We open with a recap of No Way Out, showing John Cena victorious over Big Show and Vince McMahon firing Johnny Laurenitis as Cena puts him through a table. Also, Cyndi Lauper guest stars tonight. (Why?)
Mick Foley is here as special guest GM for tonight and Smackdown this Friday! His first official act is booking a tag team match between Kane and Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus and C.M. Punk. Also, we get the farewell address from Johnny Ace.
Big Johnny comes out in a neck brace, a sling, and on a crutch. As he enters the ring, Foley goes in for a hug or pat on the back, which aggravates Johnny’s injuries. Johnny demands the crowd be quiet, they refuse, Johnny ask Mick for help. Mick asks the crowd to quiet down. Mick then claims Johnny said “Long Island Sucks.” Johnny gets fed up and decides to do the speech later, but announces in his last official act as GM of both RAW and Smackdown, he has booked a handicap match with John Cena against Him, David Otunga, and Big Show.
As Johnny leaves, Sheamus makes way to the ring for his big match. He locks eyes with Johnny and smirks. Punk is out next. With the kicking of dirt and the big thumb to the back, he mimics a baseball umpire and tells Johnny “you’re outta here.”
We come back to see a recap of last week when AJ locked lips with Kane, taking him out of the match and giving her and Punk the win.
Kane comes out to the pyro and scary Halloween music, followed by “The Flight of the Valkeries,” and Daniel Bryan. The crowd starts in with the “Yes! Yes! Yes!” chant.
WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK / WORLD’S CHAMPION SHEAMUS VS. DANIEL BRYAN / KANE
This is a fast paced brawl with a lot of high-impact spots. Both Sheamus and Punk play the face in peril, as Kane and Bryan do the most double teaming. The big tide changer is when AJ runs to ringside DRESSED UP EXACTLY LIKE KANE! MASK AND ALL! AJ skips around the ring and back up the stage. Kane follows her while Bryan takes a GTS/Brogue Kick combo from the champions and goes down for a three count.
WINNERS: C.M. PUNK AND SHEAMUS
Later tonight, we find out if Brock Lesnar will accept Triple H’s challenge for a match at Summer Slam.
We come back to see Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger arguing over who the weak link in their team is. Vicki comes in with an “EXCUSE ME!” and demands they settle this in the ring. The men walk off and Vicki smiles.
Fade in to Johnny and David Otunga sharing a laugh. Show comes in and wants to know what’s so funny. Johnny explains they were laughing at Cena and how bad he’s gonna get hurt tonight in the three on one handicap match, and how the WWE universe doesn’t deserve him. Johnny promises he’s going to leave a lasting impression tonight. Show doesn’t find anything funny anymore.
We’re back with Ziggler and Swagger in the ring.
DOLPH ZIGGLER VS JACK SWAGGER
This was kind of a slow paced match until Ziggler tweaked his leg. From then on it was Swagger working the leg until Ziggler hit the Zig-Zag and scored a three count. Ziggler gets a kiss from Vicki and struts off into the sunset.
WINNER: DOLPH ZIGGLER
We’re back, and Lawler is reminiscing about the night we got the debut of Mr. Socko and a Stone Cold beat down in Vince’s hospital room. Lawler’s favorite part is Vince taking a bedpan to the head.
Paul Heyman is here on behalf of Brock Lesnar to respond to Triple H’s challenge.
•No, Lesnar will not drop his suit against WWE
•No, Heyman will not drop his suit against Triple H
•No, Brock Lesnar will not face Triple H at Summerslam
Thank you for your time, good night.
Time to Play the Game…
Triple H is in the ring and this becomes a trade off of two of the best mike workers in this business. I’d fail at trying to quote this verbatim, so please try to find this on line. Basically, both men take shots at each other with winks to the smart marks, but the highlight is Heyman dressing down the game, taking shots at his new position in life. Of course it ends with Heyman out on his back, but it’s still an example of why the WWE needs him back on the stick.
Up next, U.S. Champion Santino Morella vs. Alberto Del Rio
We come back and Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio enters in a 150 thousand dollar Audi-T1000 as we get a promo for the Night of Champions PPV. Santino is out next and power-walks quickly to the ring.
U.S. CHAMPION SANTINO MORELLA VS ALBERTO DEL RIO
This is a quick match that has Del Rio working particularly vicious, as he’s taking out his frustration over being pulled from No Way Out on the arm of Santino. Santino gets in some offense but it amounts to little as he takes an inziguri to the head while setting up the Cobra. Del Rio hits the arm-bar and Santino taps.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO
Roberto actually gets some payback on Santino with a shoulder-drop as Alberto walks off.
Promo for Cyndi Lauper making an appearance, featuring her “girls just wanna have fun,” video
The lovely Layla, Divas champion, is in the ring introducing Cyndi Lauper AND WENDI RICHTER! She credits both women with setting the foundation for the Divas division. Cyndi looks “influenced,” Wendi has looked better, and the crowd does not love this.
Heath Slater comes out to call this the train wreck it is. He gets in the ring, makes some snide remarks, and demands the chance to debut HIS NEW SINGLE.
Slater wants to sing.
Slater-haters gonna Slater-hate.
And they do.
Cue the bagpipes and its ROWDY RODDY PIPER out to make the save. He looks like he had some of what Cyndi had. He’s in the ring with a gold record, making reference to Capt. Lou Albano.
He mentions having “a bad day,” all those years ago when he bashed Lou in the head with Cyndi’s gold record in Madison Square Garden, and wants to present her with a new one. They kiss and make-up, when Slater demands he get to finish his song. The segment ends with Lauper bashing Slater with the record. (Might’ve been a botch there as she did it twice, and left Slater with a cut on his head)
We come back to a recap of the four way tag team match at No Way Out, featuring AW helping the Prime Time Players win the no.1 contenders spot for the tag team title, at the expense of Primo/Epico, the team he originally expressed interest in managing.
AW comes out to introduce himself as the owner of All World productions and the new manager of The Prime Time Players.
PRIMO/EPICO VS THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS
It’s a very basic tag team match, with the bruisers (PTP) trying to out-muscle the high-flyers (P/E.) The match is cut short when AW simply pushes his team out of range and they take a count-out loss, explaining that his team already has the no.1 contender spot and doesn’t need this.
Side Note: The crowd is DEAD for this match. No real faces to root for.
We’re back with a promo for the upcoming 1000th show, July 23rd. We OFFICALLY go three hours on that night. (Question: didn’t we do that already?) DEGENERATION X will make a special appearance. That should kill the first two hours.
Back in the ring, we have Johnny Ace, in a neck brace, arm-sling, and a crutch, cutting a promo, calling the WWE universe losers, (one by one,) because we’ve lost the era of “people power.” Next time we’ll see him is his hall of fame induction. This is the darkest day in WWE history, and he promises Cena will get an epic beat down. He introduces his tag team partner David Otunga, who comes to the ring making his usual pose-down, and next, the Big Show.
We come back with Teddy joining the announce team and ripping up the name tag Johnny made him wear. Michael Cole gives him an epic ass-kissing. Big Show has the mike. He thanks Johnny for his Iron clad contract, his huge bonus, the chance to be a real giant, says he has nothing to prove, AND WALKS OUT ON THE MATCH!
The music hits and John Cena is out.
HANDICAP MATCH: JOHN CENA VS JOHNNY ACE/DAVID OTUNGA
The crowd is really split tonight with the “Let’s go Cena/Cena Sucks” chant. The match begins with Cena dominating Otunga and Johnny Ace backing off every time Otunga tries for a tag. Johnny changes his mind once Otunga gets back in control. Once tagged in, Johnny ditches his wrappings and stomps away on Cena. Cena kicks out of a pin, Johnny tries for a tag AND OTUNGA WALKS OUT ON ACE!
Johnny, in disbelief, turns around slowly. Cena unloads big on Johnny Ace with the “five moves of doom.” Three AA’s and an STF later, Johnny Ace taps out.
WINNER: JOHN CENA