Normally I end my intro blah’s with “hopping time” or some variation of such. Nope. Not so much this week.

See, See? You killed him.

Gravity wins again. It’s falling down time smarks, hit the link below. I get progressively angrier and jaded during this review. Maybe it’s just this week, maybe it’s not. The ball is in the WWE’s court on this one…

It’s that time of the week again for the radio to tell you everything it knows.  Joe, Jorge, G, and JT are joined by a pair of Brians this week – frequent guest Brian Muller, and occasional guest Mr. Brian DeVille.  Mr. DeVille dropped in to promote ESW BrawlFest in Lockport, NY next Friday, featuring special guests The Hurricane, Goldust, and Michael Elgin.  Wrestling television was discussed, ideas were thrown around about who Kaitilyn’s secret admirer could be, and we even spoil an upcoming episode of NXT for you!

In the news, we get conflicting reports of when CM Punk may return.  Jim Ross tweets his opinion on a women’s wrestling organization’s chances of making it on a national level.  Yahoo decides they want to get into the wrestling game, with thoughts on The Rock, and a new deal with WWE.  We reveal who the first inductee into the 2014 class of the WWE Hall of Fame will most likely be.  We hear from G how the Rogers purchase of The Score in Canada may affect the WWE.  We have a good laugh at statements from Alberto Del Rio and Bully Ray, are dumbfounded by the happenings at a recent TNA house show, and much, much more!  Tune in!

BoredWrestlingFan Radio Episode 72 (MP3, 2:06:13)

This week’s break song was “Anthem” by Rush, as covered by Anthrax.  Buy it here!

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] ESW Brawlfest, May 10th at the Kenan Center Arena in Lockport, NY[/caption]

MATCH RESULTS

RICARDO RODRIGUEZ DEF. BIG E. LANGSTON & ZEB COULTER – This is a Triple Threat match, with each man representing a superstar in the Triple Threat for the World Heavyweight Championship at Extreme Rules.  The winner decides the stipulation in that match.

The match is basically Big E. brutalizing Ricardo while Zeb hangs back on the apron.  Whenever the tide turns, Zeb tries to get involved but only brings his opponents attention on himself, setting them up to ambush each other.

While Zeb cries about his trick knee going out to avoid a confrontation w/Big E.  Ricardo tries hitting Big E. w/his bucket, to no avail.

Alberto Del Rio jumps in and takes Big E. down w/an inziguri.  Ziggler takes out ADR w/the dropkick.  Swagger tosses Ziggler.  Big E. takes Swagger and himself out w/a clothesline.  Zeb tries to pin Ricardo, but AJ tosses herself under the ref’s arm to block the count.  When Zeb complains, Ricardo rolls Zeb up for the three-count.

RANDY ORTON DEF. CODY RHODES – Slow-paced back and forth battle, but w/hard hitting spots strung together.  Neither man keeps control of the match longer than a minute, before their opponent takes over.  Pace picks up after the break, and ends with Cody jumping off the ropes into an RKO.

After the match, Matt Striker interviews Orton about his loss at Wrestlemania, and if he’s “haunted” by being knocked out.  Orton claims he’s never felt so “extreme” and RKO’s Cody again.

FUNKADATCYL NAOMI (W/CAMERON) DEF. BRIE BELLA (W/NIKKI) (REVERSED DECISION) – Before the match, we see the Bellas backstage, complaining about being shut out of the Diva Royal last week, and trashing them while plugging their new reality show on the “E” Network.

After a break, we come back to the Bellas in the ring and a promo spot for “Total Divas” on E!

The match barley goes more than a minute, with Naomi dominating until the Bellas pull the “twin magic” bit and they get the three-count w/a small package.  Cameron complains to the ref who reverses the decision and awards it to Naomi.  The Bellas respond to this by rushing back into the ring and beating the Funky cheerleaders down.

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION DOLPH ZGGLER (W/AJ & BIG E) DEF. U.S. CHAMPION KOFI KINGSTON –  Before the match, we’re told Kofi is a new father and will be defending his title against Antonio Cesaro this Wednesday on Main Event.

Big week for Kofi.

Match slowly built to a fast-paced spot-fest that got the crowd going.  Kofi hits “Trouble in Paradise” but Ziggler is saved by AJ getting his foot across the ropes. (At least that’s what they went for/how they sold it.) Match ends when Kofi catapults Ziggler into the corner, goes to the second rope, and tries a flying body-press, but misses and hits the mat.  Ziggler hits the “Zig-Zag” and gets the three-count.

JACK SWAGGER (W/ZEB COULTER) DEF. ZACK RYDER – Ryder tries to get the crowd going by showing a video of Zeb getting pinned by Ricardo.  This gets Swagger enraged, and Zack pays the price, as Swagger unloads on him.  Ryder puts up more of a fight than we’d expect, however this ends w/Ryder tapping out to the ankle lock.

After the match, Swagger holds Ziggler so Zeb can get in a shot.

ALBERTO DEL RIO (W/RICARDO RODRIGUEZ) DEF. ANTONIO CESARO – Both men use the same strategy of targeting the left arm in the beginning.  Cesaro fights dirty w/hair pulling and biting, while ADR uses quickness to keep Cesaro on defense.  After the break, Cesaro is in control, using his power to hold down Del Rio, and his forearm shots to get a few two-counts, while the crowd starts the “Ole!” chant.  (Oddly, Ricardo tries to get one going for Del Rio.) Del Rio’s agility decides this as Cesaro misses a charge into the corner post.  He tries to roll up Del Rio, but Alberto locks in the cross-arm-bar.  Cesaro tries for the ropes, but can’t make it, and taps out.

After the match, Del Rio announces the stipulation for his triple threat title match at Extreme Rules.  He chooses to make it a ladder match.

THE SHIELD DEF. WWE CHAMPION JOHN CENA/WWE TAG CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (KANE/DANIEL BRYAN) – Match starts out as a brawl, and the faces clear the ring quickly.  Kane starts off brutalizing Ambrose, who quickly tags in Reigns, who doesn’t do much better but does get Kane back into their corner.  Rollins comes in, and Kane takes over.  At one point, Kane teases choke-slamming the ref when he tries to get Kane to back off Rollins.  Cena tags himself in and he and Bryan get Kane to calm down.  Cena is in for only a few seconds before his tendon injury acts up, and he quickly tags in Bryan.  Bryan and Kane carry the load in this match, and are in control until the break.  We come back with Bryan in trouble as each Shield member takes turns punishing him.  Bryan gets Kane back in, and Kane unleashes his fury on the Shield.  Match spills to the floor and Kane takes a D.D.T. on the concrete.  Kane just barley beats the ten count back in, and makes the tag to Cena.  Cena come in strong, but the tendon gives out on him when he tries to AA Rollins.  Reigns spears Cena, and gets a three count.

ANGLES/STORYLINES

WORLD WISH DAY: We’re told about WWE champ John Cena hurting himself on the European tour, and how he made being on RAW this night a priority.  This was “World Wish Day,” and Cena had a special presentation to make.

After the break, we see Cena meeting a very sick boy named Nick on the Today Show.  He meets Nick and invites him and his family to Monday Night RAW.

Cena comes out with Nick and two other kids who wanted to go to RAW.  This was a promotion for the Make-a-Wish foundation and Cena reminded us all to go to wish.org/wwe to learn how we can help make wishes come true.  To make it even more special, Cena decides to make the kids honorary superstars.

The first boy, Jacob, declares himself “The Eliminator.” The second, Nick, calls himself “Nick the Stitch.” And the last boy was “Lightning Logan.” Cena goads the crowd into giving the kids a big cheer, and thanks us for making this special moment even better.

WWE has granted over 5000 Make-a-Wish foundation wishes since 1982.

SHIELD/HELL NO + RYBACK/CENA: – The Shield come out to cut a promo about their success in keeping Ryback from winning the WWE title, and run down a list of everyone they’ve put down, including The Rock, the Big Show, Sheamus, and Cena.

“No one can stop the #HoundsOfJustice! Not even a giant! Not a warrior! And not even the Champ!” – @TheShieldWWE

 The Shield brings up their beat-down of the Undertaker on Smackdown last Friday, mentioning how Justice doesn’t care if you’re undefeated at Wrestlemania.

 “When your number gets called, justice strikes without mercy!” – @TheShieldWWE

Suddenly, 3MB, (Slater, McIntyre, Mahal,) make their entrance.

“3MB? Why?” – Jerry Lawler

 Slater tells the Shield to shut up.  They want payback for the Shield interrupting their beat-down of Triple H two weeks ago.

 ”Now, we crash YOUR party. And ROCK YOUR FACE!” – @JinderMahal

The band hits the ring, and it goes badly for them.  Shield is in control, until the pyro hits.  WWE tag champs team Hell No runs in and chases them off.

Backstage: Cena gets his heel taped up.  Ryback comes in to comment on it.  Cena notes he’s “hurt” not “injured,” and can still go.

 ”I’m more effective on one leg than you are on two.” – @JohnCena

Ryback says he can’t take that chance.

Later in the show, Ryback goes to RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Gurrero (and her assistant Brad Maddox) to complain about working with a hurt partner.  Vicki says she’ll pull Cena and make team Hell No Ryback’s partners.  Ryback doesn’t trust either of those guys and simply says “No.”

The next time we see Ryback, it’s as he’s bailing while Matt Striker tries to interview him.

Later in the night, Maddox tells Hell No they have to fight without Ryback, fine with them.  Vicki tells Maddox he has one more thing to do.

Maddox talks to Cena about the match tonight.  Cena makes it clear he will be wrestling tonight.

“No, I’m hurt. YOU will be hurt bad if you don’t go tell your boss I’m fine tonight.” – @JohnCena

After the match, (see above,) Ryback is on the stage, smug and satisfied seeing Cena hurt in the ring.

AJ/KAITLIN: The “Dolph-tourage” (Copyright: Robert Rytman) is backstage, congratulating themselves on a great win over Kofi (see above.) Kaitlin and Natalya cross paths with them.  They trade some harsh words until Kaitlin receives a package.  It’s a hat to match her bracelet from a “secret admirer.” (It’s Hornswoggle, I know it.)

HENRY/SHEAMUS: “Worlds Strongest Man” Mark Henry is out, challenging anyone in the back to a tug of war.  Brodus and “Sweet T” both took his challenge and lost.  Sheamus came out to take the challenge, and faked out Henry, letting the rope go so that he fell on his ass, then gave him the brogue kick.

DANCE CHALLENGE: FANDANGO VS.KAHLI – Both men are asked about Jericho’s stint on “Dancing with the Stars.” Both men claim to be better.  The crowd gives it to Khali, Fandango beats him up.

In conclusion; this was a night of perfectly good wrestling marred by a lot of stupid filler.

 

 

Hey! They’re in the U.K.! Also known as forced attempts to recreate the chants on RAW after WrestleMania 29 Land! YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH! Has anyone else noticed they changed Fandango’s music and added crowd noise? I did. Let’s get to “entertainment you” of a show. Hopefully Shannon Moore makes a surprise return? Only one way to find out. So step up on that stool and strap on your noose , folks…. It’s hopping time!
Ok, it can’t be THAT bad. Nobody kill yourself, it’s just fucking wrestling. Go bitch about it on the internet like everybody else. That’s how we roll, peeps.
In all seriousness, there will be a much watch match on this show, as you probably already know.

Smackdown time… I guess.

Well here’s the results from this week’s Main Event or should I say Mark Henry’s Main Event:

YAY!!!

Stuff goes here. Hopping time!

Here’s a brief recap of this week’s Main Event:

Well here’s my contribution to Wrestlemania week  and like last year is a look at what Wrestlemania through the eyes of WWE’13 well the Wii version anyway.  Hey it’s better than Smackdown vs. RAW 2010 which is what I used last year. Just to let everyone know that the Wii version of this game has no DLC so I’ll only be doing the matches I can with what I’ve got.  I will also be doing this on simulate mode so I will have no effect on the outcomes of the matches. So without further ado, lets go:

Well since this week’s episode is gonna be all about Wrestlemaina 29 I’m gonna give  you all the results of Main Event here and now so we no one misses out on it.  So here’s what went on.

Okay, again this week, just a general run down of the show with some of my humble opinions.

First up, match results

CHRIS JERICHO DEF. DOLPH ZIGGLER W/AJ LEE & BIG E. - This match-up was booked as a card-change, as Fandango made his way to the ring for what was supposed to be his fifth or sixth “debut” but got beat-down/ran-off by an angry Jericho.  Ziggler made his way out with his entourage as the announcers (Michael Cole/Jerry Lawler) told us this match was scheduled for later tonight.  Jericho gets the win by submission with the walls of Jericho, but gets beat down by Big E. Langston.  Fandango comes back out with his dance partner (the first girl to get a call-back) and picks the bones of Big E’s kill, landing a flying leg drop on Jericho’s neck.

MARK HENRY DEF. THE USOS - The Usos actually got in enough offense with their double-teaming to get a splash off the top rope for a two-count on Henry, but the match ends with Henry scoring a World’s Strongest Slam and getting the three-count.  After the match, Henry brutalizes both brothers, making it clear he did not appreciate getting splashed.

U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF. WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO (COUNT OUT) – Ricardo Rodriguez hobbles out on his crutches to introduce Del Rio.  The intro falls flat, although I think it was on purpose to help sell what bad shape he’s in.  The match is just a formality as both men go through the motions for about five minutes before Zeb Coulter comes out.  Ricardo tries to move away, but from out of nowhere Jack Swagger grabs him, and drags him by the bad ankle over to the guard rail.  Del Rio abandons his match to fight off Swagger and Cesaro gets the win by count-out.  Del Rio takes his anger out on Cesaro with the cross-arm breaker.

WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (KANE/DANEL BRYAN) DEF. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS (TITUS O’NEAL/DARREN YOUNG)- “Pancake” Patterson is given one mention and then quietly swept under the rug.  Match is just a warm-up for the champions.  Ziggler and crew show up on the stage to distract the champs and give the PTP’s an opening, but the match ends with Kane choke-slamming Young for the three count.

THE MIZ DEF. WWE INTERCONTINENTAL WADE BARRETT – Before the match, Triple H came out to do cut a promo about his Wrestlemania match with Brock Lesnar.  When Barrett comes out, he blocks Triple H’s way, and demands he step aside.  Trips responds with a kick to the crotch.  Miz comes out while Barrett is still recuperating.  During the match, Barrett’s crotch briefly becomes the focal point of the match.  Barrett crotches himself on the top rope with a missed kick and Miz gets the win with the figure-four submission.

THE SHIELD DEF. KHALI, RYDER, GABRIEL – To my knowledge, this is only the third actual match the Shield have officially wrestled in.  The Shield wins this with a flying knee-drop to Justin Gabriel, trapped in a “Bow and arrow” hold.  After the match, Khali takes a “Shield-Bomb.” Orton comes to the ring with Sheamus, and the Big Show comes up from behind, trapping the Shield.  We get a brief fight before the Shield retreat.

TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS DEF BRODUS/TENSAI – Do you honestly care?  This match is barley more than a pretense for a cat-fight between the Funkadactyls and the Bella Twins.  Team Rhodes Scholars get the win by three-count during the confusion.

RYBACK DEF. 3MB – This was Ryback’s effort to show-up Henry that almost back-fired.  The Three Man Band actually take control of the match using their numbers advantage, but it ends with Ryback getting two men up for the “Shell-Shock” and a three-count.

AJ LEE DEF. WWE DIVAS CHAMPION KAITLYN - This match was set up during a backstage segment, where Bryan and Kane were arguing over which of them was still hung up on AJ.  Kaitlyn interjected, trying to get them both to let it go, while running off a list of nasty things to say about AJ, who just happened to be eavesdropping on them.  Now here’s the interesting thing.  AJ sends Kaitlyn head-first into a drinking fountain, or so it seemed.  Kaitlyn sold it as making contact but their was NO sound effect to indicate Kaitlyn hit the fountain.  Kaitlyn comes out to the ring holding her head, and when the bell rings, Kaitlyn goes to town on AJ, dominating the match and getting in all of the offence.  AJ rolls out of the ring, and Kaitlyn goes after her.  Kaitlyn tries a spear, but AJ side-steps her into the guard-rail, head first.  AJ gets a count-out victory, and maybe a title shot at Mania.  Kaitlyn gets a possible head-trauma gimmick.

So let’s look at the rest of the show.

C.M. Punk opens the show with a game of toss with the urn, and a promo that starts off by dumping on the Undertaker and his legacy.  He even goes so far as to imply the streak is only important to him as something to break.  He tries to mock the Takers classic pose, but the lights go out and when they come back, Taker is wailing on Punk.  Punk and Heyman run off with the urn.  Seemed a bit odd to me as the first half of Punk’s promo seemed to be Punk trying to convince us that this match wasn’t as important as we might feel it was.

Sheamus gets jumped by the Shield, during an interview about whether or not he and Orton can get along with Big Show, during their Mania six-man.  Orton comes after them with a chair, but he gets overwhelmed by numbers.  Big Show makes the save and runs off the Shield.

Now here, I gotta go into weird territory.  If you’re a long time wrestling fan, you’l probably have some idea of what I’m saying here.  Booking Show to come to the rescue seems a little heavy-handed to me.  It’s like WWE is trying too hard to sell us on Show’s face-turn, which is par for the course with pro wrestling in general.  Even if you’re among the youngest fans, you still can’t help but notice how it’s always Show that turns the tide when Orton/Sheamus gets jumped by the Shield.  So I have to ask myself, is this just the same sloppy TV writing wrestling has always suffered from?  Or is WWE trying to swerve me?  I’m thinking maybe they want me to watch for a double-cross by Big Show so that they can swerve me with one by Orton…or Sheamus.  I know Orton’s more likely, what with him reportedly wanting a heel-turn, but you know how wrestling-sorry “sports entertainment” likes illogical swerves.

Triple H cuts a promo on Brock Lesnar, about how if you don’t expect him to end your career, you’ve already lost.  He makes it clear that he is coming to kick Lesnar’s ass.

Very generic promo, giving no sense that Trips was seriously concerned that his career was over.  That might’ve been the plan, so that we’re actually surprised if he loses. (Which, if he does, we will be, just not for THAT reason.) And why did he have to bitch-out Wade Barrett on his way out?  (See above.)

The show ended with an elaborate Q&A with John Cena and WWE champion The Rock, featuring WWE Hall Of Fame members Booker T, Brett Hart, Dusty Rhodes and Mick Foley.  The panel lobs softball questions and both men give big, impassioned speeches about how/why they will win at Mania.  Cena compares himself to Donavon McNabb, the Rock tells the story of how he had to get his first mattress out of a dumpster behind a motel.  Cena blames his loss to Rock last year, on his letting Rock into his head.  Cena tried to finish off Rock in Rock’s home-town, with his own version of “the peoples elbow.” Allowing Rock to catch him in a rock-bottom and getting the three.  Rock borrows a quote from Ric Flair, “To be the man-woo-you must beat the man,” and between the two of them, Cena will never be “the man.”

I’m sorry to say this but I was underwhelmed.  No new ground covered here, except for maybe when Cena “revealed” why he lost last year.  I’m not a fan of “sports entertainment” trying to go into “deep, psychological,” story-lines, and I’m not moved by Cena’s need for redemption.

Overall, a pretty “meh” RAW.  It did what it was supposed to do, advance the angles going into Wrestlemania, but it still felt like an auto-pilot show.  That’s not always bad, but not the speed you want going into the biggest PPV of the year.