Welcome, welcome, welcome. When the big events come, they call in the big guns. The Howard Finkel of BWF, if you will. I’m back, for my first appearance since Jan 4th. See? What’d I say about Big Time events? With superstars like Bret ‘Hitman’ Hart, Shawn Michaels, Triple H and the Undertaker appearing, you’d think it was 1997. But, it’s 2010, and we are LIVE from Phoenix, Arizona.
Tune in, after the turn, for LIVE, unedited, uncensored, and Pro-HBK coverage of WrestleMania XXVI. Oh, and a quick note for Jack Korpela. Why do you have a job?
“Bound for Glory” is TNA’s “Wrestlemania.” We’ve heard about the matches. We’ve made our predictions. Come with your Empress of “iMPACT” and cross the line!
It is i, your local midweek columnist, bringing you LIVE coverage of UFC 103. The pre-show for this event can be seen on Spike.
Efrain Escudero def. Cole Miller by TKO in the 1st round.
Jim Miller vs. Steve Lopez. Lopez is replacing Thiago Tavares due to injury.
Miller controlled the match from the midpoint of the 1st round, and only lost control in the final moments of the round.
Jim Miller def. Steve Lopez by TKO in the 2nd round, due to Lopez’s shoulder popping out after an attack.
OTHER PRELIMINARY CARD RESULTS
Rafael dos Anjos def. Rob Emerson via unnimous decision. Emerson replaced Matt Wiman, who pulled out with injury.
Vladimir Matyushenko def. Igor Pokrajac via unanimous decision
Eliot Marshall def. Jason Brilz via Split Decision
Rick Story def. Brian Foster via Submission in the 2nd round. Story replaced Paul Daley in the bout.
Nik Lentz def. Rafaello Oliveria via unanimous decision. Lentz replaced Dan Lauzon, who pulled out with injury
Tomasz Drwal def. Dres McFedries via Submission in the 2nd round.
Get ready for the PPV portion of the card. The following matches are scheduled.
MAIN CARD
Rich Franklin vs. Vitor Belfort
Mirko ‘Cro Cop’ Filipovic vs. Junior dos Santos
Martin Kampmann vs. Paul Daley. Daley replaces Mike Swick, who pulled out through injury. Daley was scheduled to face Brian Foster in the undercard, but he was replaced by Rick Story.
Josh Koshcheck vs. Frank Trigg
Tyson Griffin vs. Hermes Franca
MAIN CARD RESULTS
Tyson Griffin vs. Hermes Franca
Franca’s hair is a shade of purple for this fight.
Griffin had more action in the first over Franca in the first round, and stays in control in the second, until Franca grabs ahold of the leg of his opponent. Franca gets free shots in on Griffin, until he let’s go of the leg. Tyson grounds Hermes, pounding away as Franca tries to get in an armbar. Hermes tries one last attempt at a submission, going for the heel, but Griffin has none of it, and the referee stops the fight.
YOUR WINNER: Tyson Griffin via TKO 2nd round
Josh Koshcheck vs Frank Trigg
Trigg gets a few good shots in early, but that’s all he gets, as Koshcheck knocks him to the mat, then nails Frank with four big blows, to cause a ref stoppage.
YOUR WINNER: Josh Koshcheck via TKO 1st round
Martin Kampmann vs. Paul Daley
Kampmann starts with a flurry, but Daley holds his ground, counter punching well. Every time one fires in shots, the other comes straight back with punches of their own. Paul Daley hurts his opponent, and Kampmann stumbles back to the fence. Daley fires punches with both hands, and the ref prematurely ends it.
YOUR WINNER: Paul Daley via TKO 1st round
My coverage showed a replay of the undercard bout between Rafael dos Anjos and Rob Emerson.
Mirko ‘Cro Cop’ Filipovic vs. Junior dos Santos
dos Santos gets the advantage early, pushing Cro Cop back to the cage, but the Croat fights out. Junior fires punches, but none of them land clean, until a right hand, gets through. Junior goes with a flurry of punches. Mirko is game, but ends up with a lump over his right eye. The Croatian shoots for a single, but his opponent back away. Cro Cop goes for clinch, and briefly gets Junior on the ground. The Brazilian is cut over both eyes. Both men get in good clean shots as the first round ends.
We move to Round Two, and Mirko head-kick lands short. Mirko connects a left kick, but dos Santos connects a right hook. Junior charges, and he’s on the attack. Cro Cop shows good defense, but no offence. Cigano lands an uppercut, and Mirko pushes him away, when he gets too close. The Croat misses another high kick, and receives a stiff shot to the mid-section. Both men clinch, and Cro Cop gets a left knee in. Santos gets a knee in of his own, but falls to the ground, as Cro Cop gets a kick in right on his groin protector. The referee gives Cigano five minutes to recover. dos Santos opens up a cut above Cro Cop’s right eye, with a hook, then gets in a body kick before the round ends.
Round Three, and Cro Cop lands two lefts, but his opponent is unphased. Dos Santos lands a body shot, then three knees to the body, and a right hook. One more knee crushes the Croat, and he is hurting after that one. Cigano lands a knee to his opponent’s head, rocking Filipovic. Dos Santos continues with the knees to the body, then lands a punch to the left eye of Cro Cop, who quits after this. The Croat took the punch directly to the eye.
YOUR WINNER: Junior dos Santos via TKO 3rd Round
Rich Franklin vs. Vitor Belfort
Belfort stars with a left kick, and Franklin checks it. Rich moves in and out of range, whilst Vitor has his left hand cocked, locked, and ready to unload. Midway through, and the crowd is getting restless, as not one meaningful blow has connected. Vitor knocks Franklin down to his knees with a left hook. He lands another left, and finishes the fight landing punches with both hands.
YOUR WINNER: Vitor Belfort via TKO 1st round
That’s all from UFC 103. Stay tuned to BWF for what is a busy weekend.
Happy 4th of July to my fellow Americans, and happy belated Canada Day to my friends to the north. It’s time to look back at the week that was in this wacky world of professional wrestling.
The Bash was last Sunday, and the WWE managed to surprise us again – not in a main event (both of which had terrible endings, btw), but in a tag team match of all things. Yes, “Team Ego” captured the Unified Tag Team Championships in a match they weren’t originally scheduled to participate in. And the internet dubbed them, “Rated Y2J.”
Also on Sunday, it was reported that RAW ring announcer Lillian Garcia has handed in her notice to WWE and will be leaving. Lillian was very capable as an announcer, and always pumped the crowd up with her pre-show singing of “America The Beautiful.” WWE is looking for a female announcer who can sing to replace Garcia, but here’s hoping for a promotion for Justin Roberts to what WWE considers the A show.
Former WWE Superstar Brian Christopher Lawler, also known as Grand Master Sexay, was in court on Monday on charges of public intoxication. He allegedly threatened the police officer who arrested him as well, saying he’d rip the officer’s head off. Surprisingly, he was only sentenced to rehab.
On RAW it was randomly announced that 15 Superstars were involved in a trade between the three brands. For what it’s worth, the draft was just over 2 months ago. If we’re randomly going to move guys around, can we just get rid of the whole draft thing?
In the very definition of “slow news week,” it was reported that The Miz posted on his official Twitter page (http://twitter.com/mikethemiz) that he stayed up until 5:30AM watching YouTube.
Would it surprise anybody if I said that Matt Hardy complained on MySpace about something somebody said about him on the internet? I didn’t think so. Apparently some reporter on a wrestling news site complained that Matt spilled the beans on the trade (Matt went to SmackDown), when in fact Matt posted it after it hit WWE.com.
In proof that nobody watches TNA except for Drowgoddess, the IWC is speculating that Taz will debut for TNA at Victory Road. Nevermind the fact that Joe has been acting like Taz and using some of his moves while taking advice from a mysterious “advisor.” Oh, and the fact that he told AJ Styles he can ask the “advisor” who he is at Victory Road.
Word going around is that some wrestlers were upset that WWE was allegedly only paying Vickie Guerrero $500 per appearance. Those wrestlers need to shut their damned mouths. I’d kill for $500 per appearance with WWE, especially since my take home pay right now is slightly over $200 a week.
The rumor mill is buzzing with reports that Candice Michelle was released from her WWE contract because of her weight. Look, Candice may not have been as thin as the majority of the other WWE Divas, but to be fair, I’ve seen Ethiopians who weren’t as skinny as some of the WWE Divas (coughKELLYKELLYcough).
Further proving he’s a black Brock Lesnar, Bobby Lashley says he’s patiently waiting for a call from UFC, where he wants to fight against the top fighters.
Everybody’s favorite right wing nutjob, Warrior W. Warrior posted a blog on his official website blasting Michael Jackson. CZW (there’s those initials again) wrestler “Halfbreed” Billy Gram attempted a rebuttal to Warrior’s post via the comments, but apparently Warrior’s web team deleted them.
ROH (hey, more guys we don’t get to talk about much around here) is on shaky ground right now, with all of their TV tapings being canceled due to HDNet having enough footage to last them the summer, and only a couple of shows booked this month. We like ROH, and we truly hope they survive this unfortunate setback.
I was going to ask if anybody had $5,000 I could borrow to bail Roddy Piper out of jail, but apparently somebody beat me to it. Hot Rod was arrested under suspicion of driving drunk.
Torrie Wilson’s feelings are hurt, because WWE barely mentioned her when she participated in the 25 Diva Battle Royal at WrestleMania. I’d be upset too if my ring announcement was replaced by a medley of Kid Rock songs.
Finally, some sad news coming out of Mexico, as mini Luchadors La Parkita and Espectrito II (the latter you’ll remember as Mini Mankind in the WWE) were found drugged to death in Mexico City. (The rest of this paragraph is from an article written by Ryan Clark) The police have released that Parkita & Espectriro checked into their hotels after a show on Sunday night and were approached by two prostitutes. The two women spiked the lucha stars drinks and after they passed out stole all of their possessions. The two overdosed on the drugs the prostitutes spiked their drinks with. Police say that this M.O. matches that of a prostitute ring called “The Filtracion” (The Leak) who proposition men and then spike their drinks and then rob the men, but the spiked drinks usually don’t kill (probably because of their size, it killed them). The police have retrieved finger prints from the scene and are confident they will find the two responsible.
That’s it for me tonight, guys. Enjoy your holiday, and join us tomorrow as JT brings you another edition of Random Randomness!
JB and Lauren sound completely hoarse and strained vocally.
Lauren interviews Beer Money. Robert Roode talks at length in a sympathetic and reverent manner about Team 3D and their IWGP Tag Team title defense in Japan just before the TNA ppv. Beer Money bursts into hysterical laughter and talk about not caring at all that Team 3D would do something like that, and that they will still win.
Pre-show: Eric Young & Rhino vs. The British Invasion
Brutus Magnus and Doug Williams enter, accompanied by Rob Terry. Eric Young enters, looking disdainful of the whole thing. Rhino enters last, accompanied by two “special managers” who had won some kind of TNA promotion. Rhino was hugely over, and loud “Rhino!” chants kickstarted the match. Rhino extends the hand to make a tag, and EY pulls away. He drops down to the floor and refuses to make the tag. EY walks up the ramp to the back, where he is confronted by Jesse Neal. EY shoves Neal and exits. Neal moves to ringside, while the British Invasion works over Rhino. Magnus and Williams shake hands while double-teaming Rhino. Referee Rudy Charles yells at Neal for his presence, and Neal says that EY left. Charles appears to be ok with Neal filling in as Rhino’s partner. Rhino eventually tags in Neal, who cleans house at first. The British Invasion hits him with their double-team finishing move, and get the pin and victory. Rhino looks incredibly angry about the entire situation.
Lauren interviews Sting. Sting is confident, not overconfident like Matt Morgan. He says “Matt” many times. He’s confident because of his twenty-something years in the business, and his mission is what it always was: to return respect to TNA.
The song used with the opening video package is by the Goldy Locks Band. Yes, as in she who was once a manager in the early days of TNA.
X-Division title match (King of the Mountain)
Suicide vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Alex Shelley vs. Chris Sabin
Is this match first because it could be the match of the night, and having it first might pull some last-minute buys? Lance Storm says that putting your third-biggest match as the opener is the way to go, so that would certainly make sense here. KOTM rules are clearly explained by Mike Tenay. Curtis Granderson of the Detroit Tigers gets his own entrance, and comes out first. Jay Lethal enters first, Alex Shelley second (to a huge reaction), Consequences Creed third, Chris Sabin fourth (to another huge reaction), and lastly, the champion Suicide. “Can’t he just come in the regular way?” Don West, you funny, funny man! Suicide appears on the top of the KOTM penalty cage. All four guys rush Suicide and beat him down. Huge chants of “Motor City!” Suicide takes out all four guys with a ladder to big cheers. Suicide Solution onto the ladder on Lethal for a pin. Suicide is eligible, Lethal goes to the penalty box. Suicide pins Shelley, and Shelley goes to the penalty box. Suicide and Lethal go, Sabin throws a chair at Suicide’s head. Sabin invites Lethal to use the chair, then sits down in it. Lethal hits the Lethal Combination on Suicide onto the chair, causing Sabin to jump up at the last second. Lethal pins Suicide, with Sabin and Creed piled on top of him. Lethal is now eligible, and Suicide goes into the penalty box. Lethal Consequences and the MCMG jump around in a circle, doing the luche libre celebratory arm pump. Creed pins Shelley, making Creed eligible and sending Shelley to the penalty box again. Suicide monkeyflips Sabin onto the ladder. Sabin climbs the ladder to the top of the penalty box and makes a spectacular leap to the floor, taking out Suicide and Lethal Consequences. Shelley tries to climb the ladder without the belt, and is told no. Shelley and Sabin look at each other, and Sabin drops to the mat for Shelley to pin. Sabin fights the pin just a little, and claims that Shelley pulled his tights. Shelley gets the belt and climbs the ladder while Sabin goes to the penalty box. When he gets out, Sabin hits a huge tornado DDT on Lethal. Now all five guys are eligible to win, and Lethal goes to the penalty box. Sabin hits the Cradleshock on Suicide, sets up the ladder, and climbs the ladder, but Suicide stops him. Sabin hits a hesitation dropkick on Suicide after putting him in the tree of woe, but as he climbs the ladder, Lethal comes back in. Shelley hits Lethal with a frog splash. Creed hits Shelley with an enziguri. Sabin hits the ladder set up by Shelley back-first. Lethal drops a elbow on Sabin as he lays on the ladder. Shelley and Suicide hit the floor by the announce table. Creed and Shelley slug it out on the ring apron. Shelley superkicks Creed, then follows up with a Sliced Bread on the ring apron. Suicide goes after Shelley, who attempts a Sliced Bread on Suicide off the side of the penalty box. Huge booing when Suicide goes to put up the title belt. Lethal pushes over the ladder. Suicide ends up on top of the penalty box with the ladder. Suicide and Creed fight on the top of the penalty box with the ladder planted on Lethal’s back. Shelley sets up another ladder and climbs it, but Suicide leaps off the top of the penalty box and knocks Shelley to the floor. Suicide climbs the ladder and hangs the belt, retaining the X-Division title to smattered applause and lots of boos.
Winner and still X-Division Champion: Suicide
Daniels vs. Shane Douglas (Second Chance match)
Douglas opens by yelling to cut his music and insults Detroit for treating a legend from Pittsburgh so poorly. Daniels enters next. Daniels dominates the opening. Douglas works over Daniels’s arm rather viciously, but Daniels hits the Best Moonsault Ever and scores the pin.
Winner and still on the TNA roster: Daniels
JB interviews Mick Foley in the back. JB doesn’t like Foley’s mathematical chances. Foley says that Jarrett won’t be against him after the bash that he threw him, and in terms of business, the two of them need to be on the same side and keep him champion for as long as possible. Foley will prepare for his next title defense at “Bound for Glory.” That’s “Bound for Glory” 2010, eighteen months from now. Angelina Love vs. Tara (Knockouts title match)
Tara enters sporting a more MMA-style look. Her new shirt says, “Tara is Rising.” Coolness. Angelina Love enters with Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne, who stay at ringside. Don West’s commentary here is gold! A face-to-face standoff starts things. Tara dominates Love at first. Tara kicks Love through the ropes, and while the referee is checking on Love, Sky and Rayne jump Tara and throw her back in the ring. Love gets a two-count, hits a spinning heel kick, and gets a second two-count. Love distracts the referee again while Rayne and Sky throw Tara into the stairs. Tara is thrown back into the ring, but kicks out at two and a half. Tara’s punches look really stiff. Tara plants Love with a sidewalk slam, but doesn’t go for the cover. She goes to the floor and punches Sky in the face four times. Rayne runs up and gets several blows to the face for her trouble. Tara returns to the ring, only to get sprayed in the eyes with perfume or hair spray. Love pins her for the three-count.
Winner and still Knockouts Champion: Angelina Love
Lauren interviews Dr. Stevie, Raven, and Daffney backstage. Raven cuts a brilliant promo on Lauren and then on Abyss. Trust me, you have to see and hear it for yourself. The group hug with psychotic laughter that ends in what sounds like near-tears is the greatest ending ever. Abyss & Taylor Wilde vs. Raven & Daffney (mixed tag team “Monster’s Ball” match)
Dr. Stevie, Raven, and Daffney enter first. Don West’s commentary here has to be heard to be believed. He talks about the faction reminding him of his own family and his crazy Uncle Clarence. Taylor and Abyss throw Raven and Daffney into each other. Abyss tosses Taylor over his head and she smashes into Raven and Daffney in the corner. Abyss charges into the corner, but Raven dodges and Abyss squashes Daffney. Taylor goes after Daffney and Abyss hits Raven with a trashcan. Abyss lifts Daffney up in a press slam and launches her over the ropes into Dr. Stevie and Raven. Taylor follows with a flying body press onto the group. Abyss and Raven brawl into the crowd. Daffney jumps on Abyss’s back, but Taylor slams a pair of trash can lids into the sides of Daffney’s head. Taylor and Daffney go at it on the floor, and Raven and Abyss continue brawling into the crowd. Taylor climbs up on top of some speakers and sound equipment and leaps off to splash Daffney through a table. Raven gets a kendo stick and hits Abyss with it. Abyss gets busted open after he pulls out a bag of thumbtacks. Taylor hits Raven with a trashcan lid while he chokes Abyss on the ropes. Daffney takes out Taylor in return. Abyss hits Raven with the kendo stick. Dr. Stevie distracts the referee, but gets knocked down from ringside. Abyss launches Taylor onto Raven, but Dr. Stevie grabs the referee’s leg and stops the count. Abyss pours a bag of tacks out onto the mat. Daffney sneaks up behind Abyss and hits him. Daffney gets caught between Abyss and the tacks, and begs off. Taylor throws Daffney onto the tacks! Taylor goes for the pin, but Dr. Stevie breaks it up. Abyss goes to chokeslam Dr. Stevie onto the tacks, but Raven stops it. Abyss plants Raven with a Black Hole Slam onto the tacks and gets the win.
Winners: Abyss and Taylor Wilde
JB interviews Jeff Jarrett in the locker room. Jarrett has said that he has no desire to be champion again, but he has also said that tonight, he takes his company back. Isn’t that contradictory? Jarrett says no. He doesn’t want the responsibility of being champion because he has enough to do running the company. He will win back the title to stop Mick Foley’s reign of terror and get his company back on track. He will figure out what to do with the World title after he wins it tonight.
Matt Morgan vs. Sting (winner gets spot in the Main Event Mafia)
Morgan overpowers Sting. The reaction for Sting coming out was HUUUGE! Morgan throws Sting into the rail, and they fight on the floor. Morgan throws Sting back into the ring. Sting cuts Morgan off as he tries to get back in the ring. They fight on the floor again, and Sting kicks Morgan in the back of the leg. They get back in the ring, and Sting continues to work over the leg of Morgan. Morgan gets the upper hand and dominates Sting again, slamming himto the mat. Tenay and West talk a great deal about the match between Morgan and Kurt Angle, and the respect that Angle seemed to show Morgan then. Morgan squashes Sting in the corner, hits him with a sidewalk slam, and gets a two-count. Morgan chokes Sting on the ropes, then moves to choke holds on the mat. Sting throws some punches, but they lack power. Sting hits a high-risk jump, but walks into a Carbon Footprint and gets a two-count. Morgan attempts the Hellavator, but Sting gets out of it. Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop on Morgan, but Morgan kicks out at two. Sting applies the Scorpion Death Lock, but Morgan powers out quickly. Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop from the second rope and gets the three-count.
Winner (and still in the Main Event Mafia): Sting
Lauren interviews Samoa Joe and AJ Styles. AJ says that they’re taking the company back and putting it in the hands of the guys who built it. Joe is targeting Angle tonight, and he has already taken out the rest of the Main Event Mafia, one by one. He is hunting, and tonight, he and AJ will become the most powerful force in the history of professional wrestling.
Beer Money vs. Team 3D (Tag Team Championship title match)
Tenay accuses West of spending the previous night in the hotel bar with James Storm doing 12-ounce curls. West says that it was his birthday, and where the hell was Tenay? Awesomeness! Devon and Storm start. Loud chants of “We want tables!” Storm kicks out at two, and Roode tags in. Roode gets a two-count on Devon, and Ray tags in. Ray and Roode exchange punches. Roode goes for two clotheslines that have no effect, ducks one from Ray, and hits a flying forearm on Ray. Ray delivers several stiff open-hand slaps to Roode’s chest. Storm and Devon tag in. Roode crotches Devon on the ring post. Storm punches Devon on the mat. Roode and Storm fake a tag, and Roode and Devon go. Storm legitimately tags in.Team 3D hit the “Wazzup” on Roode. Ray directs the crowd in a huge chant of “Get the tables!” Storm cut off Devon on the floor. Roode and Ray go in the ring. The “Beer Money” salute was pretty loud too. The British Invasion comes down to ringside, to chants of “USA! USA!” The British Invasion sits at the announce table and comments, being quite friendly with Don West and antagonistic to Mike Tenay. Commentary from the British Invasion is great! Rob Terry climbs up on the apron to distract the referee, resulting in Ray climbing to the top rope and landing a flying body press on Terry to the floor! Storm tries to spit beer in the eyes of Team 3D, but misses and blinds Roode by mistake. Team 3D tries to capitalize and hits the 3D on Roode, but Rob Terry has distracted the referee again. Beer Money hits the Drinking While Investing (DWI) and gets the win! Huzzah!
Winners and NEW TNA Tag Team Champions: Beer Money
JB interviews Kurt Angle in an empty locker room. Angle says he’s winning the belt. The Main Event Mafia will resume their position and they will all be celebrating.
World Heavyweight Championship match (King of the Mountain)
Mick Foley vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe
Each competitor got a short video package prior to his entrance. Nice touch. Joe comes out wearing a Detroit Red Wings jersey. Angle comes out wearing a Pittsburgh Pengiuns jersey. Joe attacks Angle before the bell rings to start the match. The two referees announce that because of Joe’s actions, he starts the match in the penalty box, and Angle is eligible to hang the belt. Foley stands on the ladder outside of the ring while Jarrett and AJ work over Angle. Foley pulls Jarrett down on top of himself for a pin. Jarrett is now eligible, and Foley goes to the penalty box. Joe chokes out Foley with the Kokina Clutch, making Joe eligible and sending Foley to the penalty box again. Foley leaves the penalty box and shoves over the ladder that Joe stands on, and Joe lands on the legs of the ladder. Ouch! The entire ladder is bent and twisted. Joe hiptosses Foley into the ladder as Foley charges him. Jarrett tries to stand the ladder up, but it’s useless. Jarrett throws the ladder at Angle on the floor instead. Jarrett gets a new ladder. Jarrett, Angle, and Joe are eligible at this point. Jarrett sets up a ladder and climbs it, but Angle and Foley stop him. AJ stomps Angle and moves the ladder. AJ attempts a tornado DDT, but Angle blocks it and suplexes AJ into the ladder. JArrett tries to hit Angle with his guitar, but Angle blocks it. Angle gets Jarrett in the Angle Lock, but Jarrett uses his free leg to roll out and smashes Angle in the head with the guitar. Jarrett sets up a ladder and climbs it, with Foley coming up the other side. Foley tells Jarrett to give him the belt. Jarrett refuses, and the two exchange punches. AJ flies in, kicking over the ladder and knocking everyone to the mat. It’s Styles and Foley, Joe and Jarrett. Angle is out. Foley climbs up on top of the penalty box. AJ follows him. Foley teases a DDT off the box. Styles teases throwing Foley through the announce table. Foley throws AJ off the box and into the ring. Foley jumps off the box to hit an elbow on Angle. Foley gets a three-count, and Angle goes to the penalty box. Foley is now eligible. AJ is the only one who isn’t. AJ takes his Legends title belt off the announce table, hits Foley in the back with it, and kicks Foley off the ladder. Joe and AJ take turns working over Foley. Joe elevates AJ over the top rope to take out Foley. Jarrett runs into Joe with a ladder. AJ pins Foley on the floor outside. All five guys are now eligible, and Foley is back to the penalty box. AJ and Jarrett climb the ladder. The title belt falls to the mat as Jarrett and AJ exchange punches. Angle attacks Jarrett, who jumps off the ladder to DTT Angle. Joe and AJ fight. Joe climbs the ladder, but AJ grabs his foot and pulls him down. AJ tries to climb the ladder, but Joe stops him. Joe flies through the ropes to take out Jarrett and Foley. AJ tries to hang the belt, but Joe pulls him off and powerbombs him. Joe climbs one side of the belt as Angle climbs the other. Joe hands Angle the belt and Angle hangs it up. Angle wins, through help from Joe! The entirety of the Main Event Mafia comes out on the ramp, cheering as Joe and Angle hug at the top of the ladder.
Winner and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: Kurt Angle
FINAL THOUGHTS: The Joe/Angle thing threw me completely. Peole who think that the opening X-Division title match had no psychology and no story and was a train wreck spotfest are completely wrong. Tenay and West should NOT be talking about how Raven and Abyss “aren’t afraid of dying in the ring” period, and certainly not just after Misawa’s death in the ring. Daffney took the thumbtacks bump! Is there anything NOT amazingly awesome about her? Sting botched his reversal of Morgan’s Hellavator into the Scorpion Death Drop, and while he did get it back shortly, this should be kept in mind while he talks (yet again) about retiring this year. It’s understood that veterans often say that to gain concessions from the company in contract negotiations. One botched move at a ppv doesn’t mean that a person should be fired, but would that be acceptable for, say, Alex Shelley? Look, if Sting can’t go anymore, he can’t go anymore. Why the hell can’t Team 3D just lose? Honestly, do there have to be so many reasons set up as to why they lost the belts? Title defense in Japan, jet lag, just got to the building with no rest, cheating tactics of Beer Money, involvement of the British Invasion, enough! If anyone can win on a given night, just have a clean loss, already!
This was a very solid ppv, and if the usual TNA bashing occurs tomorrow, it certainly won’t be because the show was awful. I paid for this show, and the opening match alone was well worth the money. Of four championship title matches, the first two saw the champions retain and the second two saw new champions crowned. There will certainly be a great deal of fall-out from all seven matches that could go in a number of interesting directions. Next week’s “Impact” should be something good. Check back with us next Thursday night/Friday for all your TNA “Impact” needs!
This is BoredWrestlingFan.com’s review of WWE Extreme Rules. Proudly brought to you by ThinkSoJoe, Legend Killer and Drowgoddess, through the powers of MSN Messenger. The following contains some Coarse language and mentioning of John Cena. Reader Discrection is advised. Also, the following was viewed via a stream. Streams are illegal, and BWF does not recommend viewing WWE PPVs this way. However for us, it works really well.
Legend Killer: this could be good, if the streams decide to work lol
ThinkSoJoe: right. The one I’m watching is up and running the pre-show, so I should be good unless WWE snipes it at some point
Legend Killer: I have one thats died and another that just loves to cut out
ThinkSoJoe: well, that was weird. the pre-show just ended and my browser crashed. I got it back up though.
Legend Killer: somehow I see the WWE sniping this like 2 seconds in
Legend Killer: It contains scenes not suitable for children LOL
ThinkSoJoe: Well, I guess we’ll find out in about two minutes if you’re right. I love the European disclaimer at the start of the shows over there
ThinkSoJoe: Kofi Kingston is out first – breaking the age old wrestling tradition that says the champion comes out last
ThinkSoJoe: This match could do well as just Kingston vs. MVP in a rematch from Monday. Luckily Matt Hardy and William Regal are pretty good wrestlers in their own right and will probably add to the match quality rather than take away from it
ThinkSoJoe: Matt Hardy’s trying to steal a win, but Kingston is holding his own
ThinkSoJoe: Regal caught Kofi out of the Trouble in Paradise, tossed him into Hardy – Kofi got a two on the move
ThinkSoJoe: Trouble in Paradise on Regal – Kingston retains!
Legend Killer: that was predicted, you dont normally change a title twice in a week
ThinkSoJoe: I’m 1 for 1 so far tonight in my predictions from my column from yesterday
Legend Killer: I made my predictions in the forum at WWI
ThinkSoJoe: Josh Matthews is special. He gets to be on RAW and ECW for some reason
Legend Killer: maybe because he finished third in Tough Enough?
ThinkSoJoe: Big Show has his own bus. He’s planning on doing worse to Cena than what he did at Backlash.
ThinkSoJoe: shhh… don’t tell anybody – Rey lost his mask in WCW
Legend Killer: maybe Big Show thinks he’s DX?
Legend Killer: or the new Lex Luger?
Legend Killer: is it just me, or is Jericho getting as big as JBL?
ThinkSoJoe: he’s definitely put on a bit of weight
Legend Killer: it looks like he could eat the Filthy Animal
ThinkSoJoe: Even with his added girth, Jericho’s still a hell of a wrestler
Legend Killer: I cannot agree more
ThinkSoJoe: nice counter there by Jericho, catching Rey out of a low dropkick into a Walls of Jericho attempt
Legend Killer: oh no shit JR, the first time the IC Title has been defended at Extreme Rules
Legend Killer: probably because this is the first Extreme Rules PPV, do we really think we’re that stupid?
ThinkSoJoe: finally, we’re getting down to the no holds barred stuff. sort of. I don’t think the plastic top piece of the table is really going to make a difference.
ThinkSoJoe: I just saw WCW Rey Mysterio!
Legend Killer: without the mask?
Legend Killer: They dont want Mysterio to look 6
ThinkSoJoe: indeed, Jericho had it pulled up, Rey’s face was on camera.
ThinkSoJoe: interesting note is that Jericho mentions in his book “A Lion’s Tale” that the first time he met Mysterio, he thought he was a 12 year old kid.
Legend Killer: thats because he really is 12
ThinkSoJoe: Rey’s call got disconnected – nice backbreaker by Jericho
Legend Killer: they just say he’s older so he can drink
Legend Killer: Why do I see Rey winning?
ThinkSoJoe: Jericho once again hits the Codebreaker out of nowhere
Legend Killer:oh look, 619 got countered! HA!
ThinkSoJoe: Finally, some plunder – Jericho’s got a chair
Legend Killer: I’ve somewhat enjoyed this match
ThinkSoJoe: Rey Rey goes Raven with the drop toe hold onto the chair
ThinkSoJoe: WALLS OF JERICHO out of nowhere! But a nice counter by Mysterio with the chair!
Legend Killer: I was gonna say, that chair seems comviently placed doesnt it
ThinkSoJoe: Jericho got the mask! And the Intercontinental Championship for the 9th time!
Legend Killer: look at his small, small head
ThinkSoJoe: Jericho should start collecting trophies from his opponents like he did in WCW
ThinkSoJoe: in fact, bring back the WCW trophies, such as Juventud Guerrera’s mask and whatnot
Legend Killer: it wouldnt surprise me if they re-hashed old gimmicks for Jericho
ThinkSoJoe: they’re not really going to do the WWE Championship match this early, are they?
Legend Killer: is Batista/Randy next?
ThinkSoJoe: well, I did see Josh Matthews standing by with Batista, so maybe they’re just re-living what happened on Monday for the fun of it
ThinkSoJoe: Batista wants Orton to get ready for a long road of pain and suffering.
Legend Killer: or because they have to kill time
ThinkSoJoe: Samoan Strap match is next. Complete with a real live Samoan
ThinkSoJoe: According to JR, Umaga was not born on the Bayou. Thank you for pointing that out there, Jimmy.
Legend Killer: He’s been the king of the obvious tonight has Good Ol’ JR
ThinkSoJoe: shouldn’t the arms be crossed on CM Punk’s shirt? I mean, it’s a cool shirt and all, but when does he just put his arms like that?
ThinkSoJoe: notice they never show the part where Umaga actually challenged Punk to a strap match in plain English?
ThinkSoJoe: I think this is the first time the announcers have actually pointed out that you have to be dragging your opponent by the strap when you touch the turnbuckles in these kind of matches. I was wondering why the faster guys never just tried to run around the ring touching the turnbuckles as soon as the bell rings
ThinkSoJoe: a sign of the dumbing down of humanity – there’s actually a score graphic to illustrate if a corner has been touched, despite the fact that you have to touch all four uninterrupted. There’s only four corners, it’s not that hard to keep up, people.
Legend Killer: they are dumbiying this down for children remember
ThinkSoJoe: ah, the old PG rating
Legend Killer: people like us who have a fully developed brain can understand
ThinkSoJoe: but still, my four year old can count to four, I don’t know how hard it is to figure out
Legend Killer: but those who the WWE are targeting as their fanbase, they have to explain everything to them
ThinkSoJoe: I suppose those who found RAW at the Staples Center a couple weeks ago entertaining would probably need to have this concept visually explained to them
Legend Killer: they’re probably wondering what the red and green lights mean
Legend Killer: for us well minded people, JBL beat Eddie Guerrero in a similar match for the WWE Championship at the first WWE version of the Great American Bash
ThinkSoJoe: Umaga showcases his strength with that pull of the strap
ThinkSoJoe: GO TO SLEEP! and Punk falls conveniently back into the fourth corner and picks up the win!
ThinkSoJoe: now maybe Punk can go on to other things, like using the MiTB briefcase again
Legend Killer: I forgot he had that until it said at the start
ThinkSoJoe: well there it is. He’s confusing it for a hat
ThinkSoJoe: Gregory Helms standing by with Captain Charisma. WASSUPWITDAT?!?
ThinkSoJoe: Dreamer seems confident. Hey look, it’s Jack Thhhhhhwagger
Legend Killer: it’s Dusty Rhodes!!!… I mean Jack Swagger!
ThinkSoJoe: Ah Tony Chimel. I remember when you got to work more than one match at a PPV
ThinkSoJoe: Christian’s got a 33% chance of leaving with his championship – but it’s “hardcore rules,” which completely benefits Tommy Dreamer
ThinkSoJoe: and once again, the Champion is out first for the title match
Legend Killer: although Jericho came out first, so it-s 1 and 1 in that count
ThinkSoJoe: You are correct, sir
ThinkSoJoe: ECW Chants – I bet Vince can’t wait to get rid of Dreamer, which will probably kill that chant off in WWE once and for all
Legend Killer: the ECW chant will never die
Legend Killer: it’s like Matt Hardy
ThinkSoJoe: Tommy and Christian bringing the Extreme
ThinkSoJoe: Tommy needs to hit people with random things again, not just the usual crap
ThinkSoJoe: I remember in ECW he hit a guy with a Nintendo
ThinkSoJoe: Christian did the Tree of Woe dropkick – that’s gimmick infringement!
Legend Killer: Jack Swagger is gimmick infringement of Dusty Rhodes.
Legend Killer: is Dreamer and Christian carrying this match?
ThinkSoJoe: THhhhhwagger’s gotten a bit of offense in so far
ThinkSoJoe: but indeed it’s mostly Christian and Dreamer
Legend Killer: which doesnt surprise me
ThinkSoJoe: Tower of Doom by Christian, Dreamer crashes into the trash cans and Swagger to the mat
Legend Killer: that move is unique to WWE, yet TNA seem to do it every PPV
ThinkSoJoe: I used to see it in NSPW before I ever saw it on TV
ThinkSoJoe: In fact, I think Eric Young was the first one I saw do the move
ThinkSoJoe: DREAMER WINS! DREAMER WINS!
ThinkSoJoe: Did Striker just say Dreamer’s real name on the show?
Legend Killer: I missed it
ThinkSoJoe: Dreamer picked it up with a crutch shot and DDT to Thhhwagger
Legend Killer: I just caught the replay, notice how Christian didnt get pinned
ThinkSoJoe: yup
Legend Killer: we are 1 hour and 17 minutes into the PPV, and already four matches are won and done
ThinkSoJoe: and two titles have changed hands
and I’m currently two for four
Legend Killer: I’m three for four
ThinkSoJoe: Chavo just got popped in the snout by Aunt Vickie
Legend Killer: the winner will join Henry Godwinn as the only winners of a Hog Pen match
ThinkSoJoe: Jerry Lawler is standing by a bunch of pigs. And I don’t mean the Jerry Lawler type of pig, I mean like real pigs
did he say “without further doo doo?” Is John Cena scripting Jerry Lawler’s promos?
Legend Killer: I thought for a second it was Billy and Chuck
ThinkSoJoe: You asked about three minute warning earlier, well, you know what happened to Rico’s theme music.
Legend Killer: I bet we can reviews this match without needing to watch it
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Legend Killer: oh look, Lieutenant Loco is taking the place of Vickie
ThinkSoJoe: I wonder if Corporal Cajun will make a triumphant return to help out tonight – they are in Louisiana
Legend Killer: Doesnt the Cajun do cartoons for a wrestling magazine?
ThinkSoJoe: As a matter of fact, he does for PWI
Legend Killer: I thought so
ThinkSoJoe: Vickie’s been slopped.
Legend Killer: Cole’s impersonation of JR. Slop! Slop! Slop!
ThinkSoJoe: Vickie did the J.O.B.
Legend Killer: Goldust has turretts again
ThinkSoJoe: Goldust needs expense reports signed – and still has turrets
ThinkSoJoe: no, Chavo, I’m laughing at you
ThinkSoJoe: EDGE!
Legend Killer: they’re not even married are they?
ThinkSoJoe: Edge calling for the divorce. First Jeff Hardy, then the marriage
Not a good night to be the GM of RAW
Legend Killer: here comes the Cage!!
ThinkSoJoe: Speaking of RAW…
ThinkSoJoe: be interesting to see which superstar is out first
…and it’s the Champ
Legend Killer: 1 and 2 for champs out first
ThinkSoJoe: so that’s three out of four title matches tonight where the Champion has come out first – tradition be damned, it’s Extreme!
Legend Killer: but Kofi’s the only one to retain
ThinkSoJoe: So far. This and the World Heavyweight Championship to go for title matches
ThinkSoJoe: John Cena vs. The Big Show is still to come as well
Legend Killer: wheres Triple H?
ThinkSoJoe: “injured”
Legend Killer: isnt it about time he returns?
ThinkSoJoe: he was kicked in the head at Backlash, which was in April, so given the timetable for a return from the Randy Orton Mega Final – whatever G-Bag calls it is about 4 months, so since we’re talking about The Game, probably soon
Legend Killer: he is the Super-Being Triple H after all
Drowgoddess: I’m in!
Like Flynn!
ThinkSoJoe: LK and I were just discussing the timetable for a Triple H return from his “injury”
DrowGoddess: A Randy Orton Super Mega Kick of Final Ultimate Death
I see.
Legend Killer: it only took Vince like a month to come back didnt it?
ThinkSoJoe: He got kicked in the head before the Royal Rumble in January and came back after WrestleMania in April, so three months
(LK EDIT: Vince McMahon was back the RAW before Wrestlemania.)
Drowgoddess: But he was, of course, superhuman.
ThinkSoJoe: well, of course. He’s the boss.
Drowgoddess: How much more superhuman than Vince is Trips supposed to be?
ThinkSoJoe: He’s not – Vince came back from torn quads faster than Triple H did
Drowgoddess: Didn’t Vince tear two and Trips just one?
ThinkSoJoe: indeed
Drowgoddess: Ok, let me rephrase. Trips is Vince’s representative on Earth, and therefore cannot compete with his power, but is the next closest thing.
ThinkSoJoe: that sounds about right.
Drowgoddess: Who thinks the Batista chants are “helped?”
Of course, he may actually be that popular.
What do I know of such things?
ThinkSoJoe: Batista recently lost a cage match to Jericho – and Monday on RAW defeated Cody Rhodes in a cage by pinfall instead of climbing out of the cage. Then he didn’t climb in to help Ric Flair. Perhaps Batista’s been rendered incapable of physically climbing the cage?
Drowgoddess: Between nailing Divas like his name was Bob Vila and “medicating,” would you be shocked that he can’t?
ThinkSoJoe: As far as Batista’s popularity, I’ve been at WWE shows with Batista chants, but the one I attended recently wasn’t one of them
Drowgoddess: I remember when Randy ORton had reversals for everything.
Drowgoddess: My friend Arthur was playing an e-fed character called “The Pinfall Wizard” Michael merlin (from the mean streets of suburban Delaware), and he thought that Orton was the exact wrestling style that his character would have.
ThinkSoJoe: Chris Jericho is the one who does that now. Hell, he reversed a 619 into stealing Mysterio’s mask and rolling him up for a pin earlier in the night.
ThinkSoJoe: Holy shit – Batista won?
Drowgoddess: BULLSHIT!!!
Legend Killer: Oh FUCK no
ThinkSoJoe: WHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?
As if RAW didn’t suck bad enough as it was
Drowgoddess: What the fuck was that???
Legend Killer: he must’ve ‘polished off’ Triple H
ThinkSoJoe: look – he’s climbing the ropes but not even bothering to climb up the cage to show off the belt
Legend Killer: thats because he cant
Drowgoddess: What a shit match for a world title change, regardless of the outcome. And the outcome is proof that there is no god.
ThinkSoJoe: I absolutely have to agree with you on that one, Drow
ThinkSoJoe: Hopefully this means Edge is going over
ThinkSoJoe: Hell, they have to have The Big Show go over Cena too to make up for this shit
Legend Killer: If Edge doesnt win, I’m rioting
Drowgoddess: A one-man Aussie riot. I’d pay to see that. Moreso than this show.
Legend Killer: mand I’m starting with PenisMan himself, Batista
Drowgoddess: It’s at times like this that I feel TNA gets a disproportionate share of shit from people.
ThinkSoJoe:You can’t lose a step if you never had it, Cena!
ThinkSoJoe: Which means I’m probably stuck watching John Cena and The Big Show pretend they know how to properly apply submission holds
Legend Killer: oh wait, I’m back
Drowgoddess: And better than ever…
ThinkSoJoe: got a knack for making things better?
Legend Killer: I’m surprised their not showing footage from 2004 and WM
Legend Killer: face facts, cause your opinion dont matter
ThinkSoJoe: my official prediction for this match on BWF yesterday was that I’m going to fall asleep.
Legend Killer: my predcition is Cena, because Cena secretly wears the Yellow and Red
ThinkSoJoe: The only thing that could save this match is the ghost of he-who-shall-remain-nameless coming back and making them both tap in a total of 5 seconds. Or killing them
ThinkSoJoe: I did wind up saying Cena would win
Legend Killer: theres no pillows or kettle cords, so theres no chance of that happening
Drowgoddess: I’d rather see Benoit kill them both than watch this match.
ThinkSoJoe: The set for this PPV is a giant X. That’s almost as good of a set as the inVasion set with it’s giant V
ThinkSoJoe: wtf. There wasn’t a PPV in March, but since WrestleMania, there’s been a WWE PPV every three weeks.
Drowgoddess: Ooo! Maybe Bryan Danielson is stopping by to see Regal, and he hits the ring to show those bitches what real submission wrestling is all about!
Drowgoddess: It’s what Jesus would do.
You know you want it.
ThinkSoJoe: I’ve never wanted to see Kurt Angle make a run-in any more than I do right now.
Drowgoddess: Ok, yeah, but I like my idea better.
Drowgoddess: Is it a submission if Big SHow sits on your chest?
ThinkSoJoe: I guess you get what you pay for – or in this case, don’t pay for
Drowgoddess: Ah, back on.
Not that that’s a good thing.
ThinkSoJoe: *disclaimer: BoredWrestlingFan.com and it’s staff do not endorse streaming PPV feeds*
Legend Killer: *disclaimer* However, the staff member who writes columns on Wednesdays endorses not paying for a WWE Pay Per View*
Drowgoddess: *disclaimer* The Executive Shareholder endorses ppvs not being mind-numbingly shit-tacular, regardless of company.
ThinkSoJoe: I figure if I say we don’t endores streaming the PPVs then it’s less damaging if WWE reads this review and decides “hey, these guys are telling people that it’s possible to watch our completely unnecessary and shitty PPVs for free on the internet”
Drowgoddess: Good point.
ThinkSoJoe: especially since I’d be the one getting the letter from their attorney
Drowgoddess: That’s why you’re the boss.
Drowgoddess: But hey, we’d be proving Vince’s assertion that fans watch the show together, instead of each person buying it separately.
🙂
ThinkSoJoe: and if WWE legal are reading this, Hi, Mr. McDevitt!
Drowgoddess: I’m glad Big Show is enjoying something about this. Someone should, it sure as hell isn’t us.
Jerry! Wassup, man!
ThinkSoJoe: of course, if anybody from WWE were actually reading this, they’d know that real fans hate John Cena and Batista
Legend Killer: if WWE were watching, they’d have shut BWF down due to my links in my columns
Drowgoddess: The man has a point.
ThinkSoJoe: this is true
Legend Killer: how can this match go longer than anything else so far?
Drowgoddess: Your links are patently offensive.
ThinkSoJoe: This match isn’t over yet?
Drowgoddess: Slow, lumbering plodding takes time.
Legend Killer: my links also dont lead to what I hint them to
ThinkSoJoe: the longer this crap goes, the shorter the ladder match that everybody actually wants to watch will be
Drowgoddess: Therein lies the beauty of them.
ThinkSoJoe: I hate leaving comments about the links in your articles, LK, for the sheer fact that I don’t want to spoil them for anybody who reads the comments first for some reason
Drowgoddess: You know, at “Tag Wars 2008,” ROH had a tag match between AOTF (Black and Jacobs) and the MCMG. It really ended up being a submissions match between Alex Shelley’s Border City Stretch and Jimmy Jacobs’s End Times. THAT was a fantastic submissions match. I wish I were watching that match right now.
Drowgoddess: Sorry, I waxed nostalgic for actual submission wrestling done by people who, you know, can actually do it.
In case WWE reads this.
😛
ThinkSoJoe: every time I see a submission match between two guys who suck at submission holds, I really miss Kurt Angle and you-know-who. Their ultimate submission match was just pure awesome
ThinkSoJoe: hooray for using the attitude adjustment in a submission match.
ThinkSoJoe: goodnight, Cena
Drowgoddess: I don’t mean to sound rude, because you ARE the man, but why do you call him you-know-who? This isn’t “Harry Potter,” and I don’t see the point in not saying his name when everyone knows who he was.
ThinkSoJoe: “if Cena can’t answer the count, this one’s over”
when did this become a last man standing match?
Drowgoddess: You’re totally right about the match, though. A thing of beauty, it was.
Drowgoddess: Don’t get me wrong, I’m not stepping on your right to call it as you see it, I just honestly want to know from someone who isn’t twelve or retarded. Or both.
Drowgoddess: BULLSHIT!!!!
Drowgoddess: Sure, we could all see it coming, but I cry BULLSHIT!!!
ThinkSoJoe: bullshit or not, it’s thankfully over.
Drowgoddess: Indeed.
My soul hurts.
ThinkSoJoe: for the record – no problem with mentioning Benoit by name, just habit after two years.
Drowgoddess: Ok.
The best announcers ever could not make this match work.
The only thing extreme about that match was my desire to gouge out my own eyes with a plastic fork.
ThinkSoJoe: PPVs have to end by – I think – 10:57, so with intro video and entrances, we’re looking at no more than 30 minutes for this one
Drowgoddess: They can make it work. They’re both good enough.
Legend Killer: I thought they had to end 10 minutes before
ThinkSoJoe: it’s either 10:53 or 10:57
I’m not entirely positive
and that’s here in the States, so I don’t know if it’s earlier on that side of the pond
Drowgoddess: Either way, WWE isn’t know for filling the entire time.
ThinkSoJoe: JR mentions Bob Vila just about an hour after Drowgoddess mentions him in our conversation here. Is JR spying on us?
Legend Killer: Thats not good
Drowgoddess: But does JR have a webcam?
ThinkSoJoe: Once again, the Champion makes his way out first
Drowgoddess: If we can’t be personally identified, nothing can be proven.
Anyone could have sat here and typed.
Legend Killer: I just realized, I have to somehow edit this (LK EDIT: The edit is what you’re reading right now :D)
Drowgoddess: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Legend Killer: and turn it into something readable
ThinkSoJoe: yup. You sure do
Drowgoddess: SOrry, that was rude of me.
Drink up, then!
Legend Killer: and the Vampiro fans go wild
Drowgoddess: Are there any left?
ThinkSoJoe: I’m still a fan of Vampiro
Legend Killer: I thought they were gonna call him the Charismatic Enigma
ThinkSoJoe: They’ve been calling him the unique enigma. I’m sure if you search for Charismatic Enigma you’ll eventually find the DVD that TNA put out on him
Drowgoddess: I liked Vampiro back in the day. He’s honestly been off my radar. I watch him every now and then on the luche libre show on Galavision.
Legend Killer: I believe they’re still selling that DVD on shoptna.com
Drowgoddess: Unique enigma is even dumber than the original name.
Legend Killer: its better than the ‘Rainbow Warrior’
Legend Killer: these two are the best in ladder matches *cough*Shawn Michaels*cough*
Drowgoddess: I’ll give Michaels credit where it’s due, but even things that the great and powerful Michaels has done can be improved upon.
Legend Killer: I’m finding it funny that Todd Grisham is trying to tell us that this is the first Ladder match Jeff Hardy and Edge have competed in
ThinkSoJoe: these guys get the credit though because they took the standard that Shawn Michaels set and, as Drow said, improved on it
Drowgoddess: Perhaps he means against each other, one on one. Or perhaps he’s retarded.
ThinkSoJoe: I’m sure he meant it’s the first singles ladder match between the two
Drowgoddess: YEs. What he said.
🙂
Legend Killer: I agree. Todd Grisham is retarded
Legend Killer: Edge meet Ladder. Ladder meet Edge
ThinkSoJoe: and now, Mr. Ladder, let me introduce you to Jeff Hardy
Drowgoddess: Now that we all know each other….
Legend Killer: Those ladders will not give, yet that ladder is bent up all out of shape
Drowgoddess: Shhh!
ThinkSoJoe: that ladder must’ve been in the clearance aisle at the home depot
it was a factory defect
Drowgoddess: This show is a factory defect.
Todd Grisham is a factory defect.
Legend Killer: Factory defect? I thought all ladders were meant to have a guy like Hardy fall on them
WWE Extreme Rules is a Factory Defect
ThinkSoJoe: how much do you think the annual ladder budget is for WWE?
Drowgoddess: What’s the entirity of the Gross National Product of Sweden?
Legend Killer: thats probably why Jeff Hardy wont re-sign, they’re taking the Ladders out of his paycheck
Drowgoddess: LOL
ThinkSoJoe: best submission hold I’ve seen all night – and there was a submission match on the card!
Drowgoddess: Two of the best wrestlers all night.
Legend Killer: I still dont know how a Submission match is ‘Extreme’
It’s about as extreme as a ‘Judy Bagwell on a Pole’ match
Drowgoddess: It would have been if Angle and Danielson and Low Ki were doing it.
Or Samoa Joe from 2004-06.
ThinkSoJoe: the fatal four way “stipulation” was more extreme than that submission match
Legend Killer: or these two circa 2001
reviewing Extreme Rules the way we have, is more extreme than a Submission match
Drowgoddess: Playing around with my dogs is more extreme than that submission match.
Legend Killer: getting up of a morning is more extreme than a Submission match
Drowgoddess: A working ladder. As opposed to the white-collar variety.
ThinkSoJoe: I’m getting ready for work right now – and THAT’S more extreme than a submission match
Legend Killer: why doesn’t Jeff just knock the title down with the Ladder?
Drowgoddess: Look at the size of that ladder! Could Todd Grisham be much more homoerotic?
ThinkSoJoe: he does know he’s nowhere near the belt, right?
Legend Killer: I wanted to see Jeff’s legs stretch like a Stretch Armstrong
ThinkSoJoe: oh shit, that was a slick move by Hardy. Kid’s got more guts than brains, but that was a smart move right there
Drowgoddess: Edge’s move was likewise smart.
ThinkSoJoe: Hardy, for those reading the conversation instead of watching the match, tipped a very tall ladder in the corner forward and kind of fell on the belt. Edge sprang up and pulled him down off the title
Legend Killer: Why wouldnt someone else not in the match, think of climbing up the ladder whilst these two are outside, and grab the title?
ThinkSoJoe: because it wouldn’t count. Unless you’re CM Punk.
Legend Killer: Why wouldnt it count? You could claim to be World Champion
much like if you did it at Wrestlemania in MiTB
Drowgoddess: You could claim to be Emperor of Rome, and if you aren’t booked in the match, it won’t count.
ThinkSoJoe: this isn’t TNA where you can just steal something and then defend it at will
Drowgoddess: Oh, snap!
Legend Killer: or WCW where you can find a title in the rubbish and claim it as your own
Drowgoddess: But that’s just the American Way!
ThinkSoJoe: well, to be fair, WWE did something similar when Mideon found the European Championship in Shane’s bag
Drowgoddess: But that was kind of funny.
Kind of.
Legend Killer: It could have been Naked Mideon?
Legend Killer: I wonder do they realize that their not gonna reach the title from there?
ThinkSoJoe: shades of WrestleMania 23
Legend Killer: will those Ladders give now JR?
Drowgoddess: Jeebus, that looked like it hurt a LOT.
Drowgoddess: Can they talk about impact on WWE programming?
ThinkSoJoe: after that fall through a ladder, they’re back in the ring and trying to climb for the title? Somebody should do an article on the art of selling.
ThinkSoJoe: Oh wait
Legend Killer: is that a ref bump in a Ladder match?
ThinkSoJoe: Twist of Fate out of a midair spear!
Drowgoddess: That’s a great idea, someone should.
Wow!!!
Legend Killer: That was impressive
Legend Killer: We ready for the post PPV show Drow?
Drowgoddess: Huh?
Legend Killer: may as well do a post-PPV show considering we’re here
Drowgoddess: Ok.
ThinkSoJoe: Hardy just tied Edge up in the ladder…. NEW CHAMPION!
Legend Killer: Oh FUCK no
ThinkSoJoe: Well, my predictions all sucked for tonight
Drowgoddess: Your predictions weren’t the only thing.
Legend Killer: I enjoyed Mysterio and Jericho for some reason
ThinkSoJoe: this show certainly isn’t going to be the breeding ground for any MOTY conversations, but I have to agree that Mysterio and Jericho wasn’t terrible
ThinkSoJoe: Show’s not over yet folks…
Legend Killer: CM Punk!!
ThinkSoJoe: IT’S CM PUNK!!!
Drowgoddess: So we have Kofi as IC champ, Batista as one world champ and Jeff HArdy as the other.
ThinkSoJoe: LET’S GO PUNK!!
Legend Killer: this is what happens when you dont sign new deals Jeff
ThinkSoJoe: GTS! NEW CHAMPION – WHAT?!
ThinkSoJoe: Hardy Kicked Out!
ThinkSoJoe: Hardy gets two!
ThinkSoJoe: this PPV just got exciting
Legend Killer: things just got exciting all of a sudden
ThinkSoJoe: GTS #2
Drowgoddess: I want Punk to win, but I don’t see it.
ThinkSoJoe: 1, 2, 3 NEW CHAMPION!!
Drowgoddess: YES!!!!!!!!
Sweet mother of god, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Legend Killer: Two NEW Champions in the space of three minutes
ThinkSoJoe: Finally, something good on this PPV
Drowgoddess: CM Punk ruined nothing, JR!
ThinkSoJoe: CM Punk is your New World’s Heavyweight Champion!
Legend Killer: at least they know how to end things with a BANG!
ThinkSoJoe: OMG what an end to a pretty weak show
ThinkSoJoe: Hardy winning would’ve been enough, really, but Punk taking it makes it even better
Legend Killer: it kinda makes it worthwhile in a sense
Drowgoddess: Too bad Punk isn’t supposed to turn heel. As popular as HArdy is, it would be a g reat time.
ThinkSoJoe: I’ve got to get out of here guys
Drowgoddess: Awww.
Bye, then, Joe!
ThinkSoJoe: Later
Legend Killer: Joe leaves for work, now stay tuned for the post-PPV show
It’s time for TNA’s May pay-per-view offering, “Sacrifice.” Will Mick Foley retain the World Heavyweight championship? Will Jeff Jarrett lose all official control of the company he founded? Will Kurt Angle meet the same fate as other Godfathers of note and be overthrown? Will Sting ever wrestle again? Let’s find out.
Apologies for the lateness. Yesterday was rough. Let’s pretend it’s still Sunday night, and cross the line!
Pre-show:
Eric Young vs. Danny Bonaduce
Danny Bonaduce actually looked fairly legit and cool, although someone should point out that having a motorcycle with skull-themed artwork does not automatically make the motorcycle’s owner a man to be feared. Way too many close-ups of that. Still, the whole “free pre-show” idea is a sound one, and TNA should look into doing it more often. This particular match may not have sold any ppvs, but the idea itself isn’t bad.Bonaduce busted out a set of nunchuku, and spun them all around. Don West pointed out that Bonaduce is actually a third-degree black belt. Bonaduce attempts some skullduggery with his nunchuku, but Young rolls him up and gets the pin in less than four minutes. The post-match doings were the bigger deal. Bonaduce shook Young’s hand, and Young turned his back on Bonaduce to leave. No. No, Eric. Bonaduce attacked him from behind, causing Rhino to rush the ring and plant Bonaduce with a Gore! Gore! I Voted for Gore! Putting this match on the pre-show made sense, if they were going to do it at all, but in the end, the hype seemed too great for a Rhino run-in to be the high point of everything. This match actually got more hype than the three-way IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Tag Team title match, so it just seemed unfulfilling.
Winner: Eric Young
We meet Dixie Carter on tv for the first time. JB points out that TNA is not owned and operated by an egotistical billionaire businessman, they are, in fact, owned and operated by an attractive mother of two from Dallas, Texas. Dixie came off well, very sweet and down-to-earth, sincerely thanking the fans and talking about what the company means to her. That she’s nice to look at (if you’re into the MILFy kind of thing) didn’t hurt. Please don’t make her an on-air character! On to the main show!
Christopher Daniels and AJ Styles arrive together. Samoa Joe and Jeff Jarrett are nowhere to be seen. In contrast, the Main Event Mafia arrives (mostly) together.
The Smashing Pumpkins song (“Bullets with Butterfly Wings”) plays again. Billy Corgan speaks the lyrics rather than singing them, and adds a line about “still just a rat in a steel cage.” Nice!
Match #1: X-scape match for the X-Division Championship Suicide defends against Sheik Abdul Bashir, Kiyoshi, Consequences Creed, and “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal
For those with no previous X-scape match experience, wrestlers are eliminated via pinfall or submission until two remain. Then, the first man to climb out of the cage and land both feet on the floor wins. A perfectly sound concept. Referring to this match as a “fun” match with “some decent spots” isn’t really fair. A solid story was being told, as in this particular match, the champion was on his own, and the four challengers were actually two tag teams. Suicide did a neat “appearing in the center of the ring” entrance instead of flying in. Shaking up his entrance really helps the character, particularly before it can get stale. Jay Lethal eliminates Kiyoshi at between three and four minutes in with a top rope elbow drop, followed by a double-pin from Lethal and Creed. Lethal and Creed are extremely sloppy. Kiyoshi is better than this. Bashir plants Creed with the WMDDT (That’s one of the most ignorant, pointless, STUPID names for a finishing move ever! It isn’t a clever play on words. It’s just dumb.), and eliminates him. Now the team factor is gone, and Bashir and Lethal must go after Suicide on their own. Lethal squares off with Suicide, but is hit with the Suicide Solution. Bashir throws Suicide into the cage and steals the pin on Lethal, eliminating him at almost eight minutes in. Down to champion Suicide and challenger Bashir. Bashir tries to get out through the cage door, but Suicide is having none of it. Both men climb to the top of the cage. Suicide headbutts Bashir and causes him to fall, but not to the floor. Kiyoshi runs out and tries to climb the cage and stop Suicide, but several security members restrain him. Suicide looks down at Bashir, who is almost to the floor, and makes a beautiful “Suicide Dive” onto Kiyoshi and the security guards to hit the ground first.
Winner and still X-Division Champion: Suicide
Match #2: “Queen of the Cage” match Sojo Bolt vs. Madison Rayne vs. ODB vs. Daffney
The one problem with this match is that Daffney was the only one actually wrestling in it. Super cool look for Daffney, both in ring gear and make-up. Everyone piles on ODB at first, but she’s not even brawling in the style in which we know she can. She’s a cartoon character, even more so than she was before. Cody Deaner pours the liquid from the flask into ODB’s mouth, and she cleans house. Actually, she mostly slaps her own butt and boobs, but that’s neither here nor there. Don Wests complains that if ODB isn’t going to share with everyone, she shouldn’t be allowed to drink from the flask during matches because it isn’t fair. Pretty funny. At one point, ODB is down long enough for Daffney to outwrestle everyone else, and nearly pins Rayne and Bolt. Another flask shot sees ODB hulk up, spit the flask’s contents into the eyes of Sojo Bolt, hit Bolt with a power slam, and get the pin. ODB and Cody Deaner celebrate. TNA gets rid of Sonjay Dutt, Jimmy Rave, and Petey Williams and brings in Cody Deaner. Cross the line….
Winner and “Queen of the Cage”: ODB
Jeff Jarrett arrives alone. Tension! Match #3: IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Tag Team Championship Title match
Motor City Machine Guns defend against No Limit and LAX
Regardless of who actually held the belts, there should have been more focus on this match. It’s hard to buy into the whole “international prestige” of titles from another company in another country, when you yourself (TNA) haven’t made that big of a deal out of them. A few short promos and/or video clips would have done wonders for this match. Show some clips from the matches where each team won gold, explain why they’re all fighting, and so on. LAX holds tag team gold in Puerto Rico. The Motor City Machine Guns hold tag team gold from Japan. No Limit used to hold the titles that the MCMG now hold, and want them back. This could have been “International Tag Team Domination,” for lack of a better term. I know. There was no time. If it was going on the ppv, time should have been made.
Some people seem to delight in referring to any TNA match not involving established main-eventers as “a fun little match with the usual cool spots,” or some variation thereof. This implies that no psychology, no storytelling, and no coherent plan are taking place. The aforementioned description does not apply to this match. “Texas Tornado” rules apply, which means that all six guys will be in the ring at once, and no tags have to be made. The big story here was both No Limit and MCMG going after Hernandez and trying to incapacitate him. This plan doesn’t work so well. Hernandez sends Sabin into the cage with a huge shoulder block. Ouch! Shelley and Sabin eventually try to double-team Hernandez with a suplex, but he reverses it and suplexes both of them instead. Hernandez is soon beaten down, and thrown into a corner, where every other guy takes at least one turn hitting him with a running clothesline. The double-team action can’t be done justice by trying to call it, so watch the match, already! All three teams look solid and strong throughout. At one point, Hernandez Cracker Jacks Sabin into the cage, and Sabin comes down head-first and painfully. Seriously, it looked bad, and I hope he’s ok. Shelley gets Border Tossed into the cage, and fares slightly less terribly than his partner. While the MCMG are down, LAX and No Limit go. Yujiro has Homicide on the top turnbuckle for something, but Hernandez gets Yujiro on his shoulders, and Homicide hits him with an Ace Crusher. The recovered MCMG take out Hernandez, and slam Naito from the top turnbuckle with the Made in Detroit combination. One! Two! Three! YES! It’s true! Don West actually says that now, TNA has to start considering the MCMG for a shot at the TNA tag team titles and a place in the division. Oh, ya think????
Winners and still IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Tag Team Champions: the Motor City Machine Guns
Match #4: “Doomsday Chamber of Blood” match
Abyss vs. Matt Morgan
In this match, the object is to make the opponent bleed, then he can be pinned or made to submit. Fair enough. I’m not a fan of these types of matches, so I can’t really say how it compares with others of the kind. After punching chairs and such, Morgan opens up Abyss first. Abyss can now be pinned or made to submit. Morgan only gets a two-count. Morgan opens a bag of glass, and tries to drive Abyss’s head into it. Then Morgan tries to stab Abyss in the head with a shard of glass. Abyss sends Morgan into the cage, then choke slams him, but since Morgan isn’t bleeding, the referee refuses to count it. Abyss cuts Morgan’s forehead open with glass. Both guys can now be pinned or made to submit. Dr. Stevie comes out, and is finally publicly revealed as Stevie Richards. He takes a chair away from Abyss, and yells at him not to engage in violence with weapons. Morgan uses this opportunity to hit Abyss with the Carbon Footprint, but only gets a two-count. Abyss gets a bag of thumbtacks from under the ring. Stevie tells him not to. Stevie takes off his jacket, enters the ring, and slaps Abyss around like a little bitch. Morgan low-blows Abyss while Abyss argues with Stevie, then plants Abyss on the thumbtacks with a spine buster for the win. Stevie gets his jacket and leaves. Curious as to where this is going. Not down on it, but curious.
Winner: Matt Morgan
Match #5: Knockouts Championship Title match
Awesome Kong defends against Taylor Wilde and Angelina Love
Velvet Sky and Raisha Saeed are at ringside. Angelina Love looks terrified after Kong advances on her, which is totally the thing to do. People were really into Kong, which is nice to see. This was brute power (Kong) against technical prowess and sneakiness (Angelina Love) against vaguely high-flying (Taylor Wilde). Storywise, a good idea. Taylor Wilde just isn’t that good. Angelina is much better in the ring and it shows. If you need one good reason to watch this match, Awesome Kong does a somersault splash from the top turnbuckle. Read that last line again. Awesome Kong. Somersault splash. Top turnbuckle. Yes, I was sober at the time. Great moment when Angelina tied what was left of Kong’s braids to the cage wall, with the help of Velvet Sky. Raisha Saeed tried to untie them, but ends up chasing Velvet Sky around the ring. Taylor Wilde has Angelina Love in a rear chinlock hold, but Kong kicks out at Wilde, allowing Love to roll Wilde over and get the pin on her.
Winner and new Knockouts Champion: Angelina Love
Match #6: Tag Team Domination match (IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team titles vs. TNA Tag Team titles, winners take all)
Team 3-D (IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Champions) vs. Beer Money (TNA Tag Team Champions)
The rest of the wrestling world may disagree, but the wrong team won. For months now, the build has been just about perfect. Beer Money won matches. Team 3-D won matches. Beer Money are the TNA tag team champions for a long period of time. Team 3-D win the IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team titles in Japan. Mutual respect. Wanting to know for sure who is the best. A great sit-down interview with Tenay. Lots of “Rough Cuts” packages on Team 3-D. The last-minute destruction of mutual respect, even to the point of echoing Team 3-D’s own line, “Because we can!” Near-constant promos, video packages, and vignettes about Team 3-D. This was the absolutely perfect “pass the torch” moment. They didn’t do it. Just about every odd that could be stacked against Beer Money had been spelled out. There was no way that they could beat Team 3-D in Philly, therefore having them do so would have been the perfect thing to do. Too much has been made about the Philly fans. What? Would they have burned down the building if Team 3-D had lost? Sure, you eventually have to give the people what they want. Eventually. When the time is right and it suits the story being told. To have Beer Money lose this match, regardless of how strong they looked in it, defies good storytelling and long-term planning. Did Team 3-D need this win? No. Was Team 3-D in dire need of getting over? No. Where does the tag team division go from here? Does Team 3-D retire and allow the “young guys” to have a tournament to claim the vacated titles? Oh, that’s ever so much more effective than actually having Beer Money defeat a legendary tag team on their own. Beer Money defeating Team 3-D in their adopted hometown, and at their own game, in front of the oh-so-terrifyingly bloodthirsty Philly fans was exactly what should have happened, and that it didn’t is quite simply wrong.
Winners and still IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Champions and new TNA Tag Team Champions: Team 3D
Match #7: “Lethal Lockdown” match
Team Angle (Kurt Angle, Scott Steiner, Booker T, and Kevin Nash) vs. Team Jarrett (Jeff Jarrett, AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, and Samoa Joe)
Who was Joe talking to? By many accounts, it’s Tazz, which would be awesome. However, how many “mentors” does Samoa Joe need? We saw how well it worked out with Kevin Nash. The concept of “Lethal Lockdown” isn’t bad, but there were just too many bodies in the cage. A three-on-three match may have worked better. The AJ/Angle bit on the top was scary nice, and AJ’s landing looked pretty bad. This was not a bad match. It was simply too crowded, and the guys on Team Jarrett were limited in their movesets because of the cage. The Jarrett saga continues very nicely, and the chair shot to AJ looked completely accidental. Don West jumped all over it, which was great. Jarrett teasing the guitar shot to his own team, and then hitting Team Angle was ok, but it really gave off the vibe that Team Jarrett would not have won on their own. Again, the whole “We can’t do anything without Jarrett the Great to lead us!” only undermines the former Front Line even more. It was like, “Here, young guys, I am giving you this victory with this guitar shot.” Still, the drama of Jarrett’s true feelings has to keep going, and this was as good a way as any to do it. The appearance of Bobby Lashley as a possible ally of Angle and new member of the Main Event Mafia did nothing for me, but he is a former World Champion, and meets the membership requirements. I personally do not and have never cared for Lashley, and would just as soon he were not there, but the audience in Philly seemed pretty excited about his appearance. We shall see where this goes.
Winners: Team Jarrett
Match #8: TNA World Heavyweight Championship title match
Sting defends against Mick Foley
Wow. I truly did not think that Foley would win this one. Things will definitely get interesting now, as the fallout from this title win could go in many directions and covers quite a lot of ground. The match itself was quite good. Yes, they’re both old and slow. And? That was the whole point, that this could be the last match for either one of them. Foley’s Gollum/Smeagol changes during the match were great, like making sure that the cage door was properly locked at the start of the match, and then demanding that the door be opened later after Sting had taken out his left leg. Kicking the camera man through the camera hole and trying to get out that way was certainly novel. Pulling the barbed wire bat through the hole was also a nice touch. Sting went after Foley with the bat repeatedly, which raised the question of just how far into Foley’s world Sting was willing to descend. Did anyone expect Foley to win? It’s certainly intriguing. And isn’t that the point?
Winner and new TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Mick Foley FINAL THOUGHTS: Several of the other sites that I’ve visited are practically crowing about how feedback on “Lockdown” has been almost universally negative. If so, it’s not deserved. The only truly bad match in terms of wrestling was the “Queen of the Cage” match, and that’s only because three of the four women were not actually wrestling. Sting and Foley were slow, yes. So only legends currently employed by WWE can have good matches? Enough with the TNA bashing just because it’s TNA, already! Honestly, if the Sting/Foley match had happened in a WWE ring, people would be saying almost across the board that while it wasn’t as good as HBK/Taker, it told a very solid story, the ending was a huge surprise, and the two old guys can still go pretty well, all things considered. You know it. I know it. The American people know it. Foley’s title reign is not the doom of TNA, and does not harken back to the dying days of WCW, and does not prove that there is no hope for the company. Quite the opposite, in fact. I paid for “Lockdown,” and don’t feel ripped off. I actually enjoyed most of it.
Join us later this week for “Impact” Impressions and the fallout from “Lockdown!”
