Big E, Big E, Big E, can’t you see, sometimes your fists accidentally hit me?
Fandangoing spills over into BWF Radio, as our own ThinkSoJoE was in the crowd at the IZOD Center this past Monday. Joe, along with JT, G, and Jorge discuss the poor quality of this year’s WrestleMania, leading Joe to make an interesting offer to World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. It’s explained why Mike Chioda got the first chant during the Sheamus/Orton match on RAW. We ponder who was controlling the temperature on Thursday’s IMPACT, and do away with Sign Guy during the reading of G’s SmackDown review, for some reason. Rick is still very much alive and well, as far as we know. Iron Sheik tweets are handled by JT, and we find out why Rock, Brock, and Punk were all missing from RAW in the news. Plus, for episode 69, That Damn Double C brings us some Bloodhound Gang in our musical break. All this and MUCH more, on BWF Radio!
Tonight! I will once again attempt to cover tonight’s WWE RAW broadcast in real time for you, the BWF faithful.
This is the last RAW before Wrestle-Mania this weekend, and WWE’s last chance to sell us on the Big Show. (Not the one in the six-man, although technically…) No, I mean the ENTIRE EVENT! Will they convince us to shell out $60-70 bucks in our respective areas this year?
Personally, I doubt it.
From WWE.com; “The Undertaker, Brock Lesnar, WWE Champion The Rock, John Cena, Triple H and CM Punk will all be at tonight’s Raw in Washington. What will unfold with Wrestle-Mania just days away?”
We’re getting a rundown of what to expect at Mania and what to look forward to tonight. Shawn Michaels will be here tonight for Triple H. John Cena responds to the Rock’s shot last week. Punk, Taker, Lesnar and… more stuff.
Cena’s out first and this is NOT a Cena crowd, here in DC. Jerry Lawler doesn’t even bother selling it as a “mixed” reaction. Lawler has Michael Cole and JBL with him at ringside.
“I stand in the middle of a house divided.” – John Cena
Rytman Remark: No you don’t John. They hate you.
John refers to everyone here tonight as “Cena-crats” and “Rock-publicans.” He gives Rock credit for conquering everything in his path and even goes so far as to call him the greatest WWE champion of all time. He talks about the pain of his loss last year and how the Rock will lose his custom-made WWE title in his first defense (of that specific belt.) He will happily keep the new belt just so the Rock will have to live with knowing every time someone brings up WWE, he’ll have to live with knowing someone else is defending that belt every night.
Cole asks us who we think will win Rock/Cena 2 and invites us all to “Tout” about it on line. He talks Jerry into posting a “Tout” about who he thinks will win Rock/Cena 2. Lawler goes with history and chooses Rock.
3MB is in the ring as Randy Orton, Sheamus, and the Big Show make their entrances. We get a look at last week’s Smackdown where they were able to fight off an attack by the Shield.
RANDY ORTON/SHEAMUS/BIG SHOW VS. 3MB (HEATH SLATER/JINDER MAHAL/DREW MCINTYRE)
Match starts with the faces bouncing around Slater. McIntyre tags in and takes over with a missile drop-kick. Sheamus gets triple-teamed for a few moments but the match ends just the way you expected. RKO, Brogue-Kick, and Big K.O. on Mahal for the three-count.
After the match, the Shield comes out, cutting a promo from the crowd. The Shield congratulates our three heroes on their huge win, and convincing themselves they’re a team. But the Shield knows the truth; they are phonies and at Mania, everyone will believe in the Shield.
We come back to the announcement of Zeb Coulter getting in the ring tonight against World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio. We go to Zeb Coulter and Jack Swagger cutting a promo in front of our Nation’s Capital. Our country is broken because we all are weak. If we don’t like Swagger as World Heavyweight Champion, then we don’t deserve to be Americans.
Current WHC Alberto Del Rio responds in an interview segment. One of the great things about America is freedom of speech, and if Del Rio doesn’t like what Zeb says, he can do something about it. He will tonight, in the ring.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION DANIEL BRYAN (W/KANE) VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER (W/AJ & BIG E.)
This is a fast-paced back/forth with Ziggler on the defensive. AJ skips around Kane, setting him up for a charge from Big E. Bryan takes the E down with a flying kick to the head and Ziggler gets the three-count on Bryan w/a handfull of tights. Big E. nails Bryan and Kane tries to make the save. Big E. powers out of the choke-slam and lays out Kane with his drop across the shoulder.
Back from break, we get a look back at last August when Brock Lesnar took out Shawn Michaels.
Mr. Wrestle-Mania, HOFamer, and the Heart-Break Kid, SHAWN MICHAELS is here. He hits the ring as we get a look back at the Lesnar/Triple H feud of last year, with Lesnar breaking Trip’s arm in April, and winning their match at Summer-Slam.
“You didn’t think we’d have Wrestle-Mania without MR. Wrestle-Mania did you?” – Shawn Michaels
Shawn is out here to talk about Mania. He runs down the card, bringing our attention to one particular match, because he and his arm are part of the history in that match. Triple H comes out to reassure Shawn he knows what he’s doing, and he understands that Shawn was in the same spot Trips was in when Shawn retired. Shawn says their perdicaments couldn’t be more different. When Shawn lost his career-match, his opponent was just as heartbroken as him, because they had respect for each other. Brock Lesnar respects nothing. Triple H asks Shawn if he’s trying to talk him out of it. Shawn tells him he’d better kick Lesnar’s ass. Shawn will be in Triple H’s corner to make sure he does. They get ready to give the crowd the “suck it,” chant, when Lesnar comes out w/Heyman. Heyman lays it on the line. Triple H had better get used to dissapointment. At Mania, he will disapoint the fans, his best friend, his father-in-law, the board of directors and his wife…
“…But she’s probably used to that.” – Paul Heyman
Shawn and Hunter make the mistake of fighting from emotion, and that’s why Shawn had to retire, and that’s why Triple H will lose at Mania.
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT VS. ZACK RYDER
Miz joins the announce team at ringside. Ryder starts off strong, but Barrett takes control and beats him down. On the outside, Barrett jaw-jacks w/Miz, giving Ryder an opening. Ryder hits the “brosky-boot” for two, but Barrett takes over and ends this with the Bell-Hammer Elbow.
Rytman Remark: Announce team spent the whole match trying to hard sell Miz as a threat to Barrett. Came off pretty desperate. Maybe Barrett might retain.
Backstage: RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Gurerro and her assistant Brad Maddox are talking when Santino Morella walks in, telling them Vince McMahon is here tonight and he’s P-O’d about them. “Bricki” get freaked, until Santino reveals it was just an “April Fools” joke. Vicki orders Santino into the ring, as Maddox says we’ll see who the fool is.
SANTINO MORELLA VS. MARK HENRY AND DO I EVEN HAVE TO BOTHER TYPING ANYTHING?
We get a look at last week’s Smackdown when Henry attacked Ryback during their weight-lifting challenge. Cole tells us this did not violate their “no-contact” clause because Henry never touched Ryback, he just tried to shove a set of weights into his throat.
Rytman Remark: Are you fucking kidding me?
Mark grabs Santino. Santino threatens to bring out the Cobr-World’s Strongest Slam, three-count.
“FEED ME MORE!”
Ryback is out and in the ring. Henry reminds him of the no-contact clause, and walks off with a smile. Ryback responds by picking up Santino AND RAMMING HIM INTO HENRY. He checks if Santino is okay, THEN HOISTS HIM UP AND GORILLA PRESS-SLAMS HIM ON TO HENRY. BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT THE “GOOD GUY” DOES!
We go to break with Jack Swagger giving Zeb a pep-talk before his match with Del Rio
We come back to Matt Striker asking C.M. Punk if he’s disrespecting Paul Bearer’s memory…
“A better question is DO I GIVE A DAMN?” – C.M. Punk
Rytman Remark: I’ve been asking myself the same question.
Punk actually shocks me for a second with a remark about Paul Bearer’s streak of waking up every morning, which has been broken. He warns Taker that if he loses his temper, Punk will win by DQ. If he takes his eyes off the prise, he just might get choked out. If he loses focus, he just might be down one second too long. Punk makes it clear all he wants is to win, and he will spit in faces and walk on graves to do it, so that whenever anyone thinks of Wrestle-Mania, the grandest stage of all, they will think of C.M. Punk.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS. ZEB COULTER
Before the break, we saw Swagger breaking the ankle of Ricardo Rodriguez, making this personal. Ricardo intros ADR and Del Rio sends him to the back to be safe. Just as the match is starting, Ricardo comes back out, refusing to leave. Zeb hangs back, close to the ropes as Swagger stalks Ricardo. Ricardo raises a crutch, but Zeb swipes it. Swagger goes after the bad ankle, Del Rio kicks him down and saves Ricardo. Zeb wails on Del Rio with the Crutch when Del Rio rolls back in. Ref calls for the DQ as Swagger and Zeb beat down ADR with Ricardo’s crutches. Ricardo tries to get involved but Swagger swats him down.
Back from break, IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL……
The Rock is out to make his big speech to the DC crowd. Rock’s new movie, G.I. JOE: RETALLIATION is no.1 in the wold this week. We’re reminded to “Tout” our opinions on who will win at Mania.
Rock’s connection with the people is the only reason he’s standing in the middle of the ring right now. This Sunday isn’t about redemption, it’s about the will of the people, specifically the will of the people to see John Cena get curb-stomped. The will of the people can change the world, and maybe if the people will it, the Rock would have to live in this town, in the big white house up the road, and maybe…
“We go from President Barack to President Rock!” – The Rock
Rytman Remark: If that happens, I’m surrendering to China.
The Rock makes it very clear that the only way Cena will get the Rock’s title, is if the Rock rolls it up into a ball, lights it on fire, and shoves it up Cena’s candy ass.
Back from break, we get another look at Fandango attacking Jericho last week.
BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS. CHRIS JERICHO
Seriously, you can tell they’re just going throught the motions until Fandango comes out. It’s a basic back and forth with Jericho taking over with a hurra-con-rana off the top rope. Cue Fandango and partner comming out. The match comes to a dead stop as we go to break.
Apparently, during the break, Fandango actually gave Jericho a “two” with a score-card. Cesaro takes conrtol and spends a lot of time working the neck. Cesaro dominates Jericho with brute force, but Jericho’s agility turns the tide. Fandango walks to the ring, giving Jericho a “three.” Cesaro counters Jericho into the gut wrench, but Jericho comes back with high flying offense and takes out Fandango with a flying kick. Jericho wins this with the “Walls Of Jericho” but Fandango attacks from behind. He finishes Jericho off with the flying leg drop and gives us all the proper pronounciation of his name.
“FAHN-DAHN-GOH!” – Fandango
Jericho is left laying as Fandango and partner dance off.
Up next is OUR MAIN EVENT…
A promo…
From THE UNDERTAKER!
We come back to Touts.
Rytman Remark: That’s pretty much all I have to say about it.
The Funkadactyls are out w/Brodus and “Sweet T” for a Divas tag team match. They do the entrance and go to break.
Rytman Remark: You couldn’t just finish the commercials then start the match?
THE FUNKADACTYLS (w/BRODUS/TENSAI) VS. THE BELLA TWINS SISTERS (w/TEAM RHODES SCHOLLARS)
And yes, we will get an eight-person mixed tag at Mania, Brodus, Sweet T, and the Funkadactyls vs. Team Rhodes Schollars and the Bellas.
Naomi is the star of this match, carrying the workrate and spending most of it getting double-teamed. The match is not as bad as it should be, but the Bellas are showing the ring rust. The match consists of botched-spots and really should’ve been booked quicker. Cameron tags in and comes off as the most capable of the girls. The Bellas take it with a reversed roll-up as we go to break.
The Undertaker is out. Punk’s WWE title reign lasted over 400 days, but the pain he’s facing will last for eternity. Taker realizes the streak may come to an end, but Punk won’t live to talk about it. Suddenly, a group of torch-bearing, chanting druids enter. Taker looks on in confusion.
OH YES!!!
PAUL HEYMAN STANDS ON TOP OF THE STAGE DRESSED AS PAUL BEARER!
An enraged Undertaker goes after Heyman, then stops, realizing he’s been lead into a trap. Taker unloads on the druids, but gets taken down from behind by the one he was looking for, C.M. Punk. Punk beats down the Taker. Taker reaches for the urn, but Punk has it, and uses it to beat the deadman down.
Punk stands over the Taker, holding the urn. He opens the urn… and pours the ashes inside all over the Taker. He lets them spill through his fingers and throws them in Takers face. RAW ends with C.M. Punk mocking the Undertakers classic pose, as the Taker lies beaten on the ramp.
Rytman Remarks: Wow, I mean wow. I was going to say this RAW was another auto-pilot show coasting into Mania until the end.
Now look, I know those weren’t Paul Bearer’s actual ashes. I know it was part of the act. It’s just… I think it was too much. It just took me somewhere really uncomfortable.
To be fair, they HAD to do something to get this show some momentum, but still, it just seems desperate.
Hokay. This is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY late. What I’m going to do here is recap a replay of last night’s RAW. This is for two reasons, I need more practice in real-time recapping, and I owe BWF my RAW recap.
So here we go!
We open with a recap of Elimination Chamber from Sunday. Alberto Del Rio beat the Big Show, Jack Swagger won the Chamber, and C.M. Punk lost. We get a reminder that Cena’s road to Wrestlemania starts tonight.
Live in the Cajun Dome! Cena’s out to address the WWE universe, and we’re reminded that it’s Cena vs. Rock for the WWE title. John reminds everyone that it’ll be John Cena vs. The Rock, and that’s when Punk comes out.
Punk accuses Cena of taking the easy way out. Punk says Rock beat him fair and square on Sunday, if you disregard the fact that Rock hit an official, and Punk had him pinned for “an 18 count.” Cena tells him to “sit this one out,” and “for once, it’s not about C.M. Punk.” Punk disagrees, reminding Cena how he brought prestige to the WWE title, and how Cena can’t beat the Rock, and how he’s never beat Punk. Punk tells him to walk away. Cena makes it clear he will not. Cena concedes that he hasn’t beat the Rock, and if he can’t beat Punk, then he doesn’t deserve the title shot. Cena agrees to give Punk the shot at Wrestlemania if Punk can beat him in a match, right here, right now. Punk decides to do this on his terms, and since he shouldn’t even be in this position, he decides to do this next week. Cena makes it official. Punk vs. Cena, Wrestlemania headline title shot on the line, next Monday.
We get an announcement that tonight will be the Rock’s championship celebration, and The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry, is up next.0
We’re back. We get a picture of Thomas Jefferson and one of his quotes as part of a “president’s day” tribute.
“ONE MAN WITH COURAGE IS A MAJORITY.” – Thomas Jefferson
Backstage with Sheamus and Matt Striker. Sheamus doesn’t know what went wrong last night, they were supposed to get revenge on the Shield, but didn’t. Ryback walks into frame and Sheamus call him a neanderthall. Ryback and Sheamus get up into each others’ face, when Chris Jericho steps in. He gets them to stop fighting and offers them a chance to team up with him in a six-man against the Shield. Sheamus and Ryback agree.
“FEED ME SHIELD” – Ryback
SIN CARA VS MARK HENRY
This was an out-and-out squash. Sin Cara got in one kick to the head, but it ends with a powerslam and a “world’s strongest slam.”
WINNER: MARK HENRY
Henry bullies the ref out of the ring and turns his attention to the fallen Sin Cara. Great Khali strides out (slowly) and after a stare-down, teasing a fight, Henry bails.
“IF I WANNA DANCE, I GIVE EM’ THAT. YOU DANCE, THAT’S ALL YOU GOOD FOR ANYWAY.” – Mark Henry
We go to a recap of the U.S. title match at Elimination Chamber, between the Miz and Champion Antonio Cesaro. We see Miz drop knee first into Cesaro’s groin, and get dq’d.
Vicki Guerro announces the six-man main event for tonight – Jericho, Sheamus, and Ryback vs The Shield via Twitter.
When we come back, Miz vs. Cesaro, NO DQ!
We’re back with a promo for FANDANGO, comming soon.
Miz is in the ring w’a taped-up shoulder and arm. We get a recap of last Monday’s RAW when Cesaro swung him into the guardrail.
NO DQ MATCH-U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS THE MIZ
Miz starts strong, but the match goes out to the floor and Cesaro sends the bad arm into the post. Cesaro throws Miz back in the ring with some chairs and a kendo stick. Cesaro wedges a chair between two turnbuckles in the corner, and tries to drive the Miz shoulder-first into it. Miz counters a few times and Cesaro has more luck with the Kendo stick. Cesar pins the bad shoulder of Miz between his knee and a chair, and works the arm. Cesaro sets Miz up in the corner for a charge, but Miz gets a shot to the face. Cesaro charges knee first and Miz ducks. Cesaro hits the chair in the corner. Miz drop-toe-holds him chest first into the other chair, and ends this with a figure four for the submission.
WINNER: THE MIZ
Later tonight, Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter will make a “State of the Union” address to the WWE universe. Right now, we’re getting a look at an Internet video made by Zeb and Swagger. (youtube.com/wethepeoplezeb) It looks like a public access channel video with a “Don’t Tread On Me” flag tacked up in the back. Zeb delivers a rant against immigrants with Swagger looming menacingly in the background.
We’re reminded that Cena vs. Punk is next week and the Rock’s championship celebration is tonight.
We come back to a pic and a quote of Abraham Lincoln.
“YOU CAN FOOL SOME OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME, YOU CAN FOOL ALL OF THE PEOPLE SOME OF THE TIME, YOU CAN’T FOOL ALL OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME.” – Abraham Lincoln.
Backstage, WWE tag team champions Daniel Bryan and Kane are arguing over what happened between them in the Elimination chamber last Sunday. Brian has requested a singles match and doesn’t want Kane coming out with him. Kane decides he’ll request a singles match and doesn’t want Bryan coming out with him. Kane warns Bryan that he’d better be a man of his word, because he doesn’t like snakes. Randy Orton overhears this, and takes exception to it. Kane explains that if a snake gets too close to him, he squashes it with his boot. Orton compares Kane to Barney the Dinosaur and Bryan laughs. Orton disappears, and Kane sulks off.
We go to Vicki’s office where Paul Heyman has been summoned. Vicki rags on Heyman about how useless his special stipulations were in the WWE title match. Later on, she will make a big announcement concerning his career, in the ring.
Team Ziggler (Dolp, Big E. and AJ) makes their way out as we go to break.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS DOLPH ZIGGLER
Ziggler’s in the ring as we recap Del Rio’s win over the Big Show at EC. Ricardo Rodriguez comes out to introduce Del Rio. The crowd is not into it. Ziggler goes right after Del Rio. Del Rio fights back. Ziggler goes up and over the ropes, lands on the apron. Del Rio hits the enziguri as we go to break…
Ziggler in control as we come back, choking Del Rio against the ropes. Ziggler with a dropkick. Choking again, and Big E. sneaks in a cheap shot at ringside. Ziggler gets a two-count with a fame-asser and goes up top. ADR cuts him off and hits a REVERSE FACE-LOCK SUPERPLEX. Ziggler up first. They trade punches, ADR hits two clothes-line, a tilt-a-whirl back-breaker, and a thrust kick for two. ADR gets a “Si” chant going but Ziggler hits the neck-breaker for two. Ziggler whips ADR into the corner, ADR gets the boots up, ties up Ziggler, and hits several forearms to the back and a back-stabber for two. Big E up on the apron. Del Rio knocks him off. Ziggler goes for the flying DDT, but Del Rio hits the arm-breaker for the submission.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO
After the match, Big E. blindsides ADR and beas him down. Ziggler realizes this is the best time to cash in the MiTB briefcase, but Ricardo swipes it and runs off with Big E. after him. AJ recovers the case, but Ziggler eats a huge kick from ADR.
Later tonight, the Rock’s celebration, and Kane vs.Randy Orton
And we got to break…
We are back with Intercontinental champion Wade Barrett in the ring, telling all of us about his big break in a major motion picture. We then get shown the trailer for “Dead Man Down,” in theaters on March 8th. We come back to Wade but Sheamus interrupts from the Titan-Tron to point out that Wade isn’t the star, Colin Farrell is. He invites Barrett to respond, but is told we’re out of time.
SIX PERSON TAG TEAM MATCH – TENSAI/BRODUS CLAY/AND NAOMI VS PRIMO/EPICO/AND ROSA
The Funkadayctals make their entrance w/Brodus and Tensai. Rosa and team MO-CO cut the music short with their entrance. Naomi starts off with Rosa, taking charge with high-flying moves. Rosa tags in Primo who goes after Naomi but Tensai makes the save and send Primo out. Naomi hits a sliding dropkick between Tensai’s legs on Epico and Rosa. Tensai and Brodus ends this with double headbuts and a double splash.
WINNERS: BRODUS CLAY AND TENSAI
We get a dance party in the ring before going to a WWE.com press conference in the Super-dome, where we get an announcement about Wrestlemania 30 being there next year, April 2014.
Up next is the “State Of The Union” address from Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter.
We come back with a quote from Harry S. Truman
“THE BUCK STOPS HERE.” – Harry S. Truman
Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter are in the ring with a podium and a “don’t tread on me” flag set up. Swagger claims that he took the weight of the nation on his shoulders when he won the EC match and became #1 contender to the WHC. He turns the mike over to Zeb, who claims the state of our union is “pathetic.” In summation, he basically accuses foreigners of coming here to take our health care, jobs, and resources, and how when Jack Swagger beats ADR, he will restore our nation to greatness.
Daniel Bryan makes his entrance as we go to break.
JACK SWAGGER VS. DANIEL BRYAN
Match is basically Bryan slipping out of Swagger’s grasp with his speed/agility until Swagger gets a chance to pound on the bad ribs of Bryan. Bryan fights back with quick strikes and high-risk high-flying. Bryan misses a charging drop-kick and Swagger works his leg. Swagger ends this with the “Patriot Act,” submission.
WINNER: JACK SWAGGER
Later tonight, Jericho, Sheamus, and Ryback vs. The Shield, and Vicki’s big announcement about Heyman.
We come back to a Wrestlemania promo and Vicki in the ring demanding our attention, preparing to make an announcement that could change Heyman’s career/life. She announces Brad Maddox as “assistant to the managing supevisor.” Brad says this was his reward for blowing the whistle on Heyman.
“IS THIS MY CUE TO VOMIT?” – Paul Heyman
Heyman says goodnight and gets ready to leave, when Vince makes his appearance on the Tron, stopping him. He reminds Heyman of last week when Heyman requested the DQ/count-out stip for the WWE title match at EC, and how Heyman said he do “anything” for it. Basically Vince challenges Heyman to a fight in two weeks when he makes his return.
And Break…
CHRIS JERICHO, SHEAMUS & RYBACK VS. THE SHIELD
Jericho, Sheamus, & Ryback each make a separate entrance, the Shield come down all at once through the crowd. The faces start off strong, with each man getting a shot at a Shield member. The faces dominate as we go to break…
We come back to the Shield beating down Sheamus. Sheamus fights his way free and brings in Ryback. Ryback hits hard and fast, tossing around the Shield, but he takes a spear when the ref isn’t looking. The Shield pile on Ryback with double teaming until one of them misses a charge. Ryback brings in Jericho, who takes over on the Shield. Jericho locks in the “Walls Of Jericho” while Sheamus takes a Shield member to the outside, brawling. Ryback is down, and the Shield leader takes out Jericho with a flying knee behind the ref’s back. Jericho gets pinned for three.
WINNERS: THE SHIELD
And break…
We come back with a quote from JFK.
“ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU, ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR COUNTRY.” – John F. Kennedy
DAMIEN SANDOW VS KOFI KINGSTON
Sandow comes out, berating the audience and claims his great-grandfather came up with the new deal. He attacks Kofi before the bell rings and brutalizes him, until R-Truth makes his comeback and the save. Sandow is left lying.
NO CONTEST
We go to Josh Mathews at ringside w/two of his co-stars from “G.I. JOE: RETALIATION,” and a clip from the movie.
The Rock’s celebration, up next…
We’re back with another promo for Fandango, and Randy Orton making his entrance.
RANDY ORTON VS KANE
We get a plug for the EXTREME RULES PPV as Kane makes his way to the ring. Match is back and forth until Daniel Bryan comes out to distract Kane. Kane loses focus and walks into an RKO for the three-count.
WINNER: RANDY ORTON
And break…
We come back to a local marching band making their way down to the ring. After they finish playing, the Rock makes his big entrance. First, he runs down Punk, pointing out how he beat Punk in two straight PPV’s so he could be here tonight as WWE champion. Rock says in 48 days he’s going to Wrestlemania, but not with the “spinny” belt.
“THE WWE TITLE SHOULD NEVER LOOK LIKE A TOY, AND IT SHOULD NEVER, EVER, SPIN” – The Rock
The Rock retires the WWE “spinner” belt, and talks about how the belt should “inspire” the people watching and respect the legacy of champions past. He then unveils the “New” WWE championship. It looks like a big ring, with the WWE logo taking up most of the face-plate over the word “champion,” and the Rock’s Brahma-Bull logo on each side. Rock asks the question “Who will the Rock face at Wrestlemania? John Cena, or C.M. Punk?” Rock is about to name his preference, when Cena’s music hits and he comes out. He’s facing down the Rock when Punk nails him from behind with the spinny belt. He tosses it aside, and says “I want that one,” while pointing at Rock. The show ends with Punk staring down the Rock and walking out, while the Rock paces around the ring in confuion and Cena tries to pull himself up.
We break stuff and complain because The Rock beat CM Punk at the Royal Rumble. That’s worse than having your eye shot out, apparently. Jorge’s herpes flare up. The crew is joined by Brian Muller once again, and in a shocking twist ending, Jorge joins twitter. We talk Royal Rumble, RAW, SmackDown, Main Event, ROH, and IMPACT. We talk about the news, including Sunny’s recent SIXTH arrest, Bret Hart’s interview where he gives Triple H’s last ‘Mania match a “4 out of 10,” and of course, the man whose stolen all our hearts, James Dotterer, including a great Joe rant about how CM Punk is the real People’s Champion. Tune in!
