Random Randomness
6 CommentsWell with no snappy intro to this I can just say this, with what is said here, I am not leaving the BWF Radio Podcast but some things need to be said: (more…)
Well with no snappy intro to this I can just say this, with what is said here, I am not leaving the BWF Radio Podcast but some things need to be said: (more…)
Unlike most Mondays, I wasn’t home for the first 30 minutes of RAW. The only thing I know about tonight’s episode is that The Wyatt Family were trending on Twitter before the show even started. That said, I feel like crap, haven’t been home in over 24 hours, and I’m hoping I don’t fall asleep in the tattoo chair tomorrow while getting inked. Fuck it, let’s go!
Stuff, stuff, stuff and stuff, history and stuff and stuff, people, people, someone’s name, history and sports. Big disaster, someone’s name, stuff and stuff and stuff and stuff, history, someone’s name, something I don’t know. Famous guy, movie star, don’t know who these people are, stuff and stuff and history, yelling really loud at me. Yes. That’s how many fucks I give right now. Also, I play by my own rules. Screw you, SmackDown review!
We open with a look back at last weeks RAW, when the Big Show left John Cena laying in the ring.
Michale Cole reminds us that this is show#997 and in three weeks we make it to show 1000! Lawler and Cole remind us that Money in The Bank is two weeks away.
Cena makes his entrance and the crowd goes wild (yea.) Cole and Lawler remind us Cena will be in his first ever MiTB ladder match with Show, Kane and Jericho.
Cena COULD come down vowing to turn into some vengful manimal like Dr. Johnathon Chase, but NOOOOO. He wants to THANK Show/Jericho. Jericho said Cena needed to prepare for anything that can happen. Last week was a crash course in Mitb. You have no friends, only enimies. Cena needs to be prepared for everything, from giants, singers, tables, ladders, chairs, monsters, to flying bodyparts. He promises two things will happen after MiTB…
1. Show will go home an empty handed sewage baby.
2. Cena will cash in the MiTB contract to become WWE champion.
Cue Daniel Bryan: YES! YES! YES!
Bryan didn’t even realize Cena was out there. Cena isn’t relevant to him. Wait, that’s not entirely true, because after MiTB, Bryan will be the new WWE champion; and if Cena does get the contract, he will be the first to cash it in and lose. Cena can think of at least one person who disagrees.
Cue CM Punk:
Actually John, Puk can think of a lot more than that.
Does He disagree w/Daniel? Yes!
Does John disagree w/Daniel? Yes!
Does Jerry Lawler disagree w/Daniel? YES!
Does the guy selling popcorn disagree w/Daniel? YES!
So does the crowd, and Punk leads the “YES” chant until Bryan demands someone come up with an original thought. Punk reminds Bryan that AJ will be guest ref for their title match, and will count his shoulders down for three. How’s that for original?
Punk turns to Cena and says if he wins MiTB, it’ll be down to him and Punk again.
Cue JERICHO!
That’s not an original thought Punk, here’s one; you’re still a wannabe. Punk tells Bryan not to worry about people stealing catch-phrases, it happens to him all the time.
“No offense, Mr. Best in the world.” – Jericho
“None taken, Mr. Bon Jovi.” CM Punk
He suggests Bryan try using more than one catch-phrase. Bryan tries to interupt but…
“Will You Please SHUT THE HELL UP!” – Jericho
“And let me welcome you to RAW IS JERICHO!” -Jericho
“And after tonight, none of you in this ring will ever… EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHVAH, be the same agayn.” – Jericho
Since Jericho INVENTED this match, he’s going to win it, and dares anyone to tell him otherwise.
Cue Kane
“Otherwise” – Kane
WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL it’s the Big Show!
Cena gets ready for Show, Bryan gets him from the back, and a huge but quick brawl ends with Big Show standing.
COMMERCIAL
DID YOU KNOW? When MNR made it’s debut in 1993:
KIm Kardashian – 12 yrs old
Rihanna – 4
Miley Cyrus – 2 months
Beiber – NOT BORN YET.
Me – Just waiting to die.
Chrlie Sheen will be special guest celebrity social media ambassador. #SheenGetsRaw.
PRIME TIME PLAYERS/DAVID OTUNGA/CODY RHODES vs. KOFI KINGSTON/R-TRUTH/U.S. CHAMPION SANTINO MORELLA/INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION CHRISTIAN
Basic 8 man tag with a few highspots by Kofi. We have a standoff on the outside as we go to
COMMERCIAL
We come back with Cody in control while AW cheers on his clients with his headset set for all to hear. Kofi tags in Santino who owns Otunga. AW pulls his men out of the match and call it a night. Then CODY bails on Otunga while Brodus Clay makes his way out. Everyone gets a turn tossing Otunga back into the ring, and Santion scores a COBRA! for a three count.
After a killswitch/splash combo on Otunga, we get the obligatory dance party w/kiddies and the girls.
Backstage, ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRIO tries to score brownie points w/tonights interm GM Teddy Long. He tries to convince Teddy to make him no.1 contender again. Long was “axed” by the Board Of Directors to tell him they already have. Teddy made a decision of his own, to book Del Rio in a match tonight. Against who? It’s a “Teddy Long Surprise.”
COMMERCIAL
Stephanies favorite RAW recollection; her father training for the Royal Rumble during his fued w/Austin.
Cole thanks us for making RAW the longest running show in history, Lawler reminds us that on 07/23, the show goes three hours.
In the ring at this time is Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO! ADR comes out in an expensive car as the fans chant… something less than nice (I guess) at him.
Teddy’s surprise? SIN CARA! But ADR has a surprise of his own, a running knee to the head in the middle of Cara’s entrance.
Del Rio beats Sin Cara down and gives him the arm breaker on the outside. Del Rio leaves him lying with a smirk on his face as ring personel run to his ade.
Backstage: Bryan tries to make up w/AJ and offers her a single red rose as a peace offering. AJ calls him on his bs and promises to win her match tonight and run off into the arms of who the WWE universe sees as her “soulmate.” The bit ends with AJ BITING THE HEAD OFF THE ROSE and giving Bryan back the stem.
When we come back from commercial, Paul Heyman will be with us via satellite to answer Triple H’s challenge to Brock Lesnar.
COMMERCIAL
We’re back, looking at the unfolding drama between Brock Lesnar and Triple H. We see the promos from last month that end with Heyman getting laid out.
Heyman is with us LIVE via Satellite. Cole asks him will Lesnar face Triple H at SummerSlam? Heyman announces Lesnar will personally respond… in three weeks at RAW 1000. Heyman claims Triple H wants to face Lesnar at SummerSlam so he can go out “on his shield” “in a blaze of glory,” and focus on his life outside the ring. Heyman adds if the match happens…
“It’ll be a mercy killing.” – Pail Heyman
Up Next: Sheamus/AJ vs. Dolph Ziggler/Vicki Guerro
COMMERCIAL
Slam of The Week: Last week on Smackdown, Ziggler and Vicki argue, it ends w/Vicki slapping Dolph.
EXCUSE ME! Vicki introduces herself as “the most captivating, irresistable, charismatic diva to ever grace the grand stage of WWE, QUEEN DIVA – Vicki Guerrero!” She then introduces Ziggler and they make their way to the ring.
MIXED TAG MATCH: ZIGGLER/VICKI vs. AJ/SHEAMUS
We get a recap of AJ getting voted by WWE.com into a special guest ref spot at MiTB, in the Punk/Bryan WWE title match.
Sheamus is out and we get the match started. AJ goes after Vicki, but Sheamus puts her out and calms her down.
The match is pretty much what we’ve already seen so far between these two, set on fast foward. Sheamus gets set for the Brouge kick, but Ziggler tags out. Sheamus kicks Dolph out of the picture (litterally,) and AJ wraps it up with a “shining wizard” knee-lift for the three. AJ leads the crowd in a “YES” chant, and heads backstage.
AJ finds Punk on the phone and pesters him until he hangs up. She wants to know what Punk thought of her match, but Punk’s been on the phone for the last 15 minutes, he missed it. AJ leaves, hurt.
COMMERCIAL
We come back with Heath Slater in the ring. We get a montage of Slater being humiliated for the past three weeks by returning legends. Slater says that’s not funny. He is not a clown!
Cue…
DOINK THE CLOWN!
Seriously, DOINK THE CLOWN!
It’s a brief, by the numbers match, but it ends with A WIN FOR SLATER!
Cue Diamond Dallas Page:
Page and Slater trade pleasantries and handshakes, until Page hits the Diamond Cutter on Slater.
We get a promo for NO HOLDS BARRED, on DVD for the first time ever tomorrow.
Up Next: Kane Vs. Big Show, NO DQ!
COMMERCIAL
We come back with a video package of Cena and Alicia Fox visiting recovering troops at Walter Reed Hospital and talking up the troops.
Promo for MiTB
NO DQ: KANE VS. BIG SHOW
The match is just a slow, dull brawl. Kane and Show hit a few rough looking spots, until Show ends it with a chokeslam on a chair to Kane. Show does sell a shoulder injury, but I can’t tell if it’s legit.
Backstage: Eve is back! She tries to butter up Teddy, but just gets a name-tag for her trouble. She comes across AJ, and recomends she leave head-games to the “grown-ups” and do “what little girls do best,” and go cry in the corner. AJ gets that look in her eyes, and runs down all the options Eve has used up, promising she’ll show her how to get attention.
COMMERCIAL
Alberto Del Rio’s most memorible monday night moment? The night De-generation X “invaded” WCW.
TENSAI (w/Sakamoto) vs. TYSON KIDD
Both men will be in the MiTB match for the World’s championship contract. Tensai beats Kidd into the corner but misses a charge, and Kidd gets a schoolboy FOR A THREE COUNT!
The match is less than a minute, and Tyson gets the win! Tensai takes it out on Sakamoto and leaves him laying.
Backstage: Bryan and Jericho attempts to make nice end in shots at each others jackets and a duel of catchphrases.
Cena and Punk discuss strategy as well. Johny C agrees to listen to Punk and follow his lead. Punk doesn’t look convinced.
COMMERCIAL
Back from the break, Tyson Kidd is talking bout his big win… until Tensai jumps him from behind and beats him wihout mercy.
CHRIS JERICHO/DANIEL BRYAN vs.JOHN CENA/CM PUNK
Jericho walks out wearing the most expensive jacket he has EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHVAH worn, according to Jerry Lawler. Bryan, Punk and Cena each get their entrances, and we’re off.
The match starts out with Punk tossing Bryan around, tag to Cena who muscles Bryan out of the ring. Jericho tags in. He and Cena play it cautious, sizing each other up. Cena shoulder-blocks Jericho off the ring, into the guard rail as we go to commercial.
COMMERCIAL
We come back w/Cena trying to fight out of the enemy corner. Jericho takes over on Cena, wearing him down. Jericho misses a lion-sault, and tags in Bryan, who kicks away at Cena in the corner. Tag to Jericho, Cena (maybe) botches a suplex attempt, and Jericho stays in control, until Cena shoves Jericho chest first into the corner. Both men make a hot tag, and Punk unloads on Bryan. Cena and Jericho take it to the back, while Punk and Bryan trade kicks and jumps. Punk scores a superplex just as AJ comes out. Punk and Bryan are too busy trading shots to notice her, so AJ pulls out a table from under the ring.
AJ sets up the table on the outside, and climbs to the top rope. She looks like she’s having second thoughts. Bryan gets between her and the table to try and stop her. Punk climbs up to talk her down.
AJ plants a big kiss on Punk, AND SHOVES HIM OFF THE ROPES! Punk lands on Bryan, taking them both through the table.
RAW ends with the WWE champion and his top challenger, layed out, while a 98 lbs. girl laughs at them both.
So that’s it for tonight. Laer this week, I will attempt to bring you a recap of each match with move by move detail (no promises.) Till next time, peace and chicken grease.
Why “almost” you ask? This stems from the fact that the two involved indeed cut their teeth in the Hart Dungeon, but Stampede Wrestling was inactive at the time of this match.
On February 4th, 1994, Lionheart Chris Jericho would square off against Lance Storm in a ladder match for the Mid-Heavyweight title.
(more…)
Welcome back to another Stampede Wrestling classic encounter as we once again travel back in the pro wrestling time machine and return to Calgary, Alberta, Canada. This time around I have discovered what could very well be the first ever televised ladder match. The ladder match is of course a very popular event made very famous in the WWF. However unlike what some younger pro wrestling fans may think,Vincent Kennedy McMahon did not invent the ladder match. This type of match had been done long before it ever made its way to that big time federation. It was actually Stampede legend Bret Hart himself who suggested the ladder match type should be used in the WWF. So,when was the first ladder match, you ask? The first ever ladder match is up for some minor debate, but most “wrestling historians” strongly suggest that Dan Kroffat, way back in 1972 , invented the first ladder match in Stampede Wrestling. Kendo Nagasaki has also been mentioned, by some, as perhaps inventing the match around that same time but less confedently. In either case, no televised account of either match seems to exist but I do remain hopeful that there is some evidence of the first ladder match somewhere. I do, however, have one of the first ever internationally televised ladder matches. It involves Bert Hart and his opponent Bad News Allen ( Brown), two men who had been feuding for some time in the Stampede territory. Of course in the years to come they would continue this feud in the WWF. Enjoy this classic ladder match, possibly the first on TV, and I will return next time with more Stampede Wrestling classics! If you want more “PatMan picks” or you like video game podcasts, chech out www.wonderpodonline.com !
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Terribly sorry everyone, but I feel like crap. I don’t know what’s wrong, I’m just exhausted and what not. So, thanks to that… I’m going to be shortening the RAW review to the bare minimum. Just the important parts and the matches/who won. So… yeah. Here we go!
According to the commercial that came on about five minutes before RAW did, Eve has invoked her rematch clause for the Diva’s Championship against Alicia Fox, and tonight, we’ll find out what the mystery General Manager has in store for Nexus.
We start of RAW with Nexus (and Wade Barrett this week) standing in a line in the ring. Wade says attacking Vince McMahon was just part of a bigger picture. Sheffield says that they attacked Ricky Steamboat and the Legends just for fun, which wasn’t why they attacked the others. An email from the GM says that he’s decided on a punishment for Nexus for their attack on Vince: None of the Nexus can compete for a WWE Title until further notice. Furthermore, the ruling of Nexus members not being able to touch WWE Superstars and vice-versa has been lifted. Cena comes out, followed by Randy, Truth, Evan, John Morrison, and the Hart Dynasty. the Superstars are attacked by Sheamus, Uso’s, Ted, Jericho, Miz, and Edge. Nexus has disappeared. The faces are left standing in the ring. Sheamus says that the heels don’t want to help him. Randy says that he and Cena will never be friends unless they have to, and says that they should finish what they started with the seven heels. An email from the GM says that if they want action, they’ll get it. All eight members of the Money in the Bank Ladder Match will be against one another in singles competition. Cena will face Barrett tonight, but it won’t be a match. The GM want Cena and Barrett to call a truce. Cena says that instead of calling a truce, how about he knocks Barrett’s teeth out. GM says he needs Cena to be the bigger man and he trusts Cena to do the right thing, or else his actions will be met with the appropriate consequences, and… that’s the bottom line, because the GM said so.
<COMMERCIAL>
John Morrison vs Ted DiBiase with Maryse
Maryse sits ringside and calls Cole out for calling her a gold digger. I’m actually a little amused by her, especially that she answered the phone during the match, and just insults Cole. It makes me laugh. Anyway, she jacks Morrison’s jacket and distracts him so that Ted can get a cheap shot… or four? DiBiase hits Dream Street for the win.
Ted DiBiase wins by pinfall.
Santino and Vladimir Kozlov make their way to the ring (“Italia and Russia together again! Like World War 2! Except this time, no Nazis.” – Santino Marealla), and later, John Cena and Wade Barrett are supposed to call a truce… yeah right.
<COMMERCIAL>
Slam of the Week: Vladimir Kozlov defeats Santino Marella and then beats up William Regal after Regal attacks Santino.
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs William Regal and The Great Khali
Regal calls them oxygen thieves before the match even starts and makes me laugh. Regal calls Khali a monster, which makes me roll my eyes… At any rate, Kozlov demolishes Regal, then tags Santino in, almost getting in trouble, Santino gets demolished by Regal, and Kozlov pins Regal.
Vladimir Kozlov and Santino Marella win via pinfall.
After the match, Khali climbs in the ring, and tells Santino and Vladimir to stand Regal up, and just knocks him in the head. Khali and Santino, and Ranjin, dance, and Vladimir wonders where his days of glory went off to.
Later on tonight, Edge brings Chris Jericho and Evan Bourne to The Cutting Edge, as well as information on Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat and the other Legends after last week’s assault.
<COMMERCIAL>
Arn Anderson says that Ricky’s attack was serious. Sheamus shows up and mocks Anderson, essentially, calling him a pathetic old man. Anderson says that they have to get out of the way of their egos and work on Nexus, or the company, and their careers, are going to go up in flames.
<COMMERCIAL>
United States Champion The Miz vs R-Truth
Miz come sout to Truth’s theme and is rapping, which made me die… It was hilarious. Before the match even starts, he starts beating on Truth, while I’m still laughing my ass off… Anyway, Miz just goes off on Truth’s arm. The bell never officially rang, but for my ego’s sake…
The United States Champion The Miz wins… by ass-kicking.
<COMMERCIAL>
The Cutting Edge: Money In the Bank Pay-Per-View Edition
Edge makes his way to the ring, set up with ladders, and the Money in the Bank briefcase. He says that he’s smarter than Randy and everyone else there. Why make seven enemies, when he can make seven powerful allies? They just need leadership, which he can provide. He goes to call out Evan Bourne, but Jericho comes out instead.
Jericho says he doesn’t take a back seat to anyone, and that Edge is shamelessly pandering to Nexus. He was Wade Barrett’s pro, and that helped him win the season. Chris told Barrett to make an impact, do something never done before. Edge rubs the loss to Evan Bourne in, and Jericho rubs Edge’s loss at Wrestlemania in. Edge starts to give Jericho a history lesson, but Edge just wants to be Jericho, according to Jericho. Edge gets sick of Jericho and attacks him. Jericho attacks back and puts Edge in the walls of Jericho, but Evan comes out and hits Jericho. Then, he jumps over a Spear, ducks under both of them, and flips right out of hte ring. Then the GM sends an email.
The GM says if the audience want to see some action, give him a HELL YEAH. So, they’re clearing the ring of The Cutting Edge stuff, and the following is going to take place.
<COMMERCIAL>
Edge and Chris Jericho vs Evan Bourne and Randy Orton
Starts off with Orton and Bourne getting some really good momentum, and then Jericho turns it around right before the commercial break. When we come back, Edge still has the momentum over Bourne, mostly thanks to Jericho beating Bourne during the break. Randy almost had Jericho set up for the RKO, but Edge interfered and Jericho manage to hit the insigari. Bourne gets tagged in, and Jericho starts to yell and berate Edge, so Edge spears him. Bourne hits the Air Bourne for the win.
Randy Orton and Evan Bourne win via pinfall.
Afterward, Randy hits an RKO on Evan, and smirks toward the ramp.
<COMMERCIAL>
Randy walks backstage, and Nexus stops him. Otunga says that nothing was against Randy, but the WWE Championship match at Fatal 4Way was just to make a statement. They’re trying to apologize, and they won’t interfere in the Money in the Bank Ladder Match, but they can’t promise anything for the steel cage match. Otunga says he wants Randy to think about hit next time Cena tries to recruit him. Randy says he’s heard what they have to say, now get out of his face.
During the previous commercial break, the GM emailed and said that the Hart Dynasty would defend their Unified Tag Team Championships against The Uso’s. The Uso’s and Tamina tell Josh Matthews that this is the opportunity of the lifetime. They say they’ll be the new Tag Team Champions, and next week, everyone will know what the Uso’s and Tamina are all about. Alicia seems upset that she hasn’t been interviewed once since she became the Diva’s Champion. She asks if it’s because she’s not important, or because he doesn’t care what she has to say, and the WWE Universe says that, yeah, she’s pretty much right. Anyway, next is the Diva’s Championship match.
<COMMERCIAL>
Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox vs Eve Torres for the Diva’s Championship
Pretty standard Diva’s match, with Alicia faking an ankle injury to get Eve off guard to retain.
Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox retains via pinfall.
<COMMERCIAL>
The GM says that next week, Edge and Randy Orton will go one on one.
Wade Barrett makes his way to the ring as we get back from the commercial break. Wade says that he wants Cena to come out so they can shake hands like men.
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RUBBER FOOD!!!!
Cena comes out and starts checking for Nexus. He gets in the ring, still looking for Nexus. Wade says that Cena is not in Nexus’ future plans, regardless of what they’ve done. Barrett wants to put everything in the past behind them so that they can move on. The simple fact is that the Nexus Seven are going to be there for a long time and can make his life easy, or a lot harder than it has been. The choice is Cena’s.
Cena asks, if they shake hands, it stops? No more looking over his shoulder? Cena says that the anonymous GM wanted to do this truce, but Cena needs to know if Barrett does, and he needs Barrett’s word. If they shake hands, this stops. Cena holds his hand out, and Barrett goes to shake it, but Cena pulls his hand away and asks why stop when they’re having so much fun?! Cena says take your truces, handshakes, future plans, blah blah blah, crumple them, and stuff them up your Nexus. The future is that Cena takes down Nexus, whether he does it himself, has help, he gets to every single one of them.
Barrett says that the fact that Cena is even capable of standing in the ring is a testament to, basically, how it isn’t about him. Barrett is warning Cena: Shake his hand, or Cena will face some very, very severe consequences. Cena grabs his hand, then starts to get him in an Attitude Adjustment. The Nexus Seven come out, but then dso does Evan Bourne, John Morrison, Mark Henry, Khali, Goldust, Kozlov, Santino, the Hart Dynasty, Yoshi Tatsu… and I think that was all… it got hard to tell. Sorry. Basically, Nexus is then shoved out of the ring, except Darren Young, who got bitch slapped by Mark Henry.
The GM sends an email: I wanted peace, so if things don’t stop now, there will be consequences. Cena puts Young in the STF. The GM sends another email: Cena, because of your actions, you will now face all members of the Nexus next week in a seven-on-one handicapped match. Cena then begins hammering away on Darren Young again. Cena then throws the “steel” ring steps at Darren Young’s head, throws Young over the announce table, and then shoves the announce table over on Young.
Next week, I guess we’ll see more of the Nexus. Until then, seeya around.
Howdy folks. It’s Sunday again an you know what that means, another randomization of all things random in this random world with random implications and random consequences. So without further ado, lets get this show on the road: (more…)
I haven’t had a chance to see the show yet, but we’re a wrestling website, and there were some pretty big happenings tonight, so I figured I’d at least post the results for you guys.
Christian def. Shelton Benjamin in a Ladder Match to retain the ECW Championship
Drew McIntyre def. John Morrison to become the NEW WWE Intercontinental Champion
Michelle McCool def. Mickie James to retain the WWE Women’s Championship
Sheamus def. John Cena in a Tables Match to become the NEW WWE CHAMPION!
The Undertaker def. Batista in a Chairs Match to retain the World Heavyweight Championship. Batista originally won, but Teddy Long ordered the match to restart due to Batista using a low blow.
Randy Orton def. Kofi Kingston
DX def. Jeri-Show in a TLC Match to become the NEW WWE Unified Tag Team Champions
Welcome to another edition of the BWF Roundtable. I am JT, your host for the evening as we look at the TLC pay per view. Joining me tonight are BWF writers Drowgoddess & Tharvey1 along with fellow BWF follower RYTMAN. Well without further ado lets get this show on the road: (more…)
Last week, Matt Hardy cost CM Punk his chance at regaining his World Heavyweight Champion, leading to Punk assaulting Matt’s younger brother, champion Jeff Hardy. Teddy Long agreed to give Punk a rematch at SummerSlam in a TLC match.
Speaking of CM Punk, he’s here! And he’s got an awesome new t-shirt that I want!
Punk says that if Teddy Long thinks that he’s punishing Punk by making the title match at SummerSlam a TLC match, he’s wrong. Punk knows his way around ladder matches – he won Money In The Bank at back to back WrestleManias. Chairs? Did you see what he did to Hardy last week? Punk says he’s speak about the virtues of living clean, but he realizes that anything he says or does will just make people cheer Jeff Hardy more. He’s figured out what he has to do to get through to them though. He figures all he has to do is end Jeff Hardy. He wants to do it the same way he lives his life – the right way. Straight up, one on one, no family on the outside, just Jeff Hardy and CM Punk with the World Heavyweight Championship hanging above the ring, and TLC. Jeff is already going to screw this up like he does everything else, he might not make it to SummerSlam.
You know it’s the Mack Militant…
Teddy Long makes his way out to the ring, interrupting Punk mid-sentence. What Punk did last week was deplorable. He could’ve ended Jeff Hardy’s career. Before he starts making alternative plans for SummerSlam, however, Jeff Hardy is in the building! He’s in no condition to compete, but he’s assured T-Lo that he’ll be ready to go for SummerSlam. But enough about SummerSlam, tonight, Punk is set to go one on one with a man he hasn’t beaten on SmackDown, John Morrison. Punk calls Long a Jeff Hardy suck-up like all the fans. He says tonight he’ll beat John Morrison, and then at SummerSlam, he’ll beat the poster boy…
So you see the writing on the wall…
Punk can’t seem to finish a thought around here tonight. The World Heavyweight Champion hobbles down to the ring, stopping to shake hands with the fans along the way. Hardy is hurt, but he’s here – “IN YO’ FACE!” Hardy says he’ll endure the pain and defend the title at SummerSlam.
Last week, Kane kidnapped Ranjin Singh.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Teddy Long has his theme song as his ring tone. I know this because Mr. McMahon called him on it when he was sitting in his office. The boss wants Jeff Hardy in action tonight. Long protests, but since he’s still on probation, he’ll agree to have Jeff compete – against The Hart Dynasty.
Finlay still has Hornswoggle’s music, and he makes his way to the ring. Last Friday, he was pinned by Dolph Ziggler, who will face Rey Mysterio at SummerSlam for the Intercontinental Championship. Speaking of Ziggler, guess who Finlay’s opponent is tonight. Hey wait a minute – when did Tony Chimel become the ring announcer for SmackDown again? I liked Justin Roberts, dammit!
Dolph Ziggler def. Finlay
Finlay likes to beat people up, and that’s what he does in the early going. Ziggler turns things around and kicks Finlay’s head into the ring post. Mike Knox appears on the ramp and starts walking down to the ring as we head to a…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Knox is getting a close up view of this match we’re watching from the comfort of our living rooms (or the BWF offices, as the case may be). Ziggler is still in control. Finlay starts to battle back, but Ziggler doesn’t let the comeback last too long. Finlay turns the tide again, taking Ziggler down for a two count. He builds momentum, sending Ziggler over the top rope and to the floor. Finlay hits Knox for good measure, then takes Ziggler down. While the referee was checking on Ziggler, Knox hit Finlay with the shillelagh, allowing Ziggler to hit his finisher for the victory.
After the match, Knox comes after Finlay with the shillelagh, but Finlay knocks hit out of his hand. No matter, Knox uses his brute strength to assault Finlay, and gives him a sidewalk slam onto the steel steps. Knox says that there are 206 bones in the human body, but what fascinates him is that the slightest trauma on the cervical vertebrae leaves one in excruciating discomfort.
Still to come, it’s John Morrison vs. CM Punk, and Jeff Hardy faces The Hart Dynasty by orders of Mr. McMahon.
Ranjin Singh is tied up backstage, and Kane says he’ll let him go if he says what Kane wants him to say. Singh says that his name is Ranjin Singh, and he’s been punished for his association with The Great Khali. He’s been well taken care of. Kane says he wants to hear from Khali. He wants to see him. He wants him to come and have a look at Kane’s handy work.
<COMMERCIAL BREAK>
Video package on R-Truth, for some reason.
Maria’s got a date with Dolph and can’t figure out what to wear. Melina asks what they’re doing SummerSlam weekend. Dolph is taking her to LA a few days early and they’re getting a nice hotel room. Layla comes in and says Dolph will leave when somebody better comes along. Layla tells Melina that Michelle McCool is coming back next week. Melina says she’s got a message for Michelle, and she’ll give it to her in the ring.
John Morrison is out first for his match. Last night he beat David Hart Smith on Superstars, and tonight he’s got a match with the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship, and that is NEXT!
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CM Punk and his awesome new shirt come down to the ring when we come back, and we relive his attack on Jeff Hardy last week.
CM Punk def. John Morrison
You knew it. I knew it. This is one of those matches. One of those matches you just have to sit back and watch. Back and forth action early on, but Punk suckered Morrison out of the ring, knocking him down with a kick and hitting a guillotine kneedrop of sorts to the back of Morrison’s skull before we proceed to a…
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Punk is in control when we come back. He smiles, and the crowd boos accordingly. Morrison starts battling back. JR calls them “two future world champions.” Nevermind the fact that both men are former ECW Champions, and that Punk is the former two time World Heavyweight Champion. Morrison takes control of the match, scoring two counts on a standing moonsault and a top rope cross body. Punk manages to get control back, and gets Morrison up in GTS position, but instead rams Morrison head first into the turnbuckle a couple of times. Punk lays in the kicks as the fans start to chant for Morrison. JoMo mounts another comeback, but as he goes for Starship Pain, Punk gets up and crotches Morrison on the top turnbuckle. Morrison winds up in the tree of woe, allowing Punk to get in a number of shots before picking him up and hitting the Go 2 Sleep for the victory!
This is why I love SmackDown. Even when there’s not a whole lot of wrestling on the show, there are still some of the best wrestling matches in recent memory. Anyways, Hardy vs. The Hart Dynasty is still to come!
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Melina makes her way out to the ring, and… and… I think… Could it possibly be? Oh my god, it is! It’s a one on one Divas match! Layla starts heading down to the ring, and…
Backstage, Kane is asking Ranjin why Khali is such a freak. Singh says that he’s not a freak, he’s his brother. Kane wants to know if he’s jealous of him because he’s been given gifts of which he was deprived. Kane says he’s running out of patience, so if Khali is going to save him, he’d better make it quick.
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Hey wait! We’ve still got a Diva’s match!
Melina def. Layla
It’s a one on one Diva’s match! That never happens! And nobody really cares, because JR and Todd Grisham are talking about The Great Khali. Anyways, while I’m happy it’s not another 4, 6, 8, 12 Diva match, I really don’t care because we know who’s going to win this match – despite the fact that Layla is getting some offense in. More evidence that nobody cares about this match. JR and Grisham talk about Gail Kim being the number one contender for the Divas Championship on RAW, and the crowd is chanting “Let’s Go Oilers.” Layla looks to be improving in the ring, but she’s only postponing the inevitable. Melina hits her finisher, and the match is over.
Speaking of things nobody cares about, DX is reuniting, and Cryme Tyme is (are?) making their way to the ring.
Oh no. Somebody gave them a microphone. Yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo. Yo. Yooooo. They babble like idiots for five minutes about Jericho and The Big Show. I don’t care. Then they do a modified version of that stupid catch phrase (yeah yeah).
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The Big Show makes his way to the ring, set to eat take on JTG.
Big Show vs. JTG
Chris Jericho joins in on commentary, meaning that this match might actually be watchable. That’s not to say I’m watching it – I’m eating some lasagna instead. Anyways, Show hits the chokeslam and then the camel clutch for the relatively easy victory.
As Show and Jericho go to leave, Shad dumps Big Show over the top rope. He challenges Show to get into the ring, but apparently that’s not going to happen because…
Ranjin Singh is tied upside down backstage when The Great Khali finally finds him. As Khali is getting him down, Kane attacks him with a lead pipe. Kane says he’s never been afraid of Khali, but Khali should be afraid of him.
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VIDEO: Triple H finds Shawn Michaels.
Rundown of the SummerFestSlam card.
Jeff Hardy is forced to wrestle tonight by order of Mr. McMahon, and the World Heavyweight Champion appears to be in pain as he makes his way to the ring.
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The fans are cheering for their Canadian brethren, The Hart Dynasty, as they make their way to the ring.
The Hart Dynasty def. Jeff Hardy
This is one of those handicapped matches where the tag team has to tag each other in and out, which is good for Hardy, but is also essentially a moot point, considering the apparent physical condition of the Charismatic Enigma. The Hart Dynasty dominate this one, and pick up the win with a modified Hart Attack.
CM Punk comes to the ring following the match and assaults Hardy again until John Morrison makes the save. As Morrison is battling the Hart Dynasty, Punk cracked him across the back with a steel chair before resuming his assault on Jeff Hardy. He once again wraps the chair around Jeff’s throat, but Matt Hardy makes the save, attacking Punk from behind. Matt Hardy wails away on the number one contender until the Hart Dynasty breaks it up, but John Morrison helps dispose of them. Matt looks at his fallen brother and walks over to him slowly. Jeff backs into the corner, but Matt helps him to his feet. Jeff flashes the V1 sign to his brother, and as Teddy Long watches on a monitor backstage, he’s joined by Mr. McMahon. McMahon says the show was pretty exciting, but next week? Next week it will be CM Punk and The Hart Dynasty taking on John Morrison and The Hardyz. Mr. McMahon tells him he’s still on probation. Next week’s two main event teams glare up the ramp at one another as we fade to black.
My Thoughts: Matt Hardy, eh? I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens there. Another solid episode of SmackDown. I don’t really have a lot to say, however. I’ll be around in a few for a new edition of ThinkSoJoE’s thoughts.