Tag Archive: Champion

  1. ROH results 9/21/13 Edition

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    Well since I’ve already revealed the winner of the ROH World Title tournament on this past week’s edition of bWf radio, there is no real need to do this.  But I’m gonna pretend like you don’t know it yet and give you the results of this weeks round 2 matches.  Tommaso Ciampa def. Mike Bennett, Kevin Steen def. Roderick Strong, and Michael Elgin def. Karl Anderson. Next week we get the semi and finals of the tournament and a new ROH Champion crowned!  Till Sunday folks!

  2. RYTMAN’S RAW (REAL TIME-ISH, MAYBE?) REPORT

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    Tonight!  I will once again attempt to cover tonight’s WWE RAW broadcast in real time for you, the BWF faithful.

    This is the last RAW before Wrestle-Mania this weekend, and WWE’s last chance to sell us on the Big Show. (Not the one in the six-man, although technically…) No, I mean the ENTIRE EVENT!  Will they convince us to shell out $60-70 bucks in our respective areas this year?

    Personally, I doubt it.

    From WWE.com;  “The Undertaker, Brock Lesnar, WWE Champion The Rock, John Cena, Triple H and CM Punk will all be at tonight’s Raw in Washington. What will unfold with Wrestle-Mania just days away?”

    We’re getting a rundown of what to expect at Mania and what to look forward to tonight.  Shawn Michaels will be here tonight for Triple H.  John Cena responds to the Rock’s shot last week. Punk, Taker, Lesnar and… more stuff.

    Cena’s out first and this is NOT a Cena crowd, here in DC.  Jerry Lawler doesn’t even bother selling it as a “mixed” reaction.  Lawler has Michael Cole and JBL with him at ringside.

    “I stand in the middle of a house divided.” – John Cena

    Rytman Remark: No you don’t John.  They hate you.

    John refers to everyone here tonight as “Cena-crats” and “Rock-publicans.” He gives Rock credit for conquering everything in his path and even goes so far as to call him the greatest WWE champion of all time.  He talks about the pain of his loss last year and how the Rock will lose his custom-made WWE  title in his first defense (of that specific belt.) He will happily keep the new belt just so the Rock will have to live with knowing every time someone brings up WWE, he’ll have to live with knowing someone else is defending that belt every night.

    Cole asks us who we think will win Rock/Cena 2 and invites us all to “Tout” about it on line.  He talks Jerry into posting a “Tout” about who he thinks will win Rock/Cena 2.  Lawler goes with history and chooses Rock.

    3MB is in the ring as Randy Orton, Sheamus, and the Big Show make their entrances.  We get a look at last week’s Smackdown where they were able to fight off an attack by the Shield.

    RANDY ORTON/SHEAMUS/BIG SHOW VS. 3MB (HEATH SLATER/JINDER MAHAL/DREW MCINTYRE)

    Match starts with the faces bouncing around Slater.  McIntyre tags in and takes over with a missile drop-kick.  Sheamus gets triple-teamed for a few moments but the match ends just the way you expected.  RKO, Brogue-Kick, and Big K.O. on Mahal for the three-count.

    After the match, the Shield comes out, cutting a promo from the crowd.  The Shield congratulates our three heroes on their huge win, and convincing themselves they’re a team.  But the Shield knows the truth; they are phonies and at Mania, everyone will believe in the Shield.

    We come back to the announcement of Zeb Coulter getting in the ring tonight against World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio.  We go to Zeb Coulter and Jack Swagger cutting a promo in front of our Nation’s Capital.  Our country is broken because we all are weak. If we don’t like Swagger as World Heavyweight Champion, then we don’t deserve to be Americans.

    Current WHC Alberto Del Rio responds in an interview segment.  One of the great things about America is freedom of speech, and if Del Rio doesn’t like what Zeb says, he can do something about it.  He will tonight, in the ring.

    WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION DANIEL BRYAN (W/KANE) VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER (W/AJ & BIG E.)

    This is a fast-paced back/forth with Ziggler on the defensive.  AJ skips around Kane, setting him up for a charge from Big E.  Bryan takes the E down with a flying kick to the head and Ziggler gets the three-count on Bryan w/a handfull of tights.  Big E. nails Bryan and Kane tries to make the save.  Big E. powers out of the choke-slam and lays out Kane with his drop across the shoulder.

    Back from break, we get  a look back at last August when Brock Lesnar took out Shawn Michaels.

    Mr. Wrestle-Mania, HOFamer, and the Heart-Break Kid, SHAWN MICHAELS is here.  He hits the ring as we get a look back at the Lesnar/Triple H feud of last year, with Lesnar breaking Trip’s arm in April, and winning their match at Summer-Slam.

    “You didn’t think we’d have Wrestle-Mania without MR. Wrestle-Mania did you?” – Shawn Michaels

    Shawn is out here to talk about Mania.  He runs down the card, bringing our attention to one particular match, because he and his arm are part of the history in that match.  Triple H comes out to reassure Shawn he knows what he’s doing, and he understands that Shawn was in the same spot Trips was in when Shawn retired.  Shawn says their perdicaments couldn’t be more different.  When Shawn lost his career-match, his opponent was just as heartbroken as him, because they had respect for each other.  Brock Lesnar respects nothing.  Triple H asks Shawn if he’s trying to talk him out of it.  Shawn tells him he’d better kick Lesnar’s ass.  Shawn will be in Triple H’s corner to make sure he does.  They get ready to give the crowd the “suck it,” chant, when Lesnar comes out w/Heyman.  Heyman lays it on the line.  Triple H had better get used to dissapointment.  At Mania, he will disapoint the fans, his best friend, his father-in-law, the board of directors and his wife…

    “…But she’s probably used to that.” – Paul Heyman

    Shawn and Hunter make the mistake of fighting from emotion, and that’s why Shawn had to retire, and that’s why Triple H will lose at Mania.

    WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT VS. ZACK RYDER

    Miz joins the announce team at ringside.  Ryder starts off strong, but Barrett takes control and beats him down.  On the outside, Barrett jaw-jacks w/Miz, giving Ryder an opening.  Ryder hits the “brosky-boot” for two, but Barrett takes over and ends this with the Bell-Hammer Elbow.

    Rytman Remark: Announce team spent the whole match trying to hard sell Miz as a threat to Barrett.  Came off pretty desperate.  Maybe Barrett might retain.

    Backstage: RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Gurerro and her assistant Brad Maddox are talking when Santino Morella walks in, telling them Vince McMahon is here tonight and he’s P-O’d about them.  “Bricki” get freaked, until Santino reveals it was just an “April Fools” joke.  Vicki orders Santino into the ring, as Maddox says we’ll see who the fool is.

    SANTINO MORELLA VS. MARK HENRY AND DO I EVEN HAVE TO BOTHER TYPING ANYTHING?

    We get a look at last week’s Smackdown when Henry attacked Ryback during their weight-lifting challenge.  Cole tells us this did not violate their “no-contact” clause because Henry never touched Ryback, he just tried to shove a set of weights into his throat.

    Rytman Remark: Are you fucking kidding me?

    Mark grabs Santino.  Santino threatens to bring out the Cobr-World’s Strongest Slam, three-count.

    “FEED ME MORE!”

    Ryback is out and in the ring.  Henry reminds him of the no-contact clause, and walks off with a smile.  Ryback responds by picking up Santino AND RAMMING HIM INTO HENRY.  He checks if Santino is okay, THEN HOISTS HIM UP AND GORILLA PRESS-SLAMS HIM ON TO HENRY.  BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT THE “GOOD GUY” DOES!

    We go to break with Jack Swagger giving Zeb a pep-talk before his match with Del Rio

    We come back to Matt Striker asking C.M. Punk if he’s disrespecting Paul Bearer’s memory…

    “A better question is DO I GIVE A DAMN?” – C.M. Punk

    Rytman Remark: I’ve been asking myself the same question.

    Punk actually shocks me for a second with a remark about Paul Bearer’s streak of waking up every morning, which has been broken.   He warns Taker that if he loses his temper, Punk will win by DQ.  If he takes his eyes off the prise, he just might get choked out.  If he loses focus, he just might be down one second too long.  Punk makes it clear all he wants is to win, and he will spit in faces and walk on graves to do it, so that whenever anyone thinks of Wrestle-Mania, the grandest stage of all, they will think of C.M. Punk.

    WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS. ZEB COULTER

    Before the break, we saw Swagger breaking the ankle of Ricardo Rodriguez, making this personal.  Ricardo intros ADR and Del Rio sends him to the back to be safe.  Just as the match is starting, Ricardo comes back out, refusing to leave.  Zeb hangs back, close to the ropes as Swagger stalks Ricardo.  Ricardo raises a crutch, but Zeb swipes it.  Swagger goes after the bad ankle, Del Rio kicks him down and saves Ricardo.  Zeb wails on Del Rio with the Crutch when Del Rio rolls back in.  Ref calls for the DQ as Swagger and Zeb beat down ADR with Ricardo’s crutches.  Ricardo tries to get involved but Swagger swats him down.

    Back from break, IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL……

    The Rock is out to make his big speech to the DC crowd.  Rock’s new movie, G.I. JOE: RETALLIATION is no.1 in the wold this week.  We’re reminded to “Tout” our opinions on who will win at Mania.

    Rock’s connection with the people is the only reason he’s standing in the middle of the ring right now.  This Sunday isn’t about redemption, it’s about the will of the people, specifically the will of the people to see John Cena get curb-stomped.  The will of the people can change the world, and maybe if the people will it, the Rock would have to live in this town, in the big white house up the road, and maybe…

    “We go from President Barack to President Rock!” – The Rock

    Rytman Remark: If that happens, I’m surrendering to China.

    The Rock makes it very clear that the only way Cena will get the Rock’s title, is if the Rock rolls it up into a ball, lights it on fire, and shoves it up Cena’s candy ass.

    Back from break, we get another look at Fandango attacking Jericho last week.

    BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!

    U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS. CHRIS JERICHO

    Seriously, you can tell they’re just going throught the motions until Fandango comes out.  It’s a basic back and forth with Jericho taking over with a hurra-con-rana off the top rope.  Cue Fandango and partner comming out.  The match comes to a dead stop as we go to break.

    Apparently, during the break, Fandango actually gave Jericho a “two” with a score-card.  Cesaro takes conrtol and spends a lot of time working the neck.  Cesaro dominates Jericho with brute force, but Jericho’s agility turns the tide.  Fandango walks to the ring, giving Jericho a “three.” Cesaro counters Jericho into the gut wrench, but Jericho comes back with high flying offense and takes out Fandango with a flying kick.  Jericho wins this with the “Walls Of Jericho” but Fandango attacks from behind.  He finishes Jericho off with the flying leg drop and gives us all the proper pronounciation of his name.

    “FAHN-DAHN-GOH!” – Fandango

    Jericho is left laying as Fandango and partner dance off.

    Up next is OUR MAIN EVENT…

    A promo…

    From THE UNDERTAKER!

    We come back to Touts.

    Rytman Remark: That’s pretty much all I have to say about it.

    The Funkadactyls are out w/Brodus and “Sweet T” for a Divas tag team match.  They do the entrance and go to break.

    Rytman Remark: You couldn’t just finish the commercials then start the match?

    THE FUNKADACTYLS (w/BRODUS/TENSAI) VS. THE BELLA TWINS  SISTERS (w/TEAM RHODES SCHOLLARS)

    And yes, we will get an eight-person mixed tag at Mania, Brodus, Sweet T, and the Funkadactyls vs. Team Rhodes Schollars and the Bellas.

    Naomi is the star of this match, carrying the workrate and spending most of it getting double-teamed.  The match is not as bad as it should be, but the Bellas are showing the ring rust.  The match consists of botched-spots and really should’ve been booked quicker.  Cameron tags in and comes off as the most capable of the girls.  The Bellas take it with a reversed roll-up as we go to break.

    The Undertaker is out.  Punk’s WWE title reign lasted over 400 days, but the pain he’s facing will last for eternity.  Taker realizes the streak may come to an end, but Punk won’t live to talk about it.  Suddenly, a group of torch-bearing, chanting druids enter.  Taker looks on in confusion.

    OH YES!!!

    PAUL HEYMAN STANDS ON TOP OF THE STAGE DRESSED AS PAUL BEARER!

    An enraged Undertaker goes after Heyman, then stops, realizing he’s been lead into a trap.  Taker unloads on the druids, but gets taken down from behind by the one he was looking for, C.M. Punk.  Punk beats down the Taker.  Taker reaches for the urn, but Punk has it, and uses it to beat the deadman down.

    Punk stands over the Taker, holding the urn.  He opens the urn… and pours the ashes inside all over the Taker.  He lets them spill through his fingers and throws them in Takers face.  RAW ends with C.M. Punk mocking the Undertakers classic pose, as the Taker lies beaten on the ramp.

    Rytman Remarks: Wow, I mean wow.  I was going to say this RAW was another auto-pilot show coasting into Mania until the end. 

    Now look, I know those weren’t Paul Bearer’s actual ashes.  I know it was part of the act.  It’s just… I think it was too much.  It just took me somewhere really uncomfortable.

    To be fair, they HAD to do something to get this show some momentum, but still, it just seems desperate. 

    I really do hope it pays off.

  3. BWF Radio Episode 60

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    This is great.

    We break stuff and complain because The Rock beat CM Punk at the Royal Rumble. That’s worse than having your eye shot out, apparently. Jorge’s herpes flare up. The crew is joined by Brian Muller once again, and in a shocking twist ending, Jorge joins twitter. We talk Royal Rumble, RAW, SmackDown, Main Event, ROH, and IMPACT. We talk about the news, including Sunny’s recent SIXTH arrest, Bret Hart’s interview where he gives Triple H’s last ‘Mania match a “4 out of 10,” and of course, the man whose stolen all our hearts, James Dotterer, including a great Joe rant about how CM Punk is the real People’s Champion. Tune in!

    BoredWrestlingFan Radio Episode 60 (MP3, 2:16:17)

  4. RYTMAN’S REAL-TIME RAW REPORT: RAW ROULETTE EDITION

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    We open tonight with a recap of the Rock’s win at Royal Rumble. Tonight is RAW ROULETTE live from Las Vegas.

    Now we’re looking at Vicki Guerrero in front of three roulette wheels. A superstar wheel, a stipulation wheel, and a “Vicki’s choice” wheel. Vicki announces the first match of the night and spins the middle wheel, making it a “special guest referee” match.

    C.M. Punk is out and he is angry. He claims he is the people’s champion and is throwing a tantrum about last night. He berates the crowd for supporting a “cheater,” and says Vince, Rock, and the crowd are all cheaters. Punk coins the phrase “Phoenix Screw Job.” Punk is still the champion and he is here to “crash” our “party.”

    Vince is out. He accuses Heyman of being behind the shield. He cuts Heyman off when he tries to protest, then announces a “performance evaluation,” of Heyman in the ring tonight, featuring surprise video tape “evidence.”

    Randy Orton is out. He is facing Antonio Cesaro in the first match tonight. This is the “special guest ref” match Vicki made earlier. Cesario is out next, swinging the American Flag.

    And now, our special guest referee… THE MIZ!

    And we go to break.

    WWE U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS. THE MIZ

    We come back with the match in progress. Orton gets a two count. Cesaro dominates in the corner. Miz gets between them. Orton in control with a clothesline and a snap-mare. Orton gets another two count with a suplex. Both men trade shots on the outside, Orton drops Cesaro on the guard-rail, and takes control back in the ring with stomps and a catapult into the bottom rope. Both men trade uppercuts, the crowd gets into it. Cesaro takes control, whips Orton into the ropes, Orton backdrops him to the floor.

    And we go to break.

    Cesaro in control when we come back. Both men fight in the corner, Cesaro takes over with a headbut and a turnbuckle shot. Cesaro gets a two-count and takes control with a headlock. Orton fights out, Cesaro hits a slam for two. Gut-wrench by Cesaro for two. Cesaro hits a face-lock. Orton fights out, ducks a clothesline and hits two of his own and a scoop-slam. Cesaro hits the flying uppercut and pummels Orton in the corner, but he gets into an argument with Miz and eats an RKO when he turns back around.

    WINNER: RANDY ORTON

    After the match, Miz treats Cesaro to a Skull-crushing finale.

    Back with the wheels, Vicki spins Ryback into a “make me laugh” match. Ryback gives Vicki a snort and heads to the ring.

    And we go to break.

    We’re back with Andre Aggassi and Stefi Graph in the audience. Titus O’Neal and Darren Young are in the ring with Ryback and Matt Stryker. Stryker explains that the challenge is to make the crowd laugh. Funnest man wins. After two “jokes,” Ryback decimates O’Neal while Young keeps a safe difference. Stryker announces Ryback the winner, Ryback destroys Stryker, and the whole announce team climaxes over an assault on an announcer.

    “What has four eyes, twenty fingers, and is about to be unconscious?” – Ryback’s “joke.”

    Video Package for Bob Backlund’s induction into the WWE Hall Of Fame.

    And we go to break.

    SIDE NOTE: Will someone PLEASE explain to me what Stryker has done that his being attacked for NO CLEAR REASON warrants such jockularity?

    We come back to Vicki spinning the wheel. It lands on “players choice,” meaning IC champion Wade Barrett gets to pick his opponent. Barrett chooses NXT rookie Bo Dallas, who eliminated Barrett in the Royal Rumble last night.

    WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT VS BO DALLAS

    Barrett goes right after Dallas, but Dallas fights out of the corner. He hits an arm-drag/dropkick combo, but Barrett takes over with vicious kicks and stomps. Barrett goes for the Bull-Hammer BUT BO DALLAS GETS THE THREE WITH A BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX!

    WINNER: BO DALLAS!

    Backstage, a spin of the wheel pits Cody Rhodes against John Cena

    And we go to break.

    We come back with the announce team hyping up John Cena replacing Fred Flintstone on the cover of boxes of “Fruity Pebbles.” We even get a “tale-of-the-tape” graphic with Cena vs. Fred Flintstone.

    Yes, that happened.

    JOHN CENA VS CODY RHODES

    Cody and Cena trade shots until Cena hits a suplex and Cody rolls out the ring. Cody takes the mike and anounces he’s leaving. Cena grabs him and sends him back in the ring. Cena hits all “Five Moves of Doom,” and gets the three-count.

    WINNER: JOHN (DID YOU REALLY EXPECT ANYTHING DIFFERENT?) CENA

    Cena gets the mike and cuts a promo to the crowd, acknowledging the crowd not being in his corner. We get a “Cena Sucks” chant. Cena gives Punk credit for staying champion for almost two years, and besting him every time. He turns his attention to the Rock, recaping their fued, and his loss at Wrestlemania 28.

    “There were times when he couldn’t carry my jock-strap.” – John Cena.

    Cena chooses the WWE champion and the Shield make their entrance. Cena brings it to them, but the odds are against him and the Shield beats him down. Sheamus tries for a save, but doesn’t do much better. Ryback is out next, and he does a little better, but the Shield take him out. Sheamus and Cena try to fight back, but this ends with the faces down and out, and the Shield walking away.

    And we go to break.

    We come back recapping the Shield assault on Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback. We go back to Vicki for another spin of the wheel. It lands on “Lingerie Pillow Fight…” featuring Tensai and Brodus Clay.

    Ghaaaaa….

    Tensai refuses to do this and stomps off. Vicki makes Brodus spin the “Vicki’s choice” wheel and it lands on a dance off.

    I have a bad feeling.

    We get a look at A WWE fan-event, and then Brodus comes out to the ring.

    And we go to break.

    We’re back with Jerry Lawler in the ring with Tensai…oh dear God…

    Oh God no…

    GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

    Tensai is in women’s underwear. He was not told this was a dance off. Tensai IS GOING TO DANCE IN WOMEN’S UNDERWARE.

    WH AM I WATCHING WRESTLING? I DON’T WANT TO WATCH THIS! THEY OBVIOUSLY DON’T WANT ME TO WATCH ANYMORE! WHY AM I WATCHING THIS!?

    Oh yea, King works in a “What happens in Vegas…” reference. Tensai dances and I want to die.

    RON SIMMONS CAMEO: “DAMN!”

    We go to world heavyweight champion Alberto Del Rio spinning the wheel and getting a “body slam challenge,” against The Big Show. Vicki wishes him luck. Del Rio reminds her in Vegas, “anything can happen.”

    And we go to break.

    We’re back with Ricardo Rodriguez introducing World Heavyweight Champion ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO! Del Rio comes out and shakes hands with the fans, giving his scarf to a small boy in the crowd. We get a tiny “Si” chant until the Big Show comes out.

    BODY SLAM CHALLENGE: WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS THE BIG SHOW

    Show attacks Ricardo and Del Rio right off. Del Rio hits some kicks but Show clocks him with the Big Right Hand. Show tapes Del Rio to the ropes. Ricardo tries to protect Del Rio, but the show just brutalizes him. Del Rio can only helplessly watch. Show wraps more tape around Del Rio’s hand, as Show goes back to beating Ricardo. Del Rio begs for Ricardo’s life, but show gives him the Big Right, and goes back to bullying Del Rio. Del Rio is clocked out, and the Show lumbers off, leaving carnage in his wake.

    And we go to break.

    We come back to a recap of Show’s Rampage and WWE divas in Showgirl outfits.

    LAS VEGAS SHOWGIRLS LUMBERJILLS MATCH – WWE DIVAS CHAMPION KAITLYN VS TAMINA

    This does NOT make up for Tensai.

    I can hardly bring myself to type this. Tamina takes charge with the head-lock of doom and boots Kaitlyn to the floor. Aksana and Alicia Fox jump her. Kaitlyn fights them off and whacks Tamina with a showgirl hat. She hits Tamina with some shoulder-blocks and goes for a pin. Then it naturally becomes a messy cat-fight, that ends when someone hits the music.

    NO CONTEST: ALSO, NO DIGNITY

    We return to another recap of the Shield beat-down on Cena and friends.

    And now, our NEW WWE champion…THE ROCK!

    One word; FINALLY, as in…

    “FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO LAS VEGAS!” – The Rock

    And finally, the Rock is once again WWE champion. He calls this moment the proudest of his career, and takes a moment to thank all of us. He recaps Punk’s put-downs of the people, and tells us those crap days are over. He makes a remark about Heyman needing a bra for his “Twinkie Tits.” Tonight is the People’s Era,

    “AND WE’RE ALL GETTING PIE!” – The Rock

    Punk is out, accusing the Rock of not earning that title, and the crowd is too stupid to realize he is a genus. Punk says Rock should hand him back the title out of respect for his father and grandfather, and apollogize to him for tarnishing what he’s accomplished. Rock says if he had an ounce of manhood, and “nuts between his legs,” he’d come downthe ramp and take it. Rock gives him the choice of being a man, or a “punk ass bitch.” Punk will stand up on the stage “like a Punk-ass bitch,” because it’s cool to swear, and Punk will do things when it suits him, not Rock. Punk reads off a list of appearences Punk will be making, and offers Rock a chance to face him at anyone of them, if it fits his schedule. If not, he’ll give Rock a rematch in three weeks (at Elimination Chamber.) Rock agrees to face him at Elimination Chamber.

    When we come back, Sheamus faces Damien Sandow in a tables match.

    And we go to break.

    We come back with Sandow in the ring. We see a recap of him spinning the wheel backstage earlier where Vicki makes an obvious statement aout the match being a tables match.

    “How Observant,” –  Damien Sandow

    Sheamus takes over early and sets up a table. Sandow slips out of a slam and leads Sheamus into/out of the ring, where he hits a drop kick. Sheamus tosses a table into Sandow’s face, but Sandow takes over with a shoulder-breaker. Sandow traps Sheamus’ arm in the table and stomps on it, droping both knees on the arm.  Sheamus fights back, but misses a Brouge-kick. Sandow charges but Sheamus hits a flying shoulder-tackle. Sandow takes over and hits the “elbow of distain.” Sandow lays Sheamus on a table and goes up top, but Sheamus cuts him off. Sheamus ends this with “the White Noise” on Sandow, through a table in the corner.

    WINNER: SHEAMUS

    When we come back, Vince McMahon confronts Paul Heyman with an in-ring “performance evaluation.”

    And we go to break.

    We’re back.

    Karaoke.

    Zack Ryder and the Great Khali, singing superstars theme songs.

    We’re going to have a Karaoke challenge with Zack Ryder and The Great Khali.

    OH THANK GOD! 3MB!

    Heath Slater is out and asks “are you kidding me?” Jinder calls them an embarrasment. Drew jumps in Khali’s face and gets chpped down. It turns into a brawl and ends with Hornswoggle splashing Slater and thank God it’s over!

    Backstage, JERICHO! NEXT!

    We’re back to BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!!!!!! Jericho makes his comeback to RAW, in tiny shorts and the sparkly jacket. He talks about being out for six months and his surprise return at the Royal Rumble. He thanks us all for welcoming him back and it’s something he will Never, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEver forget again!

    Ziggler comes out w/AJ and big E, to ask what he’s doing here? Ziggy and AJ recap how they got rid of Jericho last year, Jericho tells him to put his “crazy little dog on a leash before she pees all over the ring.” Big E. threatens Jericho, who responds with a joke about his pec size. Vicki comes up on the screen to inform Ziggler she re-signed Jericho. She spins the whel and it lands on “Strange Bedfellows,” meaning Ziggler and Jericho must team up against WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No.  The champs make their entrance, and Ziggler starts off with Kane.

    And we go to break.

    WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO VS DOLPH ZIGGLER/CHRIS JERICHO

    Well this was quick. Ziggler starts off in control of Daniel Bryan, while taunting Jericho by faking the tag. Ziggler hits a body-slam, and the elbow. Ziggler keeps taunting Jericho until Jericho “tags” Ziggler in the back hard enough to put him down. Jericho takes over on Bryan, hitting a drop-kick n Kane and a lion-sault on Bryan. Bryan hits a flying kick and gets Jericho in a head-lock. Bryan tags in Kane, but Jericho shoves Bryan into him. Kane and Bryan start yelling at each other. Bryan shoves Kane, Kane shoves Bryan down. Jericho tags in Ziggler but cheap-shots Kane in the back before walking out on the match. Ziggler yells at him, before turning into a choke-slam from the p-o’d Kane.

    WINNERS: HELL NO

    After that, we get our next HOF inductee high-light video, Trish Stratus.

    And we go to break.

    We’re back…

    BROCK LESNAR JUST KILLED VINCE MCMAHON! I’m leading with this because I want to make sure you have a reason to keep reading.

    We came back to Vince making his way to the ring. Vince called out Heyman and informed him that Punk had been escorted from the building. Heyman came out and offered Vince a handshake. Vince accepted it, then used hand sanitizer. McMahon proceeded to grill Heyman about the Shield and Brad Maddox. He asked Heyman if he ever lied…

    “You know, a long time ago, I remember – in the Madison Square Garden dressing room, I heard your father say the phrase “Adversity defines a man’s character in his darkest hour.” And faced with the adversity of the fact that I have a feeling I know where this is going, I will tell you, I have lied every day of my stinking life because I am a promoter, and that’s what promoters do…” – Paul Heyman.

    Possibly the best answer humanly possible. Heyman goes on about how he’s lied to stay alive and still have a business and a job the next morning. He promises to be an honorable man if that’s what it takes to stay. Vince seends the camera into Heyman’s face and asks the crowd if this is an honorable man with an honorable face, they say no. Vince shows footage of the “Brad Maddox experience.” Heyman has Maddox in a dark tunnel, orders the cameraman to shut it down. He then makes the same mistake EVERY VILLIAN WRITTEN BY A LAZY WRITTER EVER MAKES AND ADMITS EVERYTHING ON CAMERA. He tells Maddox that the Shield gets paid more than him because they are worth more. He sics the Shield on Maddox and the cameraman. We come back to the ring where the same crowd that chanted “ECW,” now chants “You got busted,” and the “goodbye” song. Heyman claims that wasn’t him. He claims it was a bad Vegas impersonator, and goes into a rant about his sucess with Punk and ECW. He denies being the man on the tape. Vince gears up the catchprase, wishing him well in his future endevors, we get to “YOU’RE…”

    Here comes the pain.

    Lesnar’s music hits and he makes his way out to the ring. Heyman begs him not to do anything, Lesnar orders him into the corner like a dog. He gets in Vince’s face, Vince warns him not to do anything he’ll regret later. After a pause, Lesnar HITS THE F5 ON VINCE MCMAHON!

    RAW ends with Heyman begging Lesnar for Vince’s life, and leading him out of the ring.

    Well, THAT was something.  To you the good readers, I apollogize if this report was less than “real time.” I’m still trying to get the hang of it.

    That’s about it for me peep-holes. See you next week (maybe.) Ryt-place, Ryt-time!

  5. RYTMAN’S REAL TIME RAW REPORT

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    Been a while hasn’t it?

    Tonight I Rytman will be recapping RAW in real-“RYT”-time. This is my first attempt for BWF, as well as my first attempt period. (<- see? Right there.)

    Bear with me folks…

    Well we’re off to the best start as I’ve missed three minutes so far.  We have Heyman and Vicki in the ring, recapping the “Rock” concert from last week. Heyman is not thrilled with Vicki calling for a replay of Rock’s remark about his penis, Heyman responds calling for a replay of Rock’s serenade to Vicki. We’re getting the whole song.

    Great…

    Vicki confirms Rock is here tonight, but announces he is banned from the building and will be arrested if he tries to enter. Vicki is told the Rock is here and we go live to the Rock tyring to get in.  The police warn him he will be arrested if he tries to get in. Rock says arrest C.M. Punk, for impersonating a champion, Heyman for not wearing a bra in public, and ask Vicki Guerro what her intestines are like because she has her head shoved straight up her @$$. He also compares Punk’s scrotum to Manti Teao’s girlfriend, (imaginary.)

    Back in the ring, Vicki makes it clear if Rock tries to get in the arena, he WILL go to Jail…

    “If you smell – EXCUSE ME! – What the Vick is cooking” – Vicki Guerrero

    BEAT THE CLOCK: WWE US CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS RANDY ORTON

    We’re back with U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro in the ring, and Randy Orton comming out.  This is going to be the first in a series of “Beat The Clock” matches.  Whoever wins their match in the fastest time, gets to pick their number of entry in the Royal Rumble.

    The match so far is odd, it seems slow-paced, however at the same time, neither man is wasting a lot of time setting up moves.  Match starts with an exchange of headlocks with Cesaro dominating for two minutes. Orton gets a shoulder-block and the match becomes a slow-brawl, spilling to the outside.  Both men gather themselves as we go to break.

    Back from break, a brawl in the corner ends with Orton outside to the floor.  Cesaro takes over with a gutwrech, a stomp, and chin-lock. Orton fights free and hits two clotheslines and a scoop-slam. He tries for the middle rope ddt, but Cesaro escapes. Cesaro sends Orton up and hits the bicep uppercut. He sends Orton shoulder-first into the post and Orton spills to the outside. Cesaro goes out to get him and tosses him back in the ring, however his mind is on the clock and not Orton.  RKO out of nowhere for three.

    WINNER: RANDY ORTON

    TIME: 11:36

    Next up is a highlight reel for Mick Foley’s Hall Of Fame induction, followed by a Shield promo, showing their past attacks on WWE superstars.  And we go to break.

    Back from break, out comes The Big Show. We get a replay of Show losing the World Heavyweight Championship to Alberto Del Rio two weeks ago. Michale Cole announces Big Show gets his rematch at the Royal Rumble, in the same match

    BIG SHOW VS ZACK RYDER

    Brad Maddox invades the announce table to put himself over as the new star of the broadcast team. Show ends this with the big right hand in less than two minutes. Show tries to give us an example of what will happen to ADR at RR by counting out Ryder. The crowd gives him two “WHAT” chants, and he gets so angry he just leaves.

    WINNER: BIG SHOW – NO DUH

    Up next, Ryback vs Heath Slater. We go to break.

    Back from break, Brad Maddox interrupts Paul Heyman’s phone call to make him an unwitting guest on “The Brad Maddox Experience.” Heyman admits he was wrong about Maddox and agrees to make him famous. Segment ends with a handshake, and Brad leaving while Heyman gives him a weird look.

    RYBACK VS SCREW IT-HE TOSSES THE OTHER TWO GUYS AROUND AND PINS HEATH SLATER

    After the match, Ryback cuts a promo about entering the Royal Rumble.

    “Damn, my job is fun.” Ryback

    We go back with the Rock trying to talk his way into the show. Vicki interrupts and demands he be arrested. The officers can’t until he does something illegal. Vicki offers to lift the ban if Rocky apologizes to her. Rock makes it clear that won’t happen, and reminds her she still looks horrible tonight. Vicki storms off, and the Rock tells the cops he has a plan, as we go to break…

    We come back to an announcement about RAW in Las Vegas next week, featuring RAW Roulette.

    Paul Heyman and WWE champion C.M. Punk enter to address the people.

    “What I have here, I hold more dear to my heart, then most men hold their families. This is my life’s work and for 428 days I have proven that I am the man. But 428 days is just a faction of the time it’s taken me to get to this point. I’ve worked half my life to attain this, the most prestigeous title the WWE has to offer, and I will not allow the Rock, or any man to take this from me. The Rock is here to entertain, the Rock is here to electrify, to sing songs and tell jokes. I am here to hurt people and be the champion. I will not allow the Rock to leave the Royal Rumble as WWE champion because this is why I am here, because this is important. It’s important because I have made it important, it’s prestigeous because I have made it prestigeous. What is prestigeous to the Rock is the most meaningless, insignificant thing imaginable. It’s you, the people. The people, the cheers, the chants, the signs, the adulation. The Rock is proud of being the people’s champion, almost as proud as I am of being a real champion. I will not allow the Rock to become WWE champion because I’ve been in the ring with him, I’ve looked him in the eye. I’ve seen all the way down into his soul and I’ve seen why he’s so proud of the people and being the people’s champion, it’s because he knows he cannot be this. A long time ago, I was forced to make a choice between hypocritical humility and honest arrogance and I chose honest arrogance. While the Rock foolishly chose all of you. You can call him electrifying, you can call him the Brama Bull, you can call him the great one but what you cannot call him is champion, because this… this belongs to me, and this you earn with blood and sweat and tears and for 428 days I have done just that. I have earned this. I have earned the right to be called champion. I have earned the right to be the man. In six days Rock, this is what you’re on a colission course with, so for six days please, by all means, enjoy being the peoples champion, enjoy the cheers, the chants, the signs, I want you to slap every hand, I want you to wink at every hopeful look your sheep-like fans give you, cause I realized something a long time ago, that the people do not matter. This is all that matters, and in six days at the Royal Rumble, it doesn’t matter if I smell what the Rock is cooking. All that matters is that what these people cannot give you, will remain rightfully around the waist of your undisputed WWE champion, best in the world, C.M. Punk.” – C.M. Punk

    BEAT THE CLOCK: THE MIZ VS DOLPH ZIGGLER

    Pretty much the opposite of the first match, as both men go right for the fall. Ziggler hits a flurry of spots, but Miz takes over, matching Ziggler’s aggression and going after the knee with a VICIOUS shoulder-tackle. Miz goes for the figure-four, but Ziggler sends him to the outside. Big E. Langston shoves him hard into the apron and Ziggler gets a two-count, as we break…

    Back from break, Miz makes his comeback with fists, charging clothesline, axe-handle off the top rope.  Miz goes for a skull-crushing-finale, Ziggler rolls him up and holds the tights for two, Miz reverses it, and grabs the tights for two, almost pulling them off Ziggler. Ziggler hits the flying DDT for two. Miz gets a reverse face-lock-knee-drop combo, Ziggler shoves off a neck-breaker, Miz catches Dolph’s legs and gets the figure-4. AJ distracts the ref as Big E. pulls Dolph to the ropes. Miz jaw-jacks with him and Ziggler hits the Zig-Zag from behind for the three count.

    WINNER: DOLPH ZIGGLER

    TIME:  (10:56)

    After a break, we have a recap of WWE tag champions Team Hell No (Kane & Bryan Danielson) punking out team Rhodes Scholars at Dr. Shelby’s command last week.

    In the ring, Dr. Shelby introduces Team Hell-No as the first graduates of his anger-management course. Kane and Bryan come out in graduation robes. Shelby congratulates them on how far they’ve come (with a few well hidden cheap-shots,) and Shelby asks them which of them deserves to be valedictorian, and get the chance to talk about their feelings. Kane and bryan both try to pass it off on each other. Shelby suggests they hug. This eventually leads to Dr. Shelby, Kane, and Bryan leading the whole arena in a huge “hug-in,” that includes Lawler and Cole, the ringside doc and Justin Roberts, and members of the audience. It ends in a huge group hug with all three men in the ring.

    It is truly a glorious train-wreck, as we go to break.

    Back from break, we get a recap of Kaitlyn winning the Diva’s championship and Eve Torres quiting WWE.

    Alicia Fox is in the ring, as Kaitlyn makes her way to ringside.

    WWE DIVAS CHAMPION VS ALICIA FOX

    Kaitlyn wins this with a spear. In fairness, Alicia didn’t look horrible here, but then again, she didn’t do that much to botch.

    Backstage, Heyman walks with Punk, telling him that he’s earned something special. Heyman promises a “Paul Bomb,” later tonight while Punk chills in a fully stocked, private skybox. We go to break.

    We come back to Heyman in the ring.

    “Champ, this one’s for you.” – Paul Heyman

    Heyman is here to act as an interpreter for Punk, seeing as the crowd can’t keep up with someone as articulate as Punk. He promises to “keep it simple.” He calls the Rock “stupid,” just like the people, for focusing on him instead of Punk.

    “IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN’!!!”

    Rock is out the back and in the ring, apparently getting around the ban by buying a ticket off one of the cops. Rock calls Heyman “Twinkie Tits,” and chases him out of the ring. The Rock addresses Punk, saying he’s earned the right to be called the best in the world, but it doesn’t change the fact that the Rock is a man who will rip his face off. Rock goes on to compare himself to Dr. Martin Luther King, saying he has a dream, to make it to the mountain top, the promised land, and be WWE champion.  Promising that when he beats Punk, we will be “free at last.”

    Then the lights go out.

    The lights go on and the Shield is beating down the Rock. Rock fights back, but it ends with the Shield laying him out. Punk gets the mike and tells Rock he has to pay a price for his freedom. He tells Rock there’s only room for one man on the mountain top, and that eventually, you have to wake up from your dream.

    We come back from break with a quick tribute to MLK, and a recap of the Shield assault. During the commercial, Rock was able to walk out under his own power.

    Sheamus is out, he or his opponent must beat Ziggler’s time of 10:56 seconds for the chance to pick their number in the Royal Rumble.

    WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT VS SHEAMUS

    We start with some stomping and punching. Barrett pulls the arm of Sheamus over the rope. Sheamus hits a kick to the gut and runs to the ropes, but Barrett hits a clothesline, sending Sheamus over the ropes and out to the floor. Here we go to break…

    Back from break, Barrett is in control kicking Sheamus off the top corner, hitting a suplex for two, and hooking an arm-bar. Sheamus punches his way out and its an axe-handle. He ties Barrett up in the ropes for ten forearms and hits a suplex. He goes for white noise, but Barrett elbows out and tries a pump-handle. Sheamus slips out and misses a brogue-kick attempt. Barrett hits two back kicks, one to the gut and one to the head for two. Barrett hits the elbow of the second rope and makes a wasteland attempt. Sheamus elbows out of it and hits white noise. AJ Lee runs out with Ziggler/Big E. in tow. She runs in the ring and skips in front of Sheamus, blocking him. She leaves, and Barrett hits a spinning side-slam for two. Barrett misses a clothesline, and Sheamus hits the Brogue kick but the time is up.

    DRAW: NO WINNER

    ZIGGLER WINS THE RIGHT TO PICK HIS NUMBER

    Ziggler, AJ, and Big E. are in Vicki’s office, braging about their win. Ziggler ribs Vicki by singing Clapton to AJ. Vicki informs Dolph he didn’t win the right to pick ANY number. He won a choice, of one… or two.

    Punk and Heyman walk backstage, Vince McMahon confronts them and threatens to strip Punk of the title if anybody interferes in his title match with the Rock.

    Back from break, Ricardo Rodriguez introduces World Heavyweight Champion ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO! Tensai is in the ring.

    WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS TENSAI

    Tensai starts off strong with big right hands and forearms. He has Del Rio pinned in the corner with headbutts. Tensai with a hard whip to the corner AND MY PICTURE FREEZES. I MISS EVERYTHING up to Del Rio hitting a moonsault for the three count.

    After the match, Del Rio cuts a promo on Big Show, saying there will be a ten count IN SPANISH. He leads the crowd in a ten count in Spanish.

    Promo package for the second inductee for the Hall Of Fame – BOB BACKLUND!

    As he makes his way to the ring, we are promised that John Cena will address the WWE universe after the break.

    Cena makes it to the ring. He starts talking about Sundays. He finds a kid in the audience and starts in on how great Sundays are. No, school, playing video games, he asks the kid if he’s the one keeping him in noob status on Call Of Duty 2. (He reveals his gamer-tag as skidmarks187.) He turns his attention to a lady in the crowd, asking her about how Sundays are about reliving Saturday night and surfing YouTube, thinking she might’ve hooked up with someone special. He turns to a guy in the front row, and says his Sundays are about waking up surrounded by bodily fluids, a recite for two blow-up dolls, (one missing.) And posting embarassing photos on Twitter. Cena promises that on Sunday, he will win the Royal Rumble.

    This leads to Sheamus coming out to refute that, followed by The Prime Time Players, Randy Orton, The Miz, eventually the entire locker room comes out to claim they’re going to win the Royal Rumble. This leads to an impromptu battle royal as we close out.

    Okay, needles to say; you’d have to be generous with the definition of “real-time” in regards to what I’ve done here. There were rough patches and interuptions. I hope I gave you guys some idea of wha was going on, and that you enjoyed it.

    For now, I’m Rytman and I’m out.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  6. Smackdown 06/01/12

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    Unlike last week, I am coming into this episode with a better attitude. Perhaps this is a result of a vastly improved RAW (well, at least by comparison) and a mildly entertaining live Impact on Thursday. I’m not sure why my mindset is linked to other grappling content I partake, but it is. Let’s see if the WWE can continue this trend as Sin Cara returns tonight! Let’s have at it, shall we?
    (more…)

  7. BWF Interview: Ruthless Lala

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    Total Championship Wrestling Women’s Champion Ruthless Lala recently took time out of her day to chat with BoredWrestlingFan’s Justin Ruff.  In the controversial 31 minute interview, Lala talks about her career, her influences, the moment that made her want to be a wrestler, training with Lance Hoyt among others, comparisons to Kharma, and her relationship with Jazz and Rodney Mack.  Justin also asks Lala her thoughts on the state of women’s wrestling today, a question which prompts the response, “Oh God, you’re just trying to get me in more trouble,” before she answers.  This is the most controversial interview thusfar on BoredWrestlingFan.com, and believe me, you do not want to miss this one.  Click the link to listen!

    BWF Interview: Ruthless Lala (MP3 Format, 31:07)