As the wind whips around outside my house I figure I should take the time and give you the results of this weeks edition of Main Event featuring a 11 man Battle Royal to become #1 contender for the Intercontinental Championship.
Click to continue reading “Main Event Results 4/17/13″
The only new content on this show was taped around RAW this week, and the rest will likely be all hype, zombie attacks and video packages towards Mania. Hence, this review should be really short. Probably like one jump. Not even hopping, just hop. Now get to it and click that hyperlink below…
That’s what it’s called.
Click to continue reading “Smackdown 04/05/13: CLIP SHOW FOR ALL!”
Just a basic recap this week peep-holes; as the week’s off to a rough start, (family stuff.)
Let’s start with Match results;
JOHN CENA DEF DARRIEN YOUNG (w/”Pancake” Patterson. I will get to that in a minute.)
RYBACK DEF DAVID OTUNGA (Like any other outcome was possible.)
FANDANGO vs GREAT KHALI: NO CONTEST (Not that it would’ve been one anyway.)
R-TRUTH DEF DAMIAN SANDOW BY COUNT OUT
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO DEF PRIMO/EPICO w/Rosa Mendes
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO w/Roberto Rodriguez DEF CODY RHODES
RANDY ORTON/SHEAMUS DEF 3MB (Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre)
DOLPH ZIGGLER w/AJ and Big E. DEF KOFI KINGSTON
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL WADE BARRETT DEF CHRIS JERICHO AND THE MIZ (3 way for the title)
Okay, so let’s talk about the show…
“Pancake” fucking Patterson
“PANCAKE” FUCKING PATTERSON
PANCAKE FUCKING PATTERSON!
(Sigh) I’m praying this is something Titus actually wanted to do, because if this was any white guy’s idea, and Titus HAS to do it, then we need to shut down WWE, I’m sorry. HOW IN 2013 ARE WE SUPPOSED TO JUSTIFY A BAD FRED SANFORD GIMMICK? The sad thing is, this bit is stupid enough to actually go over, God help us all.
RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Guerrero and SMACKDOWN Senior Advisor Teddy Long pulled Ryback out of the six-man with Orton/Sheamus against the Shield and booked against Mark Henry. Later in the night, The Shield jumped Orton/Sheamus, and Big Show made the run-in to cement the “face” turn. (Hey, it’s more effort than they put into Miz’s face turn.) So, Big Show is in the six-man, and Ryback gets Henry. My question is why not just book Big Show in the six-man in the first place? For the record, Ryback would’ve been the better choice, as he still has “unfinished business” with the Shield, but since when does WWE care about continuity? I’m thinking this could still turn into an eight-man, Henry and the Shield vs Ryback, Show, Sheamus and Orton.
I gotta admit, Fandango scored some points with me tonight. I dig him with a different Ballroom Dancing girl leading him in every week, I was into the streamers, and the outline of his silhouette from the ceiling. I dig him hitting on every Diva that comes to the ring with his opponents. Kind of stupid, seeing how much I hated “Pancake” Patterson, but with Fandango, there is a small difference. Fandango is still a “mystery.” I actually don’t know if he sucks in the ring yet. There’s still a chance this could pay off. With “Pancake,” I know it’s just a desperate attempt at getting a mid-card guy some heat.
R-Truth getting a count-out over Sandow felt like filler to me. I could live with their “feud” ending here. Neither man has enough momentum to justify a spot on Mania.
Cody had a bit with the Bella Twins and Kaitlyn that I’m hoping brings this “flirtation” angle to an end. It’s going nowhere, and the only logical outcome is a face turn for Cody that he does not need right now.
Side Note: WHY DOES FACIAL HAIR COUNT AS A GIMMICK?
And now the highlight of the night, in the best heel promo in history, C.M. PUNK MOCKS THE UNDERTAKER WITH THE URN OF PAUL BEARER.
I have nothing to add, genius.
So apparently, Ziggler is getting a shot at the tag titles w/Big E. as his partner. WWE set this up with AJ skipping out to the ring during Hell No’s match against Mo/Co, Kane and Bryan responded by coming out to challenge Ziggler and Big E. after Dolph’s win over Kofi. AJ demanded they put the tag titles on the line. I feel obligated to point out that Ziggy/Big E. haven’t wrestled as a tag-team in the entire time they’ve been on RAW, and Big E. has yet to wrestle an official match on any show besides NXT, however; one thing I’ve learned in all my years of watching RAW, the meaning of the word futility.
Side Note: Daniel DID get a win over Ziggler on Saturday Morning Slam, so you could argue they’re working a “program,” but you’d be stretching it. (You’d also be someone who cares more than any one else.)
ADR vs Swagger just got personal as Swagger took out Ricardo’s ankle with the “Patriot Act” after Del Rio’s win over Cody. We got a “USA” chant during the match, which might not have been for ADR. I hate to say it, but I did see this coming. I’m guessing a LOT of WWE fans are “Tea-baggers,” and are slowly inching on to Swagger’s bandwagon. Also, Del Rio isn’t working as a baby-face. I’m sorry, but his “champion of the immigrants” routine doesn’t ring true enough. Del Rio really lost a step becoming a face. He’s watered down his personality too much and his “come back from nowhere” approach in the ring is sloppy and awkward. Honestly, I think Del Rio might have to drop the belt and disappear for a while if they want to salvage him.
The last actual match of the night was Wade Barrett getting a badly-needed win over Miz and Jericho. Most people, including me, felt this was a bit anti-climatic as it would’ve made a good addition to the Mania card. I’m thinking if they wanted to, they can revisit that whole “Intercontinental Open,” idea they scrapped so Barrett could feud with Bo Dallas. (Remember that? Neither do they.)
The night ended with the big contract signing between Triple H and Paul Heyman, representing Brock Lesnar. It ended with Trips clearing the ring and brutalizing Heyman before signing the contract. Lesnar came out and pulled Heyman out. Heyman revealed his big surprise stipulations – “No Holds Bared,” and Triple H’s career on the line.
This is where I allow myself to get optimistic (possibly masochistic,) and hope this is secretly Triple H’s retirement match, then I remember his match against the Undertaker a few Wrestlemania cards ago was supposed to be a retirement match.
And we are out…
RYTMAN’S REMARKS: Not bad, not bad at all. This show was a good build-up to Wrestlemania. Still, if you watched it you can see how little fore-thought went into developing an under-card for the show. Stuff is being thrown together and juggled around in a very last-minute manner. We’d better hope the three “big” matches can carry the show, because it doesn’t look like they’ll have a ton of support.
The Muppets episode in which Chewie is granted the powers of invisibility.
What could it mean? Why is Chewie even here? How could this be the first Smackdown of 2013? Is there a monkey behind me eating alphabet soup? What is his motive? All this and so much more! Join me, shall you, on this magic epic adventure I like to call… “The Fuck?” It’s hopping time, grab your pogo stick playah.
Click to continue reading “Smackdown 01/04/13″
John Cena opens the show with a weird promo about Kane/Bryan’s anger management issues, U.S. Champion Cesar Antonio having huge nipples, and wanting to take AJ out on a date to “In & Out” burger. He comments on how loud the crowd is, but they have no voice; because the voice of the voiceless has become the “voice of the selfish,” referring to WWE Champion C.M. Punk refusing to face him at “Hell in a Cell.”
“If you are the best in the world, what does it matter if no-one watches?” – John Cena
Cena says Punk’s not a man, and tells him don’t be a punk. Face him at “HIC” and cement his legacy.
As Cena leaves, RYBACK enters. They trade a glance passing each other up the aisle.
RYBACK DEF PRIMO/EPICO W/ROSA – This match actually makes Mo/Co look better in defeat than Ryback does in victory. The former champions take over early and dominate with quick double teaming, yet this ends just the way you figured, with Ryback squashing both men w/a combo of clotheslines and the Meat-hook.
John Bradshaw Layfield is on commentary tonight w/Jim Ross and Michael Cole. During the match, he mentions how Primo/Epico were Puerto Rican tag team champions, and that their uncle Carlos Colon still owes him and a lot of other people money.
Brodus Clay and the Funkadactyls dance their way to the ring. R-Truth chases “Little Jimmy” into the ring. He apologizes to Brodus, but since “Jimmy” is going through some “changes,” he asks if they can dance instead of fight. Brodus agrees and we have a dance party; until Vince McMahon himself pops up on the tron to tell them to wrap it up and dance out of the ring, so he can deliver a “state of the WWE address” after the break.
We come back from break and Vince is in the ring, addressing the state of WWE.
“We just saw two grown men, out here with two lovely ladies, the Funkadactyls – you have to be careful how you say that – dancing with an imaginary child, that’s the state of the WWE.” – Vince McMahon
Vince remarks how that there’s room for that in the WWE as well as Leprechauns, Goat-faced vegans, big red monsters, giants etc. When he mentions the best facing the best, WWE champ C.M. Punk interrupts with Paul Heyman in tow. Vince calls his t-shirt ugly and says he feels disrespected. Punk goes off on the subject of disrespect, in regards to him. He asks if Vince respects him. Vince says he respects Punks reign as champion, but he’s not a “C.M. Punk guy.”
Punk responds by calling himself the best thing Vince has got right now, and he should be appreciated. He threatens to jump the rail and let Vince kiss his ass goodbye. He asks Vince who makes the WWE a success, Vince answers, and it’s the WWE universe. He listens to them every day, and he bets they’re all thinking someone needs to shut his mouth. Vince says he has no right to compare himself to past stars like Shawn Michaels, Brett Hart, and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Punk cuts a promo on Austin, saying he got to the top with short-cuts and ducking people. Punk follows it up with a slap to Vince’s face. Vince gets back up and demands that Punk fights him tonight!
Back from break, Arnold Schwarzenegger is our social media ambassador tonight.
REY MYSTERIO/SIN CARA DEF TITUS O’NEAL/DARRIEN YOUNG – This was a general but entertaining tag match, if formulaic. Rey gets the win with a 619 and droppin’ the dime. This puts “Sinsterio” in the finals of the tournament to name #1 contenders to the WWE tag team title.
Backstage: Paul Heyman tries to talk Punk out of the match w/Vince McMahon, telling him even if he wins, they’ll both have a crazy billionaire dedicated, to making their lives miserable, after them. Punk says they have nothing to worry about.
Back from break, we get a double recap of Cena challenging Punk at Hell in the Cell, Punk slapping down Vince, and Vince making a main-event with him facing Punk.
SHEAMUS DEF WADE BARRETT (DQ) – Before the match, we get a recap of Sheamus getting Big Show DQ’d in his match against Tensai on last weeks’ Smackdown. Just as the match starts, Big Show comes out to sit at ringside. The match itself was just a good old fashioned brawl, with the momentum going back and forth until Tensai runs in to get payback and the DQ for Sheamus. Sheamus fights off his attackers but Big Show catches his foot, and dumps him over the ropes and out the ring. Show walks off smiling.
After the match, JR heads to the back to try and talk Vince out of the match. Vince makes JR call the match right there in front of him.
Back from break, Punk meets with GM AJ Lee, suggesting that the WWE BOD (board of directors) might not be happy with her letting her boss get beaten up. AJ calls Punk a coward, and Punk agrees to the match, saying whatever happens is on her “pretty little head.”
We get a look at Cena pushing the Susan G. Komen breast-cancer awareness campaign on “Kelly and Michael.” (Daytime TV. show)
Back from break, we get a recap of Antonio Cesaro taking out Brodus Clay with the “Neutralizer” on last weeks’ show. As Cesaro makes his way to the ring, we get a clip of Cesaro insulting Americans taste in cuisine, saying it’s only fit for swine.
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF TYSONN KIDD – Kidd actually gets in some nifty offense, but Cesaro finishes it convincingly with the “Neutralizer.”
We come back from break to Vicki Guerro introducing us to Mr. Money in the Bank, Dolph Ziggler. Michael Cole recaps Ziggler’s “Twitter feud” with Arnold Schwarzenegger, as Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio, who drives out in an $110,000 Mazarati. WWE tag champions Daniel Bryan and Kane make their respective entrances, and we’re underway.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS HELL NO (BRYAN/KANE) DEF ALBERTO DEL RIO AND DOLPH ZIGGLER – Face-paced, if by-the-numbers tag with plenty of highspots. Kane brings it home by tagging himself in and getting the choke-slam on Ziggler for the three-count.
Side Notes: Kane celebrates 15 years with WWE this month, and JBL calls Mil Mascaras (Del Rio’s grandfather,) the “most selfish man in the business.”
Recap: Punk slaps Vince
Backstage: JR tries to talk Vince out of the match, mentioning what happened to “The King.” Vince makes JR call the match in the old JR style right then and there, following that with a Rock reference.
“It doesn’t matter what you think!” – Vince McMahon
Back from break, Cole congratulates JBL on his successful climb of Mount Kilimanjaro to raise money for at-risk kids.
AND now we get a “Larry King NOW” segment. Broadcast legend Larry King comes out with wife # seven/eight/thirteen, whatever, and introduces Intercontinental Champion the Miz as his guest. Miz acts like a jerk, Larry brings out Kofi Kingston, Miz is a bigger jerk, Larry’s wife throws water in his face, Miz takes off his jacket, Kofi jumps Miz, and as they fight to the back, Larry and wife no. seven of eleven wave and smile to the people, feeling NO OBLIGATION WHATSOEVER to sell the brawl like it’s anything important.
“I’ve had more championships than you’ve had wives.” – The Miz
RHODES SCHOLARS VS SANTINO MORELLA/ZACK RYDER – Quick, simple tag team match w/Cody Rhodes and Damian Sandow advancing into the finals, after Cody hits the beautiful disaster while Santino tries to put on the sock puppet.
After the match, Santino take a beat-down from Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, and Jinder Mahal. I don’t know why.
Backstage: Paul Heyman tries to talk Vince out of the match w/C.M. Punk. Vince asks Heyman if he knows when he is/isn’t lying.
“Don’t make CM Punk do to you, what Brock Lesnar did to Triple H.” – Heyman
WWE DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP; EVE VS KAITLIN – Layla joins the commentary team while Eve makes Kaitlyn look good. Kaitlyn hits a back-breaker on Eve, aggravating the “injured” ankle. Eve wins with an ankle-lock submission, but refuses to let go. Layla runs in to break it up. Eve makes like she’s concerned for Kaitlyn. During the whole match, JBL kept riding Layla on her “conspiracy theory,” about how Eve got the title shot. It was like he was trying to get something out of her, but I’ll never know what.
Backstage: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo are deciding where to go to eat. Josh Mathews comes in and tries to tell them about Randy Orton’s tweet. Del Rio tries to blow him off, but Josh reads the tweet. Orton is really looking forward to Smackdown. Del Rio gets concerned and bolts.
Twitter, the new weapon of intimidation; as confirmed by teen-age girls everywhere.
After a promo for the Susan G. Komen breast cancer awareness campaign, we get a bit where Daniel Bryan asks Larry for advice about dealing with the “goat face” comments. Kane steps in and they start with the arguing. Bryan yells at Kane for scaring off Larry. Kane thought it was Skeletor.
VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON VS WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK (NO CONTEST) – Punk jumps Vince from behind before the match even starts, and proceeds to toss him all over the arena floor. Funniest spot is Punk putting on a headset to mock Vince.
“WHAT A MANUVER!” – Punk to Vince
And then it goes to crap.
Vince not only turns the tide, but proceeds to BRUTALIZE Punk. He HURLS Punk across the announce table, and pounces on him. At one point, Vince grabs a Kendo stick, and Punk tries to RUN AWAY. He calls for Heyman to grab his belt, but Vince takes Heyman down and grabs it.
Punk comes back, and finds a Kendo stick of his own. We get a brief duel THAT VINCE WINS! Punk takes over with a low-blow and batters Vince with two kendo sticks. Punk goes for the GTS, but Ryback runs to the rescue. Punk tries to bail, but John Cena comes out to toss him back in. After taking a few bumps, Punk bails. Vince demands Punk choose to face Ryback or Cena at HITC by next week, or Vince will choose for him.
SERIOUSLY!? You really want to take this huge step back? After a solid first hour with decent matches, you wanna JOB OUT YOUR CHAMPION TO A 67 YEAR OLD MAN? YOU EXPECT TO SELL A PPV WITH THIS SH!T?
Was this some kind of jab at Lawler? Or a punishment because you blame Punk for what happened to him? Because I have NO idea what the logic here is.
First, I want to apologize for the lateness of this article. There was a death in my family this week, and it took precedent over anything else.
REY MYSTERIO AND SIN CARA DEF EPICO AND PRIMO – After the match, Rey-Cara were ambushed by the Prime Time Players, who said they were the rightful number one contenders to the tag title and wouldn’t let anyone take anything from them ever again.
EVE TORRES (DIVAS CHAMPION) DEF BETH PHEONIX – The broadcast team spent this match speculating over whether or not Eve got her title match by injuring Kaitlin, the scheduled opponent for then champ Layla, who joined the team at ringside. Layla tried to take up the debate, but faltered.
BRODUS CLAY DEF HEATH SLATER – U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro joined the broadcast team to set up a potential feud with Brodus.
DOLPH ZIGGLER DEF SANTINO MARELLA – Marella got distracted trying to get his “Cobra” back from Vicki Guerro at ringside, leaving him vulnerable to two “Zigzags.”
WADE BARRETT DEF JUSTIN GABRIEL – Little more than a squash to build up Barrett.
TEAM FRIENDSHIP DEF KINGSTON/R-TRUTH – Kane and Bryan constantly arguing left them vulnerable to double-teaming and high-impact spots, however Bryan brought the belts home with the “no” lock.
RANDY ORTON DEF TENSAI – This was the basic “face takes a beating but keeps coming back,” routine. Orton wins with the RKO.
DAMIEN SANDOW DEF ZACK RYDER – Ryder actually looked good here, even getting a close two-count with the “broski boot,” but in the end it was another win for Sandow. Prior to this match, Sandow came out to remind us that this was back-to-school season, and attempted to give the crowd a “vocabulary lesson,” by running them down with terms like “ignoramuses,” and “miscreants.” This leads to a (heated) debate by the announcers over what counts as a “big word.”
SHEAMUS AND JOHN CENA DEF C.M. PUNK AND ALBERTO DEL RIO – We got a fast-paced back and forth, with everyone getting a piece of everyone else. Match ends with Cena getting an AA on Punk for the three-count despite Punk having a foot clearly on the ropes. Punk actually badgers the ref all the way to the back about the decision.
Highlights of the night included both Jim Ross and John Bradshaw Layfield joining Cole on commentary, and a repeated update on Jerry Lawler. He is home in Memphis, recuperating and will be on RAW next week for a special interview.
Overall, a solid, if uneventful RAW; at least till the end
We briefly see ADR and David Otunga (AAL) helping a neck-brace wearing Ricardo out of GM Booker T’s office. That’s right folks another law suit angle in professional Matlock… err…. L.A. Law… no that’s not it…. hmm…. Law and Order? Nah…. how about Kojak? Yeah, that’s the one. Savalas and shit.
What’s up mother fucker? I’m bald. And dead. How do you like them apples……bitches?
Click to continue reading “Smackdown 09/07/12″
Friday Night Smackdown hopping time! Shall we?
Click to continue reading “Smackdown 08/31/12″
So, apparently I’m supposed to write some kind of intro paragraph for these things. A paragraph usually is constituted with a few sentences that correlate to an idea and supports the content within. Furthermore, including this sentence, I count three strings of words. Done. Let’s hop to it, shall we?
Click to continue reading “Smackdown 08/24/12″
It’s Summerslam weekend (well, close enough). We’ll be running down the Summerslam card on BWF Radio this Sunday with some special guests. I’m announcing no one yet, because it’s going to be huge… and awesome. Tune in to “www.boredwrestlingfan.com or www.wonderpodonline.com on Sunday to check it out with plenty of time before the PPV.
Pretty much the whole card has been announced. There’s even some last minute matches likely to be teased tonight and then cut for time on Sunday. I expect a holding pattern, and a whole bunch of clip packages. Maybe I’ll get through this in record time? Only one way to find out, let’s hop to it, shall we?
Click to continue reading “Smackdown 08/17/12: A Better Go Home Show Than RAW”