Smackdown

Alright, let’s get this Smackdown review going… I’ve got to admit, I’m not sure what we have to look forward to tonight, since I’ve forgotten what in tarnation happened last week… I’m sure the highlight videos will air (I’ll fast forward through them) would remind me… oh yeah, Kane is hunting people. So that should be, umm, entertaining? Hold on tight folks, it’s SUFFERING time…

- Yeah, there’s the video highlight package, and “There will be vengeance,” says Kane. Then the shitty opening music kicks in, pyro, etc. Normal start up so far…

- Ha ha… right, Drew McIntyre versus Teddy Long is tonight. That should be… epic.

- Fortunately, the second best heel in the business today (after Jericho), addresses the crowd. Yep, it’s the masked rendition of the Punk we know as CM. I tip back some beer in his honor. Hey, acknowledges it’s been a long time since my last history lesson, and I’ve killed billions of brain cells smoking my drugs, eating my pills, and drinking my beers! HE DOES GET MY EMAILS!!! Really, it’s all about how he made the Undertaker submit back in the day… and he is not cool with Taker being in a vegetative state, and that he will be the first to shake the hand of the perpetrator. This is because things have been way better since Taker left… and the lights go out…

- CLAP CLAP!!!

“Old School”

- The lighting guy is a genius!! As the lights come on, the Undertaker stands in the ring… or does he… it’s actually Luke Gallows! Ha ha!!! Sweet! Kane bounces in and attacks, only to be curb-sided by Jack Swagger as the three heels beat down the Big Red Machine… Oh yeah, there’s the mystery masked man too!!! Rey Mysterio and Show clear the ring, but then attack Kane too! Nobody likes Kane…

Patrick Kane@ G: “What gives man? Why does everyone hate me?”

G@ Patrick Kane: “Probably a result of that cab driver YOU choke slammed last summer… dick.

- Then Show screams at Kane to stop accusing him of taking out Taker… ok, that was a fun start to the night. Happy to see the mystery SES member continues to remain a mystery. That’s how a build works after all.

- We are reminded of Vince McMahon’s unhealthy love for the Scotsman Drew McIntyre. Awkward!! But… he’s coming, nobody can stop him, etc. It’s MVP and Christian in a normal match versus Curt Hawkins and Vance Archer (Archer SUCKS), and it looks like the two so-called “Gate Crashers” have contracts because they made an “iMPACT.” No they didn’t. I call bullshit on that one. Whatever, maybe this won’t suck since Christians is in the bout?

- Nothing too spectacular happened in the first part of the match… we return from commercials. Vance Archer gets tagged in, so nothing much more entertaining will happen as he plays off the usual isolate-one-face shtick.

Yep.

- A hot tag to Christian allows business to pick up as our friend Ol’ J.R. would say. But sadly Curt Hawkins somehow prevails as the writers attempt to make us care about this boring tagteam. MVP attempts to retaliate post match but gets a nice looking top rope elbow from Hawkins for his troubles. I don’t know, how about 1642983217.2314 Flying Elbows out of 4?

- Kaval looks like he wants to kill himself as he carries Layla and Michelle McRib’s belts to the ring… Rosa Mendez wants to join with them… but is denied. They continue their pathetic gimmick of the mean girls garbage on her. The whole time Kaval looks on as impressed as I am. I am sure he is wishing that either one of them, or both, were into the early Avril Lavigne gimmick so he could choke them out with their unnecessary ties a la Bryan Danielson.

End it Kaval.

- Because it’s June.

Either you got that and I’m an insensitive asshole, or you’re confused. Let’s just say that it’s June, and I am ALSO from Edmonton… NONE of us like what happened, ok?

- We get some more garbage MILF/COUGAR crap with Vickie and Dolph… Chris Masters walks in on so-called PG 13 stuff, and even he is disgusted. Meh… FFW!!!

- JTG is out (the better half of the former Cryme Tyme), and will do battle with Chavo. Hmm… this actually has some serious potential! Nice rolling Liger kick on JTG starts us off early… I love that over-the-top-of the opponent DDT that JTG does, looks smooth. Not enough though. Good thing JTG lands a swinging chokeslam on him for the win! I’m happy. Decent, albeit short, match. Plus, you may have noticed I like what I have seen in JTG over his tenure. Too bad his gimmick is horribly racist.

- I haven’t posted any animated gifs tonight, so here’s one that makes no other sense other than that it is Friday.

Gimli will always rule.

- BTW, there has been a ton of Drew McIntyre historical moment segments tonight, I think we’re at four. I typically ignore this stuff when reviewing and suffering through wrestling… that would be number five, as we come back from advertisements.

- Alright, it’s Teddy Long versus McIntyre. If Theodore does not wrestle, he will be fired stipulation in effect… A bit of banter, yawn. Drew brings down his own security team due to Teddy’s testical fortitude, and has him searched for weapons. Then demands Long starts the match by attacking him… continues to attempt to goad him into hitting him… Teddy isn’t biting. Drew then tells him there is only one way to get out of this, “get down on both knees,” the Scotsman tells Theodore, and tells him he has to say, “[Drew] is the chosen one!” Teddy complies… then gets up, but Drew demands he go back on his knees. Then is told to lay down and get pinned willingly. Again, he complies. “You are pathetic, RING THE BELL” as Drew pins Long with his foot on him. You got a pretty good play-by-play by my standards there, don’t expect these…

- No sir, this is far from over. As Long attempts to walk out, he is grabbed by Drew and almost given a double underhook DDT, until Kofi runs in to help… only to be retrained by Drew’s security guards…. so Matt Hardy jumps the rails, SPEAR!! Security holds off Hardy!! Drew uses his goons to dispatch of both faces, finally landing his finisher on each one subsequently in the ring. I didn’t like this to start, but damn, what a great segment! You can’t but HATE the ever-loving-shit out of Drew’s character here. TOTAL COWARD AWESOME!

Smiley face…

- Layla w/ McRib is facing off against with Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly. I don’t care. Match over, FFW! Many Kellys gets the win, I think… lost track…

- Jack Swagger attempts to cut a promo where he rips off both Booker T’s “Five time, five time…” and Ric Flair’s “Wheelin’ and Dealin’” shticks. Horrible stuff, really. It felt forced and uncreative.

I’m not bothering with anything funny in this space.

- Vickie introduces Dolph Ziggler, more screeching from her… I guess the reason we saw Chris Masters earlier, is that he is in a match Ziggler. Typical boob dance as he makes his way to the ring… still looking disgusted. Well I will give him some credit (and it’s not a lot), Masters is moving about more smoothly than he did before when he was a sack of bricks. Masters catches Ziggler midway into a dropkick and then flips him into the turnbuckle! Ok, that was refreshing from Masters! I’m still not sold, though. Dolph locks on a sleeper hold afterwards… almost… but NO! Masters gets his similarly anti-climatic looking submission on instead! BUT NO!!! Ziggler finds a way to win, with some sick looking midair slam.

- Highlights of the NXT Seven attacking Hart on RAW, etc. FFW naturally.

- And our main event of Rey/Show versus Punk/Swagger is underway… will it suck? Will the remaining twenty minutes be utilized with a nice long match? COMMERCIALS…

Yay!! I’m a wrestling fan!

- After effectively wasting 5 minutes, we return. Oh, my bad, his tag team partner hasn’t even entered yet, so here goes at least two to three more entrances… FFWAF!!!!

- The bell rings with about 11 minutes to go… I’m getting tired, and we’ll see how much of what’s left will keep my attention. They go into the isolate-the-face shtick pretty quick, as the heels work on Mysterio. Punk and Mysterio have a decent back and forth of kicks and whatnot, but nothing special really. More ads ensue…

- It feels rather like a cookie cutter formula here, setting up the PPV. Finishers abound… everyone looks like a competitor, since they are all in the Fatal Fourway Gimmick PPV this Sunday. Rey reverses a gutwrench power bomb, and manages a pin on Swagger to win the match. Out comes Kane post match in his vengeance bit. And he attacks and beats all of them. Tombstone on Mysterio… an “homage to his brother the Undertaker,” Striker tells us. “This Sunday will be a fatal night for the guilty party,” Kane tells us… calls for the pyro as a casket has been wheeled in off camera by P.A.’s has mysteriously appeared on top of the entry ramp!!

- WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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Random Morphine Reference:

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Well, this one is more wrestling related than “random” per say. Both Project Wonderboy and Bored Wrestling Fan have become involved with a group of wrestling websites making weekly power rankings. We call it the POWER POLL. It’s a fun project since it is far more democratic than most rankings systems that are exclusive to the brand in question, or a single wrestling website. So, the rankings link for PW is here. The BWF one, is here.

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Shameless Plugs!

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Bored Wrestling Fan

Project Wonderboy

Morphine Nation

G might be the mastermind behind this project… maybe. Could be a clone version though…
LarG Productions

My brother in arms, ThinkSoJoE kicks ass and takes names with the band ThinkSoBrain:
Thinksobrain

Am I seeing double? Yes, you are. This review appears both here and here.

Match 1:  Alicia Fox vs Gail Kim

This was your standard, crappy Diva’s match.  Alicia Fox wins after she knocks Gail Kim off the top rope and hit her scissor kick.  Oh, Scissor me! 

Match 2:  Zack Ryder and Primo Colon vs Yoshi Tatsu and Goldust

The only one worth caring about here is Zack Ryder.  I’m super glad that he is a “Pro” on season 2 of NXT.  Ryder got the win for his team when he hit the Rough Ryder on the Golden One.

Replay of the NXT season 1 cast’s attack on John Cena, CM Punk, Justin Roberts, the WWE crew, and the WWE ringside area from RAW.

Main Event:  Kofi Kingston w/ Joe Hennig (I refuse to call him Michael McGillicutty) vs Luke Gallows w/ Serena

At least we get one Upper Mid Card guy tonight.  Kofi gets the win with the S.O.S. 

That’s it for tonight.  Check back next week for another outstanding episode of WWE Superstars.

Smackdown

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The Over the Limit PPV is this Sunday, and this is the last show before the WWE expects you to pay your hard earned money to pay for broadband internet to access pirate streams to ante up for the show! Will it suck? Only one way to find out!

Since these reviews are debuting on Bored Wrestling Fan, as well as continuing to run on Project Wonderboy, I should probably give a quick run down to those of you new to my style of wrestling show reviews, just so we’re on the same page. And I would encourage all of my cohorts from Wonderboy to check out BWF since it rules, and in many ways they gave me a start before I ever ended up with the Morphine Nation crew. I straight up write these while I watch. I work during nights (and the day too at another job), and DVR all things TV. I utilize my FFW power with a heavy thumb. If I think something blows, I’ll tell you that I am FFW’ing my way through it. Also, I do not do traditional recap styled articles. I write what I’m thinking while I watch. Thus, expect inane tangents and whatnot as you suffer alongside me. I will get these up generally the night of the show, but not immediately after or during except on special occasions. With that being said, it’s suffering time!

- We kick things off with three shots of rum and a cold, cold beer! Wait, that was me… Interestingly enough, Luke Gallows and Serena explain the SES philosophy in Canada since we can drink legally here at 18 or 19 (depending on the province you live in). CM Punk stands idly by as three young men sit in chairs await a head shaving to join into the Straight Edge Society. Fucking awesome stuff. Punk gets evangelical and requests the hands in the air or on the TV. I love this Jim Baker stuff! He makes them recite a mantra which includes this gem: “One Nation under Punk.” As the SES shave the heads of the Canuckleheads, Rey pops out! He displays a bald image of Punk on the trinatron to build the heat as we cut to commercial break…. Good opening bit! But it’s CM Punk, so I expect nothing less.

- I wonder if the following people are honorary members of the SES?

Picard? Nope. He hangs with Stone Cold on weekends…

Kojak? Hells no.

Mr. Clean? A likely candidate by name, but not with that heroin addiction… sorry kids!

- During the break, CM Punk and the SES beat the hell out of the three new recruits to demonstrate what they will do to Mysterio at the PPV. That was a little anti-climatic. Onto a bit with Layla (won the championship last week). Bleh. They both have belts for some reason. Since when has the Free Bird rule played out on a singles championship? Good thing no one really gives two shits about the Diva title any more… A crap things, get worse as Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly and Tiffany Kelly come out to do “battle.” FFW, don’t care. I can download porn. Looks like McCool got the pin on Tiffany.

- Big Show cuts a promo on Swagger… it’s like a PSA and it’s awesome! He emulates the Swagger bit, “Did you know three weeks ago, I knocked Jack Swagger out? Did you think that was impressive? That’s just one of my many accomplishments.” Ha ha ha!!!

- BROOKLYN, BROOKLYN! JTG, the non-Jannetty (in my mind) of the now defunct Cryme Tyme. He’s set to battle the Dude Buster known as Caylen Croft. I might have spelled his name wrong, guess what? I don’t care. Good action to start us off! JTG is flying all over the ring and picks up a quick decisive win! Nice.

- Backstage to Vickie Guerrero with Christian and tonight is the return of his “Peep Show.” Awesome! Vickie wants to be the first guest on his show… Christian says, “I’d like to, but I want people to actually watch the show.” He tells us he has a list from the peeps including Bret Hart, the Mountie, the Brooklyn Brawler, the Subway guy, and Lester “the guy who loves chicken.” But tonight’s guest is someone else….

It’s got to be Lemmiwinks… Gerbil King!!!

- Great… it’s Vance Archer and Curt Hawkins (new tag team) facing Jeremy Barner and Brent Roberts. In some ways, even though the jobbers are facing jobbers. Well, the new jobber guy with the dreadlocks can sell! He takes some nice looking bumps, as does his partner who lacks dreads. Vance and Hawkins look good in a TNA style match (i.e. under two minutes) which ends in a squash. Apparently Archer is called “American Psycho” now. The two grab the mike…. these two have 22 days left to make an impact via Teddy Long’s month long contact. I’m still not impressed.

- Another awesome Big Show PSA making fun of Sthwagger. Once again, he reminds us that he beat down Swagger via chokeslam through the announce table two weeks ago. I love this.

- Jack Swagger is out and looks like a mess. Unshaven… His accomplishments, Oklahoma, and his Daddy were all disrespected… so now he’s on a mission to return the favor against the Show this Sunday. The crowd totally hates him. Out comes Kofi Kingston for a match.

- What starts with Kofi on top, comes back from commercial break with Swagger in full control. A little beatdown outside the ring makes its way into said ring. Kofi almost hits a mid rope spinning punch but lands crotch first on a Swagger kick. Roshambo?

Matt Striker tries to tell us it’s to the inner thigh… its not… owww!!!

- Kofi opens a window with a nice looking DDT after selling a ton of moves. “Shelton Benjamin Kofi Kingston can do things in the ring no one else can do,” Grisham tells us. Mid match, Show comes out with a mic allowing for a distraction allowing Kofi to pick up the win! Show tells us one more all important Jack Swagger fact, points to the trinatron which reads: “Did you know? Kofi just beat you” That, my smarky friends, is how you pull a distraction/interference angle.

Christian’s Peep Show is up next… WHAT A RUSH

- His first guest is Hornswaggle. He’s STILL wearing his DX uniform. Hmm… if it wasn’t Christian, I’d be unimpressed. Christian calls him on the DX gear, calls him “Swoggle.” Tells him to do the DX chop… interview time? Christian teaches Hornswoggle how to speak Canadian. LINES FROM DOUG AND BOB MACKENZIE! AWESOME! SWOGGLE SAYS THEM!

“Take off, eh”

“Yah hoser”

AND THEN:

“Hockey”

And then what Christian bills as the most important word in the Canadian vernacular:

“Beer”

- Vickie interrupts and Christian calls her fat and a moose. Chavo is also with her… the little guy learns about another creature, this one bearing horns, and yells it at Vickie. This is pretty fun stuff. Chavo enters the ring to defend his aunt. It’s a ruse! Dolph Ziggler attacks Christian from behind as my brethren, the Canadian crowd boos. Frogsplash via Chavo as Vickie looks on. I am surprised that I can say, I loved this segment considering it had ‘Swoggle in it. Wow.

- Rey and MVP are up against Punk and Gallows. The SES start us off with some intense attack methodology on our face team… and then commercials ruin everything… FFW!!!!!!!!!!

-…during which I try and find an animated gif with the keyword search, “fast foward.” Instead I pull up this little unrelated gem:

It’s a different world, from where you’re coming from. Somebody hook me up with some Dwayne Wayne flip-up sun glasses attachments, yo.

- TANGENT!!!

- We come back and the heels are controlling the action slowly… and nicely. Even Luke Gallows takes control of MVP for a while. Hot tag to Mysterio shakes things up as Rey goes into flippy floppy mode. Rey finds a way to pull out a win. Ok match… kind of got distracted (late, drunker, more socially involved online).

- A nice little exchange between Kofi and McIntyre helps build their weekend feud… it’s not ground breaking or anything, however, I enjoyed the confrontation. Both men seem more and more comfortable each week. We need new blood in the WWE.

- The Big Show is set to face Drew McIntyre in our main event. Whoop-dee-doo? Maybe… but there is 9 minutes left including these horrible, horrible advertisements for the remake of the Karate Kid to sit through… FFW of course ensues.

- But it is lackluster… slow and plodding. McIntyre is not made to look weak, but Big Show plays his usual “giant card.” Lots of brawling style fighting (hard to call “action”). I suppose there is a good reason I can give a nod to my bro’s ThinkSoJoE and J.T. explaining why I am also a bored wrestling fan. The match dissolves as Jack Swagger interferes and he gets some chair shots in on Big Show’s knee. And that’s the premise for our PPV, folks… because:

WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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Random Morphine Reference:

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How about you go hit up some BWF forums Morphine Nation crew? Seriously… stop being bored.

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Shameless Plugs!

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Bored Wrestling Fan

Project Wonderboy

Morphine Nation

We open with CM Punk teaming with Darren Young. I’m actually a little surprised by that. I kind of figured when it was time to team, Punk would pawn him off on Luke Gallows.

They’re apparently going to do some eliminations two weeks from now.

They’re facing Matt Hardy and Justin Gabriel. After his horrible ring attire the first week, he’s wearing a Hardy t-shirt for the second straight. His trunks actually match Hardy’s tights. Young with a shoulder block. Gabriel rolls through an armbar and reverses, then Young starts throwing punches. Gabriel slides under him and hits an armdrag. Matt in and they hit a step up splah. Matt with a clothesline. Justin tags in, but Young takes back over. Punk is in with a bodyslam. Forearms and kicks in the corner by Punk, then he tags out. Spinning kick by Gabriel. Young tosses him to the apron then avoids a springboard crossbody. Elbow in the corner, then a shoulder. Gabriel tries to go over the top ala HBK but Young catches his legs and kicks him in the gut. Then he throws him to the steps in a unique style.

Punk in briefly, but he tags out and hits a couple forearms then does some taunting that costs him. Elbows and a snapmare by Gabriel. STO but he misses 450. Punk in and gets 2. He grabs a leg scissor. Gabirel elbows out and jacknife covers him. Cheap shot at Matt. Young in. Back suplex. Rams him in the corner and tags out. Gabriel ‘s come back is cut off with a couple of knees. Springboards into a dropkick to the ribs and Matt is in. Series of clotheslines. Corner clothesline followed by a bulldog. Side effect. Matt to the second rope but Punk tags out. Matt hip tosses Young in and hit s neckbreaker then clotheslines him over. Gallows decks Gabriel. Matt hits the side effect on him. THey’re back in. Punk hits the GTS while the ref is distracted and Young picks up the win. Gallows beats down Gabriel. Young high fives Punk, but then Gallows attacks him.

Next up, Daniel Bryan is facing the Great Khali.

Bryan comes out on his own. Khali throws him into the corner. Bryan gets some kicks but is tosses again. Chop. He goes for the Punjabi plinge, but Bryan gets a guillotine choke and several kicks. Missle dropkick. But he coesm off the second time into a chop, then the Punjabi Plunge.

Cole goes on and on about how he’s 0-4. It’s annoying.

And here comes the Big Show. I’d prefer it if Khali doesn’t just let him have a go at Bryan. Chokeslam by Show and I don’t like it.

The main event is Skip Sheffield vs Wade Barrett.

Raw rebound.

David Otunga promo. It’s the same one they ususally do though.

Before we get to the main we have another match which is surprising. Heath Slater, the first rookie to beat a pro takes on Carlito’s rookie Michael Tarver. Tarver with a flying shoulder, then and armbar. Tarver with a knee to the gut, but Slater tosses Tarver then dives over the top rope. They get back in, but Slater misses in the corner and Tarver hits a back of the head wash. Neckvice. Dropkick by Slayer and a clothesline. Faceplant. Knee to the gut by Tarver. Slater goes over the top and gets a rollup for the win. Post match Tarver attacks. and hits a T-bone suplex.

Even with the post match attack this is the quietest match I’ve seen on NXT.

Regal and Sheffield are talking and they’re argueing, because Sheffield says he wants to learn from Regal but he won’t actually shut up so Regal can talk.

Wade Barrett comes out with Jericho. Barrett is the one guy here I’m less interested in than Slater and Tarver. Sheffield’s playing to the crowd really doesn’t work with Regal’s music. They ought to do a show where they’re allowed to choose the music they come out to. Kick by Barrett. Whip to the corner but Sheffield leaps over the top and runs to the opposite side and hits an axhandle off the top. Chop to the back. They go outside. Barrett rams Sheffield into the post after they both block it. Barrett bends Skip around the ropes.

Jericho won’t shut up. Surfboard by Barrett. Barrett puts his foot on Sheffield’s neck. Skip elbows out. Suplex blocked after some trouble setting it up and Sheffield reverses. Barrett misses in the corner. Polish Hammer and again. Massive clothesline. Bodyslam. Strutting splash gets two. Interted atomic drop by Barett. He runs into an elbow. Skip gets pulled off the second rope while he talks to Regal and Barrett hits a forward fireman’s carry slam.

Very good show. I’ll probably give some toss some opinions out on the wrestlers tomorrow or Thursday. But over all I’ve felt there’s actually a different style to NXT that might be nice to see on the main shows.

Darren Young, CM Punk’s rookie, defeated Jennifer Hudson’s fiancee and R-Truth’s rookie, David Otunga in the opening contest.  Luke Gallows and Truth got into a discussion outside of the ring, and as the referee was distracted, Punk tripped up Otunga, allowing Young to pick up the victory.

After the match, Otunga shoved Truth.

Promo: Daniel Bryan says he’ll headline WrestleMania some day.

Video: Bryan taking a huge bump courtesy of Chris Jericho.

Backstage: Bryan is getting looked at by the trainers, and Miz informs him that he’ll be facing Jericho’s rookie, Wade Barrett, next!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

During the break, David Otunga and R-Truth got into a bit of a brawl before officials broke it up.

Chris Jericho is introduced, and he comes to the stage to introduce Wade Barrett

Video: Wade Barrett will dominate you, because that’s what will put money into his bank account.

Daniel Bryan’s ribs are taped up as he makes his way to the ring, sans The Miz.

Wade Barrett def. Daniel Bryan

The Miz and Carlito watch from a monitor backstage, as Barrett dominates early on.  Barrett hits a spinebuster and it’s too much for Bryan to overcome.

Chris Jericho attacks Bryan after the match and locks him in the old school Lion Tamer style Walls of Jericho.

Later on tonight, Justin Gabriel teams with his pro Matt Hardy to face Skip Sheffield and his pro, William Regal.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Backstage: Heath Slater is bragging about his and Christian’s win last week.  Christian tells him that he shouldn’t be overconfident, and that David Otunga won his match too.

Backstage: Justin Gabriel is excited to work with Matt Hardy.  Hardy says Gabriel will bring a lot of high flying maneuvers, kind of like a young Matt Hardy.  Here’s hoping he doesn’t get fat and wear tights that are too small for him.

Regal and Skip Sheffield make their way to the ring.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Video: Skip Sheffield is a Corn fed Meathead.  He’s an entertainer, and he’s good at it.

Hardy and Gabriel make their way to the ring and we’ve got our main event.

Matt Hardy & Justin Gabriel def. William Regal & Skip Sheffield

Gabriel picked up the win for his team.  Matt Hardy dropped Regal with a  Twist of Fate, and Gabriel nailed a 450 splash, picking up the victory.

Backstage: Matt Striker is with the rest of the rookies.  Carlito comes in and spits in the face of Heath Slater.  He says that’s cool.  Slater doesn’t think so, but Striker says, “That’s NXT.”

Match 1:  Jack Swagger and William Regal vs Santino Marella and Chris Masters w/ Eve

Santino is absolutely hilarious! He hit a cartwheel and the drop-down splits and then attempted to unleash the cobra.  Swagger and Masters need to compete for the US Title.  The end of the match came when Masters put the Masterlock on Swagger, but Regal interrupted and Swagger hit the gutwrench powerbomb for the win.

Match 2:  Zack Ryder w/ Rosa Mendez vs Primo Colon

This was a highly entertaining match.  Primo is quick and exciting and Ryder is definitely a rising star in the WWE.  Woo Woo Woo…You know it!  Primo got in his fast offense, highlighted by his cartwheel.  Ryder hit the Rough Ryder and eventually the Zack Attack for the win.  Ryder is another guy who should be thrown into the US Title mix.  The problem with RAW right now is there are too many guys who should be involved in the US Title hunt. 

Match 3:  Luke Gallows w/ Serena vs Sylas Young

Its about time they give Gallows some time on his own without Punk.  He cut a promo saying Serena and him would like to dedicate the match to their Straight Edge savior, CM Punk.  This was a quick squash for Gallows to exhibit his power and dominance since most people don’t recognize him as the former Festus.  He has some unique offense and hit the 12th Step for the win.  Serena then gets in the ring and kicks Young in the ribs and out of the ring.

Main Event:  Great Khali, Matt Hardy, and Maria vs The Hart Dynasty

What is the point of Khali and Fatt Lardy being partners?  Surely they could have found a better partner that isn’t doing anything at the time for each of these two.  They both suck, so I don’t understand why people want to see them.  Khali can’t move and Hardy apparently is living off past glory.  It’s good he went back to the pants and got away from the baby pajama bottoms he was wearing.  The Hart Dynasty should be working more meaningful matches than this.  They are probably the best tag team in the WWE and should be shown as such.  Tyson Kidd hit the Hart Attack on Matt Hardy for the win. 

See ya next week for another arousing episode of WWE Superstars.

There’s no show open this week – straight to the pyro and a welcome to Baton Rouge, LA, smack dab in the middle of a Who Dat Nation fresh off of a New Orleans Saints Super Bowl victory!

Kicking off tonight’s show is the high flying luchador from San Diego, CA, Rey Mysterio!  His opponent has some company with him as he comes to the ring in the form of Luke Gallows and Serena, and he is the Straight Edge Savior, CM Punk – It’s clobberin’ time!

Rey Mysterio def. CM Punk

Punk dominates Mysterio in this match, working over the back through various means – holds, backbreakers, baseball slides into the steel post – but when Punk tried the latter a second time, Mysterio moved, allowing Punk to crotch himself against the post.  Mysterio gets Punk in line for a 619, but Serena gets on the apron and stops Mysterio, who then stops an interference attempt by Luke Gallows by knocking him from the apron.  Punk goes for the GTS, but Mysterio manages to hit a hurricanrana and get the surprise victory!

Following the match, Mysterio suffers a beatdown at the hands of the Straight Edge Society.  Punk tells Mysterio that he can save him, then nails a Gallows-assisted Go To Sleep to leave Mysterio lying motionless on the canvas.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

We come back to re-witness the carnage left in the wake of the Straight Edge Society.

Drew McIntyre.  He’s the WWE Intercontinental Champion.  He’s also got a new entrance.  It’s pretty cool, actually.  Kinda feels like a video package at first, then his new theme song plays, and he walks slowly down to the ring.  Makes him seem more bad ass.  McIntyre tells us that he’s got a match tonight, and he doesn’t care who it is.  He’s undefeated, and he’s unstoppable.

I bet you can’t guess what happens next…

To paraphrase our friends at WrestleCrap, if you guessed “Kane came out,” step up and claim your prize – a gigantic helping of absolutely nothing!

Kane heads to the ring, and McIntyre says he’s got nothing to prove, especially to Kane.  He goes to leave, but the referee rings the bell…

Kane vs. Drew McIntyre went to a double count out

Kane takes control early as McIntyre wasn’t expecting the bell.  The Intercontinental Champion doesn’t let the monster keep his advantage for long, however, and starts turning the tables.  The match spills to the outside, where Kane wails away at McIntyre until the bell rings – both men were counted out.

After the match, Kane tosses McIntyre back in the ring, but McIntyre caught him with a big boot.  He proceeds to beat on the Big Red Monster, then goes out to retrieve his Intercontinental Championship.  When he goes to hit Kane with it, however, he eats a Chokeslam for his trouble.  Kane lays the belt across it’s fallen owner, and sets off his pyro before leaving.

Backstage, Mickie James is perusing the fruit selection when Michelle and Layla come in, mocking her because she’s eating.  Great.  I guess we’re not done with this Piggy James crap.  Mickie doesn’t like it any more than I do, and tells Michelle they’re done.  Michelle says they’re not done while Mickie has her belt.  Mickie points out that the name on the belt says “Mickie James,” and that Michelle lost the title in 15 seconds.  Michelle and Layla taunt Mickie with a bowl of cottage cheese, which Mickie slaps out of Michelle’s hands.  The projectile cheese lands on – and covers – Vickie Guerrero.  Mickie leaves as Michelle and Layla try to comfort the Official Consultant to the General Manager.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

The WWE Women’s Champion is set for action!  She beat Michelle McCool in just 15 seconds at the Royal Rumble.  Ah hell, SmackDown’s got 15 seconds to kill, they show the entire match, complete with victory celebration – Mickie and the face Divas dumping a cake onto Michelle and Layla.  Mickie doesn’t have a cake with her this time, but her opponent, Layla, has her BFF Michelle in tow, and matching sweaters that say “Simply Flawless” on them.

Mickie James vs. Layla

This match doesn’t last long.  In fact, this match just gets started when it’s interrupted…

EXCUSE ME!

Vickie Guerrero, still covered in cottage cheese (that’s not a fat joke, she really was still covered in cottage cheese), and proclaims that this match is now a handicap match!

Michelle McCool and Layla def. Mickie James

Mickie manages to hold her own, but the numbers game is too much for her.  Layla’s distraction allows Michelle to drop the WWE Women’s Champion with the Styles Clash Faith Breaker for the victory.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Man, that guy Dave has been acting weird lately, hasn’t he?  First he attacked Bret Hart for no reason a couple weeks ago on RAW.  Then he attacked John Cena after the show went off the air.  Then last week, he walked out of an Elimination Chamber qualifying match with CM Punk.  Dave Batsita got some ‘splainin’ to do.  Who is brave enough to ask the Animal to come to the ring and tell us why he’s been acting so strangely?

That’s right, Josh Matthews is standing mid ring, and he’s the guy that’s going to get the answers we want from Batista.

The Animal’s music hits, his light show and video wall in full swing, but as soon as he hits the stage, he holds his arms out to the side.  The video wall and the lights stop, with only his music and his TitanTron video playing as a spotlight lights his way to the ring.  Matthews asks The Animal what’s up with his recent behavior, and Batista takes the mic.  He shoos Matthews out of his spotlight.  He doesn’t speak.  He exits the ring with the microphone and walks around it, stopping in front of a fan wearing a John Cena t-shirt and doing the “You Can’t See Me” hand motion.  Dave finally gets back in the ring, holds the microphone to his mouth – then drops it to the canvas.  Batista goes to leave, but stops at the top of the ramp.  “You want an explanation?” he utters as he turns around.  He goes back to the ring, picks up the microphone… and drops it once more.  He kicks it out of the ring for good measure, and leaves.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

You know it’s the Mack Militant!

The SmackDown General Manager, Teddy Long is here.  Last week, Dave Batista didn’t want to fight CM Punk.  This week, he didn’t want to talk.  Well, maybe next week he’ll want to fight.  And he’ll get a fight when he faces the 2010 Royal Rumble winner, Edge!

Oh yeah!

The man who can apparently slap a tornado, but can’t say no to seconds, Fatt Lardy is here, with his even bigger friend who he only hangs out with to make him look thin, The Great Khali.  And Khali’s brother Ranjin Singh is tagging along too.  Hardy says that Khali always has a great Valentine’s Day (Why couldn’t it be Greg “The Hammer” Valentine’s Day?  Lock your sweetie in a Figure Four to show her you love her!), but this year, Matt’s going to have one as well.  He introduces us to his Valentine, Maria!  Tyson Kidd and his Valentine, Natalya, make their way to the ring, along with  Natalya’s chaperone,  her cousin David Hart Smith.

Fatt Lardy and The Great Khali def. The Hart Dynasty

I have one issue with the way this match was booked, and that’s the very beginning.  Khali starts off for his team, and Smith is in the ring for the Dynasty.  Smith looks at Khali, then dives over to his corner and tags in Kidd.  Wouldn’t it have made more sense and made the Hart Dynasty look less like complete bitches if it was Kidd that dove over and tagged in the much bigger and stronger Hart as opposed to Hart tagging in the much smaller Tyson Kidd?  Anyways, I digress, the Hart Dynasty actually hold their own with Khali and Hardy, but Matt manages to hit a Side Effect to return control to his team.  Hardy couldn’t hit the Twist of Fate, however, and Smith distracted the referee, allowing Natalya to trip Hardy up.  Maria rushed over and assaulted Natalya, and in the confusion, Hardy rolled up Kidd for the victory.

After the match, Natalya wanted to get at Maria, but Kidd and Hart held her back.

2010 Hall of Fame Inductee: The Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase.  It’s about freakin’ time!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Recap: John Cena confronts Mr. McMahon, and Bret Hart attacks.

We get a rundown of the Elimination Chamber card and a recap of what happened when Chamber participants faced off earlier tonight, resulting in the Straight Edge Society beatdown of Rey Mysterio.

R-Truth keeps asking me “What’s Up?”  If I say “the ceiling,” do you think he’ll stop asking?

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

We come back with R-Truth just now finishing his rap, and he finally asks a different question – “Who Dat?”  What a suckup.  All of a sudden, my TV gets filled with lots and lots of colors and everything goes in slow motion.  That either means that the liquid crystals in my TV decided to go berserk, or that John Morrison is on his way to the ring.  Thankfully, it’s the latter.

R-Truth def. John Morrison

This one starts off normal enough, but Morrison seems to land awkwardly following a move, and falls to the canvas clutching at his ankle.  The referee calls for the bell and determines that Morrison cannot continue.

After the match, we see replays of the injury occurring, and the trainers tend to Morrison.  Methinks a certain somebody may have just seen a way of getting something he wants…

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Next Sunday, 12 men hold dreams of main eventing WrestleMania in their hands as they step into the confines of the Elimination Chamber to do battle.  One man, on the other hand, is already there…

You think you know me…

The Rated R Superstar, Edge, is here in Baton Rouge tonight, and after next Sunday, he’ll have a clearer idea of who he wants to face with his guaranteed World Title match at WrestleMania.  It could be his former Rated RKO buddy Randy Orton, or the man he faced last year at WrestleMania, John Cena.  Or maybe he can face CM Punk (the lovechild of Charlie Manson and Brutus Beefcake, according to Edge), or Rey Mysterio, or just maybe the man who is 17 – 0 at WrestleMania, The Undertaker…

BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!

Chris Jericho isn’t thrilled that Edge left his name out of the mix.  What, Edge doesn’t think that Jericho can win the Elimination Chamber?  Psh.  Jericho is bad luck for Edge.  He was there when Edge tore his Achilles tendon, as he was reaching down and clutching at his heel in agony.   He was there when Edge made his comeback 7 months later.  Jericho doesn’t know what it’s like to make a monumental comeback after an injury, for the sheer fact he doesn’t get injured.  He wins Championships and carries the company on his back.  If Edge wants to know who to face at WrestleMania, he should pick whoever wins the RAW Chamber, because Jericho’s going to win SmackDown’s, and if Edge chooses him, he’ll do to Edge what he’s about to do to the man who beat Edge at WrestleMania 2 years ago, The Undertaker….

BONG….  BONG… (No, RVD, I didn’t call you…)

The Undertaker is on his way to the ring, and he’ll be in no disqualification action with Jericho, when we come back!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Edge sits in on commentary when we come back.

Chris Jericho def. The Undertaker

The Undertaker dominates early on as Edge talks about the Elimination Chamber and his history with The Undertaker.  Undertaker goes for Old School, but Jericho pulls his leg and crotches the Undertaker on the top rope.  He turns the tide of his match into his favor, and delivers a superplex to the Dead Man.  Jericho tries to throw fists with The Undertaker, which doesn’t work out too well, and The Phenom turns things around into his favor.  He hits Jericho with SnakeEyes, then a shoulderblock for two.  He signals for the chokeslam, but Jericho bails to the outside of the ring.  Jericho takes a moment to trash talk Edge, who tells him to just get back in the ring – but by then, The Undertaker has followed him out and nails him from behind.  Taker glares at Edge, who stands up.  Undertaker nods, then tries to throw Jericho directly into Edge, who moves and gets in the Undertaker’s face.  Taker turns his attention towards Jericho, whom he throws back into the ring before turning around and delivering a big boot straight into the face of Edge.  Undertaker goes to get back in the ring, but Jericho drops him with a DDT for a two count.  Jericho capitalizes on the opportunity – he turns his back and takes off the turnbuckle pad.  He turns around into the waiting hand of The Undertaker, whose chokeslam attempt is reversed by Jericho, who rolls him up for two.  The force of The Undertaker’s kickout sends Jericho crashing face first into the exposed turnbuckle, and the Phenom hits the Last Ride, but before he can capitalize, he turns right into a spear from Edge!  Edge leaves, and The Undertaker sits up.  He goes after Jericho, but Jericho drops him with the Codebreaker out of nowhere and covers him for the pinfall!

Jericho gloats his way up the ramp as SmackDown goes off the air.

My Thoughts: Isn’t it interesting that John Morrison seems to be injured, and Shawn Michaels wants into the SmackDown Elimination Chamber match?  Also, isn’t it convenient that Edge won the Royal Rumble, and his current biggest rival, Chris Jericho, is competing for the World Heavyweight Championship at the next Pay Per View?  This is all pure speculation from yours truly, so don’t take it as the gospel truth.  I may decide to do an edition of ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts this morning, but if not, I’ll see you guys Monday for RAW!

Welcome to the Delayed-Time Review of this week’s “Smackdown.” As opposed to a Real-Time, you see.

Thanks to the wondrous glory that is Tivo, I just finished watching the show. In the interest of efficiency, here’s how it went down:

The show opens with a video package of Mike Tyson highlights from RAW. Particular attention is given to Chris Jericho getting knocked the f*** out, as certain comedians would phrase it.

To the ring! Chris Jericho speaks. He’s not crawling into a hole and disappearing, as much as the audience may want him to.

Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison: This could be great fun. The match is interrupted by the arrival of Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre, who sits at ringside in a chair and watches the match with quiet intensity. Jericho and Morrison have quite the match, but McIntyre rises from his chair to hold up the IC title belt in front of Morrison. Morrison takes the bait, and Jericho gets the win with the Codebreaker. Post-match, McIntyre returns to the ring to shove the belt in Morrison’s face, and then stomp on said face.

Winner: Chris Jericho

To the ring! CM Punk and Luke Gallows enter for a four-way tag team match, but that isn’t important now. What is important is the video recap of last week’s “Straight Edge Saving” of young James. Punk is disdainful, hateful brilliance, talking about “one nation, under Punk, indivisible, with integrity and sobriety for all.” Creepy cult leader CM Punk rules! Luke Gallows even speaks, trying to make the fans understand that you don’t need to wake up and take a pill to make it through the day when you have CM Punk. The “Saved” one this time is a thin man called Trevor, with a decent Afro going on. Trevor can’t remember how many drinks that he has consumed so far this year. Trevor makes the pledge, and gets his head shaved. There is much love from Punk and Gallows now. From the audience, not so much.

CM Punk & Luke Gallows vs. the Hart Dynasty vs. Cryme Tyme vs. Matt Hardy & the Great Khali: Yes, you read that last one correctly. A four-way tag team match is a mess to call. Gallows hits the 12th Step on JTG to get the win and a shot at the Undisputed Tag Team Championship titles for himself and Punk. Curiouser and curiouser, said Alice.

Winners (and #1 Contenders to the Undisputed Tag Team Championship titles): CM Punk & Luke Gallows

To the back! Josh Matthews tries to interview Batista. Batista has nothing to say about Rey Mysterio, he is not at all afraid of the Undertaker, and unless Matthews wants to die, this interview is over.

To the ring! Undertaker makes his entrance in grand Dead Man style. It’s just cool. Taker speaks. He’ll be answering the challenge of Shawn Michaels personally on RAW.

Beth Phoenix vs. Mickie James: Yay, two women who actually have business in the ring! A really good match between Beth and Mickie, until Beth gets disqualified for repeatedly attacking Mickie while Mickie is hung upside down in the Tree of Woe. My personal nemesis, Michelle McCool, and Layla rush the ring. Beth acted as though she wanted Team Skanktastic to bring it, but left the ring instead. McCool and Layla tear into Mickie. Mickie fights back, but gets planted with AJ Styles’s finishing move that McCool stole and gets away stealing with because she’s a female. Mickie is left on the mat.

Winner (by DQ): Mickie James

Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler: Kane enters, but we cut to Ziggler standing by with Josh Matthews. Odd. Ziggler says that he will beat Kane yet again and win the Royal Rumble. A solid match between these two guys again. They’ve really done much better together than I would have thought. Kane chokeslams Ziggler for the win.

Winner: Kane

To the back! Rey Mysterio is wished good luck by Maria and possibly the greatest tag team in WWE apart from the Hart Dynasty, Jimmy Wang Yang and Slam Master J. Even a nightmare is still a dream, and dreams can come true. Ok….

Batista vs. Rey Mysterio: This match was to determine once and for all the #1 Contender to the Undertaker’s World Heavyweight Championship title. It was, in fact, a cage match. Batista out-powered Rey at every turn, and the cage deprived Rey of the 619. Rey tries to crawl out of the cage door, but Batista drags him back inside. Rey counters a Batista Bomb by holding on to the top of the cage. Rey climbs over the cage while Batista heads for the door. Rey kicks the door in Batista’s face and exits the cage first for the win and the title shot.

Winner (and #1 Contender to the Undertaker’s World Heavyweight Championship title): Rey Mysterio

Peace out,

Drowgoddess

1. So TNA is going head to head with WWE with a 3 hour iMPACT! on MONDAY January 4.  That is the same night Hulk (zzz) Hogan is supposed to make his debut on the show.  To be honest, I probably won’t be watching or DVRing it basically I don’t really care.  Plus it’s the first Monday of the month and that is my poker night so the DVR space it reserved for RAW.

2.  I just rented Rock Band Unplugged for the PSP, (yes I do have some up to date electronics) very addictive game and have spent lots of hours playing it.  I played it so much that I ended up playing  it during both RAW and iMPACT!

3. I did DVR RAW though and watched the main points and I don’t understand why the Dallas Maverick did come to help their boss (you know the guy who signs your paychecks) before Sheamus put him through the table.  Cuban going through the table was a great ending to RAW though.

4.  Wait, I thought Hornswoggle was suing DX.  And this week he gets his own DX shirt. WTF???

5.  When did Eve get good in the ring?  I saw her at a house show back in August and she was very sloppy and almost hurt herself numerous times.  What a difference 4 months makes.

6.  I can do the same thing with my pecs as Chris Masters, but I just don’t look as good as him.

7.  ECW General Manager Tiffany’s new entrance music is annoying.  I know she’s had it for a few weeks now, this is just the first time I remember to say something about it.

8.  So WWE is going with we know that “The Ripper” is really Paul Burchill, yet they still claim that Gregory Helms and The Hurricane are two separate people.  Really?  That’s just stupid.

9.  Team Awesomeness has arrived: Slam Master J & Jimmy Wang Yang! 

10.  I Rock Banded instead iMpact!ed  so I didn’t see any of it.

11.  Am I alone in enjoying the Punk& Gallows vs. R-Truth & Matt Hardy feud?  It’s grrreat, isn’t it. 

12.  I want to give Eric Escobar a chance, but I just can’t get into him.  I really enjoy him making fun of Vickie Guerrero but when he gets in the ring, it’s just blah.  I don’t know maybe it’s just me.

13.  The new Brothers of Destruction: Kand & Mike Knox.  Make it happen WWE.

Alright that’s all Ive got this week thanks again for reading and see you all next time.  Don’t forget TLC is tonight, I hope you checked out the Roundtable for it (and if you haven’t, shame on you) and we may or may not have coverage, so check back to find out.

Your friendly neighborhood Drowgoddess was actually in attendance at this week’s tapings for ECW, “Superstars,” and “Smackdown.” Our seats were on the second level, just to the left of the TitanTron, with excellent views of the ring. The Toyota Center is a great venue for wrestling because there really aren’t any bad seats. Even the nosebleeds are good.

We open with Batista on the mic. I’m playing catch-up here, but he was booed a lot. He said he was born to be World Heavyweight Champion, it wasn’t about the fans or Rey Mysterio or the Undertaker, it was about him. He was booed less for being evil, and more because he talked about Rey and Taker. Hey, it was in Houston, what did you expect?

Match #1: CM Punk & Luke Gallows vs. Matt Hardy & R-Truth: After Punk and Gallows enter, Punk has the mic. Trying to recap this gloriousness is useless, just find it and watch it. NOW!!! Suffice to say that he trashes the new Jeff Hardy dvd and stomps all over it. R-Truth and Matt Hardy enter, and Matt has a bag. As R-Truth raps, Hardy passes out free Jeff Hardy dvds to the kids. Punk continues to talk over all this. “Do not accept this dvd! You are peddling poison! Do not watch this dvd! Sell it on Ebay, do not watch the dvd!” I was laughing so hard throughout that all the little kids around me stared. R-Truth is HUUUGE over with the kids. It was actually rather cute, watching them jump up and down and shout “What’s up?” Truth nails Punk in the head with his mic before the bell rings. Punk and Truth start, and Truth knocks Punk over the top rope to the floor. Back from commercial break, Punk gets double-teamed by Hardy and Truth. Gallows tags in and goes after Truth, and uses his power to beat him down. Punk tags in and works over Truth’s neck. Gallows tags in again, and gets Truth in a bear hug. The crowd rallies behind Truth as he fights out. Matt Striker is the God of Wrestling Commentary, period. Punk tags in, and revels in the hate directed at him. Truth hits Punk with a drop kick, and tags in Matt. Matt gets a two-count on Punk, and follows up with a jumping powerbomb. A Twist of Fate is countered into a GTS, and again into a successful Twist of Fate. Gallows tags in, kicks Matt in the face, and drops him with the Twelfth Step for the win.

Winners: CM Punk & Luke Gallows

To the back! Eric Escobar argues with Vickie Guerrero in Spanish. Theodore Long is there. Escobar insults Vickie repeatedly, and she orders Long to have him go to the ring and fight Chris Jericho at once. The people who spoke Spanish cheered this bit a lot.

To the backstage area! Mike Knox and Kane cross paths. Knox says that they are the same. He enjoyed fighting Kane last week, and would like to do it again. Kane takes exception to this, but agrees that fighting Knox again would be good. 

Match #2: Eric Escobar vs. Chris Jericho: Escobar gets a lot of flak on the internet for being a cheap rip-off of Razor Ramon, but I disagree. He’s really not that bad, and his entrance music is really fun. Why it was muted on tv, I don’t know. Jericho enters to loud cheers that turn into boos shortly. Escobar actually holds his own against Jericho for a few minutes. “EXCUSE ME!!!” Vickie Guerrero enters, and informs Escobar that she forgot to mention that this was a handicapped match. Cue the Big Show’s entrance music. Show squashes Escobar, and Jericho locks him in the Walls of Jericho. Escobar has no choice but to tap. Vickie applauds and looks pleased. Post-match, Jericho gets a mic. He guarantees the end of DX, and the demise of the DX Army. TLC is about eradicating DX.

Winner(s): Chris Jericho & Big Show

To the back! Drew McIntyre strides with purpose through the back corridor. Boy, does he look angry about something.

To the ring! Drew McIntyre is not amused. Why is it that Vince McMahon personally signed him and proclaimed him a future World champion, and he isn’t on the cover of Vince’s own publication? John Morrison is. John Morrison, whom McIntyre defeated last week. We see a replay of the ending of last week’s match between them. Why does everyone believe in John Morrison? Because he’s an American, and McIntyre is Scottish? Because Morrison does the odd flip ot two? After TLC, Morrison won’t be “tomorrow’s champion. He won’t be a champion at all. Cue the bagpipe music! It’s John Morrison! Dressed in a kilt, painted up with wode, sporting a sword and a shield. Oh. My. God. This was so funny live, silly though it was. This is another exchange that has to be seen. It’s worth it. Morrison, Scottish accent and all, takes McIntyre to task for insulting William Wallace, and asks why McIntyre thinks that being proclaimed a future champion by a senile old man meant anything. Morrison actually nicked his forehead on the sword at one point, you can see the blood on tv. McIntyre actually backs off, as if the sword is not only real, but that Morrison would be able to effectively use it against him. It’s the little things like that that made this segment work. At TLC, McIntyre may take his life, but he will never take his Intercontinental championship! Morrison and McIntyre come to blows, and McIntyre bails over the barricade into the audience. It’ll be ok, Drew. Come over here and let’s work off some of that tension… Huh? Oh, sorry. I’m back now.

Match #3: Kane vs. Mike Knox:    Seriously, I don’t care how many times I see it. Kane’s pyro when he raises his arms in the ring is amazing. This version of Mike Knox is so vastly superior to the previous incarnation. These two are all about the power game, and it’s a very solid “big man” match. Knox hits his huge crossbody, but Kane kicks out at 2 1/2. Kane succeeds with a chokeslam, and gets the pin.

Winner: Kane

To the “DX shills their merch” segment! Hornswaggle turns up. That’s all you’re getting out of me.

Match #4: Mickie James & Maria vs. Michelle McCool & Layla: So we have the team of “CM Punk’s Ex-Girlfriends” vs. the team of “Chicks who Lost Diva Search.” Now THAT would be awesome. Mickie was super over, and no one really cared about the heels at all. Layla, at least, seems to have a vague idea about how to work a crowd. This match was pretty lackluster unless Mickie was in, and Layla actually carried the match for her team. Shouldn’t the champion be capable of that? I’m just sayin’. Maria and McCool start. Layla and McCool double-team Maria in the corner, as Mickie tries to help. McCool bails and tags in Layla. Mickie tags in and takes a shot at McCool. Mickie throws Layla into McCool, then rolls up Layla for the pin. Post-match, McCool is furious at Layla. Did I mention that there was no response whatsoever to Michelle McCool? Yeah.

Winners: Mickie James & Maria

To the RAW Rebound! Mark Cuban’s highlights from Monday. The guy was by far the most enthusiastic guest host, and the most well-versed in the subject. He shouldn’t have been able to knock Sheamus down, but everything else was great. Some strong last-minute pimping of TLC on Sunday. I’m genuinely more interested in this ppv than any WWE ppv in recent memory, and I haven’t bought anything besides Mania in ages.

Match #5: Rey Mysterio vs. Batista: This is a street fight, and Batista’s “hold harmless” agreement is in effect. I don’t know what’s different about tv, but the deafening, roof-shaking response to Rey didn’t come through. Seriously, Rey is revered as a god in Houston, and he was treated accordingly. On tv, it doesn’t sound like much. Batista enters, and again, he really seemed to be booed more because he was going against Rey than because of himself. Batista hurls Rey into each corner, and Rey is totally dominated. Batista holds Rey down, grinding his elbow into Rey’s face, but Rey kicks out. Much is made of Mysterio’s asking for this match. Rey knocks Batista down, and a 619 looks all but imminent. Batista moves to the floor, and Rey uses his speed to dodge and play “in and out of the ring” for a moment. Rey sends Batista into the barricade with a dropkick. Batista dodges Rey’s leap from the top ropes, and kicks Rey in the face. He throws Rey shoulder-first into the steps with a loud crash. Batista follows up with bending Rey’s back across the ringpost. Back in the ring, Batista locks in a rear chinlock, and stomps on Rey. Rey fights back, but Batista drops him with a clothesline. Batista gets a chair, and goes for a Batista Bomb onto the chair, but Rey fights out and hits a dropped toe hold onto the chair. Rey finally hits the 619! The crowd goes insane. Batista kicks out. Rey takes the chair and hits Batista in the legs repeatedly with it. Batista spears Rey through the chair, and follows up with a spinebuster. One chair shot to the head later, Batista gets the pin and three-count.

Winner: Batista

Post-match, Batista places Rey’s neck in the opened chair. The live chants of “Undertaker!” couldn’t really be heard here. Taker was the only person with pop bigger than Rey’s, and it should have been audible. Taker and Batista start to go, but Taker grabs the chair and Batista bails. Taker makes flames pour from the entrance ramp, blocking Batista’s exit. The heat from those flames was unbelievably intense! Taker made the throat-cutting gesture at Batista, and “Smackdown” ends.

Well, not quite.

The dark main event was Undertaker defending the World Heavyweight Championship title against – CM Punk! Punk gets his second entrance of the evening. Punk played the chickens**t heel to the hilt, constantly bailing to the floor and even trying to “go Old School” on Taker. Taker eventually succeeds in doing it himself, which got a huge reaction. Punk had Taker backed into the corner, but Taker countered with the Last Ride for the pin and win. Though the outcome was never in doubt, it was a good match. All in all, I was very pleased with the value I got for my entertainment dollar. We got about four hours of wrestling, with the tapings for this week’s ECW, “Superstars,” and “Smackdown” all at once. I’m really psyched for the TLC ppv, and I can’t remember the last time that that was said about a WWE ppv. Catch you next week!

Peace out,

Drowgoddess