Tag Archive: Rundown

  1. RYTMAN’S RAW (REAL TIME-ISH, MAYBE?) REPORT

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    Tonight!  I will once again attempt to cover tonight’s WWE RAW broadcast in real time for you, the BWF faithful.

    This is the last RAW before Wrestle-Mania this weekend, and WWE’s last chance to sell us on the Big Show. (Not the one in the six-man, although technically…) No, I mean the ENTIRE EVENT!  Will they convince us to shell out $60-70 bucks in our respective areas this year?

    Personally, I doubt it.

    From WWE.com;  “The Undertaker, Brock Lesnar, WWE Champion The Rock, John Cena, Triple H and CM Punk will all be at tonight’s Raw in Washington. What will unfold with Wrestle-Mania just days away?”

    We’re getting a rundown of what to expect at Mania and what to look forward to tonight.  Shawn Michaels will be here tonight for Triple H.  John Cena responds to the Rock’s shot last week. Punk, Taker, Lesnar and… more stuff.

    Cena’s out first and this is NOT a Cena crowd, here in DC.  Jerry Lawler doesn’t even bother selling it as a “mixed” reaction.  Lawler has Michael Cole and JBL with him at ringside.

    “I stand in the middle of a house divided.” – John Cena

    Rytman Remark: No you don’t John.  They hate you.

    John refers to everyone here tonight as “Cena-crats” and “Rock-publicans.” He gives Rock credit for conquering everything in his path and even goes so far as to call him the greatest WWE champion of all time.  He talks about the pain of his loss last year and how the Rock will lose his custom-made WWE  title in his first defense (of that specific belt.) He will happily keep the new belt just so the Rock will have to live with knowing every time someone brings up WWE, he’ll have to live with knowing someone else is defending that belt every night.

    Cole asks us who we think will win Rock/Cena 2 and invites us all to “Tout” about it on line.  He talks Jerry into posting a “Tout” about who he thinks will win Rock/Cena 2.  Lawler goes with history and chooses Rock.

    3MB is in the ring as Randy Orton, Sheamus, and the Big Show make their entrances.  We get a look at last week’s Smackdown where they were able to fight off an attack by the Shield.

    RANDY ORTON/SHEAMUS/BIG SHOW VS. 3MB (HEATH SLATER/JINDER MAHAL/DREW MCINTYRE)

    Match starts with the faces bouncing around Slater.  McIntyre tags in and takes over with a missile drop-kick.  Sheamus gets triple-teamed for a few moments but the match ends just the way you expected.  RKO, Brogue-Kick, and Big K.O. on Mahal for the three-count.

    After the match, the Shield comes out, cutting a promo from the crowd.  The Shield congratulates our three heroes on their huge win, and convincing themselves they’re a team.  But the Shield knows the truth; they are phonies and at Mania, everyone will believe in the Shield.

    We come back to the announcement of Zeb Coulter getting in the ring tonight against World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio.  We go to Zeb Coulter and Jack Swagger cutting a promo in front of our Nation’s Capital.  Our country is broken because we all are weak. If we don’t like Swagger as World Heavyweight Champion, then we don’t deserve to be Americans.

    Current WHC Alberto Del Rio responds in an interview segment.  One of the great things about America is freedom of speech, and if Del Rio doesn’t like what Zeb says, he can do something about it.  He will tonight, in the ring.

    WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION DANIEL BRYAN (W/KANE) VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER (W/AJ & BIG E.)

    This is a fast-paced back/forth with Ziggler on the defensive.  AJ skips around Kane, setting him up for a charge from Big E.  Bryan takes the E down with a flying kick to the head and Ziggler gets the three-count on Bryan w/a handfull of tights.  Big E. nails Bryan and Kane tries to make the save.  Big E. powers out of the choke-slam and lays out Kane with his drop across the shoulder.

    Back from break, we get  a look back at last August when Brock Lesnar took out Shawn Michaels.

    Mr. Wrestle-Mania, HOFamer, and the Heart-Break Kid, SHAWN MICHAELS is here.  He hits the ring as we get a look back at the Lesnar/Triple H feud of last year, with Lesnar breaking Trip’s arm in April, and winning their match at Summer-Slam.

    “You didn’t think we’d have Wrestle-Mania without MR. Wrestle-Mania did you?” – Shawn Michaels

    Shawn is out here to talk about Mania.  He runs down the card, bringing our attention to one particular match, because he and his arm are part of the history in that match.  Triple H comes out to reassure Shawn he knows what he’s doing, and he understands that Shawn was in the same spot Trips was in when Shawn retired.  Shawn says their perdicaments couldn’t be more different.  When Shawn lost his career-match, his opponent was just as heartbroken as him, because they had respect for each other.  Brock Lesnar respects nothing.  Triple H asks Shawn if he’s trying to talk him out of it.  Shawn tells him he’d better kick Lesnar’s ass.  Shawn will be in Triple H’s corner to make sure he does.  They get ready to give the crowd the “suck it,” chant, when Lesnar comes out w/Heyman.  Heyman lays it on the line.  Triple H had better get used to dissapointment.  At Mania, he will disapoint the fans, his best friend, his father-in-law, the board of directors and his wife…

    “…But she’s probably used to that.” – Paul Heyman

    Shawn and Hunter make the mistake of fighting from emotion, and that’s why Shawn had to retire, and that’s why Triple H will lose at Mania.

    WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT VS. ZACK RYDER

    Miz joins the announce team at ringside.  Ryder starts off strong, but Barrett takes control and beats him down.  On the outside, Barrett jaw-jacks w/Miz, giving Ryder an opening.  Ryder hits the “brosky-boot” for two, but Barrett takes over and ends this with the Bell-Hammer Elbow.

    Rytman Remark: Announce team spent the whole match trying to hard sell Miz as a threat to Barrett.  Came off pretty desperate.  Maybe Barrett might retain.

    Backstage: RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Gurerro and her assistant Brad Maddox are talking when Santino Morella walks in, telling them Vince McMahon is here tonight and he’s P-O’d about them.  “Bricki” get freaked, until Santino reveals it was just an “April Fools” joke.  Vicki orders Santino into the ring, as Maddox says we’ll see who the fool is.

    SANTINO MORELLA VS. MARK HENRY AND DO I EVEN HAVE TO BOTHER TYPING ANYTHING?

    We get a look at last week’s Smackdown when Henry attacked Ryback during their weight-lifting challenge.  Cole tells us this did not violate their “no-contact” clause because Henry never touched Ryback, he just tried to shove a set of weights into his throat.

    Rytman Remark: Are you fucking kidding me?

    Mark grabs Santino.  Santino threatens to bring out the Cobr-World’s Strongest Slam, three-count.

    “FEED ME MORE!”

    Ryback is out and in the ring.  Henry reminds him of the no-contact clause, and walks off with a smile.  Ryback responds by picking up Santino AND RAMMING HIM INTO HENRY.  He checks if Santino is okay, THEN HOISTS HIM UP AND GORILLA PRESS-SLAMS HIM ON TO HENRY.  BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT THE “GOOD GUY” DOES!

    We go to break with Jack Swagger giving Zeb a pep-talk before his match with Del Rio

    We come back to Matt Striker asking C.M. Punk if he’s disrespecting Paul Bearer’s memory…

    “A better question is DO I GIVE A DAMN?” – C.M. Punk

    Rytman Remark: I’ve been asking myself the same question.

    Punk actually shocks me for a second with a remark about Paul Bearer’s streak of waking up every morning, which has been broken.   He warns Taker that if he loses his temper, Punk will win by DQ.  If he takes his eyes off the prise, he just might get choked out.  If he loses focus, he just might be down one second too long.  Punk makes it clear all he wants is to win, and he will spit in faces and walk on graves to do it, so that whenever anyone thinks of Wrestle-Mania, the grandest stage of all, they will think of C.M. Punk.

    WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS. ZEB COULTER

    Before the break, we saw Swagger breaking the ankle of Ricardo Rodriguez, making this personal.  Ricardo intros ADR and Del Rio sends him to the back to be safe.  Just as the match is starting, Ricardo comes back out, refusing to leave.  Zeb hangs back, close to the ropes as Swagger stalks Ricardo.  Ricardo raises a crutch, but Zeb swipes it.  Swagger goes after the bad ankle, Del Rio kicks him down and saves Ricardo.  Zeb wails on Del Rio with the Crutch when Del Rio rolls back in.  Ref calls for the DQ as Swagger and Zeb beat down ADR with Ricardo’s crutches.  Ricardo tries to get involved but Swagger swats him down.

    Back from break, IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL……

    The Rock is out to make his big speech to the DC crowd.  Rock’s new movie, G.I. JOE: RETALLIATION is no.1 in the wold this week.  We’re reminded to “Tout” our opinions on who will win at Mania.

    Rock’s connection with the people is the only reason he’s standing in the middle of the ring right now.  This Sunday isn’t about redemption, it’s about the will of the people, specifically the will of the people to see John Cena get curb-stomped.  The will of the people can change the world, and maybe if the people will it, the Rock would have to live in this town, in the big white house up the road, and maybe…

    “We go from President Barack to President Rock!” – The Rock

    Rytman Remark: If that happens, I’m surrendering to China.

    The Rock makes it very clear that the only way Cena will get the Rock’s title, is if the Rock rolls it up into a ball, lights it on fire, and shoves it up Cena’s candy ass.

    Back from break, we get another look at Fandango attacking Jericho last week.

    BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!

    U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS. CHRIS JERICHO

    Seriously, you can tell they’re just going throught the motions until Fandango comes out.  It’s a basic back and forth with Jericho taking over with a hurra-con-rana off the top rope.  Cue Fandango and partner comming out.  The match comes to a dead stop as we go to break.

    Apparently, during the break, Fandango actually gave Jericho a “two” with a score-card.  Cesaro takes conrtol and spends a lot of time working the neck.  Cesaro dominates Jericho with brute force, but Jericho’s agility turns the tide.  Fandango walks to the ring, giving Jericho a “three.” Cesaro counters Jericho into the gut wrench, but Jericho comes back with high flying offense and takes out Fandango with a flying kick.  Jericho wins this with the “Walls Of Jericho” but Fandango attacks from behind.  He finishes Jericho off with the flying leg drop and gives us all the proper pronounciation of his name.

    “FAHN-DAHN-GOH!” – Fandango

    Jericho is left laying as Fandango and partner dance off.

    Up next is OUR MAIN EVENT…

    A promo…

    From THE UNDERTAKER!

    We come back to Touts.

    Rytman Remark: That’s pretty much all I have to say about it.

    The Funkadactyls are out w/Brodus and “Sweet T” for a Divas tag team match.  They do the entrance and go to break.

    Rytman Remark: You couldn’t just finish the commercials then start the match?

    THE FUNKADACTYLS (w/BRODUS/TENSAI) VS. THE BELLA TWINS  SISTERS (w/TEAM RHODES SCHOLLARS)

    And yes, we will get an eight-person mixed tag at Mania, Brodus, Sweet T, and the Funkadactyls vs. Team Rhodes Schollars and the Bellas.

    Naomi is the star of this match, carrying the workrate and spending most of it getting double-teamed.  The match is not as bad as it should be, but the Bellas are showing the ring rust.  The match consists of botched-spots and really should’ve been booked quicker.  Cameron tags in and comes off as the most capable of the girls.  The Bellas take it with a reversed roll-up as we go to break.

    The Undertaker is out.  Punk’s WWE title reign lasted over 400 days, but the pain he’s facing will last for eternity.  Taker realizes the streak may come to an end, but Punk won’t live to talk about it.  Suddenly, a group of torch-bearing, chanting druids enter.  Taker looks on in confusion.

    OH YES!!!

    PAUL HEYMAN STANDS ON TOP OF THE STAGE DRESSED AS PAUL BEARER!

    An enraged Undertaker goes after Heyman, then stops, realizing he’s been lead into a trap.  Taker unloads on the druids, but gets taken down from behind by the one he was looking for, C.M. Punk.  Punk beats down the Taker.  Taker reaches for the urn, but Punk has it, and uses it to beat the deadman down.

    Punk stands over the Taker, holding the urn.  He opens the urn… and pours the ashes inside all over the Taker.  He lets them spill through his fingers and throws them in Takers face.  RAW ends with C.M. Punk mocking the Undertakers classic pose, as the Taker lies beaten on the ramp.

    Rytman Remarks: Wow, I mean wow.  I was going to say this RAW was another auto-pilot show coasting into Mania until the end. 

    Now look, I know those weren’t Paul Bearer’s actual ashes.  I know it was part of the act.  It’s just… I think it was too much.  It just took me somewhere really uncomfortable.

    To be fair, they HAD to do something to get this show some momentum, but still, it just seems desperate. 

    I really do hope it pays off.

  2. Smackdown 08/17/12: A Better Go Home Show Than RAW

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    It’s Summerslam weekend (well, close enough). We’ll be running down the Summerslam card on BWF Radio this Sunday with some special guests. I’m announcing no one yet, because it’s going to be huge… and awesome. Tune in to “www.boredwrestlingfan.com or www.wonderpodonline.com on Sunday to check it out with plenty of time before the PPV.

    Pretty much the whole card has been announced. There’s even some last minute matches likely to be teased tonight and then cut for time on Sunday. I expect a holding pattern, and a whole bunch of clip packages. Maybe I’ll get through this in record time? Only one way to find out, let’s hop to it, shall we?

    (more…)

  3. BWF Radio Episode 30

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    Yes!  Yes!  Yes!  BWF Radio has reached episode number 30!  We rundown this week in wrestling (including NXT!), discuss Destination X, and pontificate on Kenny King’s wrestling career from this point on.  Also – What does Ken Doane have to say about Tara?  What do Kenny King and ROH say about each other?  Who knew Armando Estrada was under contract to the WWE?  Who’s left TNA?  Did a 95 pound girl top this week’s Power Poll (hint:  YES!)?  Tune in this week and find out!

    BoredWrestlingFan Radio Episode 30 (MP3, 2:00:40)

  4. BWF Radio Episode 28

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    ThinkSoJoE and G return for another week of BWF Radio!  Lots to talk about this week including the usual RAW, SmackDown, and Impact broadcasts, plus the debuts of NXT Season 6 and the brand new pro wrestling web show, The Underground.  In the news, TNA’s BaseBrawl events, more on Ken Doane on Cena & Orton, Jericho’s return, WWE’s stock prices, more on TNA and Scott Steiner, Lanny Poffo on his brother’s Hall of Fame status, potential RAW GMs, the whereabouts of Eric Young, John Laurinaitis’ WWE schedule, and more!  All this, plus a quick rundown of this week’s IWC Power Poll!  Tune in via the link below!

    BoredWrestlingFan Radio Episode 28 (MP3, 2:00:15)

  5. BWF Radio: Episode 27

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    That’s right folks, we’re back at it again, as Joe and G discuss this week’s pro wrestling programming, this week’s wrestling news with JT (via voicemail), and our rundown of the WWE No Way Out card!

    Don’t forget, folks, you too can leave us a voicemail by dialing 716-HOGAN-97 (716-464-2697)!  We’ll pick the best ones and air them on the show!

    BoredWrestlingFan Radio Episode 27 (MP3, 1:41:22)

  6. RYTMANS’ RAW RECAP

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    We open with the annual Memorial Day tribute montage to our armed forces, asking us to reflect on all we owe them.

    (Does that include health care and financial aid?)

    Our “prologue” if you will, is a recap of everything you know by now if you watch WWE programs.  Show double-crossed Cena at Over the Limit because no one felt sorry for him when he was humiliated and fired.

    Back in present time, the Big Show comes out in the Big Suit.  He points to the smile on his face and says that’s doing his job.  All those times he came out and made us smile was just business.  Now that he has an iron clad contract and a huge bonus, he doesn’t have to care about anybody but himself.  He claims there’s no one in his league;

    “No helmet, shoulder pad, 4 month out of the year, NFL player, no toothpick, noodle arm, NBA player, no Phony UFC fighter, and no one, in that locker room.”

    Show claims what really upset him was how easily we moved on without him.  Here we cut to a clip of Brodus Clay dancing with the ladies and kids.

    “MY TEARS WEREN’T EVEN DRY!” – Big Show.

    Apparently, we’re all shallow and phony to him, but the biggest disappointment was Cena not leading a mutiny in support of Big Show, how instead, he chose to mock Johnny Ace, and act like everything was a joke.

    “I guess that’s all I am; one big joke.” – Big Show.

    Show gives us a rundown of Cenas’ recent failures including the loss to Rock, the beating from Brock, and the loss to Johnny Ace, and promises to do all that and more to him at No Way Out.

    “And that put’s a Smile on my Face.” – Big Show.

    Punk vs. Bryan is announced while we watch Santino Morella get warmed up for his match with Alberto Del Rio.

    Commercials

    REWIND: LAST FRI, SMACKDOWN – Santino def. Ricardo Rodriguez.

    We come back to the action with Alberto Del Rio driving in one of his expensive cars as RR introduces him, while Santino “power walks” to the ring.

     

    Alberto Del Rio vs. U.S. heavyweight champion Santino Morella

    Del Rio Charges before the bell.

    Beats down Santino w/kicks to the legs and punches to the head.

    Front face lock by Del Rio as he takes him to the corner.

    Del Rio misses a charge into the corner.

    Santino w/a hip toss/diving head butt combo.

    Santino goes for the COBRA!

    Del Rio w/a kick to the torso, front face lock, float over into the cross arm-breaker.

    Santino taps out.

    WINNER; ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO!

    Rodriguez makes a point of shouting right in the face of Santino and rubbing it in.

    Backstage: We see Eve close up.  Alex Riley is with her, trying to sweet talk her into something when Big Show walks in.  Eve informs Show that Johnny Ace has authorized him to pick his own opponent for tonight and leaves.  Riley tries to make nice with the Show which results in Show sending a message to the whole locker room, by slamming Riley into the wall.

    Commercials

    Shot of Bourbon Street

    Up next is a WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH!

    Champs Kofi Kingston/R-Truth are out first.

    Vicki Guerrero comes out and starts with the “EXCUSE ME!” bit.

    Crowd shot: Sign -“There’s no excuse for you Vicki!”

    Vicki introduces Jack Swagger an Dolph Ziggler.

     

    Tag Team Title Match: R-Truth/Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger

     

    Swagger/Kofi each go in first.

    Collar-elbow lock up, into the corner.

    Swagger misses a charge.

    Kofi w/2 shots to the legs and a dropkick.

    Tag to R-Truth.

    There is a Double hip toss on Swagger.

    Truth w/a dance and a leg drop for a two count.

    Swagger whips Truth into the ropes.

    Truth hits the breaks and gives a shimmy.

    Swagger charges.

    Truth ducks.

    Swagger over and out to the floor.

    Ziggler runs in.

    Kick by Kofi connects with Ziggler.

    Double wrist lock/jumping snap kick to Ziggler.

    Double baseball slide kick sends Ziggler to the floor.

    Commercial

    Back from commercial.

    Swagger with a double arm hook on Kofi.

    Recap: During commercial, Ziggler distracts Kofi, Swagger hits a shoulder block, and Kofi hits the floor.

    Kofi fights off a double teaming, but is sent hard, back into the corner.

    Swagger w/shoulder blocks.

    Ziggler starts choking Kofi w/tag rope.

     

    Swagger w/a body slam to Kofi and tags Ziggler.

    Ziggler drops an elbow and gets 2 w/sloppy cover.

    Chin lock/arm bar on Kofi by Ziggler.

    Both men up.

    Kofi gets two hits.

    Ziggler kicks him into the corner, misses a charge.

    Ziggler gets a tag.

    Kofi makes a tag.

    R-truth hits Swagger with flying thrust kick, boot to the stomach, DDT for a 2 count.

    Ziggler makes the save.

    Truth launches Kofi up/over/into Swagger.

    Swagger tries a roll-up, for a 2 count.

    Swagger hoist Truth up, charges the corner.

    Truth slips behind.

    Swagger hits the corner.

    Truth jumps up, grabs his head, and pulls him face first to the canvas.

    Truth scores the 3 count.

    WINNERS/STILL CHAMPIONS: R-TRUTH/KOFI KINGSTON

    Ziggler is not happy.

    He tells off Vicki and Swagger and bolts.

    Backstage: Santino is walking hurt with some help when Show rolls up on him and grabs his face.  He teases calling out Santino as his opponent when Brodus Clay steps up and dares Show to pick him.  Show agrees.

    “Forget about dancing. You won’t even be walking.” – Big Show.

    Commercials

    Did you know? WWE’s “Be a Star” Campaign made it into the records in congress.

    Johnny Laurenitis  Larinitis Meningitis Ace, GM of both RAW and SMACKDOWN rolls out in his motorized wheelchair with David Otunga and Eve Torres in tow.  He introduces himself and announces he will now make several announcements.  Big Show will face Brodus Clay tonight, and at No Way Out, Cena vs. Big Show is now a CAGE MATCH.  Johnny claims to be “the most popular WWE superstar in history,” and talks about people wanting HIM on the cover of the new WWE 12 video game.  John pulls the cover off an easel to reveal his face beaming off the cover of the game box.

    “This Will Be Bigger Than Pac Man!” – Johnny Ace.

    We hit the song “Cult of Personality,” and here comes the WWE champion, C.M. Punk.  Punk hits the ring, and alls out Johnny on his bull-shinola.

    “Neither Pac Man nor you have ANY testicles whatsoever.” – C.M. Punk.

    Punk basically calls the formerly Dynamic Dude out of touch and reveals the TRUE face of WWE ’12.  We hit the fireworks and drop the canvas.  C.M. Punk stands cross armed, straight edged, and ready to fight on the cover of the new game.

    “Take the hoeski and Carlton and get outta my ring.” – C.M. Punk.

    Johnny, not wanting to incur the wrath of the B.O.D. ; simply limps out the ring with underlings in tow, while Punk trashes Johnny’s picture.

    Punk v. Bryan next

    Commercials

    Crowd Sign: YES!

    We come back with Punk in the ring and Bryan making the big entrance, while the announcers –Cole and King- bring up the recent unpleasantness with Kane and some folding chairs.

    Recap: Bryan attacking Kane w/Chair last Smackdown.

     

    WWE Champion C.M. Punk vs. Daniel Bryan

    Lock up.

    Bryan w/the wristlock into a side headlock, both men back into the ropes.

    Bryan hits a shoulder block off the ropes.

    Bryan shoots off the ropes, over Punk.

    Punk leapfrogs Bryan.

    Hip toss, arm drag, Punk w/the arm bar.

    Bryan gets up on his feet.

    Punk puts a wristlock on Bryan.

    Bryan rolls over/benches up, hooks Punk at the waist, takes him over with a suplex variation, into the arm bar.

    Bryan bends Punk’s hand backwards, presses it to the mat, stomps the elbow, and locks in a hammerlock.

    Punk elbows free, shoots off the ropes.

    Bryan goes down.

    Punk goes over.

    Bryan jumps up.

    Punk catches him, hits a reverse atomic drop, and a kick to the torso.

    Punk drops the knee five times and leg scissors Bryan.

    Punk ties up Bryans’ legs and gets him into the surfboard.

    Bryan rolls out, lands on Punk, 2 count.

    Punk sweeps the legs, gets a 2 count.

    Bryan hooks the legs, flips on top, and gets a 2 count.

    Punk bridges up. Both men struggle for a back slide.  Punk hoist Bryan up on his shoulder and drops him back first into the knee for a 2 count.

    Punk hooks Bryan into suplex position but drops him on the top rope.

    Punk moves in, Bryan grabs the arm and drops down, pulling the arm across the rope.

    Bryan hits a flying knee off the top rope and slide kicks Punk to the floor.

    Bryan dives, Punk side steps and hits a kick to the mid section.

    Punk hits a moonsault off the ropes onto Bryan.

    AJ comes to ringside.

    Commercial

    We return w/Punk putting the boots to Bryan in the corner.

    Replay: Bryan hits a flying knee on the outside.

    Punk tries a suplex, Bryan slips out, whips into the corner, reversal.  Bryan climbs the corner and flips over Punk, runs into Punks’ boot.  Punk misses a moonsault and lands hard.

    Bryan hits with a running charge/low dropkick, and works Punks’ arm.

    Punk fights back w/kicks, but Bryan hooks a wristlock and pulls the arm hard across his shoulder.

    Bryan goes “YES!” 3 times and scores a running dropkick into the corner, 2 count only.

    Punk hits some kicks but Bryan hooks the arm and takes Punk up/over w/a suplex for a 2 count.

    Bryan goes back on the arm.

    Punk gets 2 hits.  Bryan works the arm again but runs into a knee by Punk.

    Punk hits a charging forearm, shoots Bryan into the ropes.  He hits a jump-thrust kick for a two count.

    Punk scores a running knee lift in the corner, but Bryan shrugs off the bulldog attempt.

    Bryan misses a kick.  Punk gets 2 w/a roll up.

    Forearm twice by Bryan, reversed Irish whip, Punk up/over to the ring apron, shoulder block by Punk and a clothesline from the top rope for 2.

    Punk tries a flying elbow, but Bryan hits the rope and Punk drops crotch-first on the corner.

    Superplex by Bryan gets 2.

    Bryan heads to the corner and unties a turnbuckle.

    AJ gets up on the ring and tries to tell the ref.

    Bryan shouts at her, Punk scores a kick to the head for 2.

    Punk yells at AJ, charges Bryan, Bryan hoists him up, face-first into the exposed corner for a 3-count.

    Bryan celebrates until Kane attacks him w/a chair.  He choke slams Bryan out.

    AJ throws Punk a chair, Punk fights off Kane.

     

    WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN. (YES! YES! YES!)

    Backstage-Eve sends Teddy for some coffee while Johnny Ace berates her and Otunga.  He points out that Otunga taped out in 10 seconds to the STF, while Johnny took two at the last ppv. He berates Eve for not getting Sheamus to apologize to him. He threatens to stay on the job another 20 years and Eve spits her coffee on Teddy.  That’s more of my attention than it deserves.

     

    More commercials

     

    I-C Champion Christian vs. Miz (surprise!)

    Lock up.

    Miz w/a knee, gets a side headlock.

    Christian shoots him off the ropes.

    Christian ducks down.

    Miz goes over.

    Christian w/a flying shoulder block.

    Christian w/a boot to the mid-section, sunset flip off the top rope.

    Miz rolls out and hits a kick to the face for a 2.

    Miz takes Christian face first into the corner. He beats him down w/a knee and punching.

    Miz walks back, and hits a charging leap clothesline.

    Miz scores a double ax-handle for a 2 count.

    Chin lock by Miz.

    Christian fights out, but Miz scores his reverse face lock, knee drop, neck breaker combo for 2.

    Miz drops down on Christians’ back and works a chin lock.

    Christian fights his way to his feet, Miz takes him to the corner. Miz hits 2 shoulder blocks and sets Christian up on the corner. Christian fights him back and scores a missle drop kick for 2.

    Christian springs over the top rope, hits a shot to face on Miz.

    Christian climbs the corner, hops over Miz and scores a reverse DDT.

    Christian tries a spear, but eats a boot to the face, Miz gets 2.

    Miz wails on Christian in the corner, Christian hits a double kick to the face, and a flying elbow from the top rope.

    Christian gets distracted by Cody Rhodes, Miz gets 2 w/a roll up.

    Christian goes to the corner and hits a kick to the midsection. He hops up on the corner ropes but Miz grabs an ankle and pulls.

    Christian hits the mat face first.

    Miz tries for the “Skull Crushing Finale,” Christian reverses it into a “Killswitch” attempt, but Miz shoves him into the corner.

    Miz misses a charge and hits the corner.  Christian hits the Killswitch and gets the 3.

    More Commercials

    We’re back, and Miz is peeved about not being treated like a star.  He’s not leaving the ring until…

    Cue Randy Orton.

    Orton hits the RKO and basks in the cheers.

    Backstage: Dolph thinks he should be getting cheers like Orton.  He wants out of his tag team with Ziggler.  Vicky will see what she can do.

    Next: Sheamus v. Otunga.

    Before the next break, we get a special Memorial Day voice over message from John Cena.  It’s basically an elaborate “thank you,” to our Armed Forces for their service.  I agree with the sentiment, I just think it’s a little bit pandering to have Cena be the only one to do it.

     

    Commercial

     

    We come back to David Otunga making his entrance to a round of boos.  Sheamus comes out next.

     

    World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus vs. David Otunga

    Otunga charges in strong w/kicks and punches, but Sheamus fires back.

    Sheamus tries a whip, Otunga reverses it, but a hip-toss attempt is met w/ a clothesline.

    Otunga rolls out.

    Sheamus goes after Otunga.  Otunga pulls Sheamus neck first into the rope.

    Otunga charges, Sheamus scoops him up into a slam attempt.

    Otunga slides down, and sends Sheamus into the corner.  Otunga hits a solid clothesline for a 1 count.

    Otunga hooks the head and peppers Sheamus on the chest with clubbing shots.

    Otunga shoots off the ropes and hits a low shoulder block. Otunga makes 3 pin attempts in a row, but never gets more than 2.

    Otunga takes Sheamus to the corner and works him over w/knees and clubbing forearms. He flexes for the crowd.

    Otunga whips Sheamus into the corner, Sheamus bounces back with an axe-handle smash, then another. He sends Otunga over the top rope, Otunga hangs on.  Sheamus clubs his chest with forearm shots. He pulls Otunga in and hits the “white noise.”

    Sheamus ends this with the “Brogue kick” and a 3 count.

     

    Crowd Shot: Kid rocking The Sheamus look.

     

    FUNKASAURUS up next

     

    Commercial: ECW Unreleased, vol.1

     

    Madagascar 3 – interest 0

     

    Recap: Over The Limit – Big Show’s betrayal, and subsequent sucker punch on Cena.

    We have the intro –you know the drill.

    Funkasaurs, Funkateers, Funka-dactyls, and I go Funk myself.

    The announcers remind us Brodus is 22 and 0 so far in his run.

    Big Show comes out. He claims to be a fan, and compares embarrassing things he’s done (sumo match at mania in a diaper,) to Brodus doing embarrassing things every night. He suggests Brodus get some make-up/a wig and be the new Doink.

    “The Difference btw you and Doink, Doink actually had talent.” – Big Show.

    Brodus dares Show to step up.  Show responds with a spear that shakes the arena (or at least a cameraman.) And from that point on, it’s pretty much a mugging.  The Funkasaurs is bitchified all over the arena floor while his backup dancers stand scared in the ring.  Kofi and R-Truth run out to try a save, but Show tosses Kofi into R-Truth and resumes the battering with a piece of the announcers table.  Show brutalizes Truth.  Kofi gets a big kick in, but gets sent through the Barricade.  Truth gets sent to the stairs.  WMD to Clay and Show leaves 3 men down.

    Raw ends with Johnny Ace raising the Show’s hand, up on the stage.

     

    RYTMANS’ RESPONSE: Ya know, at this point, I like it when a show goes on autopilot like this.  We get more actual wrestling, and interview segments that actually go somewhere (for the most part.) However, right now, I’d like to address all the people who were complaining that WWE wasn’t giving the Punk/Bryan program enough attention.

    ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!? WE GOT KANE AND AJ BOTH SHOVED INTO THIS!  ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WWE PAYS ATTENTION TO SOMETHING WE LIKE!  ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!?

    For the record, I can’t hate on Kane or AJ, and I’m good with them making a check.  I just don’t know why we have to pile on sub-plots to a story we’re happy with.

    Show was awesome tonight, and actually got the crowd chanting big for Cena.  Show makes an awesome monster heel, mainly because he‘s got charisma and personality peppered into his rage.

    Side Note: I’m actually wondering if any of that stuff he said about being treated like a joke was a shoot.

    Side-Side Note: BOD = Board of Directors

     

    So, there’s my first ever official RAW recap.  Hope you like it.