Hopple me Elmo?

“I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. And as J.T. Hogan has observed, it often makes more sense than the program you are actually watching. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question. Also, go fuck yourself, RAW review.

– How novel! We kick off the show and the KEW-of-Spinnerbelt-WHEEEEEE!-Smackdown is out to put his nose where it actually belongs. Intriguing… or total bullshit? He prattles on about getting criticized for he and his Wiffle bat’s decisions and booking and that they can’t please everyone all the time. SheaMiz comes out to interrupt, and question HHH on his booking of Randall Keith Orton vs Miz. Hunter fails to see how Miz losing to Orton in front of his Mom was KEW’s fault, rather Miz failing. HHH says “fail” like ninety times during this. Miz disses HHH’s wife, so Miz will face Orton again tonight. An okay intro segment.

How the fuck did this guy make the team?

– We’re reminded of HHH giving RVD a rematch with ADR at Battleground last week, and the backstage attack RVD received moments later from ADR. So logically of course we get…

– * Non-Title Match: Alberto Del Rio {C} vs. R-Truth. Sigh. I guess it’s different, so I shouldn’t complain. And hey, maybe it could be fun? Near the start, Truth hits a really funky move, a reversed brainbuster into a chinbreaker from behind. This busts open ADR’s mouth, so he channels his bloodrage to grab a K-Kwik win over Truth Martini. Then RVD runs in to save Are-Lies from a post match beat-off (cocktalk, every Sunday at 2PM EST on BWF Radio!).

This is just awesome

– Vick-Rod and HHH are watching backstage, and Vickie suggests they make the BattleCats match between RVD and ADR more interesting. HHH notes they should take a page out of the old ECW playbook and makes the PPV match a Battleground-Hardcore-Rules-Nobody-Get’s-A-Cheque Match. TO THE EXTREME STREAMS!

– THe PTP’s are amusing themselves backstage forcing a P.A. and some other goof to do the Tens of Dollars Dance. Titus O’Neil is less than impressed and blows his whistle, signaling to Darren Young to murder them with his Afro Pick. Janitor Lance Storm looks down in the background sadly, as he knows that once again, he is left to clean up this mess. “This fucking Invasion Angle better end soon,” he mutters as he goes to fill up his mop bucket with Mark Henry’s sweat.

Respect the Ref.

– Zebra Colter is in the ring with The Realistic Ameripeople. They once again are wearing their yellow capes of racism that they bought off e-Bay from Matt Morgan who had opted to sell his slightly-used Hulk Hogan cape after he was shit-canned by Totally Non-contract-renewal Action Jackson. This ends immediately as…

– * The Prime Time Players vs. The Real Americans. I decide to open my mail…

Dear Dad,

Why did you send me to this summer camp in the Fall? This place sucks. The food is bad, it tastes like poo. I didn’t use “shit” because you told me “swearing is fucking wrong and not to be a little bitch.” The camp counselor is weird. He keeps asking if I know how to twerk. And he makes me watch this The Prime Time Players vs. The Real Americans match over and over again.

Wrestling is fake and stupid. There is one guy in it who airplane spins this O’Neil guy (who is not Shaq) around twenty times in the match, which is funny. When I did that to my brother, you grounded me into the basement and forced me to sponge bathe that fat guy you said is famous. The spinning guy gets what I think you call a “close hump” on the guy who said came in the closet. I remember that time you made me clean up the white gooey stuff in the closet at our house that Mom said you did that in. She said that was your finish. The Prime Time Player guys in this stupid fake wrestling thingy lose. The guy they call Jack hugged the closet guy’s leg, and then he just kept high-fiving the floor.

I hope you finally got the carpet cleaned when I was here. I have to go now, and do something called fantasy booking. I hate this place. It sucks like the RAW reviews. Can I come home?

Joe.

– Weird. I don’t have any kids. I toss the letter onto my floor to naturally decompose beside my collection of McDLT styrofoam containers.

– *Bray “Fucking” Wyatt vs. Winona “WWWYKT’s Over” Ryder. Stephen Harper and Rowan Atkinson are at ringside discussing politics and British comedy. My facebook lights up with a DM from RWR’s Alice Radley! Of course I must check this out and we have a quick little discussion…

Alice: G, got a moment?
G: I’m reviewing the SD for the site, but of course.
Alice: Bray Wyatt in a singles match!
G: Totally! Nice to see this for a change. We’ve been in Team Wyatt since the beginning going back to the NXT days.
Alice: Anyone who follows my podcast and site would realize that as well. Did you catch the match?
G: I just paused it to talk to you.
Alice: I’ll fill you in. Ryder stood no chance in this match. He gets a wee bit, and tiny amount of attacks in. Then he succumbs to the Sister Abigail as our messiah picks up the win. Bray poses on his knees over the fallen internet star, praising our dark lord as the two family members watch behind him. That was a great visual! They end the match like they have been ending Bray’s talking segments with the abrupt vignette cutoff.
G: FUCK YEAH THEY DO! Very cool.
Alice: Indeed. BTW, I “borrowed” your testicles last time I was at your place.
G: I might need those back.
Alice: I am pretty sure you don’t.
G: Burned in my own review. Wow.
Alice: Get used to it. Anyways back to the MAN Bray Wyatt.
G: Sounds like my theory that the best thing for this guy, is to slowly and methodically exterminate the slow, old, and sick members of the pack under the radar is coming to fruition. Excellent.
Alice: You know I am taking something precious away from your BWF Radio crew to a strange and magical place this Monday?
G: No, I was unaware. If you are talking about our souls, you must realize I sold mine to Millhouse.
Alice: … you nerd.
G: That’s how I roll. And by roll, I mean maple syrup coated two-paper cones filled the with best B.C. buds you can find… right here! In Calgary… Alberta, Canada.
Alice: It’s been decriminalized here.
G: Asshole.
Alice: I’m taking Jorge.
G: Cheap pops?
Alice: Bang! Bang!
G: Ok, I need to finish this review, or die trying. Catch you later, Bill and Ted!
Alice: You’re so weird.

That’s a really odd goal celebration.

– * US Title Match: Dean Ambrose {C} vs. Dolph Ziggler. Wait, what? An actual title-match on Smackdown? I must be high. Ambrose is accompanied to the ring by the Shield, who do not high-five him in the audience and leave as they traditionally have done in the past. That kind of sucks. Ergo, Ziggler brings Coffee Kingston and Robbie V.D. with him. This won’t end well, but it will end at the Battleground PPV when the two face off for the US Title, I suspect. AND IT DOESN’T! It ends in a DQ as the people at ringside get involved!

– The Ghost of Triple Teddy Long holla holla’s his way out and makes this thing into a 6 man tag against the Undertaker! Or something like that.

– WWE: Did You Know? G’s twitter got hacked this week. He sent out nefarious and malicious spam to various people. @Mavenfan of BWF Radio infamy notified G of this horrific cyber assault earlier in the day. Just like Jay and Silent Bob, I found the hackers. They’re in my basement now.

She’s obviously not a fan of spiders, but does like The Shield..

– #BA* The Shield vs. Ziggler/Kofi/RVD/JT. JT is seen in the ring holding up a sign stating, “I’m retired, but I really enjoy getting in the way of working people.” That was weird. Then I realize he is trying to communicate with me. I write with the Jiffy-marker-filled-with-the-ink-of-lies on my television to hold off until the Santino match. This should be good, after all. It’s a continuation of the 11-on-3 match from RAW where all three of these guys ate a superdick via shred-rape by The Shield after all.

Keeping it classy on Youtube.

– Kofi and RVD are still bandaged up, as Band-Aid’s are stuck on them. J.T. leaves, tearing the band-aids off and they excessively bleed. This leaves Ziggler as the face-in-peril for many moons whilst the heels heeltastically heel on his heels. Gotta give props to him, I can’t wrestle, let alone in stilettos. I’m being a Negative Creep (when I’m stoned), but this match was really fun, and the highlight of the night for me. It ends typically with everyone getting in their spots, but not all typical. For example, RVD goes to hit a reverse 180 crossbody from the apron upon Reigns on the floor, only to be caught and reversed into a bodyslam. That was a small, but minor observation. And a reason to seek this puppy out. LOST DOG! IF FOUND PLEASE CONTACT 1(800)FELLA. I tear off one of those flappy pieces from the poster and slip it under your bedroom door. Just because I invaded your home while you slept, doesn’t mean I violated your REM patterns. P.S. I left J.T. in your basement. He enjoys a steady diet of rum, coleslaw and pumpkin seeds.

– Foremost and finally, the beloved Kofi eats a knee to the head c/o Seth Rollins, and the legal man Dean Ambrose rolls him up for the win. I ended up rewatching the second part of this match again. Pretty solid. Like a rock, I was standing arrow straight. Cocktalk, every Sunday at 2PM EST on BWF Radio.

You get what you deserve!

– Renee Young talks to Big Show about his crying and KO’ing people gimmick. He’s a wreck because he sold out, and it’s well performed. Storyline or not, dude’s at least doing well at it. HHH interrupts, He says he’ll Show get re-employed, but uses the time to remind Show he has no real other options. Show fights off the temptation to punch the KEW.

– * Non-Title Match: AJ Lee {C} vs. Ariana. Shit… Jorge is here. BRB.

Jorge: What’s up G? Did I miss the Total Bitches match?
G: You shouldn’t be so misogynistic, dude. You’re on RWR this Monday.
Jorge: What?
G: I kind of helped book that a couple months back.
Jorge: I came here to talk about what I would do to that female wrestler!
G: I came in the closet. Apparently I have a kid now who had to clean it up later.
Jorge: Send that brat to Fall Camp.
G: Done.
JT Alice: Umm… it’s getting kind of hot in the basement. Charles Barkley is trying to edge his chair closer to Mark.
Jorge: I’M STILL ON A DATE WITH HIM!!! THAT TWO TIMER!
Alice: Two-timer? G, who the fuck is this J.T. Alice?
G: I, err…
J.T. Alice: I play you, when you aren’t on the show. I do an okay attempt at your sarcastic So-Cal valley girl voice.
Alice (in character): No, you don’t.
JT Alice: Yes, I do.
Alice (in character): You should kill yourself, that outfit was so September 26th.
J.T. Hogan: I invented September 26th!
Mark: That might have been Hogan’s last Impact date.
G: What the fuck? Mark, why are you even here right now?
Mark: I escaped. And now I vanish…
Alice: G? I thought this podcast made sense.
Jorge: We are being scripted and this is technically a written article.
J.T.: I’m going back to the basement.
Alice: (rant about the divas match with Jorge and hype the RWR episode. Even if you didn’t watch the match just read my results below, go back and forth a bunch and go off the rails if you like.).
Jorge: (rant about the divas match with Jorge and hype the RWR episode. Even if you didn’t watch the match just read my results below, go back and forth a bunch and go off the rails if you like.).
(CUE THE END OF THE CONVERSATION WITH THE SAFE WORD: TURDUCKEN).
G: Guys, it’s like 9AM on Saturday. You’re still here? Fuck.
Jorge: What happened in the match.
Alice: Tamina played the voyeur role at ringside.
Jorge: She’s back? I’d Superman her.
G: NO! Enough. Yes, she’s back. This was just a short throw-away match that might make sense when Total Divas airs later. The match isn’t horrible, but it’s skippable. AJ picks up the win. That’s all you need to know.
Alice: Jorge, come with me on a fantastic voyage to RWR after RAW tomorrow night!
Jorge: Do you have All-Dressed Ruffles there?
Alice: … sure. We’re out of this crack-den.
JT: I’m still here.
G: Yep. Time to feed Barks, JT.
JT: Do I have to?
G: Do you want to go to Fall Camp?
JT: Fucker.

– And just like that, Jorge and Alice fly off to the magical land of RWR upon a gravy boat that is powered by energon cubes. It’s a pretty magical gravy boat that can transform gravy into any flavor of meat you are eating at the moment.

– Paul Heyman cuts a promo. It’s not a terrible promo in the slightest. In fact it’s really good. The problem is, that they cut this thing each week and week out every week. You’ve kind of already seen this. I can’t believe I’m criticizing that, since it’s worth a look. CM Punk will face Ryback at Battleground. It was a classic gold Heyman promo (Scotty Goldman run-in?).

Huh. Weird.

– * Santino Marella and The Mediocre Khali (with Hornswoggle) vs. 3MB. I see J.T. sprinting down the stairs with a rum-and-coke, and a Barrett Barrage Energy Bar popcorn treat.

G: Dude, slow down.
JT: ARGHHHHH!
G: I… Umm… are you okay? I thought I would hear from you earlier.
JT: You did.
G: I already forgot. Read the disclaimer. I heard Joe was dead.
JT: He’s your son, at least according to this review. Jorge and Alice have already left. Where’s Mark at?
G: Shut up. Why aren’t you in my basement?
J.T. Hogan: I invented your basement!
J.T. Austin: What?
Mark: G ignored me?
G: No, I….
J.T. HHH: It’s best for business!
G: Mark is cool beans.
Mark: Fuck J.T.
J.T.: I can’t be held responsible for my actions. G scripts me that way.
Mark: Pfft. Good excuse.
G: I actually do script him.
Mark: This match was scripted too.
G: It get’s sillier.
J.T.: If I had watched, I would have seen Jindar Mahal play a flute to hypnotize Marella’s Cobra finisher, and force it to almost let 3MB win.
Mark: Until of course Drew McIntyre fucked up their shit with his UK powers.
G: Dudes, The Mediocre Khalie used the magic flute to repower up Santino’s Cobra to win the match. WHAT THE FUCK? Heath Slater loses via Cobra.

So many jokes, but I’m just going to go with the one where I found this. “Why?”

– Fuck.

* The Miz vs. Randy Orton. Into just-watching-mode.

I will defend TNA. But I won’t defend this fan. Fuck that guy.

– It’s almost two AM. Fuck this.

Jorge: Joe told me you have to review this.
G: Fuck Joe.
Alice: Jorge, let’s get out of here. G’s a dick.
Mark: He is a dick.
G: That’s Scott.
J.T.: I want to make all of your characters Canadian.
G: Go hold up a sign, dude, brother, dude.
Mark: G’s irate.
G: I’m tired, fuck this show. Sleep time.
Alice: Stop being a jerkoff.
G: COCKTALK EVERY SUNDAY AT… YAWN.
Jorge: 2PM EST?
Alice: Miz wins due to a DQ.
Mark: Until HHH called BS on Orton for that and restarted the match.
G: Continue, anyone? Anyone? Fuck it Shit got brutal as Miz was laid out with a steel chair, and dangled on the outer barricade for a DDT. Orton kills him. FTW.
J.T.: I… want… a….
Jorge: That video reference is well over a year old, J.T.
J.T.: IT’S STILL REAL TO ME!
Alice: Time to move on. Didn’t we already leave?
Mark: I thought I took over. What the fuck is this Orton drive-thru shit?
J.T.: I’m retired, I thought that was still funny.
G: Nope.
Jorge: Nope.
Mark: Nope.
J.T. Hogan: Nope, dude, brother.
Alice: Hmm…
G: Sorry Alice.
Alice: It needs to end.
J.T.: Nope. Cheeseburger. Fishmeal.
G: I trap that trope that in my basement.
J.T.: I freed Charles Barkley.
G: You what!?!?!?

And just like that, the show ends.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

———————————————————-

I APPEAR WEEKLY ON BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

Listen LIVE starting at 2 PM EST here. here on Mixlr.com.
Check out BWF Radio every week. It goes up on i-Tunes on Sunday in the late afternoon of North America
Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “Jorge” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even get herpes! Hey, free herpes! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

A go to place for professional wrestling, boxing, MMA, and other combat sports news, rumors, podcasts and so forth. Always a nice place to get your fix, or simply learn more about the performers and athletes themselves. They are one of our go to resources for news and information for BWF Radio, and we wouldn’t have it any other way to share our content with them. Great site!
Joe continues not to notice this section. It’s like a Talking Heads song or something. 4 weeks and counting. He was warned.

———————————————————-

WTF?

———————————————————–

Sept 6, 2013. I am a clone of G. I am currently handcuffed to one of the lower legs of G’s sofa in his apartment. Yesterday, while the real G was at work, monkey nearby shrieked at me to attempt to lift the sofa. It worked! I went to thank the monkey located in an open-doored cage on the stairs leading down to the basement of G’s basement apartment, and noticed a large man strapped into a chair in the basement. I then heard the original G returning home. I need to find his magical device that created me…

Sept 13, 2013. The real Gee has noticed my writing. That stupid fuck hasn’t deleted anything, but he did taze me repeatedly. I still think there is a monkey held captive on the stairs to the second level of this building.

Sept 20, 2013. Made progress today. Discovered some kind of cloning device. I used it to clone the device itself, and hid the copy under the couch I am “hand-cuffed” to. The monkey saw this, but I don’t think he’ll say anything. He’s a monkey, after all. Some dude named Johnny Storm stopped by to say hi. Weird.

Sept 27, 2013. An obese man who claims to be famous magically appeared in the living room today. He told me the cloning gadget I made a copy of has the powers to do much more. Sounded like a bunch of crap to me. I immediately knocked him out and tied him up beside the one the “real” G calls “Barks.” Both look the same. I killed the new guy and fed him to the other captives. I think. They both look the same. All of that future-talk and preventing the death of kayfabe annoyed me. Either way, one of the “Barks” was dinner. He tasted like chicken. Big surprise there.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 09/27/13 (Slightly Updated). appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch 30 minutes of this show, then go to work, watch the rest at work, and write about it.  Or some shit like that.  Look, do you want to know what happened on RAW or not?  Read on.

First 30 Quick Recap:  The show is dedicated to former WWWF Superstar Angelo Savoldi, who died recently at age 99.  Triple H brings out the 10 Superstars who helped Daniel Bryan and books them in an 11-on-3 Handicap Elimination match vs. The Shield, with Bryan as their partner.  He also announces that the fans can vote for which one of them faces Randy Orton.  Stephanie says you need the app to vote.  The fans boo.  Triple H says it’s best for business.

Kofi Kingston vs. Alberto Del Rio

Chants during this match:  “Randy Savage,”  “Colt Cabana,” “Ole.”  Del Rio wins with the cross armbreaker.  Decent match.  The crowd is hot tonight, as Chicago usually is.

I still say Kodos would win, hands down.

Renee Young is with The Miz (who gets booed) and shows him what happened last week.  Triple H asks him how he’s feeling.  Triple H can’t let Miz near Orton tonight, because who knows what Orton will do to him in his weakened state.  Triple H says that instead, we’re going to have MizTV with his guest, The Big Show.

Highlights:  The saga of the Rhodes family.

The Wyatt Family make their way out to the ring.  They’re in action after the break.

Follow The Buzzards to Rigel-7

The Prime Time Players got the jobber entrance for this one.

The Wyatt Family (Erick Rowan & Luke Harper w/ Bray Wyatt) vs. The Prime Time Players (Darren Young & Titus O’Neil)

The lights go out briefly during this match.  That’s usually a sign that the match is so boring the lights fell asleep.  Young gets the hot tag to O’Neil, who comes in and picks up the pace of the match.  Young clotheslines Rowan out of the ring, but O’Neil turns around into Harper’s discus clothesline.  Wyatts win.  Then Bray Wyatt attacks Darren Young, and drops him with Sister Abigail.  Wyatt kneels before the fallen corpses of the Prime Time Players, and yells “FOLLOW THE BUZZARDS!”

MizTV:  Emo Miz is emo.  I’m surprised he doesn’t have the hair in front of the one eye.  He says “Payback will come, and it will be awesome.”  Payback already passed, Miz.  It was in Chicago, and it was probably the best PPV so far this year.  It’s also the one we didn’t order, of course.  Anyways, he brings out The Big Show, and of course we see the replay from last week.  Miz asks how Show could do that.  Miz says that Triple H and Stephanie are trying to break Big Show.  He tells Show to stand up for himself, calling Stephanie McMahon a witch in the process, which of course brings her out.  She says there’s no need to berate The Big Show.  She says Miz isn’t a major player, and there’s nothing worse than a Superstar who peaks too early.  She basically calls Miz a disappointment, and orders Big Show to knock him out.  Which Show does without even thinking twice about it.  Interesting.  Credit where it’s due, Stephanie delivered a scathing promo here.  Much better than some of her recent performances.

This is probably why…

Randy Orton comes out for his match.  The WWE Universe could vote on his opponent between RVD, Dolph Ziggler, and R-Truth.  Jerry Lawler calls Orton the WWE Champion when he makes the announcement of his opponent.  The fans picked Rob Van Dam.

Rob Van Dam (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. Randy Orton

Close your eyes and picture in your head a match between RVD and Randy Orton.  Congratulations, you just watched most of this match.  Orton won’t stay down long enough for Van Dam to hit the 5-star, and they wind up outside of the ring, both men getting counted out, much like Orton’s match with Miz last week.  Orton peels the protective covering away from the guardrail and backdrops RVD on to it, then whips him into the steel steps.  Twice.  The fans chant for RVD, which serves to anger Orton more.  He throws Van Dam over the announce table, then back into the ring.  He sits RVD up on the top turnbuckle, and DDTs him down from it.  The doctor and a referee get in the ring to try and stop Orton.  Brutal.

But not as brutal as this.

Los Matadores promo airs.  How many weeks of buildup does this future WrestleCrap inductee gimmick need?  They’ll be on RAW next Monday.  Which means they’ll probably be at Battleground.  Whoop di do.

Breaking news – RVD was attacked by Alberto Del Rio and locked in the cross armbreaker during the break.

WWE and 2K Sports present WWE 2K14, Become Immortal, October 29th!  The full roster is available now!

Backstage, Orton confronts The Bella Twins, who don’t care about what he just did.  He says it’s only a fraction of what he’s going to do to Daniel Bryan, and if Brie is looking to upgrade, he’s available.  She says her man is a real Champion.  Orton says he’s what a real man and a champion looks like.

We get video from the new Triple H DVD that is now available.  Buy it from us and help us out!

AJ is in Stephanie’s office, who gives her a copy of the Triple H DVD so she can see what a real wedding looks like.  AJ wants to know why the Total Divas can’t go on hiatus along with their TV show.  She feels this isn’t the way to treat the Divas Champion.  Stephanie insists that AJ competes in the 10-Diva clusterfuck that’s coming up, or else she won’t be Divas Champion for much longer.

FANDANGO!  The Chicago crowd Fandangos and sings along with his theme music.  He’s in action, NEXT!

I was there when this all started. You’re welcome.

Fandango (w/ Summer Rae) vs. Santino Marella

The fans chant for Summer Rae.  She’s got a great body, but that beak.  Maybe at Battleground I’ll start a “Butter Face” chant?  I know, I know.  Be a STAR.  Santino dances with the Cobra, but he’s distracted by Summer Rae, allowing Fandango to hit the top rope leg drop for the victory.

Up next, it’s CM Punk!

BEST IN THE WOOORRRRRLLLLLD!

Punk is rocking a Duncan Keith Blackhawks jersey on his way to the ring.  The last time they were in Chicago, at Payback, the Hawks were in the Stanley Cup Finals.  They went on to win – in less than the 7 games Punk predicted.  And it’s official – CM Punk takes on Ryback at Battleground.  He tells the fans they’ve ruined a perfectly good bad mood.  He tried to get the Stanley Cup here tonight, but it’s in Montreal getting engraved with the names of the Blackhawks.  Not only did he let the fans down by not bringing the Cup, he let them down by losing to Paul Heyman last Sunday in Detroit.  Punk’s thinking that maybe he can’t do this anymore.  Maybe he doesn’t deserve to wear this sweater or perform in front of the greatest wrestling crowd in the world.  He feels he let everybody down so badly he doesn’t deserve to say he’s from Chicago.  A “Yes You Do” chant breaks out.  But he comes out and wears the jersey with pride, because when the Blackhawks were down 3 games to 1 to the Red Wings, they took it to game 7 and won in Overtime.  And that is the Chicago way.  Maybe they lose, but they pick themselves up by the bootstraps and go to work the next day.  He’s proud of his team, and his city.  If he let them down, he apologizes, because if he’s down 3 games to 1, he’s going to tie the son of a bitch up and take it to overtime, and he’s going to win.  He’s here looking for a fight.  Paul Heyman interrupts, singing Frank Sinatra, and calling himself the King of the World.  His mic cuts out on him.  Punk says wrong place, wrong time.  We’re not in Detroit, we’re in Chicago, where Punk has 18,000 people to bail him out of jail when he gets his hands on Heyman.  Heyman doesn’t need a reminder of the beating he took in Detroit, he’s been in physical therapy since then and suffered a relapse, which has him confined to his electric scooter.  Heyman takes solace in the fact that he can walk through life saying he beat CM Punk.  It’s not Punk’s fault, it’s geography.  He’s from Chicago, the Second City.  Second place team, second rate citizens, second rate parents, and the second best in the world.  Heyman presents exhibit A.  Him pinning Punk at Night of Champions.  The fans chant “Walrus.”  He says he may be a walrus, but he pinned the biggest shark in Chicago.  Punk says he’s not stupid, he knows how this ends, but Paul needs to ask himself a question – can his two goons get to Punk faster than he can get to Heyman.  Punk says even if he only gets to Heyman for two seconds, he’s going to rip his face off.  Heyman says not only can he beat Punk, but he beat him with both hands tied behind his back, and he bids the fans adieu.  But his scooter doesn’t start up.  Punk drops the mic and heads up the ramp.  He doesn’t get the two seconds he wanted before Curtis Axel and Ryback get to Punk.  Punk fights them off, momentarily.  He gets separation from both of them but chooses to go after Ryback instead of Heyman, and when Axel comes back, the numbers game gets to Punk.  The fans chant “Goldberg” as Ryback tears the jersey off of Punk.  On top of a rolling equipment case, Ryback military presses Punk through a table.  Heyman hops out of the scooter and hands Ryback a mic, and Ryback says “this is what happens to bullies.”

Bullys, huh?

Funk is on a roll while Punk is still on the floor.  Punk gets up on his own and walks to the back under his own power.  The Bellas and Eva Marie make their way to the ring, and we’re set for a 10-Diva tag team match.  Hooray.

AJ, Layla, Aksana, Alicia Fox, & Tamina Snuka vs. Natalya, Cameron, Naomi, Brie Bella, & Nikki Bella (w/ JoJo & Eva Marie)

“We want puppies.”  That’s the fan chant in this one.  Brie pins AJ with a stuff buster.

We see 30 RKOs in 30 seconds, courtesy of the WWE YouTube channel.

The Shield are backstage.  Ambrose ponders whether they were thrown to the wolves, or if they’re the hounds that eat the wolves alive.  He says this match is what’s best for business.  What happens when The Shield’s backs are against the wall.  Rollins says they make everyone stand up and take notice.  Ambrose says they win.  Reigns says to believe it.

Oh god. This reminds me of YTMND.com.

Daniel Bryan is here with a microphone.  He’s here to talk about being stripped of the WWE Championship and being accused of conspiring with Scott Armstrong.  Bryan may not be the most intelligent man on the planet, but you don’t need to fast count a man when he’s already knocked out.  If you want to talk about conspiracies, Randy Orton and Triple H is more believable.  Triple H gave Armstrong a lot of money when he fired him, that’s weird.  Bryan says it doesn’t matter which Randy Orton shows up, at Battleground, Bryan takes back his WWE Championship.  Bryan is tired of Orton hiding behind his boss’s skirt, but “in Buffalo, there will be no more hiding.”  When Orton wakes up from the beating “this B+, goat-face troll” has given him, when all their plans have failed, he’ll hear one word etched in the back of his brain, a word that will haunt him for the rest of his life, and that word is YES!  YES!  YES!

Sierra, Hotel, India, Echo, Lima, Delta.  Shield.

The Shield are attacked on their way to the ring by Goldust and Cody Rhodes!  Security drag the Rhodes’s out.

These two were comedy gold. No pun intended.

Friday night, US Title match for Dolph Ziggler.

Daniel Bryan, Darren Young, Titus O’Neil, Jimmy & Jey Uso, Zack Ryder, Justin Gabriel, R-Truth, Kofi Kingston Dolph Ziggler, and Rob Van Dam vs. The Shield (Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns, & Dean Ambrose)

RVD and Kingston are taped up after the beatings they took earlier in the night.  Ambrose drops Van Dam with his finisher, and RVD is the first one eliminated.  Ambrose hits his finisher for a second time in this match, eliminating Kofi Kingston.  Reigns and O’Neil wind up being the legal men at one point, a battle of big men.  Reigns eventually spears O’Neil and there are 8 left on the other side.  A spear to Gabriel brings that down to 7.  Zack Ryder eats a spear and it’s 6 on 3.  Daniel Bryan comes in and turns the tide in his team’s favor.  Jey Uso splashes Reigns and pins him – Reigns’s first pinfall loss in WWE, so it’s 6 on 2.  Rollins gets a blind tag and hits the flying knee on Young, eliminating him and making it a 5 on 2 match.  Ziggler drops Ambrose with a ZigZag and pins him – it’s 5 on 1.  Seth Rollins is all alone.  Truth misses his finisher and catches a knee to the skull, it’s 4 on 1.  Bryan, Ziggler, and The Usos surround Rollins a la The Shield, and they get in the ring and beat him down.  Ambrose comes out for the save and is taken out by Ziggler, Reigns is taken out by The Usos.  Bryan hits the MTBJC on Rollins and picks up the victory for his team.

Thoughts:  Not a bad episode of RAW.  Actually it was pretty solid top to bottom for once.  I could’ve done without the 10 Diva clusterfuck, but I would’ve said that for a 5-on-5 men’s match too.  The 11-on-3 was done pretty well though, and the winners of the match were the guy wrestling for the WWE Championship at Battleground, the number one contenders for the Tag Team Championships, and the guy wrestling for the United States Championship on Friday.  Good storytelling, way to put these guys over.  Oh well.  See you folks next week!

The post WWE RAW 9/23/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Hopping time you say…

Creepy…

– We start with a video montage interspliced with footage from that terrible PPV on Sunday “Night of Total Shit” and Mikhail Grabovski interviewing Harley Horshack HHolmstrom. HHH tells us he wants answers about the Boob Job and Buff Bagwell’s calf-job, and then the entire WWE locker room runs out to the ring because someone left a pile of cookies in it.

– Vic-Rod is in the ring to start Dat Smackdown telling us that Daniel Bryan won and held the title at Summerslam and held it for 5 minutes and 25 seconds, and at Night of Shit Hawks, Randy (go watch the Trailer Park Boys for that reference) for a whopping 21 hours. Bryan calls Vickie a sell out, Vickie calls Bryan a cheater. Bryan doesn’t know why Scott Armstrong did what he did, but it doesn’t matter (Ed: see HHH issue #23, bub). He KO’d Orton with The MTBJC just like Mike Tyson, then ate his babies and bit his ear off too.

– PUNISHMENT TIME! Ziggler, Usos, R-Truth, Gabriel, Ryder, The PTP’s, Kingston, and RVD will have to survive a handicap gauntlet match against Team Beta one on three. Bryan is the last entrant. Just like the good old days…

Creepy… I remember this same match in 1986. JYD won against The Shield as the second entrant. The first entrant you ask? Captain Lou Albano. Fucking Jack Tunney and his antics.

– I summon my henchman to drag the first one into the interrogation room…

G: Ok, scumbag. What happened!
Mark: Could you please stop shining that light bulb in my eyes?
G: No.
Mark: Please?
G: Dammit, what happened in the * Non-Title Match: AJ Lee {C} vs. Naomi?
Mark: Wh-wh-what?
G: The fucking non-title match, spit it out Brit.
Mark: Nattie was on commentary… I… what’s with the jumper cables?
G: I’m saving those for someone. Was this match any good? THE COCKTALK LISTENING AUDIENCE NEEDS ANSWERS, DAMMIT!
Mark: Well, Nattie was pretty solid on commentary. And she noted that the last time she faced her in singles competition she won and that AJ is jealous about Total Divas.
G: So you’re saying the conversation hijacked the segment and didn’t follow the match! TELL ME NOW, DAMMIT!
Mark: Ok, just put down that sharpened moose antler… The match was ok, I guess. Naomi hit a rear-view for a near-fall. Then AJ slapped on the Black Widow and submitted the Funkadactyl for the win.
G: That’s all I need to do. Men, duct-tape this one and toss him into the cell with Barkley. Oh, hit him with the silent one’s spinner belt first.
Mark: WAIT! NO! OOOF!
G: Bring me the retired one…

That looked normal to me.

– The Real Americans are in the ring with their magical yellow capes of racism! Zeb Coulter rants and raves about Santino Marella being Canadian. I’m glad the retired one is the next to be… hrmm… spoken to. I enter my special secret room only to find him talking to himself.

JT: What the fuck is going on, who are you guys? Why do you all look like G?
JT Hogan: Well, you know something, brother! I invented G!
JT Alice: No you didn’t. G invented Canada.
JT McMahon: I FIIIIRRRREEED Jericho!
JT HHH: Fozzy is not best for business. He has no cadence.
JT: What?
JT Austin: 3 beers.
JT: What?
JT Austin: 4 beers.
JT: What?
JT Austin: 5 beers.
JT: What?
JT Austin: a Margarita
JT: What?
JT Alice: Can you stop, this joke was funny ten years ago!
JT Hogan: I invented 10 years ago, dude, brother, dude.
G: Enough. Men, club his knees so he can feel the pain of The Mediocre Khali!
JT: I… am… in… serious… pain.
G: Want another, Tommy Dreamer JT? Wait, don’t answer that. We have enough of you running around. You know you have a split personality disorder?
JT Austin: What?
G: Again boys.
JT: OW! That kayfabe hurt.
G: Just tell me what happened in the * Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella match.
JT: I retired, you know that.
G: I’m sure one of your personalities saw it. Boys.
JT: No, wait please!
G: Nah, this is fun. Boys….
JT: ARRRGGGGHHHH! Or something like that.
G: Continue Syracus Crunch, Paulie Shore stand up watching mother fucker.
JT: Santino hits the ring shortly after the ranting to a huge pop. A massive Coca-Cola if you…
JT Dusty Rhodes: Wheeelll!
JT Hogan: BROTHER!
JT HHH: Not best for business. Hit me again boys.
G: Wait that’s my li… ahh fuck it, now we DO have a JT Tommy Dreamer…
JT: MY KNEES! MY KNEES ARE DUSTY.
G: I planned that joke.
JT: The match was actually really short, this script lasted longer. Santino sneaks in a pin in like a minute. It was filler, but fun nonetheless. Can I go now?
G: Who said anything about going?

– And just like that, I personally drag the man of 1004 voices down to play Chunk to Chuck’s Sloth straight out of the Goonies. Of course, I tie him up unlike that film’s foolish villains that at least are associated with wrestling and Cyndi Lauper. See? That’s how my mind works. HEY YOU GUYS! I summon my next victim.

Thank god someone made this into a gif. This was my favorite part of NOC… I just wish the face of Punk started a wee bit earlier in the capture.

– The men escort a large fellow sans pants into my living room.

Jorge: What’s up G? You have security now?
G: I have to take precautions. Have a seat.
Jorge: ALL-DRESSED RUFFLES? POUTINE FLAVORED SODA? Wow! What’s the special occasion?
G: Ryback is now a Paul Heyman guy, let’s check this shit out.
Jorge: Hey, have you seen Mark, JT, or Joe?
G: Nope.
Jorge: Fair enough. How’d you like the Ryback turn over the week?
G: The jury isn’t out on that for me. Not too sure.
Jorge: [Jorge just say whatever you think here, adlib]
G: [I will do the same] Anyways, it looks like Heyman is wheeling himself down to the ring with Curtis Axel and Ryback…
Jorge: Why is Axel in a suit?
G: Not competing, I guess. Or maybe…
Jorge: Shh, G. Heyman is talking.
J.T. Narrator: And time passes…
J.T. Hogan: I invented time, brother!
J.T. Jericho: No, shut up broken hasbeen. Don’t speak never! ever! again!
G: Ha ha, boys looks like Chunk escaped. Lock him up better.
Jorge: Was that J.T?
G: Nope. Listen, that Heyman segment was fun. Just a continuation of the bit he’s doing about the history books noting Heyman has a win over Punk.
Jorge: Was this one a minute? Who was the jabroni he squashed with the Shellshock?
G: Nick Nardone from Cincinnati, Ohio.
Jorge: Of Little League baseball fame?
G: Sure.
Jorge: Man, this Make a Wish stuff is getting out of hand. I’ve got to go, though. I double parked my flying Gran Torino on your third floor apartment backyard.
G: Yeah, get off my lawn. See you next week. I think a certain someone might not make it.
Jorge: Peace out, G-man.
G: …umm yeah. Get your ass to Mars, peace.

– Randall Keith Orton is out for some reason. He is supposed to become vicious again so he can attack the COO and accost Stephanie. That’s what I learned from RAW (not the reviews, mind you, those are shit). He is attacking the audience with a microphone. He makes claims that the conspiracy theory about Scott “Canadian Dick” Armstrong and Danny B. Ryan is the R-Truth. Orton still notes is was all his Snitzky, and punts 15.2 babies into the audience to prove it. He had been denying his inner-douche and spray tan powers for so long. Orton then murders a couple audience members as The Miz’s parents no-sell the fact these were also their children. Just like on RAW when nobody ran out to help The Miz, the same thing happens here. Orton talks about scorched earth, and ending this chicanery. Then The Shield’s music plays, so it’s gauntlet time. I plan on watching this and tell my men to keep my special final guest in “the room” because the RAW reviews suck.

I converted.

-* Random WWE faces must face The Shield gauntlet handicap match booked by special guest booker (t) Vince Russo and Justin Credible (all holds barred). We are told it is also a two-turntables and a microphone match, with special enforcers Zeus and Corky Thatcher from Life Goes On. The crowd immediately starts shouting “I won’t embarrass you, ‘Becca!”

Ambrose often role plays as a wizard and just can’t get out of character.

– The Shield faces Darren Young first. Swarmed, speared, Reigns for the pin. Titus O’Neil next… swarmed, triple-powerbombed, pinned. Ziggler next… he makes some minor offensive attacks, but is Swahilied to his chagrin, and makes it to the outside of the ring. This leads to a countout. Coffee “Rubber ball” Kingston is out (Ed: Now with pants). He also has a good showing and he almost perfectly recreates an inverse image of a comic strip with his silly putty. But just like a biscuit, he too breaks, as the Shield pull him off (Cocktalk, every Sunday at BWF Radio 2PM EST) and shut him down. Mr. RVD is out next. He lands a little bit of his typical spots, and takes the triad down a notch. Hell dude goes for a frogsplash spot, until HHH makes his way down! THE FUCK? HHH tells Vickie to shut this down, and takes her back to his office for a three way with Stephanie? I haven’t seen one of those in a Teddy Long time.

I got bored in the Flock on Thursday, and decided to troll my buddy a bit….

– The fucked thing here is, is that since HHH’s decision puts all the other people that ran in at the end of RAW into separate matches for the rest of the night. Think about that. What was the original plan for the remainder of the show? App ads? Fucked up Booker-T’ing if you ask me.

– HHH’s beef is that this is an unsafe work environment. So he tells Vickie this needs to become a 6-man tagmatch with the Uso’s and Daniel Bryan against the Shield.

That kids going to go places. Places like the intensive burn victims ward.

– Then we get clips from RAW and Dusty Rhode’s excellent segment with MC Stephanie. That was quite an epic rap battle, except for Steph’s minor fuck up cutting off the American Dream when he made a point about picking a favorite child. Her ego almost botched the aim of Dusty’s point.

– HHH books a match. Looks like a winner. I summon my final “guest”.

G: This match looks like a winner. You ready to talk?
Joe: shfjkshdfjkhsd
G: Oh, I should take that Eight-ball out of your mouth. It tastes like Barkley, hey?
Joe: AKHJHKJHAFJK!!!!!
G: Attach the jumper-cables boys! I got this idea from Kane. Smart man.
Joe: HJKSHFHAKJFJHKAFKJHA!!!!!!
G: Ok, here’s the deal. Tell me how the * Luke Harper & Erick Rowan vs. Justin Gabriel & Zack Ryder match went, and I won’t electrocute your nutsack. It’s just that simple. I’m going to remove the gag now. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
Joe: Fuck you G.
G: Hit the switch boys…
Joe: WAIT, NO! I NEED THESE!
G: Need? Such a silly word. You need them to live, like air, food, or shelter?
Joe: Fuck you G.
G: The swi…
Joe: NO!!! WHEEE!!! SPINNER BELT!!! WHEEE!!!
G: Much better. Continue.
Joe: This was short. REALLY short. Harper did almost all the work as Wyatt rocked in his chair and watched Ryder get destroyed. What did I see in him? That Woo woo shit was kind of terrible, now that I think of it.
G: Yep.
Joe: Then Wyatt cut an awesome promo about keeping a promise to keep laying out jobbers like me or Ryder if the WWE keeps lining them up in front of them.
G: Not good enough.
Joe: WHAT!?!? I did what you asked.
G: The switch, boys.

– And just like that, Joe’s testicles are fried and he is dead. For at least a week. He’ll show up again in October, I’d bet. But not on the October 29th edition of BWF Radio. Meanwhile my streak continues. But at least I didn’t kill him this week. AND… AND… at the end of the day, the rivalry makes both the website and the podcast better. The RAW reviews almost suck as hard as ThatDamnDoubleC’s Dallas Stars.

Yep.

– Backstage, HHH apologizes to RVD for being placed in the gauntlet match tonight, and that he gets a rematch against ADR at Battleground in a couple weeks. Then ADR attacks RVD in a battle of acronyms. Good times are had by A.L.L..

See? JTG is still employed.

– * Non-Title Match: Alberto Del Rio {C} vs. R-Truth. Don’t care at this point. I guess this is just the final punishment guy for the night. I hear we are getting all of this on RAW again likely. Great. At least it’s new on Smackdown, and gives me more reason to FFW through 3 hours of RAW if need be. ADR armbars Truth into a submission win. Nothing to see here folks. This episode actually kind of feels like a Jack Tunney era show. It’s like almost all of the stars are all in medium sized-gourd matches.

– *Daniel Bryan/Usos vs Dat Shield. They have left almost 30 minutes for this match. If it actually goes that long, it will be the most significant thing the Usos have ever done. I hear complaints and whining in my apartment basement and toss some mustard gas down the stairs. Fucking Usos fans. This match was pretty good. No complaints, especially now that the screaming from below has ended. COMMERCIAL BREAK!

– I continue to enjoy how Sportsnet 360 (a.k.a. The Score), advertises Smackdown during Smackdown to let me know when Smackdown is one while I’m watching Smackdown. Smart shit, folks.

I just find this one cool.

– We come back to a fucking solid match. The Shield is mostly in control, as the heels should be, but damn, The Usos are looking good. Bryan is still much more capable, but all sarcasm aside, it plays out well. Worth a look. Bryan is the ultimate recepient of the hot-tag (Surprised?) and fucks up the heels with his goat-tastic abilities. Beard Powers prevail as Ambrose lands The MTBJC on him to capture the win. Not bad. I toss the corpse of Stevie Richards off my balcony as…

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

———————————————————-

I APPEAR WEEKLY ON BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

Listen LIVE starting at 2 PM EST here. here on Mixlr.com.
Check out BWF Radio every week. It goes up on i-Tunes on Sunday in the late afternoon of North America
Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “Jorge” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even get herpes! Hey, free herpes! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

A go to place for professional wrestling, boxing, MMA, and other combat sports news, rumors, podcasts and so forth. Always a nice place to get your fix, or simply learn more about the performers and athletes themselves. They are one of our go to resources for news and information for BWF Radio, and we wouldn’t have it any other way to share our content with them. Great site!
Joe continues not to notice this section. It’s like a Talking Heads song or something. 4 weeks and counting. He was warned.

———————————————————-

WTF?

———————————————————–

Sept 6, 2013. I am a clone of G. I am currently handcuffed to one of the lower legs of G’s sofa in his apartment. Yesterday, while the real G was at work, monkey nearby shrieked at me to attempt to lift the sofa. It worked! I went to thank the monkey located in an open-doored cage on the stairs leading down to the basement of G’s basement apartment, and noticed a large man strapped into a chair in the basement. I then heard the original G returning home. I need to find his magical device that created me…

Sept 13, 2013. The real Gee has noticed my writing. That stupid fuck hasn’t deleted anything, but he did taze me repeatedly. I still think the monkey is held captive on the stairs to the second level of this building. No time to check due to the repeated tazings.

Sept 20, 2013. Made progress today. Discovered some kind of cloning device. I used it to clone the device itself, and hid the copy under the couch I am “hand-cuffed” to. The monkey saw this, but I don’t think he’ll say anything. He’s a monkey, after all. Some dude named Johnny Storm stopped by to say hi. Weird.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 09/20/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Wink. Crotch Grab. Powerbomb.

The Joe’s RAW review/G’s SmackDown review rivalry becomes a triple threat as Mark presents his Impact review!  Stump JT returns, as does wrestling trivia.  Jorge gets happy for Brooke Tessmacher.  Sami Zayn and Antonio Cesaro get high praise for their 2/3 falls match from those on the crew who have seen it.  In the news, Goldberg throws out the first pitch at a Marlins game, spears some poor schmuck, and gives a response to rumors that he’ll face Ryback at WrestleMania 30.  The debate about whether or not the WWE has plugged the leak that has allowed Dolphins1925 to know the results of every WWE PPV in advance continues.  What does a blue dot, a rapist, and Christian all have in common?  A former WWE writer reveals the answer.  Could AJ Styles be a free agent soon?  What REALLY caused Alberto Del Rio’s black eye?  Will Tara EVER return to TNA?  All these questions are answered in the news segment on today’s show.  All this, and all the great “cock talk” you’d come to expect from BWF Radio!  Tune in!

BoredWrestlingFan Radio Episode 88 (MP3, 2:23:41)

Our break song this week was “Everyone I Love Is Dead” by Type O Negative.  Buy it here!

The post BoredWrestlingFan Radio Episode 88 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch 30 minutes, yadda yadda yadda, SmackDown sucks.

First 30 quick recap:  Daniel Bryan is given a “corporate makeover.”  Basically they pulled his hair back and put him in a suit.  Vince McMahon likes it, except for the beard.  He calls for a barber chair, and asks for a barber with immaculately groomed facial hair to come out and shave Bryan – Wade Barrett.  Wade “The Barber” Barrett?  I guess that has a ring to it.  Anyways, Bryan headbutts Barrett and starts shaving his beard off.  Bryan tells McMahon “The beard is here,” which was also a way to unveil his new t-shirt.

<COMMERCIALS>

Rob Van Dam vs. Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez)

Yes folks, RicRod is back!  Which still doesn’t make me any more interested in any match involving Del Rio.  I will warn you fine folks, my FFW is going to be stuck in the “on” position tonight, because I’m getting an extremely late start on this.  RicRod wedges his bucket in the corner, but RVD reverses an Irish Whip, sending Del Rio in head first, leading to an RVD rollup victory over the World Heavyweight Champion in a non-title match.  After the match, RicRod pleads his case, but Del Rio beats him with the bucket before tossing him out of the ring.  Del Rio wedges Ricardo between the steel steps and the ring, then dropkicks the stairs into Rodriguez.  Best of luck in your future endeavors, El Local?

Still to come, it’s CM Punk vs. Curtis Axel in a non-title match.

<ADVERTISEMENTS>

Cody Rhodes is in the ring, and he’s got a box.  He quotes Oscar Wilde (“True friends stab you in the front”), and has a gift for Damien Sandow.  But first, a video package showcasing the interaction between Rhodes and Sandow last week.  And Sandow did say “A family of clowns,” so my review was right.  Rhodes spared no expense – he got the briefcase out of the Gulf of Mexico.  Rhodes offers to let Sandow come and get it.  Sandow doesn’t hesitate to come to the ring.  He insists Cody put the case down and leave.  Cody sets the case down and backs away as a small but vocal “Thank You” chant breaks out.  Sandow goes to retrieve the briefcase, but Rhodes attacks him as he gets in the ring.  Rhodes opens the briefcase and pulls out the contract, tossing the briefcase in Sandow’s direction.

Up next, it’s Mark Henry vs. Ryback in a WrestleMania XXIX rematch.

<WORDS FROM OUR SPONSOR>

Mark Henry vs. Ryback

FFW!  Especially since I was there for the first match between these two.  Ryback decides to leave and take the count out.

Up next, it’s John Cena.  Whoop-di-doo.

<I’M OUT OF SYNONYMS>

The Bella Twins are talking about Total Divas.  They’re arguing over which one is hotter.  Eva Marie walks in and gives them hairspray and acts very badly.  Natalya walks in.  They say Natty being on their show is a slap in the face.  So Natty slaps one of them.

And now for the other star of Total Divas, John Cena.  Cena notices that a lot of people are choosing to cheer Daniel Bryan over him.  Cena says Bryan criticizing his gear makes him just like The Rock and CM Punk.  Cena insults the indy scene, and admits that he’d never wrestle anywhere else but WWE if he were to get fired.  He compares the indies to the Arena Football League.  You’re not making any new fans with that bullshit, John.  Bryan says Cena can’t wrestle?  So do millions of other people.  This crowd is giving Cena absolutely nothing.  Cena says you don’t get lucky 11 times, and encourages Bryan to underestimate him.  The fans finally start giving Cena something – a “Boring” chant.  He says it sounds like they want to see him and Bryan go at it right now.  He spews his stupid catchphrase when Randy Orton slowly walks toward the ring with his Money in The Bank briefcase in tow.  Orton also has a microphone, so don’t expect a cash-in.  Orton says Cena is always aware of the target on his back, but never fully aware of the target staring him in the face.  “It doesn’t matter, John, who walks out of SummerSlam as the WWE title.”  Yes, that’s what he said.  What matters is his MITB contract.  Orton says “The Champ.  Is here.”

Sierra.  Hotel.  India.  Echo.  Lima.  Delta.  SHIELD.

THE HOUNDS OF JUSTICE HAVE COME TO SAVE THIS SEGMENT!

The Shield surround Cena and Orton, but Daniel Bryan comes down to even the odds.  The Shield look to be about to retreat, but Brad Maddox suggests we have a six man tag match main event, The Shield vs. Daniel Bryan, Randy Orton, and John Cena.

<BUY STUFF>

Tons of Funk are in the ring, when the lights go out.  They’re here.

Follow The Buzzards.

Bray Wyatt sits in his chair, and when he blows the lantern out, Erick Rowan and Luke Harper are set for tag team action.

The Wyatt Family (Luke Harper & Erick Rowan) vs. Tons of Funk (Brodus Clay & Sweet T w/ The Funkadactyls)

Harper and Rowan make short work of Tons of Funk, and Bray Wyatt drops Brodus Clay with Sister Abigail.  He says Kane is a fairy tale.  The Demon is a lie, but Wyatt is the man of 1,000 truths.  The Eater of Worlds.  And he is forever.  He invites Kane to follow the buzzards.

Kane appears on the titantron.  “When you pull the wings off of a buzzard for fun, they’re impossible to follow.”  Kane doesn’t condemn Wyatt’s intentions, but he sees through him.  He’s here to disfigure anybody who gets in his path.  So is Kane, but he does it for fun, not to spread a message.  He says nobody does the devil’s work better than he does, and at SummerSlam, Bray Wyatt’s family won’t be able to save him inside a ring of fire.  Wait – did Kane just challenge Wyatt to an inferno match?

<YOU KNOW>

Josh Mathews is with CM Punk.  Punk would rather talk about Mr. Perfect and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan instead of Curtis Axel and Paul Heyman, because Mr. Perfect still had a mind of his own when he was with Bobby Heenan.  Punk says he’s coming for Curtis Axel.  Mathews asks about Brock Lesnar.  Punk says Lesnar loses at SummerSlam and Paul Heyman loses everything.

Kaitlyn vs. Layla

So, Layla finally turned heel, huh?  She says it was nothing personal, she just wants attention.  Kaitlyn looks to set up the spear, when AJ Lee skips her way out to the ring.  Layla avoids the spear, AJ distracts Kaitlyn, and Layla kicks Kaitlyn upside the head and picks up the victory and skips off with AJ.

Later on, Big E Langston vs. Dolph Ziggler.

<AD BREAK – and an ad for ECW Unreleased Vol. 2 airs.  Which I own on Blu-Ray.  It’s fucking awesome.  Buy it here!>

Cody Rhodes vs. Damien Sandow is confirmed for SummerSlam

Christian vs. Heath Slater (w/ Jinder Mahal & Drew McIntyre)

Oh who cares.  FFW.  Christian wins with the spear.  Big deal.

CM Punk vs. Curtis Axel, NEXT!

<WRESTLEMANIA XXX TRAVEL PACKAGE AD>

CM Punk vs. Curtis Axel (w/ Paul Heyman)

Punk doesn’t wait for Axel and Heyman to get to the ring.  Heyman bails to the backstage area, and Axel does his best to keep Punk in the arena.  Punk finally decides to stick around and have his match.  I pick up the new Newsted album while Punk dominates the early portion of this match.  When Axel gets the upper hand, Heyman strolls back to the ring, which distracts Punk and allows Axel to maintain control.  Punk turns the tide, and he goes after Heyman, but gets clotheslined by Axel.  The referee admonishes Heyman, who (correctly) says “I didn’t touch him!”  Punk gets back in control and manages to focus on Axel for a bit.  The fans in Green Bay chant “this is awesome.”  I don’t necessarily know that I agree with that.  Punk takes Axel down and grabs Heyman.  The bell rings, so… disqualification?  I have no idea.  Lesnar comes out.  Axel tries to sneak attack Punk, but eats a GTS.  Punk tries to attack Lesnar with a chair, but Lesnar rips it away from him.  Lesnar goes for the F5 on the announce table, but Punk escapes and rams Lesnar into the post.  In fact, Punk takes it to Lesnar, and takes him down with a flying clothesline.  Lesnar grabs Punk and drops him with a belly-to-belly suplex on the floor.  He rolls Punk into the ring, and Heyman follows.  Lesnar gets Punk up, but Punk escapes the F5 again, and wallops Lesnar with the chair.  He glares at Heyman, but before he can get to him, Lesnar grabs him and nails the F5.  Heyman screams at Lesnar to hurt Punk, and he obliges, waylaying Punk with the chair three times.  Punk is bleeding from the chin as Lesnar and Heyman leave.

<ADS>

Renee Young is with Brock Lesnar, Curtis Axel, and Paul Heyman.  Lesnar says, “that’s the best of the best of the best of the best that this world has to offer?  I’m the beast, and the best in the world.  Paul, say something stupid.”  Heyman tells Young to deliver a message to CM Punk.  Tell him he may not make it to SummerSlam, because next week, Heyman is going to walk out to that ring looking for a one on one fight between himself and CM Punk.

Fandango (w/ Summer Rae) vs. Kofi Kingston

Kofi stole the style of Trent?’s gear while he was out with his injury.  You know,  I actually thought I read that Kofi returned and attacked CM Punk on twitter when I went on there earlier to see how badly the border was backed up at the time.  I kinda caught a tweet out of the corner of my eye.  It probably said “Kofi Kingston returns on RAW, update on CM Punk?”  I have no idea.  No wait, I found it.  “Kofi Kingston Returns on #WWE #Raw, Paul Heyman vs. CM Punk, #SummerSlam 2000 Video.”  Kofi nails Trouble In Paradise out of nowhere and picks up the victory over Fandango.  Boo!

Triple H is on the phoen when Stephanie McMahon walks in crying.  She says the makeover was a disaster and Vince was embarrassed by Daniel Bryan.  Triple H says the great creative Vince McMahon is gone.  Triple H figures that Vince is going to do something to derail Bryan, but Triple H is going to stop him.

<SUMMERSLAM AD>

Real Americans and Zeb Colter are in the ring, and Colter calls the Packers overrated.  I agree with him for once.  We The People.

The Real Amercans (Jack Swagger & Antonio Cesaro w/ Zeb Colter) vs. The Usos (Jimmy & Jay Uso)

Cesaro drops one of the Usos with the Neutralizer for the victory.

Big E Langston vs. Dolph Ziggler is up next!

<MORE ADS>

Dolph Ziggler vs. Big E Langston (w/ AJ Lee)

I saw this match last week.  AJ interferes and costs Big E the match.  Oh wait, this is a rematch.  Big E dominates, but misses his Ultimate Warrior splash.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser, but Langston kicks out at two.  Langston rolls to the outside of the ring, when Kaitlyn comes after AJ.  The two Divas battle on the outside, and wind up in the ring.  Ziggler tries to break it up, but catches a clothesline from Big E.  Kaitlyn looks on with a look of concern as Langston drops Ziggler with the Big Ending for the victory, thanks in part to Langston.

Up next, main event time!

<EVEN MORE ADS>

MizTV returns Friday with Big E Langston and AJ Lee.

We get the WWE shill of Summer Camp, which airs immediately after RAW on USA.

John Cena, Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan vs. The Shield (Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns, and Dean Ambrose)

I love The Shield, but I feel like they’re getting jobbed out tonight.  I love Daniel Bryan, but I hate his tag team partners.  So, FFW!   Bryan tags in Super Cena, who starts cleaning house, but the referee didn’t see it.  Orton tries to get involved as well, but he gets tossed as well, Rollins tossed Bryan into Orton, but Bryan locks in the Yes Lock on Rollins.  The Shield break it up, and the bell rings, apparently a DQ victory for the “faces.”   After the match, Orton RKO’s Bryan, Orton and Cena fight off The Shield, and Orton drops Cena with an RKO.  JBL begs him to cash in Money In The Bank.  He seems like he’s going for it – he grabs the contract, grabs a referee, and… hesitates.  The Shield prevent Orton from cashing in, then Reigns spears Cena.  Ambrose puts the boots to Bryan, and Orton watches it all unfold as he leaves.  The Shield drop Bryan with the triple powerbomb as Orton watches from the top of the ramp.  The Shield stand tall as RAW goes off the air.

Thoughts:  Heel turn looming?  Looks like it might finally happen, as Orton does nothing to help Cena and Bryan.  Good to see The Shield dominate on occasion.  The show was much better than last week.  Personally, I kinda wish I read that headline right – could you imagine Kofi Kingston returning to turn on CM Punk and join the new Dangerous Alliance?  I’m interested to see what happens next week – what does Heyman have in store for Punk?  We’re less than two weeks away from SummerSlam and I’m starting to get very interested in it.

See you Sunday at 2PM for BWF Radio!

Follow The Buzzards.

The post WWE RAW 8/6/13: Half assed edition! appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, and then watch the rest while writing RAW in whatever style I feel like.  Because this is the “A” show.  SmackDown can have their little make believe stuff, they need it since they’re the “B” show.  It’s all half assed matches and RAW recaps over there anyway.  Screw you, SmackDown review!

First 30 quick recap:  Drumroll please!  Brad Maddox hosts the contract signing for SummerSlam between John Cena and Daniel Bryan.  Maddox insinuates that Cena picked Bryan because he’s half his size and not nearly as strong.  Cena says that size doesn’t matter, and lists  Shawn Michaels, Rey Mysterio, and Eddie Guerrero as examples.  Bryan says he’s earned his title shot, and he’ll prove it by winning at SummerSlam.  We find out that Mark Henry is here to get back at The Shield, and the opening contest is Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio.

Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio

I didn’t really watch this, but the story sold here is that Sheamus’ leg is injured from Money In The Bank, which Del Rio takes full advantage of.  Sheamus goes for White Noise, but his leg buckles and Del Rio rolls him up for the victory.

Oh god.  MizTV has a sneak peek at Total Divas.  Great.  Plus, an update on CM Punk.

Today I’m going to present some dream matches.
I’d pay good money for this.

This past Friday, Booker T and Teddy Long were fired to make way for Vickie Guerrero to be the new GM of RAW.  Well, they weren’t exactly fired, but they don’t have their jobs anymore.  They’re the guests of Renee Young right now.  Booker respects Mr. McMahon’s decision, but he’s a bit shocked by the situation.  Teddy Long filled in for Booker for 3 months, and you wouldn’t believe the abuse he took while Booker was at home in his La-Z Boy.  After everything he’d done for Booker and for SmackDown, Vickie Guerrero had him removed from the building.  Booker says if Teddy keeps running his mouth, he’ll throw him out of the building tonight.  Teddy says that if he’s not the GM, he thinks Mr. McMahon may have made the right decision.

Later tonight, Daniel Bryan will be in multiple matches.  But for now, it’s Christian.  Whoop-di-do.

In a “guns are legal, but only if you can transform into one” match.

Christian’s opponent is Titus O’Neil.  I wonder who is going to win this.

Christian vs. Titus O’Neil (w/ Darren Young)

FFW!  Christian (predictably) wins with the Killswitch.

This past Friday, Ryback took out Chris Jericho.  Josh Mathews is with Ryback now.  He says that some people think Ryback enjoys intimidating others.  Ryback says he does and calls Mathews a little twerp.  Ryback hates average and threatens to eat Josh, who runs away.

Mark Henry is here.  He got taken out by The Shield last week on RAW.  Something happened with these guys on SmackDown too, but they don’t show that, because this is RAW, the “A” show.  We don’t need clips from the “B” show.  Anyways, Henry says he’s proud of the fact that he’s a born and raised Texan.  He’s proud of the effort he put into his match with John Cena, but he’s not proud about what happened to him last week.  His heart don’t pump Kool-Aid (oh, the jokes I can make right about now).  He calls out The Shield.  Ask, and you shall receive, as Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, and Seth Rollins arrive.  Let me guess – the Usos are going to come help him?  The Shield back Henry into the corner and beat him down, but the Usos (predictably) show up.  The Usos take it to Reigns, which gives Henry enough time to recover.  He tosses one of the Usos out of the way to get to Reigns himself, disposes of Rollins and Ambrose, then squashes Reigns in the corner.  The Shield say hi to Sign Guy as they retreat.

Backstage, John Cena runs in to Daniel Bryan.  Cena isn’t here to wish Bryan luck.  He doesn’t think Maddox is making his own choices as far as his decision to put Bryan in multiple matches tonight.  Cena wants Bryan to make it to SummerSlam in one piece.  Bryan doesn’t care who his opponents are, this is an opportunity to prove he belongs.  Tonight, he’ll fight and win.

A battle of wrestling fans. Who is the ultimate WWE Superfan?

Darren Young is set for action, and his opponent is Mr. Dolph Ziggler!  I know what the next dream match graphic is going to be…

Dolph Ziggler vs. Darren Young

I wonder how this one is going to go.  Probably Ziggler with the win and then getting interrupted by AJ Lee and Big E Langston.   Mr. No Days Off stops to gloat, and he gets dropped with a Zig Zag for the win.   Big E Langston (predictably) tries to assault Ziggler but Dolph uses his quickness to escape, much to the chagrin of AJ.

Michael Cole shills the app and tells you how to install it on your shitty ass Apple phone.  (Signed, an Android user).  Then they show you how to do it on Google Play.  Because it’s the new way to watch television.  You can’t watch TV without the WWE App anymore.

Still to come, it’s CM Punk, but up next, we ruin the Divas division by having a reality show and a sneak peek hosted by The Miz.

You’d pay good money for this. You know damn well you would.

Miz is going to be hosting SummerSlam.  I thought they’re trying to convince me to buy it.  Guess not.  He’s got the cast of Total Divas in the ring with him.  And we get a sneak preview of their stupid TV show.  One of the Bellas complains that people say Eva Maria looks like her, so she insists she dyes her hair.  Miz introduces the cast and invites Jerry Lawler to MC MizTV.  Jerry knows most of them, and introduces himself to the new Divas.  Eva Maria doesn’t like how Jerry is looking at her.  She says she’s here to make a name for herself – and she slaps The King.  Lawler turns things back over to Miz, who plugs the stupid reality show, which I suppose I should tell you premieres Sunday at 10PM Eastern on E!.

Still to come, it’s Daniel Bryan vs three question marks.  Who’s booking this show, the Riddler?

Hopefully this one will happen soon. Sorry, AlyKat.

Triple H questions Brad Maddox about his thoughts on Daniel Bryan.  Triple H says somebody may have put words in his mouth.  HHH doesn’t care what the old man thinks, he thinks Daniel Bryan is the future of the WWE.  H-cubed thinks Bryan will overcome anything Maddox throws at him.  Triple H tells him to choose wisely who he listens to because one is the future, and one is a dead end.  Stephanie McMahon steps in after HHH leaves, and she says to get on board.  He has no idea what to think.

We re-live the destruction left in the wake of the Wyatt Family via video package.

Choose those buzzards you follow wisely…

Speaking of beaks, Summer Rae is here to dance with Fandango!  Apparently, it’s both Fandango and Shawn Michaels’ birthday today.  Damien Sandow is on commentary for this one as Fandango’s opponent is Cody Rhodes.

Cody Rhodes vs. Fandango (w/ Summer Rae)

JBL with a 49ers reference!  He says that Rhodes saying Sandow cost him Money In the Bank is like the Niners saying the Ravens cost them the Super Bowl.  This match is mostly about the commentary, where Sandow beautifully dodges Michael Cole’s question about how many titles he’s won in WWE.  Cody botches a moonsault so badly that Fandango had to walk into it.  Fandango rolls out of the ring, and Sandow goes for the distraction.  Rhodes sidesteps Fandango, then Disaster Kicks the briefcase, held by Sandow, into the face of Fandango to pick up the victory.

I was going to do Fandango vs. Richard Simmons, but it’s getting late. So, Disco Inferno it is.

CM Punk is here!  We watch a recap of what happened to him last week on RAW at the hands of Brock Lesnar.  Punk admits to getting his ass handed to him.  Lesnar hit Punk with his best shot until Punk was a broken heap laying ringside.  But no matter how far he threw Punk, Punk got up.  One week later, 13 staples still in his head and a messed up ankle, elbow, and ribs, but he’s still standing.  Lesnar can beat Punk down, but he can’t keep him down.  Punk puts over Lesnar’s history, but he says Lesnar’s biggest strength has never been any of his physical attributes, it’s fear.  Punk says the headline is “I am not afraid of Brock Lesnar.”  He’s not afraid of Heyman’s monster.  Punk turns his attention to Paul Heyman.  Heyman made the wrong decision, and Punk will make him regret it every day of his miserable life.  Punk is relentless, he won’t stop until Lesnar is in a broken heap.  It doesn’t matter what Lesnar or Heyman think, this is Punk’s ring.  He owns it, and he’s proven it time and time again.  Guys like Cena, The Rock, The Undertaker, and he would’ve proven it to Lesnar last week if Heyman didn’t get the jump on him.  Punk will make Heyman pay.  Punk’s not going to pretend that Lesnar isn’t a monster, but monsters were put on earth to be slaughtered.  If Lesnar is the beast incarnate, then Punk will slay that beast.  He challenges Lesnar to a match at SummerSlam – The Best vs. The Beast.

Heyman likes the marketing, via satellite.  Punk says if Heyman isn’t really via satellite, he’s going to drag Heyman out to the middle of the ring and beat him.  Heyman says Punk is reduced to pandering to these Texans.  Heyman likes the fact that instant global communication means he doesn’t have to set foot into Texas.  Heyman says heroes are either cowards who have run out of options, or a fool who refuses to stay down.  Heyman asks which one Punk is.  Punk says he’ll answer at SummerSlam.  He demands to know where Heyman is.  Heyman says Lesnar is in peak physical shape, while Punk is still beaten up.  If it’s a fight that Punk wants, then Heyman accepts.  But he asks Punk to stop calling this “The Best vs. The Beast,” because they both know that “The Best” is “The Beast,” and he’s Paul Heyman’s best friend, Brock Lesnar.

Up next, it’s Rob Van Dam!

Even CM Punk would have this on his dream match list.

Friday night on SmackDown, it’s RVD vs. Alberto Del Rio.  I’m torn.  I like one of those dudes but don’t like the other.  But I do like both guys in this match…

Rob Van Dam vs. Wade Barrett

Barrett attacks from behind to kick off the match, but you know his advantage doesn’t last long.  The fact that I’m sitting back here watching RAW instead of in the lobby watching CNN doesn’t let me avoid hearing about this new “royal baby” that I don’t give two shits about because I’m an American, because they bring it up, simply because Barrett is in this match.  RVD busts open Barrett’s lip with a kick.  It’s a pretty good little match.  Neither one of these guys have much going on right now, so it’s really just a nice little match with no real implications.  “Barrett is blocking.  He’s blocked every single kick with his face.”  RVD nails the Five Star Frog Splash and picks up the victory.

In a “caveman can use clubs and dinosaurs” match.

Respect the beard, bitches!  Daniel Bryan is in the house for a gauntlet match!  Bryan’s first opponent is one of The Real Americans.  Zeb says he’d have Stephen F. Austin, “The Father of Texas,” go on Maury and take a paternity test.  He didn’t got to war so all these people could sit around and yell a moronic catch phrase like “We The People” “YES!”  Colter invites the WWE Universe to say “We The People.”  It looks like it’s Swagger to face Bryan.

Gauntlet Match (match 1):  Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger

Bryan goes for the quick win, but to no avail.  Swagger actually controls most of this portion of the gauntlet match.  He hits the Vader Bomb, as the fans chant “OU Sucks.”  Bryan catches Swagger jawing with the fans and taps Swags with the Yes Lock.

Gauntlet Match (match 2):  Daniel Bryan vs. Antonio Cesaro

Didn’t see that coming.  Cesaro, much like Swagger, controls a good portion of this match.  This section actually gets a lot of time, and it’s a solid back and forth match between two great workers.  The fans in Austin agree with me – “This is awesome.”  Bryan ties Cesaro to the proverbial Tree of Woe and puts the boots to him.  Cesaro counters a side superplex, but only scores a two count.  They trade European uppercuts, with Cesaro getting the upperhand (the uppercut upperhand?).  The fans (and me) are loving this.  Are you listening, WWE?  This is what happens when you have two guys who can actually wrestle in a match together.  Bryan avoids the Neutralizer.  A couple of Cesaro uppercuts, and Bryan fires back with forearms.  Bryan tosses Cesaro aside and then hits a suicide dive on both Real Americans.  Bryan goes to the top, dives OVER Cesaro, who goes for the toss up uppercut, but Bryan counters and rolls up Cesaro for the victory!

Alex Riley (yes, that Alex Riley) tells Brad Maddox that Bryan is impressive.  Maddox says “so far…”

Gauntlet Match (match 3):  Daniel Bryan vs. Ryback

Bryan goes right after Ryback’s bad leg, but Ryback is far too tough.  FWIW, Ryback’s new thing is that he’s a bully now.  Ryback yells at Bryan that he’s a little man in a big man’s world.  The fans finally direct the “you can’t wrestle” chant at a guy who actually deserves it, meaning Ryback.  Bryan gets Ryback in a half crab, and really wrenches it in, but Ryback gets to the ropes.  After a bit of back and forth, Ryback grabs a table from under the ring.  Bryan hits a Suicide Dive and sends Ryback face first into the announce table.  Ryback shoves him into the steel steps.  Back in the ring, Bryan goes for the Yes Lock, but Ryback overpowers him.  Bryan is in control of this one.  He manages to lock in the Yes Lock, right in the middle of the ring.  Ryback manages to pull himself to the bottom rope.  He rolls out of the ring as Bryan releases the hold, catches Bryan flying off of the apron, and Powerbombs Bryan on the floor.  Ryback then Powerbombs him through the table, earning the disqualification.  Ryback pulls Bryan back up, and John Cena makes the save.  Cena challenges Ryback to do the same thing to him.  Cena vs. Ryback in a tables match.  Ryback says “if that’s what you want, that’s what you get.”  Apparently, that’s happening next week.

Mr. McMahon meets up with Brad Maddox backstage.  Maddox says next week it’s Cena vs. Ryback in a tables match.  McMahon wants to see Bryan prove himself against somebody who will bring out the vicious side in him – so next week, it’s Daniel Bryan vs. Kane.

Back in the arena, Daniel Bryan gets back in the ring and celebrates his victory.

Thoughts:  Another solid episode of RAW.  No Wyatt Family though – although I’d expect to see them next week with the return of Kane.  Also, it’s now close to 4AM.  I spent a lot of time doing those “dream match” graphics.  If I ever do something like that again, I’m going to make the graphics ahead of time.  What are some of your dream matches?  Call 716-HOGAN-97 to leave a voicemail for BWF Radio and let us know!  See you Sunday at 2PM!

Kodos MUST be in all my RAW reviews!

The post WWE RAW 7/22/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, then recap the first 30 when I get here (if possible) and then review the rest.  There’s usually some craziness involved with this, some things I write don’t actually happen, and Kodos always shows up.  Also, I play by my own rules.  Screw you, SmackDown review!

First 30 quick recap:  Brad Maddox starts off RAW by telling us we’re getting a rematch between Alberto Del Rio and Dolph Ziggler tonight.  I assume it’s non-title.  John Cena interrupts, and Maddox tells him he can pick his own challenger.  He suggests maybe Dok Hendrix or Michael Cole.  Randall Keith Divorce-ton comes out and tells Cena he won’t see the cash-in coming.  Fandango comes out and makes it known that he wants to face Cena at SummerSlam.  Orton attacks Fandango, and Maddox makes Orton/Fandango our opening contest.  Fandango puts up a fight, but it’s Orton with the RKO to win, and it sounds like we’re going to have a Jersey-esque crowd in Brooklyn tonight.  Just before I leave, Dolph Ziggler tells AJ it’s time to move on – time for him to move on from her, leaving AJ dejected.

Mark Henry is getting in the ring as I re-join the broadcast where I left off.  He calls Cena one of the greatest WWE Champions of all time.  Henry took Cena to his limit and came this close to winning that Championship.  Henry’s not here to make excuses.  He wants to be Cena’s opponent at SummerSlam.  SIERRA HOTEL INDIA ECHO LIMA DELTA shield.  The WWE Tag Team Champions and the WWE United States Champion surround the ring.  Mark Henry doesn’t back down – in fact, he tosses his jacket aside and attacks Dean Ambrose first, and he holds his own, but the numbers game is too much for him.  The Shield hit the triple powerbomb, and Henry is down and out as the fans chant “holy shit.”  Holy shit indeed, Brooklyn.  Been a while since we’ve gotten a good Shield beatdown.

Up next, Del Rio vs. Ziggler – and I can now confirm that it’s a non-title match.

Fucking Orton. Check out Wrestling Memes on Twitter!

Brad Maddox is on the phone with his Mom, and he’s surprised that Chris Jericho walks into his office.  Jericho picks on him a little, and tells him he’s doing a great job so far.  Maddox suggests Jericho try to impress John Cena by defeating a former WWE Champion in RVD here tonight.  Jericho likes that idea, so later tonight it’s RVD vs. Y2J!

Alberto Del Rio is out first for his matanojjnao;ewnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn4x jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

I’m here to show the world…

Oh, sorry, dozed off there while Alberto Del Snoro was entering without RicRod.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler

Goddammit.  I was at the IZOD Center the night Dolph Ziggler cashed in Money In The Bank on Del Rio, and here I am watching a non-title match with a face Ziggler and a heel Del Rio.  And Del Rio is the Champion.  I hate Del Rio as Champion, but I guess the money is in the chase, right?  I guess we’re supposed to want to order SummerSlam to see him lose his title, no matter who he winds up facing, though it really should be Ziggler.  Ziggler’s got a natural feud elsewhere right now should they choose to go that route, but Del Rio has nothing else at the moment.  I suppose that can change in an instant.  Oh well.  This match is similar to the one last night, and gets a lot of time.  That said, last night’s match (and tonight’s as well) was solid, I just didn’t like the finish, it made no sense.  Ziggler hits a second rope Fame-asser, but as he goes for the cover, the bell rings.  The referee asks why, and we see AJ Lee at the timekeeper’s table.  Del Rio kicks Ziggler’s head off and picks up the victory.  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.  Jerry Lawler says that right after I typed it.  AJ gets in the ring after Del Rio leaves, and she slaps the hell out of Ziggler for breaking her heart.  Ziggler tries to hold her off, but he gets clotheslined by Big E Langston, who then drops Ziggler with the Big Ending.  Looks like Ziggler won’t be the challenger at SummerSlam.  AJ kneels down beside Dolph and kisses him.

Apparently, John Cena gets to choose his opponent tonight, and that’s coming up later on.

Come on Heath Slater!

R-Truth rapping is apparently a thing again.  He looks different, but I can’t put my finger on why.  I think his hairline is receding.  His crap is interrupted by The Wyatt Family’s entrance!  THE reason to watch Monday Night RAW!  Bray Wyatt blows out the lantern, and Erick Rowan and Luke Harper destroy R-Truth as Wyatt looks on from his rocking chair.  They dispose of Truth, and Wyatt enters the ring to join them.  He says there’s no such thing as a hero anymore, but people have become addicted to the illusion of heroes.  He says everything is not alright.  The man who made you is a liar.  Your own flesh and blood turned his back on you.  Bray Wyatt wouldn’t do that.  Bray Wyatt is the answer you seek.  Truth gets up on the apron with a chair.  He wants Bray Wyatt.  Wyatt says if that’s what he desires, he’s right here waiting.  Rowan and Harper leave the ring, and Truth enters.  Wyatt asks him what he’s waiting for.  Truth allows himself to get distracted momentarily by the Family on the outside of the ring, and Wyatt crushes him in the corner.  The Family attacks Truth again, and Wyatt puts him down with Sister Abigail.  “You are not the truth we seek.  Kane… Follow the buzzards.”  Sheep mask.

Follow The Buzzards.

Go vote on the WWE App right now to vote for who will face The Real Americans, Jack Swagger and Antonio Cesaro.  Will you choose the Usos?  Tons of Funk?  Prime Time Players?  Who cares?  Vote For Kodos.

Somebody buy me this in blue. Or black if they have one.

We get the video they played on the PPV about the WWE Performance Center.

The Real Americans make their way out.  Zeb Colter doesn’t understand Brooklyn, because everybody speaks a different language.  It’s basically the same promo he cut at WrestleMania.  He says Swagger and Cesaro got robbed at Money In The Bank because some foreigners snuck across the border, or some shit like that.  Rather than vote for Kang and Kodos, you people picked The Usos.  Which means I have to sit through them for a second straight night.  I’m glad they’re getting a push and all, but I’m not big on them.

The Real Americans (w/ Zeb Colter) vs. The Usos

I don’t get why this match is happening.  These are four talented dudes, but I think Cesaro is so much better than this.  Jerry Lawler ponders whether or not Zeb Colter heard anybody speaking Dutch on his journey through Brooklyn.  Get it?  Dutch!  Get it?!?  I know, it was a bad pun.  Blame Lawler.  One of the Usos rolls up Cesaro unexpectedly for the win in a short match.

This Be a STAR ad tells me to be a hero.  But Bray Wyatt told me that there are no heroes a few minutes ago.  Which one do I believe?  I’d say the one that took out a monster last week.

Hallelujah!  Your Intellectual Savior of the Masses, Mr. Tender In The Repository, Damien Sandow is here!  And so is Christian.  Oh boy.

Damien Sandow vs. Christian

Christian is missing half a tooth after Money In The Bank last night.  Toothless Aggression?  Christian lost half a tooth (I actually saw it happen, it was when Sheamus decked him through the rungs of the ladder), Cody Rhodes got 5 stitches, CM Punk got 13 staples in his head, and RVD got 14 staples.  Brutal.  A “You screwed Cody” chant breaks out.  If you saw Money in The Bank, you know why.  Sandow reverses a Killswitch attempt into a Cubito Aequet attempt, which Christian turns into a rollup for the victory.  Sandow grabs the mic after and says that he’s still the intellectual savior of Money In The Bank, but then he’s assaulted by Cody Rhodes.  Sandow escapes through the crowd.

 Still to come, John Cena’s decision.

Sorry Cody, Damien won fair and square.

Some guy has the hiccups.  Another guy tells him to take a deep breath.  It doesn’t work.  The other guy hands him some water.  That doesn’t work either.  The guy makes a phone call, and Sheamus scares the crap out of the guy.  That doesn’t work either.  So Sheamus says he’s got this.  Then he hits the dude with a Brogue Kick.  1-800-Fella.  Yes, they’re making vignettes for this stupid gimmick now.

Earlier today, Vickie Guerrero was trying in the lobby of the Barclays Center trying to get people to sign a petition for her to get her job back.

One of the Bellas (they tell me it’s Brie) are in the ring.  They’re facing one of the Funkadactyls.  Naomi, I guess.  Oh boy.

Brie Bella (w/ Nikki Bella) vs. Naomi (w/ Cameron)

I forgot to mention that John Cena said he could choose to wrestle one of the Bella Twins at SummerSlam.  Very punny, John.  Again, everything Kaitlyn and AJ have done right, this reality show is going to undo.  The Funkadactyl wins with a cross body from the top rope.  The fans could care less.  And neither could I.

WWE.com caught up with Paul Heyman after Money in The Bank.  Well, actually, no they didn’t.  Heyman ignored the guy, other than to say “stay out of my personal life!”

Could this man be the next Paul Heyman G-g-g-guy?

CM Punk makes his entrance, hobbling toward the ring.  I still feel weird not calling him the WWE Champion, and he’s been without the title since January (though I still say he didn’t really lose that match).  Punk knows Paul Heyman is in the building, and he knows Brock Lesnar is in the building.  He also knows he’s not waiting anymore, and invites them to come out.  Paul Heyman comes out to the stage.  He says he’s looking at an empty ring, because in his world, CM Punk doesn’t exist.  In 2005, WWE had no vision for Punk.  Punk was a figment of Paul Heyman’s imagination.  Heyman took him in, taught him, trained him, martyred his entire career for Punk, and then they reached the WWE Championship together.  Heyman says that “we were the Best In The World.”  Without Heyman, Punk is not the best in the world.  Heyman says he has an aversion to the truth because it’s a harder pill to swallow.  Punk failed himself and Heyman when he couldn’t beat The Undertaker.  Punk leaves, comes back, and thinks he’s better than Heyman.  So, Heyman manipulated Punk, because he can never claim that CM Punk dumped Heyman, history will say that Heyman dumped CM Punk.  Heyman made it personal.  Heyman says Punk has no family.  All he has is the WWE Universe.  All he wants is the WWE Championship.  Punk took Heyman’s best friend away, so Heyman took away the WWE Championship.  You think he’s bad in business, he’s worse personally.  The kicker is, Punk made him swear on his children, but it was Heyman’s children who made him see the light.  “Daddy, why doesn’t Punk listen to you like Brock Lesnar does?”  The harshest truth of them all is that Heyman betrayed Punk because CM Punk can’t beat Brock Lesnar.  Ouch.  Punk asks if Heyman is done.  The truth hurts.  Maybe Punk should’ve seen it coming.  He trusted Heyman but all he has to show for it is 13 staples in his head.  Heyman knows that Punk is the most relentless man on the planet, and will not stop until he gets what he wants.  The truth is, he’s going to get Heyman.  He swears it on Heyman’s children.  Punk will hurt anybody that stands in his way.  Punk will burn everything down around Heyman until he’s the last man standing.  Heyman says Punk is not lying, but he spells Punk’s immediate future out for him.  He says it’s clobbering time – and Brock Lesnar’s music hits.  Here comes the pain!  Punk stares down Lesnar, and Heyman attacks him from behind.  Punk escapes an F5, but Lesnar is too powerful.  Punk keeps coming at him though.  Lesnar tosses Punk over the announce table, but Punk still comes at him.  Lesnar catches Punk in the air and rams him spine first into the ringpost.  Lesnar F5’s Punk onto the announce table.  Lesnar and Heyman leave, and Punk manages to get up on his own, but slumps back down holding his throat.  Great segment.

You guys have no idea how long it took me to find this – and it’s been floating around the internet for over a month now.

Total Divas premieres two weeks from yesterday.  Who cares?

John Cena is walking backstage when he’s stopped by The Great Khali who is apparently asking in Punjabi for the title shot at SummerSlam.  Cena replies in Punjabi.  Khali reacts positively.

Stephanie McMahon is in Brad Maddox’s office.  He says things are going well.  She wasn’t asking him, she was asking Triple H who was behind him.  Triple H thinks he’s doing a great job so far.  Maddox couldn’t find Vince, which happens a lot on Mondays, apparently.  Triple H wanted to know if he asked Vince about the decision to let Cena pick his opponent.  They think they know who Cena will pick, but they don’t think Vince will like it.  Triple H tells Maddox “good luck in your future endeavors tonight.”

Rob Van Dam and his rectangular pyro are back on Monday Night RAW!  He didn’t get the rectangular pyro last night.  RAW is presented in part by Rent-A-Center, Dude Brother.  Jericho is out after the break.

RVD 4:20 says I just smoked your ass!

Apparently Van Dam only needed 13 staples last night, not the 14 I stated earlier.  Unless Michael Cole got confused.

Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho

RVD does absolutely nothing of note in this match before the fans chant “you still got it” at him.  He was impressive at Money in The Bank, I’ll give him that.  ECW chants start up in this match between two ECW alumni.  Thank Paul Heyman for these guys, kids.  The fans are into this one.  Barclays Center is loud tonight!  Jericho is in control through most of this one.  RVD bounces back, using his athleticism to counter Jericho’s skill.  Jericho avoids Rolling Thunder, but doesn’t avoid a moonsault from the apron to the floor.  Later, RVD avoids the Lionsault, then hits the Rolling Thunder for two.  Jericho DDTs RVD, and Mr. Monday Night can still sell with the best of them.  This is a hell of a match, these dudes are just as good now as they were 10 years ago.  Jericho catches a hurricanrana attempt and turns it into the Walls of Jericho.  Van Dam crawls to the ropes.  RVD nails the Five Star Frog Splash and picks up the victory!  What a match!

Up next, Cena decides who challenges him for the WWE Title at SummerSlam!

Cena says he can’t tell us who he picked, because he hasn’t done it yet.  He asks the WWE Universe.  The fans chant Daniel Bryan, then Yes.  Cena is going to say some names, and the fans in attendance can tell us what they think.  Heath Slater?  “Boo.”  Any of 3MB?  “Boo.”  Orton?  “Boo.”  Great Khali?  “Boo.”  Alberto Del Rio?  “Boo.”  Jericho?  That gets some cheers.  RVD?  The fans cheer for that one.  Fandango?  Mixed reaction, a few people Fandango in the audience and sing his theme.  Sheamus?  “Boo.”  Ryback?  “Boo.”  Cena asks if he forgot anybody.  The fans chant for Daniel Bryan.  Cena says we’re good, thanks the fans for their help, and says he made his decision.  The fans chant Daniel Bryan at him again.  Cena says he respects the beard, and says the person he chose deserves a shot at the WWE Championship.  Cena says he selects Daniel Bryan.  The crowd goes insane for this choice, and Bryan hops down the ramp.  Daniel Bryan is over.  Respect the beard!

Thoughts:  Well.  I’m still not happy about Orton winning Money In The Bank last night.  I’m still not happy about Del Rio retaining the World Heavyweight Championship.  But this RAW has gotten me over it just a little bit.  Ziggler and Del Rio had a pretty good match.  So did Jericho and RVD.  The crowd really sold Daniel Bryan as a superstar tonight, and the Wyatt Family segment was far better than their debut last week, mostly because the fans weren’t chanting “Husky Harris” at Bray Wyatt tonight.  It wasn’t the greatest RAW of all time, but the crowd in Brooklyn was hot, and the show was booked very solidly.  And I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you to go find the Heyman/Punk segment if you haven’t seen it already.  Great stuff between those two, and the brawl with Lesnar was pretty good too.  I’m out folks, goodnight!  See you Sunday at 2PM!

The post WWE RAW 7/15/13 – The Maddox Era begins appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

That’s right…

Hopping time!

“I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. And as J.T. Hogan has observed, it often makes more sense than the program you are actually watching. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Aquaman swims up to me with Namor The Submariner. They say something fishy about the WWE voice over guy getting punked. Weird. I didn’t know Ashton was here. Apparently the voice over guy is dead…

– CM Punk makes his way out to kick off the festivities that is WWE Smackdown. Mikail Colebachev reminds us that Punk is part of the all-face Llllllllllllllladder match for the Bankrupt-Sack-Of-Doom at the next PPV, which hangs above the ring in all it’s Bound For Glory. The crowd erupts, transmitting it’s inner magma into lava and J.T. is seen in the audience holding his crotch with one hand a sign that says, “It burns when I pee.”

– Punk rocks out a nice promo about Independence and the Fourth of July and Tom Cruise is a wheel chair match, and how that’s cool. Lieutenant Dan rolls down the entrance ramp and inquires whether Punk wants to get into the shrimp fishing industry, bubba. Aces and Eights (with new members Aquaman and Namor The Submariner) swim out and shoot everyone dead with harpoons. All of this happens.

– Actually the short rant is cut off by Alberto Del Rio (san Ric-Rod who was suspended for being fat). ADR is the champ, and therefore he has an issue with Punk. ADR gets cheap heat calling the audience fat over-indulgent lazy fucks. Ironic, no? Let me hear you roll that “R”! I guess it makes sense since Punk is a “skinny fat ass”, right Hunter? “You Essa Rios, Eh!” the crowd chants with their Canadian-Mexican accents. Punk tears ADR a new one, calling bullshit on him. It’s not that bad a segment. My version is better. “I am the best in the world. I don’t chase you, you chase me,” declares Cookie Monster Punk. A(gnostic) D(eviant) R(EO Speedwagon) is the champion, dammit. HOLLA! PLAYAH! SINGLES MATCH FLOWCHART! The Ghost of Teddy Long makes it happen, since he accidently kind of forgot to book a main event before the show started. Phew.

Super Disturbio!

– Did you know? WWE made a bunch of money off of WM 29 even though it kind of sucked.

– Paul Heyman discusses the logic of Punk taking a match with ADR backstage with 9 days to go before the PPV. Punk requests Heyman just stay out of it.

– *The Usos vs. Team Rhodes Scholars. If TRS loses… ahh fuck it. Why must they job out Damien Sandow so often? See, the USO Show are the number one contenders for the tag title champions now that Bob Hope is their manager. Sandow comes out, announcing a new era in the WWE as he and Rhodes are both in the MitB “All-Heel-Midcarder-Match” at the PPV. Decent little start, but alas, I expect neither of them to capture the Bankrupt-Sack-Of-Doom, nor win tonight. And they don’t. In what proves to be a short match, the Usos hit a synchronized double frogsplash from opposing ring posts to defeat the better team.

Just another day in the life of G.

– The Shield comes up on the Titantron, and cut a scathing promo on the Usos calling them lucky to eke out a win over The Shield on Monday with help from Old Man Christian (He’s Joe Kent’s absolute favorite wrestler, BTW). Ambrose, as per usual, noting he will defeat Captain Charisma. And they end this segment by turning the camera away to the side, as opposed to dropping it on the ground. I guess their cellphone contract limits the number of phones they can drop on the ground.

The fuck?

– *Alicia Fox vs. Kaitlyn. Great. Layla is out with Kaitlyn for whatever reason too, just like on RAW. We’re reminded of AJ showing some modelling pictures of Kaitlyn as a fat chick. Be a star, and all that. Ric-Rod runs out and is immediately tackled by Big Daddy V and escorted out by Hill Billy Jim, Vader, and The Blue Meanie (who all work security now). Then AJ skips out to Michelle McCool’s old theme-song and Layla looks confused. AJ cackles at ringside, practically begging for a sandwich, allowing Alicia Fox to hit some kick thing and pick up the win.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess the cashier is a wrestling fan..

– AJ is seen scrambling backstage as she runs into the Bella Twins. A mystery masked luchador wearing a red and white mask immediately hits a Stratusfaction on both of them and now they are both dead. The AJ babbles something about Dolph with Big E Smalls who is wearing a referee shirt.

– Renee Young interviews ThinkSoZombiEJoE’s favorite wrestler, Christian, and everyone’s favorite robot, Randall Keith Orton. They debate who will win the MitB match and who will defeat each other tonight. Randall is really comfortable stealing Christian’s “One… more…. cheeseburger…” line. J.T. is seen at a local drivethru holding up a sign with his order, and looking confused why the cashier doesn’t understand cardboard signs with ink written on it. He continues to hold up the line for about 34 minutes until local authorities show up and whisk him back to the arena seating area where he is given complimentary whiskey shots and popcorn to munch.

Brilliant!

– Meanwhile, back at my apartment, Jorge shows up on a jet-ski. Seems appropriate.

Jorge: “Did you see – *Randy Orton vs. Christian?”
G: “No, I missed that. I was choking out my neighbour. What happened?”
Jorge: “You did that last time I visited.”
G: “The other guy moved out… for some reason”
Jorge: “Weird.”
G: “I know, right? So I made sure to introduce myself in the standard Calgarian way. He totally tapped to the Sharpshooter. I still broke his back for good measure. Want to see how I did it?”
Jorge: “Nah, doesn’t sound like my cup of herpes. Hey, can I grab a beer?”
G: “Sure. So, what happened in the match?”
Jorge: “Did you see – *Randy Orton vs. Christian?”
G: “No, I missed that. I was choking out my neighbour. What happened?”
Jorge: “They started off the match, and immediately cut to commercials! Riveting television, to say the least! When they finally came back, Christian was in control, then Randy, and back. This was a pretty well delivered and balanced matchup. Joe even texted me that he thinks Christian is the best wrestler ever!”
G: “I could’ve sworn I saw him shambling around at ringside eating the left leg of Lillian Garcia.”
Jorge: “They started off the match, and immediately cut to commercials! Riveting television, to say the least! When they finally came back, Christian was in control, then Randy, and back. This was a pretty well delivered and balanced matchup. Joe even texted me that he thinks Christian is the best wrestler ever!”
G: “I could’ve sworn I saw him shambling around at ringside eating the left leg of Lillian Garcia. Hey since you’re up, grab me another bag of crack.”
Jorge: “Sure! Both wrestlers go back and forth, and while Christian managed to dodge one RKO, he goes to the top ropes which culminates with a successful RKO and Orton wins! Decent little match. A shame ThinkSoZombiEJoE ate all those Make Wish kids again.”
G: “Bah, he does that every week. Catch you later Jorge!”
Jorge: “I must rejoin my people! Farewell human!”

I don’t remember this at all.

– And just like that, Jorge was gone, like Jerome Iginla to the Boston Bruins.

– Teddy Long tells Heyman to join commentary in the mainevent. Heyman protests since his best friend told him not to get involved, Long explains he doesn’t have to get involved, just help call the match. Heyman concedes.

???

– Crap from last Monday replays. Don’t care.

– “To say these last few months have been a blur, would be an understatement,” begins Dolph Ziggler who is cutting a promo in the ring. He discusses his memory lose vaguely and ADR taking his title from him. It’s actually a very solid criticism (subtly) about Del Rio’s shitty face turn, and makes a lot of sense, until 3MB enter to rock the joint.

– *Dolph Ziggler vs. Drew McIntyre. Nobody cares about this. Ziggler wins. McIntyre gets some stuff in, and isn’t totally medium-sized-gourded, just minor-sized-pumpkined. Meanwhile, over on Impact, Taryn is the talk of the town, or so we’re told, in her LLLLLLLLLLADDER Match on next Thursday’s Talent-Chuck Challenge on Spike TV. Whose contract will be tossed out, NXT? Catch them all, WWE. Except Sam Shaw. Fuck that guy.

– *Fandango vs. Justin Gabriel. After we see Fandango and Summer “Show us your tits” Rae* make their way to the ring, Justin Gabriel cuts an apologetic promo about the Apartheid in South Africa, the condition of Nelson Mandella, and how J.T. of BWF loves his flippy floppy moveset. Gabriel then transforms into a werewolf, only to become infected by ThinkSoZombiEJoE at ringside to a Were-Zombie-Wolfenstein-3D. Even though that didn’t happen, the announce team make a “Mandella” and “Howling” reference within 30 seconds of Gabriel running down to the ring. Then Fandango squashed him, finishing him off with the Bukkake for the pin, the win, and the complimentary wet-nap. Get it?
*: Chant heard on RAW

– Zeb Coulter with his fellow patriots Max Moon and Nailz. It’s awesome. In all seriousness, Coulter talks about the dangers of fireworks, and the positives of Swagger and Cesaro. They are better than you. So if you are an American, and don’t agree, go fuck yourself. Happy July 1st! Err…. Hey today was NHL free agent frenzy, so it really is Canucklehead Day!

Elevators are for losers.

– *World champion Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk. You know what? I’m just going to watch this thing. Heyman on commentary? Check. Punk and Del Rio in a match? Check. This could be good. Feets don’t fuck me over know. I think that’s the quote. They loved the profanity in the olden fucking days. This match is portrayed in a way that hides Punk’s still injured knee. Argue with me, smarks, but clearly he is still hurt. Did you see he buckled on RAW attempting to lift, bro? Much of this match is excellently camouflaged by Del Rio working the ground game on Punk’s upper torso, feigned high spots, and Heyman’s fantastic commentary. Smarks. Marks. Arks. This Calgarian swims along, and even Namor The Submariner agrees they do a great job here. Aquaman doesn’t though, because he’s a dick. The ending is ruled a no-contest as both men fight outside the ring to a countout, in part due to Heyman’s involvement. Post match, Punk decides to land a GTS on Del Rio. He sells the move like it hurts his knee. This time, I think he’s working us. Heyman apologizes repeatedly. Either way, great match.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

———————————————————-

I APPEAR WEEKLY ON BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

Listen LIVE starting at 2 PM EST here. here on Mixlr.com.
Check out BWF Radio every week. It goes up on i-Tunes on Sunday in the late afternoon of North America
Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “Jorge” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even get herpes! Hey, free herpes! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

A go to place for professional wrestling, boxing, MMA, and other combat sports news, rumors, podcasts and so forth. Always a nice place to get your fix, or simply learn more about the performers and athletes themselves. They are one of our go to resources for news and information for BWF Radio, and we wouldn’t have it any other way to share our content with them. Great site!

———————————————————-

WTF?

———————————————————–

When will Joe noticed I changed this section? Maybe on BWF Radio, this Sunday at 2 PM EST? Which Sunday?

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 07/05/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, give you the gist of the first 30, then review the rest of the show with semi-factual information.  Except this week, because I don’t feel like it.  What are you gonna do about it?  Complain?  To who?  This is my site, I do what I want with my reviews.  Plus, I play by my own rules.  Screw you, G’s SmackDown Reviews!

What I’ve already watched:  Daniel Bryan says he’s going to win Money In The Bank.  Then Sheamus, Randy Orton, Kane, Christian, and CM Punk say the same thing, and Punk says that RVD is probably watching somewhere saying it too.  Orton winds up RKOing Kane.  Then they showed clips of Buddy Rodgers and Lou Thesz because for some reason they’re really plugging the World and WWE titles tonight.  Probably because Vickie Guerrero opened the show saying it was going to be World Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. WWE Champion John Cena in the main event.

Six Man Tag:  The Shield vs. Christian & The Usos

Good.  Maybe we can rectify the injustice that was these three undeserving pricks beating The Shield on Friday.  And it is, as Ambrose pins Christian.  Christian.  This is not a main-eventer.  Yet they try to push him as one.  That’s what having one of the all time greats as your best friend will get you.

Bryan tells Kane that he got him a little something – a rematch with Randy Orton.  Kane thanks him, but then Bryan reveals that he’s the special guest referee.

Dolph Ziggler is here and set for action – without AJ or Big E.  He’s facing Jinder Mahal.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Jinder Mahal

Ziggler is OVER.  So is this match.  Zig Zag out of nowhere.  The end.  Or not – the rest of 3MB surround Ziggler, but he uses his speed to take all three out.

Video packages for former WWE Champion Bruno Sammartino and former World Champion Harley Race air.

Triple H tells Vickie she’s doing a great job, and not to listen to the rest of his family.

Video package airs highlighting Mark Henry’s career.  Because the people in the arena paid to watch RAW on TV.

And Randy Orton comes out immediately after.  I think the folks in the arena would rather be watching RAW on TV at this point.

Kane vs. Randy Orton:  Special Guest Referee Daniel Bryan

I don’t care.  I go foraging through my workplace for food.  Oh god this is boring.  FFW.  Orton drops Kane with the elevated DDT and sets up for the RKO.  Bryan gets in Orton’s way and admonishes him.  Kane boots Orton in the face, and Bryan fast counts Orton’s shoulders down.  Bryan tells Kane he wouldn’t have won without his help.  Kane goozles Bryan, but doesn’t chokeslam him.  Orton, however, RKOs Bryan.

Punk tells Paul Heyman he trusts him, but he doesn’t trust Curtis Axel.  Heyman says that if Punk trusts him, he can trust that he can trust Axel.

Video packages air for former WWE Champion Bob Backlund and former World Heavyweight Champion Dusty Rhodes.

FANDANGO!  He’s back!  And he’s facing Sheamus.  Because that’s who I’d want to face if I just came back from a concussion – the guy who kicks everybody in the head.

Fandango vs. Sheamus

Fandango controls a bit of this match, but after Sheamus teaches the kids to count, Fandango decides to leave.  Sheamus wins by count-out.

Jericho is on commentary as Ryback faces The Miz

The Miz vs. Sheamus

Basic story, Miz works over the injured leg of Ryback.  Ryback tells the referee to stop the match, so The Miz wins.  Jericho drops Ryback with a Codebreaker.

Video packages showing former WWE Champion Hulk Hogan and former World Champion Ric Flair, who was just on Celebrity Wife Swap last night.  That was entertaining.

Mark Henry says he’s going to take the WWE Championship at Money In The Bank.

Vince McMahon tells Brickie to listen to him or else.

Curtis Axel & CM Punk vs. The Prime Time Players

Punk and Axel steal tags from one another throughout the match, including the ending – Punk hits a GTS and Axel tags himself in to steal the pinfall.

Video packages air for former WWE Champion Stone Cold Steve Austin and former World Champion Sting.

Kaitlyn vs. Alicia Fox

Kaitlyn wins with the spear.  Instead of her music, however, AJ comes out with Big E Langston.  AJ calls Kaitlyn trash and shows a Photoshopped picture of a fat Kaitlyn.

Stephanie tells Vickie that they’re going to have a job evaluation next week in the ring, where Vickie can be promoted and actually become GM, or she could be fired.

Cody Rhodes vs. Antonio Cesaro

Rhodes and Damien Sandow insist they’ll still be best friends after the Money In The Bank match they’re both in.  Zeb Colter re-introduces Jack Swagger, who is in the corner of Cesaro for this one.  Cesaro picks up the win with the neutralizer.

Video packages for former WWE Champion Triple H and former World Champion Booker T

The Bella Twins make fun of the new Divas that will be on the E! show, saying they were pumped out of the Diva factory.  The Funkadactyls and Natalya show up and one of the new girls say she’s debuting next week. For everything right that AJ and Kaitlyn have been doing for the Divas division, that segment was horrible.  At least there’s a tweet from Bray Wyatt saying “Next week it begins.”

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena

I’m tired.  FFW!  Mark Henry storms the ring, which causes Cena to break an STF.  Ziggler runs in and distracts Del Rio, causing Cena to pick up the victory with the AA.  Henry grabs the WWE Championship and gets in the ring.  Henry toys with Cena, causing him to flinch on a couple occasions, leaving a giant smile on the face of the World’s Strongest Man.

RAW ends with another Wyatt Family vignette – they’ll be here NEXT WEEK!

Thoughts:  That one was tough to get through.  I don’t know necessarily if it was the show itself or the stress of this week, but I couldn’t make it through in one sitting.  I dosed off at points.  It kind of felt like we were in a holding pattern for this week.  Oh well, the Wyatt Family are almost here!  Goodnight folks, see you Sunday for BWF Radio’s tribute to Matt Borne!

The post RAW 7/1/13: RAW is Half-Ass reviewed. appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch this show as it airs every other week and live tweet it.  This was not one of those weeks.  So now I’m watching on DVR and typing about what happens in a semi-factual way.

R.I.P. Matt Borne, one of the truly more unique guests we’ve had on BWF Radio.  Your antics as the original Doink will forever be ingrained in my memories.

Opening pyro!  Haven’t seen that in a while.  USC gets all the cool stuff.  We get FFW filler between Boreton and Kane, and Fiesta Del Rio later tonight.  I reiterate my statement from Monday – if CM Punk isn’t in a mariachi band, that segment is useless.

* Dublin Street Fight: Damien Sandow vs. Sheamus

G was even kind enough to give me a match listing.  Sandow gives us a history lesson.  In 1860, South Carolina was the first state to secede from the Union.  Sandow suggests they do it again.  Y’all is not a word, it’s pronounced “you all,” as in “you all are a bunch of ignoramuses.”  You’re welcome.  A Dublin street fight has beer taps and green kendo sticks (Sandman note:  Singapore Cane, goddammit!).  Sheamus uses one of the beer taps to help teach the kids to count, because beer and Irish stereotypes are educational.  Sheamus gets a keg tossed at him, then gets whacked with a sack of potatoes.  All we need now is a shillelagh, four leaf clovers, and Lucky Charms.  Sheamus wins with a Brogue Kick to a seated Sandow.

Backstage, Kane congratulates Daniel Bryan on his win on Monday.  Kane says it was an upset, and Bryan takes it the wrong way.  Bryan says he’ll be on commentary, just in case Kane needs him in his match with Orton tonight, then gives Kane a hug.

Up next, Paul Heyman is a guest on MizTV.  What did I do to deserve The Miz on this episode?

Nailed it!

It’s warm in my apartment.  During the break I cranked up my AC and ate some ice cream.  I’m going to watch this segment and then give you the gist of it.  Heyman brings out Curtis Axel, Miz calls Heyman fat like Jabba The Hut, which makes Axel Luke Skywalker.  “Luke, you are not your father.”  Miz tries to start dissention between Heyman and Axel, and challenges Axel to defend his title against Miz tonight, to no avail.  Axel drops Miz with a neckbreaker to end the segment.

I got sarcastic… don’t worry, it gets more tasteless….

* Non-Title Match: AJ Lee {C} vs. Natalya

Kaitlin comes out before the match dressed as AJ and accuses her of having relationships with Mark Yeaton, Dr. Samson, and Lilian Garcia.  Kaitlyn skips around the ring, distracting AJ, and allowing Natalya to roll her up for the victory.  Then Kaitlyn spears AJ for good measure.

I suppose the WWE 2K14 cover could have been much worse.

“And the fist comes down, and the fist is change, and the fist comes down!”  Can’t wait for the Wyatt Family to show up!

BREAKING NEWS!  Teddy Long is on the phone when Mr. McMahon drops by.  He wants to know who is in the World Heavyweight Championship Money In The Bank match.  Long says that rather than select all the top WWE Superstars, he’s thinking about the future.  His Superstars are Wade Barrett, Jack Swagger, Antonio Cesaro, Fandango, Dean Ambrose, Cody Rhodes, and Damien Sandow.  McMahon corrects Long on how to pronounce Fandango’s name.

Diet Pepsi ruins your complexion.

* Kane vs. Randy Orton

 I dose off during this one, and wake up after a Domino’s ad has me dreaming of me telling people that Domino’s still sucks.  Then I try again and fall right back to sleep.  The finish has Bryan toss Kane back into the ring, directly into an RKO, and Randall Keith Orton picks up the win.

Not the friendliest dog

* Ryback vs. Justin Gabriel

Ok.  It’s now 7AM.  I got a good night’s sleep thanks to Orton/Kane.  And I wake up with Ryback vs. Justin Gabriel up next.  And since Gabriel is already in the ring, I know where this is going.  FFW!  Looks like Gabriel put up a bit of a fight, but ultimately lost via Shell Shock.  Jericho comes out after the match to sarcastically ask if Ryback hurt his leg.  He insults Ryback and calls him Cryback.  He even gets the crowd to chant it.  He threatens to give Ryback something to cry about.  He goes after the leg that Ryback apparently hurt during the match I FFW’d through.

This past Monday, we saw the new cover for WWE 2K14.

This actually looks more fun than how it’s supposed to work.

* The Shield vs. The Usos and Christian

Hmm.. 30 minutes left in the show, 3 graphics left that G kindly posted here for me, and this is the last match.  And since I’m hungry and crunched for time, despite the fact I love the Shield, FFW!  Especially since Christian and The Usos are in this one.  Rollins takes out both Usos, and Ambrose looks to go for a suicide dive of his own, but eats a spear by Christian, who picks up the win for his team.  Fucking Christian.  I hope he injures himself again soon.

Aha, that’s what’s left on this show – Del Rio’s party.  It’s next.

Yep.

And since I don’t want these images to go to waste…

This, on the other hand, does NOT look more fun than how it’s supposed to work.

12 minutes left then I can eat breakfast.  The faces of the mariachi band are all visible.  CM Punk is not one of them.  Ricardo makes fun of the South Carolina rednecks, and introduces the World Heavyweight Champion, Alberto Del Rio.  Dolph Ziggler’s face is on the pinata.  Del Rio says he’s going to do things his way from now on.  He’s only going to speak Spanish, which, since I speak enough Spanish to say “I don’t speak Spanish,” should be fun for me.  So he speaks Spanish, then says we’re supposed to be having fun (I’m not), and smashes the pinata.  He says he smashed it, just like he bashed in Ziggler’s brains at Payback, and he’ll do the same at Money In The Bank to remain your World Heavyweight Champion.  He calls out Ziggler and dares him to ruin his celebration.  Ziggler’s music hits, and he comes out from backstage.  Again, no mariachi sneak attacks.  Ziggler and Del Rio brawl, RicRod gets put through a table, and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag.  He tries to blast Del Rio with one of the mariachi band’s guitars, but Del Rio bails and Ricardo gets kabonged with the kabonger instead.  Ziggler celebrates with the mariachi band to as balloons fall from the ceiling to end the show.  Breakfast time, fuckers.  I’m out.

@Charles Barkley @G: “Not enough basketball on television anymore.”

@G @Charles Barkley: “LeBron ruined it for everyone again.”

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

———————————————————-

I APPEAR WEEKLY ON BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

Listen LIVE starting at 2 PM EST here. here on Mixlr.com.
Check out BWF Radio every week. It goes up on i-Tunes on Sunday in the late afternoon of North America
Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “Jorge” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even get herpes! Hey, free herpes! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

Bored Wrestling Fan

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

Wonderpod Online

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

Cheap Heat

A go to place for professional wrestling, boxing, MMA, and other combat sports news, rumors, podcasts and so forth. Always a nice place to get your fix, or simply learn more about the performers and athletes themselves. They are one of our go to resources for news and information for BWF Radio, and we wouldn’t have it any other way to share our content with them. Great site!

———————————————————-

WTF?

———————————————————–

When will Joe noticed I changed this section? Maybe on BWF Radio, this Sunday at 2 PM EST? Which Sunday?

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 06/28/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Sloshing time!

– No voice over joke this week, I just skipped that part.

– Daniel Bryan kicks off the show in the ring, which immediately makes the RAW injury angle questionable. He reportedly suffered a “stinger,” and HHH made the call to end it. “They were concerned for [his] health, so they stopped the match.” Bryan considers Orton the worst offender of the bunch. Randall Keith Orton comes out to address the allegations of Bryan against Orton for dehumanizing him. Orton notes that he has a lot of respect for Bryan because while Orton didn’t want to fight Bryan anymore, but Daniel kept coming. Bryan’s take is paranoia about being the “weak link,” not respect.

The WWE cares about concussions!.

– * Cody Rhodes vs. Sheamus. Fuck this match. The only thing shitty about all the good the WWE has done this week, is that somehow Sheamus is still a face. It was also one of the bad things about RAW, that this “face” cheap shot Brogue Kicked Rhodes after he lost, because that’s how good guys deal with losing. I barely watch this match as I get an idea of what the fuck is going on in Calgary. It looks like the entire downtown core will be shut down until the middle of next week, which is going to make my day job pretty much moot. The match, from what I saw was ok. Sandow at ringside tried to interfere, but this allows Sheamus to take a win with a Cloverleaf submission on Rhodes. Post match, Sandow attacks Sheamus.

– Bray Wyatt Family promo airs. Creepy as all hell, I hope we see them soon enough, but probably not next week, since they tend to put “NEXT WEEK!” at the end of these things once all of the vignettes have aired.

What about Axel Rotten?

– * IC Title Match: Curtis Axel {C} vs. Wade Barrett. It’s hard not to feel bad about Barrett coming out of the PPV, but realistically, Axel needed the win or his whole push would be a complete joke. Axel wins in a good bout. Post match, Miz leaves commentary, and stares off Axel. Meh.

– Clips of the epic Mark Henry pseudo retirement speech from RAW air. Promo of the year? Probably. It’s the closest thing to the “Pipebomb” of 2013.

Loved the robot guy!.

– * Non-Title Match: AJ Lee {C} vs. Natalya. J.T. is seen in the audience holding up a sign that states, “BRB, you guys. I have to go check on ThinkSoZombiEJoE, who said something about taking a Barrel Ride…”. While Biggie Smalls is at ringside, there are no Mediocre Khali sightings. The two begin to grapple and we immediately are sent to commercials. I’m bored and my head is not in the game this Friday. We return and AJ pretty much immediately submits Natalya with her Black Widow move, or whatever the fuck it’s called. Backstage, we see Kaitlynner talking with Layla, and for no reason Aksana comes in a calls Kaitlynner trash. So Kaitlynner attacks Aksana in the crazy fashion that AJ has done for the last year plus. Great.

This is about as convincing as Heat players getting fouled.

– * Non-Title Match: Alberto Del Rio {C} vs. Chris Jericho. I get the title thing here, as Y2J is gone after MitB. Nonetheless, this could be a good little match. But before it can start, a familiar voice echos over the P.A. in the arena!

JT: “I’m back. Last Christmas when Alberto Del Rio was busy murdering Santa Claus, I read you a story by a man who may have been playing Santa Claus on TV. But that wasn’t Santa. He’s real. HE’S THE FUCKING REAL NOT THE ANT DICK! COLD BEER! IT’S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMMIT! Today, on Sunday or Friday (gotta get down on Friday), I’m going to read you another story. It’s called “ThinkSoJoE died already, because he’s a zombie, so he couldn’t actually drown in Niagara Falls because he’s already dead.” On Wednesday evening ThinkSoZombiEJoE contacted the birthday boy, “Old Fuck” Gee Hall (quote the Whore-Hey, never more), letting him know he took a bus straight to Niagara Falls. Gee was confused since he didn’t know the undead could use facebook, let alone be allowed on public transit. But I digress. I was busy watching Hardcore Porn, or Pawn, or both. Jenna Jameson was in it either way. Some chef guy shred raped a potato, then stashed it in a Storage Unit which was purchased by that fired “Yup!” guy, and then served at a Bar that was restored, then chopped and voted off the island. It was awesome. What was I talking about? Something about Metallica? Either way, zombies can’t drown. JoE got a real close look at the bottom of the Falls. The End. P.S. No animals were harmed in the making of this lie. George Steele and Dave Batista are healthy and well. The Miz died, but no one cares about him. Now for a herpes update from Jorge. GO CRUNCH!”

And of course Crosby complained and cried to the referee about this clean hit.

– Weird. I guess that explains JoE’s absence so far on Smackdown. Back to Jericho and ADR. Ric-Rod does his usual introduction, and things get going nicely. We get a fantastic bout, with Ric-Rod distracting Jericho while he has ADR in a Walls of Jericho. So, Jericho grabs Ric-Rod and slaps him into the Lion Tamer. This leads to Dolph Ziggler running in to attack ADR, and thus, ADR wins via DQ. The two faces argue, and Y2J lands the Codebreaker on Ziggler. Jericho walks off in disgust, and the heels make their way back into the ring to attack Ziggler. Referees attempt to prevent the heel tandem.

How this happens must involve alcohol.

– * Drew McIntyre vs. Christian. Captain Charisma’s return was a little overshadowed and forgotten on that epic RAW, which sucks. Not sure where they are going with him, but tonight he faces The Chosen One and his 3MB cohorts. I watch this just for Christian… who surprisingly gets tossed around a bit by McIntyre. Christian ultimately wins with a Killswitch and runs off the 3MBs. Post match, Christian grabs a microphone and discusses about being happy to be back. “The entire world knows why I came back… for that one… more… match.” The Shield’s music hits, and they swarm the ring, oddly coming from the main entrance ramp and not the stands. Christian is dismantled. Does this mean an Ambrose/Christian program? I could dig that.

This is awesome!.

– Brock Lesnar kills CM Punk on RAW clips replay. Did you buy it? I hope not, that shit’s on free television.

– Renee Young interviews Paul Heyman about the Punk/Brock thing. Heyman takes exception about airing dirty laundry on the air, and mentions stuff about Renee’s relationship with her father, why her Uncle had to pull her prom date out of her limo, and why she and her fiance called it quits two months ago. The fuck? Wow, they just built up her character in a matter of 30 seconds just like that! And to think, she was merely Renee Paquette on The Score in Canada only months ago. That was interesting to say the least. All of the sudden, Renee Young has a story. You know who doesn’t have a story? Matt Strike-Anywhere-Matches. He got all future endeavored, which sucks, but I suppose he’s been replaced by this blonde Canadian upstart, essentially. That kind of sucks, I like them both.

Want to hear it? Here it goes!

– * Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton – What can I say? This match was pretty awesome. They get a lot of time, and we see a diversity of moves. I’m just motivated to care so much today since my city is fucked up. It all culminates with Orton being laid outside the ring, and Bryan botching a suicide dive after. But, Bryan scrambles back into the ring to earn a countout win. He argues with the referee to restart the match, not wanting to win this way. A “NO!” and “YES!” argument results between Bryan and the referee, but Bryan out yells the official as…

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

———————————————————-

I APPEAR WEEKLY ON BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

Listen LIVE starting at 2 PM EST here. here on Mixlr.com.
Check out BWF Radio every week. It goes up on i-Tunes on Sunday in the late afternoon of North America
Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “Jorge” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even get herpes! Hey, free herpes! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

A go to place for professional wrestling, boxing, MMA, and other combat sports news, rumors, podcasts and so forth. Always a nice place to get your fix, or simply learn more about the performers and athletes themselves. They are one of our go to resources for news and information for BWF Radio, and we wouldn’t have it any other way to share our content with them. Great site!

———————————————————-

WTF?

———————————————————–

When will Joe noticed I changed this section? Maybe on BWF Radio, this Sunday at 2 PM EST? Which Sunday?

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 06/21/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

As The Shield makes their entrance, we are introduced to the commentary team this week consisting of Josh Mathews, Miz and for G’s Birthday, Cody Rhodes & The Love Stash.

Match 1: The Shield def. Justin Gabriel & The Usos- G is seen in the audience with a sign that says Birthday Wish 1: Miz to shut the Fuck Up and go away. Good match here kinda short but I’m ok with that as long as the rest of the program isn’t recaps.

Payback Recap: Punk vs. Jericho- Looks like  Punk is going for the Wolverine look now.

RAW Recap: Punk vs. Del Rio- Ziggler attacks Del Rio and then Lesnar attacks Punk.

Match 2: Antonio Caesaro (w/Zeb Colter) def Shit Crapa- G i s seen in the audience with another sign saying Birthday Wish 2: JT you need to watch Payback & RAW this week.  Sorry G not happening.  Zeb cuts a promo about how AC is his new man crush now and does his usual illegal rant on Crapa.  Another good match here, but Crapa needs to lose the lighting in his matches it’s terrible.

This week on Smackdown Daniel Bryan faces Super Robot Orton, sigh.

Match 3: Katylin def Aksana-  G is in the audience with a sign saying Birthday Wish 3: JT Fast Forward thru this match quick. And that’s what I did.  It does look like Aksana has learned a couple more moves besided the headlock of doom.

RVD is returning at Money In The Bank. That’s plenty of time to pass a piss test.

RAW Recap- Mark Henry announces his retirement so he can become an Orangeade spokesperson only to fool us all and beat down John Cena.  After two replays of the Worlds Strongest Slam (really WWE) Henry is shown in the back where he challenges Cena for the title and we fade to black.

Overall- Ok.  The first half was good and it the only part I would recommend watching.  I actually sat through all the recaps this time but the show didn’t feel like it dragged which is also a plus.  Miz sucked on commentary as per usual, Rhodes was good and Josh Mathews was well Josh Mathews.  Well that’s all for now until Cock Talk which I will be on this week, maybe in HD but we’ll talk more of that on Sunday!

The post Main Event Results G’s Birthday Edition appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, avoid spoilers like (and from) the plague, and then watch the entire show when I get here.  That’s how ThinkSoJoE’s RAW reviews work.  Also, I play by my own rules.  Screw you, SmackDown review!

First 30 quick recap:  RAW kicks off with Alberto Del Rio celebrating his World Heavyweight Championship, saying that for five months he did everything for the WWE Universe, and got nothing, but last night he did it for himself and proved he was the best.  This brings out CM Punk and Paul Heyman.  Punk says he’s out there because he heard Del Rio call himself the best, and that he should prove it by facing Punk in a match tonight.  Heyman says Punk doesn’t fight for free.  Punk stops him and says he wants a fight, be it Del Rio, or even Ricardo Rodriguez.  Del Rio denies the request, but Vickie Guerrero overrides him, so it’s Punk vs. Del Rio later on.  But first, it’s Wade Barrett vs. the new Intercontinental Champion, Curtis Axel – or so we think.  After a backstage segment where Punk tells Heyman he doesn’t want him at ringside anymore (but he’ll always be a Paul Heyman guy), Vickie Guerrero says Barrett will eventually get his rematch with Axel, but first he has to face her surprise – Christian!  Christian defeats Barrett in a short match with the Killswitch.

Later on, Daniel Bryan faces Randy Orton, and you – yes you – can choose whether it will be a No DQ, No Count-Out, or 2 out of 3 Falls match.  I hate the fact that you can get counted out in no DQ matches now.

THE WYATT FAMILY ARE COMING!  THE WYATT FAMILY ARE COMING!  Punk is back, RVD is coming back, and the Wyatt Family are coming!  Hope reigns supreme!

Rhodes Scholars are in the ring, and they are facing Sheamus.  Yes, both of them.  Guess who’s probably winning this one.

Team Rhodes Scholars vs. Sheamus (2-on-1 Handicap Match)

Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes get to be in the ring at the same time for this one.  Sheamus is on the defensive for most of the early part of the match until Rhodes slaps him a few times.  This fires up the Celtic Warrior, who teaches the kids to count with help from Cody Rhodes.  He sets up for a Brogue Kick on Rhodes, but gets rolled up by Sandow, who picks up the three count!  Holy fucking shit, Rhodes Scholars beat Sheamus!  Then Sheamus, the STAR that he is, Brogue Kicks Cody after the match, much to the disdain of Sandow, who watches from the stage.

Vote for a bunch of crappy stipulations for Daniel Bryan vs. Randall Keith Orton later.  Also later, will Mark Henry retire?

This sums up Sheamus’ gimmick perfectly.

Rob Van Dam.  The Whole Fucking Show.  He’s back at Money In The Bank.  And because one of the clips they use in the promo is of RVD dropkicking Jeff Hardy, my wife was hoping he was coming back too.  He’s not.

Triple H is with Team Brickie backstage.  She’s trying to do things to make Triple H proud.  He thinks CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio is a great idea, but what was going to be the main event if CM Punk didn’t come back?  He asks what took so long for Christian to come back since he was cleared for a month and a half.  Also, RVD.  Brickie argue over whose idea it was.  Triple H says he made the deal with Rob Van Dam.  He wants to talk about the Shield.  He needs her to take control over them.  She needs to make an example of them if they get involved in the show tonight.  He tells her good job, especially putting 3MB on the show tonight.  Calls it a stroke of genius.  Brad Maddox doesn’t pick up on the sarcasm.

Last night at Payback, Daniel Bryan took out Randall Keith Orton on accident, and Orton let Bryan get speared by Roman Reigns on purpose.  So they’re fighting tonight.  Kane confronts Bryan backstage, who says he’s busy.  He feels that Kane is glad he lost last night.  Kane isn’t glad of anything.  He thinks Hell No should give it another shot.  Bryan says he doesn’t want to be a part of any team other than Team Daniel Bryan, Team DB.  Which Kane says makes sense because he’s acting like a DB.  Bryan says he needs to win the WWE Championship.  Kane was thinking the same thing, he wants to win it too.  Neither one of them know if this is it for Team Hell No.  Kane wishes Bryan luck, which he misconstrues as a sign that Kane thinks he’s the weak link.

Now go vote for shitty stipulations for an awesome wrestler facing a mediocre, yet insanely popular for some ungodly reason, wrestler.

This is what happens when you vote for a no count-out match.

I found out who the mystery man is that keeps showing up in the SmackDown review.  That has nothing to do with this, because this is RAW.  So I’m not going to tell you who it is.  It’s not MavenFan.  MavenFan is far too busy marking out for Randall Keith Orton’s entrance.  Daniel Bryan comes out and Jerry Lawler tells us what you voted for.  You.  Not me.  I wasn’t home.  I wouldn’t have voted anyway, because these all suck.  You all voted for a No DQ match.

Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan

The fans are clearly behind Bryan here, except for one girl in a Maven t-shirt.  JT is seen in the audience holding up a sign that reads “I’m a figment of your imagination, right now I’m Fandangoing because I won at trivia.”  The referee starts to count when they wind up on the outside.  I hate that count-outs are a thing in No DQ matches now.  G, on the other hand, loves it.  It’s his second favorite thing behind non-title matches.  Orton grabs a Kendo stick.  Sandman is seen in the audience holding up a figment of JT’s imagination who is holding up a sign that reads “It’s a fucking Singapore Cane, dammit!”  Orton attacks the ribs of Bryan throughout the match, and the doctor at ringside continuously checks on him, eventually calling for a stop to the match.

Orton helps Bryan up after the match.  Bryan seems upset that the match was stopped.

Later on, CM Punk faces Alberto Del Rio.

Fuck your Kendo stick.

We get a recap of Punk interrupting Del Rio earlier.

New WWE Divas Champion AJ Lee is seconded by Big E Langston as she makes her way to the ring.  She says this is what it’s like to have it all.  Ziggy couldn’t be here because he’s not medically cleared, but soon enough, he’ll share the spotlight with the greatest Divas Champion of all time, AJ.  She says she’s always been the champion, now she has proof.  Last night she made Piglet tap out, but she is the hero of this story.  She is a woman who knows how to get exactly what she wants, an example to women everywhere.  There’s not a woman in the audience, backstage, or in the world, who is strong, brilliant, and courageous as AJ is.  And if there is anyone back there who thinks she can compare to AJ, AJ dares her to come out.  Nobody takes her up on it – nobody except for Stephanie McMahon.  Steph says there’s a line of Divas waiting to come out, but Steph wanted to come out first and say her piece.  She congratulates AJ.  Steph wonders why AJ perpetuates the stereotype that women will tear each other down instead of building each other up.  Steph says it’s time that AJ starts acting like a Champion.  AJ apologizes.  She should act more like Stephanie – by marrying a Superstar.  AJ says she is Stephanie, only younger and without the fancy pantsuit.  Steph says AJ is the Divas Champion, but she can take that all away.  If she wanted to, she could make it so AJ doesn’t have a job anymore.  Kaitlyn leads a group of Divas to the stage.  I recognize three.  Stephanie tells Kaitlyn never to interrupt her again.  Kaitlyn says AJ played her like a puppet and broke her.  But now it’s Kaitlyn’s turn.  She gets in the ring and assaults AJ.  Big E Langston pulls AJ to safety and prevents her from getting back in the ring.  AJ screams for her title, and when she gets it, she says Kaitlyn will never get it again.  I’m really feeling these last couple weeks of Divas segments.  Seriously.

Up next, it’s Kane vs. Dean Ambrose for the US Title in a rematch from Payback.

This is where I’m going, since I actually liked some of the Divas segments…

Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Kane – WWE United States Championship

So.  Dean Ambrose defeats Kane, cleanly (by count out) at Payback, and Kane gets a rematch?  Roman Reins and Seth Rollins get involved in this one and cause the DQ.  Kane eats the Triple Powerbomb.

Mark Henry is backstage with the Prime Time Players and Tamina Snuka, he’s up next, apparently.

Classic Mizark Henry moment: “Hey hey hey, Rock. I don’t know what yo’ cookin’. Smells like shit. But I think I’ll eat some anyway hey hey hey hey!”

The Shield are celebrating backstage.  Vickie stops them and says they weren’t to get involved.  Ambrose asks what the “severe ramifications” are.  She manages to utter the word “you’re” to Dean Ambrose before Vince McMahon walks in.  He says it was a good match.  The Shield remind him of himself, ruthless aggression.  They leave, and Vince says he likes The Shield, and he’s never liked that “Halloween, mask wearing freak, Kane” anyway.

CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio happens tonight!  And we see another Wyatt Family vignette, right now!  And, as Jorge told me it did on USA Network, it cuts out on Sky Sports as well.  Boo!

Classic Mizark Henry moment: “Sweet Jesus, you got a penis!”

Zeb Colter comes out and tells everybody to open their eyes.  The Government is spying on you.  People still sneak across our borders, but to show that he and Jack Swagger aren’t prejudice, they’ve chosen to align themselves with Antonio Cesaro, who comes out and says “We the people.”  He’s facing William Regal.

Antonio Cesaro (w/ Zeb Colter) vs. William Regal

This shouldn’t last long.  Glad to see Cesaro getting some kind of storyline.  He picks up the win with the Neutralizer.  After the match, Cesaro holds up the “Don’t Tread On Me” flag and buries Regal under it.

John Cena is up next.  As soon as they show him, I dose off.  Seriously.

Yup.

Cena is out, and we find out that Ryback is not cleared to wrestle after what happened at Payback.  Cena says we’re all here because we love the WWE.  Cena says his favorite WWE Superstar is the fans.  He admires our honesty.  I stop paying attention for a minute as I look up the Turnbuckle Tees CM Punk/Chicago Cubs t-shirt the dude in the front row is wearing. R.I.P. Turnbuckle Tees.  Cena says he’ll take on any challenge anybody puts in front of him.  He says after Money In The Bank, he’ll be ready and there will be no opportune time to cash in on him.  The next person to hold the title, earns it.  Mark Henry’s music hits, and he walks out, boots in hand.  He sets them on the stage and walks to the ring.  He shakes Cena’s hand when he gets in the ring as the fans chant “Sexual Chocolate.”  He asks Cena to stay, because he’s got something to tell everybody.  He respects everybody who loves this business.  He was a seasoned veteran when John Cena came in, and Cena is doing an awesome job.  The chant changes to “Thank You Henry.”  He says he’d expect if they can forgive him, they’d remember the coat he’s wearing.  “Sexual Chocolate.”  He tells Cena he’s going to be the greatest WWE Champion of all time, at the rate he’s going.  Mark feels he’s done pretty well for himself.  He’s out here to officially retire from the active roster.  He gets the “One More Match” chant from the fans, and Cena hands him the WWE Championship.  Mark has gotten to travel the world several times over.  He’s a proud, proud man.  He thinks his wife will see more of him than she wants to, and to his son and his little girl, who cries when Mark leaves home, “baby I’m comin’ home!”  Cena steps in the ring to raise Henry’s hand, and eats the World’s Strongest Slam!  Henry screams at Cena “You think it’s that easy?  I got a lot left in the tank!”  He tosses the title at Cena as the crowd chants “You still got it.”  At a guy who just wrestled a few weeks ago.  “THAT’S WHAT I DO!”

You know, I was skeptical for a while, but toward the end, I was actually convinced that Henry was retiring.  Kudos, WWE, kudos.

Still to come, CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio.

Classic Mizark Henry Moment: “That don’t look like my hand!”

Before the break, WWE genuinely surprised me.

Mark Henry is walking backstage when Renee Young stops him.  He says he had us all fooled, we’re all a bunch of puppets.  The only title he’s never held is the WWE title, and he’s challenging John Cena for it right now.  He’s got two boots, because he’s going to leave one of them in Cena’s rear end.

3MB are in the ring!  Jorge is seen in the ring with them playing air bass before security throws him out.   “FIVE IS ENOUGH!” yells the security guard.  Chris Jericho comes out, and it’s apparently him vs. Heath Slater.

Heath Slater (w/ Jinder Mahal & Drew McIntyre) vs. Chris Jericho

Mahal distracts the referee, McIntire nails Jericho, but Slater only scores a two count.  Jericho picks up the easy victory with the codebreaker.  The rest of 3MB attack, but each eat codebreakers as well.

Paul Heyman is with Intercontinental Champion Curtis Axel, when Matt Striker asks Paul Heyman about CM Punk.  Heyman tells him to ask about Curtis Axel, the man born to be better than perfect.

So THAT’s who Slash is touring with these days…

Miz is on commentary and Curtis Axel is facing Sin Cara.  Fun.

Sin Cara vs. Curtis Axel (w/ Paul Heyman)

Shouldn’t last long, but FFW!  Axel wins with a sick DDT.

Punk vs. Del Rio to come!

This Friday, it’s Daniel Bryan vs. Dean Ambrose, or at least he’s scheduled to.  Vince McMahon tells Brickie they’re doing a good job.  He asks what they’re doing about Mark Henry.  They say he’s getting a title shot at Money In the Bank.  Stephanie comes in and contradicts everything Vince says.  Triple H comes in and asks about The Shield.  He says she needs to start listening to him.  Vince says to listen to him and she’s good to go.  Stephanie says not to listen to either one of them.  She knows who to listen to.

CM Punk is backstage when Paul Heyman catches up to him.  Paul thanks CM Punk for everything.  Says he loves him, and gives him a hug.

This is a Paul Heyman hug.

Punk makes his way out to the ring, and we’re set for action.

Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. CM Punk

I’m having a hard time watching this.  It’s pretty good but I’m exhausted after the previous 2 3/4 hours.  RAW is too long.  Meanwhile, the announcers say that Daniel Bryan suffered a stinger in the match earlier, and will be ready for Ambrose on Friday.  I’m tired, so FFW!  Punk hits the GTS, but Del Rio rolls out of the ring.  Ricardo helps him up and the referee counts Del Rio out.  On his way out of the arena, Del Rio is assaulted by Dolph Ziggler!  Ziggler chases Del Rio out of the arena as Punk is announced as the winner – but instead of Cult of Personality, we get Brock Lesnar’s music, and Lesnar is in Grand Rapids!  He gets in the ring and grabs a microphone.  He feins going to speak, and nails Punk with an F5, leaving the former WWE Champion lying to end the show.

Thoughts:  Too damn long, otherwise a solid show.  Things are getting better, my friends.  See you Sunday for Cock Talk!

The post WWE RAW 6/17/13: Payback for Payback. appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, avoid spoilers like (and from) the plague, and then watch the entire show when I get here.  That’s how ThinkSoJoE’s RAW reviews work.  Also, I play by my own rules.  Screw you, SmackDown review!

So.  Since I don’t feel like watching the first 30 minutes all over again, here’s the gist of what you’ve missed.  John Cena comes out and issues a challenge of his own to Ryback.  He tells the Calgary audience that he wants a Three Stages of Hell match, where the first fall will be a lumberjack match, the second fall a tables match, and if necessary, the third fall will be the ambulance match Ryback challenged Cena to last week.  It’s like they had a meeting and said, “an ambulance match is boring, but not boring enough.  How about we add two other relatively lame stipulations and make it a three stages of hell match?!?”  Ryback came out and repeated everything Cena said in his promo but didn’t answer the challenge.  Then Paul Heyman came out with a challenge of his own – John Cena vs. Curtis Axel tonight on RAW.

Did somebody use Calgary and boring in the same sentence? The man pictured did not deserve to be called boring. Screw you, WWE.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Big E Langston

I saw this match last week.  Twice.  Del Rio wins.  I don’t remember, nor care, how.

Didn’t RAW start off with a Ryback promo and the Del Rio/Langston match last week too?

Alright.  Now that I’m caught up with where I was when I left the house…

The Shield are defending their titles in return matches from Extreme Rules tonight.  Download the app.

Daniel Bryan is still complaining about possibly being the weak link of Team Hell No.  Kane says he’s not the weak link, and Bryan needs to pull himself together if they’re going to beat The Shield.  They argue, and Bret Hart walks in.  Bret says they’re one of the best tag teams they’ve ever seen.  Tension destroys teams, and they need to pull themselves together.  Bryan asks Hart if he was ever considered the weak link of the Hart Foundation.  Hart tells him the exact same stuff Kane just told him.  This upsets Kane, but Bryan explains that it was because it was Bret Hart, the best there is, was, and ever will be, whereas Kane is just… Kane.

Download the App.  Watch Bret Hart Appreciation Night.  Or you could’ve just gone to the show, G.  The rest of you can move to Canada and watch it on TV.  Free health care and no need to download the WWE App?  Where do I sign up?

Dean Ambrose is on his way to the ring, set to defend his title – again – against Kofi Kingston.  Apparenly Kofi gets a rematch for his rematch, which turned into a six man tag on Friday night.  This match is next.

Shield. Justice. Roman Reigns. Rob Trujillo. It all makes sense now…

Last week, Curtis Axel “debuted.”  This week he faces John Cena.

Dean Ambrose vs. Kofi Kingston – United States Championship match

The pace quickens to Kingston’s favor, and Ambrose steps out to slow things down and send us to a break.  Ambrose has the pace slowed to a crawl when we come back.  You could’ve seen how if you were watching on the app.  You were watching on the app, weren’t you?  Because that’s the new way to watch TV.  So if you’re not watching on the app, you’re missing everything, including what’s happening on TV.  Right?  A series of near falls is followed up by the SOS by Kingston.  You can watch Sheamus and Randall Keith Orton watching this match standing up backstage on the app right now.  Don’t you want to watch people watch TV?  And why aren’t Sheamus and Randy watching this on the app?  Ambrose nails his forward DDT, and picks up the victory to retain the United States Championship.  Reigns and Rollins join in the celebration, much like at Extreme Rules.

Team Hell No don’t waste any time in heading to the ring.  Looks like this match is up RIGHT NOW!  Team Hell No clear the ring, and we go to break.

After these messages, we’ll be riiiiight back.

The Shield (Roman Reigns & Seth Rollins) vs. Team Hell No – WWE Tag Team Championship match

Rollins is in control of Bryan when we get back as Bret Hart is trending on Twitter.  Which means a lot of people must be tweeting on one device, while watching the app on another, and watching RAW on television.  You great multitaskers, you!  Team Hell No, despite arguing a little, take control over the match.  They’re actually working as a cohesive unit, keeping Rollins stuck in their corner.  At least, they did until Rollins escapes a chokeslam and manages to tag in Reigns, leading to The Shield trapping Kane in their corner.  You can watch Titus O’neil and Darren Young watch this match right now if you have the WWE App.  Well, not right now.  Unless you have a time traveling Delorean.  Do you have a time traveling Delorean?  If so, you sir win at life.  Bryan gets tagged in and is a house of fire, but winds up hurting himself on a superplex on Rollins, but when we come back from break, he’s in control of Roman Reigns, though not for long.  Rollins locks Bryan in the surfboard, which you’ll recall is a standard move in Bryan’s playbook, which of course means he manages to counter it, but it’s all for nothing as Rollins prevents him from getting to Kane.  The Shield continue the beatdown as the crowd chants “this is awesome.”  They’re right, solid tag title match here.  Rollins yells at Bryan that he’s the weak link as he beats him down.  Rollins hits an STO on Bryan face first into the middle turnbuckle.  Ouch.  Team Hell No get things back in their favor, Bryan takes out Reigns, Rollins is left alone with Kane.  Bryan continues to assault Reigns on the floor, much to the chagrin of Kane.  Reigns spears Bryan on the outside, Rollins hits Kane with a knee to the skull, and The Shield have once again vanquished Team Hell No.

Earlier tonight, John Cena babbled on for a little while.  They might as well make this a medical attention on a pole match, as boring as the three stages are.

Up next, an update on The Game.

Triple H’s effects last week was from Brock Lesnar nailing him in the face with a sledgehammer.  The match last week didn’t do any further damage, but Triple H is not here tonight on doctor’s orders.

The Miz is on the way to the ring.  I’m on my way to the snack machine.  Screw that guy.  G is seen in the audience holding up a JT that states “Why are you forcing me to watch this crap? I fired this show two weeks ago!”  On the WWE App, you can vote whether Miz is the Guest Ring Announcer, Guest Commentator, or Guest Referee for the upcoming match between Fandango and Wade Barrett.  The illusion of choice!

New rule. Kodos must appear in the RAW review at least once every week if I’m writing it.

You voted (which is why they keep force feeding us this app), and 85% of you want Miz to be a guest referee.  Likely because it’s the only one where he doesn’t have to talk.  Barrett is out first for this non-title match.  The Calgary crowd Fandangos to Fandango’s entrance, as do I, and I’m sure a convalescing Jorge is at home as well.

Fandango (w/ Summer Rae) vs. Wade Barrett – The Miz as the Special Guest Referee

Currently trending on Twitter – get this – WWE App.  Yes.  You people keep encouraging this crap.  Even if you tweeted “shut up about the WWE App,” it caused it to trend.  Can’t say I’m not guilty of that myself.  But the fact of the matter is, all they see is “WWE App” trending, and they think you all love the damned thing.  Barrett tosses Miz across the ring, eats a Skull Crushing Finale for his trouble, and Fandango capitalizes with a pinfall victory.  Then Miz kicks Fandango in the head, knocking him and Summer Rae down, and Summer falls on top of Fandango, which Miz counts three and raises Summer’s hand.

Backstage, Shawn Michaels asks John Cena if he’s sure he wants to face Axel tonight.  HBK says nobody ever listens.  Cena says it reminds him of HBK.

I’m sure they love HBK in Calgary.

Apps of Funk and the App Khali are in the App with the Appadactyls, getting set to face 3AppB on Monday Night App from Calgary Appberta Canada.  APParently this was set up because Natalya wouldn’t let 3MB have any cake on the WWE App.  That’s not a joke.

3MB vs. Tons of Funk & The Great Khali (w/ The Funkadactyls, Hornswoggle, and Natalya)

There’s almost as many people in the corner of Tons of Funk as there are in this entire match.  That’s not fair to 3MB.  Best part of this match is Jerry Lawler’s joke – “I used to be in a band called The Hinges.  We supported The Doors.”  Yes, that lame joke was the highlight of his match thusfar.  Clay pins Slater, and the 8 people on the other side of this match all dance.  Until Clay stops the music.  He says it’s a special night.  It’s Natalya’s birthday, and to lead us in singing “Happy Birthday” is The Great Khali.  Oh God.  Michael Cole, for the love of (insert supreme being here), please shill the App.

And of course, he does.

Paul Heyman is on his way out, he’s a guest on the Highlight Reel, next!

Chris Jericho invented Canada.

Chris Jericho gets a full entrance, and he welcomes Paul Heyman in his own unique way.  Jericho insults Heyman but gives him credit for aligning himself with great talent.  Heyman corrects him and tells him he finds and discovers great talent, including Chris Jericho.  Jericho reminds Heyman he owes him money.  Heyman waived his fee to be on the show to make up for it.  Heyman talks up Curtis Axel, but Jericho wants to talk about his other client.  Heyman starts gushing about Brock Lesnar, but Jericho wants to talk about CM Punk.  Last time Punk was on RAW, he said the one thing that was bigger than the title was taking on the streak.  He pushed The Undertaker to the limit… and then Punk hugged Paul Heyman and left.  Paul doesn’t seem happy about this.  Jericho deduces that the announcement came as a surprise to Heyman as well.  Heyman dodges the question by mentioning that he is wearing his favorite suit to be on the Highlight Reel out of respect for Jericho.  Paul gets flustered and defends Punk, which gets Jericho in Jim Carey mode.  He then asks where CM Punk is.  Paul says they will have an announcement regarding the return of the Best in the World.  Jericho says Punk can’t sit at home and be referred to as the best in the world.  Heyman says Punk would disagree.  Jericho turns to the camera and waves to Punk at home.  He asks Paul if he knows what else is in Chicago.  The next WWE Pay Per View, Payback.  If Punk thinks he can sit at home after losing the title, after losing to The Undertaker, and then taking his ball and going home and still call himself the best in the world, he’s out of his mind.  There are just as many Jerichoholics watching tonight that would say that Chris Jericho is the best….  Paul cuts him off and asks him not to say it as #RAWIsJericho trends worldwide.  Jericho says that if Punk wants to be the best in the world, he’ll face Jericho at Payback.  Heyman says Jericho doesn’t get to dictate terms to Heyman and Punk.  Jericho says Punk can stay at home, and Jericho can say say he is the best in the world at what he does.  Heyman accepts Jericho’s challenge to a match with Punk at Payback.  Jericho says that after Payback, Punk will never, ever, be the same again.

Since Punk is a heel, I’d say that’s a pretty accurate tagline.

Speaking of movies, Fast 6 is number 1 at the box office.  Who cares?

Natalya and Kaitlyn are in the ring.  They’re facing the Bella Twins.

Kaitlyn & Natalya vs. The Bella Twins

Who cares?  The fans in the arena chant “Let’s Go Kaitlyn.”  I chant “This is filler.”  FFW.  Kaitlyn gets knocked off the apron and one of the Bellas pin Natalya.  Then they sing happy birthday.  At least it’s better than Khali.  But not by much.

Curtis Axel is greeted by Bret Hart, who talks about his great matches with Axel’s dad.  He suggests Axel get rid of Paul Heyman.  Axel says Heyman is the only one who believed in him.

The snorefest continues!  Randall Keith Orton is on his way to the ring.  It’s him and Sheamus vs. Rhodes Scholars.

My house during Orton’s matches.

BRAY WYATT!!!!  THERE’S A BRAY WYATT VIGNETTE!  THERE’S HOPE FOR THIS SHOW! It’s the entire Wyatt Family!  Luke Harper and Erick Rowan too.  And they cut straight to Rhodes Scholars when the vignette airends.  That was the best 35 seconds of RAW in a long time!

The Celtic Vipers vs. Team Rhodes Scholars

Rhodes Scholars got their entrance during the break and Sheamus got his after.  When you get your tag team entrance between your opponents’ entrances, you’re probably not winning.  Thinking about FFWing, but I like Rhodes Scholars.  I’m torn.  Meanwhile, the commentators are talking about Jerry Lawler’s heart attack the last time they were in Canada, which happened on Pat Patterson appreciation night.  He says he’ll try not to ruin Bret Hart appreciation night too.  FFW.  White Noise on Sandow.  Brogue Kick.  The end.  Sheamus and Orton predictably win.

Up next, it’s John Cena vs. Curtis Axel.

Something to look forward to on RAW! Hooray! (Credit to I Love Wrestling Gifs for this great image)

Friday night, Randy Orton faces Dean Ambrose.  Good.  Let Team Beta handle our light work.

We get the standard stuff, the app shill, the recap of what we’ve seen, and we’re told that it’s official, three stages of hell between Cena and Ryback.

Speaking of Cena, he’s out first for his match.  Axel and Heyman are out next, and we’re ready for our main event!

John Cena vs. Curtis Axel (with Paul Heyman)

Tweets scroll across the screen during this match displaying that other people are almost as excited as I am that The Wyatt Family are coming to RAW.  Meanwhile, Axel is in control of the WWE Champion.  It’s funny.  Last October when I was 6th row for SmackDown, the dark match was Michael McGillicutty vs. Johnny Curtis.  Eight months later, they’re two of the more over guys in the WWE, Curtis Axel and Fandango.  Axel actually dominates the majority of this match.  Win or lose, credit to Cena for allowing the kid to look good.  Axel hits the Perfect Plex but Cena kicks out at two.  Cena starts to battle back as an ambulance speeds into the arena.  Cena leaves the ring and cautiously approaches the ambulance, getting counted out in the process.  Yes, Curtis Axel has defeated Triple H and John Cena in back to back weeks.

Cena opens all of the ambulance doors cautiously, but gets assaulted from behind by Ryback.  Ryback tries to put Cena through the LED wall again, Cena reverses and goes for an AA, but Ryback shoves him off the stage and bails as Justin Roberts announces that Axel won the match.  RAW ends with Heyman holding Axel’s hand up in victory.

Thoughts:  Better.  I just tweeted Jorge that I’m more inclined to order the PPV now, as he expected I would be.  Punk/Jericho will be awesome if it’s not a swerve.   Bray Wyatt and the family are coming to RAW.  Curtis Axel is growing on me – and I already knew the guy had a ton of potential waiting to be tapped into.  Despite a few craptastic RAWs, WWE seems to be trying to build new young stars, and that’s a step in the right direction.  See you all Sunday at 2PM for BoredWrestlingFan Radio on Ustream!

The post RAW results 5/27/13: I still have no desk edition. appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

RAW Recap- Big E Langston def Alberto Del Rio to set up tonights rematch.

Match 1:  Alberto Del Rio def Big E Langston- no surprise here.  The match was pretty good though.

RAW Recap now with Extreme Rules results-Ryback challenges Cena to an ambulance match and somewhere in Antarctica someone might just care.

Match 2: The Usos def 3MB (Jinder Mahal & Drew McIntyre)- Great match here between the two.  Ryback comes out during the match in an ambulance, beats up Heath Slater and kidnaps him in the ambulance.

RAW Recap- HHH vs Curt Axel ending in HHH having a concussion or something,  I don’t watch RAW, I don’t care.

Overall- For a very predictable episode, Main Event was really good this week.  Yeah Cole & Miz were abysmal on commentary but I think I’m learning how to tune it out.  Plus there was no mention of the WWE app on here either.  Well thats all for now until Cock Talk on 2pm G time, c-ya!

The post Main Event Results for 5/22/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

See, See? You killed him.

Gravity wins again. It’s falling down time smarks, hit the link below. I get progressively angrier and jaded during this review. Maybe it’s just this week, maybe it’s not. The ball is in the WWE’s court on this one…

“I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. And as J.T. Hogan has observed, it often makes more sense than the program you are actually watching. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question. And this week is NO FUCKING EXCEPTION.

– The letters in my Alphagetti suddenly begin reorganizing themselves. “Tonight on Smackdown,” it says, “Chef Boyardee will address the meatball Swagger’s contest with Alberto Del Ravioli for a shot at Beefaroni Ziggler’s title. Random meat products found in this bowl of pasta also include Miz TV and generically bland rivals Randy Mini O and The Beefaroni Show.” I dig in, and think about that Mick Foley commercial many moons ago.

If you go out to the woods today, prepare for a big surprise….

– The Miz TV segment kicks things off. Disinterest begins immediately as Miz begins speaking. Randall Keith Orton challenges the viewer to care THAT much more. Big Show might save this. We are shown clips of the build to this match this Sunday. God this is boring. At least J.T. is seen in the audience holding up pieces of random fans and is feeding them to the shambling ThinkSoZombiEJoE at ring side.

– Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter interrupt this borefest, and Coulter denounces any interest in the competitors in the ring, rather, the ultimate victory of Swagger over Del Rio for a title shot at the concussed Dolph Ziggler eventually. Of course, out comes Del Rio with Ric-Rod saying the same thing, basically. Can our parade be over? Of course not, don’t be stupid, stupid. Mark Henry, The World’s Angriest Man, tells them “That’s what I do” and he’s going to be the guy remembered beating Sheathless. He’ll have no place to put his sword, dammit. J.T. is seen holding up a sign in the audience saying, “Where’s Poochie?” Of course John Sheamus comes out and blathers a bit, then bum rushes the ring and the so-called faces stand strong while the faces flee. You’d think The Ghost of Teddy Long would have Booker T’d his way out, playah, and booked a 6 man tag match. But you’d be wrong.

Admit it, you’ve often wondered what it would look like too.

– Our parade marshal shows up after the commercial break and books the 6 man tag match for the main event.

– Enter Team Beta, The Shield. The WWE wants to remind us that Rollins and Reigns also still wrestle matches, you see. Now don’t be shocked, Rollins and Reigns are actually on the PPV this Sunday facing Team Hell No!. I had to look this up, to be honest with you. And I sadly watch pretty much all WWE programming.

– * The Usos vs. The Shield (Rollins and Reigns). As the Usos do their little dance, Jim Neidhart runs out of nowhere holding up a sign that says “Who?” It’s a diversion as a man wearing a Team Alpha T-Shirt and a red and white lucha libre mask. He hits an inverted piledriver on Jimmy, and then a moonsault on Jay. Once again, he teases pulling off the mask, then chops his crotch and disappears into the night. The softening up of the Uso’s allows for a swift Shield victory. Post match, The Shield swarm the fallen Samoans…. BUT HERE’S COFFEE KINGSTON BOUNCING DOWN TO THE RING WITH A STEEL CHAIR! He unleashes his attacks on Ambrose, primarily, and chases the trio off (possibly into the night, but likely to backstage to watch the rest of the show standing up… because Kofi stole their chair).

You’re playing it wrong.

– Long welcomes back Miz. Miz cockily acts like it’s like he never left. Sandow interrupts and talks down Miz, and offers Teddy the opportunity to help him produce the Damien Sandow show in place of crap like Miz TV (YES DO IT!). Long takes it into consideration, but also books the two wrestlers into a sports entertainment hugging session.

– * Tons of Funk vs. The Prime Time Players. What a sad state tag team wrestling has once again become. It seems like only yesterday that the WWE was poised to boost the division back into relevance. All they had to do was elevate it via Team Friendship with a few exchanges of the titles between a few teams. Alas, no. Not much to report here, Tons of Funk win in a passable match. It wasn’t a squash. It wasn’t even a medium-sized gourd. It just happened.

Every time.

– We’re shown clips of the dance off from RAW between Fandango and Jericho. Sadly, one of the best parts of RAW. And I say that without sarcasm or any other misleading literary constructicon. Devastator forms and begins to destroy part of the arena until… “ME GRIMLOCK! DINOBOTS GO!” Or maybe I go on an axe murder kill spree. Whatever. Something happens.

– * Antonio Cesaro vs. Chris Jericho. People at WWE think Cesaro is boring, namely Vince “Dimentia” McMahon, according to the dirty dirt sheets. The fuck? I guess that probably explains why the WWE has been so shitty for a while. He must not watch either. This match, however, should be epic. With the slightest gesture, Jericho pops the crowd. They still seem dead moments later… until Jericho and Cesaro really begin to pick up steam… right before a commercial break too. J.T. is seen in the audience holding up a sign letting me know that Jorge won’t be visiting my apartment tonight, as he just arrived to join him in full Iron Man armor. It has added herpes powers, which he shares with the audience. Jorge is like Oprah that way, expect he just shows up in audiences and gives people things. BWF RADIO. Every Sunday at 2PM EST, available at boredwrestlingfan.com and live on Mixlr (for now… tune in for details this Sunday for our Extreme Rules preview show with a very special guest).

Ninjas and shit. I hid one in your place. Don’t worry, he’ll find you.

– Advertisements for new Whiskey flavored popcorn air during the break. Man, oh man, I think I know what J.T. and Jorge are eating right now. We return and Cesaro has Jericho locked in a headlock, which Y2J breaks… only to be put right the fuck back into it. Somehow this rest spot isn’t boring. And it’s not JUST because of Jericho. Cesaro is boring my fucking ass. The crowd is reacting well to Jericho’s spots, exploding as if they just got free herpes, and Cesaro shines demonstrating his technical gifts and psychology to work. SHINING WIZARD BY JERICHO! Beautiful! After a great back and forth, Cesaro looks to set up his finisher, only to be reversed into a Walls of Jericho. Cesaro submits clean??!? Sigh. Fandango enters post match, to attempt to interfere, but Jericho runs him off. Y2J then hits a Codebreaker on Cesaro, and stands up to stare angrily at Fandango, while bleeding visibly from the mouth.

@Charles Barkley @G: “Check me hanging with Joe’s favorite wrestler!”

@G @Charles Barkley: “I think you haven’t been listening to BWF Radio for a year or so, Barks.”

– Coulter and Swagger do one of their videos about Extreme. Coulter notes a bunch of great points about being extreme as a reaction to what life delivers. He calls out the government for lying to the people, police budget cuts, schools being closed, coverups, etc. They will not be vilified for questioning such things. Coulter then likens Del Rio to being part of this problem. Yeah, it’s basically the same stuff they did going into WrestleMania, but it’s far better articulated and less racist than before. It’s also much more in line with the right wing politics that actually often make sense in American politics without sounding batshit insane. That’s scary. Now keep in mind, I’m a Canadian, so I see all of these things with that POV. Feel free to disagree with me in the comments below specifically to any point Coulter made.

Stormtroopers and masked wrestlers always hide their identity.

– * The Miz vs. Damien Sandow. Miz’s new shirt says, “Haters Wanted”. He’s begging for heat. The cameramen manage to find a few people reacting to Miz when he comes out… just a few. Cody Rhodes joins commentary to build his YouTube match with Miz in a “We Forgot To Build A Storyline Match.” Rhodes early into the match grabs a live arena microphone and yells at the crowd to “Stand up!” and root for Sandow. I do this at home. The commentary is horrible here as Cody tries to put over Sandow, while Cole is completely off the rails. The match in the ring is actually pretty good, and Sandow looks pretty solid, but inevitably jobs out to a Figure Four submission. I guess WWE decided to make their undercard talent look terrible tonight with Cesaro and Sandow. ThinkSoZombiEJoE is seen in the audience holding up a sign written in blood stating, “What the fuck is wrong with this company?”.

– Please don’t pay for Extreme Rules. Don’t endorse this. If you do, send a copy of your cable bill to Stamford and make it clear you tuned in to watch the Shield capture the tag titles and the U.S. title, and if they don’t, you might as well just close up shop now. This is beginning to get fucking ridiculous. Remember how terrible the WWE was in between 1993-1996? I realize there was some great stuff with Bret, Owen, HBK, Taker, Diesel, Kid, and Hall then. But everyone else had day jobs and ratings were brutal. Then WCW starting kicking ass and taking names for a while until WWF figured it out with help from a couple writers now demonized by the IWC. That’s what it took to fix shit. So… Yeah… we’re back to that now.

Just another example of why Bruce Lee was awesome.

– I guess The Bellas sent another gift to Katie Vick from her fake secret murder, Glen Jacobs. Natalya interviews her or talks to her or has her own talent wasted in conversation with her backstage about it. This week she was given a pound of crack cocaine.

And he’s gone.

– * Non-Title Match: Kaitlyn {C} vs. Aksana. Aksana gets tossed around a bunch. Kaitlyn essentially rape-shreds her with some super dick (more on cock talk after the show, every Sunday 2PM EST). Aksana demonstrates her ability to lock on a headlock. If you are watching this, I suspect you have no legs or arms. You are a just a head and a torso that cannot reach the remote control. Live breaking news interrupts the broadcast! 2,421 head-torso-only people in the city of Calgary have been found dead due to repeatedly slamming their heads into the closest sharp object in order to commit suicide rather than watch this match! Kaitlyn wins after 64 head-torso-people opt to roll out of an overhead plane as opposed to watching this and take out Aksana.

– * Randy Orton, Sheamus, and Alberto Del Rio vs. Mark Henry, Big Show, and Jack Swagger. Whelp. We’ve got 1/2 hour left to go in the show. I suspect many a clip packages yet to come. Ring entrances and commercials eat up 10 minutes. We’re back, and I’m not. I’m in the room watching. Just not typing… fuck the WWE right now. I’m pissed off at the potential wasted in this company right now, so I’m throwing rocks at people on the highway in protest. J.T. is not seen in the audience, nor is Jorge. They left early to beat traffic. ThinkSoZombiEJoE left 90 minutes ago after consuming the entire ring side audience and went to check out Iron Man 3 (which has mixed reviews). Our mystery masked lucha libre invader in seen backstage (standing up of course) watching WWE: Bret Hitman Hart – The Dungeon Collection. I hit a 2010 Toyota Corrola with a knuckleball. The driver gets out, and I run off like a little bitch cackling to myself. All the competitors get their spots in, and get to look good. Typical flow chart shit here. They want you to not go to various foreign country websites and stream this PPV that they can’t shut down because piracy laws don’t apply there pay for the PPV. Good luck with that, WWE.

Once again, Mario is kind of a dick.

– All the faces play the distress role at some point, as the face-isolation concept is exploited to maximum use. They save a bunch of their spots to the end. Then everyone involved finds themselves outside the ring except Orton and Swagger, and the guy with the wellness violation wins. Ok, fine. It’s Randall Keith Orton.

Godzilla had it coming.

– Final Thoughts: Tonight wasn’t a terrible show. It certainly wasn’t great either. Now, I realize that it’s a go home show, and that means they are just carrying through to the PPV. That’s normally fine. The bad thing is that they’ve had PLENTY of time to start up the new “Season” of WWE post WrestleMania. The RAW after was great because of the crowd. No new debuts. No major movement. I totally understand why long time viewers are beginning to tune out. I’m not at that point yet, but fuck… seriously. Why are they jobbing out their newer talent in favor of older stale characters? How does this benefit them long term? NXT is the brightest spot in the company and half of that regular roster could rejuvenate the program if they let them. I’m going to hold out hope they steer this ship straight soon, or else much like J.T. fired RAW last week on BWF Radio (live every week on Sunday at 2PM EST), I might just have to fire the entire brand for a while myself. Thank god for the Shield, Daniel Bryan, Antonio Cesaro, Damien Sandow, Cody Rhodes and a healthy CM Punk. Jericho gets a pass from me, and Brock Lesnar if he actually is allowed to beat HHH. And get this, I think I ACTUALLY enjoy Fandango (partly because Johnny Curtis is actually good) just because it’s fucking different. Other than that… I really wish Ted Turner would purchase TNA and fire Hogan and Bischoff immediately.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

———————————————————-

I APPEAR WEEKLY ON BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

Listen LIVE starting at 2 PM EST here. here on Mixlr.com.
Check out BWF Radio every week. It goes up on i-Tunes on Sunday in the late afternoon of North America
Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “Jorge” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even get herpes! Hey, free herpes! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

A go to place for professional wrestling, boxing, MMA, and other combat sports news, rumors, podcasts and so forth. Always a nice place to get your fix, or simply learn more about the performers and athletes themselves. They are one of our go to resources for news and information for BWF Radio, and we wouldn’t have it any other way to share our content with them. Great site!

———————————————————-

WTF?

———————————————————–

When will Joe noticed I changed this section? Maybe on BWF Radio, this Sunday at 2 PM EST? Which Sunday?

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 05/17/13: Extreme Rules Go Away Show appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

In the news, we get conflicting reports of when CM Punk may return.  Jim Ross tweets his opinion on a women’s wrestling organization’s chances of making it on a national level.  Yahoo decides they want to get into the wrestling game, with thoughts on The Rock, and a new deal with WWE.  We reveal who the first inductee into the 2014 class of the WWE Hall of Fame will most likely be.  We hear from G how the Rogers purchase of The Score in Canada may affect the WWE.  We have a good laugh at statements from Alberto Del Rio and Bully Ray, are dumbfounded by the happenings at a recent TNA house show, and much, much more!  Tune in!

BoredWrestlingFan Radio Episode 72 (MP3, 2:06:13)

This week’s break song was “Anthem” by Rush, as covered by Anthrax.  Buy it here!

ESW Brawlfest, May 10th at the Kenan Center Arena in Lockport, NY

The post BoredWrestlingFan Radio Episode 72 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

RICARDO RODRIGUEZ DEF. BIG E. LANGSTON & ZEB COULTER – This is a Triple Threat match, with each man representing a superstar in the Triple Threat for the World Heavyweight Championship at Extreme Rules.  The winner decides the stipulation in that match.

The match is basically Big E. brutalizing Ricardo while Zeb hangs back on the apron.  Whenever the tide turns, Zeb tries to get involved but only brings his opponents attention on himself, setting them up to ambush each other.

While Zeb cries about his trick knee going out to avoid a confrontation w/Big E.  Ricardo tries hitting Big E. w/his bucket, to no avail.

Alberto Del Rio jumps in and takes Big E. down w/an inziguri.  Ziggler takes out ADR w/the dropkick.  Swagger tosses Ziggler.  Big E. takes Swagger and himself out w/a clothesline.  Zeb tries to pin Ricardo, but AJ tosses herself under the ref’s arm to block the count.  When Zeb complains, Ricardo rolls Zeb up for the three-count.

RANDY ORTON DEF. CODY RHODES – Slow-paced back and forth battle, but w/hard hitting spots strung together.  Neither man keeps control of the match longer than a minute, before their opponent takes over.  Pace picks up after the break, and ends with Cody jumping off the ropes into an RKO.

After the match, Matt Striker interviews Orton about his loss at Wrestlemania, and if he’s “haunted” by being knocked out.  Orton claims he’s never felt so “extreme” and RKO’s Cody again.

FUNKADATCYL NAOMI (W/CAMERON) DEF. BRIE BELLA (W/NIKKI) (REVERSED DECISION) – Before the match, we see the Bellas backstage, complaining about being shut out of the Diva Royal last week, and trashing them while plugging their new reality show on the “E” Network.

After a break, we come back to the Bellas in the ring and a promo spot for “Total Divas” on E!

The match barley goes more than a minute, with Naomi dominating until the Bellas pull the “twin magic” bit and they get the three-count w/a small package.  Cameron complains to the ref who reverses the decision and awards it to Naomi.  The Bellas respond to this by rushing back into the ring and beating the Funky cheerleaders down.

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION DOLPH ZGGLER (W/AJ & BIG E) DEF. U.S. CHAMPION KOFI KINGSTON –  Before the match, we’re told Kofi is a new father and will be defending his title against Antonio Cesaro this Wednesday on Main Event.

Big week for Kofi.

Match slowly built to a fast-paced spot-fest that got the crowd going.  Kofi hits “Trouble in Paradise” but Ziggler is saved by AJ getting his foot across the ropes. (At least that’s what they went for/how they sold it.) Match ends when Kofi catapults Ziggler into the corner, goes to the second rope, and tries a flying body-press, but misses and hits the mat.  Ziggler hits the “Zig-Zag” and gets the three-count.

JACK SWAGGER (W/ZEB COULTER) DEF. ZACK RYDER – Ryder tries to get the crowd going by showing a video of Zeb getting pinned by Ricardo.  This gets Swagger enraged, and Zack pays the price, as Swagger unloads on him.  Ryder puts up more of a fight than we’d expect, however this ends w/Ryder tapping out to the ankle lock.

After the match, Swagger holds Ziggler so Zeb can get in a shot.

ALBERTO DEL RIO (W/RICARDO RODRIGUEZ) DEF. ANTONIO CESARO – Both men use the same strategy of targeting the left arm in the beginning.  Cesaro fights dirty w/hair pulling and biting, while ADR uses quickness to keep Cesaro on defense.  After the break, Cesaro is in control, using his power to hold down Del Rio, and his forearm shots to get a few two-counts, while the crowd starts the “Ole!” chant.  (Oddly, Ricardo tries to get one going for Del Rio.) Del Rio’s agility decides this as Cesaro misses a charge into the corner post.  He tries to roll up Del Rio, but Alberto locks in the cross-arm-bar.  Cesaro tries for the ropes, but can’t make it, and taps out.

After the match, Del Rio announces the stipulation for his triple threat title match at Extreme Rules.  He chooses to make it a ladder match.

THE SHIELD DEF. WWE CHAMPION JOHN CENA/WWE TAG CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (KANE/DANIEL BRYAN) – Match starts out as a brawl, and the faces clear the ring quickly.  Kane starts off brutalizing Ambrose, who quickly tags in Reigns, who doesn’t do much better but does get Kane back into their corner.  Rollins comes in, and Kane takes over.  At one point, Kane teases choke-slamming the ref when he tries to get Kane to back off Rollins.  Cena tags himself in and he and Bryan get Kane to calm down.  Cena is in for only a few seconds before his tendon injury acts up, and he quickly tags in Bryan.  Bryan and Kane carry the load in this match, and are in control until the break.  We come back with Bryan in trouble as each Shield member takes turns punishing him.  Bryan gets Kane back in, and Kane unleashes his fury on the Shield.  Match spills to the floor and Kane takes a D.D.T. on the concrete.  Kane just barley beats the ten count back in, and makes the tag to Cena.  Cena come in strong, but the tendon gives out on him when he tries to AA Rollins.  Reigns spears Cena, and gets a three count.

ANGLES/STORYLINES

WORLD WISH DAY: We’re told about WWE champ John Cena hurting himself on the European tour, and how he made being on RAW this night a priority.  This was “World Wish Day,” and Cena had a special presentation to make.

After the break, we see Cena meeting a very sick boy named Nick on the Today Show.  He meets Nick and invites him and his family to Monday Night RAW.

Cena comes out with Nick and two other kids who wanted to go to RAW.  This was a promotion for the Make-a-Wish foundation and Cena reminded us all to go to wish.org/wwe to learn how we can help make wishes come true.  To make it even more special, Cena decides to make the kids honorary superstars.

The first boy, Jacob, declares himself “The Eliminator.” The second, Nick, calls himself “Nick the Stitch.” And the last boy was “Lightning Logan.” Cena goads the crowd into giving the kids a big cheer, and thanks us for making this special moment even better.

WWE has granted over 5000 Make-a-Wish foundation wishes since 1982.

SHIELD/HELL NO + RYBACK/CENA: – The Shield come out to cut a promo about their success in keeping Ryback from winning the WWE title, and run down a list of everyone they’ve put down, including The Rock, the Big Show, Sheamus, and Cena.

“No one can stop the #HoundsOfJustice! Not even a giant! Not a warrior! And not even the Champ!” – @TheShieldWWE

 The Shield brings up their beat-down of the Undertaker on Smackdown last Friday, mentioning how Justice doesn’t care if you’re undefeated at Wrestlemania.

 “When your number gets called, justice strikes without mercy!” – @TheShieldWWE

Suddenly, 3MB, (Slater, McIntyre, Mahal,) make their entrance.

“3MB? Why?” – Jerry Lawler

 Slater tells the Shield to shut up.  They want payback for the Shield interrupting their beat-down of Triple H two weeks ago.

 “Now, we crash YOUR party. And ROCK YOUR FACE!” – @JinderMahal

The band hits the ring, and it goes badly for them.  Shield is in control, until the pyro hits.  WWE tag champs team Hell No runs in and chases them off.

Backstage: Cena gets his heel taped up.  Ryback comes in to comment on it.  Cena notes he’s “hurt” not “injured,” and can still go.

 “I’m more effective on one leg than you are on two.” – @JohnCena

Ryback says he can’t take that chance.

Later in the show, Ryback goes to RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Gurrero (and her assistant Brad Maddox) to complain about working with a hurt partner.  Vicki says she’ll pull Cena and make team Hell No Ryback’s partners.  Ryback doesn’t trust either of those guys and simply says “No.”

The next time we see Ryback, it’s as he’s bailing while Matt Striker tries to interview him.

Later in the night, Maddox tells Hell No they have to fight without Ryback, fine with them.  Vicki tells Maddox he has one more thing to do.

Maddox talks to Cena about the match tonight.  Cena makes it clear he will be wrestling tonight.

“No, I’m hurt. YOU will be hurt bad if you don’t go tell your boss I’m fine tonight.” – @JohnCena

After the match, (see above,) Ryback is on the stage, smug and satisfied seeing Cena hurt in the ring.

AJ/KAITLIN: The “Dolph-tourage” (Copyright: Robert Rytman) is backstage, congratulating themselves on a great win over Kofi (see above.) Kaitlin and Natalya cross paths with them.  They trade some harsh words until Kaitlin receives a package.  It’s a hat to match her bracelet from a “secret admirer.” (It’s Hornswoggle, I know it.)

HENRY/SHEAMUS: “Worlds Strongest Man” Mark Henry is out, challenging anyone in the back to a tug of war.  Brodus and “Sweet T” both took his challenge and lost.  Sheamus came out to take the challenge, and faked out Henry, letting the rope go so that he fell on his ass, then gave him the brogue kick.

DANCE CHALLENGE: FANDANGO VS.KAHLI – Both men are asked about Jericho’s stint on “Dancing with the Stars.” Both men claim to be better.  The crowd gives it to Khali, Fandango beats him up.

In conclusion; this was a night of perfectly good wrestling marred by a lot of stupid filler.

The post RYTMAN RECAP – RAW 04/29/2013 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Smackdown time… I guess.

“I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. And as J.T. Hogan has observed, it often makes more sense than the program you are actually watching. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

-I hear a knock on my door.

“Who is it,” I ask.
“ADR with the Armbreaker on Swagger last week, ma’am” the voice responds.
I reply, “I didn’t order that, who is this really?”
Again, coldly, “No DQ match tonight between the two on the path to Extreme Rules.”
“Wait a second…” I begin
“Candygram.”
“Wait, What?”
The voice responds, “The Shield defeated a Deadman and two friends on RAW, maam”
“I saw that, what of it?” I reply.
“First time in over 3 years on RAW, Maam,” the voice replies, “On Smackdown tonight against Ambrose.”
“That sounds pretty nope,” I Ambrose back, “I know who you are, you’re that land shark!”
“5 Star Meltzer classic, maam.” my mystery voice over guy proclaims.
“Oh in that case…” I say opening the door to my demise. Hilarity ensues.

– * No DQ Match: Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio. I don’t know how interested I am about this one at all. To be honest, I’m hardly watching it at all. I got stuck at work super late, and need to get my dishwasher loaded and going. It’s not like we haven’t seen this match twice every week for the last three months anyways. Only two more months to go! I catch most of it, however. It’s rather decent, involving all elements of their movesets within the context of a no-DQ match. Kendo Sticks, chairs, and ladders, as well as handler interference all come into play. For a very long time, there is a chair wedged between the upper ropes in a corner. They tease and tease it, with the camera angle exploiting the visual. When it eventually is used, it’s for a mild shoulder ram on ADR. This match felt kind of like that chair tease, ergo, the payoff was not very good. Swagger wins with a powerbomb. See? 2 months to go…

This made me tear up in laughter, it’s so wrong. George stayed safe. So did Jorge. But not Whore-Hey. He jumped onto the tracks and died too. Because of herpes, and not being on facebook. You thought it was because of a subway train, admit it. “Nope,” I Ambrose, “It was A TRAIN! “Sweet T! BAH GAWD, SWEET T, KING!” King, “Now with added crabs for your regular intake of protein. Even I don’t know what the fuck I am talking about right now either. Believe in The Shield!” Roman Reigns marbles, “AHijshgfjdhfiuwhdfsafihargh!!!!!”

– * Layla vs. Aksana (Kill the wrestling fans dead match). J.T. is seen in the audience holding up a world map with an arrow pointing to Miami Beach, Florida. He then holds up another sign noting, “They just told us they are here in London, UK. Why in the hell would they not announce Layla (got me on my knees…) as from there?” I hold up my own sign because this match is bullshit. My sign extends into the heavens where St. Peter is doing a keg-stand with Joe’s soul. They grab said sign, and carry it back in time to Tuesday, appearing on the Titantron like Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Darth Vadar at the end of Return of the Jedi… but only J.T. can see them. They hold up the blessed sign that states, “Because BWF Radio selected Aksana as the worst wrestler anywhere, anytime, ever. Tune into BWF Radio every week at Sunday 2PM EST on Mixlr or download it at boredwrestlingfan.com or on iTunes.” Layla wins because Aksana pins herself or some shit. Nobody fucking cares. Then a Bella’s ad for some show no one cares about either airs.

Which one is Brodus? Which one is Sweet T?

– A Shield video airs.

Rollins: Rollins
Reigns: Reigns
Ambrose: Ambrose. Monday night we stood face to face with the tag team champions, Team Hell No, and the phenom himself, The Undertaker.
Rollins: And what happened? What always happens! Justice prevailed and the Shield were victorious.
Reigns: We broke the unbreakable, it’s an injustice that Team Hell No are still holding the tag team titles.
Rollins: Not for long, the true injustice is that the Undertaker escaped RAW with his soul still intact.
Ambrose: Not for long, we said what we were going to do on Monday night. But it still.. it still feels like somethings missing. We don’t feel total satisfaction. I think it’s ’cause The Deadman is still walking. Still breathing. Tonight I face the Undertaker one on one, and I’ve got an itch that still needs scratching. I’m going to do what nobody’s been able to do in 21 WM’s, I’m going to beat the Undertaker. You’d better believe that, if it’s the last thing I do, I’M GOING TO BEAT THE UNDERTAKER TONIGHT AND JUSTICE, not you… will be immortal.
Rollins: Undertaker, at the hands of The Shield, you will not rest in peace.
Reigns: But you will argle bargle in the derp.

At first glance, you may assume this is the Miz’s title. But you’d be wrong.

– Jorge doesn’t even tap this week, he just opens the sliding glass door and runs in. “It’s time for a ThinkSoZombieJoe sighting? You tweeted me that you have some Ruffles All Dressed chips for me?” he says.
“Sure do,” I reply, “pull up a seat, and let’s watch the small groups of fans attempt to recreate the New Jersey post Mania atomosphere.”

Way to leave an old man hanging. Oh shit… he scratched his nose. This is bad. More to follow. Stay tuned.

– * Fandango vs. Justin “The Apartheid Werewolf Sympathizer” Gabriel. Fandango is beating off Gabriel (Cock Talk, up next on BWF Radio! Be there, right, man!). “Holy shit!” screams Jorge with chip particles spraying everywhere, “Gabriel landed a sick kick to Fandango’s skull!” I concur, but then watch Fandango resort to his Hogan top leg rope legdrop of doom to finish the werewolf off in about 3 minutes. Post match, we get Fandango on the microphone saying his name, Beyonce style. The crowd seems WAY more into it on the panaramic view and a ten part sign is seen in the audience on the hard cam.

Jorge: “Plant?” asks Jorge.
G: “I’ve probably got some in the freezer we can Swagger,” I answer.
Jorge: “RVD.”
G: “Evan Bourne.”
Jorge: “Konnan.”
G: “Hey check out J.T. in the audience with ThinkSoZombieJoe holding up a sign that says “FuckDingo Can Go…” and “Devour Frank the Clown, I just ate Markout Man.”
Jorge: “That was kind of Shakespearean, you know, like a ‘play within a play.'”.
G: “Yeah, I do that every fucking week. Hey, pass the All-Dressed this way.”
Jorge: “One second… I’ve got to go check on my hydrofoil on the balcony.”

– And just like that, Jorge is gone with my extra large bag of Ruffles, sailing on the high seas on the land-locked prairie province of Alberta, Canada. Some say that on a wintry night you can hear the wind whispering, “Bring back Stampede Wrestling.”

Great. Old man/woman pee everywhere. You know how hard that is to clean up? I told you not to leave him hanging. Fuck you golf and your green jackets.

– * Sheamus vs. Big Show. Sheamus teaches kids math at home early on while I count the numbers of fucks I give about this match. Sheamus? He gets ten. Me? Pass the Coke Zero. Actually, just pass me the coke. Fuck, this is a big man brawler special. And if you like those, you probably would enjoy this. They get a double segment, and the pace picks up a bit in the second half. J.T. is seen in the audience ordering a cheese burger, since the WWE drove through a great opportunity to turn Orton at WM29. He dangerously drives off through the audience without paying, only to realize the idiot at the second window gave him a fish meal. Mark Henry distracts Sheamus whilst upon the top rope, and the confused face turns his attention towards uplifted steel steps. Good job yogurt man. Your inability to focus on the work at hand allowed The Large Show to launch a Weapon of Mass Destruction into your skull and pin you. Or at least that will be written down in the annuls of “Matches We’ve Already Seen A Fuckload of Times” for generations to read and question our love of this so-called-sport. Sigh. This was passable.

@Charles Barkley @G: “I didn’t have time for wrestling this week, the NBA playoffs are on.”

@G @Charles Barkley: “With the NHL playoffs starting next week, I’ll be in the same skates.”

– I take a fucking break. I need it. Alcohol was involved.

– * Non-Title Match: Wade Barrett vs. William Regal. This better be fucking good, because Regal’s only got so many of these left in him. Wade has agreed to leave his mid-sized business transactions out of this match so G can just watch and not make any retarded jokes. J.T. is seen in the audience, holding up a sign that says, “G, you sold out, bitch.” I immediately run across the room, across shards of broken particles of All-Dressed Ruffles chips, and write with the Jiffy Marker filled with the ink of lies upon my television set: “Nah dude, it’s like 1:30 AM and I’m tired as fuck. Going ‘Lo-Ki’ on this shit. G needs sleep badly, G is about to die. And the fucking Deadman hasn’t even wrestled yet.” Meanwhile, ThinkSoZombieJoe takes exception to that comment and kills half the audience in protest. G fears no zombie. I’m coming for you, zombie.

– The actual match: Wade makes reference to a grave robbery, I guess it’s famous. Regal is the body (isn’t that Jesse?). Don’t care. They get underway, and have a great squash. Barrett kills him in under a minute with the Bullhammer Souvenir thingy.

This is The Sun Dog. Premise: “Kevin Delevan receives a Sun 660 Polaroid camera for his fifteenth birthday. He soon notices that there is something strange about the camera: the only photographs it produces are of a malicious, feral black dog that seems to move closer with each shot as though to attack the person who is taking the pictures.” Last week on BWF Radio, I mixed up this as the fourth short story with “The Body” by Stephen King. I fucked up. i guess it’s suicide again for me, said no one ever except Moe Sizlak. It actually was in the collection “Different Seasons.” The fourth story NOT made into film, it was called, “The Breathing Method.” I fucked up. Fuck you, I admitted to it.
Also. Don’t commit suicide. Get help. Dieing always ruins your day. Also, because you read this paragraph aloud, The Sun Dog cometh.

– * Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry

Joe: This is going to be the easiest thing we’ve ever done.

Jorge: Aren’t you a zombie? The fuck? Aren’t I in G’s apartment watching Smackdown? Or has that even happened yet? Will it? This shit is way too much like flashback of tainted Coffee flavored Barrett Barrage Energy bars and expired milk!!!!”

J.T. is seen in the vortex holding up a sign that is ripped away from his hands due to the vortex. That’s what they do. It’s shitty because that sign was the answer to “Why?”

Jorge: Ok, now everyone’s confused. G?

G: I’m not here.

Joe: Yes you are

G: That doesn’t make sense, this can’t be BWF Radio at 2 PM EST live on Mixlr and downloadable on iTunes, also available of course, at boredwrestlingfan.com. But the replay.

Jorge: I refuse to be comedic relief this week.

G: Time for “Cock Talk” and thinking about the conversation we’re having right now….

[Silence].

G: “Right, troops?”

Joe: Why is the Rock back lactating motor oil all over Randy Orton?

Jorge: Micheal Bay.

J.T.: I’m seen in the audience, holding up a sign: “I invented signs. And audiences, brother, dude, brother. I invented PEOPLE! Without the pythons, Joe would have no food!”

Joe: [sings the Fandango theme, or some shit. Bullet points…]

– I suppose this, is fresh to a degree. At this point, I only want to see the main event. Too late, too tired. Will I give this a fair shake? Nope. FFW speed 2/5 at least for a bit. Just before I do.. look into the eyes of Mark Henry as he makes his way to the ring, and I see something that I’ve read about for years. Respect. Safety. Compassion. This is a man who is in the Twilight of his career and doesn’t sparkle. He’s a guy who cares about the safety of his opponent. I respect that. I watch this match thoroughly out of respect for him, not because I want to. Orton’s persona sickens me. This match is slow as fuck, but Henry works hard, he even takes the dangling DDT for the robot. The match is decent, but out runs Sheamus to interfere and cost Henry the match with a Brogue Kick. Orton hits his RKO anyways and the WWE plays his stupid head-voices music post match. Pretty sure the ref called a DQ. Henry for the win. I cry inside for Henry, or maybe that’s internal bleeding. Not sure. Either or.

This is started to get ri-fucking-diculos.

– RAW rebound crap airs. Ryback and Cena stuff. This is just cutting (for Bieber) into the main event time now. Not cool. If I had a Nickleback for every time I Celine Dion this kind of crap on WWE, I’d have a Simple Plan. Sum 41 million dollars in my bank account. Avril’s almost over, mon ami. Mai I encourage you to root for the Montreal Canadiens in the playoffs?

GTFO, Gionta.

* The Undertaker vs. Dean Ambrose. Taker gets a very cool, but long entrance. Are you surprised? There goes ten minutes. The Shield do their usual entrance through the arena. Notable, that Ambrose shirks off the first pat on the back like an attack from the audience member. Then Team Beta just accept the love from the locals. The Shield is over in London. Jorge, J.T., ThinkSoZombieJoe, Rytman, and G are all seen in the audience munching popcorn and doing whiskey shots. Drowgoddess, Alycat, and Jamie Kennedy are seen also, holding up three signs that say, “Let’s” “Do” “This”. BWF Radio, every Sunday, etc.

– This is an awesome match. Ambrose reluctantly enters into the ring to face the deadman. He scrambles about, feeling out the situation as the rest of the Shield attempts to fuck with the former American Badass. Utilizing outside ring strategy, Ambrose is kept alive, surviving a guillotine legdrop. Ambrose is enabled to unleash youthful fury upon Taker with speedy enthusiasm, and swarming techniques. What really stands out here, is how Ambrose emotes between safely executed spots as a threat. Every movement meant something. That’s a sign of skill. No movement is wasted. Brilliant. Ambrose ultimately submits to the Hell’s Gate and wins.

– Post match, Undertaker attempts battle The Shield, but they will have none of it. Ambrose screams at him “You didn’t beat me!”. The Shield powerbomb Taker into the announce table and likely into WrestleMania XXX.

– That was fucking awesome.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

———————————————————-

I APPEAR WEEKLY ON BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

Listen LIVE starting at 2 PM EST here. here on Mixlr.com.
Check out BWF Radio every week. It goes up on i-Tunes on Sunday in the late afternoon of North America
Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “Jorge” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even get herpes! Hey, free herpes! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

A go to place for professional wrestling, boxing, MMA, and other combat sports news, rumors, podcasts and so forth. Always a nice place to get your fix, or simply learn more about the performers and athletes themselves. They are one of our go to resources for news and information for BWF Radio, and we wouldn’t have it any other way to share our content with them. Great site!

———————————————————-

WTF?

———————————————————–

When will Joe noticed I changed this section? Maybe on BWF Radio, this Sunday at 2 PM EST? Which Sunday?

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 04/26/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

We begin with a recap of the Mark Henry Sheamus feud.

JBL interviews Mark Henry-  Henry says he showed Sheamus because that’s heat he does.  JBL wants to see Henry in action tonight.  Henry wants to take on 2 superstars, then changes it to 3.  JBL encourages Henry to take on 4 in a gauntlet match tonight.  As the crowd chants 5, Henry says get his opponent’s out here.

Gauntlet Match 1:  Mark Henry def. Jimmy Uso- Hey both Uso’s have names tonight but we see which one is on WWE’s shit list as Henry takes about 30 seconds to kill Jimmy Uso.

Gauntlet Match 2:  Mark Henry def. Jay Uso-  This match last longer going a few minutes and Jay even got some offense in this match.

Gauntlet Match 3:  Mark Henry def Santino Marella-  Henry takes his time with Santino so much so that the crowd chants boring.  Match lasted about 5 minutes and Santino got a little offense in and even hit Henry with a Cobra.

Gauntlet Match 4:  The Great Khali def. Mark Henry-  This match was slow and sucked so much that Henry even walked out and let Khali have a count out victory.

RAW Recap-  HHH accepts Lesnar’s challenge for Extreme Rules.

Matt Striker interviews Zeb Colter-  He says that Jack Swagger will prevail in the triple threat match at Extreme Rules, mocks both Del Rio & Ziggler, then Jack Swagger comes out, takes the mic from Striker and yells “We The People” over and over.

RAW Recap- The Ryback/Cena situation

RAW Recap- The Shield’s big win over The Brothers of Hell No

Overall a very bleh episode.  I was ok with the gauntlet concept until Henry walked out of it at the end.  It felt like a waste of time after that and then the second half of the program was all recaps again.  I don’t understand why whenever WWE has a good episode of Main Event, they follow it up the next week with a shitty one.  Well that’s all for now until either ROH recap on Sat/Sun or bWf radio on Sunday.

The post Main Event 4/24/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Stuff goes here. Hopping time!

“I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. And as J.T. Hogan has observed, it often makes more sense than the program you are actually watching. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Closed Captioning guy writes the the following for the hearing impaired: “Some jerk is yelling something about a rematch to some other jerk and his boyfriend and/or girlfriend. Some other jerk attacks the first jerk and pretends to toss his leg into some metal pole. Wait, you can see this. After viciously injuring Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger takes advantage of the opportunity. Will Jack Swagger’s confidence be his downfall. Holy shit, these other two guys are fat. Why is that guy so pale? Who watches this shit? Good lord, some tanning addict might get a fake fight or something tonight? Fuck this, I’m quitting this job tomorrow.”

I appreciate that some parents still focus on giving their infants a healthy diet.

– No mention of the Boston bombings at the start of SD either (nor on RAW). Impact had a note at the start of their show. Take what ever the hell out of that you want. I’m not going to get too political about this, since people died and that sucks. I would just like to point you to food for thought here:

Look, we all want a peaceful life. Except for the assholes in the world. And nobody likes those guys.

– Fandango’s music hits and he makes his grand entrance. We’re told Fandangoing is taking over the world. The camera pans to one girl doing the dance, then a wide crowd shot of LITERALLY NO ONE REACTING. J.T. is seen in the audience holding up a sign stating, “Good. I told you I hate Fuck Dingo.” After Fandango escorts his dancing girl, he goes to accost Lilian Garcia. She looks like she’s considering filing sexual harassment charges. A lone guy is audibly yelling, “YOU SUCK!” Curtis does some dance moves with her and then calls her terrible, dropping her on her ass. He then goes on about the people butchering his name and mock his dance. Fandango’s momentum is clearly over in North America. Will the UK respark the post Mania RAW magic? That’s next week, so tonight Santino comes out to save the segment calling him a sonuvagun and admits he does have some moves. The crowd pops huge for Marella. I guess the Cobra “wants to Fandingle all through the night” and wants to do the “two step all over your face.” Then Santino mocks the dancer with his own asinine dancing.

Canada forgives you.

– * Fandango vs. Santino Marella. Meme vs Clown match. That doesn’t mean it’ll suck though. Fandango dominates this match, and really gets the first opportunity to demonstrate his move set. Lots of flamboyant little dance and dexterous movements between a kick heavy assault style. Santino gets his energy spot and regular moves in, setting up for a Cobra, Fandango reverses into a forward dip and swings the momentum backwards into a DDT. Nice looking finisher, and way better than the legdrop of future spine damage. Pin and the win.

– Book Mobile T and The Ghost of Teddy Long are talking backstage as Big Show enters, and complains about being put into a handicap match last Monday against Randall Keith Orton and Sheamus. He wants to thank Teddy Long for the foresight to try and protect Show by bringing in Big Mac O’Henry to aid his fellow pudgy pal. Book Mobile T looks furious as Show leaves, and Teddy scoots away like Booker just ate a power pellet.

Fucking Penguin. What a dick.

– * Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett (Champion vs Champion match, but still a non-title match so the WWE Audience can go fuck themselves). Coffee bumbles his way to the ring, with a fresh copy of his new licensing deal with Barrett Barrage Energy Bars for a Java flavored bars, made in the small county of Ghana, Jamaica. The medium sized business owner follows, also with a copy of the agreement. Then they fight, like how all good negotiations of commerce and investment operate. Ringside, I notice a lone seemingly hypnotized man shambling around with what appears to be an ulna of a human. I swear I know that beard…

– Anyways, the two exchange blows, fondles and beat off each other (every week on BWF Radio! 2PM EST!). The crowd isn’t very hot for this action, well maybe 10% of them are. Get it? Get it? Seriously, they’re pretty quiet. Rest spots are probably the reason. It isn’t a terrible match, but not great. Barrett looks to win, BUT NO!!!! Kofi sneaks in a fruit-rollup to pick up the win. Barrett is infuriated, tearing up their contract as Coffee had endorsed the competition with his last minute snack.

I’m so excited for the show!

– We’re reminded of Bic Mac O’Henry attacking Sheamus last Friday and Monday during interview segments. Lesson to Sheamus, don’t do interviews dipshit. Renee Young goes to interview Henry backstage, and take a fucking wild guess what happens. Fella? Boy-o? Lad? Raggimuffin? Yeah, yogurt everywhere as Sheamus attacks Henry. Excitement.

That’s a finishing move.

– * Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio. Ric-Rod does his thing, still on crutches. Swagger and Coulter make their way out. Looking at the time left on the show, and the time left, I suspect a long match. It starts very slow, the focus being on Swagger looking to reaggravate the injured leg of Del Rio. Meanwhile Ric-Rod and Coulter are battling off the shambling sullen-eyed, ulna carrying man still at ringside. “Fuck,” I say aloud to no one, “I totally recognize that beard.” J.T. is seen in the audience holding up a sign, questioning, “Seriously G? You wrote about this last week!” I write on my television screen with the Jiffy Marker filled with the ink of lies: “Haven’t you read the disclaimer at the beginning of my reviews? It says something about not being able to… umm… something something almost immediately after I do something.” We cut to commercial break.

– Jorge, of BWF Radio fame (still not on facebook, that dick), is tapping on the glass door of my apartment balcony.

Jorge: [mumbling something inaudible through the door] mdjhfiw hweihwoer safhoasjf
G: [lets Jorge in] That was an awesome Roman Reigns impression, man. What’s up this week?
Jorge: Can I watch the rest of Smackdown? I think the attack is off again this week. Can’t find Joe. He just kind of wandered off last week.
G: Sure brother, dude, brother.
[J.T. is seen in the audience holding up a sign angrily, while munching on popcorn and doing whiskey shots: “Stop stealing my gimmick! I’ll have you know I was the innovator of bass playing in Metallica until put over Burton”]
Jorge: What’s J.T. bitching about this week?
G: Who is J.T.? I’m pretty sure that’s the Huckster.
Jorge: Shit! SHIT! That’s Joe right there! He’s at ring side with Ricardo and Zeb!
G:  Are you sure?
Jorge: Think so.
G: Still a zombie, huh? I knew I knew that beard, you know.
Jorge: That ulna looks tasty. Now I’m hungry, got anything in the fridge I can have?
G: I think there’s some expired milk and discontinued Coffee flavored Barrett Barrage Energy Bars in there. Help yourself.
Jorge: [goes to the fridge and helps himself, avoiding the cat-piss coated pizza slices] Sweet! Hey, how did Fandango’s package look this week? Nice and plump?
G: I’m sure Rytman has the goods on that.

The Rytman does Bored Wrestling Fan’s RAW reviews each week, and has a great style. Check it out! However, while Rytman is always right, I must admit that this was one of the more candid, funnier moments on BWF Radio last Sunday. Tune in live on Mixlr every Sunday at 2PM or download the podcast on iTunes. These reviews are slightly better when read aloud with the clowns on that show. But you can’t hear an animated gif either. So the best is to follow along with Joe as he narrates to get the reactions.

– This match is a little slow. But not god-awful. Just slow. But it tells a really good story about the heel who just couldn’t get the win after a ridiculous amount of ring psychology. He works the injured ankle/leg of Del Rio all match long, while the valiant Santa-Killing babyface perseveres at moments to stay alive. Sure, it’s a tried, tested and true formula, but it’s done well. Del Rio ultimately slaps on an armbar, but Swagger manages out of it… but right into a fruit rollup for the win. That’s my only criticism. Kofi Kingston is seen in the audience smiling and pointing at J.T. (also in the audience) who is seen holding up a sign, “Fruit Rollups are Wade Barretter than Barrett Barrage Energy Bars. Stop stealing Kofi’s finish. I invented breathing, brother, dude, brother.” Jorge is seen in my living room vomiting up Coffee flavored Barrett Barrage Energy Bars and expired milk like that pie-eating fat fucker in the story Will Wheaton told in the movie Stand By Me (based on the short story, “The Body” by Stephen King). Post match, ThinkSoJoe eats Justin Roberts who isn’t even a part of Smackdown. Why the fuck was he even there? His own damn fault, I’ll tell you what. That boy ain’t right.

– It would be almost a week before anyone knew he was missing.

Needs more tennis racket.

– Some Ryback thing airs. I guess they built it up (or are salvaging it) for a while. Kind of reminds me of the Bully Ray Aces and Eight’s videos they did a while back. The ones explaining how it was all a big plan, while carefully ignoring the logic gaps in the story.

My sentiments exactly when watching Smackdown sometimes.

– A Shield video airs. Transcribing time.

Ambrose: Attention! [snapping his fingers] Monday Night? That was a RAW moment no one will ever forget soon, especially the champ! John Cena.
Rollins: You can’t see me!
Reigns: John Cena, we see you just fine. Payback… is a bitch.
Rollins: You know who else saw you flat on your back, John? Ryback. He watch you. As we dropped you from the sky. A lot of you are probably out there wondering… WHY DIDN’T RYBACK HELP JOHN CENA? Ryback knows how justice feels.
Ambrose: Self preservation. Doesn’t want any more our trouble, doesn’t want to feel justice anymore. In fact… the look on Ryback’s face on Monday… that look on the face of Ryback on Monday, was the same look we saw on the face of THE UNDERTAKER! Two weeks ago, when he was surrounded by The Shield, when we came forth… I was standing three feet from The Undertaker, I looked into his eyes, I know what I saw. We all saw it. IT WAS FEAR! The Undertaker was afraid. The Undertaker was terrified! The Undertaker was surrounded by The Shield and he was scared to death, never been relived, so happy to see his brother Kane and his little buddy. You may be a legend… to some. You may be undefeated at WrestleMania, but The Shield’s undefeated, PERIOD! And Undertaker is not immortal. And on Monday… on RAW… we prove that.
Rollins: Twenty years, Undertaker, you’ve run this place. But there comes a time, when even legends die. Undertaker, your time is up.
Reigns: The hounds of justice run this yard now. Big dog. Believe in The Shield.
Ambrose: Belive that, Deadman! Hey Reigns, what the fuck are you eating?
Reigns: asfrjhijasfhaufihaf
Zombie Joe: asfklhfkl hasfklhsa hasfklhsaf
Rollins: Isn’t that the ulna of Sign Guy?
Ambrose: Fucked if I know, I Ambrose. Wait, what? Fourth wall?

– Pretty awesome video by The Shield here. Transcribing them is starting to become a bit of a bitch, but I do it only for the best of the best. Usually it’s for Ambrose or Sandow. “You’re Welcome!” I Ambrose.

This happens on facebook in a group I’m in during that promo. Bombings and murder suck.

– * The Mediocre Khali, Hornswoggle, Natalya vs. Primo, Epico, Rosa Mendez. We’re shown video of the two groups arguing over who got to a parking spot first. And then they go to terrible children-aimed booking with the Mediocre Dust Knees doing the “L” hand-gesture to the heels. And then this happens. Let’s just get this out of the way now. Natalya, Primo and Epico are all good workers. The rest are attractions. Pull your brain out of your skull (I recommend using a Skill-Saw on the bone. It’s slow, but effective. Now place your brain on a wooden board, preferably Oak or Ash. Grab the nearest machete, and chop the brain matter up finely. Place the meat into a frying pan at med-high, and stir. Add mushrooms, bok-choy, white-onion, and sprouts after two minutes. Add piss-break-sauce after a minute. Stir repeatedly, as the Mediocre Khali wins with the choke mist of knew dust submission. Or something like that. No fucks given, neither should you. Keep those fucks. Invest them.

Jorge: Hey G, do you know of anyone hiring for a closed-captioning guy? A buddy of mine is looking for a new job.
G: What?
Jorge: Ahem. [Loudly] G, do you know of anyone hiring for a closed-captioning guy? A buddy of mine is looking for a new job.
G: What?
Jorge: [SCREAMING] Do you know of anyone hiring for a closed-captioning guy? A buddy of mine is looking for a new job.
G: What? You’re talking into my half-deaf ear, try on my right side…
Jorge: Right man.

How does this end up happening in Shinny? Not a clue, bubba… not a clue.

– * Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. Big Show/Mark Henry. This is going to be at the level of a Savage/Steamboat WM3 showdown for sure. Or at least a Ramon/Micheals Ladder match at WM10. I’m already FFW’ing. The mainevent is about as interesting as… wait. ThinkSoZombieJoe is eating a Make-A-Wish kid. Oh wait, my bad. It’s The Miz. J.T. is seen in the audience holding up a sign that says, “Pattern.”

Jorge: LOL! J.T.’s sign is awesome, I should get on facebook to let him know.
G: What?
Jorge: Ahem. [Loudly] HE’S HOLDING UP THE WORD “PATTERN”!
G: What? I can’t hear you.
Jorge: [SCREAMING] J.T. IS MAKING A JOKE ABOUT A HOLDING PATTERN YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!
G: What? You’re talking into my half-deaf ear, try on my right side…
Jorge: Didn’t we already do this joke tonight?
G: What?
Jorge: Charles Barkley.
G: He’s cool.
Jorge: I am still talking on your “deaf” side.
G: He’s cool. Fandango’s penis appears large. Is that what you want?
Jorge: Right, man.

– Yep, tune into BWF Radio every Sunday at 2PM EST. This match is fucking boring.

– I worry about my own penis. Not the size of wrestlers’ units. I don’t know why those fuckers do barbed-wire rope matches. That’s like asking for a barb to the penis. And not that lady named “Barb”, but a metal spike into the penis. Some of the readers of this, or listeners of BWF might be polarized, but this match is a cock-waving contest. It’s good, but all involved are booked strong. Just slow. Like the sweet love that Chef used to bring to a woman before he became a Scientologist on Southpark and they killed him for being part of that cult. No barbs to the wang. There’s major arteries in that thing. “Cock talk”, every Sunday on BWF Radio at 2PM EST. Mine’s on Tumblr.

@Charles Barkley @G: “Go buy my new shoes that came out this week. Nike Barkley Posite Max will make you a better athlete. “

@G @Charles Barkley: “Sounds too much like Pepsi Max which doesn’t take the rust off my car’s fender like good ol’ Coke.”

– They all get their spots in. No one really appears dominant. However, they do let the “A’s” breathe and deliver a great main event. The story just sucks. For in ring action, the big guys work the classic isolation story-line, but if you really think about it, two behemoths make the most sense delivering that premise. As a result, it is visually appealing and a how-to guide to a cliche. Henry ultimately faces Orton, who gets the hot face tag, but the Big Show slows it all down after some drama with a choke slam for the pin, and the win. J.T. is see in the crowd holding up a sign that says, “I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.” I’m not seen in the audience, rather unseen in my apartment, holding up a Jorge that says, “Dude, J.T. just stole your gimmick.” ThinkSoZombie is seen ripping apart the skull of the popcorn vendor, just because. He wasn’t even hungry.

I’ve been demanding to know why for years, and know the truth has set me free. Except it was Derrick Bateman, but still…

– There was a fucking ton of replay clips tonight. I neglected to mention them. But… Let’s be serious for a minute. Damn! BOR-ING! I’m not telling you anything you didn’t already know. But, you already knew that.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

———————————————————-

I APPEAR WEEKLY ON BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

Listen LIVE starting at 2 PM EST here. here on Mixlr.com.
Check out BWF Radio every week. It goes up on i-Tunes on Sunday in the late afternoon of North America
Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “Jorge” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even get herpes! Hey, free herpes! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

Bored Wrestling Fan

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

Wonderpod Online

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

Cheap Heat

A go to place for professional wrestling, boxing, MMA, and other combat sports news, rumors, podcasts and so forth. Always a nice place to get your fix, or simply learn more about the performers and athletes themselves. They are one of our go to resources for news and information for BWF Radio, and we wouldn’t have it any other way to share our content with them. Great site!

———————————————————-

WTF?

———————————————————–

Why is this section even here? What could it mean? Will Joe even notice? So many questions, none of which I will ever answer.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 04/19/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

RAW recap The Shield’s visit with Undertaker which ended up with them face to face with The Brothers of Hell No.

Match 1 The Shield def Tons Of Funk & Kof Kingston- Post match the Shield beat down all three of their opponents and did the triple powerbomb to Brodus Clay & Sweet Tensai.

RAW Recap- Swagger & Colter vs. Del Rio which resulted in Dolph Ziggler’s Money In The Bank cash in.

Matt Striker interviews Big E Langston who mocks Striker, says that his WM debut was fun but winning his RAW debut match and Ziggler winning the World Title was more fun.

Wrestlemania slideshow, yeah because everyone watching Main Event hasn’t seen it.

Match 2- Big E Langston def. Zack Ryder- match lasted a minute

Wrestlemania recap of HHH’s win over Brock Lesnar and his post Wrestlemania trip to the Doctors.

RAW Recap- Cena vs. Mark Henry with Ryback turning on Cena.

Jack Swagger & Zeb Colter come out, talk about being real americans, trash Boston, the Bruins and Paul Revere.  Yoshi Tatsu comes out and Colter him and his Japanese culture.

Match 3- Jack Swagger def Yoshi Tatsu- Yoshi is still employed, holy shit I didn’t know.  Not a bad little match for the less that 10 minutes it got. Post match we see Colter bowing to Tatsu in mockery and as we fade to black with Colter & Swagger saying “We The People” with their hands on their hearts.

Overall- Not a bad episode, all 3 matches were good but very predictable but beggars cant be choosers.  Well that’s all for now.  If you don’t hear from me before, bWf Radio 2pm est!

The post Main Event Recap 4/10/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Match1: Tons Of Funk & The Funkadactyls vs. Team Rhodes Scholars & The Bella Twins will not be happening since Sweet Tensai and Damien Sandow are not in the game  and the Funkadactlys are’t playable characters but I can give you Brodus Clay vs. Cody Rhodes.  Your Winner: Cody Rhodes

Match 2: WWE Intercontinental Championship Wade Barret def The Miz

Match3: WWE Tag Team Championship- Team Hell No vs. Dolph Ziggler & Big E Langston will be happening even though I don’ have Big E Langston in the game.  I have decided that Kane will face Daniel Bryan and the winner will face Dolph Ziggler.

Match 3.1: Kane def. Daniel Bryan

Match 3.2: Kane def. Dolph Ziggler Team Hell No retains.

Match 4: HHH def. Brock Lesnar

Match 5: Undertaker def. CM Punk to keep the streak alive.

Match 6:  Jack Swagger def Alberto Del Rio to become the New World Heavyweight Champion

Match 7: John Cena def. The ROck to become the NEW WWE Champion

Yeah I know that’s only 7 matches but since I don’t have The Shield, Ryback and Fandontiveashit I they all lose by default. Well that Wrestlemania 29 according to WWE 13.

The post Wrestlemania 29 according to WWE’13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Antonio Cesaro says he’s gonna bring culture back to this culture-less society.  Then he yodels while going to the ring.  He also does it during the match (I think this may be his new thing).

Match 1: Kane def. Antonio Cesaro- AJ comes down and tries to distract Kane but Daniel Bryan (who is on commentary for the match) stops her. This was a really good match went about 20 mins check it out if you can.

RAW Recap- Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger feud

RAW Recap of HHH talking

Miz announces that he will be facing Wade Barrett at Wrestlemania 29 for the IC title. (like we didn’t already know)

Sheamus says that if he, Super Robot Orton, and Big Show can get along at Wrestlemania than the Shield will be in for the fight of their lives.

The Funkadactyls announce that Brodus Clay and Sweet Tensai are now known as Tons of Funk.

Rhodes Scholars mock their name saying they are tons of something, saturated fat.  They then go on to say that the Bella twins are gonna restore class to the Divas division. (great)  And 8 person mixed tag match is announced between Rhodes Scholars & The Bellas taking on Tons of Funk & The Funkadactyls (lets hope they stay sober for it)

The Bellas def. The Funkadactyls in our ffwd match of the night.

We then end our program with the Rock/Cena bullshit that ended RAW on Monday.

Overall Kane vs. Antonio Cesaro was great but the rest was fast forward material since it all mostly recaps.  If you don’t watch it, you won’t miss much since we’ll probably get Kane vs. Cesaro 5 more times before Wrestlemania so this match will be repeated.

Well thats all for now, I will be back sometime in the next week to do one of these for this weeks Ring Of Honor TV and of course I will be on (as always) BWF Radio Sunday 2PM EST.

The post WWE Main Event Results appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

First up, match results

CHRIS JERICHO DEF. DOLPH ZIGGLER W/AJ LEE & BIG E. – This match-up was booked as a card-change, as Fandango made his way to the ring for what was supposed to be his fifth or sixth “debut” but got beat-down/ran-off by an angry Jericho.  Ziggler made his way out with his entourage as the announcers (Michael Cole/Jerry Lawler) told us this match was scheduled for later tonight.  Jericho gets the win by submission with the walls of Jericho, but gets beat down by Big E. Langston.  Fandango comes back out with his dance partner (the first girl to get a call-back) and picks the bones of Big E’s kill, landing a flying leg drop on Jericho’s neck.

MARK HENRY DEF. THE USOS – The Usos actually got in enough offense with their double-teaming to get a splash off the top rope for a two-count on Henry, but the match ends with Henry scoring a World’s Strongest Slam and getting the three-count.  After the match, Henry brutalizes both brothers, making it clear he did not appreciate getting splashed.

U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF. WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO (COUNT OUT) – Ricardo Rodriguez hobbles out on his crutches to introduce Del Rio.  The intro falls flat, although I think it was on purpose to help sell what bad shape he’s in.  The match is just a formality as both men go through the motions for about five minutes before Zeb Coulter comes out.  Ricardo tries to move away, but from out of nowhere Jack Swagger grabs him, and drags him by the bad ankle over to the guard rail.  Del Rio abandons his match to fight off Swagger and Cesaro gets the win by count-out.  Del Rio takes his anger out on Cesaro with the cross-arm breaker.

WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (KANE/DANEL BRYAN) DEF. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS (TITUS O’NEAL/DARREN YOUNG)- “Pancake” Patterson is given one mention and then quietly swept under the rug.  Match is just a warm-up for the champions.  Ziggler and crew show up on the stage to distract the champs and give the PTP’s an opening, but the match ends with Kane choke-slamming Young for the three count.

THE MIZ DEF. WWE INTERCONTINENTAL WADE BARRETT – Before the match, Triple H came out to do cut a promo about his Wrestlemania match with Brock Lesnar.  When Barrett comes out, he blocks Triple H’s way, and demands he step aside.  Trips responds with a kick to the crotch.  Miz comes out while Barrett is still recuperating.  During the match, Barrett’s crotch briefly becomes the focal point of the match.  Barrett crotches himself on the top rope with a missed kick and Miz gets the win with the figure-four submission.

THE SHIELD DEF. KHALI, RYDER, GABRIEL – To my knowledge, this is only the third actual match the Shield have officially wrestled in.  The Shield wins this with a flying knee-drop to Justin Gabriel, trapped in a “Bow and arrow” hold.  After the match, Khali takes a “Shield-Bomb.” Orton comes to the ring with Sheamus, and the Big Show comes up from behind, trapping the Shield.  We get a brief fight before the Shield retreat.

TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS DEF BRODUS/TENSAI – Do you honestly care?  This match is barley more than a pretense for a cat-fight between the Funkadactyls and the Bella Twins.  Team Rhodes Scholars get the win by three-count during the confusion.

RYBACK DEF. 3MB – This was Ryback’s effort to show-up Henry that almost back-fired.  The Three Man Band actually take control of the match using their numbers advantage, but it ends with Ryback getting two men up for the “Shell-Shock” and a three-count.

AJ LEE DEF. WWE DIVAS CHAMPION KAITLYN – This match was set up during a backstage segment, where Bryan and Kane were arguing over which of them was still hung up on AJ.  Kaitlyn interjected, trying to get them both to let it go, while running off a list of nasty things to say about AJ, who just happened to be eavesdropping on them.  Now here’s the interesting thing.  AJ sends Kaitlyn head-first into a drinking fountain, or so it seemed.  Kaitlyn sold it as making contact but their was NO sound effect to indicate Kaitlyn hit the fountain.  Kaitlyn comes out to the ring holding her head, and when the bell rings, Kaitlyn goes to town on AJ, dominating the match and getting in all of the offence.  AJ rolls out of the ring, and Kaitlyn goes after her.  Kaitlyn tries a spear, but AJ side-steps her into the guard-rail, head first.  AJ gets a count-out victory, and maybe a title shot at Mania.  Kaitlyn gets a possible head-trauma gimmick.

So let’s look at the rest of the show.

C.M. Punk opens the show with a game of toss with the urn, and a promo that starts off by dumping on the Undertaker and his legacy.  He even goes so far as to imply the streak is only important to him as something to break.  He tries to mock the Takers classic pose, but the lights go out and when they come back, Taker is wailing on Punk.  Punk and Heyman run off with the urn.  Seemed a bit odd to me as the first half of Punk’s promo seemed to be Punk trying to convince us that this match wasn’t as important as we might feel it was.

Sheamus gets jumped by the Shield, during an interview about whether or not he and Orton can get along with Big Show, during their Mania six-man.  Orton comes after them with a chair, but he gets overwhelmed by numbers.  Big Show makes the save and runs off the Shield.

Now here, I gotta go into weird territory.  If you’re a long time wrestling fan, you’l probably have some idea of what I’m saying here.  Booking Show to come to the rescue seems a little heavy-handed to me.  It’s like WWE is trying too hard to sell us on Show’s face-turn, which is par for the course with pro wrestling in general.  Even if you’re among the youngest fans, you still can’t help but notice how it’s always Show that turns the tide when Orton/Sheamus gets jumped by the Shield.  So I have to ask myself, is this just the same sloppy TV writing wrestling has always suffered from?  Or is WWE trying to swerve me?  I’m thinking maybe they want me to watch for a double-cross by Big Show so that they can swerve me with one by Orton…or Sheamus.  I know Orton’s more likely, what with him reportedly wanting a heel-turn, but you know how wrestling-sorry “sports entertainment” likes illogical swerves.

Triple H cuts a promo on Brock Lesnar, about how if you don’t expect him to end your career, you’ve already lost.  He makes it clear that he is coming to kick Lesnar’s ass.

Very generic promo, giving no sense that Trips was seriously concerned that his career was over.  That might’ve been the plan, so that we’re actually surprised if he loses. (Which, if he does, we will be, just not for THAT reason.) And why did he have to bitch-out Wade Barrett on his way out?  (See above.)

The show ended with an elaborate Q&A with John Cena and WWE champion The Rock, featuring WWE Hall Of Fame members Booker T, Brett Hart, Dusty Rhodes and Mick Foley.  The panel lobs softball questions and both men give big, impassioned speeches about how/why they will win at Mania.  Cena compares himself to Donavon McNabb, the Rock tells the story of how he had to get his first mattress out of a dumpster behind a motel.  Cena blames his loss to Rock last year, on his letting Rock into his head.  Cena tried to finish off Rock in Rock’s home-town, with his own version of “the peoples elbow.” Allowing Rock to catch him in a rock-bottom and getting the three.  Rock borrows a quote from Ric Flair, “To be the man-woo-you must beat the man,” and between the two of them, Cena will never be “the man.”

I’m sorry to say this but I was underwhelmed.  No new ground covered here, except for maybe when Cena “revealed” why he lost last year.  I’m not a fan of “sports entertainment” trying to go into “deep, psychological,” story-lines, and I’m not moved by Cena’s need for redemption.

Overall, a pretty “meh” RAW.  It did what it was supposed to do, advance the angles going into Wrestlemania, but it still felt like an auto-pilot show.  That’s not always bad, but not the speed you want going into the biggest PPV of the year.

The post RYTMAN’S RAW RECAP 03/25/2013 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Let’s start with Match results;

JOHN CENA DEF DARRIEN YOUNG (w/”Pancake” Patterson.  I will get to that in a minute.)

RYBACK DEF DAVID OTUNGA (Like any other outcome was possible.)

FANDANGO vs GREAT KHALI: NO CONTEST (Not that it would’ve been one anyway.)

R-TRUTH DEF DAMIAN SANDOW BY COUNT OUT

WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO DEF PRIMO/EPICO w/Rosa Mendes

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO w/Roberto Rodriguez DEF CODY RHODES

RANDY ORTON/SHEAMUS DEF 3MB (Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre)

DOLPH ZIGGLER w/AJ and Big E. DEF KOFI KINGSTON

WWE INTERCONTINENTAL WADE BARRETT DEF CHRIS JERICHO AND THE MIZ (3 way for the title)

Okay, so let’s talk about the show…

“Pancake” Patterson

“Pancake” fucking Patterson

“PANCAKE” FUCKING PATTERSON

PANCAKE FUCKING PATTERSON!

Seriously

(Sigh) I’m praying this is something Titus actually wanted to do, because if this was any white guy’s idea, and Titus HAS to do it, then we need to shut down WWE, I’m sorry.  HOW IN 2013 ARE WE SUPPOSED TO JUSTIFY A BAD FRED SANFORD GIMMICK?  The sad thing is, this bit is stupid enough to actually go over, God help us all.

RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Guerrero and SMACKDOWN Senior Advisor Teddy Long pulled Ryback out of the six-man with Orton/Sheamus against the Shield and booked against Mark Henry.  Later in the night, The Shield jumped Orton/Sheamus, and Big Show made the run-in to cement the “face” turn. (Hey, it’s more effort than they put into Miz’s face turn.)  So, Big Show is in the six-man, and Ryback gets Henry.  My question is why not just book Big Show in the six-man in the first place?  For the record, Ryback would’ve been the better choice, as he still has “unfinished business” with the Shield, but since when does WWE care about continuity?  I’m thinking this could still turn into an eight-man, Henry and the Shield vs Ryback, Show, Sheamus and Orton.

I gotta admit, Fandango scored some points with me tonight.  I dig him with a different Ballroom Dancing girl leading him in every week, I was into the streamers, and the outline of his silhouette from the ceiling.  I dig him hitting on every Diva that comes to the ring with his opponents.  Kind of stupid, seeing how much I hated “Pancake” Patterson, but with Fandango, there is a small difference.  Fandango is still a “mystery.” I actually don’t know if he sucks in the ring yet.  There’s still a chance this could pay off.  With “Pancake,” I know it’s just a desperate attempt at getting a mid-card guy some heat.

R-Truth getting a count-out over Sandow felt like filler to me.  I could live with their “feud” ending here.  Neither man has enough momentum to justify a spot on Mania.

Cody had a bit with the Bella Twins and Kaitlyn that I’m hoping brings this “flirtation” angle to an end.  It’s going nowhere, and the only logical outcome is a face turn for Cody that he does not need right now.

Side Note: WHY DOES FACIAL HAIR COUNT AS A GIMMICK?

And now the highlight of the night, in the best heel promo in history, C.M. PUNK MOCKS THE UNDERTAKER WITH THE URN OF PAUL BEARER.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkGdq4NOBE8

I have nothing to add, genius.

So apparently, Ziggler is getting a shot at the tag titles w/Big E. as his partner.  WWE set this up with AJ skipping out to the ring during Hell No’s match against Mo/Co, Kane and Bryan responded by coming out to challenge Ziggler and Big E. after Dolph’s win over Kofi. AJ demanded they put the tag titles on the line.  I feel obligated to point out that Ziggy/Big E. haven’t wrestled as a tag-team in the entire time they’ve been on RAW, and Big E. has yet to wrestle an official match on any show besides NXT, however; one thing I’ve learned in all my years of watching RAW, the meaning of the word futility.

Side Note: Daniel DID get a win over Ziggler on Saturday Morning Slam, so you could argue they’re working a “program,” but you’d be stretching it. (You’d also be someone who cares more than any one else.)

ADR vs Swagger just got personal as Swagger took out Ricardo’s ankle with the “Patriot Act” after Del Rio’s win over Cody.  We got a “USA” chant during the match, which might not have been for ADR.  I hate to say it, but I did see this coming.  I’m guessing  a LOT of WWE fans are “Tea-baggers,” and are slowly inching on to Swagger’s bandwagon.  Also, Del Rio isn’t working as a baby-face.  I’m sorry, but his “champion of the immigrants” routine doesn’t ring true enough.  Del Rio really lost a step becoming a face.  He’s watered down his personality too much and his “come back from nowhere” approach in the ring is sloppy and awkward.  Honestly, I think Del Rio might have to drop the belt and disappear for a while if they want to salvage him.

The last actual match of the night was Wade Barrett getting a badly-needed win over Miz and Jericho.  Most people, including me, felt this was a bit anti-climatic as it would’ve made a good addition to the Mania card.  I’m thinking if they wanted to, they can revisit that whole “Intercontinental Open,” idea they scrapped so Barrett could feud with Bo Dallas. (Remember that?  Neither do they.)

The night ended with the big contract signing between Triple H and Paul Heyman, representing Brock Lesnar.  It ended with Trips clearing the ring and brutalizing Heyman before signing the contract.  Lesnar came out and pulled Heyman out.  Heyman revealed his big surprise stipulations – “No Holds Bared,” and Triple H’s career on the line.

This is where I allow myself to get optimistic (possibly masochistic,) and hope this is secretly Triple H’s retirement match, then I remember his match against the Undertaker a few Wrestlemania cards ago was supposed to be a retirement match.

And we are out…

RYTMAN’S REMARKS: Not bad, not bad at all.  This show was a good build-up to Wrestlemania. Still, if you watched it you can see how little fore-thought went into developing an under-card for the show.  Stuff is being thrown together and juggled around in a very last-minute manner.  We’d better hope the three “big” matches can carry the show, because it doesn’t look like they’ll have a ton of support.

The post RYTMANS RECAP – RAW 03/18/2013 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Admit it. This would be fun.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– High School Gym P.A. Announcer (I think it’s the lunch lady), tells us about how Alvin Dat Rio tore off Large Performance’s prosthetic arm at the Education Classroom PPV, and that Sanitary “Rick” Martel had debuted threatening to open the borders to all-comers for his personal assistant Jake Swashbuckler. The we’re shown clips of Iraq defending his title and debuted a brand new collection of tupperwear that one can poop in for fecal samples to determine whether you have ring rats. We’re on the bike path to GrappleInsanity, folks, so Jonathon Coachman is back and challenging Iraq for some of those poop samples.

This is what happens when Giant Bernard leaves NJPW.(

– Everyone’s favorite, Ric-Rod, announces the entrance of Alberto Del Rio to come out and gloat about still not having pinned Big Show. ADR addresses the raving racist commentary of Zeb and Swagger on immigrants. He’s seen the videos and points out that the country was settled by hard working immigrants, and today’s immigrants are no different. He neglects to mention anything about the people that were in North American before the English and French came, the Iroquois Confederacy, infected blankets, or Manifest Destiny. Nor does he address slavery and abductions of people from Africa. But I still forgive him, but I’m just saying.

– Out comes Randall Keith Orton, and claims that something was taken from him in the EC PPV. That would be the opportunity to face ADR at WrestleMania. He claims he would have done the same thing to Swagger, and wants to take out his aggression on Swagger tonight. He asks Del Rio to step aside, and he is willing to fight him too. Honey Book Book T is out, and has other plans, playah. No, not a tag team match, holla. He books Del Rio to face Wade Barrett and Orton to face Jack Swagger. Then they all do copious amounts of illicit narcotics and choose to drive all over the road. Ok, I’m done with the obvious shit… I think.

There’s only one person to blame for this whole Swagger thing…

– * SheerMouse vs. Damien Sandow. Unmixed Strawberry Yogurt gets quite a reception, but fuck him. It’s time to hear the Genius:

SILENCE THE MUSIC! I AM ABOUT TO SPEAK.
Tonight, you will all bear witness to a monumental occasion
The Destruction of your false idle, Arseman.
A man, whose only purpose has been dragging you into the bowels of your own ignorance.
Tonight SheMoose, your reign of terror comes to an end.
YOU’RE WELCOME!

– Ok, maybe not his all time best, but it was really nice to hear a Damien Sandow speech… it’s been a while. What I expected to be an over sized gourd, Damien Sandow gets some solid offensive in on Unmixed Strawberry Yogurt, to which he curdles and becomes sour cream. After some good back and forth… however, while Sheamus considers teaching math to the kids at home, he becomes concerned that Damien Sandow has gone into cardiac arrest. So, he immediately places Sandow on the ring apron, facing the crowd, and pounds his fist into the upper torso of Sandow screaming, “YOU NEED TO LIVE, FELLA! THE WORLD NEEDS YOU! I NEED YOU!” Jerry Lawler makes an off color joke as Sandow plummets to the outside of the ring and we go to… a commercial break.

[youtube L7yGZgpY2p8]
Scruffy is the shit. If you aren’t familiar with this Blue Bear and his awesomeness. Go watch, or fucking kill yourself. Just saying. That is all.

– And we’re back! Wow. The match is still on, who would’ve thunk it? Certainly not my dead friend Corr Passman, because he’s dead. Sandow gets his ever-entertaining Cubito Aequet in, and has his feel good, heel good, assault moments. Of course, Sheamus gets his Brogue kick in to win this bout, but overall, I felt this was a really entertaining match. I hate seeing Sandow as the glorified jobber (like his former tag partner), but it is what it is. This is the home stretch, and his job to help Sheamus look good until he gets busted for a DUI while on bath salts or something. Fuck, did it again.

My sentiments knowing I have to review this show sometimes.

– Another Fandango Inverted Harlem Shake video airs, with a bunch of people convulsing for 20 seconds, and suddenly everyone else stops and vanishes like Marty McFly in Back to the Future. Fandango puts on his rage face, and planks his way exuent stage left while Rebecca Black’s “Friday” plays. Dammit Miz! (See what I did there?) J.T. is seen in the video holding up an iPad (version 1.0) that asks, “Y U NO LIEK TEH FANDINGO?!?!”. I grab my Jiffy marker filled with the ink of lies, and write on my television, “All your base are belong to us. Also, you still owe me like $0.90 for the two pack of Jiffy Markers…”.

– Back to Josh “T” Matthews and JBL who throw to a Brendan Shanahan video that clearly shows that Jorge and Joe of Team Alpha, and BWF Radio each Sunday at 2 PM, are responsible for cutting Ottawa Senator Erik Karlsson’s ankle with their collective skates, and the knee-on-knee attack on the Minnesota Wild’s Cal Clutterbuck. Both have been suspended for two games in the WWE. J.T. is still allowed to remain in the audience, and his arena beer privileges are now on comp by the NHL ownership group… BREAKING NEWS!! Justin Ruff has been terminated by the Buffalo Sabres as head coach and replaced by now-veteran minor hockey legend, Don West. The BWF still employs Mr. Ruff, it should be noted. The BHF likes that cat too.

[youtube MISUHTo2NDs]
Jumpin Jeff Farmer wants you to…. umm… Wow, this is shitty. BWF Radio shouldn’t even consider playing this on the show, so… we should. Terrible.

– We see Cody Rhodes talking to Cat-Liner backstage about her title or something. He says it totally looks better than Jeff Hardy’s abortion of a belt in TNA, and also if Hardy has pulled a “Jack Swagger” lately. Then they write the worst operatic aria known to human kind in honor of…

– * Tamina and Aksana vs. Layla and Kaitlyn. God this is death. I died again. I walked into the light. Saint Peter is passed out by that keg from the last two times. I funnel some more beer into his sleeping body, because it’s not like that dude can die. He’s just like Matt Hardy, or his brother, or RVD, or Sabu who now likes to drive around with the All American American with his shirt off. I decide to look at the TV, and I guess someone told Aksana that she should try wrapping her legs around The Kat’s neck and bounce around. Jerry Lawler runs out to help, thinking it’s still the late nineties. Kaitlyn gets the pin or something. The crowd did an inverted Harlem Shake here too.

That cookie kid is so fucking dead…

– Clip packages air. I FFW them since my mysterious assailant has been suspended. No Jorge on the balcony either.

– Medium Sized Business owner, Wade Barrett, goes to agree with Zeb and Swagger congratulating them on their philosophy. Zeb demands to know where Barrett is from, and when the response is England, Zeb tells Wade he is just as bad as Del Rio and hopes they both beat each other up so bad that they are forced to emigrate. Then Wade tells him he has a new brand of Barrett Barrage Energy Bars, using quotations with his hands as he says “Energy.” Swagger asks what is in them, and Barrett tells him it’s a local herb currently made legal in Colorado. Swagger immediately eats about 12 of said bars and phones up his pal, Nick Hogan, and challenges him to a street race.

Brooklyn! Brooklyn! I miss those days.

– * Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger. Well not until the “Next…” logo comes up… wait, what’s this?!?!? It’s Phoenix Coyote agitator, Raffi Torres! He leaps into mid air and nails Orton in the head with his shoulder!!! Torres bounces off the metallic exoskeleton of Orton and slumps on the canvas clutching his shattered bones. “Why… did… you… attack… cheeseburger… me…?” demands Orton. “I did it for Team Alpha!” screams the fallen Raffi. J.T. is seen in the audience holding up a sign stating, “Wow, that collision sounded like a Syracuse Crunch.”

Death seems to be a trend in my image posts tonight. You’re next. Sorry about that. I left J.T. tied up in your basement with some weapons and let him do bathsalts.

– And we’ve returned… as Swagger weaves down the entrance ramp and Zeb twirls his mustache in cartoony fashion. Man, I’m going to miss this. Swagger won’t remember though, because you know… short-term memory loss. During this match, JBL notes the following:

Regardless, it’s slow, but well built match designed to help build Swagger as a viable opponent. That’s Orton’s new job after all. They exchange dealer numbers midway through it, and share a laugh that their “guy” is the same, Evan Bourne. Seriously though, they have the same dealer as RVD. The two take their fight to the outside. It’s pretty solid! WWE cuts away to a scene from The Untouchable II (by WWE Studios). The Untouchable’s leader, Elliot, is seen in a room interrogating Al Capone. “WHO WAS YOUR FAVORITE WWE WRESTLER!” Capone looks up, stares at Elliot for a moment and says, “Well, Ness. Test. He was my favorite.” We cut to commercials.

[youtube c8wZUgGm79o]
Well, that promo made me want to tune in!.

– The latter half of the match continues and picks up again as ads have stopped Bogarting match time. They exchange shots, toke toke pass, as Zeb looks on. Swagger attempts the patriot act, but Orton reverses it. J.T. is seen in the audience holding up a sign demanding, “No stems, No seeds.” Swagger attempts a suplex failing, much to Zeb’s chagrin as he has tickets to a Phish concert that begins in twenty minutes. Orton lands his suspended PCP spot, and gets down on the canvas to hit the gravity bong, but his delay allows Swagger to roll him up like a two-paper Zig-Zag coner, after nailing him with an eye poke. Cheap win. Cheap G jokes. Actually, this was a really good match. But OF COURSE I was going there.

@Charles Barkley @G: “Did you catch me on the Price is Right, G? I cleaned up!”

@G @Charles Barkley: “No. But Happy Birthday, Barks!”

– RAW LSD flashbacks are shown. It’s like getting high a second time for free! We see Brad Maddox get his new gig, and Paul Heyman being placed into a setup for Brock Lesnar and HHH to wrestle at WM, but they call this match “Vince McMahon.” Yeah, ok. That’s going to happen.

– We then get more clips of Anchorman II starring Colin Farrell with appearances by Wade Barrett. Satt Marklar interviews Wade about his role, and then Sheamus does an impression of Wade’s role in the film. He stands there saying nothing staring absently into space. Is this a WrestleMania program? THIS MATCH? The same match we’ve seen countless times for free on WWE programming. I hope this is less than 18 seconds if it is. FUCK THAT.

Bottom left corner. The television on Coles announcer table. Green background… Cody’s mustache. The fuck?

– * The Miz vs. Cody Rhodes (Bad facial hair match Title match). The highlight of this match is the cutaway of Rhodes calling his look a “love-stache.” He’s facing the Bad Facial Hair champion though… could get “shavey” at WrestleMania…. unless the Swiss get involved. but they tend to have problems taking sides. Since Miz is still sporting entertainmenting a wrapped up shoulder injury, Rhodes focuses his assault upon the injury. J.T. is seen holding up a sign that says, “Hey, I just realized Raffi Torres is stealing Miz’ gimmick.” Nope, it’s actually Miz using Flair’s Figure Four Leglock finisher he was gifted by the Nature Boy for the win. Cody submits.

– Replay of Zeb’s Youtube rant from RAW. A wisp of smoke… ahh fuck it. Good job, Swagger, way to ruin Dutch Mantell’s opportunity for a late career paycheck, you dick.

Alex Jones: “I employed an accountant to file my taxes last week. He did a shoddy job. These white collar con-artists filed and told me I still owe money. This is a scam. I contacted Mr. Shyster and he said his employer noted that ‘Everyone has a price’ and sent his personal assistant to my house to collect my owed back-taxes. Speaking of collecting, Mr. Duke Drowsy, when are you going to remove the rubbish from the alley? It’s been sitting out back for years now… Don’t get me started on the ramshackle job my dentist did on my wisdom teeth. His secretary told me he is away on personal medical reasons.”(

– More Fandango videos. This gimmick is as dead as Swagger’s.

– * Non-Title Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Wade Barrett. Ric-Rod cuts his awesome very long held “O” for “Rio” as Jorge and Joe attempt to do the same on BWF Radio THIS SUNDAY (2PM EST) then end up gasping for air like Jack Swagger attempting to hold in his toke from his custom built-in dashboard vaporizer/bong combo. Del Rio immediately goes for the offensive as it looks like we are getting a nice long match. Zeb and Swagger watch this match from the entrance ramp. Did I mention Swagger got busted for a DUI for marijuana yet?

I hate this part of my job too.

– Like with most matches tonight (use a lighter when smoking a pipe, bong, or joint), Wade is booked strong enough for enhancement talent. It’s not like he is a title holder or anything, after all. BREAKING NEWS!!! Wade Barrett was arrested for driving under the influence of Intercontinental Champion reports TMZ! The story here is that the two on the ramp slowly begin to work their way down as the two in the ring exchange blows. Everytime it seems Del Rio might win, they take 12 steps (Oops). They don’t make it far enough to get involved as Del Rio ultimately submits Wade with one of Dean Malenko’s one move. You read that right, BABY! Del Rio with the Armbar FTW…

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

———————————————————-

I APPEAR WEEKLY ON BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

Listen LIVE starting at 2 PM EST here. here on Mixlr.com.
Check out BWF Radio every week. It goes up on i-Tunes on Sunday in the late afternoon of North America
Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “Jorge” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even get herpes! Hey, free herpes! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

A go to place for professional wrestling, boxing, MMA, and other combat sports news, rumors, podcasts and so forth. Always a nice place to get your fix, or simply learn more about the performers and athletes themselves. They are one of our go to resources for news and information for BWF Radio, and we wouldn’t have it any other way to share our content with them. Great site!

———————————————————-

WTF?

———————————————————–

Why is this section even here? What could it mean? Will Joe even notice? So many questions, none of which I will ever answer.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 02/22/13: Wednesday Drivers! appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

So here we go!

We open with a recap of Elimination Chamber from Sunday.  Alberto Del Rio beat the Big Show, Jack Swagger won the Chamber, and C.M. Punk lost.  We get a reminder that Cena’s road to Wrestlemania starts tonight.

Live in the Cajun Dome!  Cena’s out to address the WWE universe, and we’re reminded that it’s Cena vs. Rock for the WWE title.  John reminds everyone that it’ll be John Cena vs. The Rock, and that’s when Punk comes out.

Punk accuses Cena of taking the easy way out.  Punk says Rock beat him fair and square on Sunday, if you disregard the fact that Rock hit an official, and Punk had him pinned for “an 18 count.” Cena tells him to “sit this one out,” and “for once, it’s not about C.M. Punk.” Punk disagrees, reminding Cena how he brought prestige to the WWE title, and how Cena can’t beat the Rock, and how he’s never beat Punk.  Punk tells him to walk away.  Cena makes it clear he will not.  Cena concedes that he hasn’t beat the Rock, and if he can’t beat Punk, then he doesn’t deserve the title shot.  Cena agrees to give Punk the shot at Wrestlemania if Punk can beat him in a match, right here, right now.  Punk decides to do this on his terms, and since he shouldn’t even be in this position, he decides to do this next week.  Cena makes it official.  Punk vs. Cena, Wrestlemania headline title shot on the line, next Monday.

We get an announcement that tonight will be the Rock’s championship celebration, and The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry, is up next.0

We’re back.  We get a picture of Thomas Jefferson and one of his quotes as part of a “president’s day” tribute.

“ONE MAN WITH COURAGE IS A MAJORITY.” – Thomas Jefferson

Backstage with Sheamus and Matt Striker.  Sheamus doesn’t know what went wrong last night, they were supposed to get revenge on the Shield, but didn’t.  Ryback walks into frame and Sheamus call him a neanderthall.  Ryback and Sheamus get up into each others’ face, when Chris Jericho steps in.  He gets them to stop fighting and offers them a chance to team up with him in a six-man against the Shield.  Sheamus and Ryback agree.

“FEED ME SHIELD” – Ryback

SIN CARA VS MARK HENRY

This was an out-and-out squash.  Sin Cara got in one kick to the head, but it ends with a powerslam and a “world’s strongest slam.”

WINNER: MARK HENRY

Henry bullies the ref out of the ring and turns his attention to the fallen Sin Cara.  Great Khali strides out (slowly) and after a stare-down, teasing a fight, Henry bails.

“IF I WANNA DANCE, I GIVE EM’ THAT.  YOU DANCE, THAT’S ALL YOU GOOD FOR ANYWAY.” – Mark Henry

We go to a recap of the U.S. title match at Elimination Chamber, between the Miz and Champion Antonio Cesaro.  We see Miz drop knee first into Cesaro’s groin, and get dq’d.

Vicki Guerro announces the six-man main event for tonight – Jericho, Sheamus, and Ryback vs The Shield via Twitter.

When we come back, Miz vs. Cesaro, NO DQ!

We’re back with a promo for FANDANGO, comming soon.

Miz is in the ring w’a taped-up shoulder and arm.  We get a recap of last Monday’s RAW when Cesaro swung him into the guardrail.

NO DQ MATCH-U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS THE MIZ

Miz starts strong, but the match goes out to the floor and Cesaro sends the bad arm into the post.  Cesaro throws Miz back in the ring with some chairs and a kendo stick.  Cesaro wedges a chair between two turnbuckles in the corner, and tries to drive the Miz shoulder-first into it.  Miz counters a few times and Cesaro has more luck with the Kendo stick.  Cesar pins the bad shoulder of Miz between his knee and a chair, and works the arm.  Cesaro sets Miz up in the corner for a charge, but Miz gets a shot to the face.  Cesaro charges knee first and Miz ducks.  Cesaro hits the chair in the corner.  Miz drop-toe-holds him chest first into the other chair, and ends this with a figure four for the submission.

WINNER: THE MIZ

Later tonight, Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter will make a “State of the Union” address to the WWE universe.  Right now, we’re getting a look at an Internet video made by Zeb and Swagger. (youtube.com/wethepeoplezeb) It looks like a public access channel video with a “Don’t Tread On Me” flag tacked up in the back.  Zeb delivers a rant against immigrants with Swagger looming menacingly in the background.

We’re reminded that Cena vs. Punk is next week and the Rock’s championship celebration is tonight.

We come back to a pic and a quote of Abraham Lincoln.

“YOU CAN FOOL SOME OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME, YOU CAN FOOL ALL OF THE PEOPLE SOME OF THE TIME, YOU CAN’T FOOL ALL OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME.” – Abraham Lincoln.

Backstage, WWE  tag team champions Daniel Bryan and Kane are arguing over what happened between them in the Elimination chamber last Sunday.  Brian has requested a singles match and doesn’t want Kane coming out with him.  Kane decides he’ll request a singles match and doesn’t want Bryan coming out with him.  Kane warns Bryan that he’d better be a man of his word, because he doesn’t like snakes.  Randy Orton overhears this, and takes exception to it.  Kane explains that if a snake gets too close to him, he squashes it with his boot.  Orton compares Kane to Barney the Dinosaur and Bryan laughs.  Orton disappears, and Kane sulks off.

We go to Vicki’s office where Paul Heyman has been summoned.  Vicki rags on Heyman about how useless his special stipulations were in the WWE title match.  Later on, she will make a big announcement concerning his career, in the ring.

Team Ziggler (Dolp, Big E. and AJ) makes their way out as we go to break.

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS DOLPH ZIGGLER

Ziggler’s in the ring as we recap Del Rio’s win over the Big Show at EC.  Ricardo Rodriguez comes out to introduce Del Rio.  The crowd is not into it.  Ziggler goes right after Del Rio.  Del Rio fights back.  Ziggler goes up and over the ropes, lands on the apron.  Del Rio hits the enziguri as we go to break…

Ziggler in control as we come back, choking Del Rio against the ropes.  Ziggler with a dropkick.  Choking again, and Big E. sneaks in a cheap shot at ringside.  Ziggler gets a two-count with a fame-asser and goes up top.  ADR cuts him off and hits a REVERSE FACE-LOCK SUPERPLEX.  Ziggler up first. They trade punches, ADR hits two clothes-line, a tilt-a-whirl back-breaker, and a thrust kick for two.  ADR gets a “Si” chant going but Ziggler hits the neck-breaker for two.  Ziggler whips ADR into the corner, ADR gets the boots up, ties up Ziggler, and hits several forearms to the back and a back-stabber for two.  Big E up on the apron.  Del Rio knocks him off.  Ziggler goes for the flying DDT, but Del Rio hits the arm-breaker for the submission.

WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO

After the match, Big E. blindsides ADR and beas him down.  Ziggler realizes this is the best time to cash in the MiTB briefcase, but Ricardo swipes it and runs off with Big E. after him.  AJ recovers the case, but Ziggler eats a huge kick from ADR.

Later tonight, the Rock’s celebration, and Kane vs.Randy Orton

And we got to break…

We are back with Intercontinental champion Wade Barrett in the ring, telling all of us about his big break in a major motion picture.  We then get shown the trailer for “Dead Man Down,” in theaters on March 8th.  We come back to Wade but Sheamus interrupts from the Titan-Tron to point out that Wade isn’t the star, Colin Farrell is.  He invites Barrett to respond, but is told we’re out of time.

SIX PERSON TAG TEAM MATCH – TENSAI/BRODUS CLAY/AND NAOMI VS PRIMO/EPICO/AND ROSA

The Funkadayctals make their entrance w/Brodus and Tensai.  Rosa and team MO-CO cut the music short with their entrance.  Naomi starts off with Rosa, taking charge with high-flying moves.  Rosa tags in Primo who goes after Naomi but Tensai makes the save and send Primo out.  Naomi hits a sliding dropkick between Tensai’s legs on Epico and Rosa.  Tensai and Brodus ends this with double headbuts and a double splash.

WINNERS: BRODUS CLAY AND TENSAI

We get a dance party in the ring before going to a WWE.com press conference in the Super-dome, where we get an announcement about Wrestlemania 30 being there next year, April 2014.

Up next is the “State Of The Union” address from Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter.

We come back with a quote from Harry S. Truman

“THE BUCK STOPS HERE.” – Harry S. Truman

Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter are in the ring with a podium and a “don’t tread on me” flag set up.  Swagger claims that he took the weight of the nation on his shoulders when he won the EC match and became #1 contender to the WHC.  He turns the mike over to Zeb, who claims the state of our union is “pathetic.” In summation, he basically accuses foreigners of coming here to take our health care, jobs, and resources, and how when Jack Swagger beats ADR, he will restore our nation to greatness.

Daniel Bryan makes his entrance as we go to break.

JACK SWAGGER VS. DANIEL BRYAN

Match is basically Bryan slipping out of Swagger’s grasp with his speed/agility until Swagger gets a chance to pound on the bad ribs of Bryan.  Bryan fights back with quick strikes and high-risk high-flying.  Bryan misses a charging drop-kick and Swagger works his leg.  Swagger ends this with the “Patriot Act,” submission.

WINNER: JACK SWAGGER

Later tonight, Jericho, Sheamus, and Ryback vs. The Shield, and Vicki’s big announcement about Heyman.

We come back to a Wrestlemania promo and Vicki in the ring demanding our attention, preparing to make an announcement that could change Heyman’s career/life.  She announces Brad Maddox as “assistant to the managing supevisor.” Brad says this was his reward for blowing the whistle on Heyman.

“IS THIS MY CUE TO VOMIT?” – Paul Heyman

Heyman says goodnight and gets ready to leave, when Vince makes his appearance on the Tron, stopping him.  He reminds Heyman of last week when Heyman requested the DQ/count-out stip for the WWE title match at EC, and how Heyman said he do “anything” for it.  Basically Vince challenges Heyman to a fight in two weeks when he makes his return.

And Break…

CHRIS JERICHO, SHEAMUS & RYBACK VS. THE SHIELD

Jericho, Sheamus, & Ryback each make a separate entrance, the Shield come down all at once through the crowd.  The faces start off strong, with each man getting a shot at a Shield member.  The faces dominate as we go to break…

We come back to the Shield beating down Sheamus.  Sheamus fights his way free and brings in Ryback.  Ryback hits hard and fast, tossing around the Shield, but he takes a spear when the ref isn’t looking.  The Shield pile on Ryback with double teaming until one of them misses a charge.  Ryback brings in Jericho, who takes over on the Shield.  Jericho locks in the “Walls Of Jericho” while Sheamus takes a Shield member to the outside, brawling.  Ryback is down, and the Shield leader takes out Jericho with a flying knee behind the ref’s back.  Jericho gets pinned for three.

WINNERS: THE SHIELD

And break…

We come back with a quote from JFK.

“ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU, ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR COUNTRY.” – John F. Kennedy

DAMIEN SANDOW VS KOFI KINGSTON

Sandow comes out, berating the audience and claims his great-grandfather came up with the new deal.  He attacks Kofi before the bell rings and brutalizes him, until R-Truth makes his comeback and the save.  Sandow is left lying.

NO CONTEST

We go to Josh Mathews at ringside w/two of his co-stars from “G.I. JOE: RETALIATION,” and a clip from the movie.

The Rock’s celebration, up next…

We’re back with another promo for Fandango, and Randy Orton making his entrance.

RANDY ORTON VS KANE

We get a plug for the EXTREME RULES PPV as Kane makes his way to the ring.  Match is back and forth until Daniel Bryan comes out to distract Kane.  Kane loses focus and walks into an RKO for the three-count.

WINNER: RANDY ORTON

And break…

We come back to a local marching band making their way down to the ring.  After they finish playing, the Rock makes his big entrance.  First, he runs down Punk, pointing out how he beat Punk in two straight PPV’s so he could be here tonight as WWE champion.  Rock says in 48 days he’s going to Wrestlemania, but not with the “spinny” belt.

“THE WWE TITLE SHOULD NEVER LOOK LIKE A TOY, AND IT SHOULD NEVER, EVER, SPIN” – The Rock

The Rock retires the WWE “spinner” belt, and talks about how the belt should “inspire” the people watching and respect the legacy of champions past.  He then unveils the “New” WWE championship.  It looks like a big ring, with the WWE logo taking up most of the face-plate over the word “champion,” and the Rock’s Brahma-Bull logo on each side.  Rock asks the question “Who will the Rock face at Wrestlemania? John Cena, or C.M. Punk?” Rock is about to name his preference, when Cena’s music hits and he comes out.  He’s facing down the Rock when Punk nails him from behind with the spinny belt.  He tosses it aside, and says “I want that one,” while pointing at Rock.  The show ends with Punk staring down the Rock and walking out, while the Rock paces around the ring in confuion and Cena tries to pull himself up.

The post RYTMAN’S RAW (REPLAY) REAL TIME RECAP appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Metroplex Wrestling voice over guy tells us something about geology returning, and Armando Estrada returning to capture the coveted Nacho Hat of Glory from the worlds tallest midget, Gigantor, the space age robot.

– Seriously, it’s time for ADR’s celebration winning the title last week. Ric-Rod is all smiles and silly, in his own awesome way. Alberto wears his white suit down, because he’s a good guy now. Maybe he’ll steal his own car and take a shit in it? That’s what WWE feces do, after all. It doesn’t last long, as Dolph “Spaghetti Hair” Ziggler, AJ Styles, and Biggie Smalls are out to ruin it. The Mariachi band just stands back and watches. Biggie cuts a free style rap on Ric-Rod, it’s one line and has no rhymes. Dolph gets all threatening like, but overgrown CM Punk The Big Show is out in his hoodie. He’s got the “I’m going to kill you like Mante Te’o’s girlfriend.” But since it’s a parade, Sheamus must also come out because he “cannot resist a Fiesta Del Rio!” And all his great friends are right here! Sheepleless even reminds us of his grand-theft-auto incident, but he just wants to be super-special-best-buddies-forever and they shake each others hands and totally make out. Where’s The Ghost of Teddy Long when you need him? Oh there he is, it’s Brisk(er) Tea to party it up too. Booker tells Show if he ever touches him again, “I will ruin your day, suckah!” Of course he Booker T’s a tag match for the main event. I already feel Lance Armstronged by this. Then they all dance and shit. Then I get informed we get ANOTHER Rock concert tonight.

ARE YOU READY TO PARTY?

No caption needed.

NO.

– * Antonio Cesaro vs. Coffee Kingston. We are shown clips from Twitter where Trent Baretta totally puts over the Neon Mute as a swell guy. And then clips of the terrible moment when Ric Flair put over The Jizz on RAW and essentially gifted him the Figure Four Leg Lock. JT is seen in the audience holding up a sign proclaiming, “Wait, both of these guys are immigrants. I’m an American, who do I root for?” Cesaro and Trent Baretta’s favorite person continue to have an excellent match, with Cesaro working his stiff strong style and Kofi doing his flippy floppy stuff. Our finish comes with Kofi leapfrogging to the top turnbuckle and hopping back down to attempt hurricanrana, only to be destroyed by the Neutralizer! Cesaro retains and waves the American flag like the patriot he is. JT stands and salutes holding a sign stating, “I’ve made my choice, I’m rooting for this guy!”

– Backstage, Miz is cut down by the Colons who mock his terrible “Really?” catch phrase. Then Miz proceeds to imply all Peurto Ricans look alike mixing up Primo, Epico, and Mendez. Jorge and Joe are seen slightly off camera muttering something about aquiring a new target, douchbags, and a bass guitar.

I hate those mother fuckers. You know who you are.

– * The Mediocre Khali vs. Tensai in a “Punish the Live Crowd” Match. Natalya and Hornswoggle are at ringside, and Josh Mathews and JBL liken this show down to Optimus Prime and Megatron, and so on. I suppose if you say a lie often enough, you’ll believe it to… or so the design of WWII propagandists continually tell me. Khali wins or something. No one cares. Half the audience in the arena is now dead. And I don’t mean quiet. Nattie is smoking hot in her retro look though.

– Team Friendship are discussing how lame Cody Rhodes mustache looks. Bryan notes that some people just don’t know when their facial hair begins to ridiculous. LOL. Yes/No back and forth. Randall Keith Orton enters the scene questioning their ability to function as a tag team. Orton’s monotone delivery almost kills the segment, but Bryan saves it noting they are working through their anger issues and after they win their three man tag match tonight they will have a group hug. Randall is not much of a hugger. Bullshit. He hugged Barney that one time. I saw that on the internet and as we all know, every thing on the internet is true. That’s how auto-correct works, duh.

Randall Keith Orton and Tommy Dreamer exchange the obligatory handshake.

– * Daniel Bryan, Kane & Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow & Wade Barrett. Team Alpha shows up, and Jorge looks very conflicted. JT hops the ring barricade and they have a quick huddle. Nearby microphones pick up some of the conversation…
“We have to take out Orton!” shouts Joe.
“But it’s Team Friendship!” pleads Jorge.
“Maybe I could make a sign that says…” begins JT, but Joe immediately cuts him off, “No, priority is to keep away from Team Friendship… dammit, we’ll get him later.”
“Plus, we still have that douchebag to get to later,” adds Jorge. The group blends back into the shadows, except JT who hops back into the audience and his seat.
– Damn those ring entrances ate up a lot of time. Things start off in the faces’ favor as Kane and Bryan isolate Rhodes. Cody finally escapes to the outside as Damien Sandow and Barrett console him. The medium-sized business owner hands Cody a Barrett Barrage Energy bar, and then turns to the ring side camera and holds another bar. Just as he is about to say something, we go to commercials.

I know, I know… don’t read the comments… The Fuck?

– We return. And now Rhodes has turned the tables on Kane who is isolated in the heel’s corner. The heels all take some time on Kane, but he finally makes the hot tag to Randall Keith Orton who demolishes, venerates, and decapitates the heels. Things get a little crazy, but ultimately Orton pins Damien Sandow. The heels, well two of them, make their way backstage. Guess which one had his head cut off? Post match, the group hug ensues as a reluctant Orton is sandwiched by Team Friendship and appears disgusted by the whole thing. He proceeds to defecate in their ring bags backstage.

Dreaming of cheese burgers, I’d bet.

– Turns out the Rock concert is just that bullshit from RAW. What a waste, they didn’t even incorporate the OBVIOUS 3MB connection. Turrible. Good, I can FFW through this without guilt if breaking the review rules. I snap around 180 degrees immediately and surprise my secret weekly assailant. “You can’t do shit, buddy,” I say to him, “I’m following the rules.” He puts his hands up and backs away. Jorge is seen on my balcony dropping his head and sadly para-sailing away. “Weird,” I think, “There’s no body of water anywhere near by my place.”

@Charles Barkley @G: “Skipping wrasslin’ tonight G, got to attack a submarine.”

@G @Charles Barkley: “Is that code for gorging at Subway?”

– * The Miz vs. Primo. The match is underway as we return from break because… well… you know… ROCK CONCERT. Miz is all cocky and heeltastic, good thing he’s a bad guy because… well… you know… LOGIC. TEAM ALPHA ARE HERE, and it looks like Jorge has para-sailed all the way there! “Holy shit, that’s some impressive para-sailing!” says a sign that J.T. is holding up while running down to join them. Joe pulls out some bear mace and immediately sprays Miz in the face with it, while J.T. is giving him a wedgie Nelson Munch would be proud of. Jorge, however, is distracted, hitting on Rosa Mendez at ring side while pointing at his belt buckle.
“JORGE!!” yells Joe, “IT’S GOD OF THUNDER TIME!”
Jorge pulls an black Ibanez bass out of nowhere, plugs into his pedal board and ringside amplifier, and sets the volume to 11.
“LOW B STRING!” shouts J.T. and Joe follows up with, “The only thing that ends with “ez” that we dig, is frequencies below 320 Hz motherfucker made by Salvador Ibáñez! His workshop was destroyed in the Spanish Civil War!”
Unfortunately that history lesson gave ring side security enough time to escort Team Alpha out of the arena. Meanwhile, Primo’s cousin and Rosa attempt to distract the Miz, but the douchbag ultimately wins. Primo does get substantial time in what could have merely been a squash. This isn’t terrible, like the Miz as a whole, but you see, Salvador Ibáñez’ workshop was destroyed in the Spanish Civil War because… well… you know… pronunciamiento. Ahh, good ol’ facist dictatorships. You can’t spell dictatorship without at least 75% of “dick.”

BOOM!

– * Kaitlyn vs. Aksana. I shoot myself in the brain 13 times. Review over.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

I return from hanging with Saint Peter again. Dude’s STILL doing keg stands! What an animal. I guess they’re giving me like a 90th chance. Suckers. I don’t think they’ll ever catch on I’m not even religious! Oh shit, they brought me back just in time to watch this debacle play out. Meanwhile we are shown a clip of Eve “quitting” the WWE. Maybe one of those stray bullets missed my brain and killed the Diva’s division? Seriously, it’s fucking dead in the water. Aksana locks on her 3 minute headlock of boredom, now with an added elbow strike! Somehow she is dominating Kait-Jeremy-Lynn here. Kate-Jerry-Lynn… oh fuck it, you and I both know you give no fucks about this match. Crate-Line wins with her move thing… I think. It doesn’t matter.

– A cool music and clip package for Mick Foley being the first inductee to the 2013 WWE HOF airs. Well done. Worth a watch. It might have aired on RAW, but I FFW through that show like no tomorrow. Too long. But you already knew that.

Just another surreal moment… happens every day to someone.

– Shaky-cam Shield promo airs. It starts with the camera phone on the ground. Not the best place to leave expensive technology, but considering how rough the video is, I suspect this one has been dropped a number of times already.
“Attention WWE Universe,” begins Ambrose.
“Attention Sheamus,” follows Rollins.
“Attention Rand[all Keith] Orton,” responds Joe.
“Attention, Ryback,” mumbles Roman Reigns.
“We are the Shield,” says Rollins.
“On January 14th, The Shield crashed Mick Foley’s Hall of Fame announcement… but not for nothing. On behalf of all the broken bodies and broken dreams he left in the wake of his… Hall of Fame… career,” continues Ambrose looking disgusted.
Rollins goes on, “We spoiled the celebration in the name of justice.”
Ambrose goes on “Mick you may live in denial for the rest of your life. You may deny the responsibility for the example you set for all those would-be superstars who sacrificed their bodies for being in the name of ‘hardcore.'”
Reigns chimes in, “Either way, we hold you accountable.”
Rollins says, “Everyone is held accountable. Ryback is held accountable. And now Ryback, you want back what we took from you!”
Reigns: “What’s done is done! You’ll never get it back.”
Jorge says, “Rand[all Keith] Orton? Ha ha ha!” “Randy, there are 206 bones in the human body,” continues Ambrose, “There are 206 bones in your body… we broke one.”
J.T. holds up a sign that says, “Hold on, robots have bones?”
Reigns mumbles, “We’re just getting started…”
“And Unmixed Strawberry Yogurt?” continues Rollins, “You like to fight to fun there, fella?”
“We fight for justice,” awkwardly states Reigns.
“Ambrose”
“Rollins”
“Reigns”
“All of you,” states Ambrose, “You will believe.”
“Believe in the Shield,” from Rollins.
“ARGLE BARGLE BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD,” screams a forced Reigns.
J.T. is seen in the background holding up a sign stating, “I hate the flippy floppy guys,” and Jorge plays a sweet bass riff as we fade to Tyler Black.

– Overall, that was the best The Shield promo to date. Reigns kind of sucks in it, but the rest made up for it with their great personalities. They really need to give Reigns the Bobby Lashley “no talking” gimmick. He’s not convincing me in any way and the only thing detracting from this segment.

BWAH HA HA. Also extremely humble.

– Randall Keith Orton is seen backstage shaking his head, watching the promo while standing up like how all people watch television. Sheamus is doing the same, questions how funny this Shield thing is. Orton disagrees, he doesn’t find The Shield funny and he doesn’t need the Arseman’s help. They bicker over who will win the Royal Rumble and shit. Then they argue who has the more boring promo. It’s ruled no contest. Meanwhile I wonder if I win a prize for transcribing that entire The Shield video. Actually, I think I am getting one. It’s in the mail and it involves a self-aware train, a sci-fi cowboy with missing fingers, and one of the best re-occurring villains in modern literature. Down the rabbit hole, I suppose. Thanks Alice! Yeah that’s right, mid-review shout-outs.

Shit, that didn’t take Teddy Long.

– * Alberto Del Rio & Sheamus vs. Big Show & Dolph Ziggler. Very much a brawler with Dolph doing his best Kofi impression (or is it the other way around?. Either way, I decide to hold down the lower-case “b” button on my keyboard in honor of how mixed I am about this match. bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb. Biggie Smalls get sent to the back like Tupac to the morgue. I’d like to think both guys are free styling together with Jimi Hendrix, John Bonham, and Cliff Burton right now. That might be the best open-mic night I’ve never been to.

– The referee notifies Ziggler, who has Del Rio locked into a sleeper, that the cameras are recording again. Action picks up. Sheamus goes to the top ropes, only to be tossed to the outside by the Big Show. More of the same typical tag team stuff, but it isn’t horrible. Just too many tag matches tonight. We truly are being haunted by The Ghost of Teddy Long. A neat spot where Show stands on top of Sheamus occurs. I don’t think I’d ever want to take one of those. Sheamus hot tags ADR, who almost finishes Dolphry Ziggler. ARMBAR! Big Show breaks it up. Sheamus picks up Show for the White Noise, lands it, but can’t muster the strength… ADR uses his Shining Wizard to put Show to the side lines, and then dumps a bucket of water on the giant. Show walks away sad that he got a free shower. Count out on the legal man, ADR and Sheamus pick up the win. Balloons in the colours of Mexico fall from the rafters and explode splattering blood every where! Pennywise “The Dancing Clown” is seen running around mumbling something about “homework. J.T. holds up a sign stating, “They all float down here.”

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

———————————————————-

Survivor Naut G Returned to Wonderpod!

———————————————————–

wonderpodonline.com, The Survivor Naut G series is complete.

———————————————————-

LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

A go to place for professional wrestling, boxing, MMA, and other combat sports news, rumors, podcasts and so forth. Always a nice place to get your fix, or simply learn more about the performers and athletes themselves. They are one of our go to resources for news and information for BWF Radio, and we wouldn’t have it any other way to share our content with them. Great site!

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 01/18/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch 30 minutes of the show, leave for work, then watch the entire show at work whilst reviewing whatever WWE puts on my TV.  And I make shit up as I go along too, because that’s what the RAW writers do.  Let me entertainment you!

The show kicks off with a mashup of all the old RAW themes.  It’s actually pretty cool.  Until they get to Nickelback.  Nickelback sucks.

Mr. McMahon is here.  Look busy.  The WWE Chairman welcomes us to the 20th Anniversary of Monday Night RAW.  He tells us that over 4 Billion viewers have enjoyed Monday Night RAW in the US alone over the last 20 years.  Why?  Because McMahon is a certifiable genius.  And because of each of every one of us, and he thanks us.  He tells us we’ve got Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena in a steel cage tonight, as well as a Rock concert.  Big Show interrupts, he wants to talk to “Vince” about what happened last Friday.  Mr. McMahon tells him that he doesn’t like being interrupted, or being called Vince, or being told what to do.  Vince says Big Show lost weight.  Big Show says he cut back on carbs, but Vince says he dropped the weight of the World Heavyweight Championship.  McMahon rolls the footage from last Friday, much to Big Show’s chagrin.  Show says he wasn’t prepared for that type of match, and goes off on his “Latino hero” rant again.  He says Booker T is jealous of his iron clad contract.  Everybody in this country is inferior to Big Show because he has said contract.  Big Show asks McMahon to strip Alberto Del Rio of the World Heavyweight Championship.  Del Rio’s music hits, and Ricardo comes out with a bucket in hand.  He introduces the new World Heavyweight Champion, Albertoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Del Rioooooooooo!  Del Rio comes out sans car.  He calls Big Show a crybaby.  Del Rio suggests Big Show face him for the World Heavyweight Title tonight.  Big Show says he’s not prepared, he’s in a custom made suit.  Del Rio says Big Show is bigger and stronger, he should show some cahones, perro.  Show says he’s the one who will determine when the rematch is going to happen, and that will be at the Royal Rumble.  Del Rio calls him a fat jackass.  Big Show asks the crowd if they’re ok with Del Rio insulting him.  They chant “Si.”  Show says “What does the letter C have to do with anything?”  Del Rio tells him to relax, they have a present for him.  Ricardo picks up the bucket.  Show says “Ricardo.  I’ll tell you right now – if you throw water on this suit, I will break your spine in half, do you understand me?”  Ricardo tosses the contents of the bucket on Show – confetti!  Del Rio and Show brawl, with Del Rio coming out on top, chasing off the giant, with a little help from Ricardo, of course.

Still to come, it’s John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler inside a steel cage.  Then The Rock pretends he can sing.

Gotta love Kayfabe News!

September 7, 2009:  Bob Barker hosts RAW.  They showed this on RAW 1000.

Intercontinental Champion and small business owner Wade Barrett is in the ring.  His opponent is RANDALL KEITH ORTON.  Who will face the United States Champion this Wednesday on Main Event.  JT is seen in the audience with a sign reading “Where is Team Alpha?!?”

Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett

Ugh.  Orton’s a SmackDown superstar.  Why am I stuck reviewing his match on RAW?  If we’re completely ignoring the “brand extension,” why do we still have two world championships?  Orton clotheslines Barrett to the floor.  A perfect time to go… get… a fish… meal.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apuHyKftdc8[/youtube]

Yup.  This match is still on.  It’s easy to hit an RKO on a drive thru speaker box.  Drive thru speaker boxes don’t fight back.  I’m bored.  FFW!  Orton starts pounding the mat, Barrett reverses, slams Orton’s shoulder into the steel post, then nails the Bullhammer for the victory!  A clean win for Barrett over Orton!

Still to come, The Rock concert.  Yippie.  Also, we’ll reveal the first inductee into the 2013 class of the Hall of Fame.  Which they already did on WWE.com last week.  So, in other words, WWE.com spoiled their own show again.

Another relevant post from Kayfabe News.

Eve is walking backstage.  She runs into Booker T and the ghost of SmackDown GMs past.  Booker says that Eve has a special stipulation in her Diva’s Championship match tonight.  And that is, if she thinks about getting counted out or disqualified, she’ll be stripped of the title, and it will be awarded to Kaitlyn.  She says he can’t do that.  He says he just did that.  She says she’s sure there’s something they can work out.  Booker takes his glasses off, then laughs at her.  “Tell me, you didn’t just try that.”  Eve slaps Teddy Long for laughing along with Booker.

Dr. Shelby has weird followup schedules.  Earlier today he was with Team Hell No.  They agree they don’t want to be there.  Bryan says they should just tell Dr. Shelby what he wants to hear.  Kane agrees.  Dr. Shelby is proud of them.  They share a group hug.  Bryan says they’ve beaten their anger problem, and asks if they can go.  Dr. Shelby says he just has one question for each of them.  Just a formality.  He asks Bryan what his favorite part about Kane is.  Bryan says he likes that Kane is tall, that he can set things on fire by lowering his arms somehow, and he’s quite a good dancer.  Shelby asks Kane the same thing about Daniel.  Kane says in the ring, Bryan is very agile, and he’s got a great beard, and he’s not afraid to admit that sometimes he wears women’s clothing.  Shelby says they’ve made great progress, and they’re free to go.  But he wants to try one more thing.  He calls for somebody to be sent in.  It’s Team Rhodes Scholars.  They’re here to cause a trigger for their anger, to see how they deal with it.  It’s called exposure therapy.  Damien Sandow corrects Dr. Shelby.  Rhodes Scholars are supposed to try to anger Team Hell No, and Team Friendship are supposed to find their happy place.  Rhodes and Sandow tell Shelby he doesn’t know what he’s doing.  Sandow suggests that Team Hell No would be better served getting advice from Dr. Phil.  This sets Shelby over the edge.  He sicks Team Hell No on Rhodes Scholars.  Team Hell No and Dr. Shelby chant “Yes.”

Speaking of Team Hell No, they’re on their way to the ring.  Kane is apparently in action.  That’s NEXT!

Book it!

Kane’s opponent this evening is your intellectual savior, Damien Sandow.

Kane vs. Damien Sandow

I don’t need to call anything in this match.  Because it’s my website.  I get to choose what I write.  Unlike that schmuck on Friday nights, who has to write what I tell him.  Sandow hit the Cubito Aequet, but it’s Kane with the chokeslam for the victory.

Up next, we find out who the first inductee in the 2013 class of the WWE Hall of Fame is.  I wonder who it could be!

WWE.com. January 11. That was last Friday.

Short Attention Span theater:  Jorge is glued to his TV watching this.  Literally.  He was making macaroni pictures and got distracted while playing Angry Birds.  We’re shown Alberto Del Rio assaulting Big Show earlier in the night.

Justin Roberts introduces us to the first inductee into the 2013 class of the WWE Hall of Fame.   The suspense is killing me.  Oh look at that, it’s Mick Foley.  Didn’t see that coming.  JBL ponders which face of Foley he’ll go in as.  Mick gets the cheap pop.  Then he gets Team Beta.  The Shield make their way to the ring through the crowd.  They surround the ring.  Ryback’s music hits.  He rushes to the ring, and does his best to fend off the Shield, but three on one doesn’t bode well for anybody.  RANDALL KEITH ORTON joins the fray.  Not the shitty pop rock band, the melee in the ring.  Sheamus heads out and evens the odds.  Orton, Sheamus, and Ryback stand tall as Ambrose gets Shell Shocked.

Josh Mathews tells Ryback that The Shield and he are on a collision course.  Ryback says The Shield have allowed Punk to walk away with the WWE Championship.  Ryback doesn’t care about conspiracy theories.  He just wants to give back to The Shield what they have taken from him.  Feed him Shield.

RAW 20th Anniversary:  Gimmicks.  Tourette’s Goldust, Man Mountain Rock, Duke “The Dumpster,” Beaver Cleavage, Bastion Booger, Gillberg, Rockabilly, and many more make appearances in this package.  Even Real Man’s Man Steven Regal!

Up next, it’s Eve vs. Kaitlyn for the Diva’s Championship!

And I… Know…  How… To save… A life. With an R… K… O.

Kaitlyn is in the ring, wearing a “Don’t Mess with Texas” shirt.  Guess she’s the WWE knockoff of Miss Tessmacher.  Eve is out next, and Jorge is lurking around somewhere, with a TV still glued to his head.

Eve vs. Kaitlyn:  WWE Divas Championship

Will tonight be the night they give Kaitlyn the title?  Eve can lose the title on a countout or disqualification, so now would make sense.  Especially since they’re in Kaitlyn’s hometown.  The fans are behind her, chanting “Let’s go Kaitlyn.”  Or maybe they were saying “Texans.”  Even though they lost yesterday.  Kaitlyn gets the power game going, and nails a reverse DDT, but only scores two.  Eve drops Kaitlyn with a neckbreaker, but Kaitlyn kicks out at two as well.  This is actually a pretty solid Divas match.  Eve tries to get Kaitlyn counted out, but fails to realize that the challenger was actually back in the ring before she was.  Kaitlyn nails a spear, and we’ve got a new WWE Divas Champion!

Josh Mathews is backstage with Brodus Clay.  He asks him about Punk’s comments about him from last week.  Brodus doesn’t look happy.  He says Punk needs to keep Brodus’ name out of his mouth.  The pipe bomb is about to blow up in Punk’s face.  NEXT!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulsloBRDFzA[/youtube]

I couldn’t think of anything else to put here.

March 12, 2007:  Mr. McMahon/Donald Trump contract signing.  Trump shoves McMahon over a table.

Brodus Clay gets an entrance this week.  With the Funkadactyls.  So apparently, it’s Punk vs. Funk.  Not the WWE Hall of Fame Funks.  The Brodus Clay funk.  The Champ is here.  He checks Paul Heyman’s watch, and it just so happens to be CLOBBERIN’ TIME!

CM Punk vs. Brodus Clay

Why does Brodus Clay have a new t-shirt?  It’s not like the dude is ever on TV.  Aside from right now.  Punk makes Clay look like a bona fide contender.  The fans are 100% behind Punk in this one.  Probably because they have no idea who Brodus Clay is.  They haven’t seen him in a while.  The WWE Universe are a bunch of morons who need to be reminded of things 10 seconds after they happen or they’ll forget, you know.  At least that’s how WWE treats us.  Punk hits the Macho Man elbow, then taps Clay with the Anaconda Vise for the victory.

Punk gets on the mic, and says he’s here to do what he does every Monday night.  A little bit later, The Rock will come out here to do whatever it is he does.  Punk says that some people may find one or the other more entertaining (I’d venture to say that leans heavily in Punk’s favor.  It’s 100% on BWF Radio, every Sunday at 2PM Eastern), and people are entitled to their opinions, but not their own facts.  It’s nobody’s opinion that Punk made a 400 pound monster tap out, it’s a fact.  The WWE Title belongs to Punk for 421 days, fact.  The Rock will come out and sing and dance and entertain, maybe.   No matter who’s opinion, The Rock will NOT leave Royal Rumble as WWE Champion, because Punk is the best in the world.  That’s not just his opinion, that’s a fact.

The Rock concert, still to come tonight, as well as John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler in a steel cage.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNSCShEesg4[/youtube]

I still can’t think of anything.

RAW 20th Anniversary:  Best vehicular moments.  They include the beer truck, Kane stealing an ambulance with Lita in it, Vince’s limo mishaps, Alberto hitting Santa, the cement in the Corvette, Edge mocking Ric Flair’s road rage, Eric Bischoff in the garbage truck, Sheamus stealing Del Rio’s car, Cryme Tyme and Cena destroying JBL’s limo, the Zamboni, Austin’s monster truck, Kofi destroying Orton’s NASCAR (in Buffalo, I might add), and it ends with McMahon’s limo blowing up.

Backstage, Foley is on the phone, telling his kids he wasn’t scared of the Shield, when Dwyane shows up.  Foley asks for a handshake.  Rock asks Foley if he thought he came all the way over here to shake his hand – then hugs him.  He congratulates Mick on the Hall of Fame.  Mick keeps stealing the “finally” line.  Rock obliges with “Finally, The Rock”  “And Sock!”  “Has come back to Houston!”  Vickie Guerrero scolds them for talking too loud.  This is her show.  She asks The Rock if he has anything to say.  He says he’s got nothing to say to her.  Foley says he thought Rock was going to lay the verbal smackdown on her.  Dwayne says to trust him.

Limes and lobster heads abound as Sheamus makes his way to the ring for an over the top rope challenge, as Michael Cole informs us that Saturday Morning Slam is moving to 10:30 AM on Saturdays.

FELLA!  (Credit to whoever I stole this from.)

3MB are in the ring when we come back.  This shouldn’t last long.

Sheamus vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Heath Slater vs. Jinder Mahal:  Over The Top Rope Challenge

3MB work as a team trying to eliminate Sheamus first.  They have trouble doing so.  They wind up beating down the former World Heavyweight Champion.  Sheamus winds up eliminating Jinder, then Drew, and he has Slater all to himself.  He misses the Brogue Kick, but lands on the apron.  Mahal and McIntyre wind up pulling Sheamus out to the floor, allowing Heath Slater to pick up the victory!  SLATER WINS!  SLATER WINS!!  SLATER WINS!!!

Sheamus attacks 3MB after the match, Brogue Kicking Slater off of McIntyre’s shoulders, and giving McIntyre a Brogue Kick of his own.

Josh Mathews asks John Cena about Big E. Langston.  Cena says we should talk about the history of Monday Night RAW.  In fact, here’s what he said:

“Recent history?  Tonight is the 20th anniversary of Monday Night RAW!  We should be talking about Austin, Rock, Kane, Taker, Game, Meat, HBK, Y2J, DOA, Hogan, Hall, Nash, Los Guerreros, Los Conquistadors, Batista, The Basham Brothers, Braden Walker..  wait, wait, wait.  Braden Walker was never on RAW.  Hell of a highlight though.  Recent history?  Forget about it.  You wanna waste time talking about my recent history, this is what’s happened.  I ate Fruity Pebbles, became invisible, became visible, got liked, got hated, posted, Touted, Tweeted, tooted, took a bowel movement the size of Papa Shango, who cares?!?”

I thought it was funny.  Screw you if you didn’t.  Also, screw you if you’re cheering for The Miz coming to the stage in a suit.  He’s got a special guest on MizTV.  It’s a Hall of Famer, and it’s going to be awesome.  He asks if we want a hint.  Here’s a hint.  Wooooooooo!

Albert Clifford Slater looks good for his age. Oh, sorry, wrong Slater.

Earlier, Ryback ran off the Shield.  I figure you probably forgot.  So I reminded you.

Miz has been boring the live audience for 10 minutes now, and now it’s time for him to bore the piss out of the television audience.  Maybe senile Ric Flair can save this segment.  Here he comes now!  Flair shows off his Hall of Fame rings, as if to say “I didn’t have to pawn these for alimony yet.”  Miz puts over all the stuff Flair has done on RAW, and asks him what his favorite moment in the 20 years of RAW is.  He says it was the night after WrestleMania 24 when he retired.  Other than the birth of his children, that was the biggest night of his life.  He wants to talk about the future.  He was talking to somebody nobody’s heard of about Ryback and the Shield.  Then he shows off his Rolex from Shawn Michaels.  Miz gets in his face, then asks him to strut around the ring again.  Even senile Ric Flair can’t save MizTV.  Miz throws to a clip package.  It’s the catch phrase package from RAW 1000 with a couple of extra things thrown in. Miz says there was one catch phrase missing.  Only one person can say it perfectly, and he drives in a…  Flair answers “A car?”  Miz says he flies in a…  “He’s a Super Hero?”  He takes this away from the ladies…  “This show is PG, I’m not gonna get myself in trouble.”  Flair then obliges The Miz, and says this is for The Rock.  “Limousine ridin’, jet flyin’, wheelin’ dealin’, kiss stealin’…”  He’s cut off by the music of Antonio Cesaro, the WWE United States Champion.  He says he doesn’t need a catch phrase.  He had to come out and see what a great country America truly is, because Miz and Ric Flair embody America.  A failed reality TV star, who’s more focused on fame than greatness, hosting a talk show where his guest is a 16 time World Champion who made 10 million dollars and spent 30 million dollars trying to maintain the illusion of past greatness.  Just like America, no matter how great Flair was, he has nothing to show for it right now, except maybe a bar tab he can’t pay.  And the only thing four fingers stand for these days is Flair’s four ex wives.  Miz says he’s paying Flair’s bar tab tonight, but he’ll give Cesaro the receipt right now.  Cesaro says he’ll take the opportunity to be the bigger man and walk away.  Flair chops the US Champ, and Irish whips him into a Skull Crushing Finale.  Flair lets Miz lock in the Figure Four.  Flair drops an elbow on his blazer.

If the last paragraph was TL:DR, this is all you need to know.

January 19, 1998:  Mike Tyson and Steve Austin clash.

Daniel Bryan makes his way to the ring, with Kane.  So I guess we’re getting the obligatory Bryan/Cody Rhodes match.  Yup.  Cody’s grooming his mustache before we get started.

Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes

It’s the essence of mustachioed excellence vs. The Dazzler.  Only on Monday Night RAW!  Yes lock, victory for Daniel Bryan.

Earlier, Eve lost her title to Kaitlyn, and she talked to Matt Striker.  She says she’s the victim.  The crowd should be cheering for her.  She says she quits.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsaTElBljOE[/youtube]

So long, Eve!  We want Paige!

Alberto Del Rio’s Championship Fiesta on Friday.  Enjoy Big Show dressed as a mariachi band member, G!

AJ says her favorite element of the past 20 years of RAW is romance.  She throws it to a clip of Kane breaking up Edge and Lita’s wedding.  Then she throws to a clip of Stephanie getting Pedigreed by Triple H when they were renewing their vows.  Big E interrupts her and says this wedding moment almost made him shed a tear – AJ leaving Daniel Bryan at the altar.  She says it was the best moment of her life, and John Cena took it away from her.  Ziggler comes in to comfort her.  He says Cena will feel the same pain AJ has felt.  Tonight, inside a steel cage, he’ll prove to the world that he’s just too damn good.  When he wins, it’s gonna be the greatest show stealing performance in the history of Monday Night RAW.  Show.  Off.

JIM ROSS!   JR IS HERE!!!  BOOMER SOONER!  I see him every week on NXT, but it’s still a treat to see him on RAW.  He’ll be calling the cage match with King and JBL.

I wonder if this is one of Ziggler’s favorite RAW moments.

We get our entrances for the cage match when we come back.  Cena bites a rhyme from Mike D of the Beastie Boys on his way to the ring.

John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler:  Steel Cage Match

Ziggler looks for the early escape victory, Cena denies it.  They had a solid match last week, I hope this one can live up to that.  I’ll give credit where it’s due, when Cena’s got a good opponent to work with, a la Punk or Ziggler, he has great matches.  Hell, I don’t think anybody would deny that the match of the year a few years back was Cena/HBK on RAW.  Ziggler and Cena battle on the top of the cage, Cena nearly gets knocked down, but manages to keep Ziggler from escaping.  Five moves of doom and whatnot.  Ziggler escapes the AA by trying to climb the cage.  Ziggler hits the superkick for a two count.  He tries to escape through the door, but Cena catches him.  Big E and Cena play tug of war with Ziggler, with Cena trying to pull him in, and Langston trying to pull him out.  Cena won and went for the STF, but it was countered into the sleeper.  Cena climbs the turnbuckles with Ziggler on his back with the sleeper locked in.  Cena collapsed to the canvas and Ziggler crashes with him.  Big E slams the cage door on Cena’s head, but Cena kicks out at 2 when Dolph covers him.  Langston chases a nearly victorious Cena back into the cage with a steel chair.  AJ flips out when Ziggler can’t pin Cena after a second rope DDT, and climbs into the cage.  Big E tries to attack Cena with the MITB briefcase.  Ziggler misses with it as well, and Cena hits the AA for the victory.

Biggie > Big E

Oh boy, Dwayne is here.  And there’s 15 minutes left in the show.  Great.  He says it’s an honor to close out tonight’s show.  Rock remembers his first time on RAW, looking like the biggest badass the world has ever seen.  They show the picture.  “Sweet moonwalkin’ baby Moses, what was I thinkin’?”  He says that picture proves that if you put your mind to it, you can overcome anything.  Rock’s first song is in the tune of “Heartbreak Hotel.”  He’s singing for somebody who really deserves it.

Well, The Rock knows all the Divas
But one thinks she’s the best
The one who wears an ugly suit
and has big floppy breasts.
His name is Paul Heyman
His name is Paul Heyman,
He’s so ugly, make you cry.
Well you’re runnin’ down the people
Rock knows your secret fears
Your fat covers up your little penis
Which you haven’t seen in years.
He hasn’t seen it
He hasn’t seen it
He hasn’t seen it in years.

Ugh.  Now he’s got the guitar.  And the idiots in Houston are chanting his name.  Rock name drops Dusty Hill from ZZ Top, who is in the audience.  He says his favorite curve on a woman is her smile.  There’s a special woman that Rock wants to sing a special song to tonight.  No, not Cookiepuss.  He asks Vickie Guerrero to come out.  She obliges.  It’s an Eric Clapton song.

Late in the evening, she’s wondering what clothes to wear
She puts on her makeup, she brushes her short black hair
And then she’ll ask me, “Do I look alright”
And I said “no, biotch, you look horrible tonight.”
Abuse all your power, waste everybody’s time
You dress like a hooker, not the expensive kind
Take your ass to the airport, take a one way flight
Because biotch, you look horrible tonight.
I said biotch, you look horrible tonight.

Alright.  I laughed.  I still wouldn’t be chanting for him like those idiots in Houston.  Dwayne says he wants to call somebody out.  He wants to call out the WWE Champion, CM Punk.  Rock wants to tell him something man to man.  Punk comes out, Heyman in tow.  Rock says for 421 days, no one has been able to stop Punk.  Fact.  Paul Heyman has Twinkie tits.  Fact.  Last week on RAW, Punk said that facing Rock would be like boxing with God.  Punk ain’t God.  Fact.  In 13 days Dwayne will beat him for the WWE Title.  Punk hands the title to Heyman, whispers something in his ear, then runs to the ring, and then Punk and Rock start laying into each other.  Officials try to break them up, but they’re not doing a good job.  Finally the agents have to come out and separate them as the show fades to black.

—————————————

Well, The Rock concert didn’t suck as badly as the one he did a year ago.  I highly doubt Punk is going to come out and rap next week.  Cena had no reason to win the cage match, but it’s Cena, so whatever.  The rest of the show was pretty “meh.”  I thought it would’ve been better given that it’s the 20th anniversary of the show.  No Austin, again, just like RAW 1000.  New Divas Champion, so that’s cool.  Orton losing clean to Barrett was another plus.  Oh well, it’s over.  Still looking forward to the Rumble.  Goodnight folks.

The post WWE RAW 20th Anniversary 1/14/13 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Let’s see if the WWE can suspend my disbelief.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Inbred Jimbo’s Chicken Hut and Wrasslin’ parlour’s voice over guy tells us that some guy named Doug “The Rake” Jackson is appearing tonight. The Broken T comes out and says anything RAW can do, we can do again on Smackdown. On RASH, we got Ziggler vs. Cena, so we will get Cesaro vs. Randall Keith Orton.

“Lock and load time, boys,” states Jorge.

“Got the Petrol Truck, J.T.?” asks Joe.

J.T. is seen in the audience holding up a sign that says, “Yep. Set, and armed.”

– Big Show saunters down to the ring as Team Alpha gets prepared, angry that Broken T has booked him in a title match against ADR. TAKE A FUCKING GUESS WHAT WILL HAPPEN. Show is convinced it’s a conspiracy, and because of the high percentage of Latino population in Miami, they will get behind ADR. Show goes off into racist mode claiming T cannot give “people like this a Latino hero. THERE ARE NO LATINO HEROES. THERE ARE NO IRISH HEROES.” Umm… Big Show is now BWF’s Geography Champion! Show demands T changes his mind and man handles the GM. Del Rio runs out, drops a kick, casts a wizard via kick, and knocks him outside the ring. Big Show screams that he will destroy ADR later…

Not to be confused with Scotty Goldman, @Wealthy Indian spends £14,000 on a shirt made of GOLD to impress the ladies.
Money-lender Datta Phuge 32, from Pimpri-Chinchwad, commissioned the shirt which took a team of 15 goldsmiths two weeks to make working 16 hours a day creating and weaving the gold threads. […] “I know I am not the best looking man in the world but surely no woman could fail to be dazzled by this shirt? The gold shirt has been one of my dreams. It will be an embellishment to my reputation as the ‘Gold man of Pimpri”‘
Daniel Bryan’s initial reaction was one of anger, as he stormed off mumbling something about, “Datta bastard stole my New Year’s resolution!” King Midas, when reached for comment, responded, “Meh. Have you seen MY wardrobe?”
Shout out to Alice of Rational Wrestling Review. This part of this week’s review wouldn’t have happened without her. Think about sending her money…. then send it to me first. That would be cool. I think I need a new PVR.

– I guess we are getting Rock history clips tonight, as we are shown Shawn Stasiak demanding his title shot from Sept 13, 2001. Yeah, everyone remembers THAT. I mean, it’s not like anything else happened that week, right?

– * Non-Title Match: Antonio Cesaro {C} vs. Randy Orton. Orton makes his way out first… and Joe and Jorge immediately flank the ring. “NOW!!!” they scream in unison. From the corner of the hard-camera side, I see J.T. push a button and out of no where A PETROL GAS TRUCK FALLS FROM THE RAFTERS AND APPEARS TO CRUSH RANDALL KEITH ORTON!!! Team Alpha celebrate as the impact causes a massive firework, but THE VIPER EMERGES UNSCATHED!!! Team Alpha gets the hell out of the arena as fast as they can (except J.T. who calmly walks back to his seat while whistling a Johnny Cash song).

– Meanwhile Cesaro and Orton are fighting among the debris in the ring, but it’s a short set up for a commercial break. We return as the orange cyborg eats a clothesline and JBL keeps calling Cesaro a throwback. Both men trade spots, and Cesaro is “allowed” to display a great variety of slams. Orton even eats a flying European uppercut (although the replay angle they chose makes it clear how much Cesaro misses the punch). Draping DDT on Antonio… BUT TEAM BETA MAKES THE SAVE! Stomp down and triple powerbomb as the match is called a non finish.

One hell of an off-ramp.

– Maffew Stroker interviews 3MB to talk about being in the Royal Rumble. Heath’s Mom told them they have a 10% chance to win the match. But now they have to take care of Sheamus and beat him like an Irish drum. Then they walk off playing air-drums and Jindar Mahal makes a cymbal “ting” sound off of Stroke’s head. Back to the commentator’s and Josh One-T Mathews asks JBL if he thinks the 3MB have a chance at winning the Rumble. Layfield deadpan stares at Josh for a couple seconds and says, “NO!” That’s a win in my books.

– Cut to the home of WrestleMania 28 Miami venue. Punk cuts a promo, and notes he is not going to come and ruin his home coming and that he is a huge fan of The Rock’s college days, and puts on a Johnson jersey… notes that Rock never played here, because he played in the Orange bowl… which was torn down. Paul Heyman chimes in stating “They laid the Smackdown on the Orange bowl.” Punk wants Rock to have a good homecoming…

Plus, you’ll get a jet-pack.

– * Dolph Ziggler and AJ Lee vs. The Medicore Khali and Natalya. J.T. is seen in the audience holding up a sign stating, “Dem Knees.” I begin to realize how not into watching Smackdown I am tonight. Matt Striker interviews ADR backstage about Show’s racism. ADR responds, “didn’t you read the spoilers, dick? I’m winning tonight you fucking idiot. It’s on our own website. What a dipshit this guy is, huh Ric-Rod?”

– We’re back and our match is underway. Khali pretends he is still mobile and kind of shambles around doing his chops on Ziggler. Christ, Khali can’t even lift his arms to gesture to Ziggler to get up. Dolph tags in AJ who LITERALLY SKIPS CIRCLES AROUND KHALI AS HE GOES TO TAG IN NATALYA!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! Natalya gets in and exposes AJ’s secret “Michelle Tyson” abilities, as JBL puts it, and AJ bites Natties ear. Josh Mathews makes a Twilight reference. Biggie Smalls enters, beats down the Khali zombie. Hornswoggle magically appears, so Biggie Tupac’s him.

Well played!

– More Punk segments… Punk notes that Rock might think he can come back to save the people, who can rot in hell. You should probably just go watch these or read someone’s review who transcribed the whole thing. It’s really good.

– 1999 Rock and Sock connection clips…

– If you smell… hit. Well, that was early. He’s here to address CM Punk from earlier this week and today. “Finally, the Rock has come back?” Check. Eyebrow? Check. Rock’s Florida rap guy thing-a-mabob who helped ruin parts of WrestleMania last year is in the audience. Great. Rock is saddened that CM Punk didn’t show up tonight. Rock is still trying to get the “Cookie-Puss” catchphrase over. Rock wants to have fun tonight… but oh my, he is interrupted by Team Rhodes Scholars!

@Charles Barkley @G: “Your PVR is broken? That’s turrible, unlike me… I’m Great!”

@G @Charles Barkley: “Wifey tastes like corn flakes? Thanks, Barks you egomaniac!”

– “Allow me to beg your indulgence for one moment. My name is Damien Sandow, and I am the savior of the unwashed masses…” and you get where this is going. They are here to correct the Rock, noting that Rock is not going to become champion, but they are. Tag champs that is. And they invite him to get out of the ring. Rock then sets up the “What” chants… calls Rhode’s mustache a Caterpillar on the lip. “Sweet tapping Jesus, what is on your face?” Sandow invites a wager with Rock. He wants to find his apprentice, and wants to see if he can answer three questions. Rock accepts… Question number one: “Who was the 19th president of the U.S.?” “Rutherford B. Hayes… bitch,” replied the Rock. Rock then implies our savior looks like the product of an Abe Lincoln/Gremlin love child. Cody asks, “What film won the Academy Award for Best Picture in 1993?” Rock replies, “Shindler’s List.” Rock then accuses Cody of being a rapist. Rock changes the rules and requests to ask the third question… “What happens when you combine a geographical aggregate of minerals with it’s lowest form?” Sand replies, “That would be, you’d get, Rock Bottom.” “Exactly,” responds The Rock. Sandow takes one, Rhodes looks concerned… eats one too. Meh, whatever. I enjoyed that. I know people have been shitting on Rock from Monday, and that’s fine. This is what ALWAYS happens when he comes back, Hamburglar.

Oh man, now I want Lego to endorse a Castlevania Lego game.

– * Handicap Match: Sheamus vs. 3MB (Mahal, McIntyre and Slater). Man, I don’t like this at all. JBL calls this unfair and that 3MB needs a couple of more people out there. Sheamus runs at them immediately and they all run out?!? The Fuck?!?! Heath runs in and is murdered by Unmixed Strawberry Yogurt’s Brogue Kick. Pin, win. Thirty seconds, maybe.

I’m sure he’s ok.

– * Non-Title Match: Team Hell No vs. The Prime Time Players. This story line is paint-by-the-numbers. PTP’s isolate the Goat, hot tag to Kane. Kane kills players. Double chokeslam attempt thwarted, but a Flying Bryan double-knees them to the face. Chokeslam on Young, pin/win. Team Hell No win. Like 2 minutes. Doctor Shelby on Monday and shit.

It’s times like this I’m glad I’m lactose intolerant.

– * World Title Last Man Standing Match: The Big Show {C} vs. Alberto Del Rio. I could give a fuck about this match since the WWE ruined it for me. I’m not going to accept the argument that the dirt sheets would have spoiled it. I make an effort to only visit sites that DO NOT RUIN THAT FOR ME. It can be done if you have half-a-brain. Fuck the WWE. Joey Styles can visit the Iron Sheik’s Twitter. You already know who won. Ric-Rod does a fantastic job announcing Del Rio, but you already knew that. J.T. is seen in the audience asleep… almost nodding off, until he realizes he is on television and snaps up with a sign declaring, “TEAM ALPHA, IT’S GO TIME!”

Ha ha, Ryu. No. Wait, what? You’re misunderstood? No, you’re just a Ken clone. I’m on team Luigi here.

– Suddenly I feel an electric shock BUZZ THROUGH MY BODY!!! “STOP COMPLAINING, AND REVIEW THE DAMN SHOW!!” my angry weekly attacker tells my convulsing body on the floor. Jorge opens my glass balcony door and steps inside muttering something about me needing to vacuum my floors more often. “Stop,” I plead, “read what’s written inside the WordPress text field of my review…” I hear mumbling as the two use their fingers to follow along the words upon my monitor screen, and something about going to dictionary dot com a few times. “They did what?!?!” shouts Jorge angrily. Joe grabs a nearby Jiffy Marker noting to Jorge, “I guess this worked last week…” He writes on my television, “What next J.T.?” A couple seconds pass… nothing… “G!” Joe yells at my near-paralyzed body on the floor (I secretly agree I need to vacuum more), “Your communication method with J.T. is not working!” “My PVR is broken,” I retort, “The time space continuum must be unavailable at this time,” I wheeze. Joe and Jorge huddle for a moment. J.T. is seen in the audience holding up a sign, “To Titan Towers, troops!” and he literally runs out of the arena on top of people in attendance. My attackers leave as swiftly as they came.

– Meanwhile, the match is pretty fun. Very hard hitting. Lots of brutal spots with chairs, and props. ADR really works hard to take down the angry giant. After attacking the show with the steel steps, Del Rio tips over the announce table, televisions and all, to bury and defeat the Big Show.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

———————————————————-

Survivor Naut G Returned to Wonderpod!

———————————————————–

wonderpodonline.com, The Survivor Naut G series is complete.

———————————————————-

LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

A go to place for professional wrestling, boxing, MMA, and other combat sports news, rumors, podcasts and so forth. Always a nice place to get your fix, or simply learn more about the performers and athletes themselves. They are one of our go to resources for news and information for BWF Radio, and we wouldn’t have it any other way to share our content with them. Great site!

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 1/11/13: WWE Once Again Spoils Their Own Show appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch 30 minutes of the show, leave for work, and then watch the entire 3 hour show in it’s entirety at work.  You’re welcome.  That’s how ThinkSoJoE’s RAW reviews work.

RAW kicks off with the WWE Holiday Card video that’s been floating around the interwebs for the past couple of weeks.  I highly enjoy it, so I don’t mind seeing it over and over again.  Even though Punk literally gets buried in the end.  The Champion can’t even get some respect in the holiday card.

RAW proper kicks off with Santa Claus handing out gifts to all the good little boys and girls of Pittsburgh while Michael Cole flubs the lyrics of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.”  Alberto Del Rio’s music hits, and… he hits Santa with his car!  Del Rio looks concerned and Ricardo Rodriguez looks like he’s going to cry as the paramedics take Santa off on a stretcher.  To be fair, Del Rio did blow the horn.  Santa should’ve got the fuck out of the way.  They show a replay with hilarious cartoon sound effects added in.  That’s not a joke.  Santa gives the thumbs up on his way out.

OH MY GOD! DEL RIO KILLED SANTA! YOU BASTARD!

When we come back, the area where Del Rio hit Santa with his car is taped off with police tape, because, you see, it’s now a crime scene.  Backstage, Booker T comes out of the trainer’s room and tells everybody it doesn’t look good for Santa, but that before he lost consciousness, he booked Alberto Del Rio in a Miracle on 34th Street Fight against John Cena.  I don’t need to write jokes tonight.  This show is doing it for me.  Santa booked Del Rio in a match, because Del Rio hit him with his car.  I’m serious.

Last month, Cody Rhodes damn near killed himself in a tag match that also involved Kane.  As such, Cody is wrestling Kane.  Jerry Lawler doesn’t make the obligatory Christmas Creature reference as Kane comes to the ring.

Cody Rhodes vs. Kane

Lawler makes fun of Cody’s mustache, Cody works over Kane’s arm.  Lawler finally makes the Christmas Creature reference I was waiting for.  Cody exposes the turnbuckles, but ends up taking the exposed steel sternum first, and gets chokeslammed.  Kane picks up the victory.

Up next.  Santa’s Helper 8-Diva Tag Team Match.  Because WWE knows that if there’s one thing I love more than multi-person clusterfucks, it’s Divas matches featuring BWF Award winning worst wrestler of the year Aksana.

This is the only Santa’s Littler Helper I like.

Alright, let’s see if I can keep up with this crap.  Layla, Alicia Fox, Natalya, and Kaitlyn.  That’s one team.  Eve, Rosa, BWF Radio’s Worst Wrestler of the Year Aksana, and Tamina Snuka.  That’s the other team.

Layla, Alicia Fox, Natalya, and Kaitlyn vs. Eve, Rosa Mendes, Aksana, and Tamina Snuka

New rule.  We’re not required to review anything that involves Aksana for the next year if we don’t want to.  And I don’t want to.  FFW!  All hell breaks loose (you don’t say), and Kaitlyn pins Eve.  Jorge tries to get in the ring while Eve is still unconscious, but her teammates save her.  Obligatory BWF Radio co-host reference number one out of the way.

Still to come, a “Lumber-Jack Frost Match.”  Seriously.  It’s Sheamoose vs. The Big Show.  But first, an update on Santa Claus.  I can’t make this stuff up.

Well… it could be worse.

Backstage, a roaring fire is lit, and Dolph Ziggler and AJ are sitting by it watching AJ’s favorite Christmas movie – John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler at TLC.  Her favorite part is where she dumps Cena off the ladder.

Back in the arena, we’re shown for the fourth time tonight the footage of Santa Claus being run over by Alberto Del Rio.  With horrible cartoon sound effects added.  Michael Cole says that representatives from the North Pole have been called and informed of the situation.  I seriously can’t make this stuff up.  We go backstage for an update from Matt Striker.  He says there is no official word yet.

A ton of Superstars spill out from the back.  I see the Usos, 3MB, Prime Time Players, Brodus Clay, Kidd and Gabriel, Tensai, and Santino.  Could be more, I don’t know.

Big Show is out first for this Lumber Jack Frost Match.  I saw him in Jingle All The Way earlier in the night.  Sheamus comes out, and we’ve got ourselves a ridiculous Christmas-themed lumberjack match.

Big Show vs. Sheamus – Lumber Jack Frost Match

Thinking about it, if TV and movies have taught me anything, it’s that if you hurt or kill Santa, it’s your responsibility to deliver toys on Christmas Eve.  I expect Del Rio to come down the chimney with better tickets for WrestleMania any time now.  Anyway, I digress.  Kids are taught to count, as Santa G would say.  Show avoids the Brogue Kick by rolling out of the ring, but the lumberjackfrosts refuse to do anything to a guy who could theoretically eat them for lunch.  They do try to throw Sheamus back in later, but he fought them off.  Big Show sings “Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer” as he locks an armbar on Sheamus.  Everything goes all crazy outside the ring, while Big Show continues to dominate.  Sheamus hits an electric chair drop on Show.  They start slugging it out in the middle of the ring.  Sheamus grabs the upper hand, but runs into a chokeslam, which only gets Show a two count.  Everything breaks down again on the outside, with everybody getting involved.  I think I even see G and JT out there.  Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick and picks up the victory.  Then the Lumber Jack Frosts start brawling in the ring.  The faces, of course, stand tall, because that’s what they’re supposed to do.

“It’s Christmas time in Hollis, Queens.  Mom’s cooking chicken and collard greens.  Rice and stuffing, macaroni and cheese.  And tacos, and nachos…”
“Shut up, Beavis.”

 David Otunga is in the ring.  He’d like to comment on the Del Rio/Santa situation.  People are quick to pass judgment, but they don’t know all of the facts.  He says Del Rio is the victim.  He was fulfilling contractual obligations as a WWE Superstar, whereas Santa is guilty of trespassing, vehicular vandalism, etc.  Zack Ryder decides that since he’s got a problem with the guy that says Ho Ho Ho, Otunga should face the guy who says Woo Woo Woo.

David Otunga vs. Zack Ryder

JT is seen with a sign that reads “NOBODY WATCHES Z TRUE LONG ISLAND STORY ANYMORE!”  The sign is right.  Obligatory BWF Radio co-host reference number two out of the way.  Lawler makes lawyer jokes, and Otunga dominates the Woo Woo Woo kid.  Ryder turns it around and hits the Broski Boot for a two count, then misses the Rough Ryder.  Then hits it.  Then wins.  Oh Radio, tell me everything you know.  Which we do.  Every Sunday at 2PM.

Backstage, Booker T and the ghost of SmackDown GMs past are jovial over the fact that Otunga lost.  Brad Maddox walks in.  Booker wanted to see him.  Booker denies him a contract.  But in the spirit of Christmas, he’ll give Maddox one more opportunity.  Maddox says it’s great television.  Booker says he’ll have to beat one of Santa’s elves.  Booker insists it will be “great television.”

One of my personal favorites.  Granny rocks that guitar solo!

The Miz is on his way to the ring when we come back.  Coffee Kingstone is out next.  Apparently this is a tag team match, because Wade Barrett is in the ring.  With Antonio Cesaro.

The Miz & Kofi Kingston vs. Antonio Cesaro & Wade Barrett

There’s a big battle royal on Main Event this week, and the winner gets a shot at Cesaro’s US title.  Guess we know who’s gonna win that one now.  Because Miz TOTALLY deserves a title shot with the way he’s been performing since becoming a babyface.  Man, the sarcasm in this article is off the chart.  I’m tired.  I’m sure this is going to be a good match, but screw it, I’ll watch it tomorrow.  FFW!  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, he’s stopped by Cesaro, hits a DDT on Cesaro, Barrett gets caught with Trouble in Paradise, followed by a successful Skull Crushing Finale, and the Miz pins Wade Barrett.

This one’s for you, G – Oi! Oi! Oi!

AJ leads Ziggler to their Christmas tree.  His Money In The Bank briefcase is under it.  She says it was the last one left, and John Cena was going for it, but she beat him to it.  By pushing him off of a ladder.  He tries to kiss her but she stops him, because she has one more present for him.  She’s wearing his t-shirt, which he says is the sexiest thing he’s ever seen.

We get another replay of how Santa got run over by Del Rio.  Walking back to backstage Christmas Eve.  You can say there’s no such thing as Alberto Del Rio.  But as for me and Santa, we believe.  Ok, that was just as lame as the jokes King and Cole have been making all night.  Anyways, Matt Striker with an update.  He says there’s not a lot to report.  The car did some damage.  That’s all he knows.

Brad Maddox sings Santa Claus is Comin’ To Town as he walks to the ring.  But he replaces Santa’s name with his own.  You knew that was coming.  Just like I did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t039p6xqutU

Appropriate, since the world ended three days ago.

Brad Maddox is awaiting his opponent, Santa’s Elf.  Played by Hornswoggle.  The Mediocre Khali follows him out.  You knew that was coming.  Just like I did.

Brad Maddox vs. The Great Khali

I have about an hour left of this.  Great.  FFW to the predictable ending of Khali hitting the Tree Slam for the victory.  And the obligatory idiotic dance with Hornswoggle.  Then some idiot gives Khali a mic.  And he tries to sing.  Great.

The reigning, defending WWE Champion, CM Punk, is walking backstage with Paul Heyman.  They’re next!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y5GtaTrPHM

I’m sure this is probably one of the WWE Champion’s favorite Christmas songs

For the 400th consecutive day, the WWE Champion is here!  #KNEES2FACES!  He’ll defend against Ryback on January 7th.  He mocks the Great Khali, saying he must have been from Pittsburgh, because Punk couldn’t understand a word he said.  The fans chant “Here we go, Steelers, here we go.”  Because this was taped BEFORE the Steelers blew their chance at the playoffs this weekend.  Punk says he won’t even root for the Cubs (yes he will), and they’re going to cheer for the Steelers?  Christmas has been ruined, and it’s not his fault.  He’s not talking about Santa getting hit by a car either.  Punk is clearly injured to the point where he’s unfit to compete tonight.  Because of Ryback.  Ryback is why Christmas is ruined, and now Punk can’t even walk without crutches.  Ryback has also ruined Hanukkah.  Does he get fired?  Suspended?  Fined an obscene amount?  Nope.  His punishment for hurting the Champion is nothing.  He gets rewarded with this phantom title shot.  Punk says maybe if it was proven he had something to do with Brad Maddox or the Shield, it would be fair, but there’s no proof because it’s not true.  Punk is in a bad mood because he’s injured through the holiday, whereas the fans are drunkenly looking for other drunken idiots to kiss on New Year’s Eve.  Heyman says we need to get one thing perfectly clear.  You don’t boo the Champion.  He’s been the Champion for 400 consecutive days, and for every one of those, CM Punk has been the victim of a documented conspiracy in WWE to take the title away from him.  Don’t believe Paul?  Take the Ryback situation.  He’s received two opportunities to wrestle the title away from CM Punk, and on both occasions, he’s failed.  Punk says he’s better than Ryback no matter how many appendages he has, because he is the best in the world.  Ryback marches to the ring to test that theory, apparently.  Heyman says that Punk is not medically cleared, and if he lays one finger on Punk they will sue for assault.  Ryback doesn’t need to lay a finger on Punk, because he already got his Christmas present.  In two weeks, it’s Punk and Ryback for the WWE Championship – in a TLC Match!

BWF’s Wrestler of the Year, Daniel Bryan, is in the house!  He is the Tag Team Champions!  His opponent is BWF’s Best New Character of the Year, Damien Sandow!  You’re welcome!

Daniel Bryan vs. Damien Sandow

Bryan yells “NO!”  Sandow yells “SILENCE!”  Then the match picks up with Bryan on the offensive early.  I stop typing because this is going to be an early MOTY candidate, I’d assume.  Cubito Aequet makes an appearance in this match.  You’re welcome.  Bryan reverses a Terminus into the No Lock, and Sandow taps.

Up next, it’s a 12 Days of Christmas 12 Man Tag Match.  Featuring the Lumber Jack Frosts from earlier.  Ugh.

‘leven wrasslin’ tickets.  Who’s up for a WCW event?

12 Days of Christmas 12 Man Tag Match

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK this shit.   FFW!  Jey Uso pins Heath Slater.  Because Slaters Gonna Slate.  Ugh.

Did you really think you were going to escape without seeing Adam Sandler’s egg shaped cranium?

Backstage, Daniel Bryan is excited about Christmas.  Kane hates Christmas, but since it means a lot to Daniel, he got him a present.  Bryan opens it – it’s a Slammy Award!  He asks Kane how he did it, then says he got Kane something too.  A puppy.  Kane says “Thanks!  I’m starving!”  Bryan yells “NO!  NO!  NO!  Animals are our friend, not food!”

Elsewhere, AJ reads her version of ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas to Dolph Ziggler.  Then they kiss under the mistletoe.  And knock their tree over.

We see – AGAIN – Santa getting hit by Del Rio’s car.  Matt Striker is standing by.  Medical staff has informed him that Santa has taken a turn for the worse.  His EKG stops beeping normally and starts playing Jingle Bells.  I cannot make this stuff up.  John Cena is here, which means there’s not much longer left in this show.  Hooray!

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2puuoe

Watch the WHOLE FREAKIN’ SHORT FILM!  Because I love the Grinch, and I love my readers!

Ricardo Rodriguez is beside himself as he introduces Alberto Del Rio.  I’d follow the rule I made last week about Del Rio’s introduction, but I couldn’t make it short enough.  That’s how upset Ric-Rod is.

John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio – Miracle on 34th Street Fight

Santa is fighting for the honor of Santa Claus.  Again, I cannot make this shit up.  I’m sure it won’t be as bad as that Christmas hardcore match TNA did a few years back.  Del Rio beats down Cena, then grabs the microphone and says it was an accident.  He wasn’t trying to hurt Santa.  Unlike Cena, who he hits with the microphone a couple of times.  Cena reverses it a third time and hits Del Rio with the microphone instead.  Cena opens a present, which is a steel chair.  Which he promptly uses on Del Rio.  Ricardo Rodriguez pulls the ref out of the ring to prevent Cena from getting the pin.  Del Rio takes advantage of the distraction.  Ric-Rod gives Del Rio a present, which is a pie.  Del Rio tries to pie Cena, but gets Ricardo instead.  They fight up to the stage, and Cena opens another Christmas present.  It’s one of the monitors they use at the announce table, which Cena uses.  After a commercial break, Alberto is in control.  Rodriguez hands him another present.  Del Rio opens it, and it’s…  a bazooka?  Nope.  It’s a teddy bear. Which Del Rio throws at Cena.  I literally laugh out loud.  Cena tosses Del Rio into some of the presents strewn around the stage, and wraps Ricardo up with a wreath.  Cena opens another present, but the fans urge him to use the tree.  Seriously.  And then he hits Del Rio with the tree.  Cena opens another present.  It’s a bowling ball.  He rolls it down the ramp, and straight into Alberto’s bowling pins.  Al Snow wants his gimmick back.  Another present – this time it’s a fire extinguisher.  He sprays Del Rio with it.  Ricardo jumps on Cena’s back with a variation of the sleeper.  Christmas music hits, and Santa makes his way to the ring!  It’s a Christmas Miracle!  Ricardo runs over to give him a hug, but gets hit with Santa’s sack.  He puts on Mr. Stocking, and puts the Mandible Claw on Alberto Del Rio.  Cena hits the AA, and picks up the win!

That was highly entertaining, as it should be for a Christmas episode.  Turns out Santa was Mick Foley all along.  Merry Christmas to All, and to All, a Good Night.

———————————-

I enjoyed it.  There was a lot of crap on this show, but fast forwarding through a lot of it was helpful.   Hope you guys enjoyed this review, I’ll see you next week!  Merry Christmas everybody, from all of us here at BoredWrestlingFan.com!

The post WWE RAW is Christmas Eve 12/24/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Read between the lines.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– TNA Voice-over guy promises some more of Nick Fury and the Shield on the show, The Ginger Bread Man will roll up a fattie using Zig Zags, and some angry tall fat guy will clench his teeth real-angry-like.

– When you drop a bunch of apples in precooked bread you get, “APPLE-DOUGH!” John Cena is here (shout out to TheWrestlingFan.com which I stole that baked fruity reference from, but we’re Bored, not “The”). Cena begins awkwardly kissing all the fans on the way to the ring and is arrested for being a pedophile. End show.

Nom, nom, nom…

– Cena calls Ziggler’s greatest accomplishment being the World Champion (for two minutes) and a bunch of other crap. Intonation rises, intonation falls. Up and down, it’s like a roller coaster. The catch is that I rise above words and totally don’t care. Naturally Alberto Del Rio comes out with Ric-Rod (because they are fighting each other, and Ziggler has nothing to do with Cena’s match tonight… theoretically). Cena Sheamus-ly panders to the crowd universe. Max Moon is seen shaking his head at this, and that he was made an alumni on WWE.com this week even though Konnan has said recently he wants nothing to do with the WWE. What’s next? The WWE will induct Bruno Sammartino into the HOF without his consent? I mean… oh wait. They might do that. Fuck, I guess these two have a match.

– I don’t know what the rest of you space dwellers get for commercials on the intergalatic cable packages in your area, but during wrestling they keep showing this Samsung phone ad where LeJaBroni James kids put Heath Slater hair on their Dad and the slogan is “The Next Big Thing is here.” Then Mark Out Man loses his shit as Brock Lesnar tosses James into a shallow grave while Kobi Bryant holds up a handful of NBA rings behind him the entire time.

– * John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio. Cena is in control as we return from the break. But Del Rio heeltastically feigns a back injury and takes control. Alberto then uses the analogue control stick on his joystick to taunt Cena with the You Can’t Seen-ah Me gyration. Ziggler is seen watching a television backstage like all bipedal humans do… standing up. In our final segment (they get two) of this match, Cena looks to regain control but Alberto will not allow it time and time again. I’m all for this, since it really elevates Del Rio. Cena goes to the top rope in desperation but this serves for him to eat a fantastically executed parkour-esque Shining Wizard courtesy of ADR! Fucking sick! Then ADR stupidly jumps from the top into a lazy looking drop kick by Cena. An Attitude Adjustment is reversed into an armbar, and then immediately into a STFU but Del Rio gets his foot beneath the bottom rope. Near finishes ABOUND follow, EGAD! Epic culmination in this match that leads to a Tree of Woe reversal and Del Rio slamming his shoulder into a steel ring post and taking a top rope leg drop and Superman picks up the win. Jorge notes that at least Cena didn’t play Hogan’s “No Move Power” card from the RAW Deal game. Ziggler takes out Cena post match with the steel briefcase (with Alex Riley still inside).

I got bored on Monday. I hear this game is awesome. Here’s how to make it suck my balls.

– Team Friendship is seen staring at each other angrily as the Neon Mute tells them blah blah blah, guys, blah, happy times. Kane and Bryan put each other over in a funny way. and find agreement that their combined power will show the world how dangerous they can be. They actually agree, and Bryan begins the YES! chant as the two chime in unison walking off leaving the confused Coffee staring in confusion. David Otunga shows up and immediately stuffs the former Jamaican into his mug and drinks him. Coffee bounces like rubber within the digestive system of Otunga for a little while, until he is converted into urine. Kofi performs a high diving risk maneuver from Otunga’s urethra into a pool of water, then submerges through a myriad of tubes until he finds himself in a dark, stench filled hell occupied by alligators and rats (he fucks a bunch of the rats). Fortunately, Coffee is taken under the care of four mutated turtles with ninja prowess and learns the ancient arts of the orient.

– * David Otunga vs. The Mediocre Khali. The camera pans over to JT who’s holding a sign that says “I got a new remote this week so I can fast forward thru this match quicker now” Hornswoggle is here too and Otunga is not impressed. He does feel relieved, since he passed that kidney stone just prior the match he swears was as big as a rubber ball. Sadly, he still is squashed by The Mediocre Khali in record time via karate chop.

– We get some USO show clip shit.

US Trooper is clearly content with the talent that did?

– * Kane, Daniel Bryan & Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett & The Prime Time Players. Jorge and Joe are both see at ring side conflicted. Joe begins doing the Millions of Dollars Dance, while Jorge begins yelling YES! NO!. The heels, already in the ring, stare in disbelief at these two in the crowd wondering what to do. Immigrant migrant laborers, courtesy of Barrett Energy Bars Inc., escort the two metal heads to the back and out of the arena where backstage cameras show the two yelling obscenities and promises to return. Our match resumes in chaos and brawling as we go to our first commercial break.

God gave rock and roll to ME! Put him in the damn HOF with D’Angelo and Lanny. Koko B-Ware is in there. Get over it, McMahon.

– We return, and things have resumed to semi-normalcy in the ring. Darren Young is taking much of the face team’s attacks as Wade and Titus discuss expanding into the Wash Rag market. Titus dislikes Wade’s offer and interferes on Young’s behalf to even out the score. Daniel Bryan reverts to traditional heel-face team roles as the face-in-distress role. After many a beating, Darren snaps Bryan into a bridged-suplex pin attempt for a near fall, but nary a win is had by the youth. Titus is tagged in, failing miserably allowing for the hot tag (because the fire still burns). Kane treats Young like Katie Vick until Coffee Kingston remembers he is in this match. Everything goes to hell in a hand basket and Team Friendship co-operate and Darren Young is ultimately submitted with a No!-Lock. That was a fun match! The red lights illuminate the ring as Sin Cara runs out! JBL SCREAMS AT HIM, “ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?!?! THAT IS RED, NOT YELLOW AND BLUE!!! ARE YOU COLOR BLIND YOU IDIOT?!?!” Sin Cara looks down, and says, “yes,” and sheepishly walks away. One-T Mathews tells JBL if he feels bad about that comment. JBL stares daggers into Josh and says, “Nope.”

It’s all fun and games until someone loses a… holy shit, I was a murderer by age 6!

– Jorge and Joe are shown in a random shopping mall loading up on rappel gear and meaningless pouches and utility belts. Joe asks, “We’re just like The Shield now, right Jorge?” Jorge looks at Joe and mutters, “Nope.” They pass Xanta’s Village in the mall foyer, and Jorge tells Joe that they need to protect people from injustice. Joe nods and he pistol whips some random kid sitting on Santa’s lap who asked for a Laser-Tron pass. Joe mumbles as he walks away, “Hit’em hard early, that fucking punk had a glimmer of hate in his eye. Now back to invading the arena.”

– * Damien Sandow vs. Tyson Kidd. Uggh… I fear a squash here, and honestly, I don’t think even Sandow wants to see that happen (because secretly he knows how talented Kidd is and how difficult it is to make the main roster, but I digress). Sandow is now going to do a gimmick to select one member from the audience to be his apprentice. This gimmick could lead to a new wrestler joining the roster eventually. BUT NOT TODAY! Sandow picks some dude in a Yellow Punk shirt and quizzes him. How many wheels on a tricycle, How often does the US government hold elections, and What is the orbital velocity of Jupiter’s moon Europa. The mark gets the first two right, but drops the ball on the third and gets the retort, “You ignoramus, the answer is 13.74 kilometres per second. Congratulations! You have embarrassed yourself, you have embarrassed your family, and you have embarrassed the entire state of Louisiana. You’re…” The crowd boos for the Cheap Heat (Hiyah, Cassidy, how yah doing) BOOO!!!! “SILENCE!!!” continues Sandow, “You’re public display of ignorance is surpassed only by that ridiculous haircut, leave my ring… you are dismissed. Leave the ring, leave this arena, leave this town, leave this state, leave the United States of America…. WAIT!!! Wait!…. You’re welcome.” Fucking awesome! I’ve been saving you all space on the bandwagon since day one, but that privilege will be revoked soon enough. Hop now, or forever go to hell.

@Charles Barkley @G: “I still think I could take out Manny. Hell, I could eat him alive.”

@G @Charles Barkley: “Slow news week, huh, Barks?”

– Well, that took a whole segment. No criticisms from this here, G. Let’s try this again: * Damien Sandow vs. Tyson Kidd. Tyson Kidd has found his baby oil, which makes sense considering the gas and oil industry is the dinosaur life blood of the good province of Alberta… Canada. Joe mutters backstage (in cognito) about hauling around all this motor oil if Orton isn’t going to be on the show. Kidd does get some spots in, but sadly his job is to job, so he jobs. He get’s signed by the Phoenix Coyotes to play at Jobing arena, only to realize he is jobbing out an NHL lockout, which is mediated by US Federal officials who also job to the NHL Owners and The Bettman. That resolves nothing, so the zombie Steve Jobs rises from the grave and jobs out Apple-fan-boy/girl’s wallets by adding a new sticker to the next iPhone/Pad/Pod and they buy it. Jobs asks, “Who is the real zombie now?”

Admit it. When this happened you thought, “Oh fuck, here we go again. Which fan gets beat up this time?”

– Dolphry Dolph Zigg-Dolph is interviewed backstage by Matt Stalker backstage. Ziggler is pissed about being the best in the business today while being overlooked. He’s got a point here, and cuts a fucking great promo about no respect. The zombie Rodney Dangerfield rises from the grave and refuses to job to no one. Zombie George Carlin pats him on the back, and the two walking dead away talking about how awesome CM Punk was on the Talking Dead last Sunday. Community chick was kind of retarded. CM Punk set the all time guest high score in the trivia challenge.

They will all receive heavy metal albums too. This might make sense in a couple of seconds….

– * The 3MB vs. The Usos. The Uso’s Samoan Chant segment is not aired (or didn’t occur), but they are still referred to as the kin of Ol’ Ripple Ass Rikishi, so maybe we shouldn’t read into that too much. The 3MB’s get their full entrance, and JBL notes, “We get a karaoke band and a hair band.” I’m not sure which is which, but I’m FAR more interested in the 3MBs these days. The camera pans over to JT who is on his phone texting. He stops looks at the camera and then lifts up a sign say “I’m trying to remember my Skype password so I can use it on my phone.” The announcers begin talking about ZZ-Top and Justin Bieber… umm… ok. We get a fast paced match that is designed to put over our pseudo-rock band. While the injured McIntyre is at ringside, he still stage dives and gets involved to fuck up the twin-magic, hence stealing their Magic deck, replacing all of their cards with Jorge’s stack of RAW Deal collection. Every card is one of Hogan’s no move powers cards. They fuck up their shit, and my by Jinder Mah-Hall (from Calgary, Alberta… India) picks up the win over the curb-stomped US-O’s (get it? LOL. Tribute to the Boots, more like it). J.T. is seen in the audience holding up a sign that says, “I don’t give a fuck if they baked RVD with a turkey and a Jeff Hardy stuffed inside of it on a car, Mythbusters has jumped the Shark. Hey Uso’s, stick a fork in you, you’re done.”

– Dolph walks out for the main event as we don’t mind if he cut’s in for the mainevent. Johnny Curtis remains to be seen.

Sheamus, he’s a face! Cyber bully? What a goof.

– * Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus. I neglect the first segment to discuss a possible fucking hug interview for the BWF with my brother in arms, Cassidy Haynes of Cheap-Heat. The match is ok, but I’m kind of off wondering about the end of the world in December. Those fucking lazy Mayans. Sheamus and Ziggler return in the second segment and of course Ziggler is selling like crazy while Unmixed Strawberry Yogurt keeps forgetting he is hurt. Kindly, he does remember to teach children at home how to count even the it’s too fast for the referee to pick up on the numbers. This match is ok. But it becomes a shmoz. Big Show interferes, as does Jonathan Cena. The match, I think, is ruled a DQ on Sheamus’ behalf as the heels walk away. G is shown in the audience holding up a sign stating, “J.T., where was Orton? I thought you PM’d me on facebook that Orton showed up? WTF?”. J.T. turns to me, holds up his own sign saying, “Shut up G, I wasn’t smoking drugs and drinking. I probably FFWD’d through the show and missed almost all of this.” G grabs a Sharpee Marker and whips up a sign stating, “No worries, bro.” Meanwhile Jorge and Joe both are staring at each other wondering what all of the Shield crap teased at the start of the show was all about. They return their attack products to Home Depot with their heads hung low upset they could not attack the Orton Initiative. Nope.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

———————————————————-

Survivor Naut G Has Returned to Wonderpod!

———————————————————–

Yes, folks. It’s true, it’s damn true. For the remainder of 2012 on wonderpodonline.com, the Survivor Naut G series is back for action-packed, hilarity with special collaborators Chris and Andrew Lloyd as well as some special surprises! While the gents discuss video games, the radio mini-series will invade weekly to poise a query during the adventures that ensue. Some one dies too. Who will it be?

———————————————————-

LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-220-8949. Or, coincidentally, 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

A go to place for professional wrestling, boxing, MMA, and other combat sports news, rumors, podcasts and so forth. Always a nice place to get your fix, or simply learn more about the performers and athletes themselves. They are one of our go to resources for news and information for BWF Radio, and we wouldn’t have it any other way to share our content with them. Great site!

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 11/30/12: I Liked This Episode. Yes, I Did. appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

MATCH RESULTS

RYBACK DEF TENSAI – Ryback in the ring, cuts a decent promo demanding WWE champ C.M. Punk and the three NXT talents who jumped him at Survivor Series come out to face him or he tears the place down.  Vicki Guerro, RAW Supervising Manager, came out to berate Ryback for blowing two title shots and warn him not to cause trouble or he would face a fine/suspension.  She sends out Tensai to see “just how big” his appetite is.  Match ends just how you’d expect it.  Ryback puts Tensai down with the Shell-Shock for a pin.

WADE BARRETT DEF WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION KOFI KINGSTON – Before the match, we see Wade Barrett cutting a backstage promo from last night’s survivor series, saying how he’s beaten Kofi for the Intercontinental title before and Kofi holding the title was a disgrace to WWE.  Barrett dominates the match with a combo of holds and brawling, as well as focusing on an eye injury to Kofi.  Kofi gets in a big flurry of offense but Barrett rakes his eye on the rope and ends it with the “Bull-Hammer Elbow.”

KAITLYN DEF AKSANA – Aksana actually tries actual “wrestling” for once.  She starts by faking a walk-out to lure Kaitlyn into a clothesline and working over the left arm.  Sloppy, but it’s an “improvement.” Kaitlyn gorilla-presses her and drops her stomach first into her knee for a three-count.

U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF BRODUS CLAY – Despite R-Truth on commentary and the Funkadactyls at ringside, Cesaro gets the pin with the “Neutralizer.”

RANDY ORTON DEF ALBERTO DEL RIO (2 FALLS OUT OF 3) – The first fall starts out as a basic “back and forth,” until Orton forces Del Rio outside.  Del Rio pulls Orton, shoulder first into the ring-rope, then into the corner post.  When he refuses to let up the assault on the arm, Orton gets the win by DQ.  The second fall has Orton making the comeback while favoring the left arm, but Del Rio locks in the arm-bar and Orton has to tap out.  Third fall has Del Rio attacking the bad arm, while Orton tries to fight back.  Ricardo Rodriguez (Del Rio’s personal ring announcer,) gets ejected for grabbing Orton’s ankle, and after missing an inziguri, Orton gets the pin with an RKO out of nowhere.

GREAT KAHLI DEF PRIMO/EPICO w/ROSA MENDES – Hornswoggle comes out to squirt Rosa in the face with water from a trick bouquet of flowers while Kahli destroys Mo/Co.  I put more effort into that sentence than anybody put into that match.

THE MIZ DEF DAVID OTUNGA – Very basic, by-the-numbers match; Otunga gets to look good here, dominating Miz with clotheslines and chin-locks, but Miz gets in the “Skull-Crushing-Finale,” for the inevitable three-count.

SHEAMUS DEF DAMIAN SANDOW – Sheamus comes out with chair in hand.  He cuts a promo recapping his feud with World Heavyweight Champion the Big Show and makes note that he is “not smiling anymore.”  Big Show comes out, and they start shouting over each other.  Show calls Sheamus a “barbarian,” and Sandow makes his entrance.  Match builds from a slow pace, starting out with Sandow trying to avoid Sheamus for the first few minutes.  First high-spot is Sheamus tossing Sandow out by the beard.  Sandow actually dominates the match from that point on, beating Sheamus down and trying to wear him out.  Sandow takes too long setting up the “elbow of distain” and Sheamus hooks in a side-back-breaker.  Sheamus hits a flying shoulder block, the “White Noise,” and the Brogue-kick for a three-count.

WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS HELL NO (DANIEL BRYAN AND KANE) VS SINSTERIO (SIN CARA/REY MYSTERIO: NO CONTEST – The real story here is the absolute TRAIN WRECK of the Prime Time Players (Titus O’Neal/Darren Young) doing commentary with Cole/Lawler.  Eventually they all give up and settle for entertaining each other with jokes and one-liners.  Ironically, the PTP’s come off as funny and charismatic (which is bad because they’re heels.)  Match ends when the PTP’s rush the ring, and get beat down by both other teams.

 MAJOR STORYLINES

1. THE AJ “SCANDAL” – So this nonsense begins with Vicki bringing out two people to the ring, one a waitress claiming AJ and Cena were getting “friendly” with each other in a restaurant, and the other was a dude implying he had pics of them “doing it” in the back of a car.  AJ came out to confront her, followed by John Cena, who accused Vicki of harassing people just to get attention.  He decided to show her how it’s done and planted a kiss on AJ.  He turned to Vicki but AJ grabbed him and JUMPED HIM LIKE A FACE HUGGER IN ALIENS!  The kiss went well over a minute while Vicki threw a tantrum. (Why?) Ziggler runs out and jumps Cena.  Cena tries to give Ziggler the “Attitude Adjustment,” Ziggler escapes, and Cena goes after him, twisting his left knee in the process.

We see Cena get his knee taped up backstage.

AJ goes to Vicki, asking what she plans to do about it.  Vicki, flanked by Tamina Snuka, says nothing.  AJ says she will.

AJ heads for the locker room with Layla trying to talk her out of it.  AJ blows her off and goes in to confront Ziggler.  Ziggler gives her a verbal dressing down (VERBAL you pervs,) and AJ goes off on him.  Cena pulls her off and Ziggler jumps him.  The two men go crashing into a toilet stall, and Ziggler wails away on Cena until Titus pulls him off.  Ziggler gets in one last shot to Cena’s bad knee.

Okay….

1. Why would Vicki and Ziggler be upset about this?  Didn’t Cena and AJ CONFIRM everything they were being accused of?  And let’s say they did…

2. SO PHKING WHAT!? What does this prove? Two single, consenting adults have decided to date, WHAT HAS VICKI “WON?”

Here’s the thing, when Vicki started this crap, it made SOME sense.  AJ was RAW GM; Vicki wanted her out and wanted her job.  AJ QUIT trying to protect John.  VICKI GOT THE JOB (sort off.) WHY IS THIS STILL A THING? Vicki has won.  There is no reason, story-line, OR OTHERWISE for Vicki to keep this up.

Now before you argue “she wants to drive AJ out of WWE,” let me remind you, AJ WAS ON HER WAY OUT WHEN THIS STARTED! VICKI HIRED HER BACK! Vicki could’ve been free of AJ weeks ago.  You could say Vicki is jealous of AJ, and wants to torture her, AND YOU WOULD BE GIVING HER AN ACTUAL MOTIVE! SOMETHING WWE DID NOT DO!

Side Note: I don’t know if Cena is legit hurt or it’s just an angle, but it looks like in either scenario, he’s out of the title picture.

2. THE CELEBRATION OF C.M. PUNK – The storyline with the least attention had the best payoff.  We begin with Heyman at the top of the show holding up a poster of Punk and planning a big celebration for the champ.  Punk comes out to hear his praises.  Matt Stryker tries to get an interview and Punk threatens him.  Heyman tries to smooth things over saying tonight is a celebration and everyone is invited, including Ryback.

We get short backstage segments featuring Heyman abusing crew members while planning the party, including one where Heyman demands “BALLOONS” manically, and one where he assures Punk nothing will ruin their celebration.

The final segment of the evening has Heyman in the ring.  He calls the audience on the hypocrisy of chanting “ECW” when they see him, and booing him for his joke at Lawler’s expense last week.  They say they want the Attitude era back, but get all upset when they get a taste of it.  Punk comes out and points out to us that he did something Brett Hart, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, The Undertaker, and The Rock couldn’t do, hold the WWE title for one calendar year. We get a video package of Punk’s year-long reign, followed by Heyman and Punk running down all the great stars that couldn’t beat Punk and congratulating each other.

Ryback comes out, but gets jumped by NXT talents Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, and Roman Reins.  Ryback tries to fight them off, but they end up putting him through an announce table, just like at Survivor Series.  RAW ends with the champ, cautiously, standing with one foot on Ryback and his title in the air.

Okay, LOVING IT! This is the first RAW this year that ends with Punk standing tall over a fallen enemy.  I’m hoping this leads to a Punk-led stable of young talent rallying to their hero’s side and becoming a major force in WWE. (Of course, WWE will most likely push this as a bunch of punks trying to get attention and Punk will get written into a feud with Hornswoggle.) Nonetheless, this is the first time in months that WWE has tried to make Punk look “relatively” good on television.  It is a welcome change.

Overall, if this RAW had dropped the AJ scandal B.S. it would’ve been the strongest RAW in a long time.  We got a LOT of actual wrestling where most people looked strong even in defeat.

So, while I’m not in LOVE with the product right now, this has been a step in the right direction.

The post RYTMAN’S REVIEW: RAW 11/19/2012 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The show opened with a special Veteran’s Day tribute to our military from John Cena, as a voice over; followed by a recap of last week with a dramatic voice over similar to “TMZ” or a promo for a soap opera.  The voice over recapped the current major storylines including Lawler returning after a heart attack, Vicki’s crusade to embarrass AJ/Cena, C.M. Punk holding the WWE title for 358 days and facing Cena tonight, and Brad Maddox screwing Ryback and facing him tonight for a $1,000,000 contract.

Yes, WWE is using a dramatic voice over guy just like TNA Impact, just like TMZ, and every sleazy tabloid show.  Why? I don’t know.  I probably won’t in this life time.

RANDY ORTON DEF DOLPH ZIGGLER – Fast-paced back and forth match-up with a lot of high-impact spots in a short span of time.  Match ends when Alberto Del Rio tries to distract Orton with a run in, and Orton side steps Ziggler’s fame-asser, getting the pin with a roll up.

ADR and Ziggler (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) gave Orton a beat down until WWE Intercontinental champion made the save.  Teddy Long, Senior Advisor to Smackdown GM Booker T, came out and made this a tag team match (per usual.)

DEL RIO/ZIGGLER DEF ORTON/KINGSTON – Interesting moment when Kingston had a pin on Del Rio.  It seemed to me the ref had to stop short on his count because Ziggler was out of position and late w/the save.  Ziggler-Rio get the win after Rodriguez distracts Kingston and Del Rio hits an inziguri to the back of the head for a pin.

Any reason they just couldn’t book a tag team match in the first place?  Why waste the time?

(I’m guessing because SOMEBODY wasn’t willing to job out; coughing noises, RANDY ORTON, coughing noises.)

We were reminded of Jerry Lawler’s return later tonight, and shown Vicki Guerro making her way to the ring from backstage.

We returned from break with Dolph and Vicki in the ring, discussing the definition of “Scandal,” and Dolph staying out to find the truth.  We recapped Vicki’s video “evidence” with Dolph riffing on Cena and AJ.  Vicki ordered AJ to come out to explain herself and kept demanding AJ admit that she’s having an affair as the crowd vehemently chanted “Shut up Vicki!” AJ admitted only to being “friends” with John and made a joke about Vicki throwing her “considerable” weight around.  Vicki responded by playing voice mails from AJ’s phone, each one sounding like an intimate talk with Cena.  AJ insisted they were faked and Ziggler asked if those nights in Cena’s hotel room were more disappointing than not speaking to him anymore.  Cena came out but was stopped short by AJ, who slapped Ziggler right in the face followed by a big right hand by Cena.  Ziggler and Vicki run off as we were reminded that Cena will face Punk in the main event tonight.

1.) WHY IS THIS STILL A THING!? Vicki HAS what she wanted, power over RAW, not that she’s using it for anything.  And what good is attacking Cena doing her or Ziggler? You could say it’s strictly for attention, AND YOU’D BE GIVING US MORE MOTIVE THAT THE PEOPLE WRITING THIS DAMN SHOW DID!

2.) WHY IS THIS A “SCANDAL!?” Cena is divorced; AJ is not GM of RAW anymore, TRIPLE H MARRIED HIS BOSSES DAUGHTER WHILE HE WAS STILL AN ACTIVE WRESTLER! If they are having a “thing,” WHERE IS THE CONFLICT? WHAT IS THE BASIS OF VICKI’S COMPLAINT!? Vicki has nothing to gain here.  She’s being an abusive authority figure for the sake of being an abusive authority figure.  It’s annoying, tired, and played out.

3.) WHAT DOES ZIGGLER HAVE TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS? I don’t understand why Ziggler is helping Vicki take jabs at AJ and Cena, since Cena isn’t facing Ziggler at Survivor Series.

We get another look at World heavyweight Champion Big Show jumping Sheamus and Stephen Regal in a pub on last week’s Smackdown before going to an ad for IAVA.com, an organization dedicated to Iraqi/Afghanistan war veterans.

We came back to AJ and Cena backstage talking about Vicki and Dolph persecuting AJ over something that never happened, or could happen.  AJ asked “never could happen?” A suddenly tongue tied Cena left the scene with AJ smiling at him. (Author’s note to Cena: RUN! FOR GOD’S SAKE RUN!)

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION BIG SHOW DEF WILLIAM REGAL – Sadly, little more than a squash as it was mostly Regal selling Show’s offense and getting in brief moments of resistance.  After the match, Show threatened to KO Regal with the big right hand, however Sheamus made the save, getting Show down and putting the boots to him.  Show runs off as Sheamus looks after Regal.

KAITLIN DEF LAYLA – We went right into this match from the break.  The match barley went five minutes until Kaitlin caught Layla in her arms.  After what I thought was a botched slam (I was wrong,) Kaitlyn hits a reverse DDT for the three-count.  Divas Champ Eve Torres, guest commentator at ringside, stands up and we get a stare-down.  After that, we get another look at Lawler having a heart attack and an announcement of his big return next.

We came back to Michael Cole and Jim Ross in the ring, introducing Jerry Lawler.  Lawler made his way into the ring and gave both Cole and JR a hug.  Lawler thanked the crowd for their support and compared his situation to the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life,” in that a near-death experience let him see how much he was loved.  At that moment, WWE heavyweight champion C.M. Punk came out with Heyman.  Punk mentioned how glad he was that Lawler left the ring before Punk beat him to death “again.” He accused Lawler of “disrespectful,” “bad taste”, by way of trying to go toe-to-toe with the champion at 62 years old.  He said shame on you to the crowd for blaming him for Lawler’s attack, and that it’s nobody’s fault but Lawler’s.  He reminded us all that he’s been champion 358 days and is now 9^th longest reigning champion of all time.  Lawler jokes about Punk’s reign being on “life support,” and Heyman responded by faking a heart attack.  After Punk “saved” Heyman, Mick Foley came out to call Punk on the carpet.  Punk claimed that since he got pulled out of the Survivor Series tag match, he and Foley had no business with each other, and Foley should concentrate on filling the “gaping hole” in his team.  Foley responded by saying the WWE universe would decide who would get that spot late tonight.  Punk suggested to Foley changing the team name to “Team Worthless,” in reference to him, his team, and the fans.  Foley cut him off sharply, and let Punk in on a little secret about Lawler, “HE WAS DEAD!” He went on to say Punk didn’t care about lessons or respect.  Punk referred to Foley as a “goof” who jumped off his roof. Foley informed Punk he would be the “special guest enforcer” in his match w/John Cena.  Foley leaves with a “Have a Nice Day,” for Punk.  We were shown a graphic confirming we would in fact have the option via Raw-active Twitter poll, and we went to break with a look at Brad Maddox.

We came back to Punk yelling at Heyman to “Fix it,” referring to Punk’s problems with Cena, Foley, Ryback, and the Maddox issue.  After that, we go to ringside for the respective entrances of Sin Cara and Mysterio.  Lawler was back at ringside.  Justin Gabriel, Tyson Kidd, Primo, Epico, and the Prime Time Players (Titus O’Neal/Darren Young,) were in the ring.

8 MAN TAG: MYSTERIO, SIN CARA, GABRIEL/KIDD DEF. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS/PRIMO & EPICO W/ROSA MENDEZ – Good solid trading of back and forth tag team offense to start off.  Ricardo Rodriguez came out to give Rosa a note, upsetting Primo before we went to break.  If I remember correctly, they hinted at a Del Rio/Rosa paring a few years ago, when Del Rio first came in.  It’s nice to see them finally resolving that loose end.

Match ends with Mysterio hitting the 619, and Gabriel hitting the 450 on Young for the pin.  The match is followed by an ad for the National Guard, and a camera shot of Ohio National guard members in the audience, along with a “Thank You,” from WWE.

Backstage: Brad Maddox prepped for his match when Heyman approached him.  We went to break as they walked off.

We came back to a promo for “Fandango” and a backstage segment with Ziggler and Miz giving each other a hard time.  Foley steps in and Ziggler walks off.  Foley gives Ziggler a “hi,” from Amy Schumer.  Miz asks Foley for a spot on the RAW-active ballot and Foley agrees.  Our choices to vote for via Twitter were #Santino, #Ryder, #Miz.

Now is it me, or should this have gotten WAY more build up?  Wouldn’t it have made sense for Ziggler to have been needling Miz about his losses over the last few weeks, building up to Miz wanting to settle things with him and seeing this as his opportunity?  And why didn’t Foley come to Miz with the offer? Wouldn’t that have gotten Miz some credit?

R-TRUTH DEF. TENSAI – U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro came out to call everyone fat and rude before joining the announce team.  During the match, Cole and Lawler made a big deal of Cesaro carrying a satchel.  Cesaro explained it was there to carry whatever he needed.  R-truth dominated the match with high-spot offense and got the pin w/a “Little Jimmy.” Truth and Cesaro traded jabs at ringside, including a joke by Truth about Cesaro being “Europe in my face.”

After that, we get a look at the new WWE 13, video game, featuring Ryback destroying a player created Brad Maddox.

After a break we get a recap of the Brad Maddox situation leading up to tonight’s “Million Dollar Challenge,” as well as a recap of Vicki and Dolph tormenting Cena and AJ, AND a recap of Foley, Ziggler, Miz.

RYBACK DEF BRAD MADDOX – As Maddox came out, we saw an ambulance pull up to the side of the stage and Brad get visibly rattled.  Brad walked to the ring as we were treated to a PIP promo of Brad claiming no one will forget his name.  Ryback came out next, followed by a stretcher.  The entire match is Ryback decimating Maddox, with Maddox getting ZERO offense.  The match ends with Ryback getting the Shell-shock and the pin.  After the match, medics try to take Maddox out on the stretcher but Ryback attacks, dumping Maddox off the stretcher and tossing him like garbage into the ambulance.

So, that whole thing with Heyman meant NOTHING!? That whole “million dollar challenge thing” goes NOWHERE? WHAT WAS THE POINT!?

Here’s another thing, let’s play this out on paper.  A desperate young man, who’s had setback after setback, finally has a chance at his dream job and a million dollar contract, if he can beat an unstoppable monster.  As he makes his way to the arena, the monster’s boss sends out an ambulance and a stretcher to intimidate him.  Now if this were anywhere else in the world beside WWE RAW, who would YOU think was the “good guy?” And I know what Maddox did at HitC, what I’m saying is this makes Ryback look more like a heel than it does Maddox.  And since Maddox lost, it comes off anti-climatic.  The resolution falls flat.

SHEAMUS DEF. DAVID OTUNGA – We get a recap of Sheamus going after Big Show earlier tonight.  While Sheamus destroys Otunga, Regal watches on the monitor in the back.  Sheamus gets the pin with a combo of “White Noise,” and the “Brogue Kick.”

Backstage: Big Show attacks Regal.

We came back from break.  Josh Mathews updates us on Regal’s condition.  It’s a concussion and maybe a broken jaw.  We go to a promo for the Wounded Warrior Project, an outfit designed to help returning soldiers with medical and psychological injuries.

Backstage: Kane makes his way to the ring when Daniel Bryan confronts him.  They argue about Kane tagging with someone besides him with Bryan playing the role of jealous girlfriend.  Bryan suggests going to Foley to protest but Kane just disappears on him.  Bryan goes into his “NO!” routine much to the crowd’s delight.

WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION KANE AND THE MIZ DEF. TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS (CODY RHODES/DAMIAN SANDOW) – Miz wins the RAW-active twitter poll to be Kane’s partner, and the crowd seems happy about it.  Daniel Bryan comes out, seemingly to cheer on Kane.  During the match, Bryan managed to distract Miz, setting up an opening for the Rhodes Scholars to take over.  The match ends with Bryan going after Miz but Miz sending him crashing into Rhodes.  Kane gets the pin with the choke-slam, and Bryan and Miz argue over Kane.

I just wrote that.

Yeah.

Daniel Bryan is now Kane’s jealous girlfriend.  I’m just moving on….

We take a look at WWE’s annual tribute to the troops, and our main event is up next.

JOHN CENA DEF. WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK – Foleys out first as “special enforcer,” followed by Punk w/Heyman, and John Cena.  The crowd is actually split between a man who’s granted a record 300 Make-a-Wish foundation visits and a man who mocked someone for having a heart attack.

We came back from a break to find Punk in control of the match.  Point of interest is Punk applying a “new/improved” version of the “Anaconda Vice,” down on the mat, hands locked behind Cena’s head w/the left leg hooked under the chin.  Cena eventually escapes and takes over.  Heyman runs in but is caught off by Cena, and Foley drags Heyman out.  Punk tries to limp away from the match but Ryback is out and chases him back into Cena’s clutches.  Cena gets the pin w/the AA.  The match ends with Cena and Ryback staring each other down, both clutching the belt, with Punk on the outside, looking like he’s gonna cry.

You know, this DOES work in terms of story.  We have two of the most powerful forces in the WWE on a collision course, with the defending champion either caught in the middle, or getting shut out altogether.  The problem is I don’ see it as a story; I see it as THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW WWE DOES THIS.  I often tell myself that WWE is trying to book Punk like Ric Flair, the clever heel champ who always finds a way to weasel out of losing the title, but then I remember Flair was never treated like a prison bitch.

In conclusion, this show didn’t really do anything to sell me on Survivor Series this Sunday.  All they did was rush through angles they failed to build up properly over the past month.  Do you know what my advice to WWE is?

Fire Russo, or whoever’s playing him.

The post RYTMAN’S REVIEW: RAW 11/12/2012 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Resident ThinkSoJoE was at this event, he might get involved.

Oh, bye bye Kelly Kelly Kelly! No one will miss you!

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– The Big Show lumbers his way out to the ring. They gave him a microphone, and he reminds us he is back and he wants the World Title. He’s still angry about his last title reign lasting 45 seconds. Then the only man who takes longer to walk to the ring than The Mediocre Khali makes his way out, hey look kids! It’s Randall Keith Orton! Orton speaks in binary as ThinkSoJoE squirts him with a super-soaker filled with motor oil. Alberto Del Rio has to interrupt too, because that’s what happens in opening segments on Smackdown. He tells them both to go to the back of the line, and Randall slips on motor oil and hits an accidently RKO on Del Rio. I can’t believe JoE was holding up the T2 robot arm for a highfive to Orton as he leaves, but I swear to you it happened.

Good to know.

– We’re reminded of Cesaro dumping Aksana last week when her interference cost him the match versus Santino. So take a wild fucking guess what we get tonight?

Great referee work in the WWE lately, huh?

– * US Title Match: Antonio Cesaro {C} vs. Santino. ThinkSoJoE is seen holding up a Google Translate sign which Cesaro promptly takes from his hands and rips up. As Santino power walks to the ring, JoE hands him a styrofoam cup of Gator-Aid! DAMN YOU jOe! THOSE ARE NON-BIODEGRADABLE! BASTARD! The crowd sounds dead here. Cesaro is really handing Santino a beatdown, as the crowd picks up. Oh wait, that was JoE releasing some live Cobras in the audience. Santino turns things around and attempts to suplex the champ from the top, but this only results in a flip… Marella goes for his salute headbutt, misses, and Cesaro hits his Neutralizer for the pin and the win. On the way out, JoE hands the champ a Toblerone.

– Recap of the D-Bry/Kane segments a la When Harry Met Sally on RAW.

Hug it out!

– Eve Touts about the attack on Kaytlynynynynynynyn…

-* Natalya vs. Beth Phoenix. A blonde match… one might call this a Sabres/Flames match. I call it a nice sendoff to Beth to let her wrestle one of the only people on the roster who is female and can wrestle. Kelly Kelly is still released! YAY! I think JoE must have predicted this as he is literally dancing on the ramp until security comes down and forms a conga line with him. Beth gets some cheap pops calling for Buffalo to get behind her… but her attack leads to a jump from the middle rope into a reversal and sharpshooter! Beth gets a win after a rollup spot in a rare good Divas match on Smackdown! Eve strolls down post match… she apologizes for acting irrationally on RAW. They can’t simply assume it was her, but she gets indefinitely suspended.

Wow, it seems like only yesterday Bill Gates gave away the only signed copy of Halo 3 in 2007. That happened Wednesday of this week, and the Justin Bieber hoody kid in the upper left corner is still planning on murdering the lucky kid who got it.

– Booker talks with Teddy Long about setting up an 8-team tag team tournament to determine a number one contender, playah. Beth runs up and asks why she is suspended. Booker gets pissed at Eve for her suspending Beth and overturns Eve’s diabolical decision making skills. Eve then turns on Teddy accusing him as attempting to usurp Booker to get his old job back (sneaky Eve, sneaky). Booker just looks concerned. Cancer ads follow. RAW Rebound, FFW.

– * Wade Barrett vs. Zack Ryder. Zack is already in the ring and Wade makes his way down to the ring. JoE asks him about his business operating hours, and picks up a Souvenir. Zack looks to get some offense in, as he slows down the big Brit. But just when you think Ryder has a chance, Barrett clothsline, then kills him with the Souvenir. WOO WOO WOO, It’s over! JoE is seen weeping by the entrance ramp.

Toss in Nickleback and Bieber as a tip?

– MIZ TV makes it’s “world premiere” on Smackdown. JoE promptly puts his shirt on upside down in an awkward moment as a tribute. Before he barely gets started, Unmixed-Strawberry Yogurt interrupts to bore us with tales of his arse, and shit. Sheamus calls it a great start to Miz-TV… yawn. Way to kill a segment out the gates… blah blah blah, blah blah, blah… Miz looks geniunely pissed as Sheamus calls him useless in the ring and has no career outside this talkshow. Then he mentions no one wants to hear Miz talk about himself for 90 minutes. Odd, that’s exactly what the so-called face is doing right now. Miz notes he has a film coming out, and stars in a book by Mick Foley, AND a radio show. Sheamus has none of these things. Miz then owns him on the microphone noting tonight’s main event will determine who will kick Sheamus’ ass at Hell in a Cell. Sheamus at least puts the title over as important, sadly no one pays to see him either (he doesn’t mention that fact). Vickie Guerrero interrupts with Ziggler in tow. Ziggler checks his suitcase in with Buffalo’s most respected baggage claim representative ThinkSoJoE. Ziggler notes it doesn’t matter who faces the Irish albino at HitC, because Ziggler will cash in and take the title. He guarantees it. Sheamus wishes ol’ Zigs good luck, then attacks Miz. IT BREAKS OUT INTO A BRAWL. JOE ATTACKS ALL OF THEM WITH THE BRIEFCASE! HE GOES INTO ROB RAY MODE!!! Actually no, Sheamus beats up everyone and ruins the segment. JoE should’ve fucked up The Arse-Man’s shit, but alas…

– We are shown the tag team match bracket to determine the number one contenders for the Tag Titles. I can’t complain about this at all. Good stuff. I like tournaments. Next up will be the first match in it…

Charles Barkley @G: “Check out my Good Ol’ J.R. impression, G! Slubberknackerz!”

G @Charles Barkley: “Fuck you and the horse you… oh wait. Well played, Chuck. Well played indeed.”

– * The Usos vs. “Rhodes Scholar” Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow. Guess those internet rumors were accurate, as JoE is seen holding up a sign saying “G was right!” Way better than Team Hell No! The Usos make their apathetic way to the ring. They’re getting killed here, folks. I’m just going to enjoy watching the dissection. First note, Rhodes and Sandow’s respective pre-fight ring gear match. Bonus points awarded. Sandow takes JoE’s sign, holds it up to the camera and mouths “G, you’re smarter than me.” Back to watching…. The basic story is pretty accurate to what you’d expect, a squash. The Uso’s get a wee bit of offense in, but Sandow’s clever roll outs allows a Cross-Rhodes finisher on one of the twins, and The Rhodes Scholars advance in under two minutes.

This troll is a true artist.

– * Ryback vs. Tensai. Prior the match, ThinkSoJoE is seen shaving the Hip Hop Hippos back. As Ryback enters, he passes him a vial of Visine. See? Our BWF webmaster is a thoughtful guy, after all. All those haters need to suck an egg and learn to sing “Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy” from the Ren and Stimpy show. Tensai teaches Ryback’s grandmother how to suck eggs to start, actually giving Ry Back Dam some turnbuckle goodness. But not to be out-steroided, Ryback attempts to fuck up Tensai’s shit…. BUT NO!!! Tensai returns to attack, and back and forth they go! It’s like a lucha libre match without the flips or flops! Ryback lands his Ninja Turtle move, what is it called? The Half-Shell? Some crap like that. Either way, the match is over. JoE begins tossing sardines into the awaiting Ryback’s mouth as he claps his flippers together in joy! Meanwhile, Shamu dies in captivity.

– Backstage, Del Rio lays out Orton. I enjoy this.

– Del Rio talks on the microphone about his attack. I can’t believe JoE tried to steal his car during this segment. Who am I kidding, I’d do the same thing… Maybe I was too hard on Unmixed-Strawberry Yogurt…. nah. No, I wasn’t.

Probably a random leak. But I do expect Rock to behead Drew McIntyre with his sword stating, “There can only be one.”

* Randy Orton vs. Big Show. Great. This is the mainevent? Ugghh…. JoE is seen holding up a sign saying “Fuck This Shit.” He is allowed to keep the sign for the entire duration of this match. In fact they keep panning the camera back to it through out the bout. This match is terrible. Big Show is using some move where he clutches part of Orton’s lower-chest with his fist. Looks lame. Needs more flippy floppy crap. Even a punch to the heart is better than this crap. I FFW through the rest of this match. Orton hits an RKO out of nowhere, but Show hits his chokeslam and sends Orton off to Vancouver to film his movie. Post match, he lands the WMD to ensure the robotic one is off our TV for a good while (let’s hope). Show versus Sheamus in HitC. I don’t want to pay for that crap.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

———————————————————-

Survivor Naut G Has Returned to Wonderpod!

———————————————————–

Yes, folks. It’s true, it’s damn true. For the remainder of 2012 on wonderpodonline.com, the Survivor Naut G series is back for action-packed, hilarity with special collaborators Chris and Andrew Lloyd as well as some special surprises! While the gents discuss video games, the radio mini-series will invade weekly to poise a question during the adventures that ensue. Some one dies too. Who will it be?

———————————————————-

LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online. Keep in mind, we are trying to keep it clean. So do your best to avoid the language that offends people easily offended. I make a concerted effort to not call the product fucking shit ass bitch cock cunts. You can too. See? This is not on the air.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-220-8949. Or, coincidentally, 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 09/28/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/VICKI) DEF KOFI KINGSTON (w/R-TRUTH and LITTLE JIMMY) – Before the match begins; R-Truth and “little jimmy” get into an argument with Vicki at ringside. Vicki takes a drink in the face and the referee sends her, Truth and “Jimmy” to the back. The match is a high-flying spot-fest with both men taking huge bumps back and forth. Ziggler sends Kofi head-first into the corner, and gets the three-count with the Zig-Zag.

PRIME TIME PLAYAS DEF RYDER/SANTINO – This is a quick and simple tag match. Titus O’Neal gets a blind tag while Santino sets up the “Cobra” for Darren Young. O’Neal gets the three-count with a spine-buster.

RYBACK DEF THE MIZ – Miz doesn’t get squashed in the true sense, but the end is a foregone conclusion with Ryback crushing him with the “meat hook.” During the match, a fan tries to run in but is taken out fast by security.

WADE BARRETT DEF TYSON KIDD – Little more than a squash. Barrett wins with the “souvenir.”

SHEAMUS, SIN CARA, REY MYSTERIO DEF ALBERTO DEL RIO, DAVID OTUNGA, RICARDO RODRIGUEZ – RAW GM AJ Lee made this match during a backstage segment, explaining to Del Rio and co. that this was their chance to get payback on Sheamus for injuring each of them with the “Brogue Kick.” Match ends with Ricardo taking a 619 and a Swanton from Sin Cara after Sheamus cleans house. Sheamus puts the period on this with a Brogue Kick to Ricardo.
Side Note: At one point, it looked like Sin Cara tagged Sheamus, but Rey was allowed to come in.
Was this a botch perhaps?

EVE/BETH PHEONIX DEF LAYLA/ALICIA FOX – A throwaway tag, with Beth doing most of the work, Eve stealing the win with a neck-breaker, and Layla doing nothing but taking a shot to the face. After the match, Kaitlin comes out, on a crutch with a taped ankle. She says she got a hold of the security camera footage from NOC, and it shows her attacker. You can’t see her face, but you can tell she had blond hair. Eve points the finger at Beth and lays her out with the neck-breaker.

BRODUS CLAY VS TENSAI – NO CONTEST – This match isn’t much more than trading head-butts and missing splashes until THE BIG SHOW makes his return to RAW. He walks down to the ring, clocks both men with the WMD, and just stands there until they play his music.

SEGMENTS

The show opens with Punk and Heyman in the ring, holding the show hostage. Punk sits while Heyman calls last week’s main event a great injustice, showing us footage of Cena getting the three-count on Punk while his foot was clearly on the ropes. Heyman calls out the referee from last week, referee Maddox. He demands an apology and that Maddox resigns on the spot. Maddox is happy to apologize but will not resign. Punk goes off on him.

“HOW DO YOU WALK DOWN HERE AND PRETEND TO BE A MAN?”-C.M. Punk

Punk calls him an inexperienced scab, and Heyman offers him a blindfold bearing both the NFL and WWE logos. During his rant, Punk calls AJ Lee an “idiot.”
AJ Lee skips down to ringside. In the ring, she sends Maddox to the back. Paul assumes she is here to reverse last week’s decision.

“When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me… but mostly you.” AJ Lee.

AJ Lee tries to shut Punk down, but Punk responds with a demand for respect and a recap of AJ proposing to him last summer. If she agrees to forget about the match last week, he’ll forget about her sending him dirty texts and voice mails, and dares her to tell the audience about their torrid affair.

“I’m the reason there’s a spring in your step!” – C.M. Punk

Heyman steps in here with a MARRAGE PROPOSAL! He offers to make AJ the most powerful woman in WWE. He’ll come up with ideas and she can take the credit. AJ responds with a slap to his face.

I gotta say, I was impressed with AJ here. She was sharing mike time w/two of the best in this business and more than held her own. She came off clever and strong, despite having the least dialogue.

Backstage: Maddox thanks AJ for sticking up for him and apologizes to her as well. She makes it quite clear that if he messes up like that again he will NEVER work in this industry again. She goes into “evil mode” and accuses him of embarrassing her.

After recapping the Kane/Bryan-Rhodes/Sandow issue on Smackdown, we go to a restaurant where Daniel Bryan is with his anger management therapist Dr. Shelby. The doc has arranged a role-play tonight where Kane is “Gerald” and he will be Daniel’s waiter for tonight. Kane goes into a monologue about pulling the beard off the cook’s face and deep frying it, sprinkling a little bit of it on every dish he’s served. After the bit, we’re told we can choose the official name for their tag team as part of RAW-active later tonight.

At this point, I’m declaring this bit dead. They’ve dragged it out as long as they possibly can.

Promo for the Susan Komen foundation and breast cancer awareness month

Mick Foley is tonight’s special guest! He comes out to address the C.M. Punk issue. The C.M. Punk issue comes down to address Foley. In one of the best promo-duels I’ve ever heard, Foley tells Punk that he needs to disregard Heymans’s advice and think for himself, and he needs to face Cena in a Hell in the Cell match to cement his legacy. Punk takes a shot at the crowd and runs down his list of wins over Cena. He says the WWE universe turned on him, and he doesn’t need to risk his health/body/career for them. He’s held the title for over 300 days and will hold it longer. Foley held the title three times for a total of 29 days. Statistics don’t matter, it’s the moments that we show what we’re made of that counts.

Back at the restaurant, Kane and Bryan agree they can never be friends, but they sure did like beating down men with chairs last Friday on Smackdown. Kane slams the table repeatedly to bring back the feeling. Bryan responds with a growing “YES!” chant. Once the reach the… conclusion, we cut to MAE YOUNG!

“I’ll definitely have what they’re having.” – Mae Young.

The next segment is the Jerry Lawler interview with Michael Cole. He is recuperating just fine but doesn’t even remember the match he wrestled last week. He woke up in the hospital thinking he was in Aruba with his girlfriend. He is leaving his return date up to the doctors.

Back at the restaurant, Dr. Shelby has convinced Kane to try a salad, and Bryan to try a meatball, as part of an “understanding” exercise. Kane tries some lettuce and responds with a huge belch. Bryan seems to like the meatball at first, but soon winds up barfing in Dr. Shelby’s lap.

We are given our choices for naming the team.
#Team Teamwork
#Team Hell No
#Team Friendship

After the break, Kane and Bryan are in the ring waiting the official selection…
#Team Hell No

While Bryan/Kane fight their confusion, Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow attack. They leave the champs lying and introduce themselves as “Team Rhodes-Scholars.”

Recap: Heyman proposal to AJ
Our Main Event of the evening; a John Cena Promo!

Cena comes out to thank the WWE universe for their support of the Susan G. Komen foundation and Breast Cancer Awareness month. He apologizes for C.M. Punk’s lies and misrepresentations. Punk comes out to call Cena a lying politician. He gives Cena a choice; five seconds to leave the ring, or get hurt badly. Five seconds later, Cena nails Punk in the stomach with a lead pipe.

Backstage, Punk staggers along the hall, passing Mick Foley. Punk walks back to kick him in the groin, and starts to walk off. He turns to give Foley a piece of his mind, and meets the stare of Ryback.

All in all, pretty basic RAW, with the tease of a Ryback/Punk match up being the only “big” surprise.

The post RYTMANS RAW RECAP AND REVIEW 09/24/2012 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– We’re told the main event is: “World champ Sheamus and Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio and Dolph Ziggler.” AND…. I’m already disinterested.

– Then Edge comes out! Fuck, interest level back on! The crowd pops massively for the unannounced surprise, and Edge looks like he’s on cloud 9. Cheap pops for The Broad Street Bullies. He gets his Haven show cheap plug. Then he talks about now being able to watch as a fan. He’s baffled by the whole Daniel Bryan and Kane story, and as a 12 time tag team champion, wonder’s… cue Daniel Bryan to come out and correct his use of pronouns, and in fact he’s the tag team champion. Edge asks how he pulled it off, and Bryan notes he is one with his emotions.

– Bryan questions Edge whether anyone really knows Adam… deep down, right here (tapping him on the heart). Bryan then tells him to go back to retirement. Bryan tells him there is nothing that can make him snap. Edge takes him up on the challenge, leading into the Yes/No chant. Enter Kane. The two champs do their I am the… etc. Edge interrupts them… “Edge, you seem angry,” says Kane. Bryan notes, “Yeah, take it easy man!” “You know, Dr. Shelby has some great relaxation exercises, you could try,” continues Kane. Edge loses his shit, tells Bryan he can get how Bryan got here, but how on earth could Kane be like this running down the Lita/Kane/Edge history. Kane remembers and needs to rectify that situation right now, teasing an attack. They hug it out. The crowd (myself included) eats this up. Daniel starts shouting NO! So Kane and Edge have a group hug with Edge. But wait, it’s time for enlightenment as Damien Sandow enters looking disgusted with the situation.

– Sandow runs down this story line with his intelligent vernacular, calling it an abomination. And the audience are half-wits for encouraging it. Edge tells Damien to shut up and he really wants to do something about this, Damien should just come down to the ring and take one of them on. Sandow flips out. So Edge tells the crowd to yell YES! for Kane and NO! for Bryan as he polls them as to who should take on Mr. Sandow. We cut to break. This is totally worth watching, and reading it does not do it justice.

Wrestling Memes had a shit ton of these on Tuesday, but this one was my favorite.

– * Damien Sandow vs. WWE Tag Team champion Kane. Bryan is at ring side looking a little hurt the crowd voted for Kane. The match is underway. Sandow is holding his own against the monster, and utilizes being able to jump out of the ring every chance he gets. After Kane looks to setup the Chokeslam, Bryan grabs both titles and gets on the apron yelling with belts. He and Kane struggle with them, and this allows Sandow to finish Kane and get the win (and remain unpinned on TV).

So Copeland finally joined Twitter after holding out for a long time. I can relate. Beat him to it by about a month.

– I go change my laundry. I realize you don’t care about this, but to stay true to the premise of my reviews, I did this. WOW!

– Kane is seen tosses stuff backstage yelling about where Bryan is. Dr. Shelby tries to calm him down, and then after Kane calls Bryan a goat face, Bryan jumps out of a production storage crate and they yell at each other. Dr. Shelby resolves the problem. This really comes across like two little kids and their mom. Shelby notes he’ll get Booker T to put Bryan in a match tonight to balance things out. Meh, ok, but not nearly as entertaining as the initial segment on the show. I expect it’s all down hill from here. I start stretching my FFW finger to get ready, so I don’t sprain it or anything.

I’m not a robot, neither do I.

– ADR is waiting for Booker in his office to demand why Booker reinstated the Brogue Kick at Night of Champions. Booker says he feels a little bad about that, but this is not ballet, SUCKAH! Well that was his sentiment. ADR has to re-earn his chance for a shot at Unmixed Strawberry Yogurt’s Championship Title.

Charles Barkley @G: “Did you find your keys? I heard you got locked out!”

G @Charles Barkley: “Zip it, Barks. You jerk.”

– * Layla vs. Natayla. Eve joins commentary. FFW, don’t care. Layla won with the NFG. Take a guess what that acronym stands for.

– * World champ Sheamus and Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio and Dolph Ziggler. Finally, something refreshing. Yes this cold cold beer hits the spot. This match on the other hand, stinks of repetition. FUCK THIS. I start surfing the internet and watch in a state of disenchantment. All of these guys have been in a holding pattern for way too long, facing each other for months. All of them need some FFW momentum, and yet we GET NONE OF IT. STUPID. The sad thing is, is that ALL of them have shown they can be entertaining (except maybe Sheamus barring that one brief period he was King). Terrible. Heels work Sheamus’ head with ADR being methodical and Ziggler over-selling while Sheamus no-sells. I think deeply about my existence. Orton gets the hot tag, attacks the mat. I recall a time and place when things were happier. Orton goes for the finish on ADR, Ziggler bumps. Orton in distress (needs an oil change). I wonder what Jordan Eberle is doing right now. Orton tags in No-Sell, Ziggler bumps. More sleeper hold attempts. I contemplate suicide. Chaos ensues. ADR RKO’d, rolls out of ring. Ziggler goes to get briefcase, Brogue Kick. Match over. The NHL is still fucking locked out.

I hear Mediocre Khali is about ready to return…

– * Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan. Dr. Shelby convinced Booker to balance things out for our toddlers. This matchup could be interesting. At least it’s something different with two guys that can go. Sadly, no. Kane enters and uses his pyro as a distraction allowing Rhodes to immediately roll up Bryan for the win. Something tells me Teddy Long has a resolution….

Two women just trying to watch ROH, dumbass is distracting them.

– Now Bryan is running around backstage angry looking for Kane. He finds him chuckling feigning innocence. Both note they fucked each other over respectively, but argue. It’s actually funny. Sandow and Rhodes are watching and tell them the two are a total joke as tag champs. So Team Friendship challenge Team Smart Street (yeah, that was a terrible take on Intelligent Rhode).

Say hi to JTG for me!

– Night of Champions/RAW recap. I see if I can do a speed run to the dryers and get my laundry before it ends. Ready? Set? GOOOOOO!!! I WIN!! I get to watch the tail end of the recaps as a reward. Maybe that didn’t play out as I had planned. Good thing funk is going to roll.

– I don’t give a shit if people hate this shtick, he’s the JYD for the kids of today. Lord knows I grabbed those cakes as a little G back in the day. There is something a little different about Brodus’ music for sure. I don’t know if it’s quicker as Joe suggested on BWF Radio #40 last Sunday, but I certainly don’t remember the 16th beat snare drum roll into an accent cymbal smash on the 1 (coinciding with his pyro).

Yep.

– * Brodus Clay vs. Heath Slater. Put them together and you have the RHCP’s. A little love for Flea from this here G. Brodus is getting all jiggly with it as Slater attempts to intimidate Clay before Slater is gets his Jurassic kicked. The match ends with interference from Drew McIntyre (yes he still works here) and Calgarian Jindar Mahal. They all beat down the Funkasaurus. Looks like the band picked up some new memebers from Craig’s List.

– * WWE United States Champion Antonio Cesaro vs. Santino Marella. Looks like the bookers finally figured out CTL-C functions. Yawn. Lame. Santino Hulks up early, so he can do the Cobra distraction with Eurotrash Aksana, and allow Cesaro to land his finisher. But Aksana is hurt or something, and this distraction allows Santino to get a win. We’re not out of the forest yet, folks. And Ilya Bryzgalov is extremely frightened. No, just kidding. He sold out and signed overseas with the NHL locked out. Post match Cesaro says in five different languages that Aksana can go fuck herself, and they’re finished. PLEASE GOD LET THIS PROGRAM END!!!

I’m not a robot, neither do I.

– * WWE Tag Team champions Kane & Daniel Bryan vs. Damien Sandow & Cody Rhodes. The Prime Time Players, Gabriel/Kidd, and The Colons are at ring side scouting their competition. Probably the most creative spot for Team Friendship includes Bryan going to tag Kane, then pulling his hand away yelling NO! while Kane yells YES! back at him. This does not end well. But doesn’t end the match. Otherwise it’s paint-by-the-numbers. The brawl continues until Kane lands a chokeslam on Sandow, but Rhodes hits Kane in the back with a steel chair. DQ, I suppose. Bryan ends up with the chair and the heels are laid out. Bryan goes to attack a prone Rhodes with the chair, but gives it to his BFF Kane and both men are elated. Then Bryan gets another chair and the two gleefully bash the ever living shit out of Sandow. All the other tag teams go to leave, but Kane wants to share. He tosses them one by one into the ring as Bryan destroys them with a steel chair. Kane enters once all six men are in the ring, and they effectively bury the entire fledgling tag team division. Then they both grab their belts and hold up them with their chairs in victory! Backstage (unseen), Vince McMahon chuckles about how he destroyed all the momentum the WWE had built for the TT division, stroking his cat and muttering, “Next time, Gadget… next time!”

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

———————————————————-

Survivor Naut G Has Returned to Wonderpod!

———————————————————–

Yes, folks. It’s true, it’s damn true. For the remainder of 2012 on wonderpodonline.com, the Survivor Naut G series is back for action-packed, hilarity with special collaborators Chris and Andrew Lloyd as well as some special surprises! While the gents discuss video games, the radio mini-series will invade weekly to poise a question during the adventures that ensue. Some one dies too. Who will it be?

———————————————————-

LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online. Keep in mind, we are trying to keep it clean. So do your best to avoid the language that offends people easily offended. I make a concerted effort to not call the product fucking shit ass bitch cock cunts. You can too. See? This is not on the air.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-220-8949. Or, coincidentally, 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 09/21/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

REY MYSTERIO AND SIN CARA DEF EPICO AND PRIMO – After the match, Rey-Cara were ambushed by the Prime Time Players, who said they were the rightful number one contenders to the tag title and wouldn’t let anyone take anything from them ever again.

EVE TORRES (DIVAS CHAMPION) DEF BETH PHEONIX – The broadcast team spent this match speculating over whether or not Eve got her title match by injuring Kaitlin, the scheduled opponent for then champ Layla, who joined the team at ringside. Layla tried to take up the debate, but faltered.

BRODUS CLAY DEF HEATH SLATER – U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro joined the broadcast team to set up a potential feud with Brodus.

DOLPH ZIGGLER DEF SANTINO MARELLA – Marella got distracted trying to get his “Cobra” back from Vicki Guerro at ringside, leaving him vulnerable to two “Zigzags.”

WADE BARRETT DEF JUSTIN GABRIEL – Little more than a squash to build up Barrett.

TEAM FRIENDSHIP DEF KINGSTON/R-TRUTH – Kane and Bryan constantly arguing left them vulnerable to double-teaming and high-impact spots, however Bryan brought the belts home with the “no” lock.

RANDY ORTON DEF TENSAI – This was the basic “face takes a beating but keeps coming back,” routine. Orton wins with the RKO.

DAMIEN SANDOW DEF ZACK RYDER – Ryder actually looked good here, even getting a close two-count with the “broski boot,” but in the end it was another win for Sandow. Prior to this match, Sandow came out to remind us that this was back-to-school season, and attempted to give the crowd a “vocabulary lesson,” by running them down with terms like “ignoramuses,” and “miscreants.” This leads to a (heated) debate by the announcers over what counts as a “big word.”

SHEAMUS AND JOHN CENA DEF C.M. PUNK AND ALBERTO DEL RIO – We got a fast-paced back and forth, with everyone getting a piece of everyone else. Match ends with Cena getting an AA on Punk for the three-count despite Punk having a foot clearly on the ropes. Punk actually badgers the ref all the way to the back about the decision.

Highlights of the night included both Jim Ross and John Bradshaw Layfield joining Cole on commentary, and a repeated update on Jerry Lawler. He is home in Memphis, recuperating and will be on RAW next week for a special interview.

Overall, a solid, if uneventful RAW; at least till the end

The post RYTMANS RAW RESULTS AND REVIEW 09/17/2012 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– We start off with clips from the Sheamus, Otunga, and Ricardo legal meeting from Monday. Then we’re off to the ring where Alberto Del Rio stands with Otunga and Ricardo, both now wearing neckbraces. Fortunately, Otunga still has his coffee mug! He rolls down the list of injuries sustained by Sheamus. Then they cut to Sheamus’ attack on Christian a while back. He appears on the tron for an interview. He says he’s been off for shoulder surgery (and certainly not to be cold, so that when he appears on TNA a little later next month no one cares). Christian tells all of three to fuck a cow, and he is doing this because of the severity of the Brogue Kick, not for the heels.

– Then Daniel Bryan interrupts for some reason (I can think of 18 reasons). He’s trying to manage his anger as the Ottawa crowd pops with the YES! chant for him. And you got it, he indeed is pissed about what happened at Mania, as well as before and after. The heels console the goat face. And Bryan wants a rematch now with the Brogue kick banned. The crowd chants goat face…

– Out comes Unmixed Strawberry Yogurt to address Bryan’s demand for a WrestleMania rematch. He cuts a bland and boring promo, then as Otunga comes to the ring ropes calmly address him, Sheamus rips off his neck brace and snaps the top rope into his injured neck. Your face champion, folks. Great start to the show, until that Sheamus bastard showed up.

What a horrible team mate.

– An ad airs on the Score reminding us that this week’s Smackdown is coming to Ottawa… even though that was three days ago. Great. Thanks Scott Stamford! Then a get well Jerry Lawler ad plays (since this WAS taped on Tuesday…. he IS doing much better folks!).

– *WWE Intercontinental champion The Miz vs. Sin Cara (non title). God I hate these non-title matches. So by default, I’m not into this one. They get the two-segment treatment, though. And it’s not a “bad” match, per say. Both men end up looking strong with a diverse array of moves and styles presented. It ends with Sin Cara sliding Miz into a roll-up for a sneaky win. Miz just looks irate too. He should, because as far as I’m concerned, Sin Cara should be your new I.C. champion.

– Backstage Rhodes and Miz have an exchange of words with Mysterio about the I.C. title. Sin Cara enters the frame and points at the title. It’s flow chart time, as Teddy Long enters. On behalf of Booker T, all four will be in a Fatal Fourway match for the I.C. title at Night of Champions.

Charles Barkley @G: “I’m not working today.”

G @Charles Barkley: “So basically, the same as any other day?”

– RAW videos and shit. And backstage again as Bryan and Kane meet with the anger management guy, playing with their stress balls. The doctor tells them to relax and squeeze their balls and to wash their stress away. Kane notes, his is bigger than Bryan’s and walks away. It’s the terrible kind of funny consistent with these bits. I heard they cut some of these on Monday, and wouldn’t be shock(mastered) to find out these originally were set to air then.

That reminds me, I need a new toque for winter.

– *WWE Tag Team champion Kofi Kingston vs. Kane. As a precursor to the tagteam match at the PPV, we get this. It’s not much of a match. Kane more or less just tosses around Kofi and then pins him. Meh. Post match, Kane goes to chokeslam Kofi as Dr. Katz/receding-hairline guy watches from the ramp with concern. Kane hugs it out with a shocked looking Kofi! HA HAHAHAHHA! That was funny.

– Ok, back to join Matt Striker interviewing Randy Orton. Great. I wish Orton was Bender if he has to be a robot. But sadly no. He says some shit, but I’m too busy FFW’ing. Now I’m taking a break from this show…

(TIME PASSES!!) (MORE TIME PASSES!!!!)

– And we’re back…

– *Randy Orton vs. Tensai. Fuck, are they TRYING to make me stop watching. This looks like garbage. AND IT IS! This is a brawler style match, that lumbers and whatnot. Basic story for our first segment is Tensai using his size to no-sell Orton’s offense and pummel him into corners and whatnot. For the love of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, FFW this crap. And yes, they decided to torment us with a second segment. Fuck sakes…

“‘Supp, Mang?” “Meow” “Word, cat!”

– We return, and guess what? Tensai is pummeling Orton in the corner. Wow. He also pummeled him outside the ring… into the corner steel ring post. This match is like ninety degrees of suck. Then Tensai slaps on the Vulcan deathgrip for a fabulously exciting restspot. FFW!!! DOES NOT COMPUTE!!! Normally I suffer through this for you, but fuck that. I skip five minutes. Orton punches the mat, Tensai tries his fall down finisher, BUT NO! RKO! Euthanized!

– EXCUSE ME! Vickie is out to shriek about Dolph. Ottawa boos her like Dany Heatly when the San Jose Sharks returned to the Senator’s arena after demanding a trade. Orton replies in binary, calling out Vickie’s plot to distract Orton while Ziggler attacks from behind. But using his Skynet radar detection skills, Orton spins around and Ziggler flees to rejoin the rebel human forces in their battle to destroy their computer masters. True story.

Sure… the hippo gets to do this, and when I try, I’m the one who gets eaten.

– Cesaro and Eurotrash Whore talk in multiple languages. Wow. That never gets old… wait, what’s this? A new challenger appears?

LINE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT:

“Hey Cesaro, you can come out here and run your mouth in as many languages as you want. But let me put it to you in Canadian, shall I? You see, after this Sunday… you will be a former United States Champion, EH?” Tyson Kidd (just before Aksana offers him a handjob, and Cesaro knocks him the fuck out).

– BTW, Canada #1. Iran #1. Fuck the Hogan.

– Cesaro calls for more, what, does he think he’s Ryback now? Somebody calls his momma, because Brodus answers the challenge next. Sadly, the Swiss often forget Calgarians are sneaky motherfuckers, so as Cesaro attempts to attack Brodus, Tyson Kidd kicks his neutral skull with a sick looking J.T. endorsed flippy kick, and then Brodus takes out the U.S. Champion to set up the Battle Royal at the PPV. Tyson get’s his Dinosaur on as the two faces dance to end the segment. I think Aksana imploded, who knows? Who cares? No fucks were given about her after her filthy handjob attempt on Tyson, anyways. Fluffer.

Sure… the elephant gets to do this, and when I try, I’m the one who gets arrested for stunting.

– Wade Barrett hits the microphone and notes that no one understood that he was open for business, and next week business will be booming. Ok. Nice beard, guy.

– *Kaitlyn vs my attention span Oh wait… it’s Beth Phoenix. Fuck the women’s division, BETH KILL IT WITH FIRE! GIVE HER SOME STIFF UPPER LIP LIKE AC/DC! She does, but the Kaitlynn also is given some time. Ok, I shouldn’t hate. It could be the Bellas in this had they not thankfully left (note to Kelly Kelly Kelly: never come back. The IWC hates you. Some of them want to fuck you, but all of us want you the fuck off our TV’s). Kaitlynneylynlyn gets her win, sadly. But she doesn’t suck as bad as the aforementioned. I was too busy typing this crap to care what was going on. So let’s say she won with a pulse mine, sniper-rifle combo finisher.

Soccer players really do make for some of the best gifs…

– B A Star, you pukes! That crap airs… yawn… John Cena chokes out a kid or something. Does anyone actually watch these bullshit PSA’s? Seriously?

– More updates for Jerry Lawler. All positive sentiments from this G.

– RAW Rebound: We watch some Cena/Punk stuff, now with 100% more Bret Hart!

– Eve kisses Booker’s ass backstage, as does Teddy Long. They support his decision to banhammer the the Brogue Kick. Then Teddy goes to fist his brethren former GM, but it gets awkward. Is Eve fucking Booker now? Sharmelle should be concerned, as should Gracie who just got engaged to Eve. There better be a sextape. No, on second thought, tell me I didn’t just write that! SUCKAH!

Sounds about right.

(MORE TIME OUTS ENSUE!!!) I need to check out a project I’ve been working on for over a year with some dudes from Wales and an alternate version (evil) of Patman of wonderpod. Make sure you hit up Wonderpodonline.com for the start of a 13 part series that blurs the lines of kayfabe and retardedness in relation to the topic of video games. It all begins on episode 127 and will run right through until the end of the year. If you don’t, I hate you and I hope you get future endeavored straight to hell. Do not pass go, do collect $200. /Shamelessplug

– *WWE World champion Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan. If nothing else, Bryan has this “Don’t get me mad, I’m trying to control it” down to a pat. They replay the AJ kiss distraction at WM from last April. The match that soured the whole card. Don’t remind me I paid for that shit, WWE. The two square off.

– ADR, Rodriguez and Otunga watch backstage. They are standing, because everyone who settles in to observe television programming stands by nature. Meanwhile, this match lasts longer than 18 seconds, but still has Sheamus as the dominant heel (I said it, he’s a fucking heel).

– Bryan gets his wind, and we get a match on the outside! Bryan isolates big red in the corner, to crowd “No!” and kicks Sheamus in the face and takes control of the match. Bryan continues to work the left arm of the heel, and we get a reason to watch. Bryan goes to the well too many times, missing his corner jump kick, allowing Sheamus to fall on Bryan from the top rope. I think Cole called it a “Battering Ram.” And from therein the two trade their spots…

– Daniel Bryan finally wears down Sheamus, but has to keep his anger in check with some NO! chants. Bryan enters into a variety of holds and variations, carrying the palest mother fucker on television ever. Sheamus keeps going to backbreaker moves into the Texas Cloverleaf. Did you know? Sheamus is a proud user of propane? No? Well, his second attempt at the submission gives him the win anyways. Sheamus makes me not want to pay for the pay per view.

All he needs to do is place some broken glass on the ground around him, and he’s gold.

– @GoftheInternet says – I’m going to give the WWE a pass on this show, when it comes to a verdict. And to be fair, I’m in a bad mood considering I almost watched Lawler die on Monday (feel like a vulture – thanks Bruce McGee of our sister site wonderpodonline.com for that sentiment), my night job is fucked up, and the NHL is getting locked-the-fuck-out… So those are MY problems, not yours. However… They filmed this when the King’s status was still in question. Not an easy thing to do. Was is worth watching? Fuck no. Were there segments worth a look? Yes. Did it make me want to spend money on the PPV for matches between guys I’ve seen many times before? I think the words “fuck no” doesn’t even express my disdain for that idea. Can’t wait for the Royal Rumble. Get better King! Stop sucking, WWE. That is all.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online. Keep in mind, we are trying to keep it clean. So do your best to avoid the language that offends people easily offended. I make a concerted effort to not call the product fucking shit ass bitch cock cunts. You can too. See? This is not on the air.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-220-8949. Or, coincidentally, 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

———————————————————–

Bored Wrestling Fan

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

Wonderpod Online

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown: 09/14/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

MATCH RESULTS

R-TRUTH/KOFI KINGSTON (WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS) DEF THE MIZ(INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION)/ANTONIO CESARO (U.S. CHAMPION) W/AKSANA

EVE, LAYLA & KAITLIN DEF BETH PHEONIX, NATTIE NEIDHART, & ALICIA FOX

RANDY ORTON DEF C.M. PUNK (WWE CHAMPION)

RANDY ORTON/JERRY LAWLER DEF C.M. PUNK (WWE CHAMPION)/DOLPH ZIGGLER

RYBACK DEF HEATH SLATER

KANE/DANIEL BRYAN DEF PRIME TIME PLAYERS – KANE/BRYAN NEW #1 CONTENDERS TO THE TAG TEAM TITLE

ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF TYSON KIDD BY SUBMISSION

SHEAMUS DEF DAVID OTUNGA

CODY RHODES DEF REY MYSTERIO

In the ring promo – John Cena cuts his best promo ever on C.M. Punk.

RAW ends with Michael Cole cheering on Jerry Lawler to recover

Here’s the big issue tonight, Jerry Lawler collapses at ringside during the Kane/Bryan-PTP match. At the time of this writing, according to PWInsider/World Wrestling Insanity.com, Lawler is supposedly in stable condition, breathing on his own, and awaiting a cat-scan. No one knows anything else at this time.
This is taking on scary connotations for fans as this happened in Montreal, during a guest appearance by Brett Hart, drawing comparisons to the Owen Hart tragedy of 1997(?)

All we can do is hope for the best.

The post RYTMANS RAW REVIEW 09/10/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

DOLPH ZIGGLER DEF. RANDY ORTON – Match ends with Ziggler charging Orton in the corner, Orton swings up, Ziggler hits the post, Orton tries a school-boy roll-up, Ziggler reverses it for a three-count, holding the trunks.
SIN CARA/MYSTERIO DEF. TENSAI/CODY RHODES – Rey h0its the 619 on Cody but is outside the ring when he tags Sin Cara. Ref makes them re-tag and Cara hits a Swanton for three.
C.M. PUNK (WWE CHAMPION) VS SHEAMUS (WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION) – Doesn’t happen; Punk in street clothes decides to take a personal day and leaves.
SHEAMUS DEF. JACK SWAGGER – Sheamus wins with the Texas Clover leaf leg-lock. After the match, Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez attack Sheamus. Ricardo winds up taking a brogue-kick meant for Del Rio. He sells it so long I start to think he’s legit hurt.
EVE DEF. KAITLYN – Eve wins with a neck-breaker. Match is booked to make Eve look like she’s playing nice until she gets an opening for a cheap shot.
RYBACK DEF. JINDER MAHAL – Ryback scores the pin with the meat-hook.
KANE & DANIEL BRYAN “HUG OUT” – So, after a series of “anger management” sketches, Bryan and Kane agree to meet in the ring. General Manager AJ lets us decide their fate via “Twitter poll.” The WWE universe votes for them to “hug it out.” Meaning they have to hug each other.
They have to hug each other.
Yeah
After stalling a good few minutes, Bryan eventually hugs Kane. Kane eventually hugs Bryan. They eventually hug each other. Then they start shoving each other. Then they start fighting. It ends with Bryan knocking Kane off the top rope with a chair.
U.S. CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: ANTONIO CESARO (U.S. CHAMPION) DEF. SANTINO MORELLA – Santino spends the entire match trying to make up his mind about using the cobra. Cesaro finishes this farce with his pile-driver variation.
ZACK RYDER DEF. HEATH SLATER – Ryder wins with the rough-rider.
ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF. JOHN CENA: FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE – A scary brawl that actually spilled out all the way to backstage. Cena throws Del Rio through the interview area and gives him the AA. Alberto lands on a luggage container and C.M. PUNK hits Cena with a kick to the head out of nowhere. Punk pulls Del Rio on Cena for a three-count, and then Cena takes a GTS face first onto Punk’s car. As the car drives off, PAUL HEYMAN looks out the window and winces.
THE GOOD
 • THE FINISH – The main event was actually exciting. Nice to see people who understand what “falls count anywhere” means. Punk getting Del Rio a win over Cena was the right way to get people hyped for the PPV. Paul Heymans cameo as Punks driver got me excited. I am marking out big-time for the possibility of him teaming up with Punk.
• ANGER MANAGEMENT – As stupid as these bits are, at least Kane and Bryan have made them watchable. Funny moment was when they both bailed on “Harold;” during a trust fall exercise, and the “doctor” losing his patients with his patients.
 THE BAD

Oh God, where to begin?
• COMMENTARY – Intercontinental champion The Miz joined the commentary team tonight. It was weird. Miz and Michael Cole seemed to be taking turns playing face. Oddly enough, Cole seemed to be working as the face announcer most of the night. It was kind of confusing. When Divas Champ Layla came out to join them for the Kaitlin/Eve match, Miz jumped all over her. They got into a Jerry Springer like shouting match with Cole desperately playing ref, with NO-ONE playing attention to the match.
• EVE VS KAITLIN – Actually decent; but BURIED by Miz and Layla bitching each other out. Also, Eve gets the win and makes a big show of offering Layla a handshake. You can see their feud coming a mile away, so what’s the point of making Kaitlin #1 contender if you want to do an Eve/Layla program? Why didn’t they just make Eve #1 contender?
• THE HUG – Screw you WWE universe. You’re buying into the WWE BS and voting for what they want you to vote for. You are getting the show you deserve.
THE UGLY
• AJ – Sweet mother, can we pull the plug on this experiment already? This whole night seemed to be more about AJ losing control than anything else. From people walking out on her to the breakdown in the ring, it’s like WWE wanted to make some point about any woman NOT named McMahon being in charge. Unless they’re setting up a Zach Ryder sized de-push, they need to have AJ quit this job and reactivate her as an active roster member so she can kill Vicki.
• VICKI AND “INVISIBLE” AJ – Just stop. Please just stop. Wrestling doesn’t do topical humor. Wrestling doesn’t need to do topical humor. For those playing along at home, Clint Eastwood was a guest speaker at the Republican National Convention last week, and did a “bit” with an empty chair representing Barack Obama. Vicki decided to pick up on this and do the same thing with AJ. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t even relevant to the show, because AJ showed up.
• SANTINO’S “COBRA” – George Steel Is face palming this crap.

RYTMANS RANT

WHY ARE WE BOOKING THIS GODDMN SHOW?!?
Seriously, what is the deal with the twitter polls? Why not just let us book the whole damn show via twitter? AND WHY WOULD WE VOTE FOR A HUG!? AND WHY DID WE!?!?!?
I just…..
Ugh.

The post RYTMANS RAW REVIEW 09/03/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– We’re told an enraged Alberto Del Rio wants answers for getting screwed over by the heelish bully and car thief, Sheamus at Summerslam. Then we see clips from the 24 hour RAW on Monday in which Sheamus continued his dastardly ways by screwing ADR in his match against Randall Keith Orton.

– Orton decides he will put us all to sleep with a promo in the ring to kick off the show. God, these are always death. Meanwhile, BWF Radio regular is in a viper-induced coma. Orton tells anyone in the back to confront him if they think he’s a dick. Sheamus comes out and more or less get’s on Orton’s member telling him he wants to face Orton for his corrupt title. HOLLA HOLLA! FLOW CHART! Oh wait, it’s Booker-T. My bad. T likes the smell of this program, which has the distinct aroma of FFW soup. But first….

This guy probably has one hell of a drop kick.

– Enter ADR who rightfully calls bullshit on this fucking injustice (his words, not mine). He points out all of what I’ve argued. Sheamus is a cheating criminal, and if this B A Star thing is to be considered legit, Alberto Del Rio is a true hero. It’s a conspiracy against a fine young upstanding ADR.

– * Ryback vs. Jinder Mahal. Battlecreek Michigan versus Calgary… Alberta, Canada?

FEED…. ME… MORE!!!

– Ryback notes, “Jinder Mahal, tonight you finally understand your place in the food chain! FEED ME MORE!” I guess that was a passable promo for the red-eye-knight. Clips and shit are shown. Jinder is going toe-to-toe with the Ryback, even stomping him down and making him his bitch while the crowd chants “This is gay! This is gay!” Oh wait, they’re chanting “U-S-A! U-S-A!” My bad, I thought they were homophobes, turns out they’re just racist nationalists that forget they’re an immigrant based country. LOL. Melting pot, my ass. After a nice display of offense, Ry-Van-Dam hits his little march slam move on Jinder for the win. I hope I riled a couple of you Yankees up tonight. I’m Canadian, and I’m fucking down being polite! Ha ha, eh!

I seem to be on a bit of an angry animal kick tonight… got stuck at work much later than I would have liked. Plus Summerslam, RAW, and Impact sucked my balls for the most part.

– * Non-Title Match: Layla {C} vs. Alicia Fox. Stupid non-title matches. Whatever. FFW, don’t care. The ladies kind of roll around and pretend to wrestle. This really sucks. Layla wins in about 90 seconds. Moving on… as Eve makes her way down to raise the hands of Kaitlyn and Layla (Kaitlyn was on commentary, I suppose). Weird shit here folks.

Jack be creepy, Jack be sick…

– Dolph Ziggler discusses beating Chris Jericho with Vickie backstage. They complain about A.J. not being the father of Claire Lynch’s baby or some crap. Enter on-the-lam criminal Sheamus who thinks Ziggler should cash in the MitB tonight. Ziggler tells him to fuck off. Corrupt assistant to Booker T tells them that they will face each other tonight in a non-title match.

– * Heath Slater vs Sin Cara. Cody Rhodes is on commentary. The lights are dimmed, and whatnot. Rhodes notes that 8 times out of 10 he agrees with Cole on commentary, I note that Rhodes never learned how to reduce his fractions. BOO! MATH MUST PREVAIL! Actually, I could give a fuck. I saw this match THREE TIMES in Calgary last summer on one show. It’s a good mix of the flippy floppy and the… umm… what’s Slater’s move set called again? Being squashed all that time makes me unsure. But Slater ekes out a victory in a pretty short match. Rhodes flies into the ring to demask the fallen lucha. But, the referees prevent this from happening as “Cody Sucks!” chants ring out from the crowd.

How I wish the Claire Lynch story would end on Impact. That or a Popeye run in on AJ, either or.

– * Non-Title Match: Sheamus {C} vs. Dolph Ziggler. Vickie joins commentary. She talks about Teddy bears or something, I tune out from commentary as per usual. Both men are sold as strong to start, and I can’t say it’s turrible. Barks can though, and likely will during a seemingly logical pending commercial break. Dolph learns to count in honor of the late, great Jerry Nelson. But it turns out I am wrong as Ziggler uses the briefcase to beat down the so-called champ and then wants to cash it in! Then as Sheamus arises from seeming death, Ziggler reclaims his contract before it’s made official! THERE WILL BE NO TITLE MATCH TODAY! Ziggles shouts “NO RUSH!” as he makes his way to the back. 1, 2, 3, 4… 4 premature contract cash ins! AH AH AH!! RIP Mr. Nelson.

He was a vampire that appealed to kids. AND… AND… he did not fucking sparkle.

– Santino is in the ring talking about loving America and that type of stuff. Also a Canadian depicted as someone from another country. LOL. Santino wants his rematch, and is mildly entertaining and talks to his sock puppet and things get stupid funny. You will either love or hate this. Me? I like trainwrecks, and the fact that he is telling his hand about the birds and the bees is so retarded it’s awesome. Aksana distracted the sock puppet, and Santino asks his hand if it can milk him. PG TV, folks! Then he quotes Rocky, and he gets his Cobra all fired up! El oh el! Enter the current US champ and his eye-candy valet… Our five words tonight are “winner.” Then they make out. Cesaro taunts the Milan Miracle and they fight on the ramp. But once again, the Cobra is distracted by Aksana, and Cesaro lays him out.

Charles Barkley @G: “Did you see me in the audience at Summerslam, G? I got seats with some rats!”

– * WWE Tag Team Title Match: Kofi Kingston & R-Truth {C} vs. Epico & Primo. The Prime Time Players join commentary. Fuck, lot’s of joining commentary tonight. Albeit, Titus Oneil does do a funny impression of Booker T, even though it distracts from a pretty good match. The Colons are looking better each time I see them. This match is pretty solid for the 2 minutes they give them. R-Truth snags a win for his tandem while the PTP’s do their best to glare at the champs.

Do I REALLY need a caption for this one?

– The Day movie trailer. I check it out since I FFW’d through it on Monday. Striker talks to the tag champs backstage… pretty generic about taking on all comers, etc. The P2P’s enter and Titus tells Little Jimmy he needs to be seen and not heard! HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHA! Classic. Then the rarely seen Usos enter staking a claim, as well as the Colons. Brawl segment ensues. At least it FEELS like there is a tag team division, so there’s that.

I’ve got to wonder how devastating the WMD would be if taken by Ziggler.

– Booker talks to Teddy about who deserves a title match for the tag titles… and Teddy blanks. Yes, the guy who flow charts tag matches for ten years blanks. Fuck off. Eve enters and did all the research, hands it to Booker and then turns to snub an angry looking Teddy.

– Clip packages for like 13549791035907501 hours.

– * #1 Contender’s Match: Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio. The match is getting lots of time and things start out slow. Why? Randall? Randall? Clean up in aisle 9, Randall, clean up in aisle 9. Price check on boredom…. why must you ruin ADR matches? Then we return to typical rest holds… They keep wrestling… and I’m distracted checking other things, so I type little here. Why? Because I write this as I watch and drink. Sheamus is shitty on the announce table (yes, that theme continues). Orton always seems to make me check out mentally. Fortunately, Orton has some straight-to-DVD movie to film and Del Rio slaps on move #248
“ARM BAR” and submits the bag-shitter. Post match, criminal mastermind, Sheamus attacks ADR because he’s a good guy. FUCK THIS SHIT. HE’S A FUCKING HEEL! STOP THIS SHIT, WWE! Del Rio sneaks his way out of the ring, because that’s what faces do. Ziggler teases the cash in again, only to immediately eat an RKO? WHY? Why the fuck would Orton defend Sheamus here? DUMB!! Fuck it, I made it through wrestling this week.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online. Keep in mind, we are trying to keep it clean. So do your best to avoid the language that offends people easily offended. I make a concerted effort to not call the product fucking shit ass bitch cock cunts. You can too. See? This is not on the air.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-220-8949. Or, coincidentally, 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 08/24/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

KOFI INGSTON & R-TRUTH W/SIN CARA def. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS W/CODY RHODES – Before the match, we get a recap of Truth celebrating his teams win at Summerslam by dumping Gatorade on little Jimmy, and a shot of the unflattering cartoon Cody Rhodes had made up of Sin Cara. Kofi and Truth started of the match with fast paced double-teaming on each of the PTP while Sin Cara ran off Rhodes. The heels took control on R-Truth, until he makes the hot tag to Sin Cara. Kofi and Truth take out the PTP’s while Cody and Cara wind up the match. Cody’s obsession with Cara’s mask gets him pinned for the three-count.

RYBACK def. MIKE SPINNER & ANDY TAVARES – Another Ryback squash with Jinder Mahal running in to get in a sneak attack. Ryback fights him off with his jawbreaker variation and proceeds to kill the jobbers while Mahal runs off.

RANDY ORTON def. ALBERTO DEL RIO – Del Rio leaves the car in the back and storms out angry. He shows us a picture from his match with Sheamus at Summerslam, proving his foot was clearly on the ropes and demands a rematch with Sheamus right now. AJ skips out and greets Alberto with “hello” in Spanish. (I don’t know how to spell it.) She can’t give him a shot at Sheamus because that’s Booker T’s call. She does give him a match and tells him to “say hello” to his “little friend.” Randy Orton comes out. After the break, Sheamus comes out to join commentary. The match is back and forth with a lot of striking, stomping, and highspots. Del Rio goes for the win but Sheamus gets the ref to see Orton’s foot on the rope. Del Rio gets hot with Sheamus and turns around into an RKO, for a three-count.

DAMIEN SANDOW def. BRODUS CLAY – We start off with a brief recap of the feud and how Sandow hurt Clay’s leg. As Sandow walks to the ring, we get picture-in-picture comments from Sandow vowing to get rid of Clay once and for all. We’re welcome. The match is basically Brodus tossing and squashing Sandow, and Sandow going after the bad knee. Sandow dodges a charge and rolls up Clay for a three-count with a hand full of tights, despite Clay NOT having both shoulders down, but I guess I’m the only one who cares. After the match, Clay got his revenge with a t-bone suplex and the big splash on Sandow. And we get a celebratory hug from the Funkadactyls and a dance party with kids.

BIG SHOW def DAVID OTUNGA – Earlier tonight, Otunga offered his legal services to AJ, but made the mistake of using the “c” word. (NOT THAT C-WORD! THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW! “CRAZY!” HE SAID “CRAZY!”) AJ ordered him to wrestle an opponent of her choice. This was a straight-up squash, with an angry Show just overwhelming Otunga with a brutal beat-down.

KANE & ZACK RYDER vs. BRYAN AND THE MIZ: NO CONTEST – AJ ordered this match as a way of making Kane and Bryan deal with “anger issues.” The match ends with the heels bailing (in Bryan’s case, through the crowd,) and Kane brutalizing the timekeeper and Tomb-stoning Ryder.

KAITLIN WINS DIVA ROYAL – Sloppy filler, dragged out to long. Kaitlin wins by eliminating Eve, and becomes new #1 contender to the Divas title, held by Layla, who was at ringside.

DOLPH ZIGGLER def. CHRIS JERICHO: CONTRACT VS. CONTRACT – Earlier in the night, AJ skipped in on an argument between Jericho and Ziggler and made this match with the stipulation that if Jericho wins, he gets Ziggler’s MiTB briefcase, and if Ziggler wins, Jericho’s contract is cancelled. The match is a face paced exchange of back and forth high-spots, including a scary flip off the top rope that I’m not sure went according to plan. Jericho hooked Ziggler under the arms with his legs, and flipped backwards, tossing Ziggler up and over. Ziggler landed on his head and it looked scary. Match ends with Jericho’s Lionsault hitting Ziggler’s knees and a Zig-Zag for the three-count. After the match, Jericho beats Ziggler down with his own briefcase.

HIGHLIGHTS

•Paul Heyman opening the show with Lesnar – Heyman coins the term “Brocktagon,” and refers to Brock as the new “King of Kings,” and “Lord and Master of the WWE.” Lesnar calls out the ref from Sunday night’s Summerslam match to tell him two words – “good job.”

•AJ coming out to book Orton/Del Rio – She came off slightly racist with the Spanish hello and Scarface quote.

•Summerslam Recap – Antonio Cesaro winning the US title and “touting” from the ring, followed by Summerslam week highlights in L.A. (Santino working in a restaurant, Be a Star anniversary, Divas on the red carpet.)

•Shawn Michaels Live Satellite interview – Shawn sells the schmaltz big with his confession that he should’ve told hunter he couldn’t beat Brock. He tells Hunter “I love you,” “We all love you,” “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

•C.M. Punk offering Cena a title shot IF he admits Punk is the “best in the world.” Cena refuses and dares Punk to pick someone else.

•Punk demanding an apology from Lawler – Lawler apologizes, but when he refuses to call Punk “the best in the world,” he gets a kick to the back of the head.

TWITTER AND TOUTS

•Punk on Tout, announcing he would pick his own #1 contender that night.

•The entire WWE universe – Commenting on Hunter/Lesnar; via Twitter

•Summerslam recap interviews: Punk demands respect, Cena is disappointed, Big Show is angry.

RYTMANS’ RANT

No one thing to rant about this week. I have to admit that for the most part, his show was pretty solid and kept moving nicely. Of course, they STILL went overtime but…

I do want to comment on how badly Alberto Del Rio and Sheamus are being booked. Sheamus is losing credibility as a champion, as he can’t seem to finish off this feud convincingly. And the whole “taking the title shot away from Del Rio just to give it back” routine ran out of gas a week ago. IF Del Rio were a face, winning back his title shots from a heel GM, this might work, however it’s a heel, who we’re supposed to root against, constantly given legitimate complaints. It’s time for Sheamus to move on to someone else.

SIDE NOTE: Is there a reason Randy Orton is beating all the top heels? It would make sense if he was being built as Punk’s next challenger, but that doesn’t seem to be the plan.

How is AJ supposed to be better than Johnny Ace? Isn’t she doing the exact same things he did? AJ has to do something else besides torment her ex-boyfriends. You’re just wasting what was at first a fresh; interesting character on the same BS you’ve been doing all damn year.

Also, if Cena had just come out and said to Punk, “Take your title shot and shove it,” or words to that effect, he would’ve gotten the effect he wanted, maybe won over a few fans, and FINISHED THE SHOW ON TIME!

That’s it for this week peep-holes. I’ll see you next time, on RYT-TIME.

The post RYTMAN’S RAW REVIEW 08/20/2012 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Pretty much the whole card has been announced. There’s even some last minute matches likely to be teased tonight and then cut for time on Sunday. I expect a holding pattern, and a whole bunch of clip packages. Maybe I’ll get through this in record time? Only one way to find out, let’s hop to it, shall we?

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Yep. We kick off our show with clips. It’s a rundown of the Sheamus/ADR feud and the so-called “cancelled” match at Summerslam this Sunday. Naturally, this segues into Alberto Del Rio coming out with Ricardo Rodriguez. And boy is he pissed. Booker T comes down to address the issue. ADR spoke with his lawyers… BREAK THE WALLS DOWN! Y2J tells him to SHUT THE HELL UP. Del Rio will have none of this, but Jericho speaks Spanish too. I don’t speak it, so I have little clue what he says. “His breath smells like dog poop,” Y2J Google translates for us. All in all it’s a fun segment which results in the Book-man making it a match.

The pride of Sunnyvale, The Trailer Park Boys in 8-bit. Hit the image for a link to Al Creed. You’re welcome.

– * Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara vs. Cody Rhodes/The Miz. These two respective teams are to face each other at Summerslam. The Sin Cara/Cody Rhodes one is still a bit up in the air though. Rhodes enters last with a microphone telling us he was trying to unmask Sin Cara to reveal his ugly face for what it is, warning the audience as he reveals an artist’s rendition of what the lucha’s face actually looks like. As the match starts, Cara attacks Rhodes and the two masked men take the advantage. You know what? I really dig these guys in as team mates, both teams. They seem to click. This match delivers! We get a high octane energetic effort, with a balance of technical and acrobatic moves. The finish comes with a neat spot where Sin Cara is outside the ring and Rhodes is leaning through the ropes trying to demask him, but Rhodes gets taken out with a 619! The luchas win! Post match, sneaky Miz attempts to attack Mysterio with the IC title, only to have it turn on him and he too eats a 619 breakfast. Totally worth the watch.

I’d do the same thing to anyone wearing a Jason mask at a campsite. You just can’t be too careful.

– * Tyler Reks/Curt Hawkins vs …??? Reks and Hawkins are in suits, which they take the jackets off… then their shirts, with ties… it’s a strip tease gimmick. By the end of it, they are in ring gear…. and are facing ??? Some random jobbers who get no name graphics. The Strippers work in little dance moves as they dismantle two guys that look like food for Ryback. “Interesting gyrations…” says Cole. Is this PG? Probably not. Do the two give it their all in an attempt to get the gimmick over? Yes. Guess who wins.

I can’t believe they spelled “laser” wrong.

– Backstage, Eve runs into William Regal who wishes her luck. Regal reminisces when he was GM of RAW and he fed off the power, and the dangers of power. Then some random worker asks what she is paying Regal for, and to take out the trash. LOL. That was funny. More Wade Barrett clip packages. I like’em. How about you?

– * Kaitlyn vs. Eve Torres (the winner becomes Booker T’s assistant). Teddy Long joins commentary as an observer for Booker. Cole notably mentions Eve’s appearance in “Stars vs Stripes” which goes head-to-head with part of the 6571835641432 hours of RAW on Monday nights. I wouldn’t tell the audience that, even in the DVR age. It’s not a very long match, but it isn’t horrible. These two do a good job. But, Eve picks up the win with what I presume is her finisher, fucked if I know. She grins maliciously and goes over to grin in an unimpressed Teddy Long’s face.

Charles Barkley @G: “I hear you were in a zombie parody or something, honkey.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Who me? Nah….”

[youtube I9flUHuruH0]
But which one am I?

– Booker meets with his new assistant, and wants to know about how her history with Teddy Long is going to be an issue. Eve claims it will be ok, and leaves. Booker’s face drops and looks like he wants to kill a man…. or woman, for that matter.

– * Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton. Wow, they sure are giving these unique matchups, huh? First Cena, now Orton? Bryan continues to play off the crowd chanting “Yes” with his “No!” Boreton makes his slow methodical way out to the ring. Geez. On one side, you have a guy I WANT to watch in Bryan, and on the other a walking sedative. In a funny moment Bryan finds himself outside the ring as some crazy fan (plant?) is repeatedly shouting YES! at him. Funny shit. Bryan works Randall Keith Orton’s knee like a good heel should (no the “punt” is still banned). Bryan doesn’t care and stretches him real good. Orton’s worked punches still suck, BTW. Commercials…

Happy Birthday Little Jimmy! Source

– We return to Bryan focusing almost all his energy on carrying Orton and working the knee. It’s very good psychology, even though wrestling dies anytime littler men hold titles (right Big Lazy?). To give the Viper credit, he continues to sell the injuries through out, to the point of his counter attacks hurting him too as he limps around the ring. The crowd is very into this match, excellent atmosphere! Orton finally gets set up to pull out an RKO, which Bryan reverses into a No-Lock utilizing leverage on the injured knee. BAM!!!! Kane’s pyro hits, distracting the American Dragon! This allows Orton to pick up the win with an RKO. You know what? This was another great match on a show I thought would suck. But I don’t go back and edit what I already wrote. That’s my deal, I was wrong…. even if the rest of the show sucks from here on in, but I doubt that with Jericho and Del Rio left to go.

Catch them all, brother!

– * Antonio Cesaro vs. Zack Ryder. Santino joins commentary to watch the guy who will hopefully take the strap from him in the pre-show Youtube match this Sunday… and hopefully rename it the European Championship. More Cesaro five language shit… this week’s secret word is “Loser” as the crowd chants USA. Funny, Santino is actually Canadian and Cesaro is Swiss. Go figure, I guess that means Zack Ryder is Hacksaw Jim Duggan now. Ryder gets some attacks in, but let’s face it folks, WOO WOO WOO, it’s over. Cesaro makes short work of the Orange One. Sorry Joe!

I kind of want him to show up at Summerslam like this…

– Here’s the clip packages. Tells the story of Bork Laser and all the contract shit between him and HHH leading up to this Sunday. Broken arms, and all that stuff. Good times in FFW land for this here G.

DDP about to kick out a mad freestyle.

– * Chris Jericho vs. Alberto Del Rio. ? Or is it? Backstage a laid out and beaten down Chris Jericho is being yelled at by Dolph Ziggler who tells him he can’t win the big one… Booker arrives on the scene and tells him to get the fuck out of Dodge. Aces and Eights? LOL. Popeye? Too many inside references? NEVER!

I don’t know either, but still more entertaining than a Kelly Kelly Kelly match.

– We’re back with a replay of what we just saw in case we forgot. Del Rio dons a shit-eating grin in the ring, and asks about some more “Spanish” from Jericho. He gets Ricardo to tell the audience the winner is Alberto, and demands Booker T come out and award him with his Summerslam match. Nope, the Walls are broken down. Jericho shambles down to face the Mexican aristocrat.

– * Chris Jericho vs. Alberto Del Rio (take two). Y2J backs down for nobody, but Del Rio takes advantage of his injured sternum/chest-area. Wow, this is some good story telling! With the injury, Jericho continues to desperately fight back as the heeltastic Del Rio dominates the man from Winnipeg. We hit some commercials to enter our final segment of the show…

Horsepower.

– Jericho will just not stop. He’s a face now, so what can you expect. He pulls out moves that hurt him like the lionsault, and the like, and even the Walls of Jericho hurt the man. Yes, I realize that Bryan/Orton played a similar card tonight, but no fucks are given by this wrestling fan. Dolph Ziggler sneak attacks Jericho c/o referee distraction and this allows the dastardly Del Rio to pick up the win! Ricardo almost loses his voice announcing the victory. Post match, Del Rio locks on an armbar (backstage Dean Malenko is smiling)… but Sheamus runs out and attacks Del Rio! Del Rio turns the tides and works Sheamus’ injured arm as the two brawl on the outside and into the arena. Del Rio walks away and the angry Irishman checks on his fallen new bestie, Chris Jericho. Booker T comes out and asks what’s up. Sheamus wants his match at Summerslam reinstated. Sheamus doesn’t care that he is injured and if it is for the World Heavyweight Championship. So Booker complies.

– Good show all around, three thumbs up! I attached another arm to my torso on Wednesday. Good times.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online. Keep in mind, we are trying to keep it clean. So do your best to avoid the language that offends people easily offended. I make a concerted effort to not call the product fucking shit ass bitch cock cunts. You can too. See? This is not on the air.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-220-8949. Or, coincidentally, 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

———————————————————–

Bored Wrestling Fan

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

Wonderpod Online

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 08/17/12: A Better Go Home Show Than RAW appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Note the computer I am writing this on is being backed up onto my other computer, and is acting sluggish. This will affect my review….indeed!

Always a mystery…

– Our one time GM, Booker T, heads to the ring. He gives the crowd a one-time Spin-a-rooni, and reminds us he is in his hometown of Houston. “Houston, we have a problem…” he notes. Curious? Curiousity? See what I did there? Clips of Sheamus’ larceny on RAW air, and The Book-Man requests The Great White comes to the ring to apologize for being a criminal. Sheamus notes that Del Rio tried to take his dignity last Friday, so he opted to steal Alberto’s car. Sheamus apologizes to Booker, the entire WWE Universe, and insincerely to Del Rio. As a member of the universe in question, I do not accept his apology. I DEMAND PROSECUTION IN THE FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW!!! Del Rio seems to agree, and enters calling Sheamus, and rightfully so, a criminal. Booker points out that if Sheamus can’t defend the title in jail (fuck that, strip the guy), so basically this all culminates in making a World Title defense tonight.

I wonder what Curiosity would have done to Max Moon?

– * Cody Rhodes vs. Sin Cara – Ok, now my computers are being total fuckers… Rhodes mentions he is also is familiar with wearing a mask, but the difference is that Sin Cara is ugly. Umm…. zing? Terrible. It’s a quick, decent match. Rhodes spends too much time trying to demask Sin Cara, and as a result gets a fruit roll-up and your champion of the match is Sin Cara. Just prior, Rhodes looks up and mouths “What’s with the lights?”

I bet you’re laughing. I was too, until I realized that this kid just might be REALLY good at defense and willing to take two for the team.

– Cut to Daniel Bryan walking backstage yelling “No!” at random grips, P.A.’s, wrestlers, etc. Bryan hunkers down in the ring as the crowd cries “YES!” at him… I swear, I thought he was going into the punk position. “Do you people think I am nothing more than a catchphrase?” he demands, to which the crowd of course responds… well… you know what they say. Then Bryan goes off, and I don’t rewrite promos. Let’s just say it’s awesome, and he rants about being a champion, AJ, and his match at Summerslam with Kane. He feels he deserves more than that, and the crowd can fuck off. Kane comes out, and then AJ comes out? WTF? Wrong show dipshit. Booker asked her here, we’re told and she does her head twitch crap and over-emoting garbage. AJ tells Kane that she appreciated how Kane was honest with her when she was in slut-mode a while back. Then she demands that Bryan shakes Kane’s hand while looking like she is having an orgasm. Then Kane attacks Bryan, so the latter flees. It was an entertaining bit, all thanks to Bryan and no one else. Looks like AJ wants to fuck Kane again.

6-C is “Run like a cowardly heel.” Awesome.

– Hawkins and Rekks approach Booker T and want a shot, but T wants “A+” talent not jobbers to Pinky and the Back (hint both of latter two are actually one guy).

This is so spot on, I had to include it somewhere on this site.

– * Jinder Mahal vs. Two Random Job Guys Mahal has his fucking hat box back, because all of us Calgarians put our turbans in glass boxes. That’s what we do. Then Mahal gets a screen bit about telling Eye-fart-back about beating two jobbers quicker than the guy who can’t find toilet paper. Mahal fucks them up quick, and puts both in a double camel clutch spot. Then Ry-Van-Back enters and runs off the Calgarian. Rycrack then does his double finisher spot. I’m not impressed. Mahal already softened them up. Smores were had by all in the crowd, right Joe?

Survivor Naut G will return to the Wonderpod show soon enough, meanwhile, Diddy found outside work as a sociopath.

– There better be fucking hockey next season, or I riot.

What he said. I murdered some guy at a Burger King once… not going through that again….

– * Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel Returns w/ Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero. You already know this is awesome, so just go watch it. It’s the first time in over two years since this has been on WWE television. Vickie comes out and tells Jericho he cannot interview her client, and they have a funny back and forth. This is the reason to watch tonight’s show. So if you are on the fence, just go watch this segment. He had time to re-evaluate and maybe it’s time to… well, “Y2J is back, BABY!” Awesome. Ziggler tries to run in, Jericho fucks up his shit… Vickie slaps Jericho and Ziggy Ziggles blindsides Y2J! Then he clocks him with the briefcase! I watch this twice. Watch it once, or turn in your Wrestling Fan Card in at the desk on the way out. The following will be up until the Orwellian police take it down:

[youtube pZO00tOtjew]
Hit the 8 minute mark, smark.

– * #1 Contender’s Match: The Primetime Players vs. Epico and Primo. Probably worth noting that this is the last time you’ll see AW with the PP’s since his Kobe comment Muhammad Hassan’d him right out into the pastures of future endeavors. I thought that would happen last week, BUT NO! AW reverses the decision into three more television appearances only to be laid out by the Corporation during a house show run in on Friday! Looks like the Colons might get a bit more time as a result. Shitty deal for Young and Oneil… oh well. The match is rendered moot as Kofi Bryant and R-Truth interfere (they were on commentary), and they beat down AW. Coincidence? No.

Charles Barkley @G: “While you were camping last week, you missed the turrible performance by the nightmare team.  They’re only beating other teams by 20 points or so.  Turrible.”

– LOL, switching Kofi and Kobe’s last names is still real to me. Moving on… fucking computers are still being fucktards.

– * Christian vs. Antonio Cesaro w/ Aksana. Ok, this should be good. Let me entertainment you. Cesaro wants to speak to us in 5 different languages. Hey, he learned five words, and all of them are “Victory” this week. I smell a gimmick. Much better this week. They deliver, and we get a showcase of technically sound wrestling. Christian gets the win though, which is a bit of a shame. The two trade spots leading to a SPEAR! BAH GAWD! I don’t think the Captain needed the win here, but it is what it is.

No caption needed.

– Arda Ocal tells us Canadian viewers on The Score that Lance Storm Academy has produced yet another talent. Nice! But there is also somewhere else wrestlers, referees, and other talent can learn the business in Calgary…. Alberta, Canada. It’s Original Stampede Wrestling. It’s run by Bruce Hart and Doc Knight, and we at boredwrestlingfan.com had the pleasure to interview them about this restart of the innovative Stampede Wrestling this week. That interview is here.

– Eve talks shit about being invaluable to Johnny Ace, but Booker could give two fucks. Then Kaitlyn is brought in by Teddy Long to be an assistant and is hired immediately much to Eve’s chagrin. Booker makes it a match between the two, and the winner gets the job. That’s how I got my job at Burger King in highschool. I killed another man… but that’s a story for another day.

Seems legit.

– * Non-Title Match: The Miz {C} vs. Rey Mysterio. Whoop-dee-doo. Non-title match. Fuck this shit. Mysterio is still wearing his rubber shirt with a question mark on it. Why? Because he’s fat now. And wrestlers can’t be fat. Just ask Dusty Rhodes, Andre “the Giant”, Tugboat, Mass Transit, Yokozuna, Uncle Elmer, or Fatty McGee. They all agree. Whatever, this was a decent match at best. Rey and Miz trade a bunch of spots up and down the ring. Near falls, etc. I’m just apathetic because of the non-title clause. FUCKING HATE THAT STIP. One neat spot has Miz reverse the 619, but Mysterio still counters his finisher with another Fruit-Rollup, and picks up the win. At least put this as a title match on the PPV. Could’ve been better.

I think it’s obvious that Zangief takes round 1.

– * World Title Match: Sheamus {C} vs. Alberto Del Rio. They’ve got five minutes. That doesn’t bode well. Police officers come down to arrest Sheamus? Huh. Del Rio tells them to back off, as he wants his title back. Sheamus fights the police, because that’s what upstanding B-A-Star face champions do. The rest of the NWA run in, I guess. The cops beat down the Irishman and Del Rio tries to ply them off of the Great White. But no, he’s going where he belongs. At least the cops let our Mexican Millionaire get some cheap shots in. The cops hold Sheamus in place so Del Rio can dropkick him… then clear the ring so the man can put him in an armbar. And that’s pretty much it, folks!

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online. Keep in mind, we are trying to keep it clean. So do your best to avoid the language that offends people easily offended. I make a concerted effort to not call the product fucking shit ass bitch cock cunts. You can too. See? This is not on the air.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-220-8949. Or, coincidentally, 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 08/10/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The post RYTMAN’S RAW REVIEW 08/06/2012 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Yes, I’m aware I used this the last time I filled in for G

I completely forget I’m supposed to cover the show while G is off at band camp, then wind up having to watch the show twice in a row.  That is how ThinkSoJoE’s Smackdown reviews work.  This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online.  This is a half-assed take of the show in question.  Also, I’ll be interviewing Larry Dallas this Sunday on BoredWrestlingFan Radio.  You should tune in.  We’re live at 2PM EST at mixlr.com/boredwrestlingfan.

Do you know your enemy?  Yeah.  It’s G for making me do actual work around here.  I own this place, dammit!  I wonder what the chances are that this will go smoothly…

No chance…..

The boss is here, look busy!  Mr. McMahon is in the house, and he’s here to tell us who the new SmackDown GM is going to be, Sucka!

At least we don’t have him on commentary…

Booker T is honored to be our new GM, and Alberto Del Rio decides to congratulate him.  Sheamus wants to as well, and Booker T overrules ADR’s decision to not wrestle until SummerSlam, because he’ll be facing Randy Orton later on tonight.  Sheamus isn’t off the hook either, he’s facing Tensai, NEXT!

found at facebook.com/wrestlingmemes

Sheamus vs. Tensai

I am not sitting through this whole show.  I’m not doing my usual “this happened, then this happened, and then this happened” recap of the matches.  I’m tired and as I said before, I completely forgot I was doing this tonight.  Plus, I need to get ready to interview Larry Dallas this Sunday on BoredWrestlingFan Radio.  Did I mention that?  Anyway, this match was brutal – in the good sense of the word.  Sheamus and Tensai worked stiff, and you could see the bruises, cuts, and welts on their bodies.  In the end, it’s Sheamus winning via the Brogue Kick.

Winner:  Sheamus

Eve is begging for a job backstage.  Booker says she’ll be the first person he calls when he has an opening.  Teddy Long comes in, and Booker gives him a job.  Eve leaves, upset.

Happy birthday to one of my heroes, James Hetfield of Metallica!

Antonio Cesaro (with Aksana) says hello in 5 different languages.  Santino can barely say it in one.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Santino Marella

Santino gets upset because the referee broke up a pinfall with Cesaro’s foot under the rope.  Santino didn’t read his WWE Rule Book very well, did he?  Cesaro wins for the second week in a row over the United States Champion.

Winner:  Antonio Cesaro

Teddy Long was just named Senior Adviser to the SmackDown GM a few minutes ago, and already, we’ve got ourselves a tag team match, playa, as coming up it’s Kane, Jericho, and Christian vs. Miz, Ziggler, and Bryan.

Daniel Bryan has a beard. Goats have beards. Therefore, Daniel Bryan is a goat. That’s logical, right?

We get a recap of Bryan’s last couple weeks including his psychological evaluation.  Bryan again demands the fans stop chanting Yes.  He says he’ll be saying “No” a lot more now.  And he’s even wearing the t-shirt to prove it.

Chris Jericho, Kane, and Christian vs. Dolph Ziggler, The Miz, and Daniel Bryan

No.  No.  No.  No.  I’m not watching this again.  I’m not a big fan of these multi guy schmozes.  Thing to take away from this:  The Yes Lock is now called the No Lock.  The heels win it.

Winners:   Daniel Bryan, The Miz, and Dolph Ziggler

I’m starting to dose off by this point, as Bryan argues with a ringside fan.

Matt Striker is interviewing Randy Boreton.  FFW!

Jinder Mahal is here to face Ryback and his invisible pyro.

FEED. ME. S’MORES!

Ryback vs. Jinder Mahal

Mahal hits Ryback with a microphone.  Disqualification.  The end.

Ryback def. Jinder Mahal via DQ

Backstage, AW is with the Prime Time Players.  No rape jokes this week, just billions of dollars!

Thanks to our dear friend Hornsby at BotchedSpot.com

Darren Young vs R-Truth

I fell asleep.  I just woke back up.  I don’t know what happened.  Young picked up the win.

Winner:  Darren Young

Next week:  Cody Rhodes vs. Sin Cara.

I hear voices in my head…  They apparently tell me to take drugs and go on a 2 month “vacation.”

Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio

I’m very tired, so I’ll just tell you what happened.  Orton was setting up for the RKO, Ricardo Rodriguez attacked him, Orton wins by DQ.

Winner:  Orton by DQ.

After the match, Del Rio tries to attack Orton’s arm, but Orton turns the tables.  Del Rio tries to bail, but Sheamus returns him to the ring.  Orton hits the RKO, and we all live happily ever after.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online. Keep in mind, we are trying to keep it clean. So do your best to avoid the language that offends people easily offended. I make a concerted effort to not call the product fucking shit ass bitch cock cunts. You can too. See? This is not on the air.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites! or at least it will when I get up in the morning

———————————————————–

Bored Wrestling Fan

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

Wonderpod Online

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post SmackDown 8/3/12 is on like neckbone! appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

The post RYTMAN RAW REVIEW 07/30/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Triple H and The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels are out first. Shawn makes a joke about needing to catch his breath, and Triple H makes a joke about his underwear bunching up on him.

Three hours people

Triple H points out that there used to be more of them, and with that; we cue the rest of DX.

The Road Dogg Jessie James, the Bad-Ass Billy Gunn, and X-PAC! They come out in a modified army jeep with mounted cannon as a call back to the “invasion” of WCW Nitro. The guys hit the ring and we have a full-on DX reunion (well, no China.) Hunter makes a joke about being the only guy who still has a full head of hair, promises to see us all for show 2000, and we all get ready to SUCK IT! Shawn and Billy argue over who gets to do the “We’ve got two words for you,” bit. There’s a reference to Shawn losing his smile, and they agree to go together on it.
They’re cut off by Damien Sandow coming out to berate the degenerates and all of us for laughing at their antics. He warns the DX army that if they attack him, they will only martyr him to his cause.

They do, after a football huddle and telling Sandow they’ve made their decision, Sandow gets the sweet chin music and a pedigree.

“Well, I guess if you’re not down with that, we got two words for ya!” – Billy Gunn

“SUCK IT!” – DX

DX takes us to a commercial break with a group pose on the ramp w/pyro/fireworks.

We come back and good ol’ JR joining King and Cole for commentary for our first match

6-MAN TAG: REY MYSTERIO, SIN CARA, AND SHEAMUS VS DOLPH ZIGGLER, CHRIS JERICHO AND ALBERTO DEL RIO

Ziggler and Del Rio get their customary intros by Vicki and Ricardo and we go to commercial.
It’s a quickie that breaks out into your basic spot-fest until Ziggler gets in a cheap shot on Jericho, paying him back for the code-breaker from last week and setting him up for the Baroque Kick by Sheamus.

WINNERS: SHEAMUS, MYSTERIO AND SIN CARA

We come back to a few “Touts” from the WWE universe about the AJ/Bryan wedding coming up, and a visit from Charlie Sheen that accomplishes nothing.
We then get a video recap of Bryan asking AJ to marry him and her accepting.

We go to AJ backstage with Layla and getting ready for her wedding. Layla asks AJ if she still wants to go through with this, and I’m thinking someone botched a line because AJ changes the subject, making it about everyone calling her mentally unstable. She says the whole place is unstable and to prove it, she opens the door to show us…

Hacksaw Jim Duggan promising to call somebody out of camera view

“HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” – Hacksaw Jim Duggan

Rowdy Roddy Piper and R-Truth playing jump rope with “Little Jimmy”

And Mae Young with her “son,” a guy in a giant foam HAND COSTUME

Three hours people

A Sonic Car-hop on roller skates brings Jerry and Cole some drinks from Sonic (plug.)

JACK SWAGGER VS BRODUS CLAY

We get the usual entrance from the Funkasaurs, who brings out his “brother from another mother,” DUDE LOVE!

Mick Foley comes out in his least popular face gimmick, and the match ends with two moves, the toss suplex, and the splash.

WINNER: BRODUS CLAY

After the match, Swagger eats a tie dyed Mr. Socko and everybody dances.

Backstage: Hunter is talking to what I thought was a Bella twin about yoga when I realize it’s actually TRISH STRATUS! In a callback to a bit from the past, Trish has Hunter bent over in front of her and Hunter whining about how much it hurts when DX walks in.

It was YOGA people. You’re starting to think like them.
They do some sodomy jokes and leave, while X-Pac hangs back to hit on a very uncomfortable Trish.

Backstage, Bryan is talking to men in white outfits and the announce team tells us to vote on twitter if AJ should go through with this.

We get to the wedding and Jerry introduces the Reverend for the proceedings… SLICK! The slickster lets us know, he got paid a whole lot of yard-bird to be here tonight.

Oy

#ajidont-by the way, wins the twitter poll by 76%.

AJ is out next in – to be honest – a really nice dress. She really does look good.

I’m gonna skip ahead. VINCE MCMAHON comes out and MAKES AJ THE NEW GM OF RAW and AJ skips out – literally – on Bryan.

We come back from commercial with Bryan losing it in the ring, when Punk comes out to rub salt in the wound. Punk says Bryan can continue throwing a tantrum; he’s going to continue being the best in the world. Bryan say Punk’s not even the best in the ring, and that he’s the greatest superstar of all time.

And with that…

IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL…

Finally, the Rock has come back to St. Louuuuuuuuuuuuuuuis. Bryan tries to cut the Rock off before he can go into his spiel, but you don’t do that. He mentions winning his first WWE title in this very building, but…

“The Rock isn’t here to talk to Frodo,” – The Rock (re: Daniel Bryan)

The Rock is here to challenge for the WWE championship at the Royal Rumble. Punk says that will be him and Rock vs. C.M. Punk sounds good to him. Daniel Bryan responds “NO! NO! NO!” and that the Rock will fight him, and that he will be the champion, and the face of the WWE.

The Rock replies…

“What we’re lookin’ at is what would happen if a homeless lumberjack banged an Oompa Loompa.” – The Rock

“Oompa Loopa, dupity ding, you look like a troll from the Lord of the Ring.” – The Rock

This ends with Rock wishing Punk good luck and slapping the Rock Bottom on Daniel Bryan.

We come back from commercial with a twitter poll. Who do you want to face the Rock at the Royal Rumble? Our choices are #RockPunk #RockShow (why?) or #RockCena.

Brett the hit man Hart is out as special ring announcer for the Intercontinental title match.

INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: CHRISTIAN (C) VS THE MIZ

Brett gives Christian a huge intro, and totally undersells the Miz.
Christian starts off strong but tweaks his knee hitting a high risk dive from the top rope onto Miz on the outside. Miz works the leg but Christian battles back. The routine here is Christian taking high risk moves from the top while Miz works the bad knee. The match ends when Christian lands on his bad knee too hard and Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale.

WINNER AND NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION: THE MIZ

“I’m the Intercontinental Champion, and I’m awesome.” – The Miz

We get another spot with Sheen who rags on Daniel Bryan and plugs his new show, before a commercial break.

We come back with Regis Philbin congratulating WWE on 1000 episodes and giving us a look at all the wrestlers he’s had on his shows over the years, from the Destroyer all the way to Cena.
Triple H hits the ring. We take a look back at when Lesnar broke Hunter’s arm. Hunter says it’s time to turn up the intensity and calls out Brock Lesnar. Instead, we get Paul Heyman.

“I came out to talk to the horses’ head, not the horses’ ass.” – Triple H

Heyman is out to officially, on Lesnar’s behalf, refuse the match. Hunter calls Brock a little bully and a coward. Heyman calls him childish, and asks if that what he teaches his children. This gets Hunter riled up. Heyman apologizes and adds he actually feels sorry for his children. He quotes the old saying about the sins of the father when Stephanie’s music hits. She lays into Heyman about not talking about her children and how his “lawsuits” against WWE are really just masking all his failures.

“You call yourself a visionary? When it comes to my father Vince McMahon, you’re just looking in the rear view mirror.” – Stephanie McMahon

She adds that at least her children will be proud of her father and her grandfather and Paul’s children are ashamed of him for being a professional parasite. She adds a huge slap. Heyman, in a rage, agrees to the match. He brings up the children again and Steph goes after him. This brings out Lesnar. There’s a brief brawl and Lesnar and Heyman are sent packing.

Now is it just me, or doesn’t Stephie’s line about HEYMAN LOOKING IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR imply HE’S THE ONE PASSING VINCE?

After a commercial break, Santino and Hornswoggle come out to pass around WWE “BRAWLIN’ BUDDIES,” stuffed dolls of WWE superstars that talk. We go to the ring where HOWARD FINKLE is making introductions.

Heath Slater is in the ring and issues an open challenge. Any “legend” in the back can face him, no dq, no count-outs. Who wants some?

LITA!

LEGENDS CHALLENGE: HEATH SLATER VS LITA

That’s right folks. Lita, one of the most popular Divas of all time, is out here to face Slater. He agrees enthusiastically. The bell rings, but before we get going, Lita wants us to know she brought protection.

THE APA: JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD AND RON SIMMONS!

The Acolyte Protection Agency hits the ring and Slater tries to bail out. However, he’s met by Road Warrior Animal and every WWE legend that’s kicked his ass this month. They put him back in the ring where Lita hits a twist of fate. Bradshaw tosses in a clothesline from hell and Lita gets the win with the Lita-Sault.

WINNER: LITA

Everyone gets in the ring to celebrate and laugh at Slater.

“Damn!” – Ron Simmons

Michael Cole asks for our attention so we can meet WWE’s 1,000,000th follower on twitter, Alex Guerro JR. He’s having a better time that Daniel Bryan is, and Cole congratulates him on having his dream of being interviewed by Michael Cole come true.
After that, King tosses us to a special guest who gives us a look back on all the great catch-phrases Raw has produced over the years.

Fozzie Bear

Yes, from the Muppets

Fozzie Bear

We get a Catch-Phrase retrospective

With Fozzie Bear

From the Muppets

Backstage, Zack Ryder tries to convince John Cena that Mean Gene Oakerlund was the brains behind the mysterious GTV segments from the Attitude era. Meano Gene-o denies it. Rock steps in to wish Cena good luck, Cena promises to win the title tonight and face Rock at the Royal Rumble.

I gotta wrap this up. We get a look at WWE lecturing kids about this “Be a Star” crap, then Kane comes out for a match. Jinder Mahal marches out with a whole mid-card militia to beat him up. The lights go out, the bell tolls for thee, and THE UNDERTAKER comes out dressed like Skeletor. He and Kane kill everybody.
Charlie Sheen gets some more attention to respond to some nasty remarks Daniel Bryan made at his expense, implying there’s going to be a showdown at Summer Slam. (Dear god, spare me.)

WWE TITLE MATCH: C.M. PUNK VS JOHN CENA

This is Cena officially cashing in the briefcase. The first few minutes actually have Punk out wrestling Cena and in control of the match. Punk counters everything Cena throws at him. Punk gets cocky however, and Cena lets loose a flurry of hard offense that takes out the referee. Cena hits the AA but the ref can’t count the pin. Big Show comes out and attacks Cena, hitting the WMD and leaving him lying.

Punk looks conflicted. He sells indecisiveness about what to do. Finally, he gets the ref in the ring and goes for a pin, but Cena’s out at two. Cena gets Punk in the STF and the Big Show makes run no. 2, getting Punk DQ’d.

WINNER BY DISQUALIFICATION: JOHN CENA

PUNK STILL CHAMPION

Show brutalizes Cena while Punk turns his back and slinks away. The ROCK actually comes out to make the save and takes Big Show down, and just when it looks like we’re about to see, the most electrifying move in sports entertainment, PUNK TAKES ROCK OUT with a clothesline, and a GTS.

RAW ends with Punk walking away still champion, The Rock laid out, and Cena the first man to cash in the MiTB contract and not win the title.

The post RYTMANS RAW REVIEW 07/23/2012 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

Brooke is looking more like her Dad each and every week.

– The show kicks off with Rey Mysterio. He’s all happy to be back and shit. Family, friends, hometown, return-from-injury-story-line. He needed to come back for revenge, because that’s what faces do… hit Alberto Del Rio’s music who enters sans car, avec Ricardo Rodrrrrrrrrrrrriguez. Chihuahua jokes, etc. Alberto orders him to leave. Rey says no. Typical… Dolph Ziggler comes out and cuts a great promo about winning the MitB briefcase, and his attempt to cash it in at the PPV which was foiled by Del Rio, who takes offense and calls Dolph a goof and Vickie a whore. Rey tells them to fight, so they look to fight Rey…. So Sheamus comes out and our main event is booked. Kind of bland start to the show, fella.

Sad, but true.

Which is of course in relation to…

….THIS!  Wow, hope the WWE insures there cameramen!

I couldn’t resist making this animated gif… there is so much potential…

– Big Show, “And? What?” and leaves. Angry Show is fair superior to crying face Show. But both Shows are boring as hell in long matches… Cole tells us he is angry, yawn.

Read into this as you will.

– Jeremy Piven is interviewed for his favorite RAW moment, which was when he tried to splash John Cena from the top ropes during the build for Summerfest. Revisionist history tends towards neglecting that groan-tacular RAW host moment.

Knocked his block off…

– A bunch of clips of Cena air from MitB and last Monday’s RAW. You already saw or read about this, so of course the FFW rules apply.

Cena felt bad for what Punk did to Show’s head and decided to “be a star” and go through the same experience to prevent Show from crying in the ring again. Oddly enough, no fucks were given.

– * Zack Ryder vs. Damien Sandow. We are all embarassing ourselves, according to Sandow, by supporting the Orange Guy. But said Oompah Loopah (who did it first, in wrestling), and immediately attacks Sandow. Big mistake. Sandow isolates and reduces the guy to almost jobber status with lethal attacks from all angles, and showing a new rage-inspired persona we have yet to see. Sandow dismantles the Internet Champion and finishes him. Hey come on, every generation needs a Brooklyn Brawler, and Ryder fits that bill right now.

Charles Barkley @G: “I dunno about the WWE anymore G, this show is bunk. I might tune in for the 1000th RAW… but 3 hours!?!? TURRIBLE!”

G @Charles Barkley: “Us smarks have been bemoaning the change for months now, but the first one should be pretty good.”

– PEEP SHOW! Christian is going to have the recently engaged Daniel Bryan and AJ Lee as guests. Look, it’s not Piper’s Pit, but I always mark out for Captain Charisma’s talkshow. They enter hand in hand, both wearing YES! YES! YES! shirts and both are glowing. We get a highlight package of the two planning their wedding. It’s campy as fuck, but pretty entertaining to say the least. I kind of wish they hadn’t FFW’d this gimmick in one week, so we could see a Vegan bachelor party and so forth. Christian gets to the nitty-gritty asking if this is the right thing, etc. Christian polls the crowd and they answer NO!. AJ slaps Christian… but CC notes that Bryan has a match tonight against a psychotic ex-boyfriend right now. Cue Kane’s pyro (even though he noted he isn’t boyfriend material. Man, they put Kane in a lot of shitty stories, huh?).

Also Sad, But True

– * Daniel Bryan vs. Kane. Kane dominates early, even going for a choke slam almost minutes in… AJ emotes as only she can on the outside as Bryan’s resiliencey keeps the Big Red Machine at bay.

– * Heath Slater vs. ….. who could it be? Hmm… Road Warrior Animal? Yep. Guess who wins? Whatever, this was entertaining. Animal of course wins.

Need I comment?

– Backstage Vickie forces me to mute my television as she shrieks at insane volume levels at Ricardo Rodriguez who speaks in Spanish. I have no fucking clue what happened here.

Ok, super clever marks go out to this smark.

– * Sheamus and Rey Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio and Dolph Ziggler. Entrances take forever with the heels both having Vickie and Ricardo, and Sheamus and Rey’s first real match comeback taking over. FUCK. I like entrances on occasion. This is not one of them. Save your time! FFW! Everything starts kind of slow… everyone gets a little offense in… enter the adverts. I just now really notice the big “?” on Mysterio’s chest. All men are great in this bout! Splendid main event to be seen on free TV. 20 minute main event! Sheamus ends up going to attack Del Rio for the finish, but is distracted by Rodriguez birthing a DQ finish in favor of the faces. Then the heels attack and serve another Armbar Injury Angle on Sheamus (likely to get him in a bit capacity on the 1000th RAW since they’ve totally overbooked it. Not complaining, I will mark out this Monday… but they’ve got no time for the regular talent). After referees run down and seem the end the spot, BAWH GAWD! The faces recover to prevail over the dastardly heels… and the usual animated gif…. loaded… almost there…. almost there…. Recording a tout…. raising a barn… Fuck this, no one cares…. bring on RAW 1000…

Do not underestimate the bad-assery that is Tom Waits.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online. Keep in mind, we are trying to keep it clean. So do your best to avoid the language that offends people easily offended. I make a concerted effort to not call the product fucking shit ass bitch cock cunts. You can too. See? This is not on the air.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-220-8949. Or, coincidentally, 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

———————————————————–

Bored Wrestling Fan

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

Wonderpod Online

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 07/20/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Fortunately I got to watch this with my fellow smark “Kasan” on the Stickam account “Threewaydance”. While I generally am at work when it’s live, if you want fellow wrestling fans to break down the action with live, I highly recommend checking them out.

Flowchart!

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– According to the PWT, the next interim WWE General Manager will be determined by the winner of The Great American Bash battle royal on tonight’s live SmackDown…. hmm… what will we get, tonight?

– Our show kicks off with the mandatory party backstage like they do with all the holiday parties. Every jobber and Superstar not worth a damn to the A show is in BBQ mode. Teddy Long is the host, and Eve is name-tagged as the person to clean up stuff. Santino goes to light the BBQ, but can’t get it done. Enter Kane who summons fire and lights the grill. Ok, that was at least clever.

Or take him to court with Scott Steiner! Badda bing!

– Del Rio grabs the microphone and rips on the crowd for liking Sheamus as they are a bunch of white trash. Sheamus is going back to the place that he belongs and is an illegal immigrant. He demands to see fans papers then harasses the crowd. Enter the Great White, who beats him down. Ricardo opens the car hood and tells to put Sheamus under the hood so they could slam the hood down on him…The refs come to check on the fallen Sheamus as we cut to break.

Indeed, I am.

– * Khali/Layla vs. Antonio Cesaro/Aksana – Khali is being placed in as a revenge spot in the name of Teddy Long. Highly forgettable match, just a one-off fun one for the kids and stuff. Layla pins Aksana.

Charles Barkley @G: “Why are you texting me? It’s Tuesday, honkey. Ain’t no wrasslin’ on Tuesday. I’m getting an early start to the my Welcome to Earf Day!”

G @Charles Barkley: “Wait, it’s Independence Day, Barks. It’s not a movie holiday, it was an actual historical event. P.S. The Titanic was real too. Just sayin’.”

– Mick Foley’s 1000th memory is when 600,000 fans tuned out from WCW to watch him win the title. Same old, same old. Yawn,

– *Christian vs. Cody Rhodes. MitB Qualifier (for Cody only?). Christian is rocking a new chemistry table of the elements T-Shirt lately, which is certainly a step up from his last shirt. The money in the bank brief case is suspended above the ring. Rhodes is in high gear, certainly motivated. He hits a nice bunch of spots. When we return, Rhodes is coming out of the rest spot… Christian looks to hulk up, but Rhodes will not give much of an inch. Christian continually attempts a number of 2 counts near the end, and a failed finish leads to Rhodes reversing into a DDT type spot for the win!

TIMMY! TIMMY, TIM, TAM! …and the Lords of the Underworld.

– Somehow Tensai qualified earlier for the MitB, missed something. Back to the party in the back, where the One Man Band sings terribly and food and garbage is thrown at him for his troubles, and DJ Zack Ryder hits Brodus’ music, dance sequence, end.

-* Alex Riley vs Dolph Ziggler (MitB qualifier). Vickie does her normal excuse me! and we get underway. Dolph is dominating, while still allowing Riley too look good. Riley even gets a near fall, as Dolph bumps his way through to a flying neckbreaker spot to pick up the win and qualify!

Hopefully buddy’s alright… oww…

– Cole interviews A.J…. clip packages… LONG CLIP PACKAGE. Cole calls her a little girl, or as my man Kasan notes, “She is like that college girl who flipped off the high school girl.” Cole points out she should go after a man with power, and Cole goes into Pedo-bear mode hitting on her! LOL! Of all people to save the young A.J., Daniel Bryan makes the save. He calls Cole he is under the impression he is a television journalist, but rather he is a sexist bully who when doesn’t get a story he likes, he makes things up to fit his mold. Read between the lines, he talking about Vince. Bryan thinks that only Punk needed to go through the table on RAW, and forgives her for that… hit up Punk’s music!

Or take him to court with Scott Steiner! Badda bing!

– A.J. makes the eyes at Punk, who immediately tells Cole to get out of the ring. Two people were directly affected by A.J.’s actions last night, him and Bryan. But unlike Bryan, he is not going to sweep this under the rug, or suck up to her… he is going to be honest. He’s worried about her, she’s not in a good place mentally (and maybe some of that is his fault, and apologizes for contributing towards it). She needs professional help… Bryan calls Punk’s shtick a load of garbage. Deep down, Punk NEEDS AJ as a referee to beat him. A.J. separates the two, then proceeds to make out with Bryan. Punk walks away dejected, so A.J. goes and makes out with him too! Where’s Kane? Where’s the MONO medicine? Are Punk and Bryan going to make out too? Nope, A.J. just skips off!

Where, oh where are G’s ice cream bars? Fuck you TNA. Pay her medical bills. I know this is dated, I’m still angry. A.J. < Daffney = Harley Quinn. A.J. has jumped Biff Tannen (a.k.a. Jack “The S.J. Shark Swagger).

– *Santino/Sgt. Slaughter/Jim Duggan vs Drew McIntyre/Camacho/Hunico – Camacho starts? What he actually wrestles? Whatever, the US Champ is a Canadian playing an Italian playing an American champ. This match is a feel good happy independence day deal with the old guys getting in clotheslines and Santino landing the Cobra on one of them, who cares. USA… USA… USA… notes Cole sarcastically.

Charles Barkley @G: “Ignorant fool! The 4th is Fresh Prince Day. And Titanic was only good for Dat Ass, Kate Winslet. I’d ride on that boat!”

G @Charles Barkley: “Ok, either you took one too many balls to the head, or you’re just trolling me… jerk.”

– Back to the BBQ! All the jobbers are dancing while R-Truth and Long watch Little Jimmy get down. Then Damien Sandow interrupts and calls bullshit on the celebration. Zack Ryder gets up in his face, then a food fight ends up with Eve doused in Party Punch. Long mocks her, and Eve runs off in tears. BE A STAR, PLAYAH!

Charles Barkley @G: “PEW! PEW! PEW! WELCOME TO EARF!”

G @Charles Barkley: “Screw this, I’m going to go hang with DJ Jazzy Jeff.”

– Tyler Rexx and Curt Hawkins are in the ring and explain they flipped a coin to see who would face Ryback…

– * Ryback vs Curt Hawkins – At least it’s something different than the jobbers. “Ryback belongs in Killer Instinct” according to Kasan. Ryback eats up Hawkins as Rexx looks on in horror! HORROR!

– Donald Trump is interviewed for the 1000th RAW, talking about the Vince’s Fan Appreciation Night in 2006. Trump trumps Vince by telling him the fan’s want value and drops 1000’s of dollars onto the crowd. Cole kisses the fans asses thanking the WWE after the fact. Then some chick from some random no-name show called “Haunted Highway” is in the crowd shilling her show on SyFy premiering after Smackdown.

– Enter Teddy Long in his BBQ clothes, thanking the crowd to find out who will be the GM next week with the GAB Battle Royale… Del Rio, Kane, Jack Swagger….

At least he’s in on the joke too!

– …Cena… commericials are in this too… Sandow, Tensai, Slater, Punk, Bryan, pretty much everyone and his mom is in this one. Clay, Show, etc… Show kills everyone. Werewolf down! Werewolf down! Funkasaurus gone! Khali is killing Slater… but he gets his via Tensai. Sandow is gone via Ryder… more commercials…

I suppose this is A.J. meeting Lita in 2001… or so the dirty dirt sheets would have us believe. YOU DECIDE!

– Punk takes a foolish risk and is tossed out! Down to eight! Christian, Del Rio, Show, Kane, Cena, Tensai, Ziggler, Ryder… Del Rio gets tossed! Tensai is working Cena, but Tensai eats the floor for his efforts and Show tosses Cena. Show eliminates Christian! Kane double eliminates both Show and Ziggler… OUR FINAL TWO ARE RYDER AND KANE! They were feuding like 6 months ago? Remember? Kane is man-handling Ryder, but Ryder keeps making it out the way! YOUR NEXT GM? ZACK RYDER! “What’s your reward for being thrown off the stage in a wheel chair? A Battle Royal win! Amazing… big payoff” says Kasan. So does this mean that Ryder gets the Christmas Wish for the ability to speak? Ryder? RYDER? LOL. Random Spiderman gif? Yep.

At least the reboot addresses Parker’s parents fate. Looks good, folks!

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

———————————————————–

That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online. Keep in mind, we are trying to keep it clean. So do your best to avoid the language that offends people easily offended. I make a concerted effort to not call the product fucking shit ass bitch cock cunts. You can too. See? This is not on the air.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-220-8949. Or, coincidentally, 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

———————————————————–

Bored Wrestling Fan

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

Wonderpod Online

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post Smackdown 07/03/12: Great American Bash, Playah! appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Can I kick it?

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– We’re told we will see a replay of the Cole/Cena “match” from Monday again tonight. Great. Booker T mocks Cole, and cue the entrance of Del Rio’s car spot.

– Del Rio reminds us of his attack on Sheamus on RAW and they throw to the clip of Ricardo and Alberto beating down, then dangling Sheamus by one arm over the stage. Del Rio is then interrupted by one of the most awesome things I have ever seen… ever! Words can’t describe it, properly… so here it is:

Sheamus looks like he finally started tanning… wait, WTF? Yeah, you ARE seeing this right.

– Del Rio shocks us telling us this is actually not Sheamus, and anyone can be Sheamus and beat his chest like a caveman, and so forth. Ricardo steals this whole promo. Then the real Sheamus comes out (unfortunately) and immediately attacks. Punches, etc., and at least The Great White is still selling his injured arm. The Irishman lays out the heels, but is unable to deliver a Celtic Cross due to Ricardo RodSheamus catching his legs. Out come the referees… and HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA FLOW CHART PLAYAH stops the brawl, as Teddy Long is acting on Johnny Ace’s behalf tonight. He’s still a tool of Laurinaitus and tells us about some matches we’ll get to in a moment or so… like right now:

It’s even more funny on Twitter when wrestlers tweet drunk, but I digress…

– * Alberto Del Rio vs. The Mediocre Khali. God help us all. Let it be known, the best part of this match is watching Ricardo’s reactions to Del Rio taking big Khali chops while still dressed up as Sheamus. Hilarious visual. Del Rio takes the big man down, and keeps him there are he works the legs. Not a thrilling match, but not as terrible as I thought it would be. Del Rio of course wins, submitting Khali with an armbard, and RodSheamus raises his arm in victory.

Charles Barkley @G: “FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!”

G @Charles Barkley: “I take it you just discovered memes on the internet, Chuck?”

– The Funkadactyls and Brodus meet up with Teddy backstage. Teddy informs him that as of now, he is a permanent member of the Smackdown roster and will no longer appear on RAW to be protected from the Big Show (yeah, how long is THAT going to last?). Brodus notes Long should tell the Smackdown roster when he sees them, he is going to see The Big Show and is going to “Eat… Them… Up.” Brodus needs to lay off the Bath Salts, someone better call his momma and set up rehab. LOL, that was a horrible joke. I blame you.

– Another crop of kids are leaving high school and into the real world right now. And not “The Real World” Mr. “The” Marine 3, The “Really” Miz came from. It’s a different world, from where you’re coming from… flip-up sunglasses and shit… I get a wee bit distracted this thing:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lfxYhtf8o4&[/youtube]
Click to watch what I wished I heard at my grad back in the olden days. I’m still bitter about getting attacked by an Albertosaurus, but I blame that nowadays on Funk music eventually commencing. Or Ricardo Rodriguez accepting my scroll dressed as me. Click to watch if the video doesn’t show up on your end.

– * Brodus Clay vs. Derrick Bateman. Funk is gonna roll. Disco ball is in full effect, as is the dance routine. I’ve said it many times, I am SO NOT sick of this. LOVE IT! LIVE IT! LONG LIVE THE FUNK! Maybe because I was a huge fan of grabbing some cakes as a little G whenever The Junk Yard Dog came out. I also like Bateman’s work, and sadly do I expect a squash here, especially considering he gets absolutely no ring entrance. His work on NXT over the last 7-8 months has been excellent. Brodus tosses Bateman around like a ragdoll and makes quick work of him with his headbutt, a toss over the ring barricade, and a Funky Splash. Pin, win, kids dance with this generation’s JYD.

– Booker T’s favorite moment on RAW (for the 1000th episode), was on July 2, 2001 when he debuted vs Buff Bagwell in the Invasion angle in a god awful match that essentially ended Buff’s momentum with the WWE. He doesn’t say that, but the IWC is all thinking it. Admit it.

– * Sin Cara vs. Drew McIntyre

Will the streak continue… tonight?

– Since this is taped, who really knows. Drew McIntyre has been the chosen one for no ring entrance. But he does get some offensive maneuvers in after a lucha attack combo by the masked man. The best spot has Drew on the ring apron, Cara runs at him, but Drew lifts him into the air, and knees him as gravity takes over and the lucha falls to the outside. Later he lands a big boot. This is clearly not a squash. A couple of near falls later, has Cara leap from the ropes into a modified hurricarana, which Drew looks to reverse, BUT NO!! Sin Cara flips him down onto the mat, grabs the pin and the win. Short, but sweet match in which McIntyre still looks good in. Win/Win.

Stan Stansky is the best jobber name I’ve heard in a long time… Meanwhile, Arthur Rosenberg steals Orton’s ring entrance pose.

* Ryback vs. Tony Andriotis and Kevin Mahoney. “Mirror, mirror on the wall… who will be the first to give Ryback his first pinfall?” says Tony, and Kevin answers them. Cheesy, but funny. Cole notes that they will be the next to run into a wall. Ryback does his usual shtick destroying the jobbers, pulling out all his power moves including a double spear, clothesline, a disgustingly stiff powerbomb, and his backdrop dual suplex. Then pins one of them using the other. One has to wonder if this is how the WWE is destroying the current, but growing, modern independent territory system. He punches himself in the head and mouths what I think was “Mental Machine” to the camera.

Not as cool as the Hun catapulting the decapitated heads of your brethren into your hold. Maybe cooler than catapulting plague ridden corpses into your hold. Somewhere in between.

– It’s the return of… THE PEEP SHOW! But Cody Rhodes enters first, and spouts off that Christian should be answering to him… Christian makes his way out, and notes if Rhodes wanted to host, all he had to do was act. Rhodes questions Christian’s intentions being questionable and he is a heel at heart. Christian replies that he spent so much time on the shelf this year, and had a moment of clarity after inducting Edge into the HOF. Christian understands that his time is a privilege that can go away in an instant. He doesn’t want to known as the whining sniveling guy asking for “One… more… match!” or be known for a HOF career built on effort. Rhodes doubts Christian is going into the HOF, etc. TNA cheap shot? Rumors that Christian might show up a the 10th anniversary of Slammiversary this Sunday as an alumni of theirs? Ric Flair? WOO? I wish he said the last bit, because I think it was implied… cough, cough, lawsuit, cough. But why put two great talkers in a segment, when you can add a third?

Even Cody understands that kicking a ‘Swoggle isn’t being a star. There will be no hugs today.

– Dolph Ziggler says he’s here to end this segment and be the best by beating Christian right now… Cody joins commentary. Rhodes joins commentary.

– * Non-Title Match: Christian {C} vs. Dolph Ziggler. Be honest with yourself,.. you already know this match is good. The two trade spots as the ring gets cleared. They work around this well, and take the match to the outside and roll into a commercial break. I’ve got to give credit where credit is due. This is done to help allow the ring crew to clear the Peep Show set out of the ring in a short amount of time (they tape live-to-air to minimize editing in post production, after all).

Smackdown time… time to get down to business. Time? Wait… let me check my watch, I’M NOT WEARING A WATCH? WHAT? Hold on, what time is it?

– And we’re back… And I’m right, see… all the set has been cleared as Dolph is pulling off Christian’s face as the referee tells him to break the hold. The ground game becomes a trend for a bit, and Rhodes talks about boxing. It doesn’t matter… this match just builds and build in it’s greatness, with near falls and Dolph playing the classic ring general role (and fucking well, I might add). After taking the brunt of the abuse, Christian lands a frog splash FTW. Just go watch this.

– Speaking of which, FFW the next part. It’s the RAW Rebound and you probably saw/read about that earlier this week. Courtesy of the right man, RYTMAN!

– Josh Mathews and Booker T mock him post segment. Cole has had enough, and grabs the arena microphone. Cole notes he has hit the bottom of his career and then… JR’s music plays. But it’s Hornswoggle dressed as JR… more chuckling. I thing this is kind of insulting until Swoggle kicks his Ross impression in the ring calling for some more humiliation clips of Cole. Look, after all the fucking bullshit McMahon has put possibly the best commentator in the business, this is a hard thing to rate. Swoggle is awesome here.

Speaking of hugs being given, here are the fucks I’m giving… 3 hour tour…. a three hour tour. Three hour RAW? Kill me now. THERE IS NO MIDCARD. NOTHING!

– Cue Damien Sandow’s music. He calls Swog’s a miscreant that erroniousle leads the sheep of the product towards the worst that society has to offer… sorry, I’m just paraphrasing here. Essentially, Sandow intellectually calls us all idiots and… wait, what? Tyson Kidd runs in? From Calgary, Alberta, Canada? One of the best technical wrestling employed by the big “e”? Sandow walks away as if not to compete, but then sneak attacks Kidd, slapping on his finisher, and swoon-pinning Kidd for the win. Then hits a cartwheel because he can. You know what? I loved this segment. Thumbs up!

– Kane is interviewed backstage about AJ’s slutfest as of late, with her batting her “Daw” jail-bait eyes at the Big Red Machine. Yes, I said that. Kane gets all disturbed and walks off. He gave no fucks that day, he’s a monster dammit. Katie who? After Kane leaves, AJ is seen looking on. I guess.

My go to alternative to people’s faces when I get the munchies after doing Bath Salts….

– Teddy Long is quoted to have been forced to announce Antonio Cesaro accompanied by his lover Aksana, among other achievements… Teddy looks on trying to be strong as the two Euro-tease (sorry if offended anyone there) him on the ramp and down to the ring. But since Jimmy Uso gets no entrance…

– * Jimmy Uso vs. Antonio Cesaro. I can’t believe his Jimmy’s brother is nowhere to be seen. So-called family… But at least he is not another total squash job, he’s a mid-level squash job. Cesaro demonstrates some abilities, but this thing is short. That theme continues, as Long is forced to raise Cesaro’s arm in victory. Mid arm-raise, the heels make out, Long throws his arm down angrily and storms out, name-tag in tow.

I hardly follow the sport, but this is one drunken fan I would NOT want to get into a fight with in the stands.

– Sheamus’ break-through Battle Royal on November 23, 2009 was his favorite RAW memorable moment. Jesse “The Body” Ventura called the match with Vince McMahon. That was a cool moment, unarguably.

Need to focus… get through the episode… fuck me… this is some tripped out stuff, right here.

– * Non-Title Match: Sheamus {C} vs. Kane. It’s a slow paced brawler match. Lots of the typical spots from both guys spread out a double segment, and I totally am FFW’ing through it. It goes on as normal speed. Our climax is Kane and Sheamus struggling on the top ropes, reversal… Kane misses the flying punch, Sheamus’ third finisher is not enough, blocked Brogue Kick… Del Rio and Ricardo run down, but only Ricardo eats it. Ricardo is sadly not in his Sheamus garb, rather his usual outfit. Kane takes advantage of Sheamus, but his momentum is slowed by AJ running, or perhaps skipping out, and making smiley crush troll faces at Kane as he remembers the script of See No Evil. Sheamus fucks him up, but this match was ruled a no DQ, NSFW, NR-17, fuckfest of a mother, good time all around…

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

———————————————————–

A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!