashy moves anymore. Aries picks up the win with the Brainbuster for the title. Sabin got hit with it after almost hitting Velvet so they’re trying to sell that Velvet was the reason Sabin lost. Not a bad match, just…slow.

Backstage Sabin chastises Aries for using Velvet to beat him and says that even if the rematch doesn’t happen immediately he’s going to put himself in Feast or Fired. That way he can win another title shot, or maybe even win the WHC and leave Austin behind. Austin says he’s going to steal Sabin’s idea and puts himself in the match. Sabin asks if he’s going to steal his woman next and Aries says it’s not a bad idea.

Magnus is backstage and says all he’s concerned about is the title match.

And neither does Magnus

Feast or Fired Match
Anderson comes out first. I’m tired of him already. Can he go be a dad? Please? He does his usual introduction but Bully Ray creeps up behind him and pile drives him on the ramp. I might be getting my wish. Bully Ray cuts a biblical promo. It didn’t deserve the what chants. Bully says that those who have youth, have the future. Anderson raped Bully of his future and now that Anderson has a wife who is pregnant with twins, Bully is going to see to it that he’s responsible for their future. I think he just threatened to rape either his wife, his unborn children, or that he’ll rape them when they’re older. It was pretty awesome though.

Guess Anderson is out of this match now. I’ve lost track of just who’s in here. Thankfully Tenay told me. Samoa Joe walks down to the ring that contains Sabin, Hernandez, Chavo, Curry Man, Zema Ion, Dewey Barnes and Norv Fernum. I’d say Curry Man is your lock on who’s being fired but the geeks are in there too. Gunner and Storm come out after Joe. Aries comes out after them. After that came EC3. You know what would be a good story? If EC3 got fired. Curry Man has learned from the past and walks out at the start of the match. The cluster begins. For some reason everyone does a suicide dive, leaving Joe in the ring on his own to do one on everyone else. I have no idea why that happened. Joe could have just run and grabbed some cases. EC3 runs up and is the first to grab a case, grabbing case number 3 for himself.

Samoa Joe took out most of the guys in the match before being tossed out the ring by the nerds. Yep. They go for a briefcase and Zema Ion stops them and grabs the case for himself. He got the number 2 briefcase. Aries takes out everyone with whips and dropkicks. The nerds stop him from grabbing a briefcase. I almost want to see these guys as an actual team now. Aries hits them both with a 450 and goes back to getting the case but Sabin drags him down to the floor. Hernandez throws Chavo up to the briefcase so that he can grab the number four case. If Chavo got fired that’d also be a pretty good story. Assuming his termination didn’t last long. You can actually set up some good stories with this match. The nerds and Gunner give Hernandez a triple Superplex. I think I came a little. Storm goes for the last case and Gunner low blows him to steal the case. I guess that turn is official and this match is over.

Can you feel the love? I forgot to use this earlier in the review.

The show itself is over now actually. You’ll have to tune in next week to see who got what briefcase. Or read spoilers I guess. I’m going to not read the spoilers but I bet the show gets spoiled for me anyway. Before the show fully goes off the air Hardy joins Dixie for dinner. It wasn’t a bad show at all really. Much better paced than last week’s show. I can understand why they didn’t reveal the Feast Or Fired results too. Next week should be pretty interesting. Tune into BWF this Sunday at 2PM Eastern for our awards show!

The post TNA Impact Friday The 13th Edition appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with Kurt Angle coming out to the ring after a pretty sweet looking video package about the semi finals. He says he’s thankful for his health and the fans who are supporting him on his quest to the TNA hall of fame and the tournament is a way for him to prove himself. He calls out Magnus and asks him what happened last week. The short answer is that he hurt his knee. Angle says that champions fight hurt and his knee is injured too. He asks Magnus if he really has the heart of a champion. Magnus says that he’s hungry and he does have heart. He’s going to prove it too. Angle says that if Magnus wants to be champ, he has to go through him and Bobby Roode comes out. In his sparkly robe too, so maybe he should come out.

Roode says he knows what it’s like to be a champion and brings up his loss when Hogan said “Nah, he’s not ready.” To be a champ you need a killer instinct and now he, Roode, has that. He brings up James Storm to sell his tables match against Hardy. He tells Magnus that he’ll never be a world champion and Jeff Hardy comes out. It’s been a while. Hardy grabs a table from the stage and drags it down the ramp. Hardy says some shit about creatures. I think he’s high again.

Coming up on an all new Total Divas; John Cena is pregnant but which Bella twin is the father?

Jeff Hardy vs Bobby Roode in a tables match
TNA were actually running a live Q and A on a second screen experience while this match was on. Guess which one I wish I had seen? I do actually wish I had seen it live so I could get in on that. The match was pretty good though. I harp on Hardy because of his personal problems but I am, unfortunately, a fan of his in ring style. Give him someone like Roode too and you’ll have yourself a good match. It ended pretty abruptly though. Hardy and Roode were fighting on the apron next to a table outside and both of them fell through the table at the same time. They went to break selling that there would be a photo finish or something.

When they get back from break they show a replay of what happened during the break. Two referees argued with eachother and Hebner, the head ref, came out to make a final decision. He ruled that because both men went through at the same time, the match will continue. So this goes on. I have to say I liked that little bit. Not quite a fan of Roode crotching Hardy with a front suplex instead of putting him through the table that was right in front of him. Especially after it lead to Hardy kicking Roode off the apron, and through a table. The match ends for real this time. Hardy goes through to the finals.

Jeff Hardy must have some zombies. He used to walk to the ring like one.

There’s an Impact 365 video with EC3 who has an amazing segue. The make up girl gets stuff on his lips and he says “The face, not the lips. They’re chapped. You know what really chaps my hide? The so called legends in the TNA locker room.” He says he’s going to challenge one of the greatest of all time this week on Impact.

There’s another video with Dixie Carter. She’s recieved an email from the Anonymous RAW GM. Turns out it was AJ Styles’s agent. Apparently Dixie is going to get her belt back. The rest of that was painful.

EC3 vs The Greatest Of All Time
It’s not Shark Boy or Curry Man so it can’t be the greatest talent TNA has. He talks up his opponent, saying that he’s been in the ring with the likes of Andre, Hogan, and Bret Hart. Tonight his hand picked opponent is………EARL HEBNER! Technically everything he said about him was right. Hebnar says that he’s not a wrassler, he’s a ref, and the match won’t happen. EC3 cuts a promo about how he’s an entitled asshole and because Earl is an employee he’s got no choice. There’s a “We want Shark Boy” chant. To make things even heelier they bring out Earl’s son to ref the match. He’s dragged out by Rockstar Spud too. I love that guy. EC3 says that Earl is going to lay down for him while Bryan, his son, counts the one two three. Earl refuses and EC3 basically says he’ll kill him and then Earl lays down like a good little bitch. EC3 pins Earl with one finger and makes Bryan roll Earl out the ring. That was absolutely amazing. People need to watch this to learn how to be a heel. EC3 didn’t hit one cheap pop and had the entire audience hating him.

“I got three fingers into her once”

There’s a video package on Joseph Abyss. That was pretty awesome too. I wonder if they have some new techies.

Bad Influence are backstage as part of the Impact365 stuff. They went on a roadtrip that had surprising results and had some photos. Joseph Park has had an affair with Clair Lynch and now she’s pregnant with the anti-Christ.

Then we got a video where Christie Hemme gets date raped by that Shaw guy from last week. What he actually did was threaten to kill the watier who looked at Hemme.

One more video package on AJ running out of the company with the title.

Dixie is on the phone and her assistant tells her there’s a delivery for her. It’s flowers from a fan. I bet she bought herself flowers.

Bobby Roode is backstage and he’s pissed off because he’s out of a wrestling tournament because he fell through a table. That’s not real wrasslin!

Sting is shown walking into the arena. Screw wrestling matches, we have backstage segments to show!

Speaking of backstage segments, Dixie is backstage with some of the talent. It’s the holiday season and she has something better than the wheel of Dixie. It’s called Feast Or Fired. She has four money in the bank briefcases, all of them are numbered too. One has a world title match in it (nullifying this whole tournament thing), one has a tag team championship match in it, one of them has an X-Division match in it, and one of them will end with them being fired.

‘Nuff said.

Bad Influence make their way out to the ring. Well, even if we’re not getting matches at least we’re getting Bad Influence. Neither Kaz or Daniels have enough hair to have been Curry Man last week. It was probably TJ Perkins. Or a mask that had hair attached. The fans may have been pissed off at them for what they did to Park, but it’s alright. They have the truth about Park and they’re going to reveal it now. Right after Joseph Abyss comes out. Which he does. He tells Bad Influence they just need to stop already. He tells them they’ve won and maybe he never should have been in Impact wrestling. Maybe he is just an attorney. That’s when Kaz speaks up. Their evidence is about Park being an attorney. Park tears up the evidence before they can reveal Claire Lynch’s pregnancy test. Kaz says it doesn’t matter he tore up the envelope as he gave all the evidence to the boys in the back and it’s going to be shown on screen. The truth is here, and it’s an Impact 365 video.

Bad Influence are in Chicago, and in the actual law offices of Park, Park and Park. He’s been missing since they dumped blood on him and they want to find him. They find a receptionist who points them to suite something or other. It’s Joseph Park’s office apparently. Except it’s empty. There’s pretty much nothing there. They go back to the receptionist who tells them that the office IS abandoned and Park, Park and Park hasn’t existed for thirteen years. Ooooh, creepy.

2Spooky4Me

Now the question is, what has Park been doing for thirteen years. I’m not sure, but my guess is he’s been Abyss for 13 years. Park asks them to leave him alone and tries to walk out, but Bad Influence won’t let him. Kaz actually spits in his face before calling him a liar. They have a tiny beatdown before Eric Young comes out to save Park. EY tells them if they keep knocking on the devil’s door, the devil’s gonna answer. He sets up a tag match against Bad Influence for next week.

Backstage again with Magnus and Sting. Sting says he’s proud of Magnus and Magnus repeats what he said to Angle. The Mafia is on the shelf, but he’s still got respect. Sting asks Magnus if people felt that he was the entitled person that Sting said he was going to go after. I actually don’t remember people saying that. I thought we all agreed it was EC3. Magnus says that rumours and wrestling are like peanut butter and jelly. He’s dead to me now. Dead to me. We don’t have peanut butter and jelly. He never took the rumours seriously and asks Sting if he should have. Sting dodges the question, basically asking Magnus if he felt entitled, then walks out the locker room after wishing Magnus luck.

A delivery man is here again. Rockstar Spud tells a guy to go wait for him and then calls him a muppet. I love this guy.

Eleven video packages and in ring segments later we finally get a match! The bad news Barret is that it’s The Bromanz.

The more you know

Bromanz vs James Storm and Gunner
Apparently James Storm once ripped a man’s eye out in a bar fight. Here’s hoping for a repeat. If I can even bring myself to watch this match. Zema Ion hit his damn air horn during the match. I hope he’s still injured. That’s the only excuse for this stuff. The match itself isn’t bad though. Bromanz ARE a good tag team, they’re just treated like jobbers. Storm and Gunner are a pretty solid tag team too. I got too fed up of the air horn and Taz doing it on commentary too. Storm hit the Last Call superkick but Robbie E spat beer in Gunner’s face. Gunner attacked Robbie and the ref was too busy trying to seperate them to count the pinfall. Gunner fought the ref off too for the DQ. Storm and Gunner argue post match to tease more dissension.

Sting is backstage. Because Lord knows we haven’t had enough backstage segments. Rockstar Spud stops him from going into Kurt Angle’s locker room. He asks Sting what his relationship with Kurt is, and then asks Sting who he is. Sting actually said “I’m Sting, I’m sure you’ve heard my albums.” Oh Sting. I love The Police. Spud says that he’s the chief of staff and Sting jokes that he’s the assistant in charge of the assistants. Spud finally realises who Sting actually is and says he didn’t recognise him without the face paint. That actually happened to me a few times. Spud brings up how Sting came up short in the tournament, and Sting laughs at how short Spud is. Spud informs Sting that Dixie wants him to leave, and Sting mocks Dixie’s accent, saying she can ask him to leave herself. Spud leaves when he’s told the package is finally here. Sting sums it up best when he shouts “What’s going on around here?!” and then just walks away. He must really have not wanted to talk to Angle much.

I think Sting is in love.

Another 365 video because, fuck it, we have time to kill. Gail Kim is with her actual boyfriend, or her dad, I’m not sure. He kinda looks like an old Batista. JB asks Gail for her opinion on the open challenge. She runs down her competition, as does her boyfriend/dad. Then they quickly cut to another 365 video where Sabin is with Velvet Sky and halfway through a sentence. Loser. I tune out because if they don’t care, then neither do I.

Gail Kim vs Laura Dennis
It’s Gail Kim vs the Canadian AJ Lee. Gail Kim beats the malnourishment out of her. She even pulled her up after a two count to beat her some more. Canadian AJ gets some offense in but ultimately loses. Post match they attack Canadian AJ some more and ODB runs out for the save. ODB takes out both Tapa and Gail. Tapa grabs her by the throat but Gail seperates them and walks out with Tapa.

AJ is so crazy she thinks she’s a Canadian wrestler.

Yep, you guessed it, a backstage segment. Dixie asks Spud where her package is and is pretty happy with his answer. She tells Spud to bring it to her right now.

Magnus vs Kurt Angle in a Last Man Standing match
I feel bad for these two because I’m burnt out by this point. I want to give these guys all I have but I can’t because, damn, I’m tired. I’ll say it was good booking though given the story they’ve been selling with Angle recently that he goes down and doesn’t get back up. Or it would be if it wasn’t for him fighting off four guys last week. They have some good psychology too. There’s a lot of rest holds and grappling but it makes sense in a match like this. You have to wear your opponent down and hey, submissions do that. I’d like to see these guys in a submission match too. Magnus has really gotten that Clover Leaf over.

Yes, we actually got a backstage segment DURING A MATCH. They cut to break in the match and then Dixie is in her office with Spud and a large box. Presumably Dixie’s package.

Back properly the match is still going on. Taz gets a message on commentary from Rockstar Spud saying that after the match, Dixie is going to present her world title to, well, the world. I am just checking out at this point. I want to care, I really do, but you don’t put a segment in the middle of a match. It just takes you out of everything. Angle hit a badass looking Spear though and the commentators sell that he tweaked his neck on impact. Of course he did, that’s the name of the show. Magnus hits the running elbow from the apron he hit last week and the commentators bring up that he didn’t injure himself this time. I think they were trying to say that he faked an injury last week but if you ask me it just means he learned how to do the move properly. Angle

tosses Magnus off (cock talk!) for a nine count. Angle misses a Moonsault but gets up after four. Thought they might try and sell that Angle took himself out. Again. The ref gets taken out and Angle hits an Angle Slam. Roode comes out and knocks Angle down and out with whatever he calls his version of the AA. Magnus is still down and it’s brought up he was down for about a 17 count by that point. Angle tries to get up but can’t and Magnus is the winner by Roode. Post match Roode runs into the ring and beats on Angle some more. Hardy comes out for the save and knocks Roode out the ring. I’ll say they surprised me. I thought it was inevitably building up to Angle vs Roode and Angle getting the belt. Magnus shakes Hardy’s hand to officially end my pain.

Still wanna take a ride on the Dixie Train?

Except the pain isn’t over, because Dixie is still backstage. Can someone kick her out the arena already? They finally open the box and of course it’s not the title. It’s a crappy little replica. I hope that’s not the one they sell in their shop. Dixie goes nuts and says that the game is on. There’s a Friends of AJ package where he says that she has something to put on her paper champion now. He tells Dixie that if she wants her belt, she can go down to Georgia to get it. I guess we know the real reason the Devil went down to Georgia now. Anyway, that’s the show.

My overall thoughts are that it was actually a good show. The in ring stuff was great and so were a lot of the videos and such. They were just too damn many of them and not all of them were needed. All in all though, as I said, a good show. Much better than RAW. Much shorter too.

The post TNA Impact 5/12/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Turkey’s are all over Impact though as the show starts with Dixie Carter. She’s going to hire herself a Chief of Staff. That’s Chief of Staff, not Director of Operations. He’s British too. It wasn’t me sadly. It was Rockstar Spud. That dude who won British Bootcamp and then vanished. He just looks…wrong in a suit. I would have been much better.

Rockstar Spud thanks Dixie and gets USA chants. Filthy racists. He says he’s watching the roster and calls Dixie his queen. So it’s okay to be racist towards this guy, he’s a traitorous prick. Dixie updates us on the world title tournament and says Kurt Angle vs Magnus is a Last Man Standing match. Roode and Hardy is a tables match. I think last man standing would have been good for the inevitable final between Roode and Angle but oh well. Dixie introduces us to something called Winner Winner, Turkey Dinner. All the winners will get a turkey dinner. She also mentions AJ and calls him selfish or something, and then introduces EC3. EC3 hypes up his opponent and he and Aunt D do the Carter promo together.

EC3 vs Curry Man
It’s like Dixie Carter has a crush on Jorge or something. First Shark Boy and now Curry Man. Curry Man cuts a promo before the match but gets attacked by EC3. It’s a typical EC3 match but it’s also worth noting he slammed Curry Man’s face into the mat while shouting “I. AM. RICH!” at a slam a word. Oh and the fans think he can’t wrestle. Curry Man got in some offense but EC3 won with his 1 Percenter and cuts the Carter promo.

So is Dixie Carter.

Angle and Gunner are backstage. Gunner and Storm are part of team Angle. Storm comes in and says that any problems he and Gunner have can be settled another time. Gunner says that he did what he thought was right. James Storm is such a dick.

The Bromanz are backstage and they have their own personal DJ now. Zema Ion. Say it with me guys *sigh*. Anyway, EY and ODB come in with their turkey costume thing. I forgot that happened. I was happier. I also feel kinda bad I defended Bromanz getting the titles. I’m willing to admit I was wrong. This is another sign those things are dead. EY sets up a match between Bromanz and two random guys backstage to see who wears the turkey suit.

Velvet Sky vs Lei’d Tapa
Guess they can only afford one indy woman a taping. Velvel tries to use her speed to avoid Tapa but Gail Kim grabs her foot when she tries to run the ropes. Gail gets dismissed and sent backstage by the ref and Tapa starts raping Velvet. Velvet tries to get back into it, doesn’t, and Tapa picks up the win.

There’s a video package about the passing of Aces and Eights, and then another video package hyping up the Turkey Bowl match.

The Bromanz vs Those Guys (Dewey Barnes and Norv Fernum)
Zema Ion actually introduces the Bromanz and plays them to the ring. He calls them “Two guys with bodies so heavenly they sweat holy water.” I can’t believe I didn’t recognise Barnes and Fernum. It was kinda stupid of them to do this I think, it kinda shows that they really are just two guys that were backstage and really takes away from EC3’s wins over them. Bromanz cut them down before the match starts and I tune out. Fuck this shit. Bromanz win. The jobbers put the suits on and dance while Robbie E has an orgasm in the ring. It wasn’t so bad once Bromanz shut up and they started dancing though. It wasn’t too bad, I guess.

I came back for this?

Another video package on AJ. More angry Dixie too. She’s in the back and tells AJ that the game is over. She has a lot of shoes, and a lot of laywers. The lawyers are going to be all over him and he has one week to return her title. Not bad TNA. Not bad at all. It makes sense and that’s what matters.

Team Roode are backstage. It’s EGO and Chris Sabin. Roode hypes his team up and Daniels says it would have been great to see Roode kill Storm in the ring. Also Joseph Park tested positive for gravy during a drug test. Roode says that it’s serious and walks off, and Sabin says “He’s going that way, we should follow him.”

Rockstar Spud is demanding food backstage. I marked out when he called the woman a bloody yank.

Backstage with Angle and Magnus. Magnus says that he still has respect for Angle and next week they’re going to beat the hell out of eachother. They need to take care of business this week.

Aces and Eights vs The Grim Reaper
Magnus is checking Twitter during the funeral and Joe is eating. EY was the only one crying. I actually live tweeted my sister’s wedding ceremony. The priest asks if anyone wants to speak some kind words about Aces and Eights and Mr Anderson comes out of the casket. He’d just finished having sex with the body I guess. He says some stupid shit and mentions that Hogan provided the food. Not by name though. He invites Kurt up to the podium and Kurt says that D’lo and Wes Brisco were his friends. I seem to remember him mentoring Garret Bischoff too. Kurt pulls out a D’lo Brown bobble head and throws it in the casket and Joe takes to the podium. Joe actually cuts a pretty decent promo before making it stupid again. He says that when they pulled their masks off, they found some pretty ugly faces. He pulls out a six pack and says that it was the only thing that made their faces palatable, and he’s going to leave them in honour of Aces and Eights. He then thinks fuck that, and just hands them out because it’s good beer. I did love the line “To the Aces and Eights, may you ride your mopeds to the shores of Valhalla.” I’ll mark out for any Norse references.

Jeremy Borasch takes the podium and says that unfortunately Tazz will still be on commentary. The good news is that he can get rid of the cut he wore for eighteen months. Even though Taz wasn’t a member for that long. Brooke’s booty shorts also made their way under the announce table. They get placed in the casket too and Eric Young takes to the podium. He’s here to shed a tear for the men who’ll never get a chance to wear the Turkey suit. He’s got plenty of them so it’s okay for him to put one in the casket. That tradition will live on forever, unlike Aces and Eights. EY starts crying for the lost turkey suit. Anderson took to the podium one more time and has a hammer. Tenay is the only one who hasn’t felt the touch of Bully’s hammer. He’s going to keep it, it’s a good hammer. Bully Ray enters the parlour to save my life. Anderson raped him of everything and Bully won’t forgive him. He cuts a pretty awesome promo about how death is the final awakening, and Anderson needs to sleep with one eye open. That segment was way too long, even if the ending saved it.

Cute kittens make everything better. Even bad segments.

Team Angle vs Team Roode
There’s a while left of the show and this is supposed to be the main event. Joy of joys. To save myself I’m just going to say who was eliminated, by who, and how. Unless something good happens. The match started off pretty good with Angle and Roode going for submissions until one Kaz gets in. I actually missed Magnus being tagged in too. Gunner and Storm hit a nice tag team move to imply that maybe they’re not done just yet. Then that goes away when Storm is eliminated. He got rolled up right next to Gunner who didn’t really try to break up the pin. Storm glared at Gunner as he walked backstage. Bad Influence hit a cheap shot double team on Gunner and Kaz picks up the pin. It’s four on two at this point with Magnus and Angle vs all of Team Roode. Magnus hits a flying forearm off the apron and lands badly and starts selling his knee. Or he injured it legit. They cut to break teasing that Magnus is having his knee taped up.

They come back from break and show Magnus try and get up and collapsing. He was then taken backstage for immediate medical attention leaving Angle to face all of Team Roode. He gets shredraped of course. He rolled up Daniels and got a visual pinfall but Roode and co were distracting the ref. Bad Influence hit their double team move again and Roode begged for the tag. Angle reverses Roode and has Roode hit Sabin by mistake and makes a comeback. He hits the Three Amigos on Roode and Daniels, and then hits another set on Roode. It was pretty impressive but talk about over saturation. He did a good job though by taking so long to do them that the fans started calling for them. He even hit a double suplex on Bad Influence and hits a double Ankle Lock on them too. The Cyborg is back bitches. Angle avoids a chair shot by Roode, grabs it, and unleashes hell on Team Roode. He gets disqualified though, so Team Roode technically win, even though Magnus was never technically eliminated.

This is an old picture but I think it might be the same two guys.

There’s a backstage segment with Team Roode celebrating their victory and they’re going to get ready for that Thanksgiving feast. I forgot that was going to happen. Roode says he’s thankful for beating Angle for a third time, and for being Bobby Roode.

Another backstage segment with Gunner and Storm. Storm says that being pinned in front of his partner was never part of the plan. Gunner asks what the plan even is, and the interviewer asks if they have goals as a team. Gunner walks off having a hissy fit and asking Storm if it’s “his plan or their goal” or something. I could have got plan and goal the wrong way around. Storm walks off himself after saying no one dictates the future of Storm and Gunner.

Video package hyping up the final four of the tournament.

Dixie Carter is backstage with Rockstar Spud. He shows her the Thanksgiving dinner he had made and EC3 comes in too. EC3 disapproves of the food and says the British don’t know about good food. Screw you EC3, I had bacon sandwiches. Dixie tells Rockstar Spud that he’s in charge of the dinner and Dixie leaves with EC3, presumably leaving the arena too.

Rockstar Spud is in the ring with his Thanksgiving Dinner. Spud invites all the winners out and Gail Kim comes out even though she didn’t compete, and Velvet Sky comes out with Sabin, even though she lost. Zema is also with the Bromanz. Roode grabs the mic and asks Chris why Velvet is there. Sabin says that he’s right and tells Velvet to go away, he’ll bring her a doggy bag. Nothing about Tapa standing next to the table instead of sitting down to eat though. Roode thanks Dixie and asks them what they’re thankful for. Bad Influence is thankful for being intelligent, handsome, well endowed, that Joe isn’t there to drink gravy and fuck pie, and Kaz is thankful to spend Thanksgiving with EGO. Gail Kim is thankful for Tapa, and being the prettiest and most dominant knockout, and her family. Sabin is thankful for the beautiful and luxurious hair he has, being the greatest X-Division champion, and Velvet of course. One of the Bromanz says something. Then the other one says something. Roode says that he’s thankful for the real Thanksgiving, the one last month in Canada. He celebrated with G. He’s also thankful for beating Angle three times. Everyone will be thankful when he’s the new champion and now they can eat.

Kurt Angle comes out as they start to eat. He sees a ring of turkeys. Roode challenges him to step in the ring and take on all the people at the table. Angle says if it was just the two of them he’d kick his ass, but neither of them are alone. The faces come out from the back and the nerds are still in their turkey suits. A good old fashioned brawl/food fight breaks out. Rockstar Spud cries like a little bitch and EY hits some turkey shots. Fernum and Barnes even hit simultaneous splashes. The faces stand strong in the ring and celebrate with beer as the show goes off the air.

Sadly no canes were involved. Or Kanes.

It was a pretty decent show overall. Some things went on a bit too long but the good far outweighed the bad. I can’t say I was too disappointed with anything.

The post TNA Impact Thanksgiving Edition appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with an Impact365 video detailing Bobby Roode attacking James Storm in a bar. It actually looked pretty cool. I think they did this the last time the pair had a feud. Good use of the Impact 365 thing too. It’s not often we get to say Impact did something right.

Dixie is backstage with Samoa Joe. She explains that she watched the show back last week and Joe didn’t perform as well as her. He’ll be fired if he takes that tone with her again. She also says that a unification match between him and AJ would never happen.

Dixie comes out to the ring to start the show properly. Apparently she was in Sports Illustrated. She has to talk about AJ. Every since he decided to not join Team Dixie he’s wrasslin all over the world for minimum wage. She’s got lawyers all over the world to stop AJ from wrestling in the indies and he’ll never make another yen off of her again. James Storm comes out to interrupt.

He brings up the attack that happened “last night” and he’s got a bull rope. It’s not enough though. He wants to use a ton of weapons including some poor guy’s wooden leg. He wants a Florida Deathmatch. Dixie doesn’t care though and won’t change it. Storm says the cops asked if he wanted to have Roode arrested but he said no. If Dixie doesn’t change the match though, he’ll call them back. Storm decides to ask nicely and says please. He gets the match because he asked nicely. Gotta love blackmail.

I was going to joke about the direction of TNA, but thought I’d say there’s no Turning Point here instead.

Samoa Joe vs Magnus in a Falls Count Anywhere match
Joe doesn’t come out to the ring and instead appears on the big screen and challenges Magnus to come out to the back for a scrap. Magnus obliges and they cut to break. Yep. After the break Magnus was dead on the ground and they replayed an epic fight that took place during the break. Magnus regains control and the match goes back to the ring. Magnus hit the big elbow from the top rope for a near fall and Joe hit a Suicide Dive for a near fall of his own on the outside. Magnus grabs a chair from under the ring and sets it up in the corner. I wasn’t aware Falls Count Anywhere meant no DQ. Joe locks in the Kokina Clutch (I don’t know how to spell that) but Magnus fights out of it and sends Joe into the steel chair to pick up the win. I’m kinda torn. I like to see Magnus advance, but Joe made me want to see a unification match between him and AJ.

Park is backstage and says that tonight he ends the speculation.

Bad Influence make their way to the ring and I still can’t believe these guys get booed. Bad Influence is here for our viewing pleasure and you bet your ass I was pleasured by Bad Influence (cock talk!). Kaz sets up Park vs Abyss and says the crowd has permission to worship them and try and enjoy what’s going to happen.

Joseph Park vs Abyss
Joseph Park comes out first of course. He tells Bad Influence (who randomly have popcorn) to shut the hell up. His 18 month search for his brother Abyss has come to a head tonight. This’ll quell the rumours and allegations and he’s going to prove to the world that he’s not a loser. This is his Turning Point. He hands the mic to Christie Hemme to introduce Abyss. The music of the moster hits but of course Abyss doesn’t come out. Hemme introduces him again but still nothing happens. Kaz grabs the mic and asks where Abyss is and tells Park to do a Truffle Shuffle to amuse the fans. Daniels cuts a promo that ends with him saying Park isn’t a man and various insults to that degree. Abyss didn’t come out because he knows Park is a loser and even his great great grandfather Jurassic Park didn’t come. He keeps running down Park to try and get him to snap. He says that they need blood to summon Abyss and if that’s the case they’ll have blood. With that, Kaz dumps an entire bucket of blood onto Park.

I’ve not seen Carrie but I imagine it looked like this. I’ve read the book at least and that’s always better.

Daniels keeps teasing him and says that Abyss isn’t inside Park’s head because he’s nothing but a loser and he’s wasting air. He doesn’t deserve to even be on the planet and should go. Park walks out as Daniels continues to berate and insult him. That was actually the end of the segment. The point of that segment was to say that it has to be PARK’S blood to make him transform.

Gail Kim is in the ring and she re-issues her open challenge.

Gail Kim vs Candice Larea
Candice starts with some strong offense but it doesn’t last. Gail shredrapes her for the majority of the match. Candice gets some more offense in but she doesn’t look very good. Gail fails to get the win with a power bomb but picks it up with Eat De-Feet instead.

James Storm is backstage grabbing any weapon he can on the way out.

Another AJ Styles video package. This one detailing his time in Japan. He even found his Japanese number one fan.

Jeremy Borasch is backstage with Mr Anderson. Anderson says that Bully tried to take what mattered most to him and tonight Anderson is going to take things away from Bully. Aces and Eights are done.

Storm is still backstage and he meets up with Gunner. Gunner tells him he doesn’t need the weapons and Storm agrees. He doesn’t need them, but he wants them. Gunner tells Storm he’s got his back and the pair make out. It felt like they wanted to anyway.

Speaking of overt sexual tension, they run a video package on the history of Storm and Roode and their days in Beer Money and beyond.

James Storm vs Bobby Roode in a Florida Deathmatch
Storm comes out with a trash can filled with weapons and attacks Roode on the ramp as he makes his entrance. The brawl outside the ring continues and Storm gets cut up. If he was Joseph Park he’d have transformed by now. Storm throws Roode in the ring and throws not one, but two trash cans filled with weapons in after him. Cue hardcore shit with every weapon under the sun. They mixed things up with actual wrestling too so it wasn’t so bad when Roode hit Storm with a cookie sheet. They didn’t actually have too much stupid hardcore shit outside of the occasional crutch shot. Storm set a trash can up between Roode’s legs and whacked it with a Singapore Cane to hit a pretty elaborate low blow and we get a return of the cookie sheet. Wonder what Chris Nowinski thinks of unprotected cookie sheet shots to the head. Speaking of unprotected head shots, Storm countered a slingshot into a trash can and instead hit Roode with two trash cans to the head. Roode got his own back by hitting a Spinebuster on to one and pretty much actually busting Storm’s spine.

That looked pretty sick.

We go back to campy shit with duelling shots to the head with trash can lids for a teased double knockout. Storm knocks Roode out the ring with a super kick and while he’s out there Roode grabs a beer bottle and smashes it over Storm’s head. Storm gets up in time but all that does is buy him another beating. Roode sets up two chairs in the ring and hits an Attitude Adjustment on Storm. Did I mention this match has Last Man Standing rules? Neither did the commentators. Storm gets up in time again and gets his ass kicked, again. Roode actually tells him to die. Roode pulls out a barbed wire board while Storm gets back up to his feet. There’s a strong E-C-Dub chant while Roode goes for another AA. Gunner runs out and rather than stopping Roode, he throws in the towel to end the match and save Storm’s ass. Roode is your winner. Post match Gunner comes in the ring and Storm flips out at him for stopping the match. The two argue outside the ring some more. I’m actually on Gunner’s side, even if I think he should have just speared Storm or something. If Storm goes heel then I guess we’re getting Beer Money back after all.

There’s a video package where Christie Hemme goes to Samuel Shaw’s house and looks at his “art”. He’s actually a pretty good artist. After they finish “filming” Samuel asks Hemme out on a date and she gives him her number.

This is what Jeff Hardy looks like, to Jeff Hardy, when he’s on drugs.

Backstage with EC3 and his jobbers. Oh shit, something new with EC3. Bout damn time! He personally flew them in to Florida so they could be on the show. The bad news is that the rivalry has to come to an end because he’s beaten them just too much. If he does it again, he’ll have jumped the shark. He brought them down just to tell them personally that they suck. Tonight he’s going to face a returning TNA legend but it’s cool. He’s a Carter, the world needs him. That was actually pretty good.

Borasch is backstage and introduces Bully Ray. Brooke takes over interviewing duties and asks Bully what he’s going to do. Bully runs down Mr Anderson and how he saved Anderson. He brought Ken in, and tonight he’s going to take him out. After that, he’ll take good care of Anderson’s pregnant wife.

Kurt Angle is backstage pumping up Magnus. He gets interrupted and told he has to go see Dixie.

EC3 vs TNA Legend
Before the match starts EC3 grabs a microphone and pumps his opponent up. He actually introduces his opponent and OH SHIT IT’S SHARK BOY. Fresh from his interview on BWF Radio. Shark Boy actually avoids the oldest trick in the book when EC3 ran around the ring and tried to elbow drop him. EC3 controls most of the match of course and hits his 1% for the win. It was still pretty great to see Shark Boy again.

Video package on Anderson and Bully

Angle and Roode are backstage and Dixie is with them. Joy of joys. Next week is Thanksgiving and next week they’re going to pretend that they care about eachother. They’re going to have a Survivor Series elimination match next week. No, seriously. They get a four man team each and it’s elimination. Should be pretty cool though.

The little shit had it coming. I hate kids and love cats.

Bully Ray vs Mr Anderson
Before the match starts the TNA music hits and a load of guys come out and stand on the ramp to watch the match. Pretty nice touch. Anderson attacks Bully before Borasch can finish the introductions and takes the time to introduce himself before giving Bully some low blows and shit gets underway. Taz implies that Brooke is a slut by saying that she’s going to check out Bully and she’s “very good in that area”. They trade blows outside the ring and Bully grabs a table. I miss Devon. They go to break and we come back to Bully Ray suplexing Anderson into the ring with a table set up in the corner. Anderson’s changed his ring attire too. He’s wearing AJ’s tights now. That’s AJ Styles, not AJ Lee. She wears those tiny demin shorts in the ring.

AJ Styles or Mr Anderson? You decide.

Anyway, Bully goes back to beating the shit out of Anderson and wastes him with the chain. He even wrapped the chain around his arm and went for an elbow drop. He missed though so that was bad for him. Anderson took advantage and whaled on Bully with his own chain. Bully tears the ring mats up to expose the concrete floor and goes for the pile driver. Anderson counters it with a back body drop and goes for a pile driver of his own. Knux runs in to save Bully and gets thrown into the steps. Anderson rips up some more ring mats and gives Knux a pile driver on to the concrete. It kinda sucked though because Anderson fell backwards and Anderson was the only one who actually touched concrete. Anderson rips off Knux’s cut and the distraction lets Bully hit him.

This move is totally dangerous. To Anderson’s tailbone.

Things go back in the ring and Anderson gets speared through the table in the corner. He only gets the two count though. Brooke ran to the announce table and Taz gave her a hammer. She went to give it to Bully but she threw it too hard and it over shot him. Anderson grabs the hammer and hits Bully with it for the win. Aces and Eights is done. Anderson rips off Bully Ray’s cut and sends the guys on the stage to take Taz’s cut from him. Taz obliges, with much protest, and Anderson gets handed the cut. He poses with the cuts as the show goes off the air.

This was a pretty damn good show. Before the show officially went off the air they showed a preview for next week, including a funeral for Aces and Eights. Looking forward to that. I do have a hard time believing this gang of bikers who don’t listen to authority would actually disband just because a guy lost a match, but eh. I enjoyed it.

The post TNA Impact 21/11/2013 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Aces and Eights start the show off, and Taz says that Brooke isn’t skanky. The videos of her twerking on Impact’s website would disagree. Bully cuts a promo about the swerve last week and says that the club is about quality, not quantity. They don’t really have much of that either. He doesn’t need the championship to be the be all and end all, and he’s still that. He cuts a promo on Anderson and accepts his match, saying this time he’ll piledrive him through the stage instead of just on it. Anderson’s music hits and he comes out. He has a microphone so I tune out. Anderson tries to add the stipulation that if he wins, Aces and Eights are disbanded. Bully disagrees so Anderson sweetens the pot. His wife is pregnant and if Bully wins, he’ll leave TNA and go be a dad. Bully says he’d like to piledrive Anderson’s wife and calls Ken crazy. A beatdown starts before Bully can actually accept the new stips. Anderson actually fights them off and challenges any member of Aces and Twos to a fight.

Floating Hedgehogs make everything better.

Anderson vs Knux

We come back from commercial to a match between Knux and Mr Anderson. The commentators confirm that the new stips are now added and if Anderson loses next week, then he’s done. Knux controlled most of the match but in the end Anderson hit a mic check out of nowhere for the win. You might think I didn’t note much down, and that it was because I was eating my lunch, and you’d be right. The match was incredibly slow anyway so it’s not like it matters.

There’s one of their Impact 365 videos with Joseph Park challenging Christopher Daniels to a match. After that there’s a backstage segment with Bad Influence. Daniels has no idea why Park is mad at him and accepts the challenge. Daniels actually references the TV title and says that he’ll find it. The segment ends with an appearance by Bobby Roode. Bad Influence have a new t-shirt. I bet it’s received better than the Dixie Land shirt.

There’s a video package putting over the submission match between Aries and Angle and submission matches in general. That was pretty awesome.

Oh the puns.

Christopher Daniels vs Joseph Park
Park rules the match with his size and power advantage. Daniels asks Park to help him up after a knockdown and Park gives him a clothesline before Daniels can hit the cheap shot. Daniels takes control of the match and Taz is actually entertaining. Park fails with the Ass Splash and I do agree with Taz, I don’t think he’s ever hit that move. Why does he keep trying it? Park hits some strong offense for a two count and actually goes to the top rope. Well, the second rope. Daniels runs into the opposite corner and Park gives him a running splash instead. Daniels demolishes Park with a low blow and gets the win.

Bischoff and Bully are backstage consoling Knux on his loss and telling him it’s okay. Bully reassures them that he’s going to win and get rid of him and they go off to a strip club. Yep. Bully tells them to not tell Brooke about going to a strip club.

I didn’t save many screenshots. Enjoy more puns.

EC3 vs Norv Fernum and Dewey Barnes in a handicap match
Well they gave us a handicap match which is something different. I guess. I still don’t care. I love EC3. I love his physical charisma. I love the poses and the facials (COCK TALK!) but I’m tired of this crap. I’m fast forwarding. Ethan Carter won of course and the commentators argue if he’s 8-0 or 9-0 after beating two guys at once.

Another video package on AJ Styles going down to AAA. Dixie is in the truck asking why it aired. They explained that one last week. Her problem is with Spike TV and their affiliates, I doubt it’s something the boys in the truck are doing.

Video package with Jeff Hardy saying he chipped his tooth last week. He’s going to study whoever wins the match tonight and he’s going to do what it takes to win the title again. He also says that he thinks it’s great that after 16 years he’s still able to have matches like he did last week and he’s proud that he can go out there and still make kids. Make them smile that is. Then he ends it by saying he’s glad he can still touch people. Kinda a bad thing to say after talking about making kids smile. Is he Frankie Feathers?

Jeff Hardy is the devil and he’s ruining wrestling one drug charge at a time.

Dixie Carter comes out to the ring and does the one thing no one wants her to do; She grabs a microphone. She puts over how awesome she is and how right she was to kick AJ off the roster. It proved that no one, other than her, is irreplacable. It’s a business and it’s all about “What have you done for me lately?” All AJ has done lately is steal stuff and defended her title when he’s not the world heavyweight champion. Dixie actually forgot Chris Sabin’s name. I hope that was deliberate. She says that Jeff Hardy beat “someone” in a Full Metal Mayhem match. She then puts over the Free Per View next week and brings out Bobby Roode, James Storm, Samoa Joe, and Magnus. Storm and Roode have a match next week. They really should have put that over more. I had no idea and those two have history they can draw from to make it feel like a big deal.

By the way, Dixie has fans.

Earlier in the day she spun the Wheel of Dixie and Storm and Roode have a bull rope match. Dixie says that Storm needs to step up his game and show her what he’s made of because Roode has beaten Angle not once but twice. Storm grabs a mic and tells Dixie she’s not ready to ride this rodeo and Storm says that it’s time a redneck took over the company. Hey Storm, AJ Styles IS a redneck, and he DID take the title. So fuck you.

Dixie mocks Samoa Joe a little by calling him a TNA original, like his little friend AJ Styles. Joe and Magnus are having a Falls Count Anywhere match. Joe cuts a promo on Dixie and says that they’re just there to cover her bad business and inability to deal with AJ. It’s cool though, because Joe is going to cover for her. As soon as he wins that title he’s going to defend it against the man who never lost it in the first place, no matter if it’s in TNA or anywhere else in the world. That’s AJ Styles of course. Magnus grabs the mic and says that if he wants to be the top dog he has to beat the best. That would be Joe. It’s not easy, but it’s going to happen. Dixie gets the microphone again and reiterates that the tournament is to crown her new champion and that they will be the one true champion. Not bad at all considering it was a segment with Dixie in it.

There’s no particular reason for this.

Anderson and Bischoff have themselves a good old fashioned backstage brawl. I guess Bischoff didn’t go to the strip club. It ends with Anderson handcuffing Bischoff to something and walking off. The cameraman could have just released him.

There’s a video package detailing some of Angle’s TNA career.

Gail Kim comes out and recounts her open challenge. Someone showed up to answer that challenge and that someone is Hannah Blossom.

Gail Kim vs Hannah Blossom
Hannah is one of the Blossom Twins from their British Boot Camp show. Does she really count? I guess so because they aren’t with OVW anymore. Well anyway, Gail Kim just beats the shit out of her of course. Hannah eventually gets some offense in, including a snap suplex, but there was no way it was going to last. Gail hits her Eat De-Feet for the win.

If this wasn’t a taped show, I’d say this was the first time this guy saw a real woman.

Post match Gail cuts a promo saying she’ll continue to prove time and time again that she’s the best. Not a bad start to the open challenge. These things need to build up remember. Those big names you mentioned? They might come in, but it won’t be straight away.

Joseph Park comes out to the ring for some reason. He has a promo to cut. When he came in a year and half ago, he only planned to find his brother Abyss. The support of the fans made him stick around though. Kaz and Daniels are pissing him off. They say he’ll never be as good as Abyss and they’re right because Abyss is a legend and will be a TNA hall of famer. They’ve been asking him where Abyss is but he’s got no clue. Abyss is crazy and there’s no telling when he’ll show up. Park has a solution to the problem and he actually issues an open challenge to Abyss. Has technology evolved enough for them to make that match possible?

Kinda hope not, or we’ll get this match.

Austin Aries vs Kurt Angle in a submission match.
It’s times like this I wish I knew more about technical wrestling or had someone like Tenay to tag out to. I’ll do my best. Before the match can even start they cut backstage. Anderson and Bischoff are still there and Bischoff looks like he’s been raped. Anderson undoes the handcuffs and walks off with Bischoff on his back. Now back to what we care about, Aries and Angle. It starts off slow with them trading submissions and they also both quickly get their signature submissions in. Angle counters an attempted STF and Aries goes back to softening him up. That ends with a powerful tilt-a-whirl backbreaker which is the cue for Roode to come out on to the ramp with a chair. He just plans to sit down on it though. Aries attempts to capitalise on the distraction with a top rope move but Angle catches him and gives him a belly to belly suplex.

We come back from commercial break with Aries in control of the match. Angle takes it back with another Belly to Belly and hits the three German Suplexes. Angle counters not one, but two seperate dropkicks into Ankle Locks and Aries gets out of both of them. Aries hits the Brainbuster and floats over into the Last Chancery. Aries releases the hold for some reason. Taz tries to cover it by saying he could tell that he wasn’t locked in properly and released the hold because of it. Angle hits another three German Suplexes but Aries holds on to the ropes to stop the third one. Aries misses a 450 and counters two Angle Slams. He then slams himself into the corner and Angle wins with the Crossface. That’s Bobby Roode’s hold. Pretty good finish to a pretty good match. I feel a little bad for Aries though. He was just the fuel in the Angle and Roode fire.

A surprising look at the TNA offices.

Anderson comes out with Bischoff’s corpse before the show can go off the air. He hits the piledriver on to the stage to Garret and tears off his Aces and Eights jacket while Angle and Roode watch. After that the show goes off the air.

Not bad at all really. Definitely a step up from last week. There was some very good ring work and the promos were pretty great too. Even Dixie did a good job. I just wish they would do something more with EC3 and maybe not have Aries actually look like he was just a tool to get the Angle and Roode match over.

The post TNA Impact Wrestling 14/11/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Show starts with a backstage segment where Anderson says he just wants Bully in a match. Dixie agrees to give him the match if he does her a favour and he accepts.

The Main Event Mafia, complete with the rehabbed Angle, come out to the ring. Sting says he formed the mafia to stop Aces and Eights and they’ve done it. He then goes on to disband the Mafia. Yep, he disbanded the Mafia. They’re all dealing with their own stuff and so it’s for the best they go their separate ways for now. He puts over each member of the mafia and says they will all seize the moment and become world champion. Sting personally is going to deal with the entitlement that some people in the back feel. He has a huge level of respect for the business and those who came before him and he’s going to take care of the people who don’t. Sting passes the torch, I mean microphone, to Joe and walks out the ring.

I hate to call someone out on a bad sign but that’s just such a terrible sign.

Roode says that he’s embarrassed for Angle because he keeps making excuses. He needs to just admit that he lost twice. If Angle happens to make it to the final stage of the tournament then Roode will have no problem kicking his ass for a third time. Angle says he expects to meet Bobby Roode in the finals and when it happens, Roode’s ass will be his. A brawl kicks off which is quickly stopped by refs and Atlas Security.

Jack Swagger’s response to his girlfriend’s sex tape, and this brawl.

They went to commercial during the brawl and when it’s over Angle is shirtless and sat on a chair in the ring. He calls Roode out and they have another brawl even though they’ve just had one. That was a little odd. They get pulled apart. Again. It’s prretty much a repeat of the last segment. Bad Influence come out to help hold Roode back and Magnus and Joe come out to help hold Angle back. I thought we’d get a six man tag match even though the Mafia just said they were going their separate ways. It was actually a pretty cool segment to put over just how much these guys want to beat the crap out of eachother.

Bad Influence are at ringside arguing with Pacman Jones, who’s a guest by the way. Pacman Jones and some other guy jump the railing and actually slam Bad Influence in the ring. Welp. Fuck. They even got their own music.

Backstage with Aces and Twos. They say the condition of their club is no business of TNA. Anderson walks up and says he doesn’t blame those guys for what happened and that leaving the club was the best thing that happened to him. What Aces and Eights has become isn’t what they started.

No, no, no, you should not put a guy wearing a t-shirt from the other company on your TV.

We come back to all three just hitting eachother. ODB locks on a single leg crab and Velvet hooks the other leg. They both release the hold and trade shots. ODB comes out on top and has a stare down with Tapa and Brooke takes advantage before getting planted by Velvet. Velvet throws then both in the ring and things continue as normal. Tapa and Gail Kim hop on the apron for a distraction and run in the ring for a DQ. Gail takes out Velvet and orders Tapa to take out Brooke. ODB and Tapa brawl with ODB coming out on top. Gail grabs a mic and says she has no competition left. With Tapa by her side she’s unstoppable. She issues an open challenge for any female wrestler outside TNA to come and challenge her. If they win they’ll even get a title shot.

There’s a video package on AJ going to Triple A and winning. It’s paid for by “The Friends of AJ”.

Backstage with Aces and Twos. They concede that maybe Anderson is right. Bully comes in and says that he knows everything, including their little talk with Anderson. Bully reaffirms again that he brought the club together for all of them. Bisch interrupts him and asks when they last had a vote and Knux says that for the last year it’s been about what Bully Ray wanted. Knux says they’re going to have a vote. All of them, including Tazz. No idea what they’re voting on but Bully threatens Bischoff and tells him to vote the right way.

Though it’s not like anyone really cares. Certainly not Cat Duck.

Dixie is in her office complaining about something. Possibly wondering how AJ’s video package got played. He hacked into the feed after taking lessons from Big Show. Ethan Carter walks in and Dixie says that this week he gets to pick his own opponent. EC3 says he’s worried that his streak might be over this week and Dixie pumps him up.

Aces and Twos are in the ring and Bischoff has the microphone. He said something like “We’re here to decide the club vote to decide the future of this club.” He asks Taz to come in the ring and then calls out Bully Ray. Taz actually got a few “one more match” chants. I believe that physically he doesn’t have another match in him. Bully asks if the crowd knows who he is and Bisch runs him down, saying that he is the poison that’s killing Aces and Eights. Before they can get to the vote Anderson comes out. Anderson says he’s just out there to watch the club implode. We finally find out what the vote is as Bischoff says his vote is that he’s finished. Basically they’re choosing if they’re going to stay in the club or not. Bischoff takes his jacket off and puts it on a ringpost. Bully tries to win Knux’s favour but he has none of it. Knux also takes his cut off and puts it on a turnbuckle.

Bully says that because he and Taz are going to vote in favour of staying it’ll go to a tie and when there’s a tie, the president wins by default. Bully puts over how loyal Taz and offers him the mic. Taz says that he’s also done and voting to disband because everyone else is right. He offers his cut to Bully personally. Bully tells him to put it back on and Taz dares Bully to make him do it. Bully threatens him again and Taz threatens do destroy him. Anderson calls for Taz to suplex Bully. I don’t think he even has a suplex left in him. Bully says it’s all Anderson’s fault and Anderson says he wants to fight Bully’s ass. They’re having a no DQ match at the next free PPV/special or whatever they call them. Bully says that he can’t believe Anderson, who respects Stone Cold so much, forgot the first rule. Knux and Bischoff ram him from behind (COCK TALK!) and Bully tells him not to trust anybody. After each word he delivered a chain shot. Bully says when you ride with Aces and Eights, you never walk alone. The entire thing was a swerve. Not bad.

Taz and Tenay were talking about the Aces and Eights swerve when Bobby Roode runs out and challenges Kurt Angle to a match. Instead of Angle we get EC3.

EC3 vs Dewey Barnes
They don’t even bother giving EC3 new jobbers. If he gets to pick his own opponent I thought maybe he’d pick a mid carder and recieve something close to an actual push. It’s an EC3 jobber match. What more do you need to know? He has a new quirk now though. He raises his finger in the air to symbolise that he’s a one percenter and one percenter is now the name of his finishing move.

This is the look of a man who feels he could potentially lose the match.

Bad Influence vs EY and Joseph Park
Daniels refers to himself as sexually delicious during his entrance. I felt the need to point that out. EY and Daniels start things off but that doesn’t last long as Kaz runs into the ring and attacks EY from behind. EY fights them off and tags Park in. EY botches an Ericanrana but hits an actual suicide dive and cross body. Words don’t really do justice to how beautiful Bad Influence are as a tag team and how they flow together so amazingly well. Kaz distracts the ref so that he doesn’t see EY and Park tag but it’s for nothing as EY fights out of the two on one and tags Park a few seconds after. Daniels breaks up a Boston Crab and Daniels and EY go out of the ring for a brawl. Daniels goes to hit EY with the timekeeper’s hammer but the ref stops him. As the ref is picking up the hammer Daniels grabs his appletini and throws it in Park’s face and Kaz picks up the win.

The goggles! They do nothing! Except make him more sexually delicious.

Jeff Hardy vs Frail Sabin in a Tables, Ladders and Stairs match.
Because they couldn’t actually say “Tables, ladders and chairs” they always referred to this by saying “Tables, ladders, and stairs” or “Tables, ladders, chairs and stairs”. Sabin is still the X-Division champion so guess who’s going to win this one? Sabin offers a handshake and Hardy reverses the cheap shot. Listen, because this is a spot fest match, I’ll just tell you the big shit that happens. They have a tug of war with the ladder which ends with Hardy getting crushed in the corner twice. Sabin also hits a neckbreaker on the rope to send Jeff in the ladder. Hardy delivers a big back drop onto the ladder. Hardy hits a trash can to the head for a two count. It wasn’t a big moment but Hardy broke a table when he tried to put it down. He then walked past one table on his way to another, kinda giving away what would happen to the table he walked past. Anyway, he set the table up in the corner but failed to put Sabin through it. Sabin has Hardy in a Tree of Woe and puts a chair next to Hardy’s face and gives it a baseball slide. Hardy puts Sabin on the table he walked past earlier but Sabin got off so Hardy went through it when delivering a splash. Sabin sets up the table in the ring properly and lays Hardy on it. Sabin went for a splash of his own but Hardy put his knees up. What’s the damn psychology in that? Yeah, you hurt Sabin, but you still go through the table. If you can get your knees up you can probably get off the table.

I always wondered how those tables appeared. They were still setting up the match during the entrances.

Anyway, Hardy hits a Twist of Fate and sets up a ladder. He floats over the top with a front flip and hits a Swanton for the win. The show goes off the air with the doctors and Velvet Sky checking on Sabin. Having Velvel there was a nice touch. She even changed into her street clothes for the appearance.

All in all it wasn’t a bad show. There seemed to be a whole lot of not-wrestling though. Not as bad as a few weeks ago mind. The brawls got pretty old and stale too by the third one. I just didn’t care. The main event was kinda meh-ish too which was surprising given the stipulation and participants. Not a bad show by any stretch, but it really could have been better. I’m saying that and I’m a TNA apologist who defends them all the time.

The post TNA Impact Wrestling 7/11/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

We open Impact Wrestling with Dixie Carter. Shocking. She runs down AJ Styles and tells him that no one walks out on Dixie Carter. He doesn’t exist to her and he’s not the champion. She doesn’t want the title or her car back and suggests AJ is trick or treating as the TNA world champ. Dixie needs a real world champion and she sets up an 8 man tournament that’s going to last a few weeks. She introduces seven of the eight men who are going to be in that tournament and they get video packages. James Storm, Samoa Joe, Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy, Austin Aries, Bobby Roode, and Chris Sabin. Bully Ray’s music hits as Dixie explains that there’s going to a gauntlet match to decide the eighth man.

Hogan’s really let himself go since getting released.

There’s a backstage segment of Bully beating the crap out of Anderson with a chain as he’s lead away by security. Bully puts Anderson down and says that he brought Anderson in and he’s going to take him out and warns Anderson to stay away.

Kenny Anderson there doing his best impression of Stevie Richards. If you can’t see it properly, Anderson is blurred and I checked several times to make sure he was the only thing blurred.

Garret is backstage and he’s asked for his opinion on Bully and Anderson. Bischoff says club business is club business but still goes to talk about what happened. Knux interrupts him and they go off to discuss match strategy.

Bromans vs Storm and Gunner
Storm and Gunner assault the Bromans before the match starts and the ass kicking continues in the ring as the match officially starts. Taz questions why Gunner, the Modern Day Viking, didn’t dress up as a viking for Halloween. It was a pretty good question if you ask me. Gunner and Storm dominate but the Bromans cheat to win with Robbie E grabbing Storm’s legs when he went for a suplex. Storm fell back, the other Broman fell on him, and Robbie hed Storm’s legs down so he couldn’t kick out.

Sting walks into Dixie’s office backstage and they chat about the world title match. Dixie says that she’s going to lift Sting’s ban on title shots for one night and he’s going to be the first man in the gauntlet. Sting says he’s never had a sense of entitlement and walks out of the room. Dixie asks him if that means yes. I wondered that too. I’d already had it spoiled for me that he was in there though. Guess it was a yes.

There’s a video package on the return of Abyss followed by the best segment every week; Kaz and Daniels! This week they’re dressed as Sherlock Holmes and looking for something. They cut an awesome promo, in awesome accents, about how they’re going to solve the mystery of Abyss as well as the mystery of “Just where is the TV title?” before Abyss can attack them from behind again.

You have permission to worship them.

One of the many great facials EC3 performed that night. COCK TALK!

Backstage with ODB. She says some stuff about her Knocked Up title and Bad Influence enter the scene increasing the sex appeal by about 451%. They joke about her tits and Daniels says ODB stands for “Overly Developed Bosoms”. Daniels asks her about Abyss and EY runs in and threatens them with Abyss. Or some shit.

Gauntlet Match
Sting comes out first of course. Kazarian comes out second. This is basically a mini royal rumble with a new man out every two minutes. Sting gets “You still got it!” chants as he attacks Kaz and we have a giant countdown on the titan tron. Or whatever Impact calls it. Anyway, Knux is the third man out and we come back from break with the fourth man coming out and it’s Eric Young. Young goes right after Kaz and then trades blows with Knux. He stops punching Knux in the corner to give Kaz a cross body, that was pretty cool. Kaz and Knux fail to eliminate Eric Young and the fith man comes out. It’s the other half of Bad Influence, Daniels. EY throws Kaz out as Daniels comes in and Daniels catches him in one of the most homoerotic things I’ve ever seen in wrasslin, and I watch wrasslin. Sting delivers a double suplex on Bad Influence for more “You still got it” chants.

AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU

Pretty decent match, but I really wish they would make up their damn minds with Magnus. Heel? Face? Pushed? Buried? Decide already! Magnus acts like a babyface in the ring, posing and paying homage to Sting. Guess he’s trying to play it up like he still respects Sting and it was a case of “every man for himself.”

Kurt Angle is backstage and says that he’s medically cleared to compete.

Dixie is backstage and is asked for her opinion on Magnus. She congratulates him and says she’s looking forward to announcing the brackets for the tournament and teases something called the Wheel of Dixie.

ODB vs Gail Kim
This was only half way through the show. Damn it really dragged. Or I was just that tired. Taz implies he’s hammered and I wouldn’t be surprised if most of the crew were. ODB just dominates Gail Kim and Taz makes some highly inappropriate comments about ODB’s crotch. I think he really IS drunk. ODB hits a Fallaway Slam on the outside of the ring and Gail plants her with a dropkick after getting tossed back in the ring. Gail locks in the Figure Four on the corner like she always does but fails to get the three count. More wrasslin happens, including a Thesz Press by ODB, until Tapa distracts the ref and Gail Kim hits a Schoolboy for the win.

Bad Influence are backstage, saying they’ve solved the myster of Abyss and now they’re going to go to the ring and reveal all.

Bad Influence are indeed in the ring when we come back from commercial. Kaz insults a woman in the audience and they’re speaking in their amazing British accents again. They declare that Abyss is living under the ring and Daniels pulls up the apron and pulls out a pumpkin. They compare it to Abyss before saying that it isn’t Abyss, it’s a talentless vegetable. Kaz hits a Cheap Heat by saying that the pumpkin has more intelligence than the guys backstage and the crowd. EY comes out dressed as Joseph Park and does his whole thing. EY says there’s no scientific proof that Halloween is a real holiday but it’s “The Big Guy’s” favourite holiday and he’s been asked to deliver a message. EY attacks Bad Influence but the numbers catch up to him and he gets shredraped. Abyss comes out for the save and lays waste to Bad Influence.

Dixie is backstage with Sabin and Hardy. Dixie introduces the Wheel of Dixie. It’s basically the RAW Roulette wheel. Hardy and Sabin is now going to be a Full Metal Mayhem match.

I prefer Fullmetal Alchemist to Full Metal Mayhem but I’ll take what I can get.

Bobby Roode vs Kurt Angle
There’s some very vocal “USA!” chants at the start of the match and I’m pretty surprised by how hot the crowd still is. I guess even the crowd is wasted. The guys chain wrestle and try and hit their submissions on eachother and fail. Things go outside the ring and we go to commercial. Things are back in the ring when we come back and Roode is using submissions to wear Angle down. Angle breaks out of it with a triple suplex and even went for a fourth one but Roode fought out of it. Angle hits another triple German Suplex. I was surprised that Taz didn’t say something racist but he still got a cheap joke in saying that the last time he saw that many Germans was when he was in Berlin. Roode fights out of an Ankle Lock and gets a Crossface on. Angle manages to reverse it into an Ankle Lock. That was pretty awesome. Even more awesome was when Roode spun it into another Crossface. That was a thing of beauty. Someone needs to teach Roode the Canadian Destroyer so he can do a Destroyer into a Crossface. Angle slides around and turns it into an Angle Slam for a two count. The straps come down and Angle locks in one more Ankle Lock. Roode counters it into a pin for a two count and hits something described by Taz as a “Death Valley Driver into a Cutter.”

Yes you are Bobby Roode and Kurt Angle. Yes you are.

Angle puts another Ankle lock on and turns it into a Grapevine. Roode grabs the rope for the break and we get a very very vocal “TNA!” chant. There’s still life in TNA folks. Both guys end up laid out in the middle of the ring and the commentators play up how Angle is twitching while the ref counts for a double count out. After Roode gets up at a count of seven the ref finally throws the match and calls for the bell. Roode wins by ref stoppage as Kurt continues to twitch. I hope this was a work. If it was it was a heck of a job. The crowd went silent and Roode looked concerned too. The show goes off the air to Angle chants as he gets medical attention.

TNA LIVES!

It was a pretty decent show overall. The crowd were amazing which is pretty unheard of for a taped show. I’m interested in this tournament to crown a new champion and even Sting being in the gauntlet match made sense. It was also nice to see a wrasslin show end with an actual wrasslin main event. Easily a 7/10.

The post TNA Impact 31/10/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Dixie comes out and the ring is adorned with a bunch of AJ Styles merchandise and a huge sign saying “Welcome back AJ Styles.” Dixie says that tonight isn’t about her, but someone else. She admits she might have made a mistake recently and the merch is her way of admitting that. She talks AJ up, calling him a legend, and introduces him. Dixie talks to him about how she’s been motivating him these past six weeks and claims she’s the reason he’s the TNA Champion. She offers him a private changing room and some other things that thankfully were not sexual favours. She saved the best for last, and reveals a car. She’s paid and she wants to move forward. AJ cuts a promo back saying all the material goods are just manipulations and he’s not buying it. This also isn’t what he had in mind when he told Dixie she’d have to pay and he’s a truck guy, so the car isn’t going to work. AJ doesn’t want a private changing room because he doesn’t want to seperate himself from the rest of the boys who built the company. Dixie bet against AJ, and she lost. Dixie admits she stepped out of line on Sunday and tells AJ he doesn’t have to defend the title tonight. They can go out on a trip on her private jet instead if he puts the past behind him. Bully comes out as Dixie officially offers to cancel the match.

Bully gets in Dixie’s face about her cancelling the match and AJ tells him to shut up. He’ll get his turn. He tells Dixie she’s dumber than he thought she was if she thinks he’ll take a ride to Dixie Land. The rematch clause only applies to guys who have contracts and he doesn’t have one. He’ll still defend the title though. Bully says the only word to describe AJ’s victory at Bound For Glory is “lucky”. There’s no way a kid like AJ could beat a man like Bully Ray. Bully then goes on to blame Earl Hebner, saying that he kicked out and Earl didn’t see it. Bully’s gonna beat him and send him home to his ugly wife and kids. AJ is a kid in the wrestling business, whereas Bully is a God. AJ says that Aces and Threes won’t be there to help Bully tonight and after he, AJ, wins the title he’s going to celebrate with his fans and shout “Do you know who I am? I am the world heavyweight champion. The phenomenal AJ Styles.” Bully sucker punches AJ and beats the tar out of him with his own merchandise. He goes to put AJ through the table but the lights go out and we have a return.

Oh if only Hogan were here. He could fix everything.

Mr Anderson is back and no one cares. Well, I don’t. Anderson runs in and beats up Bully Ray. He delivers 18 punches in the corner which I did mark out for a little. No one ever does more than 10. Bully escapes and we go to break. When we get back Anderson is in the ring with a microphone. Fuck. He says he missed the fans and after they cheer, he asks if that means they missed him too. He says that he missed Bully Ray most of all and asks the fans if they think Bully missed him. His neck feels fine too. He claims he was watching the show at home and knows just how sick and tired of everything the fans are. There’s a huge “YES!” chant and I actually think Anderson did a pretty decent job of cutting them off. Dixie comes out with security and tells them to arrest Anderson. He says it’s been a while since he got arrested and he fights the security guys and takes two out before offering up his hands for the cuffs. He shouts goodbye to the fans as he gets lead away. That’s 25 minutes of my life I’m not getting back.

Broken neck? Gimme two months. Take that Cena.

Gail and Brooke argue about who starts the match with ODB and ODB just pulls Brooke in and shredrapes her. Brooke ends up on the floor and pulls ODB out to take advantage. Brooke and Gail heel all over her. ODB gets a hot tag and Velvet beats down on Gail but Brooke breaks up the pin and ODB and Brooke fight on the chair. Gail distracts the ref by grabbing a chair and Tapa kicks Velvet and Gail gets the pin.

Backstage segment with the Bromans. They’re going to have a celebrotion.

EC3 vs Random Jobber

It took Christy Hemme three tries to introduce EC3. Pretty much the only thing worth noting in this match. Typical jobber affair. It’s kinda fun they’re running a nepotism angle when they have actual cases of legit nepotism in their company. The jobber actually managed to hit a top rope missile dropkick before EC3 hits his finishing move for the win. After the match EC3 grabs a mic and says he’s a Carter, the world needs the Carters.

I’ve used this before but refer to the picture itself to my thoughts on that.

Backstage with Sting and Magnus. Magnus watched the match back and says there’s something not right about the match. He didn’t show Sting the right amount of respect. He got caught up in the moment and wasn’t thinking. Sting says it’s cool and he’s wondering himself if he really passed the torch or lit a fire under Magnus. Either way, it’s all good. Magnus says that it’s Sting’s world, he’s just living in it, and they do a proper handshake. I really hope this means that the heel turn isn’t coming.

Recap of Angle turning down the hall of fame. It almost seemed like a shoot to me. In any case, they aren’t burying their own hall of fame you idiots. We all complained that Angle was going in, especially after he ended up in rehab and everything. If he had gone in, we would have complained, and because he didn’t you’re now complaining. Shut up. In my opinion it makes the hall of fame more prestigious to have someone feel they aren’t worthy of it. If he said he was too good, THAT would be burying it. He said he wasn’t GOOD ENOUGH, and we all felt it. I had a lot of respect for him after that angle. Speaking of angles, Kurt Angle comes out.

He recaps the past weekend and says there’s a reason he didn’t accept the induction. That reason is that he has so much more to prove and when the time comes, he will rightfully take his place in the hall of fame. He talks about the match and confirms he legit knocked himself out with the last move and Bobby Roode comes out for the interruption. Roode grabs a mic and calls Angle pathetic for coming up with all these excuses. The real reason that Angle turned down the Hall of Fame, according to Roode, is that he knew he would lose. Roode is still pretty pissed over losing the title match two years ago and he’s felt like a failure ever since. Not anymore though because Angle has that feeling now that Roode got his win back. Angle challenges him to a rematch and Roode pulls his jacket off. Roode says Angle can’t wrestle tonight and he has a note from Angle’s doctor saying that Angle isn’t cleared to wrestle. Angle confirms he’s not medically cleared to wrestle, but a fight doesn’t count. Shit goes down and they get pulled apart by security.

Kurt Angle; Tiny ears or massive head?

Dixie is backstage on the phone and she needs something now. Her assistant closes the door to her office.

We have ourselves a celebrotion. Bromans fist bump their way to the ring and they even have their own DJ. There’s deafening chants of “You can’t wrestle” which shows just how many people watched the PPV. Robbie E tries to say why Bound for Glory was the biggest night in Broman history when Storm and Gunner come out. Storm kicks the DJ out the ring and steals their wine and protein bars. Storm says they can keep their sister’s skinny jeans and their shortest title reign as next week Storm and Gunner are gonna beat the crap out of them. Storm goes to do his catchphrase but is interrupted by the arrival of Bad Influence. Effin’ A.

Sadly not their DJ. This is the only chance I’ll get to use this picture.

Kaz runs down all the guys in the ring and calls Bad Influence the best team in the business and they’re petitioning for a title match. They want to be the World Tag Team Champions of The World for a third time. Kaz mocks Bromans by holding up three fingers to show them how many three is. Daniels mocks their choice of beverages. Beer is for the lower class and you don’t drink champagne unless you’re a pretentious poser. Gentlemen celebrate with a man’s drink like an appletini. Storm tries the appletini, says it doesn’t taste like beer or alcohol, and Gunner throws it in Daniel’s face to initiate a brawl. Eric Young and Joseph Park come out to join the brawl. Daniels smashes the wine bottle on Park’s head to summon the might Abyss. Park chokeslams Robbie E and chases down Bad Influence.

“Screw you guys, I CAN wrestle!”

AJ has his ribs taped up for this one. Bully interrupts Jeremy Borasch’s introduction and tries to announce himself instead but AJ starts the match early. AJ controls most of the match as every time Bully takes control he mocks AJ and pays for it. Bully also mocks Hogan at one point with the cupping of the ears. Bully locks a bear hug on and focuses on AJ’s ribs and hits a lot of back body drops over the course of the match. Hebner checks on Bully and Bully hits him with a glancing blow that he thankfully did not sell. That would have been a stupid ref bump. AJ and Bully trade shots and AJ comes out on top with a clothesline. AJ tries to lift Bully up but his ribs give out and Bully hits a huge Samoan Drop/Fallaway Slam. It was called both. AJ dodges a top rope splash and AJ misses with a springboard 450 splash. He’s perfected missing that move. Bully reverses a DDT and sends AJ into the ref for a bump. AJ locks on the Calf Killer while the ref is down and Bully taps but doesn’t win because the ref is still down. Bully grabs the chain and plants AJ and hits the Bubba Cutter but AJ kicks out at two. Bully goes for another chain shot and Anderson interferes, taking the chain away. AJ picks up the win with the Crucifix Pin. Anderson and Bully duke it out post match and are kept apart by security. Dixie appears on the titan tron and she’s holding a contract with AJ Styles’ name on it.

Punk spotted in TNA

“Great, now I gotta bury this guy. Where’d I leave that Kenny King guy?”

The post TNA Impact Wrestling 24/10/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Dixie comes out to start the show. She has security with her and one of them has a briefcase. Dixie says that Bound For Glory will be her masterpiece and runs down AJ, referencing his beating by Bully Ray. A “We want Hogan” chant breaks out and I wonder where these fans were when Hogan was around. Dixie planned to have the signing of the contract for the match between Bully and AJ but instead offers something else. She offers 50 thousand dollars to anyone who can make sure AJ doesn’t make it to the contract signing and makes it AJ’s last night with the company. AJ may have walked away from the money Dixie offered him, but the rest of the guys won’t. When AJ gets taken out it just means someone else will get the shot. She has the security guy open the briefcase to reveal the fifty grand and Bully Ray’s music hits.

Look, it’s Hogan’s first paycheck!

Backstage with Aces and Threes. Bully is proud of his men, both of them, for taking the spotlight he offered and tonight they’re going to get that chance again. Knuxy has a shot at earning fifty grand, which he can use to buy a new bike. He’s up against one half of the tag team champs and Bischoff will be in his corner. Bully tells them if they need him he’ll be there, just like they’ll be there for him at Bound For Glory.

Christopher Daniels vs Robbie E vs Hernandez vs Eric Young in a Four Corners Match
The winner of this match gets the advantage in the gauntlet match and that advantage is that they will be the last entrant. I guess this is another case of it being an actual gauntlet match. The way this match works is two people are in the ring at any one time and you can tag anyone in when you want. EY and Robbie start things off and they don’t take long to swap to Daniels and Hernandez. Robbie E tags himself in and attacks Hernandez. Hernandez tags in EY who takes out both heels but the numbers catch up to him. Daniels goes for the pin and Robbie breaks it up and Hernandez hits the Air Mexico. Eric does this awesome thing where he gets sent into the corner but he rolls over to the outside and slides back into the ring. The finish comes when Robbie E steals the victory from EY and pins Daniels.

Yep. This happened.

AJ comes out to the ring. He says Dixie reeks of desperation. He’s flattered that she would go so far to stop him because she’s scared because she knows he’ll win. When he wins he’s going to make her pay. He’s said that before but he’s never said what he’s actually going to do. Does that mean that he’ll actually ask her for a paycheck? He pretty much calls out anyone who wants to try and claim the bounty and Knux and Garret Bischoff come out. AJ gets the crap kicked out of him before James Storm and Gunner come out for the save. Who needs fifty grand when you have the tag team titles?

Can you feel the love tonight?

Backstage Sabin is asked about his thoughts on the bounty. Sabin goes off to find AJ while Velvet says that this isn’t him.

More backstage with Knux and Bischoff. Bischoff asks where Bully was and Knux says that the next time Bully needs help it’s going to be interesting.

Backstage still, this time with Brooke and Gail Kim. Gail brings up Lei’D Tapa and tries to form an alliance with Brooke, saying they should help eachother should Tapa come after one of them. Brooke declines.

Pretty awesome video package hyping up the Ultimate X match and the wrasslers in it. For some reason only Jeff Hardy is referred to by name.

We’re still backstage, this time with Sabin. He’s looking for AJ and refers to him as “the not so phenomenal AJ Styles”. Samoa Joe finds him instead. Sabin doesn’t have his priorities set right because tonight he’s facing Joe in one on one competition and on Sunday Joe has him in Ultimate X. If he survives all of that then maybe he can go on a bounty hunt. Unfortunately Joe is a very big “if”. Sabin backs away slowly. That was pretty awesome.

I don’t know if Joe’s gonna kill him, but he WILL rape him.

After the match Aries comes out and attacks Joe for inserting himself in the match. Hardy comes out and hits the Twist of Fate on Aries and grabs a ladder. It’s a shame he’s in an Ultimate X match but I guess he couldn’t pull out some scaffolding. Manik runs to the top of the ladder and takes out both Aries and Sabin and Hardy and Manik pose on the turnbuckles.

We’re quickly taken backstage where Bad Influence are beating the tar out of AJ Styles. AJ fights back and sprays them with a fire extuingisher before disappearing into the night like Batman.

Ethan segment. It seems Ethan is going to be related to Dixie as he says “Auntie D is gonna be real proud” or something like that.

Magnus vs Bully Ray
They start off incredibly slowly with tie up spots and tests of strength. Bully comes out on top and Magnus actually gets “Let’s go Magnus” chants without having to call for them. I really hope they don’t turn him heel now. Especially if the fans are starting to really come around to him. Magnus gets some offence in at last and hits a huge back body drop. There’s an ad break and when we get back Bully is in control of the match. He dares Magnus to hit him and Magnus complies, getting in a few good shots. The pair exchange blows and Magnus knocks Bully down and hits a back drop suplex and Big Boot. He follows that up with a huge top rope elbow for a two count. Magnus charges at Bully but Bully grabs Hebner and we get a ref bump. Bully goes for the chain but Sting comes out and grabs Bully’s arm to stop him. The ref comes too and tells Sting to let go of Bully. Sting complies and hits a low blow for the win while the ref is dealing with Sting.

STING! MY BALLS!

We’re backstage again, this time with Magnus and Sting. Sting asks Magnus if he has anything to say and the pair have a small argument that ends with Magnus saying that he’s sick and tired of ending up the losing end because people won’t let him prove he can go at it alone. Joe comes in to calm them down and tells Magnus to walk it off. Sting tells Magnus that he’ll be by himself on Sunday when it’s one on one.

Kurt Angle comes out to the ring and cuts a promo on Bobby Roode. The gist was that Roode made it personal by mocking his induction to the TNA hall of fame and that while Roode is one of the best, he will never be Kurt Angle. Presumably because Kurt Angle is Kurt Angle. I wonder if they let him out of rehab a little too early. Roode comes out and says that he’s no Kurt Angle, and he’s okay with that. He WANTED to be Kurt Angle but not anymore. Kurt was the be all and end all of professional wrestling but now Roode is and he deserves a hall of fame induction way more. Roode tells Angle that the last thing he did was two years at Bound For glory when he, Angle, beat Bobby Roode to retain the championship. After that Roode went on to be the longest reigning world champion and this Sunday Roode is going to beat Angle. Angle asks him how he can win when he’s going to be tapping. Roode starts to explain why he won’t be tapping and hits a cheap shot. Kurt locks the Ankle Lock on Roode but Bad Influence come out and beat the crap out of him. Roode dismisses Bad Influence and locks what I believe was a Crossface on and Kurt starts tapping. Roode says he won’t be tapping because he’ll make Angle tap, though I doubt it. After this your winner will be Angle by submission.

Cat Bug for champion bitches!

But does AJ have The Touch?

AJ gets the mic and says that he’s no Dusty Rhodes and Bully is no Ric Flair. Bully is no more than a big, dumb bitch who has no idea who he’s getting in the ring with. AJ is the most dangerous, desperate and intense man Bully has ever gotten in the ring with and he will win and make Dixie pay. He signs the contract and Dixie takes it. Bully says he’s not putting his title on the line and instead is going to cash in the fifty grand. Bully hits the cheap shot but AJ recovers and plants him with the briefcase. He then opens it and throws the cash at Dixie who proceeds to get on the ground and try and pick it all up. AJ shouts at Bully about how the title is everything to him and the two tell eachother what they’re going to do to eachother as the show goes off the air.

Thoughts? The show wasn’t bad actually and I think it set up the PPV pretty well. The only problem I had is that the bounty on AJ’s head never really amounted to much. He was attacked maybe three times. He should have been attacked pretty much every segment, or at least one more time as he tried to come down to the ring. Still I can say I’m looking forward to the PPV, or at least discussing it this Sunday at 2PM EST on BWF Radio.

Impact in one picture. EVERYTHING in one picture.

The post TNA Impact 17/10/2013 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Hello and Welcome Readers to a SPECIAL EDITION of The TNA: iMPACT! Real-Time Coverage. Tonight, I will merely be moderating the report, occasionally throwing in lines of commentary…the real coverage, is being handled by fellow readers! This is the idea I mentioned earlier, for the TNA PPV Coverage. Tonight, you’ll get a taste of how that will roll.

The Participants? None other than the greatest Trio in Wrestling Forum history EVER, and our well-respected collegues. Tonight, WWIs own JT, ThinkSoJoE, Drowgoddess and SABUISGOD, will be bringing you coverage! And with that, let’s kick this show off!

-JT-
Hey everybody, JT here with the 1st half hour of iMPACT on Spike TV. Thanks Fritz for allowing me the opportunity to do this, even though this is my first time doing real time. So, let’s get ready to Cross The Line!!!!!!!!!!

Last week Samoa Joe won a date kidnapped Sharmell. What happened, did he force her to see 12 Rounds, make her watch HHH-Orton form Wrestlemania 25 in slo-mo, or just watch a “Best Of Eric Young” DVD? ( Fritz Note: I must’ve been high or something…Joe kidnapped Sharmell? Kinky…well, what do you expect from a show with the initials TNA? )

Also, Kurt Angle argued with Jeff Jarett, and Sting argued with Foley too I think. There was some wrestling too but I didn’t really pay attention. (Fritz note: Can’t blame you…)

Alright, TIME TO CROSS THE LINE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight may shock you people, it’s not for the faint of heart, flesh will be torn, blood will be shed. Tonight, Who’s calling the shots?????

Hey TNA’s theme has Cross The Line in it.

Here comes the Main Event Mafia, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen them. [/sarcasm] Angle looks mad. Sting wants answers. Cue Jeff Jarrett to a big pop. Sting wants’ to know what he had to wrestle Joe last week and wants to know who’s running things. More talking, Jeff mentioned he’s knee deep in BS (Fritz note: Comes standard with the territory…) and said that he’s running the shots. Sting thinks that Foley needs a warmup match and it shouldn’t be a problem if Jeff’s running things. Jarrett said “Respect my authority” or something. Sting mentions hes been wrestling like forever and he should be in control becaude he’s the champ. Then Steiner inerrupts and mumbles something. The MCMG comes out (for our Drowgoddess on her birthday) (Fritz note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DROW!!!). Don West screams. The MCMG play videogames instead of wrestling, I want to do that. The MCMG want Foley because of the Turkey Bowl last year where Alex Shelly was made to wear a Turkey suit. Jeff grants it and we have Mick Foley vs the MCMG in a handicap match.

To the back, JB is shocked. Foley says “That’s The Way I Like It.” (Fritz note: Not to mention the Leopard sport coat that Foley was sporting…) And then rambles on. JB wants to know how to tweak a match. I do too.

Commercial break- Buy the new Jeff Jarrett DVD or Kurt Angle will find you & kill you.

Back- TNA had some usless fact that I missed.

Look more talking, now between Foley and Jarrett. Foley is acting more insane than before the break.

Match- Sheik Abdoul Bashir vs. Suicide- Bashir came out with his posse, whomever they are (I shoud pay more attention to these shows). There were “Fallen Angel” chants. I like how Tenay and West are talking about the MEM and not the match they’re watching. West starts his heel talking. Bashir wins with a DDT on the X-Division belt. Pretty good match. Lights go out and a KO’d Suicide disappears.

Promo for NEXT SUNDAY’S PPV. I don’t want to hear from anyone that they didn’t know next Thursday. (Fritz Note: FINE! There’s a PPV NEXT SUNDAY!?!?!?)

We then cut to the Beautiful People walking in the back. Where, who knows? All I know is that the had a pair of scissors.

Commrcial break.

And that’s a good time for me to exit, thanks again Fritz!

-ThinkSoJoE-
Welcome to quarter two of Triumvirate Takeover night here on World Wrestling Insanity! JT, myself, Drowgoddess, and SABUISGOD are here to bring a little bit of the craziness that is Thursday night on the Insanity Forums (and perhaps shill BoredWrestlingFan.com and VinceRussoWatchesHisBeardGrow.com while we’re at it!) (Fritz note: I’m all for shilling!).

Before the break, we saw The Beautiful People wandering around the halls with scizzors. Surprisingly, the dumb blondes that they are, they weren’t running with them.

From the USS Cole, Jesse Neil is hanging out with Lauren and Rhino. Why, I have no idea. Rhino tells the guy’s story for him, pretty much. The guy talked about how another guy he met taught him the ropes and they had pro wrestling in common. One day, they got attacked by terrorists. He got injured, but he wanted to stay and help his shipmates. He later found out that he lost his best friend. That day, part of him died inside too. (Fritz Note: I just kinda did too…because this sounds like a pretty horribly written story by TNA Creative) He misses his friend, and that’s why he’s backstage at a TNA show. Rhino says it’ll be his honor to train him to wrestle. Neil shakes Rhino’s hand, and Lauren tells us they’ll keep us updated on his progress.

The Beautiful People are taking on Kong and Saeed, Booker T faces Samoa Joe, and Mick Foley takes on the Motor City Machine Guns later on tonight.

TNA is coming to a bunch of cities. Good for them. LockDown is April 19th, and Jenna Morasca will be at the fan thingy beforehand.

Backstage, the Beautiful People are beating down Raisha Saeed, and they cut her hair.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK> (Meanwhile, Fritz’s Flyers lost to the New York Rangers and killed off the playoff hopes of my Sabres. Oh well, more time to work for BoredWrestlingFan.com after Saturday’s season closer)

So, for the benefit of those with short attention spaaaaaaaans: The Beautiful People cut the hair of Raisha Saeed.

ROUGH CUT: Team 3D started a wrestling school. Any chance of me, I don’t know, getting a wrestling segment during my 30 minutes of World Wrestling Insanity fame?

Earlier today, Mike Tenay sat down with Sting. He thinks it’s obvious that Sting is just as surprised as everybody else at Mick Foley’s actions. Sting admits that he was. It’s a 20 year friendship, a 20 year history between them. If you had to put logic to something Mick Foley does, he’s not a dummy. Mick will start at the very top, hence why he bashed in the head of the World Heavyweight Champion. Tenay asks what Sting thinks is going through the mind of Mick Foley. Sting says he’d better be able to tell you what Kurt Angle would do in situations than Mick Foley. Tenay wants to know if Sting is thinking about retiring. Sting says if he gets a knee injury now, there’s no comeback. He’s reminded of 1994 in Germany, when he saw Cactus Jack wrestle against Vader and get his ear ripped off. He really tells a long story about it. I mean, come on. We’ve only got two hours, Sting. He thinks Foley will be in his element at Lockdown, and he knows it could be his last match.

Back in the arena, Mike Tenay tells Don West that he thinks Sting should be concerned. West agrees, but says that Sting is a survivor.

Do I get a wrestling segment? Doesn’t look like it – Mick Foley speaks – NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Earlier today, Lauren confronted Abyss about his abuse by Dr. Stevie. She yells at him, telling him that everybody saw Dr. Stevie attacked him. She threatens to report him to the Department of Health. Abyss talks her out of it. She says she’s going with him to the next session.

BANG BANG!

Mick Foley is heading to the ring. For the record, I’ve been doing this review for 20 minutes, and this is the first segment that has involved the six-sided ring in any way, shape, or form. The rough cut segment had a four sided ring in it at some point.

Foley says “to tweak, or not to tweak, that is the question.” Why would he tweak a match like himself against the Motor City Machine Guns? He decided to tweak because of what’s in his notebook, which apparently is his next book called “Crossing The Line.” He says that he thought his son looks ridiculous with his haircut. Then he got a birthday card on his refridgerator. It was a happy birthday card with a picture drawin in it of the MCMG. Dewey wants to look like Alex Shelley. Guess what, so does Huey. So, in light of these facts, tonight’s match is a first blood match, with Sting as the special guest enforcer. He’d like Jeff Jarrett to be there to do whatever founders do at ringside. He tries to keep his home a Machine Gun free environment. When he’s done tonight, no child will ever want to look like Alex Shelley again, because Foley is going to carve him up like a Thanksgiving turkey.

TO THE BACK: JB asks Booker T the whereabouts of Sharmell. Booker says that normally, he’s laughing and joking around, but this is serious business. He’s an entertainer, but what happened last week had nothing to do with entertainment. sharmell hasn’t been the same since. Can’t get a word out of her. Tonight, Booker’s got Joe, and he wants Joe to know that what’s going to happen tonight will be all up to his imagination. Kurt Angle says he’s the leader of his team at Lethal Lockdown, this has nothing to do with that. He’s coming to the ring with Book, and if Joe wants to unleash the Nation of Violence, he can unleash it on Kurt.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

That’s it for me, kiddies! Total time of wrestling during my segment of this review: 0 minutes and 0 second. That’s 30 MINUTES of NO WRESTLING on a program whose old slogan was “WE ARE WRESTLING.” Drowgoddess has been reviewing iMPACT for BoredWrestlingFan.com for so long that I’d forgotten how horrible it actually is to try and write about this crapfest. I don’t know how I even watch this show, let alone how Fritz and Drow can review it every week. Speaking of Drowgoddess, she’s up next!

-Drowgoddess unfortunately has been expeirence on/off technical difficulties, so I was ready with back-up just in case.-
We’re back! During the break, AJ met up with Samoa Joe to tell him he’d back him up…Joe tells him his nation is of one.
Samoa Joe is taking on Booker T…AJ took Kurt Angle out of the equation and Joe picks up the win after a sidewalk slam. Very quick match…
We get a video package of ODB and her Date winner. I sure hope they used protection…the sad thing is, if not…I’m thinking the date-rape kit needed to be used on HIM. They met Woody Woodpecker and played with balls…I’m not making this shit up…
Rought Cut: Team 3D talked about what makes Tag Teams Great and discuss some Great Tag Teams. Up next, Steiner/Storm!!!
During the break, Nash ran into Survivors Jenna Moresca (sp?) All we saw was a clip of them looking at each other…okie dokie
Backstage, The MCMG are with Lauren. They mention video games again, and they offer up their IWGP Titles for Foley to take…they’re confident they’re walkin’ out winners in tonights first blood match.
Up next, Steiner vs. Storm! In a decent match, Nash low-blows Storm! Team 3D, who were at the announce table, Rush in to save Beer Money INC. They do the exact same thing as last week…pay respect.

-SABUISGOD-
Last half hour after the break….and welcome to my world! Got all my commercial swag- My “h
old it to the light” prayer cross, my snuggie put-on-yer-robe-backward blankie, my shamwows and my slapchop….BOOYAH!

JB shills the text “insider dirt” and then we go to the Beautiful People. Apparently Angelina Love has PMS. She wants to be the #1 contender, dammit! (What happened to #1 SoJo, I wonder?)Kong’s ugly, Taylor Wilde is ugly, Daffney is ugly, and earlier tonight, Raeesha Saeed got ugly. So lets see it again. MEH

Then back to the front so dumb and dumber can shill the PPV.

And out comes Kong-ALONE. Apparently getting your hair cut off is too traumatic- even if you wear a mask. Next out is her opponents- Maddy Raine and Velvet Thighs…I mean Skye.

Dammit, but Greg Helms is a lucky SOB!

Belltime, and its punch and kicks a-plenty on Big Kong Vader. Try a clothesline/miss a clothesline grab an armbar and down goes Vader.The beauties lay in some kicks, but two blonde bims arent enough to do much but piss off Big Kong. Tornado DDt attempt by Sugarpants Skye is blocked, but when Big Ugly turns around after a chokeslam attempt- SURPRIZE! Missile dropkick by Maddy Momma.
This pisses Kong off and she lays out both of the strip club rejects. KongBomb attempt on VelvetThighs meets a chopblock and Kong flat on her back in a position I’d wager 99% of all males would want to be in- Velvet is sitting on her face. Appparently Kong is no man. She shrugs Sugarpants off and rolls her up for the three.

Wanna guess what happened next? If you guessed “Velvet and Madison ripped off their clothes and started making out mid-ring” you’d be wrong. PMS Skank joined Skinny Skank and Clumsy Skank for a 10 second beatdown of KongVader before the scissors come out. Bald Kong? SAY IT AINT SO!

It aint. Taylor Wilde(no relation to Oscar Wilde I’d wager) scares all three off with a mean look.

Next we see Foley and Barbie headed to the ring. But first we gotta squeeze some more commercials in. God knows theres been too much excitement in Orlando tonight.

As we return, Jeremy B is shilling his metrosexual ass off. Joined by Double J, JB wants to know Whazzup with the behind the doors BS with Big Poppa Pump? The King of these here Mountains tells metro boy its NUNYA BIDNESS, SON! But theres a former TNA Champ coming to town…..and next week he’s in a lethal advantage decider(but apparently not the match….WHAAA?) against Big Ol’ Sexy His Bad Self, Kevin Nash. Assuming Kev can actually make it to the ring without tearing a quad, getting a staph infection, having a heart attack, or shattering a hip.

Back out front, and we gotta have a grand entrance by the “Enforcer” in a gay looking purple Sgt. Pepper Jacket. What the hell is he gonna enforce? Bad taste in attire?
Next comes The Motor City Machine Guns- and somewhere in Texas, Drow comes also(HAH!) I just figured out the point to your hand thing. The creases in your hand form an “M”. Wow. Only took almost a year to catch that one.

Next out is Foley with Barbie the Bat. THis causes Mike Tenay to utter the most douchebag of all douchebag comments.
“This must be Mick Foleys tribute to the first week of major league baseball. Or its a weapon.”
We got 9 minutes for this. WOW.
Match starts with Foley and Shelley. In the words of Dusty Rhodes “They is a-clubberin each others!” Shelley and Foley go to the outside, and Sabin hits a WICKED dropkick off the apron, and Mick’s skull does its imitation of a Spalding basketball. The Guns go into the ring and hit a double suicide dive on Foley. His head hits the rail, and a few more braincells say “sayonara, Foley-san”.

How do you top that? By going to a commercial, thats how. 53 minutes into hour two, and we got 3 minutes of commercials to shoehorn in. By the time we get back, its gonna be take it home time, boys!

We return to Sabin and Mick doing the clubberin this time. Foley misses a shoulderblock into the corner on Sabin, and this sets up an Air Shelley flying forearm on the hardcore legend.Sabin goes up top for the missile dropkick, and then its raining enziguris on Dude Love!

How do you kill the momentum? Sabin does a mocking Stinger pose, and the enforcer is getting steamed and ready to do some enforcing! Scorpion Deathdrop on Sabin, and in the ring-I guess Mick and Shelley are going tooth and nail. I dont know, because all the cameras were on Sting.Mick floors Alex, and points to his groin……And out comes the creative genius of TNA, C.B.DeSocko! Mankind sinks in the mandible claw and chunks A-Shel to the outside. Thats when the ref notices either Socko just started his period, Foley has a hangnail, or Alex has periodontal disease, and calls for the bell.

But the party isn’t over, no siree! Mick goes out and its Barbie time. After a rediculously long pontification by Mick, he gets back in the ring with thoughts of mayhem ricochetting thru his cerebellum. Just as Barbie and Shelley are about to make acquaintances, Stinger waffles Mick with a chair, and Mick comes up bloody. Then the ref signals for the bell again. Who won- Whoi knows and who cares- STING is out here! Don’t bring logic into this!

Mick and Steve start scrapping. If they were on a Pier somewhere numbered six, I’d call it a pier Six brawl. But they aren’t, so I wont. Security comes out to show just how volatile the sitch is…..and we fade to black!

WOW! Hope you enjoyed my portion of this momentous night. Happy Birthday Drow, and G’night Mrs. Callabash- where ever ya are!

– See more at: http://www.wewantinsanity.com/am2/publish/Impact/impact4909.shtml#sthash.hYGWv8v2.dpuf

The post Impact from the past: TRIUMVIRATE TAKEOVER!!!!!! appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

AJ comes out to start the show and references what happened last week, but he’s not here to talk about Hogan or Dixie, he’s here to talk about Bully Ray. He remembered that he has a match with Bully and there’s been no interaction between them yet. He’s not even looked at the world title in over a year, and disagrees Bully is the most dangerous man in the building. Bully comes out and mocks AJ, saying a true champion doesn’t “hope”, they KNOW they’re going to win and Dixie is so in AJ’s head he’s doubting himself. Bully runs down all the people he’s taken out which did make him sound kinda impressive. AJ has nothing Bully wants but he does want to take AJ away from the fans. AJ hits back, saying Bully is no better than Dixie because he uses people and then kicks them to the curb. Bully takes it as a compliment and really runs down AJ. If I wasn’t so tired I’d have told you what he said, it was pretty awesome. AJ tells Bully to prepare for his match, but Bully isn’t aware of having one. AJ starts chanting “Joe’s gonna kill you.”, letting us know that Bully is fighting Samoa Joe and Hogan didn’t let him know.

If Hogan isn’t informing talent of matches he probably deserves to be fired.

Backstage with AJ and Dixie. Dixie has AJ escorted out the building because he’s said enough and only has the final obligation of his last match left.

Kenny King and Frail Sabin vs Manik and Jeff Hardy
Austin Aries is on commentary for this which was pretty cool. Sabin started off with Manik and instantly tagged King in and the heels heeled all over Manik. Thanks to their boots it was literally too. Manik fights back and brings in Hardy who goes to work on King and tags Manik in and makes King bleed. After a while of me not paying attention, Hardy gets a hot tag and unleashes his inner Kenny King by taking his shirt off. That’s a subtle reference for you guys. Things get out of control in the ring and it ends with Manik and Hardy hitting a double team for the win. I paid too much attention to this stuff.

Post match Sabin throws Hardy out the ring and attacks Manik. Aries runs into the ring and chases Sabin off. Aries grabs a microphone and makes a four way match between Manik, himself, Hardy and Sabin. Hardy makes it an Ultimate X match, saying that he’s never done one before and wants to do something he’s never done.

What Sabin thinks he looks like.

Backstage with Hogan and Sting. Sting compares Dixie’s power trip to Bischoff’s and asks Hogan what’s going on. Hogan says that Dixie is worse than Bischoff and Sting says he has Hogan’s back. Some random girl walks in and gives Hogan a gift from Dixie Carter. Hogan thinks it’s a coffin at first but it turns out to be a watch that she gave Sting. The commentators debate if it’s a retirement gift or a bribe.

There’s a clip from last Thursday of Magnus telling Sting he wants all of EGO on his own to set up the Gauntlet match he’s in tonight.

Magnus vs EGO
Daniels is the first member of EGO out and I think this is an actual Gauntlet match. This is pretty much confirmed as Magnus comes out. I wouldn’t mind if they hadn’t just had a match that let it be known they mean battle royal when they say gauntlet. Stuff happens, the exchange blows, and it ends with Magnus countering the Best Moonsault Ever and getting the win. Kaz comes out next and takes his time getting into the ring. Magnus grabs him and tosses him (cocktalk!) into the ring.

During the break Kaz was getting pummelled by Magnus and this kinda continues when we get back. Kaz gets some offense in occasionally though. Magnus hits a top rope elbow but Kaz gets a rope break to break the pin. Magnus locks in the Cloverleaf and Kaz taps.

Roode comes out almost immediately. Kaz attacks Magnus from behind, clipping the back of his leg and attacking his knee. We go to break with Roode focusing his attack on the injured knee and we come back from it with the same stuff happening. Roode dominates Magnus for a while but Magnus manages to hit some desperation moves and goes for the Cloverleaf again. He locks it in but Roode fights his way out of it by attacking the injured knee. Roode locks the crossface in and Magnus drags his sorry British ass to the ropes. He almost makes it but Roode pulls him back and turns it into an ankle lock to make Magnus tap. Magnus still looked pretty impressive taking out two guys and holding out for so long with an injured ankle.

Magnus flips out post match and Sting comes out to talk him down. It wouldn’t be too bad if Magnus turned heel I guess. It would set up the match between him and AJ for the title. Sting grabs a mic and tells Magnus to go to the back so he can calm down and they can talk about it. Magnus says no. He’s had enough. All the Mafia see something in Magnus but he feels that he doesn’t have it in him. When the Mafia were given the chance they all took it but he can only get so close. Sting tells him not to look at the bad stuff but Magnus interrupts him. Magnus says you’re either in or out, wrasslin is a results driven business and he hasn’t been getting results. Sting says he needed that big match at one point and Flair gave it to him. Magnus asks Sting who’s gonna put him, Magnus, on the map and Sting says he’ll do it at Bound For Glory. When I first heard about this match I wasn’t too sure about it but I like this angle. It’s a respect angle with Sting giving Magnus the shot he knows he deserves. It doesn’t matter if it’s Mafia vs Mafia or whatever.

This gif technically counts as a gif for anything.

Aries is backstage paying a visit to Hogan. Aries has a present for Hogan and it’s some vegan vitamins. Aries appreciates the opportunity Hogan gave him when he gave him option C and allowed him to become champion. Aries references the black and white Hollywood Hogan and says that his decision tonight is also black and white. Hogan says he gets it and Aries leaves him alone.

Video package of Hogan’s time in TNA, including the match between Sting and Hogan when Sting became a face again. I remember watching that match. I wish I didn’t.

Backstage segment with Frail Sabin. Apparently Velvet has a match that Sabin won’t be in her corner for. Sabin doesn’t need to be out there because Velvet is tough enough and doesn’t need him there. Instead he’s going to drink his diet soda and meditate or some shit.

I really checked out during this segment. And most of this show!

Backstage segment with EGO. Daniels and Kaz sing, and parody, Roode’s entrance music. Roode calls it a group effort and Kaz says there’s no I in EGO. Somewhere in the building Magnus is crying too according to Daniels. Kaz and Daniels tease an announcement and Kaz says he’s going to be inducted into the hall of fame. The most prestigious Hall of Fame ever. Not the WWE hall of fame. Not the TNA hall of fame…but the EGO hall of fame. They have a group love in and parody Roode’s music again. That was just…there are no words. It was damn good though.

Brooke vs Velvet Sky
Brooke is actually introduced as a member of Aces and Eights and Velvet is out in regular clothing including a generic Impact shirt. Maybe she’s been out the ring so long she forgot she has ring gear. Lei’D Tapa comes out to the ring before the match starts and takes out Velvet Sky, screaming and yelling as she does so.

Coulda done without the screaming though Lei’D

Random segment out of nowhere that seemed to be setting up the coming of Ethan.

Video package on Storm and Gunner. Unlike Cena, Gunner is an actual former marine. He’s ex-military at least.

Video package on the life and career of Kurt Angle setting up his induction in the hall of fame.

Samoa Joe vs Bully Ray
Things start off slow with the two of them failing to overpower eachother. Bully berates Joe in the corner and Joe fights back and they go back to tying up and strikes, complete with Joe’s 1000 hit punch combo and pele kick. Bully grabs the chain and the ref takes it off of him so Bully just hits a low blow instead.

Joe’s face after the low blow.

The low blow allowed Bully to take control of the match and dominate. The pair trade blows and Joe comes out on top. Literally as he gets a two count. Bully sends Joe into the ref and Bully taps to a rear naked choke. Of course it doesn’t matter because the ref is down. I hope the only reason Bully tapped was to get Joe to let go and he wasn’t actually tapping to a rest hold. Bully grabs the chain and hits a double axe handle from the corner but the ref sees the chain and calls for a DQ and Joe is declared the winner. Bully shoves Hebner, the ref, down to the mat and throws Joe out the ring. Bully teases giving Joe a pile driver directly onto the concrete but AJ runs out for the save and runs away again as security comes after him. Of course he stops to celebrate with the fans and he gets his music played.

Dixie vs Hulk Hogan.
Dixie comes out first and I don’t know if it’s new or not, but she has music now. She says it’s people like her that understand that people like the fans don’t understand how business works. She can’t be mad at the fans becuase they simply don’t know anything business. She calls out Hogan and he comes out. Dixie thanks him and says Hogan has had a great career but if he wants to take it to another level he needs Dixie. She asks Hogan if he’s ready to take a ride on the Dixie train and Hogan’s reaction was priceless. But remember, he only sleeps with his daughter and the wife of his best friend. Dixie says something and Hogan thanks her for the watch as a “Dixie Train” chant starts.

Hogan says he’s dreamed about being part of a power couple in the business and being with a beautiful woman like Dixie. He says it’s amazing how high they could get, implying one of them was already high. My guess is Dixie. At the end of the day though, it’s an amazing offer for somebody else. Hogan says he quits and throws the mic down on the ground. He walks out and Dixie fails to stop him, begging him to stay. As he walks out she says she didn’t want him anyway and he’s fired and the show goes off the air.

I can’t tell if Hogan wants to ride the Dixie Train.

Thoughts? I really don’t think Hogan is done. I wouldn’t be surprised if he came back in a few months or so. I wouldn’t be too surprised if he didn’t sign a new deal, but I don’t think we’ll be seeing him anywhere else any time soon. The show actually managed to make me kinda excited for Bound For Glory. At first I didn’t care because AJ and Bully was really the only match, and they didn’t care about it, but now they’ve started building it properly. They’ve also added a few more matches and I can say I’m looking forward to the Sting and Magnus match, as well as the Ultimate X match.

The post TNA Impact Wrestling 03/10/2013; I’m Ill And Half Assing appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Show starts with Sting and Dixie backstage. Sting asks why Dixie is doing what she is and Dixie acts uninterested. Sting says she’s not the Dixie he knows and Dixie tells Sting not to worry about her as she has this.

Bully Ray comes out to the ring and says Dixie shocked him with how she put AJ in his place. He doesn’t need to worry about how he’s going to beat AJ because Dixie is inside AJ’s head and AJ needs to kiss the ground Dixie walks on. He agrees Dixie made AJ phenomenal because if it wasn’t for her, he’d never have a chance to perform. He asks if the audience knows who he is and the Aces and Eights music goes off as the JOB Squad walk out.

Knux says Bully is supposed to be the president of Aces and Eights but once again he’s taking care of his personal business. He worries more about his ho than he does his bros. Bully tells Knux to not call her a hoe which of course earns a giant “ho” chant. Knux and the Aces of Funk are going to take care of club business without Bully. Bully runs them down and threatens them. He actually refers to them as his lackeys too. If they lose the match then he’s going to take one of them out.

Bischoff likes what he sees.

Backstage segment with Joseph Park shaving. EY stops him before he can cut himself. If he cuts himself he turns into a monster and he doesn’t want Park to rampage on the audience. Park is now not allowed to shave on the night of a match. ODB stops EY from shaving because momma likes the beard.

Bromanz and Gail Kim vs Eric Young, Joseph Park and ODB
ODB and Gail Kim start things out but Gail tags out instantly and we end up with Park and Robbie E. Robbie E fails to knock Park down or pick him up. Jessie managed to get some offense in and so did Robbie E after Park was a little softened up. I really wish I could fast forward this shit. Kim ends up in the ring and attacks Park. Women can hit men but not the other way around. Surely that’s a DQ? If Park had hit her back I’m sure it would be a DQ, and a felony.

EY and Park double team one of the Bromanz and ODB comes in and hits a splash for the win. Now let me tell you why that’s bullshit. In an intergender tag match the men and the women don’t fight and can’t. As soon as ODB became legal, so did Gail Kim. This match was mostly to set up Gail and ODB for the title, so it’s not like I cared, but TNA should care.

Some dude actually came to the show with his mother.

Aries is backstage and says he’s going to tell the world what he plans to do now.

Hogan is backstage too and says he’s here to fix everything.

Aries comes out in a generic Impact shirt. You’d think a guy like him would have his own shirt. He brings up headlining last years BFG and says he’s always the main event. He’s interrupted by Kenny King. Tenay sums up how much this matters by saying “oh, Kenny King’s back” in as uninterested a voice as possible. What Aries is saying is getting on King’s nerves. King says Aries wasn’t making headlines last year, King himself was. He runs off some stupid headlines, and calls Chris Sabin “Frail Sabin”. The point of this is that Aries dressed up as Manik and stole his title. I wonder what took him so long to come out and sort this out. Ten years ago Aries was part of Generation Next but King is the Next Generation. Aries says king isn’t the Pretty Boy Pitbull but rather the pretty boy who’s the pits and is full of bull. Rolls right off the tongue. Aries challenges King to a fight and King says he’s not going to fight him today before hitting the cheap shot. Shit goes down, Aries stands tall and calls for a ref. A ref comes out and pushes King towards the ring and we got ourselves a match. They go to commercial as Aries is beating King down.

Kenny King vs Austin Aries
We get back from break and Tenay is hyping up what happened during the break. Maybe you guys coulda waited until after the break to have a cool beatdown. King is bleeding right from the start after this epic commercial break beatdown. King covered in blood was a pretty cool visual at least. King goes nuts and beats the crap out of Aries. Aries turns it around and hits the Pendulum Elbow but fails to hit the Brainbuster. Aries ducks a dropkick, hits one of his own and lands the Brainbuster for the win. I did like this match, other than them not showing a large majority of it. There weren’t even any replays of what happened during the break. I forgot Kenny King existed but this match certainly told me who he was, even if he lost.

A promo airs for the debut of Lei’D Tapa. You may remember her from Gut Check. I didn’t, and had to look her up.

Backstage with Aries and Frail Sabin. Sabin puts himself over again and says how good it is Aries is back in the X-Division. Sabin says his title win was more memorable and Aries rips into him about how he laid on his back for fifteen minutes. Sabin calls himself greater than the greatest man who ever lived and Aries says they’re going to test that theory. Guess we have Sabin and Aries even though we just saw Aries start a feud with Kenny King.

Backstage with the Main Event Mafia. Magnus is angry and runs down what EGO have been up to. Joe tells him that EGO will get theirs but right now they need to focus on Aces and Eights. Magnus threatens to find EGO and take them out but Sting tells him to listen to Joe. He shouldn’t let people get to his head so easy, he’s better than that.

He’s probably better than this guy too, but let’s face it we all knew Stevie Richards would end up back on TV, and on Impact.

Hogan comes out to the ring. He finally made it to a taping? Given how he’s not been appearing because they don’t want to spend so much money on him, I see no reason at all for them to renew his contract unless they don’t pay him a flat fee and keep it permanently on an appearance basis. Like they do most of their talent. Hogan hits a cheap pop and says some shit about his power level, which is over 9000 brother. He’s been in TNA for four years now and has been GM for nearly two years and is in charge of making sure the show runs smoothly. So now we know who to blame for Impact being bad. No wait, we already blamed Hogan for that anyway. He says that he’s seen things go down backstage but you shouldn’t be airing your dirty laundry in the ring. He gets the fans to cheer for AJ. Twice for some reason. I thought the first pop was big enough. He tells AJ he wants him to hear the love and respect the fans have for him. I actually heard some boos in there. Hogan says he’s going to fix stuff between AJ and Dixie and heads to the back.

There’s a video package about the return of Kurt Angle for his induction into the TNA hall of fame. I think it might have been voice by Kurt Angle too.

Some dude called Ethan is coming. Wonder if he’s an MMA fighter.

AJ is asked to comment on what Hogan said and says he has no problem hearing Hogan out.

Frail Sabin vs Manik
Manik tries to fight his way past the ref and attack Sabin before the match starts. Sabin falls to the mat, teasing a knee injury. Sabin throws Velvet at Manik and hits a cheap shot. Sabin takes control of the match until Manik counters a superplex attempt and kicks Sabin’s head off. Manik goes for a submission but Sabin makes it to Velvet who was stood next to the ring. He grabs hold of her hand and Manik pulls her into the ring as he drags Sabin back to the centre. Sabin uses her as a human shield and Manik reverses a sneaky rollup attempt for the win. After the match Sabin attacks Manik. Aries comes out for the save, so I guess we’re getting Manik and Aries against Sabin and King.

I couldn’t find anything else to put here. Cats are always relevant.

Backstage with Aces and Eights. They pump eachother up and have a love in. Knux says they can’t afford to lose another member and Bischoff corrects him, saying they can’t afford to lose another brother.

EGO are backstage. They can’t believe Kurt is going in the hall of fame when all three of them have done more for TNA in a month and a half than Angle has his entire time there. Daniels runs down the Mafia and Kaz says that Magnus is a loser, but he’s a really really good one. He’s like, the best at losing. It would suck if he lost again. Kaz says it might even damage his…EGO. Kaz and Daniels do a maniacal laugh and I cream in my pants.

Aces and Eights vs Main Event Mafia
Magnus starts things off beating the crap out of Knux and there’s a huge “We want Sting” chant. I like Sting but screw you TNA crowd, I want Magnus. Knux tags in Brisco, who gets murdered by Magnus. Briscos corpse tags in Bischoff…who gets murdered by Magnus. Aces and Eights break up the pin and a brawl starts. EGO run out and attack Magnus before bailing as Sting and Joe go after them. Back in the ring Aces and Eights take out Sting as we go to break.

Back from break and Sting is still getting shredraped. Magnus isn’t on the apron so he’s been taken out of the match. Sting mounts a comeback at last and manages to tag in Joe who lays waste to all three members of Aces and Eights. Bischoff breaks up the pin and Sting takes out Bischoff and Knux with a double Splash. Joe locks a submission on Brisco, who taps out. Aces and Eights continue to die. Brisco is left in the ring and Bully Ray comes out.

He reminds Brisco that it would be lights out for whoever lost. He calls Brisco a disgrace and demands he hand over his cut. Knux and Bischoff get in the ring as Brisco refuses to hand over his cut. Bully tells Knux and Bischoff to get Brisco’s cut off. They don’t move and so Bully knocks Brisco down physically and tears Knux and Bischoff apart verbally. Bully hits Brisco with a piledriver and some idiot hits the music too early. Bully calls for the music to be shut off and tells Bischoff and Knux to take Brisco’s cut off or he’ll hit him with another piledriver. Bully calls for Knux to hand over the cut as a sign of dominance. Knux hands over the cut and the camera cuts as Bischoff and Knux pick up Brisco.

You know shit’s about to go down when he looks at you like this.

There’s a commercial break and when we come back Hogan is back in the ring and calls out AJ. Hogan has a contract for AJ and says he can’t have a TNA champion that isn’t under contract. He hands AJ the contract. AJ goes to speak and Hogan interrupts him before he can, saying that everyone has faith AJ can bring the title home and that they all love him. AJ signs the contract and says “I’m yours”. Dixie comes out and says that she brought in Hogan to open doors for the company and he’s done that. She appreciates what Hogan has done and is thankful for what he’s done for the company, but he’s just an employee. Hogan is capable of so much more than that and Dixie is there to help make that happen. She doesn’t feel the same about AJ.

One day Simb- I mean, AJ, this could all be yours. Just sign the contract brother.

AJ’s reality is staring him in the face. While Hogan sees something in AJ, she does not. Dixie takes the contract AJ signed and tears it up. AJ says she’s making mistake after mistake again and she just made the biggest mistake of her life. Dixie tells AJ to get out of her ring. AJ does as he’s told and walks out.

Hogan asks her if she gets it and she does. The fans aren’t happy with her and Hogan must not be either. They just don’t understand, and there’s no way they could. 99% of the people in the world have never lived in her world and never will. The fans need her and goes all Occupy Wall Street on their asses. The 1% make the world they live in. I tuned out. I seriously tuned out. Fuck this shit. I came back in time to hear Dixie say that she didn’t have a problem with Hogan doing what he did, but he should have run it past her first. Hogan has a choice to make, he can either get in line or not. He has a week to think about it and Dixie knows he’s going to make the right decision. We go off the air with Hogan looking confused.

Hogan also looks very very sleepy. Seriously the dude looked very tired brother.

My thoughts? This was a very, very, very packed edition of Impact. A little too packed really. So much happened it was hard to keep track of it all and by the time the end came around I was tuning out. My brain just couldn’t take it anymore. Which is a shame because as with most wrestling shows, or at least with Impact, the final segment was the one that was really the most important.

The post TNA Impact 26/09/2013 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with a small segment with Magnus. He said he left it all in the ring and goes to talk about EGO interfering. Roode comes in and EGO beat Magnus down, telling him he’ll never be champion and he only has himself to blame.

Magnus comes out to the ring to start the show properly. He says he’s hurt and asks the fans if they rememebr what happened last week when he failed to win the BFG series. I hope they remember, it was only about half an hour or so for them. He says AJ is one of the best in the business and wishes him luck in the title match. He brings up EGO and challenges any one member of them to come face him one on one and Kaz comes out. It’s a pretty one sided beatdown by the Brit until Daniels runs out and turns the tables. They go to double team Magnus but he ducks the clothesline and it becomes one on one again until Roode comes out and it becomes a three on one beatdown. Sting and Samoa Joe come out for the save. Sting issues a challenge for a six man tag.

Video package hyping AJ calling out Dixie.

There’s a backstage segment with TJ Perkins, Sabin and Velvel. For some reason Sabin calls TJ Manik. He’s only Manik when the mask is on. Sabin praises TJ for having the guts to march up to Hogan and ask for a match with Hardy. It took almost as much guts as it took Sabin to ask out Velvel, though she said yes before he finished asking. Sabin is proud of TJ and puts himself over, saying he is the reason TJ even has a job and he’s a big fan of TJ’s.

Jeff Hardy vs Manik
I wanna point out first that Hemme was wearing an actual dress that actually covered her. She should have worn this last time when Bully tried to expose her to the world. Sabin comes out and sits at ringside to watch the match. After some tie ups and chain wrestling Hardy starts a golf clap for Manik. Way to get the young talent over by having the older talent patronize them. The Jeff Hardy exercise app is now free so Joe needs to download it and review it for us. Hardy misses a corner drop kick and that looked absolutely terrible. He didn’t even try to make it look like a miss. Manik misses a springboard dropkick and Hardy hits a Whisper In The Wind for a two count. Manik counters the Twist of Fate and hits a modified GTS. Hardy hits a Swanton Bomb for the win. Tenay calls it a competitive matchup but no, I don’t think it was. Jeff picks Manik up and shakes his hand. I’m guessing some kind of deal took place. Sabin comes into the ring and raises Manik’s hand before starting a beatdown. Hardy ran back in for the save.

There’s a backstage segment that was filmed “earlier today” with Dixie. So this was presumably when she turned up for the first taping that aired last week. You know, when she told Hogan that Rampage and Toto wouldn’t be back until after their fight.

Another backstage segment, this one with Sabin. He tells Velvel to get their stuff because they’re going to go. He’s asked why he attacked Manik and he calls Manik, and everyone, disrespectful. No one understands just what he’s done and no one gives him respect. He’s going to earn respect, and take it.

I tried to find a Manik/TJ comparison so I didn’t have to make one and found this instead.

ODB vs Mickie James
Mickie James has been released because she didn’t renew her contract. ODB wins. Shocker. At least she put on a good match before she left. I’m not a big fan of her character but she’s fun to see in the ring. The finish comes when Mickie goes for the corner Tornado DDT and ODB reverses it into “The Bam” and gets the win. Eric Young and Joseph Park come out to celebrate with her. After a short celebration The Bro-Manz come out, remember those guys? I didn’t. Robbie E says he hates to break up the celebration, saying it’s bad enough EY is in the ring but Park is just a “Third wheel hamster loser…bro.” He calls EY, Park and ODB the creepiest three way in history. Park cuts a promo on them, asking how they dare insult ODB, matrimony, and the fans. If he wasn’t wearing his suit he’d have put up his dukes (his words not mine) and teach them both a lesson. Bromanz says it sounds like he’s challenging him to a fight. EY grabs the mic and says that while Park is wearing a suit, he, Eric, isn’t, and accepts the challenge.

They went to this camera angle way too much.

Robbie E(Possibly) vs Eric Young
They released Tara but not either of these guys. What the actual fuck? Eric Young rolls Robbie E up for the pin after about three seconds. Robbie says it doesn’t count as a match because he wasn’t eady for EY, he wanted Park. Park tries to talk his way out of it and Robbie calls him a fat bastard. Be A Star! Wait, wrong program.

Joseph Park vs Robbie E
We come back from break and the match starts. Then it ends. Robbie E tries to jump Park, who ducks out the way, and rolls him up for a three count. Bromanz come in and double team EY after sending Park out the ring. They then throw Park into the steel steps and go after EY again. Park blades and unleashes his inner Abyss and wastes Bromanz. He Hulks Down and hugs EY who raises his arm.

Couldn’t resist putting this in.

Backstage with Hulk and Dixie, again. Hulk offers to handle AJ for Dixie and she says she’s got this one.

Bully comes out, complete with Brooke Tessmacher in assless chaps and she’s now got a chain on her belt. A chain Bully Ray holds. What a role model to women everywhere. Fuck this company. They have a great Knockouts match and then they go and do shit like that. Bully says he knows the fans are proud of them and mocks Anderson’s absence. He introduces himself as the World Heavyweight champion and the leader of the Aces and Eights, and says there’s nothing anybody can do about it. He teases thanking the Aces and Eights and them being the reason he’s still the champ before saying it was all because of Brooke. Without her he would be nothing, and without him, she would have dignity. The Aces and Eights are of course, disgruntled. Brisco runs his mouth and Bully chastises him for referring to Brooke as “Just her”. Wes isn’t even allowed to look at her anymore. Brodus grabs the mic and says Wes has a point and reminds Bully who’s always had his back and says that since Brooke came along, Bully has been out of whack. I’d say it happened as soon as Toto turned up. Bully congratulates him for standing himself and tells him to not do it again. The Aces of Funk were nothing before Bully brought them in. He’ll smack them both in the face if they step out of line.

Knux asks Bully if he’ll get a slap in the face too and says Bully has a big mouth and perhaps he should shut it. They started with 25 members and now they have four because Tazz doesn’t count. The club is falling apart and for the past year it’s not been about the club, it’s been about Bully. Bully forgot the first rule of The Aces And Eights, which is bros before hoes apparently. I really thought the first rule of their club was “When you ride with the Aces and Eights, you never walk alone.” Because you ride everywhere. I actually liked Knux on the mic. Bully shoves Knux and grabs the mic. If Knux ever steps out of line, or calls Brooke a ho (which got a huge “ho” chant, complete with the “Yes!” arms), then he’s going to have his face knocked off. Knux gets upp in Bully’s face and the chickenshit heel flees. The man who hospitalised and crippled Anderson is running away.

Backstage segment with what’s left of the Main Event Mafia. Kurt’s gone, Rampage is training, and now there’s only three of them. Sting pumps up Magnus and Joe joins in. They’re going to go out and get revenge.

…Yep.

Hernandez and Chavo vs Gunner and James Storm (non-title match)
Chavo starts the fight by saying he can’t fight. He’s injured and isn’t cleared. Gunner says he came out to fight and he’s not walking out without a fight. He asks what’s wrong with Hernandez and Storm says he can’t speak English. Be A Star! No, wait, still the wrong program. In TNA it’s okay to perpetuate stereotypes and objectify women! Gunner calls out Hernandez and Storm says he’ll sit at ringside and drink and cheer Gunner on. Gunner is referred to as the Modern Day Viking. I wish. I fucking love Vikings. It’s a very physical matchup with them trading blows ending with Super Mex jumping the border. I mean, ring ropes.

Gunner hits a pretty nice spring Suplex and they go back to trading blows. That was pretty much all that happened in this match with an occasional power move. It did make both guys look pretty impressive I’ll give them that. Gunner picks up the win with a backbreaker. Storm comes in to celebrate with Gunner and Chavo insists that Storm and Gunner can’t beat both of them at the same time.

In honour of the USA chants from this match.

EGO vs MEM
When MEM come out Sting goes back into the back and brings a baseball bat to the ring. The ref does his job and eventually gets the bat away from Sting. Who does he think he is? Batman? I thought he was supposed to be The Joker. Match starts with Joe and Daniels. Daniels takes contol of the match quickly and Joe just as quickly takes it back with strikes of his own. Joe tags in Magnus and he and Joe double team Kaz for just a one count. Magnus tags in Sting and knocks Kaz out the ring and drives him into the steps. Sting takes EGO off the apron and Daniels grabs Sting, allowing Kaz to drop him.

When we come back from break Roode is in the ring with Sting. Ego pretty much triple team Sting in the corner and Daniels gets a two count. Kaz comes in and applies the Headlock Of Doom. Sting fights to the corner and the ref misses the tag and there’s another triple team attack on Sting in EGO’s corner. Sting is basically being dominated and destroyed by EGO. He finally gets a hot tag to Magnus and Daniels breaks up the pin attempt. Joe and Sting run in and it devolves into a brawl. Sting gets DDT’d, Joe and Magnus hit a double team and Daniels breaks up the pin again. A lot of stuff happens and it ends when Roode whacks Magnus with the bat and picks up the win. That match wasn’t bad but the end was a total clusterfuck. I had no idea who the legal men were. One second Sting is trying to tap someone out and the next Magnus takes the pinfall loss.

AJ Styles vs Dixie Carter
AJ has been in TNA since day one trying to get it on the map, and provide an alternative, but then *poof*, Dixie’s daddy bought her a wrasslin company. Dixie has no wrasslin experience and broke up what made TNA what it was. What happened to Jerry Lynn and Low Ki? Dixie traded them for MMA guys and guys who take a two year paid vacation before going back where they belong. Because of this Petey Williams, Jay Lethal and Alex Shelley can’t be there, and it pisses AJ off. The fans are just as pissed off too and they start a “Wrestling matters” chant. I wonder if TNA remember that used to be their motto. AJ says he doesn’t have a contract and none of the contracted wrestlers have respect for her anyway. When she broke the chemistry and picked off the band of brothers, Dixie left one standing in AJ. He’s gonna win the title and he’s gonna win it for himself, his brothers and the fans. He’s gonna make Dixie get on her knees and beg, and then make her pay.

I wish I had a GIF of this guy, he was an epic dancer.

After this Dixie herself finally comes out. She has her knees exposed too so I don’t think she’s about to get on her knees. Dixie knows AJ means what he’s saying and she’s sorry. She has to be accountable and she holds herself accountable to a lot of people including their investors, her staff, and their fans. She owes AJ an apology and says sorry again. She’s sorry that she ever let AJ feel important in the company. He’s never been anything but a little better than average than any fish in any pond he’s ever been in. The “Phenomenal” thing is just a marketing gimmick that Dixie created for all the five star matches he USED to have. Everything about AJ has been so subpar he’ll be lucky if he gets called “The Marginal One” because he is nothing like he used to be.

She thanks AJ for giving him the chance to go into HER ring, on HER show, to respond to all the crap AJ has criticised her about. She hopes that now things are clearer between them and say that without her daddy’s paycheck AJ would still be in a trailer and the house that AJ built is a house that Dixie built and owns. AJ is lucky he ever got to play in it. Dixie goes to leave and AJ tells her to shove the microphone where it belongs. Dixie grabs a headset and shouts for the boys in the back to cut AJ’s mic and take the show off the air, and that’s what happens.

Dixie might be, most of the talent are.

My thoughts? Other than the final segment there’s actually not a great deal to talk about from this show. Plus the majority of it actually pissed me off. The main things to take away from this show is the dissention between Aces and Eights, and this stuff between Dixie and AJ. I don’t care if it’s a rehash of what Punk did, as JT McMahon would say, “It’s compelling television!” Everything is a rehash of a rehash, get used to it and enjoy the ride. I’m interested in seeing where they go from here, and that’s all that matters.

The post Impact Wrestling 19/09/2013 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with a pretty awesome video package on the BFG series and the finals and the match between Bully and Anderson. It made the show feel pretty important. I forgot TNA were able to do that.

We get what we always get these days at the start of the show, Bully Ray. He has Brooke with him but no Toto. I wonder if he’s literally in the doghouse. Bully is willing to forgive Kenny because Hogan caused all of Aces and Eights’ problems. As if summoned by the very mention of his name like some sort of demon, Hulk Hogan comes out and welcomes the crowd and tells Bully to be worried about facing his brother, brother. Bully thinks Kenny will do the right thing. Anderson comes out and doesn’t shake Hogan’s hand. Kenny says he was out of line and can’t wait to get out of line again and knocks Bully out of the ring. He declares there will be a new WHC tonight and Hogan wishes Bully luck as he makes the title match a Last Man Standing match.

Austin Aries vs AJ Styles
AJ does the thing where he changes music during his entrance. I’d rather have the Sin Cara lights than that crap. There are duelling chants for both guys as we start with chain wrestling. Both guys hit and counter high spots inside and out the ring. Things slow down quite a lot after that. Some guy in the audience, on the hard camera, was actually reading a magazine and not watching the match. Fuck this crowd. AJ hits a backbreaker for a two count and a this is awesome chant starts. No it isn’t. These guys are great performers but no, this match has not been awesome. AJ went for the Styles Clash but Aries escapes. AJ hits a slingshot to take things outside. AJ hits his head on the apron but it doesn’t actually stop anything. AJ hits a springboard punch. Aries blocks a Styles Clash just by holding his arms to his chest and hits a hurricanrana. Why has no one else tried that? Aries hits the Brainbuster for a 2 count and fails to make AJ tap with the Last Chancery. AJ hits a Styles Clash from the second rope for the win and Magazine Guy gives a golf clap. I daresay Aries broke his promise by saying the winner would be the fans. I expected better.

Forget the match, this magazine is awesome!

Backstage with Main Event Mafia. Sting says that MEM is supposed to be made up of former champs but they let Magnus in because they liked him, or some shit. Told ya, technical difficulties. He tries to pump Magnus up. Magnus says he’s tired of being told he’s the future and the future is now.

Tenay notices that Toto and Rampage aren’t around and speculates where they are.

Roode vs Magnus
We come back from break to see Roode bitching to the commentators and ref because Magnus hasn’t shown up. Magnus then comes out to his old theme. Tonight he is Magnus, and not Magnus of the MEM. Roode doesn’t wait to kick the crap out of Magnus but he evens things out. It’s a very physical matchup and to prove how much of a letdown the first match was, the crowd are entirely into this match. Even Magazine Guy put his magazine away to watch it. Roode beats Magnus down hard for a two count. It’s also revealed that Magnus is 26 years old. Okay, I’ll complain less when people are pushed over him now. He actually has a good ten to twenty years left in his career. Roode gets in a long headlock and the crowd tries to bring him back into it. Did they swap crowds between the first two matches? Magnus gets a two count and Roode hits a Spinebuster for a two count of his own. Roode tries to get a Crossface locked in but Magnus turns it into a Cloverleaf. Roode makes it to the rope. The finish came when Magnus hit a Jacknife pin for the win. See Aries, that’s a good match. I’m not even saying that because I’m a biased Brit but because the fans actually stayed in it and came alive.

Backstage with Bobby Roode who flips his shit and a chair. EGO run up to him and stop him. Roode says if he’s not going to the finals, no one is, and EGO agree and say they have his back.

Look guys, it’s Christopher Daniels’ cat!

More backstage segments with Hogan now. He’s with TJ Perkins, I mean Rellik, I mean Suicide. What’s this guy called now? Oh, right, Manik. He’s out of the mask again and to be honest it does actually make some sense. I don’t mind he’s seen with his mask off really. I’d go into why but we’d be here a while and I have stuff to do. TJ and Hogan (JTHogan?) agree that when TJ puts the mask on he becomes someone entirely different and asks to face Hardy to test himself. Hogan agrees and Dixie walks into the room. She finally turned up to a taping then. Dixie says that she got a call from Bellator who have decided to pull Rampage and Toto from Impact because they have to protect their PPV and they don’t want Rampage and Toto to get injured. I can actually believe that. Hogan says it’s good and suggests feeding Toto to Ortiz after the PPV. The one on November 2nd. The Bellator one. Seems the match is official. You’ll see them beat the crap out of eachother legit, and then get to see them fake fight. Unless they do a shoot fight. That I would like to see because I’m not gonna watch this Bellator PPV. Though it would also be a kick in the face to anyone who paid for the PPV if they do another, legit, fight on a free Impact show.

Yet more backstage segments. This time with Aces and Eights. Bully says he thinks his lackeys are happy Anderson screwed him and they want Kenny to be their leader. Bully knows they’re proud of him because he’s proud of them and he loves them, and he knows they’ll do the right thing. He says he hopes they feel the same way about him and walks off to end the segment.

There’s a video package to promote the match between Kenny and Bully. Remember how I joke about how much Bischoff looks like Brodus Clay? DOC looked an awful lot like Tensai.

Bully Ray(c) vs Kenny Anderson in a Last Man Standing match for the WHC.
The pair fight on the ramp and Kenny throws Bully into the ring and continues the beatdown. If he stays aggressive I can live with it, as long as he doesn’t talk. I only really hate Kenny when he’s given a mic. Bully uses Hemme as a human shield and there was some epic side boob. I’m so surprised she didn’t pop out of her top. Given how they must have planned that you’d think she woulda wore something more appropriate. Bully rakes the eyes of Kenny to get back into it. He tells Brooke to go get him a chair and beats down Kenny some more. The ref checks on Anderson on the ground instead of counting him. I don’t remember if you have to be in the ring to be counted in a Last Man Standing match or not. Brooke comes back at last but Anderson is the one who uses the chair. Things finally get in the ring and Kenny hits a low blow and what I think was a rolling Firemans Carry. Anderson grabs a table and brings it into the ring. Bully hits a big boot to take control. The ref still didn’t count Anderson out and when we come back from break he’s still on the floor. That was way more than a ten count. Last Man Standing means that you have until a count of ten to get back up when you’re knocked down. Unless this is some shitty TNA variation I’ve never heard of. Like how they call Battle Royals “Gauntlet Matches”.

Bully gets in the face of Hebnar who shouts back. Bully shoves him into the corner. Kenny hits Bully with the mic check on the chair and tries to revive Hebnar. Bully stays down for about a fifty count and hits an RKO. I think Bully calls it The Bubba Cutter. Aces and Eights make their way down to the ring and help Anderson to his feet. Brooke runs into the ring and hits a low blow on Anderson and makes out with Bully Ray. Given how Bully is 42 I don’t think Taz should have referred to Brooke, who’s 28, as “A good little kid”. The three faceless lackeys of Aces and Eights hit a triple power bomb on Kenny. The Shield does it better but it was still a good spot and made sense. Bully brings Heb

nar to his senses and he finally starts counting. Kenny gets up using the ropes at a count of nine. Bully wraps a chain around his fist and knocks Anderson down and busts him open. Kenny gets up again at a count of nine and gets driven through a table set up in the corner. Kenny doesn’t get up and Bully wins. Bully killed Kenny. The bastard! EMTs try and take Kenny out on a stretcher and Bully grabs it on the ramp, saying his voice is the last Kenny will hear, and his face is the last Kenny will see. He flips Kenny off the stretcher, tears the brace off of his neck and beats him with his cut. Thankfully he didn’t go through with the rest of his threat involving burning it and pissing on it. Bully hits a Piledriver on the ramp and taunts Kenny, saying he’s the guy who just took him out.

Prepare for an ambulance match! Or a stretcher match.

Backstage segment with ODB. She says a lot of things have changed except for the fact she’s not been Knocked Out championship (not a typo, her exact words) in over three years and some other things.

James Storm and Gunner are in the ring. Storm hits a cheap pop and says he’s drunk. I would not be surprised if he was. Storm says he wants to kick back and watch the BFG series but Gunner wants to fight and they’ll do both. All they need are some opponents. Chavo and Hernandez come out to answer the call and Chavo says that last years Bound For Glory is when they won the tag belts. He puts Storm over as a great tag team wrestler and Gunner as one of the strongest guys in TNA, though Hernandez is stronger. Chavo says Gunner and Storm are on a losing streak and it’ll continue if they fight. Gunner grabs the mic from Storm and challenges Hernandez and Chavo to a match next week. If they win, they might get a shot at the titles. If they win they should GET THE TITLES. He threatens them to end the segment.

AJ vs Magnus
AJ makes his way out to the ring and he’s either legit tired and hurt or doing a good job of selling the last match. Things start slowly with several headlocks and tie ups so maybe AJ was gassed as he shuffled to the ring. Magnus hits a back suplex to a yes chant. I normally don’t mind when the Impact crowd do the yes chant, as several chants are cross promotion such as the “What?!” chant and the “Woo!” chant, but it was worse this time because they were doing the arm thing too. That’s when it becomes bad to me. Not a great deal happened for a maority of the match really but it still seemed good to me. There was an occasional power move to keep things going and the guys were tired from the last match they were in. Things did kick off about half way in when Kaz and Daniels ran into the ring and assaulted them both. Roode hits Magnus with a Spinebuster and Daniels hits the Angels Wings on AJ and they attack them as refs come out and kick them out the ring. We come back from a commercial and the guys are exchanging blows on eachother.

AJ springboards into a slightly botched uppercut and Magnus gets a two count. Magnus goes for the Cloverleaf and AJ reverses it into a Hells Gate. I know it’s a Gogoplatter or whatever but Hell’s Gate sounds cooler and I’m a huge Undertaker mark. AJ hits a pele for a two count. AJ locks in the Calf Killer submission and Magnus makes it to the ropes and plants AJ for a two count. AJ hits what I think Tenay Called the Spiral Tap and picks up the vicotry. Both in this match and in the BFG series. I can’t deny I’m let down but really I was torn between both guys anyway. I would have been happy with either, and I was bound to be disappointed with either. AJ grabs a mic and hits a Cheap Pop, followed by several more as he thanks individual members of the audience. AJ says he got a lot of responses to his shoot promo but didn’t get one from Dixie and tells her to show up next so he can bust the biggest mistake next week. He says this is Dixie Carter’s wake up call for next week and drops the mic as we go off the air.

Thoughts? To be honest I was so distracted by my laptop dying (don’t worry I have a spare) that I wasn’t paying as much attention as I usually do. The show seemed good but I didn’t really get into it much. There were also several mistakes, such as showing Dixie earlier in the night. We KNOW she’s backstage. It’s going to take her a week to watch this episode back and see she was called out? I am slightly interested in where they go from here though, and what’s going to happen now the BFG series is over, and that’s all I really need to be. Interested.

The post Impact 12/9/13 – I’m Too Tired To Edit Edition appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts properly with guys from the BFG series cutting promos about the gauntlet match. Even the guys who have no chance of getting in the top four with the 20 points. They imply instead of getting in the top four they will just ruin someone else’s chances. At least TNA remembered these guys have no shot, and now they have motivation to be in the match.

Aces and Eights come out to the ring. Bully says that the Aces and Eights are still in control and that without his brothers he’d be nothing. He says they bang together, then repeated this with his arms around Brooke…I’m not liking the implications that they gang bang Brooke. That’s not PG. Bully gives every member of the Aces and Eights a hug except Kenny and talks to Toto.

Bully calls Kenny the best Vice president ever and he loves Kenny more than he loved Devon and they hug it out. Bully sets up a lot of matches involving Aces and Eights and accepts Sting’s challenge. He even brings up the beating he gave him at Slammiversary. I’m glad someone remembers that match. It ends with Bully saying he’s going to stay outside the ring and watch Knux battle Sabin, which is next.

Not related but pretty awesome.

Chris Sabin vs Knux
This seems like quite a downfall for Sabin. Sabin held up pretty well and focused on the legs to keep the big man down. I don’t get why he wasn’t allowed to do this with Bully and come across as a legit competitor. Knux just dominates after this for some two counts. So much for Sabin looking good. Speaking of Sabin, he managed to mount a small comeback after Knux got his foot stuck in the rope. Bully gave Knux a hammer but Sabin is the one who uses it for the DQ loss. Sabin argues with the ref after blatantly hitting Knux in the head right in front of him. Is he really surprised he got disqualified?

There’s an Impact insta-fact, basically ripping off the “did you know?” segments. I’m not happy with how much I say fuck in these reviews but really it’s the only word to use for shit like this.

Did you know this is true of TNA as well as WWE?

Backstage with Velvel and Sabin. Sabin says he didn’t bring the hammer into the ring. It doesn’t matter who brought the hammer in, what matters is who uses it. He said something has to change and he should still be the champion and Velvel said he doesn’t need the hammer and this segment is so damn stupid. Sabin said “This is crap!” and really, he’s right. Thankfully that’s when it ended.

Mickie James came out and she’s excited to be in Cleveland where the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame is and said she’ll be there one day. I do think she’s more likely to be in there than in the WWE hall of fame. Mickie’s upset she didn’t get invited the VMA’s, or nominated, but she doesn’t need the VMA’s because she has the MJA’s. That’s right folks, she made herself a little trophy. Hopefully she won with “Number One With A Bullet”. The same bullet I wanted to put through my head. She says it’s hard to be a breakout star and the Knockouts champion of the century and a bunch of other stuff. ODB comes out and says the only thing Mickie needs to be worried about is her, ODB, taking that “Knocked Out” title. Mickie gets in a cheap shot and the beatdown starts. It doesn’t last long and ODB poses with the title. Mickie gets in ODB’s face and ODB rips Mickie’s top off and Mickie runs backstage while using the title to cover herself. Thing is, Mickie was wearing a tube top that covered her up way more than her wrestling attire and the world has seen her breasts. That was painful. For me, not Mickie.

Damn right I screen capped Mickie’s reaction to ODB saying “Knocked Out Championship.”

JB is backstage with the two men who will be kicking off the Gauntlet match. Remember folks, in TNA a gauntlet match is a Battle Royal. He says they’re both mathematically eliminated from the tournament and asks them what they have to gain. Jay Bradley says even if they don’t have anything to gain they can still add something. Some organisation paid him off and tells Hernandez he’s willing to split the cash. I wonder who paid Bradley off. The Fed? Aces and Eights? The released talent?

Aces and Eights are backstage and Knux is eating a sammich. What fell in his beard is dessert. Beards are awesome. That is all.

12 Man Gauntlet Match for 20 BFG Points
Even though Christie Hemme called this an over the top rope battle royal I assure you it’s a gauntlet match. The match starts with a promo. Yep. Bradley says all he has to do to get his money is eliminate a certain someone and if Hernandez helps him, he’ll help Hernandez’s wallet. Hernandez responds with a beatdown. So, that’s a yes? Joseph Park is the third man out. Bradley beats down Park but Hernandez saves him. Kenny is out next and goes after Park. There’s a break and when we come back Park is in the ring and Joe is on his way down. Then AJ came in. AJ runs in to his heel music and eliminates Park and almost eliminates himself. It would be hilarious if he eliminated himself from the BFG series two weeks in a row.

Kazarian comes out next and goes after AJ. Joe uses an Enziguri kick to knock Kenny off the turnbuckle and eliminate him.  Next out was Daniels who attacks everyone before focusing on AJ with Kaz. There was a dude in the crowd with a giant appletini sign which gets an Appletini chant which causes Daniels to shout “I don’t need your help!” I’m not sure if he was shouting at the crowd or the dude with the Appletini sign. Joe fights off a double team by EGO and tries to eliminate Daniels but Kaz saves him. EGO focus their double team efforts on Hernandez and eliminate him as Jeff Hardy makes his way to the ring. There’s another commercial break and we come back to Bobby Rooooooooooooooooooooooooode making his entrance. Roode goes after Hardy while Bradley goes after AJ and it ends in AJ eliminating him. So was Bradley asked to eliminate AJ? Who would want AJ eliminated? I expected it to be a member of the Main Event Mafia that Bradley went after. Austin Aries comes out next and takes out Daniels and Kaz and all three members of EGO go after him. Magnus is the last man out and he pretty much takes out everyone still standing. Joe gets eliminated by Roode and Kaz. Bobby throws Jeff Hardy out. Kaz is taken out by AJ. Magnus gets tossed out by Daniels and we’re left with the final four of AJ, Roode, Daniels and Aries.

AJ uses Roode to eliminate Aries and proves he has no intelligence. He eliminated Aries and left himself in the ring with two guys who were going to double team him. Thankfully shortly after that he eliminated Roode and it was down to AJ and Daniels. AJ is in face mode with springboard attacks and pele kicks and he knocks Daniels out with a clothesline. Sweet, AJ wins and I get what I want. Thanks Impact! It would have been nice to see more of AJ and Daniels though as they had a stip a while back that those two would never fight one on one again. The new final four is AJ, Magnus, Aries, and Roode. Take that Hardy!

Don’t worry Jeff, you still have your drug money.

Backstage Bully says he can’t even look Kenny in the face and asks Kenny what he’s done for the club lately and Kenny says he’s been busting his ass. He just put everything on the line for the club. Bully threatens to beat Kenny with a beer bottle, rip off his jacket, burn it and then piss on it. No, seriously. He tells Kenny to fall in line and not disappoint him ever again.

They show a replay of the end of the guantlet match and I saw a Claire Lynch sign that I didn’t see during the match itself. This of course leads to AJ cutting a promo backstage about how he was out of the tournament and now he’s at the top of the table and he’s going to win the BFG series and take everything Bully has.

There’s a replay of Hogan telling Bully he’ll be fighting Sting and I’m pretty sure they edited it. In this version Hogan said “Let me introduce you to your next opponent brother, the man they call Sting.” and I’m pretty sure last week he said “You’ll be defending the title this week against this man, the man they call Sting.” I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure it was edited.

Backstage Sting is with Rampage and says he can never wrestle for the title again. They’re really shoving it down our throats that this stip exists which is funny because last week WE shoved it down THEIR throats. We get this stip exists! We reminded you! Don’t tell us about it, tell Hogan. Sting says it doesn’t matter he can’t go after the title and thanks Bully for showing him he needs a family of killers. A family he has now. This might be the last chance he has with Bully and he knows he can do it because he has Rampage with him.

Rampage is there to give him water to stop this happening

James Storm and Gunner vs Wes Brisco and Brodus Clay
Brisco and Brodus interrupt the entrance of the champs and the match starts. The teams fight outside for what was definitely more than a ten count and James Storm sprays beer on Brodus and the crowd. Is there anyone on this roster that doesn’t have some kind of addiction? Things finally move in the ring with a double team on Brodus and our legal men at the start are Brodus and Storm. Storm starts off strong but the Aces of Funk start double teaming him. Storm hits a Codebreaker which Tenay refers to as “The Double D’s” and tags Gunner in who lays waste to Brodus. Wes breaks up the pin and things descend into madness. The champs use a pretty sweet double team move where Gunner catapaulted Brodus into a DDT by Storm, so that was something. Brisco distracts the ref and Brodus hits Gunner with a chain for the pin.

Behold the Aces of Funk!

There’s an in ring segment with JB and the final four of the BFG series, except AJ who gets his own entrance. He came out to the guantlet match using his heel music and now he’s coming out to his face music. He’s even took off his hoody of +4 moodiness and replaced it with a baseball cap of +10 babyface. JB asks him who he’s going to face and he chooses Aries. Aries promises the winner when AJ and Aries meet in the ring will be the fans. Roode gets the mic and says the reason EGO became a group was so he could get in the final four. Magnus may have beaten Roode early on in the series but he’s different now and he’s going to walk out of Bound For Glory with the championship. Magnus cuts a promo back and hits the crowd with a Cheap Pop. Roode may have a few friends but Magnus has family and he will go on to become Heavyweight champion for the first time in his career. A girl can dream.

Sting vs Bully Ray in a non-title match
Bully comes out with Kenny, Toto and Brooke and some dude in the crowd was holding up what looked like a dollar bill to Brooke, presumably hoping for a dance. Stay classy. JT Hogan is seen in the crowd holding a sign saying “Hulk, I am your brother.” It was actually a woman holding it up which means it wasn’t JT Hogan, but Mavenfan which means Mavenfan vs JT Hogan is now a Brother vs Brother match, brother. Bully reminds the audience that it’s a non-title match and about Slammiversay. I told ya, remind Hulk. Hulk gets a mention as Bully says screw you to Sting and Hogan and then Hogan comes out. With how much they’re mentioning this stip I wouldn’t be surprised if they overturn it. Hogan bans Toto from ringside and makes it a no DQ match. Sting starts things off pretty quickly and hits a chair shot before the break starts.

Bully is still being pounded with chair shots after the break. So not only did Sting hit him with chair shots all throughout the break but Kenny stood and watched it happen? No turn here folks. Bully goes to hit the ref with a chair but settles for breaking Sting’s back instead. Bully goes outside and Taz hands him a knife. Bully slices up the ring covering to expose the wooden ring under all the padding. I don’t think they should really have showed how padded the ring is, and maybe Bully should have gone after Sting with the knife. Sting locks in the Scorpion Death Lock and Aces and Eights come in for the save. except for Kenny who stays outside the ring. The Main Event Mafia come out there’s a huge brawl. The Mafia and Aces and Eights fight their way into the back and in the ring Sting misses a splash and Bully teases a Piledriver onto the boards but Sting counters. Sting goes for a Scorpion Death Drop but Bully holds onto the rope and Sting gets a head full of wood. Just like that time he dropped himself onto the chair. He should doing that move, it just keeps ending with him bashing his head on stuff.

Kenny pulls out a hammer and mocks Bully with it and throws it into the ring miles away from anybody. THIS is the side of Kenny I hate. Bully taps and Sting gets the win. Kenny grabs the title, a mic, and mocks Bully. The crowd cheers and I guess this counts as a face turn. Kenny reveals he’s facing Bully next week for the title and calls himself Bully’s worst nightmare and introduces himself to Bully. The crowd cheered and chanted Anderson so, yeah, the face turn has happened and I’m already sick of Kenny’s face character.

Guess I gotta get used to seeing this shit.

It was actually a pretty decent show as per usual. I seperate Impact from TNA and can enjoy the show. TNA is a huge mess backstage but outside of Hogan and the BFG series mess up it hasn’t really shown much on screen. There were some logic gaps and some stuff I wasn’t a major fan of, but I’d happily give this show a 6.5/10.

The post Impact Wrestling 05/09/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with Brooke Tessmacher’s ass. She meets Bully Ray and says if he has his championship and her then nothing can really be wrong. Bully says they’re going to the ring and the “previously on Impact” segment aired.

For the last two weeks it’s been Hardcore Justice and now it’s Must Win Thursday? The Hell? They messed up the Bound For Glory series so they’re just rushing it and finishing up the qualifiers tonight.

We open with Bully who’s in a really, really, really bad mood. He said someone was missing from the ring, meaning Devon. He wants answers and asks Brodus Clay what happened and some douche in the crowd shouted “he failed just like his father!” I’d tell you what Brodus said but I don’t care. I didn’t care what Knux had to say either. Wes said he doesn’t know what happened and we finally get to Kenny who doesn’t know either and says it could have been any of them who were gone and it is how it is. Bully says it is and what it is is a disappointment. Devon has always been a disappointment. He never needed Devon and never will again and Toto is the only man he needs. Bully wants to give Toto his own cut and Kenny goes nuts and Bully doesn’t stand for that and puts him down before calling out Brooke. Brooke comes out with an Aces and Eights jacket straight from ShopTNA.com. Kenny gets in the way again and says he wants to vote on it. Toto puts the jacket on and Bully takes Devon’s nametag off of it. Toto means so much to Bully that he didn’t even give him his own cut, he gave him Devon’s. Bully finishes up by saying he can’t wait to see Hogan and can’t wait to introduce him to the only Brooke that’s ever meant anything to him.

One of my favourite Bully Ray moments

There’s a backstage segment with Jeff Hardy who’s talking out loud this time and has his eyes open. I didn’t really care what he had to say. I used to like Jeff but then I grew up and realised what a drug lord he is. Also shown walking backstage is Hulk Hogan. What wasn’t shown was JT Hogan attacking him dude brother.

Jeff Hardy vs Kazarian
Both men go for quick pins and of course neither of them get the win in the first minute. Only people who go against Sin Cara get that. Kaz counters a Twist of Fate and the high enziguri by crotching Hardy, and Kaz takes control of the match with leg drops and loses control when Jeff hits a faceplant. Hardy puts on a Figure Four Leg Lock and I don’t know enough about that hold to know how well he did it. It seems like a move only Ric Flair can apply properly. Kaz escapes and counters a Twist of Fate for a two count and gets another two count with a kick to the head. Jeff hits a Twist of Fate and a Swanton for the victory and the announcers have the tamarity to call this guy unpredictable.

Jeff Hardy is watching you, with his eyes closed.

Backstage with the Aces and Eights and they’re teasing more dissension now. Brodus says if Bully doesn’t care about Devon he probably doesn’t care about them. Spoiler alert; he doesn’t! Kenny asks if they voted to not vote and my brain started hurting as I was reminded why I don’t like the guy. Kenny says if it keeps up then they’re going to hold another vote Bully won’t like. Actually I’d be kinda happy if they formed the Aces And Eights Wolfpack. No, wait, they’d be Aces and Eights Hollywood. Bully would be the Wolfpack.

I can’t photoshop at all so it’s just regular old nWo for you.

Gail Kim vs ODB in a two out of three falls match
The winner of this will be the number one contender and because they’ve been trading wins over the course of weeks they’re now going to exchange them in one match. Tenay plugs the Knockouts Knockdown one night only PPV and says all my favourite knockouts will be there. I beg to differ as a lot of Knockouts said they wouldn’t go and my favourite knockout is Madison Rayne who definitely won’t be there.

It’s slow paced but it makes sense. It’s two out of three falls so they have to take it slow to preserve their energy. Gail goes for a submission that was, to quoth the commentators, halfway between a Texas Cloverleaf and a Sharpshooter. ODB taps and Gail picks up the first fall. Has anyone ever won a two out of three falls match 2-0? There’s a commercial break and we come back to Gail breaking ODB’s leg. Gail goes for the submission again and ODB counters with a small package for the win and it’s 1-1. Gail goes for the corner Figure Four. ODB fights her way to her feet and hits a clothesline for a two count and then ODB stands up instantly. Selling is as dead as kayfabe it seems. Gail locks in another submission but ODB reaches the ropes. ODB locks on a Sharpshooter and Gail taps out. ODB wins and gets the title shot.

I actually kinda miss these guys performing together

There’s a backstage segment with Velvet Sky who says that she’s rooting for ODB, and that we’re in for a surprise when the Knockouts PPV airs. You mean some women actually agreed to be a part of it? What I wasn’t surprised by though was when the camera went from Velvet’s face, zoomed in on her tits, and then zoomed back out as it went back up to her face. I kid you not, that genuinely happened. Velvet said she wanted to be at Hardcore Justice but couldn’t because she had personal issues to deal with at home. It turns out that she’s dating Sabin. I had absolutely no clue. The camera zoomed in on her tits, AGAIN. THAT HAPPENED TWICE WHAT THE FUCK TNA. Anyway Vel Vel says that even though she is dating Sabin they keep their business and personal lives seperate.

There’s another backstage segment with Daniels and Roode. Roode says he’ll take care of AJ and if Daniels takes care of Aries they’ll be alright. Daniels says Aries is no gentleman and he’s going to take care of it, right now. The segment ends with Roode putting the Appletini on a chair. That’s a nice little touch.

After a quick replay of Aries quote unquote turning on the Extraordinary Gentelman’s Organisation Borasch is backstage with Aries who says it was a no go because he’s all show and a bunch of other stuff. He believes if you want something done right you do it yourself and that’s why he turned down the Main Even Mafia too. He only relies on himself. Aries hopes AJ makes it to the finals becuase when they’re in the ring, it’s magic. Daniels interrupts and says that Aries missed out on his golden ticket by turning down the Gentlemen. I thought that only happened to the Knockouts? They argue for a little bit and Daniels says Aries is gonna be knocked flatter than Miley Cyrus’s ass. Still not seen that, still never will. Aries says he’ll slap Daniels so hard he’ll start to grow hair again. Damn I love those guys.

Hulk Hogan is still backstage. I’m not entirely sure how he fought off JT Hogan. He’s asked some questions and says everything will be addressed in the ring and he has an announcement. He then enters his dressing room and begins round two of his best two out of three falls match with JT Hogan.

Hogan’s reaction to JT Hogan. Needless to say he got beat for this.

It’s time now for the Main Event Mafia. Rampage gets in another plug for their MMA fight (it’s November 2nd guys!) and says every time he sees Toto he’s gonna stomp a mudhole in his ass. Joe gets the microphone and performs a super effective Cheap Pop. I realised at this point I was only about half way through the show. Damn it’s been dragging if I’m honest. Joe says they’re there to recognise AJ and Sting woos for him and offers him a spot in the Mafia. Even if AJ doesn’t want to join the Mafia they want to thank him for what he did. AJ cames out to his heel music and has his totes mysterious hoodie on again. He does his transformation and I’m with Taz, I hate it and it’s annoying. He should come out to either his heel music or his face music. I actually like his heel music too.

AJ says he needs to do this himself and the mafia walk out. AJ says the crowd has questions and he has answers for them. He formally turns down the Mafia invitation because a suit and tie just isn’t him. He’s developed trust issues over his two best friends screwing him and the guys in the truck filming him at home for the sake of good television. AJ says the only person AJ can trust is Alan Jones. He says he’s with no one, but he just announced his new tag team partner is this guy called Alan Jones. AJ says his perception of the business has changed and that he’s better than the best in the world because he’s the phenomenal AJ Styles. Even though he loves what he does in the ring he understands it’s just a job. AJ Styles, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and Undertaker in a fatal four way at Wrestlemania 30 anyone? He cuts a promo about being shafted by management and I’m pretty sure this is related to his contract issues and he says he deserves better. He tells Tenay and Dixie he deserves better. He’s been TNA’s go to guy for 11 years and for what? Just to watch them bring in the next big thing and watch them fail? Maybe it’s the new direction that’s going nowhere. I don’t appreciate the way the crowd is reacting to this. He says he was praying that Dixie would fire him so he didn’t have to quit and instead he chose to stay. He stayed to take care of his family because this is his job and THAT’S WHAT HE DO. AJ says he likes being the go to guy and who steals the show and who sends the fans home happy. The question is can he still be that go to guy, can he still take the weight of the company on his shoulders, and can he go on to win the BFG series? Damn right he can. Damn that was epic. Two AJs giving two pipe bombs in the same week means a good week for wrasslin.

How the crowd seemed to react, fuckers.

AJ Styles vs Bobby Roode
There’s some chain wrestling and a Calf Killer that ends in a rope break to start. AJ does some high spots and Roode stops him with a Spinebuster. Good luck carrying the company on a broken back! Roode hits a suplex and keeps working the back and arms. AJ gets back into it with a Spinebuster of his own and a Springboard Moonsault and pele kick. AJ springboards into a crossface by Roode and gets a rope break but Roode just puts him back in it. AJ counters it into a pin and then hits the Calf Killer submission. Roode goes for a Fisherman Suplex and AJ counters it into a roll up pin for the win. Nice to see AJ win but I don’t get it because he’s only in fifth place. He needed the submission but didn’t go for it. The fuck? They could have at least said he went for the rollup on instinct and didn’t realise what he was doing.

Unless you’re an angry AJ Styles

Backstage with Daniels and an amazing pair of goggles. Daniels says he has to beat Aries and he’s going to do just that.

Jeremy Borasch is backstage and says that there’s no word from Hogan but he’ll be out in the ring after the next match. Thankfully it’ll be to make an announcement and not in a match.

Christopher Daniels vs Austin Aries
Taz says that Daniels looks like several doctors but he forgets the one Daniels actually looks like which is Doctor Steel. They trade blows and Aries poses in the corner before we get some more chain wrestling. I was expecting this to be a good match and I was not disappointed. The match goes outside and Daniels gets his feet up for Aries to run into when going for a Suicide Dive. I’m seen in the crowd holding up a sign that says “Aries Fears Hemme”. Just kidding, I wasn’t in the crowd, but that sign genuinely was. We come back from a break and the action is back in the ring. Daniels gets an Abdominal Stretch in and Aries reverses it into one of his own and there’s a double clothesline. I’m not really doing this match justice. Aries hits a ton of shots in the corner and hits a backdrop to set up the Pendulum Elbow. Tenay’s right, it HAS been a while since I’ve seen that. Daniels gets up and slams Aries into the corner but Aries tosses him outside the ring and hits the Suicide Dive this time. Aries went to the top rope but Daniels uses the ref as a human shield and hits a powerbomb. Aries hits a top rope Missile Dropkick and a running Dropkick and goes for the Brainbuster but Daniels floats over and plants Aries for a two count. Aries hits another dropkick, gets the Brainbuster and the seven points with a victory. Your final four in the BFG series are Magnus, Aries, Roode and Hardy. I want Magnus to win but I can see them saying “he lost the series overall but it’s still impressive he was the points leader.”

This Dr Steel and if Daniels grew a beard he’d look just like him.

Another backstage segment and this time with Bully who says he feels bad for Hogan. For ruining his family and everything. Then he snaps back to reality and doesn’t feel bad because Hogan is where he should always have been, in Bully’s back pocket. Bully tells Toto to keep an eye on Kenny and walks off with Brooke who refers to Bully as “daddy”. That Brooke Tessmacher has daddy issues really explains a lot.

At long last Hulk Hogan comes out and the crowd goes…mild. JT Hogan is seen on top of the Titantron and he jumps off and hits a leg drop on Hulk. Unfortunately it’s so powerful JT Hogan goes through the Earth and I turn on the news to hear reports that the majority of the world is now flooded and every major volcano has erupted. Hulk somehow survived and crawls his way to the ring. Hulk puts over Hardcore Justice and says it’s great to be back and hits a super effective Cheap Pop of his own. Hulk pulls up the BFG series standings and doesn’t actually say the name of anyone on the board. Hogan can’t read? Hulk says he was away taking care of some hardcore business. It’s hardcore wrestling business though, he’s not in talks with Chyna. When he met with the Spike execs they decided that even though the series was ending they’re going to have a 12 man gauntlet match for 20 BFG points. I want AJ to win but I like the top four as it is actually and if Hardy is in fourth place anyone who makes their way into the top four will knock him out. I don’t see that happening.

Bully comes out with Brooke to save us from Hogan. Bully says he missed his dad and it’s not been the same without Hulk around and a lot has changed, including Bully having the title again. Bully says he’s been waiting to introduce Hogan to Tessmacher and Hogan says Brooke couldn’t bum a rush off of him. He only puts the pythons on his daughter and his friends wives. He’s been taking care of personal business and has divorce papers for Bully. He got a divorce without Bully’s signature? Is that even legal? Brooke Hogan is moving on to bigger and better things, such as the WWE developmental centre! Bully says he never cared about Brooke Hogan and did something that no other man has done to her by using her. Bully has got everything he wants and doesn’t have to do anything until Bound For Glory. Hogan asks Bully if he knows who he is. I know Hogan is getting old but is Alzheimers kicking in already? I think it is because he called Bully Jack. Hulk says he’s going to use Bully’s family just like bully used his and in two weeks Bully will defend the title against a member of Aces and Eights. I thought he was bringing Devon back in. Bully says he won’t do it and Hogan says he will and he’ll also defend his title “this week”, I think he meant to say next week, against the man they call Sting. Wait, wait, WAIT, didn’t Sting lose the right to challenge for the title? If I’m wrong about that I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure I’m right.

As we go off the air Tenay clarifies that the title match is NEXT week and gets in one last plug for Fightmaster.

Not a Sheik mark but this is how I react to Hulk.

My thoughts on the show? It was a pretty solid show really. It dragged a little in the middle but it picked back up again and other than some questionable camera angles, daddy issues, and mistakes by Hogan, there really wasn’t too much you could say about this show that was bad.

The post Impact Wrestling 29/08/2013 Dude Brother appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I was going to insert a link to my book here but felt that would be too cheap. Enjoy a random picture of a tulip instead.

We start off the show as Impact usually does now with a “previously on Impact” segment. They actually made the appletini shots look good but no amount of editing can make that hammer shot look good.

We get Bully on the phone to a mysterious stranger called Brook and he’s with Tito Ortiz. Seeing how Brook Hogan has been released from Hogan’s family dungeon and Brook Orndorf is in legal trouble, it’s not hard to guess which brook it is. Bully and Tito meet up with Mr Anderson and they tease some dissension between Bully and Anderson. Apparently Bully hasn’t been returning Anderson’s calls and texts. To be fair though he has been calling his woman. I hate Anderson but I have to admit I’ve liked him in his role as the VP of Aces and Eights so I think I’ll actually be a little sad to see that relationship end.

Bully’s probably still a bit annoyed from when this happened.

The Bad Influence, plus Bobby Rooooooooooooooooooo(de) come out to start the show properly. Roode begins by congratulating Bully Ray on becoming a two time champion. Does it really count as a second run when he lost the title for such a short amount of time? Roode says that Bully has found a way to screw the system again, and found a new friend. I thought he would say he’s found a new Brook to screw too. Roode says that Bully is the man with a target on his back and he’s looking at the three men who’ll do anything to get the title. One of their trio is going to be the new world heavyweight champion whether we, or maybe Bully Ray, like it or not. He says that he literally set the table and leap frogged his way into second place and hands the mic to Kazarian.

Kaz reminds us of the match he won and refers to himself as a handsome devil. Dude has a point. He looked better with long hair though. Daniels says the Extraordinary Gentlemen’s Organisation is two for two and tonight he’s going to make it three. I guess this team has a name and Daniels has a rear that makes the girls cheer and is the best street fighter in TNA. Ken and Ryu would argue but they’re too busy touring Japan after being released to pay for Hogan’s contract.

If these two hadn’t been released to pay Hogan’s contract we would have had a run in.

Roode says that the Extraordinary Gentleman’s Organisation is 25% of the BFG series and asks why be 25% when you can be a third. I’ll tell you why. It’s because 25% is a quarter. Roode does know this though and says that they need to add one more member to the group. Roode says that one man is none other than you. I got scared because he was looking directly at the camera and I have no in ring experience but he meant Austin Aries. As Roode is trying to recruit Aries he’s interrupted by Gunner and James Storm. Wait, these guys are the tag team champions? I legitimately forgot that. Storm says that that Bad Influence can’t trust Roode and neither can Aries. He says “Sorry…” and the crowd finish off his little catchphrase for him. Can he be any lazier? Roode calls him jealous and Storm counters by saying he’s only jealous of a guy who has a six pack and only has two beers left. I’m jealous of people who don’t have to pause this show every five seconds to keep up with what the crazy drunken redneck is saying.

Storm says he always tells people what he’s going to do and threatens to strip and drink his beer. Then he’s going to punch Roode in the mouth. He goes in the corner and starts stripping as he threatened and Roode tells him he doesn’t want to do it and doesn’t have the guts. Thankfully Storm stops at taking his shirt off and punches Roode in the mouth and finally the talking ends.

Impromptu match up between Who Knows and Those Other Guys.

We’ve got Roode and Kaz against Storm and Gunner. Why would we get that pairing when Kaz’s partner is Daniels? This question was answered later in the show as Daniels was part f the table match. If I’d been paying more attention I’d have realised he also said this in his promo before the match.

There’s a nice double team move by the redneck and his bearded friend before the ad break. When we come back Bobby Roode is beating the tar out of Gunner in the corner. Gunner mounts some offence but it’s quickly stopped. What’s not stopped is the shilling of Jeff Hardy’s app. Kaz gets in the ring when I’m not paying attention and wastes Gunner with a spinning heel kick. I always enjoy seeing that move done by a heel. Roode tags in and starts beating down Gunner himself. Kaz tags in and gets a two count and insults Gunner and slaps him around but Gunner gets in a sick looking back breaker before getting the hot tag. Roode and Storm are in the ring and I’m reminded of when this was a good feud we wanted to see. Storm takes out Roode and drops the elbow from the top rope but Kaz breaks up the count. Gunner breaks Kaz’s back on the outside so the two men in jeans can get back to it. Storm went for the Last Call and almost hits the ref. He turns around and nails Kaz with it instead before Roode goes for the Orton Special. That’s a low blow. Roode wins! The highlight of this match? Storm actually managing to get his leg up for the Last Call when wearing jeans.

Aries is backstage and says that The Extraordinary Gentlemen (damn I love saying that) are giving him mixed messages. This week they asked him to join their little club but last week they cost him 20 points in his match. There’s strength in numbers but there’s also something to be said for trusting the people you’re with. He says he has a lot to think about but he should have his answer by the end of the night.

We’re taken back to last Thursday and I would have fast forwarded but the replay was done by the time I finished writing this. We’re getting a Chris Sabin update though tonight at Hardcore Justice. Wait, Hardcore Justice? Wasn’t that last week? Is this Hardcore Justice 1.50?

Sonjay Dutt vs Manik

Sonjay Dutt comes out for a match in a non-title match with Manik. It’s Kinam backwards! I’m not sure what that has to do with anything though. Sonjay tries to attack him before the match starts but gets tossed back into the ring. Manik does a nice little submission move and Dutt turns it into a pin and delivers a hurricanrana. See, I know how to spell it! Speaking of turning, I’m so glad TNA turned back the triple threat rule and we’re getting one on one x-division matches. Dutt locks in his own submission move after a nice standing moonsault and Kinam reverses it into a pin which Dutt kicks out of. Dutt locks in ANOTHER submission move and I find myself thinking that rest holds are an integral part of the X-Division.

It does allow for a bit of chain wrestling though which ends with Dutt on the floor and Kinam does a very nice looking springboard dropkick and gets a two count. TJ Perkins gets a sit out Powerbomb in for a two count and Sonjay puts #Boots2Faces and gets another two count. Sonjay misses a moonsault and goes for a head scissors but Perkins counters it with his unnamed finisher for the win. I think it’s still unnamed. Taz correctly calls a move too. I’d say more about this match but it’s hard enough to take notes on a regular match when I can’t immediately press pause. Try doing it with a fast paced match and it’s not fun.

This cat probably couldn’t make it in the X-Division. I couldn’t find any Manik gifs, and cats are always related.

Backstage Aces and Eights are in a meeting without their leader Bully Ray. Devon asks Anderson if he’s talked to Bully and Anderson says Bully said they need to focus on business. Devon says that they’re focused and Anderson says after tonight it’s going to go from five on four to five on three. They all testify to that. Testifying is now drinking. If that’s testifying maybe I should start going back to church.

Hernandez vs Joseph Park vs Jay Bradley vs Christopher Daniels in a Street Fight

Hernandez comes out before the break for a street fight and after the break we’re backstage with the main event mafia. Screw that, there’s a match on! Getting back to that match, Daniels comes out after Jay Bradley doesn’t get an entrance. Joseph Park comes out next. Joseph Park, Jay Bradley, Hernandez and Christopher Daniels…guess who’s winning this! Things start out as four ways usually do with the four guys turning it into two separate one on one matches with Bradley going after Park and Hernandez keeping Daniels trapped in the corner. Bradley goes after Hernandez and gets sent outside and Daniels went for the rollup on Hernandez. He gets a one count followed by a two count and eats a backbreaker for his troubles. Speaking of broken backs, it’s a chair shot by Bradley!

Taz struggles to say “weaponry” as Hernandez gets his neck broken by Bradley. Kurt Angle would cut a promo about wrestling with a broken freakin neck but he’s too busy taking care of his broken freakin liver which, unlike a broken neck, prevents him from wrestling. Park inadvertently hits an elbow on Bradley, who is sent out of the ring by Hernandez. Hernandez and Park scuffle before double teaming Daniels and sending him into Hernandez. We go to break with Hernandez and Park standing strong and come back to see Daniels about to unleash a kendo stick (it’s a Singapore cane dammit!) on Hernandez. Hernandez counters, hits Daniels with the stickcane and drops him on the ramp. Inside the ring Bradley and Park fight and I notice Kaz standing outside the ring. Wait what? When did that happen?

Bradley goes for the chair shot to the head which meant that Park was obviously going to counter. He does counter and goes for the Boston Crab but releases it when Kaz distracts him. Park goes out the ring and gets his ass handed to him by Kaz and a suddenly appearing Roode who also take out EY. Bradley and Daniels exchange moves and it ends with Daniels taking a low blow and a chair shot to the back. Two chair shots technically as he’s dropped on the chair. Bradley goes for the Boomstick elbow but Roode and Kaz pull him outside and beat him down and Hernandez jumps over the ring ropes just like he jumped over the border. Hernandez goes for his finisher, affectionately called The Border Toss but Aries interferes. He acts like he’s joining the Extraordinary Gentleman and gives Daniels a Brainbuster to huge “yes!” chants.

Back inside the ring Bradley pulls out the brass knuckles and makes Park bleed. Park takes out Hernandez and picks up the win on Bradley with the Black Hole Slam. I’m reminded how much I now look like Joseph Park thanks to my short hair. Damn. I’m also reminded of my terrible prediction that Daniels would win this match. Post match EY makes his way into the ring slowly and celebrates with Park as Park snaps back to reality. Joseph Park picks up 20 points but I still don’t think he has any chance of winning anything.

If this guy wasn’t too busy casting the TV Title back in the fires of Mount Doom from whence it came, he could probably win something.

Another backstage segment with the Main Event Mafia. We have sound this time though. Sting runs down how badly they were beaten last week and Rampage says when he sees Tito he’s going to break his face. Sting says no one is going to step up and Magnus says it doesn’t matter. They are the elite and they’ll step up and Joe says that he’s right and that they have everything they need to win right here. He’s referring to his fists. Ooooh, scary.

Video package time! It’s covering the relationship of Brook (Hogan) and Bully Ray. I don’t really need to be reminded of this, but it does set up the next segment pretty nicely.

Bully Ray comes out and talks to Taz a little and Tito is now his Toto. I sure hope Toto was a girl or that won’t work. That’s the dog Toto, not the guys who sang Africa. Bully asks the audience how it feels to have the wool pulled over their eyes again, and how it feels to be suckered by him, again. Then he says he has one question for everyone. This after he’s already asked two. He asks us if we know who he is and given the record TNA have for promoting themselves and their talent, my guess is a large majority if this audience doesn’t actually know who he is. Bully agrees with me and says he doesn’t accept Sabin’s championship run. Everything is right in TNA and Bully Ray has a new best friend. He asks if we know who Tito is and actually, I didn’t. I had absolutely no idea who Tito Ortiz was when he came out the first time. Tito cuts a promo and says that he’ll beat Rampage again on November 2nd. They’re fighting on November 2nd? I thought it was in September. That’s just how good a job they’re doing hyping this fight. I actually forgot when it was.

Bully says he’s going to expose the secret him and his woman have been hiding. He calls for Brook and Brook Hogan’s music hits. I get scared but she doesn’t come out. Instead it’s the other Brook. It’s Brook Tessmacher! Speaking of exposing Brook Tessmacher, I feel the need to contribute to the Nipples For Jorge campaign. Last week Jorge put out a call for any of the Bored Wrestling Fan listeners to send him pictures of their nipples. All Jorge has to do is go to Dailymotion, turn off the adult filter, and search for Brook Adams. That’s Brook Tessmachers real name and before she got into wrestling she was a topless model. Thank me later Jorge. Just wash your hand before you shake mine.

Brook and Bully make out and the crowd boos. My guess is because they weren’t making out with Brook. Bully says now he has “the hot” Brook, Tito, and Taz for some reason, he can’t be stopped. There’s only one thing left to do and that’s for Brook to bite his wedding ring off and spit it on the floor. Bully Ray is done and now it’s time for the other knockouts.

I can’t remember how the fans reacted when this happened but it does feature other knockouts.

Gail Kim vs ODB

It’s Gail Kim and ODB, complete with a new brassiere. They tie up a few times and ODB overpowers Gail and knocks her on her ass thanks to the power of…well, her ass. ODB hits a Bronco Buster, a shoulder charge and a fallaway slam. Gail runs off and gets in a flying arm bar and works on the injured arm. Her arm got injured that quickly? Is ODB Sin Cara? Wait, wrong promotion. Tenay manages to say Fightmaster about ten times in five seconds while Gail goes back to beating ODB down. Gail gets hit by a low blow and Taz, even though he was cut off by Tenay, raises a good point. That hurt Gail? I get that would still hurt but it’s not really something you see much in wrasslin. ODB smashes Gail’s face into the turnbuckle and simulates how Jorge got herpes. Gail climbs to the top rope but ODB stops her and hits the Superplex for a two count. Gail gets the three count with a Crucifix pin.

Turns out this wasn’t the first time Gail Kim got a taste of ODB.

Up next, Main Event Mafia against Aces and Eights!

…Right after this Bound For Glory video package.

…and this backstage segment involving Austin Aries. He said everything is cool and that the Extraordinary Gentleman asked him a question and he gave them an answer. Aries says he doesn’t need any help to win except for his God given ability.

…and now Tenay is promoting the triumphant return of Hulk Hogan, next week. Last week he was meeting with Spike officials and this week he’s meeting with lawyers. He sure got to that other meeting fast. Taz says something isn’t right and he’s right. If some other schmuck booked a meeting during a taping they’d probably get chewed out by Hogan.

Still no main event! Instead it’s post match comments by Chris Sabin. I tried to make a note of what he said but I was just way too tired. I did catch him saying that Aces and Eights are a cancer and he’ll be back.

Before we finally get our main event there’s a quick shilling of Five Hour Energy. I’m learning why they’re sponsored by Five Hour Energy now. If you watch TNA as closely as I have, you need some of that. I don’t care if it gives me a heart attack, one way or another I’d make it through the show.

Thankfully there was no fine for screaming

Aces And Eights vs Main Event Mafia in a Loser Leaves TNA match

Aces and Eights come out and they’re followed by the Main Event Mafia. Guess we’re finally starting this match. Right after the commercial break! Being tired doesn’t have much to do with TNA being a bad show, as it’s actually been pretty good, but damn they really insist on dragging this out.

Mr Anderson has a microphone and calls out Bully Ray and I pretty much shout obscenities at my computer until someone finally starts fighting. Bully does come out and sits on the ramp and Brook sits on his knee. Anderson says because there’s only four Mafia guys and five Aces and Eights that one of the Mafia should just lay down and allow themselves to be pinned. Stings says that no member of the family is going to lay down and they’re going to go out fighting. “Well then start bloody fighting!” I shout at my screen as more music hits. It’s AJ styles. He’s going to be the fifth guy for Main Event Mafia? He took his shirt off and his face music hit, so I guess he’s a face again too.

The match FINALLY STARTS! There’s an all out brawl to start including AJ taking it to Anderson outside the ring. AJ and Anderson take their match into the ring and AJ lays out Anderson with a dropkick before Magnus lays out Faceless Lackey Number One. Taz informs me it’s Wes Brisco and I genuinely forgot his name. Joe is tagged in and punches Brisco’s face off. He then kicks off any of Brisco’s remaining face with a pele kick. Brisco finally tags out and brings in Faceless Lackey Number Two. They say it’s Garret Bischoff but it isn’t. If you look closely it’s very obvious that it’s Brodus Clay. He just wears a fat suit when he wrestles for WWE. Break time! We come back to Aces and Eights controlling the match and Magnus in the process. Faceless Lackey Number Three, also known as Knux, is the legal man. Magnus knocks some of the Aces and Eights off the apron but they just hop back up and his beatdown continues thanks to Devon. Brodus Clay is tagged in and Magnus starts his comeback but is dropped by the “triple tough” Funkasaurus. Brisco comes in but doesn’t stay in long as Anderson comes in instead. Magnus catches Anderson but he rakes the eyes to get out and tags Devon in. Devon hits a leg drop and mocks JT Hogan. JT Hogan would interfere but he was too busy meeting Hulk Hogan’s lawyers in a gimmick infringement case.

Knux is back in the ring and the plucky Brit gets a nice reminder of why you have to be American to make it in the North American wrestling business. Magnus hits a DDT and manages to tag in Sting. He hits two Stinger Splashes and then everyone runs into the ring and we have ourselves a brawl. Rampage is left in the ring and he lays out all of Aces and Eights with clotheslines except for Brisco who gets planted. Knux knocks Rampage out the ring and gets dropped by Sting but Devon breaks up the Scorpion Death Lock and lays Knux on top of the prone Sting for a two count. Devon comes in and beats down Sting in the corner and misses wildly with a diving headbutt. Tenay says Sting moved just out the way but I think he could have stayed where he was and still dodged it.

AJ is tagged in and he knocks Aces and Eights off the apron and gets a two count on Devon. Anderson gets in some cheap shots and we have ANOTHER brawl. AJ hits a pele kick and eats a spear and then hits a Styles Clash on Devon for the win. Aces and Eights lose and it seems Devon is out of a job. I don’t think he really is though. Didn’t he recently sign a new contract? Well he signed one just before he joined Aces and Eights anyway. This stuff has lasted so long I have no clue when that was.

Post match Bully comes down to the ring with a hammer but doesn’t actually enter the ring as the Main Event Mafia mock Devon and the rest of the Aces and Eights. Tenay gets in one last Fightmaster plug and the show goes off the air.

Christopher Daniels with a dramatic recreation of the end of the main event.

My thoughts? Despite some mild complaints this was a pretty good show. I was tired from a lack of sleeping and walking two miles home from a job interview and the show didn’t actually feel like it dragged much except for the end when there were about four or five segments between the announcement the main event was up next, and when it actually happened. Overall it was a pretty good show I have to say. I also took way too many notes as this was about three and a half thousand words. I thought this was too much and then I put the last RAW review through a word counter and it came out at about the same actually. Guess I didn’t take too many notes after all.

The post Impact Wrestling 22/08/2013: British Master Race Dating System appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

This will be more of a review than a recap of the whole show, as I’m sure the BWF anniversary show will be packed.  So I will keep it brief.

First off, let’s look at the wrestling.  Our first match was Chavo Gurrero vs. Hernandez.  It looked like the first five minutes of what could’ve been a decent 15 minute match – minus the last ten minutes.  Hernandez wins after Chavo tried a sunset flip, and Hernandez rolled out and hooked his legs for a press.  Over way too quick to make any kind of lasting impression, and I think Hernandez might’ve botched the finish slightly, as it took him a few seconds to hook Chavo.

Our second match of the night was Samoa Joe PRISON RAPING Robbie E.  Robbie got in an eye gouge and a few shots to the head and that was it.  Joe never let up for a second, and got the win w/his cradle-neckbreaker combo.  It was the kind of straight up squash we haven’t seen since the days of the original WWF Saturday morning syndicated programs.

We had a six-man tag between newly crowned Tag Team Champions Gunner and “Cowboy” James Gunn w/new X-Division Champion Chris Sabin against former tag champs “The IT Factor” Bobby Rude and “The Greatest Man who Ever Lived,” Austin Aries w/former X-Division Champ Kenny King.  Not a lot of double teaming in this match, just paring off of two men from each team every few seconds.  The match breaks down into a spot-fest ending w/Sabin getting the pin on Kenny King.  Not a bad match in any way, shape or form, but nothing I haven’t seen before either.

TNA Knockouts Champ Mickey James took on Taler Hendrix in a knockouts match.  James spent the first half of the match selling Hendrix big, and applauding for her every time she hit a move with a less than sincere smile.  James wraps this up by selling an arm injury and hiding behind referee ODB, then hitting an uppercut on Hendrix when she gets too close.  James gets the three with an unconvincing spin-kick to the shoulder.  I might become a Taler Hendrix fan, but not because of this match.

And now, our main event of the evening; Champion Bully Ray faces Jeff Hardy in a ladder match!  However the title is not on the line, so instead, a hammer will be the prize hung from the roof.  Whoever gets to it first gets to use it as a weapon. 

The match was a botchy, clumsy affair, with some scary spots, like Ray just yanking the ladder out from Hardy, who went straight down hard, and landed ugly.  Ray gets the hammer but takes a “twist-of-fate” stunner.  The hammer goes flying right into Jeff’s hand.  Ray runs away and Jeff collapses trying to chase him.  A ref helps Jeff to the back and we get NO DECISION MADE ON THE MATCH!

Now let’s look at some other aspects of the show.

First off, the show’s major storyline was the Hogan, Brooke, Bully angle.  The show opened with Bully bragging about his win over Sting at Slamerversary, and demanding to be put in the TNA Hall of Fame.  General Manager Hulk Hogan came out to “give the Devil his due,” and congratulate Ray on winning with nothing but the help of the entire “Aces & Eight’s” stable, and a hammer.  Hogan announces the “Bound for Glory” series will start this month, and he brings out Jeff Hardy.  Hogan books the ladder match right then/there, with Hardy getting NO mike time and NO dialogue.  Hardy does get to pull the hammer out of his pants, and Hogan did mention this would be Hardy’s chance at payback for things that happened to him earlier. 

We get a backstage segment where Bully is talking to another A&E member I don’t know over a few dozen beers.  He wonders why Hogan would put the beloved Jeff Hardy in a match this dangerous, and why A&E doesn’t have a rep in the BFG series.  The other guy hints at wanting to be “Vice President” of the group, and Ray walks off.

After the match, Bully runs backstage to breath heavily, yell for his belt, and plop his ass down on the ground.  Hogan sneaks up behind Ray with a hammer in his hand.  He raises it over the unsuspecting champ.  Brooke Hogan screams “NO” and runs into frame.  Brooke is between her father and her husband.  Hogan stares at Brooke, Brooke stares at Ray, and Ray stares at both of them, then runs off.  So basically, Hogan was ready to STRAIGHT-UP MURDER HIS COMPANY’S CHAMPION ON NATIONAL TV, and his daughter had to stop him. 

Another major storyline was Devon trying to get his belt back.  Devon comes out demanding Abyss return the TV title that he won at Slamerversary.  Joseph Park comes out instead, saying he won’t be bullied anymore, and taking Devon down.  Joseph wails away on Devon, but when the fight spills outside, Devon gets the upper hand and beats Park into a bloody mess.  Abyss’ music hits, and Devon jumps back in the ring, ready to face him.  When Abyss doesn’t come out, Devon decides to go look for him.  Devon spends the whole show checking for Abyss backstage w/another A&E member I don’t know.  Eventually Abyss catches up with them and leaves them both laid out, saying he’s taking the title into the Abyss.

Ummm… Isn’t Joseph Park supposed to be Abyss?  I thought it was a “split personality” gimmick.  Is everyone supposed to go along with the idea of them being two people?

Side Note: To my knowledge, this is the most success anyone in TNA has had against “Aces & Eights.”

Former MMA star and failed Mr. T impersonator “Rampage” Jackson made his TNA debut tonight.  He came out to the ring saying he wanted to face the best in TNA.  Kurt Angle came out to accommodate him.  This ended with some heated words, but without incident.

So we’re setting up an untrained rookie to fight a guy in his 40’s with a history of neck injuries?

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Mickey James is working Eve Torres’ old “two-face” gimmick.  We had a segment of her apologizing to Velvet Sky for standing around like a deer in headlights when Gail Kim jumped her last week, and totally blowing off her challenge for a title match.  She did work in a plug for the Lottery game that has her and Gail Kim as “mascots,” so that was nice.

This specific episode should thank its lucky stars that the past ten years of Impact have sucked so badly, because they make this episode look so much better by comparison.  Compared to a good wrestling show however, it’s still lacking.  The show wound up being all about the Hogan-Brooke-Bully Ray triangle while the few people I might’ve cared about were regulated to filler matches.  I’ll give the show a C minus because it at least kept the pace moving along, and most of the stuff on the show did actually lead somewhere, but so far I am NOT impressed.

The post RYTMAN: IMPACT IMPRESSIONS – 06/06/2013 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

In the depths of facebook, dwells a pretty kickass little group of like minded fans of many things, one of these includes wrestling. They are known as The Flock. Sunday, after TNA’s surprisingly good PPV, Slammiversary, four members assembled for the very first “Flockcast.” We discussed the show, among other things. Gee of BoredWrestlingFan.com rep’d this site. He was happily joined by Hugo, Nate, and Kris as Hugo directed the technical specs and Nate directed traffic to make this happen. It was fun, and hopefully just one of many involving myself and other BWF members (and fellow Flockers). Have a watch, we’ll get this thing on iTunes eventually. I wouldn’t lie to you.

Check out Nate’s The Kings Of Sport Podcast.

The post The Flock Presents: TNA Slammiversary Review (Plus Other Random Shit) appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Good Segment with Aries being dominant. And showing we have a fighting champion. Hogan coming back also helps set up the re-emergance of a power GM ready to make war on the faction. Best storyline all summer.

ODB is in the back trying to contact EY about her fried chicken and thier relationship which will be through if he doesn’t call  her back.

A stipulation has been added that the leader of the BFG Board will have his pick of opponent at the semi finals at No Surrender. So we have  the match between two of the final four in James STorm vs RVD,

After a good match which turned a monkey flip into a Last Call super kick. Storm is the winner and remains leader. Christie Hemme interviews the Cowboy who is deadset on getting that championship.

Madison Rayne comes out thinking she is getting a rematch with Brooke Tessmacher, when out comes ODB who crushes Rayne in seconds. Then Eric Young strolls in with a suit, sunglasses and ODB’s fried chicken and Beer. Ole D doesn’t recognize her man until he strips and she jumps into his arms.

AJ talks up his match with Samoa Joe. Which then leads into the Gut Check judges evaluating Kris Lewie. Then segways into Daniels and Kaz walking in on Hulk Hogan and Sting who show no love to the World Tag Team CHampions of the World, telling them that they’re laying down the law.  The champs will fight and Hulk will tell them where and when.

Samoa Joe and AJ have there match which is another example of good psychology and just a wonderful match that leads to a Samoa Joe win. Positioning him in the top four alongside Ray, Storm, RVD. And I was floored when that happened. TNA shocking the masses.

Kurt Angle talks up his match with Hardy. And thankfully Kris Lewie was not considered for Gut check. And Joey Ryan makes his return throwing water at Al Snow causing everyone to restrain Snow. Joseph Park offers his legal services to Hulkster and the Stinger to investigate the Ace’s and Eights. Hulk agrees.

Yes Joseph Park is back in the mix. Who is pulling the strings?

Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy is a done well with Hardy going over after hitting the swanton for the win. Angle is out which leads to the final (five), James Storm, Rob Van Dam, Bully Ray, Jeff Hardy and Samoa Joe. Borash announces next week we will determine the final four excluding Storm since he is the Board Leader.

Aries returned to the ring to get his match. The TNA locker room lead by Hulk Hogan followed for support. The Ace’s and Eight’s approach through the crowd. A big man representing the group steps in to challenge Aries. When Aries started to gain the upper hand the Group descended down on the ring only for the TNA roster to fight back. Just as Aries was going to reveal the big man’s face an unknown man dons a mask and flapjacks Aries unconscious. The show ends with The faces checking on Aries.

Good way to end the show with the heels running the show.

The post Through a Haze of sickness…TNA Impact Review 8/30/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Aces and 8’s ride up on thier hogs and infiltrate the arena. And on Open Fight Night to take on Sting. And his friends. All this and James Storm after last week has been cleared of all the suspicision after taking a beating from the group last week.

After renaming the show Ass-whooping Show, the show began. Oh and they mention that Hogan is pissed and in the building.

Two members of the group show up and are let into the ring only to walk into a gang style initiation by the TNA roster. After taking a beating one member smiling through his blood pack tells them “:Thank You” and he was just patched in due to this. Sting hits him again.

So Ms Tessmacher calls out Tara so she can beat her teacher and prove herself. I should of been impressed but it was short and sloppy and I smell a tessmacher heel turn in the works, after Tara beats her with a superplex from the top. Oh and Tif–Taryn Terrell was there to officate.

The Camera Crew reshow The Pope getting beat down and show his twitter shoulder injury. Which sets up a triple threat match between AJ, Robbie and RVD since these are the men Pope was supposed to face. But first we have to get that pesky paternity situation out  the way with AJ and Claire.

Why is it out of order? Because I’m just happy that the story is finally over and we can move on. Claire is not present according to Daniels because she ruptured a placenta and AJ should be ashamed of himself for being a “Bastard” All this before a female attorney comes out and reveals this whole sorted affair of Daniels and Kazarian approached Lynch back in January and hatched the whole plan of getting AJ Drunk and spiking his drink and taking pics. But she isn’t even pregnant and wants the local authorities contacted and apologizes for the whole scheme. AJ goes off and kicks Daniels in the head and misses Kaz to proudly announce he is not the father.

Moving on….

He we have the perpetual Jobber taking on two formidable opponent and Robbie E manages to pin RVD for the seven points. Maybe Hardy wasn’t a fluke.

Short, bad and he better not get a yes. I swear to God that he had a good story. But once in the ring he sucked worse than a jamacian bobsled team. Lets just hope that even though Gut check winners only go to developmental he should be passed on.

Oh Gunner won by the way. I guess this beats wrestling Garett Bischoff.

Not by much though.

Jeff Hardy gets revenge on Rob Terry in short fashion and we move on to..

Mr Anderson vs Bully Ray.

Good Match between two charismatic guys that end when Anderson hits the mic check for the win. While this is going on Aces and 8’s are being fought backstage and when we think its done they call out in 3:30 they will unleash the Deadman’s hand. Sting and the TNA locker room come out in full force to face them. Aces and 8’s come through the crowd in vast numbers attacking the wrestlers. Aries gets his hand smashed between two chairs and when the original six stand tall in the ring Bully Ray of all people come out and clean house as Aces head back on thier bikes and high tail out of the arena.

Good show that kept the pace quick and thankfully ended the Lynch saga. Here’s to the next month before Bound For Glory.

-PNTnoir_ out

The post iMPACT REVIEW 08-23-12 pintnoir appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

He spells FLUKE and gives its definition. He makes a joke about erasing the “e” in fluke and telling all the doubters to go fluk themselves. He directs his next comment to Aces and 8’s and tells them that he is walking out of Bound for Glory the World Champion.

Jeff Hardy’s music hits. Hardy says he is going to win the BFG Series and they will “tear it up” at the PPV. Aries agrees. Hardy calls out Aces & 8’s because they cost him 20 points. Bully Ray’s music hits and comes to the ring and calls Hardy stupid. He says James Storm is behind Aces & 8’s. He makes his case and reasons through what transpired at Hardcore Justice. Aries calls attention back to himself and accuses Bully of maybe being behind it.

Aces & 8’s appear on the big screen. They main guy says sometimes when you roll the dice, you get the dead man’s hand. He says tonight they will make their presence felt in a big way.

BFG series Storm is 1st with 66, followed by RVD with 55, and Samoa Joe with 54

Backstage: Magnus talks about his match with Samoa Joe. He puts Joe over and says he knows everything about him.

Samoa Joe vs. Magnus

They trade some nice moves and counters. Magnus goes out to regroup. Joe knocks him down with a big forearm. Magnus answers back with a big boot to the head which drops Joe. Magnus sends him in but Joe kicks him in the chest. Magnus connects with a powerful clothesline and he gets 2. He drops Joe again and Joe kicks out. Joe sends him in the corner and follows in with a reverse elbow and an Enzuigiri.

Joe puts him up top, Magnus fights him off, Magnus comes off with an elbow, Joe moves out of the way. Joe applies a rear naked choke but Magnus kicks off the ropes to get free. Joe rolls through and pins him with a cradle.

Samoa Joe gains 7 points to 61 points to 2nd place. Joe offers his hand to a seated Magnus but he just stares ahead. Joe pats him on the back and leaves up the ramp. Magnus grabs a chair and clocks Joe on his arm when he puts his arms up to protect his face.

Madison Rayne says her win on Sunday righted an injustice. She is told by a producer that Brooke Hogan wants to see her in the ring. (And by injustice she means the injustice she is going to rain down on us with her subpar matches and complete stagnation of an already stagnant division.)

Madison comes to the ring. She thinks Brooke is going to throw her a party. He says behind every strong woman stands a great referee. She calls Earl Hebner to the ring. We get a small “You screwed Brooke” chant.

Brooke Hogan comes out and says Earl will not be the referee in any more Knockouts matches. She tells Madison that Tessmacher gets her rematch tonight and she has a special referee that she will announce later. Madison cuts a promo on her and challenges her to get in the ring. Brooke charges the ring and Madison and Earl bail. Brooke gets in the ring and tells Madison to come back. She says, “I’m a Hogan, I don’t go anywhere.”

If the real Glamazon (because damn she is tall) can actually wrestle that would be nice to see. Since her brother is a never was.

Two members of Aces & 8’s get in the ring behind Brooke and she turns around and they back her into the corner. Bully, Aries, Hardy, and Angle run out to her rescue and the masked men retreat. James Storm comes out.

Sting is in the ring and he says Aces & 8’s crossed the line but showed their true colors. Borden says TNA  has its own pack standing tall in the ring. He challenges them to Open Fight Night next week.

Daniels & Kazarian talk backstage about being on the back-cover of the new Spiderman comic. They make fun of AJ’s “baby” and Claire’s looks. AJ comes out and says he was drugged and he’s tired of it. He tells Daniels that in their match tonight, if Daniels wins, AJ will accept he’s the father (Huh?) and if AJ wins, he gets the points and is taking a paternity test.

AJ Styles vs. Daniels w/ Kazarian

The ref bars Kazarian from ringside. AJ hits a quick knockdown and he chases Daniels around the ring. They go back and forth. AJ hits a bodyslam and drops a flying knee. AJ puts the boots to Daniels in the corner. Daniels goes out to get a breath but AJ gives chase. AJ hits a high back body-drop in the ring and Daniels begs-off. AJ hits a nice clothesline and covers him but Daniels kicks out.Daniels controls a side headlock. AJ connects with a dropkick and gets 2. AJ applies a Deathlock with a bridge, then a single-leg Boston Crab, then back to a Deathlock. Daniels bites his fingers to escape. Daniels drops his throat across the ropes and gets 2. Daniels kicks AJ out under the ropes. AJ gets in before the count.

Daniels sends AJ in the corner and slowly picks him apart. Daniels hits a suplex but AJ kicks out at 1. Daniels tosses him out again and tries to get AJ counted out. AJ gets on the apron but is again kicked off to the floor. AJ sunset flips in and goes for his finisher but Daniels counters with a crucifix chokehold. AJ drops to the mat. AJ bites his way out. Daniels hits a textbook suplex and gets 2. Daniels hits punches in the corner but AJ hits a running powerbomb. AJ hits a springboard forearm and a flurry of clotheslines for 2. AJ hits a suplex into a neckbreaker for 2.

Daniels pulls the ropes down and AJ crashes to the floor. AJ goes back in the ring and hits a front flip dive onto Daniels on the outside. Kazarian sneaks down to the ring and holds AJ’s foot allowing Daniels to fall on top of him and get the pin. The ref sees Kazarian and doesn’t call the fall. AJ hits the Pele for the win.

AJ hits a Styles Clash on Daniels.

-Sting is in his office talking to Hogan on speakerphone. Hogan says he is going to be there next week. They are going “old-school.”

-Hardy approaches Storm in the locker room. He says he’s got his eye on him. Storm sounds hurt by it and denies it. Storm says he will be out there during Hardy’s match tonight to watch his back.

Title controversy video from Sunday

Roode comes to the ring. The fans chant, “You suck.” Roode says he had the opportunity to prove Aries was a fluke and he did. Roode says he defeated Aries in the middle of the ring. He says he should be champ and now he gets no rematch. He says we don’t understand what that championship meant to him. He says Bobby Roode is synonymous with champion. He says Aries, Sting, the referees, and the fans are the only ones to blame. They chant, “You’re a loser.” He starts to say what he’s going to do but he stutters, pauses, ponders, and drops the mic and leaves.

Miss Tessmacher vs. Madison Rayne

Brooke comes out after the women make their entrances and says she has a phenomenal ref: Taryn Terrell. Madison and Tessmacher lock-up and Taryn has to separate them. Madison drives her head in the corner. She chokes Tessmacher with her boot and takes advantage of Taryn’s full count. Madison hits a suplex into a bridge for 2. Tessmacher gets two near-falls. Madison grabs the tights but Taryn sees it. Tessmacher hits a spear and they struggle to get up.

Tessmacher hits a combination of clotheslines and gets 2. Madison avoids a crossbody out of the corner and pins Tessmacher with her feet on the ropes. Taryn has to physically remove them as Madison gives her a look of death. Madison argues with Taryn and Tessmacher comes up from behind with a faceplant for the win.

Aces & 8’s appear in a video and say they accept Sting’s invitation for 8pm next week. One guy asks the main guy if they have unfinished business tonight; he says yes.

Bully Ray vs. Jeff Hardy

Storm comes to the ring and Bully asks where his boys are. Bully takes control of Hardy and goes out to shove Storm. Hardy hits a dropkick to Bully through the ropes, then comes flying off the apron.Bully gets 2 in the ring. Storm looks around his back for Aces & 8’s. Bully drops an elbow and gets 2. Bully applies a calf lock but Hardy reaches the ropes. Bully hits a suplex for another 2. Hardy fights back but gets caught with an elbow. Bully lands hard after Hardy avoids a splash. They trade shots. Hardy hits a flurry. He hits a front dropkick after an inverted atomic drop for 2. Bully hits a Rock Bottom for 2. Hardy counters a Full Nelson and hits a Swanton for 2.

Bully rolls outside in front of Storm. Hardy slingshots over the top but Bully pulls Storm in the way and Hardy lands on him. Back in the ring, Bully sends Hardy in but gets caught with a boot. Hardy hits a corkscrew out of the corner. Two members of Aces & 8’s get in the ring with and grab Bully’s chain. AJ, Aries, Sting, and Angle come down to chase them off. Hardy hits a Twist of Fate for the pin. Hardy gains 7.

Bully Ray immediately hits a clothesline to take Hardy out. He seems conflicted and grabs the chain. Storm gets in the ring and they argue. Bully shoves Storm. Storm accidentally hits the Last Call on Hardy. Bully leaves and Storm checks on Hardy. Aces & 8’s get in the ring behind Storm and begin clapping. Taz and Tenay are convinced. Storm turns around and they pounce on him and give him a beating.

The Ace’s and 8’s story is heating up and there is no telling where TNA is going next. I can’t wait. Got to love stream of consciousness typing while watching on the interwebs

PNTnoir OUT!

The post iMPACT Review 81612 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

It turns out there is much more to TNA and Julia Reilly in relation to Universal Studios. Or so it would seem. We can only speculate, as this is the internet after all. But I think you’re going to dig this suckah!

As I was perusing the various web boards, I came across this interesting post by user “hlevin”:

“I was told by a worker last week that Claire Lynch, who is “pregnant” with AJ Styles’ “child” in TNA storyline, actually works at Universal Studios as Olive Oyl on the park’s Popeye Ride. Apparently this is something Lynch, whose real name is Julia Reilly, didn’t want out and has tried to conceal”

Source.

Now, let’s be honest. Things can be photoshopped. Things can be edited. Could it be a coincidence? I’ll let you decide. Here’s the photo:

AJ Styles might have an argument that he is not the daddy, after all.

The post Claire Lynch (Julia Reilly) Has An Interesting Day Job appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Bully Ray heads down to the ring and pulls out his ‘Twittah machine.’ He bullie’s for a mic and asks if we know who he is. He announces that he’s the leader of the Bully Nation. He says Joseph Park taught him that if there’s enough evidence against someone, then they’re guilty. He says Storm is guilty of being involved with Aces & 8’s and tonight he will beat Storm and get his 7 points in the BFG Series. (Whatever did happen to the Joseph Parks, Bully Ray confrontation?)

Storm’s comes out.

Storm says had nothing to do with the attacks because he is more concerned with winning his title back. He draws an imaginary line in the ring and says he will give Bully to the count of 3 to do something.  Bully backs out onto the apron.

They are interrupted by the masked men on the big screen and their voices have been distorted. They say they are impressed with The Insane Icon issuing them an open invitation but they are going to do it on their time.

Bully gets in the ring and accuses Storm again. They cut him off to a sudden commercial.

They re-play the Aces & 8’s video from moments ago.

Backstage, The Pope talks about his BFG Series match at Hardcore Justice 2012 this Sunday. The Pope hasn’t actually been pimping anything but the mat since his return to iMPACT and I watched The Dark Knight Rises and didn’t remember seeing him during the prison break scene.

Mr. Anderson comes out to do commentary

.

 RVD vs. Magnus

Magnus clotheslines RVD over the top. Magnus follows and puts the boots to him. Magnus throws him back in and gets 2. Magnus catches RVD and slams him for another 2. RVD hits a kick to the head and springs off the ropes for another kick to the head. RVD hits a Superkick but is caught with a clothesline in the corner.

RVD hits a 5 Star Frogsplash for the win. There goes Magnus’s claim to the series and whatever came of his Xplosion championship stipulation where he can challenge the champion of any division for a title. Somebody please remember this.

7 points RVD

Bobby Roode talks backstage with Jason Hervey, and his lawyers aren’t happy with the contract so there may not be a main event at Hardcore Justice. So wouldn’t this make A Double happy seeing as how he is the Champion?

Sore Loser! and I win!!!

-Claire’s baby shower from last week

TNA Tag Team Championship: Garett Bischoff & Devon vs. Kazarian & Daniels (c)

Devon starts off with Kaz and quickly tags Garett. Kaz tags Daniels in and Garett gets 2. Devon tags back in and drops a big leg for 2. Garett tags back in and they double team Daniels. Kazarian distracts Garett from the apron and Daniels capitalizes. Kazarian tags in and gets 2. More quick tags from the champs.

Garett manages a tag to Devon who cleans house. Devon hits a Rock Bottom on Kazarian and tosses Daniels out. Devon hits a spear on Kaz and a spinebuster on Daniels. Kaz uses the belt behind the ref’s back and Daniels gets the pin.

*This is one of those matches where my dad (who looks strikingly like Devon) was watching as Daniels was struggling with Garett and looked at me and said why are we watching this its so fake. And I responded its not Devon, Daniels or Kaz’s fault blame Garett. He was still not impressed.

Winners by pin and STILL TNA Tag Team Champions: Daniels & Kazarian

-video of Sting and Brooke’s meeting from last week

Sting calls out Aces & 8’s and says he has given Brooke the night off.

Robbie E. and Robbie T. are in the ring, there is a table set-up. Robbie E. says he knows nobody thinks he’s going to win the BFG Series but he has 5 points, bro. He says he will win another 20 this Sunday, bro. He says he will do it by putting Jeff Hardy through a table. He shows footage from 3 weeks ago where he beat Hardy. Hardy’s music erupts.

Hardy gets in the ring and drops Robbie T. Robbie E. tries to back-off but Hardy slaps him and tries to put him through the table but Robbie T. attacks him from behind and powerbombs him through the table.

Backstage, AJ says he doesn’t remember anything with Claire. He says he doesn’t drink and how bad at sex does someone have to be to not remember being with them?

Samoa Joe grabs a headset and says nobody is going to stop him from winning the BFG series

Claire is at ringside again and cheers AJ as he makes his way to the ring.

BFG Series: Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles

Angle gets drilled with a dropkick and goes outside. AJ slingshots over the top with a crossbody.

Kurt powers AJ into the corner and hits a belly-to-belly as Claire looks-on. Angle applies a headlock. AJ fights out but Angle hits a Tilt-A-Whirl backbreaker and back to the headlock. Both men connect with simultaneous clotheslines. AJ gets the offense on the way up off the mat. Angle rebounds and hits a trifecta of Germans.

AJ counters the Angle Slam and connects with the Pele but Angle gets his shoulder up at the last second. Angle counters the Styles Clash and hits the Angle Slam for 2. AJ gets out of the Angle Lock and hits a German but Angle counters out and applies the Lock again but AJ rolls through. AJ springs off the apron and hits a flying forearm and the Styles Clash but somehow Angle kicks out.

AJ goes up top but Angle brings him down with a belly-to-belly but AJ kicks out. Angle misses with a moonsault off the ropes in the corner. AJ goes up top for a 450 but Angle gets his knees up and hits the Angle Slam.

7 points Kurt Angle

Claire congratulates AJ on his way up the ramp but he keeps walking and we get a close-up of her confused face.

Aces & 8’s are playing cards. They rundown who all has received the dead man’s hand from them. They say the next target is close and we will all find out who the next victim is.

Storm and Anderson accuse each other backstage of being behind it all.

Aries is on the phone backstage talking about Roode threatening not to sign the contract.

Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher

They go right at it before the bell rings. Kim drops Tessmacher’s throat across the top rope. Gail drops her across her knee and gets 2. Gail steps on Tessmacher’s stomach. Tessmacher mounts a comeback but is shutdown.

Tessmacher hits a flurry and a clothesline off the corner. She does a Stinkface. Tessmacher brings Gail off the top and hits a facebuster for the win.

Winner by pin: Miss Tessmacher

Earl Hebner raises Tessmacher’s arm and they talk. Madison Rayne comes out and she kisses Hebner and he falls out.

Joseph Park talks.

Aries and Roode make their way to the Impact Zone.

They show Kenny King’s win over Zema Ion from last week

Kenny King video package

Sting makes his way to the ring. A table is set-up. Sting invites Aces & 8’s to the ring. He moves on and invites Roode and Aries to the ring.

Aries displays his title and takes a seat. Roode refuses to sit down and Sting asks him what is up with his attitude. Roode asks if Sting’s stupid. He says the contract is his problem. He says the contract states that if he loses to Aries then he doesn’t get a rematch as long as Aries is champ. Roode says Sting has it out for him. Roode says if the language doesn’t change, there will be no main event this Sunday.

Aries tells him to stop whining. He says he’s worried about a rematch clause because he knows Aries has his number. Aries says they don’t need a contract, they can make a verbal agreement. He proposes that if Roode beats him then he will also forfeit his rematch clause. Sting tells them to shake on it. Each man shakes hands with Sting.

Roode takes off his coat and starts throwing things and Aries comically mocks his temper and shadows him. Roode offers his hand and Aries shakes it. Aries raises the belt and Roode throws water in his face and runs away. Aries turns the table over but Sting holds him back.

Storm and Bully make their way to the Impact Zone.

-Backstage in an interview package, Chavo says he’s here to beat the best. Kid Kash says Chavo’s a cheater.

-Kash & Gunner will face Chavo & Hernandez this Sunday at Hardcore Justice.

-Kenny King will face Zema Ion for the TNA X-Division Title.

-Miss Tessmacher will face Madison Rayne for the Knockouts Title

–BFGFalls Count Anywhere Match for 20 points: RVD, Anderson, Pope, Magnus

–BFGTables Match for 20 points: Hardy, Storm, Bully, Robbie E.

–BFG Ladder Match for 20 points: Styles, Angle, Daniels, Samoa Joe

BFG Series: Bully Ray vs. James Storm

Both men look behind them for Aces & 8’s. Storm hits clotheslines but is unable to take Bully off his feet. Bully hits a big boot and knocks Storm down then tosses him out.

Storm avoids an elbowdrop on the mat. Bully Ray catches him with a boot to the gut and applies a leg lock. Storm reverses it and Bully reaches the ropes. Bully hits a clothesline for 2. Bully hits punches to the head. Storm mounts a comeback with a series of rights and a neckbreaker. Back bodydrop by Storm. Bully launches Storm onto the apron but gets a kick to the back of the head. Bully hits a Rock Bottom for 2.

Storm fights out of a full nelson and goes up top for a cross body and gets 2. Storm comes off the top and misses with an elbowdrop. Bully hits the Bubba Bomb and gets 2. Bully misses with a back-splash off the top. Storm hits a Codebreaker but Bully avoids the Last Call. Bully hits the Bully 3D Cutter for the win.

7 points  Bully Ray

Bully grabs his chain in anticipation of Aces & 8’s. He asks Storm where they are. He says send for them.

Aces & 8’s appear on the screen and they tell Bully he will see more of them at the PPV.

Pintnoir out!

The post Pintnoir review-TNA iMPACT 8 9 12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

So Impact opens with the TNA World Champion and X Division Champion respectably on opposing sides against the former World title holder and the X division number #1 contender.

Austin Aries/Kenny King vs Zema Ion/Bobby Roode:

This match was an awesome way to open the show and get the blood pumping. Back and forth pin attempts and Aries diving out of the ring over Ion to get to Roode was excellent of course King gets the pin when he drops Ion with the Coronation.

We get the Aces and Eights video detailing the groups attacks. I find this group interesting and hope that it heralds a return for a certain Guitar swinging co-founder.  This also prompts Sting to come out and want to talk to a certain person he believes is behind the group. Storm is the man he wants to talk to and in typical cowboy fashion James points out how 9 months ago he was jumped by Angle and didn’t whine about it and came out and whooped Kurt’s butt. He doesn’t need anyone to fight his battles. Angle comes out tells Storm that he will make Storm tap out.

The Phenomenal One tweets from Australia home of displaced British people who owed money to the king. Then from that we get a recap of one of the most ridiculous stories since Eddie Guerrero’s and Rey Mysterio’s who’s your daddy angle, Claire LynchGate. A new twist to the story is that Daniels and Kazarian are throwing her a baby shower. Yeah please take this plot from C list to B list Daniels you are a god send.

THANKS GEE!

Taz and Tenay announce the matches for the Hardcore Justice 2012 PPV. First we have a Ladder Match between AJ Styles vs Angle vs Daniels vs Samoa Joe. Then we have a Falls count Anywhere match where Anderson vs RVD vs The Pope vs Magnus and finally a Tables Match with Jeff Hardy vs Bully Ray vs Storm vs Robbie E. I’ll stream that.

Bully Ray comes out for his match where he announces that he never trusted Storm and will be at Ringside tonight. All this right before Robbie E and Ray have a squash match in most strict of definitions.

Bully Ray vs Robbie E:

Robbie T jumps Ray from behind and Robbie E takes advantage reminding me of the Joker during The Dark Knight always attacking when he’s down. Ray battles back and drops a neckbreaker to gain 7 points . Have to love the job squadder in this tournament.

Then we show the continuing hotness of Madison Rayne and her pull over Earl Hebner. (Yes I may not like her wrestling but well….You know.) Gail confronts the two and brings into question Hebner’s call last week. Then we get Tara and Mickie stretching in the locker room. Nuff said.

Knockouts Number#1 contenders match : Tara vs Mickie vs Madison vs Gail

And to cut it short..After another roll up pin this time Madison and Tara, Hebner grants the win to Rayne. This of course will be the Knockout Match for Hardcore Justice.

Well after a James Storm recap leads into Roode and Aries promising to bring drinks and themselves to the picnic which is the main event of Storm vs Angle.

Brooke Hogan is backstage with Sting. He wants to know about condition her father. After some “are you sure you can handle the knockouts” talk Brooke gets an envelope with Aces and Eights and promptly tears off her mic and leaves.

The Greatest Guerrero currently wrestling Chavo is shown warming up backstage for his first Impact match. Creative realizes that the KO Tag titles still exist and show ODB and EY talking about them and his new show.

Chavo/Hernandez vs Kid Kash/Gunner:

the unofficial reboot of Mexican America talking on those good ole Southern boys is sure to help reinvigorate and not irratate the tag division. After a decent match Chavo hits the three amigos (triple suplex’s) and a frog splash on Kash for the win. Now if only Daniels and Kazarian can get involved.

So not only have creative remembered the KO Tag titles but the Television title when Devon and (shudder) Garett come out to tell Angle they want a piece of the Ace’s and Eights. Angle tells them to watch his back. Oh and Wes Brisco of FCW asks Angle for a good word to get his foot in the door.

Daniels and Kazarian come to the ring to congratulate Claire with a baby shower bringing gifts and a baby doll dressed as AJ. Then the so to be chain smoking mother of one looks into the camera and tells AJ to do the right thing.

Kurt Angle vs James Storm:

A good match with many near falls, during the course of the match Garett and Devon, Bully Ray, Roode and Aries come down to the ring. After James Storm hits the Last Call for the win and 7 points, he takes the mic and calls out Aces and Eights only for Roode to counter that because he won they weren’t needed. Bully and Storm battle as Aries and Roode have at it (this is more than likely setting up a Ray vs Storm match after HJ) while Angle looks on.

I’m likely the unpredictablity of this program especially since its live so please TNA keep iMPACT LIVE!

Until next week, PNTnoir out.

The post pintnoir review: TNA iMPACT 8/2/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Then after commercial break we have a CHAVO Guerrero appreciation promo from the rightful cougar Tara, Kash? and Angle who mentions Eddie first then moves his love for Chavo second. Good Call Kurt.

Jason Hervey interviews Roode about his theory as Bobby babbles on about being Partners for four years and why no one believes him. Bobby packs his bags and leaves the building.Tara and Mickie vs Gail and Madison starts up with Earl Hebner in the ring as referee. LET THE SHENANIGAN’S BEGIN!!!!!’s Four minutes in the Shenanigans end with Madison winining after a rollup pin by Mickie. Oh yes, Earl is going to be Madison’s sugar daddy now.

We get some more CHAVO Guerrero backstage reactions where basically they all but announce his opppnents for his run. Bully Ray and his twitter facisation be damned.

Oh look its Gut check. Sam Shaw is back, yeah?! That is until Douglas Williams comes out as his opponent and the two put on a good short match. I miss Doug why isn’t he on my television instead of LynchGate. Douglas wins with the Chaos Theory this of course was made possible by the distraction by Joey Ryan who socked Al Snow before taking off. Sign him already(Joey Ryan) and put Shaw in the X-Division where he can possibley grow.

Oh and Give me Douglas Williams!

A Double is having a Hoganesque meeting with four challengers for a shot at Zema Ion later tonight.  Rashon Cameron (formerly BLK Jeez and Sabian), Sonjay Dutt, Kenny King (formerly Kenny King?) and Dakota Darsow because his daddy was in Demolition, even though he lost to Zema already in Ion’s first title defense. Clean by the way. Aries decides that Rashon needs to come his hair and tells him to take his movement out the door.

CHAVO Guerrero comes out to a bunch of over inflation about being a Guerrero basically. It felt like I was watching  Paris Hilton being praised for being a Hilton because her Grandfather was this person and her Uncle was this person and so on. Chavo was given the same treatment where they made mention of his Grandfather Gory and then running down his Uncles. Was it me or did they not mention his FATHER CHAVO CLASSIC? That did seem like a glaring omission. But Chavo is sent out hyped by all about accomplishing it all as Taz stated. But didn’t he leave up North because he never won any major titles and felt underappreciated? oh well.

No wait they did mention Chavo SR. when Kash and Gunner came out to rundown our Guerrero going as far as to call Chavo SR a drunk. Now that was a highlight of the mic work as Kash basically just babbled on throwing out mexicanisms and asking where the rest of his family is. sidenote: isn’t one of Chavo Jr. uncles a spanish announcer for TNA? well after the drunk mexican attack, Chavo unleashes his Guerrero fury attacking both men only to be outnumbered until Super Mex (Hernandez) makes the save clearing the ring.

The Return of Mexican America? and Gunner and Cash as a tag team in an already depleted tag divison?……..

Okay I can get behind the authentic Chavo over Anarquia’s helium induced Chavo.

Oh god not LynchGate. Where can a man go when he “allegedly” impregnated his crackhead charge. He goes out to the ring to wrestle James Storm for seven points and Coke Baby Mama stares on all cokey “I need a fix” your my meal ticket AJ Styles.

AJ and Storm hit the ring and put on a show. The announcers make the usual reiterations that Storm is leader of Ace’s and Eights pretty much spelling out the ending. No clean finish here.

And yep just as Storm went to lay out AJ with the Last Call the phenomenal one countered with a pelle. Thats when Ace’s and 8’s hit and the ring and beat on AJ for the DQ. Afterwards our very own Geraldo Rivera comes out and accuses Storm of being the leader. Storm almost chokes the man before he leaves.

Then we have the results of GutCheck. Sam Shaw talks his heart off and gets a 2-1 win to be apart of the TNA Familia, now he can disappear down that rabbit hole that Alex Silva and Taeler Hendrix fell into. Joey Ryan being the exception to the rule. Good Luck not seeing you for the foreseeable future.

Backstage Aries eliminates Dakota Darsow after making some cracks about his father being Russian and having an excellent Repo business.

Zema Ion comes out ready to face his opponent. Behind the curtain Aries makes his decision as he says that Sonjay has had six years to win the belt so Kenny King gets the shot. (sidenote: I love the live show because anything can happen, like when Bruce Pritchard walks into frame during the Aries decision then promptly bails realizing his mistake.)

Kenny King vs Zema Ion for the X Division title: This match was da bomb! ( So good it dated my catchphrases to the 90’s) Kenny King shows off early getting the crowd behind him and solidifying why they signed him to TNA. Zema is no slouch as he takes to King pulling off some sick moves that cause the crowd to groan when he hits a knee to the chin. Kenny King who looks like he has Zema on the ropes gets jumped from behind by Bobby Roode  who behind the ref’s back throws him back into the ring to get pin by the champ.

Aries comes out and fights off Roode. Later its announced next week will be a tag match between Aries and King vs Roode and Ion.

Bully Ray talks up Angle and dismisses Aces and Eights.

Bully Ray versus Angle: This is a good match between two guys who made the most of their time with near fall to near fall to playing up Kurts injured neck and Bully Ray escaping twice out of the ankle lock. Kurt finally pulls the win when Bully misses a splash in the corner and meets an Angle Slam. 7pts for kurt.

Aces and Eights hit the ring beating on Kurt as Ray dips out. But the cavalry arrives and fights off the gang as James Storm comes out music and all to scare off the group who reluctantly bow out when James is present. Angle gets in Storms face about that weird encounter only for Mike Tenay to announce that Storm vs Angle is scheduled next week as the main event.

We fade to Black.

This week was better seeing as how there was an actual reaction to Aces and Eights instead of them running riot with no one to fight against ala NWO, Immortal. So here’s to next week when we find out what develops next.

P.S. Let the pigeons loose will no longer be uttered in TNA seeing as how Velvet is now released and with Chris Sabin injured expect to hear about that in the coming weeks and or months.

The post Pintnoir review- TNA Impact 7/26/2012 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Impact recaps Aces and 8’s attack on HH and Sting.

James Storm, who addressed the championship change and how him and Roode is personal and he just wants to kick his blankty blank, he then proceeds to call out Kurt Angle to no avail because the aforementioned group is kicking the olympic gold our of the measuring stick of wrestling.

Samoa Joe comes out cocky as ever and says he’s calling out a man he’s always had a problem with (and with that I facepalm) our Pope, your Pope D’angelo Dinero. After the bell both men come out and have at it. THIS is the match they should of had last year instead of the over convulted mess dealing with a Green Hornet sidekick. Dinero is beating on Joe until he taps out to an arm bar mid punch. Joe gets 10 points. And is back in first place with 47pts as James has 43.

Bobby Roode is interviewed in back by Jason Hervey, and after rebuffing claims that he leads Aces and 8’s talks about how he is calling out Aries. Main Event Title match~!

Jeff Hardy comes out and appeases the creatures of the night, he wants to call out someone that is until Robbie E and Rob T stroll down accusing the other participants of cowardice. Hardy does a battle cry and attacks the heel jobber. After several interferences from Big Rob, Jeff attacks T outside of the ring and allows Robbie to get a count out victory putting him on the board at 5pts.

We see the next Gut Check challenger Sam Shaw, and we shoot over to ODB and EY for some comedy about strange vans that Eric shouldn’t go into but turned out to give him his own show.

The Claire Lynch saga is recapped. Claire says she has proof. Daniels and Kaz weigh in and AJ just confessing to his mistakes.

Sam Shaw comes out and sells himself to the crowd and Jeremy Borash that is right before Aces and 8’s beat him down. Well as they carry him out of the ring, we jump to Mr. Anderson who calls out AJ Styles, good match that ends in some weird roll up package pin giving Anderson 7pts.

Afterwards Claire comes out all “AJ this yo baby” and her proof are more pic of an obviously passed out AJ and Claire smiling at the camera. Please just end this already and move to the end or give Daniels free reign to say whatever because he’s funny.

Sean Wheelock of Bellator comes out to announce RVD vs Daniels. Daniels cheats and uses the ropes to win moving up 7pts. What no “Bob Van Dam” sound bites ah come on TNA.

A Double addresses the fluke comments and says that Roode’s win was a fluke and his was a brainbuster in the middle of the ring 1,2,3 win. He grabs his cape when an Ace’s and 8’s card falls. A Double is not impressed. Like the Dark Knight Rises they give away the ending in the middle.

Brooke Hogan is contacted via phoner about her dad’s back surger…I mean attack by Aces and 8. Garett Bischoff is backstage talking with Joe Park about Legal stuff only to call out Park for his Abyss like behavior. Park accuses Garett of a head injury.

Magnus and Ray have a match by default since they are the last two men in the back. Bully scores the win for 7pts finally putting him on the board. Which then jumps into a Chavo Guerrero promo announcing his presence into TNA next week?

Bobby Roode calls out Austin Aries and they proceed to fight. Tenay clarifies again that this is a match but not for the title that will be at Hardcore Justice. Okay didn’t Hogan say on Open Fight Night any champion called out will have to defend their title? well whatever. Ace’s and 8’s come out and beat down the champion just when he was in control and right as they tease a Roode conspiracy the group beat down on Roode.

Eh. A serious where everyone gets beat down by a group with mysterious backing it for right now looks better than Immortal so….PNT noir out.

The post TNA iMPACT- Ace’s and 8’s beat on everyone:( Review appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Watching TNA online is a wonderful way to bypass commericals and pause and play at your leisure but it also added the extra bonus of watching Impact during the supplemented commercial breaks. It was silent of course but enjoy the little things.

We open the show with the Bully Ray vs Joseph Park match. Bully Ray can draw heat from a glacier but here he uses it to coax Parks out of his shell to make some attempts at beating Ray. He even uses a cheese grater in a not so wonderful spot on the male anatomy.But all was in vain without Abyss to help him. Ray with a chain busts open Big Joe for the win. After the match as Parks is freaking at the sight of his own blood Ray goes in for the kill only to be hit with a Blackhole Slam. The crowd chants “that was you” as Parks feigns ignorance.

Its Abyss

Here I see the first interlude as the ring crew come out to clean up the discarded weapons and tacks in and around the ring.

Backstage Hervey interviews Ray about what happened in the ring. Ray seems confused asking “who was that.”

Samoa Joe vs RVD is next Joe is leading the series 37pts to RVD’s 7pts. Kind of a klutzy start with the attempt at a surfboard but picked up with various kicks punches and submissions applied by Joe. RVD hits rolling thunder on the back of Joe as he attempted to sit up on all fours. Joe looking to apply more holds is rolled up for the win as RVD advances to 14pts in the BFG series, Joe looks livid.

Claire Lynch rolls up with a cigarette in her hand and the paparazzi aspiring Hervey attempts to stop her. Claire not wanting to be bothered tries to drive off to Hervey’s chargin.

hey the baby has a problem not me!

Hogan is calling out the Ace’s and Eights and wants to see the ‘whites of their eyes”

Replay of the Last Man Standing match between AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels as Kaz and Daniels stand in the ring. Daniels calls out Claire to the ring to come clean. Styles comes out next ready to beat another lesson into Daniels head only for Claire to stop him and confirms what Daniels has been saying that he is the father. AJ is dumbfounded.

More recaps as Jesse Sorenson’s appearance at Destanation X and his feud with the man who broke his neck Zema Ion. The replay of Zema Ion winning the X division title is played before shooting over to Dakota Darsow going on about how Jesse was his friend and Zema didn’t even bother to call when Jesse was hurt and his shameful display at D-X where he thanked Jesse for the victory.

Zema Ion taunts Darsow about Jesse’s neck before Dakota slaps the taste out of it. An empassioned Darsow puts a hurting on Ion before succumbing to a reverse gory bomb. Decent match with Ion cutting a promo about being F’n dangerous after he locked an armbar on Darsow for pure spite.

Another Silent interlude where Borash is hyping the crowd. Hey Spike do a behind the scenes on TNA or just make a show about the ring crew, announcers and referees.

Aries comes out and the greatest man who ever lived is now the Greatest World CHampion that ever lived. He comes out to talk how he’s been feeling since winning the Gold. Roode comes out and looks like he about to go crazy as all he can muster “its a fluke” before storming off.

Gail Kim gets her rematch against Tessmacher and we have Brooke Hogan on commentary. Better match then the one I watched at Slammiversary. Tessmacher gets the win and hopefully she moves on to another competitor like I don’t know…Sarita. Before it becomes a Devon vs the Robbie’s theme that would get stale.

Kurt Angle vs Mr. Anderson

The return of the rivalry between Angle and Anderson is rekindle in a chain wrestlers dream match that has several attempted Mic checks before the self appointed A-hole is beat with an Angle slam moving up Angle 7pts.

Roode storms into Hogan’s office and wants a rematch. Hogan tells him at the next PPV but since next week is open fight night he try his luck there.

STing bring his trusty bat to the ring is ready for Aces and Eights,  that is until his backup is jumped. Sting runs to the back to assist only to get jumped by the group on the ramp.

A good impact with the added bonus of the Interludes that included Borash hyping the crowd and what not.

Seeya next week PNTnoir out.

The post TNA iMPACT -The Greatest Silent Interlude(s) That ever lived appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

A Double and “H Double” discuss Aries giving up the belt at the end of the night. Which leads us right into a Destination X promo, which is embedded above.

Jason Hervey (Wonder Years for those in the know) attempts to interview Dixie Carter who is more than happy to talk about the New X-Division talent but not eager to talk about Claire Lynch. Talking of that new prospective X-Division talent err.. oh wait

Devon vs Crimson for the Television Title gets under way. I had almost forgot with the BFG series under way Devon had been missing for a little bit. I thought maybe we might see a title change to Crimson now that his undefeated streak was over but a short five minute bout ends in a spine-buster and the win for Devon. Then it devolves into slapstick as Madison Rayne comes out to face Devon but brushes past him and goes right for Earl Hebner to slip him some tongue in the corner.

Old man still got skills

Chris Sabin is in the ring after on crutches talking about his wrestling career and how family and the doctors are telling him to hang it up. Just as he gets ready to let the flood gates loose Bobby Roode’s music hits and the world champ comes down. After dissing the efforts of Sabin and Sorenson he kicks the crutch out from under Sabin prompting Aries to come out for the save. Good segment Roode in Classic Heel mode.

Now on to the X division Qualifier match, Dakota Darsow back for the second time (he was a participant during last years match ups for Destination X) takes on Flip Casanova. sub-par match up which shows that Darsow who bled by matches end is still not ready no matter who his daddy is. Flip still needs some polishing possibly in OVW but not as fluid as Sonjay Dutt. Not really exciting.

Then we move on to the Knockouts who due to Gail Kim’s lawyer is able to hold off facing Tessmacher one on one till next week but instead gets a tag match against Tessmacher and Tara with her cohort in crime Madison “Heart Hebner” Rayne. Decent match with Madison eating the (Double Finish) and getting pinned by the champion.

Jeff Hardy/James Storm promo talking up both competitors. Real classy.

AJ Styles comes down to bash the charges against him rebuffing Claire lynch’s baby’s paternity. Daniels and Kaz come out to stir the pot. Styles says that this whole mess dates back to last years Destination X when AJ beat Daniels and  Chris being a sore loser. (Good reference to history)

Hogan is backstage with the Hervey being interviewed when a messenger dressed as a biker delivers a message. Claiming they’re not cowards. Hogan open the manila folder to reveal a piece of paper with the Dead Man’s Hand with the message “see you next week”. We have our next qualifying match this time we have ROH’s own Kenny King!#$ to take on Lars Only? This match was better because King was in it. He owned the crowd and put on a show. Lars attempted some things before botching a stunner leg sweep combination?? But King comes back and hits “Easy Money’ for the win. This was good match and I only hope that he comes into TNA because he is more than ready to be the next X division title holder.

Good for the Soul

Austin Aries has a run in/reunion with Kenny King were the Greatest Man alive congratulates him. Right before Hervey asks whether Aries will be truly giving up the title later tonight which Aries sarcastically says “yes.”

Jeff Hardy (7) vs James Storm (35) obviously Hardy needs the win more than Storm and backstage agrees by letting him pick up the victory when he ducks a last call and hits the twist of fate. Hardy is now tied with Magnus in third place.

The rest of the program was filled with the Destination X PPV card which includes the Qualifying match, Ultimate X , Samoa Joe vs Angle BFG series, AJ vs Daniels Last Man Standing match and the World Title match Roode vs Aries.  Also they talk up next weeks match-ups that include: Angle vs Anderson, Gail vs Tessmacher and Bully Ray vs Joseph Park in an Anything Goes Match.

Bound For Glory 2012 will be held in Phoenix, Arizona, October 14th.

Hogan comes out and calls out Aries but instead gets Roode. Roode gets in Hogan’s grill talking trash until Aries steps down. Aries has an option C for that moment which would include fighting Roode right there and now. Roode backs down but attempts a cheap shot but misses only to be hit with the X division title. Aries holds up both belts before handing over the X division belt to Hogan to close out the show.

PNTnoir out

The post iMPACT Wrestling- Road to Destination X appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

That says it all

ON THE BOARD!!!

The Greatest Man who Ever Lived comes out to recap the recap? But its Aries so its great. Roode walks out and we almost get a rumble but Roode leaves. Oh and he mentions a X Division tournment with old and new faces.

And to compliment that segment they show a clip of the Claire Lynch debacle (of acting) Then they follow that up with Wonder Years (Jason Hervey) interviewing Claire about all the evidence with we were given a explanation for last week but I guess this would be a re-take.

Speaking of that X division tournament we have it. Sonjay Dutt vs Rubix (Jigsaw) of freaking ChiKara Pro. I almost fell out of my seat when I saw this match Sonjay was energized and reminded me why I fell in love with the X division and Rubix definitely earned his keep before being beat with Dutts Moonsault Double foot stomp that looked sick as all hell.

please bring more over

We get a peak at the Judges, Taz, Al Snow and Bruce Pritchard making their decision on Taeler Wilde and Joey Ryan is subtley mentioned by Taz.

Bully Ray comes out to begin his weeky attempt to pull in points before Abyss/Parks comes to the ring to distract him. But this time his opponent is Samoa Joe who is second place in the series behind Storm. We see a good match that has Joe taking a beating from Ray only for Parks to come down and slap Bully leading him to walk into Joe’s chokehold. Joe takes 10 points.

Parks wants two weeks to prepare and he promises to take the fight to Ray.Back to Lynch-Gate we see Kazarian who is now the wiser wanting out of his tag team with Daniels. He tries to appeal to Hogan who is having none of it. Then we follow that up with Garett Bischoff who thankfully hasn’t been on television for a while having a chat with Madison where she tells him her crush with Garett smirking and saying Good luck!

So its either D-von or Eric Bischoff? which could be worse. Then its followed up with another segment where Gail tries to bully Brooke only to see her wrath. Gail will get her rematch next week.

Return of the X Division series New comers Mason Andrews vs Rashon “Consequences Creed’ Cameron this match didn’t have the same excitement as Dutt vs Rubix and I guess the more seasoned wrestler won with Cameron going over.

Taeler Hendrix

Gets ready for her Gutcheck. Taz says YES and before Al Snow can get his answer out Joey Ryan stands out in the crowd where he starts a shouting match with Taz. Loving this angle.

After security escorts Ryan away Snow says NO. Leaving Bruce Pritchard who after some suspense says YES. And we have a new Knockout.

Main Event tag match:

Kurt Angle and AJ Styles vs Christopher Daniels and Kazarian for the tag team titles

oh and Claire Lynch and Dixie are at ringside. So we can guess shenanigans. Which does happen after Kaz basically rebuffs Daniels throughout the match he shows his true colors by assisting Daniels with the win. This is followed by Daniels spilling the beans that Styles is the father of Claire’s baby to Dixie’s irratation. Fading to black.

The post TNA iMPACT – The BFG Series and Baby Mama Drama continue… appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

and the pretty decent view I had from my seat!

Jeremy Borash handles the ring announcing duties for the evening, and up first is an X-Division match!

Zema Ion vs. Austin Aries

Ion really loves that hairspray, doesn’t he? These are two guys you want to have open your show and get the crowd going. And the crowd got going with chants of “Carlito” and “You’re not cool” directed at Zema Ion. Poor guy has no traits in common with Carly Colon other than the afro and the orange pants, and he’s got to hear this every night. The Buffalo faithful were solidly behind The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, who picked up the victory with a brainbuster. After the match, JB gave a backstage pass to somebody who brought a sign in support of Aries.

Winner:  Austin Aries

JB gives a big introduction to the most controversial referee in the history of professional wrestling, Earl Hebner, who, for some reason, comes out to “Man In The Box” by Alice In Chains, which is of course Tommy Dreamer’s old theme song. The Buffalo faithful get on Hebner’s case, chanting “You Screwed Bret.” JB holds Earl back as he looks to go after a few of them – but then he takes off his referee polo to reveal a t-shirt that says “Damn Right I Did!” Earl’s here to referee a Knockout’s Title match. Yes, that’s the same spot they did last year.

TNA Knockout’s Championship: Miss Tessmacher (c) vs. Gail Kim

Kim works over Tessmacher’s leg through the whole match, but Tessmacher manages to pick up the win with a neckbreaker out of nowhere to retain her title. Great match!

Winner & STILL Knockouts Champion, Miss Tessmacher

We’re told that the Spike TV cameras are rolling and that highlights of the following match will be seen next Thursday on Impact, as it’s a part of the Bound For Glory series! Mr. Anderson is introduced first, and he calls for his microphone to be lowered – in a roofless stadium. JB climbs up onto a chair and hands him a microphone, and he does his “asshole” schtick. He begins his introduction, but somebody yells out “Kennedy,” to which he replies, “oh no. No, that guy died in a train wreck. And you can still watch that train wreck every Monday night!” Burn! Anderson’s opponent is Samoa Joe, who is wearing his Nation of Violence gear again for some reason. Did I miss something?

Bound For Glory Series: Mr. Anderson vs. Samoa Joe

The crowd started off very quiet for this one. I think it’s because they weren’t really sure who they wanted to root for. Eventually, they decided on rooting for Joe. This was another match, really worth the price of admission. All the usual spots are there, and in the end, it’s Joe with the Muscle Buster for the victory, and seven points in the BFG Series!

Winner:  Samoa Joe (earns 7 points in the Bound For Glory Series)

And our next match is for the TNA Tag Team Championship! The former champions, Kazarian and Daniels come out first, and they cut a promo badmouthing Buffalo, with Kazarian saying that we don’t have a big league baseball team because there’s nothing big league about this town. Daniels is less harsh. He says that the fans are disappointments to their mothers, but the biggest disappointment is that Kurt Angle and AJ Styles are walking around with their tag team titles. Angle and Styles get their entrances, and we get our tag team title match.

TNA Tag Team Championship: Kurt Angle & AJ Styles (c) vs. Kazarian & Daniels

These are four of the best wrestlers in the entire industry, so you can imagine that they put on a great match. The crowd was mostly behind Angle & Styles, though a small “Angle Sucks” chant broke out in a very localized cluster in the stands. Styles picked up the win for the tag champs with a Styles Clash.

Winners & STILL TNA Tag Team Champions:  AJ Styles & Kurt Angle

Intermission.

I didn’t catch the name of the guy pitching the merch this year, but he was good. Don West may be gone, but the Brown Bag Special remains. This year’s bag costs $30, but in the bag you get FOUR TNA DVDs and an Impact Wrestling t-shirt, which is where the bag used to stop, but this year they added in a random TNA action figure and a TNA 10th Anniversary program. Yes, that’s about $120 worth of stuff for $30. My wife surprised me and came back from a bathroom break with one – which she didn’t have to do, because I would have bought it myself. The pitchman mentioned a fan wearing a Triple H t-shirt, and told him he should buy a Brown Bag Special so he could get the Impact Wrestling shirt and “cover that hideous thing up.” Love the friendly little jabs at the competition tonight.

We return to action with another match in the Bound For Glory Series. Robbie E is introduced first, and enters to a chorus of “We Want Ryder” chants. James Storm makes his way out, and Robbie E grabs the microphone. He says that all the people in Buffalo came to watch him fist pump. For some reason, a “YES!” chant breaks out during this promo. Robbie E starts to dance and fist pump in the ring and offers Storm a chance to do the same. Storm says he doesn’t fist pump, he drinks beer. He makes a few jokes about Robbie’s pink ring gear and the fist printed on the ass of his tights. Robbie says he can chug beer. Storm challenges him to do so. Robbie starts sipping the beer, and Storm hits him with the Last Call. The bell rings.

Bound for Glory Series: “Cowboy” James Storm vs. Robbie E

Storm covers Robbie and pins him while sipping a beer. Seven points for The Cowboy!

Winner:  James Storm (earns 7 points in the Bound For Glory Series)

It’s time for the main event of the evening, a match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship. My wife screams her heart out as the challenger, Jeff Hardy, makes his way to the ring and poses for the crowd. The TNA Champion, Bobby Roode is introduced to a chorus of boos. Roode demands the proper respect to be shown to him, or he will leave and go back to Canada. Some fans bow down to the Champion, some point to the thruway just outside of the stadium that leads directly into Canada.

TNA World Championship: Bobby Roode (c) vs. Jeff Hardy

The fans are solidly behind Hardy in this one, and with good reason – Roode plays the cowardly heel to a T. “It factor?” Yeah, I’d say so. The crowd was definitely into this one, mostly chanting “Let’s Go Hardy.” At one point during the match, Roode and referee Brian Hebner got into a bit of a shoving match, which prompted a “Let’s Go Brian” chant. Speaking of, Hebner got knocked down, and Gunner ran in to attack Hardy, catching a Whisper In The Wind for his troubles, but Roode nailed Hardy with a low blow and picked up the pinfall victory to retain his title.

Winner & STILL TNA World Heavyweight Champion:  Bobby Roode

Hardy hit Roode with a Twist of Fate to end the show.

One of the cool things that TNA does, is after the show they allow fans to have a photo opportunity in the ring with one or more members of the TNA roster for a small price. Tonight it was Jeff Hardy, my wife’s favorite wrestler since she was a kid. The way this works is that you pay $20, and everybody that is with you can get in the ring and get their photo taken at the same time with Hardy. We couldn’t pass this up. They try to rush everybody through, and the line definitely moves very quickly, but Jeff was very cordial, taking a moment to give my wife a hug and shake my hand. When you get out of the ring, they have the photo waiting for you.

here’s mine!

We poke fun at TNA sometimes for inconsistent television here on BoredWrestlingFan from time to time, but one thing I cannot deny is that the live events are consistently entertaining. The two that I’ve been to have been some of the best live wrestling experiences I’ve had – and I’ve been to three WrestleManias. If the company brings a live event to your area, I definitely recommend checking it out – and bringing some extra dough to participate in some of the extracurricular stuff they have going on. Definitely worth it!

The post IMPACT Wrestling BaseBrawl – June 22, 2012 – Buffalo, NY appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

1. Madison- In Love with someone hopefully not Garett Bischoff
2. Velvet- who has had numerous chances to wrestle Gail and failed for the Women’s title
3. Mickie- who has been used to prop up Velvet
4. ODB- another ridiculous in love/jealously story with Eric Young with the Knockout titles no less

Oh Gail threw a temper tantrum last week and was taken off Thurs night show, Tessmacher is the champion and Tara was beating on the GutCheck Challenger but more on that later. So we have 7 women in this division and the silent four being kept off TV more than likely getting ready to receive their pink slips in the coming weeks.

• Winter – who after her Lesbian Vampire gimmick was relegated to jobber and then banished from television by the current regime.
• Angelina – once over with Dixie (she even shouted her out in the YouShoot video from back in 2010) is now jobbing to Velvet on Xplosion. Or not being used at all
• Rosita –  brought in to give Sarita a partner after she split from Taylor Wilde in 2010 must have outlived her usefulness and hasn’t been seen on TV since trying to entice EY from ODB
• And Finally Sarita who was so over in 2009 with her feud with Alyssa Flash and tagging with Wilde to being put in Mexican America, which is akin to purgatory spends more time in Mexico than here on the show. You know one of the longer working Knockouts who didn’t leave when Hogan shown his face and has never won a title outside of the tag division.

So obviously Pritchard and Lagana have a pretty clear picture on who they want in the division going forward. But really an over pushed Sunny and Dead Heat Rayne can’t be replaced in ring wise with Sarita or Winter, a retooled Winter of course because what ever Russo was thinking about the Time Traveling Lesbian Vampire who brainwashes other women needs to simply be a sociopath bitch character with a snobbish regality.

Even with the addition of Taeler Hendrix come next week really what do we have? 8 wrestlers?! you might as well retire the belts until further notice. Not to mention outside of Gail a very bright white picture to boot. Whatever happened to diversity?

Mia Yim, Athena, Bonesaw or the various Asian or for that matter Mexican talent they could pull from AAA, the Apache Sisters anyone. Just give me some color.

Right now the lucky number is 7 and it looks like we should be hearing of releases because how long can someone be sitting at home not doing anything?

Moving on.

Mike Tenay announces a 10 minute time limit stipulation on ALL BFG series matches whether it be  Televised, House Show or even PPV!

When it comes to Television I understand you can only fight so much into 2hrs not counting commercials but even House shows and PPV’s come on that will just make for rushed matches and possibly even a bunch of time limit draws with the crowd chanting 5 more minutes to no avail. Thursday’s episode saw a bunch of 5 minute or less timed matches which isn’t looking promising for the rest of the tournament.

According to the all mighty Wikipedia, The BFG series will play out through No Surrender leaving a month gap till October’s Bound For Glory to build a story around the challenger and the champion. But till then will we get mini feuds inside BFG series? Magnus vs Pope or Samoa Joe vs Anderson for a higher rank on the tourney leading to PPV feuds settled for what should be longer than 10 minutes.

The X Division champion having a chance to cash in the X title for a shot at the World title is actually nice because it gives Destination X more of a purpose and also would allow more of the roster on the card rather than it be a specifically geared PPV seeing as the Division is weaker than in years past. Zema Ion, Kid Kash (which I don’t even think he fits the weight requirement) Mark Haskins who has been seen since his English debacle, Tony Nese is gone and Jesse Sorenson is out with a neck injury for a while and so is Chris Sabin oh and Shelley left too. So Aries is the division for the foreseeable future.

I’m hoping for another tournament at Destination X to find new prospects or otherwise you may have to pull from the main roster. Hey if you can’t trust Jeff to hold the World Title why not the X Division title or the Pope. Knock the dust off of Douglas Williams and put him in it. Joey Ryan should show up and compete in the X when his shoot ends. What the hell ever happened to Alex Silva? X should be his destination.

Now on to the meat of my complaining outside of a good show. The AJ/Dixie Affair storyline, what started to have legs but turned into a headless chicken over a five minute segment. Let me breakdown the story logic and how I was confused.

• Vince Russo had a story going where Daniels was holding something over Kazarian and was forcing him to do his bidding. We saw great conflict internally with Kaz over his constant run-ins with AJ
• Russo leaves. Story becomes Daniels wasn’t holding anything over Kaz but had incriminating information on Styles. Still I was with it. It was still plausible seeing as how Kaz was hesitant until Daniels provided more proof of AJ’s infidelity.
• Kaz starts to show his jealous side over AJ being allowed to rise to the top as the rest suffered. Easily Daniels influence who’s character always had an inferiority complex and could of been feeding it into Kaz a man on the backburner most times.

Then the storyline imploded with the reveal of Dixie and AJ helping a recovering Drug addict named Claire Lynch who is a close friend of Dixie’s through a tough time. Okay I can still deal now the truth is revealed and Daniels can eat crow and Kazarian can apologize to Styles. Even so Daniels is in the back beside himself with anger about what her appearance means telling himself he has to shut her up and Kaz looks on with confusion. Again Daniels is a heel and lied to Kaz now he has to go stop Lynch from talking more. He runs down to the ring with Kazarian in toe to fight AJ? Shouldn’t Kaz be in the back calling it a day and never talking to Daniels again?

This story besides the bad attempts at crying fell flat. Yes AJ is a good person and Dixie helping one of her circle of friends makes sense but not to such a degree that two marriages would be put on the line, let alone logic. This was an interesting story that lost all cohesion when the reveal dissolved everything. The reveal spit in the face of logic that has been building for months. When it comes to this segment does anyone re-watch their own show?

I was screaming at my television “where’s the logic” over and over again confused on where it had landed.

The post Matt B. Wrestle – Comments and Complaints on iMPACT appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Open Call Out

Hulk Hogan puts over the Open Fight Night/Open Call Out and the Bound for Glory series tournament before moving on to A Double for his answer. (which has something to do with Plan C-check twitter for his response) Option A would have him hand over the title and challenge Roode at Destination X but if he lost he would have nothing. Option B he would decline and walk away still X Division champion and not be in the main event. And it appears Option C is where starting this year the current X Division champion will be allowed to turn in the belt for the chance at the World Title holder. Hogan is pleased. (So does that mean that if the X division champion loses he keeps the belt and if he wins we have an X division tournament for the title after the PPV? Um-okay.

Roode of course comes out and throws a tantrum saying that the X Division title is a paper championship and that he is the real world champion Austin Aries calls him out and the two battle it out. Security/Referees come out to break it up. Anderson comes down out and announces that basically when they’re done with each other Anderson will be waiting.

Anderson walks down to the ring after the break and calls out a man that is tearing about a family. So here comes AJ..er Christopher Daniels who is drinking a martini in the back. Mike Tenay announces during the start of the match the ALL BFG series matches will be 10 minutes whether it be Televised, House show or PPV? (That doesn’t make much sense anywhere other than maybe television but okay.) Daniels and Anderson have a good but albeit short match that ends when he hits the mic check.

We go back stage where Brooke is haveing a meeting with a select few knockouts about who should get a chance at Ms Tessmacher (because you can’t say Brooke, there can be only one.) Madison? ODB, Mickie and Velvet are back bickering about how they deserve it. This is basically a female version of what we got several weeks ago with Hulk Hogan, Angle, Ray, Hardy and Styles. (So we can tell who should be seen released in the coming months Knockout wise.) Anyway Madison is eliminated due to her imaginary boyfriend fascination. She leaves to spend time with her BF.

Out in the ring we have Robbie E,  or Big Rob T for that matter.So obviously he can’t be Madison’s crush because she wouldn’t be visiting anyone. So that leaves Garrett, or Devon? Does Madison dig choclate? Inquiring minds want to know. Big Robbie E issues an open challenge to any of the gerbils in the back and guess who answers

Kurt Angle your correct he scores a quick minute and a half victory over Robbie when he German suplex’s, Angle slams and then locks on the Ankle lock for a submission victory and Ten points.

Robbie E jobber of the BFG series.

Taeler Hendrix is our Gutcheck challenger. She talks about her struggles with cancer at 21! and her drive to be the champion of all the women division’s in TNA.

Magnus comes out and calls out a man who sleeps with another man’s woman because thats low, AJ Styles.

Styles comes out and puts a whooping on Magnus before the ladies man turns the table. Magnus ducks the pelle from AJ which is just unheard of. Daniels and Kaz come out brandishing pics leaving Styles distracted for the Brutish one to lay the Magdriver down on the phenomenal one for 7points.

Jeremy Borash announces the GutCheck challenge. Taeler Hendrix plays to the crowd before her opponent Tara is called out. Tara beats on Hendrix for the duration of the match before she fights back with a head scissors, gut wrench slam and fists to the face. Tara comes back and wins with a widow’s peak. Did better than Alex Silva but thats not saying much. Not really long.

Backstage segement with Bully Ray and Joseph Parks. Ray making threats and Parks showing some backbone.

Samoa Joe calls out Storm. Good but again short with Storm wiggling out of the rear naked choke and hitting the Last Call Superkick for the win and seven points.

ODB is eliminated next after her own man distractions.

Bully Ray comes out to call out the Pope. (best part was seeing the reaction on Pope’s face when Ray called him “boy”) D’angelo Dinero comes out to wrestle the Bully and work off some more ring rust as well. Abyss comes out to confound Ray leading to Dinero scoring the victory and Ten points.

We get a preview of the Velvet Sky featured Montgomery Gentry music video. Then Brooke Hogan announces in the back that Mickie deserves the shot. Mickie comes out fighting. Ms Tessmacher puts up some defense but gets owned for some time. Tessmacher able to squeeze out a victory after hitting a sunset flip pin on Mickie for the win shocking and irritating challenger James.

Daddy Hogan makes a match between RVD and Hardy because their both so damn cool. After a spiked DDT and later a Twist of Fate Hardy wins and gains 7points.

1. James Storm – 20 points
2. Kurt Angle – 10 points
3. Pope – 7 points
4. Magnus – 7 points
5. Anderson – 7 points

• 10 points submission
• 7 points pinfall
• 5 points countout win
• 3 points disqualification win
• 2 points draw
• -10 points disqualification loss

Then AJ and Dixie came out about thier secret only for a pregnant pill popper to come running down to the ring announcing that she is the reason for the secrecy that she is a good friend of Dixie’s named “Claire Lynch” as all participants attempted to cry but fail. The alcohol abuser and pill poppin momma to be explains the pictures. In the back Daniels is livid while Frankie just looks confused. The heels come out only for AJ to beat the hell out of both of them.

Hmmm.

PNT noir OUT!

The post TNA iMPACT 6/21/2012- Secret Revealed (Open Fight Night) appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Bye Bye X division.

The push of Hernandez continues with a match against the television champion Devon. Its short and Hernandez really only botched one spot before being put down by Devon. Keep the belts away from Hernandez, Robbie E etc.

The bound for glory series featured the return our yours and my Pope D’angelo Dinero makes his return.

Pope be pimpin’ yes indeed.

And then James Storm came in and cleaned house and won. First Crimson and now 20 points in the BFG series. Go Cowboy!

New Knockout Champion Gail Kim Ms Tessmacher took on Madison “In love with who?” Rayne. I hear crickets but I digress. She (being Tessmacher) wins. This is where we need some more knockouts to make the surroundings look better, I’ve seen Madison Rayne too much.

[This post used to contain a picture of a topless Madison Rayne, her breasts covered only by her hands.  Google made us take it down to comply with AdSense policy.  Do they have ANY idea what kind of content their ads are on with the BoredWrestlingFan Radio podcast?]

Sunday Night saw the victoy of the “Asshole’ Ken Anderson over Hardy and RVD. I waited to see where this story would go since Hardy and RVD had storylines with Roode where as Anderson had a one off match from a couple of months ago.

This was a good match where Roode went over Anderson using the crossface and could possibly set up a any number of scenarios for Anderson afterwards. Or with Anderson tapping out will just close a door on that stretch for Roode who has been dealing with Hardy, RVD and Anderson for some time now and leave him clear for Austin Aries to feud with him over the remaining summer until Storm gets to him.

Questions I have are what will become of the X-division once Aries leaves? No Sabin, Sorenson or Nese. But we have Xema Ion and Mark Haskins? Need some new blood.

Until next week, PNTNR out!!!!

The post The Bound for Glory series-TNA Impact Review, Pintnoir be pimpin’ appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Dixie continued but instead of anger now she was in the middle of the ring crying and attempting to explain herself to the fans. That is until Daniels and Kazarian came out to interrupt her and we witnessed the heeltastic Daniels go off on Dixie Live with no pretape. I’m loving this live format. And just as Daniels is ready to lay hands on Dixie out came the phenomenal AJ Styles to the rescue and when it couldn’t get any better Serg came out and swung at Styles  that ended a excellent segment that hyped up the rest of the show.

And how do they follow that up but with Aries and Joe still upset about last week. But then jumps into a non title one on one match up with Crimson.  they had a good match but what was the most important part was the development of Aries vs Joe at Slammiversary. Joe came out and cost Aries but hyped up their match this Sunday.

Brooke Hogan is exercising her title setting up a four way match for the #1 contendership for the knockouts. And we see a possible Mickie James heel turn as B Hogan gets Velvet a spot in Montgomery Gentry’s music video. They don’t call Mickie Hard Core Country for nothing. The match is under way with

Tara vs Brooke Tessmacher vs Mickie vs Velvet- Decent match that ends with Tessmacher getting a rematch on Sunday.

Abyss, Joseph Park and Bully Ray segment stays entertaining with Bully antagonizing Park with a new contract where essential Bully Ray is not responsible for what happens to him on Sunday. The spitting in his face pissing off Joseph enough to sign.

Oh look Devon our television champion and “ugh” the Robbies and…….Garett Bischoff! ……..

skipping until better partners and opponents show themselves.

And finally we have the A six man tag, Sting, AJ and Angle vs Roode, Daniels and Kazarian

What started off as a handicap match when AJ hadn’t made it back yet from leaving earlier after the whole Dixie fiasco leaves his partners high and dry. With the heels in control that is when AJ makes his way through the crowd to make the save. After a senton on the heels outside the ring, Roode is left alone with Sting who makes him tap again to the Scorpion Death lock.

Sunday should herald alot of surprises and just some good quality matches.

See you next week.

The post TNA iMPACT- Behind the scenes of Dixie’s meltdown appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Sadness over. Now on to Roode vs Sting in a Lumberjack match. This is a good opener that showcases the excitement of the crowd when there allowed to watch a show without having to sit through the retakes and can just sit back and be fans. Watching the ring I never realized the over abundance of faces compared to heels which is the exact opposite to brand eck!

Sting gets the win and just when you think that, yeah Sting got his revenge for Victory Road. Then Hogan comes out and calls for a match at Slammiversary where Sting takes on Roode for the TNA World Title. what about James Storm?

Oh look Madison…NEXT!!!!!

Joseph Park esq and Bully Ray have thier weekly confrontation over “My Brother Chris, you know Abyss” and what Ray has done to him. (even though a couple of weeks ago Abyss appeared okay so what is Bully Ray guilty of?! Ray calls Joseph’s whole family cowards and when the sweaty lawyer went to grab the bully, Ray threatens lawsuit only to antagonize him some more. Either way a fun entertaining segment.

Samoa Joe and Aries have an altercation that later leads to a match at Slammiversary. But before the PPV Aries takes on the staying half of the Motor City Machine Guns in the guise of “Hail Sabin” Chris Sabin. Good match that makes you wonder if we will see more of it now that he is a singles competitor but we’re not psychic so I watch to see Aries go over with a small package.

Coming in ten days TNA is celebrating 10 years of existing and Dixie “MILF” Carter announces that the Hall of Fame is coming to TNA with an inductee being announced during Slammiversary. She then call out Brooke Hogan who know is in charge of the Knockouts. I loved the mixxed reaction and what that means for her arrival of either putting up or shutting up. hey Brooke, We need a revitalized knockout division that has more than 4women in it.

kazarian and Daniels are gold backstage during Dixie’s promo.

And we have the television title match that Hogan promised us every week missing one along the way. Mr. Anderson, Jeff hardy,RVD and someone who will not be named wait to see what the total one and guess what it was….Jeff Hardy.

And like clockwork the Robbie’s interfere which leads to a Jeff Hardy winning by DQ. Right before the faces clear the heels which leads to a tag match between The Robbies vs Devon and Garett Bishchoff?

UGH!

James Storm is having a crisis of faith about winning the world title and why do I feel that we won’t resolve this till Bound For Glory.

AJ and Daniels have a match. So when are we going to see match #12356 but it still shows the integrity of how they wrestle. AJ wins but is then jumped by Daniels with Kaz only for the newly appointed face Kurt Angle to make the save but both are taken out by the heels.

Daniels plays a recording of Dixie and AJ only to have Dixie herself come down and take control of TAZ’s headset and ask for the show to be shut down.

Sidenote:Joey Ryan didn’t make the cut because he’s a jackass who pissed off Taz, Flair’s replacement. Where is Alex Silva?

The post PNTNR iMPACT review: TNA is coming at you live! appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Then Gail Kim with the love struck Madison came out to talk about being a dominate champion only to show a shot of Angelina Love count on her hands all the times she won the title. She goes on about her one blimish being the loss to a man/woman? tag team of EY and ODB and wanting to rectify that.

I won’t go into detail lets just say that Spike must of laxed there no male on female violence stance because EY gets some body slams and headlocks on Gail and Madison before the heels win when Madison holds the legs of ODB so Gail could pin her. But again I’m confused because its Open Fight Night and when you call out someone their title has to be defended but Tenay still calls EY and ODB champions? Whats up with that?

So after RVD lost in his bid against Roode for the title, he had a smokers moment and said to himself “Hey, how was I not able to compete since Genesis?, Oh yeah some dude named Gunner was responsible.” We have him call out the Gunned one and commence to beat on each other for 5 minutes before RVD gets the win with an insane Five Star Frog Splash.

Then we step into the nepotism zone as Devon comes out and calls out Garett for a shot at the Television title. We get a mostly Devon controlled match. And in one of the most stupidly comical spot of the night Garett pulls off a swinging neckbreaker pauses and waits for the applause. Rob T and Rob E. come out an beat on them until the faces get the upper hand and embrace at the end.  YEAH! we have the continuing Robbie E saga and nepotism wrapped into the same match someone please shoot those two. (Not really because thats conspiracy to commit murder.)

Speaking of murder Joseph Parks attempt at getting Bully Ray to admitting to doing….(Abyss is alive and no longer missing..oh) in his brother Chris you know Abyss. After the Abyss reveal no matter how cool, it kind of took the air out of the story so what will be the payoff. Because Abyss is back with a warning to his brother for playing to close to the fire. Which I’m guessing is Bully Ray.  So Park wants a mock trial so the fans can have their say and Ray can be judged by a jury of his peers, the fans. Wouldn’t his peers be the locker room?

Ray beats on Parks and we solve absolutely nothing.

Then comes one of the best segments when Joey Ryan who looks like a 70’s porn star takes on his 90’s equilvalent in Aries. Good and short. The best part is when Ryan flicks his mustache sweat in Aries eyes. Aries wins with a brain buster.

World Heavyweight title time as Roode takes on AJ. After Hogan eliminated the other three throughout the night.

Roode wins. Beats AJ’s record for being the longest reigning champion in TNA history. He celebrates and Hogan the chief conspirator calls in his friend The Insane Icon Sting shouting “Its Showtime” as Sting beats on Roode and then announces the new time slot but forgets to mention it will be live which thankfully Tenay fixes and we fade out

Sting vs Roode in a Lumber jack match at the top of the live show should give a fun feel to it.

PNT NR out.

The post Impact Wrestling-The Plot against Roode appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

What got me was Canadian confetti, where champions are made. I couldn’t stop laughing. Hogan playing the face GM tears up his demands and tells him that he will defend the title on Open Fight Night. So Hogan sets up some matches for tonight, Bully Ray vs RVD, Jeff Hardy vs Mr. Anderson, Samoa Joe vs Angle and a Battle Royal. After all that Hogan will pick the challenger for next week.

That is a whole lot of matches for just one contender but Hogan is the face GM and impartial.

First up is Bully Ray vs RVD which should make everyone nostalgic for ECW but that would be the wrong company. Bully Ray takes on Van Dam’s injured parts and pulls out a victory. I have a feeling one day that they will put the belt on Bully Ray and I would be fine with that.

King Mo is coming to TNA and I’m late on that but yeah I saw the video and thought okay I could see that once he’s done healing his knee. Then I went online and saw that Brooke Hogan would be in charge of the knockouts in a backstage compacity? Because she has been involved in the business for ever like Garett so automatically she is given a job that would put her on TV more which since her dad has been on TNA she has made numerous blink and miss em appearances. But now she is directing the knockouts?! Where is Dutch (Mantel) when you need him.

End rant. The mystery of who is Madison’s suitor is now on the mind of creative. She bails on Gail as she follows the scent of love. Then the Hooter’s girl and the would be porn star (had she not tried wrestling) Ms Tessmacher (former) and Velvet Sky (latter) confront Mrs (Recently got married and can’t remember the guys name) Gail and tell her she will be losing the title tonight. Yeah she should be so shaking in her boots.

Then we have the Battle Royal, Austin Aries, AJ Styles, Gunner, Crimson, Eric Young, Garett Bishoff, Devon, Magnus, The Two Robbies  and ODB?! Make their way to the ring in what must surely be a farce. Crimson goes out with EY and ODB who clothesline him so hard that all THREE go out! So now Crimson is feuding with EY and ODB, Rob E takes out his partner Rob T before being thrown out by Devon who is soon taken out by Garett who he in turn is taken out by AJ. AJ, Gunner and Aries are left. Gunner throws out Aries but is taken out by AJ with a Samoan Drop. AJ wins as Madison during the course of the match is making Googley eyes at someone in the match. Money’s on Crimson. Because then it can be a mixxed tag team feud for the KO tag belts no one wants. YEAH! everyone’s a winner.

AJ secret tryst with Dixie is furthered along when Daniels brings out some video of her and Styles going to a Hotel/Motel. I love heel Daniels and his “Bob Van Dam” name calling.

Oh and Jeff Hardy beat Anderson. Highlights from past TNA PPV play Lockdown 2008, Genesis 2006 and so on.

Gail beats Velvet and Tessmacher after Velvet hit “In your face” on Tessmacher but Kim stole the pin.

Joe vs Angle, a good match but not up to par with Genesis 2006 Angle wins.

Roode comes out to close the show while all the winners come out like lions circling a Gazelle.

Next Week Open Fight Night, and a special announcement.

Spoiler: iMPACT WRESTLING goes live on throughout the summer.

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Roode comes to the ring to gloat only to have RVD then Anderson adn finally Hardy come out and attack him. Right before they attack each other like a pack of hungry hyenas. Hogan makes his entrance panders to RVD so he can set up a fatal four way where if whoever wins takes on Roode at Sacrifice this Sunday. Or if Roode wins he picks his opponent, or if RVD wins he gets to pick the stipulation. OR….. Wait I got it under control.

So Madison is ignoring Gail because she is getting ready for a guy causing for some foreshadowing to something down  the line.

This leads right into Velvet Sky, who is like the female RVD who believes she still deserves a shot at the title. But we all cringe with the thought She’s taking on Brooke Tessmacher who is a good worker that deserves a better opponent to showcase her skills. thank god its short but it was kinda of like an asswhooping where it may not be that long but it still hurts like hell. Especially when Velvet had control of the match.

Crimson and Morgan seems like a feud that just keeps going on to no end. Even though we were promised an end at Lockdown but someone forgot to tell them that. Crimson calls out Morgan…

But Bully Ray comes out and busts him (Morgan) in the head with a chair. So maybe someone did get them the memo.

X division time with…Xema Ion vs Austin Aries that is a good solid match that would of been nice had it advanced story. Aries wins with no interfence from Ray who busted Morgan open because you know he’s a bully. Where is Nese, Haskins or Williams we need other competitors to show forward momentum in the division. Otherwise good match.

Daniels and Kaz discuss the AJ blackmail and whether or not to reveal it, because you know its the heel thing to do to prolong it. That or the evidence just sucks and this feud lost momentum when Russo was let go. Well they come out and AJ follows soon afterward and with 3 pictures I was deflated. IT was AJ and Dixie embracing and not even kissing even though the last picture would have you think that if you had bad vision but its obvious their faces are no where near each other but whatev’s.

I miss this feud when the evidence looked to be on Kazarian.

So the television triangle continues with Robbie E, Devon and Robbie T still fighting over the belt. So this is taking the belt seriously when they made plans to have it defended every week? So yeah another PPV but this time its a handicap match where Devon is sure he will still win.

Joseph Park comes out after having his Inspector Clouseu investigation turn up Bully Ray as a suspect. Because this all couldn’t have been solved in ten minutes by Park just watching Genesis? Got to love that suspense of disbelief.

Bully Ray comes out and gets owned by Park and the audience on the mic before pushing Park down.

So the fatal four way ends with RVD winning after Roode took 3 finishers leaving Bob van Dam to make his stipulation which will be a ladder match. Then when it couldn’t get any better AByss comes out and leaves his brother a warning because Chris couldn’t have done it during the Bully Ray/Joe Park segment because he can not be in two places as once unless you have that 2pac hologram but I digress.

Here’s to Sacrifice and finally ending that Television Menage a trois.

PNT NR out!!

The post iMPACT Wrestling 5/10- AJ’s Dirty Little Secret appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Flair stands in the ring and gives us that rousing title line. I couldn’t help but crack up laughing when that was said then after calling out Hogan added this line after being asked to be a judge on GutCheck, “I love hangin around the kids” Gotta love Flair when he says those lines.

Knockout title match with Gail and Madison vs Brooke and Velvet, and I have to admit that Velvet is putting forth effort. ONLY one clothesline so far. I lied there was one more. Brooke Tessmacher who is still amazing me with her advancements beats Gail with her own move.

RVD comes out to brag about who he is…I fast forward. Then I see The two Robs in a match against Devon again no less. I fast forward.

Well while watching wrestling I must have picked up on a American Idol feed, The Gut Check Challenge judges Flair, Bruce Pritchard, and oh my god Al Snow who is doing more than breaking up fights with D’lo argue over Alex Silva who is vying for a TNA contract. Reality TV in wrestling I haven’t seen that since well the 90’s.

Hogan gasses up Anderson by making his match with Roode a NO DQ. Because you know he’s Hogan and he’s impartial while giving it to the heels this time.

Jeff and RVD have a match and I really don’t care. Fast Forward. Note: Why don’t I care? well lets see both wrestlers could cut a promo if there life depended on it. And secondly they both have a predetermined set of move that they perform in a perticular sequence that just looks stale after awhile. So NO.

RVD wins. there. Jeremy Borash is talking about his hatred for Eric then Bully Ray steps out to you know bully Borash.

Austin Aries comes out to not save Borash but to get in Ray’s face. A good segment where Ray gets in his cheap shot.

Six man tag, Daniels/Kazarian/Angle vs Styles/Magnus/Joe where they tease the reveal of the evidence on AJ. But you’ll have to wait till next week. Good Match with  the faces going over.

We have the results of the Gut Check Challenge and like a bad American Idol parody we find out that Alex Silva is getting a TNA contract.

Roode and Anderson match up and I actually care about this bout. Intense and just when Roode is going to put away Anderson, Hardy comes out only to get mic checked by Anderson who in turn gets blasted with the chair leading to a fisherman buster for the win.

Besides some painful spots TNA wasn’t that bad this week. Can’t wait for the AJ reveal.

The post Late Edition: TNA iMPACT “Hogan Always plays with me” -Ric Flair appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

So after last weeks announcement of TNA doing a Open Fight Night where anyone can challenge the champion of their choice, minus of course the KO Tag champs because that belt is now in possession of the comedic duo of Eric Young and ODB. What made it also extra interesting when announced was now they were doing the Gut Check Challenge on Impact, I couldn’t wait. Hogan started off the proceedings strong with him going around with the respective champs in drill sargent fashion and in perticular Bobby Roode. I was excited at what was in store.

Right before deflation

And then Jeremy Borash came out to challenge a man who should not be there. Eric B****** who name gets conveniently bleeped when said. Borash is the first to issue an open challenge and its against another non wrestler?

Bully Ray comes out and attacks Borash setting him up to be pinned by B******* who is attempting to get one last heel heat attempt before vanishing from television.

Devon defends his title. Which is nice considering he is the television champion. Who does he challenge? His former partner Bully Ray, I was smelling a rekindled feud coming right before Devon beat him but there is still hope.

Chavo on Helium or as he likes to be called Anarquia calls out an American and gets Kurt Angle. So seeing how neews has been running rampant about Anarquia being removed from the TNA roster page I see this as his farewell match which in typical fashion sees him getting embarasseed on the way out. I will not be missing Chavo lite.

NEw Prospect Alex Silva is announced for the Gut check challenge to take on Robbie ? yeah he loses. Not the best way to present prospects putting them up against comic parody relief.

WHy am I here? Just because

Tessmacher challenges and then pins Gail Kim, Nuff said. Finally a fresh feud with an actual knockout who I can root for who’s name doesn’t start with a V. Non title match.

tessmacher I love you boyfriend and your wrestling too.

A three way tag team is turned into a one on one event when Daniels and Kaz are told to leave. Samoa Joe picks up a win on Anderson after him and his partner where reinacting a broken home scenario in the ring. Daniels and Kaz attack and we finally have another team added to the tag division now just get two more to make it interesting. How about TMDK from OVW, think about it TNA.

the mighty don't kneel

And to close the show why not bring the man who you’ve kicked off the show back for one finally bow. Eric and his wrestlers from Lockdown come out and fight with Garett Bischoff and his wrestlers resulting in E. B******* ending up covered in shit  poop I mean poop have to keep the language down my daughter is watching me type.

What do I think of the first OFN, eh could of been better with more emphasize on bringing out better matches instead of having this Eric going away party thrown by his former arch enemy Ric Flair. But hopefully next month it will be taken more seriously and lets not have the GutCheck Challenge opponent take on Robbie E.

Pintnoir out.

The post The Day After- An iMPACT Wre….Open Fight Night Review appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Hulk Hogan announces that he wants all the champions in the ring. And makes a match for the number one contendership. That fake laughing Hogan.

Tag match involving the other disappointment of the night Matt Morgan and Crimson who are now involved in a tag match against each other. With Bully Ray and Aries thrown to compress the feud.

Ray wins after pulling the tights of Aries. If that wasn’t bad enough here comes Garett Bischoff.

Jeff Hardy talks about how kurt is to blame for his not having the title. Because you know it wasn’t drugs or nothing.  Yeah here comes Garett.

Oh wait he has brought out the heavy lifters of the match, AJ, RVD and Anderson. He talks. I fast forward.

And then Flair comes out to talk bout a going away party for a man that shouldn’t be on my TV. Because him and Bischoff are friends what bio did I read where he talks about the disdain that he has for that man?

OH Yeah!

Dangling plot threads abound about AJ Styles, Kazarian and Daniels, will we get are answers probably not but I like Daniels and that non funny Armenian bastard named Kazarian.

AJ and Kurt have a match that is of course nothing short an excellent example of wrestling when Daniels/Kazarian hand Styles the dreaded envelope which distracts AJ long enough for Kurt to get the pin.

Abyss’s brother corners Gunner. And because Gunner’s no snitch he walks away only to have Mr. Park threaten him with legal action. Well the no snitching policy evaporates in the face of jail time. Gunner finally directs Mr. Park toward Bully Ray. Because Park doesn’t watch TNA PPV’s.

All the champions come out. To await on Hogan’s announcement. But before that we have some backstage talk with the new king of sex tapes Hogan wanting to make Hardy vs Anderson a three way and convincing RVD about taking the sweet spot. More pimping of RVD is surely on the way.

OPen Fight Night is announced. New talent will be put in the ring against anyone of thier choosing including the champions. IF they impress Hogan and his panel of judges then they get a contract. This is of course in conjuction with the Gut Check Challenge which has been around for a while. But now it will be televised. Oh and Devon will defend the TV title every week.

Team Gail (Madison, The Sitas and of course Gail) vs Team TNT(Velvet, Mickie and of course TNT) hey at least the Sarita is involved in an actual wrestling match. Well Brooke Tessmacher pins Gail setting up filler for Gail vs (shudder) Velvet which may or may not happen at Slammiversary.

Here comes Devon to defend his title against Gunner. FF because well…Gunner. Devon wins and I testify to that.

James Storm has doubts about his future after not beating Roode. Leaves the ring. I feel for him and I’m sorry about his Damn luck.

So yeah RVD beat Anderson and Hardy to become the number 1 contender for the title. After being gone for how long?

Well here’s to another transition for Impact Wrestling and to Open Fight Night. I’m actually interested in what happens next week which hasn[t been the case for a long time.

The post Impact Wrestling is in transition- Pntnr review appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Impact reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Don’t expect a lot of pictures tonight, smarks.

– Start with a clip package highlighting the match announced for the PPV with Team Garett facing off against Team Bischoff WITHOUT ANY MEMBERS BEING FUCKING ANNOUNCED YET. The creative plan was to blatantly rip off the WWE, clearly. If Garett wins, Eric loses the rights to his name. Yes, you read that right. And if Eric wins, Garett is a permanent member of the roster. So everyone loses.

– Eric cuts a promo, and his team is Bubba, Gunner, Kaz, Christopher Daniels. Bubba cuts his usual awesome promo, that’s all worth watching here.

– Enter the bastard son, Garett. He’s all smug and shit, and announces his team. He’s got Mr. Yawnderson… and that’s all we get. There’s a match next.

Charles Barkley @G: “I’m on a bike, can’t watch Impact!”

G @Charles Barkley: “Why am I not surprised in the slightest?”

– * Mr. Anderson vs. Gunner. I’m totally not interested in this. Commence FFW speed setting 3/5. Someone wins, probably Gunner. Don’t care.

– Joseph Park meets with Eric Young who is getting married tonight. Joseph asks him if he thought about a prenup… nope. Park wants to know where Abyss is, and gets his first real lead in this story arch where Young tells him that Abyss was really mixed up with Immortal. WHY THE FUCK DOESN’T PARK JUST WATCH THE SHOW? Oh right, because it generally sucks.

– Meanwhile, Sabin is cutting a promo about their badluck with injuries, and that they are coming for Joe and Magnus… noting they beat Morgan and Crimson whose best move was rubbing each other with baby oil. This Sunday, they are not wrestling Curry Man and Shark Boy, rather the MCMG’s. Good promo, and out the champs come to retort. Magnus puts over his respect for the two overcoming injuries, but not to be overlooked by they are the best RIGHT NOW. And accordingly, they decide to fight right now… only to interrupted by Mexican America. Totally Not Chavo and the mute Hernandez have exception. This turns into a brawl. The heels are tossed out, stare down, end segment. Ok, this was entertaining.

One of the best Simpsons clips ever… ties into something I posted in the BWF thread the other night…

– * Austin Aries vs. Christopher Daniels. You already know this will be good. And it was. Starts with catch-as-catch-can, and chain wrestling, into actual psychology in a match… PSYCHOLOGY ON IMPACT YOU SAY? Fuck yes. Puts a smile on my face, until I accidently look outside and am reminded of the excessive snowfall and my soon-to-be-shortened sleep. Fuck you Mother Nature… The crowd chants for the tweener Aries throughout (he’s on Team Garett, BTW). Here’s your match of the night, I’m sure. Quick, high energy, tells a story. Why can’t all matches on TNA be this good? Even Taz sounds excited! Austin lands a sick missle dropkick, then lands a suspended brain buster for the pin and the win!

Hope you had a better Easter weekend that this guy.

– Jeff Hardy is standing in a cage raving in his monotone voice about facing Kurt Angle this Sunday. Thankfully it’s short. Cut to James Storm with his country musician friends. It’s decent, but nothing really new is developed, so we’re moving on. Eric Young is prepping more for his wedding, but is interrupted by Sarita and Rosita who attempt to seduce him with slut-tactics.

– * Eric Young and ODB Get Married in a fucking steel cage. You read that correctly. Fucking. This looks to be absurd as it sounds. They make sure the cage is locked. Eric Cornelius Young? The preacher calls the cage symbolic of making it through life together, etc. They show a video demonstrating their love for each other. Basically just clips, FFW!

Blindfold matches in wrestling suck. In basketball slam dunk challenges? Epic.

– They read their own vows. Eric plans to love her always, even when she farts and to rub his feet whenever she wants, “because I know you’re into that, and I care.” Vows to be her tag partner in wrestling and in life… etc. ODB promises not to take his last name, but will take his ring music, and to slap his ass whenever necessary because she knows he’s into that. As sappy as this segment sounds, it’s kind of entertaining… Rosita and Sarita interrupt to object, and do a strip tease. ODB starts to cry a bit, then does her own tease. Eric is forced to make the decision, and we get the happy ending as Eric goes down to his Skivvies and the two force the preacher to strip as well. What a train wreck! Loved it!

– * Bully Ray vs. AJ Styles. Styles completes Team Garett? Mayhaps… either way, decent match. Watched it between OT in the San Jose Sharks and St. Louis Blues game for game 1 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs opening round. The game was better… I suppose the match was pretty good too. 1st OT ends, and when I flip back, AJ hits a sick Shining Wizard on Bully as Team Bischoff fights Team Bischoff at ringside. Bully still gets the win. GO BLUES!

WIN!

– Enter Hogan who announces the 4-4 stip is now 5-5 and Eric has 3 minutes to figure out who his fifth man will be… commercials…. FFW!!!

– Eric is convinced Hogan will be Garett’s fifth man, so he puts himself in on his own team. The crowd chants for Sting. So naturally, they get RVD. I guess he resigned for a little while.

Not so much, actually. Still, hopefully RVD doesn’t look like he’s phoning it in on this run?

– James Storm and Robert Roode clip packages. They should do these, but the hockey game will be back on, so FUCK THIS SHIT. Then they run down the card, don’t care.

– * Velvet Sky & Mickie James vs. Gail Kim & Madison Rayne. Totally not interested… FFW! Someone won, don’t care.

– Storm is in the ring to talk with Roode to close the show. Both men are in suits, and Roode is accompanied by his security team from Ohio Valley Wrestling. Nice dramatic stare down, I do plan on finding… cough, cough, a way to watch this later.

Awesomeness is achieved.

– Both men discuss their Beer Money! run, and that admit how much it meant to them. Then discuss the tournament last year in which Hogan forced the hand of allowing Storm to capture a title, and fuck this whole thing up almost completely.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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This Impact Review Appears on Two Sites!

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A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

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Shameless Plugs!

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The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Impact Wrestling 04/12/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.