Luna Vachon R.I.P. She was 47 years old.

- Kane vs. Rey Mysterio: No DQ Summerslam rematch. We’re getting right into the action this week… supposedly. I dunno, since I found their SS bout rather boring. Whatever, I’m ingesting alcohol at a rapid rate since I get a short window Friday nights to do so. It out to help a bit, hopefully, as I am not feeling the wrestling bug tonight.

- Rey is selling the arm injury sustained throughout the last little while… in a nice spot, Kane tries to bring a kendo stick into the ring, which Rey grabs and swings. Each time he hits Kane, Rey cries in pain and grabs the arm. That was good pyschology. Although, most of the first segment is Rey getting thrown around… typical car wreck of a match…

Most people would make a joke about the Ice Cream Truck. Not me, the joke here should be aimed at the idiot who never learned how exactly to cross a street. First of all, there’s a crosswalk just off to his right. Second, he didn’t look both ways. Thirdly, the idiot doesn’t know how to walk properly. Got what he deserved here.

- Don’t you hate when guys jump off the top rope into a punch? That’s what Rey just did. He doesn’t even look like he is trying to set up a move, which is retarded in itself. Let’s pretend that Kane wasn’t going to punch him. So what was Rey’s point in jumping? To land in front of Kane on his feet? Seriously? Rey goes into the West-Coast Pop setup to the 619, but gets reversed on the finisher. Using a chair to beat down Kane, he indeed gets his move… but again with the reversals as Kane chokeslams Rey onto a prone chair for the pin and the win.

- As Rey attempts to recover, Alberto Del Rio makes his way down on a microphone… “Are you ok, buddy?” he asks. He questions the medical staff about Rey’s health (feigning concern). The Del Rio likens Rey to a dying dog, mentioning someone needs to put him down. Del Rio slaps an armbar on the injured masked midget! He considers walking away, but returns and uses a chair between the injured arm… etc. Del Rio certainly gets the heat here he needs to establish himself.

This is more or less the same sentiment of the first portion of our show…

- The SES is out, and this is THE LAST time you will see Serena as a part of it. She was future endeavored earlier, but this was taped a couple weeks back to facilitate the tour of Asia. I guess she was too public about drinking and that pissed off some folks in the WWE. Lord knows, the 12 YEAR OLD DEMOGRAPHIC IS IN BARS WATCHING HER DRINK. RETARDS! Yet another female wrestler WHO CAN ACTUALLY WRESTLE is released. Meh.

- No talky talky here. Rather CM Punk is fighting JTG as his dwindling cult observes. CM Punk dismantles JTG in no time. Squash! Then addresses the SES in the ring. It’s an indirect shape-up or ship-out aimed out Serena. Incidently notable, the only member who never raises their hand in pledge is Serena. FORESHADOWING.

- Bullshit segment with Hornswoggle as a disguised bush backstage with Teddy Long. Swog’s tells Teddy of his spying on Lay-Cool… sort of. They form some kind of alliance, I guess.

Little guys some times come out on top… sometimes.

- IC TITLE MATCH: Dolph Ziggler {C} vs. Kofi Kingston. God, please no crap rest-hold-fests Dolph! We get a slow start as we head into commercial break. FFW, of course. And we’re back, just like that. Damn I love my DVR. We get a period of back and forth moves and pin attempts in a decent turnout. A little more active than we’ve seen in the feud… not spectacular. Is it just me? Doesn’t it seem there is more potential here? Meh…. Dolph gets frustrated and keeps going to ridiculous pins… and attempted sleeper-holds… Kofi picks up a HUGE crossbody from the top on Dolph, BUT NO! Both men appear gassed as we go into desperation mode. Vickie attempts to get in the way, so Kofi just leap-frogs the bitch and hits another sweet crossbody on Dolph outside the ring! Sweet! As both men crawl back into the ring to avoid the countout, Vickie pulls Dolph back so he retains his I.C. title due to the rules.

This is a pretty sweet move too…

- It’s at this point where I am really not caring much about the rest of the show. See, I already know the non-spoiler matches slated. And trust me, they looks like utter shit:

* Big Show vs. Luke Gallows
* Jack Swagger vs. MVP

- There’s an hour or so left too… god help me.

- Then I see an add for a new Resident Evil movie. Sweet. More zombie action for the G/Gee.

- Jack Swagger vs. MVP, they waste a shitload of time doing nothing… not endearing to someone not caring to begin with. Swagger is wearing an old-style wrestling helmet. It makes him look extra-retarded. With MVP colour-coding his “Breathe-Right” nasal strip combined with the helmet, it’s as silly looking as it sounds. This waste of time ends with MVP getting DQ’d. Totally not worth the time. Swagger attacks MVP with a submission post match, an ankle injury is sold…. and I guess Swagger gets to host the VIP Lounge segment as a result.

- Fuckballs, it’s Lay-Cool attempting to be charismatic with Kaval backstage. I was sick of this crap before they ever aired it. So I skip it. Don’t care.

Spelling is fun

- Thank god… Alberto Del Rio has a match (or something). And his personal ring announcer is set to introduce him. Man that ring announcer is a dead ringer for Eddie Munster. Well, maybe not a dead-ringer… but fuck:

Close enough…

- Don’t get me wrong, I love the personal ring announcer gimmick. Brilliant! Del Rio versus “Carlos Sanchez.” The most generic Hispanic name ever. Guess who is jobbing here? Surprisingly, this match lasts longer than 2 minutes. But Del Rio more or less is just showcasing his smooth skill set. He’s good. Really fucking good. Some guys feel slow because they are just big hosses and shit. Not Del Rio… the guy is a technical wizard it seems. I’m all over the bandwagon now for sure!

- Man, John Cena should give Patricia Clarkson’s scripted son back to her. You’d think with all the make-a-wish shit Cena does, he’d just concede and stop the abduction… She just wants her son back, but doesn’t know how… fuck WWE films.

I love this animated gif. The original video was pretty cool, but ani-gifs just scream random blog writer… so….

- Twenty minutes left, and the Undertaker has yet to rear his face. Thus, this Big Show vs. Luke Gallows matchup is not really our mainevent. Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly [/Kelly] is accompanying Big Show to distract the eye from this hoss-fest. Joey Mercury and Serena is out as well. Kelly X 1209831 beats on Serena and displays her horrible, horrible abilities. Fuck this noise, FFW.

- I guess Big Show won. Punk looks at the TV monitor in disgust. Kellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly (I added more “L’s” that time) continues to add to the relevance of her presence. No… no she does not.

My favorite part from the Casket Match.

- The Undertaker takes his sweet-ass time coming down to the ring with his entrance. But you already knew that. After like 3 hours, Taker takes the microphone and tells us he is back and that, “This is still my yard,” and “I will never pardon the guilty.” Of course he refers to Kane… Betrayal, etc. The crowd is eating this up… Taker has his sights on the Championship… damn it, I’m so tired of this rehash. Fuck the 12 yearolds, they can watch YouTube/DVD/etc. Kane comes down and calls bullshit on Taker. They have an argument of who is more evil. No baby seals are clubbed during the whole thing. I KNOW! WTF! Right? Instead Taker has no brother, blah blah blah. It’s kind of good, but lacks the over-the-top-cool-ass production of the more recent promo’s. The ominous music and clips would have made this far more consistent and really, better.

- The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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Bored Wrestling Fan

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Morphine Nation

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My brother in arms, ThinkSoJoE kicks ass and takes names with the band ThinkSoBrain:
Thinksobrain

We kick things off with Kane in the ring, and he is cutting another one of these highly produced, live promos. These are fantastically edited, considering they are done live-to-tape. Undertaker woke up briefly and said two words to his brother…. the name of his assailant. Kane tells us it was…

- The man who attacked his brother is…. Rey Mysterio. Hmm… really? Is this a heel turn? Nah… couldn’t be, could it? OR is it something else. Kane has a coffin in the ring with him too. The motive, was that after Rey lost to Taker (pre injury leave), Rey took him out to get into the number one contender spot. Ok, that actually kind of makes a little sense. And Kane plans murdering Rey as he goes into sadistic mode!! Kane will be having a casket match with Mysterio. You know what would be really cool? If they open the casket at Summerslam and the Undertaker is ALREADY in it. What do y’all think? True old school awesomeness would ensue folks…

- That was a great promo, I especially dug the fact they placed a camera inside the casket. Good angle, and it ended to a commercial break with Kane slamming the casket shut from the POV. Well done. Rey Mysterio against a giant… yep, that old shtick. Mysterio is the Underdog again:

Dog Gamn it!

- Drew McIntyre versus Christian. It starts off typically, until Drew gets tossed outside (flies huge) and then eats a drop kick. Then he goes partway under the ring… Christian grabs him to drag him out, but McIntyre pulls him into the side of the ring! Great spot! And, now Drew is firmly in control, working Christian’s injured shoulder. Commercial break, so… FFW. And this:

This is a dog trick.

- When we return, we are treated to an intense back and forth in which we get the “work the injury” psychology on Christian’s shoulder. Drew is selling Christians high octane offense (when he gets them) brilliantly in the match tonight. I’ve got to give credit where credit is due. He’s flying for all of Christians moves!

Yeah, I just thought this was cool… so I superimposed some text over it…

- Christian, of course, is excellent as well. Drew attempts to drop a foot on Christian from the top ropes, only to eat the sole of Christians boot in the face! Shortly after, McIntyre tosses the injured shoulder into the ring post, goes for the pin! NO!! REVERSAL INTO A ROLL UP AS CAPTAIN CHARISMA WINS! Sweet match!

- We then get another vignette from Cody Rhodes about how to be Dashing. This one is about getting a facial (and not the kind that is found online, the mudpack deal. Kind of funny… maybe. Commercials so, I think about maybe going for some drivethrough, but I’m drinking… :

And if I walk, Ronald might attack me with a new form of aggressive marketing.

- So I just grab another cold cold beer. Beer is good, you heard it here first folks!

- Another Alberto Del Rio vignette as well. I like how they cut to the perspective of the audience live watching the big screen, nice touch. He’s getting more cocky and pretentious with each one of these, and hopefully will be drawing the heat he needs when he debuts to put him over. I hear he is pissed about having to demask without ever actually losing it though…

- Backstage we get Punk (who is NOW letting his hair grow in a bit). He’s screaming at SES… He calls Joey Mercury, Joesph. Ha ha… They’ve all let him down, and Punk’s pissed. Mercury points out Show pulled his mask off too, and Punk just rips him a new one. Punk is the reason they are all here… “You’re nothing… without me, you’re nothing!!” If they don’t do something, “they can all pack their bags.”

Punk is ^ this mad.

- Big Show is out. He’s facing Luke Gallows. I’m facing a big hoss match. My recording is facing FFW FTW! I start thinking about the Saturday Morning’s Greatest Hits compilation album from where that Butthole Surfers cover of “Underdog” came from. You know what was also a fucking great song on that album (and also dangerous to throw on while driving)? “Speed Racer” by Sponge… here it is:

Fuck yeah.

- Gallows does have the SES at he side of the ring to start… Show just dominates. I guess slaps to the chest are not banned outright (rumor had it WWE doesn’t like the crowd chanting Flair’s “WOO” these days)… but Show gets one obviously planned one in… then we go to DQ as the SES gang up on Show outside the ring utilizing the steel steps and corner to hold him down as Serena and Punk stomp on his hand. Broken hand angle I guess… meh, at least it was better than I expected.

I am. Oh, how I truly am…

- We return from break to have Kofi Kingston facing Dolph Ziggler. The crowd is DEAD. You know, I don’t think they’re getting a fair shake, but this whole Vickie angle is killing all of us. End it. End it now, WWE. Kofi hits a sick looking move (think modified “Code Breaker” by Jericho, but to the face) and Dolph bounces high and hard! They give a lot of time to this, but it feels a wee bit forced. Whatever, commercial time (hence potential for this thing to blow up after the ads).

Interwebs… ahh, the interwebs…

- Through out the break, Dolph Ziggler had Kofi in an attempt at a sleeper hold… glad we missed that rest hold experience… Dolph realizes the cameras are on again and tosses a couple of neck breakers Kofi’s way. Kofi is clearly drained, so we can expect bursts of energy spots as Dolph dominates… It gets really awesome as Kofi goes berserk near the end and wrecks carnage on the announcer booth with Dolph’s prone body. Vickie looks uber concerned, and the ref’s have to pull off an enraged Kofi off Ziggy… “We are seeing a dark side of the Intercontinental Champion,” Striker tells us. Dolph wins via DQ, and will face the Ghanaian next week for the IC title…

This one made me giggle my ass off… awesome…

- A crap load of replays, and PPV shills… Jack Swagger is interviewed and he basically tells us he wants to throw Rey a bunch… break his legs and then toss him in the BP infested oil spill waters of the ocean. Good times!

- God help us… Diva belt match, who cares? Not me… I’d rather watch Andre in a “Drown in a Bucket” match personally…

YES!

- That was a very popular way to wash one’s hair in the Medieval period in Europe. You see, there were not many giants, nor many who were into personal hi-gene services. Actually, there was just one… this guy Jermaine. He was an ancestor of the late, great Andre the Giant… and obviously that was a bunch of bullshit. Sort of like this Diva’s match. McCool versus Tiffany with Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly… Vickie interrupts to tell us, that with her power she has made McCool the one to defend the SINGLES title (total abortion of the “Freebirds Rule”)… IT’S A SINGLES TITLE, SPEAKING OF BULLSHIT…. WWE end this now. I am, via FFW.

- McRibs successfully defends her “title.” Teddy Long comes up on the trinatron post match. FUCK YEAH, Long tells them they have to decide which ONE of them continues to hold the title. Decide by next week, or Long will decide for them. This bullshit ends next week… I find it odd that happened right after the rant on bullshit… nice coincidence, me thinks.

- Another Del Rio segment. He tells us fans that we are “mentally constipated.” Not him though, he “achieves everything I set my mind to.” Yep, more heelish each and every time. I can’t remember the last time the WWE/WWF had THIS many promos for an incoming guy with such variation…

Whacking Day animated gif found during FFW’d commercials ^

- Swagger versus Mysterio in a no DQ bout. The first half of the match is ok, at best. I have little to say about it. After the station’s bills get paid, we return to the second part of this match. We return to a reversed suplex from the top ropes, and a failed follow up by Mysterio… they take things to the outside of the ring… some brawling, Swagger takes Mysterio up to the mainfloor entry, Rey gets out of it and does land a stiff standing kick to a prone Swagger’s head in a nice spot! However, it’s not enough as Swagger drags Rey backstage and tosses him into walls, the floor, the merch table… elevator opens behind them as a bunch of fans coming out are blocked by security (whoops, suspension of disbelief ruined!!!!). Outside they go, Swagger tosses Rey onto a security fence… they go to the middle of the street… and Swagger has to toss Rey aside as he dodges a car! “I’m walking here!” yells Swagger! Ha ha ha!!! Swagger is legit trying to toss him into the ocean! They appear to be now fighting on concrete docks and Swagger takes some gross looking falls onto it! After super stiff kicks by Mysterio, and punches by Swagger, Jack carries Rey to the ocean but Rey scissor kicks Jack in!!! As Jack screams that he can’t swim… Rey fucking turns his back! Attempted murder? Kane then comes out of nowhere and chokeslams Rey into the ocean as well!!

The ending was GREAT, and overall it was a pretty damn watchable Smackdown tonight.

- WWE logo comes up, and I’m out…

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Bored Wrestling Fan

Project Wonderboy

Morphine Nation

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My brother in arms, ThinkSoJoE kicks ass and takes names with the band ThinkSoBrain:
Thinksobrain

And….

Creepy shit…

There was a PPV last week, and Smackdown’s new champion is Rey Mysterio… Kane is still hunting for his brother’s attacker… and that’s more or less what will be addressed tonight. Hmm… let’s see if it was worth watching sinec it’s SUFFERING time! CAPSLOCK!!! (Note: This is being edited live, since I mistakenly hit the publish button while drunk and watching…)

- Teddy Long tells us what I just told you in a video before the credits… and also that Rey will defend it against the winner of a match in the next PPV called “Money in the Bank.” Hence, the special part of WrestleMania (and my favorite match of the year after the Royal Rumble) is being raped for all it is worth. But you know… I will probably enjoy that PPV! Also, Vickie begins to say something about Vince being attacked… but is interrupted by Drew McIntyre who is bitter about Teddy jumping in to officiate in the IC title bout he had with Kofi Kingston. The board of directors has given Teddy his power back, he is reinstating Matt Hardy and he and Drew will do battle later in this episode.

- Former champion Jack Swagger is set to face the Big Show. Rumor has it, that management is unhappy with ol’ Swagger, and this is why he lost the title. Swagger tells us he has filed a protest with the WWE since he had to defend his title in a fourway match… whine whine whine, cry cry cry…

Yep… pretty much.

- The match begins, and it’s a total domination of Swagger by our giant… SUPERPLEX FROM THE MIDDLE-ROPE as Swagger sells nicely… commercial break! FFW!!!! As we return, Swagger gets a glimpse of retaliation, but not for long as Show continues his relentless abuse of Jack. Later, Jack tries to make Show submit with a pretty lame locking standing leg hold (?) of some kind… but it does shift the momentum in his favor… looks like Swagger got busted open the hard way! NO MATCH STOPPAGE! DAMMIT, Swagger puts the “Angle Lock” on Big Show, with far less intensity as Kurt…. Show grabs the ropes, but Swagger will not let go. Match is ruled a DQ in Show’s favor. Show sells an ankle injury as Swagger exits stage left. That match was alright, I suppose… I did enjoy Show’s selling of the injury post match, pretty well done for the slow and immobile one.

First result in a Boolean Google image search for the term “Argle Bargle.” Nice… I wonder if buddy ever found the fish again…

- Curt Hawkins and Vance Archer are out now that they have contracts due to making an “iMPACT,” and tagging with Dolph Ziggler. MVP/Christian/Kofi are their opponents (Christian gets a HUGE pop). Kofi is from New Guinea this week. Next episode, he’ll be from an uninhabited island recently discovered off of the coast of Ireland. The match has potential, but will it live up to it?

- All three heels suffer outside attacks by all three faces in the forms of splashes or dropkicks as we cut to break… nice spots!

I have no idea where the hell this is from, but damn… nice form on that ninja kick, dude!

- We return, and the faces lose control as Kofi enters the ring. The usual isolation of one face ensues… you know the drill. Kofi eats a nice looking elbow drop from Ziggler… Christian gets a tag in, and goes into ring clearing mode… yep, predictable, nice springboard sunset flip by Captain Charisma on Ziggy! Christian then goes to the top ropes, and a sweet leg drop! Everything dissolves into chaos briefly, until Christian hits the Unprettier for the win! Ziggler totally botched his role though…

Good job Ziggy!

- We are then treated to a recap of Vince getting destroyed by Nexus/the NXT Seven. FFW!!! Already watched that… The message from the RAW GM, is that “These actions will be met with appropriate consequences.” The thing that made no sense with this screenshot, was that the cursor was flashing IN THE MESSAGE! This means that we were seeing the UNSENT message… LEARN HOW TO USE COMPUTERS WRITER MONKEYS!!! Yeah, I’m “overthinking” it, you might be thinking. The way I look at it, is that you are “underthinking” it. Over-analytical? Nope. Whenever people tell me that, I smile politely, but what I am really thinking is that I am talking to a retard who takes pride in not thinking.

- Drew McIntyre versus Matt Hardy. Things get funky early, and intense. Drew atomic drops Hardy outside the ring onto the steel steps… the ref begins to count Hardy out… BUT NO!! He makes it back in, much to Drew’s chagrin. The crowd starts chanting “USA, USA, USA,” since the whole storyline here is about Nationality, right? What the fuck? I’m not even going to bother commenting on how stupid that crowd reaction was… DUDE!!! McIntyre sends Hardy from the top rope with a modified flying driver in a tight looking bump! NICE! NOT ENOUGH!! They continue a little bit of back and forth as we cut to break. Nice to see this match given some time!

Hell’s yeah…

- And we return… More decent action starts us off, but nothing to write home about. I am not sure why this comes across as run of the mill right now… building to a finish? Drew hits a sweet looking reverse neck breaker on Hardy! Hardy is pretty much looking like the living dead, but still manages a lazy elbow from the ring apron to McIntyre to the outside… both men are clearly exhausted… Drew attempts to curb stomp McIntyre, but Hardy reverses it as Drew lands on top of the steps squarely on his back, and Matt attempts to drag him in for a pin… NO!!! That was a nice spot. Ok, I am right back into this match! TWIST OF FATE! YES!! PIN!! MATTY FOR THE win. lowercase.

- Teddy Long appears on the trinatron, and tells him he has bad news for him, “Somebody’s visa has expired. [...] Send Mr. McIntyre back to Scotland.” Security comes out to deport said Scotsman. Really? This is actually kind of weak… Drew protests briefly, throws a bit of a temper tantrum… on the way out, the crowd boos the hell out of him. We’ll have to wait to see where they go with this… He’s over super huge as a heel, right? Kayfabe? Yes.

- Cody Rhodes and his NXT guy (what’s his fuck?), are out… turns out Rhodes is trying to cut a Rick Rude stylized promo since a “Diva’s Poll” resulted in him being voted most handsome. Rhodes uses this as fodder… and demonstrates by showing Husky Harris’ horrible physique. That’s his “fuck.” HA HA HAHAHHAHAHAH!!! Cody tells us it’s not genetic… “Have you seen my father? Have you seen my brother?” Awesome. Then it’s time to belittle the fat inbred folks in the crowd, and Tod Grisham (for being a nerd), etc. So this is like Lay Cool type of crap… BULLSHIT, then Cody lays ontop of the ropes like Shawn Michaels…. “Dashing Cody Rhodes,” he says over and over again. I am not sure if I liked that at all… nope, no sir. Felt forced.

sfikljasrklasjdkl

- Cut to some crap between Dolph and Vickie backstage…. Dolph demands an Intercontinental match, I guess.

- We return as Rosa Mendez is skipping rope in the ring. Oh crap, Kelly Kelly w/ Tiffany is out to face her. It gets worse, since Lay Cool is on commentary… meanwhile, Mendez starts skipping rope again… FFW!!!

- I guess that match ended in one move as Kelly, etc., wins. This is why god hates wrestling fans…

- BTW, Kaval is in the bit looking about as pissed off as anyone with his credentials could. Well, and the inability to convey emotions like “the humans,” but I digress…

That’s a pretty cool shirt.

- We get an old school introduction to some new guy named Alberto Del Rio, or something… it’s kind of entertaining, as he calls himself the only honest man out there… it’s also kind of recycling, really. How long before he starts calling himself, “the bad guy,” and starts flicking toothpicks at his opponents?

- Alright, CM Punk versus Kane. I’m torn, since I love Punk… but have little faith in this match up. Thankfully, Punk grabs a microphone before this begins…. “I only have one thing to say,” he begins, “this is the face of an innocent man.” He tosses the audio-receptive-stick down and we hit commercials, so naturally…

I don’t speak German, or whatever… but this graphic rules.

- Meh… there is 8 minutes left or so in the broadcast, and I am TRYING to watch this. At least they start off with some violence outside the ring, but it is Kane beating the crap out of Punk (who is still wearing his Mysterio mask, seldom viewer). Punk eats ring-barricade as Luke Gallows attempts to interfere to help his messiah out. Kane has none of it, as he lays out the former drug-induced-Pavlov-experiment! Eventually, the two double team Kane until the mystery man comes in to help. The mystery man has his shirt off, and so he is now OFFICIALLY a white man. DUDE! Punk gets tossed by Kane into the crowd seating for a HUGE bump. He makes it look “casual,” naturally. OWWW!!! Then my internet goes out, since god STILL hates wrestling fans. Speaking of which, if you live in Western Canada, FUCK SHAW CABLE. Thank you.

- As the attempt to take down the “Big Red Machine” continues, Luke Gallows gets chokeslammed through the announcer table… Kane is chasing Punk backstage! SWEET! Punk is tossed through a so-called “merch-table.” They are outside the arena, Punk takes advantage and runs away into the darkness…

- The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

You know why I love the guys in Fugazi?  Well, not because I am straight edge… that I am certainly not.  Nope (although CM Punk rules too).  Nope, just sheer honesty and a love for what they do.  A band who refused to raise ticket prices beyond $5.00 (US) for a long time, until they conceded and finally raised it to $10.00 due to the realities of inflation.  Also, stuff like this endears me to them:

I listened to “The Waiting Room” again midreview… love that song… listened twice actually…

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Random Morphine Reference:

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- Holy crap! Breaking News: Ghost of John Tenta attacks Eastern Canada.

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G might be the mastermind behind this project… maybe. Could be a clone version though…
LarG Productions

My brother in arms, ThinkSoJoE kicks ass and takes names with the band ThinkSoBrain:
Thinksobrain

Whover thought of this obstacle course had to much time on their hands. They have to go over moneky bars, up a rope to ring a bell, run out to the concession to drink a drink, run down, juggle, do the dizzy bat challenge and then push a cart over the finish line. Whoever wins gets an immunity challenge. Bryan is up first.

Cole is actually dickish enough to admit he enjoyed Batista beating Daniel Bryan up. He takes about two minutes and 45 seconds. Miz comes out and berates him. Then he says he’s up against Tarver next. If he doesn’t win, then Miz doesn’t see how the pros won’t eliminate him next week. Personally, I still expect him to be number 1.

Tarver has an nWo style nXt shirt. Cole wonders if Tarver will participate in the challenge tonight. Tarver goes to work on the ribs.

Bryan locks his knees and slams them into the mat. Tarver with a hard whip. He runs into boot. Flying kick by Bryan. Kick to Bryan’s ribs. Elbows to the back. Bodyslam. Cole talks about Tarver’s rough past life.

Bryan elbows out of a submission, but gets T-boned. Matthews calls out Cole for saying Tarver is giving it his all. Bryan with a hard series of kicks. Running corner forearm. Snap suplex. Armbar. Tarver pulls him up and slams him down. Powerslam for the win. Tarver can’t believe he won.

He grabs Bryan and Carlito delivers the backstabber.

Replay of Darren Young’s selling last week. It shows Young trying to get the crowd to support him.

Punk is pissed off. He chews out Young and says he needs to decide who he is and says he needs to win the obstacle course or Punk will decide for him.

Slater up next, he shaves a minute nine off of Bryan’s time. Young has some trouble. Matthews points out the thing they’ve had the hardest thing anyone is doing is drinking the drink. Matthews wonders if it’s not soda.

Young fails to surpass Slater’s time.

Justin Gabriel is up next, he stops to show off to the crowd, and then juggles one handed. He shaves about 8 seconds off of Slater’s time.

Otunga is up next. He complains the soda isn’t diet. Otunga fails to beat the time.

And Otunga’s match is next, which annoys him. And so does Truth rapping his way to the ring. He should be grateful. Gives him more time to catch his breath.

Truth slaps him. Backed into the corner, but he reverses out. Otunga with a kick to the gut, and tosses him out. Flying shoulderblock. Knee’s to the gut.

Kick to Truth’s ribs. He slaps Truth. Knee to the gut and an abdominal stretch. Truth reverses. Kick to the gut. Truth over the top in the corner, splits, sidekick and he hits the Lie Detector for the win.

Wade Barrett is next on the competiton. He can’t get the monkey bars and quits. Skip Sheffield is up. Matthews tells Barrett if you’re going to quit in the WWE you may as well pack it in. Skip has trouble with the climb, drinks the drink faster than anyone.

He ends up falling a couple seconds short, but Striker is mistaken and congratulates him.

Tarver is up next and falls off the monkey bars. He fails to make it. In fact he looks like he’s going to get sick while doing the drink. He quits. Gabriel is happy to win the challenge. He tells the crowd he’s glad Otunga didn’t win. Otunga’s ego outways his talent. Otunga says ratings are up when he’s on TV.

Tarver says he should be eliminated, so everyone is safe. Skip Sheffield agrees. So does Slater. Gabriel and Otunga are still in each other’s faces. Barrett agrees on Tarver. Bryan points out he hasn’t won a match, so if anyone should be eliminated it should be him. Darren Young tells everyone that he wants it more than any of them, which leads to a brawl with Barrett.

Damn, what were they drinking, Undertaker’s tobacco juice? Overall an excellent show. It really built up stuff for next week.

We open with everyone backstage and Tiffany gets everyone’s attention. Tiffany talks about ECW going off the air but says it’s “not a bad thing, it’s a good thing. Everyone’s a free agent so use the next two weeks to impress everyone in the WWE universe and have a good time. She puts on some Mardi Gras beads and grabs a drink. When Zack Ryder questions her about this, ECW’s going off the air and she’s just going to party? “Woo Woo Woo, You know it.”

The first match is a tag team match for a Unified Tag Team Title shot on next week’s show. Yoshi Tatsu and Goldust take on Croft an Baretta. Dust starts off with an armbar on Baretta, they trade punches, Dust flips him with an armbar. Tatsu in with a double chop. Trent gets a schoolboy. Baretta forces him into the corner and Croft comes in. They do some double teaming. Running back elbow. Rear chinlock. knee to the gut. Tatsu toss Baretta into the corner face first and tags in Dust. He gets an advantage and Baretta takes a dive outside. He rushes back in and tags in Croft quickly. Croft with a chopblock when Goldust isn’t looking.

Baretta and Croft are working Dust’s leg and constantly tag in and out. They make a wish. Baretta slaps on a modified figure four. The crowd’s chanting for Dust. He gets out of the hold but takes a leg whip. Croft sandwiches the leg between his knees. Choke in the corner. Baretta does the stupid thing where he leaps into the ring then just shoves his foot in Dust’s face. Baretta with a front facelock. He knocks Yoshi off the apron. Dust backdrops him then rolls through a shoolboy and hits a powerslam and makes the tag.

Yoshi hits Croft with a spinning heel kick, several kicks, then the rolling snapmare and a kick. Spinning kick off the top. Croft tries rollup, Tatsu holds on and hits the big kick for the win. Croft is bleeding from the nose.

Next up we have Ezekial, accompanied by Regal. He’s just taking on a jobber though, Perry Wallace. Zeke tells him he shouldn’t be here, then tosses him across the ring. He takes a couple of punches then rams him into the corner and pummels him. Clothesline. Uranage for the win. Josh Matthews said he figures Zeke will be the hottest free agent in WWE. I’d figure that to be Christian. And his finisher is named as Saxson says it’s called the Book of Ezekial.

Regal says he hopes Tiffany isn’t to far into her debauchery. He complains about being ejected at the Rumble. He insults her work as GM and asks for her to give Ezekial a rematch next week. Jackson tells Christian that if he chooses to accept that his reign as ECW champion and the show will come to an end.

Christian accepts the challenge, but says it’ll be an Extreme Rules match.

Shelton Benjamin is about to take on Vance Archer in a No Countout, No Disqualification match. You know what I hate about heel announcers? They’ll try to justify cheating by saying things like “he utilized his environment, which is the definition of cheating. Shelton grabs a mike. He starts by saying “Who dat?” in reference to the Saints. He talks about how he wasn’t happy to be in ECW at first, because he was to good for ECW. His first week, Yoshi Tatsu kicked him in the head and pinned him in ten seconds. He says the young guys in the back showed him a lot of fire and earned his respect. He made some friends. He’ll miss everyone in the back, except Vance Archer. Archer is the kind of guy who smiles to your face and shakes your hand then stabs you in the back. He wants his last ECW moment to be wiping that smile off Archer’s face.

Shelton gets a headlock and a shoulderblock. Waistlock. Back into the headlock. Another shoulderblock. Archer heads out. Archer backs him into the corner and pounds him down then tosses in a couple stomps. Shelton fights out and hits a back elbow. A knee is blocked and Shelton rolls him into a single leg crab. Archer grabs the ropes, then pulls himself out. He starts to go up top but Shelton climbs up top and kicks him in the head.

Archer has a kendo stick. He got in a shot, but Shelton blocked another with a chair. He hits Archer, misses and hits the steps, then Archer picks him up and delivers a gutbuster on the barricade outside. Let’s go Shelton chant.

Back inside, Archer gets two.. He starts kicking and stomping. They stop the match to see in Shelton can continue, apparently they’re checking blood. This isn’t live, I’m surprised they didn’t take it out. It’s a minor thing and they stop the bleeding. Shelton calls Archer over, they trade blows. Shelton takes charge and sets him on the ropes. But Archer blocks the move and spinebusters him off the ropes.

Archer exposes a turnbuckle, then moves Benjamin over there, steps onto the apron and pulls him shoulder first into it. He starts pummeling him, then slaps on an armbar. Transitions to a front facelock. Stomping awa and gives him a kick to the ribs when he stands. Side bearhug. Benjamin elbows out, leaps to the top and hits a flying forearm. Shoulderblock, I believe with the bum arm, and a Dragonwhip. Release German Suplex. Shelton goes for the Stinger Splash into the corner with the exposed turnbuckle. Archer moves, but lands on the ropes, climbs up and hit a blockbuster off the top. And he finishes him off with the Paydirt.

Very good show all around, I will miss ECW. I just hope WWE decides to allow Christian to be the last ECW champion.

Match 1:  Dolph Ziggler vs Finlay

I hate Finlay’s “Hornswoggle” entrance music.  I wish he would go back to his ominous Celtic theme.  Why hasn’t Dolph Ziggler been on Smackdown lately?  Wasn’t he on track to be the Intercontinental Champion???  ECW … or whatever they’re gonna call it soon will be the next stop for him.  Ziggler wins this match with the Zig Zag.

Josh Matthews interviews MVP. MVP says he doesn’t like Jack Swagger and he needs an umbrella when he sees him to shield Swagger’s saliva.

Match 2: Hart Dynasty vs Jimmy Wang Yang and Slam Master J

This is a squash match if I’ve ever seen one.  I assume that’s the only reason why these two have jobs.  Tyson Kidd pins Slam Master J with some type of inverted suplex neck breaker.

Main Event:  Jack Swagger vs MVP

Swagger grabs a mic and says he has a certain responsibilty and is held to a certain standard.  He will let the children look up to him.  He then proceeds to say he doesn’t have a lisp and then has trouble saying his name.  Jack Swagger wins the match with his Gutwrench Powerbomb.  This was a good overall match.  Both guys should be in the championship race on RAW.

That’s it for me tonight.  Remember to check out the Impact review, Smackdown review, and the TLC Roundtable on Sunday.  See ya next week!

Show’s starting, so meet me on the other side of the jump!

Don’t question the heart of ECW!  The pyro goes off, and Josh Matthews welcomes us to the University of Tennessee.  Tonight, Finlay vs. Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer in the Elimination Chase.  But first…

John Morrison is ready for action, minus The Miz, who was disqualified in his match with RAW’s Kofi Kingtson and subsequently drafted to RAW last night.  His opponent this evening is the exciting, high-flying Evan Bourne!  Looks like I picked a good week to watch ECW!

John Morrison def. Evan Bourne

WWE is on this whole opposite camera side thing this week, which worries me, since I’ll be at RAW in a few weeks on the side across from where the camera usually is.  I know that’s got nothing to do with anything in this match, which is thusfar very exciting to watch, much like I’d expected it to be.  It’s a back and forth style match, with neither man really gaining a clear-cut advantage.  Bourne lands on his head, then catches a knee to the face, sending him out of the ring, and once again he lands on his head.  Morrison grabs the advantage by working on the neck of the high flyer, but the resilient Bourne battles back, only to get dropped by the Shaman of Sexy one more time before the…

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

John Morrison is in control of this match when we come back, wrenching away on the neck of Evan Bourne.  The crowd soon gets behind Bourne and he tries valiantly to fight back, but The Guru of Greatness will not relent on his offense.  Bourne finally causes some separation and starts building some momentum.  Morrison tries to fight off Bourne’s comeback, but the sheer athleticism of Bourne allows him to keep some steam behind his comeback attempt.  Morrison goes for a Moonlight Drive, but Bourne reverses it, knocking Morrison down with a knee and climbing the ropes – but Morrison hit a roundhouse kick, knocking Bourne off the top rope and hitting the Moonlight Drive for the victory!  What a match!

Matt Striker called this a match of the year candidate – he beat me to it.  Legend Killer got to real-time the awesome match between HBK and The Undertaker at WrestleMania, but I get a hell of a match between two of the young stars of the WWE.

ECW’s newest Superstar, Vladimir Kozlov, is looking to make an impact on his first night on the show, and he’s in action NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

David Floridia is from Knoxville, TN, and he’s going to die.

Vladimir Kozlov def. David Floridia

I don’t need to call this one, do I?  You know what happens.  Kozlov wins in a matter of moments.

After the match, Kozlov grabs the microphone.  You know what he says?  Surprisingly, he does not say that he wants to be champion.  He says he’s dominated everywhere and ECW will be no different.

Hornswoggle and Finlay are warming up in the back, as later on tonight, Finlay is in the Triple Threat match to advance in the Elimination Chase for the ECW Championship.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Matt Striker and Josh Matthews are talking about Triple H and Randy Orton.  They shift gears pretty quickly though, talking about the WWE Supplemental Draft tomorrow, which I will be covering LIVE on BWF.

Paul Burchill and Katie Lea are concerned about the Supplemental Draft and discussing it with Tiffany, who tells them that she doesn’t want to break up a family, but they’re both eligible for the Supplemental Draft.  Jack Swagger comes in with an idea.  WWE Superstars debuts this Thursday, and on the very first show, he thinks we should have a Q& A session with him.  Tiffany tells him that she’s already decided that this Thursday on Superstars, we’ll have the finals in the Elimination Chase.  She encourages  him to keep the ideas coming.

Speaking of the Elimination Chase, Captain Charisma is on his way to the ring, and we’ll have the last qualifying match, right after this…

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Christian’s been waiting in the ring since before the break for his opponents.  Tommy Dreamer and his generic Alice In Chains knockoff music break Christian’s solitary confinement in the squared circle, followed by Finlay and Hornswoggle, and we’re set for action!

Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Finlay

I haven’t been following ECW the last few weeks, but the goal here is apparently to not get pinned.  Whoever is pinned is the only one who does not go on to Superstars this Thursday to compete in the finals of this Elimination Challenge.  No man gains a clear advantage early on, and Christian diving off the top rope to the outside to nail both Dreamer and Finlay doesn’t help matters, though it does send us to a…

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

There’s still nobody who has gained a major advantage when we come back, though Finlay picks up a bit of momentum.  Dreamer steals the momentum away, and almost pinned both Finlay and Christian at the same time!  Christian and Finlay collide mid-ring and all three men are down.  Christian pulls himself up and climbs to the top rope, but Finlay catches him.  Dreamer gets Finlay tied to the Tree of Woe and superplexes Christian for a two count.  Tommy then hits the Tree of Woe dropkick on Finlay, but the Irishman recovers quickly, sending Dreamer from the ring.  He goes after Christian, who was playing possum, rolling up Finlay for a two.  Dreamer gets a two on Finlay off of the DDT, and then reverses a Killswitch, getting Christian tied up in the ropes in the process, as Dreamer gets a two on Finlay once again.  Finlay drops Dreamer with the Celtic Cross, and we’ve got our Elimination Chase final match for this Thursday on Superstars, Christian vs. Finlay.

My thoughts: Save for the Kozlov squash, the matches on this show were good quality matches.  Bourne and Morrison is definitely a MOTY candidate.  It probably won’t win, but it’s definitely in the running.  I need to get up and watch this show more often on Tuesday nights, it’s a quality wrestling program.  See you guys tomorrow at Noon for the Supplemental WWE Draft!

]]> http://www.boredwrestlingfan.com/2009/04/14/ecw-in-real-time-41409/feed/ 0 http://www.boredwrestlingfan.com/2008/09/16/raw-91508/ http://www.boredwrestlingfan.com/2008/09/16/raw-91508/#comments Tue, 16 Sep 2008 14:39:48 +0000 ThinkSoJoE http://www.boredwrestlingfan.com/?p=479 Former World Champion CM Punk tries to get his title back in a steel cage against Chris Jericho.  Plus, Kane takes on Rey Mysterio.  All this and more as RAW is LIVE from Memphis, TN!

Detailed results after the jump!

The steel cage is lowering in Memphis, TN.  For the first time ever, RAW will start with a cage match for a World Championship.  Standard rules apply:  You can win by pinfall, submission, or by escaping the cage.  CM Punk makes his way to the ring without his World Title for the first time since he won it several months ago.  His opponent tonight will be the man who essentially stole his championship 8 days ago at Unforgiven, Chris Jericho.

Chris Jericho def. CM Punk in a steel cage match

The two men exchange words as the bell rings, and Punk levels Jericho with a right hand and starts to wail away on the World Heavyweight Champion.  Punk tries to whip Jericho into the buckle, but Jericho leaps up the ropes and tries to escape early, but gets cut off by Punk.  Punk takes Jericho down, and tries to escape himself, but Jericho grabs the Straight Edge Superstar and pulls him back in the ring.  Punk uses punches and muay thai kicks to work over Jericho, followed by the knee/bulldog combo before going for a GTS.  Jericho manages to not get hit with Punk’s finisher, but gets launched into the cage instead, sending us to a commercial break.  During the break, Punk almost escaped, but Jericho caught him.  Jericho started working on Punk’s leg from there, but Punk battles back, striking Jericho with a variety of moves.  Jericho catches Punk in the center of the ring with the Walls of Jericho.  Punk, still in the submission hold, crawls towards the door, trying to escape.  Punk gets one leg out of the Walls, but Jericho pulls the door closed on him, following up with a cover for a two count.  Jericho goes back to work on the leg.  He goes for the Lionsault, but Punk got a knee up, then starts kicking jericho in the chest.  He goes for the knee in the corner, but Jericho was expecting it this time, moving out of the way and sending Punk crashing into the cage.  Jericho dropkicks Punk into the cage, then tries to climb out.  Punk manages to crawl over and grab ahold of the champion, attempting a GTS from the top rope, but Jericho battled out.  Both men slam one another’s heads into the steel bar at the top of the cage, sending both men crashing to the canvas, and allowing Punk to cover Jericho for a two count.  Jericho sends Punk face first into the cage, then starts climbing again, tring to escape.  Punk starts to stir, and manages to stop Jericho from escaping.  He hits Jericho with a second rope Electric Chair Drop, leaving both men down in the center of the ring.  Punk gets up first, crawling towards the door, but Jericho manages to catch him, crawling over him and trying to escape himself.  Punk then pulls the same thing, and both men begin to battle to try and escape.  Punk slams Jericho’s head off of the cage, then headbutts him… right out the door!  Jericho wins!

Later tonight, Rey Mysterio takes on Kane

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

A promotion for the American Red Cross, asking for donations to benefit those effected by Hurricane Ike, airs.

Kelly Kelly is backstage with Mike Adamle when some blonde guy introduces himself.  Adamle says he knows who he is, since he signed him.  Adamle tells Jericho “good job” and says it’s time to get ready for No Mercy.  Jericho runs down all the stuff he’s been through, starting with Unforgiven.  He tells Adamle that to be good at his job, he needs to take care of his champion.

We see a bald head with straps around it.  It turns around and it’s revealed to be Kane wearing his mask.  Kane was forced to remove his mask years ago.  He takes it off, his music plays, and he says that nobody forces him to do anything.  Kane took his mask off in an attempt to be accepted.  What did that get him?  People pointing and laughing.  Kane doesn’t like that.  People are repulsed by Kane, and the feeling is mutual.  Anywho, Rey doesn’t have the courage to take his mask off.  Why?  Because everybody wears masks of self righteousness and happiness.  Everybody is selfish.  When Kane attacked Mysterio and tore off his mask, he was really attacking all of us.  Evan Bourne walks in.  He tells Kane that Rey is courageous.  He paved the way for Evan Bourne to make it to the WWE, and Bourne can’t wait to watch Mysterio beat him tonight.  Instead of killing Bourne, Kane just laughs maniacally.

Back in the arena, Jillian Hall does her rendition of Elvis’s “Hound Dog” as all the kids in the audience cover their ears.  Jillian is in action against Candice Michelle, next!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Back from break, Jillian is singing “Hunka, Hunka, Hunka Burning Love,” and is interrupted by an arguably worse song.  Candice Michelle’s theme.  Beth Phoenix walks out behind Candice who is oblivious.  Beth walks straight over to the announce booth and sits next to The King.

Candice Michelle def. Jillian

I’ll spare you the details.  This match was terrible; and it’s the one who has a title shot in a couple weeks who makes it that way.  Candice was improving weekly in the ring before her injury, but it looks like she lost all of that while she was on the shelf.  The finish came when Jillian went for a hamspring elbow, but Candice caught her with the Unprettier, which she’s apparently calling “The Candy Wrapper.”

After the match, Candice invites The Glamazon to enter the ring.  Candice dropkicks her (horribly) as she tries to get in, and then her horrible theme song plays, as Beth yells up to the ring that she doesn’t care how many times Candice comes back, she’ll never take Beth’s title.

Still to come, Rey Mysterio vs. Kane

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

JBL is in a foul mood, as per usual, and apparently he lost a lot of money in the stock market over the last couple days.  Lawler quips that JBL’s limo doesn’t have turn signals, because he’s so rich he doesn’t need to tell people where he’s going.   Who’s going to die at the hands of JBL?  Why, I hear some generic Alice In Chains, so that must mean… yep, Tommy Dreamer.

JBL def. Tommy Dreamer

The angry JBL starts pounding away on the Innovator of Violence, and doesn’t relent.  Dreamer manages to battle back though, albeit momentarily.  He missed a charge into the corner and ate a Clothesline from Hell, leaving JBL to pick up the win.

After the match, JBL grabs a chair.  The referee stands in his way, telling him not to use it on Dreamer.  JBL unfolds the chair and sits down as Dreamer exits the ring.  He then gets a microphone, kicks back in the chair, and tells Mike Adamle that he’s not leaving the ring until he’s named the number one contender.  I get the feeling Kofi Kingston is going to die, as opposed to Chris Jericho…

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

JBL is still sitting in the ring.  Nobody messes with JBL.  Nobody has better credentials to be number one contender than JBL…

I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD… oh wait, those aren’t voices, that’s Randy Orton’s theme song.  Orton makes his way to the ring.  Orton wasn’t impressed with the list of champions on RAW a few weeks ago, which is why he made sure that Punk didn’t keep his title.  Orton tells JBL that he’s not much of an improvement.  The Age of Orton was cut short due to injury, and as he continues to rehabilitate his shoulder, but when he comes back, it will resume.  It won’t matter who the champion is, Orton is going to take the title back, and there will finally be a champion with credibility on RAW…

It’s-a he!  Santino!  Intercontinental Champion Santino Marella and Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix come to the ring.  Santino says that unlike Orton, they’re champions and they’re healthy.  Orton is always injured, just like his daddy.  He had a cast on his arm for like 6 years.  Santino’s papa, he’s always healthy.  He had the herpes, but he managed it wall.  Glamarella represent the new age of champions, and demand an apology.  Orton says he won’t respond to that.  JBL tells him to apologize.  Not to Mr. and Mrs. Phoenix, but to JBL.  How’s your shoulder Randy?  You’ve become irrelevant.  JBL is the only one who can justify being called the number one contender.  Last week he knocked out Batista with one move – Orton can’t do that.  JBL isn’t leaving until he gets a title match.  Orton needs to leave, or else his shoulder might get hurt again…

I WALK ALONE!  Well, unless somebody’s with me that is.  Oh wait, that’s Batista’s theme.  he comes to the ring and joins the party.  He has his own microphone, and he says that before he beats up all four of them, he’s gotta say that it’s the most pathetic sight he’s ever seen, the four of them babbling like a bunch of politicians, making promises they can’t keep.  Like Barack Obama said, you can put lipstick on a pig, but at the end of the day, it’s still a pig.  Santino says that just because she squeals sometimes, she is not a pig.  Batista threatens to slap the unibrow off of Kermit’s face.  He’s got a proposal.  Tonight he’s going to wrestle JBL, beat him, go to No Mercy, beat Chris Jericho, then he’s going to keep beating guys until Orton comes back, when he’ll beat him too.  Santino asks if he forgot somebody.  Batista says he did.  When he’s champion again, Beth can have a shot at the title, and he’ll beat her ass too.  Mike Adamle finally shows up on the titan tron.  He’s taking everything into consideration, and he’ll make a decision and announce it after the Kane/Mysterio match.  Batista says if it’s ok with Adamle, he’s going to plead his case now.  He throws down his microphone and spears JBL, and hits Santino with a spinebuster.  Beth Phoenix steps up, and slaps Batista in the face.  She tells him to look at her when she’s talking to him, and she slaps him again.  He tries to turn the other cheek, but she stops him, yelling “I’m not finished with you!”  He turns around and drops Beth with a spinebuster onto Santino.

Randy Orton is walking backstage, where he runs into Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, and Manu.  DiBiase and Orton exchange glances as the Tag Team Champions are heading toward the arena, apparently.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Kofi Kingston, who tried to rescue CM Punk at Unforgiven from an attack at the hands of the World Tag Team Champions and their associate, Manu.  He’ll be in six man tag team action tonight against those three.  His partners?  Why, Jerry “The King” Lawler and Good Ol’ JH, Jim Haas.

Manu, Ted DiBiase, & Cody Rhodes def. Kofi Kingston, Jerry Lawler, & Good Ol’ JH

Manu and Kingston kick things off.  Manu tags in Rhodes, but he doesn’t do too well.  The King gets the tag in, and continues the offense for this team, until Rhodes pulls him face first into the turnbuckle.  While Rhodes has Lawler in a chinlock, Haas goes and grabs the King’s headset off the announce table.  He says “STONE COLD, STONE COLD, ON PAY PER VIEW, PAY PER VIEW!”  King battles out of his predicament and tags in Good Ol’ JH, who hits a variety of Stone Cold Steve Austin’s moves on the newly tagged in Ted DiBiase.  He goes for an Oklahoma Stampede, but DiBiase moves out of the way and hits the Million Dollar Dream/Side Russian Leg Sweep combo to pick up the victory.

SmackDown Rebound:  Triple H is still champion, Jeff Hardy is the number one contender, Vladimir Kozlov destroys Hardy.

Backstage, JBL talks to Chris Jericho.  He says that they made an impressive team last week.  Jericho asks if JBL remembers when he blatantly cost Jericho the title in a match with Orton last year.  Jericho does.  Jericho isn’t investing in any future JBL title matches.  Got it, impressive tag team partner?  JBL says “we’ll see.”

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

WWE Rewind:  William Regal destroyed Jamie Noble and walked off with his girl.

Jamie Noble is on his way to the ring for singles competition…

Jamie Noble vs. Paul Burchill

Noble starts off aggressively.  He’s angry about what happened to him last week at the hands of an Englishman, so he’s going to beat one up.  Burchill starts to mount a comeback, but Noble moves out of the way of a charging Noble, slamming his own shoulder into the ring post.  Noble then hit a springboard Fujiwara armbar for the tap out victory.

After the match, Layla comes out and says she’s sorry.  Sorry she didn’t leave him sooner.  Where were they going to go?  To the Waffle House in his pickup truck?  She’s now found a man worthy of her.  William Regal enters.  He says it wasn’t Noble that she wanted, it was nobility.  The couple then leave.

Backstage, Lance Cade is talking to Adamle.  Batista bursts in and asks if he’s the number one contender or not.  Cade asks him what makes him think he’s the number one contender.  Batista slams him against the wall and says that he didn’t ask for Cade’s opinoin.

Up next, Rey Mysterio takes on Kane.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Rey Mysterio vs. Kane

Kane catches Mysterio early, and tries to beat the little man down; but Mysterio manages to counter Kane’s attacks.  During a commercial break, Kane managed to finally take the advantage, dropping Mysterio with a big boot.  He has Mysterio in a chinlock when we come back.  Mysterio battles out, and starts to use his quickness to his advantage again.  Unfortunately, Kane caught him again, and slid him across the ring, gut first into the ringpost.  Kane then slows the pace down to the way he likes it, slow and methodical.  He works over Mysterio’s back, ramming Mysterio into the turnbuckle and then using a backbreaker to do further damage.  Mysterio manages to avoid a big boot from Kane and starts to pick up the pace again.  he drops Kane with a bulldog, but only gets a one count.  He hits a spinning headscizzor takeover, sending Kane face first into the middle turnbuckle.  He climbs the ropes, but Kane catches him.  Kane goes for snake eyes, but Mysterio managed to wiggle free and hit an enziguri.  Mysterio goes for a 619 but gets clotheslined out of his boots instead.  Kane starts to stomp away at Mysterio in the corner.  He ignores the referee, and the referee calls for the bell.

After the match, Kane tries to pull Mysterio’s mask off, but Rey is saved by Evan Bourne.  The two high fliers go to work and take down the big red monster.  As they head up the ramp, Kane looks back at them with a menacing smile on his face.

Backstage, the World Champion Chris Jericho and his protoge Lance Cade run into Dolph Diggler backstage.  That’s the dude who introduced himself to the guy who signed him earlier.  He introduces himself, and Jericho shakes his head as he heads to the ring for Adamle’s announcement of the number one contender.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring.  He says he respects Adamle for taking his opinion into consideration.  Jericho says that neither JBL nor Batista are worthy for a title shot.  He suggests they face each other, and immediately after the match, Jericho will come down and face the winner.  That’s not fair, right?  Too bad, Jericho did it at Unforgiven.  Adamle should do the right thing and make Jericho’s suggestion happen at No Mercy.  Adamle says he hears him.  He says it’s more than fair.  It’s going to be JBL vs. Batista, with the winner being the new number one contender.  Since he doesn’t want to get in the habit of scheduling challengers to wrestle twice in one night.  So they’ll do that match, but the winner will face the champion the next night on RAW.  Jericho says he’s the champion.  Adamle says Jericho will still be wrestling at No Mercy, because he was approached by somebody else who wanted a title shot.  Jericho’s opponent will be…  SHAWN MICHAELS!  Gee, didn’t see that one coming.  HBK comes out with a microphone, and he says he knows they’ve already fought in a regular match, they’ve fought in an unsanctioned match.  What else can they possibly do?  A thrilling, exhillirating match, that will allow HBK to permanently disfigure Jericho in ways he could never imagine.  It’s a match HBK put on the map, that he revolutionized.  It’s a match that will let HBK take Jericho’s title.  At No Mercy, it’ll be HBK vs. Shawn Michaels in a… Shawn loses his train of thought and gets a couple guys to help him out.  They bring him a ladder, which he climbs up on, and remembers that he wants a ladder match.  Jericho looks up at HBK and clutches his title tightly as the show fades to black.

My Thoughts:

Tonight’s show was ass backwards.  The World Title match should have definitely been the last match on the show.  Whatever, minor details and I guess it worked out better having Jericho have competed early in the night to be ready for the announcement of his No Mercy opponent.

Candice Michelle should have been sent down to FCW for a while before being brought back up to RAW, and especially before getting a title shot.  She’s had two matches since she’s been back.  Both have been horrible.  The first one wasn’t very noticable, as the show was taped and the WWE editing department are miracle workers.  Tonight, Candice was terrible and it showed.

Jericho vs. HBK I’m ok with for No Mercy – just so long as they don’t start replaying the SummerSlam incident a thousand times again.

That’s it for me, see you tomorrow for ECW.

Results and analysis, after the jump.

Teddy Long’s assistant, Tiffany introduces the GM to start the show.  He announces that at Unforgiven, ECW will have their own Championship Scramble.  We’ll find out who’s in it via qualifying matches tonight.

Matt Hardy def. John Morrison to qualify for the ECW Championship Scramble

As you’d expect, a back and forth encounter between these two.  When Morrison knocked Hardy to the outside before the commercial break, however, he took control of the match.  Matt Hardy will not die, though, he battles back and starts hitting his signature moves, but Morrison avoids two Twists of Fate.  Both men get near falls.  Morrison goes for a crucifix, but Hardy slams him down, getting a two before Morrison manages to get a two of his own.  Once again this match goes back and forth.  Morrison takes Hardy down with a nice springboard roundhouse, but only gets a two.  They take each other down with clothelines, the referee getting to five before the men get back up.  Morrison goes for the Moonlight Drive, but Hardy reverses it into a Twist of Fate to pick up the victory, and earn his spot in the ECW Championship Scramble.

Backstage, Mark Henry catches up with Teddy Long.  He wants to know if T-Lo has an issue with him for putting him in the Championship Scramble.  It’s not fair!   Well, life’s not fair.  T-Lo gives Henry some words of encouragement and sends him on his way.

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RAW REBOUND:  John Cena is injured.  Here’s Rey Mysterio instead.

The Miz def. Evan Bourne to qualify for the ECW Championship Scramble

Miz mocks Bourne to start the match, and the two put on a good show.  When the Miz knocks Bourne out of the ring, he starts to show an aggressive streak.  Bourne manages to battle back, using wicked looking kicks to take The Miz down.  Miz grabs Bourne’s tights in an effort to slow him down, but it fails.  Bourne looks for a super-hurricanrana, but the Miz drops out of the way, leaving Bourne to crotch himself.  One Reality Check later, and The Miz is going on to Unforgiven to compete for the ECW Championship.

Up next, Tommy Dreamer takes on Chavo Guerrero in our third qualifying match!

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Chavo Guerrero def. Tommy Dreamer to qualify for the ECW Championship Scramble

Chavo gets in control early, though Tommy holds his own.  Dreamer manages to take Guerrero down, and take control of this match, momentarily at least.  Chavo gets caught in the Tree of Woe, which Bam Neely considers cheating.  He gets up onto the apron to argue with the ref, when Dreamer is shoved into him.  Guerrero snaps a distracted Dreamers neck over the top rope, then hits the Frog Splash for the victory.

The guy that Tim White shot and killed is at the Democratic National Convention with Batista and Candice Michelle.  They’re promoting the SmackDown Your Vote program, which, if you’re like Batista and haven’t voted before, you should get on and register if you’re a US Citizen.  Hey, it’s your future.

Up next, Finlay takes on Mike Knox in the final qualifying match for the Championship Scramble.

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Finlay def. Mike Knox to qualify for the ECW Championship Scramble

Unlike the previous matches tonight, this one is not a solid technical battle.  It’s a brawl, in fact, though that’s what you’d expect, given the history of these two.  A battle on the outside sends us to a commercial, and when we come back, Finlay has an armbar applied to Knox.  He continues to work over the arm, but when Knox gets out of the ring to cause some separation, Finlay comes after him and gets bodyslammed on the outside for his trouble.  Knox takes control from there, brutalizing the Irishman.  The fans get behind Finlay, and he starts to battle back, but Knox takes him back down, then goes after Hornswoggle.  This distracts Knox long enough for Finlay to recover.  Finlay goes for the Celtic Cross, but Knox escapes.  He pulls the turnbuckle pad off, and while the referee is distracted, Finlay gets his shillelagh and tries to use it, but Knox catches him with a boot to the midsection.  When the referee turns back around, he thinks Knox used the shillelagh.  As the ref gets rid of that shillelagh, Hornswoggle gives Finlay another one, which he nails Knox with behind the referee’s back to pick up the victory.

After the match, Hornswoggle and some children from the audience run around the ring.

My Thoughts:

I could take or leave the whole Championship Scramble thing.  I don’t see the need for three on one pay per view.  Maybe do one, say on the RAW brand, and then if it’s successful have the other brands copy it.  Whatever.  The matches were solid tonight, and for the first time in a while I think ECW may be the best show of the week.  That’s really all I have to say.