What’s up everyone!! Tonight, RAW comes from my home state of North Carolina!! What is going on with the Season One NXT Rookies?! What’re the matches going to be to prepare us for Fatal 4Way? WILL SHEAMUS EVER TAN?! All questions will be answered tonight… Not really.

Raw starts us off with a rewind of what happened last week.  If you didn’t see it, YouTube it, because I’d really rather not cover it again.  It was the NXT rookies beating the hell out of everyone, and that’s all I’ll say about it.  I saw enough of it reviewed and talked about and replayed in the past week that I’m so over what’s happened.

We start out with Wade Barrett in the ring, and he introduces himself as the Season One NXT Winner.  He says he’s out there because RAW General Manager, Bret Hart demanded that he come out and apologize for lats week.  He says that the rest of the NXT Rookies need to come out too so that they can apologize properly.  The NXT Rookies fill the ring, and Jerry “The King” Lawler and Michael Cole leave, along with Justin Roberts and a few other people.  Barrett starts with Heath Slater, asking him to apologize.  Slater says no, and he would do it again in a heartbeat.  Barrett moves to Justin Gabriel, who says never and he still has goosebumps.  Skip Sheffield says no apolgies, no regrets.  Michal Tarver says that the look of fear lived on the sweetest of his dreams, and there is no one in the WWE who can make him apologize.  Darren Young says not a chance, and he had the time of his life last week.  David Otunga says apologize?  For what?  After how the NXT Rookies were treated, they need to apologize to them.  Barrett takes the mic back and says it looks like it’s unanimous.  The rookies were treated like dirt, animals, and sooner or later, people will behave like animals.  They were made to change in a small locker room, do ridiculous challenges, and were at the mercy of overzealous pros.  The rules changed at a moment’s notice, they were eliminated on a whim, and they were made an international joke.  Last time he looked, jokes were supposed to be funny, but no one was laughing after RAW last week when they destroyed the ring and John Cena (Obviously, this guy doesn’t read through the Twitter feed I was getting…)

Bret Hart makes his way out and says that they look proud of what they did.  Where he comes from, eight on one doesn’t make you tough, just makes you look more cowardly.  He reminds us that last week, they attacked John Cena, the Straight Edge Society, security, Justin Roberts, a timekeeper, and a Hall of Famer.  Wade Barrett says that Daniel Bryan showed some remorse for it (because apparently that’s how they’re going to play off his firing…), and we’ll never see Daniel Bryan again.  Bret says that despite everything, John Cena will still be competing this Sunday at Fatal 4Way.  Wade says this had nothing to do with Cena, or the people in the arena.  It’s between the Rookies and WWE Management.  Aside from some of the pros, they don’t have a problem with anyone in the locker room.  The Rookies could stay out arguing all night, but they need to get down to business.  Wade has a contract, and a title opportunity at a Pay-Per-View of his choosing, but the other Rookies have their own demands.

David Otunga takes the mic and says their demands are guaranteed WWE contracts, private dressing rooms, and first class travel accommodations.  If they fail to comply with even one demand, last week was just the beginning.  Barrett takes the mic back and says that before Bret says anything, two weeks ago, Vince McMahon informed him that he would have difficult decisions to make as RAW’s General Manager.  This isn’t a difficult choice, because behind him are a group of highly-polished athletes, who could be the future of the WWE.  They’re dressed, here, and ready to fight.  All they need is a contract.

Bret says that Barrett is right.  It is his job to find new, fresh talent.  But, with that in mind, his answer is no.  He’s not hiring anyone.  Barrett says he’s making a mistake.  Bret says that it’s the Rookies who made the mistake by attacking Cena.  He’s not signing any of them and on account of his actions, Barrett is no longer the breakout star of the WWE (Though Bret said WWF and it made me laugh), and he doesn’t get a title shot, because he’s fired.  As for the rest of the Rookies, they can get out of the ring, or Bret will call the cops to physically remove them for trespassing, and they’re all through, whether they like it or not.

<COMMERCIAL>

Everyone’s back ringside, and King says you can’t bully your way into the WWE.

Fatal Four Way Match for the United States Championship
United States Champion R-Truth vs John Morrison vs Zack Ryder vs The Miz

Ryder focuses on Morrison, and Truth focuses on Miz.  Truth and Morrison get Miz and Ryder out of the ring, and go at it.  Truth and Morrison lock up, and Truth gets Morrison in a headlock.  Truth goes for a cover, but Ryder breaks it.  Ryder whips Truth, and Miz grabs his ankles.  Truth kicks him off, and Morrison rolls Ryder up.  Ryder kicks out at two.  Miz, Ryder, and Truth are outside the ring.  Miz gets up on the apron, and Morrison flips outside the ring, grabbing Miz and throwing him out and into Ryder.

<COMMERCIAL>

Miz and Morrison are in the ring, and Morrison goes for the cover.  Miz kicks out at two, only to be covered again, and Miz kicks out at two again.  Ryder’s up on the turnbuckle, and Morrison goes up with him, going for a superplex.  Truth pulls them down and everyone’s down.  Truth goes for a cover on Miz, who kicks out at two, then Ryder, who kicks out at two, then Morrison who kicks out at two.  Miz goes for a cover on Truth, but Truth kicks out a two.  Miz is attacked by Truth, but Ryder pulls him off.  Truth starts wailing on him, then goes for Morrison and salms him down.  Ryder misses a clothesline, but Truth hits Ryder with a scissor kick.  Truth covers Ryder, but Miz breaks it up.  Truth goes for Miz, but Miz pulls on the top rope, sending Truth out.  Miz then hits Morrison with a baseball slide.  Miz then runs at the opposite tunbuckle and hits Ryder with his swinging corner clothesline.  Morrison pulls Miz out and hits him with a clothesline.  Truth and Ryder are in the ring, and Truth hits the Lie Detector on Ryder.  He goes for the cover, but Morrison breaks it.  Morrison went to do something to Truth, but Miz distracted him, and both Truth and Morrison throw Miz out.  Truth knocks Morrison down and goes for the cover, but Ryder breaks it up.  Truth knocks Ryder in the corner, Ryder moves, Truth hit with Rough Ryder.  Ryder goes for the cover, but Morrison breaks it up.  Morrison hits Startship Pain on Truth, Miz throws him out, and covers Truth for the win.

New United States Champion, The Miz!

The main event tonight will be Randy Orton vs Sheamus!

Randy is backstage with Josh Matthews, and Matthews asks how Randy’s shoulder is, considering that Randy is competing tonight.  Randy says that anything can happen at Fatal 4Way, as was just proven.  He says to watch, wait, and see about his shoulder, when he fights Sheamus.  Matthews then asks about the NXT Rookies.  Randy says part of him has to respect it, because he understands why they’re making a point.  But, a bigger part of him just thinks they’re a bunch of punks.  They deserved to either be fired, or have their brains beaten in.  But, considering Barrett only got fired, they got off lucky.

<COMMERCIAL>

We come back to a Royal Pains package with Big Show, and Mark Feuerstein is with the Bellas.  We’re reminded that this Thursday, on USA, at 10/9 Central, the Big Show guest stars.  Ted DiBiase comes up and interrupts .  He says that Mark could have a shiny new car of his choice waiting for him in the parking lot if he makes Ted co-Guest Host for the night.  Mark says that unlike some people in the room, he has integrity.  The answer is no.  Mark then admits he’s a little scared of Ted, but then sees Big Show.  He says that he would love to let Ted co-Guest Host, but there’s no chance he’s going to let him do that, because Ted’s a spoiled little daddy’s boy.  Mark says that he was a wrestler in high school, and they called him Main Event Mark.  Show clears his throat, and they shut up.  Show says that they can do a match tonight: Show and Mark vs Ted and Virgil.  Ted says done, and he and Virgil leave.   Mark admits to Show that he was really an ice skater.  He does a move where he jumps into Show’s arms, and the Bellas see it.  Show says next time, Mark catches him, because it’s much more impressive.

Up next, John Cena will talk about last week’s attack!

<COMMERCIAL>

Rewind to last week’s first Viewer’s Choice Match, the Body Slam Contest between Show and Jericho.

Chris Jericho vs Evan Bourne

Chris an Evan start viciously.  Chris kicks Evan, then rams him into the turnbuckle.  Chris Irish Whips Evan, who counters with a hurricanrana.  Drop toe hold, dropkick to the face, and then Bourne goes for the cover, but Jericho kicks out at one.  Jericho clotheslines Bourne, and goes for the cover, but Bourne kicks out at two.  Chri then drops Bourne, stomps on his back, gets him in a headlock.  Bourne gets up and kicks back, but Jericho smacks him and runs him into the turnbuckle.  He throws Bourne over, but Bourne lands on the apron, kicking Jericho.  He goes for a sunset flip, but Chris counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho, only for Bourne to kick him away.  Bourne goes for a cover, but Jericho kicks out at two.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker, and goes for the cover, but Bourne kicks out at two.  Jericho starts attacking Bourne, and the ref tells him to stop.  Jericho shoves the ref away and keeps going against Bourne.  Jericho threatens the ref the next time he comes over and keeps kicking Bourne.  The ref calls for the bell.

Evan Bounre wins via Disqualification

Jericho picks Bourne up and smacks him.  Bourne kicks him and hits the Shooting Star Press.

Next up, Cena will respond to the NXT attack.

<COMMERCIAL>

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SHUT THE DOOOR!!!!!

Cena comes out and makes his way to the ring as we flash back to earlier tonight when Barrett was fired.

Cena says that he had the night off, and he thanks Bret for having his best interests at heart.  Thanks to Bret for not caving into the demands of the Rookies, because they’re demands that shouldn’t even be put up for negotiation.  A portion of him respects them for doing it, and they needed a target.  He says he’s the biggest target (and I blame the orange shirt for this), and he’s used to it.  He goes on to say that their plan was almost brilliant, because their genius was blinded by their ignorance.  The problem was with management, and they took RAW away from the WWE Universe, which was a bad move, because they made five million new enemies.  They destroyed the ring, considered sacred ground, and now every WWE Superstar wants their head on a plate.  Wade was fired tonight.  Bold decision, but it won’t fix the problem.  If the group was lawless enough to stop a broadcast of RAW, he says that getting arrested for a misdemeanor is the least of their problem.  They’ve been kicked out, but he’s still there, and he hopes their watching.  He’s going to Fatal 4Way, he’ll be on RAW the night after, and he’ll be standing in the ring, demanding they finish it.  They’ve been fired, and all Cena has is his word.  His word is this: If they fight, he won’t press charges.

The NXT Rookies show up from the stands again.  He says that they thought he was a target?  They put the target off him and put it on their own heads.  King gets into the ring joined by Evan Bourne, William Regal, R-Truth, and Santino.  A full out brawl starts, and Mark Henry, Randy Orton, and Edge all join.  Sheamus even runs in with his lead pipe.  The NXT Rookies run away, but the Superstars chase them backstage and out of the arena.

<COMMERCIAL>

Sheamus is backstage with his lead pipe and Josh Matthews walks up and asks why he helped.  Sheamus says that he won’t let the NXT Rookies ruin his match at Fatal 4Way, and if anyone’s going to take out Cena, it’s going to be him.

Rewind to last week’s Battle Royal.

Diva’s Champion Eve Torres & Gail Kim vs Maryse and Alicia Fox

It’s been announced that the Diva’s Championship is on the line in a Fatal 4Way as well on Sunday.  Diva’s Champion Eve Torres will defend against Gail Kim, Maryse, and Alicia Fox.

Maryse shoves Eve before the match has even started, and the two start attacking as soon as the bell rings.  Eve kicks Maryse in the stomach and throws her down.  Eve bounces back, but Alicia grabs her hair.  Eve tries to pay her back, but turns around to get hit by Maryse with a spinning back kick.  Alicia gets tagged in and they hit a double team, before Alicia covers Eve, but Eve kicks out.  Alicia hits a superplex and then goes for the cover, but Eve kicks out again.  Alicia puts Eve in a headlock, Eve fights out, and Alicia throws her onto the mat.  She drags her by her hair to the corner and tags in Maryse.  I missed some part or another here, but Alicia’s back in, she kicks Gail away, and then Eve is thrown into the corner.  Alicia goes for a kick, but misses and ends up kicking Maryse.  Eve hits a neckbreaker on Alicia and wins.

Diva’s Champion Eve Torres and Gail Kim win!

Turns out John Cena has decided to compete tonight after all, and the main event is now the one we missed the other week: John Cena and Randy Orton vs Edge and Sheamus.  But, next up, Mark and Big Show will take on Ted DiBiase and Virgil.

<COMMERCIAL>

The Big Show & Guest Host Mark Feurstein vs Ted DiBiase & Virgil

Ted and Show start out this match.  Ted tries to get Show in a submission, but Show powers out and shoves Ted into a corner.  He then proceeds to put his ass in Ted’s face.  He stands Ted up and slaps his chest once, twice.  Ted is throw into the opposite corner, and manages to poke Big Show’s eyes.  Ted tries to pick him up, but Show just throws him.  Ted then tags in Virgil, who looks at Ted like he’s nuts.  He gets off the apron to talk to Ted, but Show grabs his head and just hurls him into the ring.  Virgil rolls to the other side of the ring and out, but Mark grabs him and throws him back into the ring.  Show bodyslams Virgil, then steps on him.  He picks him up, throws him into the turnbuckle, rips her shirt, and slaps him too.  Show gets Virgil with the chokeslam.  While Ted’s yelling at a motionless Virgil to get up, Show tags in Mark.  Mark breakdances in the ring for a minute before he does the worm over to Virgil.  He winds up, and then drops… next to Virgil in an attempted elbow drop.  Anyway, he covers Virgil for the win.

Big Show and Mark Feuerstien win!

Ted looks both humiliated and pissed.  He starts to just walk right by Virgil, but then he stops and pulls $100 out of his boot, walking over and sticking it in Virgil’s mouth.  He then walks away, but goes back, grabs the money, wipes it on Virgil and puts it in his trunks, reminding me of a hooker, before he walks out.

<COMMERCIAL>

Showstopper by Toby Mac is the official F4W theme!

William Regal vs Santino Marella with Vladimir Kozlov as the Special Guest Referee

Kozlov starts the match and Santino, reminiscent of the other week, attempts a few kicks on Regal before Regal nails him with a shoulder block, stomping on his arm.  Santino’s flipped, and Regal’s back on his arm.  Regal’s focusing on Santino’s arm, but Santino manages to get Regal down with a handful of tights, and Kozlov gives him the three count.  Regal argues, but Kozlov rolls out of the ring.

Santino Marella wins.

Bret comes out and says that he wants every Superstar out on the stage to prevent history from repeating itself.  Up next, the main event!

<COMMERCIAL>

Edge & Sheamus vs WWE Champion John Cena & Randy Orton

Sheamus starts with Cena.  They lock up, Sheamus gets Cena in a headlock.  Cena pushes down on Sheamus’ knee with his foot to get out, and reverses it.  Sheamus gets to the ropes.  Cena reaches out to Sheamus’ hand like he’s going to lock up again, then goes around him for a full nelson, but Sheamus gets to the ropes again.  Cena moves over and tags Orton in.  Orton punches Sheamus, then puts him in a headlock.  Sheamus pushes Orton into the turnbuckle and gets him down, kicking at him.  Sheamus tags in Edge, but Oton hits Edge with a backbreaker.  He goes down, pounding on the mat, then gets up and goes for the RKO, but Edge pushes him away and rolls out of the ring.

<COMMERCIAL>

Cena gets the upperhand on Edge, hits a fisherman suplex and goes for the cover, but Edge kicks out at two.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Edge gets out and goes for a clothesline only to miss. Cena hits a clothesline, however, and goes for a cover.  Edge grabs the ropes.  Cena punches Edge a few times and then knocks Edge out of the ring.  Edge gets back in, but stays on the apron, grabbing Cena’s head and jumping off the apron.  Cena falls back, and then Edge drags Cena to the other corner.  He gets him in an arm bar before he tags in Sheamus.  Sheamus kicks Cena, then goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two.  Sheamus delivers a running high knee to Cena, then shoves his head down.  Sheamus distracts the ref, and Edge holds Cena in a headlock.  Sheamus then tags in Edge.  Edge tries to get Cena up, but Cena hits a superplex on him.  Edge then tags Sheamus back in, and Sheamus hits an elbow drop.  Sheamus, once again, distracts the ref, and Edge takes advantage outside the ring.  Sheamus rolls out and throws Cena into the barrier.  He gets him back in the ring and goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two.

Sheamus hits a clothesline and goes for another cover, but Cena kicks out at two again.  Sheamus gets Cena in a headlock and wraps his legs around Cena’s torso.  Cena stands up, holding Sheamus and reaches for Orton, but falls.  Sheamus goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two.  Sheamus tags in Edge and Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Sheamus drops him, and Cena is set up for the Spear, but moves last minute.  Orton and Sheamus are tagged in.  Orton keeps dropping Sheamus to the mat, and then hits a scoop slam.  Orton gets Sheamus between the ropes and drops him face-first into the mat.  He drops to the ring again, and then gets up to RKO Edge.  Sheamus hits Orton with an Ax Handle, and then hits what King (I think) called the Irish Curse Backbreaker, and goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out.  Sheamus gets Orton in a submission, but Orton fights out.  Sheamus puts his knee in Orton’s gut, and goes for the cover, but Orton kicks out.  Sheamus drags Orton to his corner and tags in Edge.  Orton fights Edge and Sheamus, and Edge hits a drop toe-hold and beats on Orton’s shoulder.  Orton gets to his feet and then is Irish Whipped.  He kicks Edge, who hits a clothesline.  Orton tags Cena.  Cena hits two shoulder blocks when the lights go down.

The NXT Rookies are destroying the backstage area.  Two of them, I’m not sure which two because everyone started looking the same, get Bret in the back seat of a limo, which then proceeds to rear end a bunch of cars.  They pull him out and say they want an answer by Sunday, and then they scatter.

So!  What will the answer be at Fatal 4Way?  Will the Rookies ever go away? STAY TUNED!!

Match 1: Carlito vs Primo

Throughout the match, Carlito looked really apprehensive about apply any offense to his brother.  The end of the match saw Carlito grab a mic and tell Primo to quit wasting his career and rejoin with him.  Now the Colon’s are back together as a tag team contender and this match has no ending.

Match 2: Chavo Guerrero vs Chris Masters

This was the typical Superstars match-up that we normally get.  Two guys that have no real direction and are thus thrown into a random match.  Masters gets the win with the Masterlock after countering the Three Amigos.

Backstage Segment:

Michelle McCool and Layla walk into Kelly Kelly’s locker room and tell her she stinks, then try to hold her down for Vickie Guerrero to spray her with deodorant.  Beth Phoenix and Tiffany walk in and break it up.

Main Event:  Shad Gaspard vs JTG

This match was a good Superstars main event because it was a rematch from the Extreme Rules PPV.  Shad gets the win with the STO after blocking a Shout Out.  This fued is dying out now, especially considering they put it on Superstars.  We shall have to wait and see where these two go after this.

That’s it for this week.  Check back in again next week for another Superstars.

In this post-”Bound for Glory” landscape, what is there for us to look forward to? AJ Styles is still World Heavyweight Champion. The British Invasion are TNA Tag Team Champions. Taylor Wilde and Sarita are still Knockouts Tag Team Champions. Amazing Red held on to his X-Division Championship. ODB retained the Knockouts Championship. Eric Young is the new Legends Champion. What next?

We open with a recap of some “Bound for Glory” highlights. Kurt Angle enters alone. Mike Tenay and Taz point out that the only bright spot at BFG for the Main Event Mafia was Angle’s win over Matt Morgan. Angle says that he stands there without a family. The MEM was created one year ago. From the beginning, the MEM was misunderstood. It wasn’t about securing spots in the company, at least it wasn’t for Angle. The MEM wasn’t about job security, because Angle already knew that he was better than everyone else. The MEM was about respect, for both the wrestlers and for the game. Not money or ego, about pride and wanting to be the best. Angle says that when he showed up to TNA, he saw a bunch of young guys looking for everything to be handed to them. Angle was wrong, and they’re boys who have grown into men. Eric Young, AJ Styles, and Matt Morgan all get praised for determination, fire, passion, and the desire to be the best. Angle says that the TNA locker room has nothing to prove to him, he now considers them his peers, and that he’ll fight the fight that they are fighting.

Rhino runs out. He can’t believe what Angle is saying. Rhino says that the MEM is no more. Booker T is gone. TNA management wants veterans like them gone, and wants guys like Hernandez, Morgan, and AJ. What about them, Kurt? What about Rhino? Angle says that they may have earned it. Rhino says they haven’t earned anything. Rhino fought with those guys in the Front Line and stood by them, only to be shoved aside and discarded by TNA for Bobby Lashley and the like. Team 3D comes out, with security trying to stop them. Brother Ray yells at Rhino about what Rhino did to him at the ppv. Rhino tells Team 3D that TNA wants to replace them too. Take a look in the back, they aren’t on the card. Maybe Team 3D doesn’t pull the ratings like they used to. Team 3D tries to attack Rhino, but security stops them. Rhino swears that TNA won’t get rid of him until they drag his lifeless body from the ring.

To the back! Lauren asks Daniels and AJ Styles what they think of Angle’s words. Daniels is totally stylin’ in the suit and sunglasses combination. AJ says that he’s still digesting everything that was said, but if it’s true, then TNA is all about the competition, rather than the factions. Lauren says that the main event for “Turning Point” has already been announced, with AJ/Joe/Daniels for the World Heavyweight Championship. She points out that the main event from 2005 featuring the three of them was the greatest match in TNA history. Daniels says that he and AJ face Kevin Nash and Samoa Joe tonight, and that while both of those guys are coming off major losses at the ppv, Daniels nearly died in the ring on Sunday, and yet, they’re all still here. Daniels and AJ will answer all questions in the ring.

To the back! Lauren interviews Raisha Saeed, who says that she knows Awesome Kong better than Kong knows herself. If they wrestle tonight, Saeed will destroy Kong!

To the ring! Homicide is beating the hell out of Amazing Red, down the ramp and to the ring.

Match #1: Homicide vs. Amazing Red: The match is finally made official after a major beatdown and Red being rolled into the ring. Homicide continues to assault Red. Don West comes to ringside to support Red. This is a non-title match, and both Tenay and Taz talk up the rivalry between Red and Homicide over wrestling schools. Homicide tries to pin Red with his feet on the ropes, but gets caught. While Homicide tries to intimidate the ref, Red rolls up Homicide and gets a two count. Red finally goes on the offensive, but one Gringo Killer later, Homicide gets the win. Post-match, Tenay and Taz talk up the fact that Homicide just beat the X-Division champion and the winner of Ultimate X! Homicide throws clothing at Don West. That sounds so wrong now that I read it.

Winner: Homicide

To the back! Lauren interviews Scott Steiner. Steiner says that there will always be a Main Event Mafia with  him around, and he won’t give credit for anything to any of these young punks, like Mike Morgan. Steiner is funny here, I’ll admit.

Match #2: Matt Morgan vs. Scott Steiner: Steiner stops in front of Krystal Lashley, wife of Bobby and former Diva Search contestant. She wants none of his flexing. Morgan and Steiner play the power game back and forth. Steiner does push-ups instead of pinning Morgan at one point. Morgan takes over and knocks Steiner around. Slow pace, heavy on the clotheslines. Steiner grabs Krystal again from ringside and she fights him off. Bobby Lashley runs out and beats up Steiner. Lashley throws Steiner back in the ring and punches him again. Morgan plants Steiner with the Carbon Footprint and gets the win.

Winner: Matt Morgan

To the back! Lauren is with Awesome Kong. Lots of heavy breathing from Kong as she snarls that there will be no more orders from Raisha Saeed.

To the back! Lauren follows Lashley and Krystal, trying to apologize on behalf of TNA for Steiner’s actions. Lashley says that Scott Steiner doesn’t want to play this game with him, and the couple leaves.

Match #3: AJ Styles & Daniels vs. Samoa Joe & Kevin Nash: Wow! This isn’t the main event. I’m impressed. Joe and Nash enter together. AJ and Daniels enter together. More references are made to Daniels nearly flying with the angels in the ring. I don’t know that I like that. Joe attacks AJ, while Daniels goes after Nash. AJ and Joe are awesome in the ring, while Nash and Daniels go on the floor. AJ and Daniels double-team Joe briefly, then Daniels tags in and works over Joe. AJ tags in and tries the same, but Joe takes over and dominates again. Nash tags in and goes after AJ. Fast-paced action all around. Nash is portrayed as a babyface who got screwed over by Eric Young. Joe and AJ are back in. Nash tags in and punches AJ. Really good action here! Daniels tags in and cleans house. Everyone looks good so far. Daniels tries to tag AJ in, but AJ just hits a springboard moonsault to take out Joe on the floor. Daniels is left alone, and gets chokeslammed by Nash for the win. Post-match, Nash announced that he’s going after Eric Young.

Winners: Samoa Joe & Kevin Nash

To the back! JB pimps the backstage info, but is interrupted by Eric Young. Young says that he isn’t hard to find. He’s the guy who outsmaerted Kevin Nash at the ppv, and the leader of the most dominant faction in the company. Next week, he has a major announcement that will shake TNA to its foundations. “Veni, vidi, vici.” I like that as a catchphrase for World Elite.

To the back! Lauren interviews the Motor City Machine Guns! It’s the first ever Ultimate X match on network tv. Chris Sabin asks Lauren if she can smell it. That’s the smell of progress. The future Mr. Drowgoddess admits that Lethal Consequences may have a slight advantage, as LC didn’t pull double duty at “Bound for Glory.” It will be irrelevent when the MCMG pull down the X, and become the #1 Contenders to the TNA tag team titles. Alex Shelley is very hoarse, having been hit in the throat with a clothesline and can’t turn up his larynx. Shelley says that they were left off the memo of giving chances to the younger wrestlers on the roster, so they mean to make the most of this chance. They’ll do what they always do – make people pay attention to them. 

To the back! The Beautiful People claim to be shooting their new reality show, “Meanest Girls,” and they assault Taylor Wilde and Sarita at the catering line. Hot chicks food fight ensues. Huzzah! For you guys.

Match #4: Raisha Saeed vs. Awesome Kong: Saeed enters first. Kong enters second. Saeed uses quickness to roll away from Kong and dodge, hitting Kong with a dropkick. Kong overpowers Saeed anyway. Kong goes for a second-rope splash, but Saeed gets up and stops her. Saeed plants Kong with a top rope Fameasser-type move, but Kong kicks out. Saeed goes for a top rope splash, but Kong gets the knees up. Saeed counters the Implant Buster, and attempts to counter the Awesome Bomb, but Kong makes it a sitdown splash. Kong hits Saeed with the Implant Buster for the win. Post-match, Kong drags Saeed to the back. KOng powerbombs Saeed off the side of the ramp onto the pyro area. Medical help rushes in for Saeed.

 Winner: Awesome Kong

During the commercial break, Raisha Saeed gets stretchered out of the arena.

Match #5: Rhino vs. Hernandez: Team 3D joins the commentary table. I really like how TNA is announcing the matches as having specific time limits, and graphics come up with the wrestler’s name, hometown, height, and weight as he enters. Hernandez makes a spectacular dive over the top rope onto Rhino. The commentary with Team 3D completely dominates the match. Another solid power match. Both guys look really good. Hernandez wins with a top rope splash. Post-match, Rhino attacks Hernandez. Rhino misses a Gore, and Hernandez attempts a Border Toss over the top rope on Rhino. Team 3D rushes the ring and talks down Hernandez, who drops Rhino. Team 3D tells Hernandez that Rhino is not worth getting a suspension. Team 3D raises Hernandez’s hands, and they leave the ring together.

To the back! JB talks with Kurt Angle. Angle admits that he was wrong about the younger guys, but that Rhino is paranoid. Angle is interrupted by an admirer. Desmond Wolfe. The glasses come off. ROH fans know who this is! (ahem *Nigel McGuinness* ahem) Desmond Wolfe beats down Angle, puts his glasses back on, and leaves.

Match #6: Ultimate X tag team match, Lethal Consequences vs. Motor City Machine Guns: YES! The winner gets a title shot at the ppv. It’s the old school Ultimate X format, with the cables alone and no trusses. Forget calling this, you’re on your own! After a fantastic match that you just have to see for yourselves, the heavens align and the divine smiles upon me. Chris Sabin takes down the X for a MCMG victory!!! And it’s about damn time!

Winners and #1 Contenders to the TNA Tag Team titles at “Turning Point” against the British Invasion: Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin, the Motor City Machine Guns

To the back! Lauren interviews the British Invasion. Brutus Magnus really is good on the mic when he has something to say. Alcohol and money are all Americans care about, and they will leave Beer Money sober and poor.

To the back! JB interviews Beer Money. James Storm is gold! He says that Robert Roode hasn’t been poor since the day he was born, and that he himself hasn’t been sober since the night he left Magnus’s mother’s house on the night he was conceived.

Match #7: Beer Money vs. the British Invasion (ch): This is a tag team title match contested under Six Sides of Steel rules. Roode and his taped ribs (courtesy of Rob Terry) start against Doug Williams. Roode has lots of trouble moving, and his ribs are targeted. Magnus tags in, and double-teaming of Roode ensues. Rob Terry is outside of the cage on the floor. Williams and Magnus isolate Roode and work him over severely. Roode eventually hits Magnus with a twisting high-angle spinebuster, but he hurts himself as badly. Storm finally tags in, and cleans house. The “Beer! Money!” chant. Storm gets a two-count on Williams. Williams tries to climb out of the cage. Storm climbs to stop him. Magnus stops Storm. Roode goes after Magnus. Tower of Doom from the top of the cage to the canvas! Wow! Beer Money hits Williams with the DWI and go for the pin. Magnus punches the referee. All the referees run down. Senior referee Earl Hebner disqualifies the British Invasion. Beer Money wins the match, but not the titles. It’s the last chance that Beer Money has at the titles. Hmm.

Winners and STILL TNA Tag Team Champions: the British Invasion 

Kurt Angle is coming to the ring, dressed to wrestle.

To the parking lot! Lauren asks AJ Styles if he and Daniels had any problems. AJ laughed it off and heads to his car. As Lauren turns away, AJ is attacked and left lying in the back of his car.

Kurt Angle calls out Desmond Wolfe to come get some if he means to make a name for himself at Angle’s expense. Nothing happens. Angle heads to the back. Wolfe attacks Angle. Angle gets the better of Wolfe, and rolls him into the ring. Wolfe low-blows Angle. Wolfe sets Angle up and drills him with the Tower of London in the ring corner. Angle lays there as Wolfe fetches a chair. He shoves it into Angle’s throat and grabs a mic. It will be this easy, Mr. Angle. He knows about Angle’s neck, and it will be this easy. But now, he just wants Angle to think about it. His name is Wolfe. Desmond Wolfe. Exeunt stage right.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Too much, too fast, not enough time to absorb things and make them the huge deals that they are. I really didn’t like how Matt Morgan seemed to be handed a victory by Bobby Lashley through the interference. Morgan just proved on Sunday how much better than that he is. That said, I enjoyed almost everything on this show. Homicide is being built up as a rogue X-Division guy whom no one can control. The world title scene involves Joe, AJ, and Daniels. Period. Raisha Saeed and Awesome Kong are split, allowing Alissa Flash to get more tv time and ring action. Time limits of matches are being announced in advance. Beer Money vs the British Invasion was good, and yes, I’m including the ending in that. Though it was short by match type standards, there was an Ultimate X match on “iMPACT.” Chris Sabin won it. The Motor City Machine Guns FINALLY have a tag team title shot at the upcoming ppv. I’m going to bed happy.

Peace out,

Drowgoddess

Apologies for the lateness of this report. I started it on time, I swear! The hellish nightmare that is the end of a school year plus an obscenely lengthy commute equals not enough time for writing prior to the weekend. Much like the film career of Kurt Angle, though, it will all be over soon. Tonight’s episode is titled “Nightmare at the Asylum.” The jokes write themselves, don’t they? Onward!

To the ring! Mick Foley comes to the ring, his TNA World title in one hand and a dvd in the other. By May 24th (which just so happens to be the day of the “Sacrifice” ppv), Foley assures us that he will be completely focused on the World title, as he knows he should be. For the first time ever, Jeff Jarrett will not be present and involved with TNA in any capacity. Foley is at least partially responsible for this, and will show the dvd of what happened later tonight. The doings will be ugly and dark, and not suitable for some viewers, but he’s going to show it anyway because the fans have earned the right to see it!

Drowgoddess Thoughts (DGT): Que? What exactly have the fans earned the right to see? And why? Does buying a ticket (or just walking in for free, as is the case in the Impact Zone) entitle me to something beyond watching the show? Still, Foley is certainly more unpredictable than ever now, and the segment piques interest. 

To the Main Event Mafia locker room! Jeremy Borash interviews the MEM, noting that Kurt Angle is out in Hollywood filming a movie (He really is). Mr. BT Huffman must be really pissed. Scott Steiner is in charge in his absence, suit and all. Kevin Nash cheerfully describes banging Jenna Morasca, and tells us that she will support the MEM financially as long as Sharmell is kicked out of the MEM. 

DGT: So the MEM needs a sugar mama to function now? Skanky McUseless will bankroll the MEM if the only other female in the group is kicked to the curb? They’re really grasping at straws to justify her paycheck. Scott Steiner’s “I graduated hakuna matada!” line was priceless! 

To Mick Foley’s office! JB comes in on Foley taking down a framed picture of Jarrett, citing a “crack in the glass.” There is no glass. Eric Young enters the office to protest his lack of recent opportunity in TNA, pointing out that throwing him in a tag team match with a guy he had never met before hardly counted. Foley took issue with Young’s slight of the great Jethro Holiday, and puts Young in a one-on-one match against Samoa Joe, or, as those in the industry call it, certain death.

DGT: While it has barely begun, I’m already getting into the “disgruntled employee with a major chip on his shoulder” attitude of Eric Young. There’s an aggression about it that keeps it from being whiny, which is nice. Full-on heel Eric Young is coming, mark my words.

Match #1: Daniels defeated Chris Sabin (w/ Alex Shelley): For four and a half minutes, we got a great match. Don West’s constant commentary about Daniels pulling double duty as Suicide was fun, though every week, Mike Tenay becomes more and more useless and annoying by comparison. Lots of top rope action and reversals here. Sabin crotches Daniels on the top rope, clotheslines him down into the Tree of Woe, and hits a hesitation dropkick, but only gets a two-count. Shelley rakes Daniels’s eyes from the outside when the ref isn’t looking. Lethal Consequences comes out and stands on the ramp, watching. Daniels gets the upper hand after a backbreaker. Don West’s line about Daniels trying to find a way to collect two paychecks was gold! Tenay comes off as a bitter, spiteful prick, and not in a good way. Daniels flattens Sabin with a sort of reverse Curb Stomp from the top rope to the mat, followed by an STO, but Sabin kicks out at two. Daniels attempts the Angel’s Wings, but Shelley grabs his leg and stops it. Sabin goes for a tornado DDT, but Daniels reverses it into an Atomic Drop. Shelley tries to interfere, but Daniels knocks him to the floor. Daniels follows up on Sabin with an enziguri, a chokeslam, and the Best Moonsault Ever. The future Mr. Drowgoddess is pinned by Daniels for the three-count.

DGT: I don’t usually list all the moves in a match, and this brief summary hardly covers everything, but this match showed everyone what solid X-Division action can be. Again, it was much too short (particularly considering how later time would be spent), but one takes what one can get. Everything hints at a major X-Division feud [Attention everyone who reads this - the word is spelled "feud," NOT "fued."] between some of the best guys on the roster. Daniels, Sabin, Shelley, Amazing Red, Kaz, and even Lethal and Creed could put action behind the words of reviving the X-Division. Give it a few months, and let’s see where it goes. 

To Mick Foley’s office! Foley meets with three referees, and chooses Earl Hebner to referee the Eric Young/Samoa Joe match because Hebner is a bit shady and the other two are simply too good. Foley tells Hebner that under no circumstances is he to disqualify Samoa Joe during the match.

DGT: I’d like to think that this was less about Hebner references and more about Foley being a manipulative jerk to get back at Eric Young. The heelishness continues.

To the back! Scott Steiner tells Jenna Morasca to end her problems with Sharmell. The worst actress this side of Christy Hemme (who at least overdoes things in a bad porn star kind of way) tells Steiner that they need to keep Sharmell on a shorter leash. Steiner insists that Sharmell wants to apologize and claims the whole thing is her fault. Steiner offers to set up a meeting between the two of them, and act as a modifer. JB corrects him with “moderator,” and Steiner yells at him. Still more gold. Your heels should not be this entertaining on a regular basis. Morasca agrees to the meeting.

DGT: Get this woman off my tv. She has zero business on a wrestling show. What is it with Dixie Carter and reality show people?

To the back! Lauren asks Angelina Love who she was talking to on the phone. We finally have indisputable evidence that there is no God, as Cute Kip shows up. He announces that he’ll be facing Awesome Kong in another stretcher match. Please try to forget that he said he would be “Kipping it real.”

DGT: Kip James is here. Petey Williams, Sonjay Dutt, and Jimmy Rave are not. Can words describe the level of wrongness?

To the video clips! Jeff Jarrett and his daughters do fun family things together.

DGT: TNA usually does a good job with these personal “behind the scenes” video clips, but this went on for far too long. We’ve already established that Jarrett is a devoted family man, so what does this video really do for anyone?

Match #2: Samoa Joe defeats Eric Young: This went about two minutes, which means that Eric Young holds his own against Samoa Joe better than most of the MEM. Joe attacks Young and kicks him over the top rope to the floor. Nice. Both guys try to go for chair shots on the floor, but Joe catches Young in the Kokina Clutch, and chokes him out for the win. Interestingly, Young passed out rather than tapped out. Good idea for both him and for Joe, in terms of future possibilities. Post-match, Joe scoops up Young, carries him to the parking area, puts him in the trunk of a car, and drives away.

DGT: The “tell Hebner not to disqualify Joe” bit was wasted because Joe didn’t really do anything to get disqualified FOR. Sure, both he and Eric Young went for chair shots, but why wouldn’t Young have gotten disqualified for that? A completely pointless stipulation.

To the Mike Tenay sit-down interview! Sting talks up his career, and how the main event match at “Sacrifice” will either be “the dawning of a new day or the last day of his career.”

DGT: Two problems exist with this situation. Firstly, No one who watches wrestling believes in retirement stipulations anymore. Nobody thinks for a minute that if Sting gets pinned, he’ll retire for good. Just look at Ric Flair, who had a retirement ceremy befitting a legend, promised that he was through for good, and now he’s trying to wrestle again. All this does is make sure that no one believes that Sting will get pinned. Secondly, if Sting doesn’t get pinned or win the title, then we’re back to the same old same old. He won’t have won or lost anything, and not helped or hindered himself in any way.

To the restaurant! Taylor Wilde anxiously awaits her blind date in the company of her BFF, Lauren. Less of a date, more of an assault, when the secret admirer turns out to be Daffney! Daffney is angry that she agreed to get in on the stupid Governor prank at Taylor’s request, and then Taylor was nowhere to be found to help her when The Beautiful People cut her hair off and essentially turned her psycho. Daffney will see Taylor at the Knockouts Monster’s Ball match at “Sacrifice,” and for once Taylor will be the victim. Physical violence ensues.

DGT: I’m generally annoyed by people who feel compelled to announce that “I called that!” I shall, however, break with tradition and say that I posted last week about the possibility of Daffney being Taylor Wilde’s secret admirer. Huzzah! Psycho Daffney is awesome, and it’s good to see some continuity in the form of acknowledging the previous storyline between these two. I’m personally looking forward to the Knockouts Monster’s Ball match. I’d be looking forward to it a lot more if the idiots-that-be hadn’t fired Roxxi. This match would have been perfect for her.

To the video clips! More of Jeff Jarrett being a great dad to his daughters. He took some verbal potshots at Mick Foley in this one.

DGT: “Moderation” is not a word that exists in the upper eschelons of TNA. This is already overkill. Jarrett is not a complete unknown whose every move needs to be documented in order to get him over. We’re supposed to be thinking what a great father and likeable guy Jarrett is, but we’ve crossed the line (See what I did there?) into Annoying Land.

Match #3: Awesome Kong defeated Cute Kip: This went between two and three minutes. The Glittery Syrian, Raisha Saeed, interfered several times, beginning with a low blow on Kip when he tried to choke Kong. A few chair shots and no disqualifications later, Kong splashes Kip from the ropes after putting his head between an opened chair.

DGT: Watching Kip James get destroyed made this worthwhile. That was about all. Aside from the fact that this version of the stretcher match is a rather poor one (roll your opponent onto a stretcher for a ten count, and he gets carted away), they’ve now had three in a row. No big deal made, just thrown out there. At the very least, Raisha Saeed could have announced that Kong will make every match she has a stretcher match until she gets her title shot, and management is forced to agree. Foley might even be all for it. It would be in the vein of the “open challenge,” but different. If you don’t have a justification for a gimmick match, and you don’t heavily promote said match in advance, it should not happen. Period.

To the back! Scott Steiner tells Sharmell that Jenna Morasca is willing to apologize, and says that the whole thing is her fault. Sharmell agrees to the meeting. JB asks what happens when neither woman apologizes. Steiner looks confused.

To the back! Lauren interviews Team 3D. They say that they left the WWE because they were tired of wrestling the same people over and over again. The British Invasion jumped them, and used the briefcases stolen from LAX to beat them down. While they were down, Sheik Abdul Bashir and one of the Japanese contingent (I didn’t see which one, sorry) walked by. 

DGT: This could become a lengthy rant very quickly. Team 3D’s self-congratulatory behavior is wearing extremely thin. That WWE did not and does not care about tag team wrestling is undeniable. However, TNA wasn’t exactly stagnant in the tag team division prior to this tournament. The problem is that teams not named Team 3D aren’t WINNING anything. No, Team 3D is not to blame for this, as they no booking power of which I am aware. However, leaving out that this entire tournament should not exist and that Beer Money should be the reigning champs right now, if Team 3D truly are supposed to be benevolent faces who care about the state of tag team wrestling, they are awfully paternal and condescending in showing it.   

To the video clips! This one features Jeff Jarrett and his night life. JB comes running out of an establishment labeled “Nude Karaoke Bar,” asking Jarrett for money to pay his tab. Jarrett tells him to pay his own bills and walks away.     

DGT: Too much. How much time during one show is going to be spent on video clips of the Founder and his life, when we have yet to get a match lasting five minutes?

Match #4: The British Invasion defeat Amazing Red & Suicide: This was a semifinal match in a title shot tournament. Did we get five minutes out of it? No. No, we did not. Suicide appeared on the announce table, which was nice. It’s fun that he’s been appearing in random places for his entrance, and that the zipline entrance isn’t the only one. Brutus Magnus and Doug Williams shook hands after hitting double-teams, which is great. Amazing Red was both, hitting a number of impressive moves. Doug Williams scored the win for his team with the Bombs Away knee drop on Suicide after the Motor City Machine Guns ran in and hit Suicide with double super kicks.

DGT: Cool it on the Brutus Magnus hate. Yes, the guy is here because Dixie Carter loved him on a reality show. Yes, he had possibly the worst introductory gimmick possible. Yes, his ring work has been awful. However, he just started teaming with Doug Williams. Give it a little time. Magnus is likely very much aware that he shouldn’t be wrestling on tv yet, but like with “the other company,” what’s a green guy to do when told by the boss that he’s going on tv? Refuse? Fat chance. If he’s as bad in the ring six months from now as he was when he had his first match in TNA, let the hating commence. Until then, be glad it isn’t Black Reign.

Post-match, the MCMG continue the beatdown of Suicide, and take out Amazing Red for good measure. Lethal Consequences comes running down to the ring, and we go to a commercial break. Yes, you read that right, we go to a commercial break. When we return, Jay Lethal calls the MCMG “the Rockers,” and all four men go after Suicide. He gets caught as he tries to escape through the ropes. Shelley and Sabin forced Suicide to his knees, and held their feet against the sides of his head while pulling out his arms. Lethal and Creed tried to unmask him, but couldn’t get it to come off before Daniels made the save. Daniels beats up all four guys and chases them away, and Suicide shakes his hand. Daniels tells Suicide that the masked man owes him one.     

DGT: Don West is beyond gold on commentary during all this. Tenay is a complete waste. The one problem with this segment was that the failure to remove the mask looked too staged, like they were stalling for time before Daniels came out. Just fumbling around with the mask doesn’t cut it. It’s little moments of “business,” as we call it in theatre, that can make or break a segment like this. TNA needs an acting coach.

To the back! Scott Steiner sits down with Jenna Morasca and Sharmell. Everything explodes into the MEM chick fight. Speaking of acting coaches, no one needs one more desperately than the Survivor Skank. Sharmell is a fantastic personality, and anyone stepping up to her has to be able to match that.

Match #5: Kevin Nash defeated No Limit: This was a two-on-one handicap match. Nash took a little bit of dropkick-based offense, but didn’t break much of a sweat (or anything else) in defeating both members of No Limit by slamming Naito with a Jacknife Powerbomb and getting the pin. He then tells Samoa Joe that at their match at “Sacrifice,” the Nation of Violence won’t be called Samoa Joe. It will be called Kevin Nash.

DGT: Horrible! Horrible in every way! No Limit has been completely buried beyond comprehension. Their home promotion must regret the day they ever agreed to any sort of agreement with TNA. Have No Limit won any matches at all? Certainly not recently. Feeding both of them to a fifty-year-old cripple who has nothing to offer the business aside from his track record of how to better himself at the expense of it is nothing short of criminal. This is causing hatred with an unholy fiery passion of burning.   

To Foley’s office! He watches the dvd that he plans to show everyone. The person he’s talking to turns out to be Mr. Socko.

To the back! Lauren interviews AJ Styles. AJ talks about his upcoming “I Quit” match with Booker T at “Sacrifice.” Did anyone else know about this? AJ says that Booker T’s ego isn’t as big as his own heart, and that the words “I quit” will never cross his lips.

DGT: Seriously, did anyone else know about this match? I didn’t, and I review the show every week.

Match #6: Booker T defeats Jethro Holiday: This match was an “I Quit” match. It was also over in a little more than five minutes. Sharmell slid a chair in to Booker T, who hit Holiday in the head with it, delivered an Axe Kick, and got the new guy to say he quit.

DGT: Abomination! Abomination unto all forms of god and man! Why? Why would you have an “I Quit” match on tv when the selling point of your big ppv match is that it is an “I Quit” match? Why would you have such a match, which, by definition, is about endurance, go a mere five minutes? Why would a huge deal not be made in advance about a guy on the roster all of two weeks taking on a member of the MEM in such a match? The only thing about this match that did not sap my will to live was Jethro Holiday on the mic. I said last week that I never liked the guy. I didn’t, and I stand by that. However, when asked if he quit the first time, he responded something about “Your mama!” When asked the second time, he said, “Sharmell looks good naked!” I may change my mind about Jethro Holiday.

To the production truck! Mick Foley hands over the dvd, and tells the guys in the truck to play it on his cue.

To the ring! Foley comes out, and the dvd plays. It’s Jeff Jarrett in the Nashville Asylum, TNA’s birthplace. Jarrett takes everyone for a stroll down memory lane, both for TNA as a company and for him personally. Foley jumps him, beating him down and choking him with cables before beating him into a cage door. Foley says that you can’t go home again.

DGT: This was not one of the better episodes of “Impact.” They have one more week to convince us to part with our hard-earned money (or just sit in a chair at a computer for three hours) for “Sacrifice.” If the show were tomorrow, I wouldn’t get it. Finalize the card on next week’s show, and I’ll decide then.

Peace out,
Drowgoddess

• Vickie Guerrero kicks things off tonight, no longer in a wheelchair.
  • She’s proud of her husband Edge for winning the World Heavyweight Championship last night. What this has to do with RAW, who knows.
  • As the RAW GM, it’s her honor to introduce the new WWE Champion, Randy Orton!
  • Orton poses with the belt on each of the turnbuckles for about 2 minutes each.
  • The fans chant “You Suck” at the new WWE Champion.
  • Orton says that the McMahons are mourning because their last hope, Triple H, has fallen
  • He didn’t just pin Triple H, he beat him and took him out
  • We’re presented with a video package of the last four months of Orton’s career
  • Orton holds up his title one more time
  • Vickie is excited that he’s on her show as the WWE Champion, and she’s happy to announce that he’ll have his first defense at Judgment Day in three weeks. His opponent will be the winner of a match between The Big Show and Batista later on tonight.
  • Orton says we don’t need to like him, but we have to respect him.
  • Everybody in the locker room should all answer to him, and if they don’t show him the respect he deserves or they’ll end up like Triple H
  • United States Champion MVP interrupts
  • MVP introduces himself to Orton, and says he’s impressed by Orton being WWE Champion, but he’s the US Champion and answers to nobody
  • Ted DiBiase knows MVP is new to RAW but he doesn’t seem to be too bright. He should leave before tonight becomes the worst night of his life
  • MVP tells DiBiase that Orton didn’t give him permission to speak.
  • This isn’t the Randy Orton show, it’s Monday Night RAW
  • MVP says that if Batista or The Big Show don’t take the WWE Championship from Orton, he will
  • Rhodes asks Orton if they can show MVP what happens when you disrespect Legacy
  • Vickie Guerrero announces a second main event for the evening. The United States Champion MVP vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton!
• We’re reminded of some of RAW’s draft choices. In fact, one of them is on the way to the ring
• Lillian announces him as Brian Kendrick. He corrects her.
• His opponent tonight is Kofi Kingston
• Kofi Kingston vs. The Brian Kendrick
  • Jerry Lawler realizes something about this match – he and Cole will have to talk faster. That’s pretty much why I’m not going too in depth here.
  • Kingston picks up the win with a Trouble In Paradise kick
• John Cena was thrown through a spotlight by The Big Show last night, which cost him the World Heavyweight Championship
• It’s doubtful that Cena will be here tonight due to the fact that he’s filming a movie the injuries he suffered.
• Vickie thanks Big Show for what he did. Show goes to kiss her, she says from now on it’s strictly professional
• WWE Rewind Beth Phoenix lost to Santina Marella last night with help from The Great Khali
• IT’S-A HER! SANTINA!
• It’s time for another 8-diva clusterf*(#
• Santina, Kelly Kelly, Brie Bella, & Mickie James vs. WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Jillian, Beth Phoenix, & Rosa Mendez
  • I absolutely refuse to call this crap.
  • Hornswoggle popped out from under the ring, where he was hanging out with both Bellas
  • Santina rolled up Jillian for the victory off of the distraction
• Hornswoggle gets an upskirt look at Santina then runs away
• We’re reminded of some more of RAW’s draft picks. Another one of them has his hand in a cast and is on the way to the ring
• Matt Hardy is showing the effects of last night’s “I Quit” match with his brother Jeff
  • He’s got a broken hand because his brother is a ruthless barbarian.
  • He says he’s not a quitter. He never quit anything in his entire life.
  • He had no other option after Jeff broke his hand.
  • He’s got no option tonight, either, he’s being forced to wrestle.
• Goldust vs. Matt Hardy
  • Matt tries to avoid Goldust early.
  • The only move in the entire match is Matt hitting Goldust with the cast, picking up the win
• The WWE Champion still hears voices in his head, at least according to his theme song.
• United States Champion MVP vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton
  • Triple H will apparently be out of action for a while. No Triple H comedy hour in Buffalo next week then.
  • Crowd is solidly behind MVP in a pretty solid matchup
  • MVP hits the Ballin’ elbow for a two
  • Orton picks up the win by DQ when Shane McMahon attacks him with a kendo stick
• DiBiase and Rhodes chase Shane McMahon away from ringside
• John Cena was thrown through a spotlight by The Big Show last night, which cost him the World Heavyweight Championship – wait, didn’t I say that already?
• Even more RAW draft picks are mentioned. Guess what. One of them is on the way to the ring.
• Your chick magnet, The Miz is on Monday Night RAW
  • Miz says he’s the most valuable draft pick for RAW
  • He’s here on RAW to make an Impact. Not the TNA kind, the WWE kind.
  • He’s challenging John Cena to a match tonight. He calls for a referee.
  • Charles Robinson comes to the ring as Miz explains that he knows Cena was in that last man standing match last night, but he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t back down from a challenge
  • Cena’s music hits! He doesn’t show up though.
  • Miz wonders if Cena is scared of him.
  • Miz says Cena’s right, he can’t see him, because his movies aren’t in theaters long enough! Ouch!
  • Miz is tired of seeing the same people in main events on RAW. So are we.
  • Cena declined The Miz’s challenge, which makes Miz the winner by forfeit. Miz 1, John Cena 0
  • Lillian refuses to announce The Miz as the winner by forfeit, so he does it himself.
• WWE Unified Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo vs. Chavo Guerrero & Jamie Noble
  • Why bother calling it? You know who’s going to win.
  • RAW is in Buffalo, NY next Monday. Know what that means? That means I won’t be doing one of these next Monday.
  • Carlito picks up the win with a Backstabber on Jamie Noble
• Josh Matthews asks Batista if he feels responsible for Triple H losing the WWE Championship last night at Backlash. Batista ducks the question by saying he’s going to hurt Orton and take the WWE Championship.
• Vickie Guerrero has an announcement to make, but wants to remind us of “recent current events” first
  • We get to see that same video Orton showed us earlier
  • Next week’s main event will be Randy Orton vs. Shane McMahon (JT says: Set your DVR’s people!)(ThinkSoJoE says: I spent my hard earned money for tickets to see Orton vs. Shane McMahon?!?)
• Big show looks ready to go, Batista looks ready to pop.
• The Big Show vs. Batista
  • They grapple, they punch each other, they no sell.
  • Commercial Break: Use the Gilette Fusion or John Cena will hit you with a steel chair.
  • We come back to Big Show getting a 2 count on Batista.
  • Show dominating, hitting punch after punch, knocking Batista down.
  • Show assaults Batista’s back throughout the match.
  • Show hits a chokeslam.
  • Outside the ring, IT’S CENA!!
  • Big Show is distracted, Batista climbs in the ring, Big Shoe (ThinkSoJoE says: Normally, I’d fix this and leave it at that, but we’ll stick with what JT wrote, “Big Shoe.”) doesn’t make the 10 count.
  • Shocker. Batista wins.
• After the bell Batista hits Big Show with a spear.
• Show gets up and as we go to black we have a stare off between Cena and (and extermely mad) Big Show.

Once again, thanks to JT for helping me out with coverage of the main event. Here are some thoughts coming out of the show. The Miz seems to be borrowing Chris Jericho’s gimmick from WCW where he claimed to be 3-0 against Goldberg. Difference is, we might actually get a payoff to this. Under normal circumstances, if Cena is in the building and being called out, he’d show up. Guess he must have really really really wanted to surprise The Big Show. I also guess this means I’ll have to see Cena next week in Buffalo after all. Ugh. Time to break out the “You-Can’t-Wrest-Le” chant, I suppose. Look for me, I’ll be up above the ribbon-board (that’s the “RAW” signs that wrap around the arena) just to the left next week!

We open with bizarre audio technical difficulties that make it sound as if, in addition to heavy static, everyone in the Front Line locker room has the voice of Invader Zim. The problem is corrected before Brother Ray gets too far into his troop-rallying promo, however. He tells the assemblage of Front Liners that they need to now stand up for themselves, and that the Main Event Mafia represents everything that they don’t want to become. The new revolution is starting tonight, and they need to do it for themselves, for the business, and for the people (the fans, one presumes) who pay their checks. Everyone is pumped and leaves the locker room with victory on the brain!

This is good stuff from Brother Ray, but two nagging thoughts occur. Firstly, if the idea is the new generation against the old one, why are the new guys so eager to give up control to other veterans? AJ Styles was jumping up and down, at least partially in excitement. Joe looked like he was waiting to be given marching orders. Even the Motor City Machine Guns were behaving with enthusiasm and complete not-boredom. Why are all these guys, who were so recently talking about leadership themselves, now standing around, happily waiting to be told what to do by guys who aren’t that different from the guys they are fighting? Secondly, I hate the Turkey Bowl concept as much as anyone, but TNA is acting like it never happened already. No references to anything about it, nothing on the website, nothing at all. If you insist on doing something stupid, go all the way with it and revel in your stupidity. Don’t pretend that last week happened in a vacuum, and has no fallout of any sort.

To the ring! Tenay and West run down the evening’s matches. A sign in the crowd reads, “Bring Back Daniels.” I hear you, friend. I hear you. Cue the Main Event Mafia music. I still like it. Kurt Angle and the rest of the MEM make their grand entrance. Booker and Steiner wear wrestling gear, but Booker has his red robe over it, and Steiner sports his suit jacket. Classy. Nash gets the mic, and informs Team 3D that while he doesn’t give out compliments very often, he admits that Team 3D got one over on the MEM. Nash goes on to say that he and they are alike – they’re both arrogant, they’re both basically assholes, and they both only really care about themselves. They’ll do anything they have to in order to reach their goals, even “lie our asses off.” Thanks, Nash. In case there happened to be one or two people who thought that Team 3D was actually on the Front Line’s side in the long term. Brother Ray returns the favor by pointing out that everyone in the MEM “raped” every company they ever worked for. While the rest of the MEM reacts with anger and outrage, Nash leans back with a smug grin. Still trying so hard to be cool, are we, Nash? Nash continues to smirk like the proverbial cat who ate the canary as Brother Ray says that the MEM broke the code of the boys in the back. Brother Ray calls out the Front Line, who enter, flanked by security, through the audience. Angle starts to talk, but Rhino cuts him off, reminding him that he’s “one Gore! Gore! Gore! from the unemployment line.” Rhino never had a problem with Sting, he says, until Sting joined the MEM. He should have been standing with the Front Line, fighting their fight. Uh, hold on. Isn’t this whole war pretty much Sting’s fault?

To the back! JB and Lauren are with the Beautiful People. And Kip. JB informs us that the TNA Mobile message service is now absolutely free of charge! If the website is any indication, it should be. The Beautiful People are going insane (with lots of squealing and bouncing up and down) over the imminent arrival of Sarah Palin. Kip refers to the event as “catastrophic.” Oh, foreshadowing, where is your bite? TBP suddenly exit to take care of some unnamed business, leaving JB and Lauren confused as we cut to a commercial.

We’re back! Because this may be Kurt Angle’s final “Impact” appearance (as if!), and because his new dvd requires constant pimpage, we are treated to the Top 5 Kurt Angle Moments. Moment #5: Hard Justice 2007. Angle beats Joe for every title in TNA at once. Yay.

To the back! JB interviews Sharmell and Booker in their locker room. What’s the deal with them and the Beautiful People? Why is Booker putting his Legends title on the line against Samoa Joe in a street fight tonight? Sharmell answers for Booker that he hired the Beautiful People to protect his most prized possession – her. He didn’t want her going one-on-one with a man-beat like ODB. So Booker is allowed to change matches now? ‘Kay…. Booker cuts a nearly incomprehensible promo in the bad African accent before reverting to “Suckah”-speak at the end. He bounces up and whisks Sharmell out of the locker room. Eighteen minutes in, and no wrestling yet.

I spoke too soon!

Match #1: Booker T (w/ Sharmell) defeats Samoa Joe in a Legends title Street Fight: Remember when Joe was unbeaten and considered unbeatable? Remember the Joe/Daniels/AJ feud in the X-Division? I miss that Joe. I want him back, if you please. Joe was in the process of choking out Booker when the Beautiful People came running down to the ring and sprayed hair spray in Joe’s eyes. Read that sentence again. One more time. Now let that image sink in. Booker pins a blinded Joe and gets the win. Why must you bitchify Joe like this? If he has to lose matches due to interference, that’s one thing. This is another. He can’t beat up Angelina and Velvet, so there are no repercussions for costing him the match. Sure, Booker might look like the chickenshit heel, but Joe’s the one who really suffers the most. Boo-urns.

To the back! The Main Event Mafia locker room. As only he can, Scott Steiner spews forth a verbal phantasmagoria that only partially makes sense to those with prior experience in the English language. As the rest of the MEM follow Steiner out, Angle tells JB that he has something to say. He’ll say it to Mick Foley first, then go out to the ring and say it to Jeff Jarrett. Goody….

Commercial break! When we return, Kurt Angle Top Moment #4: Angle defeats Yugi Nagata in Japan. As much as the rest of the world seems to be orgasming over this match, there have been better matches in the recorded history of humanity. I’m just sayin’.

To the back! Joe sits in the Front Line locker room in silent dejection, a towel over his head. Team 3D come in to shake him out of it. This is both unnecessary and insulting. This is Samoa frickin’ Joe! He does not require the sort of pep talk that one might expect an Eric Young or a Consequences Creed to get from a big brother figure. As if Joe hadn’t been neutered enough, the final stitch in the post-op has now been made. I have always been a major Joe fan, but I fear that my Joe has gone away and is never coming back.

To the back! It’s ODB’s Angle. Roxxi (for you, JohnnyCraze!) and Taylor Wilde are guests. ODB appears out of sorts, and not at all boisterous and rowdy. The guests talk about themselves a bit, and Roxxi sports a “Dorks are Hot” t-shirt to go along with her bleeps. ODB is bummed out about the 3-on-1 situation of her match at “Final Resolution.” Again, who made this happen? The Main Event Mafia can adjust the circumstances of matches? Was it even official? I may have misunderstood, but it really wasn’t made clear. Taylor and Roxxi have ODB’s back, they say, and will be quite happy to help out against the Beautiful People. Now life is good again.    

Tenay and West run down the matches for the “Final Resolution” card. Could TNA possibly do less to promote their pay-per-views? If I weren’t reviewing the shows, I certainly wouldn’t have known.

To the back! Beer Money Inc. follows Abyss. Abyss reacts poorly to being followed. Yes, the “make nice with Abyss and get him drunk” bit was funny, to a degree. James Storm is comedy gold! However, this was a terrible segment. Abyss is TNA’s Kane in all possible ways now, as any shred of “monster” has been thoroughly erased. Abyss has absolutely no credibility left, and Beer Money cowers in fear at the idea of Matt Morgan? Please. If anything, they should have gotten Morgan drunk and feared Abyss turning up. Regardless of what Tenay and West say, Abyss and Matt Morgan are NOT a tag team. They are two singles guys thrown together because no one knew what else to do with them. They should not be anywhere near the tag team titles.

 When we return from commercial, it’s time for Kurt Angle Great Moment #3: Angle’s TNA debut at “No Surrender” 2006. It was a well-kept secret as far as wrestling goes.

Another video package! Apparently Christy Hemme has spent the past three months training with AJ Styles. While this has never before been mentioned, the point is made that AJ is the best person to take a small person like Christy and help her fight against a bigger person like Kong. True, that. This is pretty good, but why did it not get brought up earlier?

Match #2: AJ Styles and Christy Hemme defeat Awesome Kong (w/ Raisha Saeed and Rhaka Khan) and Scott Steiner: TNA mixed tag matches are exclusively man vs. man and woman vs. woman. Awesome Kong put this rule to the test when she started shoving AJ around. Don West actually said that TNA needed to change the rule for Awesome Kong. At first I thought that was hilarious, now I’m not so sure. Christy Hemme DDTs Kong (after AJ helps out in a huge way and positions her on his shoulders) for the pin and victory, but the announcers point out that Christy is on her own on Sunday.

To the back! Angle and Foley. Angle tells Foley, with the ever-present JB, that he will have a non-MEM person in his corner watching his back so that Mick can’t screw him over again. It’s Frank Trigg, isn’t it? Your equally evil twin?

Upon returning from a commercial break, we go to Kurt Angle Top Moment #2: Angle wins the World title at the Slammiversary 2007 King of the Mountain match. Hurrah.

To the back! The Beer Money and Abyss drinking party continues. See the previous portion of this “skit,” as the opinions are the same.

Match #3: Consequences Creed, “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal, and Eric Young defeat Jimmy Rave, “The Guru” Sonjay Dutt (w/ SoCal Val), and X-Division Champion Sheik Abdul Bashir: Are we to assume that Team Guitar Hero is no more? Not that I miss Lance Hoyt Rock and his chick lower back tattoo. Bashir gets on commentary for the entirety of the match he’s supposed to be fighting in, and gets bonus points for use of the word “swindled” to describe what referee Shane Sewell did to him. Creed is enthusiastic, but he’s sloppy. Very sloppy. The Lethal/Dutt history is mentioned, which is a change. Creed hits a TKO on Rave and gets the winning pin. Post-match, Bashir rushes Eric Young and attacks him. Young pulls a Super Eric no-sell, and chases Bashir up the ramp with the X-Division title belt. Yup, Eric Young uses a title he doesn’t have as a weapon against the man who actually does hold it. Young holds the X-Division title high in the ring as Bashir crawls away.

Video package for the “Feast or Fired” match. Chris Sabin, Jay Lethal (still in the “Macho Man” persona), Consequences Creed (“It’s just like roulette, and I always bet on black!”), Hernandez (“I wish someone would try to fire me.”), Homicide, Jimmy Rave, and Alex Shelley (“If I lose, I’m probably gonna have to start dressing like Mick Foley.”) all comment on the match. Does anyone else sense a touch of sarcasm in the way the lines “Ah, ‘Feast or Fired.’ That magical time of the year when grown men in tights get together, wrestle over a bunch of briefcases hanging on poles. I can’t think of any time of the year I look forward to more,” were delivered?

To the back! JB is with Sting. Sting is a lousy interview tonight. He is conflicted, yet inarticulate. Teasing a face turn for Sting already is a bad idea.

We return from a commercial break for Kurt Angle Top Moment #1: Kurt Angle forms the Main Event Mafia in Las Vegas. If you say so. That’s really the Number One Kurt Angle Moment?

To the back! The Beautiful People and the horrifically bad Sarah Palin impersonator are bouncing around in Booker T’s locker room. Booker pulls Kip aside and threatens him with severe bodily harm if he doesn’t get the women out of the locker room. Kip is, for once, the voice of reason, and complies. Oh, come on, can’t you just destroy him on basic principle? Please?

To the back! The Beer Money/Abyss drinking party that officially ruins Abyss’s career breaks up when Matt Morgan calls and Abyss wants to invite him to the fun time. Because Beer Money presumably fears Matt Morgan so much, they try to talk Abyss out of it, and end by smashing a bottle over his head.

When we return from a commercial break, Kurt Angle comes to the ring. He asks Jeff Jarrett to come down, and Double J complies, guitar in hand. Angle tells Jarrett that his gold medal was just a goal that he wanted to accomplish, and that his issue with Jarrett is personal. He brings up Jarrett’s family yet again, and announces that he’s so out of control that he doesn’t know what he’ll be capable of. Yes, Angle is so out of control that he has the presence of mind to tell Jarrett how out of control he is.

To the back! Lauren is with Rhino, and Rhino does not like Angle threatening Jarrett’s daughters because it makes him think of his own daughter.

Upon return from another commercial break, Team 3D is with Samoa Joe and AJ Styles in the locker room. JB questions their ability to function as a unit, and asks their thoughts. Brother Ray turns it over to AJ, who says that if Sting refuses to pass the torch, they’ll take it from him. Joe has nothing else to add, and it’s to the ring for the main event!

Match #4: Rhino defeats Sting (Non-title match): Rhino got busted open, and bled most copiously. Kurt Angle came down to ringside, but AJ Styles came down to even the numbers. Angle tries to interfere, but Styles is having none of it, and they go to the outside. Rhino hits Sting with the Gore! Gore! I voted for Gore! Rhino gets the win, and the Front Line comes down to the ring to celebrate. Sting’s title belt remains in the ring with Rhino, and the War Machine holds it high above his head.

Predictions for “Final Resolution”:

KNOCKOUTS MATCH (The Beautiful People & Sharmell vs. ODB, Taylor Wilde, & Roxxi): I loves me some Roxxi, but I just don’t see the Beautiful People losing this one, particularly with possible future storylines regarding Booker and Sharmell keeping them on retainer. The Beautiful People and Sharmell to win, through trickery and use of hair care products.

“FEAST OR FIRED” MATCH (The Motor City Machineguns, The Latin American Xchange, Rock N’ Rave Infection, “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal, “The Guru” Sonjay Dutt, “Maple Leaf Muscle” Petey Williams, BG James, Consequences Creed, Curry Man, Cute Kip, Shark Boy):                                                                            

Tag Team title shot: If there were any form of non-JBL wrestling god, it would be the Motor City Machine Guns to win. They won’t, which proves that TNA is in league with the Devil. Either Homicide or Hernandez to win this one, and LAX to get a title shot. All those “Rough Cut” segments aren’t for nothing.                                                                                                                                                           X-Division title shot: The way that Consequences Creed has been pushed, he’s a prime choice. However, that only works if I’m wrong about the outcome of the X-Division title match. If I’m right about that one, it’ll be Sonjay Dutt.                                                                                                                                   World Heavyweight title shot: Hernandez could get this, just to give him a shot as a singles guy without breaking up the tag team. All the same, Petey Williams to get this, and go after Steiner with it. Somehow.                                                                                                                                                  Fired: He was great fun, but Curry Man gets fired and we see the return of Christopher Daniels to join the Front Line. Hopefully this leads to Lethal, Petey, and Shark Boy dropping their gimmicky sides.

KNOCKOUT WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP (Christy Hemme vs. champion Awesome Kong w/ Raisha Saeed): Kong retains. Christy Hemme has no business near a title run.

X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH (Eric Young vs. champion Sheik Abdul Bashir): Eric Young to win. Mind you, I don’t WANT to see that, but it will probably happen.

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH (Abyss & Matt Morgan vs. champions Beer Money, Inc.): Please let Beer Money, Inc. retain. The other possibility is unthinkable.

DOUBLE MAIN EVENT (Rhino vs. Kurt Angle, Special Enforcer Mick Foley): Please, as if this one requires a thought. Rhino wouldn’t win this match if Satan were ice skating to work. Angle wins.

DOUBLE MAIN EVENT
World Champion Sting, Legends Champion Booker T, Kevin Nash, and Scott Steiner (The Main Event Mafia) vs. Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, and Team 3D (TNA Frontline): Team 3D turns on Joe and AJ, costing them the match and the title, and joins the Main Event Mafia.

This show does not look good on paper. I’ll be getting it anyway, for reasons known to my fellow Triumvirate of TN-Awesomeness, and a review will be posted some time on Monday.

Peace out,

Drowgoddess