Hey! They’re in the U.K.! Also known as forced attempts to recreate the chants on RAW after WrestleMania 29 Land! YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH! Has anyone else noticed they changed Fandango’s music and added crowd noise? I did. Let’s get to “entertainment you” of a show. Hopefully Shannon Moore makes a surprise return? Only one way to find out. So step up on that stool and strap on your noose , folks…. It’s hopping time!
Ok, it can’t be THAT bad. Nobody kill yourself, it’s just fucking wrestling. Go bitch about it on the internet like everybody else. That’s how we roll, peeps.
In all seriousness, there will be a much watch match on this show, as you probably already know.
Fresh out of the IWC voting ballot box, comes the Power Poll for the fallout from WrestleMania 27. We take into account the build prior the showcase of the immortals, but more importantly, rank the wrestlers based on their performance and storyline outcomes from WrestleMania itself. And while we’ve seen some development on RAW last Monday… we will just pretend it didn’t happen, ok? (more…)
This one’s a little late, although I might start shaking up when I put these out as a result of that… see, being a community project by many IWC voters, quite a lot of things create delays. I like to refer to them as “life.” Speaking of life, I’ll animate the gifs for you fine folks… (more…)
Back for another edition of Monday Night RAW! Turns out the boss man, ThinkSoJoE is there live tonight, so I hope he has a good time! He tweeted something about there being a steel cage over the ring tonight. Will we see it come into action, or are they just teasing us? As the person who has to review tonight… I don’t know if I want it to come into action or not.
Also, I want to take a second and thank everyone who tweets during RAW, and those of you who reply to the actual review. It means a lot to me to know that you all like the way I write these up, and I love to see interaction. It makes the searing pain in my fingers after totally worth it.
Anyway, I hear that The Rock is supposed to be around sometime to talk about John Cena’s response. This could be really good… Or really bad. We’ll see what happens.
It’s time to play the game…
Omfg I missed this music. Oh, sorry about missing last week’s RAW. Family time prevented me from seeing it, and then a busy week prevented me from reviewing it. Sorry!
It has been made official! The Undertaker will go one-on-one with Triple H at Wrestlemania!
Triple H says that it’s good to see Buffalo too! He says that they say the true test of a man’s mettle is the test of time. He’s done everything that there is to do in the WWE. Every accolade, championship, defined Elimination Chamber, Hell in the Cell, and a thirteen-time WWE Champion. With Shawn Michaels, he started D Generation X. With Ric Flair, Evolution. He’s been hated, loved. He’s defeated icons, legends, immortals, he’s done it all. Sixteen years. Seems like yesterday, but sixteen years. He’s seen them all come and seen them all go, for sixteen years, he’s out lasted everybody.
Except for one. The Deadman. The Phenom. The Undertaker.
He’s just heard him referred to as “The Last Outlaw.” Not yet, there are two. The Undertaker and Triple H are the same, probably a lot more than he knows. When he looks in the locker room, they see the same thing: There aren’t any real challenges left. They’re in the same position. There’s only one thing that stands before him: For Taker, it’s the Streak. 16, 17, 18-0. It’s what keeps Taker going, the challenge. But, the fact is, when Taker looks around the locker room, Hunter’s the only real challenge he’s got left. And when Hunter looks around the locker room, the only true challenge he has left is ending the streak. It’s the only thing they have left. It will happen at Wrestlemania XXVII. The biggest event in history! Deadman, you and Hunter will define an era. The iconic, the immortal, the legendary, the last two will meet, and on that night, nothing else will matter. There can be only one Higlander. At Wrestlemania, Taker has only one thing left: The Streak. And when it dies, Taker dies. At Wrestlemania, Hunter has only one thing left: The Streak. If he can’t end it, he’ll die trying.
Sheamus makes his way down to the ring, much to the amusement of Triple H, actually. But, as he gets in the ring, Hunter knocks him to his knees. Triple H rolls his neck before hurling Sheamus out of the ring and following him. Hunter then throws him into the wall and starts pounding right down on him. He then throws him into the steel ring post, and follows him in front of the announce table. Hunter then punches him again, and takes Sheamus right over another barrier. Hunter throws Sheamus onto the announce table and I’m aware that… Cole’s not there!! Anyway, Hunter clears the table and climbs onto it, pulling Sheamus to his feet. He gets Sheamus in position, Jerry tells him not to do this, and Hunter points to the Wrestlemania sign before giving Sheamus a Pedigree right through the announce table!
Later on tonight, Shawn Michaels will weigh in on Triple H vs The Undertaker! Not only that, but Michael Cole will answer Jerry “The King” Lawler later! And, The Rock is going to respond to John Cena’s comments last week. Oh, and on FaceBook, he posted a picture of his boot on John Cena’s hat…
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 The #WWE announce desk DESTROYED at 12 minutes into #RAW !!! No, not the Spanish desk…King & Josh’s Desk! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Damn. Sheamus must’ve failed a wellness test. Smoked a lot of pot. Tanned. He did SOMETHING wrong because….My God! That was brutal!
@HitTheRopes Remember when Sheamus was a menacing jar of Mayonnaise? Now he’s just Miracle Whip(ped)! #wwe
@FrankWWEClown Sheamus, you made a poor decision interrupting The Game, just sayin’. #WWE #RAW
@thinksojoe Where will the announcers set their drinks? Won’t somebody think of the announcers? #BWF
@Seanfranchise6 Tonight on RAW: HBK WILL SPEAK, COLE WILL PUSS OUT, AND ROCK WILL STOMP CENA………………..via satellite. #RAW
We come back to a handful of refs finally helping Sheamus to get away from the broken announce table. You would’ve thought someone would’ve done that during the commercial…
“Sheamus, you just got brutally attacked by Triple H, but that’s not his problem. You were scheduled to have a match tonight, and you’re still gonna have it, against this man.”
King Sheamus vs Evan Bourne
YAY EVAN!!!!! I missed Air Bourne. I’m happy to see him back.
The bell rings and Evan goes to town on Sheamus right in the corner. Sheamus manages to push Evan off, but misses a clothesline. Evan hits a high kick and then goes up, and hits Air Bourne for the win!
Evan Bourne wins via pinfall.
Really, really short match, but I’m really glad that Evan’s back. And I seriously missed that slow-mo Air Bourne replay.
Justin Roberts tells us to please welcome “The Voice of the WWE”, Michael Cole. Evan even rolls his eyes, and Cole walks out to a number of boos. Cole walks over to King, and seems amused that the announce table is broken. Cole stands in front of King and talks, but no one hears him. … I’m confused.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar Now Michael Cole is gonna beat Sheamus! C’mon. At some point this turns into a hate crime against gingers.
@CMPunkSays It’s not often you get buried twice in one night. Whose duffel bag did Sheamus take a dump in? #WWE
@Niki_Sushi I just had a SCREAMING fit. My baby’s back! YES! Totally made my night!
@N_er_d All I can say is that it was not a good day for our King Sheamus. #WWE #RAW #BWF #MNBW
@chynnacena We’d like to that you for flying Air Borne #WWE #RAW #BWF
<WWE Rewind: Last Monday, Cole “interviews” King, and King challenges him to a Wrestlemania Match!>
Michael Cole has a mic and is in the ring now. He says he wants to do this man-to-man, face-to-face, eye-to-eye, so he suggests that King gets off his fat, antiquated butt, and get in the ring. They have an announce table now! Cole also wants to remind King that he cannot strike Cole or he’ll be fired. Over the weekend, Cole re-read the decree that was handed down by the General Manager. It implies that if they touch one another, they’ll both be fired. But, it states that if King strikes Cole, King’s fired. King gets in the ring and stands in front of Cole. Cole says that King thinks he was intimidated last week. Did King think that Cole was going to coward down from his Wrestlemania Challenge? Lawler, there is no one, and Cole means no one, on this earth that has more guts than Cole. Cole never, ever backs down from a fight. So his answer to King’s “little” Wrestlemania Challenge is no, unless King accepts two conditions: First, Cole’s trainer can be in his corner at Wrestlemania, and second: Cole gets to choose a special guest referee for the match. King goes to take the mic, Cole asks what he says, and the King takes the mic. He says that he doesn’t care if Cole has the Dark Knight, King Kong, Saba Simba, and Superman with him, the answer is yes, Cole’s on. Cole says that they’ve got their match for Wrestlemania. Michael Cole vs Jerry “The King” Lawler! Cole says without further ado, he would like to introduce the man who will train Cole to defeat Lawler at Wrestlemania. He is a former World Champion, the All American-American, Jack Swagger!
Check, 1, 2!
Cole’s pretty damn proud of himself, but King doesn’t look impressed, to be honest. Swagger gets in the ring and the two hug, before Swagger stands over King. King still doesn’t look intimidated. Cole shoves King, and Swagger stands between them. Cole keeps asking what King thinks, and then Cole smacks Lawler. Jerry goes for Cole, but Swagger grabs King and puts him in the ankle lock.
Later tonight, Rock will respond to John Cena’s comments last week…
Randy Orton makes his way to the ring…
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes Guess Swagger won’t be in Money in the Bank this year. #wwe
@JRosz78 Thank you Swagger! YES! #RAW #BWF #MNBW
@seraphalexiel Cole’s got Jack Swagger as his trainer? I want Jack Swagger to be my trainer
@KeepItFiveStar What kind of Steve from Blues Clues dance was that, Michael Cole?
@TheFightingGeek Ah, the classic Lawler can’t touch Cole until WrestleMania. An oldie but a goodie.
@CMPunkSays Michael Cole looks like he passed Advanced Heel Tactics 462. The professor of that course is 2009 Randy Orton. #WWE
@N_er_d ok, can we get Matt Striker back on commentary now? #WWE #RAW #BWF #MNBW
Next week, Stone Cold Steve Austin returns to Monday Night RAW!
And damn it all, Cole is back on commentary, and he’s sanitizing it. Cole asks for a replay of Lawler in Swagger’s Ankle Lock, and we get a quick picture… or two, of it. And he’s talking, but I’m tuning him out. I know how now.
I hear voices in my head…
Before the match, Randy picks up a mic. He says last week, Punk was right about something. Two and a half years ago, when Randy punted Punk in the skull, he made the biggest mistake of his career. The mistake that he made was that he should have kicked Punk harder. Punk talks about faith like it can protect him, but it won’t. It won’t protect him when Randy punts him so hard in the head that it makes his spine break and so that his permanent address is a rehab center, dreaming of walking again one day. He will spend every day of his life, sipping his meals through a straw, and the only thing Punk will have left is the faith that failed him.
Punk makes his way out to the ring with the New Nexus (minus Harris still) following him. Punk calls Randy an arrogant, but predictable, hypocrite. Does Randy think that Punk told him not to show up because he didn’t want him to show up? Punk is going to put Randy in the ground.
Cole lets Josh Matthews read this email.
“It appears that there’s only one way for Randy Orton and CM Punk to settle things: In a match at Wrestlemania. Now, over the course of the next few weeks, Randy Orton will compete in singles matches against members of the New Nexus. If the Nexus members win, they can legally be in Punk’s corner at Wrestlemania. If Randy wins, that member of the Nexus is banned from ringside at Wrestlemania. If CM Punk or the members of Nexus get involved, I will personally disband the New Nexus. Randy Orton vs Michael McGuillicutty begins right now.”
Randy Orton vs Michael McGuillicutty
Orton and McGuillicutty lock up, and McGuillicutty pushes Orton in the corner. Orton turns it around and hammers away on McGuillicutty, but McGuillicutty reverses the whip, only to get a clothesline. Orton stomps on McGuillicutty’s face and then goes to drop the knee, but McGuillicutty moves. McGuillicutty takes advantage and Whips Orton, but Orton stops and throws McGuillicutty out of the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@Lunna1969 i is a very happy girl tonight….even though i have the flu…Randy, Evan and HHH have made up for it!!! #WWE #RAW #BWF
@KeepItFiveStar Boy, it is Open Mic night on RAW tonight.
@CMPunkSays Everyone tweet @wwejoshmathews with suggestions as to what he should put in Cole’s drink when he isn’t looking. #WWE
@kickoutblog Spoiler: no one will be in CM Punk’s corner at WrestleMania.
@KeepItFiveStar “Why the FUCK didn’t anybody do this with any of my matches against The Nexus?” – John Cena (via @lekeithlewis)
@Niki_Sushi I wonder if Cole realizes he didn’t do anything… #bwf #raw
@Whovian_23 If Stone Cold had come out while Michael Cole was in the ring, Cole would of shit /AND/ pissed his pants at the same time. #WWE #RAW #BWF
We come back to Randy still dominating McGuillicutty, but then Orton eats a missile dropkick. McGuillicutty goes for the cover, but Orton kicks out. McGuillicutty goes for another, but Orton kicks out again. Orton crawls into the corner (cause that’s the best idea ever), and McGuillicutty stomps on him in the corner. Orton fights back, however, only to get a knee by McGuillicutty. McGuillicutty then drops his feet in Orton’s face. He gets on the middle rope and shoves Orton’s face down before going for another cover, only for Orton to kick out. McGuillicutty puts Orton in a headlock, but Orton fights to his feet, and sidewalk slams him off. Orton and McGuillicutty both return to their feet, and McGuillicutty runs right into Orton’s foot. Orton gets him down with a couple of clotheslines, followed by a scoop slam. Orton then drops McGuillicutty in the back breaker. McGuillicutty does the stupid thing and rolls under the bottom rope, so Orton pulls him most of the way into the ring, and this the second-rope DDT. Orton then slams down to the mat and pounds it down, watching McGuillicutty get to his feet before hitting the RKO.
Randy Orton wins via pinfall.
So, at Wrestlemania, Michael McGuillicutty will not be in CM Punk’s corner at Wrestlemania. Orton backs into a corner as McGuillicutty lays on the mat, and Punk comes out to tell him to stop. He then says Randall Keith Orton, you have done enough. Randy does not want to do this, no one wants to see him do this. Punk is telling Randall, do not punt him in the skull. Orton goes back to the corner as McGuillicutty gets up on his knees, and then Orton punts McGuillicutty in the skull before running out of the ring and up into the stands as Punk, Mason Ryan, and David Otunga go to chase him.
Last Friday, Sin Cara was signed to the WWE!
WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are making their way to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
@2ndCitySaint RANDAL KEITH ORTON! RANDALL!!! #CMDad #WWE
@FrankWWEClown @RandyOrton either has ants in his pants or just loves to punt people in the head. I’ll go with the latter. #WWE #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar And Randy Orton punts Michael McGuillictty back into Joe Hennig!
@Niki_Sushi Is Punk gonna pull another Maryse? #bwf #raw
@kickoutblog Hopefully Orton just punts them all in the head and ends the Nexus debacle once and for all.
@Whovian_23 Seems that @RandyOrton is doing what @JohnCena could not do… take out the Nexus. #WWE #RAW #BWF
<RAW Rewind: John Cena and WWE Champion The Miz win the Unified Tag Team Championships, then The Miz costs them the titles.>
Awesome! I came to play!
The Miz has a mic. I’m sensing a trend. Anyway, Miz says The Rock is going to respond to John Cena tonight! That’s funny, because Miz called out The Rock last week as well, and he’s not responding to Miz. We all know why: Because The Miz is right. This is no longer The Rock’s show. Sure, at one point, The Rock was the biggest star in the WWE, then John Cena, but let’s face facts: John Cena’s days are numbered, and the Rock’s are over. What everyone needs to realize is that Miz is the biggest star in the WWE. He is the reason those people are there tonight (he’s the reason I went!). He is the one the talk shows want, he is the face of this company, and best of all, he is the most must-see WWE Champion in the history of this company! Do you see a trend? It’s all about The Miz. It always has been, it always will be, about him. Speaking of him, everybody’s been asking him about becoming WWE Tag Team Champions with John Cena. Let the records show that he won the WWE Tag Team Championships, and John Cena lost them, which was exactly what he wanted to happen. This is Miz’s show, he’s in the driver’s seat, and he controls what happens around there. So, when John Cena’s worrying about the Rock and doing his raps, he should be worried about The Miz, the WWE Champion. But, if The Rock and Cena want to go back and forth, so be it. The Miz will beat John Cena at Wrestlemania, and on that very same night, he will beat the Rock. Did you hear him correctly? He will beat John Cena at Wrestlemania, and on the very same night, he will beat the Rock. And then no one will ever mention them again, because the only person anyone will be talking about will be him as the greatest Superstar of all time.
Alex Riley tells them to get on their feet and show some respect to the man who, in thirty-four days, will main event Wrestlemania!
BRRRRRRRRRRRRR HERPY DERPY DOO!
And John Cena comes out. How appropriate with your timing, Cena. Oh, and Cena’s entrance without the slide is weird.
Cena says he has very very very very important news! He knows, just like everyone, he’s upset, because he can’t listen to another word The Miz says. Those people shouldn’t have to put up with it, and frankly, Miz doesn’t belong talking. The Miz isn’t well. Cena pulls out a folder that says Doctor’s Note. Cena says he has a doctor’s note that diagnosis the Miz with OCD. It’s something they could all see. He’s obsessed with everything. He’s obsessed with being awesome, but if you reference the medical report, he’s below average. He’s obsessed with being must-see, but if you reference the medical report, you have to have a microscope to see him. In his home, he has 2,000 cats, blue dockers, blue khakis, saves his dog’s poop bags, and pees in milk jugs. Ew. And that’s only the half of it. Alex says that Cena’s too funny. Riley just realized why someone nicknamed toilets ‘Johns’, because everything Cena says is crap. Even Cole agrees that was weak, and that’s sad.
Cena asks if Miz ever wondered why no one’s taking him seriously as the WWE Champion. Cena says that was awful, and it’s actually a pretty sad story. Look at Riley, he’s looking at them right now, sucking in air like a dying fish. You know what, you wanna be a champion, you wanna leave a legacy, Miz needs to start doing it by himself. With all these accomplishments, do you really wanna look back and realize that he shared his legacy with another man? Cena then tells him not to answer that. Miz wants to be must-see, talked about, let’s do something about it tonight! Right here, right now, fire Alex Riley, so at Wrestlemania it can be The Miz vs John Cena! Miz asks if Cena is scared of A-Ry, or is he trying to play mind games? Unlike Cena, Miz is mentoring the next generation of Superstars, and he’s secure with his position, so he’s sharing his genius in the WWE, instead of hocking merchandise or trying to decide what jorts to wear. Cena says that maybe his announcement could be that Miz and Riley are co-champions, moving in together, and basically being gay. Cena says that Miz may be training Riley how to be a loser, but Cena’s going to train Miz on how to be a man. Tonight, Cena wants a match with Riley. If Cena wins, Riley is fired. Miz and Riley talk about it for a minute, and then Miz says that he accepts. Cena says that’s shocking, but Miz adds a stipulation: He gives his word that Miz will not interfere, but if Riley wins, he wants Cena to publicly admit that Miz is the greatest superstar of all time, because he’s the Miz and he’s awesome! Cena asks if he’s been to outer space. He’s been fired, a slave, water thrown at him, called Barney turd, called Fruity Pebbles, he’ll do it.
Cole’s back on the email.
“No offense to Miz or his word, but to insure there is no outside interference tonight, John Cena vs Alex Riley will take place inside a steel cage. John, the only way to win this match tonight is to escape the cage.”
<COMMERCIAL>
@justinruff When will we stop using homosexuality as a negative? #Raw #WWE
@CMPunkSays DING DING DING DING DING THAT WAS CENA’S 10,000TH GAY JOKE #WWE
@FrankWWEClown That is one detailed doctor’s note. I need to find me that doctor, I think I may have a few screws loose. #WWE #RAW
@KeepItFiveStar I think in honor of the Fruity Pebbles joke, John Cena should slide down a Dinosaur then go to the ring in a Flintstones car for WM27.
@HitTheRopes @MikeTheMiz trying to channel his inner @IamJericho by beating two of the biggest superstars in wrestling on the same night.
@CMPunkSays That suit is AWWWWWWESOME. #BeMiz #WWE
@KeepItFiveStar Miz, suited up. Looking sharp as usual. Rock and Cena are getting all the praise. Show em what you can do, champ!
@N_er_d hahhaha The Rock vs Cena is funny. The Rock vs Miz would be more entertaining. I see Jericho’s mic skills in the Miz #WWE #RAW #BWF #MNBW
@Whovian_23 You know Cole I’m pretty sure that a good broadcast journalist is meant to be unbiased and…. oh never mind. #WWE #RAW #BWF
Shawn Michaels is going to talk later!! And it’s a Diva’s Battle Royal with Eve on ringside.
Diva’s Battle Royal – Winner will face Eve Torres for the Diva’s Championship
Bella One’s first to be eliminated, then Alicia Fox, then Tamina, Natalya and Melina, Maryse, then a Bella, then the other Bella twin tries to help her sister, and Gail is eliminated. Eve gets in the ring and tries to tell the ref what happened, and the Bellas double team Eve.
Bella… Whichever wins.
Up next, The Rock will respond to John Cena’s rap on him from last week!
<COMMERCIAL>
@kickoutblog I couldn’t type a sentence before we got to the final three divas in this battle royal.
@KeepItFiveStar ….Welp. At least we know the WWE is ready for Women’s History Month.
@JRosz78 Really we are fuckin pushin Eve(tranny) and the Bellas? Well now the diva division really is dead! #RAW #BWF #MNBW
@Whovian_23 Why doesn’t the GM just order the Bella’s to wear different clothes during matches? #WWE #RAW #BWF
<VIDEO PACKAGE: Last week, John Cena raps on The Rock in response to his comment two weeks ago!>
Live!… via satellite, it’s The Rock!
Rock has on one of Cena’s hats, and mocks the rap style with the childish voice “you can’t see me”. He says:
The Rock is rappin
He’s gone soft
So now he needs
To take this crap off.
Finally, The Rock has come back to Monday Night RAW (via satellite). Wait, The Rock is the champion of the People, the energy of the People, and the Rock is electrifying every inch of the 14,000 strong in the HSBC Arena, which can only mean one thing: Finally, the Rock has come back to Buffalo (via satellite). And it’s that electricity that’s in the air right now, you can cut it with a knife, makes every woman with a beating heart stop and say ‘Damn, I want a piece of the Rock.’, every man with a bit of testosterone that says ‘Damn, let’s whip some candy asses.’, and they’ve got the attention of John Cena. So let Rock get this straight…? He makes his historic return to RAW, electrify the world, speak from the heart to the people, and said exactly how he felt about John Cena. He came back to RAW, kicked down the door, and addressed him like a man, and what does Cena do in response: Raps to Rock? He raps… to Rock? He addresses Rock in the form of rap. Well, of course Cena did, cause that’s how the guy in the purple shirt responds with his dog tag chain and jean shorts. He thought it was funny, it was real funny. Let Rock remind Cena and the world how this whole thing started: It started with Cena publicly running his mouth about Rock, calling him a liar when he says he loves the WWE. Cena said don’t jerk him or the fans around by saying he loves this business and not coming back. By saying that, Cena insulted him and his family. Rock’s love for the WWE is endless. He grew up in the WWE, born in the WWE, his blood is the WWE. His grandfather, the late great High Chief, his father former WWE Tag Team Champion Rocky Johnson, both Hall of Famers, who he inducted. He is standing in his house, this is his collection of WWE Championship titles that he proudly displays. He didn’t show love? Because he accomplished his goals and wanted to achieve more? Rock knew that if he made it in Hollywood, outside of the WWE, that meant one important thing, that he just opened the door, held open the door for the WWE and locker room, and he helped opened the door for Cena. Paved the way for him. And what does Cena do? Publicly insult and knock the People’s Champion. Well, Cena, no, there are consequences, he’s going to pay for running his mouth. He’s just made an open plea to bring it, and trust him, like no one else on this planet, brings it like the Rock. Now, he has just opened the door himself, and on the other side, staring right back at him is the Rock. Sorry guys, it’s a lot of stuff to type as he says it. The Rock is hosting Wrestlemania, but more importantly, he’ll be addressing Cena sooner than he thinks. The Rock electrifies all over the world, his spirit is everywhere, and it’s in that spirit and that electricity that allows the People’s Champ to electrify Buffalo, just… like… that. Buffalo, get ready, cause in a few seconds, you will feel the electricity, because when the Rock addresses Cena, the Rock is never alone, and the Rock means never alone… The Rock is with the millions and millions, bringing it to Wrestlemania and the world. Cena, the Rock ain’t no rapper, and clearly neither are you, but open your ears and shut your mouth, and listen to this very special gift from Rock to Cena: The Rock is back to scratch a major itch, so enjoy your Fruity Pebbles, you Yabba Dabba Bitch. And Cena will smell what the Rock is cookin.
Great big wall of text. I’m sorry, he talks a lot… If I missed stuff, it’s because of all that talking. I do my best, but I’m not that damn good. Hahaha… Anyway.
Coming up, John Cena vs Alex Riley in a steel cage match, but Shawn Michaels is coming up next!
<COMMERCIAL>
@HitTheRopes The Rock opened the door for Cena to star in The Tooth Fairy 2: The Whole Tooth
@KeepItFiveStar “Wait wait wait…so YOU’RE responsible for The Marine and The Chaperon? FUCK YOU, ROCK!” – @lekeithlewis
@KeepItFiveStar Man, The Rock really hates rap. I hope he shoots on R-Truth next. That guy’s always “rapping”
@kickoutblog Uh Rock… you’re at home, not in Buffalo
@Niki_Sushi Rock, diss John Cena all you want, but you’re lining his pockets. #justfyi #raw #raw
@WWE_Creative Finally, @TheRock has come back…to his living room. #RAWTonight
In his living room, Shawn says that he was happy that Taker may get his and Triple H may end the streak, but he’s a little upset that he couldn’t get the job done. Obviously, Shawn has a history with both of them, and he’s been in the ring with both of them. Having been inside the ring with Taker, you almost find yourself at war with a legacy instead of a man. It’s a huge, huge mountain to climb. He doesn’t know another way to describe it.
Shawn says there’s a part of Triple H that can be extremely vicious. Every time Shawn’s ever been in the ring with Triple H, he hasn’t seen a hint of compassion, and he’s one of Triple H’s best friends in the world. Shawn thinks that if there’s anyone who could beat Taker at Wrestlemania, it’s Triple H, and no words do justice to it. There’s a history inside them that so few ever touch. Triple H is his buddy, but Shawn can’t say how he’s going to feel when and if Triple H beats the Streak.
United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs
Before Daniel Bryan can get all the way down to the ring, The Miz comes down and attacks him, throwing him into the barrier before delivering a hard kick to what looked like the side of his head. Miz continues to assault Bryan before putting his foot all over Bryan’s face and standing on Bryan’s face. Miz then kicks him in the head again. My bad, it’s just the steel part, not the padded barrier. Miz stands behind Bryan and gets him up before hitting the Skull Crushing Finale on Bryan on the floor.
And that’s what Bryan gets for not defending the United States Championship on the air recently. … I’m just sayin.
Miz takes the mic and says that just so everyone knows, he did that because he can. Welcome to The Miz Show. He’s done waiting. Lower the cage, and start the match.
I love the steel cage-lowering music, by the way. That creepy feeling tone makes me mark out every single time.
<COMMERCIAL>
@seraphalexiel I love how Daniel’s opponent just decided to chill in the back, not even come out
@CMPunkSays That kid who just yelled at The Miz should never open his stupid mouth ever again. #WWE #KidsAreDumb
@thinksojoe I could’ve stayed home and watched TV. Boo Rock, and boo HBK. #BWF
@Niki_Sushi I know who I’m rooting for! 18-1! 18-1! #Bwf #raw #endthestreak
@CMPunkSays I applaud Shawn Michaels for realizing that the word “epic” is essentially meaningless now. #WWE
@KeepItFiveStar LOL the replay of Daniel Bryan getting attacked and the way his music cut was funny. It made a “WOMP WOMP” sound.
@TKeep123 Daniel Bryan’s head did bounce nicely off he floor… #WWE #RAW #BWF #MNBW
@legendkiller515 oh so now he can do things because he can? what the hell? #wwe #raw #bwf
WWE Champion The Miz joins Cole and Matthews ringside for this match. He says that the attack on Daniel Bryan was a message to The Rock and to John Cena.
Alex Riley vs John Cena in a Steel Cage Match – If Riley loses, he is fired. If Cena loses, he must admit that The Miz is awesome.
BRRRRRRRR YABBA DABBA BITCH
Oh, and there’s no pin-fall or submission. They must escape the cage to win.
Riley goes to leave right away, but Cena pulls him down and hits him. Cena bounces Riley’s head off the turnbuckle, and then slaps him in the chest. Cena suplexes Riley to the ring floor, and kicks him in the kidney. Cena punches him, knees him, and hurls him back down to the ground. Cena goes to leave, but Miz runs over and holds the door closed. Riley knees Cena and Miz slams the door on him. Riley pounds away on Cena and hurls him into the cage. Matthews brings up that Miz said he wouldn’t get involved, and Miz says that he wouldn’t say anything. Miz tells Riley to bring Cena over there, and Miz takes a picture. I’m seriously amused. Riley throws Cena into the cage, but Cena stops and throws Riley into the cage. Miz slips something (a phone) into the cage and then Riley slams it into Cena’s face and crawls to the door, reaching out. Cena grabs Riley’s feet, and Miz grabs his arms, and the two of them tug Riley in opposite directions, but Cena gets Riley in. Cena locks in the STF, and Riley taps, but it doesn’t matter. Miz finally tells Cole to shut up, and Riley doesn’t move. Cena climbs toward the top of the cage, and Miz grabs a chair, waiting for Cena to climb down low enough for Cena to get hit. Cena stands down and watches him in the ring, going for the other side, but Miz smacks the cage with the chair, following him. Riley is up, and puts Cena on his shoulders before just dropping backwards.
Here is the Miz tweet, by the way:
@mikethemiz I’m so awesome.
But he tweeted again!
@mikethemiz Say cheese.
<COMMERCIAL>
@KeepItFiveStar A twitpic during a match! @mikethemiz THAT’S awesome!
@kickoutblog Okay, The Miz tweeting John Cena’s agony is the greatest thing ever.
@KeepItFiveStar The Miz is tweeting during commentary! That was my gimmick for Melina! Worst Upcoming Women’s History Month EVER! #WomensHistoryMonth
We come back to Riley dropping Cena. Riley punches Cena in the head and tries for a missile drop kick, but Cena holds onto the ropes. Riley misses a clothesline and Cena drops him onto his back. He hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle (and Miz tells Cole to shut up again), before Cena pulls Riley up for the Attitude Adjustment, but Riley grabs onto the cage and tries to climb, only to be followed by Cena. Cena gets his head beat against the cage, and Riley climbs up to the top. He’s on the very top, and Cena gets up with him, straddling the top to try to get Riley back into the ring. They are both at the very top of the cage, and Cena punches Riley in the head, only for Riley to fall just inside the cage, on the top rope. They are both on the top rope again, and Cena bulldogs Riley off the top rope. Cena gets Riley up and hits the Attitude Adjustment. Cena picks up the phone and messes with it before taking a picture of Alex Riley now. He then walks to the cage door, and Miz pushes it closed. Cena and Miz push against the door, before Cena pushes it open and gets out.
John Cena wins.
Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale right after the match, and Miz seems perfectly fine with the fact that Alex Riley just lost. They play a replay, and it does look like The Miz let the door go so that Cena could fall out of the ring…
There’s the show! And… I’ll be back next week, when Stone Cold Steve Austin returns!
Tonight we are slated to have a funeral for the Deadman. Being Halloween week, or whatever they call it in today’s immensely Hallmark influenced world. I love the holiday, don’t get me wrong. It just seems to get more commercialized every year, and I just sound more like an old man… ha ha… Screw it, time to suffer through Smackdown… Maybe there will be some wrestling too?
“I don’t know what you’ve been drinking, but pour another one for me.”
It’s the last stop before the Elimination Chamber – what’s to become of John Morrison’s spot if he’s unable to compete? That’s all I got. I’m still half asleep. Anyways, it’s Friday (for another 10 minutes as of the time I’m typing this very sentence), and I’ve got SmackDown fired up and ready to go!
William Shatner hosts as we get the fallout from the Royal Rumble! What’s to become of Legacy? What about DX? What will Shawn Michaels do now that his dream of winning the Rumble and challenging The Undertaker at WrestleMania is gone? Will Edge appear on RAW tonight and challenge Sheamus? What will happen when Bret Hart confronts Mr. McMahon? All this and more tonight on RAW!
Today is a great day for BoredWrestlingFan – we’ve likely had our most articles posted in one day, what with the three earlier and now the No Way Out posting actually going up on the day of the show!
It was a unique PPV to say the least, and whether or not I like the event in general is irrelevant. What matters is that WWE put on a great show with a surprise here and there, and gives credible reasons for some of the rumored WrestleMania matches to happen.
