ROH Intro

Kevin Kelly and Nigel McGuinness welcome us to the program.

Match 1: Proving Ground Match- Coleman & Alexander vs. The Briscoe Bros.-  The Briscoe’s dominate though it isn’t a squash match.  Wrestling’s Greatest Tag Team comes out and attacks one of the Briscoe’s causing Coleman & Alexander to get the win.

Veda Scott with  Prince Nana, R.D. Evans and Truth Martini.  Nana sings “We’re into money!” They’ve come together to purchase Rhino.  Rhino says he’s gonna kill Eddie Edwards at Border Wars.

Match 2- Vinny Marsegla vs Rhino w/ Truth Martini-  Before the match, Martini brags about how awesome he is, calla Marselga a funny looking tatooed man and hoped that he kissed his momma goodbye.  Rhino kills Marsegla in about 30 seconds with a gore.

Kevin Kelly and Jim Cornette interview Kevin Steen-  Steen comes out with Jimmy Jacobs.  Steen makes a 1997 reference to Cornette, wants to know why Cornette never returned his calls while he was out claiming “Probably because he was fanticising about Davey Richards matches.”  He makes a fat joke toward Cornette, calls Richards out in which Richards does.  Richards says he’s gonna kick Steen’s head off.  Steen says it’s about more than the title, blames Richards for not helping him get back in ROH.  Richards says Steen’s biggest problem is Steen himself.  Steen calls Richards a hypocrite.  Richards says he will end Steen.  They are about to go at it until Cornette stops it.  He makes the piledriver legal for their match at Border Wars as long as they bot sign a waiver.  After both men sign the waiver, Cornette informs Steen that it will be his only title match.  Steen says he only needs one shot.  Richards says Steen has no shot.

Inside ROH Border Wars Rundown:

1. Wrestlings Greatest Tag Team vs The Briscoe’s will be the last meeting between the two for the titles.  There must be a winner.
2. Robot Lance Storm promo-  He’s…..gonna….make….Mike…Bennett….pay…
3. Jay Lethal promo- He’s pissed that Tomasso Ciampa cost him the TV title and he will become the new dominant male.
4. Tomasso Ciampa promo-  Lethal’s gonna find out what Project Ciampa is all about.
5. Eddie Edwards promo-  He’s not scards of Rhino.  He’s gonna show what “Die Hard” is all about.
6. Finlay will face Roderick Strong for the TV Title at Border Wars
7. Adam Cole vs Michael Elgin was also added to Border Wars.

Highlights of Roderick Strong vs Jay Lethal for the TV Title.

Match 3-  TV Title Match:  Adam Cole vs. Roderick Strong w/Truth Martini-  Match was back and forth.  Elgin came out.  Strong threw Cole into Elgin twice.  Elgin distracts ref, Martini hits Cole in the back with his book, Strong gets the win.  We fade to black.

The post ROH Episode 28 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Josh Matthews welcomes us to Super Smackdown live, and even though my cable company insists that our main event is Randall Keith Orton versus Daniel Bryan, it’s actually a rematch of CM Punk and Bryan. Bryan comes out to celebrate being able to find the door to the entrance ramp! YES!! YES!!! YES!!!

– Bryan runs down the crowd for not believing he would go to WrestleMania as champion. You know the deal, he is better than you. Not me, just you. I rule. Bryan mocks Santino’s attempt to channel the spirit of Rocky Balboa last Sunday, but calls himself the real incarnation of the Rocky story. Thumbs up for that one! Miz interrupts him… not sure why… Miz reminds us he was his NXT mentor, and he actually had the confidence in him… and after he beats Sheamus at WM, he wants to form a tagteam… but just as he is about the explain, we get a White-out. Yep, the pastiest man comes down to call Bryan “A massive arse” and a hypocrite. Miz is pissed at being interrupted, so he gets in the Irishman’s face… the two brawl as Bryan hightails it… where’s Teddy Long at?

This Gibbon has some mad high flying skills. Sadly, he couldn’t break through the glass ceiling wall in the WWE.

– Teddy Long must have come out during the commercial break, because we return to…

– *The Miz vs. Sheamus. The Great White immediately reminds the children how to count at home, and Miz collapses from the ring apron in a very convincing sell. The two trade spots in what turns out to be a pretty decent little match. Surprisingly, Sheamus wins.

– I get distracted by CM Punk retorting to the terrible person Chris Brown on Twitter. Do they hand out Grammy’s for assault now? I guess so… Punk owns him, so Brown attempts to respond citing “great wrestlers” like “co co beware.”

Charles Barkley @G: “I told you, honkey, I don’t work Tuesdays. That’s Jail Day for me.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Right. Forgot, sorry Barks. Have fun with the rape and the shivs and all that!”

– Aksana crap with Teddy backstage. She wants Long to be the GM of RAW and Smackdown. So we’re getting a feud… meh. Cut to Johnny and David (who does NOT have a matching coffee mug, unless you want to argue beige and silver match). Nothing too notable here, it’s literally toilet humor. Otunga will face Ezekial Jackson in an “I Don’t Care” match.

I usually avoid LOLCatz, but this one is just too awesome to deny.

– *Kofi Kingston and R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger. Looks like someone found Swagger, please ignore the milk carton ads until next week. In a short, high octane match, Ziggler uses heel-tactics to scrape the eyes on Kingston, land a Zig-Zag, and get the pin. Epico and Primo (and eventually Comacho and Hunico, and Santino, and so forth are all angry about being pushed down the Power Rankings to negative fifty-seven).

Probably NOT a good idea to try and reel in that one, huh?

– Santino has his Cobra attacking flipped over disposable cups backstage for some reason, and Heath Slater interrupts. Santino’s Cobra glove spits liquid into Slater’s eyes, twice. Ok.

– WWE tells us about the Chris Brown/CM Punk Twitter war and Punk’s challenge to face him. Chris Brown is busy elsewhere beating a woman with a dictionary. I text him and tell him he’s doing it wrong. He responds in some gibberish which reminds me of the lyrics to every single song he’s every released.

Pictured above, NOT Andy Kaufman. I hope that girl has the sense to run, he’s going for the thesaurus.

– *The Mediocre Khali vs. Drew McIntyre. Why? I don’t know either. Khali staggers to the ring… dude, if you can’t walk without hurting yourself, retire. Seriously. We won’t really miss you, but no one wants to see you torture yourself like this. Thankfully, I think, McIntyre gets squashed in 30 seconds. His entrance music ended just second before they play it again. It felt like a four-bar break…

– The Big Show plans on attacking Cody Rhodes at a swimming pool, I guess.

– *Big Show versus Mark Henry. I’m totally confused what this is all about, but realize that Show knocked Henry the fuck out last Friday. I’m FFW’ing this one. Don’t care. Fuck this. Cody Rhodes comes out to run down Show on the microphone. He calls him an ass and shows us “Another Big Show Embarassing Big Show Moment.” Until Shaq confirms, this must be our dark match at WM.

This was a pretty traumatizing moment in my childhood. All I said to the dog was to stop mocking my aim…

– More video clips… meh.

– Ezekial Jackson vs. David Otunga. Fuck this match too. Weak. I guess Otunga won, don’t care. Hockey just started, DVR is getting a workout tonight.

The force is strong in this one…

– More fucking video packages, this time with Eve. FFW.

– Punk gets an interview segment with Matt Striker. Punk cuts a pretty typical promo (for him, so therefore it’s awesome). Punk thinks Bryan’s title reign has gone to his head… and if he tells A.J. to shave her head, he’s going after him for copyright infringement. Then MORE FUCKING CLIP PACKAGES.

There really is no excuse to justify this kind of stupidity.

– *CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan. Good start… but since I am in wrestling hell right now, we almost immediately go to commercials. We return… I guess.

The numbers game wins everytime.

– At least we get almost 20 minutes here, and it kind of saves the show. I would skip EVERY OTHER PART of this episode, and just go to this bout. Both men are in fine form, with Bryan playing a conniving, but capable heel and Punk as a man with a true challenge in front of him. I almost want to call it a clinic, but god forbid someone challenges me with various “Out of 10” ratings. I think I’ll give it a hieroglyph. Ancient, old school, and awesome. Sheamus enters, causes a distraction, and allows Punk to win… or does he? John Lauranitus comes out and declares that due to outside interference, this match will continue…

Hey, I guess it’s worth a shot.

– Commercials… etc… we return… More awesome action all over the ring, in all forms. Lauranitus and Long are now watching as the crowd chants Punk’s name. Punk has attempted numerous times to get to the top ropes, and on the 120914809851 attempt, Bryan sets him up and suplexes him into a near fall! Very clean execution there… The GMs bicker at ringside after this. Punk and Bryan both look pissed as the GMs are trying to get the attention. It’s a debatable finish, I guess, and Ace raises Bryan’s hand, while Long raises Punks. The two GMs look to battle, but Long walks off pissed as CM Punk looks confused… ok….

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

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These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

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Shameless Plugs!

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Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

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The post Smackdown 02/21/12 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Vickie kicks off the show tonight, informing us that Teddy Long will not be here. Therefore, she is the acting General Manager. There’s a motive right there for attacking Teddy Long – with him out of the picture, Vickie has complete authority and the ability to potentially screw Edge over at the Rumble and cost him his title. Vickie is soon interrupted by Randy Orton who, we are told, is on the blue brand to participate in a tag match in tonight’s main event. Randy makes some promises about his tag match against Vickie’s boyfriend, and also vows to take back his WWE championship from The Miz this Sunday. Then he insults Vickie’s hair. Okay… ‘creepy, intimidating Orton’ is always great; ‘personal insults Orton’? Not so much. Dolph comes out to the rescue. He demands Randy shows Vickie and himself respect. Seriously, Ziggler has come on leaps and bounds on the mic. Dude has ‘it’. Not that ‘it’ helps him in this scenario, because he’s soon eating canvas as Orton strikes with an RKO.

LayCool vs. Kelly Kelly/Kaitlyn: It’s incredibly lame, but I love it when Striker sings along to LayCool’s entrance music. The No. 1 contenders for the Divas title are taken out on the ramp by Kelly and Kaitlyn – wait, Kaitlyn has a match?! I swear I can hear some members of the crowd booing this sneak attack on LayCool. This match lasts about a minute – that’s not me being hyperbolic; it seriously lasts around 60 seconds. Layla distracts Kaitlyn, and Michelle McCool takes advantage with a big boot. And people say the Divas don’t get enough screen time! Your winners: LayCool

Drew McIntyre vs. JTG: Kelly Kelly has remained at ringside for this bout; Michael Cole rightly calls her a hypocrite for attacking LayCool earlier on, despite going flippin’ mental (my words, not Cole’s) at Drew for essentially the same thing last week with Trent Baretta. Right on, Cole! This match goes on a little longer than it should, I reckon. As is typical of Drew’s matches lately, JTG is resilient and even manages a few offensive flurries (I need to stop saying that phrase; seem to use it every week) but, in the end, McIntyre prevails. I like this finish – JTG goes for a backslide, which Drew rolls through and delivers a devastating Futureshock DDT. These matches against lesser opponents have been noticeably longer than they would have been, say, 6 months ago. Is this deliberate on WWE’s part to give the impression that Drew is working hard, in order to give the fans a reason to respect or get behind him? He’s as vicious as ever, but he seems to appreciate getting pinfalls lately. This is gonna be a slow-burning face turn, for sure. Credit to Kelly Kelly – she’s performing her role in this storyline very well. I totally didn’t mean that to sound so patronising… Your winner: Drew McIntyre

Todd ‘Don’t Look Him In The Eyes’ Grisham is backstage with Dashing Cody Rhodes, who has his back to the camera. Last week, Rey’s 619 – complete with an exposed knee brace – broke Cody’s nose. Cody keeps his back to the camera as he delivers his promo; a whining affair about deviated septums and extensive reconstruction surgeries. Basically, it’s great. Rhodes sounds on the verge of tears as he informs Todd that doctors have told him he is not to compete in the Royal Rumble match. Jeez, Rey. What a jerk. This is the best promo I’ve ever seen from Cody. Good job, Not-So-Dashing One!

We cut to Jack Korpela (Jack Korpela?! We want Scott Stanford, damn it!) who is with Edge. Edge talks about his tag match tonight, where he will reunite with his former Rated RKO partner. After he’s said his piece, we see Alberto Del Rio walking backstage. He bumps into Michael Tarver and introduces himself. Tarver smiles and walks away. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH TARVER?! I’m dying to know, but I want them to drag this out for as long as possible. Providing the outcome is exciting, of course.

Alberto Del Rio’s Royal Rumble Exhibition: Del Rio announces that backstage there are 39 fighters from around the globe who are ready to fight him. He’ll start with one, and another will enter every 30 seconds. First up is Seth Allen. WOO! SETH ALLEN! Seth Allen has a sweet beard. Unfortunately, his in-ring prowess isn’t quite as sweet – he lasts about 25 seconds before Del Rio throws him over the ropes. Next up is Mike Stevens, whose beard is even sweeter than Seth Allen’s. These guys look like default create-a-wrestlers in the SmackDown! vs. RAW games, it’s amazing. The clock ticks down for the 3^rd competitor… and flames erupt. Uh-oh. Here comes Kane. Damn it, I was genuinely looking forward to 37 more jobbers with generic names! What about Zac Stone? Rick Daniels? Chuck Awesomesauce? (Actually, Chuck Awesomesauce is a real wrestler. I kid you not. He is my hero, purely for having that name.) Kane grabs Del Rio by the throat and goes to push him over the ropes, but for some bizarre reason, Kofi Kingston appears. He grabs Kane’s legs and pushes both men over the ropes. Umm. Okay. Del Rio and Kane slowly get back in the ring to seek revenge. I was hoping the 39 jobbers would run to the rescue (they could start a new megafaction) but, unfortunately, Rey Mysterio appears instead. The goodies stare down the baddies, and Vickie Guerrero comes out to announce they will compete in a tag match… right now!

Alberto Del Rio/Kane vs. Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio: Most of this match is standard, nondescript fare, so let’s skip to the end. Alberto’s mad at Kane, because Kane wasn’t there to be tagged in. Uhh, he was kinda busy lying on the floor after Kofi knocked him off, jerk. Kane doesn’t like being pushed around, so he hits Del Rio with a big boot and takes off. Mysterio hits a 619 (watch you don’t break his nose, Rey! Yeah, I said it! Jerk.) and Kofi follows it up with a Trouble In Paradise. Striker reiterates what he said earlier about his belief that a ‘new face’ will win the Royal Rumble this Sunday. Nice sentiment, but it’s never gonna be Kofi Kingston. Your winners: Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio

Big Show vs. Heath Slater: Big Show’s in the ring to talk about the emergence of Corre and their attack on the giant 2 weeks ago. Needless to say, he’s pretty angry. The Corre soon appear, replete with terrible t-shirts. Heath Slater slides into the ring, and I guess this is a match-up! Every time Big Show runs the ropes, I wince, expecting them to snap and send him tumbling to the floor. Show soon plants Slater with a Chokeslam, and it’s all over. The other Corre members enter the ring. Show swats Barrett and Gabriel away, but Jackson takes him down with a clothesline. A bunch of good guys run from the back to chase off The Corre. Your winner: Big Show

The Miz/Dolph Ziggler vs. Edge/Randy Orton: Midway through this match, Ziggler hits Edge with an X-Factor facebuster. Is Ziggler working his way through DX members’ finishers? Actually, I joke, but I’m pretty sure he’s used a superkick a few times in the past! This match reaches fever pitch as Dolph fails to connect with the Zigzag. Edge hits the Spear, and it’s all over. Or not, because Vickie Guerrero grabs a microphone and starts shrieking. She announces that, until further notice, the Spear is illegal. Wow, this is very reminiscent of Vickie protecting Edge by banning Undertaker’s gogoplata submission hold, eh? How time flies. Vickie announces that if Edge hits Dolph Ziggler with a Spear at the Royal Rumble, not only will he be DQ’d… he will lose his World Championship! Edge snaps, and hits Ziggler with a trifecta of, yes, Spears. Better get it out of your system tonight, buddy.

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I started out this report focusing on the Teddy Long mystery, but not a lot was said about all that… Oh well. Seeing as we’re oh so very close to the Rumble, here’s my take on what will (but probably won’t) happen.

Rich Flynn’s Royal Rumble Predictions (Which Probably Won’t Happen)!:

Beth Phoenix made history last year by being only the second female entrant in Rumble history – and the first to eliminate a Superstar. There’s a good chance she could appear again.

And what about Awesome Kong? I have a strong feeling she will make an appearance – either during the Diva’s title match or the Rumble itself. It’s a long shot, but what better a way to debut a monster Diva?

Drew McIntyre will have an impressive Rumble. He’ll make a very deep run, and I’m putting him in the final four.

I fully expect Triple H to return during the Rumble. Admittedly, I haven’t heard what his recent plans are regarding his in-ring career, but giving Sheamus the King of the Ring is too perfect a set-up for a ‘Mania match between the two. Sheamus will dominate early on, but Triple H will appear and throw himself at Sheamus. Both men will be eliminated, but all Triple H will care about is destroying Sheamus on the outside.

When a friend pushed me for a Rumble winner prediction, I could only make one cautious choice – John Morrison, but with the caveat that his ‘Mania match would be at least a Triple Threat affair so the WWE don’t have to rely on his star power to sell the match. My friend, however, picked CM Punk, and it is a very good choice. I could see the following happen: Punk wins the Rumble. Miz retains against Orton. At the Elimination Chamber, Morrison eliminates Miz early on, resulting in a guaranteed new champion. John Cena wins the belt, which sets up a WWE championship match against Punk at WrestleMania. This also establishes a nice little grudge match between Morrison and Miz, either midcard or between the two big title bouts. One of the headline matches is going to have to be a biggy and, with SmackDown!’s lack of headline Superstars, I think we’ll be seeing it on RAW’s side. So, long story short, I’m going with CM Punk (but secretly I’m rooting for a big surprise such as Morrison).

Either way, this year’s winner needs to be a ‘new face,’ as Striker said. With their youth movement and the dire need to create new stars, the WWE needs to use the Rumble as a tool for pushing someone who has never before won. The increase to 40 men has given the Royal Rumble a shot in the arm, so hopefully this excitement will result in an equally thrilling result – not another victory for Randy Orton, John Cena or the like.

And, most importantly of all, the Soaring Eagle will be an entrant. Mark my words, kids.

See you next week!

The post SmackDown! (01/28/11): Whodunnit appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

– And we’re off…

TNA style!

NEWS!

-For those of you that are NFL fans, you might get a kick out of this. TNA is teasing something that will never happen asking, “Ochocinco vs. Coach Lewis at Lockdown?” This all stems from a post on Twitter by Ochocinco, who wrote, “Me and Marvin Lewis in a cage match, set it up, I’ve earned my stripes on my helmet it’s time to fight then play.” This was in response to a tweet by Adam Schefter of ESPN. What I will give credit to TNA here for, is capitalizing on the Superbowl buzz to draw attention to itself. Too bad for them, Ochocinco won’t be there as his team got trounced by the Jets… and is making a name for himself as a heel. Is this for the right reasons? No. But I’d be a hypocrite, since I just did the same thing by including this in my review, as well as the searchable tags section of this post.

– Onto the suffering!!!

– Tonight’s episode is entitled, “Crimson Sees Red.”

– Kurt Angle starts off the show… Kurt says he wanted to take the high road, but Karen and Jeff chose to make that impossible. Then he addresses his retirement, and while he states he’s honored that promise. He’s merely unlawfully entered the building, I suppose… huh? No, he’s coming back out of retirement with the crowds’ blessing… they bless him, so he will come back one more time to face Jarrett.

– Cue Eric Bischoff and most of Immortal/Fortune. Easy-E tells him to forget about it. Angle had his run, but Eric will facilitate an ass-kicking, sending the heel factions to the ring… As they work Kurt, Crimson makes the save with a baseball bat! Ric Flair flips out! “HEY! HEY! HEY!” he screams…

Which in turn made me immediately think of…

“Hey you dumbass!” he begins… Flair reminds us he’s a god, taking off his jacket, screaming at Angle. Flair says Angle is going to wrestle tonight! He’ll face Jarrett tonight! While Jarrett and Karen protest, Flair explains he’s got all of the mob… HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!!!! FLAIR CAN’T REMEMBER THE BODYGUARDS’ NAMES GUNNER…. “and his pal!” FUCKING AWESOME MICROPHONE BOTCH!! (Caps locks courtesy of Al Creed). Epic microphone fail, but only Flair can make that awesome….

Watch the botch here (this might only be available at the wonderpodonline version of this, depending on the plugins at the site you are viewing this article):

Telly-Tv.com – TNA iMPACT – 27/1/11 Part 1 (HQ)
Uploaded by NAMAAJ. – Full seasons and entire episodes online.

– * Mickie James and The Beautiful People vs. Sarita, Madison Rayne and Tara

– Hey it’s Velvet Sky! Rules are rules… You know what that means! It means a shoutout to PatMan of the Wonderpod podcast!:

Another one for the FPS master of wonderpod… yeah, he’s fast on the trigger… maybe too fast?

– While the Beautiful People are on their way out, Winter (Katie Burchill) is all clingy and told to chill out backstage, which shows her have a hissy fit shortly thereafter. This is apparently an elimination match. Things start ok, at best. Nothing too special. Not horrible either. Pat’s fav Velvet is eliminated by Sarita, the latter who shines amongst all involved. Mickie James also suffers the same feet to Sarita, leaving only Angelina amongst the faces. Madison Rayne must be out too, I dunno. Missed that part…

– COMMERCIALS! AWESOME!!!

FFW right through that crap!

– The rest is kind of meh… Tara and Sarita attempt to be heeltastic, but to no avail. Angelina Love finds a way to eliminate both heels for the win.

– Cue to Angle talking to someone on the phone about whether they’re in town, and speeding up the process. Hence, the Main Event Mafia will debut tonight, in some form or capacity. Likely we will see Steiner? He’s the only confirmed signing…

– Some Internet Guy cuts a promo on Mr. Anderson in relation to his brother losing the title to the repeated named champion. They’ll square off later… but until then…

– * Max Buck vs. The Amazing Red vs. Chris Sabin for the number one contenders match for Kaz’s X-Division title. Kaz joins commentary. I expect this to be good. Sabin and Red get to cut old-school style promo’s as they enter the ring (previously taped), to which Kaz promptly shits on! NICE! That’s how you generate heat. Max Buck starts off hiding briefly and allows the other two to beat each other up. Excellent! The match delves into true athleticism, with highspots aplenty. It’s truly a match worth watching. If the people on commentary, specifically those PAID to call the play-by-play can’t keep up, lord knows I can’t. This was awesome. Two things. First:

Show stolen. X-Division exhibits all that is worth watching in wrestling this week… other than the Daniel Bryan versus Ted Dibiase matchup on NXT available here, courtesy of G. WWE NXT 01/25/2011: Wait… What? Watchable?

Also, I recommend watching this match here, and start at the 3:30 mark, smark.:

Telly-Tv.com – TNA iMPACT – 27/1/11 Part 3 (HQ)
Uploaded by NAMAAJ. – Classic TV and last night's shows, online.
Telly-Tv.com is a sweet hookup for wrestling. Support them. Also, update your pluggins websites I post at, update indeed!

– Velvet Sky was apparently attacked by Winter backstage as the vignette with her and Angelina tells us… Velvet tells Love if she can’t handle her Snuffleupagus stalker, Sky will take her out herself.

– Some video package is FFW’d through… I’m getting sleepy… maybe I will dream of imaginary friends?

FFW right through that crap!

– Jeff Hardy, brother of Some Internet Guy, is out to let us know that stock in face paint remains safe regardless of whether he has that turrible looking belt now possessed by Mr. Anderson. Actually, he just berates the crowd for all his work not being appreciated by the stupid marks in the crowd. He takes credit for doing the right thing at the last PPV, Genesis (losing the belt? WTF?). Hardy is hardly coherent here… Mr. Anderson comes out to hopefully save this segment. Why does Jeff Hardy look like a hunter zombie from the Left 4 Dead series?

I think I will have to guilt-trip the wonderpod-online crew into playing this puppy again. Love the series.

– “You sure do piss and moan a lot, don’t yah? Bitch, bitch, bitch! You sound like Charlie Brown’s Mom! Wah wah wah wah wah!” Awesome. Anderson notes that regardless of all the BS he puts him through, the crowd still loves him. Etc. I enjoyed this segment. Then we cut to Crimson who blah blah blah, They, February 3rd, etc. Abyss is out indefinitely since he is DEAD.

– PatMan must be in heaven, as Velvet Sky is out AGAIN! Calling Winter a bitch, she demands answers to why Winter thinks she can show out up of nowhere… calls her out. Enter Big Bird’s imaginary friend. Velvet immediately attacks her, and we get our weekly Knockout impromptu brawl! Angelina comes out attempting to garner peace to no avail. The backstory continues.

Pictured above: The next Mick Foley?

– My Pope, your Pope, OUR Pope, D’Angelo Dinero will address the congregation. Fuck I love this guy. More Samoa Joe and his hidden camera man storyline. Pope, leans slightly to the heel side of things, telling us he will do things none of us would do. He will lead by example, and confess to some of his errors. Fuck, this was an entertaining bit! Pope tells us he is better than all of us, but the crowd only kind of boos. They know our messiah is correct? Regarding Samoa Joe, Pope notes, “Who goes around in modern day society saying he’s going to kill you?” Brilliant. Next week we will be treated to “Confessions With the Pope” where someone from the crowd will be invited into the ring to confess… if TNA is smart, they will build this weekly into Joe being in the crowd.

– Flair pumps up the Fortune/Immortal crew, including “his pal.” They leave, then Eric Young shows up with the belt he found in the trash over a month ago claiming to be the champ. Flair says fuck that, berates him… commercials.

Mackey got it wrong.

– We see a clip segment reminding us of the debacle of the “They” segment the first time around. Dixie and her signing of the power control contract to get rid of Abyss (who is currently dead), and Immortal taking over… then the court injunction, etc. Fuck. Live via telephone is Dixie Carter. WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO WATCH EIGHT MILLION STORIES IN TWO HOURS? Please tell me in the comment section so I can kill myself in peace. She talks for ten seconds about appearing next week. Meh. Eric Bischoff talks about Carter drinking her own Kool-Aid… I’m losing patience…

– * Non-Title Match: Mr. Anderson {C} vs. Matt Hardy “Some Internet Guy” Not going to even attempt to recap this. I am burnt the fuck out. What I will note, is that Some Internet Guy works Anderson’s left shoulder to at least present the idea of psychology. Good. Still it’s ridiculously short, and after Andeson WINS, Jeff Hardy and his brother attack the champion for a bit… enter RVD for the save.

This dude refers to himself as “Mr. G”. Looks like a bunch of distraction and non-content to me. I’d bet he’ll work out fine in TNA.

– * Kurt Angle & Crimson vs. Beer Money, Kaz, Rob Terry, Gunner and Murphy “his pal”

Charles Barkley @G: “That Flair microphone botch earlier reminds me of the time the TNT crew fucked me over with the teleprompter…”

G @Charles Barkley: “Really? How? Flair is known for NOT using a script, he just fucked up.”
(Again, Barkley’s video might only be available at the wonderpodonline version of this Plug-in updates are crucial, BTW, Actually.

– BACK TO THE SHOW! Angle shows up with the “Crimson” guy. He’s against six guys representing Immortal/Fortune. Shit ensues, but after a cool spot by Rob Terry, Gunner, and his pal who simulataneously apply a foot-choke with Angle in the corner, Jeff Jarrett and his wife come down. The referee is out cold, and it’s seemingly sheer beatdown. The referee Jackson James (the fuckup guy) runs out and counts a three on Angle FTW! Angle lies prone as the heels heeltastically enjoy the carnage…

My Spider-sense no longer tingles…. yawn….

– Matt Morgan runs out… late for the party, but the numbers game quickly takes out the Carbon Footprint. Then the lights go out, and the siren hits. See, I told you. It’s Scott Steiner with a kendo-stick (I think, can’t identify the weapon of choice). The heels run away as the man with the steroid-induced-muscle-within-a-muscle clears the ring…

– The TNA logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

This iMPACT Review Appears on Three Sites!
Check all of them out…

———————————————————–

Bored Wrestling Fan
A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan

Wonderpod Online

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, and Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

The post iMPACT: 01/27/11. Murphy is “his pal” appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

Full review (and in depth analysis of the Superstar of the Year nominees) after the jump!

We get a recap of Cena’s assault on Chris Jericho last week.  Then we get a closeup of Cena’s new AWA style t-shirt, and Chris Jericho surrounded by arena security off to the side of a merch booth.  He says that the words “hustle,” “loyalty,” and “respect” have been cheapened by a hypocrite like Cena.  Jericho doesn’t want to mingle with the fans, in fact he hired the security to keep the fans away from him.  He comes to the ring through the crowd while saying he doesn’t respect or like any of Cena’s fans because they’re nothing like Jericho, who has accomplished all of his goals, takes pride in his appearance, and has morals and ideals.  He didn’t represent the people as champion, and he won’t after he wins at Armageddon.  In the ring, Jericho says that the fans can boo him all they want, because they’re not worthy enough to be his fans.  Jericho only knows one John Cena fan worth saving – his son.  Three years ago, Cena caused Jericho to get fired from the WWE.  Jericho’s son was only two years old and didn’t know how famous his father was.  In the last three years, Jericho’s son started to watch RAW, becoming a WWE fan, and to Jericho’s horror, he also became a John Cena fan.  His son would parade around saying “the champ is here!”  He’d drop his kid off and he’d look back at him and go “you can’t see me, Dad!”  Jericho took action though, he banned his son from watching WWE.  His son didn’t see Cena steal the title at Survivor Series or beat Jericho senseless next week.  He’s going to start letting his son watch WWE again at Armageddon so that he can see his former hero beaten down and exposed as the flash in the pan that he is, and to see his father coming home with the World Heavyweight Championship around his waist.

WTF?  The RAW theme video plays after Jericho’s promo, and when the pyro goes off, Jericho’s no longer in the ring…

Tonight, John Cena takes on Kane.  also, Rey Mysterio takes on The Miz, and Finlay takes on John Morrison in the Intercontinental Championship tournament.

Speaking of which…

BOOYAKAH, BOOYAKAH…  whatever that means

Rey Mysterio is making his way to the ring, and Mike Knox is standing in the aisle.  Mysterio goes after him, but he falls, and Knox attacks.  A referee comes out and sends Knox away, as Mysterio clutches his arm after he fell on it.  Maybe he’ll feel better after this…

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

So, for the benefit of those with short attention spaaaaaaaans! Rey Mysterio clumsily fell off the ramp before the break (actually, it was off a shove from Knox), and landed on his arm.  Stephanie McMahon comes out of the trainers room and informs Todd Grisham that Rey may have torn some ligaments in his arm.  Layla comes to Stephanie and says that Lord Regal feels as though Mysterio should be removed from the tournament.  Stephanie says she agrees.

CM Punk makes his way out to the ring.  Mike Knox is not standing there waiting for him as he was for Mysterio.  We see footage of Punk as part of the Thanksgiving parade in Chicago last Thursday.  He’s set for tag team action.  His tag team partner, believe it or not, is the guy he won the tag team titles with a few weeks back, Kofi Kingston!  Their opponents are Cody Rhodes and Manu.  You know, since Goldust signed with WWE, wouldn’t he technically qualify to be part of Team Priceless?

CM Punk & Kofi Kingston def. Cody Rhodes & Manu

This match is actually not too bad.  Punk and Kingston fare pretty well in the early going, but a bit of double-teaming on the outside by Team Priceless sends us to…

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>  – Local ads have finally been updated to reflect that John Cena is the World Heavyweight Champion.  They’re still using AC/DC’s “Spoilin’ For A Fight” in the ads though as opposed to Guns N’ Roses’ “Chinese Democracy,” which is the official theme for Armageddon.

Punk is in control, with Rhodes in an abdominal stretch when we come back.  Rhodes and Manu take control back though, and Rhodes locks in a nice looking modified Mexican Surfboard Stretch.  This match is pretty slow paced, which works for Manu and Rhodes, but Punk finally gets the hot tag to Kingston, and the pace picks up.  Manu breaks up a pin attempt and gets a bulldog from Punk for his troubles.  One Trouble In Paradise kick later, and Kingston picks up a pinfall on Cody Rhodes, and the win for his team!

Still to come:  John Cena takes on Kane.  Yawn.

Triple H and Shawn Michaels are shilling again.  This time they’re shilling the Real Scale Elimination Chamber playset from Jaaks.  I actually just bought the Real Scale Classic Cage playset, and I’ll tell you, this thing is HUGE!  I no longer have a kitchen table because it’s become the scene of WrestleMania 2 – well, if the main event of WrestleMania 2 was a 5 way steel cage match between John Cena, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Great Khali, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, and Big Stevie Cool of the bWo.  I’d like to get my hands on the Real Scale Elimination Chamber though, just to have a real-scale ring with updated colors and aprons.  Anyways, I digress.  Apparently HBK went off on some kind of rant about putting the thing together, but my feed from the USA Network ended up all screwey during this.  I’m sure it was funny, and I’m sure I’ll wind up seeing it again on ECW.

Well, apparently it was screwey for a while, when it comes back on, Beth Phoenix and Santino Marella are doing commentary while Jillian and Melina are in action.  According to Rajah.com, here’s what we missed while my cable company’s USA feed was scrambled:

Out back Cody and Manu walk up to Orton. Cody says he didn’t see Orton win anything last week. Orton says last week they were on the same team at SS. He says he saw potential. He knows they don’t like him, but the respect him. He thinks they should take the first step in their collecting potential. If they’re interested, he’ll be in his locker room.

Out back Y2J knocks on Kane’s door and stomps in. Y2J says that they’re all talking about the unstoppable monster in the ring and they don’t mean Kane, they mean Cena. No one think Kane can beat Cena. Y2J says they’re all saying Kane will tap out screaming in pain. Kane says he knows Y2J is playing him. He’s going to go out and take out Cena, he’s going to give the fans a show because he loves the fans and they love him. Kane told Y2J never to approach him again.

– Commercial

Video of Shane and Steph getting into it last week. Steph ended up bitch slapping Shane.

Jillian is in the ring singing. She’s in all brown tonight. Melina comes out in black and silver with light blue trim. She does her normal ring entrance. Santino’s music and Glamarella comes out. She shows her muscles at his request and he chews on her arm. They head to the announce table.

Jillian gains control and sends Melina through the ropes and out. Outside Melina gets slammed face first on the mat. Back in the ring Jillian covers for two. A submission on Melina and Jillian screeches for her to submit. Santino and Beth are quite distracting on announce. Jillian goes for a handspring back elbow but Melina wraps her legs around Jillian’s neck. Santino gets laughing too hard and can’t get his lines out. Melina hits her ‘last call’ and covers for three.

Gotta love doing a review of a show and not being able to watch 20 minutes of it, huh?  Anyways, we’ll pick up after Melina picks up the win in her match with Jillian.

Santino and Beth get on the mic after the match.  Santino says that Melina doesn’t have what it takes to beat The Glamazon.  Melina says that Beth may be the Glamazon, but she doesn’t know how to be glamorous.  She’s back and she’s going to take the Women’s Championship.  Santino makes fun of Melina.  He says that anybody can do Melina’s entrance.  In fact, he’s going to prove it.  He gets one leg up on the apron, and falls flat on his…  uh… meatballs when he tries to get his other leg up.  Melina shows us how it’s done in the ring as Santino clutches at his groin.

Backstage, JBL is walking…  apparently, he’s NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

For those of us with A.D.D.: Santino fell trying to do Melina’s split.

Santino is icing his groin and wondering where Beth Phoenix is.  Suddenly, some hands appear and start massaging Santino.  He thinks it’s Beth, but is shocked to find out that it wasn’t The Glamazon… it was the Golden one, Goldust!

The following contest is a street fight.  Cool!

The participants?  JBL is one of them.  Last Monday he attacked John Morrison instead of HBK, saying he made an offer to Michaels.  Hey, he’s got a mic again.  He made HBK another offer this week.  He challenged him to a street fight.  He wants HBK’s answer…

HBK is wearing the ugliest shirt I’ve ever seen – and no, it’s not HBK or DX merch from WWE ShopZone (badump chh!).  JBL says that HBK can either fight JBL, or he can take JBL’s offer and help out his family.  Or something like that.  JBL says Shawn lost a lot of money in the recent economic crash, and JBL made money.  JBL says he’s offering HBK a job.  He wants HBK to work for him.  He babbles on for what seems like an eternity, but since I genuinely enjoy JBL’s promos, I’m not fast forwarding.  JBL says that HBK can take a free shot at him if he’d like.  JBL goads HBK on, but says that if HBK kicks him, the offer is off the table forever.  HBK stops to look back at JBL before leaving the ring without taking the free shot at Sweet Chin Music.  JBL says he’s looking forward to doing business with HBK.  HBK stops on the ramp momentarily, but keeps walking.

Later tonight, Kane vs. John Cena.  Yawn.

Speaking of yawning, Batista is next.  Fun.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Hacksaw Jim Duggan is a part of a Geico ad parody for WWE Shop.com.  It’s actually pretty funny.

Zzzzzzzzzz… Huh, wha??  Oh, that’s right, I have a show to review.  With Batista on it.  Ugh.  Apparently he’s the WWE.com Superstar of the Day.  Why?  Who cares.  He’d better have an entertaining opponent or I’m fast forwarding his whole match.

Batista’s opponent is…

Dolph Ziggler.  Ugh.  He takes a microphone and introduces himself.  His name is Dolph Ziggler.  We know, we know.

Batista def. Dolph Ziggler

Well, I’ll give it a chance, since I haven’t seen Dolph Ziggler in action since he was back in the Spirit Squad.  That and the fact that I don’t think this match will go too long.  Dolph starts off slapping Batista in the face.  He then gets Batista to chase him to the outside of the ring, and then hits a standing enziguri on the ring apron.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker on Batista for a two count!  Ziggler manages to get out of a Batista Bomb, and dropkicks The Animal in the knee.  Batista catches him out of the air on his next move though, hitting a spinebuster, followed by a Batista Bomb for the victory.

Ziggler looked pretty good in his debut match.  No time to discuss that now, since Randy Orton is on the stage with a mic.  He congratulates Batista, and says that one day it will be RKO vs. Batista.  Batista says that he knows something Orton doesn’t.  Stephanie McMahon made the match for Armageddon!  Orton says it’s great.  He’s been waiting four years for the match, and he can’t wait for Armageddon.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Orton runs into Jericho backstage, and Jericho says that after Kane beats up Cena, they should attack him.  Orton says he’s not fighting Jericho’s battles.  He says he’ll beat Batista at Armageddon, and then he’ll take out the champ, whoever it is, after that.  Jericho says that Orton has become an afterthought because of Cena’s return, and that he should think about that.

John Morrison is on his way to the ring, as Jerry “The King” Lawler ponders, “how does he do that with his hair?”  His opponent tonight is the man who loves to fight, Finlay.  The winner of this match will face CM Punk in the semi-finals of the Intercontinental Championship tournament, likely next week.

John Morrison def. Finlay

It’s a back and forth match, pretty decent.  In all honesty I haven’t been paing a whole hell of a lot of attention.  Finlay knocks Morrison out of the ring.  Morrison shoves Hornswoggle, luring Finlay out of the ring, where Morrison takes advantage, sending Finaly into the steel steps.  Morrison drops Finlay with a springboard kick to the back of the head, and pins the Irishman, picking up the victory and advancing to face CM Punk next week in the IC title tournament.

Still to come, John Cena faces Kane.  Yay.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Mr. Kennedy is in the straight to DVD movie, “Behind Enemy Lines: Columbia.”  Guess who won’t be watching it…

Stephanie McMahon makes her way to the stage, and she says she’s in control of RAW and will make everything bigger and better.  Next week, RAW hosts the Slammy awards.  The nominees for Superstar of the Year are Edge, Batista, Jeff Hardy, Chris Jericho, Triple H, and John Cena.  If it were based on crowd reaction, it would be a tough call between Cena and Hardy.  Quite Frankly, given their runs at the top of their respective brands this year, Triple H and Edge would have to be my two picks.

Anyways, those Superstars will be in action next week, as Jericho faces Jeff Hardy (Stephanie said “Triple H” at first, but when she saw that the graphic was for the Jericho/Hardy match, she said “I pulled an Adamle”), World Heavyweight Champion John Cena vs. WWE Champion Edge, and Triple H vs. Batista.  The show starts at 8PM and features the Slammy Awards.

We get another replay of Rey falling and injuring his arm, thanks to Mike Knox.  Rey is insisting on competing tonight.  The Miz makes his way out for the match.  Will he face Rey Mysterio?  We’ll find out next!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

BOOYAKAH, BOOYAKAH!  whatever that means.

Rey’s arm is heavily taped, and he’s holding it close to his body, but he’s ready to compete in this match.

Rey Mysterio def. The Miz

Miz goes after Mysterio’s arm early, but Mysterio fights back and hits a 619!  He goes to dive off of the top and Miz moves, sending Mysterio crashing to the mat.  Miz takes control, hitting an amazing armbreaker, pulling Mysterio by the arm off of the second rope and draping the arm over his shoulder.  Mysterio battles back, using his usual array of high flying acrobatic moves.  The two men exchange a series of pin attempts.  Miz goes for the Reality Check, but Mysterio counters, rolling Miz up for the pinfall!

Mysterio will face Kofi Kingston in the semi-finals of the IC Championship tournament.

Kane is backstage, and walking.  He’s in action against John Cena, NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

They show a shot of The White House, as King Lawler ponders that George Bush is probably excited about the upcoming match.  Quite frankly, from a wrestling fan’s perspective, if I were President and they showed The White House on RAW, I’d be running to the window and waving to the camera.

Kane makes his way to the ring, followed by the World Heavyweight Champion John Cena.

John Cena def. Kane

Kane focuses on the neck of Cena, and keeps control early on.   Cena ducks Kane’s clothesline from the top and locks in the STFU.  Jericho runs towards the ring, and Cena releases Kane and attacks Jericho.  With Jericho down, Cena gets back in the ring, and gets knocked down by Kane.  The Big Red Machine grabs Cena by the throat, but The Champ battles out, and then hits an FU for the victory.

After the match, Cena goes after Jericho again, beating him up the ramp… well, off to the side of the ramp, where he’s jumped by Cody Rhodes and Manu.  Cena fights the three men, managing to hold his own until Randy Orton joins the fray.  He gets Cena up on the ramp and starts wailing away.  He drags Cena over to the edge of the ramp and delivers a fierce DDT on the cement floor.  Jericho then locks in the old school version of the Walls of Jericho, screaming “who’s the hero?” at Cena as the show goes off the air.

My Thoughts: I came home from work towards the end of the Kane/Cena match, and folks on the message boards where JT, Drowgoddess, and I frequent during these shows were talking about how much they hate John Cena and Rey Mysterio.  Ironically enough, earlier today I was talking to somebody whose first exposure to Rey Mysterio was the MyNetwork TV premiere of SmackDown.  He’s not a huge wrestling fan by any stretch of the imagination, but he watches SmackDown on Fridays with his nephew.  He says that he was very impressed with the acrobatic nature of Rey Mysterio’s style.  A non wrestling fan, a guy who never heard of Mr. Kennedy until he rented a pay per view from a few years back, is a fan of Rey Mysterio’s in ring work.  Think about that.  Some of us may be so jaded when it comes to Mysterio after seeing him compete for so long, be it from his original ECW days, his WCW days, or his SmackDown debut back in 2002, but Mysterio is popular with the kids and the casual fans…..

As is John Cena.  Let’s put this into perspective here.  I loathe John Cena.  That wasn’t always the case, I used to like him back when he was a heel, and I marked out big time when he made his face turn on an episode of SmackDown that I happened to have attended.  My problem with Cena is that the WWE marketing machine shoves him down our throats.  When Cena came to RAW, he dropped his rapping gimmick that brought him to the big time, and became an indestructable, poop obsessed Marine.  The kids eat that shit up.  I still don’t see what the big deal is about Batista though.

So we now know the Superstar of the Year nominees for the Slammy Awards next week.  I’ve already touched on John Cena, let’s briefly talk about the other five guys.

Edge: Edge has been main eventing SmackDown virtually all year, being the Champion through much of that time.  He took some time off after SummerSlam but returned to surprisingly recapture the gold.  Edge holds pinfall victories this year over Jeff Hardy, Triple H, and Batista, all of whom are nominated for Superstar of the Year.  As I said during the review, he’d be one of my picks to win this category.

Batista: Batista beat John Cena at SummerSlam and Chris Jericho at No Mercy, resulting in a brief World Heavyweight Championship run.  Other than that, Batista hasn’t done much of note at all this year to the best of my knowledge.  I just can’t see him winning this.  I don’t even know why he’s been nominated.

Jeff Hardy: Despite his 60 day suspension earlier in the year and the fact that he hasn’t won a World Championship this year, Jeff’s undeniably popular, and has been in the WWE Championship picture since the Royal Rumble in January.  JANUARY! Top that, other nominees!

Chris Jericho: Jericho spent the early part of the year feuding with JBL.  After falling just short of winning the Money in the Bank ladder match at WrestleMania 24, Jericho held on to his Intercontinental Championship until being defeated by Kofi Kingston at Night of Champions.  A few months later, Jericho becomes the World Heavyweight Champion by sneaking in and getting the final pinfall in a Championship Scramble match that he wasn’t even supposed to be in.  He’s become one of the most hated heels in the WWE during two World Championship reigns, which included victories over Batista, among others, before losing at Survivor Series to John Cena.  Jericho also holds victories over fellow nominee Jeff Hardy in Intercontinental Championship matches and a Money In The Bank Qualifying Match.

Triple H: After being out of the title picture for a while, Triple H was the odd man out in the decision at WrestleMania XXIV.  He finally took the WWE Championship from Randy Orton in a four way match that also included JBL and John Cena.  The Game has since held off threats to his title from fellow nominees John Cena, Edge, and Jeff Hardy.  In fact, if he defeats Batista next Monday, he’ll have defeated four of his five fellow nominees during the course of 2008, and the other one, Chris Jericho, was the odd man out of a triple threat match won by Triple H on the MyNetwork TV premiere of SmackDown.  I’d say it’s a pretty good resume!

Well folks, we’ll see you tomorrow for ECW on SciFi!

The post RAW on DVR review – 12/1/08 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.

RAW results and analysis after the jump

RAW kicks off with the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Jericho!  He tells us who he is, and that he’s the World Heavyweight Champion.  He explains to us what happened – CM Punk got kicked out of the match, literally, by Randy Orton, and Jericho capitalized on the opportunity, after feeling the wrath of Shawn Michaels, that is.  Jericho shows us his wounds from the night before.  He’s got welts, scratches, and bruises all over his body.  His right elbow is bandaged up.  He ponders who would intentionally disfigure another man like that.  Shawn Michaels would, that’s who.  He’s a hypocrite, and the people loved every moment of it.  What did HBK really win though?  Nothing.  He may have won the match, had his hand raised in victory.  But the match was unsanctioned, which means, it never really happened.  Shawn Michaels accomplished nothing.  Jericho, on the other hand, accomplished the World Heavyweight Championship.  Six months ago, Jericho said that good things happen to good people, and he is a good person.  He’s an honest man who does what he says he’s going to do, and now, he’s the champion.  After his brutal beating that he did not deserve, he was trying to stand up straight, and Adamle told him what happened to Punk.  So Jericho took Punk’s place, won the Scramble, and he’s the new champion.  Now he’s the man who beat Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock in one night to become the first Undisputed Champion, he’s the man who beat Kane, JBL, Rey Mysterio, and Batista to become the Champion.  Now everybody is forced to recognize and respect how good Chris Jericho is.  HBK told him about a month ago that he’d never be like him.  He was right – Jericho is better – and he’s the new World Heavyweight Champion.

Mike Adamle appears on the stage and says congratulations.  CM Punk suffered a concussion and wasn’t medically cleared to compete.  Adamle had to find a championship-caliber replacement, and Jericho answered the call.  The fact remains that CM Punk lost his title without having a chance to defend it.  Now Punk isn’t here tonight, but next week on RAW, he’ll get a chance to regain his title.  It will be CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho for the World Heavyweight Title.  Jericho seems ok with that idea.  So there’s no interference, it will be a steel cage match.  Jericho is still smiling.  He says it doesn’t bother him.  He beat Punk in Chicago, and he’ll beat him next week.  He’s had enough of the abuse of the people, he’s going to take his title and get out of here.  Adamle says there’s more.  Since the cage match is scheduled for next week, he needs a main event for tonight.  So after what happened last night, the best match idea would be Chris Jericho vs. Batista.  Jericho visually does not like that idea.

Up next, Beth Phoenix defends the WWE Women’s Championship against Mickie James

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Back from break, Candice Michelle and her horrible, horrible theme music are on their way to the ring.  She takes a seat in front of the broadcast booth as Mickie James makes her way to the ring to challenge Beth Phoenix for the Women’s Championship.  Beth comes to the ring sans Santino, and we’re ready for WWE Diva action!

Beth Phoenix def. Mickie James

Candice will apparently face the winner of this match at No Mercy.  So I guess it’s safe to assume that The Glamazon is taking this one.  Beth starts off with aggressive offense, tossing Mickie out of the ring and throwing her shoulder-first into the ring post.  She tosses Mickie back in the ring and starts working over the arm of the former Women’s Champion.  Mickie tries to get in some offense, but Beth dominates for the most part.  Mickie finally takes Beth down with a neckbreaker, but can’t manage to capitalize.  Every time Mickie starts to build some momentum, The Glamazon slows her down.  Beth hits an Alabama Slam and pins Mickie.

Candice stands up from her chair, and the two adversaries smile at each other.

Jamie Noble is backstage telling Layla that she’s his lucky charm.  She was surprised that he beat Regal last week.  He says if she wants a surprise, he’s got one.  Hit it!  Jillian starts singing “Layla,” and Noble tells her to stop and that he wants his five bucks back.  He says that wasn’t the song he wanted her to sing.  He starts singing a different song and Layla stops him – she tells him she’ll be out there.  No foolin’?  Nope, no foolin’.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

WWE Rewind:  Noble beats Regal to the surprise of Layla last week on RAW

Layla accompanies Jamie Noble and his Kid Rock knockoff theme music to the ring.  He’s set for action against William Regal as he sets up a chair next to The King for Layla.

William Regal def. Jamie Noble

Regal kicks off the match by aggressively attacking Noble, but Noble is no slouch, he fights back and manages to get in a bit of offense.  Regal takes him down with a backdrop though as Layla looks on concerned.  Regal starts working over Noble, utilizing submission holds to wear down the pitbull-esque Noble.  Noble won’t stay down though, he connects with a middle rope missile dropkick for two.  Regal countered a Noble senton by getting he knees up, then knees Noble in the head for the victory.

Regal takes the mic, and he asks Noble what he expects?  Happy endings only happen in fairy tales (editors note:  and massage parlors).  He puts the mic down, and goes over to where Layla is sitting, and extends his arm.  She takes it, with a dumbfounded look on her face, and Regal gets not only the victory, but the girl as well.  Layla stops on the stage and looks back at Noble one more time before heading backstage.

Still to come, Chris Jericho takes on Batista, and Rey Mysterio teams up with Evan Bourne to take on The Miz and John Morrison.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

JBL makes his way to the ring for action.  His opponent… well his opponent is in the trunk of the limo.  It’s CHL – Charles Haas Layfield.  He babbles all the way to the ring about Mamajuana Extreme and how he just likes to talk.  A CHL chant breaks out as Charlie shows JBL the bottle of Mamajuana.  JBL states the obvious – CHL is mocking him.  CHL shows him the bottle of Mamajuana again.  JBL asks if he thinks it’s funny.  With his pedigree, his resume, he’s an over the top ridiculous caricature?   CHL is a disrespectful punk.  JBL deserves better.  JBL says CHL will respect him, he deserves it.  Charlie nods.  He takes his jacket off, and we’re ready for action.

CHL def. JBL

JBL starts the match by walking out of the ring and towards the back.  The referee counts, and CHL defeats JBL via countout!

After the match, Charlie celebrates like he’s just won the Super Bowl or something.

Up next, Rey Mysterio & Evan Bourne take on John Morrison and The Miz.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Backstage, JBL is not in a good mood. He runs into Batista and Kelly Kelly, who are lauging.  He asks Kelly what she’s laughing at.  She leaves, and Batista tells him that he’s laughing about CHL and his Mamajuana Extreme bit.  JBL says it’s inappropriate, because JBL is a main eventer.  And Batista should understand that.  JBL says he’s got nothing in common with Charlie Haas.  Batista says he’s right; Charlie won his match tonight.

Rey Mysterio is backstage with Tod Grisham.  Kane indeed left him lying in a parking lot, unprovoked.  But Rey’s vowed to never let what Kane did to him happen again.  He needs to stand strong if he’s going to be on RAW.  Rey Mysterio quiero Taco Bell.  Kane claims that Mysterio is his victim?  Despite what Kane says, Mysterio is standing and strong, and his spirit is still alive.  He may always be an underdog, but he is nobody’s victim.

Your chick magnet, The Grand Mizard of Lust, THE Miz, is on his way to the ring for tag team action.  His tag team partner is he Shaman of Sexy, The Tuesday Night Delight, John Morrison.

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Back from break, the high flying Evan Bourne is on the way to the ring as Mike Adamle, Teddy Long, and Tiffany are watching the show on a standard definition TV backstage.  Mysterio and his new ink that he must have gotten today are on the way to the ring, and we can start this tag match!

Evan Bourne & Rey Mysterio def. John Morrison & The Miz

Morrison and Bourne kick things off, and Bourne gets his team the early advantage, quickly tagging in Rey Mysterio.  Morrison takes over though, and the former WWE Tag Team Champions cut the ring in half as Morrison tags Miz.  Mysterio makes the tag though, and Bourne and Mysterio use unique offense against Miz and Morrison, until Morrison knocks Bourne off of the top rope.  Miz and Morrison slow down the pace, but when Bourne creates some separation, the pace quickens and spells bad things for Miz and Morrison.  They slow the pace back down, but Morrison accidentally hits his spinning kick on The Miz before falling prey to a 619 from Mysterio followed by a Shooting Star Press by Bourne for the victory!  What a match!

Kane’s pyro hits, and his music hits as he appears on the titantron, he says Mysterio will be facing him next week, and he’s going to prove to Mysterio that he is a victim.  He’s got a hint for Rey as to why it’s going to be special – he shows Kane his old mask.

Still to come, Chris Jericho takes on Batista, and Randy Orton is on his way to the ring, next!

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WWE Slam of the Week:  Orton punts Punk right out of the World Championship Scramble.

Randy Orton makes his way to the ring with his theme music, “Voices” by Rev Theory, whose phenomenal new album “Light It Up” is in stores now…

His microphone isn’t working.  They turn it on and he says that there’s no worse feeling than to be on a global stage with the championship in your grasp, only to have tragedy strike and leave you unable to compete.  He’s not talking about CM Punk, he’s talking about himself.  He broke his collarbone, leaving him defenseless and unable to retain his title.  The difference between Punk and himself, is that Orton earned his championship.  He won in the main event at WrestleMania; Punk got lucky and karma finally caught up with him.  He was taken out by a one armed man.  Orton did what he did because he felt threatened and was concerned for his safety.  Punk shouldn’t be mad, he should thank Orton – it saved him from being exposed in the Championship Scramble last night, where he would have been beaten several times in that 20 minutes.  Jericho can thank Orton whenever he wants, because if it weren’t for him, he wouldn’t be in the Scramble last night and he wouldn’t be champion.  When Orton’s back in the spring, he’ll have no problem beating Jericho and taking the title.  When he does…

PRICELESS!

Ted DiBiase, Cody Rhodes, and Manu make their way to the ring.  Cody asks Orton, who took out CM Punk?  Orton needs to check his facts, because if the three of them didn’t do what they did, he would never have been able to punt Punk unconcious.  They’re the ones who beat down Punk and Kofi Kingston, so Orton shouldn’t dare come out there and take credit for something he didn’t do.  Manu tells Orton he’s not the only one with god given talent.  He’s not the only one whose father is a Hall of amer.  Manu’s father, Afa is a Hall of Famer.  Orton is no better than any one of them.  DiBiase says that last week, Orton slapped Cody in the face, but even he has to admit, what they did to Punk last night was impressive.  Orton slaps DiBiase and backs up the ramp.

Lawler informs us that if Rhodes, DiBiase, and Manu want a fight, they’ll get one – they’ve got a match against Cryme Tyme and Kofi Kingston, next!

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When we come back, Shad and JTG are making their way to the ring, followed by Kofi Kingston

Ted DiBiase, Cody Rhodes, & Manu def. Cryme Tyme & Kofi Kingston

Rhodes and JTG kick things offand it’s a back and forth affair.  DiBiase and Kingston get the tags from their respective partners to more back and forth action, before Kofi gets dumped outside and taken down by Manu.  Manu gets tagged in by DiBiase and starts working over Kingston before tagging DiBiase back in.  The Tag Team Champions and their Samoan friend cut the ring in half and utilize quick tags, keeping a fresh man in and wearing down the Jamaican Sensation.  The late, great Gorilla Monsoon would be proud.  Kofi gets the tag in to Shad, who cleans house, but Manu tags himself in and plants Shad with 3/4 turn neckbreaker for the win.

Still to come, Chris Jericho takes on Batista.

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WWE 24/7 Classics on Demand:  November 24, 1983; NWA Starcade.  A “flamboyant upstart,” Nature Boy Ric Flair, was coming for Harley Race’s NWA Championship in a steel cage.  Race whipped flair around, the cage, beating him bloody, but Flair scores a move off the top rope for the victory to score his first NWA World Heavyweight Championship.

Santino Marella breaks out the Honk-A-Meter.  He’s only 61 weeks away from being the greatest IC Champion of all time.  He’s already 19 times better than The Mountie, who only held the title for two days.  Now bring on his opponent.

Santino Marella def. Snitsky

Snitsky bounces Santino around to start the match.  He starts arguing with Beth Phoenix at ringside, but catches Santino with a clothesline and continues his early domination.  Santino ducks out of the way of a charging Snitsky, and rolls him up for the victory!

Santino and Beth celebrate at ringside as Santino leaves victorious!

Mike Adamle is explaining himself to Kelly Kelly.  He had no choice but to take Punk out of the Scramble last night.  Jericho interrupts.  He competed in two matches last night, he’s not in shape to face Batista.  He needs this week to rest for his cage match with Punk next week.  Adamle did him a favor last night, and now, Jericho owes him a favor.  He needs Jericho to pull out a main event performance, because the match is going to happen.  It’s going to happen next!

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Next week, Punk vs. Jericho in a cage, and Mysterio vs. Kane.

Right now, the World Heavyweight Champion is on his way to the ring, barely in any condition to wrestle, but set to take on Batista.  Batista makes his way out to the ring and we’re ready for main event action!

Chris Jericho vs. Batista ended in a no contest

Batista kicks things off by ramming the beaten and bruised Chris Jericho into the turnbuckle.  It’s all Batista at the beginning, literally beating Jericho from pillar to post.  Jericho rolls to the outside, as Mike Adamle comes out and tells the referee to stop the match.

Adamle is learning on the job, and in his haste to make a big main event, he mis-diagnosed the condition of Chris Jericho.  He needs a match that’s star-driven and competive.  The next match is going to be a handicapped match to even things up a bit.  It’s going to be Batista taking on Chris Jericho and his partner, John Bradshaw Layfield (not to be confused with Charles Haas Layfield). That match is next!

Chris Jericho & JBL def. Batista

JBL has Batista locked in a headlock when we come back.  He whips Batista off the ropes, where he’s whacked in the back of the head by the World Heavyweight Champion, distracting him enough for JBL to beat him down some more.  Jericho gets the tag and even in his beaten and battered state, he’s able to maintain the offense.  He tags back in JBL, who continues to beat down The Animal.  The tandem of Jericho and Layfield make use of quick tags, taking advantage of their situation.  Batista starts to mount a comeback on Jericho, but he’s distracted by the presence of Lance Cade on the apron.  JBL takes the opportunity to hit a Clothesline from Hell on Batista, allowing Jericho to sneak into the ring to steal a pinfall for the second night in a row.

After the match, Lance Cade holds Batista for an assault by JBL, who asks Batista who he’s laughing at now.  The launch Batista off the ropes, but he hits a double shoulderblock to take down Cade and JBL.  He hits JBL with a spear, followed by a spinebuster and a Batista Bomb on Cade.  Jericho looks on from the top of the ramp with a smirk on his face, clutching at his World Heavyweight Championship.  Jericho defends against CM Punk in a steel cage next week.

My Thoughts:

I’m still not thrilled about Punk not even being involved in the match where he lost his title.  I’m sort of appeased by the fact that he’ll get his shot to earn his title back in a cage next week, though I’m certainly not expecting a title change in that one.

Jericho’s first night on the job as World Heavyweight Champion is leaps and bounds better than his term as Undisputed Champion back in 2001/2002.  Hopefully he’ll get a good run, provided my prediction is accurate and he defeats Punk next week.

Charlie Haas instantly found himself a fanbase tonight.  The fans in the arena were actually chanting CHL.  He was so good in the role that I’m actually sitting here right now watching it again.  I’m glad to see that Charlie has got a gimmick that gets him on TV every week, as silly as it is.  He’s a great wrestler and deserves better than only working dark matches.  I saw him a few years back, defeating Christopher Daniels and Chris Sabin in a triple threat match for the Natural Heavyweight Championship at the Ballpark Brawl at Buffalo’s Dunn Tire Park.  He went on and defeated Harry “D.H.” Smith in Rochester the next night to become the first person to ever successfully defend the title.

Lastly, I can’t end this review without mentioning the awesome match put on by Miz, Morrison, Bourne, and Mysterio.  It was one of the best matches I’ve seen in a while, and it left people saying “wow” and wondering, exactly how high in the air was Evan Bourne on that Shooting Star Press?

Thanks for reading, guys, and feel free to leave your thoughts on the show in the comments section.  I’ll be back in the morning with an ECW review.

The post RAW is JERICHO! 9/8/08 appeared first on BoredWrestlingFan.com.