This is my most hated week of the year. Don’t get me wrong, I love my country, and I love my neighbors to the north in Canada, but in the business I work in outside of BoredWrestlingFan, and in the city in which I work in said business, this is one of the most stressful weeks of the year. We’re busy early in the week for Canada Day, and then we’re busy later in the week for Independence Day. On top of that, this week marks 11 years I’ve been in said business, so I face the fact that for over a decade, I haven’t been able to find anything better than what I do. Oh well. Let’s go!
I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, give you the gist of the first 30, then review the rest of the show with semi-factual information. Except this week, because I don’t feel like it. What are you gonna do about it? Complain? To who? This is my site, I do what I want with my reviews. Plus, I play by my own rules. Screw you, G’s SmackDown Reviews!
Either Darin is really great at selling or he had a legit sprained ankle. Speaking for somebody who has had one, walking to the ring, much less competing in a match is a small miracle. Gary’s work was really good as always. It was a really strong first match, though I thought it was a bit short.
We had a Barrett Brown promo. He needs a mouthpiece. He has such an amazing presence in the ring; he just needs the promo ability taken off his plate.
2. Barbi Hayden & Bolt Brady vs. The Takeover
Barbi is probably one of the best wrestlers you’re not watching. This is the first time I’ve ever seen Barbi as a face, which is funny because she’s one of Texas’ top heels, male or female. This is my first time to see Miss Maulie. I’ve only had the chance to see Jaykus Plisken once and it was when I was ring announcer so I was running around trying to find my bearings. He has a great look and is a born main-eventer. He has such a presence. I wonder if he needs a mouthpiece to help preserve the gimmick. I liked Maulie’s work here. And Bolt earns his name as he is-sorry, I have to-“electrifying.” The pumphandle slam into the knee breaker thing was incredible.
Jojo Bravo cut a really nice promo heeling Ricky Romida. Bravo is where ACH was a few years ago.
3. Ricky Romida vs. Carson
Add Carson to the list of best wrestlers you haven’t heard of. The match itself started off as Andre the Giant vs. Cary Elwes from Princess Bride. The strategy was that you had a little man (which Carson isn’t) trying to take down the bigger man. Romida looked strong, and Carson put him over as a monster, which he’s not really that big. I was impressed by both’s work here. I believe we had a story told.
4. Jeffery Gant vs. Athena
When I see Gant, I wonder where the rest of him is. Athena is just in a class by herself. This match was way more competitive than I thought it would be. The longer it went, the more Gant impressed me. I might call him the Texas Spike Dudley. I found myself liking this match a lot more than I thought I would. This was a great showcase for Athena’s submission skills, but both looked great in this match.
5. Davey Vega vs. Barrett Brown
I was told how great this match was from a very impartial source-Brown’s dad. (Yes, that sentence was in jest). If you have never seen Brown, he’s worth it. You have Texas’ future vs. the U.S.’ future. (Give Barrett time. He’ll be the U.S.’ future too.) He was able to hang with Vega and he looked pretty good in the ring against a top tier indy talent. It was very emotional to watch this kid that I’ve watched ever since he was 16 get to wrestle in what is probably the biggest stage in Texas. He did really well in there against Vega. The scary part is that Barrett is only 18 and has no limit to where he goes.
6. Arik Cannon vs. Matthew Palmer
Matt Palmer is the best wrestler in the world you’re not watching. I like seeing Cannon every time I get the chance to watch him. They worked really well together and had good chemistry. The thing I write about Palmer is that he never forgets he’s in front of a live crowd. There is so much innovation in this match. Not only were they great in the ring, they were great out of the ring too. This is a great DVD if you have never seen either of these. I’m not sure what they paid Cannon, but he gave you a really good match with brawling, scientific wrestling, striking, lots of blood and made Palmer look like a million bucks. Whatever they paid him, it was a bargain.
7. Pierre Abernathy vs. Darin Corbin
This was good fun. They did a tribute to the Wrestlemania VI Main Event, Warrior vs. Hogan. After 3 really excellent matches, the crowd needed come down a little bit. This was very good comedy.
8. Jessica James vs. Christina Von Eerie
This was an interesting look and transformation for James. James has got to be one of the top female wrestlers in Texas. And Christina has got to be one of the top female wrestlers in the world. She has the most unique look in all of women’s wrestling, plus she is great in the ring. Any wrestler I’ve first heard about while watching AAA is pretty awesome in my book. The match was really good. There were a few moments where I noticed the little things both did well.
9. Mojo Bravado vs. Team Havin Fun (Rachel Summerlyn & Portia Perez)
I really don’t know what to think about some of these creative decisions as Portia is one of the top heels in the world, but she is really good with Summerlyn, and Anarchy is its own creature. It gets to do what it wants to. Jojo Bravo wrestles like a face but is a heel. To call Jojo one of the next big names in Texas would not be much of an exaggeration. He has that same energy and charisma that ACH has. You can’t teach what skills this man already has. Jordan Jensen is extremely good at the heel role. And I’ve gone into detail about what I think about Summerlyn, but just to repeat, she reminds me of a really pretty tomboy. Plus, with Summerlyn, you get Machiko, who is in my opinion, one of Texas’ hottest wrestling personalities. The match was a really good match with intergender implications. Jensen puts on a heel clinic, and both ladies owned the crowd.
10. Children of Pain 2.0 vs. ACH, Summers & Genesis
Wrestling doesn’t have too many wrestlers who looked like The Thing of Fantastic Four fame. Scot Summers is one. Ryan Genesis is pretty jacked up too. I consider these two to be the top tag team in Texas. And ACH is in a category all by himself. I haven’t seen Vexx too much, but I’ve seen Silver and and Sky (the Lost Boys) live and wrestled in one of my favorite matches of 2012. Watching ACH at this point of his career at ACW is like seeing Ric Flair in Charlotte, CM Punk in Chicago, Jim Ross in Oklahoma. It’s his hometown, and that crowd has made him. The match was pretty violent and everybody carried their weight. A good main event to capitalize on a really great card.
All in all… A really good show from Anarchy. The Athena-Gant, Vega-Brown, Cannon-Palmer trilogy of matches were all really good. There are so many great underrated or undiscovered wrestlers on this card: Barbi Hayden, Bolt Brady, Carson, Jojo Bravo, Summers & Genesis & The Lost Boys. There are some top women’s wrestlers: Athena, Christina Von Eerie, Rachel Summerlyn, Portia Perez, Jessica James, so if you like women’s wrestling, this is also very worth your time and money. I’d have to definitely make this a huge recommendation.
An American Dragon moment is brought to you by Matt B. Wrestle.
What we have witnessed since this December is Daniel Bryan breaking through the glass ceiling and becoming a main eventer. This has to be a proud moment. Even as a heel how do you stop the train that is Bryan? Sadly this Sunday that might be Sheamus. Why is this sad?
We watched through tie-gate as Daniel Bryan was released and returned to the independent scene but was so valuable that he was brought back to the fold in no time. This has to mean he was meant for better things.
We have already seen Sheamus as a heel champion no less and their wasn’t much to be impressed by. He a muscle factory churned out by HHH/MacMahon that has improved but still doesn’t excuse putting him over Daniel Bryan. Who by far is the better “wrestler’
Uh oh I’ve said the naughty word that no one in the Universe should say. What I should of said was “entertainer” Daniel Bryan entertains me. He could give the WWE better mileage out of him then say a Sheamus run which would be Hoganesque. Which in this time period is just not worth its salt like it was in the 80’s and 90’s. We like the heels and tweeners of the ring they add to the excitement of the sport.
I would compare Daniels to Rick Rude and Curt Hennig, when you would watch thier matches you wanted them to lose because they were heel but they wore so “entertaining” that when they went over you were upset but not for their lack of ability in comparison to the faces. With Bryan you have that. He can “entertain” and leaving the belt on him post Wrestlemania would be a better choice.
He has pulled the best out of Mark Henry, the Miz and has fought Sheamus previously for the United States title. Which by the way he lost while a bland face. And when the rematch was pushed back into a dark match it ended in a no contest due to outside fighting from the lumberjacks around the ring. And to add further insult his resulting rematch on Raw he lost and had to be saved by Sin Cara. So yeah Daniel Bryan the heel needs to be pushed to win in similar fashion to Cody Rhodes who just makes the show more fun.
King and Queen of the Ring
And let’s not forget his storyline with AJ Lee and what could quite possibly turn into one of the most entertaining slow burning heel turns in the recent memory. Right now AJ is the video game playing every women that guys wish was more common. Daniel Bryan is slowly molding her into his queen. And seeing as how the Diva division could use a good Glamazon versus SexyNerd feud just to make it interesting I’m all for it. But if Daniel Bryan loses the championship what would be the point of a king and queen of Smackdown when one is titleless.
I believe like Mark Henry before him he’s a champion that makes the show more fun to watch and could quite possibly be the key to an entertaining Wrestlemania and many others for years to come.
Your Empress of “Impact” has abbreviated the review format for this week, as the job hunt continues to take precedence over everything else. For a lovely real-time of this week’s show, check here:
Match #1: Brutus Magnus of the British Invasion vs. Brother Ray: This was a “New York Street Fight.” It went to “no contest.” Massive run-ins from both sides, chairs used, and it’s all supposed to be legal, and we get a “no contest.” WTF??? Additionally, there was no build to this at all. Big gimmick matches have been rendered pointless through overuse and lack of hype. If Team 3D was mad at the British Invasion after the doings at “Slammiversary,” have Team 3D cut a promo, go after the British Invasion, and announce a street fight for the following week. Better still, save it for the ppv. But we’re getting to that.
To the ring! It’s Kurt Angle and the Main Event Mafia. Except for Sting. Angle welcomes Joe, calls everyone who didn’t see it coming as “morons,” and makes fun of everyone for getting played by the MEM and Joe. Foley comes out and demands his rematch against Angle. Angle is yelling, screaming, and ranting again. Oh, yay. Angle says that his contract gives him the right to choose who he wrestles. Oh, yay. If Foley wants something from the MEM, he has to give something back. They’ll go to the back and discuss it.
Match #2: Kevin Nash defeats Abyss: Not really. Dr. Stevie came in and used a taser gun on Abyss, allowing Nash to get the win. No Raven. I guess he and Douglas are both through. A real shame, as the Psycho Circus faction is awesome. Nash is terrible. The guy who can barely move and doesn’t sell for crap gets the win over a guy who actually used to be booked as a monster. Looks like happy days are here again. If you’re a former WWE main eventer.
To the ring! Beer Money, your new TNA World Tag Team Champions, hit the ring. They’ll give Team 3D a rematch any time. Scott Steiner and Booker T come out, and inform Beer Money that the MEM runs the show. Again. In return for Foley getting a rematch against Angle at “Victory Road,” the rest of the MEM gets title shots too. Kevin Nash gets a “Legends” title shot against AJ Styles. Steiner and Booker get a tag team title match against Beer Money. Oh, christ on a cracker, that’s just wonderful! James Storm, Promo God, understands what the Steiner Brothers and Harlem Heat have done, but right here and right now in TNA, they’re just another Neal and Bob. They can kneel down and bob on his beer bottle! Yes! Booker tells them that they have singles matches tonight, so they had better get ready for them. Team 3D comes out, and asks if anyone can understand anything that Booker and Steiner are saying. Great Steiner impression by Ray. Team 3D promises to make Foley an offer he can’t refuse in regard to the tag team title match, though Booker and Steiner claim that the match is carved in stone. Are they seriously going to put all the gold on the MEM at “Victory Road?” I really will commit crimes of such violent magnitude that a new mental illness syndrome will be named after me.
Match #3: Taylor Wilde defeats Daffney: This was a “Match of 10,000 Tacks.” Why? Why, why, WHY does TNA feel compelled to waste this in this manner? Daffney and Taylor have a “Monster’s Ball” match at the last ppv, which Daffney lost. They have a mixed tag team “Monster’s Ball” match Sunday night at “Slammiversary,” which Daffney lost. For absolutely no good reason, with zero hype or build, they have a “Match of 10,000 Tacks” that Daffney loses! Aside from completely desensitizing fans to this sort of match and rendering it completely ineffective, what possible good reason is there for the heel crazy chick to lose all these matches? Shouldn’t Taylor Wilde be getting her pretty little backside handed to her?
To the back! Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne sit on their thrones and talk about Tara. Her name is apparently short for “Tarantula,” and they won’t let someone from another organization come in and take the Knockouts title. A real tarantula turns up on Madison Rayne’s shoulder, and shrieking ensues.
To the back! In Mick Foley’s office, Team 3D confront Foley over the tag team title match arrangement. Foley offers them a “Number One Contender” match against Steiner and Booker, with the winners facing Beer Money for the titles at the ppv. Team 3D doesn’t want to until Foley gets on his knees and begs them to take the match. Taken aback, they agree to the match.
Match #4: Scott Steiner defeats Robert Roode: Uh, sure. MEM wins again. Just like old times.
To the back! JB interviews Angle. Angle answers to no one, not even Sting.
To the back! JB chats with Foley, who is all about making up with Jarrett if Jarrett apologizes next week when he shows up. Angle can meet with Foley next week if he is angry about Foley’s “tweaking” of their title match deal.
To the back! Lauren asks Eric Young what’s up. Young refuses to be the court jester, and has learned that there are no friends in this business. Rhino steps up and confronts Young, who headbutts him and leaves. Jesse Neal checks on Rhino, who gets mad at him and shoves him away.
To the back! Lauren asks Booker T about his match, and he insults Team 3D. Sharmell runs up with paperwork in hand, giving her a match against Jenna Morasca at the ppv, because there’s only room for one female in the MEM. Great. A nonwrestling personality and skanky reality tv show winner from 2003 get a ppv wrestling match. The non-WWE part of the roster can’t be happy with this, nor should they be.
Match #5: Booker T defeats James Storm: Uh, sure. MEM wins again. Just like old times. Booker has Sharmell get Storm’s beer bottle, and smashes Storm in the head with it.
To the ring! AJ Styles calls out Samoa Joe and yells at him. He wants to know who is in Joe’s head. Joe says that AJ can ask him himself at “Victory Road.” AJ attacks Joe. Matt Morgan makes the save for Joe and attacks AJ. Daniels makes the save for AJ. The entirety of the Main Event Mafia comes out and takes out all the non-MEM people. Sting comes out with his bat. Sting berates the MEM, and tells Nash that he expected better from him. Nash explains that Sting’s plan of “honor and dignity” for the MEM didn’t work, and Angle’s plan did. They couldn’t beat Joe, so they bought him, and had to have Jenna Morasca’s money to do it. Sting brings up Nash’s son. Sting hands Nash his bat and tells him to hit him, and turns his back. Nash goes for it, but Sting has a second bat and hits Nash first. Sting starts laying out the MEM, but Joe gets one of the bats and beats down Sting. The whole MEM stomps on Sting as the show ends.
FINAL THOUGHTS: If I sound overly negative and hostile toward this week’s show, it’s because I am. Unlike some people, if I didn’t really care about the product, I wouldn’t get upset when things like this show happen. “Slammiversary” was quite well-done, and following it up shouldn’t have been difficult. Did Jarrett and Foley lose their executive power when they failed to win the World Heavyweight title? Why does the MEM run the show and make their own matches? I get the Foley compromise bit, and actually like that part, but we seem to have come back to the “MEM dominates the show and win all their matches, and anything not part of the MEM doesn’t matter” routine. Had there actually been any semblence of a Frontline/Originals group, this might have been ok, with power shifting back and forth, but it all got dropped. Sting is out of the MEM, and certainly is not the Godfather anymore, despite winning a match with that stipulation. Angle is the Godfather again simply because he says that he is. Apparently, match stipulations can be disregarded at will, with no consequences of any kind. As if all that wasn’t bad enough, Chris Sabin wasn’t even on the show. Not even in a short backstage segment. That’s just cruel, TNA! I don’t ask you for much.
Join us next week for more detailed “Impact” Impressions, and hopefully, news of gainful and legal employment!
