Good Segment with Aries being dominant. And showing we have a fighting champion. Hogan coming back also helps set up the re-emergance of a power GM ready to make war on the faction. Best storyline all summer.

ODB is in the back trying to contact EY about her fried chicken and thier relationship which will be through if he doesn’t call  her back.

A stipulation has been added that the leader of the BFG Board will have his pick of opponent at the semi finals at No Surrender. So we have  the match between two of the final four in James STorm vs RVD,

After a good match which turned a monkey flip into a Last Call super kick. Storm is the winner and remains leader. Christie Hemme interviews the Cowboy who is deadset on getting that championship.

Madison Rayne comes out thinking she is getting a rematch with Brooke Tessmacher, when out comes ODB who crushes Rayne in seconds. Then Eric Young strolls in with a suit, sunglasses and ODB’s fried chicken and Beer. Ole D doesn’t recognize her man until he strips and she jumps into his arms.

AJ talks up his match with Samoa Joe. Which then leads into the Gut Check judges evaluating Kris Lewie. Then segways into Daniels and Kaz walking in on Hulk Hogan and Sting who show no love to the World Tag Team CHampions of the World, telling them that they’re laying down the law.  The champs will fight and Hulk will tell them where and when.

Samoa Joe and AJ have there match which is another example of good psychology and just a wonderful match that leads to a Samoa Joe win. Positioning him in the top four alongside Ray, Storm, RVD. And I was floored when that happened. TNA shocking the masses.

Kurt Angle talks up his match with Hardy. And thankfully Kris Lewie was not considered for Gut check. And Joey Ryan makes his return throwing water at Al Snow causing everyone to restrain Snow. Joseph Park offers his legal services to Hulkster and the Stinger to investigate the Ace’s and Eights. Hulk agrees.

Yes Joseph Park is back in the mix. Who is pulling the strings?

Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy is a done well with Hardy going over after hitting the swanton for the win. Angle is out which leads to the final (five), James Storm, Rob Van Dam, Bully Ray, Jeff Hardy and Samoa Joe. Borash announces next week we will determine the final four excluding Storm since he is the Board Leader.

Aries returned to the ring to get his match. The TNA locker room lead by Hulk Hogan followed for support. The Ace’s and Eight’s approach through the crowd. A big man representing the group steps in to challenge Aries. When Aries started to gain the upper hand the Group descended down on the ring only for the TNA roster to fight back. Just as Aries was going to reveal the big man’s face an unknown man dons a mask and flapjacks Aries unconscious. The show ends with The faces checking on Aries.

Good way to end the show with the heels running the show.

Aces and 8′s ride up on thier hogs and infiltrate the arena. And on Open Fight Night to take on Sting. And his friends. All this and James Storm after last week has been cleared of all the suspicision after taking a beating from the group last week.

After renaming the show Ass-whooping Show, the show began. Oh and they mention that Hogan is pissed and in the building.

Two members of the group show up and are let into the ring only to walk into a gang style initiation by the TNA roster. After taking a beating one member smiling through his blood pack tells them “:Thank You” and he was just patched in due to this. Sting hits him again.

So Ms Tessmacher calls out Tara so she can beat her teacher and prove herself. I should of been impressed but it was short and sloppy and I smell a tessmacher heel turn in the works, after Tara beats her with a superplex from the top. Oh and Tif–Taryn Terrell was there to officate.

The Camera Crew reshow The Pope getting beat down and show his twitter shoulder injury. Which sets up a triple threat match between AJ, Robbie and RVD since these are the men Pope was supposed to face. But first we have to get that pesky paternity situation out  the way with AJ and Claire.

Why is it out of order? Because I’m just happy that the story is finally over and we can move on. Claire is not present according to Daniels because she ruptured a placenta and AJ should be ashamed of himself for being a “Bastard” All this before a female attorney comes out and reveals this whole sorted affair of Daniels and Kazarian approached Lynch back in January and hatched the whole plan of getting AJ Drunk and spiking his drink and taking pics. But she isn’t even pregnant and wants the local authorities contacted and apologizes for the whole scheme. AJ goes off and kicks Daniels in the head and misses Kaz to proudly announce he is not the father.

Moving on….

He we have the perpetual Jobber taking on two formidable opponent and Robbie E manages to pin RVD for the seven points. Maybe Hardy wasn’t a fluke.

Short, bad and he better not get a yes. I swear to God that he had a good story. But once in the ring he sucked worse than a jamacian bobsled team. Lets just hope that even though Gut check winners only go to developmental he should be passed on.

Oh Gunner won by the way. I guess this beats wrestling Garett Bischoff.

Not by much though.

Jeff Hardy gets revenge on Rob Terry in short fashion and we move on to..

Mr Anderson vs Bully Ray.

Good Match between two charismatic guys that end when Anderson hits the mic check for the win. While this is going on Aces and 8′s are being fought backstage and when we think its done they call out in 3:30 they will unleash the Deadman’s hand. Sting and the TNA locker room come out in full force to face them. Aces and 8′s come through the crowd in vast numbers attacking the wrestlers. Aries gets his hand smashed between two chairs and when the original six stand tall in the ring Bully Ray of all people come out and clean house as Aces head back on thier bikes and high tail out of the arena.

Good show that kept the pace quick and thankfully ended the Lynch saga. Here’s to the next month before Bound For Glory.

-PNTnoir_ out

He spells FLUKE and gives its definition. He makes a joke about erasing the “e” in fluke and telling all the doubters to go fluk themselves. He directs his next comment to Aces and 8′s and tells them that he is walking out of Bound for Glory the World Champion.

Jeff Hardy’s music hits. Hardy says he is going to win the BFG Series and they will “tear it up” at the PPV. Aries agrees. Hardy calls out Aces & 8′s because they cost him 20 points. Bully Ray’s music hits and comes to the ring and calls Hardy stupid. He says James Storm is behind Aces & 8′s. He makes his case and reasons through what transpired at Hardcore Justice. Aries calls attention back to himself and accuses Bully of maybe being behind it.

Aces & 8′s appear on the big screen. They main guy says sometimes when you roll the dice, you get the dead man’s hand. He says tonight they will make their presence felt in a big way.

BFG series Storm is 1st with 66, followed by RVD with 55, and Samoa Joe with 54

Backstage: Magnus talks about his match with Samoa Joe. He puts Joe over and says he knows everything about him.

Samoa Joe vs. Magnus

They trade some nice moves and counters. Magnus goes out to regroup. Joe knocks him down with a big forearm. Magnus answers back with a big boot to the head which drops Joe. Magnus sends him in but Joe kicks him in the chest. Magnus connects with a powerful clothesline and he gets 2. He drops Joe again and Joe kicks out. Joe sends him in the corner and follows in with a reverse elbow and an Enzuigiri.

Joe puts him up top, Magnus fights him off, Magnus comes off with an elbow, Joe moves out of the way. Joe applies a rear naked choke but Magnus kicks off the ropes to get free. Joe rolls through and pins him with a cradle.

Samoa Joe gains 7 points to 61 points to 2nd place. Joe offers his hand to a seated Magnus but he just stares ahead. Joe pats him on the back and leaves up the ramp. Magnus grabs a chair and clocks Joe on his arm when he puts his arms up to protect his face.

Madison Rayne says her win on Sunday righted an injustice. She is told by a producer that Brooke Hogan wants to see her in the ring. (And by injustice she means the injustice she is going to rain down on us with her subpar matches and complete stagnation of an already stagnant division.)

Madison comes to the ring. She thinks Brooke is going to throw her a party. He says behind every strong woman stands a great referee. She calls Earl Hebner to the ring. We get a small “You screwed Brooke” chant.

Brooke Hogan comes out and says Earl will not be the referee in any more Knockouts matches. She tells Madison that Tessmacher gets her rematch tonight and she has a special referee that she will announce later. Madison cuts a promo on her and challenges her to get in the ring. Brooke charges the ring and Madison and Earl bail. Brooke gets in the ring and tells Madison to come back. She says, “I’m a Hogan, I don’t go anywhere.”

If the real Glamazon (because damn she is tall) can actually wrestle that would be nice to see. Since her brother is a never was.

Two members of Aces & 8′s get in the ring behind Brooke and she turns around and they back her into the corner. Bully, Aries, Hardy, and Angle run out to her rescue and the masked men retreat. James Storm comes out.

Sting is in the ring and he says Aces & 8′s crossed the line but showed their true colors. Borden says TNA  has its own pack standing tall in the ring. He challenges them to Open Fight Night next week.

Daniels & Kazarian talk backstage about being on the back-cover of the new Spiderman comic. They make fun of AJ’s “baby” and Claire’s looks. AJ comes out and says he was drugged and he’s tired of it. He tells Daniels that in their match tonight, if Daniels wins, AJ will accept he’s the father (Huh?) and if AJ wins, he gets the points and is taking a paternity test.

AJ Styles vs. Daniels w/ Kazarian

The ref bars Kazarian from ringside. AJ hits a quick knockdown and he chases Daniels around the ring. They go back and forth. AJ hits a bodyslam and drops a flying knee. AJ puts the boots to Daniels in the corner. Daniels goes out to get a breath but AJ gives chase. AJ hits a high back body-drop in the ring and Daniels begs-off. AJ hits a nice clothesline and covers him but Daniels kicks out.Daniels controls a side headlock. AJ connects with a dropkick and gets 2. AJ applies a Deathlock with a bridge, then a single-leg Boston Crab, then back to a Deathlock. Daniels bites his fingers to escape. Daniels drops his throat across the ropes and gets 2. Daniels kicks AJ out under the ropes. AJ gets in before the count.

Daniels sends AJ in the corner and slowly picks him apart. Daniels hits a suplex but AJ kicks out at 1. Daniels tosses him out again and tries to get AJ counted out. AJ gets on the apron but is again kicked off to the floor. AJ sunset flips in and goes for his finisher but Daniels counters with a crucifix chokehold. AJ drops to the mat. AJ bites his way out. Daniels hits a textbook suplex and gets 2. Daniels hits punches in the corner but AJ hits a running powerbomb. AJ hits a springboard forearm and a flurry of clotheslines for 2. AJ hits a suplex into a neckbreaker for 2.

Daniels pulls the ropes down and AJ crashes to the floor. AJ goes back in the ring and hits a front flip dive onto Daniels on the outside. Kazarian sneaks down to the ring and holds AJ’s foot allowing Daniels to fall on top of him and get the pin. The ref sees Kazarian and doesn’t call the fall. AJ hits the Pele for the win.

AJ hits a Styles Clash on Daniels.

-Sting is in his office talking to Hogan on speakerphone. Hogan says he is going to be there next week. They are going “old-school.”

-Hardy approaches Storm in the locker room. He says he’s got his eye on him. Storm sounds hurt by it and denies it. Storm says he will be out there during Hardy’s match tonight to watch his back.

Title controversy video from Sunday

Roode comes to the ring. The fans chant, “You suck.” Roode says he had the opportunity to prove Aries was a fluke and he did. Roode says he defeated Aries in the middle of the ring. He says he should be champ and now he gets no rematch. He says we don’t understand what that championship meant to him. He says Bobby Roode is synonymous with champion. He says Aries, Sting, the referees, and the fans are the only ones to blame. They chant, “You’re a loser.” He starts to say what he’s going to do but he stutters, pauses, ponders, and drops the mic and leaves.

Miss Tessmacher vs. Madison Rayne

Brooke comes out after the women make their entrances and says she has a phenomenal ref: Taryn Terrell. Madison and Tessmacher lock-up and Taryn has to separate them. Madison drives her head in the corner. She chokes Tessmacher with her boot and takes advantage of Taryn’s full count. Madison hits a suplex into a bridge for 2. Tessmacher gets two near-falls. Madison grabs the tights but Taryn sees it. Tessmacher hits a spear and they struggle to get up.

Tessmacher hits a combination of clotheslines and gets 2. Madison avoids a crossbody out of the corner and pins Tessmacher with her feet on the ropes. Taryn has to physically remove them as Madison gives her a look of death. Madison argues with Taryn and Tessmacher comes up from behind with a faceplant for the win.

Aces & 8′s appear in a video and say they accept Sting’s invitation for 8pm next week. One guy asks the main guy if they have unfinished business tonight; he says yes.

Bully Ray vs. Jeff Hardy

Storm comes to the ring and Bully asks where his boys are. Bully takes control of Hardy and goes out to shove Storm. Hardy hits a dropkick to Bully through the ropes, then comes flying off the apron.Bully gets 2 in the ring. Storm looks around his back for Aces & 8′s. Bully drops an elbow and gets 2. Bully applies a calf lock but Hardy reaches the ropes. Bully hits a suplex for another 2. Hardy fights back but gets caught with an elbow. Bully lands hard after Hardy avoids a splash. They trade shots. Hardy hits a flurry. He hits a front dropkick after an inverted atomic drop for 2. Bully hits a Rock Bottom for 2. Hardy counters a Full Nelson and hits a Swanton for 2.

Bully rolls outside in front of Storm. Hardy slingshots over the top but Bully pulls Storm in the way and Hardy lands on him. Back in the ring, Bully sends Hardy in but gets caught with a boot. Hardy hits a corkscrew out of the corner. Two members of Aces & 8′s get in the ring with and grab Bully’s chain. AJ, Aries, Sting, and Angle come down to chase them off. Hardy hits a Twist of Fate for the pin. Hardy gains 7.

Bully Ray immediately hits a clothesline to take Hardy out. He seems conflicted and grabs the chain. Storm gets in the ring and they argue. Bully shoves Storm. Storm accidentally hits the Last Call on Hardy. Bully leaves and Storm checks on Hardy. Aces & 8′s get in the ring behind Storm and begin clapping. Taz and Tenay are convinced. Storm turns around and they pounce on him and give him a beating.

The Ace’s and 8′s story is heating up and there is no telling where TNA is going next. I can’t wait. Got to love stream of consciousness typing while watching on the interwebs

PNTnoir OUT!

It turns out there is much more to TNA and Julia Reilly in relation to Universal Studios. Or so it would seem. We can only speculate, as this is the internet after all. But I think you’re going to dig this suckah!

As I was perusing the various web boards, I came across this interesting post by user “hlevin”:

“I was told by a worker last week that Claire Lynch, who is “pregnant” with AJ Styles’ “child” in TNA storyline, actually works at Universal Studios as Olive Oyl on the park’s Popeye Ride. Apparently this is something Lynch, whose real name is Julia Reilly, didn’t want out and has tried to conceal”

Source.

Now, let’s be honest. Things can be photoshopped. Things can be edited. Could it be a coincidence? I’ll let you decide. Here’s the photo:

AJ Styles might have an argument that he is not the daddy, after all.

Bully Ray heads down to the ring and pulls out his ‘Twittah machine.’ He bullie’s for a mic and asks if we know who he is. He announces that he’s the leader of the Bully Nation. He says Joseph Park taught him that if there’s enough evidence against someone, then they’re guilty. He says Storm is guilty of being involved with Aces & 8′s and tonight he will beat Storm and get his 7 points in the BFG Series. (Whatever did happen to the Joseph Parks, Bully Ray confrontation?)

Storm’s comes out.

Storm says had nothing to do with the attacks because he is more concerned with winning his title back. He draws an imaginary line in the ring and says he will give Bully to the count of 3 to do something.  Bully backs out onto the apron.

They are interrupted by the masked men on the big screen and their voices have been distorted. They say they are impressed with The Insane Icon issuing them an open invitation but they are going to do it on their time.

Bully gets in the ring and accuses Storm again. They cut him off to a sudden commercial.

They re-play the Aces & 8′s video from moments ago.

Backstage, The Pope talks about his BFG Series match at Hardcore Justice 2012 this Sunday. The Pope hasn’t actually been pimping anything but the mat since his return to iMPACT and I watched The Dark Knight Rises and didn’t remember seeing him during the prison break scene.

Mr. Anderson comes out to do commentary

.

 RVD vs. Magnus

Magnus clotheslines RVD over the top. Magnus follows and puts the boots to him. Magnus throws him back in and gets 2. Magnus catches RVD and slams him for another 2. RVD hits a kick to the head and springs off the ropes for another kick to the head. RVD hits a Superkick but is caught with a clothesline in the corner.

RVD hits a 5 Star Frogsplash for the win. There goes Magnus’s claim to the series and whatever came of his Xplosion championship stipulation where he can challenge the champion of any division for a title. Somebody please remember this.

7 points RVD

Bobby Roode talks backstage with Jason Hervey, and his lawyers aren’t happy with the contract so there may not be a main event at Hardcore Justice. So wouldn’t this make A Double happy seeing as how he is the Champion?

Sore Loser! and I win!!!

-Claire’s baby shower from last week

TNA Tag Team Championship: Garett Bischoff & Devon vs. Kazarian & Daniels (c)

Devon starts off with Kaz and quickly tags Garett. Kaz tags Daniels in and Garett gets 2. Devon tags back in and drops a big leg for 2. Garett tags back in and they double team Daniels. Kazarian distracts Garett from the apron and Daniels capitalizes. Kazarian tags in and gets 2. More quick tags from the champs.

Garett manages a tag to Devon who cleans house. Devon hits a Rock Bottom on Kazarian and tosses Daniels out. Devon hits a spear on Kaz and a spinebuster on Daniels. Kaz uses the belt behind the ref’s back and Daniels gets the pin.

*This is one of those matches where my dad (who looks strikingly like Devon) was watching as Daniels was struggling with Garett and looked at me and said why are we watching this its so fake. And I responded its not Devon, Daniels or Kaz’s fault blame Garett. He was still not impressed.

Winners by pin and STILL TNA Tag Team Champions: Daniels & Kazarian

-video of Sting and Brooke’s meeting from last week

Sting calls out Aces & 8′s and says he has given Brooke the night off.

Robbie E. and Robbie T. are in the ring, there is a table set-up. Robbie E. says he knows nobody thinks he’s going to win the BFG Series but he has 5 points, bro. He says he will win another 20 this Sunday, bro. He says he will do it by putting Jeff Hardy through a table. He shows footage from 3 weeks ago where he beat Hardy. Hardy’s music erupts.

Hardy gets in the ring and drops Robbie T. Robbie E. tries to back-off but Hardy slaps him and tries to put him through the table but Robbie T. attacks him from behind and powerbombs him through the table.

Backstage, AJ says he doesn’t remember anything with Claire. He says he doesn’t drink and how bad at sex does someone have to be to not remember being with them?

Samoa Joe grabs a headset and says nobody is going to stop him from winning the BFG series

Claire is at ringside again and cheers AJ as he makes his way to the ring.

BFG Series: Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles

Angle gets drilled with a dropkick and goes outside. AJ slingshots over the top with a crossbody.

Kurt powers AJ into the corner and hits a belly-to-belly as Claire looks-on. Angle applies a headlock. AJ fights out but Angle hits a Tilt-A-Whirl backbreaker and back to the headlock. Both men connect with simultaneous clotheslines. AJ gets the offense on the way up off the mat. Angle rebounds and hits a trifecta of Germans.

AJ counters the Angle Slam and connects with the Pele but Angle gets his shoulder up at the last second. Angle counters the Styles Clash and hits the Angle Slam for 2. AJ gets out of the Angle Lock and hits a German but Angle counters out and applies the Lock again but AJ rolls through. AJ springs off the apron and hits a flying forearm and the Styles Clash but somehow Angle kicks out.

AJ goes up top but Angle brings him down with a belly-to-belly but AJ kicks out. Angle misses with a moonsault off the ropes in the corner. AJ goes up top for a 450 but Angle gets his knees up and hits the Angle Slam.

7 points Kurt Angle

Claire congratulates AJ on his way up the ramp but he keeps walking and we get a close-up of her confused face.

Aces & 8′s are playing cards. They rundown who all has received the dead man’s hand from them. They say the next target is close and we will all find out who the next victim is.

Storm and Anderson accuse each other backstage of being behind it all.

Aries is on the phone backstage talking about Roode threatening not to sign the contract.

Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher

They go right at it before the bell rings. Kim drops Tessmacher’s throat across the top rope. Gail drops her across her knee and gets 2. Gail steps on Tessmacher’s stomach. Tessmacher mounts a comeback but is shutdown.

Tessmacher hits a flurry and a clothesline off the corner. She does a Stinkface. Tessmacher brings Gail off the top and hits a facebuster for the win.

Winner by pin: Miss Tessmacher

Earl Hebner raises Tessmacher’s arm and they talk. Madison Rayne comes out and she kisses Hebner and he falls out.

Joseph Park talks.

Aries and Roode make their way to the Impact Zone.

They show Kenny King’s win over Zema Ion from last week

Kenny King video package

Sting makes his way to the ring. A table is set-up. Sting invites Aces & 8′s to the ring. He moves on and invites Roode and Aries to the ring.

Aries displays his title and takes a seat. Roode refuses to sit down and Sting asks him what is up with his attitude. Roode asks if Sting’s stupid. He says the contract is his problem. He says the contract states that if he loses to Aries then he doesn’t get a rematch as long as Aries is champ. Roode says Sting has it out for him. Roode says if the language doesn’t change, there will be no main event this Sunday.

Aries tells him to stop whining. He says he’s worried about a rematch clause because he knows Aries has his number. Aries says they don’t need a contract, they can make a verbal agreement. He proposes that if Roode beats him then he will also forfeit his rematch clause. Sting tells them to shake on it. Each man shakes hands with Sting.

Roode takes off his coat and starts throwing things and Aries comically mocks his temper and shadows him. Roode offers his hand and Aries shakes it. Aries raises the belt and Roode throws water in his face and runs away. Aries turns the table over but Sting holds him back.

Storm and Bully make their way to the Impact Zone.

-Backstage in an interview package, Chavo says he’s here to beat the best. Kid Kash says Chavo’s a cheater.

-Kash & Gunner will face Chavo & Hernandez this Sunday at Hardcore Justice.

-Kenny King will face Zema Ion for the TNA X-Division Title.

-Miss Tessmacher will face Madison Rayne for the Knockouts Title

-BFGFalls Count Anywhere Match for 20 points: RVD, Anderson, Pope, Magnus

-BFGTables Match for 20 points: Hardy, Storm, Bully, Robbie E.

-BFG Ladder Match for 20 points: Styles, Angle, Daniels, Samoa Joe

BFG Series: Bully Ray vs. James Storm

Both men look behind them for Aces & 8′s. Storm hits clotheslines but is unable to take Bully off his feet. Bully hits a big boot and knocks Storm down then tosses him out.

Storm avoids an elbowdrop on the mat. Bully Ray catches him with a boot to the gut and applies a leg lock. Storm reverses it and Bully reaches the ropes. Bully hits a clothesline for 2. Bully hits punches to the head. Storm mounts a comeback with a series of rights and a neckbreaker. Back bodydrop by Storm. Bully launches Storm onto the apron but gets a kick to the back of the head. Bully hits a Rock Bottom for 2.

Storm fights out of a full nelson and goes up top for a cross body and gets 2. Storm comes off the top and misses with an elbowdrop. Bully hits the Bubba Bomb and gets 2. Bully misses with a back-splash off the top. Storm hits a Codebreaker but Bully avoids the Last Call. Bully hits the Bully 3D Cutter for the win.

7 points  Bully Ray

Bully grabs his chain in anticipation of Aces & 8′s. He asks Storm where they are. He says send for them.

Aces & 8′s appear on the screen and they tell Bully he will see more of them at the PPV.

Pintnoir out!

So Impact opens with the TNA World Champion and X Division Champion respectably on opposing sides against the former World title holder and the X division number #1 contender.

Austin Aries/Kenny King vs Zema Ion/Bobby Roode:

This match was an awesome way to open the show and get the blood pumping. Back and forth pin attempts and Aries diving out of the ring over Ion to get to Roode was excellent of course King gets the pin when he drops Ion with the Coronation.

We get the Aces and Eights video detailing the groups attacks. I find this group interesting and hope that it heralds a return for a certain Guitar swinging co-founder.  This also prompts Sting to come out and want to talk to a certain person he believes is behind the group. Storm is the man he wants to talk to and in typical cowboy fashion James points out how 9 months ago he was jumped by Angle and didn’t whine about it and came out and whooped Kurt’s butt. He doesn’t need anyone to fight his battles. Angle comes out tells Storm that he will make Storm tap out.

The Phenomenal One tweets from Australia home of displaced British people who owed money to the king. Then from that we get a recap of one of the most ridiculous stories since Eddie Guerrero’s and Rey Mysterio’s who’s your daddy angle, Claire LynchGate. A new twist to the story is that Daniels and Kazarian are throwing her a baby shower. Yeah please take this plot from C list to B list Daniels you are a god send.

THANKS GEE!

Taz and Tenay announce the matches for the Hardcore Justice 2012 PPV. First we have a Ladder Match between AJ Styles vs Angle vs Daniels vs Samoa Joe. Then we have a Falls count Anywhere match where Anderson vs RVD vs The Pope vs Magnus and finally a Tables Match with Jeff Hardy vs Bully Ray vs Storm vs Robbie E. I’ll stream that.

Bully Ray comes out for his match where he announces that he never trusted Storm and will be at Ringside tonight. All this right before Robbie E and Ray have a squash match in most strict of definitions.

Bully Ray vs Robbie E:

Robbie T jumps Ray from behind and Robbie E takes advantage reminding me of the Joker during The Dark Knight always attacking when he’s down. Ray battles back and drops a neckbreaker to gain 7 points . Have to love the job squadder in this tournament.

Then we show the continuing hotness of Madison Rayne and her pull over Earl Hebner. (Yes I may not like her wrestling but well….You know.) Gail confronts the two and brings into question Hebner’s call last week. Then we get Tara and Mickie stretching in the locker room. Nuff said.

Knockouts Number#1 contenders match : Tara vs Mickie vs Madison vs Gail

And to cut it short..After another roll up pin this time Madison and Tara, Hebner grants the win to Rayne. This of course will be the Knockout Match for Hardcore Justice.

Well after a James Storm recap leads into Roode and Aries promising to bring drinks and themselves to the picnic which is the main event of Storm vs Angle.

Brooke Hogan is backstage with Sting. He wants to know about condition her father. After some “are you sure you can handle the knockouts” talk Brooke gets an envelope with Aces and Eights and promptly tears off her mic and leaves.

The Greatest Guerrero currently wrestling Chavo is shown warming up backstage for his first Impact match. Creative realizes that the KO Tag titles still exist and show ODB and EY talking about them and his new show.

Chavo/Hernandez vs Kid Kash/Gunner:

the unofficial reboot of Mexican America talking on those good ole Southern boys is sure to help reinvigorate and not irratate the tag division. After a decent match Chavo hits the three amigos (triple suplex’s) and a frog splash on Kash for the win. Now if only Daniels and Kazarian can get involved.

So not only have creative remembered the KO Tag titles but the Television title when Devon and (shudder) Garett come out to tell Angle they want a piece of the Ace’s and Eights. Angle tells them to watch his back. Oh and Wes Brisco of FCW asks Angle for a good word to get his foot in the door.

Daniels and Kazarian come to the ring to congratulate Claire with a baby shower bringing gifts and a baby doll dressed as AJ. Then the so to be chain smoking mother of one looks into the camera and tells AJ to do the right thing.

Kurt Angle vs James Storm:

A good match with many near falls, during the course of the match Garett and Devon, Bully Ray, Roode and Aries come down to the ring. After James Storm hits the Last Call for the win and 7 points, he takes the mic and calls out Aces and Eights only for Roode to counter that because he won they weren’t needed. Bully and Storm battle as Aries and Roode have at it (this is more than likely setting up a Ray vs Storm match after HJ) while Angle looks on.

I’m likely the unpredictablity of this program especially since its live so please TNA keep iMPACT LIVE!

Until next week, PNTnoir out.

Then after commercial break we have a CHAVO Guerrero appreciation promo from the rightful cougar Tara, Kash? and Angle who mentions Eddie first then moves his love for Chavo second. Good Call Kurt.

Jason Hervey interviews Roode about his theory as Bobby babbles on about being Partners for four years and why no one believes him. Bobby packs his bags and leaves the building.Tara and Mickie vs Gail and Madison starts up with Earl Hebner in the ring as referee. LET THE SHENANIGAN’S BEGIN!!!!!’s Four minutes in the Shenanigans end with Madison winining after a rollup pin by Mickie. Oh yes, Earl is going to be Madison’s sugar daddy now.

We get some more CHAVO Guerrero backstage reactions where basically they all but announce his opppnents for his run. Bully Ray and his twitter facisation be damned.

Oh look its Gut check. Sam Shaw is back, yeah?! That is until Douglas Williams comes out as his opponent and the two put on a good short match. I miss Doug why isn’t he on my television instead of LynchGate. Douglas wins with the Chaos Theory this of course was made possible by the distraction by Joey Ryan who socked Al Snow before taking off. Sign him already(Joey Ryan) and put Shaw in the X-Division where he can possibley grow.

Oh and Give me Douglas Williams!

A Double is having a Hoganesque meeting with four challengers for a shot at Zema Ion later tonight.  Rashon Cameron (formerly BLK Jeez and Sabian), Sonjay Dutt, Kenny King (formerly Kenny King?) and Dakota Darsow because his daddy was in Demolition, even though he lost to Zema already in Ion’s first title defense. Clean by the way. Aries decides that Rashon needs to come his hair and tells him to take his movement out the door.

CHAVO Guerrero comes out to a bunch of over inflation about being a Guerrero basically. It felt like I was watching  Paris Hilton being praised for being a Hilton because her Grandfather was this person and her Uncle was this person and so on. Chavo was given the same treatment where they made mention of his Grandfather Gory and then running down his Uncles. Was it me or did they not mention his FATHER CHAVO CLASSIC? That did seem like a glaring omission. But Chavo is sent out hyped by all about accomplishing it all as Taz stated. But didn’t he leave up North because he never won any major titles and felt underappreciated? oh well.

No wait they did mention Chavo SR. when Kash and Gunner came out to rundown our Guerrero going as far as to call Chavo SR a drunk. Now that was a highlight of the mic work as Kash basically just babbled on throwing out mexicanisms and asking where the rest of his family is. sidenote: isn’t one of Chavo Jr. uncles a spanish announcer for TNA? well after the drunk mexican attack, Chavo unleashes his Guerrero fury attacking both men only to be outnumbered until Super Mex (Hernandez) makes the save clearing the ring.

The Return of Mexican America? and Gunner and Cash as a tag team in an already depleted tag divison?……..

Okay I can get behind the authentic Chavo over Anarquia’s helium induced Chavo.

Oh god not LynchGate. Where can a man go when he “allegedly” impregnated his crackhead charge. He goes out to the ring to wrestle James Storm for seven points and Coke Baby Mama stares on all cokey “I need a fix” your my meal ticket AJ Styles.

AJ and Storm hit the ring and put on a show. The announcers make the usual reiterations that Storm is leader of Ace’s and Eights pretty much spelling out the ending. No clean finish here.

And yep just as Storm went to lay out AJ with the Last Call the phenomenal one countered with a pelle. Thats when Ace’s and 8′s hit and the ring and beat on AJ for the DQ. Afterwards our very own Geraldo Rivera comes out and accuses Storm of being the leader. Storm almost chokes the man before he leaves.

Then we have the results of GutCheck. Sam Shaw talks his heart off and gets a 2-1 win to be apart of the TNA Familia, now he can disappear down that rabbit hole that Alex Silva and Taeler Hendrix fell into. Joey Ryan being the exception to the rule. Good Luck not seeing you for the foreseeable future.

Backstage Aries eliminates Dakota Darsow after making some cracks about his father being Russian and having an excellent Repo business.

Zema Ion comes out ready to face his opponent. Behind the curtain Aries makes his decision as he says that Sonjay has had six years to win the belt so Kenny King gets the shot. (sidenote: I love the live show because anything can happen, like when Bruce Pritchard walks into frame during the Aries decision then promptly bails realizing his mistake.)

Kenny King vs Zema Ion for the X Division title: This match was da bomb! ( So good it dated my catchphrases to the 90′s) Kenny King shows off early getting the crowd behind him and solidifying why they signed him to TNA. Zema is no slouch as he takes to King pulling off some sick moves that cause the crowd to groan when he hits a knee to the chin. Kenny King who looks like he has Zema on the ropes gets jumped from behind by Bobby Roode  who behind the ref’s back throws him back into the ring to get pin by the champ.

Aries comes out and fights off Roode. Later its announced next week will be a tag match between Aries and King vs Roode and Ion.

Bully Ray talks up Angle and dismisses Aces and Eights.

Bully Ray versus Angle: This is a good match between two guys who made the most of their time with near fall to near fall to playing up Kurts injured neck and Bully Ray escaping twice out of the ankle lock. Kurt finally pulls the win when Bully misses a splash in the corner and meets an Angle Slam. 7pts for kurt.

Aces and Eights hit the ring beating on Kurt as Ray dips out. But the cavalry arrives and fights off the gang as James Storm comes out music and all to scare off the group who reluctantly bow out when James is present. Angle gets in Storms face about that weird encounter only for Mike Tenay to announce that Storm vs Angle is scheduled next week as the main event.

We fade to Black.

This week was better seeing as how there was an actual reaction to Aces and Eights instead of them running riot with no one to fight against ala NWO, Immortal. So here’s to next week when we find out what develops next.

P.S. Let the pigeons loose will no longer be uttered in TNA seeing as how Velvet is now released and with Chris Sabin injured expect to hear about that in the coming weeks and or months.

Impact recaps Aces and 8′s attack on HH and Sting.

James Storm, who addressed the championship change and how him and Roode is personal and he just wants to kick his blankty blank, he then proceeds to call out Kurt Angle to no avail because the aforementioned group is kicking the olympic gold our of the measuring stick of wrestling.

Samoa Joe comes out cocky as ever and says he’s calling out a man he’s always had a problem with (and with that I facepalm) our Pope, your Pope D’angelo Dinero. After the bell both men come out and have at it. THIS is the match they should of had last year instead of the over convulted mess dealing with a Green Hornet sidekick. Dinero is beating on Joe until he taps out to an arm bar mid punch. Joe gets 10 points. And is back in first place with 47pts as James has 43.

Bobby Roode is interviewed in back by Jason Hervey, and after rebuffing claims that he leads Aces and 8′s talks about how he is calling out Aries. Main Event Title match~!

Jeff Hardy comes out and appeases the creatures of the night, he wants to call out someone that is until Robbie E and Rob T stroll down accusing the other participants of cowardice. Hardy does a battle cry and attacks the heel jobber. After several interferences from Big Rob, Jeff attacks T outside of the ring and allows Robbie to get a count out victory putting him on the board at 5pts.

We see the next Gut Check challenger Sam Shaw, and we shoot over to ODB and EY for some comedy about strange vans that Eric shouldn’t go into but turned out to give him his own show.

The Claire Lynch saga is recapped. Claire says she has proof. Daniels and Kaz weigh in and AJ just confessing to his mistakes.

Sam Shaw comes out and sells himself to the crowd and Jeremy Borash that is right before Aces and 8′s beat him down. Well as they carry him out of the ring, we jump to Mr. Anderson who calls out AJ Styles, good match that ends in some weird roll up package pin giving Anderson 7pts.

Afterwards Claire comes out all “AJ this yo baby” and her proof are more pic of an obviously passed out AJ and Claire smiling at the camera. Please just end this already and move to the end or give Daniels free reign to say whatever because he’s funny.

Sean Wheelock of Bellator comes out to announce RVD vs Daniels. Daniels cheats and uses the ropes to win moving up 7pts. What no “Bob Van Dam” sound bites ah come on TNA.

A Double addresses the fluke comments and says that Roode’s win was a fluke and his was a brainbuster in the middle of the ring 1,2,3 win. He grabs his cape when an Ace’s and 8′s card falls. A Double is not impressed. Like the Dark Knight Rises they give away the ending in the middle.

Brooke Hogan is contacted via phoner about her dad’s back surger…I mean attack by Aces and 8. Garett Bischoff is backstage talking with Joe Park about Legal stuff only to call out Park for his Abyss like behavior. Park accuses Garett of a head injury.

Magnus and Ray have a match by default since they are the last two men in the back. Bully scores the win for 7pts finally putting him on the board. Which then jumps into a Chavo Guerrero promo announcing his presence into TNA next week?

Bobby Roode calls out Austin Aries and they proceed to fight. Tenay clarifies again that this is a match but not for the title that will be at Hardcore Justice. Okay didn’t Hogan say on Open Fight Night any champion called out will have to defend their title? well whatever. Ace’s and 8′s come out and beat down the champion just when he was in control and right as they tease a Roode conspiracy the group beat down on Roode.

Eh. A serious where everyone gets beat down by a group with mysterious backing it for right now looks better than Immortal so….PNT noir out.

Watching TNA online is a wonderful way to bypass commericals and pause and play at your leisure but it also added the extra bonus of watching Impact during the supplemented commercial breaks. It was silent of course but enjoy the little things.

We open the show with the Bully Ray vs Joseph Park match. Bully Ray can draw heat from a glacier but here he uses it to coax Parks out of his shell to make some attempts at beating Ray. He even uses a cheese grater in a not so wonderful spot on the male anatomy.But all was in vain without Abyss to help him. Ray with a chain busts open Big Joe for the win. After the match as Parks is freaking at the sight of his own blood Ray goes in for the kill only to be hit with a Blackhole Slam. The crowd chants “that was you” as Parks feigns ignorance.

Its Abyss

Here I see the first interlude as the ring crew come out to clean up the discarded weapons and tacks in and around the ring.

Backstage Hervey interviews Ray about what happened in the ring. Ray seems confused asking “who was that.”

Samoa Joe vs RVD is next Joe is leading the series 37pts to RVD’s 7pts. Kind of a klutzy start with the attempt at a surfboard but picked up with various kicks punches and submissions applied by Joe. RVD hits rolling thunder on the back of Joe as he attempted to sit up on all fours. Joe looking to apply more holds is rolled up for the win as RVD advances to 14pts in the BFG series, Joe looks livid.

Claire Lynch rolls up with a cigarette in her hand and the paparazzi aspiring Hervey attempts to stop her. Claire not wanting to be bothered tries to drive off to Hervey’s chargin.

hey the baby has a problem not me!

Hogan is calling out the Ace’s and Eights and wants to see the ‘whites of their eyes”

Replay of the Last Man Standing match between AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels as Kaz and Daniels stand in the ring. Daniels calls out Claire to the ring to come clean. Styles comes out next ready to beat another lesson into Daniels head only for Claire to stop him and confirms what Daniels has been saying that he is the father. AJ is dumbfounded.

More recaps as Jesse Sorenson’s appearance at Destanation X and his feud with the man who broke his neck Zema Ion. The replay of Zema Ion winning the X division title is played before shooting over to Dakota Darsow going on about how Jesse was his friend and Zema didn’t even bother to call when Jesse was hurt and his shameful display at D-X where he thanked Jesse for the victory.

Zema Ion taunts Darsow about Jesse’s neck before Dakota slaps the taste out of it. An empassioned Darsow puts a hurting on Ion before succumbing to a reverse gory bomb. Decent match with Ion cutting a promo about being F’n dangerous after he locked an armbar on Darsow for pure spite.

Another Silent interlude where Borash is hyping the crowd. Hey Spike do a behind the scenes on TNA or just make a show about the ring crew, announcers and referees.

Aries comes out and the greatest man who ever lived is now the Greatest World CHampion that ever lived. He comes out to talk how he’s been feeling since winning the Gold. Roode comes out and looks like he about to go crazy as all he can muster “its a fluke” before storming off.

Gail Kim gets her rematch against Tessmacher and we have Brooke Hogan on commentary. Better match then the one I watched at Slammiversary. Tessmacher gets the win and hopefully she moves on to another competitor like I don’t know…Sarita. Before it becomes a Devon vs the Robbie’s theme that would get stale.

Kurt Angle vs Mr. Anderson

The return of the rivalry between Angle and Anderson is rekindle in a chain wrestlers dream match that has several attempted Mic checks before the self appointed A-hole is beat with an Angle slam moving up Angle 7pts.

Roode storms into Hogan’s office and wants a rematch. Hogan tells him at the next PPV but since next week is open fight night he try his luck there.

STing bring his trusty bat to the ring is ready for Aces and Eights,  that is until his backup is jumped. Sting runs to the back to assist only to get jumped by the group on the ramp.

A good impact with the added bonus of the Interludes that included Borash hyping the crowd and what not.

Seeya next week PNTnoir out.

Click here to view the embedded video.

A Double and “H Double” discuss Aries giving up the belt at the end of the night. Which leads us right into a Destination X promo, which is embedded above.

Jason Hervey (Wonder Years for those in the know) attempts to interview Dixie Carter who is more than happy to talk about the New X-Division talent but not eager to talk about Claire Lynch. Talking of that new prospective X-Division talent err.. oh wait

Devon vs Crimson for the Television Title gets under way. I had almost forgot with the BFG series under way Devon had been missing for a little bit. I thought maybe we might see a title change to Crimson now that his undefeated streak was over but a short five minute bout ends in a spine-buster and the win for Devon. Then it devolves into slapstick as Madison Rayne comes out to face Devon but brushes past him and goes right for Earl Hebner to slip him some tongue in the corner.

Old man still got skills

Chris Sabin is in the ring after on crutches talking about his wrestling career and how family and the doctors are telling him to hang it up. Just as he gets ready to let the flood gates loose Bobby Roode’s music hits and the world champ comes down. After dissing the efforts of Sabin and Sorenson he kicks the crutch out from under Sabin prompting Aries to come out for the save. Good segment Roode in Classic Heel mode.

Now on to the X division Qualifier match, Dakota Darsow back for the second time (he was a participant during last years match ups for Destination X) takes on Flip Casanova. sub-par match up which shows that Darsow who bled by matches end is still not ready no matter who his daddy is. Flip still needs some polishing possibly in OVW but not as fluid as Sonjay Dutt. Not really exciting.

Then we move on to the Knockouts who due to Gail Kim’s lawyer is able to hold off facing Tessmacher one on one till next week but instead gets a tag match against Tessmacher and Tara with her cohort in crime Madison “Heart Hebner” Rayne. Decent match with Madison eating the (Double Finish) and getting pinned by the champion.

Jeff Hardy/James Storm promo talking up both competitors. Real classy.

AJ Styles comes down to bash the charges against him rebuffing Claire lynch’s baby’s paternity. Daniels and Kaz come out to stir the pot. Styles says that this whole mess dates back to last years Destination X when AJ beat Daniels and  Chris being a sore loser. (Good reference to history)

Hogan is backstage with the Hervey being interviewed when a messenger dressed as a biker delivers a message. Claiming they’re not cowards. Hogan open the manila folder to reveal a piece of paper with the Dead Man’s Hand with the message “see you next week”. We have our next qualifying match this time we have ROH’s own Kenny King!#$ to take on Lars Only? This match was better because King was in it. He owned the crowd and put on a show. Lars attempted some things before botching a stunner leg sweep combination?? But King comes back and hits “Easy Money’ for the win. This was good match and I only hope that he comes into TNA because he is more than ready to be the next X division title holder.

Good for the Soul

Austin Aries has a run in/reunion with Kenny King were the Greatest Man alive congratulates him. Right before Hervey asks whether Aries will be truly giving up the title later tonight which Aries sarcastically says “yes.”

Jeff Hardy (7) vs James Storm (35) obviously Hardy needs the win more than Storm and backstage agrees by letting him pick up the victory when he ducks a last call and hits the twist of fate. Hardy is now tied with Magnus in third place.

The rest of the program was filled with the Destination X PPV card which includes the Qualifying match, Ultimate X , Samoa Joe vs Angle BFG series, AJ vs Daniels Last Man Standing match and the World Title match Roode vs Aries.  Also they talk up next weeks match-ups that include: Angle vs Anderson, Gail vs Tessmacher and Bully Ray vs Joseph Park in an Anything Goes Match.

Bound For Glory 2012 will be held in Phoenix, Arizona, October 14th.

Hogan comes out and calls out Aries but instead gets Roode. Roode gets in Hogan’s grill talking trash until Aries steps down. Aries has an option C for that moment which would include fighting Roode right there and now. Roode backs down but attempts a cheap shot but misses only to be hit with the X division title. Aries holds up both belts before handing over the X division belt to Hogan to close out the show.

PNTnoir out

That says it all

ON THE BOARD!!!

The Greatest Man who Ever Lived comes out to recap the recap? But its Aries so its great. Roode walks out and we almost get a rumble but Roode leaves. Oh and he mentions a X Division tournment with old and new faces.

And to compliment that segment they show a clip of the Claire Lynch debacle (of acting) Then they follow that up with Wonder Years (Jason Hervey) interviewing Claire about all the evidence with we were given a explanation for last week but I guess this would be a re-take.

Speaking of that X division tournament we have it. Sonjay Dutt vs Rubix (Jigsaw) of freaking ChiKara Pro. I almost fell out of my seat when I saw this match Sonjay was energized and reminded me why I fell in love with the X division and Rubix definitely earned his keep before being beat with Dutts Moonsault Double foot stomp that looked sick as all hell.

please bring more over

We get a peak at the Judges, Taz, Al Snow and Bruce Pritchard making their decision on Taeler Wilde and Joey Ryan is subtley mentioned by Taz.

Bully Ray comes out to begin his weeky attempt to pull in points before Abyss/Parks comes to the ring to distract him. But this time his opponent is Samoa Joe who is second place in the series behind Storm. We see a good match that has Joe taking a beating from Ray only for Parks to come down and slap Bully leading him to walk into Joe’s chokehold. Joe takes 10 points.

Parks wants two weeks to prepare and he promises to take the fight to Ray.Back to Lynch-Gate we see Kazarian who is now the wiser wanting out of his tag team with Daniels. He tries to appeal to Hogan who is having none of it. Then we follow that up with Garett Bischoff who thankfully hasn’t been on television for a while having a chat with Madison where she tells him her crush with Garett smirking and saying Good luck!

So its either D-von or Eric Bischoff? which could be worse. Then its followed up with another segment where Gail tries to bully Brooke only to see her wrath. Gail will get her rematch next week.

Return of the X Division series New comers Mason Andrews vs Rashon “Consequences Creed’ Cameron this match didn’t have the same excitement as Dutt vs Rubix and I guess the more seasoned wrestler won with Cameron going over.

Taeler Hendrix

Gets ready for her Gutcheck. Taz says YES and before Al Snow can get his answer out Joey Ryan stands out in the crowd where he starts a shouting match with Taz. Loving this angle.

After security escorts Ryan away Snow says NO. Leaving Bruce Pritchard who after some suspense says YES. And we have a new Knockout.

Main Event tag match:

Kurt Angle and AJ Styles vs Christopher Daniels and Kazarian for the tag team titles

oh and Claire Lynch and Dixie are at ringside. So we can guess shenanigans. Which does happen after Kaz basically rebuffs Daniels throughout the match he shows his true colors by assisting Daniels with the win. This is followed by Daniels spilling the beans that Styles is the father of Claire’s baby to Dixie’s irratation. Fading to black.

and the pretty decent view I had from my seat!

Jeremy Borash handles the ring announcing duties for the evening, and up first is an X-Division match!

Zema Ion vs. Austin Aries

Ion really loves that hairspray, doesn’t he? These are two guys you want to have open your show and get the crowd going. And the crowd got going with chants of “Carlito” and “You’re not cool” directed at Zema Ion. Poor guy has no traits in common with Carly Colon other than the afro and the orange pants, and he’s got to hear this every night. The Buffalo faithful were solidly behind The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, who picked up the victory with a brainbuster. After the match, JB gave a backstage pass to somebody who brought a sign in support of Aries.

Winner:  Austin Aries

JB gives a big introduction to the most controversial referee in the history of professional wrestling, Earl Hebner, who, for some reason, comes out to “Man In The Box” by Alice In Chains, which is of course Tommy Dreamer’s old theme song. The Buffalo faithful get on Hebner’s case, chanting “You Screwed Bret.” JB holds Earl back as he looks to go after a few of them – but then he takes off his referee polo to reveal a t-shirt that says “Damn Right I Did!” Earl’s here to referee a Knockout’s Title match. Yes, that’s the same spot they did last year.

TNA Knockout’s Championship: Miss Tessmacher (c) vs. Gail Kim

Kim works over Tessmacher’s leg through the whole match, but Tessmacher manages to pick up the win with a neckbreaker out of nowhere to retain her title. Great match!

Winner & STILL Knockouts Champion, Miss Tessmacher

We’re told that the Spike TV cameras are rolling and that highlights of the following match will be seen next Thursday on Impact, as it’s a part of the Bound For Glory series! Mr. Anderson is introduced first, and he calls for his microphone to be lowered – in a roofless stadium. JB climbs up onto a chair and hands him a microphone, and he does his “asshole” schtick. He begins his introduction, but somebody yells out “Kennedy,” to which he replies, “oh no. No, that guy died in a train wreck. And you can still watch that train wreck every Monday night!” Burn! Anderson’s opponent is Samoa Joe, who is wearing his Nation of Violence gear again for some reason. Did I miss something?

Bound For Glory Series: Mr. Anderson vs. Samoa Joe

The crowd started off very quiet for this one. I think it’s because they weren’t really sure who they wanted to root for. Eventually, they decided on rooting for Joe. This was another match, really worth the price of admission. All the usual spots are there, and in the end, it’s Joe with the Muscle Buster for the victory, and seven points in the BFG Series!

Winner:  Samoa Joe (earns 7 points in the Bound For Glory Series)

And our next match is for the TNA Tag Team Championship! The former champions, Kazarian and Daniels come out first, and they cut a promo badmouthing Buffalo, with Kazarian saying that we don’t have a big league baseball team because there’s nothing big league about this town. Daniels is less harsh. He says that the fans are disappointments to their mothers, but the biggest disappointment is that Kurt Angle and AJ Styles are walking around with their tag team titles. Angle and Styles get their entrances, and we get our tag team title match.

TNA Tag Team Championship: Kurt Angle & AJ Styles (c) vs. Kazarian & Daniels

These are four of the best wrestlers in the entire industry, so you can imagine that they put on a great match. The crowd was mostly behind Angle & Styles, though a small “Angle Sucks” chant broke out in a very localized cluster in the stands. Styles picked up the win for the tag champs with a Styles Clash.

Winners & STILL TNA Tag Team Champions:  AJ Styles & Kurt Angle

Intermission.

I didn’t catch the name of the guy pitching the merch this year, but he was good. Don West may be gone, but the Brown Bag Special remains. This year’s bag costs $30, but in the bag you get FOUR TNA DVDs and an Impact Wrestling t-shirt, which is where the bag used to stop, but this year they added in a random TNA action figure and a TNA 10th Anniversary program. Yes, that’s about $120 worth of stuff for $30. My wife surprised me and came back from a bathroom break with one – which she didn’t have to do, because I would have bought it myself. The pitchman mentioned a fan wearing a Triple H t-shirt, and told him he should buy a Brown Bag Special so he could get the Impact Wrestling shirt and “cover that hideous thing up.” Love the friendly little jabs at the competition tonight.

We return to action with another match in the Bound For Glory Series. Robbie E is introduced first, and enters to a chorus of “We Want Ryder” chants. James Storm makes his way out, and Robbie E grabs the microphone. He says that all the people in Buffalo came to watch him fist pump. For some reason, a “YES!” chant breaks out during this promo. Robbie E starts to dance and fist pump in the ring and offers Storm a chance to do the same. Storm says he doesn’t fist pump, he drinks beer. He makes a few jokes about Robbie’s pink ring gear and the fist printed on the ass of his tights. Robbie says he can chug beer. Storm challenges him to do so. Robbie starts sipping the beer, and Storm hits him with the Last Call. The bell rings.

Bound for Glory Series: “Cowboy” James Storm vs. Robbie E

Storm covers Robbie and pins him while sipping a beer. Seven points for The Cowboy!

Winner:  James Storm (earns 7 points in the Bound For Glory Series)

It’s time for the main event of the evening, a match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship. My wife screams her heart out as the challenger, Jeff Hardy, makes his way to the ring and poses for the crowd. The TNA Champion, Bobby Roode is introduced to a chorus of boos. Roode demands the proper respect to be shown to him, or he will leave and go back to Canada. Some fans bow down to the Champion, some point to the thruway just outside of the stadium that leads directly into Canada.

TNA World Championship: Bobby Roode (c) vs. Jeff Hardy

The fans are solidly behind Hardy in this one, and with good reason – Roode plays the cowardly heel to a T. “It factor?” Yeah, I’d say so. The crowd was definitely into this one, mostly chanting “Let’s Go Hardy.” At one point during the match, Roode and referee Brian Hebner got into a bit of a shoving match, which prompted a “Let’s Go Brian” chant. Speaking of, Hebner got knocked down, and Gunner ran in to attack Hardy, catching a Whisper In The Wind for his troubles, but Roode nailed Hardy with a low blow and picked up the pinfall victory to retain his title.

Winner & STILL TNA World Heavyweight Champion:  Bobby Roode

Hardy hit Roode with a Twist of Fate to end the show.

One of the cool things that TNA does, is after the show they allow fans to have a photo opportunity in the ring with one or more members of the TNA roster for a small price. Tonight it was Jeff Hardy, my wife’s favorite wrestler since she was a kid. The way this works is that you pay $20, and everybody that is with you can get in the ring and get their photo taken at the same time with Hardy. We couldn’t pass this up. They try to rush everybody through, and the line definitely moves very quickly, but Jeff was very cordial, taking a moment to give my wife a hug and shake my hand. When you get out of the ring, they have the photo waiting for you.

here’s mine!

We poke fun at TNA sometimes for inconsistent television here on BoredWrestlingFan from time to time, but one thing I cannot deny is that the live events are consistently entertaining. The two that I’ve been to have been some of the best live wrestling experiences I’ve had – and I’ve been to three WrestleManias. If the company brings a live event to your area, I definitely recommend checking it out – and bringing some extra dough to participate in some of the extracurricular stuff they have going on. Definitely worth it!

1. Madison- In Love with someone hopefully not Garett Bischoff
2. Velvet- who has had numerous chances to wrestle Gail and failed for the Women’s title
3. Mickie- who has been used to prop up Velvet
4. ODB- another ridiculous in love/jealously story with Eric Young with the Knockout titles no less

Oh Gail threw a temper tantrum last week and was taken off Thurs night show, Tessmacher is the champion and Tara was beating on the GutCheck Challenger but more on that later. So we have 7 women in this division and the silent four being kept off TV more than likely getting ready to receive their pink slips in the coming weeks.

• Winter – who after her Lesbian Vampire gimmick was relegated to jobber and then banished from television by the current regime.
• Angelina – once over with Dixie (she even shouted her out in the YouShoot video from back in 2010) is now jobbing to Velvet on Xplosion. Or not being used at all
• Rosita -  brought in to give Sarita a partner after she split from Taylor Wilde in 2010 must have outlived her usefulness and hasn’t been seen on TV since trying to entice EY from ODB
• And Finally Sarita who was so over in 2009 with her feud with Alyssa Flash and tagging with Wilde to being put in Mexican America, which is akin to purgatory spends more time in Mexico than here on the show. You know one of the longer working Knockouts who didn’t leave when Hogan shown his face and has never won a title outside of the tag division.

So obviously Pritchard and Lagana have a pretty clear picture on who they want in the division going forward. But really an over pushed Sunny and Dead Heat Rayne can’t be replaced in ring wise with Sarita or Winter, a retooled Winter of course because what ever Russo was thinking about the Time Traveling Lesbian Vampire who brainwashes other women needs to simply be a sociopath bitch character with a snobbish regality.

Even with the addition of Taeler Hendrix come next week really what do we have? 8 wrestlers?! you might as well retire the belts until further notice. Not to mention outside of Gail a very bright white picture to boot. Whatever happened to diversity?

Mia Yim, Athena, Bonesaw or the various Asian or for that matter Mexican talent they could pull from AAA, the Apache Sisters anyone. Just give me some color.

Right now the lucky number is 7 and it looks like we should be hearing of releases because how long can someone be sitting at home not doing anything?

Moving on.

Mike Tenay announces a 10 minute time limit stipulation on ALL BFG series matches whether it be  Televised, House Show or even PPV!

When it comes to Television I understand you can only fight so much into 2hrs not counting commercials but even House shows and PPV’s come on that will just make for rushed matches and possibly even a bunch of time limit draws with the crowd chanting 5 more minutes to no avail. Thursday’s episode saw a bunch of 5 minute or less timed matches which isn’t looking promising for the rest of the tournament.

According to the all mighty Wikipedia, The BFG series will play out through No Surrender leaving a month gap till October’s Bound For Glory to build a story around the challenger and the champion. But till then will we get mini feuds inside BFG series? Magnus vs Pope or Samoa Joe vs Anderson for a higher rank on the tourney leading to PPV feuds settled for what should be longer than 10 minutes.

The X Division champion having a chance to cash in the X title for a shot at the World title is actually nice because it gives Destination X more of a purpose and also would allow more of the roster on the card rather than it be a specifically geared PPV seeing as the Division is weaker than in years past. Zema Ion, Kid Kash (which I don’t even think he fits the weight requirement) Mark Haskins who has been seen since his English debacle, Tony Nese is gone and Jesse Sorenson is out with a neck injury for a while and so is Chris Sabin oh and Shelley left too. So Aries is the division for the foreseeable future.

I’m hoping for another tournament at Destination X to find new prospects or otherwise you may have to pull from the main roster. Hey if you can’t trust Jeff to hold the World Title why not the X Division title or the Pope. Knock the dust off of Douglas Williams and put him in it. Joey Ryan should show up and compete in the X when his shoot ends. What the hell ever happened to Alex Silva? X should be his destination.

Now on to the meat of my complaining outside of a good show. The AJ/Dixie Affair storyline, what started to have legs but turned into a headless chicken over a five minute segment. Let me breakdown the story logic and how I was confused.

• Vince Russo had a story going where Daniels was holding something over Kazarian and was forcing him to do his bidding. We saw great conflict internally with Kaz over his constant run-ins with AJ
• Russo leaves. Story becomes Daniels wasn’t holding anything over Kaz but had incriminating information on Styles. Still I was with it. It was still plausible seeing as how Kaz was hesitant until Daniels provided more proof of AJ’s infidelity.
• Kaz starts to show his jealous side over AJ being allowed to rise to the top as the rest suffered. Easily Daniels influence who’s character always had an inferiority complex and could of been feeding it into Kaz a man on the backburner most times.

Then the storyline imploded with the reveal of Dixie and AJ helping a recovering Drug addict named Claire Lynch who is a close friend of Dixie’s through a tough time. Okay I can still deal now the truth is revealed and Daniels can eat crow and Kazarian can apologize to Styles. Even so Daniels is in the back beside himself with anger about what her appearance means telling himself he has to shut her up and Kaz looks on with confusion. Again Daniels is a heel and lied to Kaz now he has to go stop Lynch from talking more. He runs down to the ring with Kazarian in toe to fight AJ? Shouldn’t Kaz be in the back calling it a day and never talking to Daniels again?

This story besides the bad attempts at crying fell flat. Yes AJ is a good person and Dixie helping one of her circle of friends makes sense but not to such a degree that two marriages would be put on the line, let alone logic. This was an interesting story that lost all cohesion when the reveal dissolved everything. The reveal spit in the face of logic that has been building for months. When it comes to this segment does anyone re-watch their own show?

I was screaming at my television “where’s the logic” over and over again confused on where it had landed.

Open Call Out

Hulk Hogan puts over the Open Fight Night/Open Call Out and the Bound for Glory series tournament before moving on to A Double for his answer. (which has something to do with Plan C-check twitter for his response) Option A would have him hand over the title and challenge Roode at Destination X but if he lost he would have nothing. Option B he would decline and walk away still X Division champion and not be in the main event. And it appears Option C is where starting this year the current X Division champion will be allowed to turn in the belt for the chance at the World Title holder. Hogan is pleased. (So does that mean that if the X division champion loses he keeps the belt and if he wins we have an X division tournament for the title after the PPV? Um-okay.

Roode of course comes out and throws a tantrum saying that the X Division title is a paper championship and that he is the real world champion Austin Aries calls him out and the two battle it out. Security/Referees come out to break it up. Anderson comes down out and announces that basically when they’re done with each other Anderson will be waiting.

Anderson walks down to the ring after the break and calls out a man that is tearing about a family. So here comes AJ..er Christopher Daniels who is drinking a martini in the back. Mike Tenay announces during the start of the match the ALL BFG series matches will be 10 minutes whether it be Televised, House show or PPV? (That doesn’t make much sense anywhere other than maybe television but okay.) Daniels and Anderson have a good but albeit short match that ends when he hits the mic check.

We go back stage where Brooke is haveing a meeting with a select few knockouts about who should get a chance at Ms Tessmacher (because you can’t say Brooke, there can be only one.) Madison? ODB, Mickie and Velvet are back bickering about how they deserve it. This is basically a female version of what we got several weeks ago with Hulk Hogan, Angle, Ray, Hardy and Styles. (So we can tell who should be seen released in the coming months Knockout wise.) Anyway Madison is eliminated due to her imaginary boyfriend fascination. She leaves to spend time with her BF.

Out in the ring we have Robbie E,  or Big Rob T for that matter.So obviously he can’t be Madison’s crush because she wouldn’t be visiting anyone. So that leaves Garrett, or Devon? Does Madison dig choclate? Inquiring minds want to know. Big Robbie E issues an open challenge to any of the gerbils in the back and guess who answers

Kurt Angle your correct he scores a quick minute and a half victory over Robbie when he German suplex’s, Angle slams and then locks on the Ankle lock for a submission victory and Ten points.

Robbie E jobber of the BFG series.

Taeler Hendrix is our Gutcheck challenger. She talks about her struggles with cancer at 21! and her drive to be the champion of all the women division’s in TNA.

Magnus comes out and calls out a man who sleeps with another man’s woman because thats low, AJ Styles.

Styles comes out and puts a whooping on Magnus before the ladies man turns the table. Magnus ducks the pelle from AJ which is just unheard of. Daniels and Kaz come out brandishing pics leaving Styles distracted for the Brutish one to lay the Magdriver down on the phenomenal one for 7points.

Jeremy Borash announces the GutCheck challenge. Taeler Hendrix plays to the crowd before her opponent Tara is called out. Tara beats on Hendrix for the duration of the match before she fights back with a head scissors, gut wrench slam and fists to the face. Tara comes back and wins with a widow’s peak. Did better than Alex Silva but thats not saying much. Not really long.

Backstage segement with Bully Ray and Joseph Parks. Ray making threats and Parks showing some backbone.

Samoa Joe calls out Storm. Good but again short with Storm wiggling out of the rear naked choke and hitting the Last Call Superkick for the win and seven points.

ODB is eliminated next after her own man distractions.

Bully Ray comes out to call out the Pope. (best part was seeing the reaction on Pope’s face when Ray called him “boy”) D’angelo Dinero comes out to wrestle the Bully and work off some more ring rust as well. Abyss comes out to confound Ray leading to Dinero scoring the victory and Ten points.

We get a preview of the Velvet Sky featured Montgomery Gentry music video. Then Brooke Hogan announces in the back that Mickie deserves the shot. Mickie comes out fighting. Ms Tessmacher puts up some defense but gets owned for some time. Tessmacher able to squeeze out a victory after hitting a sunset flip pin on Mickie for the win shocking and irritating challenger James.

Daddy Hogan makes a match between RVD and Hardy because their both so damn cool. After a spiked DDT and later a Twist of Fate Hardy wins and gains 7points.

1. James Storm – 20 points
2. Kurt Angle – 10 points
3. Pope – 7 points
4. Magnus – 7 points
5. Anderson – 7 points

• 10 points submission
• 7 points pinfall
• 5 points countout win
• 3 points disqualification win
• 2 points draw
• -10 points disqualification loss

Then AJ and Dixie came out about thier secret only for a pregnant pill popper to come running down to the ring announcing that she is the reason for the secrecy that she is a good friend of Dixie’s named ”Claire Lynch” as all participants attempted to cry but fail. The alcohol abuser and pill poppin momma to be explains the pictures. In the back Daniels is livid while Frankie just looks confused. The heels come out only for AJ to beat the hell out of both of them.

Hmmm.

PNT noir OUT!

Bye Bye X division.

The push of Hernandez continues with a match against the television champion Devon. Its short and Hernandez really only botched one spot before being put down by Devon. Keep the belts away from Hernandez, Robbie E etc.

The bound for glory series featured the return our yours and my Pope D’angelo Dinero makes his return.

Pope be pimpin’ yes indeed.

And then James Storm came in and cleaned house and won. First Crimson and now 20 points in the BFG series. Go Cowboy!

New Knockout Champion Gail Kim Ms Tessmacher took on Madison “In love with who?” Rayne. I hear crickets but I digress. She (being Tessmacher) wins. This is where we need some more knockouts to make the surroundings look better, I’ve seen Madison Rayne too much.

Okay I don’t mind as much

Sunday Night saw the victoy of the “Asshole’ Ken Anderson over Hardy and RVD. I waited to see where this story would go since Hardy and RVD had storylines with Roode where as Anderson had a one off match from a couple of months ago.

This was a good match where Roode went over Anderson using the crossface and could possibly set up a any number of scenarios for Anderson afterwards. Or with Anderson tapping out will just close a door on that stretch for Roode who has been dealing with Hardy, RVD and Anderson for some time now and leave him clear for Austin Aries to feud with him over the remaining summer until Storm gets to him.

Questions I have are what will become of the X-division once Aries leaves? No Sabin, Sorenson or Nese. But we have Xema Ion and Mark Haskins? Need some new blood.

Until next week, PNTNR out!!!!

Dixie continued but instead of anger now she was in the middle of the ring crying and attempting to explain herself to the fans. That is until Daniels and Kazarian came out to interrupt her and we witnessed the heeltastic Daniels go off on Dixie Live with no pretape. I’m loving this live format. And just as Daniels is ready to lay hands on Dixie out came the phenomenal AJ Styles to the rescue and when it couldn’t get any better Serg came out and swung at Styles  that ended a excellent segment that hyped up the rest of the show.

And how do they follow that up but with Aries and Joe still upset about last week. But then jumps into a non title one on one match up with Crimson.  they had a good match but what was the most important part was the development of Aries vs Joe at Slammiversary. Joe came out and cost Aries but hyped up their match this Sunday.

Brooke Hogan is exercising her title setting up a four way match for the #1 contendership for the knockouts. And we see a possible Mickie James heel turn as B Hogan gets Velvet a spot in Montgomery Gentry’s music video. They don’t call Mickie Hard Core Country for nothing. The match is under way with

Tara vs Brooke Tessmacher vs Mickie vs Velvet- Decent match that ends with Tessmacher getting a rematch on Sunday.

Abyss, Joseph Park and Bully Ray segment stays entertaining with Bully antagonizing Park with a new contract where essential Bully Ray is not responsible for what happens to him on Sunday. The spitting in his face pissing off Joseph enough to sign.

Oh look Devon our television champion and “ugh” the Robbies and…….Garett Bischoff! ……..

skipping until better partners and opponents show themselves.

And finally we have the A six man tag, Sting, AJ and Angle vs Roode, Daniels and Kazarian

What started off as a handicap match when AJ hadn’t made it back yet from leaving earlier after the whole Dixie fiasco leaves his partners high and dry. With the heels in control that is when AJ makes his way through the crowd to make the save. After a senton on the heels outside the ring, Roode is left alone with Sting who makes him tap again to the Scorpion Death lock.

Sunday should herald alot of surprises and just some good quality matches.

See you next week.

Sadness over. Now on to Roode vs Sting in a Lumberjack match. This is a good opener that showcases the excitement of the crowd when there allowed to watch a show without having to sit through the retakes and can just sit back and be fans. Watching the ring I never realized the over abundance of faces compared to heels which is the exact opposite to brand eck!

Sting gets the win and just when you think that, yeah Sting got his revenge for Victory Road. Then Hogan comes out and calls for a match at Slammiversary where Sting takes on Roode for the TNA World Title. what about James Storm?

Oh look Madison…NEXT!!!!!

Joseph Park esq and Bully Ray have thier weekly confrontation over “My Brother Chris, you know Abyss” and what Ray has done to him. (even though a couple of weeks ago Abyss appeared okay so what is Bully Ray guilty of?! Ray calls Joseph’s whole family cowards and when the sweaty lawyer went to grab the bully, Ray threatens lawsuit only to antagonize him some more. Either way a fun entertaining segment.

Samoa Joe and Aries have an altercation that later leads to a match at Slammiversary. But before the PPV Aries takes on the staying half of the Motor City Machine Guns in the guise of “Hail Sabin” Chris Sabin. Good match that makes you wonder if we will see more of it now that he is a singles competitor but we’re not psychic so I watch to see Aries go over with a small package.

Coming in ten days TNA is celebrating 10 years of existing and Dixie “MILF” Carter announces that the Hall of Fame is coming to TNA with an inductee being announced during Slammiversary. She then call out Brooke Hogan who know is in charge of the Knockouts. I loved the mixxed reaction and what that means for her arrival of either putting up or shutting up. hey Brooke, We need a revitalized knockout division that has more than 4women in it.

kazarian and Daniels are gold backstage during Dixie’s promo.

And we have the television title match that Hogan promised us every week missing one along the way. Mr. Anderson, Jeff hardy,RVD and someone who will not be named wait to see what the total one and guess what it was….Jeff Hardy.

And like clockwork the Robbie’s interfere which leads to a Jeff Hardy winning by DQ. Right before the faces clear the heels which leads to a tag match between The Robbies vs Devon and Garett Bishchoff?

UGH!

James Storm is having a crisis of faith about winning the world title and why do I feel that we won’t resolve this till Bound For Glory.

AJ and Daniels have a match. So when are we going to see match #12356 but it still shows the integrity of how they wrestle. AJ wins but is then jumped by Daniels with Kaz only for the newly appointed face Kurt Angle to make the save but both are taken out by the heels.

Daniels plays a recording of Dixie and AJ only to have Dixie herself come down and take control of TAZ’s headset and ask for the show to be shut down.

Sidenote:Joey Ryan didn’t make the cut because he’s a jackass who pissed off Taz, Flair’s replacement. Where is Alex Silva?

Then Gail Kim with the love struck Madison came out to talk about being a dominate champion only to show a shot of Angelina Love count on her hands all the times she won the title. She goes on about her one blimish being the loss to a man/woman? tag team of EY and ODB and wanting to rectify that.

I won’t go into detail lets just say that Spike must of laxed there no male on female violence stance because EY gets some body slams and headlocks on Gail and Madison before the heels win when Madison holds the legs of ODB so Gail could pin her. But again I’m confused because its Open Fight Night and when you call out someone their title has to be defended but Tenay still calls EY and ODB champions? Whats up with that?

So after RVD lost in his bid against Roode for the title, he had a smokers moment and said to himself “Hey, how was I not able to compete since Genesis?, Oh yeah some dude named Gunner was responsible.” We have him call out the Gunned one and commence to beat on each other for 5 minutes before RVD gets the win with an insane Five Star Frog Splash.

Then we step into the nepotism zone as Devon comes out and calls out Garett for a shot at the Television title. We get a mostly Devon controlled match. And in one of the most stupidly comical spot of the night Garett pulls off a swinging neckbreaker pauses and waits for the applause. Rob T and Rob E. come out an beat on them until the faces get the upper hand and embrace at the end.  YEAH! we have the continuing Robbie E saga and nepotism wrapped into the same match someone please shoot those two. (Not really because thats conspiracy to commit murder.)

Speaking of murder Joseph Parks attempt at getting Bully Ray to admitting to doing….(Abyss is alive and no longer missing..oh) in his brother Chris you know Abyss. After the Abyss reveal no matter how cool, it kind of took the air out of the story so what will be the payoff. Because Abyss is back with a warning to his brother for playing to close to the fire. Which I’m guessing is Bully Ray.  So Park wants a mock trial so the fans can have their say and Ray can be judged by a jury of his peers, the fans. Wouldn’t his peers be the locker room?

Ray beats on Parks and we solve absolutely nothing.

Then comes one of the best segments when Joey Ryan who looks like a 70′s porn star takes on his 90′s equilvalent in Aries. Good and short. The best part is when Ryan flicks his mustache sweat in Aries eyes. Aries wins with a brain buster.

World Heavyweight title time as Roode takes on AJ. After Hogan eliminated the other three throughout the night.

Roode wins. Beats AJ’s record for being the longest reigning champion in TNA history. He celebrates and Hogan the chief conspirator calls in his friend The Insane Icon Sting shouting “Its Showtime” as Sting beats on Roode and then announces the new time slot but forgets to mention it will be live which thankfully Tenay fixes and we fade out

Sting vs Roode in a Lumber jack match at the top of the live show should give a fun feel to it.

PNT NR out.

What got me was Canadian confetti, where champions are made. I couldn’t stop laughing. Hogan playing the face GM tears up his demands and tells him that he will defend the title on Open Fight Night. So Hogan sets up some matches for tonight, Bully Ray vs RVD, Jeff Hardy vs Mr. Anderson, Samoa Joe vs Angle and a Battle Royal. After all that Hogan will pick the challenger for next week.

That is a whole lot of matches for just one contender but Hogan is the face GM and impartial.

First up is Bully Ray vs RVD which should make everyone nostalgic for ECW but that would be the wrong company. Bully Ray takes on Van Dam’s injured parts and pulls out a victory. I have a feeling one day that they will put the belt on Bully Ray and I would be fine with that.

King Mo is coming to TNA and I’m late on that but yeah I saw the video and thought okay I could see that once he’s done healing his knee. Then I went online and saw that Brooke Hogan would be in charge of the knockouts in a backstage compacity? Because she has been involved in the business for ever like Garett so automatically she is given a job that would put her on TV more which since her dad has been on TNA she has made numerous blink and miss em appearances. But now she is directing the knockouts?! Where is Dutch (Mantel) when you need him.

End rant. The mystery of who is Madison’s suitor is now on the mind of creative. She bails on Gail as she follows the scent of love. Then the Hooter’s girl and the would be porn star (had she not tried wrestling) Ms Tessmacher (former) and Velvet Sky (latter) confront Mrs (Recently got married and can’t remember the guys name) Gail and tell her she will be losing the title tonight. Yeah she should be so shaking in her boots.

Then we have the Battle Royal, Austin Aries, AJ Styles, Gunner, Crimson, Eric Young, Garett Bishoff, Devon, Magnus, The Two Robbies  and ODB?! Make their way to the ring in what must surely be a farce. Crimson goes out with EY and ODB who clothesline him so hard that all THREE go out! So now Crimson is feuding with EY and ODB, Rob E takes out his partner Rob T before being thrown out by Devon who is soon taken out by Garett who he in turn is taken out by AJ. AJ, Gunner and Aries are left. Gunner throws out Aries but is taken out by AJ with a Samoan Drop. AJ wins as Madison during the course of the match is making Googley eyes at someone in the match. Money’s on Crimson. Because then it can be a mixxed tag team feud for the KO tag belts no one wants. YEAH! everyone’s a winner.

AJ secret tryst with Dixie is furthered along when Daniels brings out some video of her and Styles going to a Hotel/Motel. I love heel Daniels and his “Bob Van Dam” name calling.

Oh and Jeff Hardy beat Anderson. Highlights from past TNA PPV play Lockdown 2008, Genesis 2006 and so on.

Gail beats Velvet and Tessmacher after Velvet hit “In your face” on Tessmacher but Kim stole the pin.

Joe vs Angle, a good match but not up to par with Genesis 2006 Angle wins.

Roode comes out to close the show while all the winners come out like lions circling a Gazelle.

Next Week Open Fight Night, and a special announcement.

Spoiler: iMPACT WRESTLING goes live on throughout the summer.

Roode comes to the ring to gloat only to have RVD then Anderson adn finally Hardy come out and attack him. Right before they attack each other like a pack of hungry hyenas. Hogan makes his entrance panders to RVD so he can set up a fatal four way where if whoever wins takes on Roode at Sacrifice this Sunday. Or if Roode wins he picks his opponent, or if RVD wins he gets to pick the stipulation. OR….. Wait I got it under control.

So Madison is ignoring Gail because she is getting ready for a guy causing for some foreshadowing to something down  the line.

This leads right into Velvet Sky, who is like the female RVD who believes she still deserves a shot at the title. But we all cringe with the thought She’s taking on Brooke Tessmacher who is a good worker that deserves a better opponent to showcase her skills. thank god its short but it was kinda of like an asswhooping where it may not be that long but it still hurts like hell. Especially when Velvet had control of the match.

Crimson and Morgan seems like a feud that just keeps going on to no end. Even though we were promised an end at Lockdown but someone forgot to tell them that. Crimson calls out Morgan…

But Bully Ray comes out and busts him (Morgan) in the head with a chair. So maybe someone did get them the memo.

X division time with…Xema Ion vs Austin Aries that is a good solid match that would of been nice had it advanced story. Aries wins with no interfence from Ray who busted Morgan open because you know he’s a bully. Where is Nese, Haskins or Williams we need other competitors to show forward momentum in the division. Otherwise good match.

Daniels and Kaz discuss the AJ blackmail and whether or not to reveal it, because you know its the heel thing to do to prolong it. That or the evidence just sucks and this feud lost momentum when Russo was let go. Well they come out and AJ follows soon afterward and with 3 pictures I was deflated. IT was AJ and Dixie embracing and not even kissing even though the last picture would have you think that if you had bad vision but its obvious their faces are no where near each other but whatev’s.

I miss this feud when the evidence looked to be on Kazarian.

So the television triangle continues with Robbie E, Devon and Robbie T still fighting over the belt. So this is taking the belt seriously when they made plans to have it defended every week? So yeah another PPV but this time its a handicap match where Devon is sure he will still win.

Joseph Park comes out after having his Inspector Clouseu investigation turn up Bully Ray as a suspect. Because this all couldn’t have been solved in ten minutes by Park just watching Genesis? Got to love that suspense of disbelief.

Bully Ray comes out and gets owned by Park and the audience on the mic before pushing Park down.

So the fatal four way ends with RVD winning after Roode took 3 finishers leaving Bob van Dam to make his stipulation which will be a ladder match. Then when it couldn’t get any better AByss comes out and leaves his brother a warning because Chris couldn’t have done it during the Bully Ray/Joe Park segment because he can not be in two places as once unless you have that 2pac hologram but I digress.

Here’s to Sacrifice and finally ending that Television Menage a trois.

PNT NR out!!

Flair stands in the ring and gives us that rousing title line. I couldn’t help but crack up laughing when that was said then after calling out Hogan added this line after being asked to be a judge on GutCheck, “I love hangin around the kids” Gotta love Flair when he says those lines.

Knockout title match with Gail and Madison vs Brooke and Velvet, and I have to admit that Velvet is putting forth effort. ONLY one clothesline so far. I lied there was one more. Brooke Tessmacher who is still amazing me with her advancements beats Gail with her own move.

RVD comes out to brag about who he is…I fast forward. Then I see The two Robs in a match against Devon again no less. I fast forward.

Well while watching wrestling I must have picked up on a American Idol feed, The Gut Check Challenge judges Flair, Bruce Pritchard, and oh my god Al Snow who is doing more than breaking up fights with D’lo argue over Alex Silva who is vying for a TNA contract. Reality TV in wrestling I haven’t seen that since well the 90′s.

Hogan gasses up Anderson by making his match with Roode a NO DQ. Because you know he’s Hogan and he’s impartial while giving it to the heels this time.

Jeff and RVD have a match and I really don’t care. Fast Forward. Note: Why don’t I care? well lets see both wrestlers could cut a promo if there life depended on it. And secondly they both have a predetermined set of move that they perform in a perticular sequence that just looks stale after awhile. So NO.

RVD wins. there. Jeremy Borash is talking about his hatred for Eric then Bully Ray steps out to you know bully Borash.

Austin Aries comes out to not save Borash but to get in Ray’s face. A good segment where Ray gets in his cheap shot.

Six man tag, Daniels/Kazarian/Angle vs Styles/Magnus/Joe where they tease the reveal of the evidence on AJ. But you’ll have to wait till next week. Good Match with  the faces going over.

We have the results of the Gut Check Challenge and like a bad American Idol parody we find out that Alex Silva is getting a TNA contract.

Roode and Anderson match up and I actually care about this bout. Intense and just when Roode is going to put away Anderson, Hardy comes out only to get mic checked by Anderson who in turn gets blasted with the chair leading to a fisherman buster for the win.

Besides some painful spots TNA wasn’t that bad this week. Can’t wait for the AJ reveal.

So after last weeks announcement of TNA doing a Open Fight Night where anyone can challenge the champion of their choice, minus of course the KO Tag champs because that belt is now in possession of the comedic duo of Eric Young and ODB. What made it also extra interesting when announced was now they were doing the Gut Check Challenge on Impact, I couldn’t wait. Hogan started off the proceedings strong with him going around with the respective champs in drill sargent fashion and in perticular Bobby Roode. I was excited at what was in store.

Right before deflation

And then Jeremy Borash came out to challenge a man who should not be there. Eric B****** who name gets conveniently bleeped when said. Borash is the first to issue an open challenge and its against another non wrestler?

Bully Ray comes out and attacks Borash setting him up to be pinned by B******* who is attempting to get one last heel heat attempt before vanishing from television.

Devon defends his title. Which is nice considering he is the television champion. Who does he challenge? His former partner Bully Ray, I was smelling a rekindled feud coming right before Devon beat him but there is still hope.

Chavo on Helium or as he likes to be called Anarquia calls out an American and gets Kurt Angle. So seeing how neews has been running rampant about Anarquia being removed from the TNA roster page I see this as his farewell match which in typical fashion sees him getting embarasseed on the way out. I will not be missing Chavo lite.

NEw Prospect Alex Silva is announced for the Gut check challenge to take on Robbie ? yeah he loses. Not the best way to present prospects putting them up against comic parody relief.

WHy am I here? Just because

Tessmacher challenges and then pins Gail Kim, Nuff said. Finally a fresh feud with an actual knockout who I can root for who’s name doesn’t start with a V. Non title match.

tessmacher I love you boyfriend and your wrestling too.

A three way tag team is turned into a one on one event when Daniels and Kaz are told to leave. Samoa Joe picks up a win on Anderson after him and his partner where reinacting a broken home scenario in the ring. Daniels and Kaz attack and we finally have another team added to the tag division now just get two more to make it interesting. How about TMDK from OVW, think about it TNA.

the mighty don't kneel

And to close the show why not bring the man who you’ve kicked off the show back for one finally bow. Eric and his wrestlers from Lockdown come out and fight with Garett Bischoff and his wrestlers resulting in E. B******* ending up covered in shit  poop I mean poop have to keep the language down my daughter is watching me type.

What do I think of the first OFN, eh could of been better with more emphasize on bringing out better matches instead of having this Eric going away party thrown by his former arch enemy Ric Flair. But hopefully next month it will be taken more seriously and lets not have the GutCheck Challenge opponent take on Robbie E.

Pintnoir out.

Hulk Hogan announces that he wants all the champions in the ring. And makes a match for the number one contendership. That fake laughing Hogan.

Tag match involving the other disappointment of the night Matt Morgan and Crimson who are now involved in a tag match against each other. With Bully Ray and Aries thrown to compress the feud.

Ray wins after pulling the tights of Aries. If that wasn’t bad enough here comes Garett Bischoff.

Jeff Hardy talks about how kurt is to blame for his not having the title. Because you know it wasn’t drugs or nothing.  Yeah here comes Garett.

Oh wait he has brought out the heavy lifters of the match, AJ, RVD and Anderson. He talks. I fast forward.

And then Flair comes out to talk bout a going away party for a man that shouldn’t be on my TV. Because him and Bischoff are friends what bio did I read where he talks about the disdain that he has for that man?

OH Yeah!

Dangling plot threads abound about AJ Styles, Kazarian and Daniels, will we get are answers probably not but I like Daniels and that non funny Armenian bastard named Kazarian.

AJ and Kurt have a match that is of course nothing short an excellent example of wrestling when Daniels/Kazarian hand Styles the dreaded envelope which distracts AJ long enough for Kurt to get the pin.

Abyss’s brother corners Gunner. And because Gunner’s no snitch he walks away only to have Mr. Park threaten him with legal action. Well the no snitching policy evaporates in the face of jail time. Gunner finally directs Mr. Park toward Bully Ray. Because Park doesn’t watch TNA PPV’s.

All the champions come out. To await on Hogan’s announcement. But before that we have some backstage talk with the new king of sex tapes Hogan wanting to make Hardy vs Anderson a three way and convincing RVD about taking the sweet spot. More pimping of RVD is surely on the way.

OPen Fight Night is announced. New talent will be put in the ring against anyone of thier choosing including the champions. IF they impress Hogan and his panel of judges then they get a contract. This is of course in conjuction with the Gut Check Challenge which has been around for a while. But now it will be televised. Oh and Devon will defend the TV title every week.

Team Gail (Madison, The Sitas and of course Gail) vs Team TNT(Velvet, Mickie and of course TNT) hey at least the Sarita is involved in an actual wrestling match. Well Brooke Tessmacher pins Gail setting up filler for Gail vs (shudder) Velvet which may or may not happen at Slammiversary.

Here comes Devon to defend his title against Gunner. FF because well…Gunner. Devon wins and I testify to that.

James Storm has doubts about his future after not beating Roode. Leaves the ring. I feel for him and I’m sorry about his Damn luck.

So yeah RVD beat Anderson and Hardy to become the number 1 contender for the title. After being gone for how long?

Well here’s to another transition for Impact Wrestling and to Open Fight Night. I’m actually interested in what happens next week which hasn[t been the case for a long time.

Hey Warrior, want to go do some coke and bang some ringrats?

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Impact reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

- Don’t expect a lot of pictures tonight, smarks.

- Start with a clip package highlighting the match announced for the PPV with Team Garett facing off against Team Bischoff WITHOUT ANY MEMBERS BEING FUCKING ANNOUNCED YET. The creative plan was to blatantly rip off the WWE, clearly. If Garett wins, Eric loses the rights to his name. Yes, you read that right. And if Eric wins, Garett is a permanent member of the roster. So everyone loses.

- Eric cuts a promo, and his team is Bubba, Gunner, Kaz, Christopher Daniels. Bubba cuts his usual awesome promo, that’s all worth watching here.

- Enter the bastard son, Garett. He’s all smug and shit, and announces his team. He’s got Mr. Yawnderson… and that’s all we get. There’s a match next.

Charles Barkley @G: “I’m on a bike, can’t watch Impact!”

G @Charles Barkley: “Why am I not surprised in the slightest?”

- * Mr. Anderson vs. Gunner. I’m totally not interested in this. Commence FFW speed setting 3/5. Someone wins, probably Gunner. Don’t care.

- Joseph Park meets with Eric Young who is getting married tonight. Joseph asks him if he thought about a prenup… nope. Park wants to know where Abyss is, and gets his first real lead in this story arch where Young tells him that Abyss was really mixed up with Immortal. WHY THE FUCK DOESN’T PARK JUST WATCH THE SHOW? Oh right, because it generally sucks.

- Meanwhile, Sabin is cutting a promo about their badluck with injuries, and that they are coming for Joe and Magnus… noting they beat Morgan and Crimson whose best move was rubbing each other with baby oil. This Sunday, they are not wrestling Curry Man and Shark Boy, rather the MCMG’s. Good promo, and out the champs come to retort. Magnus puts over his respect for the two overcoming injuries, but not to be overlooked by they are the best RIGHT NOW. And accordingly, they decide to fight right now… only to interrupted by Mexican America. Totally Not Chavo and the mute Hernandez have exception. This turns into a brawl. The heels are tossed out, stare down, end segment. Ok, this was entertaining.

One of the best Simpsons clips ever… ties into something I posted in the BWF thread the other night…

- * Austin Aries vs. Christopher Daniels. You already know this will be good. And it was. Starts with catch-as-catch-can, and chain wrestling, into actual psychology in a match… PSYCHOLOGY ON IMPACT YOU SAY? Fuck yes. Puts a smile on my face, until I accidently look outside and am reminded of the excessive snowfall and my soon-to-be-shortened sleep. Fuck you Mother Nature… The crowd chants for the tweener Aries throughout (he’s on Team Garett, BTW). Here’s your match of the night, I’m sure. Quick, high energy, tells a story. Why can’t all matches on TNA be this good? Even Taz sounds excited! Austin lands a sick missle dropkick, then lands a suspended brain buster for the pin and the win!

Hope you had a better Easter weekend that this guy.

- Jeff Hardy is standing in a cage raving in his monotone voice about facing Kurt Angle this Sunday. Thankfully it’s short. Cut to James Storm with his country musician friends. It’s decent, but nothing really new is developed, so we’re moving on. Eric Young is prepping more for his wedding, but is interrupted by Sarita and Rosita who attempt to seduce him with slut-tactics.

- * Eric Young and ODB Get Married in a fucking steel cage. You read that correctly. Fucking. This looks to be absurd as it sounds. They make sure the cage is locked. Eric Cornelius Young? The preacher calls the cage symbolic of making it through life together, etc. They show a video demonstrating their love for each other. Basically just clips, FFW!

Blindfold matches in wrestling suck. In basketball slam dunk challenges? Epic.

- They read their own vows. Eric plans to love her always, even when she farts and to rub his feet whenever she wants, “because I know you’re into that, and I care.” Vows to be her tag partner in wrestling and in life… etc. ODB promises not to take his last name, but will take his ring music, and to slap his ass whenever necessary because she knows he’s into that. As sappy as this segment sounds, it’s kind of entertaining… Rosita and Sarita interrupt to object, and do a strip tease. ODB starts to cry a bit, then does her own tease. Eric is forced to make the decision, and we get the happy ending as Eric goes down to his Skivvies and the two force the preacher to strip as well. What a train wreck! Loved it!

- * Bully Ray vs. AJ Styles. Styles completes Team Garett? Mayhaps… either way, decent match. Watched it between OT in the San Jose Sharks and St. Louis Blues game for game 1 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs opening round. The game was better… I suppose the match was pretty good too. 1st OT ends, and when I flip back, AJ hits a sick Shining Wizard on Bully as Team Bischoff fights Team Bischoff at ringside. Bully still gets the win. GO BLUES!

WIN!

- Enter Hogan who announces the 4-4 stip is now 5-5 and Eric has 3 minutes to figure out who his fifth man will be… commercials…. FFW!!!

- Eric is convinced Hogan will be Garett’s fifth man, so he puts himself in on his own team. The crowd chants for Sting. So naturally, they get RVD. I guess he resigned for a little while.

Not so much, actually. Still, hopefully RVD doesn’t look like he’s phoning it in on this run?

- James Storm and Robert Roode clip packages. They should do these, but the hockey game will be back on, so FUCK THIS SHIT. Then they run down the card, don’t care.

- * Velvet Sky & Mickie James vs. Gail Kim & Madison Rayne. Totally not interested… FFW! Someone won, don’t care.

- Storm is in the ring to talk with Roode to close the show. Both men are in suits, and Roode is accompanied by his security team from Ohio Valley Wrestling. Nice dramatic stare down, I do plan on finding… cough, cough, a way to watch this later.

Awesomeness is achieved.

- Both men discuss their Beer Money! run, and that admit how much it meant to them. Then discuss the tournament last year in which Hogan forced the hand of allowing Storm to capture a title, and fuck this whole thing up almost completely.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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This Impact Review Appears on Two Sites!

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A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

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The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

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A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

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He's running wild on something

Impact is Hogan Country. After only being gone since October, Hogan is now a face official. And out to introduce him is Dixie Carter doing her best Price’s Right impersonation introduces the man in black in blue GM Hulk Hogan.

This time the entire locker room is out there instead of the last weeks 5 or 6 faces. Hogan starts booking matches, Crimson and Morgan will settle their feud at Lockdown and also having Angle vs Hardy right after his speech.

Angle and Hardy ends in a count out after Kurt decides enough is enough. Hogan congratulates him and sets up a Lockdown match between them. Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t Kurt legit hurt with a pulled groin so shouldn’t he be taking it easy for those Olympic trials instead of in a cage? But I guess priorities.

Flair is in the back on his cell phone talking to Vince ..er I mean Eric Bischoff about out of control Hogan.

The Bully Ray comes out talk about his name and how he’s taken craps bigger than Austin Aries. Which of course prompts Aries to come out and fling his microphone at him and beat on him in the corner before Ray gets the upper hand and powerbombs Aries. Bully Ray like a kid who forgets that he’s already introduced himself asks “Do you know who I am?”

Then we have Joseph Park still looking for his brother Abyss. This time he hopes that the caterers know where he’s at but to no avail but he leaves his card anyway. At this point he should just go straight to Dixie Carter ask to see the tapes from Genesis, find out the Bully Ray may have something to do with and attack/litigate him to death. Just sayin.

Then we have the knockouts number one contenders match with everyone but Brooke Tessmacher, Sarita and Rosita because you know they don’t exist in the realm of possiblity of getting the title. That right is reserved for Velvet Sky who not only was given a whole new backstory but hot shoted to the title picture because she exudes sexuality! Who needs talented knockouts when one can get first Madison Rayne who is the longest reigning former champion and a women who causes men to “Let the Pigeons Loose”. Glow, Shimmer and Chickfight keep me strong. Velvet wins after apologizing to Mickie and hitting her with “In Yo Face” for her Lockdown rematch.

Wrong Pic but I like it better than a champion Sky

EY has a bachelor party with a bunch of nerds…Our word so I am allowed to say it. Well Jock nerds who play Fantasy Baseball when Dungeons and Dragons is too complicated. Then ODB comes in an places Eric’s face in her boobs. And I died a little inside. KO Tag Titles going to good use.

Aj Styles and James storm was nice and a good flashback to when Roode took on Styles to prepare for Angle. After a moonsault, Storm kicks Styles teeth down in his throat. In a good little short match. Here is something I can get behind now if only AJ could stop being used as enhancement talent which seems to be the case 99% of time.

Montgomery Gentry is in the back and is confronted by Roode and his bodyguards as he spits water into the rednecks eyes. OH SH–t  I smell a Canadian lynching! but no that is what security is for.

In one of the oddest turn of events what was once a one on one match between Gunner and Garett is now turned into a Lethal Lockdown match were if Bischoff senior loses he right to the Bischoff name along with being kicked off Impact. Hmm I wonder who is going to win you know with Eric getting work on a project that could and will take him off television for a while but like a cockroach he’ll be back.

Always getting his good side

MCMG have a tag match against Mexican America who I thought had disbanded after the Repo game guy took thier girls but there back too along with Helium Chavo. You know when I can’t have Sarita and to a lesser extent Rosita in the Knockout title picture but they can hang with LAX lite to be fed to the MachineGuns I know what I’m in for in the foreseeable future. Crap. MCMG win and then call out the Joe Daddies. So yeah here comes the tag division and I mean all the meaningful tag teams in a cage for the titles. 4 guys make up a once great division. TNA should look at the total roster and make more and not only that but with them renewing there deal with Spike put on Xplosion on Saturdays with focus on Tag team, Television and X Division story arcs. Internal booking mode off. I’m happy that Sabin is back though.

And the main event is a “dream” match between Mr. Anderson and Roode who in typical heel fashion smacks a beer bottle over his head. And wins only to have Storm then Hogan out to reverse the decision to close out the show.

Thoughts: I find the introduction to be really Razzie bad by Dixie but after that the show really took off and we got some good matches and some good progression what with the Motor City Machine Guns back and kicking ass and maybe we will have an official who watches the matches and intervenes when something goes wrong unlike Sting for the last few months. Here is to a better Go Home show then last PPV what with it being Lockdown.

See you next Week

And no visible pics. yeah this is awesome. Hope to get that fixed for next time.  (ThinkSoJoE note:  Fixed!)

On the road to Lockdown the all cage PPV and with two weeks and some change to go we have the return of Roode, accompanied by 5 body guards cutting a promo on breaking Sting and putting Dixie in her place. He goes on to say that the guards are there for Storm’s protection not his. To which starts Storms music. The cowboy quips on the “mall cops” and attempts to get at Roode before Bully Ray jumps in and takes down James momentarily. Storm fights Ray off and attempts the last call super kick on The Champ but Roode escapes. After some manning up a handicap match is called.

Gail and Madison are in the back having make up talk. Gail presents Rayne with a present which of course is a crown. The two make up. Gail tells Madison to beat Velvet Sky. (The lesser of two evils….. Nope can’t root for either.

Madison vs Velvet…sigh.  Lets make this quick. After a what felt like a 3min divas match, Sky beat Rayne witih In yo Face for the 3 count. Yes her finisher which Taz announced is as vapid as her character. Hemme conducts a inpromptu interview on the ramp where Sky (who is out of breath) calls out Gail and puts the rest of the knockouts on notice. Please don’t have Sarita job to Velvet, please don’t have Sarita job to velvet. Please.

We get when Harry met Sally but in a bad H.S reproduction substituting Hogan and Dixie. I swear I felt like Vaseline was needed when all the proping of Dixie and Hogan was done. Favorite line “Dixie, you a beautiful, attractive person.. (pause. Dixie looking uncomfortable) on the inside.

Matt Morgan and Crimson recap leading up to the next match.

Hemme gets ready to call out the two when Austin Aries music hits. She looks confused. A Double politely takes the mic and starts in on Ray. While the Impact crowd has dueling chants of “Austin Aries!!” “Aries sucks”. Aries talks up Storm and how he wants Bully Ray before extending his hand to James metaphorically to tag.

Hemme announces Matt Morgan before cutting to commericial. When we come back Morgan is beating on Crimson on the ramp. The two trade blows back and forth teasing countouts on two occasions. finally we have the third and final out of the ring fight which leads to a double count out.

Joseph Parks comes to the production area and talks to the engineers. Asks has any of them seen his brother Chris. He leaves his card.

Mr. Anderson vs Hardy: The match is pretty good and serves its purpose but the best part is the announcement of the Motor City Machine Guns return next week. Which in a way overshadowed the match. Angle interferes and cost Hardy the match.

We next have the Longnecks and Rednecks video with Montgomery Genry with Cowboy Troy, a lone black guy in a sea of white dudes who are probably not that far removed from lynching him if he looked at Faith Hill the wrong way. Thank God that Charley Pride and Darius Rucker make it somewhat of a fair fight. Moving on. Its a good video and was a lot of fun.

Eric Bischoff comes walking backstage ready to make another announcement about his son Garett. sigh. Good feeling gone.

Eric Young/ODB and a wedding planner go about the wedding naturally and we see some more of the insecurity that is ODB. So will we see another attempt at a heel turn fueled by jealousy? At the wedding that can not go wrong. 3 days before Lockdown in a steel cage the wedding will take place.

Eric B is in the ring ranting about Sting and I guess leading to Garett. Finally he gets to Garett and calls him out. Garett comes out and confronts his father. Eric gives his son an ultimatum he either gives up or he has to meet Gunner in a steel cage at Lockdown. Garett chooses the latter.

James Storm video shows him working out and doing yard work as he talks of Roode and the break up of Beer Money.

Main Event: Bobby Roode (c) & Bully Ray vs Austin Aries (c) & James Storm

We start off with Ray doing talking smack to Aries before tagging in Roode, Aries obliges by attempting to tag in Storm. Roode attacks from behind. After some time Roode tags in Ray who goes on the offensive but soon Aries comes back and embarrasses Ray before walking into a big boot. The heels dominate for the remainder. Aries soon gets off a drop kick leading to a tag. Storm beats on Ray and sends Roode into the ring. Storm gets ready to attack Roode when Bully Ray goes back on the offensive. Bobby gets the beer bottle and gets ready to spit it in The Cowboy’s face. Storm ducks and Roode hits Ray instead. Storm goes for the last call which Roode throws Ray in the way for the 3.

Hogan comes out to Dixie who is already in the ring. Before Hogan can answer Sting comes down with a handful of face wrestlers to cheer hulk on. Hogan asks Sting if he has his back and Sting agrees. This of course leads to Hogan accepting before the show fades to black.

Wow. Lets hope the next tapings that appear celebrate the return of Motor City Machine Guns.

Pintnoir out.

We then cut to Bully Ray who seems obsessed with taking hostages for whatever reason. Which with the X Division match coming next is apparent foreshadowing. Some one always has to take out the X guys to prove a point to which point I wish I knew.

Austin Aries (c) vs Kid Kash vs Anthony Nese vs Zema Ion: A really good match. Especially for Nese who was able to show off his abilities and hopefully gets a shot at a story with Aries. Everyone gets as least one show moment in and out of the ring leading to a tower of doom in the corner. Then (like foreshadowing demands) Bully Ray comes in as the competitors are all laid out and attacks. Aries the only one left standing gets a boot to the face. Yeah that was awesome.

So Mexican America is outside with Josh Matthews who is about to repossess their ride. What happens next is typical Repo Games which Chavo or should I say Anarquia gets wrong except for the first one. Leading to begging for a chance to pay Matthews when each set wins their respective tag titles.

Sarita and Rosita vs Eric Young and ODB: This match was short and to the point, as with that I mean we got the typical EY antics which lead to him goofily playing around the ring since male on female violence isn’t allowed on Spike TV. Eventual Eric strips which causes the girls to flock around him (because Sarita has nothing better to do) hitting on him. ODB jealous takes out the pair before hitting the BBAM on Rosita she starts in on EY for messing around with other girls and where his ring, they kiss and she tosses him on top of Rosita for the pin. Yeah so Bully Ray couldn’t interrupt this match.

Crimson is backstage previewing the new Direct Auto Insurance with Morgan before going all heel and saying Morgan was the selfish one. Morgan appears and attacks Crimson until security pulls them apart. Crimson crawls away.

James Storm comes out and calls out Roode for attacking Dixie and for just being a bad friend. Instead of Roode we get Randy Orton circa The Evolution who is the British attorney for Robert Roode who is hiding at home until Lockdown but Storm is more than welcome to fight either Daniels or Kazarian. James opts for both then Last Calls the lawyer William Kelly.

Kurt Angle is having an interview with Wonder Years when after being asked about the rematch with Hardy which Kurt declines, is presented with the fact that he lost against Garrett which causes Kurt to seek out the kid which takes 5 seconds rechallenging him for three minutes.

Garett vs Angle: Garett and kurt have a pissing contest until a shoving match fires up Garett causing him to do a couple clothelines and a face plant. But when bischoff jr goes for one face plant too many Kurt tossing Garett out of the ring. Garett sees the clock and decides to duck Angle for the remaining time. Until that is Gunner comes out and attacks Garett. Bisch Junior wins by DQ. Hardy comes out for the save.

Tag Title Match Samoa Joe and Magnus vs Mexican America: MA takes early advantage isolating Magnus as Joe watches from the sidelines. Magnus eventually gets the hot tag and Joe cleans house locking Anarquia in a choke hold. The Sitas hope up on the apron to distract the ref who doesn’t see that Chavo Jr has tapped. Then Josh Matthews comes down and repossess the girls. Hernandez breaks the hold and is about ready to powerbomb Joe when Magnus big boots him and takes Chavo jr setting up for the back kick into the elbow drop. Magnus and Joe wins.

Afterwards in the lot MA is trying to get the car back only to attack Matthews who fights Anarquia off. Proving that they have no money or power to take on Matthews the girls leave with Josh. Hopefully ending Mexican America.

James Storm comes out to have his handicapp match with Kaz and Daniels which lasts a total of 5 minutes including entrances. Oh and before that we get news on how next week we are having the official video of Longnecks and Rednecks (Storm’s theme) with Montgomery Gentry and Cowboy Troy! IF you not into country you may not know who that is. Storm wins after a Double Last Call on Kaz and Daniels respecitvely.

Wow the main event is Hogan and Sting with Dixie talking about the GM position which could of been handled at the beginning of the show. Awesome. As I try not to fall asleep as Sting kisses Hogan’s ass we are left decisionless which means that this will continue into next week on a taped show. yeah again. sigh.

See you next week. Pintnoir out.

So we have match 1 which is the tag match between AJ Styles /Mr. Anderson vs Christopher Daniels/Kazarian for….absolutely nothing. WHat started as an intriguing set up involving the secret that Daniels unearthed and what Kaz kept wanted kept quiet is now just a feud with an added element for the returning Mr. Anderson. Because I’m assuming that they had no plans for him on his return. So I feel that the faces will lose to build momentum for Lockdown. If nothing else it looks like that TNA has formed new tag teams. How knows if the faces due win maybe Lockdown will be the blow off of the feud in a three way tag team title match.

Austin Aries vs Zema Ion for the X Division title looks to be filler for the real match at Lockdown. I see a cheap move on Ion’s part that gets him disqualified leading to a rematch at Lockdown for the win. Don’t get me wrong it will be a competitive match that will keep the crowd awake to make it through the rest of the card. But a footnote leading to Lockdown all the same.

Gail Kim (c) vs Madison Rayne the match that the X division will have to keep people awake through. This is really just a waste and hoping it is just filling in for the (hopefully) eventual confrontation between Gail and Sarita since that is the only person she hasn’t faced yet and would really be appreciated here. I could see this match as the final straw for Gail as far as friends go making her a lone wolf against a rejuvenated face Sarita would be appreciated or keep her heel as long as we get that match. Gail should win here because god almighty we don’t need another Killer Queen reign.

Sting vs Booby Roode (c) should solidify Roode as a crafty and threatening force leading into Lockdown against James Storm. Otherwise it would just be a waste of the champion to get beat by Sting. Here’s to Roode winning and making himself look strong. Nashville would be better for it.

Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy this should be Hardy’s redemption song for last year. Taking on the man who can have a good match with a broom stick. (Looking at you HHH) This should make four a good match and here’s to Hardy doing something different with his moveset instead of the wash and repeat business he could show some knew moves and bust out some classic maneuvers from the old days. Angle should go over so to extend the feud to Lockdown where Angle does best.

Samoa Joe/Crimson vs Crimson/Morgan here here to the Joe Daddies or whatever their called. Morgan and Crimson just need to progress to the next level. Just fight already. Hopefully come Lockdown we see these two finally step to heel and face category to make the Crimson character more interesting. Because this rematch seems forced. Joe/Magnus for the win and the dissolving of Morgan/Crimson.

Bully Ray vs James Storm we have seen this match already and on free tv as the marks would say but i guess they have to give Storm something to do until Lockdown. Storm will go over Ray and move on to Nashville.

Saving the best for last. The Robbie E open invitational for the television title. I’m crossing my fingers that this will be resolved for going into Lockdown. Bischoff noted that now under the current regime that long term story is being created. So what looks like random heel tactics by the two Rob’s could be setting up for an eventual face to strip the belt off Robbie E I predict another jobber who will take the pin leading to Robbie getting more heat.

So there’s my predictions in assorted order (thanks Wikipedia) A day after PPV article should verify or debunk predictions.

pntnr out.

James Storm our official TNA redneck comes out to make an inring promo about his eventual confrontation in a steel cage with the aforementioned Roode. I smell a slobber knocker coming this April. Just as Storm’s finishes Bully Ray comes out. He taughts the #1 contender tellling him that he won’t make it to Lockdown. And just when we think a fight is about to break out Ray calls out Gunner to take his licks. After a couple of punches the security groupies rush the ramp to separate the two, during the insueing ruckus Ray gets in a cheap shot.

Another Bobby Roode vignette about Sting.

Madison and Gail argue about losing the tag titles which they really weren’t defending, but i digress. They confront Sting who tells them that he’s busy dealing with Roode. He sets up two matches Gail vs Mickie and Madison vs Velvet Sky, Rayne’s match is next.

Madison Rayne vs Velvet Sky:

Madison composes herself on the ramp before cutting into her Killer Queen gimmick, which by the way needs to change but “hearts” to her anyway. Velvet comes out next shaking her pom poms and just as she is ready to staddle a rope for pigeons, she darts toward Rayne spear first. Early on Sky has the advantage with her assorted moves of doom until Madison gets the upper and due to a ref who can’t keep his hands off the knockout. Then the crowd gets behind Velvet which comes out like a druid chant for a death march. I laugh and die on the inside. No offense to the Madison haters but I’m behind her as her move set and more diversified. Anyway after a rollup by Sky which is reversed into another roll up with tights for the win.

Crimson is smug backstage bragging about the win over the two Robs, which is as brag worthy as breathing. After Morgan questions Crimson’s motives about winning belts and making money they head out.

Samoa Joe vs Crimson:

A short match to show that Crimson/Morgan are on the same page and another loss for Joe with Magnus looking weaker even by comparison when he attempts to attack Morgan on the outside only to get irish whipped into the ring post.

Austin Aries comes out and shows his X division champion reel and brags about being the longest reigning X Division champion exceeding the previous record of 182 days set by Christopher Daniels. Celebrating aside out comes Zema Ion, after some exchanges about breaking necks and nut hair growth, Ion gives the toast right before he throws a drink in is face. Aries answers back by dousing Ion in the hole bottle ruining his pretty hair.

Gail Kim vs Mickie James:

There was promos with Sting going on about crowing and craziness but ehh. Mickie and Gail continue to prove their previous WWE stint match was a fluke which they have been trying to allevate through superior matches. This one is no different. After Gail messes with Mickie’s knee we have a methodical attack which culminates with Mickie making a comeback but Kim out smarting her with a belt to the face. she scores the win. heel syle.

We have a watercooler or Lemonade talk according to Anderson about his involvement with AJ Styles. Daniels is curious why he’s taking Styles side which I had the same question because the story looked to be going good til last week. When Kazarian went from unwilling pawn to bitter assistant to all an out heel which now makes this story seem trite. But we have a match between the Daniels and Anderson to hype.

Daniels vs Anderson:

Anderson knocks off some ring rust with Daniels as he seems to not miss a step. Daniels bumps like a madman. Anderson and Daniels battle and during the melee Chris cuts his cheek. Kazarian comes down to the ring to distract Anderson only for AJ to come to the rescue Daniels gets up only to take a mic check. Anderson wins and prepares for Victory Road.

Jeff Hardy prattles on about Angle being an Olympic gold medalist. and his creatures. Speaking of Angle

Garett and Angle have a five minute challenge match which I assume (and you know what they say about assuming) will make Bitchoff (not my words but Angle’s) look good. And I guess that old adiom about is right not only does Garett look good but it also hypes Hardy vs Angle this Sunday when Hardy comes out to save Garett when Angle who’s angry about not beating Garett in time locks him in the ankle lock.

The Two Robs are interviewed by Wonder Years and talk about the upcoming open invitational. Yeah TV title on the line and the person is random. Here’s to an eventual title change so we can have some actual competiton. One can hope right.

James Storm vs Gunner:

Here are two back woods southern wrestlers on the opposing sides of the heel/face tangent. What we have so far is a good match between two competitors with Bully Ray egging on the Gunner. But Gunner gets the job done and by that he takes a Last Call to the face. Making James Storm look strong going into Victory Road.

Sting and Bobby Roode have their contract signing which is where Roode rips into Sting with all his worth for a good 8 minutes. All the while Sting sits patiently listening untl Bobby turns to leave. Sting flips the table over kicks over the chairs and puts on his makeup and attacks the champion. And while beating on the Roode he applies his trademark black paint to Roode’s face. After Roode scurries out of the ring face ashen from the paint sting gets enpowered by his attack.

Well here’s to Victory Road.

“Surprisingly” Kurt Angle comes down and cuts a promo on Garett about listening to his father and how he listened to his father and he became an olympic gold medalist. Garett looks on backstage with disgust.

Sting is in the bathroom talking to himself in the mirror. EY walks up on him as Sting’s cracking up. Asks to do something special for ODB, Sting after finally getting Roode’s name and Eric’s separate decides to treat ODB to a Knockouts Tag team title match. EY walks away baffled.

Knockout Tag Team Title match: Gail Kim/Madison Rayne vs ODB/EY- Match starts with EY and Gail in the ring and when EY won’t hit Gail, ODB tags herself in. ODB does most of the heavy lifting throughout the match. Rayne and Gail trade tags after getting the upper hand on ODB. What happens next is a comedy of weird lewd situations. EY’s in the match and immediately grapples with Earl Hebner (ref) placing him in the corner. Gail runs up from behind only to hit the turn buckle. Eric props up Gail only to have Madison run at slam face first into Kim’s crotch. He sets them up for double airplane spins and attempts to pin Gail only to have Madison kick him. The girls getting the upper hand try to clothesline EY over the top rope only to run into ODB, who takes Madison with her outside. After Madison reverses a toss into the ring steps she grabs one of the belts and goes back in and hits EY with the belt. Eric lands on Gail in the missionary position with Earl counting the three making ODB and EY the new Knockout Tag Team champs.

After the match EY proposes to ODB who reverses the question and Eric says “yes!” To the roar of the crowd.

A man by the name of Joseph Parks talks with a sercurity guard about talking to iMPACT officials, Bully Ray cuts a promo on Storm backstage . And Austin Aries gets some disturbing news. Sting emailed him about taking on Zema Ion tonight. Aries goes on his internet smark routine about throwing hard earned money down the toilet by showing the X division title match on free television.

X Division Title Match: What can I say but this is a good match performed by superior athletes who aren’t given enough to do beats the Garett Bischoff saga by a mile. And then it ends when Austin Aries ducks hair spray to the face, turning the tables and spraying Ion in the face to get disqualified. Zema Ion wins so we still have the Victory Road PPV match. Take that Internet Smarks?!

We see Mary Sue, I mean Velvet Sky getting her hair did, when the mysterious Joseph Parks walks past questioning her. He asks about his brother Chris Parks better known as Abyss who’s been missing for some months. Velvet having no clue and surprised Abyss had a brother can’t help help Joseph. We get a jump cut to Bully Ray.

He wants a title shot since he has taken out James Storm. Calls out Sting to make the match. Sting who has paint coating his fingers, comes down. Sting won’t allow the match with causes Ray to demand a match for the world title. Sting gives Ray a shot at Bobby Roode. But. It will be after the break.

World Title Match: Bully Ray vs Bobby Roode (C) Roode has an argument with Sting in the back about defending the title, which Sting says “Who’s says its for the World Title?” prompting Bobby to head to the ring. Roode tries to talk down Ray who wants none of it and wants to fight. After calling Roode a punk the match starts to pick up steam. Ray and Roode trade blows with Bobby at one point bitch slapping the bully. Soon Roode gets the upper hand beating down Ray and taunting him with the trademark Ray horns. Eventually leading to Ray to power slap Bobby until he picks up momentum hitting rights and lefts and back body dropping the champ. Setting him him for the Bully bottom getting the two. Roode getting desparate goes for a spear and heads out of the ring to grab Rays wallet chain. He charges the Bully who meets him with a big boot. And just when Ray’s had enough he grabs his chain and is ready to beat Roode with it when out of the crowd comes James Storm , chasing off Ray. This all before he super kicks Roode and leaves him draped with the title unconscious.

Garett Bischoff is talking to Wonder Years Jason Hervey about being confident about tonight but won’t divulge who his partner is.

Crimson and Morgan are getting ready in the locker room when Joseph Park walks back asking about Abyss. Asks if they can point him in the right direction. Of course no one watches their own product and points them toward Ray but whatever. The slow heel turn of Crimson is still brewing as I assume creative really doesn’t have anyone to take on Joe/Morgan. Well besides Morgan/Crimson. They take on Robbie T and Robbie E for a #1′s contender’s match. Which is next.

Robbie T comes out looking uncomfortable with a pink and white striped sweater. Escorting slash accompanying Robbie E to the ring. Crimson and Morgan come out to a more comfortable attire ready to go to war. Robbie E comes in first to take a beating at the hands of Crimson as he goofs to the crowd.  Realizing he can’t hand E tags in Robbie T who takes it to Crimson. Crimson starts to fight back as he reverses a choke slam, he heads back to charge T but E smacks him with the trademark clip board to the back. Allowing Robbie T to tag in Little Robbie for a double team maneuver. The talk of the undefeated streak is brought up as Robbie E flies from the top rope with a fist. He gets a one count. Then its Robbie E’s turn to get a chance at the streak as he takes a beating to Crimson finishing up with a front slam for two.  Rob Terry soon breaks out in a pose down which back fires when Crimson slams him to the canvas. Both men are down as there tag partners anxiously wait on the apron. Each tags his respective partner leading to Morgan cleaning house. Morgan stacks up the challengers in the corner and splashes them. Matt clothesline Terry outside the ring and Carbon Footprints Robbie E leading to Crimson to tag himself in and pin Robbie for the win. Morgan is visibly upset.

AJ is talking about the ongoing feud with him and the rest of Fortune. Gunner cuts a promo with Kurt bragging about Olympic gold medalist.

AJ comes out and talks of the importance of the 10th anniversary of Impact Wrestling. And all the allies and enemies he made. Speaking of enemies Daniels and Kaz come to the ring. After a lengthy back and forth about friendship and how AJ is to blame for his friendlessness, Styles decides to only associate with — Assholes as Mr. Anderson makes his return. Together they beat on the heels.

Garett Bischoff heads to the back to talk to his tag team partner. Advertisement for Fan interaction at TNA.

Main Event time, Kurt and Gunner head down to the ring. Garett heads down followed by—Jeff Hardy wearing one of the most disturbing makeup he can find. Painting veins and eyes on your eyelids makes Sting’s make up look tame in comparison. The match gets under way when Gunner and Angle charge the faces from behind, tossing Bisch Jr. outside the ring and double teaming Jeff Hardy. Jeff is taking most of the beat down as the heels tag in and out. Garett wants pacing on the apron. Finally Hardy gets the hot tag, Garett comes in and clothesline’s Angle and then smacks Gunner off the apron. Garett is on fire as he goes to work on Angle and drop kicks Gunner off the apron again. Even hitting a neckbreaker variation on Angle. Soon the heels get the upper hand as they double team Garett, as the heels throw Garett into the ropes Jeff tags himself in. Garett hits a double clothesline allowing Hardy to hit the swanton bomb on Angle for the win.

What we have now in light of Russo’s release is a more focused show with as Eric Bischoff said has story that is planed way more in advance. Tonight wasn’t too bad and it seems Garett is getting a bigger push than ever so we’ll see coming to Lockdown.

Kurt comes out and proceeds to read off some notecards all the reasons why he hates Hardy:

1. Hardy has long hair which he dyes different colors, Kurt Angle has none.

2. Kurt Angle comes to autograph signings on time but when Hardy shows up late all the people in his line walk away to get an autograph from Hardy

3. Kurt has many action figures and posters, but when he goes to kiss his boy goodnight all he sees is Hardy posters and toys in his room, and his son also has the audacity to dress like Hardy too.

What confuses me about this make believe heel list from Angle is that with Kurt’s background as an all american Olympic good medalist wouldn’t the list he gave be only one line long “Jeff Hardy is a drug addict, and self destructive personality who is a bad influence on my son.” There he would have saved impact fans five minutes.

It's True, It's True

After reading his list he calls out Hardy, Jeff comes out looking annoyed like someone gave him the wrong order at a restaurant before entering the ring.  Angle tells Jeff that he wants to wrestle at Victory Road, Hardy thinks about it and slaps the Gold Medalist.  After the aforementioned bitch slap from Hardy the usual brawl insued followed by Simon Diamond, Al Snow and referees coming to ring to break it up. Jeff calls on his “Creatures of the Night” before accepting Kurt’s challenge.

Roode shoots a promo in the back about Sting booking himself in the main event of Victory Road. And as he rants in the background we see The Greatest Man Alive, Austin Aries walk up. He concurs with Bobby telling him about his twitter comments. They decide to take a walk.

Madison Rayne (ugh) and Gail Kim have a conversation while Rayne is hanging posters of Gail Kim. Gail wants to make up and she does this by signing Madison in a match with ODB, because that is what a good and caring friend does.

We have a Gauntlet Match between Kazarian Daniels and AJ Styles, where if and when AJ wins he wants to know the secret that Daniels has over his head. So by stipulating this TNA is basically saying “You probably won’t know to Victory Road, or the latest Lockdown, or wait the Impact after Lockdown because ratings are more important then PPV buys.” AJ and Daniels start off the Gauntlet Match (and for those that don’t know a Gauntlet match is where a competitor faces one opponent and after he wins takes on the next until he clears both or loses to one or the other.) They have another good match filled with reversals and cool moves that have highlighted their respective matches in the past. That is until Kaz comes in and performs Fade to Black on AJ basically DQ’ing Daniels. Before covering him for the three. Kaz is to his breaking point and not even The Fallen Angel can keep him chained.

Madison Rayne takes on ODB w/Eric this is what you expect from Rayne she takes a beating and keeps entertaining the crowd by making the face ODB look more over. Gail comes to ringside with belts in hand as I guess moral/heel support. Madison goes for her finish ODB reverses and goes for the Ba boom? Eric Young distracts the ref with his foolishness, Gail attempts to hand Madison a belt to cheat with but slips on the apron. ODB hits her move and pins Rayne for the three. Afterwards Rayne who is annoyed asks what happened as Gail apologizes.

We have replay from Bully Ray’s failed attempt at beating up Brandon Jacobs. We then are treated to another Bully Ray makes fun of the geek girl before telling her to call him. A double and Bobby walked up and try to convince Ray that James Storm isn’t the cause of his embarassment but Sting, who because he’s the authority figure.

Garrett Bischoff is cornered by Father, Gunner and Flair who gives his usual I’m old and senile speech that kind of sounds coherent if living on Shutter Island is your idea of normal. Garrett holds up all stoic as the heels look on in disgust. Because nepotism is nausea inducing.

Velvet Sky has had enough and she wants her title shot. She retells the events of two weeks ago when Rayne threw her over the ropes becoming the #1 contender. Well if you whine long enough the heels will come. Sarita and Angelina?! mock Velvet before a fight breaks out. Or more like a beat down. But the flower child is coming to the rescue Mickie James who I assume is wearing a workout outfit but looks more colorful then a Puerto Rican float decides to team up for revenge on the heels later in a tag match.

Roode, Aries and Ray come down to the ring to pout. All three after a long winded recap say their done. This of course prompts Steve to appear and question each man about abducating their respective title and paycheck. Eventually Steve sets up a six man tag main event. Ray, Aries and Roode versus Storm, Magnus and Joe.

More updates on Jesse Sorenson with a video package with his mother about how he hopes to fight and be back in the ring soon. Now I think we’re at the point where this whole reality distortion field is being set up with Sorenson his mother and Zema Ion.

Speaking of Ion he cuts an interview with Wonder Years, showing no remorse for the crippling and makes a comment about how he would break the interviewers neck for a bigger profile in TNA.

X-Division Match: Zema Ion vs Shannon Moore, it is essentially a match to set up how much of a solid heel Ion is against homeless Moore. With Ink Inc. why is Shannon still there? Zema puts on a good match that results in some good spots from both men. It comes to a close when Ion hits his chin to knee buster on Moore for the pin. Ending the segment shadowing wearing the belt.

Knockout Tag Match: The new team of Angelina and Sarita is being toted around as a new thing. I guess with Russo gone we no longer have lesbian vampires. Mickie comes out introducing Velvet with mock pigeon flapping. As we get down to business. During the match we have Mike Tenay for some reason segway to TMZ who I assume is affliated with Spike or Viacom for that matter, talking about the feud between Madonna and Joe Francis, of Girls Gone Wild infamy. Along with Lindsay Lohan hosting SNL. You know because commenting on the Knockout match is just not his job. We’ll eventually the announce team gets back on the ball, actually calling the match. This match makes me want a Sarita vs Mickie match which I won’t get but whatev’s. In the end Mickie lou thesz’s Sarita and they roll out of the ring. Velvet ducks a botex injection from Angelina and hits her faceplant to get the cover. The women celebrate as Mickie makes the pigeon wave again. Sidenote: Why is Mickie promoting masturbation? Just a thought.

The search for Abyss has started. 2 months to late. but hey its TNA not Missing Persons. Abyss’s family sent a letter to the company asking for where he was. They replay Genesis and his after match beat down from Ray. Get out the milk cartons because Detectives Tenay and Taz are on the case.

Main event time as all six men get to the ring.

This is a good match up between a different but familiar mix of competitors. Again we have the commentators getting distracted with Taz wondering about the knockouts as Tenay hypocritcally asks Taz to focus. Joe is cornered and taking a beating until he tags in James storm who goes to work. Eventual it conscends into Storm hitting the last call on Roode and getting the pin. Storm celebrates. Until Bully Ray hits Magnus and then Storm with a chair declaring himself the #1 contender,

Impact fades to black.

He gloats how Sting on twitter has apparently quit wrestling. Roode praises himself for doing something that Harley Race, Vader, and Ric Flair failed to do. This time we don’t have an interruption from someone in the back.

Later we cut to Crimson and Morgan arguing over AAO, and Morgan being speared by Crimson. From what the convo details we could see a Crimson heel turn. Both agree to get on the ball and win tonight.

Tag Team Title rematch: Samoa Joe/Magnus vs Matt Morgan/Crimson

We get another good match where Magnus takes the brunt of the attacks. Then tags in Joe to clean house when needed. Toward the end of the match Morgan is hot tagged and goes through both Joe and Magnus setting up for the pin. Joe makes the save. Later on as Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint on Joe, Crimson from the other end clotheslines Morgan when Joe ducks. A Joe Magnus setup elbow drop, helps them retain. After the match Crimson fumes at Morgan.

Brandon Jacobs makes his return (same day if you were at the tapings) as he walks down the ramp Mike Tenay makes an announcement of last week being shown on espn and other such networks? I’m confused. How? Anyway, Brandon Jacobs calls out Bully Ray or as he calls him “Buwwy Ray” Bully Ray comes down and stops midway at the ramp. The two banter back and forth, Ray makes light of Jacobs accomplishments while he pumps up his own. Finally Jacobs has had enough and chases Bully Ray to the back. Backstage Jacobs is approached by Hardy and Storm who tell him something in his ear.

X Division match: Zema Ion vs Alex Shelley

We have good back and forth from these two. Zema holds his own against Shelley. During the match Austin Aries comes to the ring with popcorn and wine to evaluate the match. Shelley is making a comeback and attempting sliced bread #2 when Ion pushes him into the ref with that distraction he sprays Shelley in the face with hairspray, leading to a jawbuster and then a running knee pin. Austin Aries looks on in disgust.

We have a replay of the Bischoff story. The segment seems strangely cut off when Hogan confronts Garett to give him some advice. Oh and Madison makes an appearance to explain her winning the knockout over the top challenge, and how she is just giving Gail a better opponent. Because you know Sarita wasn’t available.

ODB w/ EY vs Gail: We have the new Cody Deaner appear with his love ODB, to a very good reaction from the Impact crowd. Gail follows with her typical self. We get a good match with of course the occasional interference from Eric. Soon Madison comes down which distracts  Gail. This of course leads to an ODB comeback which is ended when Gail reverses out of the BaBam and turns it into Eat Defeat. Afterwards Madison runs into the ring to raise Kim’s hand. Gail is furious shouting at Madison leaving her in the ring.

We have a replay and interview with Jesse Sorenson and his mom detailing his accident. Mike Tenay assures us he’s at home now. AJ does a pretape about how he’s done with Daniels and Kazarian. His mind is on the TNA world title.

This sets up AJ Styles vs Robbie E. For the television title.

A decent match with the obligatory interference from Rob Terry. Soon Daniels with Kaz comes to the ring. Kaz who looks extremly P”Oed walks pasts a bewildered Daniels and proceeds attack AJ from the apron. Causing a DQ. Before walking out glaring at Daniels.

Main Event: No Disqualification Tag Match Storm/Hardy w/ Brandon Jacobs vs Angle/Bully Ray

A good match where Jacobs gets his hands on Ray. The inclusion of Angle from last weeks attack seem to help start a feud. Since Hardy didn’t really gets his hands on Angle. A table is introduced by Ray and Angle but is turned against them when Jacobs gets into the ring and chokeslams Ray through allowing Storm to get the pin.

Sting comes out to announce his retirement. But Roode can’t help but to interrupt. This seemingly sets off Sting who starts poring on black makeup getting into his joker character. Roode goes for another low blow but is blocked but Sting kicks back dropping Roode. Sting promises to put on the boots to kick Roode’s butt. He can’t decide on a closing remark, but leaves with Ta Ta for now.

The Leader of the Selfish Generation comes to the ring to brag about still wearing the strap. He even has the lovely Christe Hemme announce him twice and delusionally hears the crowds jeers and boos and thinks their cheering his name. Roode sounds so much like Boo who could blame him. This is of course followed by Steve with mic in hand. He announces that Roode will have a rematch against Hardy tonight! In a No Time Limit, No Disqualification match. And it starts after the break.

Roode (c) vs Hardy: Hardy comes out strong taking out his frustrations out on the selfish one. Hardy basically owns Roode for the majority of the match. That is until Hardy goes for a whisper in the wind, which Roode counters with a ref bump into the ropes. Before unceremoniously baseball slides Hardy to the outside. After a momentary breather Roode heads outside to piledrive Hardy on the ramp which is reversed into a back toss. Hardy is getting fired up throws Roode into the ring, takes off his shirt…only to be jumped from behind by Angle. He throws Jeff into the steps before throwing him back into the ring where Roode is waiting with a spear for the three. Still your champion Bobby Roode.

We next have a somber moment about Jesse Sorenson who was injured at AAO when Zema Ion land knee first on the top of his head. Compacted C1 vertabrae which left him numb from the waist down but four days later he seems to be recovering nicely and hopefully he will soon return to wrestling.

Speaking of Zema Ion he has a X Division tag team match where the hairsprayed one teams with A Double to take on Alex Shelley and Shannon Moore? The question mark is for Moore who just seems randomly thrown in but more than likely it was supposed to be Sorenson who is injured. This as usual is a exciting match with the similar but conflicting personas of Ion and Aries attempting to co-exist with there massive egos in the ring. Spots where Shannon grabs the hairspray and using it causing Ion to baseball slide kick him in the back from inside the ring was a good show of his heel nature. Eventually Aries gets ready to put away Shelley but is unknowingly tagged from behind by Ion who sneaks in and rolls up Shelley for the win.

Yeah Gail Kim and Madison Rayne are coming to the ring next for what should be entertainment. (sigh) But what we get is them sitting ringside as a Knockouts Over the top Battle Royal takes place. We have TNT, The sitas, Mickie, Winter Love, ODB and Favorite Velvet Sky.  I have to state right now that I stopped reading spoilers on Impact a couple of months ago so here I was hoping for Sarita against all hope. Well after an exhausting nail biter we have Sarita standing against..Velvet?! No words for this. Velvet tricks Sarita like Wyle E. Coyote by allowing her to charge at her before dropping down causing her to fly out of the ring. (huh) Velvet does a quick celebration before Madison charges in and dumps her over. Come to find out that Madison announced before the match while standing in the ring that everyone in this ring is wrestling for the #1 contendership. Even with Vince Russo officially gone from TNA we still get a swerve. Gail who is in shock screams at Madison who points at her signifying her crown. Thank you TNA for giving me hope before dashing it.

When overated is beaten by

Magnus and Joe comment on being Champions before the rematch is announced for next week. A Garett adn Gunner segment is played meaning the return  of Eric B. triumphant. I’ll pass. But for some reason we see Chelsea, former vale for Desmond Wolfe accompany them.

Oh and a promo interview with soem dude sporting his 60 minutes (his words) style MMA show. Which by the way should have us all excited.

Eric Young is ready to redeem himself for not calling or acknowledging ODB on Valentines Day. Yeah, more filler to pad the show.But don’t worry they eventually make up after he sings her an Ode to ODB, I really wish we could have some purpose other than comedy for ODB and EY.

mediocrity

Main Event: James Storm vs Bully Ray- #1 contenders match.

We have two wonderful contenders in a predictable match. We all know the endgame for Roode, which is his partner James Storm. But this is a nice distraction. Ray really goes all old school heel getting the heat he needs to push the crowd in Storm’s favor. Stripping The Cowbow down to his bare leg goes to work on the leg. Storm who is taking a beating is finally allowed some offense when Ray brags to much take a shot in the mouth. Before you know it Storm hits the Last Call for the three and his chance at Roode. At ringside sits Brandon Jacobs of the NY Giants, Storm calls him out to celebrate. before you know it Ray comes in and belts Storm from behind. Bullying Jacobs before spitting beer in his face. This sets off Jacobs who shoves Ray leading the to the always slow D’lo, Simon D, and Al snow who dart to pull Jacobs off Ray.

Backstage Captain Obvious (Wonder Years) interviews Storm and jacobs basically detailing the entire scenario over again after just seeing the events. Jacobs who’s first lines are incoherent seems to play along. Next Steve comes out to announce when Roode will face Storm.

Calling out Roode he tells him he has no where to run because Storm will face him in Nashville, TN at Lockdown.  Roode quietly and suddenly kicks STing in the balls. Then knees him in them for good measure before blasting him with the belt

We start Impact Invasion with a wonderful involvement of a cluster fudge clip reel inter-cutting various movies 4,5,6 and 1 with last weeks Bischoff family drama. But lets start the show with a Bully Ray in ring promo.

Meesa Approve.

After being abandoned by his partner, Roode, he wants some answers. Not even allowing Roode’s music to finish before they take it to the ring.
To do some more…talking. Until the real culprit behind their Fleetwood Mac split reveals himself. Steve Borden comes out with his trademark UK special Cricket Bat. He tells the heels to get ready for a tag match against James Storm and….(J Hardy can’t leave the states because of his parole) The Insane Icon, Sting. Ta Ta for now.

So sad you couldn't be here these past two weeks.

The continuing story of Kramer vs Kramer err AJ, Daniels fight over Kazarian continues as we have a one on one bout between the aforementioned parents. After a pretty solid match Daniels wins with brass nucks handed him by a reluctant Kaz.

Gunner and Bisch senior plan infanticid. Where is Mrs. Bischoff? Women are very protective of their children. Would make a better story.

Samoa Joe and Magnus step out next to raucous applause. While under Magnus’ music, of course. And Mag’s cuts a wonderful promo proving (hopefully to Bischoff) that he is the total package. All that comes to an end when the UK heels Morgan and Crimson come to the ring to brawl which comes to an end when joe pulls Magnus from the ring before flippin the bird.

Good showing

Next we have the neglected crown jewel of TNA the X Division. And its a three way between Shelley, Williams and Champ Austin Aries in a non-title bout. This is another strong showing from all competitors where we see Douglas going to the top rope for a flying European uppercut and various outside maneuevers. It finishes when after kicking Williams in the nuts following the chaos theory on Shelley, Aries goes for the brainbuster but is out smarted with slice bread. Giving the match to Alex Shelley in a long overdue rivialry.

In the back Hulk Hogan warns Steve Borden about having a target on his back. And to look out.

But to outside where Gail is beating on Tara. The scene jumps back to Tara taking pictures of the UK, which are interrupted by champ Kim. Bringing the fight full circle. Even with fair fight from Tara the winner after throwing thro a set of doors is Gail who mockingly brags her title and name to Wonder Years.

Hogan and Bischoff Junior are up next. After a HH endorsement we have a interruption by Bischoff Sr. and Gunner. Hilarity ensues. After a brawl Hogan  highhandedly beats both Gunner and Bisch Sr. before letting Jr. get a punch in on his dad. Sad. OH AND Bully Ray and Roode argue before there match.

Hardcore Country Mickie James vs Velvet Sky where we watch Mickie slowly go heel due to no title win? What comes across as a decent match ends with a miscalculation by James leading to a win for Velvet.

Even glorified strippers win over Hardcore Country

Welcome to The Main Event: or See ya in 3 days, Champ! -Bully Ray

the crowd was hot for the faces as they took the champ and ray to task. Sting  eventually clears the ring after double splashing Ray/Roode in the corner. Roode eventually dropping on Ray’s manhood. The Insane Icon S Drops Roode before locking in the scorpion deathlock. Ray comes in to interfere but says the above quote with belt in hand. Roode submits as Ray looks on.

The Star Wars promos didn’t overshadow the show because besides the opening montage and Taz being Taz mentioning princess Leila? and the minute response from Tenay the show was still good all around. Here’s to the upcoming pay per view, Against All Odds and a return back to the iMPACT Zone. The ends the no vowel edition of pntnr iMPACT Review.

We get a shot of Garett Bischoff walking into the arena on his cell phone. Which makes me wonder how he’s getting reception. I mean its London, England for christ sake.

Samoa Joe and Britain’s own Magnus approach the ring as the crowd goes wild. Tonight is a Buckingham Brawl, which is essentially a coin toss is done and the winner gets to go by Tornado Tag rules while the opposition has to use traditional tag methods. In which case similar to the Papa Johns commericial with Manning ends with Morgan and Crimson losing the toss. Which the crowd is happy about. This match is a classic example of the MCMG  vs Lethal Consequences feud from a few years back with LC being faces but being booed because the crowd liked the Machine Guns better. Same rules apply here. Joe and Magnus are way over while Morgan and Crimson are booed no matter what they do. After a beat down on the faces, Morgan eats a enziguri into a Elbow drop for the three count. The crowd is estatic.

Suceeding that match is Eric Bischoff coming out to call out his son, Garett. The crowd is not amused. Not even when Garett arrives to the ring does the crowd ease up. And the torpedo just continues. Eric does his song and dance about Garett being a dreamer and that he will never accomplish half of what he has and how he should just give it up. Which the crowd responds with “Boring” chants. This is followed with Garett on his imaginery phone

WRONG CONTINENT

with his trainer who by now should be acknowledged as Hogan. Because this hasn’t been done before sans mystery. Crowd almost down right riots with the boring/booing shaking the arena. And I was watching from the USA and could feel it. Finally this painfully watched segment ends. In the ending segment leading to break Tenay announces Hogan’s return. Before he is revealed as the mysterious trainer.

Momentarily we will have one of the sickest looking botches of night courtesy of Mark Haskins. A Double vs London’s Hometown Hero Mark Haskins, who I might add hasn’t been seen since August. I defer to this point because Tenay makes light of this but wants us to care. Because he is Britain’s own like Magnus but unlike Magnus who has been getting a push, Haskins walks in to almost half hearted support from his kinsmen. This contrasts Aries who is cheered and chanted. But we do get a good match. Albeit one that ends with the sickest landings I’ve seen on network tele. Haskins goes for a Shooting Star Press as he hits the mat Aries moves, Haskins smacks head first on the mat allowing Aries to brainbuster then pull out a classic Horns of Aries submission for the win. But back to the sickening thud his head made when landing the SSP, Haskins is legit hurt suffering a concussion on his third televised appearance with TNA but wow that was sick. Watch it online if you can.

Where Art Thou?

Bobby Roode is up next in his non-title match up with James Storm. Which I won’t lie I was disturbed  by this but realized that with the title not on the line we won’t have cowardly heel Bobby but Heel Roode. Which is exactly what we received. This was a good match that didn’t really spoil anything that would be upcoming on PPV seeing as how the ending allowed Ray to interfere distracting Storm leading to a spear and a pin by Roode giving him a win but making Storm still appear viable with having been screwed again for a win. Good match with each man choreographing each other due to thier long history. Afterwards Roode has Ray bullybottom Storm on the world title. Sting comes out to clear the ring but the damage has been done.

Now its Cougar Town’s own Tara

Yep still having trouble finding a suitable picture. But this will do.

taking on (again) in a non-title match up Gail Kim w/ groupie err Tag partner Madison Rayne. Tara who came out pumped to see the London crowd attempted to slap everyone’s hand on the way to the ring. Hyping herself up for the match. We get a decent serving of whats to come during AAO, with Tara and Gail feeling each other out. The crowd in a similar response in the IMpact Zone feel silent for most of the match prompting Tara to unleash the “come on” screech to a momentary crowd noise. The crowd finally picked up when Tara after having been beat down by Ms. Kim finally made a come back (even pimp handing Rayne who was on the apron) leading to Madison reappearing to attack Tara from behind only for Tara to have sixth sense and ninja sidestep allowing Rayne to pop Gail. Rayne is tossed out and Tara wins with the Widow’s Peak. Allegiance aside wouldn’t any interference lead to disqualifiction on either side?

Garett returns. He is ready to announce his trainer, but before he does Big Bischoff returns to piss on Lil Bischoff’s parade. Bringing along that anger management future attendee Gunner along for the ride. EB spouts one of the best one liners I’ve heard from this program for quite sometime. Attempting his usual threats and promises is interrupted by none other than Hulk Hogan. The United Kingdom explodes. Hogan and G. Bischoff take turns Hulk punching Gunner. With that out of the way we see Eric cowering in a corner. But of course he is thankfully pulled out before HH and GB can get to him.

Now after that segment we have a backstage or back street more likely chat with Lil Bischoff and Hulk Hogan. Hogan hypes up the UK, talks about how TNA is on the cusp of greatness a smidgeon away from being a thousand times bigger than it is now. What started as a Hogan/Bischoff shoot on Eric became muddled in a rallying cry for iMPACT Wrestling. Having Hogan in his own words leading the ship as the mantle piece on front seeing through the fog of doubt. And for those not smelling the greatness he’ll gladly grab them direct them toward it?!

We saw what happened to the last boat Hogan helped steer.

Yeah my thoughts exactly.

The Main Event: James Storm, now with taped ribs taking on Bully Ray the man with the massive calves. The crowd is loving the chant “Where is Devon?” Ray takes control early on and is shouting “I’m going to break your ribs” to Storm. Soon after the start of the match Bobby Roode comes down. This of course is followed by Borden bring his trademark…Cricket bat. Oh yeah, baseball doesn’t exist in England. Soon Storm makes a comeback and as happenstance should have it a ref bump/both wrestles laid out in the middle of the ring occurs. Roode slids in followed by Steve. This causes the champ to run like the wind with Sting in pursuit. Ray goes to reach out to Roode only to turn around and face the last call. Storm wins as a distraught champion looks on in anger.

Next week will be a Star Wars Themed Impact again taking place in Wembley Arena. Because TNA and Star Wars share a common interest? OH wait most of the original film crew for Star Wars: A New Hope were Brits. But when it airs Star Wars: The Phantom Menace is coming to theatres in 3D which was filmed by….Jamacian stereotypes disguised as floppy haired creatures? OH NO WAIT…Is it because TNA hopes to capitalize off the launch of Star Wars to make money for itself. Good Good very WWE of you guys.

Meesa so proud. TNA TNA TNA

Be sure to check here tomorrow for our BWF Radio Royal Rumble preview podcast!

Click here to view the embedded video.

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Seriously this is the only pic I could find. Not kidding.

We have Mike Tenay go over a brawl that took place earlier that night. Jeff Hardy and Bully Ray start kicking the hell out of each other leading to Roode pulling up in his truck double teaming Hardy, which doesn’t sound as bad as you think. Soon just as Roode/Ray throw Jeff into the back of the truck James Storm runs in to eventually get double teamed that is until the bat of justice from Steve Borden saves the day. Back into the Impact Zone as Sting, Hardy and Storm head down to call out Roode and Ray. Well lets just say another fight ensues where Steve attempts to separate everyone leading to Storm suggesting a tables match. So for your main event we have Storm/Hardy vs Roode/Ray in a tag team tables match.
We have a promo with the returning Alex Shelley, who discusses his match with Zema Ion and his subsequent match should he win against Austin Aries for the X Division title. (Just happy to see a feud with history dating back to pre-Hogan being remembered)
This is when I shake my head as Eric Young mistakes a disfigured black crew member for Sammy Davis Jr. Only for the guy to leave him at the mercy of Winter Love who attempt to seduce him into a crotch shot only for him to be prepared with a cup. More pointless filler to further a feud which can’t really be fought because Spike TV doesn’t allow female on male violence. EY scares the Vampire Lesbians away with his cup sniffing.
X division match is underway with Zema Ion vs Alex Shelley, and lets just say this is what TNA is all about or was. Fast paced action followed by near falls and amazing finishes. Zema Ion attempts a 450 splash only to miss and get sliced bread #2 for a three count. Shelley will advance toward Aries for Against All Odds.
AJ Styles has a promo describing how the business changes people. And he is also getting to the bottom of the Kaz/Daniels pairing. Which of course means nothing will be disclosed.
Eric Bischoff shows up at the gym of his son’s. Brings a camera crew to see what his trainer looks like. After some smug exchanges Garett points off camera to the shock of Eric B. Camera man is ushered out. Here’s hoping it was Eric B’s wife because who allows a man to put her son in the hospital?
Awesome! A mixxed tag match with no actual wrestling!
Lets give a run down
1. EY comes into the ring and proceeds to lock up with Earl Hebner
2. He then instructs Hebner out to the apron to be tagged in
3. Earl is tagged in and EY gets out.
4. EY locks up some more with Earl, Winter attacks, EY strips
5. EY chases Winter and Love around like a pervert
6. ODB tags in, decimates the heels
7. EY’s Hebner baffoonery distracts ref allowing Winter/Love to take control
8. After the heels have some fun,ODB is given liquid courage, popeye stle. EY and ODB do some double airplane spins (RIP Gorilla Monsoon)
9. EY and Winter dizzily exit the ring, as ODB slams Love for the three count.
10.Face Palming insues.

EY and ODB's next business

THen we have a Roode and Ray promo where some foreshadowing is being done. Ray makes some off color comment about Bobby Roode not being the champ for long showing distrust. Both men can’t turn their backs on each other.
We have an overview of the non feud of Magnus/JOE and Crimson/Morgan, I say non feud due to the ass kicking JOE and Magnus have taken in actual matches. They replay the 1 minute match between Crimson and Magnus from last week. Next we JOE vs Morgan.
Well look it here it is a good match with some hard hitting action that actually last longer than a minute. Of course Morgan wins with a running Discus Punch (shades of the Texas Tornado,Kerry Von Erich) for the win.
Afterwards the heels beat down the champs. I have a feeling that JOE/Magnus will win next month and take on the returning MCMG in the future.
AJ is looking for answers and he isn’t getting them. Daniels instead does some more taunting about Styles being a whiner leading to an altercation in which Daniels gets owned. When Kazarian won’t shake Styles hand because you know Daniels has something on him we get a match set up at AAO, Kazarian vs Styles, for all the answers! 
I have a theory. Lets go back some months when Daniels turned heel and Kaz went to see him. They agreed to meet. Months go by and all of a sudden Kaz is his slave. Kaz wife Traci months earlier slept with Eric B. for the Knockouts VP position but was denied anyway with Kaz not getting angry. Even in his aborted feud with Jeff Jarrett/Karen where Jarrett called Traci names. I think Traci is Kaz’s beard as it were and he is secretly hiding his sexuality which Daniels must have found out on his trip to Kaz’s ranch.

Just A theory

Anyway. Tag team tables match was a third brawl through most of it leading into some almost table drops on both sides. Eventually James Storm gets Roode in a corner, letting Jeff hit the twist of fate, rolling roode on the table STorm hits an elbow drop for the win. Then after the heels return and beat down the faces putting Hardy through a table.
Here’s to next week when Impact is in England. PNTNR OUT.

Not the Impact Zone!!

What we get is a refresher in repetition. The show opens with the Genesis title match recap, we watch (for what would be the second week in a row) Roode getting himself disqualified after kicking the ref in the ball sack. (Sorry for so much detail but I’m using spell check and I could use ebonics.) We then get the added treat of a repeat of that debacle where Ray yanks out Roode costing a no contest. Retaining the title. We now official start the show with Storm coming down to the ring announcing how he beat Angle for the #1 contendership and can’t wait to face down Roode at Against All Odds. But wait, just as he’s about to spout his catchphrase out comes Hardy. I have a feeling we will not get out one on one rematch between Roode and Storm? Hardy tells Storm that “no one is getting a title shot until he gets his final encounter.” Because now we live in Out World. Storm and Hardy have a mini face off talking of screwing and someone paying child support when out from the back comes Roode. The Charitable Champion has extended his limits with Hardy and tells James Storm that since the title match was a no contest his #1 contenders match is null in void. That is until Sting ” The Insane Icon”  Or as I call him Steve Borden, H.L.I.C tells the three men that tonight it will be The Cowboy James Storm vs The Charismatic Enigma Jeff Hardy, in a new #1 contenders match which doesn’t sit well with Roode.

We cut to Angelina Love, who does her best valley girl impression talking about how Eric Young touched her which is disgusting seeing as how he looks like ROH’s answer to Grizzly Redwood. Or because she is in love with Winter making her disgusted by men period. She decides to delay the answer to that and give EY a shot at touching her in a match. She tells EY not to bring her boyfriend to the ring. Sorry I would take ODB over Angelina Love any day, even if she wore a Klanshood.

Ric Flair, Manager extraordinaire leads Gunner out for his match against AJ Styles. What starts as a good match leads to repetition where Gunner gets mad and leaves the ring only to have Flair pep talk him back making for a stronger offense on his part. But the tide turns toward AJ that is until repetiton looms its head again. Chris Daniels along with his indentured servant Kaz march down to the ring. Like clockwork Flair distracts the referee leading for Kazarian to clothesline from the apron before sorrowfully walking back to his master. Gunner finishes off AJ with a spiked DDT for the win. But wait more repetition when Gunner goes outside the ring to finish off Styles. Daniels forces Kaz to watch but AJ gets away through the crowd.

In the back Bully Ray confronts Steve for a title shot. Why? Because he’s a moron. Borden reminds Ray about all the interferences he’s caused for Roode. Flat out tells him no. Ray gets in his face only to be stared down like a bully should. Magnus and Samoa Joe go on to what i suspect to be wonder years that tonight Magnus is going to kick the (bleep) out of Crimson or some such I could tell. Especially when Crimson shown his face during the interview and my computer screen went all (bleep) for about 10 to 15 seconds. That match follows.

And like a Early Mike Tyson fight it is over in three minutes. Crimson gets some early offense a couple of heel pins and is suddenly taken down with the Sky HIgh or Crimson Sky which it is now called. Joe comes out and jumps Crimson from behind hence the beatdown can commence. Heels make their point with Magnus sporting the belt for a milisecond.

For the second week in a row we have a advertisement for a product on Impact. I shouldn’t take because WWE has done worse. Subway anyone. Any who Eric is standing outside a Bellator truck confronting one of the cooks about being an undercover fighter, but she nothing but annoyed by the accusation and flees as fast as possible. ODB arrives and tells EY to take on Angelina with the promise of “booty bam?” At this point even ODB doesn’t know what she is saying other than code for let me out so I can try out for the WWE. But a job is a job.

We get another clip of The Rise of Nepotism which is Garett Bischoff. We get a recap (repetition) of Garett and his stand off with his dad Eric B last week along with added footage of him training with what I presume is the Black Dynamite fight instruction team meets Rocky. That is until he looks into the camera to tell his dad wait till you meet my trainer. I sense the return of Hulkamania brewing and it will more than likely be revealed during the England tapings. Yippee!!

Its time for a steel cage match between Mickie James and Madison Rayne Part II, hopefully this one won’t be 2 minutes long and result in the most quietest moment in a TNA Knockout match. It goes longer but its no Tara vs Mickie. Mickie wins with a jumping spiked DDT for the win before shooting one of the fakest backstage scene where her “girlfriends” Tara and Velvet Sky welcome her and Wonder Years starts asking subpar questions which lead to a brain dead moment. A win over Madison Rayne is like beating a homeless man for a quarter, its more shameful than anything.

The intergender match is happening which still doesn’t make any kind of sense. Spike TV doesn’t allow male on female violence. So what we get instead is a quick promo of ODB in the back living out her darkest fantasy on Angelina involving Love’s saline filled breast being ripped off. This is all before Winter pops out and beats then whips ODB which would be slightly erotic if not for the upcoming visual of Love talking on Grizzly Young.  The match commences in what could be described as a blatant waste of time. EY locks up with the ref not once but twice he even locks up with a fan. This all before he gets into the ring to wrestle Angelina who simply kicks Young in the junk ending the match in a disqualification. Winter enters and helps Love beat down on EY. Because male on female violence is bad but female on male violence is kosher? Okay. ODB joins the fray and is beat down also. That is until Eric throws them both out of the ring? Isn’t that male on female violence?

One bright spot exists. Alex Shelley returns! To reignite his feud with his long time rival Austin Aries. Double Yeah! He also tells the fans what we’ve all been thinking, We need the MCMG back pronto so we can actually have some good tag matches. I have love for The Best of Five series.

The Main Event: I will keep this short. Bully Ray interferes beats down both opponents and the referee. This while Sting is doing nothing but twiddling his thumbs in the back. But wait Sting comes out with a bat to chase off the Bully. This of course leaves Roode positioned to come in and nail Storm with the belt. Declaring a No contest standing smug in the ring. Lets just drag this three way through the tapings.

Roode comes out with a cocky demeanor. Taking his time as the crowd boos him for cheating Hardy. Roode wants to call out Jeff to shake his hand. But instead gets Sting. Who tells The Selfish One that he will have a rematch with Hardy tonight. But this time if Roode tries to cheat his disqualification will result in the title changing hands. Roode throws a temper tantrum before we leave for commerical break.

We come back to a daytime promo of Crimson who is coming out of a Direct Auto Insurance location running into Morgan. They shoot the sh@# for lack of a better term about how Direct Auto is like family before Morgan reminds Crimson that they have a match tonight against the tag team Job Squad  Robbie E and Robbie T. Awkward.

To make this sound better The two Robs don’t put up much offense considering that Robbie E keeps wanting to be tagged in when Rob T gets them down only to lose the advantage and be forced to scurry back over to Rob T. Blue Streak (Morgan & Crimson) make short work of them sending Robbie E for a double chokeslam ride to retain the belts. My how the Television title must be collecting dust for this squash. Oh and Magnus and Joe come out after the match and beat down on the champion.

We are introduced to “The Journey of Garett Bischoff” where we go through all his battles and eventual injury leading up to his return. And that is followed up by his father Eric Bischoff coming out and reminding all of us of his greatest hits. Which more than likely ended up in the five dollar bin next to Boston, the band not the city. Garett comes out and tells his dad that he will (like a cockroach) keep coming back no matter what he does. This leads to a father son bonding session where Garett puts his hands on his dad telling him to never touch him again. Because parental child abuse and “where did he touch you on the bear?” is riveting stuff.

We have a backstage segment where Winter and Angelina go over there accomplishments in the Knockout Division, Winter being a two time champion which lasted less than 3 weeks. And Angelina’s five knockout title wins, you know back when she wasn’t a time traveling zombie but a Beautiful Person. Winter opponent is the none other than the love birds ODB w/ EY.  We get the usual lock up from Eric Young which the crowd eats up. The sideshow continues as EY runs around the ring getting the crowd laughing. After a pretty decent match where OD grabs her boobs and slaps her ass like a monkey so many times that I think she needs to seek sexaul harassment training. All this before the obligatory run in from Angelina which is foiled by EY who Gorilla Monsoon’s her with a Airplane Spin making him and her dizzy. (overbooking) causing EY to comically drop out of the ring through the ropes. ODB capitalizes with a F5 variation called The Bam giving her the three.

AJ Styles comes to the ring to call out Kaz to figure what happened last week to cause his partner to walk. What I proceed to witness is a married couple fight. That is until the mistress Christopher Daniels walks down to the ring to direct Kazarian out of the ring like his bitch. Laughing at AJ until she, he attacks him. Kaz pulls Daniels out of the ring.

An Abyss and Bully Ray segment airs. Then shifts to Ray in the back with Roode who is distraught over his rematch with Hardy. Ray makes a crack about Roode being angry because Ray is trending on twitter. The Bully promises to have Roode’s back tonight as long as he gets a title shot.

James Storm who is still livid over losing to Angle Genesis night with a cheap low blow and kick to the head, heads down where he calls out Angle. In a replay from a couple months ago Angle isn’t prepared to wrestle. But Sting tells him he has till the end of the commercial break to get ready. Angle who is almost counted out gets his but handed to him in the early part of he match until he takes control after what could be described as a good match full of reverses, competitors using the others show move and near falls leads to Storm dropping Angle with a front lung blower and following up with a super kick for three.

World title match. Jeff makes a promo where he says he’s ending the selfish generation tonight when he wins the title. When Roode won’t step in the ring when Jeremy Borash is announcing him Hardy baseball slides out of the ring. After earlier dominance where Jeff walked Roode around throwing him into everything he can gets his hands on. That is until a misplaced steel steps jumps rattles Hardy stupid leading to a double 10 count which is when the first 10 count is restated after one of the wrestlers rolls back in. Roode takes control where he lays down Jeff with a blockbuster and the double R spinebuster. Jeff makes a comeback after a stunner and a twist of fate followed by a swanton. Just as the refs hand is coming down for three Ray pulls out the Referee. Causing Hardy to dive outside the ring after him. In all the confusion where Hardy is screaming at the entrance ramp whats going on which causes Hardy’s music to play signaling the end of the show.

Roode umpteenth replay of his leader of the selfish generation gimmick plays just to remind people that Roode is a bad man (again.) Steve Borden comes to the ring and calls out Jeff Hardy. This is suppose to again absolve Jeff of his victory road debacle and bring the story full circle since Steve alter ego Sting was his embarrassed opponent. But this is interrupted by Bobby Roode, the aforementioned leader of the selfish generation. Who brings tag alongs Angle and Bully Ray. Roode admonishes Steve Borden for picking favorites and how he should praise Angle for beating up rednecks and Ray for having awesome calves?! Oh and him because he is the face of the company. Then they are interrupted by James Storm and Abyss, who basically talk over the heels which prompts steve to set up a six man tag match. You know because both companies love to compact entertainment into one main event. Have a bias against six man tag matches or random tag matches in general? Yes. Yes I do.

Oh look its Madison in a bikini and a mole that may or may not be cancerous like her whole persona.

Face, back whatever it still looks suspect

Science is still out on that one. She spots Traci at a pool and proceeds to announce that they have a tag match set up for the Knockout titles. This is all before the hazing that takes place when Gail and Madison double team Traci and attempt to drown her. Thank god for Mickie who jumps in for the save. And then we have the Knockouts Tag team match.

Its basically a brawl which has a fired up Traci vehemently attacking Gail and in some instance Rayne with occasional assists from James. *Sidenote here* So the mystery woman from last week was Madison? Here I was hoping for some new talent. Gail beats Traci with her heel move “Eat Defeat” to retain the titles.

Random Eric Young segment where he’s interviewed by Wonder Years about whats he up to. He looking for ODB so they can have their match even though they already lost. But whatever.

The Wild Card Tag Team Tournament. We see the two remaining teams Joe/Magnus and Kaz/AJ go through the pre match backstage segments/interviews. Really this whole tournament was kind of one dimensional. Aside the Magnus return to the ring nothing was special about it. Too predictable with so much interference it took the joy from it. For what should be an intense match turns sour before the opening bell. Kaz who is having secret meetings with Daniels really just ruins and makes an all too predictable out come. Long story short, Kaz leaves in similar fashion to Shannon Moore, leaving AJ stranded to take a whooping aligning himself with Daniels.

Finally, Kazarian has a storyline. Look at him smile.

Crimson/Morgan or Blue Streak take on Joe and Magnus at Genesis.

Oh. Garett Bishoff returns to ref but is told by GM Borden he is a wrestler. And Eric Young invades the KO locker room looking for ODB only to throw Madison inside a locker before fleeing.  Gunner takes on RVD, so since we know who wins lets just skip to the no Flair at ringside that took Steve 3 weeks to institutionalize surprisingly only when RVD is present. Because god forbid he has to take time off. RVD wins with a DQ and a save from D’lo. Al Snow and Simon Diamond. These three guys moved so slow it took 3 weeks of spiked ddt’s for them to make it ringside. Now announced is a Gunner vs RVD match which doesn’t look promising at all. Just saying.

X division tag match with RANDOM I mean the four participants who will face each other for the X divison title come Genesis. Austin Aries (c) Kid Kash, Jesse Sorenson, and Zema Ion. THree heels and a face its possible right??

Sorenson wins with the cross roads. Setting up the eventual Austin Aries win come Genesis. And now that I think about it where is the Ultimate X match that should be taking place here?

Eric Young finds ODB taking pics of dudes and they wrestle then kiss. AAAHH! Cody Deener part deux is on its way.

Even Charlie Sheen wouldn't come back for this Part Deux

Blue Streak and Joe and Magnus brawl.

Main Event time. Six Man tag Match! ———–The heels beat the stuffing out of the faces. Roode has Hardy in the crossface, Angle has Storm in an Ankle lock and Ray is choking out Abyss with a chain. I could go through that match it would of bored me to tears.

call the story police, please.

So hopefully until Genesis, THis is Pintnoir fading to black.

We recap with the firing of the Jarretts and the ascension of Madison Rayne as Karen Jarretts successor. Cutting back to the Impact Zone in struts Rayne and her co tag team partner and current Knockout title holder Gail Kim. She quickly calls out Tara and Tessmacher.

“Lets get this over with before we catch any diseases that you two have.”-Rayne

“I’ll take the diseases.”-Random fan

Touche sir, Touche.

Madison fires TNT for what happened last week (For a peek look at pintnoirs review from last week.) Sting’s music hits and Madison looks to be sweating bullets until out steps Steve Borden. The slightly off kilter alter ego of Sting. With Rayne’s assurance that she has everything under control, Steve chimes in that she has no power.

“Madison, it ain’t over till I say its over.” -Steve

“(screeching) “Its over”-Madison Rayne

Steve proceeds to mock Madison and her screeching ways. And informs Gail Kim that she has a match tonight against Mickie James. Roll the obligatory walk on the ramp from the challenger.

Steiner and Abyss have a pep talk in the back. Abyss tells Scott that they are partners.

Wild Card Tag Team Tournament is next. AJ and Kazarian (The Man on the Back of the Milk Carton) vs Steiner and Abyss

A really well worked match. Especially from Where’s waldo Kazarian who proceeds to hit Abyss with a barrage of back elbow, drop kicks and finishes with a swinging ddt to take the monster down. Eventually all is revealed when Abyss calls in Steiner and Black hole slams him. Making sure to pull Kaz on top for the win. Afterwards Bully Ray comes down to the ring accusing Abyss of being a bully.

“Your the bully, Abyss” – Bully Ray

Abyss wants Ray at Genesis in a Monsters Ball match. If Ray wins Abyss will rejoin Immortal no questions asked.

You have to love Immortal’s recruitment practices. Speaking of Immortal, Ric Flair is backstage with Gunner both are in front of an ambulance. Flair proceeds to sell Gunner as a badass and Gunner quotes himself “killer”

Best of Three series Zema Ion vs Tony Nese w/ Austin Aries on guest commentary

Did I forget that its a contract on a pole match. Yes its a contract on a pole match. King of the Mountain, Steel Asylum, and Destination X matches are too confusing for audiences so lets dumb it down to a contract on a pole match? Thank you Vince Russo, Hogan, and Bischoff. That was for Pintnoir.

This time Zema doesn’t come out with a spray can but a knitted scarf? while Nese comes out looking rather propless again for the second week in a row.

Maybe when its your turn.

I wonder who is going to win.

Zema Ion pulls off the victory after dumping Nese out of the ring onto the railing. Lack of commentary from Aries makes me wonder what he thinks.

Douglas Williams former  TV Title Holder and two time tag team champion. Now he is jobbing for Gunner who is now a “Killer”. Match is short to prove a point. Gunner pushes referee young Hebner resulting in his disqualifacation. Gunner redoes his greatest hits when he DDT’s Williams whom I assume is going to Ohio Valley Wrestling on the bare concrete.

Robert Roode and his family comments play out. Roode struts to the ring and calls out his best friend from the tapes. Tracy Kalesky former Lacrosse player, wrestling plant, confronts Roode and says that he doesnt’ recognize his best friend. You know because six years ago when he was part of team (heel) Canada and later Robert Roode, money man with secertary Ms Brooks he was a nice guy. Even when Beer Money first formed they were a heel team. But I digress, he attacks his friend until Jeff Hardy runs out for the rescue.

ODB and EY have a meeting backstage about strategy. Which should of went something like this, “I leave you in the ring OD and since Spike TV doesn’t allow male on female violence we can just stall until you can kick whoever in the balls like last week.” “Good plan Eric, I love you and that Canadian redbeard”

But instead Eric says rapid tags to stay fresh while the other team tires out. So what we end up having is a unimpressive match where Samoa Joe looks ready to walk. Magnus attempts at flirting or as I call it sexual harassment which ODB returns in kind. This is before she socks him one. And they start some mock makeout slash wrestling. This of course infuriates Eric who disrobes and wrestles Magnus. After some stilted wrestling Magnus runs in and throws ODB into the ring post that Eric is standing on causing him to ball bust. Joe runs in with the muscle buster for the win.

So much for Male on Female violence huh Spike.

Kurt Angle vs RVD-a cautious match turns into a real good set up until you realise it will advance story and Kurt is super kicked leaving RVD disqualified so Rob loses but still looks good and then it cuts to a promo that seemed to be taped sometime later that is played immediatedly after where Kurt and RVD seem disappointed their match ended the way it did. This plays even though Kurt is layed out in the ring.

On to the Main Event. Jeremy Borash does the announcing. The best part is where Jeremy says. “This is for the Knockouts “Ladies” Championship”

he couldn't let progress ride.

Just incase you didn’t know. The man event is fast and furious between Gail Kim and Mickie James. Reversals and top rope manuevers, even the filtering in of crowd noise contrasted with no reaction from crowd. Mickie no sold the noise when she did her “come on” scream to get the crowd back into the match. Then after what appears to almost be a clear finish a women in a goblin mask runs in and does the Rayne drop to Mickie, allowing Gail to pin her for he win.

Next week Pintnoir will be back but for now I’m Matt B. Wrestle, signing off.

Impact opens with a replay of last week, with the decimation of Hardy and Sting. Following it up with an appearance from the heels as Roode w/ Bully Ray the culprits of the beat down. Roode spews his heelish hate which eventually leads to him attempting to get Sting to suspend him so he doesn’t have to defend his world title at Genesis.

Taz:Wouldn't Roode being suspended lead to being stripped of the title? Tenay: Yes, Captain Obvious.

(*sidenote: wouldn’t suspension lead to being stripped of the world title?) Any who, Jeff Hardy’s music hits. He marches down to the ring and tells Roode he will not be suspended and infact he, Roode and Bully Ray will be involved in a tag match tonight. All Jeff is missing is a partner. Ray prods Hardy with insults claiming no one wants to be his partner because he’s an outcast. (I guess his “drug induced performance at Victory Road” isn’t good enough) And like a angel Sting makes his entrance, he makes sure to walk backwards turning around to reveal…….

Tenay: Joker Sting?!!! what a bunch of bull.....

He claims to always respect Hardy and will gladly be his partner. (Even though the beat down he took last week would of been good enough reason.)

Wild Card Tag Team Tournament: AJ Styles + Kazarian take on RVD + Christopher Daniels

This was a good match that brought out the crowd. And lets not forget reminded the world that Kazarian still exists.

Taz: Where's Waldo? Hey if Double J didn't want to play ball why should we.

Styles who is on occasional still trying to sell his injury. RVD and Kaz have some good back and forth but when this match becomes a handicap situation this is where the plot thickens.

Tenay: By which I mean plot advancement for Genesis

Daniels won’t tag in. That is until RVD attempts a rolling thunder on Kaz. Daniels takes control until he loses the upper hand leading to him wondering over to RVD who enziguri kicks him into Kaz for his fade to black. AJ and Kazarian advance. And I’m assuming the RVD vs Daniels at Genesis will happen.

Best of Three Series: Zema Ion vs Tony Nese, 2nd Round

After Zema embarrassed Nese last week with a triple round of show moves that ended the match, Nese cuts his own promo about his strength and how he is a threat in the X division. Also it should be pointed out that Zema Ion is a heel. A young arrogant foreign heel. And will possibly be taking on Austin Aries in another heel vs heel match. But to further set the tone for his heelishness we are shown his new prop gimmick a long standing tradition with the new guys because when your a face you love football (Sorenson) and when your a heel (Zema Ion) you come out with a non descript hair spray can that you use profusely around you to show that you kill the environment. Thank you guys in the back, Russo,Pritchard,Conway and the various others with input with clarifying. We basically have a repeat of last weeks match with Zema acting all arrogant earlier in the match. He again knocks out Nese only to pick him up after 2, leading him to tell everyone to wait. He of course this week walks into Nese’s power legs and gets rolled up into a pin. Never has a contest been so obvious. Nese doesn’t even have a prop.

Promoville: Madison Rayne and The Pope

Karen’s shriek filled void this week will be induced by none other than the Queen B herself Madison Rayne. Because that is so awesome. When I see her also wearing a ref shirt I know I’m in for some more Traci bashing or some Gail proping goodness. (sarcasm is king here) Will this Knockout VP nonsense ever end in a satisfying conclusion before the outside world thinks its division revolves around Karen and/or Madison?

NO! and enjoy

Now on to the Pope feud promo. Watching this brought me into a blaxploitation movie full of 70′s cars and white snow bunnies who love their choclate daddies, it was like Superfly meets Undercover Brother. It even had racial implications as when Devon was attacked from behind and in his fury it sounded like Pope called Devon a n****** before finishing up with a black a** but you know its the stereotypical Pope letting his congragation know that he’ll be pimping in the mid card with teenage boys.

Oh and Eric Young and ODB went on a date. Because a goofball and a truckers dream

Taz: I won't lie I'd hit that

make for the best odd couple.

Rayne comes out and proceeds to call out….

Tenay: TNT, which for those who are acronym challenged are Tara and Tessmacher

Why does she call them out instead of this factions favorite punching bag Traci? Because she hates their closeness. She didn’t go for the obvious quasi lesbian jokes that should of been inputed, but you know Madison still wishes she had a friend in Tara. I guess. What we end up getting is Rayne’s patented killing crowd syndrome where every one just sits there as we watch a train wreck in progress. Tara and Tessmacher even go all Chikara on us and does the slow motion match for like 2 minutes to little reaction other than those in the know.

Tenay: And I know somewhere, Vincent Kennedy McMahon is laughing at how he has devolved women's wrestling and turned it viral. Taz: What? Tenay: Nothing.

This drags for what seems like 20 minutes when in actuality is more like 5 maybe 8 minutes. Finally ending when Tara+Tessmacher look at the crowd/tv when Madison is screeching “someone hit someone” and take out Rayne. Madison screeches some more up the ramp and we are treated to some crowd noise at TNT succeeding and shutting Rayne up.

We have a Storm promo where were he talks about where to find him. In florida, or in his local bar. Kurt takes him up on that offer and shows up in his home town were he proceeds to insult the town floozie and get into a bar fight with a bunch of rednecks eventally superkicking five men while they’re on stools. James Storm was not impressed.

Wild Card Tag Tournament: ODB + EY vs Anarquia + Shannon Moore

Shannon before the match cuts a promo with Wonder Years stating that he’s going out there and doing what he has done best for the past 17 years

Tenay: which I am assuming is walking away. Taz: Like his former partner Neal. Tenay: Bazinga!

Anarquia is a embarrassment to his faction especially as he lay writhing in pain after ODB kicked him in the balls. Rosita and Sarita just stared at him yelling. Bye bye to OVW. Eric Young and ODB win and celebrate by picking each other and Earl Hebner up. I can get behind that.

Main even match: Roode/Ray vs Sting/Hardy

In a Street Fight: Faces have control for the opening part of the match not using weapons. Eventually after a poke to the eyes Ray starts smacking every one and their momma with kendo sticks. Heels look strong beating the faces with cookware and faux Kendo sticks.

Thank you, Sandman

Eventually the faces come up victorious as Hardy pins Roode. Here’s to Genesis as Roode retains eventually leading to the epic rematch between James Storm and Roode. And we’re out until next week.

AJ Styles comes out for his 5 minute sudden death extension from Final Resolution against Bobby Roode. Because TNA could care less about PPV buys. After the initial 5 we have a second overtime. 30 seconds later we have Bobby Roode retaining after using a single Boston Crab on an already injured limb of Styles.

Next we the tag tournament that teams various people together. First we have Hernandez and Robbie T taking on Abyss and Scott Steiner. Decent match which ends when Abyss black hole slams Rob Terry and allows Steiner to make the pin.

Kurt Angle comes out to demand a rematch against James Storm. Calls out Sting who tells him that James said that he has already beaten him and is moving on to the world title picture. Angle vows to go to James hometown and attack whomever for Storm’s attention.

Tony Nese takes on Xima Ion in a best of three series for a shot at the TNA X division title. I believe the whole purpose of this match is to build up both Nese and Ion as top contenders in the X division. And for that I have no problem with that. Xima executes 3 high impact moves on Nese before finally pinning him and shooting a cocky promo to boot.

Jesse Neal takes on Gunner in what is I guess an excuse to write Neal off television after going on his twitter complaining about leaving. Message served as Gunner hits a DDT on the exposed concrete floor an assist by Flair sealed Jessie’s fate.

Jeff Hardy comes to the ring and documents his victories over Jeff and the soreness that followed.Bully Ray cuts him off before reminding him that he will not be a stepping stone for Hardy.

God… Robbie E and Douglas Williams wrestling Samoa Joe and Magnus (This all before a behind the scenes look at the too measuring each other up.) Entertaining match that really showed how well these two (Magnus and Joe) mesh. A muscle buster on Williams for the win.

EY (Eric Young) finds out that ODB is his mystery partner.

Devon calls out the Pope who comes to the ring with Devon’s kids. After a heated exchange Pope kicks Devon in the balls from behind. Terrence and Terrell join in holding their father as the Pope slaps on him.

Traci comes out dressed to stress that she is a wrestler against the Killer Queen Madison Rayne.Short like a divas match ending in the weakness kick to the head I’ve seen.

Sting calls out both Jarretts. After earlier encounters decides to fire them both.

Roode comes to the ring to specially announce while Bully Ray wrestles Jeff Hardy (who is now the #1 contender for the TNA title belt. Okay. Bully Ray is a worker and this match ends after 2 twists of fate. Later on Ray distracts Hardy in the ring and puts him through a table. Sting emerges and is beaten down.

End Impact.

Final Observation: Better than the last few weeks and Impact is slowly improving and the best part I haven’t seen Hogan since the Thursday after BFG. So here is to continuity and less Russo style matches. Since you know he is still writing the show while Pritchard oversees.

Steve Borden enters the ring and calls out Bobby Roode. Explains to Roode that there will be consequences for his actions and that last week was just one punishment the next is coming up. Out comes Dixie Carter. Borden tells Roode to apologize to her. Roode rants about how Dixie sucks at her job and that she needs him as their champion. He figuratively and physically spitting on authority. Dixie is in shock, Steve chases him from the ring. So much for the age of Selfishness.

Backstage continuation where Styles throws Roode up against a wall. Steve then comes to the back to confront Roode only to be held back by Styles and Hardy.

First Match. Samoa Joe vs Abyss–

Short match that seems to be the way for Joe. Steiner distracts the referee leading to Ray hitting the Samoan with a chain. Winner Abyss. Afterword with Steiner and Ray in the ring, Abyss blackhole slams Scott leaving Ray to run from the ring.

Backstage with Karen Jarrett. She instructs Madison to take out James. Yep inept assassin #2 will so put away Super Mickie.

More Backstage with Gunner and Borden–Gunner wants a third try against Garett Bischoff. He promises no Bischoff Sr. or Flair at ringside.

Devon and the Pope call out Matt Morgan and Crimson. Devon shoots a mutual respect in ring promo but promises to take home the titles. Pope grabs the mike and shoots a heel promo…Elijah Burke all over again TNA? After saying he’ll do whatever it takes stooping to any lengths to attain it. He bumps Morgan who grabs him and beats him down. Crimson and Devon scuffle to the back. Leaving Pope alone to low blow Morgan and calls in Devon’s kids. All three beat down on him until Morgan hulks out and they flee.

Madison Rayne vs Mickie James–

Yeah a four minute filler where Rayne puts on some offense before Mickie overcomes laying out Rayne with a DDT for the win. Rocky and Bullwinkle villain extinguished. Gail comes out to show off the belts. Because its setting up for Final Resolution. You know.

Gunner and Garett pt III, and still no one cares. The people in the back care so little that Bischoff Jr. still comes out in dress pants, belt and converse all stars. Even poorly dressed Gunner who whoops on Garett until Bisch Junior pulls off a single leg pin. Beatdown after the match leading to a spiked piledriver on the concrete. Afterwords Flair and Bischoff mock an unconscious Garett who is being loaded into an ambulance.

*Special notice* When Taz and Tenay talk about fatherhood and Tenay looks annoyed by Taz and his non announcing ability. I guess it really is what you know.

James Storm confronts Angle spew some good dialogue which first seems like ass kissing. Gay reference. Storm turns his back to hit him from behind again. Mocks Angle’s catchphrase.

Devon’s Kids —- skip

Traci Brooks versus Gail Kim what was supposed to be a reenactment of the Madison Rayne/Tara match except Traci kicks out after 2. Leads to a decent match where Ms Brooks unleashes her frustrations on Gail. That is until Karen comes out distracts the referee causing Traci to be knocked out by Madison’s ill earned KO’s belt. Gail wins.

*Daniels is snarky funny, comparing RVD’s singlet to a colostomy bag was inventive.

Jeff Jarrett w Karen Jarrett/Bobby Roode versus AJ Styles/ Jeff Hardy—-Disconnected—-

Which I feel was a warning from the god’s to not spoil the ending of the pay per view. Who know but this Sunday is Final Resolution and here is too a decent 3 hr Impact.

Steve Borden (No Makeup makes him Steve) comes down to the ring to make an announcement about the “Inmates running the asylum” And how he is going to punish those who step out of line. First up is Robert Roode, or Bobby Roode who is called out after his heinous treatment of Dixie Carter. Roode comes out and him and Borden banter throwing as many puns out there that they can in ten minutes. That is until Borden calls out AJ Styles and then promptly follows it up with Jeff Hardy before telling Roode that he will be involved in a triple threat match in the main event. Roode is disgusted and so are probably half the wrestlers in the back who don’t sell the merchandise Hardy sells.

Next we have the knockouts in bathrobes in the parking lot, were Karen is in the process of verbal and physically undressing to wash the wrestlers cars. For some of the women this is a repeated performance of a past life, Velvet, Tessmacher, Tara and Angelina have all posed in revealing clothing inside and outside the ring so no real shock there. But Winter and Madison (who still annoys me but does look good in her two piece, what put her on mute and commence….oh yeah “pigeons loose.”

Wonder Years Jason Hervey interviews Hardy until Jarrett comes into the spotlight. He still mad that Jeff no showed a past event and came intoxicated to the ring in March and wants him gone. FYI: Does Jarrett really get off on being in the spotlight feuding with top talent rather than elevating Kazarian or Magnus? We will find out later tonight. Ray and Bischoff have a sub par meeting in the back, Which will lead to another Roode vignette. Where they continue to play the aftermath of his “Reign of Selfishness.”

More semi dressed Knockouts as ODB wondering around out in the parking lot most likely going home because she had nothing to do, runs into Karen who is watching the knockouts as closely as a lesbian prison warden from some 80′s sexploitation flick, propositions her to take out Mickie James adding the bonus of earning a title shot. Logic aside her wouldn’t the fact that Gail is allied with Karen make a title opportunity a moot point considering Gail and her posse would just cheat? But so far I’m liking this episode.

Three way tag match between Ink Inc w/Toxxin vs Mexican America w/ Sarita & Rosita vs The Pope and Devon w/o the 2 kids they share. I’m all-pro gay marriage with kids especially since Devon’s wife practically disappeared after a couple of appearances. Decent match that saw what will now be the norm in Impact Wrestling, make shift tag teams. Because who needs already made ones when you can… I’ll stop now I enjoyed it for what it was.

Aries comes out and cuts a promo where he says he has beaten everyone in the division clean. And that the division should be renamed the AA division, (in short his cocky heel promo rocked.) Kid Kash comes out all angry and ready for a fight. They spit back and forth making for a solid set up at Final Resolution for a X division title match.

Steve Borden and Jeff Jarrett have a fight backstage about how if Jarrett interferes in the main event there will be consequences. Which is all just foreshadowing for what is obviously going to happen.

More Roode family promo fallout. Mickie James vs ODB in a street fight. First off I’m wearing off on the Mickie Express. Her movements in the ring just seem so forced and over theatrical for me. Where as ODB who has been toned down from the last time she was there is a breath of fresh air. She stands out and in a good way. Sadly she has now become enhancement talent for Hardcore Country. After a solid showing the match ends when Mickie weakly (and ODB telegraphed putting the chair in front of her face) spin kick for the 3.

Interview with James Storm where Kurt Angle shows and taunts James some more telling him to show up next week to sign on for a match at Final Resolution. Ah heels and there non concern for concussions or torn hamstrings. Either way good promo.

Comedy Gold rears it head as Steiner and Ray try to find a way to calm down Abyss. Until the idea for sending 2 of the finest of “the big bad booty daddy’s” stable to satisfy him. What happens next is predictable but still caused me to smirk. Another Roode family promo better put together than all the others which should of aired at the beginning of the show and getting rid of the others leaving room for more matches but whatever.

Television title match where RVD no sells losing in favor of interference from Daniels setting up another pointless match between these two at final resolution. Next.

Back to the knockouts who now break out in a fight with soap and water, car wash style. Tara, Love, Winter and Tessmacher will help many through the night. Pope, Williams, MA and Ink Inc minus Toxxin come out to see all the commotion. It all ends when Gail sprays the girls down.

Main event

Bobby Roode vs AJ Styles vs Jeff Hardy in a 3 way dance. At first what starts as a beat-down  of Bobby Roode basically becomes predictable as Jeff and AJ turn on one another. Jarrett interferes costing Hardy the match.

Borden comes out and makes a cage match at Final Resolution where if Jeff Hardy loses he is gone for good and if he wins he gets bumped back into the world title picture come Genesis. So since we know who sells merchandise we can expect the feud between AJ and Roode to end come Final Resolution and Jeff back in for the belt. hmmm.

In conclusion, I’m getting better at watching this program without belittling it lets see how long this will last.

Bully Ray, Jeff Jarrett w/ Daniels to be exact. Angle taunts Storm who proceeds to punch Kurt in the face before rolling out of the ring before anyone can touch him. Shortly after Fourtune runs out w/ Mr. Anderson and RVD. More precisely its AJ Styles, Anderson and RVD. Brawl ensues. Storm comes back in and fights Angle.  After a lengthy brawl Immortal actually retreats with Bully Ray leading the charge. Tenay announces a 8 man, 2 team elimination match main event. Team Angle vs Team Storm. And no neither Storm or Angle are wrestling due to injury so the other two men are Jeff Hardy for Team Storm and World Champion Bobby Roode for Team Angle.

Rudy Charles and Eric Young come to the Zone with a cooler. EY asks Charles to unveil the annual Turkey Suit.

Replay of Sting making Matt Morgan and Crimson into a tag team, and there win against Mexican America. What could this mean?

Rematch of last weeks match. Next up Morgan/Crimson (C) vs Mexican America for the TNA Tag Titles.

* To cut it short here,  Anarquia in similar fashion to last week is beat like a red headed step child. To the point that Hernandez is never brought into the match. And is double choke slammed for the 1,2,3. Crimson and Morgan retain.

Backstage EY, Rudy Charles have a confrontation with Robbie E and Rob T about a match up for who wears the turkey suit. If Robbie E refuses he will be stripped of the Television title. After Robbie E and Rob T storm off, Eric Young reveals to Senior Official Rudy Charles that he made the Sting/ title stripping up.

Karen and Traci march their way to the ring.

The Terrible 4 (sorry Traci but…) make their way to the ring. Karen, Gail, Madison and aforementioned Traci. Karen calls out all the knockouts minus Mickie, Sarita, Rosita (since the two latinas do not exist on the roster. besides being valets) and Toxxin (because….) So basically Tara, Tessmacher, Velvet, Winter and Love. She bashes male viewers for being disgusting and that because of that there will be a knockout lingerie match. The funniest part was when she was down talking the five women for pretending to be wrestlers she was looking dead at Tara, their faces were an inch apart. Later on in the back Velvet, Tara and Tessmacher with interviewer Christy Hemme are gripping about how they thought this was a different company where athleticism mattered over showing skin. And that folks is where Pintnoir goes in to rant mode.

These five women are flabbergasted that they have to wrestle in a lingerie match, citing without calling out WWE about mistreatment. The women in question are Tessmacher who is a former or current Hooters girl, Velvet who along with Love would come to the ring in basically a bra and panties  and Tara who just 3 three weeks ago was going all faux lesbian with Tessmacher. Don’t get me wrong about how TNA handled this their heavy handed way of telling the fans that because we wanted to see skin you will get it but we will also chastise you for making this happen because of tweets, emails and what not. Bullshi….. they have just realized that these five women do not have anything really to do.

End rant.

Now the match has been changed to a Thanksgiving Thong Thunder match. And will be added to TNA tradition right next to the turkey suit match.

Rant. no energy left.

Long story short it becomes a pose off between Velvet, Tara and Tessmacher (faces) against Madison, Winter and Love (heels). The pose off last for a few minutes before the heels attack from behind. (also noted even with less clothes on Madison still draws no reaction.) During the ruckus Earl Hebner looks as lost as Hugh Hefner at a women rights rally. Madison eventually goes for the title belt to use on Velvet when Earl is distracted, Mickie comes out takes the belt guillotines Rayne on the top rope which leads her over for the facebuster giving Velvet the win.

Backstage Karen yells at the six women for wearing too much clothes and promises next week to supply the lingerie herself.

Jeff Hardy comes out with wearing a hoodie and a mask. He enters the ring and grabs a microphone only for it to be revealed as Jeff Jarrett. Hardy comes out and attacks Jarrett after he cuts a promo on how Hardy is a degenerate. Immortal comes out and beats on Hardy before Fortune comes to clear the ring.  But before it ends Jarrett throws Hardy against the steel steps injuring him.

The Turkey suit match commences. After introductions, Robbie E attacks EY outside the ring and even beats up on the suit for cheap laughs. EY eventually gets the upper hand until Rob T hands Robbie a spool kite handle???? which he uses to smack EY in the face for the win. When Rudy Charles counts the three and raises Robbie’s hand revealing the weapon the match is restarted. After a spiked piledriver Eric Young wins but Robbie E is out could so Rob T has to wear the costume  he is so enraged he chases Eric out of the ring.

8 Man Elimination Match is next.

Brief walks with both teams talking strategy. Roode enters after everyone else with the belt. Talks on commentary for a while while the two teams fight minus him and Hardy who is kayfabed injured. Eventually he comes to the ring when Anderson is down and gets the pin. He wrestles Styles only to get himself disqualified. Daniels rolls up RVD. This of course leaves AJ by himself against Jarret, Ray and Daniels he soon gets the upper hand leaving all four men laid out. Hardy’s music hits and he comes to the ring tags Styles and systematically eliminates Daniels and Jarret before being stopped by Ray with a boot to the face. He kicks out after 2 tags in AJ who goes for a spring board clothesline for the three. Roode sneak attacks both Jeff and AJ, standing over Styles with the belt with the movie music playing in the background.

For what it was it was decent nothing new just an episode for fans to have something to watch while they digest. —pintnoir out.

Lurking like a ninja in the dark.

But before I spill all my guts about this travesty lets look at how the show starts.

Show opens with Turning Point main event between Roode and Styles in which Roode wins via heel win. (For those not in the know he rolled up AJ and held the tights.) Roode comes out talking down to the rest of Fortune. Making sure everyone knows he was the leader and carried the rest of the group, but that now he had to scrap them off his boots. He tells Storm that he needs to get out of his shadow which of course prompts Storm to come out he makes the obligatory comments about being a redneck cowboy and calling Roode a jackass and a dumbass in the same sentence. Not making that up.  Making his way to the ring security intervenes. Skipping ahead AJ comes out and attacks Bobby. Later after Sting comes out and makes a 30 minute Iron Man Match; Roode attacks Dixie and eventually Styles again who comes to the rescue before security separates him from the owner of the company.

Where is security when the owner of the company is being assaulted? They came quick for Storm but not for Dixie? Anyway this does very little for Roode’s heel heat which would actually have worked with a simple “Roode attacked Storm to get out of facing him for a second time” But no. We have the Cowboy come out and accuse Roode only to be told by his two faced former partner that oh no I didn’t attack you. And he buys it. Its good to know that Pritchard is filtering Russo to such wonderful success.

And another thing what is up with the in ring brawl with security who for some reason can’t seem to successfully separate people. Gives me migraines of Hardy/Jarrett.

Sting confronts Roode for shoving Dixie. Roode who now goes from Balboa back to his money heel promises to have his lawyer(s) plural sue Sting if he touches him. Consistency is a wonderful lost art.

Devon (who is out of shape and obviously going to job for the television title)- ugh- His kids and the Pope all come to the ring like a wonderful same sex couple. Because Devon’s wife has all but vanished ninja style. But I digress they are all coming to give cannon fodder to Robbie E and Rob Terry, I’m having flashbacks to Disco Inferno and not in a good way. Long story short Devon dominates before the Pope is knocked out by Rob T, leading to Devon’s kids coming to his aid. This of course distracts Devon who is rolled up and losses the match.

And I thought Pritchard killed this story.

Tag Match with Austin Aries (who is one of the bright spots of Impact) Kash vs Sorenson (who is slowly forming a personality??!!) With Kendrick who could of easily been replaced by Xima Ion very easily.  Typical heel disruption causes Kash to eat a crossroads for the faces to win.

Aries leaves and the match loses 50 cool points which is the only cool points it had to begin with.

Karen gives Gail the night off. Sends brown nose Madison out to take care of Velvet. Pointless Storm search leads to Anderson who is playing Madden when he should be playing a new TNA Impact game if we ever get one on par with WWE’ 12. Any who pointless stare down and posturing leads to Storm unplugging the game.

10 woman Knockout Elimination match-Velvet who is out first faces Rosita. Bell rings and 5 seconds later Sky hits the impact buster for the pin. Next its Tessmacher who gets a bull dog and waltzes out 3 minutes later. Angelina follows she pins Velvet with trunk assistance. Love gets taken out by Mickie James shortly after. Mickie then faces…Sarita, boy this should be a good match especially after she reverses the implant ddt but a minute later she is taken down with what looks like a funky version of a implant ddt. Next is Tara but a couple minutes later she is out with a DDT. Winter’s next, spin kick and out. ODB comes out and gets a solid reaction from the crowd. After some scuffle she is taken down with a top rope lou thesz press. After a tantrum where she takes out Mickie with an F5 maneuver which lays out James. Madison comes to the ring to crickets taking her time and I do mean she goes at a turtle pace before sliding into the ring for the pin only to be rolled up. Mickie wins. Yeah this was sad filler.

Sarita versus Mickie; Sarita in the main event; The whole damn match!

At this point I start to tune out as I see Storm confront Bully Ray who tries to get him into Immortal. Jeff Hardy has a confrontation with the Jarretts (specifically Karen Jarrett) which drags on way to long to be entertaining. Karen who looked so lost before and after Jeff Jarrett entered the ring is just a sign that she needs to be taken off television or put into OVW to sharpen her skills.

Where sub par talent goes.....to hopefully never return

So the makeshift tag team of Crimson Blueprint takes down Mexican America after only one night together while Ink INC with the addition of Von Erie aka Toxxin could not do. Bullsh…….

Garrett beats Gunner with a Mickie style DDT. That was the main event by the way.

Finally we have Storm. Who came out to accuse AJ of attacking him, seen as he has now been given two shots against Roode. Fight breaks out before Kazarian comes to the ring to break it up. Because that is all Kaz can do is break up bitch fights with team mates instead of the feud he should of had with Jarrett. But I digress again because who knows what is going on back in the writing room.

When Kaz meets a storyline

Kurt who was lurking under the ring comes out as Storm leaves. He attacks and shoves Storm back into the ring admitting it was him. This of course is followed by that crappy Impact Music of Doom. And I vomited.

Back in Georgia.

Roode comes out cuts promo on crowd and on James Storm. Taking his opportunity and becoming world champion. James Storm is seen in the back trying to fight back security eventually making to the ring which causes Roode to take off. As Roode takes a heel-like run up the ramp the Stinger shows up. Steve Borden declares that there will be a world title rematch tonight. Roode looks worried.

Segment of Ronnie and Eric Young walking into the building with each carrying a belt.

side-note: Why was there a WWE commercial being played during Impact? Come on Spike get it together. And for their PPV no less.

Another segment with Dixie Carter walking with Bellator founder,

Bjorn Rebney

Back to Impact we have a Crimson/Matt Morgan promo. Looks to be decent until the match starts with Crimson versus Pope D’angelo Dinero. The crowd has little love for Crimson and a lot of love for the Pope, who has been booked into the ground these past months. (That’s what I love about a live crowd similar to Philly they are not behind Crimson but Pope is cheered) I sense a Cena-like response for him in his future.

Anyways Pope puts up some good offense hitting a devastating DDT and following it up with a fist drop and a 2nd rope fist drop. After whooping the Red one lil brother he takes to the rope again to meet the Red Sky (Down Low) Crimson for the win. The crowd did not look happy.

Gunner takes about Garrett showing respect and how he’ll learn it.

We’re back and Gunner comes out with Eric Bischoff & Ric Flair, my spider sense is detecting a DQ. Next Garrett comes down to the ring in Wife beater and Jeans no music. What begins slow with Gunner talking to Bischoff/Flair causes the crowd to jeer leading to the former security guard to take a couple of arm drags and eventually a front slam. Gunner who rolls out of the ring confused looks on as Flair runs in as Garrett flees and the match is declared a Disqualification. (I’m psychic)

I agree Spidey

So we have a backstage comedy segment with a doorman not letting Robbie and Rob Terry into see Ronnie from the Jersey Shore. Eric Young pops his head out asking if he wants a t-shirts. Eventually Ronnie comes out and a comedy spot ensues with Robbie jumping up on Big Rob in piggy back fashion. Elsewhere James Storm is found bloody in the back. He seems unresponsive.

Its time for X-division action as….. Oh my God! Little Elian Gonzalez isn’t dead.

Your guess is as good as mine

Oh wait that is Xima Ion who I almost forgot was in the division along with Nese. This could be good. Jesse Sorenson comes out for wrestle and I think maybe a tag match against Kash and Aries? No singles match so my mind goes to interference or Ion is showing how tough Sorenson is. The latter happens, better than interference. But the match is good albeit short. After missing is top rope finisher, Sorenson hit a cross roads maneuver for the win. Kash comes out sarcastically congratulating him and tells him to sign a contract for a match against Aries for the X division title. After he signs Kash clarifies that it will be a 3 way match. Kash bashes Sorenson’s mother before getting punched. Aries runs out for the double team.

Oh god not a Knockouts segment/match involving Karen and her Posse. As all the women in the back screech back and forth with the occasional loud pitched screech at Traci for causing the title to be on Velvets waist. I blame Traci too.

A knockout tag team title match with Mickie James/Velvet Sky. When I see Gail and Mickie in the same ring I think back to Botchamania.the ending is classic

Velvet takes on Rayne first and all that goes through my mind is “Bathroom Break Eminent!” Sirens blaring everywhere. After a cluster buck in which the crowd seems to care less. Which is sad because two years ago they would be some kind of response. it mercifully ends when Gail boots to the chin Velvet for the win. (special note even Earl Hebner wasn’t interested when he made the count from outside the ring)

Next its Jersey Shore vs Jersey Shore gimmick revisited.

When Robbie E and Rob Terry come out all that comes to mind is bad images of gay porn. You know who’s the power bottom. EY  and Ronnie come out, with Eric doing his best Grizzly Redwood impression. Ronnie pins Robbie and Young ends up in a leopard print undies. And the gay porn images persist.

This is to make up for last week, because I'm anything but Biased

Back in the commissary, 3 punks eat until the Barrio 4 walk in stealing peoples lunches. Fight breaks out with factions??? leading into of course Turning Point. I like Pritchard’s use of minimalism when it comes to who is on the program when it pertains to PPV’s. Personally I would rather see a Sarita versus Toxxin match instead with the Knockout title on the line, but I dream too much like MLK.dream on

The founder of Bellator comes out on commentary and commences to talk up the product similar to an infomercial while  Christopher Daniels and AJ Styles finish their feud before there respective new feuds come Sunday. Good solid match with Daniels going for a screwdriver. Rob comes out and steals it away, leading to AJ finishing Daniels with a Stylez Clash.Oh and “Thanks for the Bellator moment during it”

Six man Tag match with the Founder, a Bully and Steiner Brother taking on a reformed addict, an asshole and mystery????, after commercial break we have an answer. Its the monster Abyss. After a decent match Abyss hit Steiner with a black hole slam for the win.

Roode comes out for the main event. Commercial break. We’re back as James Storm’s music plays. No one shows. Theme song comes again. Slowly Storm comes out still covered in blood. He rushes the ring and puts the hurt to Roode before collapsing. After chants from the crowd to “Get up Cowboy”  The Doctor comes out to get him to the back. Roode offers to assist. When he finds out that the match wasn’t ended he rolls up Storm for the three before Fortune hits the ring. Sting walks past Roode into the ring. AJ gets a microphone and challenges Roode at Turning Point. Sting makes it official.

Styles is wrestlng bum ankle be damned

Look Ma, I can use google to find Macon rhymes with bacon, Georgia

James Storm cuts a promo about how The South is full of respectful people

where everyone is treated with respect and understanding.

who treat everyone equally and use manners and how if any one disrespects the good ole USA they’re going to get their butts kicked. He calls out Roode. Together the tag partners schmooze about Beer Money giving each other compliments about how there career wouldn’t be where it was if it wasn’t for tagging together. They promise to steal the show.

Sad but true

So what do you get when you have a pair of lipstick lesbians, a bitter defector, a shrieking harpy, and a good digger?

Give up? its the knockout Tag Team match featuring T_N_T (Tara & Tessmacher) versus Gail Kim & Madison Rayne w/ Knockout Law Karen Jarrett followed by Chyna’s little sister Traci Brooks.

Who loves to watch Shite? I do!!!

Long story short after interference from Karen, and a sneak attack by Gail on Tara we have new Knockout Tag Team champions?!?! They were defended so well these past…weeks.

Garrett Bischoff cuts a promo. Is he planning on offering an apology to his egotistical father? We’ll find out.

Garrett comes out and gives a sincere apology with just a hint of snide sprinkled in just before he begins to beat the tar off his gray haired papa. While fun it comes to an end when Flair and Gunner run out for the save.

Later Bischoff finds Sting telling him that the stinger can rewrite his iron clad contract any way he likes if he can deliver Garrett in the ring for an opponent of Eric’s choosing. (They effectively explain that Bischoff and Hogan have contracts that allow them to stay on Impact no matter the outcome of the BFG match) Sting thinks it over.

Christopher Daniels is seen next talking about his greatness and how he didn’t use a screwdriver on RVD “it isn’t my fault if the ring crew forget their tools.” This is all right before RVD shows up behind him to beat on him. Daniels, after taking an extended beating runs away only for Rob to proclaim “see you at Turning Point.”

Austin Aries vs Jesse Sorenson (again) in a non title match, so who is going to win this one? (I dunno) with special condescending commentary from Kid Kash. I love Kash and hearing him rip into Sorenson for not respecting the vets while at the same time telling everyone he was the best X division champion in history. Sorenson reverses a brainbuster into a small package for the win. Afterwards Aries and Kash diss the rookie right before Kash asks Aries if he should get his knife. Classic.

Robbie E and Rob Terry get ready for their showdown with (sigh) Ronnie of the Jersey Shore and Eric Young (sigh) Television Champion. This is an asinine challenge considering EY has had the belt for god knows how long and is finally defending against an opponent who should not be there. Ronnie comes out and gets dissed right before he spears Robbie E leading to Terry beating on both Ronnie and EY. Afterwords EY challenges the two Robs to a tag match next week. (Later on tonight in Macon, Georgia time)

Immortal’s music hits and were treated to Bully Ray/Jeff Jarrett vs Jeff Hardy/Mr. Anderson in a tag match decent match that ends a disqualification when Steiner comes to the ring to interrupt a double Kenton/Swanton bomb attempt on the two heels. Later a beat down commences.

Garrett and Sting meet and talk about the challenge sent by his father after Sting rethinks it Garrett accepts and tells him to go along with his dad’s demands. Promo showing the Roode vs Storm match that so sets up a heel turn its not even funny.

Crimson gets called out by Matt Morgan who issues a challenge. Morgan goes on about how he’s the best 7 footer in the business. I guess he hasn’t heard of the Undertaker. Crimson accepts and we have a match… At Turning Point.

Roode vs Storm for the TNA World Title. After a lengthy bout and a ref bump which results in Roode telegraphing his heel turn by staring at James Storm’s beer bottle for 30 seconds hits him from the outside and rolls in for the pin and is proclaimed champion in front of a booing Georgia crowd. He ends the show with his foot on the former champion.

the bottle made him do it!

We open on a Storm montage going over his win at last weeks ppv. Then out comes the cowboy Storm with new theme music, he talks about his father and how he told him when watching Wrestlemania 3 that he wanted to be a wrestler. Fortune proceeds to the ring congratulating but Samoa Joe’s music hits he comes out and insults Storm and Roode wants his shot at the title. (*didn’t BFG have a stipulation where whoever won the three-way between Joe, Morgan and Crimson would get a title shot and didn’t Joe lose to Crimson?) ANYWAY! Sting comes down exerting his authority and makes a number one contenders match between Joe and Roode. Winner faces James Storm in Macon, Georgia.

Daniels does a promo claiming AJ doctored audio to make it sound like he said “I Quit”, you know because this is WWF circa 1999. He ready to prove how dominate he is when he takes on “Bob” Van Dam.

Rob Van Dam vs Daniels is a okay match there seems to be communication problems between Van Dam and Daniels during the match but Rob probably high on the cush. AJ joins on commentary. Match ends when Daniels hits Van Dam with a tool box, then he proceeds to pull out a screw driver. Styles runs off Daniels.

Karen Jarrett and entourage come down to the ring. Gail cuts promo. She talks about all the emails and tweets about why she gave Velvet a concussion, and simply states it’s “none of your damn business”. This promo seems to imply her actions against her former employer more than Velvet but that’s just me. Then out comes Tara for her scheduled squash match against Gail. After a commercial break Gail is beating the tar out of Tara which leads to a new finisher. A drop down boot to the chin manuever. OH yeah I forgot to mention that Karen calls Velvet a prostitute and gives Gail a title shot. While Madison Rayne looks on and cheers? plot holes your honor?

Jeff Hardy Promo

TV Title defense where we have the weaker Jersey shore wrestler taking on Eric Young (c). Rob Terry is outside when the match begins. For what its worth EY can still go, but the match lasts a minute ending in a roll up pin for Young. Rob Terry jumps in a lays the smack down which prompts EY to bring out his hollywood heavies, Ronnie from the Jersey Shore. God how I hate Viacom. Not only do they run MTV but also Spike.

Two promos one shows Eric Bischoff walking out to the ring and the other follows Daniels making a phone call and being approached by Kazarian about burying the hatchet between him and Styles.

Replay of the whole Garrett Bischoff/Jackson James set up going back to Turning Point 2010, and Final Resolution. Showing how he screwed Matt Morgan out of two title defenses. Easy E comes out and calls out his son tells he has to the end  of the night to apologize or he’ll “beat his ass”

Afterwards Flair confronts him. Tells Lil Bisch to call him “GOD” not Mr. Flair. Calls him a punk and slaps him around while traditional slurring his words.

Jeff Jarrett comes out. Calls out Hardy again for the third time in two weeks (this includes a PPV). Fight ensues. This of course leads to an attack from behind by Bully Ray. Hardy showing little ring rust. Leads to a good match where Ray takes his bumps for the team. Hardy wins with a twist of fate. After Jarrett jumps him, throws him back into the ring where Ray busts him with a chain. Jarrett grabs a table to put Hardy through but Anderson comes out for the save.

Roode vs Samoa Joe is good. Roode wins leading to Storm coming out and lifting a beer to him. Roode responds with a thumbs up.

EB and Ric GOD Flair confront Garrett in the ring about his behavior which leads Bischoff (JR) to punch GOD in the face before being low blowed by his father and then Flair. Show ends with Garrett on the floor and Bischoff senior and Flair hugging.

See you next week in Macon, Georgia.

Getting ahead of myself. After what should of been the greatest PPV of the year, but instead turned into false expectations and lukewarm matches (except for Austin Aries vs Kendrick, and Lynn/RVD) we have the aftermath.

Impact Wrestling starts with a Sting promo, which leads the former insane icon to call out Hogan. Hogan comes out and gives props to Stinger for the assist in getting back on the right track. He talks on about how it wasn’t Bischoff’s fault for what happened and he takes responsibility for his actions for being a follower instead of a leader.  After Hogan leaves, in steps Dixie Carter. She goes on how Sting warned her 18 months ago about Bischoff/Hogan’s plan. Sting accepts her apology and is given the task as…Mick Foley’s Job?? Anyway he’s appointed in charge of Impact Wrestling. But Angle steps out next. He talks about how Dixie being back doesn’t make him happy and how he’s the world champion and will make decisions. Out steps Roode, he tells Kurt that he screwed him and Angle agrees telling Bobby he was a threat and couldn’t let him win. (Nice job making him look threatening) Tells Roode that when they signed the contract Angle took advice from Hogan/Bischoff and put in a no rematch clause.

And just as Kurt is about to mockingly steal Storm’s trademark line guess who’s music hits, James Storm says that since Roode can’t get his rematch he instead volunteers himself. Sting steps in and makes it official. Storm gives Angle the Shade eyes before saying “Sorry about your damn luck!”

Okay for it being what it was that whole segment including commercial breaks (which there where two) Lasted 40 minutes in length. By the time we came back to the show with the Knockout Tag match it was 44 after the hour. Sorry about being a watch Nazi but that was long. That could’ve of been resolved in backstage segments.

Whatever. We have the Knockouts Tag match with former MIA Tara.  She and Ms Tessmacher have a match against the TTLV or as I all them Love and Winter with the titles on the line.  After a decent match which besides Love’s attempts at offense was capitalized with Tessmacher flying throw the air Ricky Dragon style (flying crossbody) on Winter for the three. She is working her butt off for the respect of the fans without all the push behind her.

The Promos in no particular order include: Hogan being cornered in the parking lot by Immortal, Bischoff tells Hogan to face him like a man in the ring later.

Velvet Sky talks about everything she has went through to get the knockouts title. Which includes clips of her as the heel team the beautiful people alongside Madison Rayne holding the knockout tag titles while laughing heel like. Of course this is followed by her narration of being picked on as a child and through school and how she decided she would never allow that to happen again and to fight for everything she wants. This must include her putting bags on people who were not considered beautiful and spraying hairspray in peoples faces?

Eric Young is doing a photo shoot when Robbie E and Rob Terry confront him. Robbie E wants the television title which Eric obliges on the condition that Rob Terry doesn’t interfere or Eric will get his big time television friends to help him, this is before mentioning Ronnie from the Jersey Shore. (Sigh)

Abyss takes on Gunner. Gunner cuts an okay promo in which he describes how bad ass he is this is before Abyss comes out and destroys him. Gunner runs away to the back. Abyss wins by countout. Backstage Gunner runs into Immortal and tells them “That wasn’t Abyss out there, that was the monster”. They blow him off and proceed to take out Hogan.

In the ring Bischoff talks and eventually slaps Hogan only to cause Hogan to point his finger which the crowd chants “YOU” before Eric runs and Immortal runs in. Sting flies in with two baseball bats and scares off Immortal. Bischoff while walking up the ramp bumps into his son who he berates and even rips off his shirt revealing a Bischoff tattoo over his heart. Garrett B punches his dad before giving Hulk the thumbs up.

Velvet Sky comes out with the Knockouts belt. Talks about the sacrifice she put in and blah blah blah. Karen with Traci come out. First Karen has Traci removed from the arena before moving forward with her plan to physical hurt Velvet. Out comes Madision Rayne. While Velvet is distracted by her a returning Gail Kim runs in and ambushes her from behind. Soon both women Kim and Rayne are beating the tar out of Velvet before all three hug.

And finally we have the conclusion of the program, which include the best 6 minutes in main event history and this includes Jeremy Borash’s introductions of the wrestlers. Welcome Time Nazi, from Midwest time. From 9:50-9:56pm, We have Kurt Angle VS James Storm. But before that we have the Roode pep talk about how Storm’s been preparing for this a long time. Anyway when the bell rings at 9:54pm and Kurt starts beating on Storm in what looks like a not so typical Kurt Angle match getting Storm into the corner before the ref pulls him off twice well on the second attempt Storm busts out the Last Call AKA Super kick and floors Angle for the 3, all by 9:56pm.

What a way to win the title. I know that being a time nazi is not fun but Kurt mentioned in the earlier promo from the opening of the show that him and Roode went for 30 minutes, which means Angle is slowly losing take of time. Because from my recollection it was more like 14 minutes. But who’s counting.

After a brief celebration in which Storm tries to hand Roode the belt which he respectfully declines. We close out at 10:01pm. Bound For Glory is TNA’s Wrestlemania, Starrcade and so on  but after Thursday all it really says is that no fan needs to waste money on the program because they can watch a painfully talkative show with a face finish for free. Oh yeah since Impact is being lazy so am I. Here is my one picture.

Sorry about my damn luck!

Lets start with the bad please.

(bleep) it. The worst abomination known to humanity. If you’re a female this should set you back 200 years, when you ancestors wore corsets and stood quietly by as they had no voting rights. THIS MATCH ALMOST MADE ME UTTER THE MOST HATED (American)TERM THAT BEGINS WITH A “C” AT MY MONITOR.

We watch Karen Jarrett officiate a debacle of a match. So bad that the Philly crowd was chanting “BORING”! Wheres Mickie James stood in the middle of the ring and shouted with irritated conviction “Come On” Which got a momentary acknowledgement from the crowd. This match is the classically stated overbooking everyone talks about, you have 4 competitors, a special guest referee, Outside interference, and a heel ref bump that leads to a babyface ref coming out to count the three! With all of this the match was still a horrid mess. I honestly believe the crowd only cheered because it was finally over. It would be akin to be a Vietnam war prisoner with the bamboo beneath the finger nails and when they finally finished you congratulated your captors.

Lets just look at the players.

Madison Rayne- One of the worst heels in the business, and not in a good way a heel should be bad. Even as she descended the ramp I heard no crowd reaction other than crickets and people getting around to their bathroom breaks. The Killer Queen title fits seeing as how she killed the crowd.

Velvet Sky- Miss Retcon herself. Who is now a baby-face for no reason other than they had no other popular female “wrestlers” and I use that term loosely. She gets a good pop but that is because she is the lesser of two evils. Men supposedly according to Taz “Let the pigeons loose” in her presence. That is no different than watching your favorite porn star, but you watch her in a non wrestling element, not in a wrestling ring!

Mickie James- Someone who at least no matter how awkwardly she looks attempts to put on a show. The former stripper attempted to keep the show grounded but was overshadowed by her protege Velvet.

Finally the Champion Winter, the batshit crazy Lesbian Vampire Brit who spits blood. That would be a long title for a movie. Who came out to confusion. Someone who if she wasn’t saddled with a crap gimmick would be a perfect snobbish heel. But I digress, In all this mess I was actually rooting for Winter! The booking for this match is simple Velvet (shudder) vs Winter w/Angelina. If Sky wins she gets her friend back, and sadly a title. But no we get padding for an already sad match.

Someone on another site posted how two of the best female wrestlers in the company Tara and Sarita were otherwise pre disposed. Sadly that is the state of the division if you have talent you get buried for looks. Velvet Sky namesake aside is a glorified valet who was given a devalued trinket to a once promising division. A belt I might add two years ago wouldn’t even be considered an option for heel jobber Sky. Amazingly a regime change and a massive exodus later she now has no barrier to the title.

Anderson and Ray was excellent even with the missed spot. Ray has experience never mined in WWE. The way he turned that crowd against him was gold. He essentially sold Anderson as the fan favorite in a town he helped put on the map.

Bi-Polar moments astound me in wrestling. First we have Sting go all crazy then we have Hogan after losing to Sting listening to the Hulkamaniacs and changing allegiances taking out all of jobber Immortal? They’ve signed new contracts, Hogan and Bischoff, so now what we have two more years of Hogan now face running around in the Red and Yellow fighting Immortal and Eric Bischoff? So much for the youth movement. Sadly it was quoted that the Hogan change was similar to Return of Jedi, as Luke (Sting) pleaded with Vader (Hogan) to help him in his fight with Immortal (Emperor) yes it was a blatant rip off that even with the crowd reaction Hogan had already ruined it in interviews prior to BFG answering that we (fans) would see the red and yellow soon. Yippee.

Joe jobbing is enough said for me. Even the fans booed when the winner was declared.

RVD tried and I mean actually attempted to put on a good match. He won which still shows that back stage politics still work when it comes to Rob.

The never ending Daniels vs AJ feud is still continuing. The theme music that played during their feud video even made no sense when it came to the lyrics. Title winning before one dies? There was no belt on the line. If that is the case then why not give either one the Television title because god forbid Eric Young isn’t using it. Weak finish ruined this match.

Preshow on Facebook came across as  one would expect. No title change. Christina Von Eerie or as she is known in TNA as Toxin was ehh. She did her job of awkwardly (there’s that word again) taking out two women motioned to the crowd turned scratched Anarquia’s eyes and depantsed him. Still this tomfoolery is better suited for RAW not for TNA Impact “Where Wrestling Matters, Again”. Bush league at best. Hence why we got it for Free.

All I can say about the Bobby Roode title match is Bullshit!!!!!!!!! A sad month of hype. A retconned back story (remember Bobby was a JBL style wrestler with money who had Traci Brooks and Eric Young in his back pocket?) I don’t either because he is Rocky Balboa. He is built up and then after a 15 minute match where similar moves were repeated over and over ended with Apollo Creed (Angle) winning in questionable fashion because you know the referee is blind. This is a crazy epidemic in TNA, this blind referee syndrome. At first I thought it was just Earl Hebner but I guess it is hereditary because Brian Hebner let Kurt rob Bobby. Don’t get me wrong Roode was booked all wrong.

First we have the Bound for Glory Series where we are treated to various contenders who all are given the wink wink of moving forward. Crimson with his undefeated streak looked like a winner but was kayfabe taken out. RVD was screwed by Lynn. Bully Ray just couldn’t get the job done. Gunner tapped. Storm choked. Pope and Joe didn’t stand a chance after their lackluster feud. But there was one man who was waiting for his chance to become the champion, a man that had promised by the end of the year to be TNA World Champion. His name was……Matt Morgan! He was in prime condition to be the next big main event guy. He had paid his dues in the company and was basically homegrown. A WWE Jobber who was stuck with a gimmick no one would want. Who after coming to TNA grew into a fan favorite even when he was a heel. Then an injury happened and he was shelved then taken off the shelf to feud with Joe the perennial wrestler a man creative must love to torment with all the different reinventions they’ve attempted since his loss to Angle. And while they were at it they threw in the “Undefeated” Crimson, Philly and fans were not amused. So what do we have instead? Kurt wins the title from Sting. Aligns with Hogan after some asinine plot point about Dixie knowing Jarrett and Karen were a couple before he did. He turns around and puts down the young talent. A complete U turn from a couple years ago. Roode default wins BFG series and we get a month of Rocky vignettes. And a screw finish that would make Bret Hart blush. Thank you TNA.

Finally we have Aries vs Kendrick, a match that was first on the show and easily outshined most. The crowd was thoroughly behind Aries who proves once again what kind of presence he brings to any company. Dejected by ROH, WWE and if I remember correctly Chikara but when he returned to Impact Wrestling he cut one simple promo and was a “star” once more. Him having that belt gives more credence to it than a thousand Brian Kendricks. The man who in July saved the division from the Monster Abyss sank into oblivion once Austin Aries came on the scene. Kendrick may be talented but he always came across as a better tag partner than a full fledged solo star. A Marty Jannety who needed his Michaels (Paul London)  Because to make matters worse he is the basic definition of a “vanilla midget” not much of a personality. They give him the Wizard of Odd gimmick the same they gave Amazing Red the color red as his. Coat him in any guise and he is still just vanilla. You have a division that includes Kid Kash, Zima Ion, Alex Shelley,Jesse Sorenson (who needs a better gimmick than a “Alex Riley” FCW run) and if they’re smart Eric Young.  All these guys albeit Sorenson look to be able to run with the ball against Aries. To but asses in seats as it were. Now that the feud is over we can get an Alex Shelley feud with Aries. They have a shared history in the company and beyond.

Hopefully BFG is an eye opener for management to get their ducks in a row and move past this sub par PPV. This is the Starrcade of TNA make it mean as much. You can’t cheer home grown talent if you don’t push them properly. Look at Hogan for instance for a good year or so in WWF he was the man who worked his way with the crowd to a good build up against a credible heel before winning and defending against Andre and so forth. Meaning he was built up a winner someone the fans could cheer and love. Simple booking where the heels were the heels and the faces were the faces. No retcons. Especially in this internet savvy century.

We start the show off with a Kurt Angle Promo, he proceeds to call out Roode and  brags about how he will remain the champion. Amidst the boos from Knoxville. Kurt Angle goes to leave but before he completely leaves the ramp he issues another challenge to Roode, he has put him in a handicap match against the owner Jeff Jarrett and Gunner.

We cut backstage where Jerry Lynn, RVD, AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels are fighting. Each against their perspective Bound For Glory opponent.

After commercial we shoot back to Daniels and Lynn beating Styles on their way to the ring. Once inside the double team beating continues until a late RVD comes for the assist. Once the match is underway it becomes a back and forth with Styles flipping outside the ring on Daniels and Lynn. Eventually leading to a styles clash to Daniels which he counters and in turn leads to Lynn getting clashed while Daniel walks back up the ramp. With an irate Styles looking on.

Next up Samoa Joe takes on Matt Morgan. He we watch as the Samoan submission machine goes from face to heel even deeper as he goes blow for blow with Morgan only to lose in the closing moments. (as far as how he lost my computer froze, so I’ll will guess in an embarrassing fashion) Joe snaps and puts Morgan in a modified ankle lock. Just when you thought you could predict the outcome, you do and Crimson comes out to save the day. Another ramp match announcement. This time it is for BFG, a triple threat match.

Yeah a Mexican America promo! I love this almost weekly occurrence of stereotypes. The proceed to call out Ink Inc. The usual high school banter begins on both sides about MA being hypocrites because they’re from this country. Hernandez and co don’t how to respond seeing as how minus Sarah Stock aka Sarita (who is Canadian) they attack. Usual ruckus happens with all four jumping them with Sarita in her glam face mask delivers some slaps until a ray of sunshine descends down the ramp. Christina Von Eerie! Cleaning house. Until she bumps into Hernandez who her real life boyfriend Jesse Neal takes out. Jesse ends with ” Bring all the women you want, we got ours!”

An X division tag match between the heels Austin Aries (c) and Kid Kash vs Brian Kendrick and Jesse Sorenson. A decent match with the obligatory heel turning on each other, leading to Aries going for his belt to use on Kendrick who ducks and applies sliced bread on Aries who land face first on the belt. Win for Kendrick/Sorenson.

Karen walks backstage with Traci by her side looking hateful. Its good to know someone is having a good time, you know with Karen all smiles.

Obviously the knockout segment is next. Velvet, Mickie, Winter and Angelina Love come out to what I assume was some kind of tag match, similar to Vinnie Mac’s biz, but shortly after out comes Karen, Traci and (ugh) Madison Rayne kicking ass as only she can. Between Rayne’s screeching ass kissing and Karen blatantly expressing how we all feel about the current Knockout division, that no one cares. She describes having to fight to put them on the card because no one wanted them. Then she verbally assaults Velvet before being shoved Vel and tripped by Traci leading to an all out knockouts cat fight. Wow how we have devolved.

This is the best representation of the current Division

Bully Ray talks about how Anderson better not make him made since he is the special enforcer for his match against Steiner.

AJ talks about how his and Daniels family aren’t speaking to each other leading to their I Quit match. Daniels comes from behind and attacks AJ choking him out with a camera cord?

Bully Ray /Steiner come out followed by Mr Anderson. Match is usual Immortal match with interference from Ray and eventually Abyss how clocks Steiner with a chain in full view of the ref  Anderson knocks down Abyss getting the pin on Steiner. Afterwards comes the Immortal beat down on Abyss with almost every available member before Anderson comes back only to get Bubba Bombed onto a table.

Angle backstage taunting Storm accusing Roode of knowing he was interfering in his match and pinned Storm anyway. Storm looks conflicted after he throws out Angle.

Updated BFG card is shown along with the ascension of Roode who a hardworking wrestler, when four years ago he was a rich tycoon similar to JBL but I digress. This is TNA where Velvet is a face and has had no previous attempts at the knockout title when she had like three when she was a heel. And she really believes she was a victim? But again back to Roode rich much? (Sorry for the rant it was bothering me)

hey if she can have a double so could Velvet. but likely not.

Roode beats Gunner with the Crossface while Jarrett wallows on the floor with Karen looking on. Afterwards (sigh) Immortal comes to the ring. Storm attempts to help until he is over whelmed. Then the former prodigal son Hardy cleans house giving Jarrett the twist of fate.

Jarrett yells at Hardy to leave and never come back or step foot in Philadelphia. Hardy says he’s buying his ticket.

Hogan and Joker-Sting come out to sign the contract. Hogan refuses to sign first. but eventually signs. Bischoff comes out to say he wants revenge for Sting touching him only for Hogan to bash Sting in the back with a chair. The show closes with Hogan foot on Stings throat.

here comes the smoke and mirrors

Here comes BFG, hopefully this means the end of Immortal and the a Bobby Roode title run.

2012 must be the end of the world because this news is too good.

Promo: Sting see’s a wall picture of a clown and kicks into joker mode. (God, I hope after BFG, the insane icon goes back to being just “the icon”)

If only we could.

Gunner comes out to the ring to face Kazarian after his attack on him last week. A decent match which ends in Gunner putting Kaz in the hospital with an arm bar submission maneuver. Essential Gunner wins the match but since he wouldn’t release the hold the victory went to Kaz.

Anderson comes out to shoot an in ring promo about how his “assholes” have his back. This talk prompts Bully Ray to come out and in typical heel fashion leads to Ray saying that he has beaten Anderson enough and will not give him another chance. Anderson entices Ray like a dog being given a treat with the prospect of a falls counts anywhere match. Game on.

A shout out to Community and Anderson's fanbase

“Let the Pigeon’s loose!” A knockout tag team match is coming up. Bischoff comments on Hulk Hogan’s retirement. Kendrick babbles on while Kid Kash walks behind and decides to kick his ass because he mentioned his name.

why does he beat on little people? Because he can.

The Pigeons are on their mark...and getting ready

Mickie James/Velvet Sky vs Winter (c)/Madison Rayne w/Angelina Love…take on the Sitas and you would have bulk of the entire knockout roster.

Match is decent when its going. In heelish fashion Angelina interferes not once but twice and on the second try almost costs Winter the match only for Madison to roll in and pin Velvet while holding the trunks. *sidebar* when is this whole roll-up pin from a smaller wrestler on a larger wrestler going to stop being taken a gospel with the knockouts, it really is just embarrassing.

Kurt Angle and Eric Bischoff are in the back talking about the screw-up Jeff Hardy and how Angle stepping out again to tell him to leave. Eric tells Angle that he’ll handle it.  Cut to the ring Eric calls out Jeff. He calls him on coming out pilled out of his gourd at Victory Road tells him to get gone, in which Hardy responds with a twist o’ fate and a screw you before running into the crowd. Ah, have to love redemption.

Samoa Joe vs Crimson. Again. What starts as a pretty decent match with Joe dominating and Crimson getting the occasional offense leads to Joe putting Crimson in a modified ankle lock. Which Crimson reverses into a roll up pin. Crimson’s streak continues and Joe is fuming.

Another Bobby Roode highlight promo where they talk to his mother this time about how he always wanted to be champion. It was good seeing his team Canada days with Scott D’Amore.  Here’s to Roode winning. But first he still has to face Storm.

Roode vs Storm, a good back and forth with each wrestler scouting the other. Even having a stare off right before a commercial interrupts. (damn commercials with their making money and all.) Superplexes, top rope neckbreakers a missed Last Call from Storm eventually lead to a ref bump with caused Roode to be laid out and Storm on the outside which caused Angle to run in and throw Storm head first into the ring steps, then rolling him into the ring. Roode goes for the pin only getting a two count. This is before he pulls off the Fishermen suplex for the win.

Hogan’s retirement was its usual cheese that he used over in Vince’s country only this time with a swerve when Sting comes to the ring all crack jokered out and shows footage of Hogan dissing the fans and admitting to snowballing them into buying merchandise and ducking Sting. Hogan is so mad that he challenges Sting not to a match but to a fight with the company on the line. Which of course Hogan regrets.

A Dawn of a new era

Sorry Daff, but the drunk tank you will stay

We open on Impact and the continuing story of Bobby Roode’s rise to the top. Kurt Angle and Roode exchange words. Is it me or do I see a swerve coming with this whole Roode as champion pursuit?

I know. I know I will regret this later.

We now have the 5-man ladder match for the number one contenders match against Austin Aries for the X division gold. After a somewhat cluttered affair, where Aladdin (Kendrick) in all his Disney glory and steals a victory out from under Kid Kash.

Go Make the street rat proud, Kendrick

Kaz and Tracy get called out to the ring by The Jarretts, where JJ badmouths Kaz about leaving the company multiple times and how Jarrett kept taking him back despite his flip flopping. He then targets his venom on Ms Brooks for being disrespectful to his wife.  Calling her a “10 cent whore” which causes Kaz to punch Jeff. Soon security or the retired wrestlers brigade come out to separate them. It all comes to a head when Gunner comes out and F5′s Kaz. (Where’s Fourtune?)

She slept with the owner of the company,

Ink Inc comes out and gets jumped by Mexican America before a singles match between Hernandez and Jesse Neal could take place. After a swift beating and two big splashes by SuperMex, The Sitas spray paint NWO style on there backs the groups initials.

Promo Flair argues with Hogan about his announcement and tells him not to do it. (Why again, would Flair care?) Next Promo is the pre match hype for Tara vs Madison for the Queen’s Qualifier’s Match. The winner taking on Velvet, Mickie and Knockout Champion Winter for the title.  Crimson returns.

Knockouts Queen’s Qualifier Match, Madison Rayne comes out in camo wrestling gear and Tara follows with one half of the now pointless tag belts. “Accessories anyone?” What starts out to be a very promising match….sorry I couldn’t keep a straight face. Soon turns to farce when Earl Hebner gets involve and starts choosing sides. Madison uses her charms to get Earl to make calls on her behalf which leads to an eventual reveal and her luck turns for the worse only for her to win with

She "slept" with a higher up for her old position, So tell me who is the better hoe?

her feet on the ropes sealing Tara’s fate as her bitch.

Even though she won't win they still show that she is an asset, and not a hinderance

Christopher Daniels brags about his victory over Styles.

Crimson comes out and calls out Joe. After some back in forth in which Joe calls Crimson his “bitch” a fight ensues which leads to Crimson to be put in the figure four leglock while still suffering from a fractured ankle. But don’t worry Morgan shows to save the day. After a quick clearing of the ring we have the two big men stare each other down until Morgan gives Crimson a friendly man pat on the chest.

Next we have two underrated superstars Dinero versus Anderson. Let us make it quick. Devon’s kids interfere which causes Devon to come out. While that whole mess is going on we have Anderson in the ring at which point Ray hits him with the Singapore cane which Pope slyly picks up the victory.

Sappy Roode promo in which I get early vibes of a wrestler’s version of Rocky. Roode makes the usual promises of training and going into BFG and winning the world title.

Will he have what it takes to beat Apollo Angle for the World Title?

Main Event: AJ Styles versus Bobby Roode. A really good match leading to Roode winning with a cross-face.

Hogan comes out to announce his retirement. Or more correctly tease it for next week. Good way to try to boost ratings with a fake RETIREMENT promo. Sting listens back stage calling Hogan a academy award winning actor, Sting closes the show promising to be in Knoxville, Tennessee for the announcement.

You know your announcement is on thin ice when even the Joker calls you on it.

So that is all for Impact for this week. See you next week when we witness a Knoxville audience.

Also, check out this comic by Biff Zongo about wrestling. The tag team comic writers have been kind enough to post their work over at Wonderpod-Online.com.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s iMPACT reviews work.

- Ric Flair comes out in his ring gear, and calls out Sting. “Tonight, you versus God,” points out Flair. Flair reminds us of the stips on this match, and Sting screams in his face that Ric is going to die tonight. You might notice I am not referring to him as Heath Farley. Sure, he still has the Joker face paint on, but this is not that incarnation of Sting. He’s been doing this switching in and out of the persona lately… Security has to restrain the men and we cut to Jeff Hardy walking backstage, and then commercials. Great opening segment, it’s all downhill from here.

Drum solo denied? Hell, no!

- Wayne Arnold interviews Hardy briefly. Hardy blah blah blah regain confidence in me blah blah address the boys, and make things right.

- * D’Angelo Dinero, Devon, Brooke Tessmacher and Tara vs. Sarita, Rosita, Hernandez and Anarquia. On one side you have a legit faction (shitty, but legit). On the other, you have a random pairing, including My Pope, Your Pope, THE Pope and Devon who were feuding and had Devon’s family involved… and now everything is seemingly ok. Devon’s kids are ringside. Tessmacher is wearing the generic Impact Wrestling shirt that Gunner wears (because both are precisely that, generic). She rips the shirt off, a la Hogan… Devon is in amazing shape these days, the guy has lost a ton of weight and moves around the ring as if he is ten years younger. Anyways, the men do almost the entire match’s work. The women kind of get involved at the end, and the random pairing team wins.

- Traci Brooks and Karen meet backstage playing off the power struggle, after some YAWN banter, Karen orders her to bring the Knockouts to her. Fuck this. Anyways, most of them are assembled backstage as a result… sans Winter and Sarita/Rosita. Karen announces the Queen Qualifier tournament. The winners of the qualifying matches will face Winter for the title at Bound For Glory.

The tamirans are wondering why I am watching this too…

- Fourtune is assembled in the ring, all five of them, and it’s to celebrate Roode’s big number one contender win in the B4G Tourney. Since most of the tournament got “TNA’d” by illogical booking, most of the facts AJ uses to put over Roode are flawed. But, in all fairness, it’s awesome to see Bobby elevated. The guy has everything going for him these days, it’s about time. Daniels puts over Roode while taking jabs at AJ. Kaz puts over his hard work… then Redneck Jesus talks about the two partner’s history over the years and sincerely congratulates him.

- Just when you thought there would be a happy moment in TNA, out comes Kurt Angle. Angle gives him credit for his win, but questions this positiveness. “What are you guys, the five musketeers?” Kurt Angle CAN do math too! Just can’t drive sober, apparently. Kurt questions how happy they really are, since they are all here for the title. Angle announces he has used his stroke to book Roode in a series of matches each week against one member of the faction… this week Roode will face Kaz.

This show seems to go round and round, but rarely stops anywhere… except to build ancient guys like Hogan and Sting. Ugghhh.

- Backstage Bischoff and Angle cackle about the previous segment. Great.

- * Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love. Uh oh, the PatMan rule is in effect:

Rules are rules, even when they are modified rules of older rules. I’ve posted them before.

- Looks like Hemme has returned to her street walker clothes this week. Oh well, the class is gone. Winter comes out to observe the match, with her interest being that to get her ally Angelina in the match for the PPV. Velvet is attacked before the match starts… and the two brawl outside. Good thing Earl Hebner is refereeing this match! He’s so senile in the ring these days, this may have well have been a no-DQ. Winter’s interference results in Angelina taking a belt to the face, and a DDT for the pin and win by Velvet.

- Backstage Hardy goes to talk to AJ, who rips him a new one about doing drugs and making the program look shitty. Then we get Flair talking with Hogan, and Heath Farley pops in for a second. Nothing special here. Then we cut to Taz/Tenay interviewing Crimson via Satellite (yeah right) about his injury taking him out of the tournament with a hairline fracture via Samoa Joe. Crimson claims Joe made it personal, and in two weeks he will return… well technically he will return last Tuesday since TNA taped three episodes in a row.

Charles Barkley @G: “Dude, I’m getting swarmed by the infected, where are you?”

G @Charles Barkley: “I’m watching… sigh… Impact Wrestling. Yeah, I know…. I’m stupid.”

- * Samoa Joe vs. Matt Morgan. Not too much here. Morgan gets a little offense in, until Joe submits Morgan. Meh.

- Another Dead Island commercial reminds me that I’d prefer to be playing that game right now. It’s pretty awesome, actually.

- Kurt Angle approaches Kaz about tonight’s match. Meh. Devon rants at Hardy about their past and being buddies on the road and to stop being a total fuckup. And if he has to put him through a wall to get it through his head… well let’s just say it’s a good thing Hardy is off to jail… but as a dejected Hardy walks away, Devon notes, “You need me… I’ve got your back… I’ve got your back.” What a good friend. Sadly, this G is going through something like this with one of his bro’s right now. Shitty.

Dead Island is calling my name…

- * Bobby Roode vs. Kazarian. Catch-as-catch-can to start… and I can’t complain in the slightest. This is a tight match with high potential to be good. This is a fantastic bout, that ends with Roode defeating Kaz. This stole the show in my mind, and featured the diversity of the talent in the ring. I’d bitch about the lack of time allotted, but you already knew that. Should’ve been the main event.

- Kaz shakes Roode’s hand backstage. “Good work,” he notes and then starts smashing everything while screaming that his wife screwed Bischoff multiple times to try and get a job. Well that last part didn’t happen, but it should’ve.

- Bully Ray and Jerry Lynn talk smack about Anderson “sucking in general” and that how they will mess them up tonight. Entertaining bit, but again nothing special…. The spoilers told me we should expect to see, “* Bully Ray and Jerry Lynn vs. Ken Anderson” tonight… but since they are taping three weeks of the show this week split between two days, I’d expect we see that one sometime in the future with RVD added to Anderson’s team of apathy. Why? BECAUSE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Flair is out to wrestle, so it’s mainevent time. Not excited about this at all…. It’s been telegraphed that Sting wins… and the combined age in the ring exceeds one hundred fucking years. So yeah, there’s that.

I can totally relate to Tired Mario Mario here. This show won’t end.

- * Sting vs. Ric Flair. The first segment is all about old people pushing each other. Meh. It’s a chop-fest, folks. I didn’t expect much from this one, and that’s precisely what we got. Not that I expected any massive spots from the old folks home. There was this weird rest period where Flair must have held down the “B” button to power up his attack on Sting, and both men effectively killed a minute of this 6-7 bout doing nothing. Flair attempts the Figurefour leglock, but no! No caps lock for that part. But this also kills another couple of minutes… MEH! CAPS LOCK INDEED!! Sting “Hulks” up and reverses the lock by rolling over. That shouldn’t really make a difference, BUT IT DOES! FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. Sorry, but, FUCK. I opt to go into 1/4 FFW speed on the rest to attempt to make this feel like real time… Enter Hogan attempting to mess up Sting’s challenge. Flair is pissed that his bald-old-doppleganger is out here too… Flair does his flop spot, while Hogan is shown concerned since doesn’t own a medical alarm unit. This allows Sting to lock on the Scorpion Deathlock and the win. Shocking. Time to go kill zombies…

The Impact Wrestling logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

This iMPACT Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s iMPACT reviews work.

- Before I get down to it, I want to note: R.I.P. Wade Belak of the NHL. Belak was found dead yesterday, possibly a result of suicide as he was found hung (which could be due to the concussions he endured as one of the NHL’s enforcers). Belak had retired last April after being placed on waivers by the Nashville Predators. Why my condolences go out to the friends and families of Belak… this is the third “enforcer” to die as a result of questionable activities, possible depression, and head injuries. Derek Boogaard was found dead in May, and Rick Rypien, as well, in August.

While many of you may not be fans of hockey, the odds are you are a wrestling fan. And you know exactly who I am referring to here. Hopefully his brain will be donated to science to help us better understand and protect athletes of all sports (fixed or not). This is getting ridiculous. We know something is wrong, but little is being done to correct it.

http://www.wadebelak.com/

Ok, back to the wrestling, folks. [/rant].

- Hulk Hogan, brother dude brother, starts off the show. The crowd is hot for sure. The Network has okayed the Sting/Flair for September 15th, 2011. And the stip is if Sting loses, he retires, and if Flair loses, Sting gets Hogan. Hogan is tired of the Network’s bullying, and says the only way he’ll wrestle is if he’s good and ready. Cue Kurt Angle’s music? Hogan is basically telling him Dixie Carter can never run this place again, Angle states, “Your enemies are now my enemies.” Angle is giving Sting his title rematch tonight. Cue Heath Farley’s music. Rubberface makes his nonsensical self’s way to the ring… he agrees to face Angle tonight, and some more garbage falls out his mouth about Hogan. Sting’s music plays, but Hogan demands the music is cut off. Hogan’s paranoia gets the better of him and makes himself the guest enforcer.

Sometimes, I never learn. Neither do they.

- Thank god for small miracles, as we’re graced with the Bound For Glory leaderboard. Matt Morgan, injured joins commentary, and our list reveals that Crimson, Devon, and YOUR POPE, MY POPE, THE POPE are all listed injured. That means only six remain.

- * Bound for Glory Series Match: RVD vs. Gunner. RVD carries Gunner to a decent bout here, and Jerry Lynn makes his way out to “observe.” RVD lands a sweet looking top rope kick almost across the ring for a near-fall. Then RVD goes up again, and Lynn pushes him off costing Van Dam the match. Lynn dons a heeltastic smile and adds fuel to the fire for their PPV match.

Charles Barkley @G: “I’m reading the spoilers right now, G, and it looks like TNA is making a rather controversial decision for next week. Making him a babyface? REALLY?”

G @Charles Barkley: “I hear that Chuck. Not sure what the logic there is, but I find when trying to understand the little promotion that couldn’t, I generally come up with nothing. Turrible.”

- Eric Bischoff and Traci Brooks make their way to the ring, as Bischoff ogles the silicon… all of the Knockouts are in the ring. Easy-E calls the division “the pride and joy of the company” but “it doesn’t change the fact that they are women.” Then Bischoff takes the Suffrage movement back 200 years or so, talking about panties, whining, etc. Thus, only a women can provide leadership, and implies he fucked Brooks so she could get the job as “V.P. of the Knockouts Division.” BUT SWERVE!!! NO!!! SHE FUCKED HIM FOR NO REASON!! Out comes Karen Jarrett-Angle as Brooks flips out. Jeffry Jeff is there too with his AAA “title.” While the setup sucked, I like this change. Karen has been pretty decent on the stick and fits this role as a non-wrestling personality quite well. This is surprisingly an entertaining script which ends with Karen making Brooks’ her personal assistant.

Metal Slug in real life? Cool!

- During the break Winter taunts Mickie with the belt, setting up tonight’s title match.

- * Jesse Sorenson and Brian Kendrick vs. Austin Aries and Kid Kash. Brian Kendrick stole some ancient Aztec head gear or something. Whatever, the match is underway. This is a high flying, action packed spotfest to say the least. Aries is awesome even when he is not in the ring, what a great heel that exudes charisma. Him and Kash have some good heel chemistry, utilizing underhanded cheap shots as well. At one point, Kendrick looks to setup Aries for the Doomsday Device with Sorenson, BUT NO! It gets even more bizarre as all four men setup a four man totem pole type of move!! I don’t know what in the hell you call it, but it looked pretty cool. This leads to chaos as Aries runs around the outside of the ring like he won the Stanley Cup and Kendrick bites, chasing him. Kash looks to capitalize, BUT NO!! Sorenson rolls him up and grabs a win over the veteran, much to Kash’s chagrin.

I think this dude surfing with flare(s), literally, sums up how fun that last bout was!

- We get a bunch of Wayne Arnold segments back stage. First is the direct implication that Winter is now a vampire (and the former zombie, turned blood sucker Angelina Love). Mickie James is then interviewed talking about blood being spit on her via Winter and so forth. What in the fuck?

Yep. This stuff again.

- The announcers tell us Jeff Hardy is officially returning next week. Cut to Angle and Hogan. Angle feels good, because he has a cup of coffee. Hogan bursts in telling us that loser Jeff Hardy is coming back next week. Way to put over Hardy as a draw Hogan. Angle is so mad, he tosses his cup of coffee on the ground. He’ll get a live microphone next week, we’re told… and the announcers acknowledge him dropping to a new low. Wow, that’s going to make him… egad… a baby face?!?!

The message us 10 percent’ers have been reading on the dirt sheet spoilers is to expect Jeff Hardy on the September 8th episode of Impact Wrestling… he’ll also be appearing LIVE!!!… in court, for those drug possession charges from way back.

- * Knockouts Title Match: Winter {C} vs. Mickie James. They start with some catch-as-catch-can rolls and flips to start, and I won’t lie and say that didn’t impress me. Winter breaks this up by biting Mickie’s hand. Mickie goes into full assault landing a sick neck breaker… but Earl Hebner finally clears the senility out of his eyes and tosses Angelina from ringside to the back for interference. Winter takes control for a while, only to be locked into a modified Sharpshooter, but Winter breaks the hold. After much back and forth, Mickie hits her version of a Superkick, KO’ing Winter for the pin. NEW KNOCKOUT CHAMPION, Mickie James! Surprisingly good match here, folks!

Come on turtle, you can do it…. just a little more… come on, little dude! Just… d’aww!

- Matt Morgan is in the ring, and calling out Samoa Joe for being insane and injuring half of the roster. He wants to face him man to man. This is not an announced match, so Morgan demands a referee is brought out. Joe enters the arena, as does a ref. Oddly enough Tenay tells us this is not a match, so why the hell is there a referee here then? Morgan looks a bit flabby here, but since he tore his pectoral muscle, I suppose that can be forgiven. This turns into quite the brawler, as the two take the action outside. Joe comes out on top here, all crazy, but with less facial tattoos this time.

Sometimes it’s just better to walk away.

- Robbie E is doing arm curls as Rob “The Juice” Terry walks in. Out of no where Eric Young comes into the weight room and does some lifts with the apparatus for leg curls. He challenges Robbie E to a Television Title match next week since he thinks Robbie E is one of those orange people from the Jersey Shore. Cut to Daniels and Styles blah blahing about someone coming back… Styles mumbles his words, so I have no clue what he said after three rewind attempts. It doesn’t matter, it’s someone we’ve seen before as Daniels reaction is “Again?” Who cares.

No rhyme of reason for this animated gif… I just like it.

- Hogan talks with Immortal backstage more about Jeff Hardy coming back, and totally burying the premise. Meaningless burial.

- * Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles. Did you expect a great match? With these two? Of course you did. And that is for the most part what we got here. It’s smooth and back and forth, that I can’t keep up with the keyboard and my attention. One of the better spot included AJ doing a backflip from the top turnbuckle OVER Daniels, and into an attempt at a reversed DDT, BUT NO!!! Daniels reverses it, and lands a lionsault! This leads towards the end, AJ slips off the top rope, and Daniels capitalizes and pins AJ for the win! Post match, AJ goes for the handshake, but Daniels says fuck that and leaves looking rather cocky. Excellent!

As per usual, this show has ruined my brain. But you know what? At least most of the matches have been pretty damn good tonight.

* TNA Title Match: Kurt Angle {C} vs. Sting. Wow, this sure takes a long time to start up. Ring Entrances, announcements, and so forth…. And considering CM Punk didn’t even get a ring entrance the other night, CM Punk Is Not Impressed.

Nope

Still no…

Yeah, Punk went there… then forgot he had an account…

- This match isn’t shitty. It’s not great either. But Angle does land three Germans on Sting, so I’ll give it that. Sting is really of the benefit that he’s in here with Kurt. Sting lands a nice reverse DDT (but we just saw this attempted last match, so…). Angle lock is slapped on, and Sting takes a long breather. Later, Hogan enters and hits Sting with a chair across the chest, which Sting no-sells. This allows Angle to hit the Angle Slam and retain. Post match, Angle is tossed, and Sting looks to have Hogan’s number. Bully Ray and Scott Steiner enter the fray to fuck up his shit. Abyss, Gunner, etc…. but then of all things, Ken Anderson runs in with a baseball bat to save Heath Foley from his battle against a small army…

The Impact Wrestling logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

This iMPACT Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

Only in the Russoverse

Eric B. Hogan and Flair talk about the craziness that is the joke…er Sting. I can’t wait for Bound for Glory.

He could so sue. Why so nervous Sting

So yeah I was wrong it was Sarita and Rosita. Anywho.

five minutes later and I am still screaming what the —– It was like watching some surreal dream where everyone knew how to wrestle except the one who scored the pin. Velvet appears to be struggling to look relevant surrounded by vets and better experienced wrestlers. So instead of a double cross swerve we are treated to a face turn from Jackie and ODB, who double team suplex Angelina and drag Velvet over for the win.

nuff said

The X division. We have Kid Kash coming out to face Jesse Sorensen. In the beginning of an obvious feud. So the bad boy of the original X division is now going to be jobbing out to the varsity wrestler? We will have to wait and see. So after holding the tights of Sorensen he heelishly wins. After a wonderful heel promo we have personality. I like. By putting in Aries and Kash they have brought in wonderful talents who can work a crowd. So waiting to see these guys in a live event again.

Bound for Glory series. Love the vignettes of the house shows.  Crimson, Bully Ray Bobby Roode tied for 2nd, James Storm and Gunner round out the top four.

the Pope vs RvD, the crowd is behind Rob. Oh do I miss the days when Pope would have brought the house down. what a difference a feud makes. First Samoa now this inane drama with Devon’s family. Watching Pope get beat on is as enjoyable as watching Lavar Burton getting whipped in Roots.<its okay I’m black> And surprising like Akunta Kinta he taps out and agrees to be called Toby. Rob Van Dam beats Pope with a surfboard. RvD is now tied with Gunner for fourth. OH here comes sore loser Samoa Joe. Devon take his sweet time walking out to slowly scare away Joe. Can’t wait for the Pope vs Devon match that is so coming for Bound for Glory. <sarcasm>

Even after all he sacrificed Levar shakes his head as the Pope has set us back 400 years.

Robbie E. and Rob Terry have a promo were he asked him to be his bodyguard. Immortal backstage working out there arms and have a semi comic unscripted confrontation. Rosita and Sarita jump Love until Winter shows up and chokes out Rosita Hogan and Flair waddle out the ring.

Traci Brooks and a Eric B promo, who is trying <sarcasm> his hardest not to look down her shirt.

The two stooges come out to call out Sting. Its akin to watching Grumpy Old Men 3: The wrestling Years. Well they call out the Clown Prince  of wrestling.

Flair says tit and I think yeah, family show. So watching these men quack enough crazy to make the Robert Young Clinic call for more beds. And its official Sting vs Hogan at BFG.

If you’re over 50, yeah get a crazy gimmick. Good to Know.

Thank God A.J. Styles, I have never been so happy to see a redneck in my life. He calls out Daniels. Can we say sore loser. Can he never give up is he like the Vegeta to A.J’s Goku? Of course inquiring minds want to know. Daniels questions does he have what it takes to be in TNA? The fallen Angel is crying and the crowd boos and shouts the Brisco Brothers infamous “man-up” Pity something this audience could care less about. After Days of our Lives we now return to

yep had the same reaction when Daniels was crying.

Immortal versus Fortune….a special BFG event. No rules. Gunner, Steiner and Ray come out only to get attacked by Storm, Styles and Roode, can we say brawl. After a series of spots, Ray pins A.J Styles for the win. Bully Ray picks up 7 points.

Mr Anderson shows up in a hummer. And comes to the ring. takes out Steiner and Gunner, Ray and Abyss wonder to the back in confusion.

Mickie James is angry, and can’t get into words what the hell Russo’s booking has caused her. Because evil lesbian witches are not cool. And neither is the TV title being worn by Young who is on the hunt for D lister Scott Baio. <God> Young pins Baio after jumping from a tree for the three. Next.

Crimson vs Angle.

This match was decent, it does include Angle who could have a match with a corpse and make it believable. But just when we might have a decision Samoa Joe comes to attack Crimson after a mini beat down Crimson comes back and clears the ring of Joe, since Angle left a minute ago.

Will Tracy become the knockout Law? Will Mickie beat Winter? Will Daniels finally overcome A.J tune in next week and see. In a post match segment Joe beats and cripples Crimson.

Here is to next week in front of hopeful a live crowd.

According to celebrity gossip site TMZ, and supposedly confirmed by both independent sources and TNA management, Matt Hardy no longer works for TNA. The decision reportedly came down this afternoon from Dixie Carter herself, though that is also uncertain. Hardy was arrested for drunk driving after he crashed his 2009 Corvette into a tree. He was alone, and no one else was injured.

TNA’s source made a point of mentioning that Hardy had been suspended from the company for some time. Hardy claimed that he was taking time off, and that he and brother Jeff were doing well and ready for a fresh start. All of the obvious jokes aside, this issue raises several serious and significant points.

Why hasn’t Jeff Hardy been released as well? Multiple federal drug charges pending against a former World Heavyweight Champion is a major black eye to the company, though this has been said many times by others, and TNA doesn’t seem to care. Jeff Hardy’s list of “issues” during both of his runs in TNA seem to outweigh Matt’s in severity. Perhaps the recent deaths of “Jackass” star Ryan Dunn and a passenger in a horrific car crash caused by Dunn’s own drunkenness and speeding had something to do with the decision to release Matt Hardy. Dunn had a blood alcohol level of .196, and was driving between 130 and 140 miles per hour in a 55 mph zone. While Hardy thankfully did not meet the same end, perhaps TNA feared that at some future point, he might. That would require TNA management to suddenly become possessed of both a conscience and foresight, but miracles can happen.

Matt and Jeff are both clearly in need of serious help, as their frequent YouTube videos attest. Both have supposedly refused rehab more than once. Does TNA have a responsibility to its talent to force them to get treatment? Perhaps. Is it up to the Hardys to WANT to make those changes? Absolutely. The point is that cutting Matt Hardy loose without any mandatory treatment will only encourage him to keep doing what he has been doing for years, and that can’t end well.

Finally, what does it say about a wrestling company when someone has to crash his car into a tree and get arrested for drunk driving in order to garner any sort of reaction from the powers that be? As pathetic as it sounds, the reaction may have only come because this particular indiscretion happened in public, and was completely inarguable. Matt can’t say that he wasn’t driving, he didn’t crash the car, or that he wasn’t drunk. Jeff can still claim that he was set up in some way regarding his drug charges. It’s a classic case of permitting anything and everything in private, and washing one’s hands of it in public.

Does TNA have to be completely destroyed before those in power are willing to take a good hard look at both the wrestling talent and themselves?

Sigh… Well at least we should get to see Eric Young fight Scott Baio tonight, right? Sorry, no.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s iMPACT reviews work.

- Sting comes out and rolls around. He then explains it was a reenactment of what happened last week. Ok, well it got my attention… maybe not the right kind of attention, mind you. Sting then asks the crowd whether they want to see Hogan back in the ring. Cue the piped audio, as the crowd appears motionless. Then he tells us he wants Hogan in the ring tonight… Enter WOO!!! Ric Flair.

- Flair notes they’re both icons. And thinks they should have another match. Flair puts over Sting as a great wrestler. But the clause is if Flair beats him, Sting goes home and retires. Or, if Sting wins, he will deliver Hogan on a silver platter. That doesn’t seem fair. But Sting accepts the offer.

This is how I feel watching this show sometimes.

- Flair walks into Hogan’s office, and Hulk starts flipping out on him, asks him where he’s been and if he’s on goofball pills again. Flair tells him to relax, and he’s got this, “Where’s the love? We’re the two best wrestlers that ever lived!” Flair is confident he’s got Sting’s number, as he always has through out their whole history in the business. Flair can save any segment.

- We get some more house show results in relation to the Bound for Glory tournament. Crimson is up to fifty points at first, and Bully Ray launched past Roode and Storm into second with 42. Matt Morgan joins commentary to add insight into the tournament. Christy Hemme’s classy looking ring outfit trend continues as she introduces….

Charles Barkley @G: “Wait a second honkey, there’s a female on this show in the ring whose every second word isn’t bitch, whore, or slut? Am I on the right channel.”

G @Charles Barkley: “And, she doesn’t dress like said prostitute either. I know.”

- * Bound for Glory Series Match: Scott Steiner vs. Devon. There is very little here, it’s like a minute long. Steiner ekes out a quick win as Devon’s sons look disappointed in their father. No worries, Samoa Joe attacks Devon from behind!! Devon’s sons look around to see if help is coming, BUT NO! So the two kids go to save their father… Enter Your Pope, My Pope, THE POPE! Joe notices the numbers game isn’t in his favour, so he exeunts stage left chuckling.

Very cool POV of the inside of an acoustic guitar…

- Joe cuts a great promo with Wayne Arnold filming backstage. He is convincingly angry here, and proclaims he will destroy the BFG tournament and every single competitor, one by one. I really hope he does.

- * Eight Man X Division Gauntlet for an X Division Title Match: Robbie E vs. Jesse Sorensen vs. Zema Ion vs. Mark Haskins vs. Kid Kash vs. Anthony Nese vs. Alex Shelley vs. Austin Aries. Hot Diggity! One on one to start, and throughout time more will enter. Meanwhile the other six stand at ringside like lumberjacks. Shelley and Haskins start (Haskins who looks like he stole John Morrison’s old look from MNM in his ring attire). Considering the chaos and clusterfuckage that is going to ensue, I’m not even going to try and cover moves (like I ever do). Also, almost everyone is wearing long black pants. Shelley is eliminated! Next up to bat is Robbie E, but is immediately eliminated due to a distraction via his little orange valet…

- Zema Ion is in next…Ion hits a sick looking swinging DDT on Haskins and then a deadly 540 (?) splash from the top rope. Pin, and Ion advances… Sorensen enters next. His gimmick is that he forgot High School is over and has his jacket from football still on. But jacket powers prove successful, and he takes out Ion. Anthony Nese (resembles a small Chris Masters) enters with some decent offence. But Sorensen takes him out too. As Kid Kash enters the fray, we hit commercials.

We haven’t seen Some Internet Guy for a while… he’s got a new gig as a ghost buster? Or maybe he’s just moonlighting, since his full-time gig is still being crazy.

- Lord knows how much action we just missed, but we return with Kash in firm control over Sorensen. Kash looks great in this match, but is tricked and school-boyed by Sorensen. Meanwhile Kash hits a double-underhook modified piledriver on Sorensen in anger, then leaves. Aries takes the time to casually enter the ring, but cannot capitalize on Kash’s assault. I don’t know with he wins with a true brain buster, it looked sloppy. But it kills Sorensen and your winner and number one contender is Austin Aries! Kind of predictable, but fun match to watch. Aries heeltastically points out he just ran the guantlet and beat seven other opponents! HA HAHAHAHA! Awesome!

- Kendrick comes out and goes to shake his opponents hand, but Aries burns him and begins to walk away. Kendrick looks pissed, so he jumps Austin as security comes down attempting to separate the two…

Al Creed notes the following classic Simpsons moment on facebook. Perfect!

- Traci Brooks talks with Bischoff about reapplying for her job as Knockouts boss, and more or less shoves her tits in his face. Eric seems interested…

- * ODB vs. Mickie James. ODB is once again wrestling without a contract. And there is some kind of clause that she earns one if she wins tonight. Jackie is with ODB. The story is mostly one of the typical heel ODB dominates the majority of the match… until Mickie finally turns the tide with a power up and pins her. It’s given a good five minutes or so, and as a result is a pretty good match for Impact. Jackie is rather upset that her friend lost, but reluctantly gives Mickie a quick handshake.

Dude’s turning into an Etch-A-Sketch.

- Great… now my DVR is acting a fool again. Kicking it didn’t solve anything… if I can’t FFW through this episode at my leisure, this review is over. Ok, looks like the glitch takes 6 minutes of the show away. Fuck, whatever. I return midway into… of course…

- * Bound for Glory Series Match: RVD vs. AJ Styles. Who knows how the bout started, but RVD is in control as Jerry Lynn jumps the guard rail to tell the referee he screwed RVD with a two count. There is some lady in the front row who is chanting for both combatants… she clearly doesn’t understand how a dueling chant works. Lots of high spots and attacks! Jerry Lynn breaks up a pin count on RVD, so the referee calls interference DQ on RVD and Styles is your winner. This costs RVD 10 points in the BFG tournament. Styles asks Lynn what the fuck, and RVD looks both sad and angry as our segment ends.

If the Anonymous GM ever comes back, this is the reaction I want out of Cole.

- RVD has words with Lynn who seems sorry about the whole thing, and that he felt RVD was getting robbed by the ref.

- “You think I’m falling for this? You ain’t the Joker, you’re Sting,” calls out Flair backstage in the shadows as he hunts for Heath Farley. I think he is seeing ghosts like Some Internet Guy. Spooky noises and stuff are going on. “You know what? This is bullshit,” avows Flair who somehow makes this stupid segment awesome. Finally Sting shows his face, but GUNNER jumps him… Sting easily counters him as Flair yells out, “Gunner! You’re fired!” With Gunner laid out, Sting tells him “You’re going to go somewhere some day, kid.” Hmm…

- Eric Young is seen on the streets of Hollywood looking for Baio. He asks a bunch of randoms about his location, and after one person tells him he’s been on TV, so Young tells him to tell him where Baio is or he’s fired (patting the belt), “That’s why I’m the champion.” We’re promised next week Baio, and for more to go to their website. I won’t be doing that.

Right out of the ball skate park!

- Some dipshit thought it would be a good idea to let Crimson cut an interview with Angle in the ring. Egad, he is TURRIBLE. I mean, I make fun of how crappy he is in the ring, but he managed to find a way to turn up the suck with his microphone skills. Angle puts it perfectly when he says, “You’re nobody going nowhere.” Crimson is the epitome of what Angle was promised, young guys to be surrounded by… guys he’ll make. Crimson attempts to retort and say that the young guys in the back all have respect for Kurt. Blah blah blah, god awful Crimson, blah blah.

In one fell Brogue Kick, Sheamus entertains me more than Crimson’s entire existence up to this point in time.

- Mexican America cuts their usual cookie cutter stereotype crap backstage.

- Jeffry Jeff Jarrett and Karen Angle-Jarrett join commentary, and Jeff takes a couple cheap shots at Hector Guerrero as we await the main-event. I suppose all the speculation will be whether this is all going to build towards a potential debut of Chavo, whose no-compete clause is up mid-fall. Meanwhile….

- * TNA Tag Team Title Match: Beer Money {C} vs. Mexican America. We’re told that this is MA’s last chance for a title match. Sure, I believe that clause. TOO MUCH BANTER ON COMMENTARY! Beer Money is totally carrying this one… but I’ll tell you what, it is watchable. Beer Money clear the ring, Rosita spits something on them after the crowd interaction spot. Then for no logical reason, Karen runs out and starts yelling at the faces. Earl Hebner decides to catch up in a book, I guess, and this all leads to Mexican America winning the tag titles as Jarrett and Karen celebrate with them. Redneck Jesus and Bobby Roode look all sad and shit as…

The Impact Wrestling logo comes up, and I’m out.

Hi Colt Cabana!

———————————————————-

This iMPACT Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, and Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s iMPACT reviews work.

-Coming down to the ring to start is Immortal in the form Abyss, Gunner, Mr. Anderson (showing reluctance), Bully Ray, and Scott Steiner (who tosses down a camera man to the ground for no reason).

<Charles Barkley @G: “I’m just gonna do a little dance and get out of here ASAP.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Later, hater!”

- Bully Ray tells Abyss he’s on thin ice for his loss at the PPV, costing Immortal guys the match. Ray says it blows his mind that the crowd takes to Anderson… but not to play any dirty tricks. Bully says he underestimated how tough Anderson really is, and that Ken brought it harder than anyone he’s ever fought before, and that he belongs in Immortal. And while Bully won at the Hardcore Justice, he has no more issues with Anderson, and goes to shake his hand. Ken laughs at this, Bully can’t believe he won’t take him seriously, so he beats him down with the rest of Immortal. Security tries to stop it, as do backstage bookers led by D-Lo Brown… out comes the stabilizer board and paramedics to wheel away Anderson.

- Anderson’s weekly shifting from face to heel, and back again continues? Sheesh.

It was only about a month and a half ago I was apologizing about the city of Vancouver’s rioting after their NHL team lost in the Stanley Cup finals. This whole thing is far worse. I feel bad for the millions of folks in the U.K. that are scratching their heads amongst the rest of the world as to why this is happening.

- Bischoff meets with Immortal via stalker-cam, and Eric concedes that Bully was right about Anderson, and that Abyss and him need to talk…

- We get a view of Christy Hemme, who once again is looking very classy in simple and conservative ring attire. I like this, and noticed this trend at least a month ago. It’s a nice contrast to the usual cliche TNA style of presenting women on television.

- * #1 Contender’s Match: Mickie James vs. Madison Rayne. Impact highlights remind us of Mickie defeating Madison back on April 17th, 2011 and taking her title. Madison has cut her hair fairly short, which does allow her to stand out a little better in the brunette dominated knockout roster. This is a decent bout, which I’ll admit I did not mind at all. It’s well paced, and features some psychology with the finish. Mickie dons Madison’s tiara and does a little curtsy just as Madison misses a running clothesline from behind. This causes her to run off the ropes, directly at Mickie who slaps on a swinging DDT for the finish.

Well done horse! HA HAHAHA!

- *Brian Kendrick vs Robbie E. Cookie is ringside, and Austin Aries joins commentary. The match is a throw away (sad, I know). It’s over in about 2 minutes at best, with Cookie going to squirt hairspray into Kendrick’s face, but sprays Robbie instead. This sets up a Sliced Bread #2, and Kendrick wins. Dissension between the heels… backstage to Devon and Your Pope, My Pope, THE Pope who have to work together tonight for Bound For Glory points, only which one person can get (not the team).

This might be a long one for an animated gif, but lord knows it ranks in my all time favorites. And, there will be no Charlie Sheen jokes.

- Robbie E screams at Cookie on Wayne Arnold’s stalker cam. “We’re finished, bro!” yells Robbie at Cookie, who retorts, “Peace out, douche bag!” Interview with Crimson, “I don’t know what’s going on, but a win’s a win.” Yeah, you clearly don’t know what’s going on. We get the point spread for the tournament that has the greenest ginger in the world on the top…

- * Bound for Glory Series Match: RVD and AJ Styles vs. Beer Money vs. The Pope and Devon. Sadly, the action is underway as we return from commercials. I hate the idea of a three way tag match here, with only two in the ring at a time. Since everyone is gunning for points in the match, why on earth would the two that start ever consider tagging the third team? That’s what blind tags are for, I guess. Redneck Jesus does exactly that, getting Beer Money! into the action… but the Pope and Devon are working very well together here. Later, RVD breaks up a pin, but eats a DDT (classic headstand sell by RVD!!), this causes some chaos and leads to Devon missing Bobby Roode and hitting D’Angelo with a flying clothesling. Bobby Roode launches into second place with 35 points win a pinfall (two past his tag partner and 8 behind The Friendly Green Ginger).

I have no clue what in the hell this is. But am just going to go with it.

- Kurt Angle is coming out to address his actions at Bound For Glory. The crowd appears to be booing loudly, which is odd because you can clearly see the audience and most of them are sitting motionless with their mouths closed. Sure, there are a few people booing, such obvious piped in crowd noise. Angle claims he is not joining the dark side (see: Immortal), rather it was about getting his integrity back and Sting was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He says he got a call from Dixie Carter. Now we go back to the Jarrett/Karen thing, because Kurt claims Dixie knew about their affair while denying it to Kurt 3 years ago. Kurt’s plan now is to hurt all of the young talent Dixie brought in to build around Kurt in order to prevent her from ever getting her company back. Young talent? What in the hell is he talking about? All the young talent is being released or asking for it!?!

- Sting rises out of the floor with a bat and beats the chair Angle is holding in front of him… as Hogan sneaks (limps) from behind and hits Sting in the back with another chair. Hogan then continues to attack Sting beginning the official run towards the absolute worst TNA PPV match up of ALL TIME! Angle is in cahoots with Hogan based on the idea of keeping the company from Dixie.

SENSE WILL NOT BE HAD HERE! NEVER!

- * Non-Title Match: Tara and Miss Tessmacher {C} vs. ODB and Jackie Moore. Wow, ODB and Jackie have sure gotten a lot of TV time without a contract, huh? I guess they wrangled this match via Eric Bischoff who hates sexually ambiguity, because I can’t think of another reason why this would happen. I think Jackie’s here to attempt to make Tessmacher appear like she can wrestle… ughh… Just when it looks like Tara is about the wrestle, back in comes Tessmacher now against ODB. Yawn, this is terrible. For some reason when Tara becomes the face-in-distress, ODB and Jackie trade spots of preventing each other from interfering as if Earl Hebner gives a shit. He gave up caring about the rules years ago. Christ help me, Miss Tessmacher gets the hot tag, clears the heels, who come back to beat down Tessmacher RIGHT IN FRONT OF HEBNER. See? He doesn’t care… then for some reason, Jackie looks upset they are doing this and pushes ODB away. The faces retain as a result. Then the heels give them their props reluctantly. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS?

Man, I miss Kong/Kharma.

- Bischoff has called a meeting backstage with “everyone.” Eric is to discuss the X-Division. It will have a weight division of 225 lbs or under. Man, I hardly recognize any of the new cruiser weight division… the gem of the segment occurs when Austin Aries approaches the desk of Bischoff and says he and Eric have a lot in common, and he promises he will make the division live up to expectations. Eric seems to be in on this, and the rest are dismissed. Notables on the way out include recently resigned Kid Kash, Robbie E, and “The Wizard of Odd” Brian Kendrick.

- Out comes Jeffry Jeff Jarrett and Karen Angle-Jarrett. They proclaim themselves the King and Queen of Mexico. Both are dressed in politically correct traditional Mexican attire! Hrmph… Jarrett saves the segment by pointing to his endorsers The Lopez Brothers, Jose-A and Jose-B. These indie guys are dressed like grounds-keepers at Universal Studios. More classy humour involves allegations of being lazy and drunk. Neither guy can say anything than “que?” until they notice Hector Guerrero on Spanish announcing and begin a short “Hector!!” chant. My Spanish isn’t so great, but then Jose-A notes the Guerrero’s are the best of the lucha libre wrestling. So Jarrett beats them down, and Hector WILL HAVE NONE OF IT! He goes after Jeff with a steel chair as the heels flee. Wait… what? You have a faction dedicated to Mexican pride in Mexican America, and THEY DON’T RUN OUT? WTF?

Bringing back old meaning to the phrase, “give your head a shake.”

- THANK GOD FOR ERIC YOUNG, as his mission to Hollywood continues. I don’t know why the stupidest sounding storyline on this show comes across as the best thing on the show right now. He’s going after Scott Baio this week. “It’s like Romeo and Juliet,” Young notes, “He’s going to come out, and I’m going to poison him.” As clips from next week show us, Baio is swinging a golf club at Young.

- Meanwhile, we see spaced out, bloody Anderson walk into Bully Ray’s locker trailer only to be attacked from behind by Gunner. Then the camera man is ushered off as we hear beatings commence. Looks like the injured Matt Morgan joins commentary for the next Bound for Glory match. Shouldn’t Morgan have been on commentary for the match earlier as well? I mean, if you’re going to use him as the inside perspective for the tournament… fuck… brain hurts.

- * Bound for Glory Series Match: Crimson vs. Gunner vs. Bully Ray vs. Scott Steiner. Crimson comes out first to a loud cheering reception from the crowd, the one that we can’t see. Clearly this like the boos for Angle earlier, are edited in.

This episode can’t end sooner…

- We return, and the odds are stacked against the “undefeated” Crimson facing three members of Immortal. But since Borash tells us this little factoid about ol’ Crimmy (crummy?), the outcome seems to be a foregone conclusion. It’s rather boring as each heel takes a turn delivering a fairly one-sided beat down of the Green Giant. Brian Hebner allows blatant double-teaming and heel tactics, just like dear-old-Dad. Crimson lands the worst schoolboy of all time on Gunner for the win… but on the way out, Kurt Angle attacks him and beats him with his shoe. HE BEATS HIM WITH HIS SHOE! Immortal watches at ring side while Angle takes off Crimson’s knee brace and HE BEATS HIM WITH THAT! Angle, places him in a submission lock within the ropes as….

The Impact Wrestling logo comes up, and I’m out.

Hi Colt Cabana!

———————————————————-

This iMPACT Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, and Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

Hmm.   What channel is Spike TV again?  Ah, there it is, 895.

Sting is apparently the network executive.  I mean, Heath Farley.  Oh wait.  No he’s not.  Immortal beat up some folks, Bully Ray didn’t give Anderson a chair, Angle pinned Anderson.  This apparently happened last week.  I have no idea.

Bully Ray has a mic.  This is apparently the Immortal faction I’ve heard about.  He puts over Steiner (Largest arms in the world), Gunner (TNA’s BlueChipper), Abyss (The only man he’s afraid of), Jarrett (The only man who can take the AAA title away from Mexico), and calls Anderson an asshole.  He says this town isn’t big enough for Immortal and Fortune.  Anderson takes a mic and asks if he heard that correct.  He calls Bully Ray an asshole and says the ring isn’t big enough for the two of them.  Last week, Bully Ray volunteered Anderson to face the best wrestler in the world Kurt Angle.  Not only that, but he screwed him.  Ray says Anderson couldn’t get the job done, but Anderson says he screwed him.  Anderson says he hopes that it was worth it.  It’s not going to happen necessarily any time soon, but he’s a vindictive person, and he’ll get him back.  Ray asks who Anderson is again.  He reminds us that he’s the guy who lost the World Heavyweight Title after being in Immortal for one week.  Week.  He’s weak.  Bully Ray is a 23 time World Tag Team Champion, and when Bischoff and Hogan ain’t around, he’s in charge of this illustrious group.  He’ll become the World Heavyweight Champion.  Anderson is dog crap on his shoe on the way to winning the title.  Anderson’s got an idea.  Hardcore Justice.  Neither of them are booked.  They might as well settle this.  Anderson decks Bully Ray and Immortal separate the two.  Then somebody’s music hits.  Apparently it’s Fortune’s music, because they come out.  Kaz calls him “Bully Ray Cyrus,” and wants to remind him that it sounded like they were going to call out Fortune.  If that’s the case, they’re RSVPing.  Fortune hits the ring, and run off Immortal.  James Storm seems to have hurt his back.

Tonight, the Bound For Glory series continues as Hernandez faces James Storm, and we’ll have the contract signing between Sting and Angle.

Miss Tessmacher is taking on Madison Rayne, NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

The Knockout Champion, Mickie James is here for some reason.  She’ll be facing Winter at Hardcore Justice.  he’s joining in on commentary for the following match.  Madison Rayne is out first.  Miss Tessmacher is apparently one half of the Knockouts Tag Team Champions with Tara, and is Madison Rayne’s opponent tonight.  Tara gets tossed, so it’s one on one.

Miss Tessmacher vs. Madison Rayne

Tessmacher does a Stinkface, and then Madison Rayne is in control for some reason.  This match is booked really well.  Hair tosses by Rayne.  Madison turns to yell at Mickie and Miss Tessmacher rolls her up for the pin.

Winner by pinfall:  Miss Tessmacher

Madison Rayne attacks Tessmacher after the bell.  Mickie goes to stop it but Angelina Love stops her.  Mickie takes out Angelina but is taken out by Winter.  Angelina holds Mickie, and Winter thwacks her across the face with the Knockouts title.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

In Texas last week the BFG series continued.  A bunch of people won matches and got points.  I don’t really care.  They showed the leaderboard, but I wasn’t paying attention.  Also in Texas last week, the pussy ass singer of Kings of Leon had a hissy fit because it was “too hot” and canceled the rest of his tour.

The next match is also a part of the BFG series.  Which, if I recall correctly, every single match these guys are in no matter who they’re facing count toward this, so I guess that’s redundant.  Devon is out first, and he’s taking on the one and only Phenomenal AJ Styles!

AJ Styles vs. Devon

I’m a huge fan of AJ Styles, and since November I’ve only seen him wrestle once – at the TNA BaseBrawl here in Buffalo.  AJ works a headlock for a while, then the pace picks up.  Meanwhile, The Pope is hanging out in the crowd with, apparently, Devon’s kids.  Devon hits a spinning elbow for a two count before turning his attention to The Pope, which costs him when AJ Styles locks in Alberto Del Rio’s finishing move, but Devon gets to the ropes.  Styles sets up for the Styles Clash but Devon escapes.  Devon goes for a reverse impaler DDT.  Styles hits a Pele for two as Daniels shows up at ringside.  AJ goes for a springboard after he’s distracted by Daniels, misses, and Devon rolls him up for the pinfall victory and 7 points in the BFG series.  Yes, that’s two matches with essentially the same finish so far tonight.

Winner by Pinfall:  Devon

Daniels and Styles argue, Pope and Devon exchange glances, and this segment ends.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Taz and Tenay are all gung ho about Sting vs. Angle.  And why not?  Angle wants a clean victory over Sting.  This is TNA, buddy, that ain’t gonna happen.

Video:  Sting and Angle’s history.

Pope is babbling backstage but I can’t hear him because my wife is talking about a mirror.  Apparently, he’ll be facing Devon at Hardcore Justice.  Up next, it’s Pope vs. Samoa Joe!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

WTF did I just see an ad for?  Anyways, Pope is making it rain.  Matt Morgan is making conversation with Taz and Mike Tenay.  And Samoa Joe is making the angry “I didn’t get an entrance on TV” face.

The Pope vs. Samoa Joe

MAJOR names in the industry have been praising Samoa Joe lately, and the guy doesn’t even get an entrance on IMPACT.   Which likely means he’s not winning.  Let’s just call it Pope with a roll-up off of a distraction and be done with it.  The fans are behind Joe, but Pope isn’t when Joe comes running in backwards to the turnbuckle.  Pope takes control, when Devon comes out to the ring.  Joe uses his power to turn the tide briefly, and then manages to lock in the Kokina Clutch to get the submission victory…  but he won’t let go.  Joe gets disqualified, and thus loses 10 points in the Bound For Glory series.

Winner via Disqualification:  The Pope (wins 3 points)

Joe chases after referee Jackson James.  Joe says they don’t want him anywhere near the gold, hence why he’s in this stupid tournament.  It’s because he’s a threat.  They tried to kill him, but they won’t.  They will not.  He will not go silently.  They’re responsible for their actions and will be held accountable, and the blood will be on their hands.

James Storm and Robert Roode meet up in the back, and Storm is in no shape to compete.  Roode says they have to defend the Tag titles in three days, what’s more important than that.  Storm says nothing is.  Roode offers to take his place,  and Storm agrees.  Roode vs. Hernandez, coming up!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Brother Ray is on the phone asking how he instigated and wondering why he has to apologize to a guy he doesn’t like.  He says he’ll do it out of respect to the caller.

Street fight time!  Accompanied by Rosita, Sarita, and Anarchia, is Hernandez.  Mexican America will get a tag title shot this Sunday at Hardcore Justice.   What the fuck is Sarita wearing on her face?  James Storm is accompanied by Bobby Roode, or at least that’s how it’s announced.  Storm can’t go, so Roode will take his place.  Christy Hemme confirms such.

Bobby Roode vs. Hernandez

I haven’t watched this show in forever.  Who the fuck ARE all these people with Hernandez?  I mean, I know who Sarita is.  I think she’s the taller one, right?  Roode takes control and starts using weapons early on.  And when the hell did Roode go back to being “Bobby?”  It sounds weird to me.  Hernandez turns the tide, and Supermex flies with a shoulderblock before whipping Roode with his belt.  Roode starts to battle back, but to no avail.  Hernandez scores a two after a shot with a trash can lid.  I stop watching for a few minutes because it’s really bugging me what Sarita’s wearing on her face.  Apparently it’s a protective mask.  I have no idea why.  Roode Superplexes Hernandez into the ring and grabs a Kendo stick.  Roode cracks him three times with it – once in the stomach, once in the back , and once in the head.  Roode takes control for a while, but he makes the mistake of charging at Hernandez, who brick walls him.  Hernandez goes for the Border Toss, but Storm reverses it.  He hits the Double R Spinebuster but the referee is distracted.  All hell breaks loose, Taz finally explains that Sarita is wearing the mask because of Miss Tessmacher, and Hernandez – guess what – takes advantage of the distraction and rolls up Roode for the pinfall victory and the 7 points.

Winner by pinfall:  Hernandez

Bully Ray finds Ken Anderson and apologizes for any and everything he’s done that’s offended Anderson.  Bully Ray wants a handshake.  Anderson refuses.  Bully Ray feels like a jerkoff begging for Anderson’s approval.  Anderson shakes Ray’s hand, and Ray knees him in the balls.  He says “Who’s the asshole now?”

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Oh crap, there’s still another 50 minutes left of this?  Ugh.  Oh well, let’s keep marching forward.

Later tonight, we’ll review the Kurt Angle vs. Sting Empty Arena Match from 2009.

Austin Aries?  I remember this dude, kinda.  Wasn’t he like Austin Starr or something like that?  He’s a pretty ugly dude.  For no reason we show the Spanish Announce Team.  Aries’ opponent is a guy who wowed me back at the BaseBrawl, Alex Shelley!

Austin Aries vs. Alex Shelley

Aries attacks Shelley before the bell.  Damn, even this dude’s tattoo is ugly.  That should be his gimmick.  World’s ugliest X Division guy.  Even his tights are ugly.  Shelley takes over and dominates early.  Next week, apparently, we’ll have several new X-Division talents debut.  They’ll have to work hard if they want to be as ugly as Austin Aries.  This match is all Alex Shelley.  Seriously.  I feel like I’m watching my pal Barry Hardy on Superstars back in the day.  Of course, as soon as I said that, Aries starts to mount a comeback.  It doesn’t last too long though.  Shelley takes him down but misses the stomp from the top rope.  Aries was going to go for Sliced Bread, but Shelley escaped.  Aries tosses Shelley from the ring and then puts on Shelley’s jacket.  He’s planning on using the spikes on the jacket as a weapon.  Shelley goes for Sliced Bread #2, but Aries crotches him on the post.  He hits a brainbuster and picks up the victory.

Winner by Pinfall:  Austin Aries

Aries gloats and puts the boots to Shelley.  Brian Kendrick runs out to make the save.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Usually around this point in the review, G starts talking to Charles Barkley.  Where you at, Barks?

We right here!

Ah crap, I said CHARLES Barkley.  CHARLES.  Not GNARLS Barkley!

Eric Young is coming from his agent’s office.  He came to terms on a contract, and he’s going to take some acting lessons.  His acting coach, Marki Costello comes in.  She asks about his belts.  He says he’s in charge of television because he’s the Television Champion.  She tries to coach him.  She fails miserably.  She says it’s been a complete waste of time.

Coming Soon, he fights Scott Baio, apparently.

Kurt Angle is going to do commentary on a match from two and a half years ago now.  Yay.

Sting vs. Kurt Angle (Empty Arena Match from February 2009)

Kurt Angle can talk about a match from 2009 all he wants.  Do I have to talk about it too?  Drow already talked about this match here.

No Contest.  In an empty arena match.  That made perfect sense.

I don’t know why I’m reviewing this live.  I could FFW through this stuff a la G.  BTW, they didn’t show the whole match, presumably because Booker T and Kevin Nash work elsewhere now.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Sting has arrived.  I guess when you’re the Champion you’re allowed to show up an hour and a half after the show starts.

And now we’ve got another BFG match.  Whoever gets the fall gets the points.  Steiner and Gunner are the first team.  Their opponents are some dude named Crimson. He’s undefeated, apparently.  I stopped watching 9 months ago and have never seen the guy, so I’m not impressed by that statement.  His tag team partner is…

ROB VAN DAM!  THE WHOLE F’N SHOW!  ROB VAN DAM!  THE WHOLE F’N SHOW!  ROB VAN DAM!  THE WHOLE F’N SHOW!  ROB VAN DAM!  THE WHOLE F’N SHOW!  ROB VAN DAM!  THE WHOLE F’N SHOW!  ROB VAN DAM!  THE WHOLE F’N SHOW!  ROB VAN DAM!  THE WHOLE F’N SHOW!  ROB VAN DAM!  THE WHOLE F’N SHOW!  ROB VAN DAM!  THE WHOLE F’N SHOW!

It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to see RVD in action.  He’s one of my all time favorites, so I’m excited at the prospect of this match.

Rob Van Dam & Crimson vs. Scott Steiner & Gunner

Not a bad start to this one with Steiner and Van Dam going back and forth.  Gunner gets the tag in, and he gets a little back and forth time on offense with Mr. Thursday Night.  Crimson gets the tag, and then it’s his turn to go back and forth with Gunner.  Pretty decent match so far.  Surprising when you consider that one of the guys in the match is Scott Steiner.  It’s Steiner that finally manages to maintain some offense, taking it to Crimson.  The Immortal stablemates utilize quick tags to keep the fresh man in the ring and to cut the ring in half.  Gorilla Monsoon would approve.  Crimson uses his power to create some separation.  He gets the tag, as does Gunner, and RVD takes the momentum right away, but Steiner snatches it from him with a belly-to-belly suplex.  Van Dam takes back over with a springboard kick and a Rolling Thunder.  This match breaks down, as tag matches tend to do.  Crimson spears Gunner in half and RVD five-stars him, but Steiner’s the legal man, who hits the Steinerline on Van Dam for a two.  Steiner sets Van Dam up on the top rope, but Crimson catches Steiner with an Electric Chair.  Van Dam catches the Five Star on Steiner, and picks up 7 points and the win for his team!

Winners by Pinfall:  Rob Van Dam (earns 7 points) and Crimson

RVD is now in second place behind Crimson.  RVD says it feels awesome to win, especially since he’ll win this tournament.  In three days, RVD and Crimson will face each other at Hardcore Justice.  Crimson congratulates him on getting the 7 points.  At Hardcore Justice, Crimson will win and get the points and stay in first place.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

We get a rundown of the Hardcore Justice card.

JB is in the ring with a podium and a red carpet.  That means all hell is about to break loose.  I mean, we’re going to have a contract signing.  He brings out the challenger, Kurt Angle first.  And then, the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Heath Farley himself, STING!

Angle signs the contract first.  Apparently they read it earlier.  Sting signs, and it’s official.  Goodnight folks!  What do you mean there’s still five minutes left?

Angle says that there are very few men that he respects in this business, and Sting is one of them.  Sting’s never screwed anybody.  If Angle becomes half the man Sting is, he’ll know he did a good job.  But at Hardcore Justice, it’s business, not personal.  No matter what happens, there will be a handshake at the end.  But the man who will win will be Kurt Angle.

Sting doesn’t feel like laughing too much.  He thanks Kurt for his words.  He’d be lying if he didn’t say he’s just as much a fan of Kurt Angle’s.  He calls Kurt the greatest ever at everything.  When it comes to the title, it’s never meant as much to Sting as it does right now.  The company belongs to Dixie Carter, not Hogan and Bischoff.  He made a vow to everybody that before he hangs up his boots, he’ll bring the company back to it’s rightful owner, so losing is not an option for Sting.  Angle will have to come real close to killing Sting to win the title.  Sting will win.  That’s what’s real.

The end.

Overall?  Meh.  It seemed to go on forever.  It was better than it was when I last saw it, but I’m not sure that I’d watch this on a regular basis on Thursday nights.  It did what it needed to do tonight, however – I’m interested in the storylines heading into Hardcore Justice.

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Find this review in the following places:  BoredWrestlingFan.com, and at Wonderpod Online.

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I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s iMPACT reviews work.

ANNOUNCEMENT!
NEXT WEEK! SPECIAL REVIEW! I AM GOING TO BE REVIEWING SMACKDOWN, BUT WHO COULD BE THE REVIEWER OF IMPACT WRESTLING! HOW LONG BEFORE I REALIZE MY CAPS LOCK BUTTON IS ACTIVE? THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT IS TUNE IN AUGUST 4TH 2011 TO FIND OUT!!

- Kurt Angle is angry, and calls out Hulk Hogan to start our show. Hogan has been ringing Angle’s phone off the hook all week, and Angle doesn’t fuck around here. He has no interest in Immortal and Hogan’s cronies. Angle plans on beating Sting at Hardcore Justice by his lonesome, and be the best in the world… does Hogan know what that’s like? Hogan rants on about his glory days, etc., 1984, and so on. George Orwell, right?

Charles Barkley @G: “What’s all this big brother talk, G? I’m a big brother.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Yeah, you’ve totally let yourself go…”

- Notable here, is that Hogan says he will never wrestle again due to his injuries… but if Angle or anyone talks smack about his family he’ll fight them. Then Hogan debates whether Angle really won his gold medal in 1996, or if the Olympic judges had sympathy for the golden boy from Philadelphia with a broken neck since he didn’t actually get a pin. “Every great warrior has one fight left in him,” retorts Angle.

- The Network sent something for Bischoff, which an intern hands to him in an envelope.

- * Bound for Glory Series Match: RVD vs. Gunner. We’re shown the standings in the tournament that has Crimson at the top spot with 31 points and Gunner just behind him with 28. Yes, your current leaders are Crimson and Gunner. Weak.

- Anyways, Gunner isn’t as mind-boggling horrible as the atrocity that is Crimson, and with RVD carrying him, this match is surprisingly fairly decent. RVD either hits or sets up his usual slough of spots to be countered to make this feel balanced. Except for the part where Gunner is supposed to set up RVD in a tree of woe, but drops him on his head. Apparition fans of ECW phase into the audience and chant “You fucked up,” but is not caught on TV, nor by the live crowd in Orlando (the latter of which have yet to figure out how crowd chants work yet). Gunner relies on his look and tattoos to appear as a threat, but no tattoo can save him from the five star frogsplash from the whole F’n show as RVD picks up a pinfall win. This puts him in a tie for second place with Gunner.

This one is for J.T., albeit I’m sure a number of other folks will enjoy it too.

- Hey! Sign up for Mylife.com so you can see who is stalking searching for you online! Post nude pics, so I can blackmail you later! KTHX LULZ?

- Eric Bischoff is seen in a bull shit session with Immortal, and a subtle product placement is noted as Bully Ray shakes up a 5 Hour Energy bottle. I’m still not buying one, and the fact that a heel is attached to it is really stupid product placement. The Network expects Bischoff and Hogan to hire and build around the X Division due it’s recent success. Wait… what? Fuck, I hope they do!! Immortal reacts negatively, then Hogan bursts in, and wants Angle’s head. Bully bullies Anderson into taking out Angle by saying, “If you’re afraid, we can get Karen to do it…”

Coming to get you…

- Bischoff is set to continue with his letter, and in enters Heath Farley dressed in a red suit, with a box draped in a black cloth. Sting tells us that he has been made a Network Exec. He makes the Anderson/Angle match in a cage, with Fortune around the ring tonight to ensure no interference goes down.

- Brian Kendrick and Alex Shelley are in the ring, Kendrick cuts another one of his cryptic bizzaro speeches. Shelley translates, “So basically what you’re saying is that Austin Aries is a jack ass.” Out comes Aries to retort. Shelley runs down the list of guys who have built up the X Division with hybrid and exciting wrestling, and not pulling douche-bag moves like pulling tights, using chains, etc. Aries points out he has years of five star matches under his belt, but now he wants 5 figure bank accounts. Great promo work here! KENDRICK LOSES HIS COOL! He is the champion, and his intent is to purify himself, his surroundings, and the X Division, and Aries has termites in his soul! Shelley tells Aries to shove his five star divisions up his ass, and the Network has informed them that the three of them will have a three way dance at Hardcore Justice for their title. Abyss enters, and reminds Kendrick that Hogan/Bischoff have given Abyss his rematch for the X Division title TONIGHT! CRAZY STING APPEARS ON THE TRINATRON AND TWEAKS THE MATCH! He’s making tonight’s match an Ultimate X match! “Ta ta for now,” says Sting. Ok, as much as that was overbooked, I enjoyed the hell out of that segment!

The kids are alright! Well… umm… maybe, not THIS kid. But the rest are A-Ok!

- Matt Morgan tore a pectoral muscle after nine years without injury. But with a torn right pec, he’s got to pull himself out of the BFG tournament, and he’s sad because this is his livelihood until the aliens find his DNA in outerspace. Wayne Arnold gives him some nuggies as the segment ends. Morgan cries a little.

- We’re shown some house show results that impacted the BFG tournament standings! There are a bunch of matches that help explain the current standings, and these were in place before tonight’s initial showing of the chart. Cut to Bully Ray playing Angry Birds on his cell phone, not concerned with his match with Crimson tonight. Then he talks shit about AJ ending with, “Okey Dokey? You know why I say ‘Okey Dokey’? Because I can.” What a shitty line. Who is writing this? Oh right…

This guy!

-* Bound for Glory Series Match: Bully Ray vs. Crimson. I know, right? Sadly, I can’t see Ray carrying Crimson through here as RVD did for Gunner earlier. This fucking sucked. Bully Ray punches Crimson a bunch. Then attempts a Full Nelson, but is reversed into a shitty slam as Crimson wins. God help you if you watched this.

- Bischoff is yelling at someone on the phone about getting the Network on the phone. That’ll be a huge conference call. Madison Rayne tells Wayne Arnold she is going to wait ringside for Tara, only to be interrupted by Heath Farley, meh.

- * Winter (w/ Angelina Love) vs. Tara (w/ Miss Tessmacher). I guess Tessmacher and Tara are lesbians now, or something like that since they do a kiss bit before the match starts. Why do women in TNA have to all be sexually ambiguous? Sigh… I’ve said many times, and will say it again. I CAN DOWNLOAD PORN. I HAS THE INTERWEBS! Speaking of which… just kidding, I’ll do that after the review.

I don’t masturbate like normal males, as my penis is located in my nose. See? Do you see now? And yes, I am a gorilla. Hater.

- Anyways, back to this debacle. I’ll give credit where credit is due (did I just write that part above? Sheesh), these two women CAN go, so I have mild hopes we’ll get a match here. But we don’t. Instead, we get maybe 2 minutes at best… and after some good looking moves (and yes Pintnoir, Burchill looks great), Winter picks up a win on what might have been a botched spot.

- * Ultimate X Match For The X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick {C} vs. Abyss. Seriously… how does Abyss actually climb the X here? Abyss’ look at the structure tells the same story as he enters the ring. This starts with the usual tale of the David vs Goliath showdown. An early show of offense by Kendrick has him leap up the side and onto the apparatus towards the suspended belt. As he scrambles, Abyss merely reaches up and pulls him down!!! NICE! That, my fellow smarks, is psychology. Kendrick tries again, BUT NO! PULLED DOWN!! In a great spot, Abyss goes to slam Kendrick above his head, but KENDRICK GRABS THE TITLE IN MIDAIR TO WIN!!! GREAT FINISH! I can’t believe they got this one right, but they did. Both men look strong. The giant looks like a fooled monster, while the champ retains looking like a genius. Well done.

What didn’t appear to be awesome at first, ended up exceeded expectations.

- Jesus versus Batman. Thank you to J of the Internet for bringing THIS to my attention. I would have posted it as a .jpg, but it’s way too long.

- Eric Young is hunting David Hasslehoff this week, and meets with the “Hoff’s” agent. It’s a funny bit! Young brings the crazy with the bit, and the Hoff’s agent advises acting lessons for Young. I don’t know why I love this series, maybe it’s because I am into retarded backstory segments?

- Traci Brooks and Velvet Sky…

Rule!!

- …are in the ring, and Brooks calls out not-under-contract Jackie and ODB to the ring. She calls them “dames.” This is a refreshing change from “bitches” and “sluts.” Brooks breaks the fourth wall a bit, noting she intentionally stepped down from wrestling to allow new fresh faces into the business for the betterment of the business. ODB disagrees, slut accusations, etc. Velvet attempts to cut a promo, more on the being bullied as a child. She earned her spot, and so forth. Velvet makes a great point that instead of attacking her week in, and week out, why don’t they just apply for a job?

- All five members of Fourtune talk about beating up Immortal… some kind of tease for Daniels and AJ is played, and then Sting enters, mumbling something about a cage… because that’s the next match.

How do I not make Sting’s exit into a custom animated gif for this review? Not possible. Awesome? TURRIBLE? You decide!

- Bischoff yells at “The Network” about being disrespected and the like. Yes, the Network is one guy? After all Easy-E’s yelling, the Network wants to talk to Sting, and of course Heath Farley is on the scene to draw the camera man, Wayne Arnold, into the office. Sting admits he is not the Network Exec, and it was all in his head. He sarcastically breaks down that the Ultimate X match was all a sham? WHAT? So, then Sting opens the cage concealed beneath the black cloth, and reveals a bird who is allowed to fly out and hop around the office. I double check my LSD bottle. Nope, haven’t used it tonight. Umm… I don’t know.

- * Cage Match: Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle. Hey it’s wrestling? Something that makes sense? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed crazy Sting tonight, but have no clue where that stuff is going. This match goes through the paces with a small amount of time left. They build slowly, and that makes sense. No massive spots, but since we haven’t had a brawl tonight, Immortal run out and attack the five members of Fourtune. Bully Ray is the sixth man, and is able to hide and interfere through the camera man hole in the cage on Angle! Then he gives Anderson a pep talk, plus passes a steel chair through the cage… or does he? See, Bully holds onto the chair as Anderson attempts to take it from him, but Bully pulls it back numerous times. As a result, Angle recovers and picks up a pin to win.

- The lights go off, and Sting appears in the cage with Angle. They have a brief staredown, but then Sting raises Angle’s hand in victory, more Joker crap…

The Impact Wrestling logo comes up, and I’m out.

Hi Colt Cabana!

- Overall? I enjoyed this episode. The good outweighed the bad.

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I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s iMPACT reviews work.

- Last week, Sting captured the TNA Heavyweight title off of Mr. Anderson. So he’s out to do up his best Jack Nicholson impersonation as the Joker as Heath Farley. I won’t go into details, as they are not worth much here. Kurt Angle comes out to address him being both the number one contender and as one of the five masked clowns who helped the title change hands. Kurt notes all this stuff, and that at Hardcore Justice they will square off for the title. Angle is a bit sick of the over-the-top Sting, and says that they are legends, etc… this means…. Immortal’s music hits and out comes Bully Ray and Mr. Anderson. Bully Ray tells the two that tonight they better learn to work together because they will face the heels in a tag match later…. laterson. Anderson also wants his rematch clause at Hardcore Justice as well.

This little nod to HHH happened at the Toronto Blue Jay’s game today.

- Did’ja know? The famous little naked baby boy on the cover of Nirvana’s 1991 Nevermind album was almost a girl baby? Neat-o.

This dude knows how to park on a deadline.

- We’re shown the Bound For Glory Tournament standings and whatnot…

- * Bound for Glory Series Match: Scott Steiner vs. RVD in a substance abusing match! I think I figured out why Steiner has/had that little mutation muscle on his muscle. I used to think it was a dead twin or something from Total Recall… nope, it’s RVD’s stash. The match is underway, and take a wild guess what Steiner’s main offense consists of? If you guessed Belly-to-Belly suplexes and punches, YOU WIN! RVD brings his own brand of cliche moves and flippy floppy goodness to the match as well, but is working pretty soft with Old Man Steiner. Steiner heeltastically tries to call for a time-out at one point! HAHAHA! Ok, I admit it, that WAS funny. Almost near-fall on RVD who gets a sloppy last minute foot on the ropes to break the pin. Brian Hebner does a hilarious bit while berating Steiner, and goes up and down with Scott as he does his pushup spot! RVD gets a school boy pin here, for the win!

I don’t understand, nor care to, this appeal of the internet towards planking. This planktard is brought to you c/o Tom Anderson of MySpace fame who I’ve been following on G+ for almost a month. Pretty interesting to hear Tom’s criticisms of Google Plus seeing he kind-of-sort-of knows about setting up a new social network.

- Mickie James calls out Velvet to come talky-talk. James puts over Velvet for being deserving of a title shot tonight having put up with all the BS other Knockouts have been giving Velvet a hard time (and PatMan a hard… umm…) over the last few months. Winter’s music hits, and out she comes but Angelina too… and Love has the microphone, so logically they played Winter’s music. Wait, what? Angelina makes some lesbian insinuations towards the faces, and that she rants about being the best and it was Winter who helped her realize it’s all due to jealously. Winter notes that her and Angelina are the best team and once they get the title, no one will ever get their “grubby” hands on it again.

HEY PAT! RULES ARE RULES! Actually, I’m starting to run out of new Daffney animated gifs… so this might have to change in some capacity.

- * Knockouts Tag Team Title Match: Sarita and Rosita {C} vs. Miss Tessmacher and Tara. These four brawl backstage a whole lot prior to this going down. Referees break it up, not before Madison Rayne can jump in and attack Tara. Sarita screwed up her face, and so TNA wisely made this into an angle to explain why Rosita is wearing a plastic face guard… they show a shakey phone camera of her eating it in a parking lot brawl by taking a car hood to the face. Now she’s wearing some kind a S&M mask… but alas, her and Rosita do not come out with paper bags for the crowd to wear. Much of a clusterfuck here as Earl Hebner’s officiating cannot prevent the power that is the Knockout brawl fest. FINALLY we go into a normal tag match format as the heels beatdown Tessmacher. Tara is kept at ringside. Somewhere, Charles Van Barkley screams “TURRIBLE!” at the TV as Earl Hebner blatantly disregards all rules in wrestling as the heels double team, then TARA RUNS IN, AND DRAGS TESSMACHER TO THE CORNER, GRABS THE ROPE, AND MAKES THE TAG! WTF??!?!? Ol’ Heb’s must really not care anymore as Tara lands a Widow’s Peak on Sarita and pins her. NEW KNOCKOUT TAG TITLE CHAMPIONS.

Charles Barkley @G: “Now you’re using that word right, honkey. Hey how’s your 5 time-removed cousin over on Wonderpod doing? Last I heard, he was trapped in space bouncing off an invisible wall or something… maybe we’ll find out tomorrow on the latest edition of Wonderpod podcast?”

G @Charles Barkley: “Yeah, he’s still up there. And I bet he’ll be there on tomorrows episode.”

- * Bound for Glory Series Match: Matt Morgan vs. AJ Styles vs. Gunner vs. Samoa Joe. A win is worth ten points in the tournament to who ever grabs a contract hanging above the ring. I’m not sure why they have a contract here, it’s for points, not a match. They could have hung ANYTHING over the ring, hell, even a brass ring? Hell, they could’ve suspended disbelief? Yeah, that was pretty turrible, I concur.

Wow. That little kid really sucks at baseball.

- Anyways, the four men all make their way to the ring… even Gunner! Brawling commences and it’s nothing special here. Somehow Gunner takes out AJ early and a ladder is swiftly brought into the confusion… As Morgan early looks to setup the ladder, AJ comes in and almost saves the match by carrying and taking all the bumps you want to see in one of these. But look at who is IN this match, only one guy belongs in anything involving a ladder. Samoa Joe launches a nice looking suicide dive onto Morgan outside! Gunner looks to take the contract as AJ launches himself from the top ropes, onto the ladder and punches him away! JOE IS BACK! He tosses the ladder, and AJ around, but this sets up Gunner… who eats a Carbon Footprint from Matt Morgan to climb up and take the contract! CLIPBOARD OF POWER +10 POINTS! Morgan places the item into his inventory and saves his game to not lose progress in this RPG known as Impact Wrestling.

I don’t even know what in the fuck this is.

- Back to Eric Young on route to Hollywood to fight celebrities. His car broke down at a Circle-K, and spots someone he thinks is Cee Low Green. It’s actually D-Lo Brown (dude gained a lot of weight). Even the camera man, Wayne Arnold, notes this right away. D-Lo, “Eric [...] I know the gimmick, you’ve got to calm down.” Young wants a challenge, and Brown is not into this… so Eric school boys him, quick counts himself a win, and runs flees from an angry old D Lo Brown. Was this cheesy as hell? Sure. Did I enjoy it regardless? I watched it twice. ‘Nuff said.

I’m tired. No punchline. Doesn’t need one anyways…

- * X-Division Title Match: Brian Kendrick {C} vs. Alex Shelley. Here’s the deal. On paper this match looks to be great. Why is it on free TV you ask? I don’t know… and if you count both Knockouts matches on this card, that’s three titles defended on one show. Whatever, sit back and enjoy some flippy floppy fun. After a number of great moves, we get a spot where Shelley launches a top rope cross body to take a drop kick via Kendrick! Later, Shelley lands a standing position on the apron to land a sick looking variant of Sliced Bread #2 on Kendrick. Austin Aries sneaks in and clocks Shelley with the X-Division title while no one is looking. Aries hides outside the ring as Kendrick retains. This is clearly sold as a confused face outcome with Aries’ manipulating being a big mystery… Scooby Dooby Doo! Great match! Smiley face emoticon!

Time for a Nerdgasm.

- Brian talks with Wayne Arnold briefly about not wanting to win that way, hence Aries interference. He puts over the division and how the guys have been fighting for this style of wrestling for years. Good mini-bit, but it looks like we’re in a crammed in segment part of the show because…. out comes Not-Chavo and Mexican America who more or less the exact same thing they say every week, except now with more added facial damage to Sarita. They call out Beer! Money! Redneck Jesus is wearing a T-Shirt that says “Beer Hunter” on the front and “Open Season 365 Days a Year.” Storm tells them to do us a favor and leave the ring, leave the company, and go back to something they are good at like cutting his grass. Ahh… the racist card is tossed back. Hate that shit. Storm thinks it is important to reintroduce themselves, and puts over Bobby Roode and uses the Ric Flair adjective-verb word string to tell us how much of an American he is, WOOO? Now the Nationalism card comes into play… But Storm then chastises Not-Chavo and his ilk for coming out every week embarrassing people of Latino background for playing up stereotypes, but then goes onto use things like Green Cards, and whatnot as an insult. I say boo. Yeah, I enjoyed the delivery, but the message contradicted itself. Therefore, fail.

Do as I say, not as I do, ’cause the shit’s so deep, you can’t run away? Something like that.

- * Knockouts Title Match: Mickie James {C} vs. Velvet Sky. Yep, here’s that other face-versus-face title match. And since Impact Wrestling is reverting back to TNA, naturally this turns into yet another Knockout brawl with Winter and Angelina attack Mickie! Velvet for the save! Out comes the recently fired (although they never “had a contract”) ODB and Jackie to add to the heels’ numbers! BUT NO! OUR BRAWL IS FAR FROM COMPLETE AS TRACI BROOKS RUNS TO THE FACES’ AID! REFEREES! REFEREES EVERYWHERE! Etc. After what feels like hours, “police officers” come out and arrest ODB and Jackie as Tenay puts over the fact they are not employed by Impact. That part was logical, actually. I guess the match is cancelled as we move on.

Why do I watch this again? Oh yeah, I’m stupid. Forgot about that.

- Wayne Arnold harasses Traci Brooks and Velvet backstage asking why Brooks came back. She said she’s been watching… blah blah blah… no time for Love Dr. Jones, it’s main-event time!

- * Sting and Kurt Angle vs. Ken Anderson and Bully Ray. Anderson does his intro bit, but Bully grabs the mic from him and says into it to not bother and give the crowd what they want. But Anderson does it anyways much to Ray’s chagrin, and Tenay ponders whether even the heels are on the same page tonight. They manage to eat up like 8 minutes with ring entrance jive, leaving a mere 6 minutes of regular time to wrestle. And the heels work over Sting as the man in distress… you know… because he’s the fucking champion. Sigh. Meh. DUMB… At least Brian Hebner enforces that the tag teams use the corner rope correctly throughout… because if it was Old Man Earl, he’s watch them use combat knives and M-16′s on each other all at the same time muttering, “Ahh.. but what can you do?”

- Angle finally gets his hot tag, hits multiple Germans on Anderson, and shortly after the Angle Slam for the pin and the win… effectively making the former world champion (as of last week in Anderson) and your current champion (Sting) look weak. Well done.

The Impact Wrestling logo comes up, and I’m out.

Hi Colt Cabana!

———————————————————-

This iMPACT Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, and Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s iMPACT reviews work.

Charles Barkley @G: “I used to do the Cactus Jack gun gesture once in a while, back in the day. Looking forward to seeing Foley tonight. Oh yeah, thanks for the Google Plus hookup G!”

G @Charles Barkley: “No problem with the G+! But, well Foley kind of got fired over a month ago… so…”

- After a video montage showing us the mental degeneration of Sting into his Joker persona, and Mr. Anderson conceding that he indeed needs Immortal to help him defend his title.

- Out comes Immortal to start the show, with all members dressed in tuxedos… Abyss looks bizarre here. His sleeves are cut off, and his bow tie dangles. Bischoff refuses to conform being the only one not wearing a bowtie or a white shirt. There’s a bunch of valets, who leave. There is a poker table in the ring, and we are told by Easy-E that they are going to gamble with people’s careers because they can, and they plan on throwing Mr. Anderson a party and that he will leave tonight still the Immoral World Champion. Out comes Kenny… dressed in some god awful looking suit. I think someone spilled a bunch of paint on it randomly. Hogan tells him he’s glad they are on the same page. Hugs and stuff. Then the lights go out! They come back on and Sting is in the ring seated at the poker table. Bischoff and Hogan yell at him, and Sting continues his over the top ranting… and he’s got a bunch of Aces in the hole. Then he picks up a card, it’s an Ace of Spades, which he flicks at them. Since he is not channeling his inner Gambit, the card does not explode with kinetic energy. Disappointing. He keeps pulling out aces off the table, alluding to his back up plan. In the rafters, we see a plethora a clown-wearing goons. Fuck sakes, this really is Batman. “I’m all in,” states Sting as he flips the card table, and the lights go out and he’s gone.

SPOILER ALERT: Sting will rip off this character next week! Unless I am full of shit…. which I am.

- A breakdown of the Bound For Glory tournament, explaining the rules, the importance, and most astonishingly (let’s be honest, these guys fuck up just about everything), that HOUSE SHOW MATCHES COUNT. That is one of the smartest things they have done. It makes those matches mean more, and it makes TV matches mean more as well… sort of like this one:

- * Bound For Glory Series: Bobby Roode vs. Samoa Joe vs. Pope D’Angelo Dinero. I like that Tenay explains that a submission win is worth 10 points, and that is why Joe is making certain decisions. Love this psychology! None of these three are even on the board with ZERO points, so there is an air of desparation. Your Pope, My Pope, THE Pope lands a sick looking DDT which Roode sells huge! Pope goes to launch off the top rope, but Roode begins to recover! Nice back and forth broken up by Joe, who gets tossed. Near fall for Roode, BUT NO! Lots of spots are traded as Joe eventually sets Roode up in a rear naked choke, but Roode rolls (while held) into pin. Earl Hebner counts three on the pinfall, missing Bobby tapping out. Joe flips out, and multiple refs come out to defend the old screwjob expert! Great match, loved the finish!

That match was pretty cool… but not as cool as this animated gif. This is just awesome.

- Hogan and Bischoff instructs Immortal to kill Sting, basically. The FIRST mention of the PPV on Sunday happens. Eric scolds Abyss for losing the X Division title to Brian Kendrick. Then Jeffy Jeff Jarrett and Karen Angle-Jarret return from Mexico, with shitty souvenirs for everyone! YAY! Except me… BOO! Jeff reveals that during his time in Mexico, he captured the AAA heavy weight belt, which gets some camera time, Hogan visibly looks like he is having an orgasm.

Just in case anyone reading this, didn’t actually know that he’s the King of the Mountain in Mexico now. He also traveled back in time and single evenhandedly defeated the Spanish Conquistadors! Then stole all the Aztecs gold anyways… because he’s a heel, right?

- Devon’s kids are hanging with Mr. Cooper D’Angelo and Devon confronts him, and berates him about trying to be an authority figure over his kids. I don’t understand this angle at all…

I wish my phone could do this.

- Over on Google Plus, the BWF and WPO’s own @Justin Ruff notes that Elmo of Sesame Street fame is like crack for babies. I think that’s unfair to make crack just for babies, and not full grown adults like me.

- Finally we get a clip package of highlights from the Destination X PPV. And we see both Shannon Moore continuing to try WAY too hard to represent the 1% of society, and the Spanish announce table (they MUST remind us of that every week).

More awesome!

* Austin Aries vs. Shannon Moore. Keep in mind Aries won the fourway for a contract match at the PPV. Aries actually tries to show respect with a handshake, but Moore will have none of it. This match looks to be a “gooder.” Aries does a bunch of cocky moves, almost mocking the match. Not quite Teddy Hart, but I wonder about a bit of stuff considering this guy claimed to retire after not making the WWE’s return of Tough Enough. It’s not that he’s sloppy at all… We get a number of great high spots, but Aries eventually grabs some book (Moore’s forgettable gimmick I can’t remember), but Moore snatches it back, and the ref confiscates it. Then, Aries grabs a chain Moore wears, and clocks Moore… with the ref distracted, Aries picks up the win. Alex Shelley runs in and picks up the chain, more or less asking WTF.

- As Abyss cuts a promo to get his X Division title back, a clown with a bat stalks him… as Abyss turns to walk away the clown goes Home-Run-Derby on him.

Pennywise remains as champion of scary clowns… well, maybe John-Wayne Gacy for being real deserves a mention, but still.

- Moore whines about being taken out by the chain… cut to Aries, who remains all cocky. Love it…. cut to Tara’s feud with Madison Rayne (man, Wayne Arnold is going crazy with his clips)… cut to Madison…. blah blah blah, nothing here folks. Wait, cut to ANOTHER interview with Tara. She has a present for Madison, but Rayne will have to wait until after the match. Yet she says it’s to mend wounds. But they need to fight first? WHAT? HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING FIGHT FIRST? WHY IS THERE A FIGHT AT ALL THEN? DUMB!!!! (/Al Creed).

- A quick chat between So Cal Val and Scott Steiner backstage leads to another attack by a baseball bat bearing clown henchman.

- * Tara vs. Madison Rayne. Madison puts out her hands like a spoiled little girl wanting the present, Tara teases giving it, but NO IT WILL BE AFTER THE MATCH. So Madison asks Tara to lay down and take the pin. Madison has apparently ditched the chainmail mini skirt/bra combination, as she heard my protest that they will not deflect goblin arrows. This match kind of sucks though, and not as a result of Tara, who carries the bloody thing. But the god awful screeching by Madison forces my hand:

Rules are rules. Thank you AJ! Clap-clap-clap, clap, clap!

- Madison manages to toss out Tara, and go for the gift, and opens it to find Tara has placed her pet taratula (remember that gimmick?). Sigh. Madison shrieks some more, Tara comes in and capitalizes finishing off Rayne for the win. Then, Tenay reminds us the pet’s name is “Poison.” Right, forgot about that terrible creative name.

Charles Barkley @G: “It’s pronounce TURR-A-BULL. Get your shit together, honkey.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Whoops, sorry Barks!”

- The British Invasion have a little pep talk backstage…

- Kurt Angle is here! And he’s dressed to talk in the standard uniform of jeans and T-Shirt issued to all staff courtesy of Impact Wrestling! Angle reminds us he is the number one contender for the title, and will face who ever is champion on August 7th at Hardcore Justice. Angle runs down the history between him and Anderson, as well as Sting. He’s got beef with both of them, especially Sting who Angle has NEVER beaten. Cut backstage to Jeff and Karen making their way to a limo jeep thing, and as Karen opens the back door to stash her luggage, out pops another sadistic clown who drags off Jeff into the darkness whilst choking him out with a bat.

- * #1 Contender’s Match: Mexican America vs. The British Invasion. Hernandez decides to remind us how poor his skills are on the microphone briefly, and then passes the microphone to Not-Chavo who regurgitates some nonsense. The British Invasion run it and attack! Williams and Magnus are fired up, and immediately go into form as the ref rings the bell… We get some great aggression here, as both teams come at each other. Williams spills ketchup all over his face (hardway or well hidden blade job). The BI hits a neat tandem running knee to the corner on Not-Chavo, then tosses him to the middle of the ring, allowing Magnus to bite into a Slim Jim and drop a sweet top rope elbow. But heeltastically, Rosita interferes and distracts allowing for Mexican America to pick up a dirty pinfall.

- Eric talks to Gunner and Bubba backstage about being the last line of defense in this TURRIBLE play off of a horror movie… involving clowns. Because they are following the cliche script, Gunner walks away alone, as does Eric, leaving Bubba alone in the Immortal office… in a tuxedo. FUCK, DIDN’T ANYONE LEARN FROM JAMIE KENNEDY’S CHARACTER IN SCREAM?!?!? FUCK! YOU NEVER SPLIT UP!

Pictured above, the only good character Jamie Kennedy played advising a former WCW Champion.

- Quick interview with the new X-Division Champion (and chronic weed smoking masturbation maestro), Brian Kendrick, who cuts a slightly obscure promo on facing Alex Shelley for the title, the rights to which Shelley earned in his Ultimate X match at the PPV on Sunday.

- Gunner is seen in a parking lot yelling at… well four clowns with bats who come out of the darkness like a scene from The Warriors. They fuck him up. then they demask, and it is revealed it is Fourtune: Kaz, Styles, Danielson, and Redneck Jesus himself, James Storm.

Well, at least the clowns kind of make sense now. Obviously playing off of the previous feud between Immortal and Fourtune. BTW, The Warriors video game from a few years back is STILL the absolute best movie-to-game adaptation ever. Feel free to debate this with me, anytime smark.

- * TNA World Title Match: Mr. Anderson {C} vs. Sting. Anderson calls for his microphone… delays… the crowd boos. When it finally swings down, it’s obviously off cue, so Anderson tosses it away looking pissed. Jeremy Borash makes the official introduction, which they have been doing on and off for a while. And it is what it is, a brawler match… even though Sting sadistically laughs off Anderson’s initial punches, no-selling and making this guy G bored. Brawl, brawl, brawl. Yawn. While this match is given lots of time, I’m sorry folks, but it’s boring as hell. At one point we see the ref knocked out, and Anderson tap out… so Bubba Ray interferes with his chain (not to be confused with Shannon Moore’s chain from earlier). Anderson holds a prone Sting as Bubba goes to KO him. BUT NO! The lights go out and a clown appears! The clown takes out Bubba, THEN THE LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN. Man, they need to pay their power company. Now the clown is seen on the entrance ramp, Sting pins Anderson and NEW WORLD CHAMPION. The clown at the ramp demasks to reveal himself as Kurt Angle. Best title reign ever.

The Impact Wrestling logo comes up, and I’m out.

Hi Colt Cabana!

———————————————————-

This iMPACT Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, and Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

———————————————————-

G’s “THE RULES” reviewing wrestling, currently TNA‘s iMPACT:

———————————————————–

Sting is “Heath Farley”
Zema Ion must be referred to as “Juan Epstein” from now on
James Storm is Redneck Jesus
Jason Hervey is Wayne Arnold.
Angelina Love is a zombie.
Whenever Godzilla is mentioned, Charles Barkley will “tweet” G, and mention he fought “A Godzilla” once. G will point out it is the creature’s name, not the species.
Beer Money! always has an exclamation point. Fuck grammar.
While I might not watch the live-to-tv airing, I will get the review of the show up the night of… but I WILL record it (PVR), so I can FFW through commercials.
If I pause for any reason, or rewind for that matter, I will make note of it. It’s TN-Fucking-A, I can’t save face admitting I’m watching it at this point anyways.
I edit in real time, in the sense, while the show is on my television.
MATT HARDY IS NOW “Some Internet Guy”
D’ANGELO DINERO is “Your Pope, my Pope, THE Pope”
GUNNER AND MURPHY ARE NOW GUNNER AND HIS… PAL courtesy of Ric Flair….
“Shut up hooker!” AJ Styles line http://www.gifsoup.com/view3/1550422/classy-aj-o.gif
“Heeltastic” – DrowGoddess needs more, and since she’s awesome, I’ll provide it.
Velvet Sky appearances require animated gifs and PatMan references.
“Heavy Burtation” occasionally something makes no sense. http://wonderpodonline.com/?p=1720
Michelle McCool references are renamed “Michelle McRibs” even though she is not on this show (Former Smackdown rule, that MUST apply).

First what did work.

The match of the night. Bar none. The contract signing 4 way. Watching these men rip each other apart for a chance at a iMPACT wrestling contract was amazing, it went so fast and so furiously with all the near falls and counters that I felt that my brain melted from all the excitement. And you know its good when the crowd is hyped. The feeling was a warm one to say the least. Even the interviews leading up to the match throughout the show got me hyped. Seeing snippets of their personalities against the interviewer So Cal Val was just icing on the cake. When it was all over and the winner was announced I know along with the audience that Impact should of signed all four competitors.

Winner Austin Aries.

The Ultimate X: Number #1 contenders match.

With the Motor city Machine Guns and Ink Inc on the shelves for the time being, we have both Shannon Moore and Alex Shelley going solo for a chance at the X division championship. The other two contenders Amazing Red and (sigh) Robbie E also came in to make an almost well rounded match. Innovative on the part of Shannon Moore toward the end on finding a way to reach the X. Amazing Red pulled a sick spot where he was tossed out the ring, corkscrewing onto Moore and Shelley on the outside. Even though I will mention him in the bad category, Robbie E pulled some decent maneuvers to keep the others away from the prize. Nothing fancy but it was better than his match against Kaz and Gen Me. But in the end Alex Shelley fulfilled his dream and won. This of course lead to Chris Sabin walking out to congratulate him to applause from the crowd.

winner Alex Shelley

*The return of Shark Boy

*Brian Kendrick winning the X championship

*Cameos by Curry Man and Suicide

Now time for the okay.

AJ Styles vs Daniels/ Jerry Lynn vs RVD

I know some fans may argue but sorry these matches reminded me of Jarrett vs Angle at Slammiversary, their earlier matches were ten times better and it just seemed to planned out ring wise. Everything seemed to paint by numbers I’m trying to say. Especially when you look at RVD vs Lynn, its as if they watched videos of their earlier ECW bouts and paste and copied it into their match. All that was missing was Bill Alphonso and a Philadelphia arena. As for the Daniels/Styles match it just seemed to plodding and not innovative enough to best their earlier encounters, specifically the Iron man match. For Nostalgia purposes and to help the buy rate of the PPV this just seemed forced and lackluster.

winner Styles/RVD

Kazarian vs Samoa Joe

This match seemed good on paper with the hopes of seeing past moves/finishers I was cheated out of the Reverse Flux Compassitor?! Joe put on some good spots with the suicide dive but everything was on his end was expected. Kaz who should of brought it for me to be convinced just seemed to do average work which resulted in a lame roll up pin after reversing the Samoan chokeout. Even the fans were chanting B.S. It was short and felt rushed.

winner Kaz

Now comes the bad. And boy was it bad.

Douglas Williams vs Matt Haskins (who?)

This was so out of place it was sickening watching Williams trying to hype up Haskins as a fellow Brit to which the crowd chanted (Who are You) was hysterically bad. The kid was nervous albeit he had some good spots but it didn’t excuse his slip up on the turnbuckle delaying the finish. This was essentially a dark match inserted into the PPV. No one cared to see it and the finish which came after the Kaz vs Joe match was an insult. Another roll up pin following a botched finisher?

winner Douglas Williams

Generation Me vs Shark boy/Eric Young

Shark Boy’s return aside everyone could tell that due to the sidelining of MCMG this was just thrown together to give Gen Me an opponent. Failed opportunities all around. EY was still EY even though he did put his talented all in the ring. Gen Me shown brightly even though every time I watched the match (excitement of Shark Boy withstanding) I really wanted to see a rematch with the Guns. In the end EY and Shark Boy win with a double chummer/wheelbarrow.

winner EY and Shark boy

Oh wait I forgot, why is Eric Young looking like a rip off of Ring of Honor gimmick wrestler Grizzly Redwood? Championship beard my ass. I just thought about it why not just have the television title defended where Eric Young took on Douglas Williams saving us sans Shark Boy of two unnecessary matches?

The over booking of the Kendrick vs Abyss Championship match.

I knew something was up when this match preempted the Styles/Daniels. Again like Slammiversary when the championship match is before a non title match you know overbooking is looming. That aside the match was the definition of ignominious, Kendrick bounced around off Abyss like a bird hitting a sliding glass door. And when the match finally went from degrading to interesting what happens, a ref bump! And who should come out but Eric Bischoff. The man who the spotlight can never dodge, even Hogan missed it. One dress down later, Kendrick blasts Bischoff only to be attacked by Immortal, who are then attacked by the X division roster, Immortal after clearing the ring go to finish Kendrick only to be met with more X division wrestlers making them clear the ring. Then I’m treated to a repeat of the notoriously horrid Knockouts tag match finish from Victory Road where Rosita some how sat on Winter and held her down for 3 count. We see again this time with Kendrick playing the part of Rosita with Abyss as Winter just lying there while a little man pins him. This chimerical display of booking took me completely out of the match. Follow that with carnations? roses? falling from the rafters was the movie equivalent of a sappy teen romance ending.

winner Brian Kendrick

*Robbie E needs to stop selling like he’s having an epileptic seizure. It was distracting and you could even tell Amazing Red was bothered by it when he looked at him with a “are you serious” look after dropping him with a kick.

There is no scintilla of a doubt that the X division will continue, with the additions of Haskins,Aries and Shelley now the number one contender we should see where this botched opportunity leads iMPACT Wrestling. Hopefully this is the sign that Dixie and Co have plans to furnish the Division with well rounded competitors who will wow us with their personalities and dare I say mic skills non gimmicky talk withstanding-looking at you, Kendrick-But we will have to wait. Until then I have to say Destination X was a “C” effort at best and C- at worst. Just average. Considering all the misused talent we could of seen better.

*And the commentary was average, we needed Don West. West and Tenay would have elevated this to a B. Just saying.

It is the go-home show before this Sunday’s Destination X PPV.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s iMPACT reviews work.