Tag Archive: Stipulation

  1. RYTMAN’S RECAP – RAW 05/06/2013

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    All quotes are courtesy of Twitter @WWEUniverse

    We open with a “special report” of Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar “invading” WWE headquarters.  We are shown stills, and told there is more to come later.

    We recap Ryback leaving Cena to the mercy of The Shield (who has none.)

    Monday Night RAHHHHHHHH opens with John Cena running to the ring, because you want to do that w/a bad heel.  The announce team of Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, and Jerry Lawler sell the injury more than he does.

    Cena helps himself to Daniel Bryan’s “YES/NO” gimmick, and explains that competing in the main event last week wasn’t good for his hurt foot, and he hasn’t been 100% since 2005, but that will not stop him from defending the title at Extreme Rules.

    Managing Supervisor of RAW, Vicki Guerrero makes her entrance w/her standard “EXCUSE ME!” shtick, which has REALLY run out of steam to confront Cena.  She calls out Ryback wanting to give them both the chance to be heard regarding their match at Extreme Rules.

    Vicki asks John to tell us what kind of stipulation he wants for the title match.  Cena offers Ryback the options of “running away like a scared little girl match,” where you win by running away first, or a “bitching contest.” Cena tells Vicki she can make it a “Vicki’s Granny Panties on A Pole Match,” but quickly changes his mind.

     “No man, woman or child should have to see that…” – @JohnCena, #RAW

    Ryback responds by saying he’s smart enough to walk away from a fight at the wrong time.  He chooses to make it a Last Man Standing match (and I think calls Cena “Shawn” by accident.)

    Rytman Remark: Considering the last two “Last Man standing” matches they’ve done, I’m starting to think these guys just want an excuse to tie each other up in duct-tape. (Cock Talk, Sunday @ 4p.m. on Mixlr, after BWF Radio @ 2p.m., 1 p.m. in my area.  Believe me that can be really uncomfortable.)

    We’re reminded of the Heyman/Lesnar “invasion” that we’ll be seeing later tonight, as Ran-dal KEETH Or-ton makes his way out to the ring.

    Back from break, we’re shown a clip from Smackdown of Or-Ton defeating Sandow, Big Show distracting Orton, allowing Sandow to hit him w/the “term-in-ous,” after their match.

    Sandow makes his entrance w/his own take on Orton’s theme…

    “And now a song…”

    “Randy has voices inside his head, just watching him puts me to bed, puts me to sleep…”

    “Randy walks down here on this ramp, his expression stays the same…”

    “Does his pose up in the corner, can’t think of anything more lame…”

    “All his tattoos are disgusting…”

    “All that oil on him is heinous…”

    “I guess you get to sit back and watch me beat this ignoramus…” – Damien Sandow

    “You’re Welcome.” – Damien Sandow

    RANDY ORTON DEF. DAMIEN SANDOW – A riled up Orton goes right after Sandow.  Sandow escapes to the outside, but Orton goes right after him.  Sandow rolls in/out of the ring w/Orton still on top of him.  Sandow counters a D.D.T. by backing Orton into the guard rail.  Orton takes control right back w/an inverted neck-breaker and dominates as we go to break.

    We come back with Sandow in control w/a chin-lock (what irony.) Sandow beats Orton down and hits the “elbow of disdain.”  Orton fights out and takes over again w/scoop-slams, a drop-kick, D.D.T. off the second rope, and the RKO.

    After the match, Big Show comes out of nowhere and clocks Orton w/the big right hand as Orton makes his way up the ramp.

    Rytman Remark: Sandow is a brilliant heel.  Too bad he’s in WWE.

    Later tonight, World Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler meets Alberto Del Rio one-on-one.

    Next up is Fandango, who we see rehearsing w/his dance partner, NOT SUMMER RAE!

    DUN-DUN-DUHHHHHN!

    Back from break THE WALLS DOWN!

    JERICHO IS HERE!  Jericho comes out in all his sparkly jacket glory as we take a look back at him brutalizing FAHN-Johnny Curtis back in London, and stealing a dance from Summer Rae.

    RAW IS JERICHO!!! And we know that Fan-Dumbo is coming out next, Jericho has decided to put together a judge’s panel to critique Fan-Dodge Durango, Fan-Dimple, Fan-Dingle berry, Fan-Day Glow, Fan-doodle, Fan-GOIN TO A GO-GO!  DON’TCHA WANNA GO!?  Jericho introduces our judges, Tons of Funk w/the Funkadactyls,

    Johnny Curtis (I AM NOT PLAYING ALONG ANYMORE!) makes his entrance, led out by a lovely lady who is NOT SUMMER RAE!

    DUN-DUN-DUHHHN!

    Nor is she bringing up three very lovely girls.

    The judges give Johnny a two, a one, and a two, for his entrance.  Johnny gets angry, Johnny gets mad, and Johnny brings up Jericho’s “failure” on Dancing with The Stars, saying it doesn’t make him an expert.

    R-Truth is out and apparently he will face off w/Curtis tonight.

    R-TRUTH DEF. JOHNNY-OK FINE-FAHN-DAHN-GO! – The two men put together less than a minutes worth of spots until Fahn-fuck it, the dancer guy rolls to the outside.  R-Truth gives us a few steps, and the judges give him a ten, a ten, and a 42 because Brodus can’t find his ten.  An angry dancer grabs his date and takes a count-out loss.

    “Who do these judges work for? Don King?” – @JCLayfield, #RAW

    Rytman Remark: “Phuck you.”

    We come back from break to see Triple H doing a spot for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer foundation for mother’s day.

    We take a look at Ryback getting the win over Daniel Bryan on Smackdown last Friday, followed by Bryan taking a beating from the Shield.  Bryan gets interviewed by Josh Matthews, and challenges Ryback to a rematch.  Ryback comes out to refuse and call Bryan half the man that he is.  Kane is up in Ryback’s face, making a challenge of his own.  Ryback says Kane isn’t the monster he used to be, gives him the hash tag (#Ryback Rules,) and walks off.

    Back at ringside, Ricardo Rodriguez is out to introduce ALBERTOOOOOOOOO DELLLLLLL RRRRRRRIO!  He’s facing Dolph Ziggler and friends next.

    Rytman Remark: Dolph Ziggler and friends will be the next animated cartoon produced by WWE.  Dolph, Big E. and AJ will all be teens going to school in outer-space and solving mysteries while singing fake pop-songs…

    …

    …

    (Rytman just starts crying.)

    ALBERTO DEL RIO (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) DEF. WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/AJ and Big E.) BY DQ – We’re shown a replay of Del Rio getting a submission win over Ziggler in a three-way tag match on the last Smackdown as the Dolph-tourage (Copyright; Robert Rytman) makes their way to the ring.  The match itself is a back-and-forth of spots until Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter make their way out to join on commentary.  Zeb mentions slapping Big E. in the face and how he could beat the French.  Big E. grabs ADR by the face and tosses him into Swagger.  Swagger takes Big E. into the post and grabs a ladder from under the ring.  Ricardo tries to stop him, but gets tossed and brutalized w/the ladder.  Swagger goes off on Del Rio and Ziggler w/the ladder, and walks off w/Zeb, leaving their opponents scattered all over the ring.

    We get a recap of Ryback choosing the stipulation for his match w/Cena and go to break.

    Rytman Remark: Why did Del Rio choose a type of match where not only do his opponents have the same experience and success rate as him, but one where he has to climb on a bad leg? 

    We’re back, and talking about WWE’s new partnership w/Yahoo, which will bring us a RAW online pre-show because meatloaf.

    It makes as much sense as anything else.

    Backstage: Kaitlin and the Funkadactyls are discussing her “secret admirer.” Naomi jokes about him being a stalker, and locking her up in a basement because violence towards women is always funny (Cock Talk, 4 p.m. Sunday on Mixlr, after BWF Radio @ 2 p.m. Eastern, 1 p.m. in my area.  Believe me, it hurts.) Natalya offers to have the Great Khali go “undercover” in the men’s locker room (Cock Talk – Sunday 4 p.m. after BWF Radio @ 2 p.m. Eastern on Mixlr,) to find out who it is (Hornswoggle.) Everybody leaves, and the Bellas step out from behind a curtain where they were eavesdropping because apparently this is now a Hanna-Barbera cartoon.

    Rytman Remark: Anyone besides me wanna duct-tape the Bellas to a BBQ spit? I’m just asking.

    The Shield is out.  They make their way to the ring as we take a look back at Dean Ambrose getting a win over Kane on Smackdown last Friday.  They’re in tag team action after the break.

    THE SHIELD DEF. WWE U.S. CHAMPION KOFI KINGSTON AND THE USOS – Usos start off strong but Roman Reigns soon turns the tide.  Kofi gets a hot tag and hits most of his spots.  Match breaks down into a brawl, and Kofi gets shoved off the top rope.  Ambrose ends this w/a Short-step Bulldog on Kofi for the three-count.

    This Wednesday on Main Event, Antonio Cesaro will face Randy Orton.  As Cesaro comes to the ring, we’re shown a recap – picking up a pattern here people? – of the AMAZING Cesaro/Kingston U.S. title match where Kofi defended successfully, and walked away… less successfully, being ambushed and partially Scalped by Cesaro.

    ANTONIO CESARO DEF. ZACK RYDER BUT YOU SHOULD’VE KNOWN THAT THE MOMENT I TYPED “ZA…” – Ryder gets in a few offensive spots, but Cesaro dominates this w/his combo of strength, mat wrestling, and brute force.  This ends with a neutralizer and a three-count for Cesaro.

    Cesaro grabs the mike, makes a “World’s most interesting man,” reference and runs down a list of WWE programming…

     “I put the “W” in @WWE. There’s nobody on NXT, Saturday Morning Slam, Superstars, Main Event, Smackdown, and Monday Night #Raw that can hold a candle to what I can do in this ring.” – @AntonioCesaro

    Okay, so this is our main course for the evening, the “invasion” of WWE HQ by Heyman and Lesnar.  We’re shown some security footage stills of the two entering the building, and then we go to break.

    Back from break, we’re live w/Paul Heyman via satellite.  He gives us an exclusive video of him and Lesnar entering WWE HQ, threatening WWE employees, and trashing Triple H’s office, because one of the greatest minds in wrestling thought it would be a good idea to make a video of his client committing a felony.

    “The destruction in this office is exactly what awaits @TripleH when he steps inside the #SteelCage at #ExtremeRules!” @HeymanHustle #RAW

    “@BrockLesnar is going to take @TripleH to the EXTREME. And then, he’ll go further … and further … and further….” – @HeymanHustle

    TIME TO PLAY THE GAAAAAAAAAAME!!!

    Triple H is out to say Heyman looks like a baby chick, and remind us all he was the founding father of Degeneration X and the one who knocked Lesnar out at Wrestlemania.  He then talks about the trashing of his office…

    “I’m standing in my other office … and this office has one hell of a view! … This office is more like my home!” – @TripleH, #RAW

    And this is my favorite moment of the night.  Triple H finishes his promo, then there’s a moment of awkward silence – which is another theme of the night – And that’s when the crowd realizes he’s waiting for them!  HE HAS TO CUE THE CROWD TO CHEER!

    Rytman Remark:  HE HAS TO CUE THE CROWD TO CHEER!

    We go to break.

    We come back to AJ and the Bellas walking out for their six diva tag match against Kaitlin/the Funkadactyls.  This is followed by a promo for the new E! Show, “Total Divas,” which I’m guessing will focus on the Bellas.

    WWE DIVA’S CHAMPION KAITLIN/THE FUNKADACTYLS (NAOMI/CAMERON) VS. AJ LEE/THE BELLA SISTERS – AJ dominates Cameron, Cameron is a screamer, (Cock Talk – Sunday 4 p.m. after BWF Radio @ 2 p.m. Eastern on Mixlr,) AJ hits her w/two neck-breakers without letting her go, (nifty.) Cameron takes over, tags in Kaitlyn, AJ goes for a tag, the Bellas bail on her, AJ takes a spear by Kaitlyn for the three-count.

    “She just pinned all three personalities!” – @JCLayfield #RAW

    Rytman: When did this Kaitlin get three personalities?

    Mark Henry is next after the break.

    “Be a Star,” promo with P. Diddy, the guy I personally think killed Biggie/Tupac.

    Mark Henry is out here to cut a promo on Sheamus acting real tough.  That’s where the problem is.  Henry doesn’t have to act tough.  He Is Tough.  Henry shows us him jumping Sheamus during interviews on Smackdown and RAW.

    Sheamus interrupts Henry with his entrance.  He shows us the parts of the video he left out.  Sheamus shows us him punking out Henry in a tug of war on RAW, and an arm wrestling match on Smackdown.

    Henry tells Sheamus he shouldn’t be joking around.  Sheamus calls Henry a bear w/a sore head.  They get ready to fight right there and then, and Barrett comes out.

    Barrett vs. Sheamus after the break

    SHEAMUS DEF. WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMP WADE BARRETT – During the break, Henry joined the commentary team and apparently Cole made Henry mad.  Henry calls Cole “ate up with Stupid,” and tells Bradshaw to carry this like always.  Everyone takes turns telling Cole to shut-up.  During the match, Sheamus FAKES OUT tossing Barrett into Henry.  Henry flinches and spills out of the chair.  Henry gets mad and runs into a Brogue kick by Sheamus.  Henry is down, and for a moment I think he’s hurt legit when trainers rush over to him.  This is just a ruse however, so Henry can pull a belt off the attendant and go after Sheamus.  Sheamus hits “White Noise” and the Brogue Kick on Barrett for the three-count.  Sheamus is beaten down with the belt and take a “World’s Strongest Slam” on the arena floor.  Henry walks off.  Attendants try to help Sheamus.

    Rytman: A lot about tonight’s show could be considered “ate up w/stupid.” And I’m sorry, but I’m starting to hate JBL more than Cole.

    Back from break, we get the major announcement we’ve all been waiting for… next week, it’s official!

    JERICHO!

    VS.

    FANDANGO!

    IN A DANCE OFF!

    We get another re-cap of the Heyman/Lesnar “Invasion” and we move on to our Main Event…

    RYTMAN: AN ACTUAL WRESTLING MATCH!  TWO WEEKS IN A ROW!  THE MAIN EVENT IS A WRESTLING MATCH! 

    WHOOPDEE-PHUCKIN’-DOO!

    RYBACK DEF. WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION KANE – Ryback will be on Jericho’s Highlight Reel this Friday on Smackdown.  This match is a hard fought brawl, with the momentum going back and forth.  Ryback sends Kane into the guard rail and takes over as we go to break…

    Ryback is still in control as we come back, until he runs into a boot from Kane.  Kane dominates Ryback until he runs into a spine-buster.  Kane counters a Shell-Shock attempt w/a suplex, but makes the mistake of taking this fight to the top rope.  Ryback crotches Kane and hits the Shell-Shock for a three-count.

    SIERRA, HOTEL, INDIA, ECHO, LIMA, DELTA, BELIVE IN THE SHIELD…

    Everyone’s favorite militia makes their appearance.  Ryback bails as Daniel Bryan runs to the aid of Kane, followed by WWE Champion John Cena.  Cena and Bryan manage to fight off the hounds of justice pretty well by themselves.  Ryback has a chair and takes a few weak swings at the Shield, but really unloads on Cena with it as Cena tries to AA Roman Reigns.  RAW ends w/Ryback; standing over a fallen John Cena.

    Rytman’s Review: …

    …

    …

    Ugh.

    That’s it, that’s all I have.

    Last week, you could at least give them credit for having a few solid, if predictable matches.  This week had NOTHING!  The slight amount of actual in-ring action was more like filler than any of the dumb skits.  I’ll give them credit for making Swagger, Cesaro, and even Ryback looking strong here, but that’s it.

    In conclusion, I wonder if WWE even wants to do RAW anymore.

  2. RYTMAN RECAP – RAW 04/29/2013

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    MATCH RESULTS

    RICARDO RODRIGUEZ DEF. BIG E. LANGSTON & ZEB COULTER – This is a Triple Threat match, with each man representing a superstar in the Triple Threat for the World Heavyweight Championship at Extreme Rules.  The winner decides the stipulation in that match.

    The match is basically Big E. brutalizing Ricardo while Zeb hangs back on the apron.  Whenever the tide turns, Zeb tries to get involved but only brings his opponents attention on himself, setting them up to ambush each other.

    While Zeb cries about his trick knee going out to avoid a confrontation w/Big E.  Ricardo tries hitting Big E. w/his bucket, to no avail.

    Alberto Del Rio jumps in and takes Big E. down w/an inziguri.  Ziggler takes out ADR w/the dropkick.  Swagger tosses Ziggler.  Big E. takes Swagger and himself out w/a clothesline.  Zeb tries to pin Ricardo, but AJ tosses herself under the ref’s arm to block the count.  When Zeb complains, Ricardo rolls Zeb up for the three-count.

    RANDY ORTON DEF. CODY RHODES – Slow-paced back and forth battle, but w/hard hitting spots strung together.  Neither man keeps control of the match longer than a minute, before their opponent takes over.  Pace picks up after the break, and ends with Cody jumping off the ropes into an RKO.

    After the match, Matt Striker interviews Orton about his loss at Wrestlemania, and if he’s “haunted” by being knocked out.  Orton claims he’s never felt so “extreme” and RKO’s Cody again.

    FUNKADATCYL NAOMI (W/CAMERON) DEF. BRIE BELLA (W/NIKKI) (REVERSED DECISION) – Before the match, we see the Bellas backstage, complaining about being shut out of the Diva Royal last week, and trashing them while plugging their new reality show on the “E” Network.

    After a break, we come back to the Bellas in the ring and a promo spot for “Total Divas” on E!

    The match barley goes more than a minute, with Naomi dominating until the Bellas pull the “twin magic” bit and they get the three-count w/a small package.  Cameron complains to the ref who reverses the decision and awards it to Naomi.  The Bellas respond to this by rushing back into the ring and beating the Funky cheerleaders down.

    WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION DOLPH ZGGLER (W/AJ & BIG E) DEF. U.S. CHAMPION KOFI KINGSTON –  Before the match, we’re told Kofi is a new father and will be defending his title against Antonio Cesaro this Wednesday on Main Event.

    Big week for Kofi.

    Match slowly built to a fast-paced spot-fest that got the crowd going.  Kofi hits “Trouble in Paradise” but Ziggler is saved by AJ getting his foot across the ropes. (At least that’s what they went for/how they sold it.) Match ends when Kofi catapults Ziggler into the corner, goes to the second rope, and tries a flying body-press, but misses and hits the mat.  Ziggler hits the “Zig-Zag” and gets the three-count.

    JACK SWAGGER (W/ZEB COULTER) DEF. ZACK RYDER – Ryder tries to get the crowd going by showing a video of Zeb getting pinned by Ricardo.  This gets Swagger enraged, and Zack pays the price, as Swagger unloads on him.  Ryder puts up more of a fight than we’d expect, however this ends w/Ryder tapping out to the ankle lock.

    After the match, Swagger holds Ziggler so Zeb can get in a shot.

    ALBERTO DEL RIO (W/RICARDO RODRIGUEZ) DEF. ANTONIO CESARO – Both men use the same strategy of targeting the left arm in the beginning.  Cesaro fights dirty w/hair pulling and biting, while ADR uses quickness to keep Cesaro on defense.  After the break, Cesaro is in control, using his power to hold down Del Rio, and his forearm shots to get a few two-counts, while the crowd starts the “Ole!” chant.  (Oddly, Ricardo tries to get one going for Del Rio.) Del Rio’s agility decides this as Cesaro misses a charge into the corner post.  He tries to roll up Del Rio, but Alberto locks in the cross-arm-bar.  Cesaro tries for the ropes, but can’t make it, and taps out.

    After the match, Del Rio announces the stipulation for his triple threat title match at Extreme Rules.  He chooses to make it a ladder match.

    THE SHIELD DEF. WWE CHAMPION JOHN CENA/WWE TAG CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (KANE/DANIEL BRYAN) – Match starts out as a brawl, and the faces clear the ring quickly.  Kane starts off brutalizing Ambrose, who quickly tags in Reigns, who doesn’t do much better but does get Kane back into their corner.  Rollins comes in, and Kane takes over.  At one point, Kane teases choke-slamming the ref when he tries to get Kane to back off Rollins.  Cena tags himself in and he and Bryan get Kane to calm down.  Cena is in for only a few seconds before his tendon injury acts up, and he quickly tags in Bryan.  Bryan and Kane carry the load in this match, and are in control until the break.  We come back with Bryan in trouble as each Shield member takes turns punishing him.  Bryan gets Kane back in, and Kane unleashes his fury on the Shield.  Match spills to the floor and Kane takes a D.D.T. on the concrete.  Kane just barley beats the ten count back in, and makes the tag to Cena.  Cena come in strong, but the tendon gives out on him when he tries to AA Rollins.  Reigns spears Cena, and gets a three count.

    ANGLES/STORYLINES

    WORLD WISH DAY: We’re told about WWE champ John Cena hurting himself on the European tour, and how he made being on RAW this night a priority.  This was “World Wish Day,” and Cena had a special presentation to make.

    After the break, we see Cena meeting a very sick boy named Nick on the Today Show.  He meets Nick and invites him and his family to Monday Night RAW.

    Cena comes out with Nick and two other kids who wanted to go to RAW.  This was a promotion for the Make-a-Wish foundation and Cena reminded us all to go to wish.org/wwe to learn how we can help make wishes come true.  To make it even more special, Cena decides to make the kids honorary superstars.

    The first boy, Jacob, declares himself “The Eliminator.” The second, Nick, calls himself “Nick the Stitch.” And the last boy was “Lightning Logan.” Cena goads the crowd into giving the kids a big cheer, and thanks us for making this special moment even better.

    WWE has granted over 5000 Make-a-Wish foundation wishes since 1982.

    SHIELD/HELL NO + RYBACK/CENA: – The Shield come out to cut a promo about their success in keeping Ryback from winning the WWE title, and run down a list of everyone they’ve put down, including The Rock, the Big Show, Sheamus, and Cena.

    “No one can stop the #HoundsOfJustice! Not even a giant! Not a warrior! And not even the Champ!” – @TheShieldWWE

     The Shield brings up their beat-down of the Undertaker on Smackdown last Friday, mentioning how Justice doesn’t care if you’re undefeated at Wrestlemania.

     “When your number gets called, justice strikes without mercy!” – @TheShieldWWE

    Suddenly, 3MB, (Slater, McIntyre, Mahal,) make their entrance.

    “3MB? Why?” – Jerry Lawler

     Slater tells the Shield to shut up.  They want payback for the Shield interrupting their beat-down of Triple H two weeks ago.

     “Now, we crash YOUR party. And ROCK YOUR FACE!” – @JinderMahal

    The band hits the ring, and it goes badly for them.  Shield is in control, until the pyro hits.  WWE tag champs team Hell No runs in and chases them off.

    Backstage: Cena gets his heel taped up.  Ryback comes in to comment on it.  Cena notes he’s “hurt” not “injured,” and can still go.

     “I’m more effective on one leg than you are on two.” – @JohnCena

    Ryback says he can’t take that chance.

    Later in the show, Ryback goes to RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Gurrero (and her assistant Brad Maddox) to complain about working with a hurt partner.  Vicki says she’ll pull Cena and make team Hell No Ryback’s partners.  Ryback doesn’t trust either of those guys and simply says “No.”

    The next time we see Ryback, it’s as he’s bailing while Matt Striker tries to interview him.

    Later in the night, Maddox tells Hell No they have to fight without Ryback, fine with them.  Vicki tells Maddox he has one more thing to do.

    Maddox talks to Cena about the match tonight.  Cena makes it clear he will be wrestling tonight.

    “No, I’m hurt. YOU will be hurt bad if you don’t go tell your boss I’m fine tonight.” – @JohnCena

    After the match, (see above,) Ryback is on the stage, smug and satisfied seeing Cena hurt in the ring.

    AJ/KAITLIN: The “Dolph-tourage” (Copyright: Robert Rytman) is backstage, congratulating themselves on a great win over Kofi (see above.) Kaitlin and Natalya cross paths with them.  They trade some harsh words until Kaitlin receives a package.  It’s a hat to match her bracelet from a “secret admirer.” (It’s Hornswoggle, I know it.)

    HENRY/SHEAMUS: “Worlds Strongest Man” Mark Henry is out, challenging anyone in the back to a tug of war.  Brodus and “Sweet T” both took his challenge and lost.  Sheamus came out to take the challenge, and faked out Henry, letting the rope go so that he fell on his ass, then gave him the brogue kick.

    DANCE CHALLENGE: FANDANGO VS.KAHLI – Both men are asked about Jericho’s stint on “Dancing with the Stars.” Both men claim to be better.  The crowd gives it to Khali, Fandango beats him up.

    In conclusion; this was a night of perfectly good wrestling marred by a lot of stupid filler.

     

     

  4. RYTMAN’S REAL-TIME RAW REPORT: RAW ROULETTE EDITION

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    We open tonight with a recap of the Rock’s win at Royal Rumble. Tonight is RAW ROULETTE live from Las Vegas.

    Now we’re looking at Vicki Guerrero in front of three roulette wheels. A superstar wheel, a stipulation wheel, and a “Vicki’s choice” wheel. Vicki announces the first match of the night and spins the middle wheel, making it a “special guest referee” match.

    C.M. Punk is out and he is angry. He claims he is the people’s champion and is throwing a tantrum about last night. He berates the crowd for supporting a “cheater,” and says Vince, Rock, and the crowd are all cheaters. Punk coins the phrase “Phoenix Screw Job.” Punk is still the champion and he is here to “crash” our “party.”

    Vince is out. He accuses Heyman of being behind the shield. He cuts Heyman off when he tries to protest, then announces a “performance evaluation,” of Heyman in the ring tonight, featuring surprise video tape “evidence.”

    Randy Orton is out. He is facing Antonio Cesaro in the first match tonight. This is the “special guest ref” match Vicki made earlier. Cesario is out next, swinging the American Flag.

    And now, our special guest referee… THE MIZ!

    And we go to break.

    WWE U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS. THE MIZ

    We come back with the match in progress. Orton gets a two count. Cesaro dominates in the corner. Miz gets between them. Orton in control with a clothesline and a snap-mare. Orton gets another two count with a suplex. Both men trade shots on the outside, Orton drops Cesaro on the guard-rail, and takes control back in the ring with stomps and a catapult into the bottom rope. Both men trade uppercuts, the crowd gets into it. Cesaro takes control, whips Orton into the ropes, Orton backdrops him to the floor.

    And we go to break.

    Cesaro in control when we come back. Both men fight in the corner, Cesaro takes over with a headbut and a turnbuckle shot. Cesaro gets a two-count and takes control with a headlock. Orton fights out, Cesaro hits a slam for two. Gut-wrench by Cesaro for two. Cesaro hits a face-lock. Orton fights out, ducks a clothesline and hits two of his own and a scoop-slam. Cesaro hits the flying uppercut and pummels Orton in the corner, but he gets into an argument with Miz and eats an RKO when he turns back around.

    WINNER: RANDY ORTON

    After the match, Miz treats Cesaro to a Skull-crushing finale.

    Back with the wheels, Vicki spins Ryback into a “make me laugh” match. Ryback gives Vicki a snort and heads to the ring.

    And we go to break.

    We’re back with Andre Aggassi and Stefi Graph in the audience. Titus O’Neal and Darren Young are in the ring with Ryback and Matt Stryker. Stryker explains that the challenge is to make the crowd laugh. Funnest man wins. After two “jokes,” Ryback decimates O’Neal while Young keeps a safe difference. Stryker announces Ryback the winner, Ryback destroys Stryker, and the whole announce team climaxes over an assault on an announcer.

    “What has four eyes, twenty fingers, and is about to be unconscious?” – Ryback’s “joke.”

    Video Package for Bob Backlund’s induction into the WWE Hall Of Fame.

    And we go to break.

    SIDE NOTE: Will someone PLEASE explain to me what Stryker has done that his being attacked for NO CLEAR REASON warrants such jockularity?

    We come back to Vicki spinning the wheel. It lands on “players choice,” meaning IC champion Wade Barrett gets to pick his opponent. Barrett chooses NXT rookie Bo Dallas, who eliminated Barrett in the Royal Rumble last night.

    WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT VS BO DALLAS

    Barrett goes right after Dallas, but Dallas fights out of the corner. He hits an arm-drag/dropkick combo, but Barrett takes over with vicious kicks and stomps. Barrett goes for the Bull-Hammer BUT BO DALLAS GETS THE THREE WITH A BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX!

    WINNER: BO DALLAS!

    Backstage, a spin of the wheel pits Cody Rhodes against John Cena

    And we go to break.

    We come back with the announce team hyping up John Cena replacing Fred Flintstone on the cover of boxes of “Fruity Pebbles.” We even get a “tale-of-the-tape” graphic with Cena vs. Fred Flintstone.

    Yes, that happened.

    JOHN CENA VS CODY RHODES

    Cody and Cena trade shots until Cena hits a suplex and Cody rolls out the ring. Cody takes the mike and anounces he’s leaving. Cena grabs him and sends him back in the ring. Cena hits all “Five Moves of Doom,” and gets the three-count.

    WINNER: JOHN (DID YOU REALLY EXPECT ANYTHING DIFFERENT?) CENA

    Cena gets the mike and cuts a promo to the crowd, acknowledging the crowd not being in his corner. We get a “Cena Sucks” chant. Cena gives Punk credit for staying champion for almost two years, and besting him every time. He turns his attention to the Rock, recaping their fued, and his loss at Wrestlemania 28.

    “There were times when he couldn’t carry my jock-strap.” – John Cena.

    Cena chooses the WWE champion and the Shield make their entrance. Cena brings it to them, but the odds are against him and the Shield beats him down. Sheamus tries for a save, but doesn’t do much better. Ryback is out next, and he does a little better, but the Shield take him out. Sheamus and Cena try to fight back, but this ends with the faces down and out, and the Shield walking away.

    And we go to break.

    We come back recapping the Shield assault on Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback. We go back to Vicki for another spin of the wheel. It lands on “Lingerie Pillow Fight…” featuring Tensai and Brodus Clay.

    Ghaaaaa….

    Tensai refuses to do this and stomps off. Vicki makes Brodus spin the “Vicki’s choice” wheel and it lands on a dance off.

    I have a bad feeling.

    We get a look at A WWE fan-event, and then Brodus comes out to the ring.

    And we go to break.

    We’re back with Jerry Lawler in the ring with Tensai…oh dear God…

    Oh God no…

    GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

    Tensai is in women’s underwear. He was not told this was a dance off. Tensai IS GOING TO DANCE IN WOMEN’S UNDERWARE.

    WH AM I WATCHING WRESTLING? I DON’T WANT TO WATCH THIS! THEY OBVIOUSLY DON’T WANT ME TO WATCH ANYMORE! WHY AM I WATCHING THIS!?

    Oh yea, King works in a “What happens in Vegas…” reference. Tensai dances and I want to die.

    RON SIMMONS CAMEO: “DAMN!”

    We go to world heavyweight champion Alberto Del Rio spinning the wheel and getting a “body slam challenge,” against The Big Show. Vicki wishes him luck. Del Rio reminds her in Vegas, “anything can happen.”

    And we go to break.

    We’re back with Ricardo Rodriguez introducing World Heavyweight Champion ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO! Del Rio comes out and shakes hands with the fans, giving his scarf to a small boy in the crowd. We get a tiny “Si” chant until the Big Show comes out.

    BODY SLAM CHALLENGE: WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS THE BIG SHOW

    Show attacks Ricardo and Del Rio right off. Del Rio hits some kicks but Show clocks him with the Big Right Hand. Show tapes Del Rio to the ropes. Ricardo tries to protect Del Rio, but the show just brutalizes him. Del Rio can only helplessly watch. Show wraps more tape around Del Rio’s hand, as Show goes back to beating Ricardo. Del Rio begs for Ricardo’s life, but show gives him the Big Right, and goes back to bullying Del Rio. Del Rio is clocked out, and the Show lumbers off, leaving carnage in his wake.

    And we go to break.

    We come back to a recap of Show’s Rampage and WWE divas in Showgirl outfits.

    LAS VEGAS SHOWGIRLS LUMBERJILLS MATCH – WWE DIVAS CHAMPION KAITLYN VS TAMINA

    This does NOT make up for Tensai.

    I can hardly bring myself to type this. Tamina takes charge with the head-lock of doom and boots Kaitlyn to the floor. Aksana and Alicia Fox jump her. Kaitlyn fights them off and whacks Tamina with a showgirl hat. She hits Tamina with some shoulder-blocks and goes for a pin. Then it naturally becomes a messy cat-fight, that ends when someone hits the music.

    NO CONTEST: ALSO, NO DIGNITY

    We return to another recap of the Shield beat-down on Cena and friends.

    And now, our NEW WWE champion…THE ROCK!

    One word; FINALLY, as in…

    “FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO LAS VEGAS!” – The Rock

    And finally, the Rock is once again WWE champion. He calls this moment the proudest of his career, and takes a moment to thank all of us. He recaps Punk’s put-downs of the people, and tells us those crap days are over. He makes a remark about Heyman needing a bra for his “Twinkie Tits.” Tonight is the People’s Era,

    “AND WE’RE ALL GETTING PIE!” – The Rock

    Punk is out, accusing the Rock of not earning that title, and the crowd is too stupid to realize he is a genus. Punk says Rock should hand him back the title out of respect for his father and grandfather, and apollogize to him for tarnishing what he’s accomplished. Rock says if he had an ounce of manhood, and “nuts between his legs,” he’d come downthe ramp and take it. Rock gives him the choice of being a man, or a “punk ass bitch.” Punk will stand up on the stage “like a Punk-ass bitch,” because it’s cool to swear, and Punk will do things when it suits him, not Rock. Punk reads off a list of appearences Punk will be making, and offers Rock a chance to face him at anyone of them, if it fits his schedule. If not, he’ll give Rock a rematch in three weeks (at Elimination Chamber.) Rock agrees to face him at Elimination Chamber.

    When we come back, Sheamus faces Damien Sandow in a tables match.

    And we go to break.

    We come back with Sandow in the ring. We see a recap of him spinning the wheel backstage earlier where Vicki makes an obvious statement aout the match being a tables match.

    “How Observant,” –  Damien Sandow

    Sheamus takes over early and sets up a table. Sandow slips out of a slam and leads Sheamus into/out of the ring, where he hits a drop kick. Sheamus tosses a table into Sandow’s face, but Sandow takes over with a shoulder-breaker. Sandow traps Sheamus’ arm in the table and stomps on it, droping both knees on the arm.  Sheamus fights back, but misses a Brouge-kick. Sandow charges but Sheamus hits a flying shoulder-tackle. Sandow takes over and hits the “elbow of distain.” Sandow lays Sheamus on a table and goes up top, but Sheamus cuts him off. Sheamus ends this with “the White Noise” on Sandow, through a table in the corner.

    WINNER: SHEAMUS

    When we come back, Vince McMahon confronts Paul Heyman with an in-ring “performance evaluation.”

    And we go to break.

    We’re back.

    Karaoke.

    Zack Ryder and the Great Khali, singing superstars theme songs.

    We’re going to have a Karaoke challenge with Zack Ryder and The Great Khali.

    OH THANK GOD! 3MB!

    Heath Slater is out and asks “are you kidding me?” Jinder calls them an embarrasment. Drew jumps in Khali’s face and gets chpped down. It turns into a brawl and ends with Hornswoggle splashing Slater and thank God it’s over!

    Backstage, JERICHO! NEXT!

    We’re back to BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!!!!!! Jericho makes his comeback to RAW, in tiny shorts and the sparkly jacket. He talks about being out for six months and his surprise return at the Royal Rumble. He thanks us all for welcoming him back and it’s something he will Never, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEver forget again!

    Ziggler comes out w/AJ and big E, to ask what he’s doing here? Ziggy and AJ recap how they got rid of Jericho last year, Jericho tells him to put his “crazy little dog on a leash before she pees all over the ring.” Big E. threatens Jericho, who responds with a joke about his pec size. Vicki comes up on the screen to inform Ziggler she re-signed Jericho. She spins the whel and it lands on “Strange Bedfellows,” meaning Ziggler and Jericho must team up against WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No.  The champs make their entrance, and Ziggler starts off with Kane.

    And we go to break.

    WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO VS DOLPH ZIGGLER/CHRIS JERICHO

    Well this was quick. Ziggler starts off in control of Daniel Bryan, while taunting Jericho by faking the tag. Ziggler hits a body-slam, and the elbow. Ziggler keeps taunting Jericho until Jericho “tags” Ziggler in the back hard enough to put him down. Jericho takes over on Bryan, hitting a drop-kick n Kane and a lion-sault on Bryan. Bryan hits a flying kick and gets Jericho in a head-lock. Bryan tags in Kane, but Jericho shoves Bryan into him. Kane and Bryan start yelling at each other. Bryan shoves Kane, Kane shoves Bryan down. Jericho tags in Ziggler but cheap-shots Kane in the back before walking out on the match. Ziggler yells at him, before turning into a choke-slam from the p-o’d Kane.

    WINNERS: HELL NO

    After that, we get our next HOF inductee high-light video, Trish Stratus.

    And we go to break.

    We’re back…

    BROCK LESNAR JUST KILLED VINCE MCMAHON! I’m leading with this because I want to make sure you have a reason to keep reading.

    We came back to Vince making his way to the ring. Vince called out Heyman and informed him that Punk had been escorted from the building. Heyman came out and offered Vince a handshake. Vince accepted it, then used hand sanitizer. McMahon proceeded to grill Heyman about the Shield and Brad Maddox. He asked Heyman if he ever lied…

    “You know, a long time ago, I remember – in the Madison Square Garden dressing room, I heard your father say the phrase “Adversity defines a man’s character in his darkest hour.” And faced with the adversity of the fact that I have a feeling I know where this is going, I will tell you, I have lied every day of my stinking life because I am a promoter, and that’s what promoters do…” – Paul Heyman.

    Possibly the best answer humanly possible. Heyman goes on about how he’s lied to stay alive and still have a business and a job the next morning. He promises to be an honorable man if that’s what it takes to stay. Vince seends the camera into Heyman’s face and asks the crowd if this is an honorable man with an honorable face, they say no. Vince shows footage of the “Brad Maddox experience.” Heyman has Maddox in a dark tunnel, orders the cameraman to shut it down. He then makes the same mistake EVERY VILLIAN WRITTEN BY A LAZY WRITTER EVER MAKES AND ADMITS EVERYTHING ON CAMERA. He tells Maddox that the Shield gets paid more than him because they are worth more. He sics the Shield on Maddox and the cameraman. We come back to the ring where the same crowd that chanted “ECW,” now chants “You got busted,” and the “goodbye” song. Heyman claims that wasn’t him. He claims it was a bad Vegas impersonator, and goes into a rant about his sucess with Punk and ECW. He denies being the man on the tape. Vince gears up the catchprase, wishing him well in his future endevors, we get to “YOU’RE…”

    Here comes the pain.

    Lesnar’s music hits and he makes his way out to the ring. Heyman begs him not to do anything, Lesnar orders him into the corner like a dog. He gets in Vince’s face, Vince warns him not to do anything he’ll regret later. After a pause, Lesnar HITS THE F5 ON VINCE MCMAHON!

    RAW ends with Heyman begging Lesnar for Vince’s life, and leading him out of the ring.

    Well, THAT was something.  To you the good readers, I apollogize if this report was less than “real time.” I’m still trying to get the hang of it.

    That’s about it for me peep-holes. See you next week (maybe.) Ryt-place, Ryt-time!

  5. Pintnoir review-TNA iMPACT 8 9 12

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    We begin with a video recap of the Claire & AJ and Aces & 8’s storylines.

    Bully Ray heads down to the ring and pulls out his ‘Twittah machine.’ He bullie’s for a mic and asks if we know who he is. He announces that he’s the leader of the Bully Nation. He says Joseph Park taught him that if there’s enough evidence against someone, then they’re guilty. He says Storm is guilty of being involved with Aces & 8’s and tonight he will beat Storm and get his 7 points in the BFG Series. (Whatever did happen to the Joseph Parks, Bully Ray confrontation?)

    Storm’s comes out.

    Storm says had nothing to do with the attacks because he is more concerned with winning his title back. He draws an imaginary line in the ring and says he will give Bully to the count of 3 to do something.  Bully backs out onto the apron.

    They are interrupted by the masked men on the big screen and their voices have been distorted. They say they are impressed with The Insane Icon issuing them an open invitation but they are going to do it on their time.

    Bully gets in the ring and accuses Storm again. They cut him off to a sudden commercial.

    They re-play the Aces & 8’s video from moments ago.

    Backstage, The Pope talks about his BFG Series match at Hardcore Justice 2012 this Sunday. The Pope hasn’t actually been pimping anything but the mat since his return to iMPACT and I watched The Dark Knight Rises and didn’t remember seeing him during the prison break scene.

    Mr. Anderson comes out to do commentary

    .

     RVD vs. Magnus

    Magnus clotheslines RVD over the top. Magnus follows and puts the boots to him. Magnus throws him back in and gets 2. Magnus catches RVD and slams him for another 2. RVD hits a kick to the head and springs off the ropes for another kick to the head. RVD hits a Superkick but is caught with a clothesline in the corner.

    RVD hits a 5 Star Frogsplash for the win. There goes Magnus’s claim to the series and whatever came of his Xplosion championship stipulation where he can challenge the champion of any division for a title. Somebody please remember this.

    7 points RVD

    Bobby Roode talks backstage with Jason Hervey, and his lawyers aren’t happy with the contract so there may not be a main event at Hardcore Justice. So wouldn’t this make A Double happy seeing as how he is the Champion?

    Sore Loser! and I win!!!

    -Claire’s baby shower from last week

    TNA Tag Team Championship: Garett Bischoff & Devon vs. Kazarian & Daniels (c)

    Devon starts off with Kaz and quickly tags Garett. Kaz tags Daniels in and Garett gets 2. Devon tags back in and drops a big leg for 2. Garett tags back in and they double team Daniels. Kazarian distracts Garett from the apron and Daniels capitalizes. Kazarian tags in and gets 2. More quick tags from the champs.

    Garett manages a tag to Devon who cleans house. Devon hits a Rock Bottom on Kazarian and tosses Daniels out. Devon hits a spear on Kaz and a spinebuster on Daniels. Kaz uses the belt behind the ref’s back and Daniels gets the pin.

    *This is one of those matches where my dad (who looks strikingly like Devon) was watching as Daniels was struggling with Garett and looked at me and said why are we watching this its so fake. And I responded its not Devon, Daniels or Kaz’s fault blame Garett. He was still not impressed.

    Winners by pin and STILL TNA Tag Team Champions: Daniels & Kazarian

    -video of Sting and Brooke’s meeting from last week

    Sting calls out Aces & 8’s and says he has given Brooke the night off.

    Robbie E. and Robbie T. are in the ring, there is a table set-up. Robbie E. says he knows nobody thinks he’s going to win the BFG Series but he has 5 points, bro. He says he will win another 20 this Sunday, bro. He says he will do it by putting Jeff Hardy through a table. He shows footage from 3 weeks ago where he beat Hardy. Hardy’s music erupts.

    Hardy gets in the ring and drops Robbie T. Robbie E. tries to back-off but Hardy slaps him and tries to put him through the table but Robbie T. attacks him from behind and powerbombs him through the table.

    Backstage, AJ says he doesn’t remember anything with Claire. He says he doesn’t drink and how bad at sex does someone have to be to not remember being with them?

    Samoa Joe grabs a headset and says nobody is going to stop him from winning the BFG series

    Claire is at ringside again and cheers AJ as he makes his way to the ring.

    BFG Series: Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles

    Angle gets drilled with a dropkick and goes outside. AJ slingshots over the top with a crossbody.

    Kurt powers AJ into the corner and hits a belly-to-belly as Claire looks-on. Angle applies a headlock. AJ fights out but Angle hits a Tilt-A-Whirl backbreaker and back to the headlock. Both men connect with simultaneous clotheslines. AJ gets the offense on the way up off the mat. Angle rebounds and hits a trifecta of Germans.

    AJ counters the Angle Slam and connects with the Pele but Angle gets his shoulder up at the last second. Angle counters the Styles Clash and hits the Angle Slam for 2. AJ gets out of the Angle Lock and hits a German but Angle counters out and applies the Lock again but AJ rolls through. AJ springs off the apron and hits a flying forearm and the Styles Clash but somehow Angle kicks out.

    AJ goes up top but Angle brings him down with a belly-to-belly but AJ kicks out. Angle misses with a moonsault off the ropes in the corner. AJ goes up top for a 450 but Angle gets his knees up and hits the Angle Slam.

    7 points Kurt Angle

    Claire congratulates AJ on his way up the ramp but he keeps walking and we get a close-up of her confused face.

    Aces & 8’s are playing cards. They rundown who all has received the dead man’s hand from them. They say the next target is close and we will all find out who the next victim is.

    Storm and Anderson accuse each other backstage of being behind it all.

    Aries is on the phone backstage talking about Roode threatening not to sign the contract.

    Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher

    They go right at it before the bell rings. Kim drops Tessmacher’s throat across the top rope. Gail drops her across her knee and gets 2. Gail steps on Tessmacher’s stomach. Tessmacher mounts a comeback but is shutdown.

    Tessmacher hits a flurry and a clothesline off the corner. She does a Stinkface. Tessmacher brings Gail off the top and hits a facebuster for the win.

    Winner by pin: Miss Tessmacher

    Earl Hebner raises Tessmacher’s arm and they talk. Madison Rayne comes out and she kisses Hebner and he falls out.

    Joseph Park talks.

    Aries and Roode make their way to the Impact Zone.

    They show Kenny King’s win over Zema Ion from last week

    Kenny King video package

    Sting makes his way to the ring. A table is set-up. Sting invites Aces & 8’s to the ring. He moves on and invites Roode and Aries to the ring.

    Aries displays his title and takes a seat. Roode refuses to sit down and Sting asks him what is up with his attitude. Roode asks if Sting’s stupid. He says the contract is his problem. He says the contract states that if he loses to Aries then he doesn’t get a rematch as long as Aries is champ. Roode says Sting has it out for him. Roode says if the language doesn’t change, there will be no main event this Sunday.

    Aries tells him to stop whining. He says he’s worried about a rematch clause because he knows Aries has his number. Aries says they don’t need a contract, they can make a verbal agreement. He proposes that if Roode beats him then he will also forfeit his rematch clause. Sting tells them to shake on it. Each man shakes hands with Sting.

    Roode takes off his coat and starts throwing things and Aries comically mocks his temper and shadows him. Roode offers his hand and Aries shakes it. Aries raises the belt and Roode throws water in his face and runs away. Aries turns the table over but Sting holds him back.

    Storm and Bully make their way to the Impact Zone.

    -Backstage in an interview package, Chavo says he’s here to beat the best. Kid Kash says Chavo’s a cheater.

    -Kash & Gunner will face Chavo & Hernandez this Sunday at Hardcore Justice.

    -Kenny King will face Zema Ion for the TNA X-Division Title.

    -Miss Tessmacher will face Madison Rayne for the Knockouts Title

    –BFGFalls Count Anywhere Match for 20 points: RVD, Anderson, Pope, Magnus

    –BFGTables Match for 20 points: Hardy, Storm, Bully, Robbie E.

    –BFG Ladder Match for 20 points: Styles, Angle, Daniels, Samoa Joe

    BFG Series: Bully Ray vs. James Storm

    Both men look behind them for Aces & 8’s. Storm hits clotheslines but is unable to take Bully off his feet. Bully hits a big boot and knocks Storm down then tosses him out.

    Storm avoids an elbowdrop on the mat. Bully Ray catches him with a boot to the gut and applies a leg lock. Storm reverses it and Bully reaches the ropes. Bully hits a clothesline for 2. Bully hits punches to the head. Storm mounts a comeback with a series of rights and a neckbreaker. Back bodydrop by Storm. Bully launches Storm onto the apron but gets a kick to the back of the head. Bully hits a Rock Bottom for 2.

    Storm fights out of a full nelson and goes up top for a cross body and gets 2. Storm comes off the top and misses with an elbowdrop. Bully hits the Bubba Bomb and gets 2. Bully misses with a back-splash off the top. Storm hits a Codebreaker but Bully avoids the Last Call. Bully hits the Bully 3D Cutter for the win.

    7 points  Bully Ray

    Bully grabs his chain in anticipation of Aces & 8’s. He asks Storm where they are. He says send for them.

    Aces & 8’s appear on the screen and they tell Bully he will see more of them at the PPV.

    Pintnoir out!

     

  6. iMPACT Wrestling 5/10- AJ’s Dirty Little Secret

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    Well here we are looking into the abyss that is RVD. The whole f’n show who is now going against Roode for the TNA World Title after making a miraclous return after being taken out by Gunner months back.

    Roode comes to the ring to gloat only to have RVD then Anderson adn finally Hardy come out and attack him. Right before they attack each other like a pack of hungry hyenas. Hogan makes his entrance panders to RVD so he can set up a fatal four way where if whoever wins takes on Roode at Sacrifice this Sunday. Or if Roode wins he picks his opponent, or if RVD wins he gets to pick the stipulation. OR….. Wait I got it under control.

    So Madison is ignoring Gail because she is getting ready for a guy causing for some foreshadowing to something down  the line.

    This leads right into Velvet Sky, who is like the female RVD who believes she still deserves a shot at the title. But we all cringe with the thought She’s taking on Brooke Tessmacher who is a good worker that deserves a better opponent to showcase her skills. thank god its short but it was kinda of like an asswhooping where it may not be that long but it still hurts like hell. Especially when Velvet had control of the match.

    Crimson and Morgan seems like a feud that just keeps going on to no end. Even though we were promised an end at Lockdown but someone forgot to tell them that. Crimson calls out Morgan…

    But Bully Ray comes out and busts him (Morgan) in the head with a chair. So maybe someone did get them the memo.

    X division time with…Xema Ion vs Austin Aries that is a good solid match that would of been nice had it advanced story. Aries wins with no interfence from Ray who busted Morgan open because you know he’s a bully. Where is Nese, Haskins or Williams we need other competitors to show forward momentum in the division. Otherwise good match.

    Daniels and Kaz discuss the AJ blackmail and whether or not to reveal it, because you know its the heel thing to do to prolong it. That or the evidence just sucks and this feud lost momentum when Russo was let go. Well they come out and AJ follows soon afterward and with 3 pictures I was deflated. IT was AJ and Dixie embracing and not even kissing even though the last picture would have you think that if you had bad vision but its obvious their faces are no where near each other but whatev’s.

    I miss this feud when the evidence looked to be on Kazarian.

    So the television triangle continues with Robbie E, Devon and Robbie T still fighting over the belt. So this is taking the belt seriously when they made plans to have it defended every week? So yeah another PPV but this time its a handicap match where Devon is sure he will still win.

    Joseph Park comes out after having his Inspector Clouseu investigation turn up Bully Ray as a suspect. Because this all couldn’t have been solved in ten minutes by Park just watching Genesis? Got to love that suspense of disbelief.

    Bully Ray comes out and gets owned by Park and the audience on the mic before pushing Park down.

    So the fatal four way ends with RVD winning after Roode took 3 finishers leaving Bob van Dam to make his stipulation which will be a ladder match. Then when it couldn’t get any better AByss comes out and leaves his brother a warning because Chris couldn’t have done it during the Bully Ray/Joe Park segment because he can not be in two places as once unless you have that 2pac hologram but I digress.

    Here’s to Sacrifice and finally ending that Television Menage a trois.

    PNT NR out!!

     

  7. Impact Wrestling: 06/23/11

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    It’s Thursday, and that means it’s time for Impact Wrestling! But not just any episode, no. This one will feature footage and matches from the BaseBrawl event held in Buffalo on June 18th in which Bored Wrestling Fan founder ThinkSoJoE was present for. You can check out his breakdown here, and I’ll do my best to keep a look out for him as I delve into this episode. With the preamble out of the way, let’s hop to it, shall we?

    (more…)