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R.I.P. Luna Vachon.

[Joker voice] And here we…go!

Terribly sorry everyone, but I feel like crap.  I don’t know what’s wrong, I’m just exhausted and what not.  So, thanks to that… I’m going to be shortening the RAW review to the bare minimum.  Just the important parts and the matches/who won.  So… yeah.  Here we go!

According to the commercial that came on about five minutes before RAW did, Eve has invoked her rematch clause for the Diva’s Championship against Alicia Fox, and tonight, we’ll find out what the mystery General Manager has in store for Nexus.

We start of RAW with Nexus (and Wade Barrett this week) standing in a line in the ring.  Wade says attacking Vince McMahon was just part of a bigger picture.  Sheffield says that they attacked Ricky Steamboat and the Legends just for fun, which wasn’t why they attacked the others.    An email from the GM says that he’s decided on a punishment for Nexus for their attack on Vince: None of the Nexus can compete for a WWE Title until further notice.  Furthermore, the ruling of Nexus members not being able to touch WWE Superstars and vice-versa has been lifted.  Cena comes out, followed by Randy, Truth, Evan, John Morrison, and the Hart Dynasty.  the Superstars are attacked by Sheamus, Uso’s, Ted, Jericho, Miz, and Edge.  Nexus has disappeared.  The faces are left standing in the ring.  Sheamus says that the heels don’t want to help him.  Randy says that he and Cena will never be friends unless they have to, and says that they should finish what they started with the seven heels.  An email from the GM says that if they want action, they’ll get it.  All eight members of the Money in the Bank Ladder Match will be against one another in singles competition.  Cena will face Barrett tonight, but it won’t be a match.  The GM want Cena and Barrett to call a truce.  Cena says that instead of calling a truce, how about he knocks Barrett’s teeth out.  GM says he needs Cena to be the bigger man and he trusts Cena to do the right thing, or else his  actions will be met with the appropriate consequences, and… that’s the bottom line, because the GM said so.

<COMMERCIAL>

John Morrison vs Ted DiBiase with Maryse

Maryse sits ringside and calls Cole out for calling her a gold digger.  I’m actually a little amused by her, especially that she answered the phone during the match, and just insults Cole.  It makes me laugh.  Anyway, she jacks Morrison’s jacket and distracts him so that Ted can get a cheap shot… or four?  DiBiase hits Dream Street for the win.

Ted DiBiase wins by pinfall.

Santino and Vladimir Kozlov make their way to the ring (“Italia and Russia together again! Like World War 2! Except this time, no Nazis.” – Santino Marealla), and later, John Cena and Wade Barrett are supposed to call a truce… yeah right.

<COMMERCIAL>

Slam of the Week: Vladimir Kozlov defeats Santino Marella and then beats up William Regal after Regal attacks Santino.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs William Regal and The Great Khali

Regal calls them oxygen thieves before the match even starts and makes me laugh.  Regal calls Khali a monster, which makes me roll my eyes… At any rate, Kozlov demolishes Regal, then tags Santino in, almost getting in trouble, Santino gets demolished by Regal, and Kozlov pins Regal.

Vladimir Kozlov and Santino Marella win via pinfall.

After the match, Khali climbs in the ring, and tells Santino and Vladimir to stand Regal up, and just knocks him in the head.  Khali and Santino, and Ranjin, dance, and Vladimir wonders where his days of glory went off to.

Later on tonight, Edge brings Chris Jericho and Evan Bourne to The Cutting Edge, as well as information on Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat and the other Legends after last week’s assault.

<COMMERCIAL>

Arn Anderson says that Ricky’s attack was serious.  Sheamus shows up and mocks Anderson, essentially, calling him a pathetic old man.  Anderson says that they have to get out of the way of their egos and work on Nexus, or the company, and their careers, are going to go up in flames.

<COMMERCIAL>

United States Champion The Miz vs R-Truth

Miz come sout to Truth’s theme and is rapping, which made me die… It was hilarious.  Before the match even starts, he starts beating on Truth, while I’m still laughing my ass off…  Anyway, Miz just goes off on Truth’s arm.  The bell never officially rang, but for my ego’s sake…

The United States Champion The Miz wins… by ass-kicking.

<COMMERCIAL>

The Cutting Edge: Money In the Bank Pay-Per-View Edition

Edge makes his way to the ring, set up with ladders, and the Money in the Bank briefcase.  He says that he’s smarter than Randy and everyone else there.  Why make seven enemies, when he can make seven powerful allies?  They just need leadership, which he can provide.  He goes to call out Evan Bourne, but Jericho comes out instead.

Jericho says he doesn’t take a back seat to anyone, and that Edge is shamelessly pandering to Nexus.  He was Wade Barrett’s pro, and that helped him win the season.  Chris told Barrett to make an impact, do something never done before.   Edge rubs the loss to Evan Bourne in, and Jericho rubs Edge’s loss at Wrestlemania in.   Edge starts to give Jericho a history lesson, but Edge just wants to be Jericho, according to Jericho.  Edge gets sick of Jericho and attacks him.  Jericho attacks back and puts Edge in the walls of Jericho, but Evan comes out and hits Jericho.  Then, he jumps over a Spear, ducks under both of them, and flips right out of hte ring.  Then the GM sends an email.

The GM says if the audience want to see some action, give him a HELL YEAH.  So, they’re clearing the ring of The Cutting Edge stuff, and the following is going to take place.

<COMMERCIAL>

Edge and Chris Jericho vs Evan Bourne and Randy Orton

Starts off with Orton and Bourne getting some really good momentum, and then Jericho turns it around right before the commercial break.  When we come back, Edge still has the momentum over Bourne, mostly thanks to Jericho beating Bourne during the break.  Randy almost had Jericho set up for the RKO, but Edge interfered and Jericho manage to hit the insigari.  Bourne gets tagged in, and Jericho starts to yell and berate Edge, so Edge spears him.  Bourne hits the Air Bourne for the win.

Randy Orton and Evan Bourne win via pinfall.

Afterward, Randy hits an RKO on Evan, and smirks toward the ramp.

<COMMERCIAL>

Randy walks backstage, and Nexus stops him.  Otunga says that nothing was against Randy, but the WWE Championship match at Fatal 4Way was just to make a statement.  They’re trying to apologize, and they won’t interfere in the Money in the Bank Ladder Match, but they can’t promise anything for the steel cage match.  Otunga says he wants Randy to think about hit next time Cena tries to recruit him.  Randy says he’s heard what they have to say, now get out of his face.

During the previous commercial break, the GM emailed and said that the Hart Dynasty would defend their Unified Tag Team Championships against The Uso’s.  The Uso’s and Tamina tell Josh Matthews that this is the opportunity of the lifetime.  They say they’ll be the new Tag Team Champions, and next week, everyone will know what the Uso’s and Tamina are all about.  Alicia seems upset that she hasn’t been interviewed once since she became the Diva’s Champion.  She asks if it’s because she’s not important, or because he doesn’t care what she has to say, and the WWE Universe says that, yeah, she’s pretty much right.  Anyway, next is the Diva’s Championship match.

<COMMERCIAL>

Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox vs Eve Torres for the Diva’s Championship

Pretty standard Diva’s match, with Alicia faking an ankle injury to get Eve off guard to retain.

Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox retains via pinfall.

<COMMERCIAL>

The GM says that next week, Edge and Randy Orton will go one on one.

Wade Barrett makes his way to the ring as we get back from the commercial break.  Wade says that he wants Cena to come out so they can shake hands like men.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RUBBER FOOD!!!!

Cena comes out and starts checking for Nexus.  He gets in the ring, still looking for Nexus.  Wade says that Cena is not in Nexus’ future plans, regardless of what they’ve done.  Barrett wants to put everything in the past behind them so that they can move on.  The simple fact is that the Nexus Seven are going to be there for a long time and can make his life easy, or a lot harder than it has been.  The choice is Cena’s.

Cena asks, if they shake hands, it stops?  No more looking over his shoulder?  Cena says that the anonymous GM wanted to do this truce, but Cena needs to know if Barrett does, and he needs Barrett’s word.  If they shake hands, this stops.   Cena holds his hand out, and Barrett goes to shake it, but Cena pulls his hand away and asks why stop when they’re having so much fun?!  Cena says take your truces, handshakes, future plans, blah blah blah, crumple them, and stuff them up your Nexus.  The future is that Cena takes down Nexus, whether he does it himself, has help, he gets to every single one of them.

Barrett says that the fact that Cena is even capable of standing in the ring is a testament to, basically, how it isn’t about him.  Barrett is warning Cena: Shake his hand, or Cena will face some very, very severe consequences.  Cena grabs his hand, then starts to get him in an Attitude Adjustment.  The Nexus Seven come out, but then dso does Evan Bourne, John Morrison, Mark Henry, Khali, Goldust, Kozlov, Santino, the Hart Dynasty, Yoshi Tatsu… and I think that was all…  it got hard to tell.  Sorry.  Basically, Nexus is then shoved out of the ring, except Darren Young, who got bitch slapped by Mark Henry.

The GM sends an email: I wanted peace, so if things don’t stop now, there will be consequences.  Cena puts Young in the STF.  The GM sends another email: Cena, because of your actions, you will now face all members of the Nexus next week in a seven-on-one handicapped match.  Cena then begins hammering away on Darren Young again.  Cena then throws the “steel” ring steps at Darren Young’s head, throws Young over the announce table, and then shoves the announce table over on Young.

Next week, I guess we’ll see more of the Nexus.  Until then, seeya around.

Smackdown

The first thing I notice as the camera pans through the crowd, is a guy with a “Bring Back Heat!” sign. I miss Stevie Night Heat… plus some of the fantastic matches that were allowed to occur on that program. Jimmy Yang and Paul London had some stellar bouts…. probably my favorites of all. And, the pregame show to PPV’s were great too…. ahh, but we can’t live in the past Mr. Guy in the Crowd, can we? We need to live in the present, as in tonight’s rendition of Smackdown!

What?  I was supposed to review this at 9?  What?  I was supposed to use tweets?  What?  I should be publishing this right now instead of just starting on it?  What?  Deadline?  What?  Schedule?  What?  Punctuality?  What?  What?  What?  Truth be told, I was unable to catch the beginning of RAW or iMPACT for reasons beyond my control, so I opted to wait until after the shows were over to start writing about them.  So I found a copy of RAW first – and fast! – so we’re going to start with the WWE’s show tonight.  Too bad today’s only 3/15, because with our guest host tonight, 3/16 may have been more appropriate – That’s right, Stone Cold Steve Austin is our host tonight, and he’ll be moderating the contract signing between Bret Hart and Vince McMahon for their WrestleMania match.  Speaking of WrestleMania, it’s WrestleMania rewind night tonight!  We’ll get a rematch from WrestleMania XIX, which I happened to have attended, when Shawn Michaels faces the World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho.  We’ll see a rematch of WrestleMania XX’s opening contest when John Cena faces The Big Show.  WrestleMania 25′s main event will also see a rematch tonight, as Randy Orton takes on Triple H.

Alright, I don’t want to talk too much (this is the RAW review, not the iMPACT review, y’know!), so let’s get started!

Welcome to part two of our Monday Night Wars coverage for this week.  Earlier tonight, Drow brought you our very first ROH Report, and here I am to bring you your RAW results, and later on, we’ll have iMPACT coverage as well.  Tonight, the Mindfreak, Criss Angel hosts RAW (great.  Lame magic tricks all night), Vince McMahon takes on John Cena, and Randy Orton will take on Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase in a handicap match.  We’ll also see what happens next between John Cena and Batista, Triple H and Sheamus, and Vince McMahon and Bret Hart.  Ready to go?  Then don’t cross the line, because on USA Network we’re uncut, uncensored, and uncooked, it’s Monday Night RAW!

Note:  I decided to take the night off and allow one of our twitter followers the opportunity to write our RAW review.  Yours truly will be here Friday night to cover SmackDown this week, so for now, here’s this week’s RAW review by @nascardiva9!

Show opens with PPV Highlights.
The New World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho comes out and says
He`s going to Wrestlemania.He proudly brags about beating the
Undertaker & becoming Champion.Then the Royal Rumble Winner Edge comes
out through the crowd & Spears Jericho & says He`s going to challenge
Jericho at Wrestlemania for the World Heavyweight Title.
Next comes John Cena.Cena compares himself to Bret Hart on the list of
people Vince has screwed over.Cena challenges Batista to a rematch
tonight on Raw & out comes  a Proud Vince Mcmahon talking about his
deal with Batista.He admits to giving Batista a WWE title shot anytime
he wanted it.McMahon claims his hands are clean of it & Batista will
defend his WWE Title at Wrestlemania against either John Cena or
Sheamus.Later tonight 1 on 1 John Cena vs Batista.If Cena wins he goes
to Wrestlemania.If he loses Sheamus gets the match at Wrestlemania.
Divas Title Final
Maryse vs Gail Kim.
Crowd could care less about this match.Gail Kim went for sevweral
quick,near falls.Maryse did the typical hair pulling.Maryse did her
DDT Finisher & pins Gail Kim for the win & becomes Divas Champion for
a 2nd time.Yet again another short Divas Match.
Backstage Eve,Kelly Kelly,The Bella Twins are with the Guest Hosts
Jewel & Ty Murray.In walks Alicia Fox & Jillian Hall.Jillians horrible
singing gets her slapped again.This time by Jewel.Jillian goes away
saying “Why does everyone slap me?”
Again in the back Randy Orton & Cody Rhodes starts talking about Ted
saying he was going to beat Orton in the chamber at the PPV last
night.Legacy will be in action tonight in a 6 man tag match.Ted walks
up to Cody & asks him if he`s going to stick with their plan.
Up Next 6 Man Tag Match between Kofi Kingston,Yoshi Tatsu,Evan Bourne
Vs Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes,Ted Dibiase.
Yoshi & Dibiase start the match.Yoshi tags in Bourne.Ted quick tags
Rhodes.Evan flys around the ring.Why isnt He being used more?Cody Back
Slams Bourne & goes for a pin only for a 2 count.Bourne & DiBiase now
legal both are down trying to get to their corners to tag.Bourne tags
Kofi.Now Kofi & Orton are now legal.Orton slams Kofi.Orton gives Kofi
his Backbreaker.Cody tags himself in.Orton grabs Cody & DDT`s him &
Orton RKO`s Ted outside the ring.Evan Bourne goes up top to give a
well done Airbourne to Cody for the win.
Michaels & Undertaker highlight package.Michaels calls out Undertaker
& challenges Him again to a Wrestlemania Match.Undertaker accepts on 1
condition that this Year Michaels puts his Career on the Line.Michaels
accepts.This year it`ll be The Streak vs Michaels Career.
1st Money In The Bank Quailifier Christian vs Carlito
Match starts & Carlito goes for a quick pin for a 2 count.Christian
Missile Dropkicks Carlito attempts a pin only for a 2 count.Christian
gets Carlito in the Killswitch for the 3 count & is the 1st to
Quailify for Money In The Bank.
Worthless segment of the night the Divas Bull riding contest.Eve is up
1st & makes it the 8 seconds.Up next is Kelly Kelly & she makes it the
8 seconds.Next up the Bella twins who ride together & make it the 8
seconds.The crowd never gets into this contest.It`s interupted by
ShowMiz.Ty Murray challenges Big Show to ride the bull.Big Show gets
on & lasts 3 seconds.The Bull taunts Big Show & Show knocks out the
mechanical bull.
Unified Tag Title Match Between Big Show & The Miz Vs MVP &Mark Henry
Miz & MVP start the match.Miz tags in Big Show.Show beats up MVP.MVP
tags in Mark Henry.Show & Henry go back & forth.Then Show knocks out
Henry to win & retain the Unified Tag Titles.
Newest Hall Of Fame Inductee Wendi Richter.
Vince invites Bret Hart to come back to Raw next week for a proper farewell.
NXT Promo for tomorrow.
Next Weeks Hosts Cheech & Chong.Also next week Randy Orton Vs Ted DiBiase.
The Main Event tonight John Cena Vs Batista.If Cena wins he gets the
Wrestlemania match against Batista.If he loses Sheamus gets the
match.Loud Cheer from the crowd for John Cena.Batista finally comes
out to a dead crowd.The match finally starts this is going to be
short.Batista Low Blows Cena.Cena wins by Dq.Batista beats Cena down
afterwards.Batista`s late entrance took longer then the match.Batista
leaves the ring after beating Cena down & sees him get up & comes back
to the ring to finish Cena.They fight outside the ring.Batista beats
Cena down again & leaves.Cena gets back up & Batista comes back down
again & gets a chair & hits Cena several times.Cena finally stays down
& The show goes off with Cena down & Batista up the ramp posing.
I really enjoyed doing this.
Thanks,
Ashley Finch(nascardiva9)

Tonight, the very last remnants of a company that I truly loved a decade ago will finally be laid to rest.  The letters ECW, which truly meant something to so many wrestling fans before the WWE got it’s hands on them, will finally be put out of their misery at 11:05 PM following a battle for the brand’s championship between two men who never competed in a real ECW match, Christian and Ezekiel Jackson.

Though this contest will be contested under Extreme Rules, it will be nothing like the ECW matches that took place under the watch of Paul Heyman.  An independent wrestling promotion that dug and clawed it’s way up from late night showings in the Philadelphia market to become a viable number three (and some would argue number two) promotion in the United States, ECW was a victim of it’s own success.  Vince McMahon and Eric Bischoff started to notice ECW, and started to buy up the promotion’s top stars.  Heyman couldn’t afford to keep his stars paid and ultimately, ECW closed it’s doors in 2001.

The WWE bought the rights to the promotion, and in 2004 released “The Rise and Fall of ECW” on DVD.  The success of that release, and a suggestion from Rob Van Dam, led to a WWE produced ECW Pay Per View titled “One Night Stand” in 2005.  Several performers from ECW’s past participated in the event, which was a success for World Wrestling Entertainment.  By the time the company put on a followup in 2006, the decision had been made to bring ECW back as a brand of the WWE along with RAW and SmackDown, and at One Night Stand 2006, Rob Van Dam defeated John Cena for the WWE Championship.  Two nights later, he was given the ECW Championship on the first edition of ECW on SciFi.

By December, Paul Heyman was released from his World Wrestling Entertainment contract following the failed “December to Dismember” Pay Per View, and from there, the brand started to evolve into what we’ve been seeing on SyFy every Tuesday night, which is a far cry from the gift that Todd Gordon and Paul Heyman gave the world in the mid 90′s.  Tonight, the show will air for the last time, and the letters E-C-W will finally be able to R.I.P.

Some NASCAR guy (note:  It’s Carl Edwards) hosts RAW tonight as we witness the next chapter in the war between Bret “Hitman” Hart and Vince McMahon. What role will John Cena and Batista play? Will Edge make another RAW appearance? And who will walk out with the Unified Tag Team Championships – DX, Miz-Show, or CM Punk’s Straight Edge Society? All this and more, tonight!

ECW’s got Vince McMahon making some announcements. And we open with Abraham Washington having ECW champ Christian on the show, fresh off his successful defense against Ezekial Jackson.