Tag Archive: Jeremy Borasch

  6. TNA Impact 19/12/13; The British Are Coming, And Taking Your Title

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    The Impact Review; Five years without an introduction.

    The show started with Magnus backstage. He asked for Dixie and Hardy but neither of them were there yet, implying they spent a week together. He headed out to the ring and said he loves wrasslin. He also defected to America. Money talks in America but he’s not in it for the money. That’s why he’s in TNA. He asked if the same could be said for Hardy, who’s in it for the weed. He brought up Jeff leaving with Dixie and asked for an explanation, telling everyone to not let Jeff Hardy fool them.

    Jeff Hardy came after that. Magnus brings up 10.10.10 in reference to Hardy turning heel at Bound For Glory three years ago. Magnus asks Hardy what his fans would think if he sold out and gets a “We don’t care” chant. I don’t know if they mean they wouldn’t care if Hardy switched heel, or they don’t care in general. Hardy tells Magnus to care about his own life and walks out the ring.

    Christie Hemme was backstage with Angle, and she asks him about the match he has tonight. Angle says that he still has it. Oil that is. Or-tron approved. They are both cyborgs after all.

    Jeremy Borasch was backstage with Chavo and asks for his thoughts about tonight, because it’s when the Feast or Fired results will be revealed. No one cares what he has to say, or what Zema Ion, who interrupted the segment, had to say. I couldn’t help but notice how much he looks like Gok Wan now though.

    Zema Ion’s last job.

    Bobby Roode vs Kurt Angle (2 out of 3 falls)
    Say what you wanat about Angle’s recent storyline but this has been a heck of a build. They both have wins over eachother and it came to them saying they could beat eachother twice in one night. Bam, 2 out of 3 falls match. It’s a gimmick match that makes sense which is rare in this world of gimmick PPVs. Roode hits a sneaky low blow and something described as “We’ve seen this in recent weeks!” for the first fall. The commentators bring up 10.10.10 during this match to sell the main event. They still don’t say what it’s really about. I guess it’s because Hogan and Bischoff were the main players of the incident and they don’t want to reference them.

    Anyway, Angle got the second fall to the shock of no one. I think Angle has problems. In almost all of his matches recently he’s bled from the mouth. It’s kinda creepy. Roode gets the final fall by rolling Angle up and grabbing the ropes for leverage so they aren’t done with this feud yet.

    Borasch is still backstage talking about the Feast Or Fired match. Storm and Gunner are with him now and JB brings up that Gunner stepped over Storm to get his briefcase. Gunner says that Storm would have done the same thing and Storm says it could backfire on him, because he could be fired.

    This is a real man.

    This is a real man. Like Gunner.

    Angle is backstage and is asked what happens now. Angle said that Roode hasn’t outwrestled him, but he has outsmarted him and that’s something that’s never really happened. He’s asked if Roode really has his number and Angle says he won’t admit it. He also has to think about his next move. He was kind of teasing retirement.

    Jeremy Borasch is backstage. Still. This time he’s with EC3. EC3 says that the only pink slip he has is to his legion of cars. He says that even if he gets fired then he knows the people in charge. His phone rings and it’s Dixie. His entrance theme is his ring tone by the way. Dixie says that she got lawyers to seal the briefcases so even she doesn’t know what’s in his briefcase. There’s nothing she can do if his case says he’s fired either. It’s not like she can re-hire him or anything.

    EY is backstage with a badly wrapped steel chair. He dropped a mind grenade on Park and he’s going to continue the experiment. The chair is to bring Abyss back. He’s then in the ring with the chair and another wrapped present and brings Joseph Park out. He tells Park one more time that he’s Abyss. Park said he doesn’t know what to believe but his name is Joseph Park. Tonight there’s another experiment. Next week Park is going to go against Bad Influence. The best part is that it’s a Monsters Ball match. Park said he won’t do it but that’s what the second part is. The presents are a visual aid. The first present is, of course, the steel chair. The second present is a bag of tacks. The third present is some barbed wire. EY is a terrible secret santa. He wasn’t even secret.

    Park says that the gifts don’t do anything for him and he still won’t do it. It’s alright though. EY has one more gift and it’s hidden under the ring. It’s Janice, Abyss’s main toy. Upon seeing the majestic nailboard Park says he’ll do the match and my pain ends.

    Behold the purrito!

    Behold the purrito!

    J.B was finally inside the conference room with the Feast or Fired guys. They’re going to reveal the briefcases. After the break! I thought about how nice it would be if Gunner got the tag team match case and they didn’t split him and Storm up. Before we can get to those results though we have to have a Jeff Hardy backstage segment. He’s with Samoa Joe, who tells him only a guilty man would look like he does. He told Hardy he can understand taking a short cut in a business like theirs, he just never imagined Hardy would be the type to do it. How long until Dixie buys Jeff’s house? Jeff tells Joe that no one is getting an explanation and walks out.

    Feast vs Fired
    JB introduces Dixie and EC3 helps her get in her chair. Dixie wishes the guys good luck and hands it back to JB. As well as sealing the cases, the lawyers also specified the order of the cases being opened. Ion goes first. He’s asked for any final thoughts and says there’s a 100% chance he’s going home, with gold around his waist. He gets the X-Divison title match and declares he’s keeping the briefcase. I wonder if it works like the MITB and he DOES have to cash in the briefcase. Gunner is next and he’s asked if he’ll have Storm as his partner should he get the title match. He says of course and opens the case. He has the heavyweight title match. Guess they are splitting up Storm and Gunner.

    Chavo and EC3 are left. Chavo is up next and he said he’s confident he’s got the title shot. No matter what’s in the case, it won’t change the fact he’s still a Guerrero, and that I probably can’t spell Guerrero. EC3 says that he’ll never lose, and he’ll never be fired. Sting walks in and he said that he’s needed here because he got EC3 to join the match. EC3’s legacy is on the line, and saying legacy and EC3 in the same sentence makes him nauseous. As does what Dixie is doing to the company. Sting asks Chavo if he’s ever been handed anything and Chavo says his family had to work twice as hard to get ahead. Sting essentially said it sucks to compare Chavo and EC3, and that Chavo could get fired, leaving EC3 in the business. Sting can tell that Ethan is squirming and offers to take the case from him. The catch is EC3 has to face him in a match. EC3 says he’ll keep the case. He’s so getting fired. The briefcases are going to be opened at the same time. Chavo is fired. Sting consoles him and tells him it’s not the end, but it is the end of the Carters. Dixie disgusts her, and he doesn’t have any words for Ethan. I’m actually going to miss Chavo, even though he’s not been on TV for a while. Screw you guys, I’m sentimental.

    Forget cases, I want to open this box!

    Forget cases, I want to open this box!

    Gail Kim and Lei’d Tapa vs ODB and Madison Rayne

    Damn, Madison Rayne still has the best music in TNA. The match is mostly the heels heeling all over ODB until she can get the hot tag. Tapa throws ODB outside and goes after her, leaving it to just Kim and Rayne in the ring. Rayne reverses Eat De-Feet into a rollup for the win.

    Jeff Hardy is backstage and Sting says that he owes the creatures and his family an explanation. He has to stay true to himself. He really understands what’s going on with Jeff. Sting is his dealer after all.

    We get the first Impact 365 video of the night. Rockstar Spud said he was sorry for what happened last week. Dixie doesn’t care about his excuses. She has a title match coming up and doesn’t have a world title to present the winner. Spud needs to get another one made in time for the finals.

    Jeff Hardy vs Magnus in a Dixieland Match
    I don’t care what people say, I liked the sound of this match. Before the match Hardy grabs a mic and says that, sure, he’s made mistakes, but he can’t change that. He brings up 10.10.10, as well as the following Victory Road. Those mistakes aren’t going to be repeated. He was thinking about his future when he met Dixie. Dixie promised him a lifetime contract and the big money and he told her to stick it because no one owns him. He’s going to emulate AJ by winning the title and representing the company how it should be. Dixie came out in response to that.

    If Shark Boy played Curry Man, then who played this guy?

    If Shark Boy played Curry Man, then who played this guy?

    Dixie says that the one thing he and AJ really have in common is that they owe everything to her. She supported Jeff through all his mistakes, not the fans. She tells Jeff to think about what’s best for her, and not his family. If he doesn’t then he’s going to be out of a job just like AJ. If that happens no ones going to sell his merch, CD’s, or art. He needs her a lot more than she needs him. Dixie decides to stay out and watch the match.

    Magnus came out and the match started. No, seriously. I’d love for Magnus to win because he’s Magnus but they seem to be setting up Hardy to win. Part way through the match EC3 came out on to the ramp to stand with Dixie. These guys put on a pretty great match as you’d expect them to. Hardy actually tried to crawl out of the cage using the hole they put the camera through. I can’t say I’ve ever seen that before. Hardy climbed to the top of the cage and hit a Whisper in The Wind. As cool as that was, I wish he’d done a Swanton. He never hits the Whisper In The Wind and hit the mat hard. It also makes very little sense. They both climbed up to the top of the cage at the same time and EC3 tried to stop Magnus and attack him. Jeff stopped him and hit the Twist of Fate on EC3. Magnus and Hardy fight their way up the ramp, literally and figuratively. Hardy hit a Twist of Fate to Magnus on the ramp and hobbled up the ramp to the ladder. Dixie tried to stop him but Hardy just shouted at her and climbed up the ramp. Rockstar Spud came out and pushed the ladder over. Hardy landed very badly on his head. Spud set the ladder back up and cheers Magnus on. Magnus climbed up the ramp, up the ladder, and grabbed the title. Magnus is your new Heavyweight Champion.

    And so begins round two of the British Invasion.

    ‘Nuff said.

    It waws a pretty good show overall and of course I’m glad to see Magnus as the champion. I’m going to wait until next week to decide if he’s a heel or not. It was also good to see how the match really worked in the execution. Up yours to everyone who said it was a bad idea. Magnus posed with the title and The Impact Corporation to send the show off the air. Okay, maybe he’s a heel now.

  9. Impact Wrestling 29/08/2013 Dude Brother

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    Last weeks review was way too long and I’ve gone into far less detail on the matches this time. Still a lot of detail on the promos but I wasn’t sure how to cut that down.

    The show starts with Brooke Tessmacher’s ass. She meets Bully Ray and says if he has his championship and her then nothing can really be wrong. Bully says they’re going to the ring and the “previously on Impact” segment aired.

    For the last two weeks it’s been Hardcore Justice and now it’s Must Win Thursday? The Hell? They messed up the Bound For Glory series so they’re just rushing it and finishing up the qualifiers tonight.

    We open with Bully who’s in a really, really, really bad mood. He said someone was missing from the ring, meaning Devon. He wants answers and asks Brodus Clay what happened and some douche in the crowd shouted “he failed just like his father!” I’d tell you what Brodus said but I don’t care. I didn’t care what Knux had to say either. Wes said he doesn’t know what happened and we finally get to Kenny who doesn’t know either and says it could have been any of them who were gone and it is how it is. Bully says it is and what it is is a disappointment. Devon has always been a disappointment. He never needed Devon and never will again and Toto is the only man he needs. Bully wants to give Toto his own cut and Kenny goes nuts and Bully doesn’t stand for that and puts him down before calling out Brooke. Brooke comes out with an Aces and Eights jacket straight from ShopTNA.com. Kenny gets in the way again and says he wants to vote on it. Toto puts the jacket on and Bully takes Devon’s nametag off of it. Toto means so much to Bully that he didn’t even give him his own cut, he gave him Devon’s. Bully finishes up by saying he can’t wait to see Hogan and can’t wait to introduce him to the only Brooke that’s ever meant anything to him.

     

    One of my favourite Bully Ray moments

    There’s a backstage segment with Jeff Hardy who’s talking out loud this time and has his eyes open. I didn’t really care what he had to say. I used to like Jeff but then I grew up and realised what a drug lord he is. Also shown walking backstage is Hulk Hogan. What wasn’t shown was JT Hogan attacking him dude brother.

    Jeff Hardy vs Kazarian
    Both men go for quick pins and of course neither of them get the win in the first minute. Only people who go against Sin Cara get that. Kaz counters a Twist of Fate and the high enziguri by crotching Hardy, and Kaz takes control of the match with leg drops and loses control when Jeff hits a faceplant. Hardy puts on a Figure Four Leg Lock and I don’t know enough about that hold to know how well he did it. It seems like a move only Ric Flair can apply properly. Kaz escapes and counters a Twist of Fate for a two count and gets another two count with a kick to the head. Jeff hits a Twist of Fate and a Swanton for the victory and the announcers have the tamarity to call this guy unpredictable.

     

    Jeff Hardy is watching you, with his eyes closed.

    Backstage with the Aces and Eights and they’re teasing more dissension now. Brodus says if Bully doesn’t care about Devon he probably doesn’t care about them. Spoiler alert; he doesn’t! Kenny asks if they voted to not vote and my brain started hurting as I was reminded why I don’t like the guy. Kenny says if it keeps up then they’re going to hold another vote Bully won’t like. Actually I’d be kinda happy if they formed the Aces And Eights Wolfpack. No, wait, they’d be Aces and Eights Hollywood. Bully would be the Wolfpack.

    I can’t photoshop at all so it’s just regular old nWo for you.

    Gail Kim vs ODB in a two out of three falls match
    The winner of this will be the number one contender and because they’ve been trading wins over the course of weeks they’re now going to exchange them in one match. Tenay plugs the Knockouts Knockdown one night only PPV and says all my favourite knockouts will be there. I beg to differ as a lot of Knockouts said they wouldn’t go and my favourite knockout is Madison Rayne who definitely won’t be there.

    It’s slow paced but it makes sense. It’s two out of three falls so they have to take it slow to preserve their energy. Gail goes for a submission that was, to quoth the commentators, halfway between a Texas Cloverleaf and a Sharpshooter. ODB taps and Gail picks up the first fall. Has anyone ever won a two out of three falls match 2-0? There’s a commercial break and we come back to Gail breaking ODB’s leg. Gail goes for the submission again and ODB counters with a small package for the win and it’s 1-1. Gail goes for the corner Figure Four. ODB fights her way to her feet and hits a clothesline for a two count and then ODB stands up instantly. Selling is as dead as kayfabe it seems. Gail locks in another submission but ODB reaches the ropes. ODB locks on a Sharpshooter and Gail taps out. ODB wins and gets the title shot.

     

    I actually kinda miss these guys performing together

    There’s a backstage segment with Velvet Sky who says that she’s rooting for ODB, and that we’re in for a surprise when the Knockouts PPV airs. You mean some women actually agreed to be a part of it? What I wasn’t surprised by though was when the camera went from Velvet’s face, zoomed in on her tits, and then zoomed back out as it went back up to her face. I kid you not, that genuinely happened. Velvet said she wanted to be at Hardcore Justice but couldn’t because she had personal issues to deal with at home. It turns out that she’s dating Sabin. I had absolutely no clue. The camera zoomed in on her tits, AGAIN. THAT HAPPENED TWICE WHAT THE FUCK TNA. Anyway Vel Vel says that even though she is dating Sabin they keep their business and personal lives seperate.

    There’s another backstage segment with Daniels and Roode. Roode says he’ll take care of AJ and if Daniels takes care of Aries they’ll be alright. Daniels says Aries is no gentleman and he’s going to take care of it, right now. The segment ends with Roode putting the Appletini on a chair. That’s a nice little touch.

    After a quick replay of Aries quote unquote turning on the Extraordinary Gentelman’s Organisation Borasch is backstage with Aries who says it was a no go because he’s all show and a bunch of other stuff. He believes if you want something done right you do it yourself and that’s why he turned down the Main Even Mafia too. He only relies on himself. Aries hopes AJ makes it to the finals becuase when they’re in the ring, it’s magic. Daniels interrupts and says that Aries missed out on his golden ticket by turning down the Gentlemen. I thought that only happened to the Knockouts? They argue for a little bit and Daniels says Aries is gonna be knocked flatter than Miley Cyrus’s ass. Still not seen that, still never will. Aries says he’ll slap Daniels so hard he’ll start to grow hair again. Damn I love those guys.

    Hulk Hogan is still backstage. I’m not entirely sure how he fought off JT Hogan. He’s asked some questions and says everything will be addressed in the ring and he has an announcement. He then enters his dressing room and begins round two of his best two out of three falls match with JT Hogan.

     

    Hogan’s reaction to JT Hogan. Needless to say he got beat for this.

    It’s time now for the Main Event Mafia. Rampage gets in another plug for their MMA fight (it’s November 2nd guys!) and says every time he sees Toto he’s gonna stomp a mudhole in his ass. Joe gets the microphone and performs a super effective Cheap Pop. I realised at this point I was only about half way through the show. Damn it’s been dragging if I’m honest. Joe says they’re there to recognise AJ and Sting woos for him and offers him a spot in the Mafia. Even if AJ doesn’t want to join the Mafia they want to thank him for what he did. AJ cames out to his heel music and has his totes mysterious hoodie on again. He does his transformation and I’m with Taz, I hate it and it’s annoying. He should come out to either his heel music or his face music. I actually like his heel music too.

    AJ says he needs to do this himself and the mafia walk out. AJ says the crowd has questions and he has answers for them. He formally turns down the Mafia invitation because a suit and tie just isn’t him. He’s developed trust issues over his two best friends screwing him and the guys in the truck filming him at home for the sake of good television. AJ says the only person AJ can trust is Alan Jones. He says he’s with no one, but he just announced his new tag team partner is this guy called Alan Jones. AJ says his perception of the business has changed and that he’s better than the best in the world because he’s the phenomenal AJ Styles. Even though he loves what he does in the ring he understands it’s just a job. AJ Styles, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and Undertaker in a fatal four way at Wrestlemania 30 anyone? He cuts a promo about being shafted by management and I’m pretty sure this is related to his contract issues and he says he deserves better. He tells Tenay and Dixie he deserves better. He’s been TNA’s go to guy for 11 years and for what? Just to watch them bring in the next big thing and watch them fail? Maybe it’s the new direction that’s going nowhere. I don’t appreciate the way the crowd is reacting to this. He says he was praying that Dixie would fire him so he didn’t have to quit and instead he chose to stay. He stayed to take care of his family because this is his job and THAT’S WHAT HE DO. AJ says he likes being the go to guy and who steals the show and who sends the fans home happy. The question is can he still be that go to guy, can he still take the weight of the company on his shoulders, and can he go on to win the BFG series? Damn right he can. Damn that was epic. Two AJs giving two pipe bombs in the same week means a good week for wrasslin.

     

    How the crowd seemed to react, fuckers.

    AJ Styles vs Bobby Roode
    There’s some chain wrestling and a Calf Killer that ends in a rope break to start. AJ does some high spots and Roode stops him with a Spinebuster. Good luck carrying the company on a broken back! Roode hits a suplex and keeps working the back and arms. AJ gets back into it with a Spinebuster of his own and a Springboard Moonsault and pele kick. AJ springboards into a crossface by Roode and gets a rope break but Roode just puts him back in it. AJ counters it into a pin and then hits the Calf Killer submission. Roode goes for a Fisherman Suplex and AJ counters it into a roll up pin for the win. Nice to see AJ win but I don’t get it because he’s only in fifth place. He needed the submission but didn’t go for it. The fuck? They could have at least said he went for the rollup on instinct and didn’t realise what he was doing.

     

    Unless you’re an angry AJ Styles

    Backstage with Daniels and an amazing pair of goggles. Daniels says he has to beat Aries and he’s going to do just that.

    Jeremy Borasch is backstage and says that there’s no word from Hogan but he’ll be out in the ring after the next match. Thankfully it’ll be to make an announcement and not in a match.

    Christopher Daniels vs Austin Aries
    Taz says that Daniels looks like several doctors but he forgets the one Daniels actually looks like which is Doctor Steel. They trade blows and Aries poses in the corner before we get some more chain wrestling. I was expecting this to be a good match and I was not disappointed. The match goes outside and Daniels gets his feet up for Aries to run into when going for a Suicide Dive. I’m seen in the crowd holding up a sign that says “Aries Fears Hemme”. Just kidding, I wasn’t in the crowd, but that sign genuinely was. We come back from a break and the action is back in the ring. Daniels gets an Abdominal Stretch in and Aries reverses it into one of his own and there’s a double clothesline. I’m not really doing this match justice. Aries hits a ton of shots in the corner and hits a backdrop to set up the Pendulum Elbow. Tenay’s right, it HAS been a while since I’ve seen that. Daniels gets up and slams Aries into the corner but Aries tosses him outside the ring and hits the Suicide Dive this time. Aries went to the top rope but Daniels uses the ref as a human shield and hits a powerbomb. Aries hits a top rope Missile Dropkick and a running Dropkick and goes for the Brainbuster but Daniels floats over and plants Aries for a two count. Aries hits another dropkick, gets the Brainbuster and the seven points with a victory. Your final four in the BFG series are Magnus, Aries, Roode and Hardy. I want Magnus to win but I can see them saying “he lost the series overall but it’s still impressive he was the points leader.”

     

    This Dr Steel and if Daniels grew a beard he’d look just like him.

    Another backstage segment and this time with Bully who says he feels bad for Hogan. For ruining his family and everything. Then he snaps back to reality and doesn’t feel bad because Hogan is where he should always have been, in Bully’s back pocket. Bully tells Toto to keep an eye on Kenny and walks off with Brooke who refers to Bully as “daddy”. That Brooke Tessmacher has daddy issues really explains a lot.

    At long last Hulk Hogan comes out and the crowd goes…mild. JT Hogan is seen on top of the Titantron and he jumps off and hits a leg drop on Hulk. Unfortunately it’s so powerful JT Hogan goes through the Earth and I turn on the news to hear reports that the majority of the world is now flooded and every major volcano has erupted. Hulk somehow survived and crawls his way to the ring. Hulk puts over Hardcore Justice and says it’s great to be back and hits a super effective Cheap Pop of his own. Hulk pulls up the BFG series standings and doesn’t actually say the name of anyone on the board. Hogan can’t read? Hulk says he was away taking care of some hardcore business. It’s hardcore wrestling business though, he’s not in talks with Chyna. When he met with the Spike execs they decided that even though the series was ending they’re going to have a 12 man gauntlet match for 20 BFG points. I want AJ to win but I like the top four as it is actually and if Hardy is in fourth place anyone who makes their way into the top four will knock him out. I don’t see that happening.

    Bully comes out with Brooke to save us from Hogan. Bully says he missed his dad and it’s not been the same without Hulk around and a lot has changed, including Bully having the title again. Bully says he’s been waiting to introduce Hogan to Tessmacher and Hogan says Brooke couldn’t bum a rush off of him. He only puts the pythons on his daughter and his friends wives. He’s been taking care of personal business and has divorce papers for Bully. He got a divorce without Bully’s signature? Is that even legal? Brooke Hogan is moving on to bigger and better things, such as the WWE developmental centre! Bully says he never cared about Brooke Hogan and did something that no other man has done to her by using her. Bully has got everything he wants and doesn’t have to do anything until Bound For Glory. Hogan asks Bully if he knows who he is. I know Hogan is getting old but is Alzheimers kicking in already? I think it is because he called Bully Jack. Hulk says he’s going to use Bully’s family just like bully used his and in two weeks Bully will defend the title against a member of Aces and Eights. I thought he was bringing Devon back in. Bully says he won’t do it and Hogan says he will and he’ll also defend his title “this week”, I think he meant to say next week, against the man they call Sting. Wait, wait, WAIT, didn’t Sting lose the right to challenge for the title? If I’m wrong about that I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure I’m right.

    As we go off the air Tenay clarifies that the title match is NEXT week and gets in one last plug for Fightmaster.

     

    Not a Sheik mark but this is how I react to Hulk.

    My thoughts on the show? It was a pretty solid show really. It dragged a little in the middle but it picked back up again and other than some questionable camera angles, daddy issues, and mistakes by Hogan, there really wasn’t too much you could say about this show that was bad.