BoredWrestlingFan.com

Greetings from ThinkSoJoE-ville! Yeah, yeah, I know. I stole JT’s Random Randomness intro and just changed JT-Land to ThinkSoJoE-ville. Anyhow, I’ll be filling in for chjpacheco tonight, as his grandmother is in the hospital. We here at BWF wish her a speedy recovery. Tonight, the 8 Card Stud Tournament continues, and um… Uh… well, that’s all that’s been announced so far.  Ready?  Let’s cross the line, brother!

———-X———-

Impact opens up with highlights from last week and after the intro we’re going to go straight into the first match this week.

8-Card Stud Tournament Qualifying Match
Brutus Magnus vs. Mr. Anderson

Anderson reminds the fans that the ring is four sided, not 6 sided to get some heat as he does his intro. Footage of Anderson’s big win over Jarrett last week is shown as Anderson makes his way to the ring. Anderson and Brutus lockup and Anderson nails him with a knee to the gut and then lays in a couple of right hands on Brutus. Brutus blocks one of the rights and hits a series of rights of his own. Brutus beats on Anderson in the corner until the referee pulls him off which allows Anderson to hit a dropkick to Brutus’ knee. Anderson stomps on the leg and even the hand of Brutus before hitting an Elbow Drop on the back of Brutus. Anderson whips Brutus hard into the corner and then throws him headfirst into the top turnbuckle before putting the boots to Brutus in the corner. Anderson tries to throw Brutus into the top turnbuckle again but he blocks it and connects with a right hand, but Anderson comes right back with a right of his own and a kick to the gut. Anderson whips Brutus into the ropes and goes for a backdrop but Magnus kicks him in the head and follows it up with a Big Boot. Brutus whips Anderson into the ropes and hits a Back Elbow and then hits a Straightjacket Slam for a nearfall. Brutus goes for the Tormentum but Anderson rakes the eyes of Brutus (the referee was behind Brutus so his vision was blocked) and connects with the Mic Check for the pin!

Winner: Anderson via pinfall (Mic Check)

In the parking lot Mick Foley arrives in his beat up ride.

—COMMERCIAL BREAK—

In the back Christy Hemme is with Angle. She asks him about his Qualifying Match with Tomko tonight, but he says he’s not worried about Tomko right now. He wants to talk about Hulk Hogan, he claims that Hogan is responsible for Syxx and Hall jumping him last week. Hogan says that’s who Hogan is and now he’s showing his true colors, but it ends tonight. He says Hogan should expect a visit from him tonight and he’ll have a really bad attitude.

At ringside Tenay and Taz hype up the card for tonight which will feature Tara defend the Knockouts Title against Angelina Love, Hernandez & Morgan defend the Tag Titles against 3D, and TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles going one-on-one with The Pope in a Non Title Match.

Eric Bischoff’s music hits and Mr. Bischoff makes his way out to the ring alone this week. Bischoff says it is so good to be in Orlando one more time. He says last week Hogan make it clear that Foley has to get on the same page with him but Foley made it clear that he just wasn’t willing to do that, but Foley’s music cuts him off before he can say anything more. Foley walks out to the ring with a serious look on his face. Foley says his reputation in wrestling is that there is something wrong in his head and it’s not because he’s willing to do things to his body that doesn’t seem right, but it’s because he likes just about everybody. He throws out names like Buff Bagwell, Paul Heyman, The Ultimate Warrior, etc. of guys that don’t have great reputations in wrestling yet he still likes. He says that Bischoff is the exception because he hates Bischoff’s guts! He calls Bischoff a ‘slick, little hustler’ and that he is the complete opposite of Foley. He says he loves wrestling and gave everything and would’ve given anything to get into this business while Bischoff came in as salesman and an announcer. Foley calls him the worst announcer in history but Taz says Foley must’ve never heard of Mike Adamle (okay, I about split my sides laughing from that one). Foley says that Bischoff weaseled his way into power in WCW and he says he can’t stand Bischoff. Bischoff says that may be true but this isn’t about him and Foley, it’s about whether Foley is willing to get in line in TNA. Foley says it’s about everyone and he says he loves being apart of TNA, but he always prepares himself for the worst case scenario which is why at 28 he was saving every penny he ever made. He says that’s why he was sleeping at the Red Roof Inn when he was WWF Champion and why he drives a ‘piece of crap minivan’ now. He says he did all that so he wouldn’t have to answer to idiots like Bischoff. He shows the camera two names that he wrote down on his hand (Jeremy Borash and Abyss) and says ‘how dare’ Bischoff mess with these guys lives. Foley puts over everything that Borash does for TNA behind the scenes and says that Bischoff not knowing shows how much little he cares about knowing what makes TNA tick. Bischoff what makes him tick is power and control. He then says since Foley won’t get on the same page with him and he’s going to have to turn that page and write the next chapter of the Mick Foley story. Foley mentions something he said in his book about Bischoff saying that power should be limited to those that are not in love with it. He says Bischoff has not learned a single thing since his failure in WCW. Foley says he was recognizable all around the world while Bischoff made reality shows with Chachi. Foley says with all due respect to his wife that he always told her that deep down wrestling was always his first true love in his life because that it was the first thing he ever loved that loved him back. He says he realized that that love might not last forever but he’ll be damned if he sits back and lets Bischoff have his way with the ‘woman’ he loves. Foley starts to leave the ring but Bischoff stops him and says Foley may want to look at those names on his hand because he still has their futures in the palm of his hands. Bischoff says that new chapter of the Mick Foley Story that he was just talking about starts tonight when Mick Foley faces Kevin Nash in a No DQ Match! He says he is a student of history and Mick has a history with Nash and he wants to see that history resolved.

In the back Abyss is watching a monitor when JB walks up and he asks JB if he’s going to be okay. JB asks him if it sounds like he’s going to be okay. JB says he worked for Bischoff 10 years ago and nothing has changed. He says when Bischoff is around nobodies okay. JB says he is just there to pick him last check and Abyss freaks out as JB walks off.

—COMMERCIAL BREAK—

Back from commercials Christy Hemme is with Tara in the back. Christy asks Tara about her history with Angelina. Tara says when she first came to TNA Angelina and the Beautiful People made her life hell but since Angelina has came back she seems to be a different person. Tara says Angelina has her eye on the prize but she can’t take it from her and says she’s ready for Angelina.

TNA World Tag Team Championships
“Super Mex” Hernandez & “The Blueprint” Matt Morgan (c) vs. Team 3D

Tenay mentions that if 3D wins then that would make them 24-time Tag Champions. Bubba and Hernandez will start the match off. They lockup and Bubba throws Hernandez into the corner and then they lockup again but this time Hernandez shoves Bubba into the ropes. Hernandez goes for a clothesline but Bubba blocks it and goes for one of his own, but Hernandez blocks his as well. Bubba grabs a side headlock on Hernandez and he shoves Bubba into the ropes and connects with a nasty shoulder block that sends Bubba crashing into the corner! Hernandez follows up with a Corner Splash attempt but Bubba moves and then whips Hernandez into the opposite corner. Bubba charges and hits a Corner Splash of his own. Hernandez kicks Bubba and grabs the top rope and pulls himself up to the top rope showing off that crazy strength and athleticism he possesses. Bubba connects with some nasty chops on Hernandez and then Press Slams him off the top! Bubba drops an elbow on top of Hernandez and gets a nearfall. Bubba tags in Devon and he lays in some elbows on Hernandez until Hernandez connects with a knee to the gut and quickly tags in Morgan. Morgan goes for a clothesline but Devon ducks and connects with a series of rights. Devon attempts to whip Morgan into the ropes but he reverses it only to eat a big Clothesline from Devon followed by a leg drop for a one count. Devon comes off the ropes but Morgan connects with a Discuss Clothesline for a nearfall of his own. Hernandez tags back in and locks a rear chin lock on Devon but Devon breaks it up with back elbows and then comes off the ropes only to eat a big shoulder block for another nearfall. Hernandez lifts Devon up and puts him on the top rope. Hernandez goes up top with him and goes for a Superplex but Devon blocks it and bites the forehead of Hernandez! Devon shoves Hernandez off the top and then hits a Diving Headbutt! Both men are down and they tag out at the same time. Bubba connects with some big jabs on Morgan and then attempts to whip Morgan into the ropes, but Morgan blocks it and attempts a clothesline. Bubba ducks it and goes for a German Suplex but Morgan counters with back elbows. Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint but Bubba catches his foot to block it and then connects with the German Suplex! Hernandez comes in but eats a Samoan Drop from Bubba! 3D then hit the Reverse 3D on Morgan! 1…2…NO Hernandez breaks it up! Hernandez connects the forearms on both members of 3D but thy come back with a double shoulder block. Bubba hits a Scoop Slam and then Devon climbs to the top but the Nasty Boys run out and shove Devon off the top as the referee was checking on Hernandez! Hernandez goes for a clothesline on Bubba but he counters into a Bubba Bomb attempt. Hernandez blocks it and shoves Bubba into the Carbon Footprint from Morgan! 1…2…3 and they retain the titles!

Winners & STILL Tag Champs: Hernandez & Morgan via pinfall (Carbon Footprint)

The Nasty Boys bring a chair out and are about to lay 3D out further but Hernandez & Morgan come back and run them off. Hernandez and Morgan help 3D up and explain what just happened to them. They fist bump with the champs and walk out.

—COMMERCIAL BREAK—

“Samoan Submission Machine” Samoa Joe vs. Jesse Neal

This is the first time we’ve see Neal since Hogan and company has arrived. Tenay reminds us that Joe still has a TNA Title show in the bank. Neal jumps Joe as he comes into the ring but Joe lays him out with a T-Bone Suplex! Joe lays into Neal in the corner with jabs and chops and then he whips Neal into the opposite corner and connects with a Running Back Elbow! Joe then lays Neal out with a Leaping Enziguri! Neal tries to fight back but Joe lays him out with a headbutt. Neal pokes Joe’s eyes and then hits a Running Forearm. Neal climbs up to the top and dives off the top with a Flying Cross Body but Joe just nonchalantly steps aside. Joe connects the some SICKENING open hand strikes and then he whips Neal into the corner and connects with the Flying Knee Strike! Joe puts Neal up top and hits the Muscle Buster and screams “AJ!” as he hits it! 1…2…3!

Winner: Joe via pinfall (Muscle Buster)

In the back Christy approaches Hogan and asks him how he feels about what Kurt said earlier. He doesn’t know what Kurt said so Christy tells him. Hogan says this is just another thing that he didn’t do that Kurt is blaming him for. Hogan says that he is easy to find so tell Kurt to come see him. Christy tells Hogan that Kurt said he would be coming for Hogan later and Hogan says he’ll be waiting.

—COMMERCIAL BREAK—

Non Title Match
“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. “The Phenomenal” AJ Styles w/Ric Flair

This a first time ever matchup right here! Taz likens Flair and AJ’s relationship to that of a great NFL QB with a legendary coach in his corner. AJ and Pope lockup and Pope gets AJ in a wristlock right off the bat, but AJ quickly forces Dinero into the corner so the referee will have to come in and break it up. AJ connects with a series of chops but Dinero pimp slaps AJ! AJ charges at Pope but he hits a drop toe hold and then floats over into a Front Chancery. Dinero transitions into a wristlock but AJ quickly reverses it and kicks Dinero in the gut. AJ goes for a scoop slam but Dinero blocks it and connects a series of Elbow’s to the top of AJ’s head. Dinero then mocks AJ and Flair and connects with a big right! Dinero whips AJ into the ropes and hits a Backdrop! AJ slides out to the floor to catch a breather and get some advice from Naitch.

—COMMERCIAL BREAK—

Back from commercials Dinero shoves AJ into the ropes but AJ nails him with a shoulder block and then does the Flair strut! AJ comes off the ropes and Dinero goes for a backdrop but AJ blocks it and connects with an elbow and then a chop. AJ whips Dinero into the ropes and leapfrogs him and then connects with the Phenomenal Dropkick! AJ puts the boots to Dinero as he tries to get out of the ring and then catapults Dinero into the bottom rope in a sort of guillotine affect. AJ lights Dinero up with chops in the corner and Dinero answers him back until AJ connects with a big right hand and then he locks in a Camel Clutch on Dinero on the mat! Dinero gets to the ropes and then AJ chokes Dinero on the middle rope. AJ hits a Snap Suplex for a nearfall. AJ mounts Dinero and lays into Dinero with rights and lefts. Dinero comes back with some body shots on AJ and then he attempts to whip AJ into the ropes, but AJ reverses it only to have Dinero hit a Sunset Flip! 1…2…NO AJ kicks out and then connects with a big Running Back Elbow! AJ locks in a rear chin lock on Dinero now but Dinero gets to his feet and breaks it up with back elbows only to have AJ slam Dinero to the mat by his head. AJ puts the boots to Dinero and then measures Dinero for a big right hand, but Pope blocks it and connects with a series of rights and lefts of his own. Dinero ducks another right hand attempt and shows that amateur boxing history with his hand speed connecting with some beautiful body shots on AJ followed by a big right hook! Dinero hits an Atomic Drop and then a Flying Shoulder Block! 1…2…NO AJ kicks out! Pope is starting to get on a roll but AJ cuts him off with a rake of the eyes followed by a Leaping Enziguri! Flair talks trash to Pope from ringside and AJ goes for a Flying Forearm Smash in the corner, but Dinero moves and lights AJ up with a big chop. Dinero goes for the Coronation (Running Body Guillotine as the opponent is draped over the middle rope) but AJ moves out of the way hanging Dinero up in the ropes. AJ grabs Dinero and goes for a Vertical Suplex but Pope blocks it and rolls AJ up with a Small Package out of nowhere! 1…2…3!

Winner: Dinero via pinfall (small package)

After the match Dinero doesn’t even have time to celebrate as Flair gets in the ring and attacks him along with AJ! Flair lights Dinero up with chops and rights but Samoa Joe’s music hits and h runs out and makes the save! Joe with some nasty rights on AJ and then Flair turns Joe around and nails him with a chop but it has no affect on Joe! Flair freaks out and begs Joe off and then AJ chop blocks Joe from behind! AJ and Flair now double team Joe until Dinero makes the save for Joe! Joe clotheslines Flair out f the ring t the floor and then Dinero and Joe stomp on AJ until security runs out and holds them back!

—COMMERCIAL BREAK—

Back from commercials Flair is on the mic on the stage and asks Joe if he wants to die tonight as security is still holding Joe & Dinero back. Flair says Joe should know better and says that this is the new TNA and Joe will get his a** beat! Flair makes fun of Joe about being Samoan and then starts to run away when it looks like Joe is going to break away from security. Joe grabs a mic and screams at Flair to shut his mouth before he stomps the rest of the nature out of his a**! Joe calls AJ a scumbag and Flair says no he’s the World Champion, but Joe tells him to shut his mouth! Joe says he doesn’t care when it was whether they were friends or they hated each other AJ was ALWAYS a warrior! AJ says he gave it all up for a overpriced suit and some wholesale hookers! Joe says he needs to remind AJ how to be a man and a champion and that’s why he is cashing in his title shot at Against All Odds! Joe says from this day until then he will have to go to sleep knowing he has to face the inevitable (pointing at himself) and wake up knowing he has to face the inevitable. Joe tells Pope he thinks they go give Flair & AJ a preview of what the inevitable is! Pope lays security out with some right hands and they chase AJ and Flair to the back!

In the back Christy is with Angelina. She asks Angelina if she is worried about BP getting involved and she says definitely. She says if she was still in BP she would get involved and says she taught them everything they know but didn’t teach them everything she knows. She says she would’ve never tried to replace Angelina Love because you can’t. Angelina says tonight is about her title shot and says success is the best revenge and she is awesome at revenge.

In the back Nash is with Eric Young when Bischoff walks in. Bischoff acts like he doesn’t know who Young is and he introduces himself. Bischoff asks Young to leave and then Bischoff sits down with Nash. Bischoff says he needs a favor from Nash. He says he needs Nash to destroy Foley tonight and Nash says he needs him to do him a favor but Pac and Hall still don’t have contracts. Bischoff says they are screwups and they won’t follow the rules. He says he’s sick of that and there is nothing he can do about it. Bischoff says that he can play to that same tune that Pac and Hall play to or he can go out and destroy Foley for him.

—COMMERCIAL BREAK—

Back from commercials footage is shown form 2 months ago when Foley jumped Nash in the Impact Zone after Nash set up the fake meeting between Foley and Nash.

In the back Christy is with Mick Foley and she asks if Foley is planning on falling in line. Foley says he will face Nash tonight and Foley says he is no longer mad at Nash, but the more he thinks about what Nash did to him the hotter he gets. Abyss walks up still freaking out and he asks Foley if he’ll fall in line. Foley says his job will be safe and Abyss needs to do him a favor and that’s promising him that he will stay away from the ring no matter what happens between Foley and Nash tonight.

8-Card Stud Tournament Qualifying Match
Tomko vs. “Olympic Hero” Kurt Angle

Angle immediately connects with a German Suplex on Tomko but then eats a Big Boot from Tomko! Both men get right to their feet and go nose-to-nose! Angle nails Tomko with a headbutt and then a series of rights and a clothesline that sends Tomko over the top to the floor! Angle follows him out and slams Tomko into the ring steps and rolls Tomko back into the ring. Angle charges at Tomko but eats a Snap Powerslam from Tomko! He whips Angle into the corner and nails him with a running Clothesline and then he grabs Angle and whips Angle into the ring post. Tomko hits a Powerslam for a nearfall and then locks in a Rear Chinlock on Angle. Angle fights to his feet and breaks the hold with back elbows and then comes off the ropes but Tomko grabs him by the throat and hits a Chokeslam. Tomko climbs to the top but Angle quickly gets to the top and hits the Belly-to-Belly Superplex on Tomko! Both guys are down now and finally Angle gets to his feet and hits the Rolling German Suplexes on Tomko! As he went for the third one Tomko blocked it and threw Angle into the corner. Tomko charges but Angle moves and hits the Angle Slam! 1…2…NO Tomko kicks out! Tomko comes out of nowhere with a Lariat! Tomko goes for the Chainsaw Kick but Angle ducks and hit more Rolling German Suplexes! This time Angle goes old school and connects with 5! Angle grabs Tomko’s ankle and locks in the Ankle Lock! Angle drops down to the and great veins the leg which causes Tomko to tap!

Winner: Angle via submission (Ankle Lock)

Mr. Anderson, Hernandez, Desmond Wolfe, & Kurt Angle are all now in the Tournament for Against All Odds with 4 more yet to be named.

—COMMERCIAL BREAK—

Footage is shown from TNA’s tour of Europe this past week and then a nice video package highlighting the issues between Foley and Nash from the last few months is shown.

Nash enters Hogan’s office and he talks about the conversation he had with Bischoff and says he’s down, but he asks for another chance for Pac and Hall. Hogan says they’ve had enough chances and he has done everything he could for them. Nash says now more than ever they need him but Hogan says they’re acting crazier than they ever have now. Hogan says Nash just needs to get away from them but he wants Hogan to keep an open mind about them. Hogan tells Nash not to let them suck him again because ‘you know how they are.’

A video package is shown highlighting Angelina and the Beautiful People’s past.

TNA Knockouts Championship
Tara (c) vs. Angelina Love

Tara and Angelina lockup and Tara gets the advantage with a side headlock and then she hits a side headlock takeover. Tara holds onto the side headlock as they hit the mat but Angelina is able to roll Tara over and get a one count before Tara rolls back over. Angelina is able to counter out with a head scissors but Tara counters right back by rolling frontwards into a bridging pin for a nearafll. Angelina bridges out of the pin and right into a Backslide! 1…NO Tara kicks out!

—COMMERCIAL BREAK—

Angelina and Tara are engrossed in a Greco-Roman Knucklelock as we come back from commercials and Angelina is able to lock Tara into Hammerlock and even hit a Hammerlock Armdrag holding onto the Hammerlock on the mat. Angelina puts her knee into the ribs of Tara and then locks in a wristlock but Tara is able to cartwheel out of the move into a wristlock of her own. I do believe we have a wardrobe malfunction here as Tara’s chest is blurred out! How did nobody get a picture of that of all the people that was there live (just asking)? Angelina with a single leg takedown for a nearfall and then she slams Tara headfirst into the top turnbuckle and then she slams her into the opposite turnbuckle. Tara comes back and slams Angelina’s head into the turnbuckle and then whips her into the opposite corner and charges at her, but Angelina is able to lift herself up onto the top rope over the charging Tara and then roll her up! 1…2…NO Tara kicks out! Tara comes back with a kick to the gut and then the Spider’s Web (Fireman’s Carry into Spinning Sidewalk Slam)! 1…2…NO Angelina kicks out! Angelina comes back with a forearm and then she whips Tara into the ropes and goes for the Botox Injection, but Tara ducks and goes for the Widows Peak! Angelina blocks it and counters into a rollup but Tara rolls through and gets the pin!

Winner & STILL Knockouts Champ: Tara via pinfall

After the match Angelina and Tara shake hands and Angelina raises Tara’s hand. It actually looked like Angelina tried to tell her about the boobage slipping out but the Beautiful People run out and jump Angelina. They put the boots to Angelina as Tara just watches and finally she lays out BP. Angelina throws some big rights as well as both girls clean house. Velvet is able to escape without Angelina getting her hands on her though.

In the parking lot Scott Hall & Syxx-Pac are shown sneaking around.

—COMMERCIAL BREAK—

Back from commercials Angle walks into Hogan’s office and screams at him to explain to him how Hogan shakes his hand and then 10 seconds later ‘his cronies’ jump him. Hogan says he refused to give Pac (who Hogan refers to as X-Pac) and Hall contracts because they’re thugs and now Angle thinks he hired them to do his dirty work. Hogan says Angle’s temper is the problem here. Angle says he’s worried about Hogan’s agenda and says he doesn’t trust Hogan as far as he can throw him. He says he knows what Hogan is all about and he’s heard all the horror stories about the people he’s done business with. Angle says Hogan needs to understand that he won’t screw with him the way he’s screwed with ‘them’ and he needs to consider this his final warning. Hogan tells Angle he needs to do himself a favor and get out of his office, please. Angle slams his fists on Hogan’s desk and then storms out.

No DQ Match
“Big Sexy” Kevin Nash vs. “Hardcore Legend” Mick Foley

Kevin Nash does his best Raven impersonation by rolling a shopping cart full of weapons out to the ring while Foley brought out his trademark barbed wire baseball bat. Foley swings his bat at Nash who blocks the shots with a garbage can. Finally the trash can is beat up so bad that Nash just flings it at Foley (who knocks it away with the bat) and picks up a chair. Foley swings the bat at Nash more and he blocks it with the chair this time and then he picks up a hockey stick and hits Foley in the legs with it as he charged in with the bat. Nash picks up the barbed wire bat and tries to scrape it on Foley’s face but Foley blocks it and is able to hit a mule kick to Nash’s balls! Foley with a running forearm and now the brawl spills out to the floor where Foley slams Nash into the guardrail and then the ring apron. Foley gets back in the ring and grabs a picture frame but Foley hesitates which allows Nash to nail him with a Big Boot for the pin. That whole thing was VERY sloppy.

Winner: Nash via pinfall (Big Boot)

It’s shown that the reason Foley hesitated was because the picture was the stupid picture of him and Borash. We see Hall and Pac coming down through the crowd now! Hall and Pac attack Nash out of nowhere! Pac hits a vision Spinning Heel Kick and then Hall puts the boots to him! What the hell?! Hall turns his attention to Foley and stomps on him while Pac continues to beat on Nash. Hall and Pac taunt the crowd and Nash as everyone wonders what the hell just happened.

So.  There’s no matches mentioned in TNA’s preview of tonight’s show.  A lot of talking segments.  I hate reviewing talking segments.  For what it’s worth, tomorrow’s my mom’s birthday, so, even though my mom probably has no idea that I run this site, happy birthday, Mom!

Tonight, Mick Foley hunts down Jeff Jarrett, and we’ll hear more about the 3 Hour Monday Night iMPACT on January 4th.  Plus, TNA will probably brag about buying a billboard in New York City with Hulk Hogan’s mug on it.  All this, and presumably, some wrestling, tonight on iMPACT!

Provided that any of you can still move after your Thanksgiving Day bounty, find the nearest line and cross it! Just don’t step on me.

Wow it’s been two weeks already, boy does the time fly.  But I guess that’s what happens when you are busy.  Well I’m back to talk more about random nothing until I take another week off, when that will be I don’t know yet.  Well without further ado let’s get this party started:

After a half-completed review last week, and a total MIA during Sunday’s ppv, let’s see if your Empress of ”iMPACT” can pull off an entire review! Cross the line, peoples!

Your Empress of “iMPACT” is sleepy. Very, very sleepy.

It’s line-crossin’ time!

Join your Empress of “iMPACT” and cross the line! It’s time for some “Hard Justice,” and, porntastic though it sounds, it’s what we’ve got. Will Kurt Angle’s real-life arrest affect the main event title match? Will the introduction of “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero obliterate the actual X-Division? Will the Legends title match between Mick Foley and Kevin Nash scar your soul for life? Will Samoa Joe and Homicide unleash the nine levels of hell that we all know that they can? It’s showtime, folks!

The mechanized voice of Professor Stephen Hawking opens the show, with references to DNA. The opening video package focuses on Matt Morgan, then on Kurt Angle, and finally on the Angle/Morgan in-ring dispute that ended last week’s “iMPACT.” We go to the opening pyro, and the ring.

Match #1: Steel Asylum match for the Number One Contender to the X-Division title: The Motor City Machine Guns enter together, followed by Amazing Red, Daniels, Lethal Consequences, Suicide (who enters up from the floor out of a cloud of fog), and “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero. Dinero is a street preacher, according to Tenay and West. The Guns double-team Daniels, while Lethal, Creed, and The Pope climb the walls of the cage. Lethal Consequences double-team Red. Pope nails Lethal with a huge release suplex, but then falls victim to more Guns double-team goodness. Daniels overpowers Sabin, but Shelley stops Daniels with a top rope jawbreaker. Shelley hangs The Pope in the corner, but Suicide grabs him. Sabin kicks Suicide into The Pope to free Shelley. The Guns climb the walls, but run into trouble with Lethal and Daniels. Daniels and Lethal go at each other, and Daniels brings Lethal down to the mat. The Pope goes after Daniels, ducks a punch, and Daniels punches the cage. Both men hit the mat. Suicide goes after Shelley on the top rope, but Sabin runs up the ropes and throws Suicide over. The Guns double-team Lethal Consequences, but get attacked by Daniels and The Pope. Suicide lands a huge Tower of Doom powerbomb on Daniels, Red, and The Pope. Creed and Shelley go, and the Guns trap Lethal Consequences in submission holds, but the holds are broken. Shelley hits the Sliced Bread on Daniels, but Lethal takes down Shelley. Sabin takes down Lethal. Creed takes down Sabin. Red takes down Creed. Everyone makes it back up to climb the wall. Daniels takes The Pope down to the mat. Suicide and Creed hit the mat. The Guns take down Lethal. Red DDTs Sabin, then Shelley. Red climbs the wall, but Daniels is right behind him. Daniels hangs upside down from the roof by one leg after throwing Red to the mat. The Pope brings Suicide down, then drops to the mat to punish him further. Daniels extricates himself from the roof, and crawls through the roof to win.

Winner and #1 Contender to the X-Division title: Daniels

Jeremy Borash interviews Daniels about facing either Samoa Joe or Homicide at the next ppv. He has history with both of them, and whoever doesn’t lose tonight will lose to him next month. Daniels tells AJ Styles not to question himself, that he and the TNA fans are thinking of him. Tenay and West run down the rest of the card.

Lauren interviews Matt Morgan about his friction with Kurt Angle. Morgan wants to be in the MEM, but Angle is the one who jerked him around for weeks, getting him to do Angle’s dirty work. Tonight, Morgan rewards himself with the title that’s destined to be his.

Match #2: “$50,000 Bounty Challenge” match, Abyss vs. Jethro Holiday (w/ Dr. Stevie): Weapons are legal. Basically, no DQ. Holiday shows no fear, and lays into Abyss with shoulder blocks and chops. Abyss has none of it, and clotheslines Holiday to the floor. Holiday ducks and Abyss punches a ringpost. Holiday throws Abyss into the railing, and follows him around the floor. Abyss is rolled into the ring, and Holiday attempts a middle rope elbow drop, but misses. Abyss punches down Holiday, then leaves the ring to get a chair. Dr. Stevie tosses a police baton to Holiday, who uses it on Abyss. Dr. Stevie directs traffic, and Holiday knocks Abyss from the apron onto the railing. Abyss places the chair over Holiday and goes for a splash, but Holiday turns the chair sideways, and Abyss crotches himself on it. Holiday hits Abyss with the chair, and goes for the pin, but Abyss kicks out at two. Abyss throws Holiday head-first into the chair wedged into the corner, follows up with a chokeslam, but Holiday kicks out at two. Dr. Stevie interferes, and Abyss drags him in the ring by his hair. Holiday hits Abyss with a bulldog. Dr. Stevie tosses brass knuckles to Holiday. Holiday charges Abyss with the brass knuckles, but Abyss counters with a perfectly-timed Black Hole Slam. Abyss gets the pin and three-count. Post-match, Dr. Stevie gets in Holiday’s face, and Holiday lays out Dr. Stevie.

Winner: Abyss

JB interviews Kurt Angle, who is completely clean-shaven. Hmm. Angle claims that nothing Morgan has said or done has surprised him. Morgan is young, excited, and green. By the end of the night, after Angle talks to him, he’ll be thinking differently.

Match #3: Rob Terry vs. Hernandez: This match was for posession of the “Feast or Fired” briefcase containing the World Heavyweight title shot. Hernandez grabs a mic and says that the fans are his family, and the ring is his house. The British Invasion can either return his briefcase, or he’ll take it and walk out over all three of them. All three Brits rush the ring, and the match is on. Hernandez pins Rob Terry in about four seconds.

Winner and possessor of a World title shot: Hernandez

Lauren interviews Beer Money. James Storm says that they let Booker T and Scott Steiner beat them at their own game, which is winning at all costs. Robert Roode agrees, and says that they got soft by having emotions. Tonight, they go back to what they’re good at. Kicking ass and doing anything necessary to win.

Match #4: IWGP Tag Team title match, The British Invasion vs. Beer Money: Eric Young comes to the announce table wearing a suit to join the commentary team for the match. Beer Money enters first, and they have new music. The British Invasion enters without Big Rob Terry, as he has likely been forced to commit seppuku for shaming his people. Don West and Eric Young make nice while chatting. Loud crowd chants of “Wanker!” Funny. Storm and Magnus start off, and Storm dominates with punches. Magnus gets thrown to the outside, and Roode tags in. Roode lays into Magnus for a bit, then Doug Williams tags in. Williams and Roode trade punches and headlocks, showing off their respective power. Beer Money double-teams Williams. Storm gets a two-count on Williams. The Brits double-team Storm, but Storm clotheslines both guys at once. Magnus is thrown into Williams. Williams is hung in the Tree of Woe, and Magnus’s legs are pulled into the ring post. A new take on the “69″ spot. The Brits recover, and work over Storm, particularly on the ankle. The Brits use quick tags to maintain the double-team on Storm. Magnus and Storm go. Magnus repeatedly slaps Storm, but gets knocked to the mat for his trouble. Storm tags in Roode, who lays out Williams and Magnus. Beer Money dominates again. Eric Young tosses one of the title belts into the ring, and while the ref threw the belt out, Magnus low blowed Roode, allowing The British Invasion to get the win. Post-match, Beer Money tries to attack Eric Young, but the Brits pull them off.

Lauren interviews ODB and Cody Deaner. She tries to ask what would happen if Cody Deaner gets the pin, and wins the Knockouts title.  Lots of yelling and foolishness.

Match #5: ODB and Cody Deaner vs. The Beautiful People: This was a tag team match for the Knockouts championship. Don West’s commentary here was absolutely gold! Love and ODB start, exchanging pushes. ODB overpowers Love and slams her back-first into the ringpost. Love hits a bulldog on ODB for a two-count. Love tags in Sky, who kicks at ODB while screaming a lot. ODB tags in Deaner, who spanks Sky over the tope rope for a ten-count. Deaner tags in ODB and Sky runs to the other side of the ring and tags in Love. ODB misses a splash, and a red-assed Sky tags in and TBP double-team ODB. Love gets ODB in a sleeper hold, but ODB fights out and throws Love over in a suplex. ODB tags in Deaner, who faces off against Sky. Sky hits Deaner. Deaner kisses Sky. Sky hits Deaner. Deaner kisses Skye. Skye hits Deaner. Deaner kisses Skye. Love attacks Deaner. Deaner kisses Love. Madison Rayne yells at Deaner, who grabs her over the ropes and kisses her too. Sky mule kicks Deaner in the groin. Love superkicks Deaner. ODB and Love scrap on the apron. Deaner pins Sky after Rayne tries to spray Deaner in the eyes, but misses and sprays Sky instead. Post-match, Love and Sky turn on Rayne for her mistake, and Deaner takes the title from ODB, claiming that it’s his.

Winners (and new Knockouts Champion) : ODB and Cody Deaner

Lauren interviews Samoa Joe and Taz. Taz says that Joe is taking the X-Division title from Homicide, starting now. 

Match #6: Samoa Joe vs. Homicide for the X-Division title: Even back-and-forth action for the opening minute. Joe rolls out to the floor, where Taz tells him to get his head on straight and play his own game. Joe blocks a hurricanrana attempt by Homicide, and follows up with a suicide dive between the ropes. Joe is all strikes and knees, but only gets a two-count. Joe works on Homicide’s neck, and follows up with a snap power slam. Joe chokes Homicide in the ropes with his leg for a four-count. Both men trade chops. Joe power bombs Homicide, but Homicide kicks out at two. Joe locks in the STF ( a real one, not a John Cena one). Homicide gets a foot on the ropes. Joe kicks Homicide repeatedly. Loud chants of “187!” They trade punches. Homicide lands a top rope missile drop kick, followed by the tope con hilo to the floor. Homicide and Taz talk trash. Homicide hits a hangman’s neckbreaker back in the ring for a two-count. Homicide hits the Gringo Cutter for a count of two and three-fourths. Homicide attempts the Gringo Killer, but Joe pushes him away. Joe locks in a sleeper hold, but knocks Homicide down and cinches in the Kokina Clutch. Homicide taps, and Joe wins.

Winner and NEW X-Division Champion: Samoa Joe.

JB is with Kurt Angle, who goes to talk to Matt Morgan. Morgan yells at Angle for not knocking, and takes him to task for the way that Angle has treated him. Angle partially apologizes, and tells Morgan that if either he or Morgan win, Morgan is in the Main Event Mafia, and all is good. Morgan shakes on it.

Match #7: TNA Tag Team Championship titles match, Team 3D vs. Booker T (w/ Sharmell) and Scott Steiner: Two referees have been assigned to this match, with falls counting anywhere and no DQs. No, this is not awesome. I’m walking out. Be back later. Slow and plodding for the most part. Steiner pinned Ray, but Ray’s arms were under the ropes. The two referees came to conflicting decisions regarding the winners, and consulted the video tape. Booker T and Scott Steiner are declared the winners. Loud chants of “Bullshit!” Agreed, peoples. Agreed.

Winners and still Tag Team Champions: Booker T and Scott Steiner

JB interviews Mick Foley, who says that it isn’t about the number of zeros at the end of your paycheck, but the number of fans you bring to your feet.

Match #8: Legends Championship match, Mick Foley vs. Kevin Nash: Nash dominates early with knees and elbows. Foley fights back with headbutts and punches. Once the action spills onto the floor, Foley hits Nash with a chair. Foley goes for a top rope elbow drop onto Nash, but Nash pulls the chair inthe way at the last second and Foley hits it. Foley’s head is busted open. Blood splatters onto the camera, which is really weird. Nash punches the bloodied mess that is Foley’s face repeatedly, grinning as he does so. Elbows follow punches, and Foley starts to laugh through the crimson mask. Foley fights back and knocks down Nash. Foley pulls out pieces of his own hair, and goes after Nash. Nash is soon busted wide open as well from the steps. Nash rolls up Foley and gets the pin. Post-match, Nash uses Foley’s barbed-wire baseball bat against him. Abyss runs down with his own barbed-wire baseball bat, and makes the save. Foley grins and gives Abyss the thumbs-up. Abyss claps like a little kid, and leaves the ring. 

Winner and NEW Legends Champion: Kevin Nash

Lauren interviews Sting. Sting says that you can only trust yourself. Matt Morgan will learn from his mistakes, just like Sting did. Kurt Angle is, well, Kurt Angle, and will walk over anyone in order to preserve himself. There is a third man in the match, however, and it’s Sting.

Match #9: World Heavyweight Championship match, Kurt Angle vs. Matt Morgan vs. Sting: Matt Morgan enters first, then Sting, then Kurt Angle. Morgan and Angle work together to throw Sting around. Angle misses a running shoulder to the gut when Sting dodges, and hits the ringpost shoulder-first. The action spills onto the floor. Back in the ring, Sting punches Morgan for a ten-count in the corner. Morgan is thrown to the outside, and Sting focuses on Angle. Crowd chants of “You got arrested!” at Angle at points. Angle throws Sting to the outside, where Morgan punches the Icon, and follows him around the ring. Angle leaps off the apron in a cross body, but Sting dodges and Morgan catches Angle instead. Sting kicks Angle as Morgan tries to handle Angle. Back in the ring, Sting gets Angle in the Scorpion Death Lock, but Angle counters it into the Angle Slam for a two-count. Angle attempts the Angle Lock on Sting, but it isn’t cinched in, and Sting escapes. Sting and Morgan now mix it up. Morgan physically dominates Sting, but only gets two-counts. Morgan hits a leg drop on the apron on Sting, but Sting kicks out at two. As Morgan runs into the ropes, Angle pulls down the top rope, and Morgan hits the floor. Angle and Morgan stare down. Crowd chants of “Fuck him up, Morgan!” Morgan throws sweat at Angle and turns his back to him. Angle attacks Morgan from behind. Morgan nails a Carbon Footprint on Angle on the floor. Morgan pins Sting for more than three counts, but the ref is outside checking on Angle. Sting pins Morgan, but Morgan kicks out at two. Morgan plants Sting with a stiff Carbon Footprint, but as the ref counts to three, Angle pulls him out of the ring. Angle hits Morgan with a chair, pins him, and gets the win.

Winner and STILL World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle

So, the Main Event Mafia has all the gold in TNA except for the Knockouts title. The main title is still on Kurt Angle, despite all the legal craziness revolving around him at the moment. They have tv tapings tomorrow and Tuesday, at which Angle may or may not be allowed to be present. That Morgan should have won was clear, which made him look good. That we get Daniels/Joe for the X-Division title at the next ppv is also good. If AJ Styles’s announcement on “iMPACT” is that he’s a loser and he’s going home, I will shout “Turnip!” in a very loud voice. Join us back here at BWF for RAW tomorrow night, and assorted wrestling goodness for the rest of the week.

Peace out,

Drowgoddess