Hello folks, it is I, ThinkSoJoE, covering SmackDown for G, who was unavailable to cover the show this evening. He was, however, kind enough to supply me with a bunch of animated GIFs and witty captions. So, here we go, as G would say, it’s hopping time!
I watch this show as it airs every other week and live tweet it. This was not one of those weeks. So now I’m watching on DVR and typing about what happens in a semi-factual way.
I didn’t watch this PPV, and I’m refusing to. At first, I was refusing to watch because of the whole “submission matches without primarily submission wrestlers” thing. Now there’s another reason, but I’ll get to that at the end.
Chris Jericho & The Big Show def. MVP & Mark Henry to retain the Unified WWE Tag Team Championships. As if we didn’t see that coming.
Kofi Kingston def. The Miz to retain the WWE United States Championship. And the point of that was?
Legacy def. DX in a Submissions Count Anywhere match. Really? Wow! There’s some credibility for the two young guys there – which will no doubt be destroyed by Hell In A Cell next month.
Kane def. The Great Khali in a Singapore Cane Submission match. And people actually paid for this?
Christian def. William Regal to retain the ECW Championship. By Pinfall. On a submission themed Pay Per View. Where the main events are all supposed to be submission matches. In the ECW main event. Yup.
John Cena def. Randy Orton in an I Quit Match to win the WWE Championship. Great. Now we have to deal with Cena as the champion again.
The Undertaker def. CM Punk to win the World Heavyweight Championship – but wait, there’s more!
Teddy Long came out and announced the the Hell’s Gate submission was still technically banned, so the match had to be restarted…
CM Punk def. The Undertaker to retain the World Heavyweight Championship. Punk reversed a Last Ride into an Anaconda Vise, and the referee immediately called for the bell. Punk and the referee then bolted up the ramp to where Teddy Long was standing. Yes folks, another rehash of the Montreal Screwjob.
You know what, I’m sick of this crap. Every time the WWE is in Canada, they have to do some kind of screwjob angle. 2003 in Montreal with The Rock and Hulk Hogan. A few years back with Shane McMahon and Shawn Michaels. Look. The Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels thing happened in November of 1997. That’s nearly 12 years ago. The fact is, that wasn’t a storyline – that was real, or as they say in the business, a “shoot.” That pissed off a lot of people because Bret Hart was loved by the fans – especially the Canadian fans – and was legitimately screwed out of the WWF Championship. I get it, wink wink, nudge nudge, we screwed the fan favorite in Canada. It’s getting old. I get where you’re coming from with it, but enough is enough.
I also hate the whole gimmick PPV thing. John Cena, Randy Orton, The Undertaker, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Ted DiBiase, Cody Rhodes, The Great Khali, and Kane are not names that spring to mind when you mention submission wrestling to me. And next month is Hell in a Cell. Because a John Cena/Randy Orton Hell in a Cell main event makes any sense. Really, to have, at the very least, two Hell in a Cell matches in one Pay Per View sort of diminishes the significance of the match. Same with the TLC Pay Per View coming up in December. These type of matches should be kept to one per year, maximum, and the guys in the matches should be guys who specialize in them. Undertaker or Triple H in Hell in the Cell, for example, or Edge, Christian, or Matt Hardy in TLC.
Given the lack of anything decent or new on the card, and the oh so cliche Montreal Screwjob ending, I’m glad I didn’t waste either my time or my money on this PPV.
Alrighty then…let’s get retarded!
Match 1: Kane vs Jimmy Wang Yang
Holy Crap! We have a Jimmy Wang Yang sighting. Kane totally destroys him, but he got tv time.
Match 2: Yoshi Tatsu vs Shaemus
Shaemus is becoming one of my favorites! This guy is huge and good, which usually doesn’t happen. Sheamus gets the win.
Match 3: Katie Lea vs Nikki Bella…or is it Bre?
The Bella’s use the ole switcharoo and Bre ends up pinning Katie Lea.
Match 4: Dolph Ziggler vs Slam Master J
Dolph gets the win here. Slam Master J would have been great in 2 Cool, but now his gimmick is terrible. He needs to restart the Freebirds. Why did the IC Title match get scrapped for Breaking Point?
Main Event: The Miz and Jack Swagger vs Kofi Kingston and Primo
The Miz gets the pin in this one. The Miz and Swagger should be main eventing PPVs by now.
Breaking Point Predictions:
US Title: The Miz defeats Kofi Kingston
Tag Titles: JeriShow defeats MVP and Mark Henry
Singapore Cane Match: Kane defeats Khali
Submissions count anywhere Match: Legacy defeats DX
WWE Title I Quit Match: John Cena defeats Randy Orton
World Heavyweight Title: Undertaker defeats CM Punk via DQ