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Hey, it IS Friday the 13th, too.

BWF RADIO INVADED WONDERPOD TODAY! CHECK THIS OUT NOW! Wonderpod Episode 118 A challenge has been issued, Jabronis! iTunes, archive.org, article and stream.

Yes, one character seems to have taken over in a illogical way. No, not Double A (that’s the “good” product). We’re one year out from the “Summer of Punk II” shtick. Wow. This is not your Ten Year Old’s WWE. RIght Mr. Cena?

Oh yeah, remember that Zach Ryder guy? No? Me neither, but it appears he is the GM for Smackdown. Turns out the computer is more popular in the WWE’s opinion. YAWN. Oh well, here’s the magical picture part of the review and the “hopping” reference:

‘Nuff said, let’s hop to it, shall we?

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

-Will I be watching this PPV on Sunday? Fuck no. I’m getting stupid with my boys/girls at our annual “Stampede Retardness” event (we can’t spell correctly, that’s how retarded we get). So I turn this question of a Go Home show over to another more experienced member of the IWC to answer. An adopted son of the home of the Calgary Stampede, Mr. Lance Storm. Let’s get serious for a moment. Mr. Storm what’s your take on the current state of the WWE?

Disclaimer: I will probably enjoy the Smackdown MitB match, and will of course not illegally stream it. That would be wrong, and theft. Don’t steal, kids! That’s my job.

- A little clip package of Zach Ryder starts the show, explaining how he got this GM spot and shilling his Youtube success and Twitter handle. Lillian Garcia introduces him, and he makes his way down to the ring. Ryder doesn’t get much in until Alberto Del Rio comes out and runs him down for calling himself the Internet Champion of the World…. Del Rio will become the real world champion. Ryder books him against…

Charles Barkley @G: “Wait, you’re telling me that the TNA show we used to review is now better than the WWE, but the channel got dropped by Viacom so most fans are stuck with this turrible product? Ha ha, sure G, and white boys can play basketball too.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Well first, I reviewed the Impact product, you usually just ended up in jail. Secondly, yes, that is precisely what I’m telling you.”

- * Alberto Del Rio vs. Sin Cara. To compensate for the lack of the trampoline, Sin Cara baseball slides into the ring, runs at the opposite middle ropes and does his somersault deal off of it. In a different era, when the black lighting effect shines above the ring, do you think Ricardo Rodriguez would have a bunch of white spots appear on his suit? I’m not insinuating anything, just thinking a la McMahon. Come on, this is the guy who originally wanted Kane in See No Evil to have a 3 foot penis in a masturbation scene. Just saying. Anyways, Del Rio’s initial domination is turned sour as the lucha picks up steam before our first commerical:

Farley on the brain, since Heath Farley appeared on Impact this week…

- And we’re back… Del Rio is back in control, and is methodically working the little man down with submissions and humiliation spots. After a kind of boring chunk of time, Sin Cara finally gets his steam but misses a high risk top rope 180 splash allowing Del Rio to submit him with an armbar.

- We get a bunch of fan videos from Tout. Great, this will fill one hour of RAW when it goes to three hours.

- Zach is congratulated by Teddy Long, but then Big Show tells him he sucks and Khali enters the shot and he is announced as the opponent. Then Khali does the “Woo Woo Woo, You Know It.” Guess one match I am FFW’ing through later? Can you?

- * Darren Young vs. Primo. I am literally reminded of these guys having a match 3 weeks ago, and then Primo punking out them back stage as Rosa Mendez shrieked some inane babble. AW rocks his introduction on his Britany Spears microphone of the PPs. His audio is kind of buried in the audience noise and entrance music. Epico and Primo are wearing what appear to be bibs. I guess they just came from Red Lobster? Mendez gets the hard camera side, but AW is on a live microphone hollering at his team to “get this money” and a funny spot when Darren Young gets a near fall on Primo where AW claims, “This beat down is brought to you by All World Productions and Darren Young! Come on Darren, get that money!” AW is much more enjoyable and is reminding me more of Jimmy Hart more than ever. Young dominates most of the match, and he and AW play off each other fantastically. Primo attempts a Backcracker, but Young hangs on! Young gets school boyed!!! PRIMO WINS! This is a great matchup, continuing the rivalry, and truly expanding what the AW gimmick is all about. Thumbs up here!

Truer words were never spoken… evolve WWE, because I’m almost done.

- 1000th moment is Edge on April 11, 2011 retiring due to neck injuries. I think that was a good choice, because it was very significant. Dude retired as a champion, and call me Canadian because I teared up a little that Monday.

- Ryder is talking to Sheamus about having a show to run, and Jericho enter and calls this thing a train wreck. I disagree Jericho, last Monday was a fucking train wreck. Sheamus steps up, so Ryder makes a match.

Dave’s right, you know.

- * Christian and Santino Marella vs. Dolph Ziggler and Cody Rhodes. It’s pretty noticeable that Ziggler is letting his blonde hair dyejob fade out. Read into that as you will. This looks like it could have some legs (but wouldn’t mind seeing this turn into a sledge hockey match either, and in all honesty check it out some time. Looks like fun for me, able-bodied or not. Takes some serious upper body strength. I watched a ton of it during the 2010 Winter Olympics).

- Anyways, Santino and Ziggler start us off with Ziggler shaking his head at the US Champ. But one should not underestimate the somovagun. An early tag brings Christian into the bout, as the heeltastic isolation story is told. At one point, Rhodes puts Christian in a ten second delayed slam. Always love that spot. Santino gets the hot tag and hits his usual routine with the splits, the diving headbutt, and goes to set up the Cobra… BUT NO! Rhodes delays this, Christian takes him to the outside and a recovered Ziggler hits the Zig-Zag and pins Santino for the win!

Source

- Up next is “The Love Triangle” between A.J. and some other guys. Can’t remember who those jabroni’s are.

Eco-friendly.

- Charlie Sheen is still advertized as the Social Ambassador for the 1000th RAW. We’ll see about that, and we’ll be talking about it on BWF Radio Episode 31 this Sunday! Then we get the clip package of the Punk/Bryan/AJ stuff and some laptop GM bits. Not a fuck was given that night by me…. not one. Well, that’s a lie… there was one thing I really enjoyed, and here is both an animated gif and retort as to what it was here:

Chael Sonnen was dissected in the second round by Anderson Silva last Saturday. Some might say this spot that occurred on RAW was a slight nod to that. It wouldn’t shock me, considering Chael is tight with Punk and consults Steve Austin as how to react. The dirty dirt sheets report that the WWE has interest in Sonnen. I’d like to see that. The dude can cut a promo, even when he isn’t quoting Superstar Billy Graham.

- * Big Show vs. The Great Khali. I told you I would not watch this garbage unless on FFW. And even then it’s pretty terrible. Meh. Skip this, don’t waste your time. Big Show KO’s him in under a minute. Did I mention the Wonderpod Episode 118″>BWF are talking Mike Tyson’s Punch Out on Wonderpod #118 this week?

I beg to differ, sir. ‘Round these parts, Khali is mediocre.

- Ugghh.. G gets distracted by things for 45 minutes…. Dammit. TNA is better. How did that happen, again?

- Tagteam titles on Youtube before the PPV. Non-title? Not watching.

- * Ryback vs. Tyler Reks w/Kurt Hawkins. I think Cole called Ryback’s finish “The March of the Competition”? Reks gets on the microphone and tells us he’ll what done that his partner couldn’t do. Sure, buddy. Both of you are getting double slammed on the PPV unannounced. Reks almost gets an offensive punch strike combination in… only to fucked up. First time ever, an outside competitor smashing a cane into Ryback’s face. Hawkins of course. Not enough, as Ryback puts him away. But we did see some actually “competition” between the two. Ryback is slightly leveled down in this bout with less hitpoints, stamina, defence, strength, and mana. Dude still eats the guy, though.

The WWE needs an “out,” like Q on Star Trek: The Next Generation, every show that jumps the shark needs an “out” of crappy story lines…. right, The Great Gazoo?

- 1000th RAW moment – Host Hugh Jackman discusses his RAW celebrity host spot. True, dude was in the backstage and immediately went up to the Brooklyn Brawler for an autograph… Too-tall-Wolverine gets a pass (it was good, and he did change my tune about his casting as Wolvie).

The_Great_Gazoo_65 @G: “If the shoe fits, Dum Dum!”

G @The_Great_Gazoo_65: “Now all we need is, is an out of this A.J. storyline that pulled “The Fonz” a couple weeks back…”

- More Tout bullshit. Don’t care. FFW.

- * Damien Sandow vs. Justin Gabriel. Being highly touted, Gabriel “Ex-Werewolf” is already in the ring. Tout takes precedence… Sandow enters gloriously. I smell a squash… Sandow does a new charisma move on fallen Gabriel with an arm swirl elbow drop. Sandow hits his finisher in about 2 minutes,

- Hornswoggle GM reveal clips from RAW… FFW… angry again.

As easy as it is to rip on Vince Russo, the CURRENT team of writers (see: VKM) thought Hornswoggle was the ideal choice for the anonymous RAW GM.

- Did I Know? “In 1993, Kofi Kingston, The Miz, and CM Punk were still in middle school.” It’s not even fun making fun of the “facts” anymore.

- * Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho – Sheamus enters first. Jericho “jackets” it up…. main event, next. Fucking ads…

This one is better. DUKE!

- This is a match that is about trading spots. Both men do damage and set up minor signiture moves for the first segment… decent so far. Jericho manhandles Sheamus during the break, we’re told. But of course, as we return, the pale one gets his attack on, hair did, etc. Exhaustion sets in, and the men get more careless, as Jericho lands a mid rope launched drop kick and a hard-camera Lionsault. Sheamus gets some steam back, looks for a Celtic Cross, NO! Walls of Jericho! Rope break… White Noise attempt into another Walls of Jericho! Middle of the ring face crawl… drag back… Hulk up to the rope! Sheamus breaks the hold and hits the White Noise! NO PIN. More finisher missed spots… ok this match is watchable, no doubt…. Sheamus pulls himself from the seated position on the canvas to the top rope only to eat a Code Breaker! DUDE! Sheamus pulls himself up after much abuse as an angry Jericho yell at him…. Y2J charges, right into a sick looking Brogue Kick, and wins the match. God Bless you Chris Jericho, you helped Sheamus look important and gave us a great match as a result!

- We’re not done. Post match Del Rio comes out and assaults the worn Sheamus, and dangles him off the entrance ramp side in an armbar.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

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That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online. Keep in mind, we are trying to keep it clean. So do your best to avoid the language that offends people easily offended. I make a concerted effort to not call the product fucking shit ass bitch cock cunts. You can too. See? This is not on the air.

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This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

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Bored Wrestling Fan

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

Wonderpod Online

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

Merry Christmas! Enjoy this while you can, folks!

- We kick off the show, with the Show. Out with a smile, enters Mr. No Gimmick Needed. Huh… just lost his title, but still smiling. Ever since Sunday, everyone asked him about how he felt what happened. Show cuts a fantastic promo about the struggle for nine years to regain the title, and puts Henry over as a superhuman… mixed emotions for The Big Show: disappointment, anger, shock, conflicted, etc. They show the interview with Josh Matthews on RAW (which was also gold, Jerry, gold!).

- Cue Mark Henry’s music, literally, and out limps the World’s Strongest Man. Henry asks Show what he is proud of? The shortest title reign in history? Henry tells him he should take a week off, and quit the business. WHY IN THE HELL WOULD HE TAKE A WEEK OFF? I think Henry fucked up his line here, and meant to add “think about your career” or something like that. I let it slide though, since this has been a great start to the show…

- Cue Daniel Bryan’s music. Bryan notes that neither can believe he is actually the world champ, no one in the arena, and not even Bryan himself. Bryan notes that he is not the biggest, strongest, fastest, smartest, etc., but he IS a very good wrestler and he IS the champion. Bryan stands his ground. Henry wants a title shot, Show interrupts and reminds him who won their match…

- Cue Teddy Long’s music. Guess what’s coming, playah? Tonight Henry and Show will face each other, and the winner will face Bryan for the title. Then he congratulates Bryan, playah, Merry Christmas.

Whether this episode is a car wreck or not, It looks like WWE has a fan for life.

- * Zack Ryder vs. Cody Rhodes in a Champion vs. Champion match. Titles are not on the line. Meh, I hate that. The title should always be on the line, outside of rare special occasions that are relevant to a storyline. Whatever. Regular readers know I hate this. Have we seen this match up lately? No! Ryder is often criticized for his limited inring work, but I think he caters to a slightly more old school style, and one that makes the simple things look smooth an effective. Both men here do a series of monkey flips, submissions, and grapple spots, but the real story is the facial expressions and playing to the camera in our first segment. Rhodes generates a bit of heat with Booker T as we go to break…

As soon as they notice a camera on them, some people just can’t resist…

- Things heat up as we return, as the announce team put over Ryder’s web series and the appearance by Mr. Belding from Saved By The Bell. Yeah… that really happened. Midmatch, Booker begins singing a rendition of Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer to the arena (substituting Rhodes for Rudolph)… Ryder takes advantage of the distraction and wins.. “Cody with your nose so bright, you just got beat tonight…” Rhodes is obviously pissed.

- We go backstage to Teddy Long applauding Booker’s heel move (it was, folks!), and is interrupted by Santino who notes that since Zack is champ now, he won’t have time for his assistant to the GM position. He wants consideration. Cue the porn music, and Aksana sexually innuendos into the segment for no reason, she leaves, Santino leaves, enter Vickie and Dolph. Dolph notes that when the time is right, he will demand his obligatory rematch (why is it obligatory?). Dolph points towards Bryan’s argument that he is not the best at anything, and books a match. We don’t know it yet, well… I do. I’ll show you, you’ll see! Then Teddy Long starts dancing. No, he didn’t quote Stevie Richards, I did.

A heart attack for Christmas? Ha ha… awesome prank.

- * The Big Show vs. Mark Henry. Loved the promo to start the show… dreading this actual match up. Thumb targeting FFW button on remote control… David Otunga w/ coffee mug comes out for some reason. Love the coffee mug. He tells us Johnny Ace is worried about the health of Mark Henry, and that the trauma in Henry’s foot means that this match will not take place. Otunga wishes us on behalf of John, the happiest of holidays. Then Big Show KO’s Otunga. Henry leaves. No match… no FFW. Henry goes to the I.R. to heal (no kayfabe, he’s been working through injuries).

Charles Barkley @G: “Merry Christmas, honkey.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Just couldn’t help yourself, eh, Barks? Merry Christmas, Chuck. Looking forward to you hosting SNL in 2012!”

- Miz confronts Teddy Long backstage, notifying him here is here. Long is confused as he made no request. Miz points out this is why Johnny Ace is the man and that NO SINGLE SMACKDOWN SUPERSTAR HAS APPEARED IN THE MAIN EVENT IN A PPV IN THE LAST YEAR. I wonder if that’s accurate, but wouldn’t be shocked if it is a fact.

- Matthews sets up a clip package for the Tribute For the Troops. Cole, in a brief moment of awesomeness, looks like he is thinking “AGAIN? WTF?” Listen, I support the WWE in entertaining the troops. They have been the reincarnation of Bob Hope… and as a Canadian, I’d wish we had something like the USO show for my brethren who risk their lives to protect the freedoms I enjoy (although the U.S. can keep Nickelback, okthnx). I think it’s a good thing. But let’s see… I’ve seen this same package on last Friday’s SD, RAW, NXT (Yeah, I watched it! Tyson Kidd vs. Percy Watson was good), and ANOTHER SD. Fuck. Overkill? Whatever happened to humble philanthropy? I’d bet this shit showed up on Superstars too.

- * The Miz vs. Sheamus. Since Teddy Long doesn’t have Undertaker as his go-to guy, nor Randall Keith Orton for that matter, Sheamus fits the bill, fella. This one is old, but I don’t care. It explains EVERYTHING:

Teddy, meanwhile, is violently rubbing one out wondering why he hasn’t taken Aksana up on her repeated offers to provide him with a Happy Ending Merry XXX-Mas. Seriously though folks, enjoy the time off if nothing else.

- Miz rants and raves about ANYONE coming out to face him. I suppose I already spoiled it, but you already knew that. Miz cuts a great promo about being famous and whatnot, and the palest Irishman in the world indeed cuts him off. DING DING DING! It’s a back and forth of power and brawling, charisma and attitude, to start. The two take their time setup numerous power moves to no avail, with early finishing attempts not working. Then Sheamus hits a Brogue Kick out of nowhere and the match ends. Sheamus wins in like 3 minutes? Ouch.

- Barrett comes out and talks about Team Barrett’s win over Team BOrton at Survivor Series (predicted by this G, here). Wade thinks he should be in line against Daniel Bryan for his leadership. “And as they say in England, ‘Have a Happy Christmas’.” Orton runs out and supplies a XXX-Mas AWOL Tribute to the Troops beat down, shits in Barrett’s present, and the two take it backstage. BACKSTAGE BRAWL. Yep, I enjoy the savage and rarely seen carnage… but as Barrett keeps trying to leave after he made his peace, Orton will not let this happen. Is Orton in Right to Censor now? How is this something a face would do? Unprovoked, Orton manages to spray Barrett with a water-pressure gun, dump garbage on him, and RKO him onto the top of a sedan parked backstage. I think us 10%’ers are as confused as ever. Die Orton, die. Randy is the new Twitter. Looks like we got a basket of stupid in this segment under the tree.

This is how my parents prevented me from peeking at presents as a little guy. Traumatized for X-Mas!

- * Kofi Kingston vs. Primo. While little explaination is given to why or how, who cares. Someone remembered about tagteam wrestling. Primo is accompanied by people whose name ends in “O.” I think Awesome-O is there. The announcers put over guys as “tag-team specialists,” which is a good thing. Kofi hits a great looking high flying crossbody splash, to no avail. As Evan Bourne and Epico share a joint distract the referee outside the ring, Kofi lands a ridiculously great looking standing-360 jumpkick straight out of the arsenal of Starman from ProWrestling on the Nintendo Entertainment System. That get’s him the win. Fuck right, it does.

I think anyone who has ever spent time on a computer secretly loves this animated gif.

- * Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler. Oh man… oh man… looking forward to this, as we cut to commercials for the entrances. Fine by me. Catch-as-catch-can to start… I have a feeling this will be one of those matches impossible to truly “describe.” Stephen King noted about “The Far Side” cartoonist’s work that “You can’t tell a cartoon.” I stand by me that. Few saw what I did there.

- The heat is set to simmer, as the two attempt to build momentum against each other with a grapple swap, into a couple slam spots. We hit a second commercial break with 20 minutes to go. I ignore my inner pessimist and ask Santa for a TV 2011 MOTY candidate.

This looks like a fun way to solve a little problem.

- We return, and Dolph is showing off. Vickie claps ringside. Daniel and Dolph trade spots simultaneously and fall down hurt… Jack Swagger saunters down (WITHOUT RING ENTRANCE MUSIC) as the two battle. Bryan takes it to the outside, dominating, but Swagger attacks Bryan! Big Show comes out too, with no audio (about time). Swagger and Vickie retreat (Cobra: Live to Fight Another Day). Big Show watches as the heels ringside come back. Bryan takes the lead meanwhile, reverses the Zigzag, and land’s his MMA style kick pattern. Bryan goes for a top rope move, to be reversed into a sick looking suplex, BUT NO!!! Bryan will not have it! Fuck it, watch this match. I will. Results to follow…

- D Bryan near fall with top rope suplex, Dolph foot on the ropes… Vickie cackles… Big Show goes to interfere… Teddy Long makes the match into a tagteam match.

-* Daniel Bryan/Big Show vs. Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler. Fuck me. Show kills Ziggler, and screams at Bryan “Are you ready!??!?” He agrees, and a tag is made, but Bryan’s shit kicking does not avail as Ziggler gets a hot tag. I hate what is going on for the story, but this is great wrestling! Swagger and Bryan are doing things not seen in a while with a tree of woe spot. Fuck just go watch this match and enjoy your holiday. You can’t tell a match.

- Wow, after a slough of reversals and spots, the match culminates with Bryan submitting Swagger with the LaBelle Lock. What a great match, even if the tagmatch part was kind of a non-finish! Merry Christmas and stuff.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

Christmas Day sees its fair share of lousy drivers, many of whom cause accidents. While I had thought that I would be back from my parents’ house in plenty of time to do a real-time review for tonight’s “Smackdown,” drivers other than myself ensured that this was not the case. Hey, at least I wasn’t IN a wreck! I’m grateful for small things. In any case, I must now turn to my trusty Tivo and get caught up on reviewing “Smackdown.” It just won’t be in real-time.

We open with the lovely and charming Hostess with the Mostess, Vickie Guerrero. She wishes us all a Merry Christmas, and talks about the importance of inviting family and friends for holiday dinner. She herself has invited her incredible boss to join her. Cue Teddy Long’s entrance! Is Teddy her boss, technically? I thought that he couldn’t fire her. In any case, Vickie and Teddy drink some egg nog. Teddy points out that he spiked it. Vickie Ray moves on to the making of potatoes, to which she adds a veritable mountain of butter. Teddy asks her if she’s trying to give him another heart attack. Three cheers for continuity! Next is the turkey. Vickie demonstrates seasoning and such on a RAW (see what I did there?) turkey, but brings out a cooked and finished turkey at the end. As we all know, turkey without stuffing violates the Geneva Conventions, so Vickie tries to walk us through the making of the famous Guerrero family stuffing. It looks like what ended up on my floor the last time my dog had an upset tummy. Eewww. Teddy is revolted. Vickie asks about cranberry sauce, but Teddy says that he didn’t get no cranberry sauce for nobody! Vickie turns around to fetch some from the refrigerator, and when she turns back around, Hornswaggle is standing on the table, chomping down on the cooked turkey like a little barbarian. Teddy announces that dinner is served.

John Morrison, R-Truth, Matt Hardy, and Finlay vs. Drew McIntyre, CM Punk, Luke Gallows, and Dolph Ziggler: Each team entered as one large group, one to R-Truth’s music and th eother to Punk’s. I would have liked to have seen Morrison and McIntyre’s music used, but that’s just me. The Gloriousness That Is Matt Striker informs us that Punk believes that Christmas Day should not be celebrated, as it is nothing more than a pagan holiday, and that schools should be open and people should be at work. Awesomeness! Ziggler and Finlay start the match, with much being made of Ziggler’s recent “newfound aggression.” That aggression doesn’t help Ziggler much, as Finlay scores a two-count on him. Finlay shows some attitude, teasing that he will allow Ziggler to make a tag, but then dragging him back into the ring for more punishment. Finlay tags in R-Truth, who also scores a two-count on Ziggler. Ziggler fights back and tags in Punk. R-Truth throws Punk down with a hip toss and tags in Matt Hardy. HArdy beats down Punk in the corner. Hardy hits Punk with a clothesline and follows up with a bulldog, but Punk kicks out at two. Punk hits Hardy in the gut. During the commercial break, Gallows tagged in, as he had Hardy up in a mean bear hug when we returned. My main WWE man Drew McIntyre tags in. McIntyre hits a short-arm clothesline on Hardy and covers him, but the Less Charasmatic Enigma kicks out at two. Ziggler tags back in, and nails Hardy with an enziguri. It’s only good for a two-count, though. WAAAY too many two-counts. Note to WWE: A two-count is not a near-fall. Still another two-count results from a really nice rolling neck snap by Ziggler on Hardy. Hardy continues to receive abuse, as Ziggler gets him in a chin lock with a body scissors. Another nice one from Ziggler. Hardy fights out, but Ziggler yanks him down by the hair. The Gloriousness That Is Matt Striker says that pulling long hair should be legal if both guys have it. More awesomeness! McIntyre tags in and lays into Hardy, but Hardy counters with a neck breaker. McIntyre makes the tag to Punk. Hardy finally makes the tag to Morrison. People go insane. Morrison dominates Punk for a moment, but Punk dodges a jumping heel kick just in time to tag in McIntyre again. McIntyre is having none of Morrison, and tags in Ziggler instead. Ziggler gets hit with both a heel kick (is it still a heel kick when a babyface does it?) and a running knee by Morrison, but McIntyre jumps in to break up the pin and count. Finlay runs in and hits McIntyre with a rolling Samoan Drop. Punk drops Finlay with the GTS. R-Truth nails Punk with a heel kick (again, I ask…). Hardy drops Ziggler with the Side Effect (shouldn’t Matt rename that move in light of Jeff’s “issues?”), but Gallows flattens both Hardy and R-Truth. Morrison saves the day, dropping Gallows with the Flying Chuck kick. Morrison lands the Starship Pain on a prone Ziggler to pick up the win for his team.

Winners: John Morrison, R-Truth, Matt Hardy, and Finlay 

 To the ring! It’s the Best in the World at What He Does, Chris Jericho. He says that the very fact that tonight’s show had already been billed as a “DX Christmas” was absolutely disgusting (he’s right) and proved that Teddy Long was the worst GM in the history of wrestling. No longer being on RAW was one thing, but being disrespected here? He is the face of “Smackdown!” JeriShow did not lose their rematch, and after all, what has the Hart Dynasty done to deserve notice or a title shot? Cue the Hart Dynasty’s entrance! All three have mics. Jericho backs off and tells them to calm down. He respects where they came from, as he came from the same place. He remembers them as punk kids with snotty noses and dirt on their faces. Actually, that’s what he thinks of them now. They’ve done nothing to deserve a title shot at DX! DH Smith, who really is a big man, informs Jericho that when confronted with hardship and difficulties, the Hart Dynasty didn’t run away or complain. They faced it head-on! Tyson Kidd says that, while Jericho may be the best in the world at what he does, they are better than the best, period! Jericho starts to respond, but the DX music and the shrieking of fans who weren’t alive when DX had their original run overpower him. The DX segment that followed hurt my soul, and I refuse to get much more detailed than this: graphics of “Tickle Me Big Show” dolls that fart when you push the stomach. Calling the Hart Dynasty “the Hart Kids” and offering them a one-way round-trip ticket back to Canada, where they could enjoy cold, Canadian bacon, hockey, and bears. It’s bad enough that this garbage dominates RAW, now we have to endure “Smackdown” being ruined by it as well? Jeebus! When DX mercifully ends their TitanTron segment, Jericho snaps at the Hart Dynasty that the way to prove themselves is to counter the DX immaturity and make an impact. He turns to yell at DX on the TitanTron about his eventual defeat of DX and reclaiming the Undisputed Unified Tag Team titles. When he turns back around, he gets dropped with the new Hart Attack. DX condescendingly acknowledges that they guess the Hart Dynasty made an impact.

To the back! Michelle McCool and Layla apologize to Mickie James about the way that they have treated her. They give her a book and leave. Said book turns out to be a voucher for free food. More fat jokes are made at Mickie’s expense. Yeah, because grown women actually interact on the level of junior high children.    

To the back! Josh Matthews asks Rey Mysterio about his chances in tonight’s World title match against the Undertaker. Rey speaks briefly in Spanish before saying that Christmas is his favorite holiday, and the season of miracles. Maybe tonight, Orlando would witness one such miracle and he would get the present of a lifetime. Nice one, Rey!

Rey Mysterio vs. the Undertaker (World Heavyweight Championship title match): Little man speed versus big man power. With the two most popular guys on the roster, it’s hard to tell who the audience wanted to see win the most. Rey opens the match dodging and generally staying out of the way, but Taker drops him with a clothesline. Rey is thrown out of the ring but manages to dodge Taker’s apron leg drop. Taker tries to run Rey into the ringpost (say THAT three times fast!), but Rey counters and it’s Taker who eats the ring post instead. Rey takes a suicide dive to the floor. Upon return from the commercial break, Rey tries to remove Taker’s base by targeting his legs with kicks. One of those kicks is grabbed by Taker, and Rey is sent to the mat. Rey tries a seated senton from the ring apron, but Taker counters it by slamming Rey into the railing. Taker rolls Rey back into the ring, hits an elbow drop, and then works over the arm. Taker scores a two-count. Taker hits a scoop slam on Rey, and gestures for the Last Ride. Rey wriggles out and pretty much just launches himself at Taker, following up with a 619. Taker grabs Rey in a choke slam. Rey fights out, but gets dropped by a Big Boot. Taker finally succeeds in choke slamming Rey, but Batista runs down and attacks Taker, causing a DQ.

DQ due to interference

To the back! Cryme Tyme robs a bad Santa who complains about the horrible kids and claims to have kept all of the good stuff for himself. Billy Bob Thornton would have destroyed Cryme Tyme. I’m just sayin’.

Cryme Tyme vs. Pat Buck and Bryce Andrews: A squash is not just an oddly-shaped vegetable, my friends. Cryme Tyme mimics R-Truth and Matt Hardy from a few weeks ago, tossing the contents of Bad Santa’s bag into the audience. Oddly, it was all WWE toys. Hmm. Do you even need to ask how this went? 

Winners: Cryme Tyme

To the back! More “Holiday Cooking” with Vickie and Teddy. Vickie apologizes for the ending of the previous segment, but insists that everything is under control. She has a warm apple pie. Teddy has a banana cream pie. I think you see where this is going. They try to pie-face each other, but catch each other in th eact, stop, and laugh it off. Hornswaggle returns, wanting the cream pie. The midget smashes the cream pie into Vickie’s face, before blasting Teddy with the apple pie, and dunking his own head in the egg nog. Um, yeah….

Beth Phoenix and Layla vs. Maria and Mickie James: Mickie wants to attack Layla, but is held back. I’d still love to see the tag team of Mickie James and Maria to be billed as “CM Punk’s Ex-Girlfriends.” It’s gold, I say! Layla and Maria square off first. Maria hits Layla with drop kicks. Maria tries the boot choke in the corner, but Layla catches the foot and hits a spin kick. Layla covers Maria in yet another two-count. Beth tags in and devours Maria. Michelle McCool has been on commentary (not that anyone noticed), and The Gloriousness That Is Matt Striker realizes that both of them are former teachers. Look, I’ve been a teacher for years now, and Striker was likely a fantastic teacher. McCool could NOT cut it in most of the places that I’ve worked. Not a chance. Meanwhile, Beth uses the ropes to choke Maria. Layla tags herself in. The Glamazon looks less than pleased. Snapmare, drop kick, and something like a Dragon Sleeper from Layla on Maria. Layla has shown in this short match how vastly superior she is to the current champ. Plus, she didn’t have to steal anyone else’s moves. Yeah, I went there, who wants some??? Layla misses an elbow drop, and Mickie tags herself in. Mickie beats the everloving daylights out of Layla, knocks Beth from the apron to the floor, and lands the Mick Kick for the pin and three-count. Post-match, Mickie goes after McCool, who uses the announcers as shields. Beth steps in and throws Mickie into the announce table, but glared at McCool in a manner that clearly stated, “I will devour your soul and put your carcass through a wood chipper.”

Winners: Mickie James and Maria

The Hart Dynasty vs. DX (Unified Tag Team Championship title match): HBK and Tyson Kidd start. Some good, solid wrestling here. Kidd hits HBK with a drop kick. HBK throws Kidd into the waiting fist of HHH. HHH tags in, and holds Kidd up in an entremely lengthy delayed vertical suplex. Kudos to Striker for pointing out that this was a taunt to DH Smith, as the move was one of his father’s most well-known ones. When you cater exclusively to children, things like history are lost. HHH scores a (wait for it) two-count, then hurled Kidd into the corner. HHH goes for a Pedigree, but DH Smith breaks up the pin behind the distracted referee’s back. Way to go, HBK! Smith actually takes control of HHH, and returns the earlier taunt with one of his own, hoisting up HHH in a lengthy delayed vertical suplex. Nice! Smith only scores a two-count as well, however. Smith applies a chin lock. HHH fights out, but is driven back into the Hart Dynasty’s corner. Kidd tags in, and runs into a clothesline from HHH. HBK tags in, and hits Kidd with a flying forearm and a slam. HBK climbs to the turnbuckle, kicking Smith away in the process. HBK goes for the top rope elbow, but Kidd rolls out of the way. Kidd recovers and lands a springboard blockbuster on HBK for a count of two-and-a-half. Nice! Smith tags in, and hits HBK with several forearms before the obligatory HBK Flipping Turnbuckle Spot. After HBK hits the floor, Smith rams him back-first into the edge of the ring apron. Smith gets back in the ring. HBK tries to do likewise, but, with the referee distracted again, Natalya (Nattie By Nature, as Striker calls her) slaps the hell out of HBK. Double-teaming commences, as the Hart Dynasty hit HBK with a double drop toe hold. HBK kicks out at two. Kidd applies a chin lock, but HBK fights out and retaliates with chops. Kidd resorted to a mule kick, and scored a two-count for his trouble. Smith tags back in, and uses yet another delayed vertical suplex on HBK for a – can you guess? – two-count. Smith follows up with an arm and chin lock. HBK fights out with more chops. Smith lands an impressive Saito suplex for yet another two-count. Kidd tags back in, and HBK is double-teamed in the corner. HBK knocks Kidd into the ropes before tagging in HHH. Smith tags in as well. HHH hits Smith with a face buster and a spine buster, but Smith kicks out at two. Kidd runs in, but HHH plants him with a spine buster as well. HHH tries to Pedigree Smith, but Smith counters and HHH is flattened with the Hart Attack. HBK breaks up the pin. Kidd clotheslines HBK out of the ring, but HBK dodges Kidd’s leap over the ropes. Smith attempts the running power slam, but HHH dodges it. HBK tunes up the band, and HHH runs Smith into HBK’s boot. Smith is taken out with the Pedigree for the pin and three-count.  

Winners (and STILL Unified Tag Team Champions): DX

That’s it for this year! Join us next week to ring in the first “Smackdown” of 2010. Be warned, however, that the quality of the review you’ll get is inversely correlated to how awesome of a New Year’s party I attend, so your guess is as good as mine as to what will end up posted here. Never a dull moment!

Peace out,

Drowgoddess

And whatever other celebratory events that I may have left out. We here at BWF wish you and yours all the best during this holiday season, and we sincerely appreciate your support. Without you coming here to read out articles, share thoughts on Twitter, and so on, we’d really just be doing all this to amuse ourselves. And that’s a bit creepy. So on behalf of all of us here at boredwrestlingfan.com, we thank you, and look forward to bringing you more wrestling goodness (and badness) in 2010.

In the spirit of the holiday, I wondered just what I would ask Wrestling Santa for. Suppose that all one had to do was tell Wrestling Santa what you as a fan wanted to see over the next year, and if you were good, it might just happen that way. I have compiled a list of twenty things (sure, it’s a long list, but there is much ground to cover), and I invite you, staff and reader alike, to post your own “Wrestling Wish List” in the comments box. Don’t feel obligated to agree with me, I promise I’ll still like you if you don’t. Well, except for Carlo. That guy’s a jerk.

Drowgoddess’s Wrestling Wish List:

1. An effective, if not lengthy, WWE Championship title reign for Sheamus. That it actually happened at all was shocking enough. Don’t squander this opportunity.

2. An effective, if not lengthy, Intercontinental Championship title reign for Drew McIntyre. Whether he continues to feud with John Morrison or not, McIntyre is in a tremendous position right now. The eventual title loss of the undefeated “Chosen One” needs to be treated as the huge deal that it is. McIntyre also needs an official t-shirt, stat!

3. An end to the RAW “guest host” gimmick. Just stop it. Admit that it isn’t helping anything, and stop it.

4. Tag team gold, as well as complete division dominance, for the Hart Dynasty.

5. A Beth Phoenix vs. Natalya title feud, following Michelle McCool’s tragic accident with a wood chipper.

6. A “Straight Edge” stable, led by CM Punk. Two or three more people would be great.

7. A continuation of the push for Kofi Kingston. He’s just getting started, but he could be HUGE if handled properly.

8. A renewal of Evan Bourne’s push. You DO know that he still works for you, right, WWE?

9. Less Hornswoggle. I’d prefer none at all, but I’ll settle for much less. 

10. TNA keeping the six-sided ring. Sure, some people hate it, but it not only looks different, it forces wrestlers to wrestle the matches differently. Don’t let Hogan and Bischoff get rid of it!

11. Re-sign Angelina Love ASAP, and get rid of Lacey Von Erich! This counts as one request.

12. Focus on the X-Division, and give it a proper champion.

13. More Daffney!!! Preferably in the Knockouts title scene, but just in general.

14. Focus the TNA World Heavyweight title scene around AJ Styles, Daniels, Samoa Joe, Matt Morgan, Hernandez, Desmond Wolfe, and Kurt Angle.

15. Find or create more Knockouts tag teams so that Taylor Wilde and Sarita can fight someone other than The Beautiful People.

16. Tag team gold for the Motor City Machine Guns!!! Good grief, how long does this have to take?

17. A lengthy tag team title feud between the Young Bucks and the MCMG. This is money, pure and simple.

18. Ring of Honor gets what it needs to become a more stable and significant player in the wrestling landscape.

19. EVOLVE and Dragon Gate USA start to become viable alternatives, and increase their presence.

20. TNA slows the hell down in terms of pacing, realizes that “The Hogan Experiment” will not fix all of their problems, and acknowledges that the massive chants of “This is wrestling!” during the Wolfe/Angle match at “Final Resolution” just might be a sign of where they should be looking.  

That’s what I want. What do you peeps want? Get to sharing!

Peace out,

Drowgoddess

1. I hope everyone out there had a great Christmas, and everyone have a happy and safe New Years.  Don’t do anything JT wouldn’t do.

2. Today is the day the Detroit Lions can make history by becoming the first ever NFL team to finish the season 0-16.  You guys can do it!  JT’s game-plan: don’t even show up to the game.  But then that last loss wouldn’t really be earned, so what I do suggest is that you play all of your 3rd, 4th & 5th string guys to insure the loss.

3. I got Hinder’s Take It To The Limit CD this week and have to say that it is quite good and you should take a listen to it.

4.  I watched WWE’s Tribute To The Troops last week, and have to say that it was a big pile of meh.  Not that what they are doing is bad, I think it’s a great thing they take the time to go over and entertain our armed forces, but when I watch the program, I feel like I’m just watching WWE pat themselves on the back.

5.  I was watching the new Edge DVD (yes I got it for Christmas ) and the first match is Edge vs. Owen Hart.  It got me thinking, why doesn’t Owen have his own 3 DVD set?

6.  Santino got to main event RAW on Monday.  YAY!  I don’t care if he was pinned by SuperCena, he was in the main event.

7. Good to see Trish Stratus on RAW this past week.

8. So, its Orton vs. HBK vs. JBL vs Chris Jericho to see who will be next to lay down to Cena.  My money’s on JBL, because it’s my pick.

9. ECW was a “Best Of” show this week.  I don’t watch best of shows.

10. The same usual rubbish happened on Impact this week (thanks Legend Killer) and that all I have to say about that.

11. Youmanga is returning,  jobbers and mid carders beware!

12. Is anyone not as interested in the debut of Kizarny as I am?

13. So, is the Great Khali a face now, I really can’t tell?

14. Nothing much more to say about Smackdown except that I thought it was yet another good program overall and I’m looking forward to seeing the Hardy’s vs Edge & Big Show next week.

Well I taken enough of your time this week thanks again for reading and see you next year!

1.  First, I hope everyone who celebrated it had a happy and safe Thanksgiving, I know I did.

2.  The long awaited Guns N’ Roses album Chinese Democracy was released last Sunday and as ruled my CD player since.  This is well worth buying and will not disappoint, as long as you realise that this is Guns N’ Roses 2008, not Guns N’ Roses 1987-93.

3.  A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All is f****n hilarious, a definite must watch.

4.  So Edge is the new WWE champion.  As a huge fan of his I should be excited but I really wanted Jeff Hardy to win the title at the Survivor Series.  But Edge as champ is always a good thing and let’s hope that we will get Hardy as WWE champion soon.

5.  John Cena is the new World Heavyweight champion. Ugh!  It shoud’ve stayed on Jericho, nuff said.

6.  Santino Marella is the best thing on RAW right now.

7.  I tried watching Impact Thursday and fell asleep during the show, it was that bad.  The Turkey Bowl, c’mon.  The only match that should’ve been a X-division guy vs. a Heavyweight vs. a Tag Wrestler was the last one.  We shouldn’t have has to sit through 4 matches like that.  Then Alex Shelly ends having to wear a turkey costume (rolleyes).

8.  Listening to vinyl is awesome!

9.  The new Steel Steps background is cool, great job Joe, keep up the good work.

10.  I don’t know if it’s been because of me DVRing it, but Smackdown has been the best program to watch each and every week lately (well minus the Khali Kiss cam).

Well I guess that’s it for now, thanks for taking the time to read and see you all next time!