TNA Impact 21/11/2013
Leave a CommentI’m pretty damn sleep deprived and this probably won’t get read on the air. Guess we could be in for a legit lazy review. It never is.
I’m pretty damn sleep deprived and this probably won’t get read on the air. Guess we could be in for a legit lazy review. It never is.
Bound For Glory wasn’t that bad, I don’t know why everyone is complaining about it. Let’s see how Impact is now.
I’m extremely tired and cranky as hell.
Dixie comes out to start the show. She has security with her and one of them has a briefcase. Dixie says that Bound For Glory will be her masterpiece and runs down AJ, referencing his beating by Bully Ray. A “We want Hogan” chant breaks out and I wonder where these fans were when Hogan was around. Dixie planned to have the signing of the contract for the match between Bully and AJ but instead offers something else. She offers 50 thousand dollars to anyone who can make sure AJ doesn’t make it to the contract signing and makes it AJ’s last night with the company. AJ may have walked away from the money Dixie offered him, but the rest of the guys won’t. When AJ gets taken out it just means someone else will get the shot. She has the security guy open the briefcase to reveal the fifty grand and Bully Ray’s music hits.
![By.Rulez.IW.2013.10.17.HDTV+Ptt1+(1).mp4_snapshot_05.02_[2013.10.18_13.46.37]](https://cdn.boredwrestlingfan.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/By.Rulez_.IW_.2013.10.17.HDTV+Ptt1+1.mp4_snapshot_05.02_2013.10.18_13.46.37.jpg)
Look, it’s Hogan’s first paycheck!
Backstage with Aces and Threes. Bully is proud of his men, both of them, for taking the spotlight he offered and tonight they’re going to get that chance again. Knuxy has a shot at earning fifty grand, which he can use to buy a new bike. He’s up against one half of the tag team champs and Bischoff will be in his corner. Bully tells them if they need him he’ll be there, just like they’ll be there for him at Bound For Glory.
Christopher Daniels vs Robbie E vs Hernandez vs Eric Young in a Four Corners Match
The winner of this match gets the advantage in the gauntlet match and that advantage is that they will be the last entrant. I guess this is another case of it being an actual gauntlet match. The way this match works is two people are in the ring at any one time and you can tag anyone in when you want. EY and Robbie start things off and they don’t take long to swap to Daniels and Hernandez. Robbie E tags himself in and attacks Hernandez. Hernandez tags in EY who takes out both heels but the numbers catch up to him. Daniels goes for the pin and Robbie breaks it up and Hernandez hits the Air Mexico. Eric does this awesome thing where he gets sent into the corner but he rolls over to the outside and slides back into the ring. The finish comes when Robbie E steals the victory from EY and pins Daniels.
![By.Rulez.IW.2013.10.17.HDTV+Ptt1+(2).mp4_snapshot_07.05_[2013.10.18_14.08.18]](https://cdn.boredwrestlingfan.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/By.Rulez_.IW_.2013.10.17.HDTV+Ptt1+2.mp4_snapshot_07.05_2013.10.18_14.08.18.jpg)
Yep. This happened.
AJ comes out to the ring. He says Dixie reeks of desperation. He’s flattered that she would go so far to stop him because she’s scared because she knows he’ll win. When he wins he’s going to make her pay. He’s said that before but he’s never said what he’s actually going to do. Does that mean that he’ll actually ask her for a paycheck? He pretty much calls out anyone who wants to try and claim the bounty and Knux and Garret Bischoff come out. AJ gets the crap kicked out of him before James Storm and Gunner come out for the save. Who needs fifty grand when you have the tag team titles?
![By.Rulez.IW.2013.10.17.HDTV+Ptt1+(2).mp4_snapshot_12.14_[2013.10.18_14.15.41]](https://cdn.boredwrestlingfan.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/By.Rulez_.IW_.2013.10.17.HDTV+Ptt1+2.mp4_snapshot_12.14_2013.10.18_14.15.41.jpg)
Can you feel the love tonight?
Backstage Sabin is asked about his thoughts on the bounty. Sabin goes off to find AJ while Velvet says that this isn’t him.
More backstage with Knux and Bischoff. Bischoff asks where Bully was and Knux says that the next time Bully needs help it’s going to be interesting.
Backstage still, this time with Brooke and Gail Kim. Gail brings up Lei’D Tapa and tries to form an alliance with Brooke, saying they should help eachother should Tapa come after one of them. Brooke declines.
Pretty awesome video package hyping up the Ultimate X match and the wrasslers in it. For some reason only Jeff Hardy is referred to by name.
We’re still backstage, this time with Sabin. He’s looking for AJ and refers to him as “the not so phenomenal AJ Styles”. Samoa Joe finds him instead. Sabin doesn’t have his priorities set right because tonight he’s facing Joe in one on one competition and on Sunday Joe has him in Ultimate X. If he survives all of that then maybe he can go on a bounty hunt. Unfortunately Joe is a very big “if”. Sabin backs away slowly. That was pretty awesome.
![By.Rulez.IW.2013.10.17.HDTV Ptt1 (3).mp4_snapshot_09.19_[2013.10.18_14.27.26]](https://cdn.boredwrestlingfan.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/By.Rulez_.IW_.2013.10.17.HDTV-Ptt1-3.mp4_snapshot_09.19_2013.10.18_14.27.26.jpg)
I don’t know if Joe’s gonna kill him, but he WILL rape him.
After the match Aries comes out and attacks Joe for inserting himself in the match. Hardy comes out and hits the Twist of Fate on Aries and grabs a ladder. It’s a shame he’s in an Ultimate X match but I guess he couldn’t pull out some scaffolding. Manik runs to the top of the ladder and takes out both Aries and Sabin and Hardy and Manik pose on the turnbuckles.
We’re quickly taken backstage where Bad Influence are beating the tar out of AJ Styles. AJ fights back and sprays them with a fire extuingisher before disappearing into the night like Batman.
Ethan segment. It seems Ethan is going to be related to Dixie as he says “Auntie D is gonna be real proud” or something like that.
Magnus vs Bully Ray
They start off incredibly slowly with tie up spots and tests of strength. Bully comes out on top and Magnus actually gets “Let’s go Magnus” chants without having to call for them. I really hope they don’t turn him heel now. Especially if the fans are starting to really come around to him. Magnus gets some offence in at last and hits a huge back body drop. There’s an ad break and when we get back Bully is in control of the match. He dares Magnus to hit him and Magnus complies, getting in a few good shots. The pair exchange blows and Magnus knocks Bully down and hits a back drop suplex and Big Boot. He follows that up with a huge top rope elbow for a two count. Magnus charges at Bully but Bully grabs Hebner and we get a ref bump. Bully goes for the chain but Sting comes out and grabs Bully’s arm to stop him. The ref comes too and tells Sting to let go of Bully. Sting complies and hits a low blow for the win while the ref is dealing with Sting.
![By.Rulez.IW.2013.10.17.HDTV+Ptt1+(5).mp4_snapshot_02.37_[2013.10.18_14.52.31]](https://cdn.boredwrestlingfan.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/By.Rulez_.IW_.2013.10.17.HDTV+Ptt1+5.mp4_snapshot_02.37_2013.10.18_14.52.31.jpg)
STING! MY BALLS!
We’re backstage again, this time with Magnus and Sting. Sting asks Magnus if he has anything to say and the pair have a small argument that ends with Magnus saying that he’s sick and tired of ending up the losing end because people won’t let him prove he can go at it alone. Joe comes in to calm them down and tells Magnus to walk it off. Sting tells Magnus that he’ll be by himself on Sunday when it’s one on one.
Kurt Angle comes out to the ring and cuts a promo on Bobby Roode. The gist was that Roode made it personal by mocking his induction to the TNA hall of fame and that while Roode is one of the best, he will never be Kurt Angle. Presumably because Kurt Angle is Kurt Angle. I wonder if they let him out of rehab a little too early. Roode comes out and says that he’s no Kurt Angle, and he’s okay with that. He WANTED to be Kurt Angle but not anymore. Kurt was the be all and end all of professional wrestling but now Roode is and he deserves a hall of fame induction way more. Roode tells Angle that the last thing he did was two years at Bound For glory when he, Angle, beat Bobby Roode to retain the championship. After that Roode went on to be the longest reigning world champion and this Sunday Roode is going to beat Angle. Angle asks him how he can win when he’s going to be tapping. Roode starts to explain why he won’t be tapping and hits a cheap shot. Kurt locks the Ankle Lock on Roode but Bad Influence come out and beat the crap out of him. Roode dismisses Bad Influence and locks what I believe was a Crossface on and Kurt starts tapping. Roode says he won’t be tapping because he’ll make Angle tap, though I doubt it. After this your winner will be Angle by submission.
![By.Rulez.IW.2013.10.17.HDTV+Ptt1+(6).mp4_snapshot_03.23_[2013.10.18_16.17.56]](https://cdn.boredwrestlingfan.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/By.Rulez_.IW_.2013.10.17.HDTV+Ptt1+6.mp4_snapshot_03.23_2013.10.18_16.17.56.jpg)
Cat Bug for champion bitches!
But does AJ have The Touch?
AJ gets the mic and says that he’s no Dusty Rhodes and Bully is no Ric Flair. Bully is no more than a big, dumb bitch who has no idea who he’s getting in the ring with. AJ is the most dangerous, desperate and intense man Bully has ever gotten in the ring with and he will win and make Dixie pay. He signs the contract and Dixie takes it. Bully says he’s not putting his title on the line and instead is going to cash in the fifty grand. Bully hits the cheap shot but AJ recovers and plants him with the briefcase. He then opens it and throws the cash at Dixie who proceeds to get on the ground and try and pick it all up. AJ shouts at Bully about how the title is everything to him and the two tell eachother what they’re going to do to eachother as the show goes off the air.
Thoughts? The show wasn’t bad actually and I think it set up the PPV pretty well. The only problem I had is that the bounty on AJ’s head never really amounted to much. He was attacked maybe three times. He should have been attacked pretty much every segment, or at least one more time as he tried to come down to the ring. Still I can say I’m looking forward to the PPV, or at least discussing it this Sunday at 2PM EST on BWF Radio.
Impact in one picture. EVERYTHING in one picture.
Here’s how this is going to work; I’m a professional writer, sure, and you can buy my book on Amazon. No, seriously, you can, it’s called Tulips and Other Stories and it costs less than the coffee you’ll drink while reading it. However it’s been a while since I reviewed wrasslin. I’m also going to take some creative liberty, though not too much this time as there wasn’t much of a chance to. I’ll give you the correct results, but I’ll more than likely throw in some jokes and shenanigans. If you want play by play, call a professional.
I was going to insert a link to my book here but felt that would be too cheap. Enjoy a random picture of a tulip instead.
We start off the show as Impact usually does now with a “previously on Impact” segment. They actually made the appletini shots look good but no amount of editing can make that hammer shot look good.
We get Bully on the phone to a mysterious stranger called Brook and he’s with Tito Ortiz. Seeing how Brook Hogan has been released from Hogan’s family dungeon and Brook Orndorf is in legal trouble, it’s not hard to guess which brook it is. Bully and Tito meet up with Mr Anderson and they tease some dissension between Bully and Anderson. Apparently Bully hasn’t been returning Anderson’s calls and texts. To be fair though he has been calling his woman. I hate Anderson but I have to admit I’ve liked him in his role as the VP of Aces and Eights so I think I’ll actually be a little sad to see that relationship end.
Bully’s probably still a bit annoyed from when this happened.
The Bad Influence, plus Bobby Rooooooooooooooooooo(de) come out to start the show properly. Roode begins by congratulating Bully Ray on becoming a two time champion. Does it really count as a second run when he lost the title for such a short amount of time? Roode says that Bully has found a way to screw the system again, and found a new friend. I thought he would say he’s found a new Brook to screw too. Roode says that Bully is the man with a target on his back and he’s looking at the three men who’ll do anything to get the title. One of their trio is going to be the new world heavyweight champion whether we, or maybe Bully Ray, like it or not. He says that he literally set the table and leap frogged his way into second place and hands the mic to Kazarian.
Kaz reminds us of the match he won and refers to himself as a handsome devil. Dude has a point. He looked better with long hair though. Daniels says the Extraordinary Gentlemen’s Organisation is two for two and tonight he’s going to make it three. I guess this team has a name and Daniels has a rear that makes the girls cheer and is the best street fighter in TNA. Ken and Ryu would argue but they’re too busy touring Japan after being released to pay for Hogan’s contract.
If these two hadn’t been released to pay Hogan’s contract we would have had a run in.
Roode says that the Extraordinary Gentleman’s Organisation is 25% of the BFG series and asks why be 25% when you can be a third. I’ll tell you why. It’s because 25% is a quarter. Roode does know this though and says that they need to add one more member to the group. Roode says that one man is none other than you. I got scared because he was looking directly at the camera and I have no in ring experience but he meant Austin Aries. As Roode is trying to recruit Aries he’s interrupted by Gunner and James Storm. Wait, these guys are the tag team champions? I legitimately forgot that. Storm says that that Bad Influence can’t trust Roode and neither can Aries. He says “Sorry…” and the crowd finish off his little catchphrase for him. Can he be any lazier? Roode calls him jealous and Storm counters by saying he’s only jealous of a guy who has a six pack and only has two beers left. I’m jealous of people who don’t have to pause this show every five seconds to keep up with what the crazy drunken redneck is saying.
Storm says he always tells people what he’s going to do and threatens to strip and drink his beer. Then he’s going to punch Roode in the mouth. He goes in the corner and starts stripping as he threatened and Roode tells him he doesn’t want to do it and doesn’t have the guts. Thankfully Storm stops at taking his shirt off and punches Roode in the mouth and finally the talking ends.
Impromptu match up between Who Knows and Those Other Guys.
We’ve got Roode and Kaz against Storm and Gunner. Why would we get that pairing when Kaz’s partner is Daniels? This question was answered later in the show as Daniels was part f the table match. If I’d been paying more attention I’d have realised he also said this in his promo before the match.
There’s a nice double team move by the redneck and his bearded friend before the ad break. When we come back Bobby Roode is beating the tar out of Gunner in the corner. Gunner mounts some offence but it’s quickly stopped. What’s not stopped is the shilling of Jeff Hardy’s app. Kaz gets in the ring when I’m not paying attention and wastes Gunner with a spinning heel kick. I always enjoy seeing that move done by a heel. Roode tags in and starts beating down Gunner himself. Kaz tags in and gets a two count and insults Gunner and slaps him around but Gunner gets in a sick looking back breaker before getting the hot tag. Roode and Storm are in the ring and I’m reminded of when this was a good feud we wanted to see. Storm takes out Roode and drops the elbow from the top rope but Kaz breaks up the count. Gunner breaks Kaz’s back on the outside so the two men in jeans can get back to it. Storm went for the Last Call and almost hits the ref. He turns around and nails Kaz with it instead before Roode goes for the Orton Special. That’s a low blow. Roode wins! The highlight of this match? Storm actually managing to get his leg up for the Last Call when wearing jeans.
Aries is backstage and says that The Extraordinary Gentlemen (damn I love saying that) are giving him mixed messages. This week they asked him to join their little club but last week they cost him 20 points in his match. There’s strength in numbers but there’s also something to be said for trusting the people you’re with. He says he has a lot to think about but he should have his answer by the end of the night.
We’re taken back to last Thursday and I would have fast forwarded but the replay was done by the time I finished writing this. We’re getting a Chris Sabin update though tonight at Hardcore Justice. Wait, Hardcore Justice? Wasn’t that last week? Is this Hardcore Justice 1.50?
Sonjay Dutt vs Manik
Sonjay Dutt comes out for a match in a non-title match with Manik. It’s Kinam backwards! I’m not sure what that has to do with anything though. Sonjay tries to attack him before the match starts but gets tossed back into the ring. Manik does a nice little submission move and Dutt turns it into a pin and delivers a hurricanrana. See, I know how to spell it! Speaking of turning, I’m so glad TNA turned back the triple threat rule and we’re getting one on one x-division matches. Dutt locks in his own submission move after a nice standing moonsault and Kinam reverses it into a pin which Dutt kicks out of. Dutt locks in ANOTHER submission move and I find myself thinking that rest holds are an integral part of the X-Division.
It does allow for a bit of chain wrestling though which ends with Dutt on the floor and Kinam does a very nice looking springboard dropkick and gets a two count. TJ Perkins gets a sit out Powerbomb in for a two count and Sonjay puts #Boots2Faces and gets another two count. Sonjay misses a moonsault and goes for a head scissors but Perkins counters it with his unnamed finisher for the win. I think it’s still unnamed. Taz correctly calls a move too. I’d say more about this match but it’s hard enough to take notes on a regular match when I can’t immediately press pause. Try doing it with a fast paced match and it’s not fun.
This cat probably couldn’t make it in the X-Division. I couldn’t find any Manik gifs, and cats are always related.
Backstage Aces and Eights are in a meeting without their leader Bully Ray. Devon asks Anderson if he’s talked to Bully and Anderson says Bully said they need to focus on business. Devon says that they’re focused and Anderson says after tonight it’s going to go from five on four to five on three. They all testify to that. Testifying is now drinking. If that’s testifying maybe I should start going back to church.
Hernandez vs Joseph Park vs Jay Bradley vs Christopher Daniels in a Street Fight
Hernandez comes out before the break for a street fight and after the break we’re backstage with the main event mafia. Screw that, there’s a match on! Getting back to that match, Daniels comes out after Jay Bradley doesn’t get an entrance. Joseph Park comes out next. Joseph Park, Jay Bradley, Hernandez and Christopher Daniels…guess who’s winning this! Things start out as four ways usually do with the four guys turning it into two separate one on one matches with Bradley going after Park and Hernandez keeping Daniels trapped in the corner. Bradley goes after Hernandez and gets sent outside and Daniels went for the rollup on Hernandez. He gets a one count followed by a two count and eats a backbreaker for his troubles. Speaking of broken backs, it’s a chair shot by Bradley!
Taz struggles to say “weaponry” as Hernandez gets his neck broken by Bradley. Kurt Angle would cut a promo about wrestling with a broken freakin neck but he’s too busy taking care of his broken freakin liver which, unlike a broken neck, prevents him from wrestling. Park inadvertently hits an elbow on Bradley, who is sent out of the ring by Hernandez. Hernandez and Park scuffle before double teaming Daniels and sending him into Hernandez. We go to break with Hernandez and Park standing strong and come back to see Daniels about to unleash a kendo stick (it’s a Singapore cane dammit!) on Hernandez. Hernandez counters, hits Daniels with the stickcane and drops him on the ramp. Inside the ring Bradley and Park fight and I notice Kaz standing outside the ring. Wait what? When did that happen?
Bradley goes for the chair shot to the head which meant that Park was obviously going to counter. He does counter and goes for the Boston Crab but releases it when Kaz distracts him. Park goes out the ring and gets his ass handed to him by Kaz and a suddenly appearing Roode who also take out EY. Bradley and Daniels exchange moves and it ends with Daniels taking a low blow and a chair shot to the back. Two chair shots technically as he’s dropped on the chair. Bradley goes for the Boomstick elbow but Roode and Kaz pull him outside and beat him down and Hernandez jumps over the ring ropes just like he jumped over the border. Hernandez goes for his finisher, affectionately called The Border Toss but Aries interferes. He acts like he’s joining the Extraordinary Gentleman and gives Daniels a Brainbuster to huge “yes!” chants.
Back inside the ring Bradley pulls out the brass knuckles and makes Park bleed. Park takes out Hernandez and picks up the win on Bradley with the Black Hole Slam. I’m reminded how much I now look like Joseph Park thanks to my short hair. Damn. I’m also reminded of my terrible prediction that Daniels would win this match. Post match EY makes his way into the ring slowly and celebrates with Park as Park snaps back to reality. Joseph Park picks up 20 points but I still don’t think he has any chance of winning anything.
If this guy wasn’t too busy casting the TV Title back in the fires of Mount Doom from whence it came, he could probably win something.
Another backstage segment with the Main Event Mafia. We have sound this time though. Sting runs down how badly they were beaten last week and Rampage says when he sees Tito he’s going to break his face. Sting says no one is going to step up and Magnus says it doesn’t matter. They are the elite and they’ll step up and Joe says that he’s right and that they have everything they need to win right here. He’s referring to his fists. Ooooh, scary.
Video package time! It’s covering the relationship of Brook (Hogan) and Bully Ray. I don’t really need to be reminded of this, but it does set up the next segment pretty nicely.
Bully Ray comes out and talks to Taz a little and Tito is now his Toto. I sure hope Toto was a girl or that won’t work. That’s the dog Toto, not the guys who sang Africa. Bully asks the audience how it feels to have the wool pulled over their eyes again, and how it feels to be suckered by him, again. Then he says he has one question for everyone. This after he’s already asked two. He asks us if we know who he is and given the record TNA have for promoting themselves and their talent, my guess is a large majority if this audience doesn’t actually know who he is. Bully agrees with me and says he doesn’t accept Sabin’s championship run. Everything is right in TNA and Bully Ray has a new best friend. He asks if we know who Tito is and actually, I didn’t. I had absolutely no idea who Tito Ortiz was when he came out the first time. Tito cuts a promo and says that he’ll beat Rampage again on November 2nd. They’re fighting on November 2nd? I thought it was in September. That’s just how good a job they’re doing hyping this fight. I actually forgot when it was.
Bully says he’s going to expose the secret him and his woman have been hiding. He calls for Brook and Brook Hogan’s music hits. I get scared but she doesn’t come out. Instead it’s the other Brook. It’s Brook Tessmacher! Speaking of exposing Brook Tessmacher, I feel the need to contribute to the Nipples For Jorge campaign. Last week Jorge put out a call for any of the Bored Wrestling Fan listeners to send him pictures of their nipples. All Jorge has to do is go to Dailymotion, turn off the adult filter, and search for Brook Adams. That’s Brook Tessmachers real name and before she got into wrestling she was a topless model. Thank me later Jorge. Just wash your hand before you shake mine.
Brook and Bully make out and the crowd boos. My guess is because they weren’t making out with Brook. Bully says now he has “the hot” Brook, Tito, and Taz for some reason, he can’t be stopped. There’s only one thing left to do and that’s for Brook to bite his wedding ring off and spit it on the floor. Bully Ray is done and now it’s time for the other knockouts.
I can’t remember how the fans reacted when this happened but it does feature other knockouts.
Gail Kim vs ODB
It’s Gail Kim and ODB, complete with a new brassiere. They tie up a few times and ODB overpowers Gail and knocks her on her ass thanks to the power of…well, her ass. ODB hits a Bronco Buster, a shoulder charge and a fallaway slam. Gail runs off and gets in a flying arm bar and works on the injured arm. Her arm got injured that quickly? Is ODB Sin Cara? Wait, wrong promotion. Tenay manages to say Fightmaster about ten times in five seconds while Gail goes back to beating ODB down. Gail gets hit by a low blow and Taz, even though he was cut off by Tenay, raises a good point. That hurt Gail? I get that would still hurt but it’s not really something you see much in wrasslin. ODB smashes Gail’s face into the turnbuckle and simulates how Jorge got herpes. Gail climbs to the top rope but ODB stops her and hits the Superplex for a two count. Gail gets the three count with a Crucifix pin.
Turns out this wasn’t the first time Gail Kim got a taste of ODB.
Up next, Main Event Mafia against Aces and Eights!
…Right after this Bound For Glory video package.
…and this backstage segment involving Austin Aries. He said everything is cool and that the Extraordinary Gentleman asked him a question and he gave them an answer. Aries says he doesn’t need any help to win except for his God given ability.
…and now Tenay is promoting the triumphant return of Hulk Hogan, next week. Last week he was meeting with Spike officials and this week he’s meeting with lawyers. He sure got to that other meeting fast. Taz says something isn’t right and he’s right. If some other schmuck booked a meeting during a taping they’d probably get chewed out by Hogan.
Still no main event! Instead it’s post match comments by Chris Sabin. I tried to make a note of what he said but I was just way too tired. I did catch him saying that Aces and Eights are a cancer and he’ll be back.
Before we finally get our main event there’s a quick shilling of Five Hour Energy. I’m learning why they’re sponsored by Five Hour Energy now. If you watch TNA as closely as I have, you need some of that. I don’t care if it gives me a heart attack, one way or another I’d make it through the show.
Thankfully there was no fine for screaming
Aces And Eights vs Main Event Mafia in a Loser Leaves TNA match
Aces and Eights come out and they’re followed by the Main Event Mafia. Guess we’re finally starting this match. Right after the commercial break! Being tired doesn’t have much to do with TNA being a bad show, as it’s actually been pretty good, but damn they really insist on dragging this out.
Mr Anderson has a microphone and calls out Bully Ray and I pretty much shout obscenities at my computer until someone finally starts fighting. Bully does come out and sits on the ramp and Brook sits on his knee. Anderson says because there’s only four Mafia guys and five Aces and Eights that one of the Mafia should just lay down and allow themselves to be pinned. Stings says that no member of the family is going to lay down and they’re going to go out fighting. “Well then start bloody fighting!” I shout at my screen as more music hits. It’s AJ styles. He’s going to be the fifth guy for Main Event Mafia? He took his shirt off and his face music hit, so I guess he’s a face again too.
The match FINALLY STARTS! There’s an all out brawl to start including AJ taking it to Anderson outside the ring. AJ and Anderson take their match into the ring and AJ lays out Anderson with a dropkick before Magnus lays out Faceless Lackey Number One. Taz informs me it’s Wes Brisco and I genuinely forgot his name. Joe is tagged in and punches Brisco’s face off. He then kicks off any of Brisco’s remaining face with a pele kick. Brisco finally tags out and brings in Faceless Lackey Number Two. They say it’s Garret Bischoff but it isn’t. If you look closely it’s very obvious that it’s Brodus Clay. He just wears a fat suit when he wrestles for WWE. Break time! We come back to Aces and Eights controlling the match and Magnus in the process. Faceless Lackey Number Three, also known as Knux, is the legal man. Magnus knocks some of the Aces and Eights off the apron but they just hop back up and his beatdown continues thanks to Devon. Brodus Clay is tagged in and Magnus starts his comeback but is dropped by the “triple tough” Funkasaurus. Brisco comes in but doesn’t stay in long as Anderson comes in instead. Magnus catches Anderson but he rakes the eyes to get out and tags Devon in. Devon hits a leg drop and mocks JT Hogan. JT Hogan would interfere but he was too busy meeting Hulk Hogan’s lawyers in a gimmick infringement case.
Knux is back in the ring and the plucky Brit gets a nice reminder of why you have to be American to make it in the North American wrestling business. Magnus hits a DDT and manages to tag in Sting. He hits two Stinger Splashes and then everyone runs into the ring and we have ourselves a brawl. Rampage is left in the ring and he lays out all of Aces and Eights with clotheslines except for Brisco who gets planted. Knux knocks Rampage out the ring and gets dropped by Sting but Devon breaks up the Scorpion Death Lock and lays Knux on top of the prone Sting for a two count. Devon comes in and beats down Sting in the corner and misses wildly with a diving headbutt. Tenay says Sting moved just out the way but I think he could have stayed where he was and still dodged it.
AJ is tagged in and he knocks Aces and Eights off the apron and gets a two count on Devon. Anderson gets in some cheap shots and we have ANOTHER brawl. AJ hits a pele kick and eats a spear and then hits a Styles Clash on Devon for the win. Aces and Eights lose and it seems Devon is out of a job. I don’t think he really is though. Didn’t he recently sign a new contract? Well he signed one just before he joined Aces and Eights anyway. This stuff has lasted so long I have no clue when that was.
Post match Bully comes down to the ring with a hammer but doesn’t actually enter the ring as the Main Event Mafia mock Devon and the rest of the Aces and Eights. Tenay gets in one last Fightmaster plug and the show goes off the air.
Christopher Daniels with a dramatic recreation of the end of the main event.
My thoughts? Despite some mild complaints this was a pretty good show. I was tired from a lack of sleeping and walking two miles home from a job interview and the show didn’t actually feel like it dragged much except for the end when there were about four or five segments between the announcement the main event was up next, and when it actually happened. Overall it was a pretty good show I have to say. I also took way too many notes as this was about three and a half thousand words. I thought this was too much and then I put the last RAW review through a word counter and it came out at about the same actually. Guess I didn’t take too many notes after all.
Where are on the road to Lockdown, and what better way to start that off then with a list by Kurt Angle explaining why he hates Jeff Hardy?!
Kurt comes out and proceeds to read off some notecards all the reasons why he hates Hardy:
1. Hardy has long hair which he dyes different colors, Kurt Angle has none.
2. Kurt Angle comes to autograph signings on time but when Hardy shows up late all the people in his line walk away to get an autograph from Hardy
3. Kurt has many action figures and posters, but when he goes to kiss his boy goodnight all he sees is Hardy posters and toys in his room, and his son also has the audacity to dress like Hardy too.
What confuses me about this make believe heel list from Angle is that with Kurt’s background as an all american Olympic good medalist wouldn’t the list he gave be only one line long “Jeff Hardy is a drug addict, and self destructive personality who is a bad influence on my son.” There he would have saved impact fans five minutes.
It's True, It's True
After reading his list he calls out Hardy, Jeff comes out looking annoyed like someone gave him the wrong order at a restaurant before entering the ring. Angle tells Jeff that he wants to wrestle at Victory Road, Hardy thinks about it and slaps the Gold Medalist. After the aforementioned bitch slap from Hardy the usual brawl insued followed by Simon Diamond, Al Snow and referees coming to ring to break it up. Jeff calls on his “Creatures of the Night” before accepting Kurt’s challenge.
Roode shoots a promo in the back about Sting booking himself in the main event of Victory Road. And as he rants in the background we see The Greatest Man Alive, Austin Aries walk up. He concurs with Bobby telling him about his twitter comments. They decide to take a walk.
Madison Rayne (ugh) and Gail Kim have a conversation while Rayne is hanging posters of Gail Kim. Gail wants to make up and she does this by signing Madison in a match with ODB, because that is what a good and caring friend does.
We have a Gauntlet Match between Kazarian Daniels and AJ Styles, where if and when AJ wins he wants to know the secret that Daniels has over his head. So by stipulating this TNA is basically saying “You probably won’t know to Victory Road, or the latest Lockdown, or wait the Impact after Lockdown because ratings are more important then PPV buys.” AJ and Daniels start off the Gauntlet Match (and for those that don’t know a Gauntlet match is where a competitor faces one opponent and after he wins takes on the next until he clears both or loses to one or the other.) They have another good match filled with reversals and cool moves that have highlighted their respective matches in the past. That is until Kaz comes in and performs Fade to Black on AJ basically DQ’ing Daniels. Before covering him for the three. Kaz is to his breaking point and not even The Fallen Angel can keep him chained.
Madison Rayne takes on ODB w/Eric this is what you expect from Rayne she takes a beating and keeps entertaining the crowd by making the face ODB look more over. Gail comes to ringside with belts in hand as I guess moral/heel support. Madison goes for her finish ODB reverses and goes for the Ba boom? Eric Young distracts the ref with his foolishness, Gail attempts to hand Madison a belt to cheat with but slips on the apron. ODB hits her move and pins Rayne for the three. Afterwards Rayne who is annoyed asks what happened as Gail apologizes.
We have replay from Bully Ray’s failed attempt at beating up Brandon Jacobs. We then are treated to another Bully Ray makes fun of the geek girl before telling her to call him. A double and Bobby walked up and try to convince Ray that James Storm isn’t the cause of his embarassment but Sting, who because he’s the authority figure.
Garrett Bischoff is cornered by Father, Gunner and Flair who gives his usual I’m old and senile speech that kind of sounds coherent if living on Shutter Island is your idea of normal. Garrett holds up all stoic as the heels look on in disgust. Because nepotism is nausea inducing.
Velvet Sky has had enough and she wants her title shot. She retells the events of two weeks ago when Rayne threw her over the ropes becoming the #1 contender. Well if you whine long enough the heels will come. Sarita and Angelina?! mock Velvet before a fight breaks out. Or more like a beat down. But the flower child is coming to the rescue Mickie James who I assume is wearing a workout outfit but looks more colorful then a Puerto Rican float decides to team up for revenge on the heels later in a tag match.
Roode, Aries and Ray come down to the ring to pout. All three after a long winded recap say their done. This of course prompts Steve to appear and question each man about abducating their respective title and paycheck. Eventually Steve sets up a six man tag main event. Ray, Aries and Roode versus Storm, Magnus and Joe.
More updates on Jesse Sorenson with a video package with his mother about how he hopes to fight and be back in the ring soon. Now I think we’re at the point where this whole reality distortion field is being set up with Sorenson his mother and Zema Ion.
Speaking of Ion he cuts an interview with Wonder Years, showing no remorse for the crippling and makes a comment about how he would break the interviewers neck for a bigger profile in TNA.
X-Division Match: Zema Ion vs Shannon Moore, it is essentially a match to set up how much of a solid heel Ion is against homeless Moore. With Ink Inc. why is Shannon still there? Zema puts on a good match that results in some good spots from both men. It comes to a close when Ion hits his chin to knee buster on Moore for the pin. Ending the segment shadowing wearing the belt.
Knockout Tag Match: The new team of Angelina and Sarita is being toted around as a new thing. I guess with Russo gone we no longer have lesbian vampires. Mickie comes out introducing Velvet with mock pigeon flapping. As we get down to business. During the match we have Mike Tenay for some reason segway to TMZ who I assume is affliated with Spike or Viacom for that matter, talking about the feud between Madonna and Joe Francis, of Girls Gone Wild infamy. Along with Lindsay Lohan hosting SNL. You know because commenting on the Knockout match is just not his job. We’ll eventually the announce team gets back on the ball, actually calling the match. This match makes me want a Sarita vs Mickie match which I won’t get but whatev’s. In the end Mickie lou thesz’s Sarita and they roll out of the ring. Velvet ducks a botex injection from Angelina and hits her faceplant to get the cover. The women celebrate as Mickie makes the pigeon wave again. Sidenote: Why is Mickie promoting masturbation? Just a thought.
The search for Abyss has started. 2 months to late. but hey its TNA not Missing Persons. Abyss’s family sent a letter to the company asking for where he was. They replay Genesis and his after match beat down from Ray. Get out the milk cartons because Detectives Tenay and Taz are on the case.
Main event time as all six men get to the ring.
This is a good match up between a different but familiar mix of competitors. Again we have the commentators getting distracted with Taz wondering about the knockouts as Tenay hypocritcally asks Taz to focus. Joe is cornered and taking a beating until he tags in James storm who goes to work. Eventual it conscends into Storm hitting the last call on Roode and getting the pin. Storm celebrates. Until Bully Ray hits Magnus and then Storm with a chair declaring himself the #1 contender,
Impact fades to black.