Tag Archive: Ladies And Gentlemen

  1. RYTMAN’S RAW RECAP 02/25/2013

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    Previously on RAW…

    Lesnar attacked Vince.

    Vince challenged Heyman to a fight.

    Cena agreed to face Punk for his Wrestlemania spot…

    LIVE – American Airlines Arena, Dallas Texas

    We open with Vince McMahon hobbling to the ring on his crutches, for his fight with Paul Heyman, twenty-one days after hip surgery.  Once in the ring, Vince promises something big every week on Monday Night RAW, leading up to Wrestlemania.

    “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GIVE IT UP FOR THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER, PAUL HEYMAN!” – Vince McMahon

    Heyman comes out dressed in a black track-suit and gloves.  He tells us this is a night we’ll be able to tell our grandchildren about…

    “Tonight, you’re gonna see a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.” – Paul Heyman

    Heyman runs down the list of insults he’s endured from Vince and assures him he is “all man.” He compares Vince’s chances of winning to Tony Romo leading his team to a Super Bowl.  He talks about how he’s wanted this for years, watching Vince put him and other promoters out of business, and beating the U.S. government.  He’s coming for everything Vince has got, and since Vince is in his “executive suit,” Heyman asks if he’s sure he wants to make an “executive decision,” and go through with this.  Heyman clips Vince in the bad leg in mid-sentence and wails on him with Vince’s own crutch.  Vince gets to his feet and grabs the crutch in mid swing.  He tosses it aside and lays into Heyman.

    Cue Lesnar.

    Lesnar comes out and stares down Vince in the ring, moving in slowly…

    TIME TO PLAY THE GAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMME!

    “Is it him?” – Michael Cole

    Triple H, WWE Chief Operations Officer, makes his big return.  Triple H charges in, Lesnar meets him halfway.  Trips Thez presses Lesnar; brawl on the floor, Lesnar goes into the post head-first, and IS BUSTED OPEN!  Lesnar takes another post-spot and is sent over the guardrail.  Triple H goes after him.  Lesnar, with a knee to the gut, takes over and beats Triple H down.  Lesnar HITS THE F5 ON THE ANNOUNCE TABLE and tosses TH back in the ring.  Lesnar tosses the crutch at Vince, and gets a chair from under the ring.  He charges, TH HITS THE SPINEBUSTER, and a chair-shot to Lesnar’s back.  Lesnar retreats.

    Later tonight, John Cena vs. C.M. Punk and MIZ TV with Jack Swagger, Jeb Coulter, Ricardo Rodriguez and World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio.

    Backstage, Ryback makes his way to the ring.  RYBACK VS DOLPH ZIGGLER IS NEXT.

    Break

    This Friday, Smackdown goes LIVE AND INTERACTIVE! SOCIAL MEDIA SMACKDOWN!

    We come back to a recap of the TH/Lesnar fight, HEAVILY EDITED TO MAKE SOMEONE LOOK GOOD, GUESS WHO.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler encourage us to “Tout” about the fight, promising to show us selected Touts on the show.

    Dolph Ziggler is in the ring w/Big E. and girlfriend A.J. as RYBACK makes his entrance

    RYBACK VS DOLPH ZIGGLER

    The theme of the match is Power (Ryback) vs. Speed (Ziggler.) DZ starts off with a fake-out on Ryback and some strutting.  It quickly becomes Ryback tossing DZ around like a rag doll.  DZ fights back with a dropkick to the head and kicks to the stomach, but we go right back to Ryback catching, tossing, and slamming Ziggler around.  DZ rolls out the ring to the floor, as we go to break…

    COMMERCIAL

    We come back to Ryback in control, holding Ziggler up in a vertical suplex for a looooooooooooong time. Ryback finally drops, Ziggler rolls out again.  Ryback fetches him.  Ziggler tries a kick to the face, but Ryback catches the foot and tosses him back.  BIG E. PLOWS RYBACK DOWN while the ref isn’t looking.  Ziggler gets Ryback back in the ring and gets a two-count, then follows up w/stomps and a dropkick to the head.  Ziggler gets a reverse face-lock but Ryback powers up and tosses Ziggler.  Ryback misses a charge in the corner, and Ziggler gets the leaping DDT.  Ziggler gets two and jumps on Ryback with a sleeper hold.  Ryback escapes with his variation on the stunner (which he did as Skip Sheffield.) Ziggler charges Ryback in the corner, Ryback just swats him off.  Ryback tosses Ziggler hard a few times when AJ gets up on the ring to distract the ref (and the men on that side with her Shorty-shorts.) Big E. gets up on the apron and gets knocked back down.  Ryback ends this with a power-bomb and the Shell-shock for a three count.

    WINNER: RYBACK

    After the match, we get a preview for THE CALL, a film starring Halle Berry and WWE Superstar David Otunga.  C.M. Punk makes his way to the ring as we got to…

    Break

    We come back to a recap of Cena challenging Punk last week, and offering Punk the Mania spot if he wins.

    C.M. Punk is in the ring, telling us we will witness the end, as well as the beginning.  Tonight is not about a match, John Cena, The Rock, The People, the WWE championship, or even Wrestlemania…

    “TONIGHT IS ABOUT ME!” – C.M. Punk

    Punk reminds us he’s beaten Cena every time when it counted, and has pinned The Rock twice in four weeks.  He goes off on an ego trip that culminates in the best heel line ever…

    “In this world you all inhabit…I AM GOD!” – C.M. Punk

    Punk leaves us all flabbergasted, as we go to the video package for the next inductee into the Hall Of Fame, Celebrity Honoree…

    Donald Trump.

    We get the story of Trump hosting Wrestlemania twice in Las Vegas and his “Hair vs. Hair” wager with Vince, as part of Bobby Lashley’s match that year.

    Next is Mark Henry vs. Great Khali.

    Break

    MARK HENRY VS. KHALI

    Trending on Twitter – “CM PUNK IS GOD”

    Nothing of a match to speak of;  Khali starts strong with a kick to the face, pummeling, head butts, and huge slaps to the chest, but it spills outside and Khali is crushed against the ring post.  Back in the ring, Henry ends this w/a splash in the corner and the World’s Strongest Slam for a three-count.

    WINNER: MARK HENRY

    We get a preview of “The Marine 3,” starring the Miz, followed by Miz coming out in a suit for MIZ TV, up next.

    Break

    Fandango makes his debut – THIS FRIDAY ON SMACKDOWN!

    We are back with MIZ TV!  Miz introduces his guests, Zeb Coulter, Jack Swagger – #1 contender to the World Heavyweight title, Ricardo Rodriguez, and World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio.  Miz starts off with Zeb and Swagger, giving them the opportunity to speak to Del Rio’s face.

    “Well you know I was looking forward to the opportunity to talk to Glen Beck, but since he chickened out I welcome the opportunity to talk to you Mr. Del Rio.” – Zeb Coulter

    Zeb, referring to himself and Swagger as “Real Americans,” and goes on to lament the eleven million undocumented workers in this country, how that’s what the “politically correct” crowd calls them and how they should be referred to as what they are, “illegals.” He references reform by way of amnesty and how illegals are crossing our borders and draining our resources.  Miz turns the floor to Alberto Del Rio but Zeb interrupts.  Miz tries to shut him up but ADR concedes the floor.  Zeb brings up the fact that a foreigner cannot own property in Mexico, calls Ricardo “sling blade (?)” And calls everyone Del Rio inspires “criminals.”

     “NOW IS THE TIME FOR YOU TO SHUT UP!” – Alberto Del Rio

    Del Rio tells Zeb that this country belongs to everyone, and if you work hard, everything is possible. (Authors note: That’s debatable.) He accuses Zeb and Swagger of hiding behind the constitution and makes a challenge…

    “If you two have a problem with me, and you have the Conjoins, why don’t you do something to make us leave right now?” – Alberto Del Rio

    “We will see you at Wrestlemania… WE THE PEOPLE!” – Jack Swagger

    With that, Swagger and Zeb leave.

    Tonight – C.M. Punk faces John Cena to see who gets the Rock at Wrestlemania.

    Randy Orton makes his way to the ring for his match with Antonio Cesaro, which is next.

    Promo for next week, OLD SCHOOL RAW!

    Break

    We come back to an exclusive from WWE ACTIVE, Zeb Coulter confronts Miz and Swagger jumps him from behind, laying him out.

    WWE U.S. champion Antonio Cesaro is in the ring waving the flag, and Randy Orton makes his way to the ring.

    WWE U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS RANDY ORTON

    Cesaro in control with the headlock, shoulder-block, and the headlock again, Orton fights out, leap-frogs Cesaro and hits the elbow.  Orton hits a t-bone suplex, and both men hit forearm shots.  Cesaro gets in a boot to the gut, a fore-arm to the back of Orton’s head, and a gut-wrench for two.  Cesaro stomps and gouges away on Orton, locks in the headlock, Orton elbows his way to his feet, but Cesaro unloads European upper-cuts.  Whip into the corner and Orton hits the clothes-line, followed by another one, Orton ducks under and hits a scoop-slam.  Cesaro pulls Orton throat first into the top rope, but Orton catches Cesaro with the chin-lock back-breaker.  Orton charges Cesaro in the corner, Cesaro gets the knees up in Orton’s face.  Cesaro dives off the top rope INTO AN RKO.  Orton gets the pin.

    WINNER: RANDY ORTON

    Backstage – WWE tag team champion Daniel Bryan and Kane have agreed to let bygones be bygones and focus on their match with the Prime Time Players (Darren Young/Titus O’Neal.) Bryan wants Kane to let him handle it.

    “I can beat those guys blindfolded.” – Daniel Bryan

    Kane responds that HE should handle it.

    “I can beat those guys w/one hand tied behind my back.” – Kane

    It quickly becomes the ol’ chestnut of “No you can’t/Yes I can/No you can’t/Yes I Can!” And before we can get to the issue of baking cherry pies…

    “EXCUSE ME!” – Vicki Gurrero

    “Excuse Me Too!” – Brad Maddox

    Vicki Gurrero (RAW Managing Supervisor) and Brad Maddox (Assistant [to the] Managing Supervisor,) AKA “Briki,” would like to see exactly that.  Vicki makes the match where Bryan will be blindfolded, and Kane will have one hand behind his back, at least, she TRIES TO, but Maddox keeps talking over her, until she gives him the hand.  Vicki gets in the final word and walks off with maniacal laughter.

    From there, we got to a classic WWE Wrestlemania promo with Cena and John Bradshaw Layfield reenacting a scene from “A Few Good Men,” as part of that year’s “Hollywood” theme.

    Next – Sheamus Oscar Snubs…

    Oh joy…

    Break

    Breaking News – Miz faces Swagger tonight. Also, Cole and Lawler remind us to air our feelings about the Lesnar/Triple H fight earlier tonight.

    We come back to Sheamus coming out in a suit/tie.  In the ring, he claims to be an “avid movie lover,” and has a “bone to pick” w/the Academy, for overlooking “one of the greatest actors of the 21st century, Wade Barrett.  We get a preview for “Barrett’s” movie, Dead Man Down.  After that, Sheamus directs our attention to a screen cap of Barrett’s scene.  He’s in the background… out of focus… doing nothing.  Barrett storms out, commenting on how the Irish love the color green, in reference to the jealousy coming out of Sheamus’ ears.  Wade says by tomorrow night, he’ll be a global star in a worldwide blockbuster, and Sheamus will be returning his tux and drinking in a sleazy Irish pub.  Sheamus advises Barrett to make sure the paparazzi get his “good side,” but admits that due to his nose, he may not have one.  Barrett goes after Sheamus, Sheamus ducks and goes for the Brogue Kick, but Barrett breaks and bails.

    Later Tonight – THE SHIELD!

    Break

    Cody Rhodes is in the ring and his best friend, Damian Sandow is on commentary.  R-Truth makes his way to the ring we take a look back at last week when Sandow jumped Kofi Kingston before their match could start, and R-Truth came out to fight Sandow off.

    CODY RHODES VS R-TRUTH

    Side head lock by Cody, Shoulder block by Truth, Rhodes goes for a leap-frog, but Truth hits the breaks, gives us a dance and a big right hand to Cody.  Whip into the corner, and Cody hits an elbow.  Cody misses the “beautiful disaster” but goes to work on Truth’s left knee.  Truth gets caught in the corner as Cody continues his leg assault, and beats Truth down.  Cody drops Truth face-first from a suplex stance, and continues the beat down as Truth tries to fight back.  Rhodes gets Truth in a snap-mare and a full nelson.  Truth fights out and whips Cody into the ropes, Cody gets a kick to the face, and RUNS RIGHT INTO THE “LITTLE JIMMY” FACE DROP for three.  After the match, Sandow jumps Truth, but Truth fights him off.

    WINNER: R-TRUTH

    We get a look at a WE THE PEOPLE YouTube video on “jobs.” Zeb Coulter says he hears real Americans all over weeping because they’ve lost their jobs, and can’t provide for their families.  Swagger mentions how his father had to tell his mother to get a job because his 25 years at a factory left him with nothing, and Swagger had to go to work when he was 14 to provide for his family.  Zeb blames this on “Criminals” coming into our country and “stealing our jobs.”

    Later tonight, Swagger vs. Miz

    Break

    TEAM HELL NO VS THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS

    Bryan is blindfolded; Kane has one arm tied behind his back.  Bryan fells Kane’s face and tells him to get out.  Bryan starts off by going after the referee by mistake. O’Neal and Young use their whistles to confuse Bryan and lead him into their corner.  They take turns beating him down until O’Neal misses an elbow drop.  Out on the floor, Kane tries to help Bryan, but takes a forearm to the face from him.  Bryan trips getting back in the ring, Bryan ducks a charge from Young and Kane makes a “blind” tag.

    Ha.

    I kill me.

    I wish you would.

    Kane comes in and steamrolls over both men with big right hands, and boots to the face.  Kane finishes this with a choke-slam for the three, and we all laugh at Bryan. (By “we” I mean Cole and King.)

    WINNERS: TEAM HELL NO

    Shield interview next.

    Break

    We come back to another Recap of how Vince/Heyman became Triple H running off Lesnar, and another reminder to tout about it.

    The Shield – Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins make their way through the crowd to the ring.

    “It’s always gotta get worse, before it can get better, and believe us when we tell you, it’s gonna keep getting worse.” – Dean Ambrose

    “If you don’t believe in the Shield, Justice is gonna hunt you down and we’re gonna grind your bones to dust.” – Roman Reigns

    “We solved the John Cena problem.” – Seth Rollins
    Shield threatens “no peace” in the WWE without Justice or Honor.  They are the most efficient unit in the WWE today and that makes a lot of WWE Superstars nervous, breaking up their comfort zones.  The Shield will beat any “super team” that gets thrown at them.  They’ve beaten the Neanderthal Ryback, the has-been wannabe rock star Jericho, and Cena IS THERE ANYONE ELSE?

    Cue Sheamus.

    Sheamus challenges the Shield to walk up to the stage and fight him.  Ambrose and Reigns take him up on the deal.  Seth straggles behind and RKO BY RANDY ORTON OUT OF NOWHERE!  Orton escapes through the crowd as the Shield tries to regroup.

    Up next, Swagger vs. The Miz

    Break

    We come back to a promo for “Old School RAW” next week, and a recap of the RKO on Rollins.

    Swagger is in the ring w/Zeb as the Miz makes his entrance.

    JACK SWAGGER VS. THE MIZ

    The match is basically Miz going after Swagger with fists and kicks, and Swagger using his weight and power to stop his momentum.  They trade spots until Swagger pushes Miz through the ropes.  Miz gets his ankle caught and sells it as an injury for Swagger to capitalize on.  Swagger ends this with the Patriot Act (ankle lock) submission.

    WINNER: JACK SWAGGER

    Quick sponsor spot for Sonic restaurants and a recap of last week’s unveiling of the new WWE title, as well as Punk taking Cena out with the old belt.

    Cena v. Punk is tonight!

    Cena promo next!

    Break

    We come back to a Tout from Triple H to Brock Lesnar.

    “Are you just gonna stand around and bleed, or are you gonna do something about it?” – Triple H

    Cole says Lesnar needed 18 staples for his head.  We get another heavily edited recap of the Triple H/Lesnar brawl and some Touts from the WWE universe.

    Backstage, Josh Mathews has John Cena joining him for a promo.  Cena compares the match to Thunder dome, “Two men enter, one man will leave,” with a chance to go to Wrestlemania and become immortal.  Cena asked for this match tonight to prove that Punk is wrong about him not deserving to go to Wrestlemania.

    “Either step up, or you step aside.” – John Cena

    John doesn’t care what the Rock is cooking, he’s serving up some humble pie and he hopes all his critics are hungry.  Tonight, is for anyone still believes in “Hustle, Loyalty, Respect,” then tonight, their time is now.

    We get a quick promo for ROBOT WARS hosted by Chris Jericho AND CENA VS PUNK IS NEXT!

    Break

    Last Saturday, Waco Texas, THE UNDERTAKER RETUNED!  We see his silhouette on Tout at a house show.

    AND NOW OUR MAIN EVENT!  WINNER FACES ROCK AT WRESTLEMANIA FOR THE WWE TITLE!

    JOHN CENA VS C.M. PUNK

    Punk makes his way out looking determined, followed by John Cena.  Both men get full entrances before they get announced in the ring.

    “LETS GO CENA/CENA SUCKS!” – Dallas crowd

    We start slow, with basic holds, escapes, and take downs.  Punk takes a breather as we go to…

    Break

    Cena is in control as we come back, until Punk side-steps him, into the corner.  Punk goes after the neck but Cena powers out of the head scissors into a drop.  Cena gets a boot, running bulldog, and a two count.  Cena wears down Punk with headlocks.  Punk shoots him off the ropes and hits a flying thrust kick for two, and takes control w/a headlock.  Cena fights out, gets a flying shoulder tackle, but misses the second time and goes out to the floor.  Punk hits a dive on Cena and is in control as we go to…

    Break.

    Punk in control w/the abdominal stretch, Punk hit the DDT during the commercial (according to WWE active) and has the anaconda vice on Cena!  Cena rolls over to get two and Punk breaks it up.  Swinging neck breaker gets Punk two.  Cena goes for the STF but Punk makes the ropes and hits a flying clothes line for two.  Punk goes up top and gets caught in the STF!  Punk escapes and locks in the Vice!  Cena counters w/the cross-face!  Punk rolls him back for two.  Both men spent, down on the mat.  Slowly both men are up and trading hard shots.  Punk hits some strong kicks but Cena catches him in a spin-toss.  Cena goes for the five knuckle shuffle but takes a kick to the head.  Punk tries the GTS, Cena tries a sunset-flip, and Punk gets two with a pin attempt.  Both men get up slowly.  Punk hits a knee in the corner and tries a bulldog.  Cena drops him and gets the 5KS.  Both men try for finishers and Cena hits a power bomb for two.  Cena up on top, taking too much time, and Punk cuts him off.  Cena powers and head butts out of a Superplex attempt, and gets two w/a flying leg drop.  Punk hits a sharp kick to the head and a running knee lift, but Cena gets the AA out of nowhere for two!  On the outside, Punk sends Cena into the post and almost gets the count-out!  Cena beats it barely.  Both men up slowly, and Punk hits the GTS for two!  Punk goes for a second one but Cena catches the knee and hooks the STF! Punk makes the ropes.  Punk hits a kick to the knee and scores a pile driver!  For two!  Punk tries another cover but Cena kicks out again.  Punk goes up top…and misses the “Macho Man Elbow.” Cena wins it with a hurriconrana! And the AA for three!

    WINNER: JOHN CENA

    “I’d like to say to C.M. Punk what the Hulk said to Loki… puny God.” – Jerry Lawler

    Cena leaves the ring as the official challenger for the Rock at Wrestlemania.

    Rock sends Cena congratulations over Twitter.

    And we’re out.

  2. RYTMAN’S RAW RECAP

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    We open the show w/a montage of the Shield beating down people, until last week when Cena, Sheamus & Ryback led the charge against them.  Also, the Rock is here tonight.

    Paul Heyman is in the ring, announcing that tonight is the last night we will ever see Paul Heyman.  He talks about his passions and his sacrifices, and all the things he gave up – including his parents fortune – to bring us ECW, and Brock Lesnar.  He talks of C.M. Punk being the man to carry WWE into the long-term future.

    “You don’t have to be Nostradamus to see into the future.  And I can see into the future,  and I can tell you ladies and gentlemen, something bad is going to happen here.  And that Sword Of Damocles is hanging straight over my head, and it is going to come down not just on me, but every single person around me, and that means it’s going to come down on C.M. Punk.” – Paul Heyman

    Heyman goes on to tender his resignation, saying essentially that the McMahon’s obsession with him and his dealings make him an obstacle to Punk winning back the title, and with that, he says goodbye.

    C.M. Punks’ music hits and Punk comes out.  Punk asks Heyman why he’s doing this.  Heyman replies that in the land of the McMahon’s, perception is reality.  Vince McMahon’s perception is that Heyman was behind Brad Maddox and the Shield, and whatever happens to Heyman will happen to C.M. Punk.  He claims Vince is planing to screw them over big at Elimination Chamber and Wrestlemania.  Punk argues that he is a “Paul Heyman guy,” and that there are a lot of “Heyman guys” out there.  Punk insists that he will resume his historic title reign as WWE champion at Elimination Chamber and that Heyman will be in his corner.  Paul is so moved by this show of support, that he renounces his resignation.  Punk/Heyman embrace, while ringside commentators Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler make derogatory comments comparing this to the Pope’s resignation and “the most ridiculous love-fest” Cole’s ever been a part of.

    The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry, makes his way to the ring as we go to break…

    We come back to Khali dancing in the ring w/Natalia & Hornswoggle.  The dancing stops as Henry makes his way to the ring.  We get a recap of Henry squashing Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara last week, and his win over Randy Orton on last Friday’s Smackdown, which qualified him for the Elimination Chamber.

    MARK HENRY VS THE GREAT KHALI

    This match BARELY goes five minutes, maybe less.  Khali pummles Henry into the corner, and hits big slaps to the cest and head-butts.  Henry fights back with kicks and gets Khali in the corner, but runs into an elbow, and a big boot to the face.  Khali side-steps Henry into the corner and goes back to the big chest-slap and head butt.  Henry blocks a shot, hits a few big right-hands, and gives Khali a short-splash into the corner.  Henry hits a big clothes-line, then ends it with the world’s stongest slam for three.

    WINNER: MARK HENRY

    After the match, Henry gets back in the ring, catches Hornswoggle from behind, and crushes him w/the world’s strongest slam.

    “That’s What I Do!” – Mark Henry

    This Friday on Smackdown, Orton gets Henry in a re-match.

    Later tonight, Cena, Sheamus & Ryback vs #MB…

    And break…

    We come back to Teddy Lond and Smackdown GM Booker T discussing how impressive Mark Henry is, when Chris Jericho steps up to request a spot in the Chamber.  Teddy is readdy to put him in right now.  Booker says “Hold up dawg,” and says Jerico has to impress him.  Teddy whispers a suggestion to Booker.

    “Teddy, that idea sucks.” – Booker T.

    Booker suggests that Jericho earn a spot by beating someone already in the match, Daniel Bryan.  Jericho agrees to face Daniel “Beard-on” and get back into the chamber and go one step closer to becoming a “seven-time, seven-time, seven-time Heavyweight Champion of the World.”

    “NOW CAN YOU DIG THAT, SUKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?” – Chris Jericho.

    Jericho walks off, leaving Booker wide-eyed in disbelief.

    We shift to Vicki Guerrero in her office, on the phone.  Heyman walks in, demanding her time.  He requests that Vicki add a stipulation to the WWE title match at Elimination Chamber.  If the Rock is counted out/disqualified, Punk will be awarded the title.  Vicki refuses, then her phone rings.  It’s Vince McMahon.  Heyman tries to brown-nose Vinny Mac, but Vince cuts him off and demands to know what stipulation he wants.  Heyman makes a sheepish request for the count-out/dq stip, and Vince agrees.  Heyman thanks Vince for the stip and goes on to call him a “father figure.” Vince hangs up on him.  Heyman says Vicki has a lousy phone, and Vicki laughs.

    Daniel Bryan makes his way to the ring as we go to break…

    We come back to a promo for “FANDANGO” coming soon, followed by Jericho making his way to the ring.

    WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION DANIEL BRYAN VS CHRIS JERICHO

    The bell rings.  Jericho scores two schoolboy roll-ups, two arm-drags, and an ARMBAR!  Bryan reverses it into a wrist-lock and a hammer-lock.  Booker T and Teddy Long watch a monitor from backstage.  Jericho elbows Bryan’s face and hits the ropes. Bryan leap-frogs Jericho, drops down, Jericho goes over, and Bryan hits a knee to Jericho.  Bryan kicks Jericho in the chest, the back, hits a snap-mare, a knee-drop, he gets two, and goes to work on Jericho’s arm.  Bryan wrist-locks Jericho, works the arm over his shoulder, Jericho reverses the wrist-lock and scores a chop.  Jericho puts the boot to him and backs Bryan into the corner with a forearm smash.  Bryan reverses a whip into the ropes, Jericho hits a kick to the face, but Bryan sends him up, over, and out to the floor.  Bryan tosses Jericho back in.  Jericho hits a shoulder-block, but misses a second-rope ricochet body-press and lands on the floor.  Bryan hits a flying tackle through the ropes, and both men are hurting as we go to break…

    As we come back, Bryan slides out of a suplex attempt, and rolls Jericho up for two.  Jericho kicks out and hits a clothes-line.  Jericho chokes Bryan in the corner, whips him across the ring, charges into a boot, and Bryan hits the charging drop-kick in the corner on Jericho.  Jericho reverses a whip, Bryan goes up the corner ropes and over Jericho, Jericho hits two shoulder-blocks, and Bryan sends him over the ropes.  Jericho lands on his feet, goes up-top, misses a flying fore-arm, and Bryan hits a clothes-line.  Bryan charges Jericho, Jericho catches the legs and goes for the Walls Of Jericho.  Bryan flips him off but runs into an elbow.  Jericho goes for a Lion-sault but hits the knees of Bryan.  Bryan goes up-top but Jericho cuts him off and crotches him on the top corner.  Jericho hits a chop and goes for a super-plex, but Bryan shoves him off and scores a flying head-butt for two.  Bryan hits a few knees to the face, but Jericho catches a leg and hooks the Walls Of Jericho!  Bryan holds on and powers out of it, twisting it into a “No-Lock” attempt,  but can’t lock his hands.  Jericho reverses it into another WOJ attempt, but Bryan flips him off and hits a vicious kick to the head for two.  Bryan gets the crowd going “Yes!” by going “No!” and sets in with shin kicks to Jericho.  Jericho tries another roll-up, Bryan kicks out, and Jericho hits the Code-breaker for a three-count.

    WINNER: CHRIS JERICHO

    Jericho is now in the Elimination Chamber.  Later tonight, the Shield will address us.  Up next, John Cena, Sheamus and Ryback face the Three Man Band.

    We come back to a recap of last week, when Cena and friends ran off the Shield.

    JOHN CENA, SHEAMUS, AND RYBACK VS 3MB (HEATH SLATER, JINDER MAHAL & DREW MACINTYRE)

    Apparently, Jerry Lawler has taken exception to Heath Slater making comments about singing, and dancing better than Elvis Presley…

    “I told him [Slater] I wish you’d go to the bathroom like Elvis Presley.” – Jerry Lawler

    Slater starts off with Ryback.  He shoots off his mouth, plays air guitar, takes a boot to the stomach, and gets press-slamed.  Ryback tags in Sheamus, who brutalizes Drew MacIntyre.  Cena tags in and faces off with Jinder Mahal.  Match breaks down into a brawl and ends with the Cena-friends each hitting a finisher on a band member. (AA, Shell-shock, and White Noise.)

    WINNERS: TEAM CENA

    After the match, Cena and co. each take a turn calling out the Shield.  We go to a recap of Alberto Del Rio sabotaging Big Show’s bus and dropping paint all over him.

    We go to earlier today, with Yoshi Tatsu and Alex Riley both joking about the Show’s misfortune.  It ends with Show clocking them both out.

    And we go to break…

    We come back to Big Show making his way to the ring for an interview.  Matt Striker gets KO’d before he’s halfway through a sentence.  Show grabs the mike and spends several minutes trying to say something.  However he’s too angry and just drops the mike, and walks off.

    We get another look at the tribute video for Bruno Samartino’s Hall Of Fame induction and we’re told there is an exclusive interview w/Bruno and Hunter Hearst Helmsley about Bruno accepting the nodd this year.  We’re also reminded that the Rock will be here tonight.

    JACK SWAGGER VS ZACK RYDER

    Ryder’s in the ring and Swagger makes his way to the ring with a man referred to as “Jebadiah Coulter,” (who I believe might be Dutch Mantel.) Ryder gets in some offense, but Swagger wrestles more viciously then ever, and after bouncing Ryder’s head and back off the turn-buckles, he ends this with the “Patriot Act.” (Ankle Lock Submission.)

    WINNER: JACK SWAGGER

    After the match, Jeb Coulter is given the mike and delivers a vaguely racist diatribe about “getting rid of” people who aren’t “real Americans.”

    Backstage, Booket and Teddy are discussing Swagger and Jeb, when Dolph Ziggler steps in w/AJ and Big E.  Angered that Jericho is back with a spot in the Elimination Chamber match, he demands a chance at the last spot.  Booker agrees, and puts him in a qualifying match… with Kane.

    We get a recap of Brock Lesnar destroying Miz TV and the Miz last week.

    Miz makes his entrance as we go to Break.  He faces Cody Rhodes next.

    THE MIZ VS CODY RHODES

    U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro is at ringside, making refrences to his brawl with Miz last week.  Cesaro says he caries the American Flag to “rub it in everybody’s face,” how much better he is than us.  Match is a by-the-numbers back-and-forth until it goes to the outside.  Cesaro gets up in Miz’s face, Miz boots him down and goes to work on Cody, until Cesaro shoves him into the ringpost.  Cesaro swings Miz into the guardrail as officals try to break it up.

    WINNER BY DQ: THE MIZ

    We then get a feature about the WWE Wrestlemania Reading Challenge, where WWE talent go to schools to talk about the importance of reading and children are rewarded for good literacy w/a chance to go to Wrestlemania.

    Later tonight, we hear from the Rock and The Shield.

    We go to break…

    We come back to Rosa Mendes shakin’ her thing in the ring, with Epico and Primo.  Brodus Clay makes his entrance w/Tesai and the Pom-Pom waving Funkadactyls.

    BRODUS CLAY/TENSAI VS PRIMO/EPICO

    Team Mo/Co are straight up jobbed out to the Funkasaurus and the “hip-hop-hippo.” Tensai wins it w/a splash.

    WINNERS: TENSAI/BRODUS CLAY

    After the match, Rosa gets up in Tensai’s face, but is sent packing by some nifty double-teaming by Naomi/Cameron.

    And we go to break…

    After the break, the Shield make their way to the ring.  They answer the challenge of Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback by calling them out.  They cut a promo about Cena failing everyday and how Cena will fail again at Elimination Chamber.  Their problem is “The John Cena Problem.” He lives in a bubble with no consequences.  That’s not the real world.  And he’s laid the groundwork for an entire generation of superstars to be just like him.  The Shield will undo a decade of injustice, and invite their opponents to “breath as much fresh air as possible.” They stand around in defiance for a few moments… then the lights go out.  When they come back on, Cena and company are each fighting a member of the Shield.  After a wild brawl, the Shield take a powder, and Cena’s team smile and slap hands w/the fans.

    We get a recap of Heyman’s resignation and Punk talking him out of it.  The Rock will be here later tonight, and Alberto Del Rio makes his way to ringside w/Ricardo Rodriguez.

    And break…

    WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS DAMIEN SANDOW

    Sandow comes out to berate Nashville (the sight of tonight’s show) for listening to Country Music.  Ricardo introduces ADR with the full support of the crowd.  Sandow starts off strong with kicks, knees, and a Russian leg-sweep/”elbow of disdain” combo, but misses a charge and Del Rio takes over with clothes-lines, a tilt-a-whirl back-breaker, and a thrust-kick for two.  Del Rio gets the “Si” chant going and ens this surprisingly quickly w/the arm-breaker.

    WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO!

    Alberto cuts a promo, inviting Big Show to pack up his bus and go to Mexico, while he goes to Wrestlemania after their match at Elimination Chamber.

    WWE Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett makes his way to the ring for a match w/Kofi Kingston, but is jumped from behind by Bo Dallas.  Barrett is down as we go to break.

    WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT VS KOFI KINGSTON

    The match is basically Kofi’s speed and striking ability vs Wade’s muscle and brawling tactics.  Recurring theme in the match is both men ducking each others high-spots.  Kofi dives after Wade.  Wade catches Kofi’s head in the ring apron and gets the three with the bull-hammer elbow.

    WINNER: WADE BARRETT

    And break…

    WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION KANE VS DOLPH ZIGGLER

    Kane starts off in control with big right hands and tossing Ziggler around as we go to break…

    We come back and Kane in still in control, until it spills outside.  Big E distracts Kane and Ziggler sends him into the guardrail.  Kane beats the ten count.  The match quickly goes back/forth with each man hitting one big spot after another, until Kane goes up top.  AJ jumps on the ring to get a distraction, Kane misses the clothesline, Ziggler sends AJ into Big E’s arms, and his distraction allows Kane to hit the choke-slam for three and the last spot in the Chamber.

    WINNER: KANE

    When we come back, our main event… a promo by The Rock.

    We’re back with a look at the Elimination Chamber match itself and…FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME OUT TO DO A PROMO!

    Story Time!  The Rock regales us all with a story about how, when he was 15, his family moved to Tennessee.  He was already 6’4′ and 220 lbs. and not getting any action because girls thought he was a undercover cop.  One night, he’s in a bar, and buys a car from a crackhead for $40.  After driving for a while, he finds a second crackhead in the car and kicks him out, then abandons the car in a Burger King parking lot at 2 a.m. because he suspected it was stolen.  The moral of the story…

    1. Don’t buy a car from a crackhead.

    2. Don’t be like the Rock at 15, doing all the stuff you shouldn’t.

    Rock then talks about being 25 and wrestling at used car dealerships for $40 a night, and dreaming of someday being WWE champion, just like he will be, after Elimination Chamber.

    Punk’s music hits, and he’s out with Paul Heyman.  Rock compares them to characters form “Twilight,” (Fat werewolf/Homeless Vampire,) and challenges Punk to “just bring it.” Punk strolls down to the ring, fakes changing his mind, and storms the ring.  Punk actually had Rock on the defensive, until Rock hit the “Smackdown” (Spine-buster) on him.  Rock goes for the “Peoples’ Elbow,” but Heyman trips him up.  Punk hits the GTS on Rock, and leaves with the belt.

    “Whenever you Bring it, Because it’s mine, I’ll just take it.” – C.M. Punk 

  3. The 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania (so they say)

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    ARRRGGHHHH!  Despite the WWE’s insistence that this is the “25th Anniversary” of WrestleMania, that’s incorrect.  It’s the 25th ANNUAL WrestleMania.  WrestleMania 1 wasn’t the first ANNIVERSARY of WrestleMania, that would’ve been March 31, 1986.  It was the first ANNUAL.  Somebody buy the WWE marketing guys a dictionary.  Anyways, screw it, let’s roll.

    (more…)

  4. WrestleMania 23: All Grown Up

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    Ladies and Gentlemen, please, could you bring your attention to me?  It’s time for day FOUR of WrestleMania week, and the FOURTH of EIGHT WrestleMania reviews going up this week.  Today, I bring you the first WrestleMania I watched with my wife, which was the start of a great tradition for us, WrestleMania 23!  Let’s roll!

    (more…)

  5. A Celebration of Professional Wrestling Week is Returning…

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    The following is a repost of A Celebration of Professional Wrestling: Thank you!. We are about to kick things off again this year in celebration of WrestleMania 28, which occurs on April 1st, 2012… unless of course Vince McMahon is secretly planning on the biggest April Fool’s Day joke ever played on wrestling fans.

    This post includes all of the content posted at both BoredWrestlingFan.com and Wonderpodonline.com for the week leading up to WrestleMania 27. Click below for all of last year’s content before we begin our online barrage of wrestling-themed content!
    (more…)

  6. RAW 7.4.11

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    Ladies and gentlemen, I exist!!  I missed you all so much, and I wanna say thanks to the boss man, ThinkSoJoE and Gee, both of which have covered for me a lot lately.  I appreciate it.  Unfortunately, my situation’s a bit of a bitchy one.  I may not be able to cover RAW for you all on a weekly basis.  It turns out that I only get my schedule Friday or Saturday nights, and it only covers a week.  I never know if I’m working Monday nights during RAW or not.  So, I may end up just being a guest reviewer again.  I’m sorry!! But, I’ll cover it as long as I’m able!

    Anyway, enough of that.  Happy Fourth of July everyone!  I hope you enjoy it, and I hear fireworks going off now, but I’m ignoring them for the first time in my LIFE to write the RAW Review for you all, since I have been unable to do so for a while.  Also, I don’t know what’s been going on.  I know Punk got suspended/fired/fed the fuck up, but that’s all I know.  Also, thanks to WWE’s FaceBook page, I know that we’ll have a Triple Threat Match between R-Truth, Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio to see who will face John Cena at Money in the Bank for the WWE Championship!  OH GOODIE!

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Last Monday was RAW Roulette! R-Truth vs John Cena in a Tables Match, where R-Truth wins, due to a distraction by CM Punk. Oh, yeah, and CM Punk says some stuff about Cena and the WWE and Vince McMahon.>

    BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR TABLES HURT ME!

    John Cena makes his way to the ring with considerably less pomp and circumstance than normal.  He looks unhappy…  Wonder why.  Cena says that there’s major unrest in the WWE Universe.  Apparently, Punk said some things that didn’t quite mesh too well with the brass in the WWE.  So much so that because of his recent outburst, the WWE has suspended him indefinitely.  What that means Is he’s also stripped of his right to compete in his last match in his hometown to face John for the WWE Championship.  The WWE has thrown together a Triple Threat match to find a replacement Number One Contender.  As for CM Punk, we are just supposed to sweep him under the rug, ignore his accomplishments, outbursts, legacy, and pretend he never existed.  John’s never seen eye-to-eye with Punk and he has a voice, and he’s weighing in on the WWE’s decision, and he says it sucks.  Punk and John don’t agree on everything, especially Punk’s concept of loyalty to the WWE brand.  But Punk has been suspended for speaking his mind, telling everyone how he feels?  John knows exactly it’s a PG show and knows what he can and cannot say, but John found nothing wrong with it, despite not agreeing with it.  His question to us, the WWE Universe, is where does this stop?  Where does the WWE stop?  There was an incident where Daniel Bryan was fired for being too aggressive.  There’s speculation that WWE can confiscate signs we make.  And Punk has been suspended indefinitely for speaking his mind?  The audience is chanting First Amendment.  John looks like the Kool-Aid Man in jorts.  Does the audience have to act a certain way?  Cena says that the program is bigger than emails back and forth, so there will be no more back and forth with an anonymous GM during his tirade.  Cena was answers from Mr. McMahon.  Vince is on his way tonight and promises to be in the building.  And when Vince gets there, they’re going to talk it out in the ring, not backstage.  And Vince has some ‘splainin to do.  More importantly, we will hear first hand from our WWE Champion that he wants to face CM Punk at Money in the Bank.

    Oh, God.  Next up, the fakey-Champ, Kelly Kelly and Eve are facing the whores.  Just saying.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar “I called Vince McMahon earlier today. He is on speed dial. I have him #6 He’s in my group known as AC/DC buddies” – John Cena

    @ThingsColeSays OMG, Cena’s not running to the ring! He must be SUPER CEREAL.

    @HitTheRopes Haven’t read the spoilers but I’ll assume the Divas match ends under 2 minutes. #WWE

    @Niki_Sushi I don’t know ’bout y’all, but I refuse to Chris Benoit @CMPunk. #BWF #RAW #ImSuspended

    @KeepItFiveStar Kelly Kelly has moved on from Justin Gabriel with the new man in her life, Eve Torres.

    Hey, look! The Miz finally gave up the Money in the Bank briefcase!

    The Bella Twins vs. Diva’s Champion Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres

    … Don’t get me wrong, okay.  I believe that women can wrestle very well.  I just don’t believe these women (and Eve) can wrestle well.  That’s all.

    Anyway.  I’m sure there was a match, but I was trying to develop X-Ray vision to see through the house behind me to see the fireworks.  It didn’t work.

    Divas Champion Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres win via pinfall.

    Hey, Andy won WWE Tough Enough.  Whoever that was.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: WWE Tough Enough Winner, Andy.>

    R-Truth is on the phone with Flo, from Progressive about getting him some insurance.  Scott Stanford interrupts and says that he wants Truth’s thoughts on the Triple Threat match and getting another chance against Cena.  Truth says he should be rewarded a title match, not having to compete in the Triple Threat match.  A conspiracy.  The good news is he saved 15% by switching over to Geico on his car insurance (…).  The bad news, someone’s gonna get got.  He turns around to see Alberto del Rio and then says “First Little Jimmy, now Senor Jimmy?!”  Rio says it’s all about destiny, and his destiny is to become the new WWE Champion, but… Truth already knows that.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @HitTheRopes Truth is talking to Flo? Is it Aunt Flo? Is Truth on the rag? #WWE

    @CMPunkSays OK, he was just talking to the Progressive lady, and now he plugs GEICO? They have no idea what they’re talking about, do they? #WWE

    @KeepItFiveStar You see what had happen was Kelly Kelly & her Sindel screaming popped the Bellas eardrums. She took advantage and got the win. She cheated

    @KeepItFiveStar Kelly Kelly with her Bugs Bunny style of sexual harassment offense

    @kickoutblog Eve’s rump-shaking moonsault is as bad as Victoria’s. #SheAintALadyToMessWit

    @seraphalexiel Random: I remember the time when Brie went to Maria to make her two of the exact same wrestling gear when they didn’t admit Nikki existed

    @ULTIMATEMARKOUT YOU CAN LOOK BUT YOU CAN’T WRESTLE

    Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs. WWE Tag Team Champions David Otunga and Michael McGuillicutty

    I’m mad they came out to CM Punk’s music.  Put it back to that “We Are One” bullshit.  THAT’S RIGHT! PUT IT BACK!  Hey, wait.  Otunga, this is your chance to take that shit over!  Oh, wait, you suck.

    Otunga and Marella start it out with Otunga pushing Santino back and Santino tells him to try it again.  Otunga does it again and Santino fakes a kick to Otunga, who returns by dropping Santino to the ground painfully.  Otunga Whips Santino, who jumps over Otunga and goes for the Cobra.  Otunga runs out of the ring, however, and then climbs back in, tagging in McGuillicutty.  McGuillicutty kicks Santino, then drops him to the ground.  McGuillicutty stands him up, and Santino punches him before dropping him and smacking his head against the turnbuckle.  Kozlov gets tagged in and goes for a quick cover, but McGuillicutty kicks out.  Kozlov drives some hard shoulders into McGuillicutty, then tags in Santino.  Santino is then thrown into McGuillicutty’s torso and goes for a cover.  It doesn’t work and he tags in Kozlov, who dominates McGuillicutty, dropping him onto the top ropes.  Kozlov goes to throw McGuillicutty, but Otunga distracts him and McGuillicutty takes advantage, quickly tagging in Otunga, both of them double-teaming Kozlov.  Otunga kicks Kozlov in the head and then goes for a cover, but Kozlov kicks out.  Santino starts a Kozlov chant and Kozlov starts to fight back, but Otunga stops him and tags in McGuillicutty.  The two try to suplex him, but Kozlov double suplexes them instead and tags in Santino, who blocks McGuillicutty’s hit and then hits him back, avoiding both of them trying to get him with a split.  Santino dive-head butts McGuillicutty, and then sets up the Cobra, but has to hit Otunga with it.  McGuillicutty takes advantage and hits Santino with a swinging neckbreaker for the win.

    WWE Tag Team Champions David Otunga and Michael McGuillicutty win via pinfall.

    OOOH RADIO, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!

    OMFG IT’S ZACK!

    “Woo woo woo.  You know it.”

    That’s it.  I think that he’s definitely throwing down a challenge, and no one’s smart enough to get it.

    Money in the Bank ladder match participants: Swagger, Kofi, Rey, Evan, Truth, Rio, Riley, Miz.  (unless Truth, Rey, or Rio win tonight).

    Coming up tonight, Alex Riley will face The Miz again, one on one.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @dasharpshooters David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty cannot use CM Punk’s theme. Thats like JTG using Shawn Michaels’ music. #wwe #raw

    @KeepItFiveStar ZACK RYDER!!!!

    @CMPunkSays RYDER RYDER RYDER #WWE

    @JRosz78 Oh SHIT Ryder on my tv!!!!!!!

    @kickoutblog Webgasm on the way. Zack Ryder is here.

    @Niki_Sushi Twitter just blew up. #BWF #RAW #RyderRevolution

    !HitTheRopes Holy hell @ZackRyder just made a Raw moment. Don’t know what that moment is but it’s a moment. #WWE

    @redsandman99 Zack Ryder appears and 99% of my timeline jizzed themselves.

    Vince still has to come out and answer us.

    Scott Stanford tells Miz he’s never beat Riley and tonight, are we going to see something new?  Miz says that CM Punk has been suspended so there’s another golden opportunity to be WWE Champion, but he wasn’t picked because of Alex Riley.  Riley’s a nuisance who sent him off course.  Miz could have kicked him to the curb a long time ago, but Miz gave him an opportunity, one that he abused.  Miz brought him into the WWE, and he will take him out tonight.  It all ends tonight.  Because he’s the Miz, and he’s awesome.

    Evan and Sgt. Slaughter are backstage, and Evan says that they’re lucky to have him out here tonight.  Sgt. Slaughter says that he’s happy to be there to lead everyone in the Pledge of Allegiance.  Swagger says that Slaughter was around when the country got their independence, and Swagger should lead the WWE Universe in the Pledge.  Slaughter says that everyone makes mistake: him, Evan, Jack’s parents by not using birth control.  Swagger says Slaughter should make a mistake by getting in the ring with Swagger.

    Now we see “earlier tonight” that McMahon’s jet has landed.

    Later tonight, a Triple Threat match with Truth vs Rey vs Alberto.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi DAMMIT @WWEUniverse! YOU SHOULD’VE WARNED ME ABOUT EVAN! I JUST SQUEE’D MYSELF! #BWF #RAW

    @CMPunkSays Someone call GLAAD! Oh wait, he said “maggot.” False alarm. #WWE #Raw

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Wrestlemania XXVI, Jack Swagger wins the Money in the Bank Ladder Match and then wins the World Heavyweight Championship.>

    Jack Swagger vs. Sgt. Slaughter

    Slaughter and Swagger lock up, then Swagger breaks it with a knee to Slaughter’s gut.  He then backs Slaughter into a corner and Slaughter starts fighting back, delivering hard hits to Swagger’s chest.  Slaughter starts to Whip Swagger, but Swagger counters.  Slaughter locks in the Cobra Clutch, but Swagger manages to fight out.  Swagger bounces off the ropes to belly-flop on Slaughter and goes for the cover.

    Jack Swagger wins via pinfall.

    Swagger then locks in the ankle lock on Slaughter, only for Evan to come out.  @Niki_Sushi just lost her mind.  Evan chases Swagger out of the ring and talks to the ref to help Slaughter out, and keeps an eye on Swagger as well, who seems to have injured his pride pretty deeply.  Evan gets a microphone for Slaughter, and Slaughter starts the Pledge of Allegiance.

    Up next, the Triple Threat Number One Contender match.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi Guess the Sarge’s chin just wasn’t into the match.. #BWF #RAW

    @CMPunkSays EVAN BOURNE IS AMERICA, AND SO CAN YOU #WWE #Raw

    @kickoutblog I was really hoping Sarge would’ve turned on Bourne there and formed an All-American alliance with Jackie Swaggs.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Last Week, Mark Henry rips the door off the hinges and slams Big Show right through the wall of a steel cage.  Kool Aid Man gone loco.>

    Alberto del Rio vs R-Truth (and his lame intro) vs Rey Mysterio

    1)      Where the FUCK is Ricardo Rodriguez?  Wait, I’m sure I actually missed this in the past few weeks.  Nevermind.

    2)      GET SOME GODDAMN THEME MUSIC, R-TRUTH!  The overwhelming sound of boos that greets you is about to become your permanent theme.

    … Anyway, let’s get on with the match.  Because I love more than two people in the ring at a time.

    Rio starts immediately on Truth, and Rey goes to town on Rio, then on Truth.  Rio delivers a harsh kick to Rey’s knee, then head.  Rio throws Rey into a turnbuckle, but Rey moves when Rio tries to jump on him.  Rey starts for Truth, but Rio dropkicks him in the head.  Rio kicks Truth in the head, then tries to grab Truth before Truth rolls out.  Rio then focuses on Rey again, going for a quick cover, but Rey kicks out.  Rio Whips Rey, who holds onto the ropes and ducks, sending Rio through them and onto the floor.

    Truth gets back in the ring and Rey’s focus is on Rio, but Truth spins and does some purty thing to distract Rey.  Truth goes for the cover, but Rey kicks out.  Truth pounds on Rey’s head and screams ‘What’s up now?!’, which gets his theme going again.  Truth stomps on Rey, who rolls under the bottom rope and falls right out of the ring.  Truth follows him out and slaps him right by the audience.  Truth then throws Rey head first into the guard rail, and focuses on Rio, throwing him into the fan barrier guard rail thingamajig too.  Truth turns his focus back to Rey and kicks him in the stomach.  Rey gets back in the ring, and truth goes for another cover, but Rey kicks out.  Rey stands up, but Truth follows and Whips him into the other turnbuckle, going for another quick cover.  Rey kicks out at two again.  Truth argues with the ref.

    New block!  Truth goes right back to beating on Rey before stepping on his neck.  Truth stands Rey up and pimp slaps that ho for not giving him is money! Slaps Rey, but something happens and Truth goes out to beat up Rio for a minute.  Rey starts to fight back on Truth, back in the ring, and Truth side-slams Rey.  Truth goes for another cover, but Rey kicks out again.  Rio comes back into the ring by attacking Truth and then going after Rey again.  Rey kicks Rio in the face and Rey then hurricanranas Rio.  Truth focuses on Rey again and throws Rey into the turnbuckle.   Rey and Truth are on the turnbuckle and Rio fights Truth.  Rio gets Truth on his shoulders, Rey then launches on both of them.  And-

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @HitTheRopes The fact that Mysterio is wearing white just makes Truth seem even darker.

    @KeepItFiveStar What the hell is with Rey’s titantron? He’s trying to cause seizures! What a horrible person.

    @Niki_Sushi Alberto Del Rio isn’t nearly as cool as he thinks he is. Ricardo Rodriguez brought it all to the table. #RAW #BWF #ButYouAlreadyKnewThat

    @HitTheRopes Mark Henry rewind = someone’s gonna get their ass kicked. #WWE

    @TKeep123 “Say the pledge, damn it!” -What Slaughter is thinking…. #WWR #RAW #BWF

    OHSHITSORRYGOTDISTRACTED!

    Rio is owning Rey now.  Rey is Whipped across the ring and starts to show momentum, but Rio puts a stop to that and goes for a cover, but Rey kicks out.  Rey tries to hide in the corner, but Rio follows and Whips him into another buckle.  Rey gives a drop toe hold to Rio, sending his face right into the turnbuckle.  Truth is on the apron and sends his shoulder into Rey’s abdomen.  Rey stops Truth from lifting Rey off his feet and Rio does something, and then Truth is pimp slapping smacking Rio, then Truth tries to pin Rio.  Truth then drops Rey onto his stomach and goes for a cover, but Rio breaks the cover.  Rio hits the Codbreaker Backstabber whatever it was on Truth and Rey breaks up the pin.  Rio then takes it out on Rey and Rey puts his knee in Rio’s face, but Truth breaks up the pin.  I hate Triple Threat matches.

    Truth gets Rey to his feet, kicks him in the stomach, then hits the scissor kick Lie Detector and goes for a cover, but Rio breaks the pin.  Rio throws Truth into a corner, but Truth dives out of the way when Rio comes at him.  Rey hits the 619, climbs up, and then hits the seated Senton.  Rio comes in with the cross arm breaker and it’s all over.

    Alberto del Rio wins via submission.

    John Cena still needs to confront Vince McMahon about CM Punk.  That needs to hurry up and get here.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @HitTheRopes What a loser Rey is. He tapped immediately. He didn’t even try to see if Truth would try to break the submission. #Reycist #WWE

    @imababyface thats not vintage del rio…thats vintage Carlito!

    @WWE_Creative Density has bought Alberto Del Rio to the #1 Contender Slot. #RAWTonight

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Wrestlemania 21 Money in the Bank Ladder match is won by Edge, who cashes in to win the WWE Championship.>

    I am perfection!!!

    Holy shit, Dolph is important again! … Well, important-ish.

    Vickie and United States Champion Dolph Ziggler make their way to the ring, where there’s a whole celebration set up.  Vickie says it’s a special night and we’re celebrating the USA’s birthday!  And, since Ziggler is OUR United States Champion, she thought (her first mistake) it’d be fitting if we gave him a birthday to him as well.  So, let’s all join her in singing.  But, that’s not about to happen.  Oh, minus those five people.  And Cole.

    Vickie sings like Jillian Hall, just lower octave.  That’s all.

    She asks if he wants to tell us his wish before she blows out his candle-I MEAN HE BLOWS OUT HIS CANDLES!

    Dolph says we have no idea how good we have it, witnessing the finest superstar in his prime, or something, and there will never be another Dolph Ziggler.  They don’t have an idea what it’s like to be a natural in the ring.  Forget Punk, Cena, the WWE Title, and as long as he’s the United States Champion, this is the only title we need to make Monday Night RAW perfection.

    Kofi comes out and says that we’re gonna have a party and not invite him? That’s messed up.  He guesses Dolph could come out and brag all day and have a party title celebration, but the fact of the matter is that without Vickie in his corner, Dolph cannot beat Kofi.  Dolph says he got dis.  Kofi, he and Dolph used to be toe to toe, but Kofi’s still here (low), and Dolph’s on his way here (high) (Hahaha, there’s a joke there).  Dolph just left him in the dust, so in case Kofi didn’t notice, they’re having a party so BEAT IT! BEAT IT! NO ONE WATNS TO BE DEFEATED!  Something happens, but I was jamming to Michael Jackson in my head and Vickie ends up ass first in the cake.  Kofi and Dolph fight, and Kofi sends Dolph into Vickie, who ends up torso first in the cake.  Vickie doesn’t scream this time, just calmly, with rage brewing deep inside, walks out of the ring.

    Up next, Alex Riley and The Miz go one-on-one.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi Oh no, ass in the cake! OH NO! FACE IN THE CAKE! Vickie, you might as well just rub some cake on your arms. BATHE IN IT!!! #BWF #RAW

    @KeepItFiveStar Kofi, you have a M.I.T.B. match to focus on. You should move on from the U.S. Title

    @KeepItFiveStar S.O.S! I hear them JOBBIN! S.O.S! Why am I tryinnnnnnn?! (I’m jobbin!”

    @chynnacena Notice how vicky still licks the cake lmbo #wwe #raw #bwf

    @WWE_Creative We may be the only company on the planet with a cake budget that high despite the fact that no one ever gets to eat the cake. #RAWTonight

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: RAW Money in the Bank PPV match.  The Miz wins his first Money in the bank match and cashes in (ON THE NIGHT I’M THERE IN ORLANDO!) to become the WWE Champion.>

    The Miz vs Alex Riley

    Hey!  The Miz did his previous thing where he raises his arms with three fi-… Nevermind.  I’m having a moment.

    Riley runs to the ring and tries to go right for Miz, but the ref stops him.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Alex Riley.>

    Miz and Riley lock up, and Miz backs Riley into the corner.  Riley shoves him off and Riley pushes Miz into the corner hitting him with forearms.  Miz fights back and the two exchange blows.  Riley hits a hard almost-clothesline on Miz and then kicks Miz out of the ring.  Riley follows and slams Miz’ head on the fan barrier before throwing him back in the ring.  Miz kicks Riley before stomping on him a few times.  Miz bounces off the ropes to kick Riley in the face before going for the cover, Riley kicking out at two.  Miz knees Riley’s chest a few times before gripping Riley’s neck.  Riley tries to fight out of it before he finally does, throwing Miz off him.  Miz moves out of the corner when Riley tries to hit him, then DDTs (or something) Riley and goes for the cover.  Riley kicks out and Miz digs his knee into Riley’s neck.  Miz hits Riley then goes for another cover, but Riley kicks out.  Miz starts to hit Riley, but Riley blocks and delivers some hits of his own, but Miz fights back and drops Riley on his face before going for another cover.  Miz tells Riley that he made him, and Riley’s had enough.  He fights back against Miz and delivers hard shoulders to Miz’ torso before another DDT and cover, but Riley kicks out.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @JRosz78 Finally #RAW Just got AWEEEEEEEEESOME! @mikethemiz #RAW #BWF

    @KeepItFiveStar No one is going to say anything to Alex Riley’s face. Look at what he did to The Miz after The Miz was brutally honest with him!

    @kickoutblog WWE video editing team working overtime this week.

    @Niki_Sushi According to Cole, Awry’s gonna get got. #BWF #RAW

    Riley has the momentum via Riley throwing Miz to the ground, making him land on the back of his head.  Both fight to get up and then Riley Spears Miz.  The two move in a frenzy, but Riley is getting the upper hand, hitting a Spine buster.  Miz kicks out at two, and Riley starts to hit something, but Miz counters.  Miz hits his swinging corner clothesline on Riley and then starts to hit a backbreaker, but Riley counters and picks up a cheap victory.

    Alex Riley wins via pinfall.

    Rage finally gets the best of Miz, and Miz runs back in the ring, attacking Riley from behind and throwing him out of the ring.  Miz follows Riley and drives Riley into the fan barrier and then over it, following him again.  Miz throws Riley back over, then throws him into the steel steps.  Miz stays right on top of Riley though, and tries to rip Riley’s face off via his nose and upper lip.  Miz then bounces Riley’s head off the announce table and kicks him in the chin, right over the announce table.

    A limo pulls up outside the arena, and out steps none other than Vincent Kennedy McMahon.  He comes to the ring up next.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar Charles Robinson with his white parent in a grocery store type of scolding “No Miz! Miz! You go back right now! Miz! Miz! MIZ! …NO!”

    @kickoutblog The kick is good! Miz with the extra point!

    @WWE_Creative Somewhere @TheRealMorrison is sitting at home with an @AlexRileyWWE voodoo doll. #RAWTonight

    @HitTheRopes And finally, Vince McMahon finally decided to get off the Hulk Hogan route to the arena.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Last Week… Wait, this is the same as the FIRST ONE TONIGHT>

    No chance, that’s what ya got…

    Vince struts his way to the ring, as per usual.  I’m going to watch DX mocking him and Shane after RAW’s over now.

    Vince thanks us and then says the CM Punk thing has gotten out of hand.  He suspended Punk because he deserved it.  Really, it’s like when Punk comes out here and says the things he says and we’d do the same thing he did if we were in his shoes.  It’s not about him and his family, it’s about him doing what’s right for us.  That’s what he does.  He was going to tell us a story about Vince?  Vince will tell us a story about him.  Punk’s contract is almost over.  So, Punk says Vince this is what I want, special limo service, fly first class, etc. etc.  Vince says Punk wasn’t worthy of being on DVDs/magazines, and he suspended Punk because he deserved it.  Punk is just that, a punk.  Vince says he’ll see us next week in Boston.

    BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR NO BULLSHIT!

    Cena doesn’t even stop this time and walks right down to the ring.

    Cena asks if that’s it.  After an unbelievable tirade like that, a suspension, and stripping him of his number one contendership, Vince is going to call him a punk and kick him to the curb?  Vince says that Punk did it to himself, and John says that he spoke his mind.  Vince believes in the first amendment, right?  Vince says that’s why Cena’s mic is still working.  Cena says that Vince has always been a fighter.  He remembers when Vince would walk down the ramp and do his walk (which Cena mimics terribly), and whoever stood in Vince’s way, Vince would fight.  Vince took down people because he was a fighter.  Punk says a few things that get under Vince’s skin, so Vince suspends him.  Has Vince finally gone soft?  Are those famous McMahon grapefruits now peach pits?  If Vince doesn’t wanna fight anymore, Cena still wants to, and he wants to fight Punk.  And if Vince doesn’t feel like fighting, maybe he should hang it up.

    Vince says he’ll tell us why Vince really suspended Punk.  Vince doesn’t wanna take a chance on Cena.  Doesn’t wanna take a chance that Punk defeats Cena.  Vince takes calculated risks, which is how he beat everyone who gets in his way.  Therefore if Punk defeats Cena, Punk will walk out and into some other organization, and Vince will not be embarrassed.  Cena says that the billionaire chairman afraid of being embarrassed.  Vince is afraid of Cena not beating Punk.  Cena says that he’s not going to guarantee he’s going to beat Punk, but Punk earned a spot and the people want to see it.  Oh, and God forbid we embarrass Vince McMahon.  As a member of the WWE Universe, MitB is the biggest PPV of the year.  Can Punk pull it off?  Can Cena win against Punk?  It’s not embarrassing, it sounds like the match of the year.  But some kid said something that Vince didn’t like, so Vince suspended him.  Cena asks if he says something Vince doesn’t like, will Cena gets suspended?  Vince tells him not to piss him off.  Vince says don’t be Hogan or anyone that came before him.  Vince says they’ll talk in front of these people, but talk to him one on one.  Vince gave a logical explanation.  Vince doesn’t wanna take the chance of being embarrassed.  Cena says he should give the people what we want.  Vince says Cena is embarrassing him now.  Vince doesn’t give a damn what we want because he is not gonna jeopardize who he is and his company.  Doesn’t John get this isn’t His company?  Before John, there were others.  Doesn’t John get that?  It’s Vince’s company.  And Vince does what’s right for the company, and for each and every one of us.  His decisions are good ones.  Vince asks if they’re good.  John says he gets it and its Vince’s company.  He gets it and he’s not stupid.  But, if that’s how Vince wants to run it, it’s not something Cena signed up for.  He gets it, everyone is replaceable.  Cena works himself to the bone for Vince and the brand because he thinks that this stands for something.  You’re so worried about Punk taking the championship and making it meaningless, and if you just kick him to the curb, you make it meaningless.  Cena passes Vince the Championship and starts to walk out.  Vince tells him to stop, and Cena does.  Vince tells Cena not to go anywhere and makes his way out of the ring.  Vince and Cena stand nose to nose, and then Vince says alright, I hate this has come between them.  Punk’s reinstated, and Cena has his match.  Vince says Cena shouldn’t be smiling because if Punk walks out of Chicago with the championship, Cena is fired.

    Interesting RAW tonight, guys.  I’ll be back… when I’m back. Sorry about the lack of appearance, guys.  I’m working on it.

  7. A Celebration of Professional Wrestling Begins This Saturday!

    1 Comment

    Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages… it’s time for a Celebration of Professional Wrestling. That’s right folks! The showcase of the immortals, WRESTLEMANIA, is just over a week away! In a conjoint assembly of marks, smarks, and fans alike, Bored Wrestling Fan and Wonderpod-Online staff have united to create a week long tribute to the art and performance that is professional wrestling. And while much of the content will be WWE related, this is not limited to the one promotion. It’s an acknowledgement to all federations and organizations, big or small.
    (more…)

  8. RAW 11.1.10

    2 Comments

    Hello ladies and gentlemen! The RAW Review is back this week, just as it was last week, and I’m frazzled.  I decided to take on the challenge that is National Novel Writing Month, but I’ll suck that up quietly in peace and not bring it to RAW.  Anyway, I’ve tucked away all the stuff for that for now, and I am focused on RAW!  Just a side note, however, I am going to be missing the November 22nd edition of RAW, for I will be there LIVE when they come to Orlando!! So I may get a late review up on the 23rd or something like that depending on how tired I am.  We’ll see how that goes, but why am I jumping ahead!? I have to get through tonight!!

    However, before we begin, our very own ThinkSoJoE and Random Redhead’s birthdays are on the same day as Wrestlemania 27 tickets… Just an idea… 😉 There’s your plug, sweetie.

    I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me…

    We start out RAW first thing with Randy Orton making his way onto the stage and into the ring.  He says that he doesn’t think there’s a man alive who could take the title from him, but if someone did, he would accept it, but he couldn’t accept it if he lost it because of a crooked referee.  Especially if that crooked ref just so happened to be John Cena.  So, he’d like to ask Cena to come out to the ring because if he’s gonna screw Orton over at Survivor Series, the least he could do is be man enough to say it to his face.

    BRRRRRRRRRR SLAM THAT DOOR!

    Cena walks out and says that he will say something to Orton’s face: cut him some slack.  He knows Randy is the WWE Champion, he’s been there before, they both have.  Orton’s smart enough to know that championships are won and lost, they come they go, and he has a decision to make at Survivor Series.  If Barrett beats Cena at Survivor Series, he’s finally out of Nexus, but if Orton wins, Cena’s fired.  And he has to be the guest referee.  Cena says that if there’s a situation, if something happens, he doesn’t …  He asks if he sees all that chaos on unrest, but he doesn’t know what he’s going to do.  He’s either free or fired.  Orton says that he sees that, and it’s Cena’s bleeding heart way of saying that he is gonna screw Orton over at Survivor Series.  Cena denies it, but Orton says that if he does screw Orton over, then he keeps his job, but he’ll be the biggest phony in the WWE.  And don’t bother coming out talking about Hustle, Loyalty, Respect, especially respect, because he’s obeying Barrett and disrespecting every champion, including himself.  Then, Orton tells him to get out of his ring, because Cena doesn’t deserve to be in it.  Orton then apologizes and says that Cena can’t get out of the ring without asking his master for permission.  Cena says that they both worked hard to get there, and that Nexus runs the show while Cena gets coffee.  Cena says that Barrett may have enough skill to compete for the WWE Championship, but he’s classless, and Barrett’s the one who doesn’t know about respect.

    We walk alone, through the unknown…

    Nexus – now with their new members McGuillicutty and Harris, make their way onto the stage.  Barrett thanks Cena for his kind words, and he gives Cena permission to say whatever he wants about Barrett because actions will speak louder than words, and when push comes to shove, Cena will do exactly what he’s told.  And at Survivor Series, Cena will raise his hand as the new WWE Champion.  Cena says that all he knows that in three weeks, it’s over.  He’s either out of Nexus or, and Barrett says or he’s fired.  Cena asks Orton if he can have a second with his boss.  Cena says that in three weeks, this thing is coming to a head, and whether he leaves Nexus or leaves the WWE, he’ll leave Barrett a parting gift: when this is all over, Cena will beat the hell out of Barrett.  Orton then says that he doesn’t have to wait until Survivor Series, and as far as Orton is concerned, Barrett’s a scared little child who needs to hide behind seven other guys, and he’ll beat on him until the only thing left for Cena to do is count to ten and declare Orton the victor.  Barrett starts toward the ring.

    “Randy Orton, as the WWE Champion, I feel for the position you’re in.  You want to know what Cena is going to do, we all wanna know, so I think we should find out tonight.  Later this evening, there will be a main event with Wade Barrett and a partner of his choice vs you, Randy, and a partner of your choosing.  And the special guest referee is going to be John Cena.”

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @CawCawBang Someone’s going to get their head punted in

    @thinksojoe No, Michael Cole, you may NOT have my attention. #BWF #RAW

    @Niki_Sushi So… was Cole reading the ‘e-mail’ off of Microsoft Word?

    @Lunna1969 And I quote, shut the hell up Michael Cole!

    We return to WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater in the ring.

    WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater vs David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd with Natalya

    So, are these two actually going to split, or is this going to be teased the entire time?  Curious…  And I may be wrong.  I don’t see Natalya.

    Kidd and Slater start out, getting good momentum, but Kidd tags – see, punches – Smith in, and Smith dominates Slater.  Smith hits the suplex on Slater, going for a cover, but Slater kicks out at two.  Smith continues to dominate in the center of the ring, until Slater manages to get behind Smith and Gabriel tags himself in, getting a quick hit on Smith and taking advantage.  Slater and Gabriel tag in and out, dominating Smith in their corner.  Gabriel gets Smith in the middle of the ring in a headlock, and I see now that Natalya was not out here.  Smith hits a scoop slam on Gabriel.  Smith manages to get Kidd in, and Kidd gets a good advantage, hitting a neckbreaker before going for a cover, only for Slater to break it.  Smith sends Slater flying outside of the ring, and Kidd takes advantage, dropkicking Gabriel out of the ring.  Slater shoves Smith into Gabriel, sending Kidd flying into Smith.  Slater then distracts Kidd, and Gabriel goes to the top rope and hits the 450 for the win.

    WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater win via pinfall.

    Smith yells at Kidd for a while, once again teasing the breakup.

    Backstage, Cena’s standing there and Truth comes up.  Truth says Cena got buck, confusing all of us, and then explains that Cena just stood up for himself.  Truth then says when the moment of truth arrives, what is Cena gonna do?  He says that he’s Cena’s friend, and Cena walks away.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar Oh Hart Dynasty…ya dun goofed…again

    @Niki_Sushi I was all pumped up to see Justin and Heath, but then a couple Harts came out and ruined it for me. Ah, dammit. #BWF #RAW

    @seraphalexiel I wanna know when Truth and Cena got so chummy. Did anyone know they were friends before Cena became a slave?

    @HitTheRopes Umm, that’s not what “getting bucked” means, R-Truth. #wwe

    @kickoutblog I’d really like to see Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel lock up in the future.

    The guest star tonight is PeeWee Herman.  And just this song is driving me crazy.

    It’s a shameful thing, lobster head, too many limes, too many limes!


    <VIDEO PACKAGE: John Morrison assists Santino Marella defeat Sheamus.>

    Sheamus says that everyone expected him to come out and throw a tantrum over Santino’s loss last week, but Santino didn’t beat him, he beat himself.  Santino, he’s given you a week to bask in the glory of his fluke victory, but now he’s gonna pay.  So, fella, come out here and try that one more time.  And come out Santino does, in street clothes.  Santino says that first of all, he would just like to say that he respects Sheamus as a human being.  In fact, he is a little bit of a fan of his.  Actually, he went trick-or-treating dressed as Sheamus.  The only problem is that everyone thought he was a ghost.  Sheamus smirks a little.  Santino says that it was quite irritating and no wonder Sheamus is so angry.  Sheamus isn’t grinning anymore.  Santino says last night he consumed too much candy, and bad things happen.  So, unfortunately, the doctor said that if he wrestles against Sheamus, he’s going to accidentally throw up in Sheamus’ face.  He doesn’t think that anyone wants to see that, but the crowd disagrees.  Santino says that he did find Sheamus a suitable replacement.

    Yeah, you’re a stoopid boy…

    Vladimir comes out and says that Sheamus talks funny.  Now, Vladimir crush him.  HULK SMASH!

    Sheamus vs Vladimir Kozlov

    Vladimir gets a good start against Sheamus, getting an early advantage, but Sheamus fights back.  Vladimir wastes no time in getting it back, and Santino plays cheerleader for Kozlov.  Sheamus gets Kozlov in the corner and gets Kozlov in the middle of the ring, hitting a back breaker and going for a cover.  Kozlov kicks out at two, and Sheamus uses some rather Orton-like knee drops to the skull.  Kozlov then grabs Sheamus and head butts his chest, going for the cover, but Sheamus gets his foot on the rope. Sheamus fights back and hits the Brogue kick for the win.

    Sheamus wins via pinfall.

    Sheamus then gets Santino’s hand under his boot and steps back, only for Santino to scurry out of the ring.  Sheamus follows him, and Santino offers Sheamus candy in exchange for safety, then offers to give him money.  Sheamus drops the money and continues to stalk Santino.  Santino then offers him the credit card, and Sheamus chucks that too.  Santino then offers to write Sheamus a check, but Sheamus shoves him backward, and then kicks his stomach.  Sheamus lifts Santino, and gets ready to hit the Irish curse, only for Morrison to come to his rescue, kicking Sheamus in the stomach and head.  Santino trumpets the fact that he’s okay, and Morrison watches him.

    Truth walks up to Orton backstage and Truth says that he’s cool with Orton, but he and Cena are friends.  Truth says that he doesn’t like what he saw, and he thinks that Cena’s already made up his mind.  Truth says that Cena’s not going to let himself get fired, and he has a funny feeling that Cena’s gonna count Barrett victorious.  Orton says that tonight, he’s going to make Truth his tag-team partner.  Cena and Orton have never gotten along, but Orton wants to see how he treats his friends.  Orton says that tonight, they’re going to find out that Cena doesn’t have any friends.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @seraphalexiel Obviously, Truth’s new gimmick is Danny Glover. More hood, less awards

    @Niki_Sushi Its a shameful thing, lost my shorts! Too much sun, too much sun! #BWF #RAW

    @HitTheRopes When the Hell did R-Truth become Dr. Phil of the Raw locker room? Stop being an instigator, Truth. #wwe

    @ThingsColeSays Hey Truth, who is Wade Barriet?

    @FrankWWEClown “Odds are I will eventually throw up…….IN YOUR FACE.” –Santino #WWE #RAW

    @bethsharae I’m not entirely positive that R-Truth speaks the English language.

    Mark Henry is on the phone with PeeWee and says that things aren’t the same since Evan got hurt, because he’s not just his tag partner, but his friend too. PeeWee says that he felt the same thing with a splinter, and I don’t know what he’s talking about.  Henry turns around and says it’s a great story, but he still has to find a tag partner, which is why he’s there to see him.  Herman says he’d be glad to be his tag partner.  Henry says that Herman is just the man to give him a big hug, and Henry crushes him.  Herman says that he knows what may cheer him up, and that’s Diva Twister.  The Bellas, Melina, an Eve.  Dear, God.

    PeeWee says he’s taking some time off from his Broadway show – the PeeWee Herman show – for plenty of surprises, and Lita shows up!, joining them for Twister.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @HitTheRopes Thank gawd they introduced the Divas because this segment had *PAUSE* written all over it. #wwe

    @kickoutblog Ya know, as much as I love Pee-Wee, it’s probably a really bad idea to play Twister with him. Just sayin.

    OH, RADIO, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!

    Well, Joe, you got part of a Ryder entrance!! That counts, right?

    Zack Ryder vs Ezekiel Jackson

    Ryder gets a small advantage, and Jackson takes that away without even blinking.  Big Zeke wins.

    Ezekiel Jackson wins via pinfall.

    The main event is going to be Orton and Truth against Barrett and Otunga with Cena as special guest ref!

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi Zack Ryder, meet your new pimp. Be sure to shave your legs and wax your bikini line; clients don’t like that shit.

    @kickoutblog Ow, Ow, Ow… you know it! #BigZekeWillBreakYou

    … PeeWee came out… but now I’m terrified.

    Tonight’s secret word is ring.  Apparently, we’re supposed to do something.  And King is too excited about this.  Scream, of course.  I must have erased that from my memory.  And I totally did just put arrested… Freudian slip.

    AWESOME!

    Cole welcome us to Miz-ville, and I want to punch him.  PeeWee’s making some kind of noise in the mic as Miz climbs into the ring.

    Miz says he thought RAW losing at Bragging Rights was the lowest point of the show, but he was wrong.  Miz doesn’t like PeeWee – though Riley does – and he always liked He-Man.  PeeWee asks why he doesn’t marry He-Man.  Miz tells him to get out of the ring, and everyone screams.  Riley tells him not to say the secret word, and Miz says that he doesn’t care about the secret word, and he wants PeeWee out of his ring – cue screaming.  Miz says that he’s not a cultural icon, just a pathetic excuse for a man.  Miz and PeeWee proceed to fight like kindergartners, and Riley says he’ll handle it, but Riley gets in PeeWee’s face and Miz has to stop him.  Miz asks if PeeWee is stupid, and says that he’s Mr. Money in the Bank.  Miz doesn’t care who PeeWee is, and asks if PeeWee wants him to beat him into a pulp, and PeeWee says that he’s shaking, and that PeeWee is starting to get angry.  He’s a loner and a rebel.  PeeWee says that they should not anger the P.  He got his cousin backstage, and Miz mocks him a little bit.  Miz says that’s so funny he forgot to laugh, and to bring his cousin and the whole Herman family, because he will destroy them all.  PeeWee says that he’ll be out there to wipe the smirk off his face.

    WELL, It’s a Big Show!

    Show comes out in a PeeWee imitation suit, and I die a little inside.  Show double clotheslines Miz and Riley out of the ring and picks PeeWee up.  Pee Wee asks if they had a nice trip out of the ring.

    “Miz, you’re not getting out of this so easy.  You said you’d beat anyone in PeeWee’s family, well, tonight’s secret word is pain.  Because you’re going to face PeeWee Herman’s cousin, the big PeeWee, next.”

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog If Big Show does the Pee-wee Tequila dance, I might have to stop watching wrestling since nothing will ever top that.

    @HitTheRopes Okay, who came in and changed the channel. I could have sworn I was tuning in to watch WRESTLING. #wwe

    @Niki_Sushi Oh fuck me. This is…. this is horrifying. Even Miz looks embarrassed for Show.

    @RingsideRants Jesus, I miss wrestling. #WWE #RIPWrestling

    @KKonvictionCom Oh it’s Pee-Wee. Hide yo kids, hide you wives, hide your husbands…cuz he’s rapin errbody up in hurr.

    The Miz vs The Big Pee Wee Show

    Show dominates Miz, which just hurts my heart even more than- no, less than that last segment.  Show Irish Whips Miz, who ducks out of the ring for a moment, climbing back in the ring.  Show then returns to dominating Miz, which we all know is because of his movie (alright, alright, I’ll stop being a fangirl. xP), and steps down on Miz’s throat, though Miz comes back, ducking under a clothesline and getting some hits to Show’s knee.  Show comes back with a hard hit to Miz, then flips him onto the ground and hits a hard elbow drop.  Show goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out.  Miz looks a little dizzy, but continues to kick at Show’s knee, alternating between his head and knee.  Miz hits a dropkick on Show’s knee, finally getting him down to his knees.  Miz then gets Show in a headlock, holding it there tight.  Show stands up, but Miz holds on, paying for it as Show falls backwards.  Miz and Show both make their way to their feet, Show regaining momentum.  Show climbs up to the second rope, watching Riley, and then dropping backward, only for Miz to roll out of the way.  Miz then goes for the cover, but Show throws him into the ref.  Miz attacks Show while he’s down, kicking him in the face before hitting some hard hits and going up to the top rope, aiming to knock Show down again.  Miz goes up again, dropping his knuckles on Show’s head, once, and then doing it again for a third time.  He goes for the cover, but Show throws him off again.  Miz gets Show in a headlock, holding on tight once again.  Show struggles to get up to his feet, flipping Miz off him and then clotheslining Miz once, twice, and Irish Whipping Miz and then throwing him over his back.  Show makes a train noise and then runs across the ring, getting Miz set up for the choke slam, but Riley distracts Show, who uses the briefcase and gets disqualified.

    The Big Show wins via disqualification.

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Stand up for WWE, Celebrity Edition.>

    Backstage, Cena is talking to Barrett.  Barrett says after Cena raises his hand in victory, he wants Cena to clean his locker room: Sweep, mop, and then scrub Barrett’s back.  Cena looks over and sees Otunga.  Otunga says that Cena won’t be scrubbing Barrett’s back, because he’ll be raising Otunga’s hand.  Otunga has more talent than anyone in Nexus, and more than Cena.  Yeah, okay, Otunga.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @KeepItFiveStar John Cena’s also gonna shave Wade Barrett’s back and Barrett will purr like a Walrus

    @kickoutblog Pee-wee + Big Show + The Miz = wrestling gold

    <VIDEO PACKAGE: Goldust and Aksana get married tomorrow night on NXT.>

    That may have been a commercial, but it made me grin.  Remember, DiBiase has a personal vendetta against Goldust for stealing Daddy’s belt.  Which means daddy’s more pissed off.

    Ted DiBiase with Maryse vs. Daniel Bryan

    DiBiase starts to get an advantage, but Daniel eats his advantage with his feet.  … I don’t know what that meant either.  Anyway, Maryse walks over to Cole and says something, and Cole says that he’ll let us know.  DiBiase tries to get the advantage away from Bryan, and does so after a hard fight.  He gets Bryan in the middle of the ring, holding Bryan in a headlock.  Maryse looks like she’s got something in mind, so keep an eye on her Bryan, and not a creepy one.  Bryan attempts a LaBell lock in mid-air, but turns it into a cover, twice, and DiBiase kicks out both times.  Alright, that staircase flip thing off the ropes was impressive.  Bryan pounds the mat as he avoids DiBiase, getting pumped up, and then kicks DiBiase in the chest once, twice, three, four, five, six times.  DiBiase counters a jump into a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two.  DiBiase gets behind Bryan and tries for Dream Street, but Bryan gets him in the LaBell Lock, and DiBiase taps.

    Daniel Bryan wins via submission.

    DiBiase freaks out on Maryse and says that he can’t concentrate and he needs his title back.

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @kickoutblog KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! KILL THE WABBIT! #LeBellLock

    @TheWWETweeter AHAHAH!! David Otunga just said he’s the most talented guy in @TheNexusWWE!! That was hilarious!! ..Oh wait.. He wasn’t kidding..? #WWE #RAW

    @KeepItFiveStar #umad Ted. Its Daniel Bryan, there’s nothing you can do

    Damn it.  LayCool is here.  I mean… No, that’s what I meant.

    McCool says that she feels that LayCool got off on the wrong foot with everyone and she doesn’t care.  They apologize for hurting the WWE Universe.  They just need a fresh start, and the more they give, the more people take it the wrong way.  Natalya, for example, is what they call special.  She’s Canadian, and they’re going to be nice.  They say that they’re going to give Natalya another chance at Survivor Series if she beats McCool tonight, but she won’t do that because they’re the best there was, is, and ever will be.

    Diva’s Champion Michelle McCool vs Natalya

    I really thought Cole was going to say it was time for the most exciting sixty seconds of RAW.  I was going to cry a little as I laughed myself to death.  Anyway, Natalya gets a pretty good start, but McCool yanks it away from her and beats the shit out of her for a while.  Just when it looks like Natalya can’t get back in it, Natalya steals an advantage back and throws McCool into Layla, then moves out of the way so that McCool kicks Layla, and then sneaks a pin in there for the victory.

    Natalya wins via pinfall.

    We see a heart monitor beeping, and then Freddie Prinze Jr comes up, and says that the someone’s still in a coma, and he’s going to miss the election.  Then, we see it’s Vince McMahon?!

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @Niki_Sushi Michelle’s weave met some chlorine, apparently. #BWF #RAW

    @kickoutblog Look out, women are actually wrestling on WWE TV. #SignsofApocalypse

    @CawCawBang THERE’S NO TIME OUT IN WRESTLING!!!!!

    @BrdWrstlngFn As much as I can’t stand these two – I love the gimmick. It works.

    @ThingsColeSays Oh God. That can’t be good.

    @FrankWWEClown Aw, Layla is crying. How dare you Natalya. #WWE #RAW

    @YourBoyDrew Vince..I just saw you at the appreciation show, what happened within that one day? Haha

    Freddie talks to Vince and says that at least Linda comes over to visit, and she’s dedicated, even though she spent $50 million on a campaign.  I was right.  This is the obligatory Linda for Senate segment!!  Now Freddie has to break the news that Taker was buried, Nexus is stronger than ever, Cena’s in Nexus, Paul Bearer’s back, Goldust is getting married, and RAW’s being taken over by PeeWee Herman.  Vince says next, Freddie’s going to tell him Bryan is US Champion.  Right on the money, Vince.  Vince pulls off all the stuff keeping him hooked p and says that he has to go to the bathroom.  Then again, if his wife can run for Senate, he can run to be the President.  Oh, dear God.  There’s a Blumenthal sign on Vince’s butt.

    Stephanie suddenly shoots up in bed and says that she had the weirdest dream.  She asks Triple H to make sure her dad’s still in a coma, and he says yes, and Thank God.

    BRRRRRRRRRRRR What the hell is Creative on tonight?


    Wade Barrett and David Otunga vs Randy Orton and R-Truth with Special Guest Referee John Cena

    <COMMERCIAL>

    @HitTheRopes With the Blumenthal poster on his keister, WWE gave both candidates time in that segment. LOL

    @RingsideRants Stay classy, Vince.

    @kickoutblog Okay, Vince waking up after hearing his wife spent $50 million was pretty funny. Not digging the free Linda ads though.

    @seraphalexiel D: I hate politics too. Go away

    @CawCawBang Mr. Mcmahon is Mr. Krabs

    @FrankWWEClown Cena would make a great ref if he wasn’t a Superstar, he just pulled out the tag ropes for this match. So vital. Eat that, Chioda. #WWE

    @Lunna1969 Super Cena don’t look right in black and white stripes…

    @KeepItFiveStar If John Cena destroys R-Truth I will love him for life

    @ThingsColeSays Vince McMahon has lost his damn mind.

    Otunga and Orton start out, locking up in the middle of the ring.  Otunga backs Orton into a corner and beats on Orton for a while.  Orton gets out, and hits a shoulder block on Otunga, getting him to his knees before kicking him in the stomach.  He then Irish Whips Otunga and runs into an elbow.  Otunga tags in Barrett, who gets a clothesline from Orton as he gets in.  Cena gets Orton off of Barrett and Barrett takes advantage and rolls Orton up, only for Orton to kick out at two.  It happens again, but Barrett tags in Otunga, who eats a scoop slam.  Orton and Barrett lock eyes, and Orton drops his knee in Otunga’s face, then follows him out of the ring.  Cena tells them to get back in the ring, and Orton goes to throw Otunga into the steps, only for Otunga to reverse it and throw Orton in.  Cena tells Otunga to get Orton back in, and he does.  Otunga goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two.  Otunga tags in Barrett, who immediately begins stomping on Orton.  Barrett gets Orton in a headlock, but Orton gets to his feet and gives Barrett a very hard throw to the mat.  Both men are down and work toward their corners, Otunga and Truth tagged in.  Truth hits a hard, two hard elbows on Otunga, then throws Otunga down.  Otunga Irish Whips Truth, who jumps off the corner and does his fancy dance moves, and goes for a cover, only for Otunga to kick out at two.  Truth throws Otunga into the ropes, and Barrett is tagged in.  Barrett goes for the cover, but Truth kicks out at two.  Barrett Whips Truth into the corner, and Barrett hits a back breaker.  Barrett lifts Truth and punches him in the face, then going up to the second rope and missing an elbow drop as Truth moves out of the way.  Both men are down, again.  Truth tags Orton, but Cena never saw the tag due to Otunga climbing into the ring and distracting Cena.  Barrett drags Truth over to their corner and the Barrett tags Otunga in.  Otunga slams Truth onto the mat and hits an elbow drop, going for a cover only for Truth to kick out at two.  Otunga tags in Barrett, Cena kicks Otunga to the apron, and Barrett beats Truth up a little.  Otunga goes for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two, then puts Truth in a headlock.  Truth fights back, and the two of them are down in the center of the ring after a double cross body.  Otunga tags in Barrett, but Cena misses it because Orton distracts him.  As Cena yells at Barrett, Orton hits the RKO on Otunga and takes Barrett out of the ring.  Truth then gets the pin on Otunga.

    R-Truth and WWE Champion Randy Orton win via pinfall.


    For some reason, Truth’s music changes to Randy’s.  The sound guys probably realized that playing Orton’s music made more sense since Orton really got them the victory.  Either way, we end RAW with an epic staredown between Orton, Barrett, and Cena.

    Overall, not a bad RAW, if you take away the scary ass PeeWee segments.  See ya next week, ladies and gentlemen.