Tag Archive: Vicki Guerrero

  1. RYTMAN’S RECAP – RAW 05/06/2013

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    All quotes are courtesy of Twitter @WWEUniverse

    We open with a “special report” of Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar “invading” WWE headquarters.  We are shown stills, and told there is more to come later.

    We recap Ryback leaving Cena to the mercy of The Shield (who has none.)

    Monday Night RAHHHHHHHH opens with John Cena running to the ring, because you want to do that w/a bad heel.  The announce team of Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, and Jerry Lawler sell the injury more than he does.

    Cena helps himself to Daniel Bryan’s “YES/NO” gimmick, and explains that competing in the main event last week wasn’t good for his hurt foot, and he hasn’t been 100% since 2005, but that will not stop him from defending the title at Extreme Rules.

    Managing Supervisor of RAW, Vicki Guerrero makes her entrance w/her standard “EXCUSE ME!” shtick, which has REALLY run out of steam to confront Cena.  She calls out Ryback wanting to give them both the chance to be heard regarding their match at Extreme Rules.

    Vicki asks John to tell us what kind of stipulation he wants for the title match.  Cena offers Ryback the options of “running away like a scared little girl match,” where you win by running away first, or a “bitching contest.” Cena tells Vicki she can make it a “Vicki’s Granny Panties on A Pole Match,” but quickly changes his mind.

     “No man, woman or child should have to see that…” – @JohnCena, #RAW

    Ryback responds by saying he’s smart enough to walk away from a fight at the wrong time.  He chooses to make it a Last Man Standing match (and I think calls Cena “Shawn” by accident.)

    Rytman Remark: Considering the last two “Last Man standing” matches they’ve done, I’m starting to think these guys just want an excuse to tie each other up in duct-tape. (Cock Talk, Sunday @ 4p.m. on Mixlr, after BWF Radio @ 2p.m., 1 p.m. in my area.  Believe me that can be really uncomfortable.)

    We’re reminded of the Heyman/Lesnar “invasion” that we’ll be seeing later tonight, as Ran-dal KEETH Or-ton makes his way out to the ring.

    Back from break, we’re shown a clip from Smackdown of Or-Ton defeating Sandow, Big Show distracting Orton, allowing Sandow to hit him w/the “term-in-ous,” after their match.

    Sandow makes his entrance w/his own take on Orton’s theme…

    “And now a song…”

    “Randy has voices inside his head, just watching him puts me to bed, puts me to sleep…”

    “Randy walks down here on this ramp, his expression stays the same…”

    “Does his pose up in the corner, can’t think of anything more lame…”

    “All his tattoos are disgusting…”

    “All that oil on him is heinous…”

    “I guess you get to sit back and watch me beat this ignoramus…” – Damien Sandow

    “You’re Welcome.” – Damien Sandow

    RANDY ORTON DEF. DAMIEN SANDOW – A riled up Orton goes right after Sandow.  Sandow escapes to the outside, but Orton goes right after him.  Sandow rolls in/out of the ring w/Orton still on top of him.  Sandow counters a D.D.T. by backing Orton into the guard rail.  Orton takes control right back w/an inverted neck-breaker and dominates as we go to break.

    We come back with Sandow in control w/a chin-lock (what irony.) Sandow beats Orton down and hits the “elbow of disdain.”  Orton fights out and takes over again w/scoop-slams, a drop-kick, D.D.T. off the second rope, and the RKO.

    After the match, Big Show comes out of nowhere and clocks Orton w/the big right hand as Orton makes his way up the ramp.

    Rytman Remark: Sandow is a brilliant heel.  Too bad he’s in WWE.

    Later tonight, World Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler meets Alberto Del Rio one-on-one.

    Next up is Fandango, who we see rehearsing w/his dance partner, NOT SUMMER RAE!

    DUN-DUN-DUHHHHHN!

    Back from break THE WALLS DOWN!

    JERICHO IS HERE!  Jericho comes out in all his sparkly jacket glory as we take a look back at him brutalizing FAHN-Johnny Curtis back in London, and stealing a dance from Summer Rae.

    RAW IS JERICHO!!! And we know that Fan-Dumbo is coming out next, Jericho has decided to put together a judge’s panel to critique Fan-Dodge Durango, Fan-Dimple, Fan-Dingle berry, Fan-Day Glow, Fan-doodle, Fan-GOIN TO A GO-GO!  DON’TCHA WANNA GO!?  Jericho introduces our judges, Tons of Funk w/the Funkadactyls,

    Johnny Curtis (I AM NOT PLAYING ALONG ANYMORE!) makes his entrance, led out by a lovely lady who is NOT SUMMER RAE!

    DUN-DUN-DUHHHN!

    Nor is she bringing up three very lovely girls.

    The judges give Johnny a two, a one, and a two, for his entrance.  Johnny gets angry, Johnny gets mad, and Johnny brings up Jericho’s “failure” on Dancing with The Stars, saying it doesn’t make him an expert.

    R-Truth is out and apparently he will face off w/Curtis tonight.

    R-TRUTH DEF. JOHNNY-OK FINE-FAHN-DAHN-GO! – The two men put together less than a minutes worth of spots until Fahn-fuck it, the dancer guy rolls to the outside.  R-Truth gives us a few steps, and the judges give him a ten, a ten, and a 42 because Brodus can’t find his ten.  An angry dancer grabs his date and takes a count-out loss.

    “Who do these judges work for? Don King?” – @JCLayfield, #RAW

    Rytman Remark: “Phuck you.”

    We come back from break to see Triple H doing a spot for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer foundation for mother’s day.

    We take a look at Ryback getting the win over Daniel Bryan on Smackdown last Friday, followed by Bryan taking a beating from the Shield.  Bryan gets interviewed by Josh Matthews, and challenges Ryback to a rematch.  Ryback comes out to refuse and call Bryan half the man that he is.  Kane is up in Ryback’s face, making a challenge of his own.  Ryback says Kane isn’t the monster he used to be, gives him the hash tag (#Ryback Rules,) and walks off.

    Back at ringside, Ricardo Rodriguez is out to introduce ALBERTOOOOOOOOO DELLLLLLL RRRRRRRIO!  He’s facing Dolph Ziggler and friends next.

    Rytman Remark: Dolph Ziggler and friends will be the next animated cartoon produced by WWE.  Dolph, Big E. and AJ will all be teens going to school in outer-space and solving mysteries while singing fake pop-songs…

    (Rytman just starts crying.)

    ALBERTO DEL RIO (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) DEF. WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/AJ and Big E.) BY DQ – We’re shown a replay of Del Rio getting a submission win over Ziggler in a three-way tag match on the last Smackdown as the Dolph-tourage (Copyright; Robert Rytman) makes their way to the ring.  The match itself is a back-and-forth of spots until Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter make their way out to join on commentary.  Zeb mentions slapping Big E. in the face and how he could beat the French.  Big E. grabs ADR by the face and tosses him into Swagger.  Swagger takes Big E. into the post and grabs a ladder from under the ring.  Ricardo tries to stop him, but gets tossed and brutalized w/the ladder.  Swagger goes off on Del Rio and Ziggler w/the ladder, and walks off w/Zeb, leaving their opponents scattered all over the ring.

    We get a recap of Ryback choosing the stipulation for his match w/Cena and go to break.

    Rytman Remark: Why did Del Rio choose a type of match where not only do his opponents have the same experience and success rate as him, but one where he has to climb on a bad leg? 

    We’re back, and talking about WWE’s new partnership w/Yahoo, which will bring us a RAW online pre-show because meatloaf.

    It makes as much sense as anything else.

    Backstage: Kaitlin and the Funkadactyls are discussing her “secret admirer.” Naomi jokes about him being a stalker, and locking her up in a basement because violence towards women is always funny (Cock Talk, 4 p.m. Sunday on Mixlr, after BWF Radio @ 2 p.m. Eastern, 1 p.m. in my area.  Believe me, it hurts.) Natalya offers to have the Great Khali go “undercover” in the men’s locker room (Cock Talk – Sunday 4 p.m. after BWF Radio @ 2 p.m. Eastern on Mixlr,) to find out who it is (Hornswoggle.) Everybody leaves, and the Bellas step out from behind a curtain where they were eavesdropping because apparently this is now a Hanna-Barbera cartoon.

    Rytman Remark: Anyone besides me wanna duct-tape the Bellas to a BBQ spit? I’m just asking.

    The Shield is out.  They make their way to the ring as we take a look back at Dean Ambrose getting a win over Kane on Smackdown last Friday.  They’re in tag team action after the break.

    THE SHIELD DEF. WWE U.S. CHAMPION KOFI KINGSTON AND THE USOS – Usos start off strong but Roman Reigns soon turns the tide.  Kofi gets a hot tag and hits most of his spots.  Match breaks down into a brawl, and Kofi gets shoved off the top rope.  Ambrose ends this w/a Short-step Bulldog on Kofi for the three-count.

    This Wednesday on Main Event, Antonio Cesaro will face Randy Orton.  As Cesaro comes to the ring, we’re shown a recap – picking up a pattern here people? – of the AMAZING Cesaro/Kingston U.S. title match where Kofi defended successfully, and walked away… less successfully, being ambushed and partially Scalped by Cesaro.

    ANTONIO CESARO DEF. ZACK RYDER BUT YOU SHOULD’VE KNOWN THAT THE MOMENT I TYPED “ZA…” – Ryder gets in a few offensive spots, but Cesaro dominates this w/his combo of strength, mat wrestling, and brute force.  This ends with a neutralizer and a three-count for Cesaro.

    Cesaro grabs the mike, makes a “World’s most interesting man,” reference and runs down a list of WWE programming…

     “I put the “W” in @WWE. There’s nobody on NXT, Saturday Morning Slam, Superstars, Main Event, Smackdown, and Monday Night #Raw that can hold a candle to what I can do in this ring.” – @AntonioCesaro

    Okay, so this is our main course for the evening, the “invasion” of WWE HQ by Heyman and Lesnar.  We’re shown some security footage stills of the two entering the building, and then we go to break.

    Back from break, we’re live w/Paul Heyman via satellite.  He gives us an exclusive video of him and Lesnar entering WWE HQ, threatening WWE employees, and trashing Triple H’s office, because one of the greatest minds in wrestling thought it would be a good idea to make a video of his client committing a felony.

    “The destruction in this office is exactly what awaits @TripleH when he steps inside the #SteelCage at #ExtremeRules!” @HeymanHustle #RAW

    “@BrockLesnar is going to take @TripleH to the EXTREME. And then, he’ll go further … and further … and further….” – @HeymanHustle

    TIME TO PLAY THE GAAAAAAAAAAME!!!

    Triple H is out to say Heyman looks like a baby chick, and remind us all he was the founding father of Degeneration X and the one who knocked Lesnar out at Wrestlemania.  He then talks about the trashing of his office…

    “I’m standing in my other office … and this office has one hell of a view! … This office is more like my home!” – @TripleH, #RAW

    And this is my favorite moment of the night.  Triple H finishes his promo, then there’s a moment of awkward silence – which is another theme of the night – And that’s when the crowd realizes he’s waiting for them!  HE HAS TO CUE THE CROWD TO CHEER!

    Rytman Remark:  HE HAS TO CUE THE CROWD TO CHEER!

    We go to break.

    We come back to AJ and the Bellas walking out for their six diva tag match against Kaitlin/the Funkadactyls.  This is followed by a promo for the new E! Show, “Total Divas,” which I’m guessing will focus on the Bellas.

    WWE DIVA’S CHAMPION KAITLIN/THE FUNKADACTYLS (NAOMI/CAMERON) VS. AJ LEE/THE BELLA SISTERS – AJ dominates Cameron, Cameron is a screamer, (Cock Talk – Sunday 4 p.m. after BWF Radio @ 2 p.m. Eastern on Mixlr,) AJ hits her w/two neck-breakers without letting her go, (nifty.) Cameron takes over, tags in Kaitlyn, AJ goes for a tag, the Bellas bail on her, AJ takes a spear by Kaitlyn for the three-count.

    “She just pinned all three personalities!” – @JCLayfield #RAW

    Rytman: When did this Kaitlin get three personalities?

    Mark Henry is next after the break.

    “Be a Star,” promo with P. Diddy, the guy I personally think killed Biggie/Tupac.

    Mark Henry is out here to cut a promo on Sheamus acting real tough.  That’s where the problem is.  Henry doesn’t have to act tough.  He Is Tough.  Henry shows us him jumping Sheamus during interviews on Smackdown and RAW.

    Sheamus interrupts Henry with his entrance.  He shows us the parts of the video he left out.  Sheamus shows us him punking out Henry in a tug of war on RAW, and an arm wrestling match on Smackdown.

    Henry tells Sheamus he shouldn’t be joking around.  Sheamus calls Henry a bear w/a sore head.  They get ready to fight right there and then, and Barrett comes out.

    Barrett vs. Sheamus after the break

    SHEAMUS DEF. WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMP WADE BARRETT – During the break, Henry joined the commentary team and apparently Cole made Henry mad.  Henry calls Cole “ate up with Stupid,” and tells Bradshaw to carry this like always.  Everyone takes turns telling Cole to shut-up.  During the match, Sheamus FAKES OUT tossing Barrett into Henry.  Henry flinches and spills out of the chair.  Henry gets mad and runs into a Brogue kick by Sheamus.  Henry is down, and for a moment I think he’s hurt legit when trainers rush over to him.  This is just a ruse however, so Henry can pull a belt off the attendant and go after Sheamus.  Sheamus hits “White Noise” and the Brogue Kick on Barrett for the three-count.  Sheamus is beaten down with the belt and take a “World’s Strongest Slam” on the arena floor.  Henry walks off.  Attendants try to help Sheamus.

    Rytman: A lot about tonight’s show could be considered “ate up w/stupid.” And I’m sorry, but I’m starting to hate JBL more than Cole.

    Back from break, we get the major announcement we’ve all been waiting for… next week, it’s official!

    JERICHO!

    VS.

    FANDANGO!

    IN A DANCE OFF!

    We get another re-cap of the Heyman/Lesnar “Invasion” and we move on to our Main Event…

    RYTMAN: AN ACTUAL WRESTLING MATCH!  TWO WEEKS IN A ROW!  THE MAIN EVENT IS A WRESTLING MATCH! 

    WHOOPDEE-PHUCKIN’-DOO!

    RYBACK DEF. WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION KANE – Ryback will be on Jericho’s Highlight Reel this Friday on Smackdown.  This match is a hard fought brawl, with the momentum going back and forth.  Ryback sends Kane into the guard rail and takes over as we go to break…

    Ryback is still in control as we come back, until he runs into a boot from Kane.  Kane dominates Ryback until he runs into a spine-buster.  Kane counters a Shell-Shock attempt w/a suplex, but makes the mistake of taking this fight to the top rope.  Ryback crotches Kane and hits the Shell-Shock for a three-count.

    SIERRA, HOTEL, INDIA, ECHO, LIMA, DELTA, BELIVE IN THE SHIELD…

    Everyone’s favorite militia makes their appearance.  Ryback bails as Daniel Bryan runs to the aid of Kane, followed by WWE Champion John Cena.  Cena and Bryan manage to fight off the hounds of justice pretty well by themselves.  Ryback has a chair and takes a few weak swings at the Shield, but really unloads on Cena with it as Cena tries to AA Roman Reigns.  RAW ends w/Ryback; standing over a fallen John Cena.

    Rytman’s Review: …

    Ugh.

    That’s it, that’s all I have.

    Last week, you could at least give them credit for having a few solid, if predictable matches.  This week had NOTHING!  The slight amount of actual in-ring action was more like filler than any of the dumb skits.  I’ll give them credit for making Swagger, Cesaro, and even Ryback looking strong here, but that’s it.

    In conclusion, I wonder if WWE even wants to do RAW anymore.

  2. RYTMANS RAW REVIEW 06/04/2012

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    We open with a video package focusing on the Big Show, and recapping his heel turn and subsequent rampage on RAW and SMACKDOWN, where he put down Brodus Clay, Kofi Kingston and R-Truth, Zack Ryder and Santino.
    Our opening segment is Michael Cole interviewing John Cena. Cole blames Cena for shows rampage and intros him.
    Cena comes in, seeming quite upbeat in his Green t-shirt and cap. Cole tries to shame Cena into going for cheap jokes instead of supporting Big Show. John argues that beating and getting rid of Johnny Ace would’ve gotten Show his job back. Cole says it’s not all about Cena and Show went with the “sure thing,” signing w/Johnny. Cena says Show wanted “a wallet the side of his ego,” and took the easy way out, and turned his back on everybody. Cole says Cena isn’t “interested” anymore and calls Cena “over-rated.” He hopes Show, for the sake of all of us who had to sit through his matches, puts Cena out of “our collective misery,” and takes him out.
    Cue Johnny Ace. Johnny comes out and offers Cena the chance to pick an opponent for tonight. Show isn’t here, and Johnny is retired and off limits. Cena picks Cole, and Johnny rolls out while Cole desperately pleads for Johnny to come back.
    Later tonight: Punk vs. Kane, there must be a winner.
    DID YOU KNOW? Wrestlemania 28 has outsold the Super Bowl on DVD.
    We’re back, and Cole is begging Johnny to reconsider. Johnny says there’s a rumor going around about up-coming evaluations and he’s all about people power, and the people want to see Cena vs. Cole. John sends him back to work, and one more thing…
    “Don’t call me Johnny,” – Johnny Laurenitis Laurinitis Ace.
    We get another look at World heavyweight champion Sheamus taking David Otunga out with the Brogue Kick on last week’s Smackdown.
    Vicki Guerrero comes out with an “EXCUSE ME,” to introduce the man who is “better than each and every one,” of us “at everything” we do, Dolph Ziggler. Sheamus is out next while Cole and King hype the match between Sheamus and Alberto Del Rio at No Way Out.
    The bell rings. Ziggler ducks under a charging Sheamus and lays in with kicks and punches. Sheamus fires back with forearm smashes. Ziggler whipped into the corner, Ziggler hits an elbow and takes Sheamus down with a kick to the shin. Ziggler shoots off the ropes, Sheamus catches him and hoists him up on his shoulders, Ziggler slides down behind him and tries for a sunset flip, but Sheamus pulls him up by the head back on his shoulders, and scores a running Samoan Drop for a two count.
    Ziggler in the ropes, as Sheamus gouges at his face. Sheamus shoots off the ropes, Ziggler pulls down the top rope, Sheamus over and out to the floor. Sheamus pulls Ziggler out by his heels, pulls him up by the hair, throws him over his shoulder and heads for the corner post. Ziggler slips down behind him and tries to shove him into the post, but Sheamus blocks it and elbows Ziggler back.
    Sheamus tries to whip Ziggler into the stairs, but Ziggler meets them feet first and climbs up and over without breaking his momentum. Vicki distracts Sheamus allowing Dolph to climb back in and hit a sliding dropkick. Sheamus is down, and Ziggler plays to the crowd.
    COMMERCIAL
    We’re back and Ziggler has Sheamus in a chin lock/arm bar combo. Sheamus gets to his feet and hits two head buts but shoos off the ropes into a knee by Ziggler. Ziggler takes Sheamus down in a cross face. We’re shown how, during the commercial, Sheamus missed a charge and went shoulder first into the corner. Ziggler hits an arm breaker and has had control since. Ziggler has the chin lock arm bar combo again but Sheamus gets up and head buts Ziggler backwards. Ziggler goes into the corner with a shoulder-block and Sheamus hits two axe-handle forearms and a power slam for a two count. Ziggler ducks a clothes-line and hits a kick to the mid-section, shin, and jumps on Sheamus with the DDT. Both men down, Ziggler gets a two-count. Ziggler climbs the corner, Sheamus gets two hits, but Ziggler hits a flurry of kicks, punches, and elbows. Ziggler takes Sheamus by the hair and hits a Fame-Asser off the top rope for a two count.
    Both men stagger to their feet. Ziggler jumps on Sheamus with a sleeper attempt, but Sheamus tosses him off. Ziggler jumps into the “white noise” by Sheamus. Sheamus hits the “Brogue Kick” on Ziggler and gets a three count.
    Sheamus walks out a winner but gets ambushed by Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez. Sheamus goes down, head-first into the set and Del Rio slaps on the cross-arm-breaker, with Sheamus’ shoulder against the edge of the stage. Officials check him over as we go to commercial.
    We come back with Johnny Ace demanding coffee from a crew member. David Otunga enters to tell Jonny about an announcement on WWE.com. Vince McMahon will be on RAW next week to evaluate Johnny’s job performance. John acts confident.
    We fade in to Cole and Jerry. Cole says this explains why Johnny has him wrestling Cena. He just wants to impress Mr. McMahon.
    Sin Cara, rocking the new Red/Silver look, makes his entrance. Next out is Hunico w/Camacho. This will be one on one.
    Hunico scores a low kick and clubs Sin Cara w/forearms. Sin Cara whipped in, flips into the ropes, flips over Hunico, takes Hunico by the hand, hits a kick, climbs the ropes, flips 360 degrees over Hunico, arm drags him out to the floor, and hits the hurraconrana on the outside.
    Sin Cara tosses Hunico back in, jumps over the top rope, over Hunico with a sunset flip attempt. Hunico rolls out and hits a kick to the head for a one count.
    Hunico stomps Sin Cara, hooks his arms, takes him up in double under hook suplex and drops him back first on the knee for a two count.
    Chin lock by Hunico. Hunico hoists Sin Cara up on his shoulders and spins, Cara holds on to the arm and scores an arm drag take-down.
    Hunico charges into Cara’s feet, misses a second charge. Cara charges in, Hunico backdrops him to the outside apron, Cara holds the top rope and scores a double kick, followed by a hurriconrana and a drop kick.
    Sin Cara charges, Hunico tries a hip toss but Cara ricochets off the ropes and gets an inverted arm drag, followed by a springing back elbow.
    Sin Cara hits a dropkick on Camacho, runs into a slam attempt by Hunico, lands feet first and gets a flying head-scissors/face plant combo for the three-count.
    Ryback is up next, and we go to commercial with a brief video recap of his wins.
    COMMERCIAL
    Promo for RAW 1000 next week, Cenas favorite RAW memory is getting picked for team RAW in the draft.
    We’re back in the ring with the team of Rosenberg and Stansky, from Downers Grove, Illinois. They introduce themselves w/a poem.
    “He may be undefeated, but perhaps he’s never heard, of the two men that will defeat him –Stan Stansky and Arthur Rosenberg. We’ve watched the men that tried (?) and he’s crushed them then and again, on a scale of one to five, the two of us are a ten, So sit back and relax, eat your popcorn, have some fun, cause’ tonight, Ryback will understand, why two is greater than one.” – Stan Stansky; and Arthur Rosenberg
    Cole is unimpressed.
    Ryback enters with a huge close up on his face and pyro off camera. The match begins and Ryback LAUNCHES one opponent into the air with a simple back drop. The picture goes out for a second and Lawler jokes about the guy “taking out the satellite.” The second guy leaps into Ryback and gets tossed into his partner. Ryback takes the first opponent up in suplex position, and then does a brief march before dropping him. He tosses both men into a corner and crushes them with a shoulder charge. He shoots off the ropes and takes BOTH MEN DOWN WITH ONE CLOTHESLINE. Ryback hooks both men in a suplex position and hoists them both up on his shoulders. He marches briefly, takes a short run and drops back down on both men for the three-count.
    Punk vs. Kane is next.
    There MUST be a winner.
    COMMERCIAL
    C.M. Punk comes out to “Cult of Personality,” while we hype the triple threat match at No Way Out for the WWE title. Cole begs Johnny to call off the main event. Johnny hangs up on him. Daniel Bryan comes out and grabs the mike for “Q&A time.”
    “Has AJ gone completely delusional, since I dumped her? Yes! Will Kane destroy C.M. Punk tonight? Yes!
    At No Way Out, in the triple threat match, will I become the new WWE champion? YES! YES! YES!” – Daniel Bryan
    Kane’s pyro goes off while Bryan takes a seat. The WWE has a poll up on the website, “who is the greatest threat to C.M. Punk, Kane, Daniel Bryan… or AJ?”
    Punk and Kane lock up. Kane forces Punk to the corner, and beats him down with a knee, punches, and stomping. He takes punk by the head into another corner, and continues the beat down. Kane whips Punk across the ring, charges into a big boot by Punk. Punk scores a jumping thrust kick, and takes Kane over and out with a clothes line. Punk hits the ropes and launches himself shoulder first into Kane, putting him down. Punk goes up on a corner and hits a flying axe-handle. Punk forces Kane back in the ring. He goes up top and hits him with a flying body press for a two count.
    Punk scores a few kicks to the mid-section but runs into a knee. Kane hits the low drop-kick to the head for a two count. Kane shoves Punk by the head into a corner and hits a punch. He goes outside the ring to send Punk back with a shot to the face. He stomps Punk down and drops several elbows to Punks chest for a two count.
    Kane body slams Punk and drops the leg for a two count, then locks Punk up in a chin lock-leg scissors combo, but Punk elbows out of it. Punk takes over with kicks, forearm shots, and elbows. Kane scoops him up but Punk slides down behind him and scores a hard kick to the mid section. Punk charges, but Kane catches him by the neck and tosses him over the top rope to the floor. Daniel Bryan laughs.
    COMMERCIAL
    We’re back and Punk hooks a sleeper attempt while Cole begs Daniel Bryan for help in his match with John Cena. Kane drops Punk with a belly to back suplex, and gets a two count.
    Kane has Punk in a chin lock. Punk elbows out, and gives Kane a few shots but gets caught in a side-slam for a two count.
    Kane goes to the top rope, but Punk rockets up to meet him with a kick to the head, and both men are down. Punk scores the high-knee/bulldog combo for a two count.
    Punk goes outside and springs to the top rope for a flying clothesline and a two count.
    Punk tries to get Kane up on his shoulders for a “go to sleep,” but can’t hold him. Punk shoots off the ropes into a big boot by Kane and a two count.
    Kane gets set for a choke slam, but Punk ducks, hooks the arm and gets a neck breaker for two.
    While Bryan looks on, Punk goes to the top rope. Kane scores a shot to the face, and attempts a Superplex, but Punk fights him off. Kane goes down, and Punk hits a flying elbow for two.
    Punk connects with a sliding kick, and lays in with forearms. Kane sends him hard, into the barricade, and crawls back in the ring. Bryan scores two kicks to Punk while the ref is busy with Kane.
    Kane brings Punk back in with a hip toss and tries another choke-slam, Punk scores a kick to the head.
    Both men are down, and AJ runs out. AJ argues with the ref, Bryan starts yelling at AJ, Punk launches himself into Bryan and bounces his head on the barricade.
    Punk slides back in the ring and Kane scores a choke slam for the three-count.
    AJ gets in the ring to tend to Punk. Kane stares at AJ. Bryan hits Kane, Kane kicks Bryan out. Kane turns back to AJ. AJ, SMILES at Kane. Kane looks confused, and leaves. AJ looks confused, and goes back to Punk. Bryan looks confused.
    We do a promo for Cole vs. Cena and go to commercial.
    DID YOU KNOW? WWE has more Facebook fans than MLB.
    Josh Mathews interview AJ, asking about the “look” she gave Kane. AJ goes “manic pixie girl” (key word – manic,) on Josh and scares him off.
    We recap Cena challenging Cole at the beginning of the show. Cole begs the WWE universe to use social media to beg Johnny Ace to call off the match. We go to a promo for Big Show, talking about how after 18 years of everybody else’s crap, we’re all gonna feel his pain.
    Tag Team Champions R-Truth and Kofi Kingston come out as we go to commercial.
    We’re back, and it’s Kofi in the ring w/Curt Hawkins. Kofi and Truth are all taped up, selling injuries from last week. Kofi and Curtis lock up, Kofi gets a wrist lock, Hawkins counters into a side head lock, Kofi sends him into the ropes, and Hawkins scores a shoulder block, hits the ropes, Kofi down, Hawkins over, Kofi leapfrogs twice and hits an elbow for a two count.
    Kofi pulls Hawkins back w/the hammerlock, tags in R-Truth, double whip into a double hip toss, Kofi hits a kick to the face, Truth does a jumping split, hits the ropes, does a spin and drops a leg for a two count.
    Hawkins tags in his partner, Tyler Recks, who runs into a leg-trip, take down; misses a clothesline attempt and R-Truth hits a spiraling forearm.
    Truth pummels Recks in the corner. Hawkins takes a cheap shot from outside. Truth kicks him to the floor, but Recks pulls Truth back down hard, and beats on him. He picks him up in a back-breaker, and tags in Hawkins.
    Hawkins gets in a shot to the side, a knee to the back, and tags back out to Recks, who stomps on Truth.
    Truth and Recks trade shots. Recks pick Truth up in a slam, but Truth slides out and hits a jumping thrust kick. Recks tags in Hawkins, Truth tags in Kofi. Kofi comes off the top rope with the “superman punch,” to Hawkins, a boot to Recks, and a clothesline, knife chop, dropkick combo to Hawkins. Kofi hits another flying punch, and gives Hawkins the “boom boom” double leg drop.
    Kofi, in the corner, signals for “Trouble in Paradise,” but has to take out Recks. Hawkins misses a clothesline, Kofi misses the kick, Hawkins shoves him into the corner, Kofi hits a flying body press for two, but Recks breaks it up.
    Truth runs into a boot by Recks, Recks tosses him out, Truth pulls Recks out by the ankles to the floor, Hawkins misses a charge and Kofi connects with the “Trouble in Paradise” kick for the three-count.
    Cole is told his match with Cena is next. Cena walks to the ring with a smile the length of his entire face, while Cole palms his face.
    COMMERCIAL
    Promo for RAW 1000: Triple Hs’ best RAW memory, making a big comeback from leg surgery on Jan 7, 2002.
    We’re back, and Cena gets introduced for his match, Cole tries to talk his way out of it. Johnny Ace rolls in on his chair, and makes it a no dq match… if Cena can beat Tensai.
    They lock up, and Tensai scores an elbow to Cenas head. Tensai punches Cena into the corner and beats him down with punching and stomping. Tensai gets a head butt, and pummels Cena into the ropes. Tensai digs his boot into Cena as the crowd starts the “Let’s go Cena/Cena Sucks,” chant.
    Tensai catapults Cena neck-first into the middle rope. Cena gets up, and trades punches with Tensai. Cena fights him back, and takes him over and out to the floor with a clothesline.
    Cena throws Tensai back in the ring, but Sakamoto gets two strong kicks to Cena while the ref isn’t looking. Michael Cole cheers as we go to commercial.
    We come back to Tensai squeezing Cenas head. Cena fights out with a dropkick, but Tensai takes him down with a clothesline.
    Tensai picks him up into the corner, whips him across the ring, and hits him with an “avalanche.” Tensai tries it again, but runs into Cenas boots. Cena scores a bulldog from the top rope, but when he tries a suplex, Tensai floats over and drops down on Cenas arm. Tensai hits Cena with a charge and gets a two count.
    Tensai sends Cena to the floor with a big head butt. Michael Cole takes the chance to taunt Cena. Tensai bounces Cenas head off the announce table. Cole gets in a slap, and Jerry gets up to shove Cole back.
    Jerry and Cole get heated at each other while Tensai beats Cena down, and whips him into the stairs.
    Cena just beats the ten-count to get back in the ring. Tensai hooks a double underarm suplex for a two count, but misses a senton splash. Cena hits a shoulder block, ducks a clothesline, and gets Tensai down with another shoulder block. Cena clocks Sakamoto, ducks a shot from Tensai, gets him up in a cradle-drop suplex, hits the five knuckle shuffle, gets him up in the “AA” and gets the three-count.
    And now, the “main event,” of the evening; Cole has to face John Cena in a no dq match. Cena is all smiles; Cole looks like he’s facing foreclosure on his home. Cole gets up… and runs into the audience. Cena catches him, and after a noogie or two, tosses him over the railing. Cole runs to the announcers’ seat and grabs a mike as Cena throws him back in the ring.
    Cole tries to talk Cena out of the match; however it quickly turns into an angry promo about how important he is. This leads to Cena ripping all Coles’ clothes off and mimicking Big Shows’ “shhh” routine before slapping the hell out of Cole.
    Cena grabs Cole in a chin lock and makes him apologize into the mike, to Jerry Lawler, then to J.R. The logical follow up is to pour BBQ sauce all over him. Cena follows this up with his hilarious fire extinguisher routine, spraying Cole until Tensai sneaks in a double choke-slam. Cole gets a cheap two-count, and then tries to whack Cena with the extinguisher. Cena catches him in the “AA,” and this match finally ends.

  3. Getting back to normal – SmackDown 7/11/08

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    Despite matches featuring the WWE Champion, the US Champion, the WWE Tag Team Champions, and the two women who will be competing for the new Divas Championship at The Great American Bash, this show was completely centered around the relationship between the number one contender for the WWE Championship, Edge, and his former fiancee, SmackDown General Manager Vicki Guerrero.  Not that I’m complaining – I’m a huge Edgehead.  I just think the champions should’ve had some mic time or something, since, y’know, they are champions.  Oh well, whatever.  Not really much to this week’s show – not saying it wasn’t entertaining, there just wasn’t much to it.

    The review, after the jump.
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  4. Why John Cena appeals to kids – RAW, 7/7/08

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    I gotta say, I loved the atmosphere on RAW last night. It hearkened back to the 90’s, where anything could, and usually would happen on the Monday night wrestling programs.  Some of it may have been intentional, but the reactions of people involved at least made it seem like they weren’t.  I’ll talk about that more in depth later on in the article.  I’ve also figured out why the younger set love John Cena – his humor is on the same level as theirs, which is another thing I’ll discuss more in-depth as the review goes on.

    That said, let’s jump right in – after the jump!
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  5. Edge’s week from hell: SmackDown 7/4/08

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    Not your typical Fourth of July WWE show.  Sure, they had red, white, and blue ropes.  Sure, there was a Fourth of July Fatal Four Way for the US title.  Sure they opened with a video package celebrating our nation’s independence.  It’s just that, there wasn’t a real party atmosphere last night on SmackDown, particularly for a certain World Championship-less Canadian.  Edge showed up late for work, and was in a really bad mood, which only grew worse by the end of the night.  The Rated R Superstar had the worst Monday of his life this past week, and felt like everybody was against him when he came to work on Friday.  Why is that?  I guess you’ll have to read my whole SmackDown review to find out!

    The whole review, after the jump.
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