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Ah, SmackDown.  I didn’t think I’d be reviewing this show anymore, but it just keeps coming back to me.  Truth be told, I love covering the blue brand – Josh Matthews makes stupid faces, Matt Striker makes cool comments, and I don’t really have to wait for the show to come on to do my review.  Yes folks, it’s 8AM on Friday, March 5th, and I’m here to review WWE Friday Night SmackDown!

Alright, it’s 8PM as I type this, so screw it, let’s get started!

Last Sunday: Chris Jericho won the World Heavyweight Championship, with a little help from, of all people, Shawn Michaels.

The World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Jericho is here, and this past Monday, Edge speared him and confirmed that the Rated R Superstar would be his opponent on the Grandest Stage of them All.  In case the big belt over his shoulder doesn’t give it away, he tells us he’s the World Heavyweight Champion.  He even reads the belt.  “Chris Jericho – World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.”  Last Monday was his inauguration ball, a chance for us to bask in his successes, but it was taken away from him by Edge, and he didn’t deserve it.

You think you know me…

For the second time this week, Edge interrupts Jericho.  He hates to do this, but he’s got to congratulate Jericho.  He walked into the Elimination Chamber and walked out the World Heavyweight Champion.  Jericho says it’s because he’s the best in the world at what he does.  Edge says he’s the best in the world at getting speared by Edge.  Edge lists Jericho’s achievements with the word “spear” attached at the end of each.  Edge feels the spears aren’t just getting to Jericho physically, they’re getting to him mentally as well.  He see’s doubt in Jericho’s eyes. Jericho doesn’t think he can beat him.  Jericho says of course he can beat Edge.  Edge says he’s in Jericho’s head all nightmare long – hooray for a Metallica reference from Edge!  He wants Jericho to live up to what he says, that he’s the best in the world at what he does.  If he doesn’t, guess what’s going to happen.  The crowd chants “spear.”  Edge says they’re right.  One more spear, and it’s all over.  Jericho says Edge will never spear him again, and suckerpunches him.  Edge sells it, and Jericho goes for the Codebreaker, but Edge holds on to the ropes – then spears Jericho once again.

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@PrettySlimMont  Damn Jericho….u got speared….again! #wwe smackdown #bwf

@mrsmysterio619 ouch what a spearr .

@xSmootx #Smackdown Definitely looking forward between Edge/Jericho at mania, great segment. #SpearisthenextGOREGOREGORE

WRESTLEMANIA XXVI: 30 Days Away!

We’ve got a Money In The Bank qualifier about to take place as the sounds of AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” ring out through the arena.  Who’s participating?

Now listen, this ain’t no make believe…

The Shaman Of Sexy, John Morrison, had an impressive showing his past Sunday in the Elimination Chamber, and now has a chance to go to WrestleMania as part of the Money In The Bank ladder match.  Standing in his way?

I am perfection…

Dolph Ziggler has an opportunity to make his mark on WrestleMania, but we’re not done with the participants in this match…

What’s up… if you feel me, stand up and say what’s up…

R-Truth is accompanied by his NXT rookie, David Otunga, and we’re set for triple threat action, the winner going on to WrestleMania XXVI as part of the Money In The Bank Ladder Match.

Dolph Ziggler def. John Morrison and R-Truth to qualify for the Money In The Bank Ladder Match

Ziggler’s strategy is to let Morrison and Truth beat each other up, but they’re not having any of that.  They go out after him, beat him up a bit, and toss him back out.  R-Truth gets to show off his athleticism, but Ziggler breaks up the first pin attempt and bails.  Morrison gets a two count as well with Ziggler breaking up the pin once again.  He eats a clothesline for his trouble.  Morrison gets dumped to the outside, and then Truth dumps Ziggler to the floor right by the feet of David Otunga.  Truth hits a suicide dive, then rolls Ziggler back in the ring.  Morrison keeps Truth on the outside, and scores a two count on Ziggler, then we go to a…

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@Lucks4Losers  Totally wanna see Truth’s rookie do Truth’s entrance lol #WWE #Smackdown

@jenrae73 #BWF  #Smackdown Which one will win? Larry,Curly or JoMo? Ha!

@JamesLovely  #wwe  am i the only person that cannot stand R truths theme song or catchphrase? I wish he would just hurry up and turn heel already

@TheKingOfImpact  So now that David Otunga is in #WWE I betta not see Jennifer Hudson in no storylines. The only thing she needs to do is sing at Wrestlemania

Ziggler is surprisingly in control when we come back, managing to fight off both Truth and Morrison.  Both Truth and Morrison at different points score with a rollup on Ziggler but have their pin broken up by the other.  Ziggler breaks up a pin attempt by Truth on Morrison.  Truth goes for the Lie Detector on Ziggler, who ducks, and it’s Morrison who takes the move, but Truth only scores a two count.  Ziggler gets rid of Truth and tries to cover Morrison but still only scores a two.  All three men start battling on the top rope, and Ziggler crash lands on the outside.  Truth goes for a Superplex on Morrison, who blocks and counters with a sunset flip powerbomb, and follows it up with Starship Pain, but Ziggler pulls Morrison out and picks up the pinfall on Truth – Dolph Ziggler is going to WrestleMania!

Christian and Dolph Ziggler are the only qualifiers thusfar for the Money In The Bank ladder match at WrestleMania XXVI

Promo: Please DO NOT Try this at home.

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@jaydubshow  Dolph Ziggler is going to WrestleMania! Money in the bank baby! #MITB #WWE Hope Morrison gets another shot though

@thumbscrews  Just saw #HulkHogan in a Rent-a-Center commercial. How the mighty have fallen. #WWE  #TNA

@Jason_Sherman  I wonder what kind of shampoo JoMo uses…his hair is always looking shiny. #wwe  #smackdown

Editor’s note:  I actually saw that Hogan/Rent-a-Center commercial earlier.  Surprised the hell out of me to see him in that – but it’s great promotion for TNA for fans who may not realize what he’s been up to and may think to look him up on the internet.

Video: Shawn Michaels challenges The Undertaker and ultimately convinces him to accept.

It’s Career vs. Streak at WrestleMania, but up next, it’s the WWE Women’s Championship on the line, with special guest referee Vickie Guerrero!

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@ivanpek009  This video package is pretty awesome #WWE #Smackdown

@Stythis1788  Brilliant video of Michaels and Taker #wwe. Sheer brilliance

@BrookCallaway This HBK/Taker match is driving me nuts…I dont know who to cheer for. Damn them.

Vickie Guerrero gets the Jeff Jarrett treatment – no music as she makes her entrance.  She’s our guest referee in this WWE Women’s Championship match.  The challenger is out first, which shouldn’t be shocking, but it is.  Michelle McCool is accompanied by Layla.  Mickie James is the WWE Women’s Champion, and she’s accompanied by the WWE Women’s Championship belt.

Michelle McCool def. Mickie James to become the NEW WWE Women’s Champion

Todd Grisham fumbles over the name of the company he works for as this match starts.  Michelle starts off on offense but it doesn’t last long.  Mickie battles back and drops Michelle.  She makes a cover, but Layla gets up on the apron, and Vickie stops to tell her to get down.  Mickie dumps Michelle to the outside and hits a baseball slide, followed up by a Hurricanrana.  Mickie slams Michelle’s face into the barricade and is rolling until Layla gets involved, distracting Mickie.  Michelle takes over, bouncing Mickie’s head off of the ring apron as Beth Phoenix watches on a monitor backstage.  Michelle goes for a powerbomb, but Mickie reverses into another hurricanrana, but her advantage doesn’t last long, and Michelle hits a belly to belly suplex.  She goes for the cover but Vickie falls out of the ring.  Mickie rolls up Michelle but Vickie slaps her in the face.  Michelle boots Mickie in the face and covers her for the pinfall victory and the WWE Women’s Championship.

Up next, it’s another Money In The Bank qualifying match as Kane takes on the Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre!

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@SpenceSupreme #WTF Vickie fell out the ring, gets back in and screws Mickie. Wow #WWE

@prettyheartless Peace out Mickie James. I’m calling it.

@jeterfan28 DREW IS ON NEXT!!!! He could be IC champ as well as potential MITB contender!

“Thunderstruck” rings out again, despite the fact that the official theme song for WrestleMania is some song by Kevin Rudolph that I didn’t bother catching the name of.  The Big Red Machine, Kane makes his way to the ring, and he’ll have a chance to go to WrestleMania.  Drew McIntyre’s awesome new entrance plays, and the Intercontinental Champion comes out with a microphone in his hand.  He stops at the top of the ramp and reminds us that he’s undefeated.  Nobody in the WWE has been able to beat him, not even Kane.  He proved it last Sunday when he beat Kane at the Elimination Chamber.  After he beats him tonight, he’ll win Money In The Bank, and the prophecy will be fulfilled.  He’ll be the Intercontinental Champion, the World Heavyweight Champion, and still undefeated.

Kane def. Drew McIntyre to qualify for the Money in The Bank Ladder Match

Kane aggressively attacks McIntyre to start the match.  McIntyre mounts a comeback and starts to aggressively attack Kane, and this match has essentially degraded into a brawl.  McIntyre locks in a front facelock – whaddya know, a wrestling hold.  Kane powers out of the hold and starts throwing punches, then clotheslines in the corner before dropping McIntyre with a sidewalk slam for a two count.  Kane goes to the top rope, but McIntyre gets out of the way, then hits a ZigZag like move, which confuses Grisham into calling McIntyre “Ziggler.”  Kane gets up and goes for a chokeslam, but McIntyre avoids it.  Kane hits a big boot and gets a two count.  McIntyre goes for the FutureShock, but Kane powers out of it.  Kane boots McIntyre in the skull and picks up the pinfall victory.  Kane is going to WrestleMania!

McIntyre gets up and realizes that he’s not going to WrestleMania.  He looks up at the Money In The Bank briefcase, then flips out, yelling something that I can’t quite make out at Matt Striker.

So now the Money In The Bank match will feature Christian, Kane, and Dolph Ziggler.

The Miz has something to say, and that’s NEXT!

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@RizzIUP Kane wins w/ a kick to the head #WWE

@Miss_Dani_Baby Take it easy McIntyre you don’t want to lose your job

@txgirl0302 I don’t like Drew McIntyre but dammit I like his theme music.

It’s finally confirmed that “Thunderstruck” is one of the WrestleMania themes this year, though they said it’s off the Iron Man 2 soundtrack…

The Unified WWE Tag Team and United States Champion, The Miz is here with a microphone in his hand.  He can come to any show he wants because he’s one half of the Unified Tag Team Champions, yet he and The Big Show still don’t have a match at WrestleMania.  Miz asks Teddy Long to find ShoMiz a suitable tag team, so that they can prove they’re the most dominant team in the WWE.  Miz doesn’t care who it is, or whether or not he and The Big Show need to come back to SmackDown or not.  He just wants to have his WrestleMania moment, because he’s The Miz, and he’s AWESOME!  Teddy Long says he’ll take it under advisement.  Since Big Show isn’t here, they can’t do a tag team match, but The Miz is here, so we can have a singles match.  Miz says he’s not scared of anybody, bring it on.  Teddy Long announces that the match for later tonight will be The Miz taking on Edge!

Up next, it’s Shelton Benjamin in action as he takes on the Straight Edge Superstar, CM Punk in a Money In The Bank qualifier!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@AndorranRef25  The Miz is AWESOME! He’s come a LONG WAY since signing w/ #WWE. He has Personality and AWESOME promo skills. Miz Vs. Edge should be good.

@Rage_Grenade  @mikethemiz  looks like an AWESOME BEAST with those 3 Title Belts. #WWE  #Smackdown

@youdontknowmel  Miz vs edge?! Miz vs edge?! Dreams DO come true!! #wwe

Smack of the Night: Last year’s Money In The Bank match.

CM Punk is looking to three-peat in Money In The Bank matches, but first, he’s got to qualify.  He’s accompanied to the ring, of course, by the Straight Edge Society of Luke Gallows and Serena.  His opponent tonight is returning to SmackDown after spending a lot of time on ECW, and quite frankly…

AIN’T NO STOPPIN’ (HIM) NOW!

Shelton Benjamin is back on SmackDown!

Shelton Benjamin def. CM Punk to qualify for the Money In The Bank Ladder Match.

Benjamin gets the early advantage in this one, and Punk bails from the ring to catch a breather.  When he gets back in, he takes over.  Benjamin starts to battle back, using his slight edge in quickness to his advantage, but Punk battles back.  Shelton fights off a bulldog attempt, and Gallows climbs up on the apron, distracting Benjamin.  Rey Mysterio pulls Gallows off the apron, distracting Punk, and Benjamin hits PayDirt for the victory!  Shelton Benjamin is going to WrestleMania!

Matt Striker says “A pessimist’s blood type is always B negative.”  I like that line.

Still to come, it’s Edge taking on The Miz!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@Kevin4theWin  So Shelton wins his MITB qualifier with help from Rey Mysterio. #WWE #Smackdown. They should have let Shelton win clean in my opinion.

@Narcissism100  My Straightedge Savior is here CM Punk far better than the Impure Shelton Benjamin. Accept StraightEdge into your life it will save u. #WWE

@wrestlingaddict  AWESOME!!!!!! Loving that Shelton won, Can’t have a MITB match without Shelton! But it should have been a CLEAN win! #WWE

RAW Rebound: John Cena is angry, but he’s going to WrestleMania to face Batista

We get a rundown of the WrestleMania card thusfar.  Pretty solid so far – John Cena vs. Batista, Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho vs. Edge…

Speaking of Edge…

You think you know me…

The number one contender for the World Heavyweight Champion is here and he’s set for action against the WWE United States Champion, The Miz!  SmackDown is about to get AWESOME!  The Miz makes his way out to the ring, and we head to a…

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@Kevin4theWin  Hmm somehow I don’t see this Main Event lasting the full 18 mins. My guess they take a commercial break during Miz Intro #WWE #Smackdown

@iObscurity  My money’s on Edge. Jus’ sayin’.

@_onwiththeshow  @mikethemiz  holyshit, bro, you do cleveland proud. if we can’t have team titles, at least you can carry all those belts. (:

Edge def. The Miz

This is the first time EVER that Edge and The Miz are in the ring together.  Surprisingly, they start off by, y’know, actually wrestling.  Edge gets the better of the early exchanges, frustrating The Miz.  Edge starts playing mind games with The Miz, getting the United States Champion to chase him around, then catching him and slamming him spine first into the barricade on the outside.  Edge actually outquicks The Miz, but The Miz finally catches Edge, slamming him face first into the steel ring post and sending him crashing to the floor, and us crashing into…

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

@StevenPhilNYY  watching the end of Smackdown. Just me or does Edge look like he did when he broke into the WWE? Skinnier brood form #WWE #Smackdown

@guitardude83  Haha.SpearSpearSpearSpearSpear lmao that’s good stuff #wwe

@SESociety: #WWE has bigger and better plans for our savior.

The Miz is in control as we come back, wearing Edge down with submissions and strikes.  Miz climbs the ropes, but Edge catches him and flapjacks him into the canvas, turning the tide back into his favor as Daniel Bryan watches from backstage.  Edge nails the Edgecution for a two count.  Miz nails a combination backbreaker/reverse DDT for two.  He goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Edge reverses it into the Impaler DDT.  Edge backs into the corner and sets up for, then nails, the Spear, picking up the victory.

Edge celebrates as SmackDown goes off the air.

It’s the last stop before the Elimination Chamber – what’s to become of John Morrison’s spot if he’s unable to compete?  That’s all I got.  I’m still half asleep.  Anyways, it’s Friday (for another 10 minutes as of the time I’m typing this very sentence), and I’ve got SmackDown fired up and ready to go!

Holy crap, it’s a trifecta of ThinkSoJoE goodness this week!  Perhaps I’ll do a “ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts” column this weekend and make it four!  I do have a lot to talk about this week, so that’s always a possibility.  Anyways, I watched SmackDown earlier, and hadn’t gotten online to get the message that Drow wouldn’t be here this week until just now, so I’ll do my best to relate to you what happened on tonight’s show.  And if my memory is fuzzy, there’s always YouTube…

I apologize for this review going up late.  Usually our SmackDown reviews are up way earlier than this but unforeseen circumstances have pushed it back.  Alright, let’s go!

I have no idea of what’s supposed to be going on this week on SmackDown, though I’m sure it will involve the Unified Tag Team Champions Jeri-Show, and the World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker as they get set for their triple threat match at Survivor Series.  So screw it, let’s dive right in!

Well, as you guys may or may not know, Friday was both JT’s and my birthday.  That said, I missed SmackDown on TV this week.  Luckily, I never actually watch SmackDown on TV, so that’s not a problem.  I’ve get the show cued up and ready to go, so once again I’ll be giving quick thoughts on everything as we go along!

I was sick yesterday and I’m just now sitting down to watch SmackDown. So we’re gonna do things a little differently this week – I’m going to watch the show, and I’ll post my thoughts and the match results afterwards. Ready? Here we go.

WWE SmackDown Episode 533: “I Walk Alone”

Teddy Long shows up in his limo and looks paranoid after what he did to The Undertaker this past Sunday at Breaking Point.  He surrounds himself with security and asks them to stick close to him.

The SmackDown video plays, and we’re on our way!

Batista is here.  Great.  He chose to be on SmackDown, and he can’t wait to get started.

BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!

Chris Jericho is here to save this segment.  He says Batista makes him sick.  He calls him an injury prone loser like Edge.  He tells Batista that Jericho is the true face of SmackDown, and that everybody knows it.  A lot has changed since Batista’s been gone, and he’s been gone a long time, and Jericho is now the man on this show.  Batista says to be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man.  He says they’ll have a chance to catch up, because tonight, Jericho has a match against Batista.  The Animal promptly hits a spinebuster on Jericho.

Jericho asks Big Show backstage where he was.  Big Show says that Jericho wanted to do it by himself.  Jericho says he’ll do it by himself and tells Show to wait backstage.  Show tells him to relax.

Still to come, an interview with Scott Armstrong.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Dolph Ziggler is sitting in on commentary, and the WWE Intercontinental Champion, John Morrison makes his way to the ring for action.  His opponent will be Mike Knox, who gives us a lesson on Restless Leg Syndrome.

John Morrison def. Mike Knox

SmackDown always has the best wrestling of the week.  This match, no exception.  Morrison picks up the win with the Starship Pain.

Morrison takes the mic after the match and he says he hopes Dolph had a good time playing footsie with Todd Grisham (who is awesome on the new SmackDown 10th Anniversary DVD).  He says does the Mr. Ziggles bit again, and it’s way less funny this week.  The fans aren’t getting behind it as much, either.

Todd Grisham and JR show us footage from Breaking Point.  Meaning, if you paid for it, you should be pissed off because they just showed the only important part of the whole show on free television.  Anyways, Josh Matthews asks Armstrong why he did what he did.  He says he answered to somebody in a position much higher than the one he’s at.  He was asked to do something he knew was wrong, and something he’s not proud of.  He makes no excuses, he did what he had to do to keep his job.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Batista vs. Chris Jericho will be our main event tonight, but for now, here’s somebody that Batista’s allegedly slept with, Melina!  Her opponent, the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool, limps to the ring.

Michelle McCool def. Melina

Justin Roberts did not announce this as a Triple Threat.  Anyhow, Michelle is aggressive in this one, but it’s not enough as Melina picks up the victory with a rolling powerbomb.

Teddy Long is backstage with his security force when Mr. McMahon walks in.  The Chairman excuses the security team and he wonders again where his picture was.  He enjoyed the surprise of Batista coming to SmackDown.  He doesn’t seem so impressed with what he came up with for Breaking Point.  He wants to know why T-Lo double crossed The Undertaker.  McMahon wants an explanation, and it’d better be the right one.  In fact, he owes the WWE Universe an answer.  He sends Long to the ring and tells him he’ll be waiting back in his office.  He asks if Long has any idea what The Undertaker is going to do to him.  Long heads to the ring.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Theodore Long is flanked by security as he heads to the ring to offer up an explanation as to why he screwed The Undertaker at Breaking Point.  Long welcomes Batista back to SmackDown.  He then admits that all of this was pre-planned.  It was pre-planned to prevent The Undertaker from becoming the World Heavyweight Champion.  Long isn’t going to say that he’s proud of what he did, because he’s not.  He’s not going to say that he’s not afraid of The Undertaker, because he is.  He knows that The Undertaker may show up here sometime tonight, which is why he’s surrounded himself with security.  He’s not the only one involved, Scott Armstrong and CM Punk were in on it too.  Long knows how he feels about this conspiracy, and he’d like to tell us why he did what he did.  You see, he’s got a family to take care of.  Times are tough, and he can’t let them down.  He’s too old to learn to do something new, so therefore, he’d like to apologize for his actions.  The crowd boos.  He says he’d like to apologize to the WWE Universe, and he’d like to apologize to each and every one of the fans.  He’d especially like to apologize to The Undertaker.  One last thing.  He hopes that The Undertaker can find it in his heart to forgive him.  Long leaves with his security in tow.

Backstage, the security team hears noises as they walk Long to his limo.  Long gets in and tells the drive he’s ready to go.  The doors lock, the privacy window rolls down, and The Undertaker says “Buckle up, Teddy” as smoke and lightning fill the back of the limo.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK> – if you’re in the Buffalo area, MyNetwork TV is giving away tickets to Monday Night RAW in a “watch and win” sweepstakes.  Yes, it’s possible to win – I won last week!

CM Punk, the World Heavyweight Champion is here, and he has a microphone.  He says, “I told you so.”  Punk says he’s the only man who ever made The Undertaker tap out.  Which isn’t true.  Watch the Angle/Undertaker match on the SmackDown DVD.  Punk admits he’s been preaching, because the people need a good preaching to.  He then goes on a tirade about drugs.  He calls everybody a liar, and says he’s a prophet, the choice of a new generation, a champion everybody can be proud of, the first and only straight edge World Heavyweight Champion in history.  If you’re not Straight Edge like Punk, that means he’s better than you.

Still to come, Batista vs. Chris Jericho!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

The Great Khali vs. Kane is still to come, but right now, it’s Cryme Tyme.  Did I fall asleep and miss the good matches on SmackDown and wake up on Monday?  Their opponents are from Canada, which happens to be where SmackDown is, so they’re getting cheered – they’re the Hart Dynasty!

The Hart Dynasty vs. Cryme Tyme

I swear if the Harts lose tonight, I’m done with WWE.  Luckily, Kidd hit the Blockbuster on JTG and picked up the victory, so it hasn’t come to that.

Melina is looking trashy as ever backstage when she walks into the Divas locker room, which is plastered with pictures of Dolph Ziggler helping Michelle McCool last week.  Maria says she’s sure Dolph has a logical explanation and wonders why Melina wouldn’t come to her with this instead of plastering pictures all over the wall.  Melina tries to explain that she didn’t do it, but Maria walks away.

Still to come, Batista vs. Jericho, but up next, Kane vs. Khali.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

The Great Khali is out first for this next abomination of a professional wrestling match.  Kane follows, and we’re underway.

Kane vs. The Great Khali

Kane knocked Khali out with a chair.

After the bell, Kane used the steel steps to completely destroy Khali’s knee.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

WWE Smack of the Week: Drew McIntyre destroying R-Truth over the last few weeks.

Charlie Haas is on non-entrance jobber duty.  R-Truth’s music plays, but Drew McIntyre comes out instead.  He says R-Truth had an accident in the backstage area and can’t compete.  He declare Haas the winner by forfeit.  Haas shakes his hand, and then gets attacked and dropped with a double armed DDT.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Batista def. Chris Jericho

Jericho went for a Codebreaker but was caught and hit with a Batista Bomb for the win.

Backstage, Big Show says Batista got lucky, and that when he gets in the ring with him next week, his luck will run out.

Sorry for the lack of detail, guys, I got caught up in something else that I didn’t think would take as long as it has.  I’m hitting up an independent show tomorrow night, so I’ll be here to give you thoughts and pictures from that.  See you then!

We’re not wasting any time – the bell tolls and The Undertaker is heading towards the ring!

He says that the sands of time have fallen slowly through the hourglass, but in two days, he’ll reclaim the World Heavyweight Championship and once again cast his shadow of darkness over SmackDown. He’s sure by now CM Punk is growing very tired. By now, he’s constantly waking up in the middle of the night in a puddle of his own sweat, consumed by fear, knowing that his Breaking Point will be realized when he feels the grip of Hell’s Gate. Submission is the only alternative to an eternity of pain. When Punk submits, and he will submit, not only will he relinquish the World Heavyweight Championship, but he will personally hand Undertaker his soul, and thus the symphony of lies shall end.

The World Heavyweight Champion has heard enough, and he comes out on the stage, microphone in hand. He says that he sees through the smoke and mirrors, and sees Undertaker for what he really is. While Jeff Hardy was a charismatic enabler, Undertaker is so much worse. He’s prayed on these people’s chemically influenced minds for nearly 20 years. He’s like this generations Alice in Wonderland. He’s created a self destructive cycle because all of these people actually believe in The Undertaker. They believe he’s got magical powers that allow him to come back and vanquish any foe. They believe, get this, that The Undertaker has a chance of taking the World Heavyweight Championship this Sunday. What they don’t realize is that Punk is stronger than the Undertaker’s previous victims. He’s not after Undertaker’s soul, he just wants to make him tap out. Imagine the reaction when Taker does tap out? They just lost Jeff Hardy, and now they’ll watch The Undertaker submit to the Anaconda Vice. They’ll go and get drunk, pop some pain pills, just to numb themselves from the reality that their hero tapped out. We’ll get a glimpse of it tonight when Punk makes Matt Hardy tap out to the Anaconda Vice. He asks The Undertaker not to interfere, because he wants everybody to get a glimpse of the world we’ll all live in after he makes Undertaker tap at Breaking Point. There will only be one icon, the choice of a new generation, the only straight edge World Champion in history, CM Punk. They’ll all be forced to join Punk and just say no. Taker says Punk got something wrong. They won’t be saying just say no, they will say rest in peace.

Up next, it’s a Belfast Brawl pitting Finlay against Mike Knox

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Last week, Finlay pinned Knox after a shillelagh shot.

This week, the fighting Irishman faces Knox in a Belfast Brawl.

Finlay def. Mike Knox

Knox is kinda doing this smart guy gimmick, which is cool.  It kinda reminds me of Raven a little bit, though I don’t believe that Knox is actually a member of MENSA.  Anyways, speaking of the original ECW, matches like this make me miss it.  Sure, it’s more brutal than the normal WWE match, but it’s got none of ECW’s hardcore heart.  Steel chairs and trash cans are the traditional WWE weapons, and they’re put to good use here, mostly by Knox.  Knox breaks out another WWE staple, at least since the Dudleys came over from ECW a decade ago, the table.  Before anybody actually goes through the table, Finlay gets to his shillelagh and knocks Knox cold for the three count.

Backstage, Michelle runs into Dolph Ziggler, who is looking for Maria.  Maria’s nowhere to be found, and Michelle wants to know what he sees in a ditzy little girl like Maria when he could be with a sexy woman like her.  She falls and starts groping him while Layla snaps a picture with her cell phone.

Later on tonight, it’s CM Punk vs. Matt Hardy

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Monday: The Price is RAW!

David Hart Smith is accompanied by Natalya and Tyson Kidd for singles competition.  He’s not the only one accompanied by family – Ranjin Singh is with his big brother, Smith’s opponent, The Great Khali.

This one never gets started, as Kane attacked Khali as soon as he got in the ring.  He grabs another WWE signature weapon (that was stolen from ECW), the Singapore Cane, but before he could use it, Khali turned the tide and dropped the Big Red Monster with a Punjabi Plunge.

The Unified Tag Team Champions are heading to the ring, as they’re up NEXT!

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The World Tag Team Champions are here.  They both lost in singles matches against their Breaking Point opponents this past Monday on RAW….

Yo yo yo yo yo, it’s Cryme Tyme!

I hope JeriShow destroy them.

Chris Jericho and The Big Show def. Cryme Tyme

I have to apologize, guys.  I’ve paid absolutely no attention to this match because I just found out about Jeff Hardy’s arrest earlier today and was reading about it.  JTG tried to skin the cat back into the ring, and he got an unlikely assist back in from The Big Show’s fist, knocking him out cold and leaving him prone for Jericho to pick up the pinfall.

Teddy Long is greeted by Mr. McMahon backstage.  Mr. McMahon reminds him he’s on probation, and that SmackDown is only good.  It needs to be great.  What’s Long going to do about it?  Next week, he’s got a huge surprise that will change the face of SmackDown.  Mr. McMahon wants to know what he’ll do for him at Breaking Point.  Long says he’ll have something good.  Mr. McMahon reminds him he doesn’t like good, he wants excellent.  McMahon asks where his picture is, and Long says he’s wondering the same thing.

Submission Match coming up later tonight between Matt Hardy and CM Punk.

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Charlie Haas is already in the ring – which means he’ll be jobbing.  Especially since his opponent is the NEW Intercontinental Champion, John Morrison!

John Morrison def. Charlie Haas

John Morrison can make anybody look like a credible opponent, which makes him look even better when he hits the Starship Pain and picks up a victory like he did here.

JoMo says that last week he became the Intercontinental Champion in one of the greatest matches of his career, but it wouldn’t be possible without Rey Mysterio (doing drugs).  He can’t describe the feeling, but he hopes these images will do that for him.

Video: Morrison celebrating winning the title and hugging Rey Mysterio

Morrison thanks Rey from the bottom of his heart, and offers him a rematch whenever he gets back from his suspension asks for one.

I am perfection…

Dolph Ziggler is sickened.  He earned his title match, and Morrison and Mysterio decided to have a match.  Morrison says that’s pretty much what happened.  Was he going to lose again to Mysterio?  Ziggler says that the third time’s a charm, but he wants his title match.  Morrison says let’s do it right now.  Ziggler says no.  We’ll have it on his terms.  Morrison wonders if Ziggler’s scared and calls him Mr. Ziggles.  Ziggler says nobody calls him that.  Morrison wonders if Maria calls him that.  Ziggler says nobody calls him that.  Morrison says he just called him that.  Ziggler says Morrison doesn’t count.  Morrison says the whole arena is chanting “Mr. Ziggles.”  Ziggler says to stop it or he’ll leave the stage.  The fans cheer.  Morrison says he thinks Ziggler should go, because it’s what the people want, and they’re not going to stop chanting “Mr. Ziggles.”  Ziggler slinks up the ramp and backstage, much to the delight of the SmackDown fans.  Morrison says that the WWE Universe won’t stop chanting Mr. Ziggles as long as he’s Intercontinental Champion.

Josh Matthews is with Matthew Hardy.  Tonight he faces the man who was right about his brother’s drug use all along ended his brother’s career.  Hardy says that Punk won’t be able to say he’s never submitted anymore.  There will be two submissions – to The Undertaker at Breaking Point, and tonight against Matt Hardy.  He says that Punk will be lucky to make it to Breaking Point, because when he locks in a submission, he’s not letting go.

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Melina is out first for her match, and her opponent, Layla, is accompanied by the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool.

Layla def. Melina

Michelle hit Melina with her crutch to allow Layla to pick up the victory.

Josh Matthews is with R-Truth.  He asks about Drew McIntyre.  Truth says that the party is just getting started and starts babbling.  The basic idea, I think, is that he wants a match with Drew McIntyre – who assaults him from behind.

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Before the break: Drew McIntyre attacked R-Truth

Todd Grisham and JR run down the Breaking Point card

The World Heavyweight Champion, CM Punk makes his way out to the ring as we relive him crashing through a table last week at the hands of The Undertaker.  He’s facing Matt Hardy in a submission match – NEXT!

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CM Punk def. Matt Hardy

Matt, I’m begging you, please either go back to the pants look until you drop some weight, or get some tights that fit you.  You look ridiculous with your underwear sticking out of the back of your tights.  If I were your opponent, I’d give you a wedgie.  In fact, I just tweeted him that @MATTHARDYBRAND.  Here’s hoping he doesn’t post a blog blasting me.  Hardy actually holds his own in this match, and utilizes a variety of submission holds, primarily working over Punk’s knee.  Doesn’t stop Punk from kicking him in the head then locking him in the Anaconda Vice for the victory!

Punk celebrates his victory, holding his title high, but the bell tolls and the lights go out.  When they come back on, Punk is without his title, as it is in the possession of The Undertaker at the top of the ramp.

My Thoughts: I have absolutely zero interest in Breaking Point.  Submission matches are traditionally held between two guys who are well versed in submission – Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit comes to mind.  I’m also disappointed that a submission themed pay per view doesn’t feature any of the three members of the roster who were trained in the famous Hart Family Dungeon.  Hell, the Hart Dynasty can’t even get an actual match anymore.  Matt Hardy seriously needs a different look.  The black tights aren’t nearly as distracting as the blue ones he wore a couple of weeks ago, but they don’t fit him in any sense of the word.  Ah well.