The show starts with a small segment with Magnus. He said he left it all in the ring and goes to talk about EGO interfering. Roode comes in and EGO beat Magnus down, telling him he’ll never be champion and he only has himself to blame.

Magnus comes out to the ring to start the show properly. He says he’s hurt and asks the fans if they rememebr what happened last week when he failed to win the BFG series. I hope they remember, it was only about half an hour or so for them. He says AJ is one of the best in the business and wishes him luck in the title match. He brings up EGO and challenges any one member of them to come face him one on one and Kaz comes out. It’s a pretty one sided beatdown by the Brit until Daniels runs out and turns the tables. They go to double team Magnus but he ducks the clothesline and it becomes one on one again until Roode comes out and it becomes a three on one beatdown. Sting and Samoa Joe come out for the save. Sting issues a challenge for a six man tag.

Video package hyping AJ calling out Dixie.

There’s a backstage segment with TJ Perkins, Sabin and Velvel. For some reason Sabin calls TJ Manik. He’s only Manik when the mask is on. Sabin praises TJ for having the guts to march up to Hogan and ask for a match with Hardy. It took almost as much guts as it took Sabin to ask out Velvel, though she said yes before he finished asking. Sabin is proud of TJ and puts himself over, saying he is the reason TJ even has a job and he’s a big fan of TJ’s.

Jeff Hardy vs Manik
I wanna point out first that Hemme was wearing an actual dress that actually covered her. She should have worn this last time when Bully tried to expose her to the world. Sabin comes out and sits at ringside to watch the match. After some tie ups and chain wrestling Hardy starts a golf clap for Manik. Way to get the young talent over by having the older talent patronize them. The Jeff Hardy exercise app is now free so Joe needs to download it and review it for us. Hardy misses a corner drop kick and that looked absolutely terrible. He didn’t even try to make it look like a miss. Manik misses a springboard dropkick and Hardy hits a Whisper In The Wind for a two count. Manik counters the Twist of Fate and hits a modified GTS. Hardy hits a Swanton Bomb for the win. Tenay calls it a competitive matchup but no, I don’t think it was. Jeff picks Manik up and shakes his hand. I’m guessing some kind of deal took place. Sabin comes into the ring and raises Manik’s hand before starting a beatdown. Hardy ran back in for the save.

There’s a backstage segment that was filmed “earlier today” with Dixie. So this was presumably when she turned up for the first taping that aired last week. You know, when she told Hogan that Rampage and Toto wouldn’t be back until after their fight.

Another backstage segment, this one with Sabin. He tells Velvel to get their stuff because they’re going to go. He’s asked why he attacked Manik and he calls Manik, and everyone, disrespectful. No one understands just what he’s done and no one gives him respect. He’s going to earn respect, and take it.

I tried to find a Manik/TJ comparison so I didn’t have to make one and found this instead.

ODB vs Mickie James
Mickie James has been released because she didn’t renew her contract. ODB wins. Shocker. At least she put on a good match before she left. I’m not a big fan of her character but she’s fun to see in the ring. The finish comes when Mickie goes for the corner Tornado DDT and ODB reverses it into “The Bam” and gets the win. Eric Young and Joseph Park come out to celebrate with her. After a short celebration The Bro-Manz come out, remember those guys? I didn’t. Robbie E says he hates to break up the celebration, saying it’s bad enough EY is in the ring but Park is just a “Third wheel hamster loser…bro.” He calls EY, Park and ODB the creepiest three way in history. Park cuts a promo on them, asking how they dare insult ODB, matrimony, and the fans. If he wasn’t wearing his suit he’d have put up his dukes (his words not mine) and teach them both a lesson. Bromanz says it sounds like he’s challenging him to a fight. EY grabs the mic and says that while Park is wearing a suit, he, Eric, isn’t, and accepts the challenge.

They went to this camera angle way too much.

Robbie E(Possibly) vs Eric Young
They released Tara but not either of these guys. What the actual fuck? Eric Young rolls Robbie E up for the pin after about three seconds. Robbie says it doesn’t count as a match because he wasn’t eady for EY, he wanted Park. Park tries to talk his way out of it and Robbie calls him a fat bastard. Be A Star! Wait, wrong program.

Joseph Park vs Robbie E
We come back from break and the match starts. Then it ends. Robbie E tries to jump Park, who ducks out the way, and rolls him up for a three count. Bromanz come in and double team EY after sending Park out the ring. They then throw Park into the steel steps and go after EY again. Park blades and unleashes his inner Abyss and wastes Bromanz. He Hulks Down and hugs EY who raises his arm.

Couldn’t resist putting this in.

Backstage with Hulk and Dixie, again. Hulk offers to handle AJ for Dixie and she says she’s got this one.

Bully comes out, complete with Brooke Tessmacher in assless chaps and she’s now got a chain on her belt. A chain Bully Ray holds. What a role model to women everywhere. Fuck this company. They have a great Knockouts match and then they go and do shit like that. Bully says he knows the fans are proud of them and mocks Anderson’s absence. He introduces himself as the World Heavyweight champion and the leader of the Aces and Eights, and says there’s nothing anybody can do about it. He teases thanking the Aces and Eights and them being the reason he’s still the champ before saying it was all because of Brooke. Without her he would be nothing, and without him, she would have dignity. The Aces and Eights are of course, disgruntled. Brisco runs his mouth and Bully chastises him for referring to Brooke as “Just her”. Wes isn’t even allowed to look at her anymore. Brodus grabs the mic and says Wes has a point and reminds Bully who’s always had his back and says that since Brooke came along, Bully has been out of whack. I’d say it happened as soon as Toto turned up. Bully congratulates him for standing himself and tells him to not do it again. The Aces of Funk were nothing before Bully brought them in. He’ll smack them both in the face if they step out of line.

Knux asks Bully if he’ll get a slap in the face too and says Bully has a big mouth and perhaps he should shut it. They started with 25 members and now they have four because Tazz doesn’t count. The club is falling apart and for the past year it’s not been about the club, it’s been about Bully. Bully forgot the first rule of The Aces And Eights, which is bros before hoes apparently. I really thought the first rule of their club was “When you ride with the Aces and Eights, you never walk alone.” Because you ride everywhere. I actually liked Knux on the mic. Bully shoves Knux and grabs the mic. If Knux ever steps out of line, or calls Brooke a ho (which got a huge “ho” chant, complete with the “Yes!” arms), then he’s going to have his face knocked off. Knux gets upp in Bully’s face and the chickenshit heel flees. The man who hospitalised and crippled Anderson is running away.

Backstage segment with what’s left of the Main Event Mafia. Kurt’s gone, Rampage is training, and now there’s only three of them. Sting pumps up Magnus and Joe joins in. They’re going to go out and get revenge.

…Yep.

Hernandez and Chavo vs Gunner and James Storm (non-title match)
Chavo starts the fight by saying he can’t fight. He’s injured and isn’t cleared. Gunner says he came out to fight and he’s not walking out without a fight. He asks what’s wrong with Hernandez and Storm says he can’t speak English. Be A Star! No, wait, still the wrong program. In TNA it’s okay to perpetuate stereotypes and objectify women! Gunner calls out Hernandez and Storm says he’ll sit at ringside and drink and cheer Gunner on. Gunner is referred to as the Modern Day Viking. I wish. I fucking love Vikings. It’s a very physical matchup with them trading blows ending with Super Mex jumping the border. I mean, ring ropes.

Gunner hits a pretty nice spring Suplex and they go back to trading blows. That was pretty much all that happened in this match with an occasional power move. It did make both guys look pretty impressive I’ll give them that. Gunner picks up the win with a backbreaker. Storm comes in to celebrate with Gunner and Chavo insists that Storm and Gunner can’t beat both of them at the same time.

In honour of the USA chants from this match.

EGO vs MEM
When MEM come out Sting goes back into the back and brings a baseball bat to the ring. The ref does his job and eventually gets the bat away from Sting. Who does he think he is? Batman? I thought he was supposed to be The Joker. Match starts with Joe and Daniels. Daniels takes contol of the match quickly and Joe just as quickly takes it back with strikes of his own. Joe tags in Magnus and he and Joe double team Kaz for just a one count. Magnus tags in Sting and knocks Kaz out the ring and drives him into the steps. Sting takes EGO off the apron and Daniels grabs Sting, allowing Kaz to drop him.

When we come back from break Roode is in the ring with Sting. Ego pretty much triple team Sting in the corner and Daniels gets a two count. Kaz comes in and applies the Headlock Of Doom. Sting fights to the corner and the ref misses the tag and there’s another triple team attack on Sting in EGO’s corner. Sting is basically being dominated and destroyed by EGO. He finally gets a hot tag to Magnus and Daniels breaks up the pin attempt. Joe and Sting run in and it devolves into a brawl. Sting gets DDT’d, Joe and Magnus hit a double team and Daniels breaks up the pin again. A lot of stuff happens and it ends when Roode whacks Magnus with the bat and picks up the win. That match wasn’t bad but the end was a total clusterfuck. I had no idea who the legal men were. One second Sting is trying to tap someone out and the next Magnus takes the pinfall loss.

AJ Styles vs Dixie Carter
AJ has been in TNA since day one trying to get it on the map, and provide an alternative, but then *poof*, Dixie’s daddy bought her a wrasslin company. Dixie has no wrasslin experience and broke up what made TNA what it was. What happened to Jerry Lynn and Low Ki? Dixie traded them for MMA guys and guys who take a two year paid vacation before going back where they belong. Because of this Petey Williams, Jay Lethal and Alex Shelley can’t be there, and it pisses AJ off. The fans are just as pissed off too and they start a “Wrestling matters” chant. I wonder if TNA remember that used to be their motto. AJ says he doesn’t have a contract and none of the contracted wrestlers have respect for her anyway. When she broke the chemistry and picked off the band of brothers, Dixie left one standing in AJ. He’s gonna win the title and he’s gonna win it for himself, his brothers and the fans. He’s gonna make Dixie get on her knees and beg, and then make her pay.

I wish I had a GIF of this guy, he was an epic dancer.

After this Dixie herself finally comes out. She has her knees exposed too so I don’t think she’s about to get on her knees. Dixie knows AJ means what he’s saying and she’s sorry. She has to be accountable and she holds herself accountable to a lot of people including their investors, her staff, and their fans. She owes AJ an apology and says sorry again. She’s sorry that she ever let AJ feel important in the company. He’s never been anything but a little better than average than any fish in any pond he’s ever been in. The “Phenomenal” thing is just a marketing gimmick that Dixie created for all the five star matches he USED to have. Everything about AJ has been so subpar he’ll be lucky if he gets called “The Marginal One” because he is nothing like he used to be.

She thanks AJ for giving him the chance to go into HER ring, on HER show, to respond to all the crap AJ has criticised her about. She hopes that now things are clearer between them and say that without her daddy’s paycheck AJ would still be in a trailer and the house that AJ built is a house that Dixie built and owns. AJ is lucky he ever got to play in it. Dixie goes to leave and AJ tells her to shove the microphone where it belongs. Dixie grabs a headset and shouts for the boys in the back to cut AJ’s mic and take the show off the air, and that’s what happens.

Dixie might be, most of the talent are.

My thoughts? Other than the final segment there’s actually not a great deal to talk about from this show. Plus the majority of it actually pissed me off. The main things to take away from this show is the dissention between Aces and Eights, and this stuff between Dixie and AJ. I don’t care if it’s a rehash of what Punk did, as JT McMahon would say, “It’s compelling television!” Everything is a rehash of a rehash, get used to it and enjoy the ride. I’m interested in seeing where they go from here, and that’s all that matters.

The post Impact Wrestling 19/09/2013 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show starts with Brooke Tessmacher’s ass. She meets Bully Ray and says if he has his championship and her then nothing can really be wrong. Bully says they’re going to the ring and the “previously on Impact” segment aired.

For the last two weeks it’s been Hardcore Justice and now it’s Must Win Thursday? The Hell? They messed up the Bound For Glory series so they’re just rushing it and finishing up the qualifiers tonight.

We open with Bully who’s in a really, really, really bad mood. He said someone was missing from the ring, meaning Devon. He wants answers and asks Brodus Clay what happened and some douche in the crowd shouted “he failed just like his father!” I’d tell you what Brodus said but I don’t care. I didn’t care what Knux had to say either. Wes said he doesn’t know what happened and we finally get to Kenny who doesn’t know either and says it could have been any of them who were gone and it is how it is. Bully says it is and what it is is a disappointment. Devon has always been a disappointment. He never needed Devon and never will again and Toto is the only man he needs. Bully wants to give Toto his own cut and Kenny goes nuts and Bully doesn’t stand for that and puts him down before calling out Brooke. Brooke comes out with an Aces and Eights jacket straight from ShopTNA.com. Kenny gets in the way again and says he wants to vote on it. Toto puts the jacket on and Bully takes Devon’s nametag off of it. Toto means so much to Bully that he didn’t even give him his own cut, he gave him Devon’s. Bully finishes up by saying he can’t wait to see Hogan and can’t wait to introduce him to the only Brooke that’s ever meant anything to him.

One of my favourite Bully Ray moments

There’s a backstage segment with Jeff Hardy who’s talking out loud this time and has his eyes open. I didn’t really care what he had to say. I used to like Jeff but then I grew up and realised what a drug lord he is. Also shown walking backstage is Hulk Hogan. What wasn’t shown was JT Hogan attacking him dude brother.

Jeff Hardy vs Kazarian
Both men go for quick pins and of course neither of them get the win in the first minute. Only people who go against Sin Cara get that. Kaz counters a Twist of Fate and the high enziguri by crotching Hardy, and Kaz takes control of the match with leg drops and loses control when Jeff hits a faceplant. Hardy puts on a Figure Four Leg Lock and I don’t know enough about that hold to know how well he did it. It seems like a move only Ric Flair can apply properly. Kaz escapes and counters a Twist of Fate for a two count and gets another two count with a kick to the head. Jeff hits a Twist of Fate and a Swanton for the victory and the announcers have the tamarity to call this guy unpredictable.

Jeff Hardy is watching you, with his eyes closed.

Backstage with the Aces and Eights and they’re teasing more dissension now. Brodus says if Bully doesn’t care about Devon he probably doesn’t care about them. Spoiler alert; he doesn’t! Kenny asks if they voted to not vote and my brain started hurting as I was reminded why I don’t like the guy. Kenny says if it keeps up then they’re going to hold another vote Bully won’t like. Actually I’d be kinda happy if they formed the Aces And Eights Wolfpack. No, wait, they’d be Aces and Eights Hollywood. Bully would be the Wolfpack.

I can’t photoshop at all so it’s just regular old nWo for you.

Gail Kim vs ODB in a two out of three falls match
The winner of this will be the number one contender and because they’ve been trading wins over the course of weeks they’re now going to exchange them in one match. Tenay plugs the Knockouts Knockdown one night only PPV and says all my favourite knockouts will be there. I beg to differ as a lot of Knockouts said they wouldn’t go and my favourite knockout is Madison Rayne who definitely won’t be there.

It’s slow paced but it makes sense. It’s two out of three falls so they have to take it slow to preserve their energy. Gail goes for a submission that was, to quoth the commentators, halfway between a Texas Cloverleaf and a Sharpshooter. ODB taps and Gail picks up the first fall. Has anyone ever won a two out of three falls match 2-0? There’s a commercial break and we come back to Gail breaking ODB’s leg. Gail goes for the submission again and ODB counters with a small package for the win and it’s 1-1. Gail goes for the corner Figure Four. ODB fights her way to her feet and hits a clothesline for a two count and then ODB stands up instantly. Selling is as dead as kayfabe it seems. Gail locks in another submission but ODB reaches the ropes. ODB locks on a Sharpshooter and Gail taps out. ODB wins and gets the title shot.

I actually kinda miss these guys performing together

There’s a backstage segment with Velvet Sky who says that she’s rooting for ODB, and that we’re in for a surprise when the Knockouts PPV airs. You mean some women actually agreed to be a part of it? What I wasn’t surprised by though was when the camera went from Velvet’s face, zoomed in on her tits, and then zoomed back out as it went back up to her face. I kid you not, that genuinely happened. Velvet said she wanted to be at Hardcore Justice but couldn’t because she had personal issues to deal with at home. It turns out that she’s dating Sabin. I had absolutely no clue. The camera zoomed in on her tits, AGAIN. THAT HAPPENED TWICE WHAT THE FUCK TNA. Anyway Vel Vel says that even though she is dating Sabin they keep their business and personal lives seperate.

There’s another backstage segment with Daniels and Roode. Roode says he’ll take care of AJ and if Daniels takes care of Aries they’ll be alright. Daniels says Aries is no gentleman and he’s going to take care of it, right now. The segment ends with Roode putting the Appletini on a chair. That’s a nice little touch.

After a quick replay of Aries quote unquote turning on the Extraordinary Gentelman’s Organisation Borasch is backstage with Aries who says it was a no go because he’s all show and a bunch of other stuff. He believes if you want something done right you do it yourself and that’s why he turned down the Main Even Mafia too. He only relies on himself. Aries hopes AJ makes it to the finals becuase when they’re in the ring, it’s magic. Daniels interrupts and says that Aries missed out on his golden ticket by turning down the Gentlemen. I thought that only happened to the Knockouts? They argue for a little bit and Daniels says Aries is gonna be knocked flatter than Miley Cyrus’s ass. Still not seen that, still never will. Aries says he’ll slap Daniels so hard he’ll start to grow hair again. Damn I love those guys.

Hulk Hogan is still backstage. I’m not entirely sure how he fought off JT Hogan. He’s asked some questions and says everything will be addressed in the ring and he has an announcement. He then enters his dressing room and begins round two of his best two out of three falls match with JT Hogan.

Hogan’s reaction to JT Hogan. Needless to say he got beat for this.

It’s time now for the Main Event Mafia. Rampage gets in another plug for their MMA fight (it’s November 2nd guys!) and says every time he sees Toto he’s gonna stomp a mudhole in his ass. Joe gets the microphone and performs a super effective Cheap Pop. I realised at this point I was only about half way through the show. Damn it’s been dragging if I’m honest. Joe says they’re there to recognise AJ and Sting woos for him and offers him a spot in the Mafia. Even if AJ doesn’t want to join the Mafia they want to thank him for what he did. AJ cames out to his heel music and has his totes mysterious hoodie on again. He does his transformation and I’m with Taz, I hate it and it’s annoying. He should come out to either his heel music or his face music. I actually like his heel music too.

AJ says he needs to do this himself and the mafia walk out. AJ says the crowd has questions and he has answers for them. He formally turns down the Mafia invitation because a suit and tie just isn’t him. He’s developed trust issues over his two best friends screwing him and the guys in the truck filming him at home for the sake of good television. AJ says the only person AJ can trust is Alan Jones. He says he’s with no one, but he just announced his new tag team partner is this guy called Alan Jones. AJ says his perception of the business has changed and that he’s better than the best in the world because he’s the phenomenal AJ Styles. Even though he loves what he does in the ring he understands it’s just a job. AJ Styles, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and Undertaker in a fatal four way at Wrestlemania 30 anyone? He cuts a promo about being shafted by management and I’m pretty sure this is related to his contract issues and he says he deserves better. He tells Tenay and Dixie he deserves better. He’s been TNA’s go to guy for 11 years and for what? Just to watch them bring in the next big thing and watch them fail? Maybe it’s the new direction that’s going nowhere. I don’t appreciate the way the crowd is reacting to this. He says he was praying that Dixie would fire him so he didn’t have to quit and instead he chose to stay. He stayed to take care of his family because this is his job and THAT’S WHAT HE DO. AJ says he likes being the go to guy and who steals the show and who sends the fans home happy. The question is can he still be that go to guy, can he still take the weight of the company on his shoulders, and can he go on to win the BFG series? Damn right he can. Damn that was epic. Two AJs giving two pipe bombs in the same week means a good week for wrasslin.

How the crowd seemed to react, fuckers.

AJ Styles vs Bobby Roode
There’s some chain wrestling and a Calf Killer that ends in a rope break to start. AJ does some high spots and Roode stops him with a Spinebuster. Good luck carrying the company on a broken back! Roode hits a suplex and keeps working the back and arms. AJ gets back into it with a Spinebuster of his own and a Springboard Moonsault and pele kick. AJ springboards into a crossface by Roode and gets a rope break but Roode just puts him back in it. AJ counters it into a pin and then hits the Calf Killer submission. Roode goes for a Fisherman Suplex and AJ counters it into a roll up pin for the win. Nice to see AJ win but I don’t get it because he’s only in fifth place. He needed the submission but didn’t go for it. The fuck? They could have at least said he went for the rollup on instinct and didn’t realise what he was doing.

Unless you’re an angry AJ Styles

Backstage with Daniels and an amazing pair of goggles. Daniels says he has to beat Aries and he’s going to do just that.

Jeremy Borasch is backstage and says that there’s no word from Hogan but he’ll be out in the ring after the next match. Thankfully it’ll be to make an announcement and not in a match.

Christopher Daniels vs Austin Aries
Taz says that Daniels looks like several doctors but he forgets the one Daniels actually looks like which is Doctor Steel. They trade blows and Aries poses in the corner before we get some more chain wrestling. I was expecting this to be a good match and I was not disappointed. The match goes outside and Daniels gets his feet up for Aries to run into when going for a Suicide Dive. I’m seen in the crowd holding up a sign that says “Aries Fears Hemme”. Just kidding, I wasn’t in the crowd, but that sign genuinely was. We come back from a break and the action is back in the ring. Daniels gets an Abdominal Stretch in and Aries reverses it into one of his own and there’s a double clothesline. I’m not really doing this match justice. Aries hits a ton of shots in the corner and hits a backdrop to set up the Pendulum Elbow. Tenay’s right, it HAS been a while since I’ve seen that. Daniels gets up and slams Aries into the corner but Aries tosses him outside the ring and hits the Suicide Dive this time. Aries went to the top rope but Daniels uses the ref as a human shield and hits a powerbomb. Aries hits a top rope Missile Dropkick and a running Dropkick and goes for the Brainbuster but Daniels floats over and plants Aries for a two count. Aries hits another dropkick, gets the Brainbuster and the seven points with a victory. Your final four in the BFG series are Magnus, Aries, Roode and Hardy. I want Magnus to win but I can see them saying “he lost the series overall but it’s still impressive he was the points leader.”

This Dr Steel and if Daniels grew a beard he’d look just like him.

Another backstage segment and this time with Bully who says he feels bad for Hogan. For ruining his family and everything. Then he snaps back to reality and doesn’t feel bad because Hogan is where he should always have been, in Bully’s back pocket. Bully tells Toto to keep an eye on Kenny and walks off with Brooke who refers to Bully as “daddy”. That Brooke Tessmacher has daddy issues really explains a lot.

At long last Hulk Hogan comes out and the crowd goes…mild. JT Hogan is seen on top of the Titantron and he jumps off and hits a leg drop on Hulk. Unfortunately it’s so powerful JT Hogan goes through the Earth and I turn on the news to hear reports that the majority of the world is now flooded and every major volcano has erupted. Hulk somehow survived and crawls his way to the ring. Hulk puts over Hardcore Justice and says it’s great to be back and hits a super effective Cheap Pop of his own. Hulk pulls up the BFG series standings and doesn’t actually say the name of anyone on the board. Hogan can’t read? Hulk says he was away taking care of some hardcore business. It’s hardcore wrestling business though, he’s not in talks with Chyna. When he met with the Spike execs they decided that even though the series was ending they’re going to have a 12 man gauntlet match for 20 BFG points. I want AJ to win but I like the top four as it is actually and if Hardy is in fourth place anyone who makes their way into the top four will knock him out. I don’t see that happening.

Bully comes out with Brooke to save us from Hogan. Bully says he missed his dad and it’s not been the same without Hulk around and a lot has changed, including Bully having the title again. Bully says he’s been waiting to introduce Hogan to Tessmacher and Hogan says Brooke couldn’t bum a rush off of him. He only puts the pythons on his daughter and his friends wives. He’s been taking care of personal business and has divorce papers for Bully. He got a divorce without Bully’s signature? Is that even legal? Brooke Hogan is moving on to bigger and better things, such as the WWE developmental centre! Bully says he never cared about Brooke Hogan and did something that no other man has done to her by using her. Bully has got everything he wants and doesn’t have to do anything until Bound For Glory. Hogan asks Bully if he knows who he is. I know Hogan is getting old but is Alzheimers kicking in already? I think it is because he called Bully Jack. Hulk says he’s going to use Bully’s family just like bully used his and in two weeks Bully will defend the title against a member of Aces and Eights. I thought he was bringing Devon back in. Bully says he won’t do it and Hogan says he will and he’ll also defend his title “this week”, I think he meant to say next week, against the man they call Sting. Wait, wait, WAIT, didn’t Sting lose the right to challenge for the title? If I’m wrong about that I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure I’m right.

As we go off the air Tenay clarifies that the title match is NEXT week and gets in one last plug for Fightmaster.

Not a Sheik mark but this is how I react to Hulk.

My thoughts on the show? It was a pretty solid show really. It dragged a little in the middle but it picked back up again and other than some questionable camera angles, daddy issues, and mistakes by Hogan, there really wasn’t too much you could say about this show that was bad.

The post Impact Wrestling 29/08/2013 Dude Brother appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

WTF is gravity?

The BWF Crew are once again joined by Alice Radley from Rational Wrestling Review, and promptly screw up the name of her site.  We talk RAW, SmackDown, Impact, Main Event, Saturday Morning Slam, ECW on TNN, Wrestling Society X, and Shotgun Saturday Night.  Give or take a few.  Then we talk about all the great wrestling news.  We wish Superstar Billy Graham the best as he deals with health issues.  We question when Bully Ray obtained “muscular, tan arms,” find out what magazines Alice compares the Divas and Knockouts to, and much, much more.  Also, how would Jorge comfort an emotional JT?  Tune in and find out!

BoredWrestlingFan Radio Episode 58 (MP3, 2:11:27)

Our break song was “She Creeps” by Ed Gein.  Buy it here.

The post BWF Radio Episode 58 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– This semi-new call sign at the start still doesn’t sit with me right… then into the Green Day which I am shocked has not changed yet… albeit, one change will likely happen shortly cough… cough… Cameron… cough.

– Sheamus begins the show with a kiss-ass segment to HHH’s fake retirement tease on Monday. LOL. VERY SINCERE. Fortunately unmixed strawberry yogurt is interrupted by Damien Sandow who runs down the champ for being ignorant and that HHH and DX beat him down on the 1000th episode of RAW. Sandow makes a lot of sense calling Sheamus out for being a stereotype of the Irish, but of course Sheamus tells him off with elementary bully level comebacks. Booker T makes this match official even though Sandow declined Sheamus’ offer.

Best Story Ever?

– * Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes. Cole does good bringing up that it was Mysterio who injured the face of Rhodes years ago, forcing him to wear a protective mask for a spell. Nice attention to detail. This match gets a good amount of time, and as a result is worth a look. Our climax has Mysterio drop kick the feet of a running Rhodes, causing him to fall into position for the 619. But Rhodes catches Rey before he connects, and a reversal rollup allows Rey to pick up the win! Rhodes beats down Rey post match, but Sin Cara makes the save. To top it off, Sin Cara puts one of HIS masks on Rhodes as a form of humiliation.

I guess Little Jimmy is a Republican?

– Eve Torres joins commentary to comment about commenting, and it commences. She talks about something, I guess. Sounds like FFW to me.

– * Kaitlyn vs. Natalya. Nattie is in full-on-heel mode here, and is demanding respect as she ragdolls Kaitlyn’s upper lip around the ring. Then she stretches’ AJ Lee’s former bestie. It’s not a bad little match, and both women are convincing wrestlers. So that’s good. Short, though, as Kaitlyn ekes out a rollup win and bails away from the angry Calgarian.

– Matt Striker talks to Booker about AJ Lee’s unwarranted attack on Vickie on Monday. Booker thinks AJ has overstepped her role making the career match between Ziggler and Jericho, and then attacking Vickie. Enter Vickie, who is planning on taking action for the assault and has consulted the WWE Board of Directors about this.

Charles Barkley @G: “Check me out! I’m singing some Boys II Men, G!”

G @Charles Barkley: “Ahh, yes the ode of the Hardy Boyz”

– * World Champion Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow. Sandow is fantastic in the bout, and takes it to the champ (who of course can’t sell for him, as per usual). And that, my friends, is why this is a good thing. He’s being elevated into the title picture! He beats down the Irishman, telling him audibly in a loud voice to “Just quit.” The two trade attacks, until Sandow is taught how to count by Sheamus for a near fall. Sandow rolls out of the ring multiple times, but it plays to his favor, allowing him to dodge a near-Brogue Kick. Sandow tosses Sheamus into the side of the ring and runs the fuck out of Dodge! TEN COUNT WIN FOR SHEAMUS. Not a definitive win, and Sandow still looks strong. He took it to the champ, he didn’t want this match in the first place, and he uses his intelligence to beat up Sheamus and still get out while the getting out was good.

Fuck you up, he will.

– * The Prime Time Players vs. Justin Gabriel and Tyson Kidd. The first time we’ve really seen the Gabriel/Kidd tandem on significant WWE programming. I like the potential of this team a lot. The Usos pop up in a picture-in-picture Tout and say “Uso” a lot. Great. This match is a little short for my liking, but does showcase all four men involved. The high fliers gets some great moves in, but it’s their risk taking that ultimately causes them the loss and allows Darren Young to make the pin for the win for his team. Again, worth a watch.

– Del Rio raves on the microphone pre-match about tapping out the most boring man in the world, Randall Keith Orton. Josh Mathews questions how ADR has a chance at Sheamus, even though he has lost to him everytime. ADR notes how Kane tossed away Mathews like a piece of trash, and threatens to do that right now. Hit Kane’s fireworks.

Obama certainly was on reddit. For realz! Kayfabe!

– * Kane vs. Alberto Del Rio. ADR is facing the Sharing and Caring champion of the IWC (this week). Kane certainly shares a plethora of ramshackle offense to start this thing off. Kane pretty much dominates, until he attacks Ricardo Rodriguez for some reason… allowing ADR to attack from behind with a Codebreaker and capture a pin and the win. KANE IS PISSED. So naturally he goes after Josh Mathews, tosses him around, apologizing all the while. Chokeslam! And begrudgingly he calls for his post match pyro.

– Mikey! Cole! returns to tell us Josh Mathews is dead again, and his corpse was airlifted out of the arena and shot into the sun. Well, he was helped to the back by WWE officials, but I kind of like my version better.

TWITTAH TIME WITH KEVIN NASH!

Nerd wins!

– * Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler. This should be better, because at the end of the day, Orton is a pretty safe worker and Ziggler is a bumping machine, but damn it’s feels slow. I check my DVR, nope only 6 minutes of 10 left… no overrun on Smackdown. Orton is really taking his time… fuck…. me… Even Vickie seems more agitated than normal. The crowd is all over this shit, and sadly it’s because of the Viper. I completely lose my train of thought, have to rewind and sadly sit through the rest. Ziggler misses with a Zig Zag, and falls into an RKO. Orton wins.

– Whatever, this was overall a solid show. Just keep in mind I didn’t even bother mentioning that they reaired all three of Daniel Bryan/Kane Anger Management segments and HHH’s fake retirement spot. You should skip those.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

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That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online. Keep in mind, we are trying to keep it clean. So do your best to avoid the language that offends people easily offended. I make a concerted effort to not call the product fucking shit ass bitch cock cunts. You can too. See? This is not on the air.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-220-8949. Or, coincidentally, 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

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Shameless Plugs!

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Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 08/31/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– We’re told an enraged Alberto Del Rio wants answers for getting screwed over by the heelish bully and car thief, Sheamus at Summerslam. Then we see clips from the 24 hour RAW on Monday in which Sheamus continued his dastardly ways by screwing ADR in his match against Randall Keith Orton.

– Orton decides he will put us all to sleep with a promo in the ring to kick off the show. God, these are always death. Meanwhile, BWF Radio regular is in a viper-induced coma. Orton tells anyone in the back to confront him if they think he’s a dick. Sheamus comes out and more or less get’s on Orton’s member telling him he wants to face Orton for his corrupt title. HOLLA HOLLA! FLOW CHART! Oh wait, it’s Booker-T. My bad. T likes the smell of this program, which has the distinct aroma of FFW soup. But first….

This guy probably has one hell of a drop kick.

– Enter ADR who rightfully calls bullshit on this fucking injustice (his words, not mine). He points out all of what I’ve argued. Sheamus is a cheating criminal, and if this B A Star thing is to be considered legit, Alberto Del Rio is a true hero. It’s a conspiracy against a fine young upstanding ADR.

– * Ryback vs. Jinder Mahal. Battlecreek Michigan versus Calgary… Alberta, Canada?

FEED…. ME… MORE!!!

– Ryback notes, “Jinder Mahal, tonight you finally understand your place in the food chain! FEED ME MORE!” I guess that was a passable promo for the red-eye-knight. Clips and shit are shown. Jinder is going toe-to-toe with the Ryback, even stomping him down and making him his bitch while the crowd chants “This is gay! This is gay!” Oh wait, they’re chanting “U-S-A! U-S-A!” My bad, I thought they were homophobes, turns out they’re just racist nationalists that forget they’re an immigrant based country. LOL. Melting pot, my ass. After a nice display of offense, Ry-Van-Dam hits his little march slam move on Jinder for the win. I hope I riled a couple of you Yankees up tonight. I’m Canadian, and I’m fucking down being polite! Ha ha, eh!

I seem to be on a bit of an angry animal kick tonight… got stuck at work much later than I would have liked. Plus Summerslam, RAW, and Impact sucked my balls for the most part.

– * Non-Title Match: Layla {C} vs. Alicia Fox. Stupid non-title matches. Whatever. FFW, don’t care. The ladies kind of roll around and pretend to wrestle. This really sucks. Layla wins in about 90 seconds. Moving on… as Eve makes her way down to raise the hands of Kaitlyn and Layla (Kaitlyn was on commentary, I suppose). Weird shit here folks.

Jack be creepy, Jack be sick…

– Dolph Ziggler discusses beating Chris Jericho with Vickie backstage. They complain about A.J. not being the father of Claire Lynch’s baby or some crap. Enter on-the-lam criminal Sheamus who thinks Ziggler should cash in the MitB tonight. Ziggler tells him to fuck off. Corrupt assistant to Booker T tells them that they will face each other tonight in a non-title match.

– * Heath Slater vs Sin Cara. Cody Rhodes is on commentary. The lights are dimmed, and whatnot. Rhodes notes that 8 times out of 10 he agrees with Cole on commentary, I note that Rhodes never learned how to reduce his fractions. BOO! MATH MUST PREVAIL! Actually, I could give a fuck. I saw this match THREE TIMES in Calgary last summer on one show. It’s a good mix of the flippy floppy and the… umm… what’s Slater’s move set called again? Being squashed all that time makes me unsure. But Slater ekes out a victory in a pretty short match. Rhodes flies into the ring to demask the fallen lucha. But, the referees prevent this from happening as “Cody Sucks!” chants ring out from the crowd.

How I wish the Claire Lynch story would end on Impact. That or a Popeye run in on AJ, either or.

– * Non-Title Match: Sheamus {C} vs. Dolph Ziggler. Vickie joins commentary. She talks about Teddy bears or something, I tune out from commentary as per usual. Both men are sold as strong to start, and I can’t say it’s turrible. Barks can though, and likely will during a seemingly logical pending commercial break. Dolph learns to count in honor of the late, great Jerry Nelson. But it turns out I am wrong as Ziggler uses the briefcase to beat down the so-called champ and then wants to cash it in! Then as Sheamus arises from seeming death, Ziggler reclaims his contract before it’s made official! THERE WILL BE NO TITLE MATCH TODAY! Ziggles shouts “NO RUSH!” as he makes his way to the back. 1, 2, 3, 4… 4 premature contract cash ins! AH AH AH!! RIP Mr. Nelson.

He was a vampire that appealed to kids. AND… AND… he did not fucking sparkle.

– Santino is in the ring talking about loving America and that type of stuff. Also a Canadian depicted as someone from another country. LOL. Santino wants his rematch, and is mildly entertaining and talks to his sock puppet and things get stupid funny. You will either love or hate this. Me? I like trainwrecks, and the fact that he is telling his hand about the birds and the bees is so retarded it’s awesome. Aksana distracted the sock puppet, and Santino asks his hand if it can milk him. PG TV, folks! Then he quotes Rocky, and he gets his Cobra all fired up! El oh el! Enter the current US champ and his eye-candy valet… Our five words tonight are “winner.” Then they make out. Cesaro taunts the Milan Miracle and they fight on the ramp. But once again, the Cobra is distracted by Aksana, and Cesaro lays him out.

Charles Barkley @G: “Did you see me in the audience at Summerslam, G? I got seats with some rats!”

– * WWE Tag Team Title Match: Kofi Kingston & R-Truth {C} vs. Epico & Primo. The Prime Time Players join commentary. Fuck, lot’s of joining commentary tonight. Albeit, Titus Oneil does do a funny impression of Booker T, even though it distracts from a pretty good match. The Colons are looking better each time I see them. This match is pretty solid for the 2 minutes they give them. R-Truth snags a win for his tandem while the PTP’s do their best to glare at the champs.

Do I REALLY need a caption for this one?

– The Day movie trailer. I check it out since I FFW’d through it on Monday. Striker talks to the tag champs backstage… pretty generic about taking on all comers, etc. The P2P’s enter and Titus tells Little Jimmy he needs to be seen and not heard! HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHA! Classic. Then the rarely seen Usos enter staking a claim, as well as the Colons. Brawl segment ensues. At least it FEELS like there is a tag team division, so there’s that.

I’ve got to wonder how devastating the WMD would be if taken by Ziggler.

– Booker talks to Teddy about who deserves a title match for the tag titles… and Teddy blanks. Yes, the guy who flow charts tag matches for ten years blanks. Fuck off. Eve enters and did all the research, hands it to Booker and then turns to snub an angry looking Teddy.

– Clip packages for like 13549791035907501 hours.

– * #1 Contender’s Match: Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio. The match is getting lots of time and things start out slow. Why? Randall? Randall? Clean up in aisle 9, Randall, clean up in aisle 9. Price check on boredom…. why must you ruin ADR matches? Then we return to typical rest holds… They keep wrestling… and I’m distracted checking other things, so I type little here. Why? Because I write this as I watch and drink. Sheamus is shitty on the announce table (yes, that theme continues). Orton always seems to make me check out mentally. Fortunately, Orton has some straight-to-DVD movie to film and Del Rio slaps on move #248
“ARM BAR” and submits the bag-shitter. Post match, criminal mastermind, Sheamus attacks ADR because he’s a good guy. FUCK THIS SHIT. HE’S A FUCKING HEEL! STOP THIS SHIT, WWE! Del Rio sneaks his way out of the ring, because that’s what faces do. Ziggler teases the cash in again, only to immediately eat an RKO? WHY? Why the fuck would Orton defend Sheamus here? DUMB!! Fuck it, I made it through wrestling this week.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online. Keep in mind, we are trying to keep it clean. So do your best to avoid the language that offends people easily offended. I make a concerted effort to not call the product fucking shit ass bitch cock cunts. You can too. See? This is not on the air.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-220-8949. Or, coincidentally, 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 08/24/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

That says it all

ON THE BOARD!!!

The Greatest Man who Ever Lived comes out to recap the recap? But its Aries so its great. Roode walks out and we almost get a rumble but Roode leaves. Oh and he mentions a X Division tournment with old and new faces.

And to compliment that segment they show a clip of the Claire Lynch debacle (of acting) Then they follow that up with Wonder Years (Jason Hervey) interviewing Claire about all the evidence with we were given a explanation for last week but I guess this would be a re-take.

Speaking of that X division tournament we have it. Sonjay Dutt vs Rubix (Jigsaw) of freaking ChiKara Pro. I almost fell out of my seat when I saw this match Sonjay was energized and reminded me why I fell in love with the X division and Rubix definitely earned his keep before being beat with Dutts Moonsault Double foot stomp that looked sick as all hell.

please bring more over

We get a peak at the Judges, Taz, Al Snow and Bruce Pritchard making their decision on Taeler Wilde and Joey Ryan is subtley mentioned by Taz.

Bully Ray comes out to begin his weeky attempt to pull in points before Abyss/Parks comes to the ring to distract him. But this time his opponent is Samoa Joe who is second place in the series behind Storm. We see a good match that has Joe taking a beating from Ray only for Parks to come down and slap Bully leading him to walk into Joe’s chokehold. Joe takes 10 points.

Parks wants two weeks to prepare and he promises to take the fight to Ray.Back to Lynch-Gate we see Kazarian who is now the wiser wanting out of his tag team with Daniels. He tries to appeal to Hogan who is having none of it. Then we follow that up with Garett Bischoff who thankfully hasn’t been on television for a while having a chat with Madison where she tells him her crush with Garett smirking and saying Good luck!

So its either D-von or Eric Bischoff? which could be worse. Then its followed up with another segment where Gail tries to bully Brooke only to see her wrath. Gail will get her rematch next week.

Return of the X Division series New comers Mason Andrews vs Rashon “Consequences Creed’ Cameron this match didn’t have the same excitement as Dutt vs Rubix and I guess the more seasoned wrestler won with Cameron going over.

Taeler Hendrix

Gets ready for her Gutcheck. Taz says YES and before Al Snow can get his answer out Joey Ryan stands out in the crowd where he starts a shouting match with Taz. Loving this angle.

After security escorts Ryan away Snow says NO. Leaving Bruce Pritchard who after some suspense says YES. And we have a new Knockout.

Main Event tag match:

Kurt Angle and AJ Styles vs Christopher Daniels and Kazarian for the tag team titles

oh and Claire Lynch and Dixie are at ringside. So we can guess shenanigans. Which does happen after Kaz basically rebuffs Daniels throughout the match he shows his true colors by assisting Daniels with the win. This is followed by Daniels spilling the beans that Styles is the father of Claire’s baby to Dixie’s irratation. Fading to black.

The post TNA iMPACT – The BFG Series and Baby Mama Drama continue… appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Dixie continued but instead of anger now she was in the middle of the ring crying and attempting to explain herself to the fans. That is until Daniels and Kazarian came out to interrupt her and we witnessed the heeltastic Daniels go off on Dixie Live with no pretape. I’m loving this live format. And just as Daniels is ready to lay hands on Dixie out came the phenomenal AJ Styles to the rescue and when it couldn’t get any better Serg came out and swung at Styles  that ended a excellent segment that hyped up the rest of the show.

And how do they follow that up but with Aries and Joe still upset about last week. But then jumps into a non title one on one match up with Crimson.  they had a good match but what was the most important part was the development of Aries vs Joe at Slammiversary. Joe came out and cost Aries but hyped up their match this Sunday.

Brooke Hogan is exercising her title setting up a four way match for the #1 contendership for the knockouts. And we see a possible Mickie James heel turn as B Hogan gets Velvet a spot in Montgomery Gentry’s music video. They don’t call Mickie Hard Core Country for nothing. The match is under way with

Tara vs Brooke Tessmacher vs Mickie vs Velvet- Decent match that ends with Tessmacher getting a rematch on Sunday.

Abyss, Joseph Park and Bully Ray segment stays entertaining with Bully antagonizing Park with a new contract where essential Bully Ray is not responsible for what happens to him on Sunday. The spitting in his face pissing off Joseph enough to sign.

Oh look Devon our television champion and “ugh” the Robbies and…….Garett Bischoff! ……..

skipping until better partners and opponents show themselves.

And finally we have the A six man tag, Sting, AJ and Angle vs Roode, Daniels and Kazarian

What started off as a handicap match when AJ hadn’t made it back yet from leaving earlier after the whole Dixie fiasco leaves his partners high and dry. With the heels in control that is when AJ makes his way through the crowd to make the save. After a senton on the heels outside the ring, Roode is left alone with Sting who makes him tap again to the Scorpion Death lock.

Sunday should herald alot of surprises and just some good quality matches.

See you next week.

The post TNA iMPACT- Behind the scenes of Dixie’s meltdown appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Interesting fact, this is the first time the WWE Title has been defended on Smackdown in over 4 years. Huh, see THAT’s a relevant Did You Know? segment.

– Sheamus comes out to talk about Del Rio becoming the number one contender last week for the Great White’s title. He attempts to justify his unwarranted attack on Alberto. Sheamus tells us it’s because Del Rio is a privileged son. Yep, our face champion is a bully. Otunga comes out for some reason, complete with his coffee mug which is full of baby oil (I’m convinced!). Otunga is here, actually, to get an apology from Sheamus about to Laurinaitus… he’s being ordered. Sheamus ignores this… out comes Del Rio who calls Sheamus a “street hooligan,” etc. Otunga tells us Del Rio gets to choose Sheamus’ opponent tonight since he won’t apologize, so Sheamus Brogue Kick’s Otunga, fella.

Ashes, ashes, we all fall down… kind of like this segment. Well, it wasn’t that bad, kind of mediocre. At least no naked drug fueled people ate anyone’s face off, so there’s that.

-* Sin Cara vs. Heath Slater. I remember seeing these guys refilm the same match 3 times last summer when Smackdown rolled through Calgary. Are you ready for some botched spots? No? TOO BAD:

Evidence!

No, we’re NOT done:

Proof! Can’t stand after a kick? Whaaaaa?

FAR from over….

He calls this finisher, “I Fall Down”

– Sin Cara is wearing some new ring gear, but nothing to click home about (on your web-browser). He’s still doing the trampoline and finger pointing, and Heath Slater still sucks, so not much has changed. Slater gets some serious offense in at the start, stomping a Southern Mud Hole into the former Mystico. Meanwhile, at home, Randall Keith Orton is watching this thinking “this could be me, no wait… I wouldn’t job out to the Wendy’s guy.” Sin Cara reverses the momentum, flippy flops some delicious lucha moves and gets the pin and win after a pair of sick top rope crossbody splashes sandwiched between a bunch of other crap BWF Radio’s own (and ROH reviewer) J.T. detests. And by detests, I mean loathes. And by loathes, I mean FUCKING HATES. Yes in caps locks. Me? I enjoyed this, even though Heath Slater was in it.

C/O of Al Creed of many comics… many of them. Click the image. The was an 8-bit request that was sated by the master himself. Kevin Spencer and Allan the Magic Goose as they would appear in an NES game. Love it, or leave it. It’s epic Canadian comedy and animation. Look it up here. The first season was the most fucked up, and offensive. But anything featuring it’s main character as a delusional, chain smoking alcoholic preteen is likely to do that.

– * Damien Sandow vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Love Damien Sandow, you unwashed ignoramus.

We spoke a little bit about the Ivory/Chyna issues, and Ivory/Kat stuff last week on BWF Radio #24, so I deem this appropriate.

– Damien refuses to fight yet another ignoramus, and goes to leave. LOVE THIS GIMMICK. Big Zeke takes offense to this and attacks the stalwart representative of all things intellectual. Sandow hits something akin to a Diamond Cutter, and grabs the pin and win early. While he does this, he smirks, and puts his hand under his chin. This was awesome!

– Backstage, Ziggler meets with Del Rio petitioning to be the guy to face Sheamus tonight. Del Rio appreciates the passion in his eyes, congratulates him, shakes his hand (throw back to his debut?). Ziggler gets the match. Orton might have fucked up Ziggler’s opportunity to replace Jericho due to the flag-kicking incident, but at least this wasn’t a complete write off for Dolph WHO SHOULD BE PUSHED TO THE MOON… M-O-O-N, THAT SPELLS FUCKING MOON WWE! Even Tom Cullen knows that much… glad handed yes men assholes.

Charles Barkley @G: “This is my Wikipedia face. You love it, honkey.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Nah, your elitist stare to the right of the camera perspective suggests douche-baggery. Love yah Barks, but you might as well made the fish-face lips from an overhead perspective.”

– * Ryback vs. Ryan Shelton and Chris Lyons. This is the exact same thing you’ve seen week in and week out. The jobbers talk, Ryback eats some roids, comes out and kills them like the other guys from last week by slamming both at the same time after a shit tonne of power moves.

– A bunch of Big Show turning clips air in a clip package. Though Shalt Fast Forward. A bunch of blah blah, then Vickie Guerrero is out to be all shrill, but Dolph grabs the microphone from her and declares tonight he will face the world champion and immediately goes to the ring as Vickie looks a little miffed… MILFed? Nah, more miffed. Linda Hogan is the MILF apparently. Ugh.

– Commercial Break

[youtube k5WL6ETZSs0]
I too drive a Toyota. Feel humbled…

– * Non-Title Match: Sheamus {C} vs. Dolph Ziggler

I miss being a little mark, err, jimmy… no wait, that kid’s not invisible…. umm whatever. You get the idea.

– Our match gets under way quickly, and with fury. Ziggler continues to show off his ability to bump like a machine, as Sheamus continues to show off his inability to do so. While both men trade spots back and forth, the Great White’s limitations (or ego, perhaps?) stand out. Don’t get me wrong, this is a great start to a match but it’s clear who is carrying this one, folks. Sheamus tosses Ziggler, who flies HIGH, to the outside, and so naturally we get another commercial break since that’s the “go-to” thing for WWE lately…. sorry, no more IS Toyota commercials this time….

Adam gets a pass being outspoken as a Devils fan. Beth? What gives? If you want me to make a Sean Avery reference…. nah, to “inside.” Bandwagon implications will suffice. Some of you saw what I did there…

– We return with the Irish champion in control… Ziggler is able to escape to the outside as Vickie is losing it on the referee. The announcers continue to sell Ziggler’s declaration he made that he’s better than this stable crap, and Ziggler regains momentum almost getting a 10 count on Sheamus. Ok, this is cool! Ziggler has Sheamus locked into a sleeper hold AND CONVERTS INTO A HEADSTAND WITH THE HOLD LOCKED ON! EPIC!

YES! YES! YES!

– While it’s not enough, I mark out. Check out Vickie swooning in that picture. Sheamus finally breaks free, and teaches Dolph how to count. BUT NO!!! Sheamus gets some more near falls, but nothing resembling a finisher, and unless you are new to the wrasslin’, you know what that means. The men trade more near falls, until Sheamus locks in his new side slam, and sets up for the Brogue Kick… but Ol’ Swags interferes, Ziggler gets up telling Jack to beat it, and the distraction allows Sheamus to land the Brogue Kick for the pin and the win. Watch this match, you will be entertained!

– CM Punk is interviewed by Matt Striker. Hates Johnny Ace, respects but will beat Kane, etc. Not the best Punk promo by any stretch of the imagination. Meh. They can’t all be winners folks, and that’s why the best stand out from the pack when he does drop a Duke Nukem pipebomb.

I would push you into the hoard to survive. I have my contingency plans. Speaking of which…

– * Santino Marella and Zack Ryder vs. Darren Young and Titus O’Neil. The heels cut a decent inset promo declaring themselves as “The Prime Time Players” and their “Millions of Dollars” catchphrase. It isn’t great, but it’s good and we desperately need new tag teams if the division is ever going to come back to relevance. The comedic duo are out to challenge the heels in a fairly typical little bout. I’ll give the Prime Time players this, even when given a shit salad to work with (Santino rolls Young up in under 2 minutes), they work together as a legit tandem. Tragic finish here…

Best cover to date…

– But this is all set up for Big Show to come out and murder Santino and Ryder post match. Show makes quick work of the funny boys, with Ryder taking most of the brunt of the angry-crying giant’s wrath via ring barrier, steel steps, and the like. Show drags the steps up the ramp so the audio can pick out the metal grinding upon itself. NICE TOUCH! Then he squishes the Italian Stallion’s face into it before he humbles him with a modified Camel Clutch… WMD on the back of Santino’s head as the children in the crowd are seen all sad,and whatnot.

Oh come on now. This is EXACTLY what you wanted to do after the second or third time that little fucker told you the princess was in another castle.

– Backstage, AJ runs into Bryan who tells her Punk is using her and doesn’t care about her. AJ questions this and asks why he would care. Bryan makes headgames references. Segment ends.

– * Cody Rhodes vs. Tyson Kidd. Christian joins commentary for the peeps and to observe my fellow Calgarian likely get squashed here. Frowny face, dammit. Rhodes makes quick work of my boy, Tyson. Big shocker here. Meh. Enhancement talent my ass, Kidd should be in Tom Cullen’s top five. Shucky Ducky Quack Quack.

– * WWE Title Match: CM Punk {C} vs. Kane. I suppose it can’t be Bryan vs. Punk every week… but Kane? Argle Bargle, Rabble Rabble Rabble.

– Cesaro clips… but not on the show… He’ll be back next week to squash Kidd, I suppose.

– Punk clearly wants to get a good match out of Kane here, the latter who lumbers around commanding one to hit the old FFW button. Can’t… do… it…. I will likely regret this. In the dying hours of Smackdown never bodes well after working from 8AM – 11PM for this here G. Plus when one introduces cold high quality Canadian Beer (the rest of you drink swill), things get awkward. The two feel each other out in what appears to be a 20 minute segment. REALLY? Fuck it, post match reflection time… watching only now…

Down with the Count…

– Our final spot is an ECW unaired DVD ad, and the two men trading spots. Sadly, it’s pretty run of the mill. AJ makes her way to ringside as well. As much I like the Punk/Bryan program, and whatnot, this is a holding pattern match. Triple Threat spoilers leaked where they shouldn’t have… thus ruined the mainevent for me. Maybe not you… Basic observation: AJ emotes, Kane “sparkles”, Punk hates all of this except his paycheck. Things get interesting as Punk goes to land a Macho Elbow, but AJ’s encouragement distracfs him and allows a little Bryan interference. Kane recovers… Chokeslam? NO!! NO!! NO!!! Bryan lands a toprope kick on Kane, DQ!

– The two indy stars battle…. AJ looks on. Kane fucks them up because they forgot about him….. Enter People Power! No Way Out title match is Kane/Bryan/Punk. All we feared has become reality.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

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A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

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Shameless Plugs!

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The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 06/01/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Sadness over. Now on to Roode vs Sting in a Lumberjack match. This is a good opener that showcases the excitement of the crowd when there allowed to watch a show without having to sit through the retakes and can just sit back and be fans. Watching the ring I never realized the over abundance of faces compared to heels which is the exact opposite to brand eck!

Sting gets the win and just when you think that, yeah Sting got his revenge for Victory Road. Then Hogan comes out and calls for a match at Slammiversary where Sting takes on Roode for the TNA World Title. what about James Storm?

Oh look Madison…NEXT!!!!!

Joseph Park esq and Bully Ray have thier weekly confrontation over “My Brother Chris, you know Abyss” and what Ray has done to him. (even though a couple of weeks ago Abyss appeared okay so what is Bully Ray guilty of?! Ray calls Joseph’s whole family cowards and when the sweaty lawyer went to grab the bully, Ray threatens lawsuit only to antagonize him some more. Either way a fun entertaining segment.

Samoa Joe and Aries have an altercation that later leads to a match at Slammiversary. But before the PPV Aries takes on the staying half of the Motor City Machine Guns in the guise of “Hail Sabin” Chris Sabin. Good match that makes you wonder if we will see more of it now that he is a singles competitor but we’re not psychic so I watch to see Aries go over with a small package.

Coming in ten days TNA is celebrating 10 years of existing and Dixie “MILF” Carter announces that the Hall of Fame is coming to TNA with an inductee being announced during Slammiversary. She then call out Brooke Hogan who know is in charge of the Knockouts. I loved the mixxed reaction and what that means for her arrival of either putting up or shutting up. hey Brooke, We need a revitalized knockout division that has more than 4women in it.

kazarian and Daniels are gold backstage during Dixie’s promo.

And we have the television title match that Hogan promised us every week missing one along the way. Mr. Anderson, Jeff hardy,RVD and someone who will not be named wait to see what the total one and guess what it was….Jeff Hardy.

And like clockwork the Robbie’s interfere which leads to a Jeff Hardy winning by DQ. Right before the faces clear the heels which leads to a tag match between The Robbies vs Devon and Garett Bishchoff?

UGH!

James Storm is having a crisis of faith about winning the world title and why do I feel that we won’t resolve this till Bound For Glory.

AJ and Daniels have a match. So when are we going to see match #12356 but it still shows the integrity of how they wrestle. AJ wins but is then jumped by Daniels with Kaz only for the newly appointed face Kurt Angle to make the save but both are taken out by the heels.

Daniels plays a recording of Dixie and AJ only to have Dixie herself come down and take control of TAZ’s headset and ask for the show to be shut down.

Sidenote:Joey Ryan didn’t make the cut because he’s a jackass who pissed off Taz, Flair’s replacement. Where is Alex Silva?

The post PNTNR iMPACT review: TNA is coming at you live! appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

They opened it up with Funaki coming out to speak to the fans. He was interrupted by the Asian Nation who invited him to become a junior member. Good stuff. And of course it went into fisticuffs. I think everybody was involved except for Kate.

First match: Barrett Brown vs. Kristopher Haiden

I of course would like to congratulate Barrett on his recent graduation from high school. This kid is already one of Texas’ best and he JUST NOW graduated high school. Barrett has improved a lot over the past year. He’s adding more and more different kinds of offense into his matches. If you have never seen this guy wrestle before, go look him up on Youtube. Haiden does a great job being the bully. When it comes to being the bully, I think he’s the best in MPX and one of the best probably in Texas. He gave Barrett a clothesline from Hell and got the pin.

Winner: Haiden

Haiden asked to be announced as “The Cruiserweight Slayer.” I like Cruiserweight Crusher better. It’s alliteration. We had angry Headbanger come out because he didn’t have a match. He wanted an opponent. He was given Frankie Fisher AND Jason Silver. I liked angry Headbanger. These past few months, he has gotten to show off his range.

Second match: Tad Wylde vs. Regrub & Matt Andrews w/The Following

Masked Guy (I still haven’t figured out what his stage name is.) is looking a little skinnier. The classiest thing all night was when Tad Wylde thanked the military. What I thought could have added a nice dimension was asking all the military people to stand, but no biggie. They can do that in November. What Choice lacks in size, he makes up for in personality and commitment. He is a good storyteller and somebody you want to get over your story. Tad Wylde is a pretty good tag team. They work well and did some cool double-team moves. Ben played the face in peril very well. One of the biggest moves of the night was Tadlock doing a plancha. For those unfamiliar with Tadlock, that’s like Rhino doing a plancha. Good, fun match with Tad Wylde getting the victory.

Winner: Tad Wylde

I like how they are building up Tad Wylde.

Third match: Scott Murdoch vs. Danny Saint

I like both these guys and they were quite entertaining in this match. I’m going to love a Saint-Murdoch feud. The fans win. The chests of Saint and Murdoch do not. These guys were brutal (in a good way). I wrote down I was really happy to not be either. I also wrote down one word at one point, “Wow.” These guys really laid it on the line. I watched a DGUSA DVD yesterday that had some of the best in-ring work I’d ever seen. This was not that type of match yet still kept just as engaged in it. It was still just as intense and emotional and brutal.

Winner: Double Countout

Can we already name this MPX Feud of the Year? Kyle Davis interviewed Kanoa. “I’m going to beat people. Who’s next in line?” Not a lot of depth to it, but we’ll see where he goes from here.

Fourth match: Bling & Sting vs. Asian Nation

It was nice to see tag team wrestling that meant something. $Payday$ had a great plancha. He’s becoming more smooth and more fluid. There was good comedy. WASP & “Just” Johnson both do comedy really well. I wonder if Nigel might be a little wasted on this tag team. I think James is really good on the mic and doesn’t need any help. I do think Nigel works as an “outside-the-ring” presence. But then again, I’m not sure where you use Nigel if not with the Asian Nation. Anything that keeps Nigel in front of the crowd works for me. I wrote down that it was a fun match with lots of intricate stories. Kenny Steele walked out and stole $Payday$’s belt. $Payday$ went to tag in WASP while he was still recovering after being in the ring for a while. $Payday$ went after him. The two-on-one advantage proved to be too much for WASP.

Winner: Asian Nation

Well, with Tad Wylde, The Following, Asian Nation, Bling & Sting, a possible Cash & Carry return, Dunnings & Red, I believe, MPX, you have a tag team division.

Fifth match: Joshua City vs. Jerome Daniels

This was Joshua’s debut match so he gets “First Match Immunity.” However, I don’t know if it’s Jerome, but this was actually a pretty good match. Joshua has a lot of personality and kind of understands that it’s due-paying time. As I have learned, it’s not easy cutting your first promo. It takes something to listen to the crowd and be reacted to. I’ve seen a few debuts in MPX. Some I wish I could unsee. This is probably the best debut I’ve seen at MPX.

Winner: Jerome

Jerome is supposed to be built-up to be fighting the big match against Frankie and took a little longer than he should have to beat Joshua City, making his MPX debut. James Hawke came out after the match saying that the people were supposed to love him were booing him now. He listened to the crowd and followed them where they took him. This is the John Cena heel turn we’ve all been waiting for.

Sixth match: Nobe Bryant vs. Kanoa

I’ve had the chance to see Nobe since back in the day. The man is a great athlete and has an amazing look. Kanoa has a good arrogance to him. Both guys are really good athletes and  had some good agility for their size. Nobe tried to keep the crowd engaged (which sometimes really needs to happen with this crowd). And with respect to Murdoch and Saint, Nobe won for chop of the night. I wrote down that it was a good, decent match. Kanoa won unexpectedly.

Winner: Kanoa

Looks like they are giving Kanoa a nice push. I’m intrigued to see what he has for us.

Seventh match: Frankie Fisher (c) vs. Gregory James vs. Jason Silver

Well, who wouldn’t want to see James-Silver? I wrote down that I liked the beginning. Frankie is a good smarmy heel. There were some good dynamics. You had James and Silver who are friends but Frankie used that to his advantage. The action was very fast-paced. I was surprisingly able to keep up with most of it. Greg is becoming quite the storyteller. Storyteller + Agility = ∞ limits. Frankie submitted Jason Silver while Greg was outside the ring.

Winner: Fisher

This is definitely the strongest I have seen Frankie looked. He looked like a credible champion.

Main Event: Carrion Arcane w/The Following vs. Sho Funaki

I’m going to try to see how many times I can fit the word “Indeed” into this match. Seriously, it was fun. We had Funaki live before our crowd. Arcane got in a lot of offense. Funaki did what he did best and one of the reasons he was kept around in the WWE for so long. He sold. The match was very well laid out. After a good night of wrestling, we got to see Funaki get a pin out of nowhere.

Winner: Funaki

All in all… The night was pretty decent. The crowd was packed and lively. Some people were worried about it being BYOB for the first time. As Arcane said, “We have a Murdoch.” They left us with some nice questions. That is what a wrestling company needs to be, especially with a lot of people who normally wouldn’t be there. Special props need to go out to Daniel and Anthony the refs. These guys were active and engaged in hot weather doing a very athletic activity for several matches. Joshua had a nice debut. Murdoch and Saint tore down the house. Frankie looked like a real legitimate champion. And I do believe we have the development of a tag team division.

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The post MPX-Indeed 5/26/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Last night at Over The Limit, a bunch of crap happened, CM Punk retained his title, and John Laurinaitis beat John Cena with help from the Big Show. Let’s see what kind of horrible stuff they make us sit through tonight in one of the last two hour RAWs.

We get our standard recap of Laurinaitis winning agasint John Cena last night. Thanks to The Big Show.

Chad Kroeger isn’t telling me to burn things this week. Instead…

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRKALAMAZOO!

John Cena is in the house, and he’s pissed off. No fancy running & sliding into the ring, just give me the microphone. Which means we’re starting with talking. Cena usually comes out to congratulate his opponent when he loses, but what the hell happened? What the hell? John Laurinaitis beat him. It’s not how it happened, it’s why the hell would something like that happen in the first place? Since Laurinaitis has been here, he’s been a selfish, power hungry bully. Last night, he got a taste of his own medicine. It was great. Everything it was supposed to be. Everybody was having fun. Then Laurinaitis ran away, and Big Show brought him back. Big Show. The guy Laurinaitis humiliated last week. Then it was fun again. Cena nodded and said, “Show, I got this one.” Then Show gave him Laurinaitis, but then Big Show, a man he used to call a friend, knocked him out cold, and your winner was John Laurinaitis. People want to know why Cena toyed with Laurinaitis. Because he deserved it. Cena’s not glad about The Big Show selling out. There is no explanation for it. Cena doesn’t care who the GM would have been. It could’ve been the computer for all Cena cares, the first act would be to hire the Big Show back. This isn’t about Cena losing, this is about Laurinaitis winning, we’re stuck with this People Power garbage. Laurinaitis will probably come out and tell you how great he is. It’s crap.

Hey, speaking of the GM, Eve is here. Cena says Laurinaitis got really hot but still sucks. Eve introduces Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis comes out on an eletric scooter thing that old handicapped people drive around in. I was going to say “old crippled people,” but I don’t think that’s PC. Laurinaitis says he was rushed to the emergency room last night for a possible broken clavicle, ACL, and PCL, a possible spinal injury, and contusions all over his body. He can’t lift his left arm or move his left leg, which indicates potential nerve damage. That’s ok, because as he proved last night, when he’s in that ring he’s a fierce competitor. When he’s outside that ring, he’s a WWE Executive, and if anybody lays a finger on him again, they will be terminated. Enough about him, he’d like to introduce the man who, this past Saturday, he re-hired and gave a great bonus to. The man Cena will face in East Rutherford, NJ at No Way Out, The Big Show.

THINKSOJOE NOTE:

Wait. Hold up. I don’t have last Monday’s show available to me at the moment, but I do have my review, in which I QUOTED word for word the Board of Directors letter to John Laurinaitis.

“We have important news regarding your match with John Cena at Over The Limit. We feel it is important for the WWE Universe to know exactly what they are getting. Therefore, your match with Mr. Cena will be one-on-one. There will be no special guest referee. No one is allowed at ringside. The only way to win is by pinfall or submission. Any Superstar who interferes in the match will be immediately terminated.”

So, if Big Show was hired back on Saturday, and the PPV was on Sunday night, shouldn’t the Board of Directors fire Big Show? #WWELogic

Anyway, Show comes out. The fans chant “you suck” at The Big Show, who says that he’s sture everybody would like an explanation. Quite frankly, nobody is entitled to his explanation. Last week, he was on his knees to John Laurinaitis begging for his job. Nobody loves the business more than Big Show. The fans, Superstars, the crew. He was so upset he found himself crying. Everybody watched a grown man, a giant, crying on worldwide television. “You’re a sell-out.” Show says he got no sympathy. 18 years of his life for nothing. He did what he had to do, what everybody would have done. He has an iron-clad contract now, and he’s proud of it. How dare anybody judge him? Show will be judging Cena June 17th. There will be No Way Out, because Big Show is going to knock Cena out.

COFFEE MUG MAN shows up. He tells Cena he lost to John Laurinaitis, and now he’s going to lose to him. Cena says he’s not in the mood. Go in the back, watch reruns of Law & Order, because if he gets in the ring with Cena, Cena will hurt him. COFFEE MUG MAN stops at the top of the ramp, and dedicates the match to Mr. Laurinaitis, and apparently we’re getting John Cena vs. David Otunga up next.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

SHORT ATTENTION SPAN THEATER: Big Show says he’ll knock out John Cena at No Way Out.

John Cena vs. David Otunga

Cena charges at COFFEE MUG MAN, who avoids Cena at all costs. Cena chases him out of the ring, Otunga gets back in. Cena comes in after him, Otunga gets back out. Cena tries to outsmart Otunga, but Otunga gets his shots in on Cena when Cena chases him back into the ring. Otunga takes a second to pose for Laurinaits and Eve, and Cena takes advantage of that window. Otunga doesn’t even put up a fight when Cena goes for the AA, and taps quickly when Cena locks in the STF.

Winner: John Cena

Curt Hawkins, Tyler Reks, Darren Young, and Titus O’neil attack Cena immediately after the match. Sheamus runs out, running over Laurinaitis in the process, to help Cena. The duo dispose of the young Superstars, and John Laurinaitis asks said Superstars what they’re doing. He didn’t give them permission and orders them back to the locker room. He says that the audience likes to see Cena and Sheamus in action, and they’ll be teaming up later tonight. In a handicap match. A handicap LUMBERJACK match.

Still to come, Randy Orton faces Alberto Del Rio, and Daniel Bryan calls out CM Punk.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez… Who is interrupted by Santino Marella, which apparently stems from Santino’s YouTube show. Santino says he can’t understand nothing Ricardo is saying. His accent is ridicoolus (I know how to spell ridiculous.  I use it to describe this show on a weekly basis.  This is spelled how Santino says it, as is most stuff in this paragraph). Almost as ridicoolus as his eyebrows, they look like caterpillars. Santino is beginning to think Ricardo knows nothing about the art of introductioning. He doesn’t even rrrolll his rrrrrs. Trrry it. Ricardo does. Sanino says it sucked, and does his own. They have an r-roll off, before the cobra scares Ricardo. Santino says he got scared by Santino’s arm in a cobra costume. Ricardo gets stuck in his tuxedo jacket, and Santino hits him with the Cobra, and asks for Alberto’s music so he can show us how it’s done.

“Ladies and Gentlemens, let me introduce to you a man who has more fancy cars than Jay Leno, and the only man who drove his car directly into the building tonights, weighing in at 108 Kilograms, from some crazy place in Mexico, Ladies and Gentlemen, allow myself to introduce to you Alberto Del RRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrio!”

The announcers tell us that RAW is about to celebrate a milestone, and we get a video package about the 1,000th episode of RAW. RAW will be 3 hours starting July 23rd. Joy.

Del Rio finally rolls into the arena in a 1961 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud worth $149,000. He gets in the ring, and Santino bails. Del Rio in action, next!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

I hear voices in my head…  They’re telling me that I have to stay awake during Super Robot Orton’s match. Meanwhile, Michael Cole explains my earlier question. John Laurinaitis and Big Show agreed verbally to a new contract on Saturday, but the actual contract wasn’t signed until this morning, which is why Show isn’t going to be fired.

Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio

I yawned. It doesn’t take much of Orton for me to get bored. Then I got a phone call. I paused the video, went away for a little bit, and now that I’m back, I’m going to FFW! Alright, so Orton drops Del Rio with the elevated DDT, then does his little turn on the catwalk, yeah on the catwalk, but instead of hitting the RKO, he eats a Codebreaker from Chris Jericho!

Winner via DQ: Randy Orton, presumably

Jericho stands over a fallen Orton. He grabs the mic, and he says he’s the best in the world at what he does. Twice. Three times. Then he drops Orton with a second Codebreaker. He asks Orton if he understands. He goes to leave, then gets back in the ring. He pulls Orton back to his feet, and he hits a third Codebreaker.

Still to come, Cena and Sheamus team up in a 3-on-2 Handicapped Lumberjack Match. But next, Daniel Bryan will call out CM Punk!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

KILL THE WABBIT, KILL THE WABBIT, KILL THE WABBIT! Daniel Bryan is here! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! Bryan feels as though a great injustice was done and he should be the new WWE Champion. Don’t take his word for it, see it for yourself. He shows footage of Punk tapping out at Over The Limit. Question and answer time with Daniel Bryan. Did he make CM Punk tap out? Yes. Should he be the WWE Champion? Yes. If he faces CM Punk one more time, will he make him tap out again? YES! YES! YES! The only reason he isn’t the WWE Champion right now is because of the gross incompetence of one referee, and he demands a rematch!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5NL5gQHxW4[/youtube]

The WWE Champion is here! He holds his belt up, then says he’d like to clear up any controversy from last night. It was one of the greatest battles he’d been in in his entire life, but Bryan is forgetting that Punk beat him one two three in the center of the ring. Punk would like to settle things in the ring, but more than that he’d like to remind Bryan what happened last Friday on SmackDown.

LAST FRIDAY: Bryan hit Kane with a chair, leading Kane to think that Punk hit him, thus attacking Punk with the chair himself.

Punk says it was clever, and he’s ashamed he fell for it. He’d love nothing more than to introduce Bryan’s opponent for the evening…

BOOM!

The Big Red Monster arrives in a big red puff of smoke as Punk joins the commentary team.

Kane vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan holds his own, using his quickness to avoid Kane. Kane goes for a chokeslam but Bryan escapes. Bryan low bridges Kane over the top rope, then nails him with a suicide dive. Punk decides to leave the announce table. He grabs a chair and goes to hit Punk, but Bryan stops him. Kane turns around to see the chair in Bryan’s hand. He hits Bryan with a big boot, then nails Bryan with the chair.

Winner via DQ: Daniel Bryan, presumably

Kane destroys Bryan with the chair, then rolls him back into the ring, where he chokeslams him. Kane turns to leave, but thinks twice. He grabs Bryan and chokeslams him again. Punk asks King if he wants to check on Bryan, but King says he’s busy. Punk says he’ll do it. Punk gets in the ring and asks Bryan if he’s ok. Then he locks on the Anaconda Vice. Bryan taps immediately.

Still to come, John Cena & Sheamus team up in a 3-on-2 Handicapped Lumberjack match.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

WWE Rewind: Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar are suing Triple H

Cole tells us that Triple H is in Stamford meeting with the WWE legal team. Do they have a case? WWE.com asked legal people and wrote an article about it.

Returning to RAW after 8 weeks, the man who won last night’s People Power Battle Royal and then went on to defeat Cody Rhodes for the WWE Intercontinental Championship, Christian! He’s in action, NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Jinder Mahal? Really? Oh boy.

Christian vs. Jinder Mahal

Christian is suddenly a face. No reason. Just because he went away and came back. That automatically makes you a face, apparently. Nevermind that he was an obnoxious ass of a heel when he got injured. And when he came back. Twice. FFW because I know what’s going to happen. Christian with the Killswitch, I’m sure. Killswitch, then a frog splash, THEN the pin.

Winner: Christian

Still to come – the same thing I told you was coming before the last three commercial breaks. But next, it’s Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

SHORT ATTENTION SPAN THEATER: Big Show says he’ll knock John Cena out at No Way Out. Didn’t I type that already tonight?

Kelly Kelly is wearing Torrie Wilson’s old Great American Bash outfit. They plug her facebook page and tell us she’s made Maxim’s hot 100 list again. Beth Phoenix doesn’t care. She’s angry because she lost last night.

Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly

Beth takes Kelly down and starts beating the crap out of her. Bodyslam, elbow drop, legdrop, cover, two count. Layla is watching from backstage. Kelly gets a headscissor takedown in, but Beth kicks out at two, then rubs Kelly’s face into the canvas. Beth dominates this match, with the occasional flurries of offense by Kelly Kelly. Kelly goes nuts and starts wailing on Beth, but Beth clubs her in the back of the skull when she goes for the handspring elbow (which she also stole from Torrie Wilson). Beth nails the Glam Slam for the victory.

Winner: Beth Phoenix.

John Laurinaitis is still rolling around on his hoverround thingy backstage. This lame handicapped match is up next.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

The World Heavyweight Champion is out first for this match. Cena is out next. Now we can find out who their opponents are.

EXCUSE ME! Vickie Guerrero introduces us to two thirds of the team that will teach Cena and Sheamus to respect authority, The All American American Jack Swagger, and the Show Off Jack Swagger. Their tag team partner is Lord Tensai. The lumberjacks show up. Reks, Hawkins, Young, O’neil, Primo, Epico, Jinder Mahal, Chris Jericho, Hunico and Camacho, David Otunga, Alberto Del Rio, Drew McIntyre, and I’m sure there are others I can’t see at the moment are the lumberjacks.

John Cena & Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, and Tensai

Remember what I said about being bored by Orton earlier. Replace the word “Orton” with the word “Tensai” and you’ll get how I feel about this match. Sheamus and Cena dominate early until Tensai sends Sheamus to the floor. Sheamus takes out half the lumberjacks on his own, but Tensai catches Sheamus getting back in the ring. He drags the Great White to his corner, and the heels take over this match, keeping the ring cut in half and Sheamus away from John Cena. Tensai sends Sheamus to the floor again, and all of the lumberjacks go after Sheamus before rolling him back into the ring. Big Show comes out on the stage to watch. The heel beatdown of Sheamus goes on for quite a while. By the way, Tensai’s “tattoos” on his face vanish during this match. Told you it was Sharpie. Sheamus finally gets to Cena, Ziggler gets tagged in, and Cena drops him. He goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but he gets distracted by the lumberjacks pulling Sheamus off of the apron. The lumberjacks assault Cena and Sheamus, and faces spill out of the locker room for the save.

Winner:  No contest, presumably

Cena gets out of the ring and rushes up the ramp to the back as a huge battle carries on in the ring. Cena finds John Laurinaitis and asks him where Big Show is. Laurinaitis says he doesn’t know, and reminds Cena he can’t touch him or he’s fired. Laurinaitis walks away, and Cena turns around into a right hand from The Big Show. RAW ends with Cena lying unconscious backstage.

My thoughts:  Six matches.  Half of them I had to guess at the official outcome of the match.  Why do we even have matches?  Goodnight everybody.

The post WWE RAW results 5-21-12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

What got me was Canadian confetti, where champions are made. I couldn’t stop laughing. Hogan playing the face GM tears up his demands and tells him that he will defend the title on Open Fight Night. So Hogan sets up some matches for tonight, Bully Ray vs RVD, Jeff Hardy vs Mr. Anderson, Samoa Joe vs Angle and a Battle Royal. After all that Hogan will pick the challenger for next week.

That is a whole lot of matches for just one contender but Hogan is the face GM and impartial.

First up is Bully Ray vs RVD which should make everyone nostalgic for ECW but that would be the wrong company. Bully Ray takes on Van Dam’s injured parts and pulls out a victory. I have a feeling one day that they will put the belt on Bully Ray and I would be fine with that.

King Mo is coming to TNA and I’m late on that but yeah I saw the video and thought okay I could see that once he’s done healing his knee. Then I went online and saw that Brooke Hogan would be in charge of the knockouts in a backstage compacity? Because she has been involved in the business for ever like Garett so automatically she is given a job that would put her on TV more which since her dad has been on TNA she has made numerous blink and miss em appearances. But now she is directing the knockouts?! Where is Dutch (Mantel) when you need him.

End rant. The mystery of who is Madison’s suitor is now on the mind of creative. She bails on Gail as she follows the scent of love. Then the Hooter’s girl and the would be porn star (had she not tried wrestling) Ms Tessmacher (former) and Velvet Sky (latter) confront Mrs (Recently got married and can’t remember the guys name) Gail and tell her she will be losing the title tonight. Yeah she should be so shaking in her boots.

Then we have the Battle Royal, Austin Aries, AJ Styles, Gunner, Crimson, Eric Young, Garett Bishoff, Devon, Magnus, The Two Robbies  and ODB?! Make their way to the ring in what must surely be a farce. Crimson goes out with EY and ODB who clothesline him so hard that all THREE go out! So now Crimson is feuding with EY and ODB, Rob E takes out his partner Rob T before being thrown out by Devon who is soon taken out by Garett who he in turn is taken out by AJ. AJ, Gunner and Aries are left. Gunner throws out Aries but is taken out by AJ with a Samoan Drop. AJ wins as Madison during the course of the match is making Googley eyes at someone in the match. Money’s on Crimson. Because then it can be a mixxed tag team feud for the KO tag belts no one wants. YEAH! everyone’s a winner.

AJ secret tryst with Dixie is furthered along when Daniels brings out some video of her and Styles going to a Hotel/Motel. I love heel Daniels and his “Bob Van Dam” name calling.

Oh and Jeff Hardy beat Anderson. Highlights from past TNA PPV play Lockdown 2008, Genesis 2006 and so on.

Gail beats Velvet and Tessmacher after Velvet hit “In your face” on Tessmacher but Kim stole the pin.

Joe vs Angle, a good match but not up to par with Genesis 2006 Angle wins.

Roode comes out to close the show while all the winners come out like lions circling a Gazelle.

Next Week Open Fight Night, and a special announcement.

Spoiler: iMPACT WRESTLING goes live on throughout the summer.

The post iMPACT Wrestling – Road to Slammiversary appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Roode comes to the ring to gloat only to have RVD then Anderson adn finally Hardy come out and attack him. Right before they attack each other like a pack of hungry hyenas. Hogan makes his entrance panders to RVD so he can set up a fatal four way where if whoever wins takes on Roode at Sacrifice this Sunday. Or if Roode wins he picks his opponent, or if RVD wins he gets to pick the stipulation. OR….. Wait I got it under control.

So Madison is ignoring Gail because she is getting ready for a guy causing for some foreshadowing to something down  the line.

This leads right into Velvet Sky, who is like the female RVD who believes she still deserves a shot at the title. But we all cringe with the thought She’s taking on Brooke Tessmacher who is a good worker that deserves a better opponent to showcase her skills. thank god its short but it was kinda of like an asswhooping where it may not be that long but it still hurts like hell. Especially when Velvet had control of the match.

Crimson and Morgan seems like a feud that just keeps going on to no end. Even though we were promised an end at Lockdown but someone forgot to tell them that. Crimson calls out Morgan…

But Bully Ray comes out and busts him (Morgan) in the head with a chair. So maybe someone did get them the memo.

X division time with…Xema Ion vs Austin Aries that is a good solid match that would of been nice had it advanced story. Aries wins with no interfence from Ray who busted Morgan open because you know he’s a bully. Where is Nese, Haskins or Williams we need other competitors to show forward momentum in the division. Otherwise good match.

Daniels and Kaz discuss the AJ blackmail and whether or not to reveal it, because you know its the heel thing to do to prolong it. That or the evidence just sucks and this feud lost momentum when Russo was let go. Well they come out and AJ follows soon afterward and with 3 pictures I was deflated. IT was AJ and Dixie embracing and not even kissing even though the last picture would have you think that if you had bad vision but its obvious their faces are no where near each other but whatev’s.

I miss this feud when the evidence looked to be on Kazarian.

So the television triangle continues with Robbie E, Devon and Robbie T still fighting over the belt. So this is taking the belt seriously when they made plans to have it defended every week? So yeah another PPV but this time its a handicap match where Devon is sure he will still win.

Joseph Park comes out after having his Inspector Clouseu investigation turn up Bully Ray as a suspect. Because this all couldn’t have been solved in ten minutes by Park just watching Genesis? Got to love that suspense of disbelief.

Bully Ray comes out and gets owned by Park and the audience on the mic before pushing Park down.

So the fatal four way ends with RVD winning after Roode took 3 finishers leaving Bob van Dam to make his stipulation which will be a ladder match. Then when it couldn’t get any better AByss comes out and leaves his brother a warning because Chris couldn’t have done it during the Bully Ray/Joe Park segment because he can not be in two places as once unless you have that 2pac hologram but I digress.

Here’s to Sacrifice and finally ending that Television Menage a trois.

PNT NR out!!

The post iMPACT Wrestling 5/10- AJ’s Dirty Little Secret appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

So after last weeks announcement of TNA doing a Open Fight Night where anyone can challenge the champion of their choice, minus of course the KO Tag champs because that belt is now in possession of the comedic duo of Eric Young and ODB. What made it also extra interesting when announced was now they were doing the Gut Check Challenge on Impact, I couldn’t wait. Hogan started off the proceedings strong with him going around with the respective champs in drill sargent fashion and in perticular Bobby Roode. I was excited at what was in store.

Right before deflation

And then Jeremy Borash came out to challenge a man who should not be there. Eric B****** who name gets conveniently bleeped when said. Borash is the first to issue an open challenge and its against another non wrestler?

Bully Ray comes out and attacks Borash setting him up to be pinned by B******* who is attempting to get one last heel heat attempt before vanishing from television.

Devon defends his title. Which is nice considering he is the television champion. Who does he challenge? His former partner Bully Ray, I was smelling a rekindled feud coming right before Devon beat him but there is still hope.

Chavo on Helium or as he likes to be called Anarquia calls out an American and gets Kurt Angle. So seeing how neews has been running rampant about Anarquia being removed from the TNA roster page I see this as his farewell match which in typical fashion sees him getting embarasseed on the way out. I will not be missing Chavo lite.

NEw Prospect Alex Silva is announced for the Gut check challenge to take on Robbie ? yeah he loses. Not the best way to present prospects putting them up against comic parody relief.

WHy am I here? Just because

Tessmacher challenges and then pins Gail Kim, Nuff said. Finally a fresh feud with an actual knockout who I can root for who’s name doesn’t start with a V. Non title match.

tessmacher I love you boyfriend and your wrestling too.

A three way tag team is turned into a one on one event when Daniels and Kaz are told to leave. Samoa Joe picks up a win on Anderson after him and his partner where reinacting a broken home scenario in the ring. Daniels and Kaz attack and we finally have another team added to the tag division now just get two more to make it interesting. How about TMDK from OVW, think about it TNA.

the mighty don't kneel

And to close the show why not bring the man who you’ve kicked off the show back for one finally bow. Eric and his wrestlers from Lockdown come out and fight with Garett Bischoff and his wrestlers resulting in E. B******* ending up covered in shit  poop I mean poop have to keep the language down my daughter is watching me type.

What do I think of the first OFN, eh could of been better with more emphasize on bringing out better matches instead of having this Eric going away party thrown by his former arch enemy Ric Flair. But hopefully next month it will be taken more seriously and lets not have the GutCheck Challenge opponent take on Robbie E.

Pintnoir out.

The post The Day After- An iMPACT Wre….Open Fight Night Review appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Impact reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Don’t expect a lot of pictures tonight, smarks.

– Start with a clip package highlighting the match announced for the PPV with Team Garett facing off against Team Bischoff WITHOUT ANY MEMBERS BEING FUCKING ANNOUNCED YET. The creative plan was to blatantly rip off the WWE, clearly. If Garett wins, Eric loses the rights to his name. Yes, you read that right. And if Eric wins, Garett is a permanent member of the roster. So everyone loses.

– Eric cuts a promo, and his team is Bubba, Gunner, Kaz, Christopher Daniels. Bubba cuts his usual awesome promo, that’s all worth watching here.

– Enter the bastard son, Garett. He’s all smug and shit, and announces his team. He’s got Mr. Yawnderson… and that’s all we get. There’s a match next.

Charles Barkley @G: “I’m on a bike, can’t watch Impact!”

G @Charles Barkley: “Why am I not surprised in the slightest?”

– * Mr. Anderson vs. Gunner. I’m totally not interested in this. Commence FFW speed setting 3/5. Someone wins, probably Gunner. Don’t care.

– Joseph Park meets with Eric Young who is getting married tonight. Joseph asks him if he thought about a prenup… nope. Park wants to know where Abyss is, and gets his first real lead in this story arch where Young tells him that Abyss was really mixed up with Immortal. WHY THE FUCK DOESN’T PARK JUST WATCH THE SHOW? Oh right, because it generally sucks.

– Meanwhile, Sabin is cutting a promo about their badluck with injuries, and that they are coming for Joe and Magnus… noting they beat Morgan and Crimson whose best move was rubbing each other with baby oil. This Sunday, they are not wrestling Curry Man and Shark Boy, rather the MCMG’s. Good promo, and out the champs come to retort. Magnus puts over his respect for the two overcoming injuries, but not to be overlooked by they are the best RIGHT NOW. And accordingly, they decide to fight right now… only to interrupted by Mexican America. Totally Not Chavo and the mute Hernandez have exception. This turns into a brawl. The heels are tossed out, stare down, end segment. Ok, this was entertaining.

One of the best Simpsons clips ever… ties into something I posted in the BWF thread the other night…

– * Austin Aries vs. Christopher Daniels. You already know this will be good. And it was. Starts with catch-as-catch-can, and chain wrestling, into actual psychology in a match… PSYCHOLOGY ON IMPACT YOU SAY? Fuck yes. Puts a smile on my face, until I accidently look outside and am reminded of the excessive snowfall and my soon-to-be-shortened sleep. Fuck you Mother Nature… The crowd chants for the tweener Aries throughout (he’s on Team Garett, BTW). Here’s your match of the night, I’m sure. Quick, high energy, tells a story. Why can’t all matches on TNA be this good? Even Taz sounds excited! Austin lands a sick missle dropkick, then lands a suspended brain buster for the pin and the win!

Hope you had a better Easter weekend that this guy.

– Jeff Hardy is standing in a cage raving in his monotone voice about facing Kurt Angle this Sunday. Thankfully it’s short. Cut to James Storm with his country musician friends. It’s decent, but nothing really new is developed, so we’re moving on. Eric Young is prepping more for his wedding, but is interrupted by Sarita and Rosita who attempt to seduce him with slut-tactics.

– * Eric Young and ODB Get Married in a fucking steel cage. You read that correctly. Fucking. This looks to be absurd as it sounds. They make sure the cage is locked. Eric Cornelius Young? The preacher calls the cage symbolic of making it through life together, etc. They show a video demonstrating their love for each other. Basically just clips, FFW!

Blindfold matches in wrestling suck. In basketball slam dunk challenges? Epic.

– They read their own vows. Eric plans to love her always, even when she farts and to rub his feet whenever she wants, “because I know you’re into that, and I care.” Vows to be her tag partner in wrestling and in life… etc. ODB promises not to take his last name, but will take his ring music, and to slap his ass whenever necessary because she knows he’s into that. As sappy as this segment sounds, it’s kind of entertaining… Rosita and Sarita interrupt to object, and do a strip tease. ODB starts to cry a bit, then does her own tease. Eric is forced to make the decision, and we get the happy ending as Eric goes down to his Skivvies and the two force the preacher to strip as well. What a train wreck! Loved it!

– * Bully Ray vs. AJ Styles. Styles completes Team Garett? Mayhaps… either way, decent match. Watched it between OT in the San Jose Sharks and St. Louis Blues game for game 1 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs opening round. The game was better… I suppose the match was pretty good too. 1st OT ends, and when I flip back, AJ hits a sick Shining Wizard on Bully as Team Bischoff fights Team Bischoff at ringside. Bully still gets the win. GO BLUES!

WIN!

– Enter Hogan who announces the 4-4 stip is now 5-5 and Eric has 3 minutes to figure out who his fifth man will be… commercials…. FFW!!!

– Eric is convinced Hogan will be Garett’s fifth man, so he puts himself in on his own team. The crowd chants for Sting. So naturally, they get RVD. I guess he resigned for a little while.

Not so much, actually. Still, hopefully RVD doesn’t look like he’s phoning it in on this run?

– James Storm and Robert Roode clip packages. They should do these, but the hockey game will be back on, so FUCK THIS SHIT. Then they run down the card, don’t care.

– * Velvet Sky & Mickie James vs. Gail Kim & Madison Rayne. Totally not interested… FFW! Someone won, don’t care.

– Storm is in the ring to talk with Roode to close the show. Both men are in suits, and Roode is accompanied by his security team from Ohio Valley Wrestling. Nice dramatic stare down, I do plan on finding… cough, cough, a way to watch this later.

Awesomeness is achieved.

– Both men discuss their Beer Money! run, and that admit how much it meant to them. Then discuss the tournament last year in which Hogan forced the hand of allowing Storm to capture a title, and fuck this whole thing up almost completely.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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This Impact Review Appears on Two Sites!

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A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

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The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Impact Wrestling 04/12/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

He's running wild on something

Impact is Hogan Country. After only being gone since October, Hogan is now a face official. And out to introduce him is Dixie Carter doing her best Price’s Right impersonation introduces the man in black in blue GM Hulk Hogan.

This time the entire locker room is out there instead of the last weeks 5 or 6 faces. Hogan starts booking matches, Crimson and Morgan will settle their feud at Lockdown and also having Angle vs Hardy right after his speech.

Angle and Hardy ends in a count out after Kurt decides enough is enough. Hogan congratulates him and sets up a Lockdown match between them. Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t Kurt legit hurt with a pulled groin so shouldn’t he be taking it easy for those Olympic trials instead of in a cage? But I guess priorities.

Flair is in the back on his cell phone talking to Vince ..er I mean Eric Bischoff about out of control Hogan.

The Bully Ray comes out talk about his name and how he’s taken craps bigger than Austin Aries. Which of course prompts Aries to come out and fling his microphone at him and beat on him in the corner before Ray gets the upper hand and powerbombs Aries. Bully Ray like a kid who forgets that he’s already introduced himself asks “Do you know who I am?”

Then we have Joseph Park still looking for his brother Abyss. This time he hopes that the caterers know where he’s at but to no avail but he leaves his card anyway. At this point he should just go straight to Dixie Carter ask to see the tapes from Genesis, find out the Bully Ray may have something to do with and attack/litigate him to death. Just sayin.

Then we have the knockouts number one contenders match with everyone but Brooke Tessmacher, Sarita and Rosita because you know they don’t exist in the realm of possiblity of getting the title. That right is reserved for Velvet Sky who not only was given a whole new backstory but hot shoted to the title picture because she exudes sexuality! Who needs talented knockouts when one can get first Madison Rayne who is the longest reigning former champion and a women who causes men to “Let the Pigeons Loose”. Glow, Shimmer and Chickfight keep me strong. Velvet wins after apologizing to Mickie and hitting her with “In Yo Face” for her Lockdown rematch.

Wrong Pic but I like it better than a champion Sky

EY has a bachelor party with a bunch of nerds…Our word so I am allowed to say it. Well Jock nerds who play Fantasy Baseball when Dungeons and Dragons is too complicated. Then ODB comes in an places Eric’s face in her boobs. And I died a little inside. KO Tag Titles going to good use.

Aj Styles and James storm was nice and a good flashback to when Roode took on Styles to prepare for Angle. After a moonsault, Storm kicks Styles teeth down in his throat. In a good little short match. Here is something I can get behind now if only AJ could stop being used as enhancement talent which seems to be the case 99% of time.

Montgomery Gentry is in the back and is confronted by Roode and his bodyguards as he spits water into the rednecks eyes. OH SH–t  I smell a Canadian lynching! but no that is what security is for.

In one of the oddest turn of events what was once a one on one match between Gunner and Garett is now turned into a Lethal Lockdown match were if Bischoff senior loses he right to the Bischoff name along with being kicked off Impact. Hmm I wonder who is going to win you know with Eric getting work on a project that could and will take him off television for a while but like a cockroach he’ll be back.

Always getting his good side

MCMG have a tag match against Mexican America who I thought had disbanded after the Repo game guy took thier girls but there back too along with Helium Chavo. You know when I can’t have Sarita and to a lesser extent Rosita in the Knockout title picture but they can hang with LAX lite to be fed to the MachineGuns I know what I’m in for in the foreseeable future. Crap. MCMG win and then call out the Joe Daddies. So yeah here comes the tag division and I mean all the meaningful tag teams in a cage for the titles. 4 guys make up a once great division. TNA should look at the total roster and make more and not only that but with them renewing there deal with Spike put on Xplosion on Saturdays with focus on Tag team, Television and X Division story arcs. Internal booking mode off. I’m happy that Sabin is back though.

And the main event is a “dream” match between Mr. Anderson and Roode who in typical heel fashion smacks a beer bottle over his head. And wins only to have Storm then Hogan out to reverse the decision to close out the show.

Thoughts: I find the introduction to be really Razzie bad by Dixie but after that the show really took off and we got some good matches and some good progression what with the Motor City Machine Guns back and kicking ass and maybe we will have an official who watches the matches and intervenes when something goes wrong unlike Sting for the last few months. Here is to a better Go Home show then last PPV what with it being Lockdown.

See you next Week

And no visible pics. yeah this is awesome. Hope to get that fixed for next time.  (ThinkSoJoE note:  Fixed!)

The post PNTNR TNA Impact – …The Razzie goes to….Or what you goin’ to do Brother when the GM goes wild on you? appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

On the road to Lockdown the all cage PPV and with two weeks and some change to go we have the return of Roode, accompanied by 5 body guards cutting a promo on breaking Sting and putting Dixie in her place. He goes on to say that the guards are there for Storm’s protection not his. To which starts Storms music. The cowboy quips on the “mall cops” and attempts to get at Roode before Bully Ray jumps in and takes down James momentarily. Storm fights Ray off and attempts the last call super kick on The Champ but Roode escapes. After some manning up a handicap match is called.

Gail and Madison are in the back having make up talk. Gail presents Rayne with a present which of course is a crown. The two make up. Gail tells Madison to beat Velvet Sky. (The lesser of two evils….. Nope can’t root for either.

Madison vs Velvet…sigh.  Lets make this quick. After a what felt like a 3min divas match, Sky beat Rayne witih In yo Face for the 3 count. Yes her finisher which Taz announced is as vapid as her character. Hemme conducts a inpromptu interview on the ramp where Sky (who is out of breath) calls out Gail and puts the rest of the knockouts on notice. Please don’t have Sarita job to Velvet, please don’t have Sarita job to velvet. Please.

We get when Harry met Sally but in a bad H.S reproduction substituting Hogan and Dixie. I swear I felt like Vaseline was needed when all the proping of Dixie and Hogan was done. Favorite line “Dixie, you a beautiful, attractive person.. (pause. Dixie looking uncomfortable) on the inside.

Matt Morgan and Crimson recap leading up to the next match.

Hemme gets ready to call out the two when Austin Aries music hits. She looks confused. A Double politely takes the mic and starts in on Ray. While the Impact crowd has dueling chants of “Austin Aries!!” “Aries sucks”. Aries talks up Storm and how he wants Bully Ray before extending his hand to James metaphorically to tag.

Hemme announces Matt Morgan before cutting to commericial. When we come back Morgan is beating on Crimson on the ramp. The two trade blows back and forth teasing countouts on two occasions. finally we have the third and final out of the ring fight which leads to a double count out.

Joseph Parks comes to the production area and talks to the engineers. Asks has any of them seen his brother Chris. He leaves his card.

Mr. Anderson vs Hardy: The match is pretty good and serves its purpose but the best part is the announcement of the Motor City Machine Guns return next week. Which in a way overshadowed the match. Angle interferes and cost Hardy the match.

We next have the Longnecks and Rednecks video with Montgomery Genry with Cowboy Troy, a lone black guy in a sea of white dudes who are probably not that far removed from lynching him if he looked at Faith Hill the wrong way. Thank God that Charley Pride and Darius Rucker make it somewhat of a fair fight. Moving on. Its a good video and was a lot of fun.

Eric Bischoff comes walking backstage ready to make another announcement about his son Garett. sigh. Good feeling gone.

Eric Young/ODB and a wedding planner go about the wedding naturally and we see some more of the insecurity that is ODB. So will we see another attempt at a heel turn fueled by jealousy? At the wedding that can not go wrong. 3 days before Lockdown in a steel cage the wedding will take place.

Eric B is in the ring ranting about Sting and I guess leading to Garett. Finally he gets to Garett and calls him out. Garett comes out and confronts his father. Eric gives his son an ultimatum he either gives up or he has to meet Gunner in a steel cage at Lockdown. Garett chooses the latter.

James Storm video shows him working out and doing yard work as he talks of Roode and the break up of Beer Money.

Main Event: Bobby Roode (c) & Bully Ray vs Austin Aries (c) & James Storm

We start off with Ray doing talking smack to Aries before tagging in Roode, Aries obliges by attempting to tag in Storm. Roode attacks from behind. After some time Roode tags in Ray who goes on the offensive but soon Aries comes back and embarrasses Ray before walking into a big boot. The heels dominate for the remainder. Aries soon gets off a drop kick leading to a tag. Storm beats on Ray and sends Roode into the ring. Storm gets ready to attack Roode when Bully Ray goes back on the offensive. Bobby gets the beer bottle and gets ready to spit it in The Cowboy’s face. Storm ducks and Roode hits Ray instead. Storm goes for the last call which Roode throws Ray in the way for the 3.

Hogan comes out to Dixie who is already in the ring. Before Hogan can answer Sting comes down with a handful of face wrestlers to cheer hulk on. Hogan asks Sting if he has his back and Sting agrees. This of course leads to Hogan accepting before the show fades to black.

Wow. Lets hope the next tapings that appear celebrate the return of Motor City Machine Guns.

Pintnoir out.

The post Pintnoir reviews Impact – Roode now starring in the remake of the Bodyguard appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Agreed?

The Rock had some stuff to say off the air after RAW ended on Monday. If you haven’t already seen this, here’s a fan cam. Of course this depends how quickly YouTube gets told to shut’er down:

[youtube 4T6Xzq3rxUw]

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode.  That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work.  This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online.  This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– The show opens from the birthplace of Grunge music, Seattle(Bucks), Washington. We’re hopping right into action! Good, I can get to drinking the beer… my bad, Sheamus wants to talk. He reminds us he won the Royal Rumble (oh yeah) and makes the obligatory point to the WrestleMania banner. He notes that Daniel Bryan reminds him of himself and his first win of a World title. He became so wrapped up in himself, he became something he hated: A Bully. He needed someone to remind him of who he was, and knock his block off… and he will be that guy for Daniel Bryan. EXCUSE ME!!! Vickie dips into the meme recesses of the internet with:

Love it

– Dolph follows up with a pretty good little rant, and tells Sheamus his hair is on fire. Sheamus retorts by calling Vickie old. Then HOLLA HOLLA PLAYAH! Teddy Long is out to book everyone against the Undertaker tonight, playah. Actually no, he books the two of them in a match. NOW I can begin to enjoy my beer.

* Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler. Damn, Ziggler has some weird ring boots… white on the parts facing inwards, black on the side facing his arms. So when he puts them together, they look like an Oreo Cookie. Sheamus teaches children to count at home shortly after eating a sweet dropkick sandwich from Ziggler. Still not disqualified. Listen to last weeks BWF Episode 13 to get what I mean… I don’t have time to recap, I’m more concerned that Oreo Cookies. They turn 100 on March 7th, 2012.

Charles Barkley @G: “Cool story, bro.”

G @Charles Barkley: “You know, I could make an Oreo Cookie joke Barkley… still yeah, there’s a match going on…”

– Both men utilize a number of restholds in this bout, but with the smattering of high octane moves in between, it actually makes both look great. Sheamus grabs a near fall in what almost looked like a piledriver turned into a modified slam! Cool! Dolph returns to his vintage (fuck you Micheal Cole) sleeper attempt. After numerous attempts, Sheamus Hulks up and twists his position to toss Ziggler to the floor. BACKBREAKER on Ziggler! BUT NO!! Attempted Celtic Cross, reversed into a Fruit Rollup (I wonder how old those are?), NO!!! Another backbreaker attempt, NO!! The crowd is super hot for this match at this point… Swagger attempts a run in to no avail…. Sheamus lands his new modified side slam finisher for the pin and the win! GREAT MATCH!.

This would make me watch ping pong.

– Post match, they discuss this GM swap deal they’ll be doing with Long and Laurinitaus running their respective opposite shows. Backstage, Long hangs up on Askana to address Johnny Ace and David Otunga in his office. THE OTUNGA COFFEE MUG WARDROBE MATCH IS BACK LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER. Purple and black for the win! John wants an apology, Long says the hell with that, and tells Otunga he’ll be facing the Mediocre Khali on RAW. Then “leave my office before I put some stank on yah!” Otunga sniffs his armpits, and John tells Long to relax. I laughed.

Yep. This meme’s got him there. He is still a “special attraction” like The Undertaker.

– We’re reminded of the spitting cobra gimmick Santino had last week with Heath Farley Slater. Joe mentioned he liked Pintnoir’s use of that nickname (which I coined, not him on BWF Radio 13. No worries, if I create any nickname, the good people at BWF and WPO are more than welcome to use it…). So now we get the “pay-off”…

– * Heath Slater vs. Santino Marella. Micheal Cole, as per usual, forgets there is a match in the ring and rambles about the GM feud. It’s an entertaining bout, short, but sweet. As Slater attempts a top rope maneuver, Santino bounces off the ropes to crotch him, then unleashes the Cobra and pops him one while seated on the top turn-buckle. Pin, Win, and the trombone is played in post match celebration.

This was an animated gif BEFORE the internet. Just saying.

– Eve is talking to Natalya, and she is condemning her for using Zack. Eve says that the way she’s being treated stinks. Then Natalya farts a squeaker on Eve, and says “No, THAT stinks.” Yes, this happened. Fuck this gimmick, albeit that was funny.

Pictured above: Joey Mercury “training” with the Hardy Boys. Remember that? Ughh….

– * Natalya vs. Eve. Thank you Lillian Garcia for billing Nattie from CALGARY ALBERTA CANADA. Out of complete disdain for the retarded gimmick, I am not going to write much about this… I should note that the crowd is very hot, and chanting “hoeski” loudly as Eve comes out. Midmatch, they chant, “We want Ryder.” Eve wins with some weird rollup out of a submission attempt for the win. Don’t waste your time with this one.

I go switch my laundry from the washer to the dryer… I totally break the “hours of operation” every Friday while I do these. I know what you’re thinking, oh G, you rebel you! Actually my elevator is been out of service in my building for two fucking months and I live on the top floor… but since I always pound back a couple wobbley-pops while I do these reviews on Fridays, shit like this is bound to happen on of these days.

– Cody Rhodes is out to continue his Chronicles of Big Show’s embarassing moments at WrestleMania. Akebono (who is the final competitor in some Japanese Sumo Celebrity show upcoming featuring Big Van Vadar, seriously) and Floyd “Money” Mayweather. Rhodes is spot on heel here, and before he can show us another clip in heeltastic fashion… WELLLLL!!!!!! hits and Show makes his way down. Show has fun with some kid (Make A Wish? I’ll never make fun of that), putting a touque on the kid’s head. We don’t wear beanies in Canada folks, it’s too fucking cold. Rhodes tries to sneak away, and Show comically asks Rhodes to come back to watch the clip as “friends,” HOLLA HOLLA PLAYAH! Long comes out, and says he understands Show’s deal, playah. They’ve spoken about this, and IT’S A WRESTLEMANIA MOMENT as Show will face Rhodes at WM for the I.C. Title! FUCK YOU SHAQ! I wanted to see that. Oh well, that one is booked, and another match is booked:

– * Big Show vs. Mark Henry. Yawn. FFW on speed setting 2. Mark Henry exposes a turn buckle, and tosses him to the outside, near countout… makes the ring apron and eats said exposed turnbuckle… commercials and shit… Somebody holds up a sign on the hard camera that says, “Punch Pie.” Umm… ok? That’s relevant. I’ve heard of a cunt-punch before, but…. fuck it.

The hell with Linsanity, sign this guy. At least for a game of horse.

– Cody Rhodes has appeared to join commentary, so I go back to real time. Rhodes calls him a choke-artist, and a day-to-day player… not a big-game player.. playah? Holla holla? YAWN! YAWN!! YAWN!!! The two big men swap punches, and Rhodes continues to slag on Show now that the match is set. There will be no Shaq-Fu at WrestleMania folks. I pound my beer, and get another to make it through this one. This is like watching two full cement trucks in the Daytona 500. Should have been rained out… meh. Big Show wins, I guess he kicked out of the World’s Strongest Slam, but sells some kind of injury to the chest. I guess.

– We get a sneak peak at Drew McIntyre’s new playboy gimmick? Nah… Long tells him tonight is do-or-die, or he’s fired. Again. For like the 1293084093127859065913706654091749017834908103975401275401275490135701754901835091735971075491-03257-1375-1375-1372854185150309125790275901375901375401637590135176095 time. Yes, those hyphens in that denomination were intentional.

– Matt Striker interviews Randall Keith Orton. My DVR goes to sleep, and not in the good CM Punk way. He’s back and he’s angry he says… in monotone. BOO! The crowd pops, because they are there live and assume he’s entertaining. Thank god he is wrestling someone like Daniel Bryan or I would be FFW’ing that match.

Speaking of basketball, this is a slick fake. Number 32 in the dark jersey is a huge dude.

– * Drew McIntyre vs. Justin “The Man With the Best Shining Wizard In the WWE” Gabriel. Fuck that werewolf shit. I’ve never seen him turn, and they call him a lycanthrope. McIntyre’s facials at the start (not bukkake, perverts) sell his frustration. Good little bit. Josh Matthews calles Gabriel “The High Flying Affeciendo.” That’s a good nickname too. Gabriel dominates to start, and lands his finisher! It’s over! Dude is fired? HOLLA HOLLA! To piss in his face (isn’t he the face GM?), Long appears on the Trinatron and publically fires him. Add another one to Team Laurinitaus.

Die Twitter, die!

– It’s probably a good thing for MVP that Long wasn’t a stickler for “rules” with losing streaks.

– Some add for the straight-to-DVD throw away movie “Bending the Rules” starring Edge. I guess Matthew Lillard passed?

Matthew Lillard @G: “Cool story, bro.”

G @Matthew Lillard: “That was old, and not funny at the start of this review. Hey! Just like you! Burn. Well, I did enjoy you as the retarded lackey in the first Scream movie. I guess every generation needs a “Pauly Shore.” Sadly, every generation does not get a Paul E. Dangerously.”

– Hey, have you checked out Wonderpod episode #100 yet? Get on it, people. Hell, just like the Rock, even I show up live for one the biggest events of the show.

– Daniel Bryan cuts an odd promo reminding us he’s from the same state. hailing from Aberdeen, WAS.. He goes over his acolades in a propanganda style, skewing the results towards his perceptual favor, like any fucking great heel would do. Win. Watch this.

Look, if you’re going to rock the three footer… remember that’s a lot of smoke, folks. I’m not going to get all political here. Bill Goldberg inhaled MUCH worse smoke from his pyro back in the WCW days.

* Non-Title Match: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton. Bryan enters as if he has already the match, At this point, this G is too tired to do much more than watch. And, yes, the beer isn’t helping. Good slow build in the first segment. Bryan keeps the action going, as the Viper attempts his revenge,

Totally unrelated animated gif:

Looks like the Fatal Fourway is a lot older than I thought.

– Today sucked, I am tired. This was a pretty damn good match, but my typing fingers won’t agree with sleep depravation and few Canadian Night Caps. Kane interferes midway, and the bell is rung as a countout. Orton and Kane fight outside, because….umm…. Goodnight Moon, FFW? Nah, GGW! Kane tells Orton, “Welcome back.”

– Otunga and Johnny Ace as the show fades. John books Aksana versus Kane next week when he books Smackdown. Otunga drinks from his wardrobe-coordinated coffee cup and utters, “really.” Elsewhere, I can only assume The Miz is crying in the fetal position.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

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A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

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The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 03/02/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

He gloats how Sting on twitter has apparently quit wrestling. Roode praises himself for doing something that Harley Race, Vader, and Ric Flair failed to do. This time we don’t have an interruption from someone in the back.

Later we cut to Crimson and Morgan arguing over AAO, and Morgan being speared by Crimson. From what the convo details we could see a Crimson heel turn. Both agree to get on the ball and win tonight.

Tag Team Title rematch: Samoa Joe/Magnus vs Matt Morgan/Crimson

We get another good match where Magnus takes the brunt of the attacks. Then tags in Joe to clean house when needed. Toward the end of the match Morgan is hot tagged and goes through both Joe and Magnus setting up for the pin. Joe makes the save. Later on as Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint on Joe, Crimson from the other end clotheslines Morgan when Joe ducks. A Joe Magnus setup elbow drop, helps them retain. After the match Crimson fumes at Morgan.

Brandon Jacobs makes his return (same day if you were at the tapings) as he walks down the ramp Mike Tenay makes an announcement of last week being shown on espn and other such networks? I’m confused. How? Anyway, Brandon Jacobs calls out Bully Ray or as he calls him “Buwwy Ray” Bully Ray comes down and stops midway at the ramp. The two banter back and forth, Ray makes light of Jacobs accomplishments while he pumps up his own. Finally Jacobs has had enough and chases Bully Ray to the back. Backstage Jacobs is approached by Hardy and Storm who tell him something in his ear.

X Division match: Zema Ion vs Alex Shelley

We have good back and forth from these two. Zema holds his own against Shelley. During the match Austin Aries comes to the ring with popcorn and wine to evaluate the match. Shelley is making a comeback and attempting sliced bread #2 when Ion pushes him into the ref with that distraction he sprays Shelley in the face with hairspray, leading to a jawbuster and then a running knee pin. Austin Aries looks on in disgust.

We have a replay of the Bischoff story. The segment seems strangely cut off when Hogan confronts Garett to give him some advice. Oh and Madison makes an appearance to explain her winning the knockout over the top challenge, and how she is just giving Gail a better opponent. Because you know Sarita wasn’t available.

ODB w/ EY vs Gail: We have the new Cody Deaner appear with his love ODB, to a very good reaction from the Impact crowd. Gail follows with her typical self. We get a good match with of course the occasional interference from Eric. Soon Madison comes down which distracts  Gail. This of course leads to an ODB comeback which is ended when Gail reverses out of the BaBam and turns it into Eat Defeat. Afterwards Madison runs into the ring to raise Kim’s hand. Gail is furious shouting at Madison leaving her in the ring.

We have a replay and interview with Jesse Sorenson and his mom detailing his accident. Mike Tenay assures us he’s at home now. AJ does a pretape about how he’s done with Daniels and Kazarian. His mind is on the TNA world title.

This sets up AJ Styles vs Robbie E. For the television title.

A decent match with the obligatory interference from Rob Terry. Soon Daniels with Kaz comes to the ring. Kaz who looks extremly P”Oed walks pasts a bewildered Daniels and proceeds attack AJ from the apron. Causing a DQ. Before walking out glaring at Daniels.

Main Event: No Disqualification Tag Match Storm/Hardy w/ Brandon Jacobs vs Angle/Bully Ray

A good match where Jacobs gets his hands on Ray. The inclusion of Angle from last weeks attack seem to help start a feud. Since Hardy didn’t really gets his hands on Angle. A table is introduced by Ray and Angle but is turned against them when Jacobs gets into the ring and chokeslams Ray through allowing Storm to get the pin.

Sting comes out to announce his retirement. But Roode can’t help but to interrupt. This seemingly sets off Sting who starts poring on black makeup getting into his joker character. Roode goes for another low blow but is blocked but Sting kicks back dropping Roode. Sting promises to put on the boots to kick Roode’s butt. He can’t decide on a closing remark, but leaves with Ta Ta for now.

The post Late Edition- Impact Review. Pintnoir appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

We start Impact Invasion with a wonderful involvement of a cluster fudge clip reel inter-cutting various movies 4,5,6 and 1 with last weeks Bischoff family drama. But lets start the show with a Bully Ray in ring promo.

Meesa Approve.

After being abandoned by his partner, Roode, he wants some answers. Not even allowing Roode’s music to finish before they take it to the ring.
To do some more…talking. Until the real culprit behind their Fleetwood Mac split reveals himself. Steve Borden comes out with his trademark UK special Cricket Bat. He tells the heels to get ready for a tag match against James Storm and….(J Hardy can’t leave the states because of his parole) The Insane Icon, Sting. Ta Ta for now.

So sad you couldn't be here these past two weeks.

The continuing story of Kramer vs Kramer err AJ, Daniels fight over Kazarian continues as we have a one on one bout between the aforementioned parents. After a pretty solid match Daniels wins with brass nucks handed him by a reluctant Kaz.

Gunner and Bisch senior plan infanticid. Where is Mrs. Bischoff? Women are very protective of their children. Would make a better story.

Samoa Joe and Magnus step out next to raucous applause. While under Magnus’ music, of course. And Mag’s cuts a wonderful promo proving (hopefully to Bischoff) that he is the total package. All that comes to an end when the UK heels Morgan and Crimson come to the ring to brawl which comes to an end when joe pulls Magnus from the ring before flippin the bird.

Good showing

Next we have the neglected crown jewel of TNA the X Division. And its a three way between Shelley, Williams and Champ Austin Aries in a non-title bout. This is another strong showing from all competitors where we see Douglas going to the top rope for a flying European uppercut and various outside maneuevers. It finishes when after kicking Williams in the nuts following the chaos theory on Shelley, Aries goes for the brainbuster but is out smarted with slice bread. Giving the match to Alex Shelley in a long overdue rivialry.

In the back Hulk Hogan warns Steve Borden about having a target on his back. And to look out.

But to outside where Gail is beating on Tara. The scene jumps back to Tara taking pictures of the UK, which are interrupted by champ Kim. Bringing the fight full circle. Even with fair fight from Tara the winner after throwing thro a set of doors is Gail who mockingly brags her title and name to Wonder Years.

Hogan and Bischoff Junior are up next. After a HH endorsement we have a interruption by Bischoff Sr. and Gunner. Hilarity ensues. After a brawl Hogan  highhandedly beats both Gunner and Bisch Sr. before letting Jr. get a punch in on his dad. Sad. OH AND Bully Ray and Roode argue before there match.

Hardcore Country Mickie James vs Velvet Sky where we watch Mickie slowly go heel due to no title win? What comes across as a decent match ends with a miscalculation by James leading to a win for Velvet.

Even glorified strippers win over Hardcore Country

Welcome to The Main Event: or See ya in 3 days, Champ! -Bully Ray

the crowd was hot for the faces as they took the champ and ray to task. Sting  eventually clears the ring after double splashing Ray/Roode in the corner. Roode eventually dropping on Ray’s manhood. The Insane Icon S Drops Roode before locking in the scorpion deathlock. Ray comes in to interfere but says the above quote with belt in hand. Roode submits as Ray looks on.

The Star Wars promos didn’t overshadow the show because besides the opening montage and Taz being Taz mentioning princess Leila? and the minute response from Tenay the show was still good all around. Here’s to the upcoming pay per view, Against All Odds and a return back to the iMPACT Zone. The ends the no vowel edition of pntnr iMPACT Review.

The post iMPACT Wrestling has been hijacked by GEORGE LUCAS’S WALLET 2-9-12 Pntnr rvw appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

We get a shot of Garett Bischoff walking into the arena on his cell phone. Which makes me wonder how he’s getting reception. I mean its London, England for christ sake.

Samoa Joe and Britain’s own Magnus approach the ring as the crowd goes wild. Tonight is a Buckingham Brawl, which is essentially a coin toss is done and the winner gets to go by Tornado Tag rules while the opposition has to use traditional tag methods. In which case similar to the Papa Johns commericial with Manning ends with Morgan and Crimson losing the toss. Which the crowd is happy about. This match is a classic example of the MCMG  vs Lethal Consequences feud from a few years back with LC being faces but being booed because the crowd liked the Machine Guns better. Same rules apply here. Joe and Magnus are way over while Morgan and Crimson are booed no matter what they do. After a beat down on the faces, Morgan eats a enziguri into a Elbow drop for the three count. The crowd is estatic.

Suceeding that match is Eric Bischoff coming out to call out his son, Garett. The crowd is not amused. Not even when Garett arrives to the ring does the crowd ease up. And the torpedo just continues. Eric does his song and dance about Garett being a dreamer and that he will never accomplish half of what he has and how he should just give it up. Which the crowd responds with “Boring” chants. This is followed with Garett on his imaginery phone

WRONG CONTINENT

with his trainer who by now should be acknowledged as Hogan. Because this hasn’t been done before sans mystery. Crowd almost down right riots with the boring/booing shaking the arena. And I was watching from the USA and could feel it. Finally this painfully watched segment ends. In the ending segment leading to break Tenay announces Hogan’s return. Before he is revealed as the mysterious trainer.

Momentarily we will have one of the sickest looking botches of night courtesy of Mark Haskins. A Double vs London’s Hometown Hero Mark Haskins, who I might add hasn’t been seen since August. I defer to this point because Tenay makes light of this but wants us to care. Because he is Britain’s own like Magnus but unlike Magnus who has been getting a push, Haskins walks in to almost half hearted support from his kinsmen. This contrasts Aries who is cheered and chanted. But we do get a good match. Albeit one that ends with the sickest landings I’ve seen on network tele. Haskins goes for a Shooting Star Press as he hits the mat Aries moves, Haskins smacks head first on the mat allowing Aries to brainbuster then pull out a classic Horns of Aries submission for the win. But back to the sickening thud his head made when landing the SSP, Haskins is legit hurt suffering a concussion on his third televised appearance with TNA but wow that was sick. Watch it online if you can.

Where Art Thou?

Bobby Roode is up next in his non-title match up with James Storm. Which I won’t lie I was disturbed  by this but realized that with the title not on the line we won’t have cowardly heel Bobby but Heel Roode. Which is exactly what we received. This was a good match that didn’t really spoil anything that would be upcoming on PPV seeing as how the ending allowed Ray to interfere distracting Storm leading to a spear and a pin by Roode giving him a win but making Storm still appear viable with having been screwed again for a win. Good match with each man choreographing each other due to thier long history. Afterwards Roode has Ray bullybottom Storm on the world title. Sting comes out to clear the ring but the damage has been done.

Now its Cougar Town’s own Tara

Yep still having trouble finding a suitable picture. But this will do.

taking on (again) in a non-title match up Gail Kim w/ groupie err Tag partner Madison Rayne. Tara who came out pumped to see the London crowd attempted to slap everyone’s hand on the way to the ring. Hyping herself up for the match. We get a decent serving of whats to come during AAO, with Tara and Gail feeling each other out. The crowd in a similar response in the IMpact Zone feel silent for most of the match prompting Tara to unleash the “come on” screech to a momentary crowd noise. The crowd finally picked up when Tara after having been beat down by Ms. Kim finally made a come back (even pimp handing Rayne who was on the apron) leading to Madison reappearing to attack Tara from behind only for Tara to have sixth sense and ninja sidestep allowing Rayne to pop Gail. Rayne is tossed out and Tara wins with the Widow’s Peak. Allegiance aside wouldn’t any interference lead to disqualifiction on either side?

Garett returns. He is ready to announce his trainer, but before he does Big Bischoff returns to piss on Lil Bischoff’s parade. Bringing along that anger management future attendee Gunner along for the ride. EB spouts one of the best one liners I’ve heard from this program for quite sometime. Attempting his usual threats and promises is interrupted by none other than Hulk Hogan. The United Kingdom explodes. Hogan and G. Bischoff take turns Hulk punching Gunner. With that out of the way we see Eric cowering in a corner. But of course he is thankfully pulled out before HH and GB can get to him.

Now after that segment we have a backstage or back street more likely chat with Lil Bischoff and Hulk Hogan. Hogan hypes up the UK, talks about how TNA is on the cusp of greatness a smidgeon away from being a thousand times bigger than it is now. What started as a Hogan/Bischoff shoot on Eric became muddled in a rallying cry for iMPACT Wrestling. Having Hogan in his own words leading the ship as the mantle piece on front seeing through the fog of doubt. And for those not smelling the greatness he’ll gladly grab them direct them toward it?!

We saw what happened to the last boat Hogan helped steer.

Yeah my thoughts exactly.

The Main Event: James Storm, now with taped ribs taking on Bully Ray the man with the massive calves. The crowd is loving the chant “Where is Devon?” Ray takes control early on and is shouting “I’m going to break your ribs” to Storm. Soon after the start of the match Bobby Roode comes down. This of course is followed by Borden bring his trademark…Cricket bat. Oh yeah, baseball doesn’t exist in England. Soon Storm makes a comeback and as happenstance should have it a ref bump/both wrestles laid out in the middle of the ring occurs. Roode slids in followed by Steve. This causes the champ to run like the wind with Sting in pursuit. Ray goes to reach out to Roode only to turn around and face the last call. Storm wins as a distraught champion looks on in anger.

Next week will be a Star Wars Themed Impact again taking place in Wembley Arena. Because TNA and Star Wars share a common interest? OH wait most of the original film crew for Star Wars: A New Hope were Brits. But when it airs Star Wars: The Phantom Menace is coming to theatres in 3D which was filmed by….Jamacian stereotypes disguised as floppy haired creatures? OH NO WAIT…Is it because TNA hopes to capitalize off the launch of Star Wars to make money for itself. Good Good very WWE of you guys.

Meesa so proud. TNA TNA TNA

The post PNTNR review TNA iMPACT 2/2/12 – Live (Taped) From Wembley Arena. Yeah, it’s Hogan?! appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Roode umpteenth replay of his leader of the selfish generation gimmick plays just to remind people that Roode is a bad man (again.) Steve Borden comes to the ring and calls out Jeff Hardy. This is suppose to again absolve Jeff of his victory road debacle and bring the story full circle since Steve alter ego Sting was his embarrassed opponent. But this is interrupted by Bobby Roode, the aforementioned leader of the selfish generation. Who brings tag alongs Angle and Bully Ray. Roode admonishes Steve Borden for picking favorites and how he should praise Angle for beating up rednecks and Ray for having awesome calves?! Oh and him because he is the face of the company. Then they are interrupted by James Storm and Abyss, who basically talk over the heels which prompts steve to set up a six man tag match. You know because both companies love to compact entertainment into one main event. Have a bias against six man tag matches or random tag matches in general? Yes. Yes I do.

Oh look its Madison in a bikini and a mole that may or may not be cancerous like her whole persona.

Face, back whatever it still looks suspect

Science is still out on that one. She spots Traci at a pool and proceeds to announce that they have a tag match set up for the Knockout titles. This is all before the hazing that takes place when Gail and Madison double team Traci and attempt to drown her. Thank god for Mickie who jumps in for the save. And then we have the Knockouts Tag team match.

Its basically a brawl which has a fired up Traci vehemently attacking Gail and in some instance Rayne with occasional assists from James. *Sidenote here* So the mystery woman from last week was Madison? Here I was hoping for some new talent. Gail beats Traci with her heel move “Eat Defeat” to retain the titles.

Random Eric Young segment where he’s interviewed by Wonder Years about whats he up to. He looking for ODB so they can have their match even though they already lost. But whatever.

The Wild Card Tag Team Tournament. We see the two remaining teams Joe/Magnus and Kaz/AJ go through the pre match backstage segments/interviews. Really this whole tournament was kind of one dimensional. Aside the Magnus return to the ring nothing was special about it. Too predictable with so much interference it took the joy from it. For what should be an intense match turns sour before the opening bell. Kaz who is having secret meetings with Daniels really just ruins and makes an all too predictable out come. Long story short, Kaz leaves in similar fashion to Shannon Moore, leaving AJ stranded to take a whooping aligning himself with Daniels.

Finally, Kazarian has a storyline. Look at him smile.

Crimson/Morgan or Blue Streak take on Joe and Magnus at Genesis.

Oh. Garett Bishoff returns to ref but is told by GM Borden he is a wrestler. And Eric Young invades the KO locker room looking for ODB only to throw Madison inside a locker before fleeing.  Gunner takes on RVD, so since we know who wins lets just skip to the no Flair at ringside that took Steve 3 weeks to institutionalize surprisingly only when RVD is present. Because god forbid he has to take time off. RVD wins with a DQ and a save from D’lo. Al Snow and Simon Diamond. These three guys moved so slow it took 3 weeks of spiked ddt’s for them to make it ringside. Now announced is a Gunner vs RVD match which doesn’t look promising at all. Just saying.

X division tag match with RANDOM I mean the four participants who will face each other for the X divison title come Genesis. Austin Aries (c) Kid Kash, Jesse Sorenson, and Zema Ion. THree heels and a face its possible right??

Sorenson wins with the cross roads. Setting up the eventual Austin Aries win come Genesis. And now that I think about it where is the Ultimate X match that should be taking place here?

Eric Young finds ODB taking pics of dudes and they wrestle then kiss. AAAHH! Cody Deener part deux is on its way.

Even Charlie Sheen wouldn't come back for this Part Deux

Blue Streak and Joe and Magnus brawl.

Main Event time. Six Man tag Match! ———–The heels beat the stuffing out of the faces. Roode has Hardy in the crossface, Angle has Storm in an Ankle lock and Ray is choking out Abyss with a chain. I could go through that match it would of bored me to tears.

call the story police, please.

So hopefully until Genesis, THis is Pintnoir fading to black.

The post Pintnoir’s Impact Wrestling Review 1/5/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Impact opens with a replay of last week, with the decimation of Hardy and Sting. Following it up with an appearance from the heels as Roode w/ Bully Ray the culprits of the beat down. Roode spews his heelish hate which eventually leads to him attempting to get Sting to suspend him so he doesn’t have to defend his world title at Genesis.

Taz:Wouldn't Roode being suspended lead to being stripped of the title? Tenay: Yes, Captain Obvious.

(*sidenote: wouldn’t suspension lead to being stripped of the world title?) Any who, Jeff Hardy’s music hits. He marches down to the ring and tells Roode he will not be suspended and infact he, Roode and Bully Ray will be involved in a tag match tonight. All Jeff is missing is a partner. Ray prods Hardy with insults claiming no one wants to be his partner because he’s an outcast. (I guess his “drug induced performance at Victory Road” isn’t good enough) And like a angel Sting makes his entrance, he makes sure to walk backwards turning around to reveal…….

Tenay: Joker Sting?!!! what a bunch of bull.....

He claims to always respect Hardy and will gladly be his partner. (Even though the beat down he took last week would of been good enough reason.)

Wild Card Tag Team Tournament: AJ Styles + Kazarian take on RVD + Christopher Daniels

This was a good match that brought out the crowd. And lets not forget reminded the world that Kazarian still exists.

Taz: Where's Waldo? Hey if Double J didn't want to play ball why should we.

Styles who is on occasional still trying to sell his injury. RVD and Kaz have some good back and forth but when this match becomes a handicap situation this is where the plot thickens.

Tenay: By which I mean plot advancement for Genesis

Daniels won’t tag in. That is until RVD attempts a rolling thunder on Kaz. Daniels takes control until he loses the upper hand leading to him wondering over to RVD who enziguri kicks him into Kaz for his fade to black. AJ and Kazarian advance. And I’m assuming the RVD vs Daniels at Genesis will happen.

Best of Three Series: Zema Ion vs Tony Nese, 2nd Round

After Zema embarrassed Nese last week with a triple round of show moves that ended the match, Nese cuts his own promo about his strength and how he is a threat in the X division. Also it should be pointed out that Zema Ion is a heel. A young arrogant foreign heel. And will possibly be taking on Austin Aries in another heel vs heel match. But to further set the tone for his heelishness we are shown his new prop gimmick a long standing tradition with the new guys because when your a face you love football (Sorenson) and when your a heel (Zema Ion) you come out with a non descript hair spray can that you use profusely around you to show that you kill the environment. Thank you guys in the back, Russo,Pritchard,Conway and the various others with input with clarifying. We basically have a repeat of last weeks match with Zema acting all arrogant earlier in the match. He again knocks out Nese only to pick him up after 2, leading him to tell everyone to wait. He of course this week walks into Nese’s power legs and gets rolled up into a pin. Never has a contest been so obvious. Nese doesn’t even have a prop.

Promoville: Madison Rayne and The Pope

Karen’s shriek filled void this week will be induced by none other than the Queen B herself Madison Rayne. Because that is so awesome. When I see her also wearing a ref shirt I know I’m in for some more Traci bashing or some Gail proping goodness. (sarcasm is king here) Will this Knockout VP nonsense ever end in a satisfying conclusion before the outside world thinks its division revolves around Karen and/or Madison?

NO! and enjoy

Now on to the Pope feud promo. Watching this brought me into a blaxploitation movie full of 70’s cars and white snow bunnies who love their choclate daddies, it was like Superfly meets Undercover Brother. It even had racial implications as when Devon was attacked from behind and in his fury it sounded like Pope called Devon a n****** before finishing up with a black a** but you know its the stereotypical Pope letting his congragation know that he’ll be pimping in the mid card with teenage boys.

Oh and Eric Young and ODB went on a date. Because a goofball and a truckers dream

Taz: I won't lie I'd hit that

make for the best odd couple.

Rayne comes out and proceeds to call out….

Tenay: TNT, which for those who are acronym challenged are Tara and Tessmacher

Why does she call them out instead of this factions favorite punching bag Traci? Because she hates their closeness. She didn’t go for the obvious quasi lesbian jokes that should of been inputed, but you know Madison still wishes she had a friend in Tara. I guess. What we end up getting is Rayne’s patented killing crowd syndrome where every one just sits there as we watch a train wreck in progress. Tara and Tessmacher even go all Chikara on us and does the slow motion match for like 2 minutes to little reaction other than those in the know.

Tenay: And I know somewhere, Vincent Kennedy McMahon is laughing at how he has devolved women's wrestling and turned it viral. Taz: What? Tenay: Nothing.

This drags for what seems like 20 minutes when in actuality is more like 5 maybe 8 minutes. Finally ending when Tara+Tessmacher look at the crowd/tv when Madison is screeching “someone hit someone” and take out Rayne. Madison screeches some more up the ramp and we are treated to some crowd noise at TNT succeeding and shutting Rayne up.

We have a Storm promo where were he talks about where to find him. In florida, or in his local bar. Kurt takes him up on that offer and shows up in his home town were he proceeds to insult the town floozie and get into a bar fight with a bunch of rednecks eventally superkicking five men while they’re on stools. James Storm was not impressed.

Wild Card Tag Tournament: ODB + EY vs Anarquia + Shannon Moore

Shannon before the match cuts a promo with Wonder Years stating that he’s going out there and doing what he has done best for the past 17 years

Tenay: which I am assuming is walking away. Taz: Like his former partner Neal. Tenay: Bazinga!

Anarquia is a embarrassment to his faction especially as he lay writhing in pain after ODB kicked him in the balls. Rosita and Sarita just stared at him yelling. Bye bye to OVW. Eric Young and ODB win and celebrate by picking each other and Earl Hebner up. I can get behind that.

Main even match: Roode/Ray vs Sting/Hardy

In a Street Fight: Faces have control for the opening part of the match not using weapons. Eventually after a poke to the eyes Ray starts smacking every one and their momma with kendo sticks. Heels look strong beating the faces with cookware and faux Kendo sticks.

Thank you, Sandman

Eventually the faces come up victorious as Hardy pins Roode. Here’s to Genesis as Roode retains eventually leading to the epic rematch between James Storm and Roode. And we’re out until next week.

The post Impact Wrestling Review- Prop characterization, Mixxed Tag and Karen’s void makes it Rayne appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Only in the Russoverse

Eric B. Hogan and Flair talk about the craziness that is the joke…er Sting. I can’t wait for Bound for Glory.

He could so sue. Why so nervous Sting

So yeah I was wrong it was Sarita and Rosita. Anywho.

five minutes later and I am still screaming what the —– It was like watching some surreal dream where everyone knew how to wrestle except the one who scored the pin. Velvet appears to be struggling to look relevant surrounded by vets and better experienced wrestlers. So instead of a double cross swerve we are treated to a face turn from Jackie and ODB, who double team suplex Angelina and drag Velvet over for the win.

nuff said

The X division. We have Kid Kash coming out to face Jesse Sorensen. In the beginning of an obvious feud. So the bad boy of the original X division is now going to be jobbing out to the varsity wrestler? We will have to wait and see. So after holding the tights of Sorensen he heelishly wins. After a wonderful heel promo we have personality. I like. By putting in Aries and Kash they have brought in wonderful talents who can work a crowd. So waiting to see these guys in a live event again.

Bound for Glory series. Love the vignettes of the house shows.  Crimson, Bully Ray Bobby Roode tied for 2nd, James Storm and Gunner round out the top four.

the Pope vs RvD, the crowd is behind Rob. Oh do I miss the days when Pope would have brought the house down. what a difference a feud makes. First Samoa now this inane drama with Devon’s family. Watching Pope get beat on is as enjoyable as watching Lavar Burton getting whipped in Roots.<its okay I’m black> And surprising like Akunta Kinta he taps out and agrees to be called Toby. Rob Van Dam beats Pope with a surfboard. RvD is now tied with Gunner for fourth. OH here comes sore loser Samoa Joe. Devon take his sweet time walking out to slowly scare away Joe. Can’t wait for the Pope vs Devon match that is so coming for Bound for Glory. <sarcasm>

Even after all he sacrificed Levar shakes his head as the Pope has set us back 400 years.

Robbie E. and Rob Terry have a promo were he asked him to be his bodyguard. Immortal backstage working out there arms and have a semi comic unscripted confrontation. Rosita and Sarita jump Love until Winter shows up and chokes out Rosita Hogan and Flair waddle out the ring.

Traci Brooks and a Eric B promo, who is trying <sarcasm> his hardest not to look down her shirt.

The two stooges come out to call out Sting. Its akin to watching Grumpy Old Men 3: The wrestling Years. Well they call out the Clown Prince  of wrestling.

Flair says tit and I think yeah, family show. So watching these men quack enough crazy to make the Robert Young Clinic call for more beds. And its official Sting vs Hogan at BFG.

If you’re over 50, yeah get a crazy gimmick. Good to Know.

Thank God A.J. Styles, I have never been so happy to see a redneck in my life. He calls out Daniels. Can we say sore loser. Can he never give up is he like the Vegeta to A.J’s Goku? Of course inquiring minds want to know. Daniels questions does he have what it takes to be in TNA? The fallen Angel is crying and the crowd boos and shouts the Brisco Brothers infamous “man-up” Pity something this audience could care less about. After Days of our Lives we now return to

yep had the same reaction when Daniels was crying.

Immortal versus Fortune….a special BFG event. No rules. Gunner, Steiner and Ray come out only to get attacked by Storm, Styles and Roode, can we say brawl. After a series of spots, Ray pins A.J Styles for the win. Bully Ray picks up 7 points.

Mr Anderson shows up in a hummer. And comes to the ring. takes out Steiner and Gunner, Ray and Abyss wonder to the back in confusion.

Mickie James is angry, and can’t get into words what the hell Russo’s booking has caused her. Because evil lesbian witches are not cool. And neither is the TV title being worn by Young who is on the hunt for D lister Scott Baio. <God> Young pins Baio after jumping from a tree for the three. Next.

Crimson vs Angle.

This match was decent, it does include Angle who could have a match with a corpse and make it believable. But just when we might have a decision Samoa Joe comes to attack Crimson after a mini beat down Crimson comes back and clears the ring of Joe, since Angle left a minute ago.

Will Tracy become the knockout Law? Will Mickie beat Winter? Will Daniels finally overcome A.J tune in next week and see. In a post match segment Joe beats and cripples Crimson.

Here is to next week in front of hopeful a live crowd.

The post Impact Wrestling Review August 25, 2011 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s iMPACT reviews work.

-Coming down to the ring to start is Immortal in the form Abyss, Gunner, Mr. Anderson (showing reluctance), Bully Ray, and Scott Steiner (who tosses down a camera man to the ground for no reason).

<Charles Barkley @G: “I’m just gonna do a little dance and get out of here ASAP.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Later, hater!”

– Bully Ray tells Abyss he’s on thin ice for his loss at the PPV, costing Immortal guys the match. Ray says it blows his mind that the crowd takes to Anderson… but not to play any dirty tricks. Bully says he underestimated how tough Anderson really is, and that Ken brought it harder than anyone he’s ever fought before, and that he belongs in Immortal. And while Bully won at the Hardcore Justice, he has no more issues with Anderson, and goes to shake his hand. Ken laughs at this, Bully can’t believe he won’t take him seriously, so he beats him down with the rest of Immortal. Security tries to stop it, as do backstage bookers led by D-Lo Brown… out comes the stabilizer board and paramedics to wheel away Anderson.

– Anderson’s weekly shifting from face to heel, and back again continues? Sheesh.

It was only about a month and a half ago I was apologizing about the city of Vancouver’s rioting after their NHL team lost in the Stanley Cup finals. This whole thing is far worse. I feel bad for the millions of folks in the U.K. that are scratching their heads amongst the rest of the world as to why this is happening.

– Bischoff meets with Immortal via stalker-cam, and Eric concedes that Bully was right about Anderson, and that Abyss and him need to talk…

– We get a view of Christy Hemme, who once again is looking very classy in simple and conservative ring attire. I like this, and noticed this trend at least a month ago. It’s a nice contrast to the usual cliche TNA style of presenting women on television.

– * #1 Contender’s Match: Mickie James vs. Madison Rayne. Impact highlights remind us of Mickie defeating Madison back on April 17th, 2011 and taking her title. Madison has cut her hair fairly short, which does allow her to stand out a little better in the brunette dominated knockout roster. This is a decent bout, which I’ll admit I did not mind at all. It’s well paced, and features some psychology with the finish. Mickie dons Madison’s tiara and does a little curtsy just as Madison misses a running clothesline from behind. This causes her to run off the ropes, directly at Mickie who slaps on a swinging DDT for the finish.

Well done horse! HA HAHAHA!

– *Brian Kendrick vs Robbie E. Cookie is ringside, and Austin Aries joins commentary. The match is a throw away (sad, I know). It’s over in about 2 minutes at best, with Cookie going to squirt hairspray into Kendrick’s face, but sprays Robbie instead. This sets up a Sliced Bread #2, and Kendrick wins. Dissension between the heels… backstage to Devon and Your Pope, My Pope, THE Pope who have to work together tonight for Bound For Glory points, only which one person can get (not the team).

This might be a long one for an animated gif, but lord knows it ranks in my all time favorites. And, there will be no Charlie Sheen jokes.

– Robbie E screams at Cookie on Wayne Arnold’s stalker cam. “We’re finished, bro!” yells Robbie at Cookie, who retorts, “Peace out, douche bag!” Interview with Crimson, “I don’t know what’s going on, but a win’s a win.” Yeah, you clearly don’t know what’s going on. We get the point spread for the tournament that has the greenest ginger in the world on the top…

– * Bound for Glory Series Match: RVD and AJ Styles vs. Beer Money vs. The Pope and Devon. Sadly, the action is underway as we return from commercials. I hate the idea of a three way tag match here, with only two in the ring at a time. Since everyone is gunning for points in the match, why on earth would the two that start ever consider tagging the third team? That’s what blind tags are for, I guess. Redneck Jesus does exactly that, getting Beer Money! into the action… but the Pope and Devon are working very well together here. Later, RVD breaks up a pin, but eats a DDT (classic headstand sell by RVD!!), this causes some chaos and leads to Devon missing Bobby Roode and hitting D’Angelo with a flying clothesling. Bobby Roode launches into second place with 35 points win a pinfall (two past his tag partner and 8 behind The Friendly Green Ginger).

I have no clue what in the hell this is. But am just going to go with it.

– Kurt Angle is coming out to address his actions at Bound For Glory. The crowd appears to be booing loudly, which is odd because you can clearly see the audience and most of them are sitting motionless with their mouths closed. Sure, there are a few people booing, such obvious piped in crowd noise. Angle claims he is not joining the dark side (see: Immortal), rather it was about getting his integrity back and Sting was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He says he got a call from Dixie Carter. Now we go back to the Jarrett/Karen thing, because Kurt claims Dixie knew about their affair while denying it to Kurt 3 years ago. Kurt’s plan now is to hurt all of the young talent Dixie brought in to build around Kurt in order to prevent her from ever getting her company back. Young talent? What in the hell is he talking about? All the young talent is being released or asking for it!?!

– Sting rises out of the floor with a bat and beats the chair Angle is holding in front of him… as Hogan sneaks (limps) from behind and hits Sting in the back with another chair. Hogan then continues to attack Sting beginning the official run towards the absolute worst TNA PPV match up of ALL TIME! Angle is in cahoots with Hogan based on the idea of keeping the company from Dixie.

SENSE WILL NOT BE HAD HERE! NEVER!

– * Non-Title Match: Tara and Miss Tessmacher {C} vs. ODB and Jackie Moore. Wow, ODB and Jackie have sure gotten a lot of TV time without a contract, huh? I guess they wrangled this match via Eric Bischoff who hates sexually ambiguity, because I can’t think of another reason why this would happen. I think Jackie’s here to attempt to make Tessmacher appear like she can wrestle… ughh… Just when it looks like Tara is about the wrestle, back in comes Tessmacher now against ODB. Yawn, this is terrible. For some reason when Tara becomes the face-in-distress, ODB and Jackie trade spots of preventing each other from interfering as if Earl Hebner gives a shit. He gave up caring about the rules years ago. Christ help me, Miss Tessmacher gets the hot tag, clears the heels, who come back to beat down Tessmacher RIGHT IN FRONT OF HEBNER. See? He doesn’t care… then for some reason, Jackie looks upset they are doing this and pushes ODB away. The faces retain as a result. Then the heels give them their props reluctantly. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS?

Man, I miss Kong/Kharma.

– Bischoff has called a meeting backstage with “everyone.” Eric is to discuss the X-Division. It will have a weight division of 225 lbs or under. Man, I hardly recognize any of the new cruiser weight division… the gem of the segment occurs when Austin Aries approaches the desk of Bischoff and says he and Eric have a lot in common, and he promises he will make the division live up to expectations. Eric seems to be in on this, and the rest are dismissed. Notables on the way out include recently resigned Kid Kash, Robbie E, and “The Wizard of Odd” Brian Kendrick.

– Out comes Jeffry Jeff Jarrett and Karen Angle-Jarrett. They proclaim themselves the King and Queen of Mexico. Both are dressed in politically correct traditional Mexican attire! Hrmph… Jarrett saves the segment by pointing to his endorsers The Lopez Brothers, Jose-A and Jose-B. These indie guys are dressed like grounds-keepers at Universal Studios. More classy humour involves allegations of being lazy and drunk. Neither guy can say anything than “que?” until they notice Hector Guerrero on Spanish announcing and begin a short “Hector!!” chant. My Spanish isn’t so great, but then Jose-A notes the Guerrero’s are the best of the lucha libre wrestling. So Jarrett beats them down, and Hector WILL HAVE NONE OF IT! He goes after Jeff with a steel chair as the heels flee. Wait… what? You have a faction dedicated to Mexican pride in Mexican America, and THEY DON’T RUN OUT? WTF?

Bringing back old meaning to the phrase, “give your head a shake.”

– THANK GOD FOR ERIC YOUNG, as his mission to Hollywood continues. I don’t know why the stupidest sounding storyline on this show comes across as the best thing on the show right now. He’s going after Scott Baio this week. “It’s like Romeo and Juliet,” Young notes, “He’s going to come out, and I’m going to poison him.” As clips from next week show us, Baio is swinging a golf club at Young.

– Meanwhile, we see spaced out, bloody Anderson walk into Bully Ray’s locker trailer only to be attacked from behind by Gunner. Then the camera man is ushered off as we hear beatings commence. Looks like the injured Matt Morgan joins commentary for the next Bound for Glory match. Shouldn’t Morgan have been on commentary for the match earlier as well? I mean, if you’re going to use him as the inside perspective for the tournament… fuck… brain hurts.

– * Bound for Glory Series Match: Crimson vs. Gunner vs. Bully Ray vs. Scott Steiner. Crimson comes out first to a loud cheering reception from the crowd, the one that we can’t see. Clearly this like the boos for Angle earlier, are edited in.

This episode can’t end sooner…

– We return, and the odds are stacked against the “undefeated” Crimson facing three members of Immortal. But since Borash tells us this little factoid about ol’ Crimmy (crummy?), the outcome seems to be a foregone conclusion. It’s rather boring as each heel takes a turn delivering a fairly one-sided beat down of the Green Giant. Brian Hebner allows blatant double-teaming and heel tactics, just like dear-old-Dad. Crimson lands the worst schoolboy of all time on Gunner for the win… but on the way out, Kurt Angle attacks him and beats him with his shoe. HE BEATS HIM WITH HIS SHOE! Immortal watches at ring side while Angle takes off Crimson’s knee brace and HE BEATS HIM WITH THAT! Angle, places him in a submission lock within the ropes as….

The Impact Wrestling logo comes up, and I’m out.

Hi Colt Cabana!

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The post Impact Wrestling: 08/11/11 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

It is the go-home show before this Sunday’s Destination X PPV.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s iMPACT reviews work.