We open up with CM Punk talking about returning to ECW. He says he’ll get the loudest longest standing ovation in ECW history. So is his current gimmick that he’s secretly doing some sort of drug?

He and William Regal will team against Christian and R-Truth

We open with Zack Ryder coming to the ring with Rosa Mendes. Ryder’s offically intro’ing the crowd to her. Rosa babbles on about nothing important and Ryder says he’s challenging Shelton Benjamin to another rematch and he still wants Rosa in his corner.

Shelton comes out and accepts the challenge. But he suggests Ryder sits in the corner while he and Rosa have a little wrestling match. Shelton tells Ryder that he’s always been a tool, but with Rosa in his corner he needs to change his name to Black & Decker, because now he’s a power tool. Anyway Ryder says he isn’t ready to have the match now, and warns Shelton not to disrespect Rosa. She gets in Shelton’s face and then Ryder decks him with the microphone before they head out.

Promo for the Hurricane/Burchill match which surprisingly is the first match tonight.

Hopefully wherever they go after this Katie Lea won’t be gone to long. I’d miss those leather pants. We start out with Burchill getting a couple of takedowns for two coutns. Hurricane gets a side headlock take over and Ripper tries to roll him over. Burchill ends up backed into the corner, then rolls out to gether his thoughts.

Shoulder in the corner but when he tries to whip the Hurricane into the other corner he gets a headscissors out of the ring and the superhero dives over the top rope.

Katie Lea causeas a minor distraction and Paul hits a back suplex.

Ripper stops a brief comeback with a short clothesline. He slaps on a half-nelson chinlock. Hurricane fights out, then flips out of a back suplex but eats a clothesline. Paul backs him up into the corner and starts working the ribs.

Hurricane avoids a corner charge and starts punching away. Thesz press. Euro uppercut and a clothesline. Hurricane’s ready to finish him off. Burchill blocks the Eye of the Hurricane and hits a Pele Kick. A second attempt is blocked into a Northern Lights. Burchill wants some help from Katie Lea.

Hurricane with a hurricanrana off the second. Hurricane distracted by Katie Lea and Burchill hits his finish. But only gets two.

Hurricane reverses a second attempt and hits the Eye of the Hurricane. And only gets two. Burchill catches Hurricane on the top. He tries to suplex him to the floor. Hurricane fights out. And takes him off the top with a neckbreaker. I have never seen that move before.

Katie Lea looks like she’s going to cry. They’ve staring at each other. I think the fans are doing the good bye chant.

Tiffany welcomes CM Punk. He starts getting preachy.

Vance Archer has the next match. He’s looking a little more distinctive this time. Archer is just pummeling away. He rams his opponents side into the ringpost, the hits a release Uranage. THen finishes him with his non-intense bodyslam into a reverse DDT. Interesetingly, the ring announcers announced his opponent Johnny Andrews as from Florida, then during commentary Josh Matthews claimed he was from Philly, where they’re broadcasting from.

CM Punk talks to Christian. Christian wonders if Straight Edge allows Punk to hold hands with a girl. In Philly they don’t call what Punk does Straight Edge. They’d call him a nerd/ This leads to them back and forth calling each other nerds. Punk begins to list his accomplishments and why he deserves respect. Christian responds with Punk WAS a champion. He still is.

Christian and Punk trade slaps then Christian yanks Regal in and throwns him into Punk. He tags R-Truth in and they both hit missle dropkicks, sending the heels to the outside.

R-Truth hits a spinning headscissors on Regal. Punk in and is sent outside. Christian with a baseball slide and R-Truth with a dive. Regal attacks Truth by pulling him off the apron. Punk starts working the leg. Regal tags in and continues. Punk applies some sort of leglock.

Regal’s in dropping elbows and knees on the leg. Punk with a body slam. He misses a legdrop, but stops Truth from making a tag. Truth hits an enziguri on Regal. Punk and Christian in. Running forearm by the champ then a tornado DDT. He knocks Regal off the apron and hits diving Euro uppercut. Killswitch to GTS to Killswitch. Christian sent into the corner and Punk hits the high knee.

We get a brawl, Christian tries to hit the Killswitch on Punk, but Regal hits the running knee and Punk hits the GTS for the win,.

Another strong show from ECW. It’s been a couple of weeks since we’ve seen Jackson and Kozlov. I’m wondering if Burchill’s loss will have them show up a bit more. But it’s entirely possible he comes back under a mask. And the absence of the Ruthless Roundtable may be to help Vance Archer get over.

It’s time to get a few more guys back on TV, like Tatsu and Dreamer.

Tonight’s episode is titled “Foley Fires Up Founder.” Why do I think of the skinny little speed freak bad guy from “The Crow,” who kept yelling, “Fire it up!Fire it up?” Ah, well.

We open with not a wrestling match. Awww. Mick Foley comes to the ring, flanked by his personal security squad of Rocco and Sally Boy, who are still wearing their Main Event Mafia Security shirts. Foley says that he knew a time would come when the World Heavyweight Championship would be taken from him, but Jeff Jarrett has taken something from him that he thought would be his forever. His smile. Sometimes, hard decisions have to be made, and Foley grew up dealing with people face to face, so if someone would please get Jeff Jarrett a microphone, Foley would like the King of the Mountain to come down to the ring for a hard decision. Jarrett’s music plays, and he enters.

Foley points out that he is wearing a Jeff Jarrett t-shirt. Jarrett himself is wearing a “Slammiversary” t-shirt. Foley says that he wears this shirt out of respect for Jarrett as a man, what he has done for TNA, and his successes in the wrestling business. It’s all admirable, and it makes Foley’s decision that much more difficult. Jarrett has assaulted not only a respected TNA referee, but a senior citizen in Earl Hebner. Foley cannot allow this to slide. Jarrett is fined and suspended without pay from TNA. Jarrett is incredulous, and tells Foley that his comedy act is over right now. Foley busts out with some gibberishly “Three Stooges”-esque noises before turning snarly Cactus Jack and telling Jarrett that THAT was a comedy act. Foley berates Jarrett for assaulting Earl Hebner, and both men accuse each other of going too far. Foley says that, whether it’s done the easy way or the hard way, he’s removing Jarrett from TNA. Jarrett chooses the hard way, and is promptly beaten down by Rocco and Sally Boy when he attacks Foley. The beatdown continues as Foley starts up the ramp, but Jarrett fights back and takes both Security guys out with a steel folding chair. Foley and Jarrett continue to shout at each other as Jarrett pulls off his shirt and sits on the chair set up in the ring.     

Drowgoddess Thoughts (DGT): Don West’s commentary about Earl Hebner having his jaw wired shut, not being able to speak, and no longer being able to make a living with his voice (“Have you ever heard of ‘One, two, three?’”) was fantastic. When Mike Tenay challenged him over this, he said that if Earl Hebner couldn’t say those words any longer, then he didn’t think Earl Hebner wanted to live in that world. Awesome! Jarrett’s beatdown by Rocco and Sally Boy was horrible. Those two lugs have the worst punches and kicks, and seriously need to work on their targeting as well. They’re pretty much awful. Some portions of the segment were well-done, and the escalation of the Foley/Jarrett conflict was handled nicely. Overall, though, there have been stronger segments from both guys. Foley descends into babbling and Jarrett sounds too practiced. This was a case of a good concept and mediocre execution.

To the back! Lauren interviews Team 3D. She asks why they would make the save for Beer Money last week when they are two weeks away from the Tag Team Championship title match against them at “Slammiversary.” She stares off-camera before Brother Devon answers. He says that they do have a problem with the British Invasion. They put on a tag team tournament to showcase the best teams in the business, and they even allowed those foreigners to come in and share the spotlight. What did they do? Literally bit the hand that fed them. In the U.S., if you draw first blood on Team 3D, you’ll be drowning in your own blood. Lauren continues to look off-camera with a very uncomfortable expression. Brother Ray starts to give reason number two, but he looks where Lauren is looking and says, “What, you’re worried about him?” The camera pans over to show Raven sitting on the floor, completely emotionless and staring straight ahead. Brother Ray tells Lauren that she SHOULD be worried about him, he’s crazy, but he won’t do anything right now. Lauren does not look reassured. Brother Ray continues. Team 3D has beaten respect into Beer Money, and now they are the tag team of the future. However, Team 3D is still the greatest tag team in the world, and at “Slammiversary,” they will prove it. Team 3D leaves, and Lauren hesitates a moment before running off in the opposite direction of Raven.   

DGT: Raven! One of the best examples of why all characters shouldn’t have to speak (Thanks, SABUISGOD!) to communicate volumes. Literally bit the hand that fed them? When? I never saw that. Did anyone else see anyone in the British Invasion bite either Ray or Devon on the hand? Just checking. The line about finally beating respect into Beer Money makes me hope even more strongly that Beer Money’s apparent face turn will prove to be a sham at the ppv, and they’ll get back at Team 3D and win the belts.

To the locker room! Jeremy Borash wants Jeff Jarrett’s thoughts on Mick Foley’s claim that tonight, Foley will single-handedly remove Jarrett from the building. Jarrett paces at first, but controls himself. He says that he understands why Foley took the actions that he did. He lost his temper and beat the hell out of Earl Hebner, and that was unacceptable. He has apologized to Hebner repeatedly, but he is supposed to set a good example for all the guys in the company. Most of the time he does that, but he made a mistake. Jarrett was planning to leave the building of his own accord, but now, he wants Mick to try and do it his way.

Match #1: Alex Shelley (w/ Chris Sabin) and Jay Lethal (w/ Consequences Creed) defeat Team 3D: Shelley and Devon start. Don West comments that Team 3D are hypocrites because the British Invasion isn’t doing anything that Team 3D hasn’t done in the past. Shelley dodges, lands some kicks, and gets a two-count. Devon and Ray double-team Shelley, but he kicks out. Shelley and Ray go for a moment, but Shelley tags in Lethal. Ray works over Lethal’s arm. Shelley tags himself in. Surprisingly good teamwork between Shelley and Lethal. Shelley and Lethal hit simultaneous kicks on Ray and Devon, sending them to the outside. On the floor, Sabin and Creed each grab a “Brother” and hold him while Shelley and Lethal hit suicide dives. Team 3D gets out of the way, and Lethal crashes into Sabin while Shelley takes out Creed. Team 3D throw Lethal back in the ring, where he blocks an attempted 3D by holding on to the ropes. The referee is distracted by Chris Sabin climbing up on the ropes, allowing Alex Shelley to hit a low blow on Ray. Lethal tags Shelley, and they double-team choke Ray on the ropes before Lethal exits the ring. Ray tags in Devon, who cleans house. He hits a sidewalk slam on Shelley, but Shelley kicks out at 2 3/4. Team 3D sets Shelley up for the “Wazzup.” Creed and Sabin try to make the save, but Ray throws them both out of the ring, and the move connects. The British Invasion, specifically Brutus Magnus and Rob Terry, run down to the ring, but Team 3D easily knocks them off the ring. Ray goes to the outside with Rob Terry, leaving Devon and Shelley in the ring. Doug WIlliams appears from behind and (kind of) hits Devon with the “Feast or Fired” briefcase. Shelley flips over Devon and scores the pin. Beer Money does not make the save for Team 3D.     

DGT: Good match. Interesting how the slightly more dominant members (Alex Shelley and Jay Lethal) of their respective tag teams scored the win tonight, and the slightly less dominant members (Chris Sabin and Consequences Creed) lost last week. Alex Shelley has new gear. It’s pretty cool. Somehow, the spiky haircut works for him. Jeebus, I so want to be a New Japan Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Championship title belt (*sigh*). Ok, where was I? Yes, we get that two tag teams who can’t stand each other are joining forces to unmask Suicide. What possible connection does that have to the match in the ring? Again, like last week, you have two teams who want to be in the tag team title picture. The match last week was against the Number One Contenders to the titles. This week’s match was against the champs. A victory over the champs tonight in a non-title match would almost guarantee a title shot down the road. Why, why, WHY would you mix-match the challenging teams under these conditions? None of this makes any sense, and no real explanation has even been attempted. None of it has anything at all to do with Suicide or the X-Division title match at “Slammiversary.” On a related note, just how weak does the British Invasion have to look? Honestly, you sneeze on one of them and they fall down. Even the jacked-up guy from Def Leppard. What’s the point of a huge guy if he can’t take a hit? Speaking of, Doug Williams barely tapped Devon with the stolen “Feast or Fired” briefcase. If you must do a run-in, make it look good. With all the attention that Tenay and West gave to the fact that Beer Money didn’t make the save for Team 3D, after Team 3D made the save for them last week, I hope against hope that the Beer Money face turn ends up being a cunning ruse.

To Mick Foley’s office! JB and Foley are surrounded by security. Foley instructs his security detail to “club him like a baby seal if you have to,” but get Jarrett out of here. Don’t let those soulful blue eyes and the luxurious mane of blonde hair fool you, Jarrett is a dangerous man, about to crack! Are youwith me?!?! Foley starts to lead them out of the office, stops, gets his title belt from his desk, and then leads them out.

To the locker room! JB runs in on Jeff Jarrett. “Angry mob, five seconds away!” Foley and his goon squad step up to Jarrett, and the definition of the word “single-handedly” is debated. Jarrett says that he’s leaving of his own accord, but he wants Mick to re-evaluate his position in TNA, and know what his real role is. Jarrett walks away. Foley shouts after Jarrett that he knows his role, he’s the World Heavyweight Champion.

To the Main Event Mafia! JB is with Scott Steiner and Booker T. Booker yells a lot of nearly incomprehensible babble in annoying voice. Yup, it’s Thursday. Steiner says that he’ll break Samoa Joe’s legs, then make him bleed.

Match #2: Samoa Joe defeats Scott Steiner and Booker T: This was a “Nation of Violence First Blood Match.” Joe had to fight Steiner first, and if Steiner made Joe bleed first, the match was over. If Joe made Steiner bleed first, Joe had to fight Booker T. The same rules applied to the Booker/Joe match. Not hard to follow. Steiner hit Joe in the head with the ring bell. No blood. Joe and Steiner throw each other into things repeatedly. No blood. Steiner goes under the ring for his trusty metal pipe. Joe stops him. Joe gets a trash can over Steiner’s head, and lays into it with the pipe as if it were a baseball bat. Over and over. When the trash can is pulled off of Steiner, his head is bleeding profusely. Joe wins. On to Booker T. Booker comes out with Sharmell. So much for no women in the MEM. Both look concerned, and share a brief kiss at the top of the ramp. Joe and Booker spend most of the match on the floor. Joe gets Steiner’s pipe again and blasts Booker with it in the gut. Booker immediately starts coughing up blood. Joe wins again. 

DGT: Everyone’s complaining about how stupid it is to have a “First Blood” match with the referees carrying around white towels. Are they too stupid to just look and see blood? If you stop and think about it, it actually makes sense. Blood on a towel is indisputable evidence of the winner of the match. Just looking could be called into question. Of all the things to criticize incessantly, this really seems minor. So Booker T doesn’t have to get busted open on the outside, he can spit up blood. Hmm, apparently only certain members of the roster can be punished for not wanting to get cut open.

To the back! Lauren is with Sting and a horde of medical staff as they check on Booker T and Scott Steiner. She says that she’ll provide more information as it becomes available. Raven sits silently in the corner.

  
Match #3: AJ Styles defeats “The Franchise” Shane Douglas: AJ’s Legends title was not on the line here. Very little wrestling from Douglas. AJ and Douglas took turns throwing each other into the guard rail. Douglas knocked AJ down from the top rope and thre him to the outside, where he stood on AJ”s neck. Back in the ring, AJ hits a flying armbar, and DOuglas taps immediately. Post-match, Douglas throws AJ over with a belly-to-belly suplex, then stomps him. Daniels runs down to make the save, but Douglas hits him with a towel, and Daniels falls to the mat. A set of handcuffs falls out of the towel. Douglas cuffs Daniels’s wrist to the ring ropes, and stomps on AJ again. Samoa Joe rushes the ring, and Douglas bails. Joe checks on AJ.

DGT: Shane Douglas just looks bad. You can’t even call him a shell of his former self, as that would imply that he had gotten smaller. A farmer’s tan and a t-shirt to cover your gut isn’t the best look for anyone in a wrestling ring. Seriously, other people already on the roster aren’t being seen on tv because of this? I’d rather watch No Limit not get squashed than this.

To the “Slammiversary” video package! In-ring highlights of all kinds are interspersed with text such as “They are…,” “Small,” “Local,” “Independent,” “They won’t succeed,” “They can’t compete,” “They have no talent,” “They don’t get it,” and “7 years fighting.” Combined with epic-sounding music and crowd chants of “TNA,” “Slammiversary” was made to look like the most important thing they’ve ever done.

DGT: Regardless of how much hate and disdain you may personally lavish upon TNA, this was a very good video package. Particularly when one considers the show to which they are building. I enjoyed it. A great touch was putting video footage that demonstrated the opposite of what the text said. Well-done!

To the back! Lauren runs down the stairs, frantically talking on her cell phone to “Chris” to come and get her. Raven walks after her. Lauren ducks into the women’s bathroom. Raven sits up against the wall just outside the door. Screams and commotion are heard from the bathroom. Out walks Daffney, looking quite proud of herself. Lauren is shown to be rather beaten down.

To the back! Taylor Wilde has a metal pipe and trashes the backstage area looking for Daffney. She finds her. They go at it, but Daffney dodges the pipe and throws Taylor up against a metal door, screaming at her that she’s a traitor. Between the throwing and the choking, Taylor gets pretty done over. Dr. Stevie and Raven sit by, expressionless and watching. Dr. Stevie stops Daffney with a shout of “That’s enough!” in her ear. He kneels down to Taylor and very softly tells her that “That’s all the time we have for this week.” He laughs, Daffney smiles, and they leave together. Raven continues to sit, admiring his fingernails.

DGT: I love the Psycho Circus, and can’t wait to see what happens next.

To the back! JB interviews all three of The Beautiful People. Angelina Love cuts him off, demanding to know where their set is, as it looks kinda bare around here. The promoey goodness here has to be heard to be appreciated, as just writing the words down doesn’t do it justice. Suffice to say that JB agrees that “the butt must be accommodated,” Velvet Sky gives an English lesson, and Madison Rayne speaks.

To the video package! More of ODB training Cody Deaner. No. Just no.

To the back! JB catches Kurt Angle. Angle acknowledges that Samoa Joe has done everything that he claimed he would do. When Angle meets Joe, however, Joe needs to bring it, because Angle “has something for him.”

Match #4: Tara defeats Madison Rayne: The former Victoria has a spider motif to her outfit, and an awesome entrance video. Tara completely dominates the first part of the match. Madison Rayne eventually gets her in a pinning predicament, but only gets a two-count. Rayne makes several pin attempts in rapid succession, but none go longer than a two-count. Rayne misses a back senton from the top turnbuckle, and Tara lands some nice punches, followed by a suplex and a rough pin attempt. Tara does the belly-dancing shake followed by the standing moonsault, but Rayne kicks out at two. Tara hits the Widow’s Peak on Madison Rayne, and gets the win.

DGT: This was a really good match. The people who hate on women’s wrestling need to see Tara and Daffney go, then drink a nice, tall glass of shut the hell up.  

To the back! JB interviews Eric Young. JB asks him what’s gotten into him. Young says that he’s tired of being abused and taken advantage of. JB says that, as a friend, he has to say that Young needs to stop feeling sorry for himself. Young slaps JB so hard that he hits the floor, and walks away.

To the back! Backstage interviewer duties have been taken over by SoCal Val, in the absence of Lauren and JB. Daniels interrupts her, grabbing the mic and issuing a challenge to Shane Douglas. Daniels wants a match between them at “Slammiversary.” If Douglas wins, he gets Daniels’s spot on the TNA roster. If Daniels wins Douglas will “get your ratty ass out of my company!”

Match #5: Kurt Angle defeats Sting: This was the last qualifying match for the “King of the Mountain” World Heavyweight Championship title match at “Slammiversary.” Sting extends his hand, and Angle shakes it. After a lengthy back-and-forth match, Angle catches Sting with three rolling German suplexes, followed by the taking down of the singlet straps. Angle goes for the Angle Slam/Olympic Slam, but Sting counters and goes for the Scorpion Deathlock. Angle counters it into the Angle Lock. Sting suffers for a long moment, but rolls out of the Angle Lock, sending Angle into the ropes. Sting plants Angle with a powerbomb. Sting goes for a pin, but Angle kicks out at two. Sting attempts the Scorpion Death Drop, but Angle shoves him into the corner. Sting dodges a shoulder block, and Angle hits the ring post. Sting plants Angle with the Scorpion Death Drop, but Matt Morgan runs down and climbs up on the ring apron. While the referee is busy with Morgan, Sting goes for the pin. Sting sees what’s going on, and walks over to Morgan, who hops down to the floor. Angle rushes Sting from behind, and when Angle throws Sting into the ropes, Morgan hits Sting in the back. Angle hits the Angle Slam/Olympic Slam and gets the win. Post-match, Morgan enters the ring, smiling and applauding. He tries to raise Angle’s hand, but Angle yanks away from him. Angle does not approve of Morgan’s actions, and shoves him. Morgan shoves Angle to the mat. Referees and security separate them as we go to black.      

DGT: Does Kurt Angle want to be Randy Couture? He entered in the black t-shirt and ski cap that MMA guys often wear. I don’t personally think that will help him. The match itself was what you’d expect from these two, and they certainly got the most time out of every match tonight. Go figure. The Matt Morgan interference and Angle’s response to it makes it look like the MEM is a babyface faction. Do I even need to point out how wrong that is? Morgan may bephysically impressive, and he’s much better as a heel, but does anyone really care that much about him? The doings of the MEM should not overshadow the World title match at a major ppv. The ending pin was terrible. Aside from the fact that the Angle Slam in no way looks like it really finishes off anyone, Sting’s entire upper body and arms were free to kick out. He didn’t. It just looked bad.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I suppose this show did what it needed to do. The main event of “Slammiversary” continues to progress well. The feud between Tara and The Beautiful People is also going well, and Tara looked awesome in the ring. The Psycho Circus faction continued on their rampage, and the Raven moments were absolute gold. The “Slammiversary” video package is exactly what they needed. Eric Young continues his heelish ways. Samoa Joe annihilated two more names from his Main Event Mafia hit list, looking quite badass in the process. Chris Sabin was on tv. So why didn’t this show feel as good to watch as it looks on paper? The tag team and X-Division stuff is all thrown together in one giant mess. Sure, there can be some overlap, but separate it out. I really don’t care about the world title match. AJ and Samoa Joe aren’t likely to win it, and I don’t care anything about the other people involved. Yes, that’s purely a matterof personal taste and opinion, but I SHOULD care about the World title match. That I don’t means that something is wrong. There’s one more episode of “Impact” before the “Slammiversary” ppv. Join us here at boredwrestlingfan.com next week for all the details of the show, plus my super special “Slammiversary” predictions.              

Peace out,
Drowgoddess

I want it on record that this review occurs under duress. We have it so rough here at www.boredwrestlingfan.com. Some of us would LIKE to have it so rough, but that’s as may be. This week’s title is “You Can Go Back Home.” Is this a thinly-veiled shot at the non-ex-WWE guys on the roster, specifically the past and present X-Division stars? I’m just sayin’.

To the parking lot! Lauren tries to get a word with the newly-returned “Franchise” Shane Douglas, who looks remarkably like Eddie Izzard really let himself go, or the host of one of those competition restaurant programs. Douglas asks Lauren who she is, introduces himself, and tells us that he is here to leave his mark on TNA for a very long time to come. Does that mean he’s going to pee on something? Eew.

Match #1: Kiyoshi and Sheik Abdul Bashir defeat Daniels and Suicide: Opening with a *gasp* wrestling match??? Again? Wow! Kiyoshi and Sheik Abdul Bashir enter first. Kiyoshi’s rocking the red paint and hair stripe. I still like the black and silver better. Suicide appeared at the top of the entrance ramp. It looked like he was coming up out of the floor and the camera caught him just a fraction too soon. I could be wrong. In any case, this was solid, evenly-balanced action. Kiyoshi and Bashir gelled nicely as a team, and Daniels and Suicide had their moments. The back-and-forth pacing skidded to a halt when Suicide, who was not the legal man, jumped over the top rope to splatter Bashir on the floor. Bashir grabbed at his ankle and took off his boot. Don West rails against Suicide’s “cheap shot.” While the referee was checking Bashir’s possible injury, Suicide was rushed by Lethal Consequences and the Motor City Machine Guns, all grabbing at the mask and beating him down. The four chase Suicide to the back, leaving Daniels in the ring with Kiyoshi and Bashir on the outside. Shane Douglas rushes the ring, punches Daniels in the head with a chain, and slides out of the ring just as a recovered Bashir shoves the referee into the ring to make the count. Kiyoshi gets the pin on Daniels. Bashir and Kiyoshi celebrate on the ramp with all three members of the British Invasion.  

Drowgoddess Thoughts (DGT): I really like Bashir’s entrance music. Can anyone help with obtaining a copy? Tenay goes on and on about Bashir and Kiyoshi furthering their anti-American agenda, but they almost never get any tv time, so what have we seen to justify that statement? During Bashir’s entire tenure in TNA, he has yet to say anything that is anti-American. Not really. He has criticized America’s treatment of certain segments of the population, and its foreign policy. Last I checked, voicing dissent in government-related matters was not only legal, but the moral obligation of good citizens. According to TNA, vocally disagreeing with your country’s government makes you evil and anti-American. Way to make a political statement. An international faction could be a grand thing if properly handled, but “You’re brown. You’re from another country. That makes you bad.” is the cheapest, lamest way to do it. Don West’s commentary during this match was great, but there’s too much talk about things not happening in the ring. Tenay is awful. Just awful.    

To the ring! Shane Douglas has a chair, a chain, and a mic. He tells Daniels not to take any of this personally. It’s just business. He calls the fans “jabrones.” Not “jabronies.” “Jabrones.” Ugh. Like the afore-mentioned “jabrones,” Douglas is a fan of TNA wrestling. He was watching the show “religiously” when he saw Jeff Jarrett disrespect the legends by giving Daniels a second chance. Read that sentence again. One more time. It doesn’t make any more sense, I just wanted you to read it again. Douglas wants his second chance, which he apparently never got due to politics, and “someone upstairs” not liking him. Does he mean that God doesn’t like Shane Douglas? He demands his second chance, and he will continue to make life miserable for Daniels, TNA, and everybody else until he gets it.

DGT: Shane Douglas looks bad. Some people were cheering him, but it was the “You used to be famous” cheering. The logic behind his return is shaky at best. He said that he walked out three years ago, which sounds like it was his decision to go. Daniels got fired due to a match stipulation. There’s a huge difference. I respect Douglas’s work in the original ECW, but I’ve never been impressed with him beyond that. Bringing him back serves no purpose, and can’t possibly bring any benefit to TNA.

To Mick Foley’s office. Jeremy Borash asks Foley about his plans to have the rulebook changed to allow one TNA World Heavyweight Championship title defense each year instead of every thirty days. Foley says that it’s a world championship, not a menstrual cycle. GOLD! Foley compares world title defenses to the Super Bowl, the World Series, and several other once-a-year major sporting events. Would those events matter as much if they happened every month? Of course not. Kip James enters, begging to be put back on the roster after Angelina Love fired him from The Beautiful People. He needs money, he needs to work, he has a family to support with a kid getting ready for college. Foley tells him that things are tight, and adjustments have to be made. Kip says that he’ll do anything at all, he needs to work. Foley says he’ll see what he can do and get back to him. Kip leaves with uncertainty. Kevin Nash and Jenna Morasca enter. Nash asks what Foley is smoking to make the Nash/Joe match a “Lethal Lockdown” rules match. Foley apologizes for taking out other frustrations on Nash, but the match has been advertised and promoted, so it has to take place. Nash refuses to participate. He cares nothing for ratings or the number of people watching, he does it for the money. Foley offers Nash triple his usual payoff for the match. Nash suggests four times the amount, to which Foley agrees. Nash is happy now, and leaves. JB points out that Foley just told Kip James that things were tight. Foley says, “Things ARE tight. For Kip.” Foley and JB explode into hysterical laughter.  

DGT: Foley was spot-on with this. Yes, he’s a heel, but his logic is indisputable. Those are the best heels, the ones you hate even more because you have to admit that they have a point. He’s just treating the World title with the respect it deserves. Kip James is supposed to be a sympathetic babyface now because he has to get work to support his family? Considering how many people wonder just how the hell the man ever kept a job in TNA in the first place, there isn’t much sympathy there. Yes, things are bad in economic terms. Yes, Foley comes off as an absolute ass for doing what he did with Nash. However, nobody cares about Kip James, so his family losing everything won’t matter. Welcome to my life, Kippers! If Nash is banging the former MEM Slut Machine (See what I did there? Wordplay is fun.), shouldn’t he have tons of money now anyway?

To the back! Lauren interviews Lethal Consequences and the Motor City Machine Guns. Consequences Creed and Chris Sabin are dressed to wrestle, and stand the closest to Lauren. Jay Lethal keeps making the “point at the hand” gesture while others are talking. Alex Shelley looks bored and annoyed. Lauren says that they’re being true to their word and teaming up to take on Beer Money. Chris Sabin looks at Consequences Creed and says, “Do I like this man? Of course not! I don’t like him, his face, or his Ninja Turtle wallet. Does he like me? Of course he does, who doesn’t like the Motor City Machine Guns?” Jay Lethal interrupts the promoey goodness with “Why do you talk so slow?” Consequences Creed chimes in with more about their common enemy, Suicide, who thinks that he can just come into the X-Division and take “what we created.” The other three, yes, but Creed hasn’t created squat. Lethal Consequences exits with great energy and enthusiasm. The Guns sigh heavily. Sabin turns to Shelley and says, “Here we go.” As they walk away, Shelley raises a fist and shouts, “No more shape-shifting!”  

DGT: Lauren looked disgusted when Sabin said, “That’s right, sexy,” proving indisputably that she is of the Devil and has no soul. The big problem here is WTF??? Why is this match happening? Even by TNA standards, this is incomprehensible. Beer Money has a tag team title shot against Team 3D at “Slammiversary.” Ok. Both Lethal Consequences and the MCMG would want in on the tag team title action after that match. Ok. Beating Beer Money tonight would almost ensure a title shot down the road. Ok. Given all this, what possible reason or advantage is there in splitting up the teams? The mixing of face and heel teams who hate each other isn’t so bad, as the storyline potential is interesting, but there’s absolutely no reason to do it here. If either Lethal Consequences or the Guns had been scheduled to fight Beer Money and something had happened to one guy (Alex Shelley actually did get sent home because he was sick), that set-up could have worked. Maybe Suicide could have jumped one guy in the back and taken him out, leaving the partner in need of a quick replacement. Maybe Lethal Consequences came up with the idea to prepare for the X-Division title match at “Slammiversary.” Something! Teaming up to unmask Suicide has nothing at all to do with a match against Beer Money. A stronger reason was needed here.    

Match #2: Beer Money defeats Consequences Creed and Chris Sabin: The wrestling was good, but this was all about the story. Jay Lethal comes out with Creed and Alex Shelley accompanies Sabin. Beer Money carries the trophies from the Team 3D tournament, and James Storm’s Boozer Cruiser has a Beer Money flag on the back. Awesomeness! Storm chugs beer from his trophy. More awesomeness. Sabin shoves Creed out of the way and starts the match with Robert Roode. Sabin heels it up against Roode with fingers to the eye and a slap to the head, but after Roode counters a tornado DDT, Beer Money double-team Sabin. The “Beer! Money!” cheer got a big response. Sabin runs to Creed and tags him in, almost pushing him into the ring. Storm totally overpowers Creed. Creed kicks out at two. Storm gets thrown into the ropes, and Sabin grabs him by the hair and yanks him to the mat before throwing up both arms in a protestation of innocence. Creed takes major issue with this, and argues with Sabin. Sabin tags himself in and goes after Storm with a series of punches before spitting at Roode. Roode tries to come in, and while the referee was distracted, Creed reluctantly follows orders to get in the ring without a tag being made. At one point, Creed and Sabin both go for a tope rope move at the same time, collide, and crash to the mat. A shoving match ensues, allowing Storm to tag in Roode, who cleans house. Roode goes for a pin on Creed after a high spine buster, but Sabin breaks it up at two. Storm rushes Sabin and knocks him to the outside, where they brawl. The British Invasion chooses this moment to saunter to the ring and climb up on the apron, looking at Beer Money. They’re barely there a moment when Team 3D jumps them and pulls them down, fighting them to the back. In the ring, Creed struggles with Roode, but gets him in the corner. Sabin charges with a huge running yakuza kick, but Roode dodges and Sabin kicks Creed instead. Storm plants the future Mr. Drowgoddess with the Last Call super kick, and Beer Money hits Creed with the Drinking While Investing (DWI) for the win.

DGT: Too much! Stop mixing all the different storylines together. It doesn’t work. In theatre, there’s a concept called focus. There can only be one focus at any point in any scene. Otherwise, the audience doesn’t know where they should be paying particular attention, and they get confused. This show needs focus lessons. The MCMG trying to make Lethal Consequences use heel tactics and Lethal Consequences objecting was nice stuff. Yes, the British Invasion is after Beer Money. A backstage segment could have dealt with that. How much air time doews Team 3D need in regard to this supposed “mutual respect” thing? Don West was awesome on commentary, particularly with the idea that Team 3D is faking their respect for Beer Money, and will screw them over at the ppv. I hope he’s right. I just hope it’s Beer Money doing the faking.

To the back! Lauren is with all three of The Beautiful People. They have a flashlight. They’re looking for something. They’re hunting wabbits. Hehehehehehehehehe!

To the back! The Beautiful People are beating down the former Victoria, now called Tara. Tara manages a comeback and kicks Velvet Sky in the midsection before throwing her into the wall. Don West cries out, “No, not Velvet Sky!” Tara dumps trash all over Velvet Sky, shouting, “You want a make-over? I’ll give you a make-over!” Tara then takes out Madison Rayne with a trash can lid. So much bleeping is going on that one can hardly understand the announcers. Tara whirls around on Angelina Love, who tries to apologize and back off. Tara is having none of it. “You’re next, bitch!” Angelina Love turns to run and slams face-first into the door before actually running away.

DGT: I love Tara! In a variety of ways…. This was short, sweet, and to the point. Stop whining about the name change! Tenay plainly said “Tara, formerly known as Victoria.” TNA made this perfectly clear. I’m so looking forward to the Knockouts title match between these two! 

To the back! Lauren interviews one of the two most desirable women in wrestling, Daffney. Lauren doesn’t want to do it, but she isn’t losing her job over this. Daffney’s promo about being crazy and hurting Taylor Wilde tonight must be heard / watched. Transcribing it here does it no justice. The vocal inflection, the facial expressions, the tone and volume of voice, it’s just all AMAZING! 

To the Mike Tenay sit-down interview! The Main Event Mafia. Nash rambles about getting paid and not dying. Booker T shouts unintelligible garble. Steiner shouts about Joe being fat. Angle shouts about tearing Joe limb from limb. Sting interrupts, and says that he’s disappointed in them. They forgot who they are and where they came from. They’ll take care of Joe, but they’ll do it on their clock and his way.

DGT: Pointless waste of time. There are better ways to demonstrate the transition of Godfather power in the MEM than this.

Match #3: Daffney defeats Taylor Wilde: I want a copy of Daffney’s entrance music! Someone help with that, please. My internet mate Legend Killer’s woman, Taylor Wilde, goes on the offensive right away, sweeping Daffney’s leg and knocking her to the floor from the ring apron before throwing her into the stairs. The action returns to the ring, but Taylor Wilde gets distracted by the arrival of a kendo stick-carrying Dr. Stevie and Raven. Daffney takes advantage of the moment to rake her nails down Taylor’s back, in a way that some people might find arousing. Short match, but quality wrestling from both women. Daffney hits Taylor Wilde with the Lobotomy for the pin and three-count. Post-match, Daffney tears into Taylor Wilde again with kicks, punches, and rubbing her face in the canvas. Lauren rushes out to make the save. Raven cuts a promo on Abyss disobeying doctor’s orders. He says that Dr. Stevie wrote a prescription that needed to be filled. The better the medicine, the worse the taste, and he was going to be the foulest thing that Abyss had ever had forced down his throat.  

DGT: Love, love, LOVE the “Psycho Circus” stable of Raven, Stevie Richards, and Daffney!!! Good call to show the video package detailing how all this happened. It’s just a shame that Roxxi had to be let go. The reaction to Daffney is just like the initial reaction to Lita. Say what you will about Lita now, but the parallels are striking. Both are smoking hot, but in a visually different, unconventional way. Neither one would ever be lost in the sea of bleached blonde silicon Barbie dolls so prominent in wrestling. Both are fun to watch in the ring, though their wrestling styles are very different. Both have mass appeal. Sure the guys and lesbians want them, but straight chicks actually want to be like them, which ensures greater popularity. Regardless of the current storyline, Daffney will be an insanely popular babyface within six months. You heard it here first. Don West had one of his best exchanges here, saying that Taylor Wilde was the kind of woman you take home to meet your mom, then leave her with your mom while you sneak off with Daffney. Tenay asked, for some odd reason, where that left Awesome Kong. “Hopefully, at your house,” was West’s response. GOLD!   

To the back! Jeff Jarret talks on his cell phone while walking to the ring. We go to a commercial break.

To the video package! Highlights (or lowlights) from Eric Young’s TNA career are spliced together with audio and video from his recent matches and post-match assault on Jeff Jarrett. Very nicely done.

To the ring! Jeff Jarrett enters and introduces his “good friend,” Eric Young. Eric Young comes to the ring, and both men stand there with mics. Jarrett talks about their history together, praises EY’s abilities, but emphasizes that last week, Jarrett proved the better man. Perhaps on another night, EY would have been the better man. It doesn’t really matter now. It’s totally up to EY whether they chalk last week’s events up to immaturity and inexperience and go back to the way things used to be between them, or Jarrett will take this thing as far as EY wants to go. EY takes over, and talks about his own father leaving and not seeing him. He talks about viewing Jarrett as a father figure, and how both he and Jarrett had decided not to be like their own fathers and ignore those closest to them. He brings up how TNA was all about Jeff Jarrett now, and that the ones suffering the most would not be him or the guys in the back, but Jarrett’s three little girls, who were being forced to settle for being second-best. Jarrett attacks EY, and security pulls the two apart several times. 

DGT: Yes, it went too long. Yes, the actual material wasn’t so great. Based on the thread, I’m in the minority on this, but Eric Young did some of the best promo work of his career here in terms of delivery and character. Jarrett was just condescending enough for EY to look sympathetic, though that’s clearly not the intention. I’m absolutely into heel Eric Young, and when you look back over all the things that he has done for TNA, it’s difficult not to take his side against Jeff Jarrett.

To Mick Foley’s office! The former Main Event Mafia security has been hired by Foley. Meh.

To the video package! Jesse Neal tell shis story about joining the Navy, being stationed on the USS Cole, his best friend, with whom he planned to get into pro wrestling when they left the Navy, and the terrorist attack that killed his friend. Rhino has been training him, and tonight, Neal debuts against Matt Morgan. Neal’s parents are at ringside.

DGT: Everything that I’ve ever read says that Neal’s story is legit. If it is, more power to him. All the same, the idea seems to be that we should cheer for this guy because really bad things happened to him. That’s called pity. I’m not cheering for you because you were in the military, or because your best friend died in a terrorist attack. I’ll cheer you because you’re good and you entertain me. Are you?

Match #4: Matt Morgan defeats Jesse Neal: Neal got in a little bit of offense, but Morgan totally overpowered and outclassed him. In short order, Morgan hit the Carbon Footprint for the win. Rhino looked disappointed at ringside for the duration of the match, and both announcers commented on it. 

DGT: Whoever allowed Jesse Neal to wrestle in those clothes should be kicked in the face. By KENTA. Repeatedly. He looked so very, very sloppy. He didn’t require full gear, but nobody should wrestle a tv match looking like that unless it’s part of the story. Are we heading toward a Rhino/Jesse Neal feud? Possibly.

To Leroy’s Fitness Club in Bucksnort, TN! Or at least a video clip thereof. Cody Deaner is in training with ODB. The pull up on a four-wheeler. “Leroy” is ODB’s cousin, and this is where she got her start. She runs Deaner through weightlifting with paint cans, squatting with kegs, and so on. ODB had some great lines here. “My grandmother hits harder than you, and she’s dead!” “You gotta look like a man, and have a sweet, fine ass!” A kind of stupid segment, but funnier than most of the previous ones.

To the ring! Mick Foley, flanked by Rocco and Sally Boy, hits the ring. He announces matches for next week’s show – Samoa Joe versus both Scott Steiner and Booker T, and Sting versus Kurt Angle in a KOTM Qualifying match. He goes on about how Jeff Jarrett has snapped, is out of control, and is capable of anything. The bludgeoning assault of Earl Hebner will not go without payback, for as Jarrett himself said, every action has a reaction. Next week, Jarrett will see that Foley’s reaction will be hardcore.

To the back! JB interviews Sting regarding his new role as Godfather of the Main Event Mafia. Sting is not worried about being booked in a match against Angle, because the MEM is stronger and more focused than they have ever been, now that he is dictating their direction. Matt Morgan interrupts, expecting Sting to be impressed with his annihilation of Jesse Neal, and signing him to a big MEM contract. Sting is not impressed, and tells Morgan to come back later when he can talk to him with respect. Sting leaves. Morgan flips out and yells at JB that, former champion or not, he’s getting in to the Mafia.

DGT: They don’t want you. Let it go.

To the MEM locker room! During the commercial break, Foley added “First Blood” rules to the Samoa Joe versus Booker T and Scott Steiner match for next week. Specifically, the match begins with Joe/Steiner. If Steiner makes Joe bleed first, the match ends. If Joe makes Steiner bleed first, that match ends, Steiner leaves and Booker T steps in. If Booker T makes Joe bleed, the Main Event Mafia wins. If Joe makes Booker bleed, Joe wins. Ok. At least they’re explaining it in advance, which is good. Booker T actually yells at Joe that this is not a movie. Then what are all the auditions for, Mr. BT Huffman? Steiner says that growing up in Detroit and surviving there is where the real violence is at, and that after he and Booker are done with Joe, they’re going to stick an apple in his mouth like the fat pig he is. Sharmell enters, angry that she has to knock now. She complains that Jenna Morasca has hogged the hair and make-up chair all day. Booker and Sharmell leave together.

Match #5: Samoa Joe defeats Kevin Nash: This was a KOTM Qualifying match under “Lethal Lockdown” rules. A cage match, if you will. Nash enters first. Joe enters late, as he was talking with his mystery advisor again. The match begins with a kendo stick sword fight that would make renaissance faire employees everywhere proud. Nash even held a trash can lid as a shield before Joe kocked it away. They move on to punches, throwing each other into the cage, and the requisite Nash low-blow. Nash hits Joe with a trash can lid and goes for three successive pins, all of which fail. Joe gets in more offense, including some kicks and a choke attempt. Joe breaks a hockey stick over Nash’s back and scores the pin. As Joe exits up the ramp, he grabs a mic and says, “It is done!”  

DGT: I never liked Kevin Nash when he was in his prime. I like him even less now. That guys like Joe who fight him have to work around him, and this bothers no one, is garbage. The man has no business in a ring because he’s dreadful, presuming he can even make it to the ring without injuring himself. Seriously, if I asked you why you like him and are cool with everything that he does, you’d likely say something like, “Because he’s Kevin Nash.” Would “Random old guy with a different name” be as acceptable? I just want him to go away.

FINAL THOUGHTS: To read this review, the show seems better than it was when I watched it. The Knockouts title match is being set up in grand fashion. Daffney and the “Psycho Circus” faction (Yes, I stole the name, but it suits them!) are marching on with glory. The actual wrestling of the first two matches was good to very good, even if the reasons why were non-existent. We were introduced to Jesse Neal the wrestler, reminded that Rhino, ODB, and Cody Deaner are still alive, Foley was a complete ass, Jarret snapped, and Eric Young has gone to the dark side. No real complaints about any of that. Any show where Chris Sabin has a match, Daffney has a match, and Tara kicks the crap out of three people at once has to be good. Why, then, do I feel like I just sat through something that violates the Geneva Convention? Check back right here next week, as your Empress of “Impact” will bring you more TNA goodness. Not THAT, you sick freak!  

Peace out,
Drowgoddess

_________________X___________________ !!!

“The End of the Original?” Um, ok. These titles make me think of the titles of episodes of “Dragonball Z.” Hey, don’t go knocking the DBZ, Vegeta was and is the man! Goku, not so much. Goku was the John Cena of the DBZ-verse. In any case, the episodes had total giveaway titles, like “Death of a Saiyan Prince.” Gee, what could possibly happen in this episode? It’s not that all of the TNA episode titles are bad, but some of them could use a bit of tinkering.

We are treated to footage from last week’s challenge to the Main Event Mafia by Team 3D. Read last week’s review if you don’t know what that was. J Mike Tenay and Don West wonder what the MEM’s reaction will be.

Match #1: Alex Shelley defeats Sonjay Dutt (w/ SoCal Val), Sheik Abdul Bashir, and Chris Sabin to retain the X-Division title: The first actual wrestling match of the night starts within a few minutes of the introduction, and on paper, it should be top-notch. This is a positive thing. The Motor City Machine Guns actually entered together. This is also a positive thing. The match didn’t even go five minutes. This is not a positive thing. This match could have and should have gone a good eight to ten minutes. These four guys can do it, so holding them back makes no sense at all. If Alex Shelley is still not doing so well physically, protecting him does need to come first, but there are ways to do that without making the match feel pointless. Nice moment at the start of the match where Bashir and Dutt hopped down from the ring apron and gestured at the Guns to fight each other, and Sabin and Shelley sort of grinned and shrugged at them, as if to say, “No problem!” While I can certainly see the point (made elsewhere) that a tournament for the X-Division title has just ended, and therefore, that throwing the new champ into a four-way match for the title on free tv with no build at all is terrible (yes, all these things are true), there is a silver lining here. An alliance between Bashir and Dutt has been hinted at several times. People assumed that the Guns were through because Shelley essentially cheated to win the title in the match against Sabin. This match, which should not have been a title match, granted, did two things. Firstly, Bashir and Dutt had a chance to work together, and we saw that it didn’t go quite as well as they might have planned. Secondly, we see that the Guns are (for the moment, at least) on the same page and that there aren’t any hard feelings over the X-Division title match. Since none of these four guys get any promo or segment time to let us know what’s really going on with them, we have to settle for getting the information in the ring. It’s ridiculous, but it’s better than nothing. The Sharmell bit is what killed the match. This was really inexcusable. In a title match that was this short, she comes down to the ring and stares down the referee? And the announcers make a big deal over it? If this has to be done during a match, wait until the match ends and THEN have her come down and head straight for Sewell. I know, I know, some people will throw out the typical “What did you expect, it’s TNA,” comments. I expected that they wouldn’t treat a title so poorly after finally getting it on someone who can really restore it to prominence. By the way, did anyone besides me want Shane Sewell to refuse to go to Booker’s locker room? I really wanted him to get in Sharmell’s face and say, “No! I have a job to do, and I’m doing it. He can come to me if he wants to see me so badly.” Or words to that effect. That would have been cool.

To the back! In Booker’s locker room, Jeremy Borash acts as a human microphone stand. Booker takes Sewell to task for getting physical with him before, but says he is willing to give him a pass because he likes him. In return for this favor, Booker wants a favor. In the elimination match tonight between Booker, Scott Steiner, Eric Young, and Petey Williams, Booker wants Sewell (who is refereeing the match) to make sure that Eric Young gets eliminated first. Booker and Steiner want Petey in the ring by himself. Sewell looks sad, but leaves without saying anything. At least the hideous quasi-African accent is gone.

To the ring! It’s Main Event Mafia promo time, with Kurt Angle leading Scott Steiner and Sting. Yes, this is why a four-man match for the X-Division title couldn’t even go five minutes. Oh, sorry, was I being bitter out loud again? Apologies. Angle asks Team 3D who died and made them bookers? They don’t have the authority to make matches, and even if they did, the MEM has no intention of facing them. He won’t fight D-Von, and Sting won’t be fighting Brother Ray, and Team 3D can take their challenges and stick them up their “fat asses.” Sting interrupts Angle with “Excuse me, Godfather.” He takes the mic and informs Angle that since this whole issue is about respect, that, with all due respect, no one tells him who he can and can’t wrestle. Sting whispers something in Angle’s ear, and the two do not look at peace with each other. The tension is broken by the arrival of Jim Cornette. Cornette agrees that Team 3D doesn’t have the authority to book matches in TNA. But he does. Ok, clarify exactly what it is that Cornette can do! A few weeks ago, he couldn’t even alter a match that other people set up. All that needed to happen would be something like, “With Jeff Jarrett recovering from the injuries he received at ‘Genesis,’ and Mick Foley on a European promotional tour, I’m running the show!” See how quick and painless that was? Cornette announces the main event for “Against All Odds.” Sting will defend his World Heavyweight championship title against Brother Ray, Brother D-Von, and Kurt Angle. Cornette points out the X-Division title match from the top of the show as an example of how to win a four-way match, claiming that two guys need to work together as much as possible (the Guns), and then one makes the sacrifice (Chris Sabin) so that the other (Alex Shelley) can win the title. He says that he knows that Team 3D can do that, but can Kurt Angle and Sting do that? Nice parting shot about “There may be a death in ‘The Family’” before breaking into rather nasty laughter from Cornette. The MEM look even further displeased.

Every review that I’ve read so far has chalked this match up to getting the title off of Sting (likely due to his knee problems) and on Angle without having anyone in the Main Event Mafia look bad by getting pinned. Generally speaking, I don’t like World title matches that involve more than two people, and TNA has done more than its fair share of multiple-person clustermess matches for titles. However, given these particular people and these particular circumstances, it could be a positive thing. Team 3D really has nothing left to do in terms of tag team accomplishments, so seeing them work singles matches without actually breaking up will be refreshing. If it means that we finally see splintering of the Main Event Mafia, then it’s worth sitting through, even if Angle does get the belt back again. My personal issue isn’t with Angle having the belt. If he doesn’t have it, he can’t lose it. It’s who takes it off Angle, and how he does it.   

To the video recap! We see the history between Scott Steiner and Petey Williams that may or may not be suitable for airing on tv before 9 pm.          

To the back! Lauren interviews Petey Williams, who, for some ungodly reason, looks even more like Scott Steiner than he did before he was out. The glasses, the chain mail, the cropped and bleached hair, the striped goatee, everything. Seriously, does Petey Williams have Stockholm Syndrome? No one in the Front Line should look anything like anyone in the Main Event Mafia, unless there’s a solid explanation as to why. No such explanation has been given. Still, at least he gets promo time.

To the satellite! Mike Tenay interviews Team 3D, who are “live via satellite from Japan.” They clearly aren’t, but let’s go with it. A big deal is made over Team 3D’s win of the IWGP Tag Team championship titles, and still photos of the match are shown, along with the belts themselves. This is a positive thing. Team 3D talks about what a great honor it is to win those belts in Japan, comparing it to winning titles in Madison Square Garden in the US, and Tenay points out that only one other American tag team has won those titles. This is also a very positive thing. A big deal should have been made about it when it actually happened. There is, however, no mention, nor will there likely ever be, of the OTHER American tag team working for TNA that won tag team titles in Japan on that same tour. Not a positive thing, and I would think so regardless of the team in TNA who was currently holding the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team titles. In any case, Tenay informs Team 3D of Jim Cornette’s announcement concerning their World title match at “Against All Odds.” Brother Ray says pretty much the same thing about Sting doing nothing during his beatdown that he said last time. Brother Ray does most of the talking, but repeats several times that he’ll go through D-Von if he has to. Hmm…. Just when Tenay asks Brother Ray who would win the World title out of the four of them, technical difficulties ensue and the audio “breaks off.” Tenay announces it as real, but the timing is just too perfect.

To the back! JB is with Sting, Scott Steiner, and Booker. More blather about “respect,” with Booker’s repetition of the word being considerably less funny than it was the last ten times he did it.

Another “Rough Cuts” segment on Sojourner Bolt. At least this one showed more of the heelish attitude that she has shown on tv and in the ring. A good package, but still too sympathetic to someone who is being pushed as a bad, bad woman. We aren’t supposed to like her right now!

Match #2: ODB defeats Sojourner Bolt by DQ when Awesome Kong interferes: Wow. Can you believe it took this long to get to another wrestling match? And it’s even shorter than the first one. If only Sojourner Bolt’s mama can call her “Sojo,” why does her video entrance say “Sojo Bolt?” Did Mama Bolt make a phone call? Whatever you choose to call her, Sojo and ODB don’t go at it for long before Awesome Kong runs in. ODB wins by DQ, but Taylor Wilde and Roxxi show up, armed and slightly dangerous, and chase Kong and Sojo away.

To the back! Lauren interviews the fake Sarah Palin, but she is not identified. She’s standing there laughing about how much fun she had with this prank, and we officially don’t know who she is, why she got involved, or what possible future she has. *Brainurism* The Beautiful People, in all their pre-Palin glory, attack her and throw her around quite badly. There are more bleeps in this segment than in a month of Roxxi promos. Security eventually tries to pull them off her, but Cute Kip shows up and gets rid of them. When your entire security staff can be single-handedly taken out by the former Billy Bitchcakes, you need new security. Oddly, he pulls The Beautiful People off of the prone former fake-Palin, saying, “She’s had enough!” Curiouser and curiouser.

Match #3: Booker T (w/ Sharmell) and Scott Steiner defeat Eric Young and Petey Williams: This was a tag team elimination match, where two tag teams competed, but anyone who was pinned or made to submit was eliminated and had to leave the ring, as opposed to the team being eliminated. Que? There was no reason for this to happen in this way except to push the Booker/Shane Sewell issue and get Petey Williams alone with the MEM for another beatdown. As if anyone even remotely associated with the Main Event Mafia is physically capable of taking the Canadian Destroyer. The oddest part was that Petey Williams’s new entrance video features Scott Steiner’s chest tattoo. Look at it again, it does. Creepy. Eric Young gets eliminated quickly. Booker and Steiner refused to pin Petey, pulling him up after several two-counts. Sewell goes nuts over this, and after Booker scores the pin after an axe kick, Sewell gets attacked by Booker and Steiner. Earl Hebner, of all people, comes out and asks the MEM to stop. Yeah, they’ll get right on that….

To the video! More of the Matt Morgan and Abyss tension.

To the ring! Lauren waits for Matt Morgan and Abyss to enter separately before asking any questions. The whole segment is embarrassingly bad. Morgan pretends to make up, Abyss talks about going to therapy together on a two-for-one discount coupon, it’s awful stuff. We are saved by the most awesome entrance in the history of pro wrestling entrances – James Storm on his motorized beer cooler.

Match #4: Beer Money (kind of) defeat Matt Morgan and Abyss in a non-title First Blood match: Morgan turns on Abyss and busts his head open with a chair. Since Abyss is the first to bleed, Beer Money technically wins. Again, would it have really killed anyone to take a not-horrendous promo or segment to set this match up? These sorts of gimmick matches shouldn’t be popping up out of nowhere. Morgan continues punching and yelling at Abyss.

To the back! When we return from a commercial break, Abyss is trashing the backstage area in a screaming fit. If it means we get the Monster Abyss back, and the writers finally end their masturbatory in-jokes concerning Abyss’s real-life behavior, then good.

To the video! The Kurt Angle versus AJ Styles story is replayed. Karen Angle still manages to get more air time than half the roster, even after divorcing Kurt and leaving TNA. Whoa.

Match #5: Kurt Angle defeats AJ Styles in a tables match: This match went twelve minutes and change. I shall say no more on that. AJ crotched Angle on the side of the table, and that just looked terribly painful. Angle gets the win by hitting an Angle Slam on AJ through the table. The post-match beatdown ensues, with Angle putting AJ’s ankle in a chair and stomping on it. Then he applied the Angle Lock. Now AJ will be crippled just like Joe, and they were the only two TNA guys who were even treated as worth anything in the Front Line. When Angle eventually lets go, he takes the mic and announces that it’s the beginning of the end of TNA. The Main Event Mafia is taking out the whole roster, one by one, next week. Um, isn’t that what has happened every show and ppv since the start of the Main Event Mafia stable? How is this any different? Who can they go after, anyway? No one has been elevated by this who “war” who wasn’t already there. At the very least, someone from the Front Line who was not injured or out of the country could have stepped out and made a statement. There were a few who could have done that. Why don’t these people in charge ever think?

Final Thoughts: Far, far, FAR too little wrestling. The only matches longer than four minutes involve the Main Event Mafia. We get it, for crying out loud, we get it! What Bizarro World do the writers live in, where they drag out the things that shouldn’t be dragged out for as long as they are (the Morgan/Abyss split, who is the fake Palin, total annihilation of the Front Line in all possible ways) and brush over things that need a little time or acknowledgement to play out (the pairings of Bashir/Dutt and Creed/Lethal, who has what authority power, are the Guns really on the same page, the Knockouts title shot situation)? This was a frustrating show. I’m hoping that when the UK tour ends and injuries heal that we may see some improvement. I know the company has had a hard time recently, but they aren’t making the situation any better with shows like this. It’s like “Genesis” never even happened as far as everything except the Angle/Jarrett match is concerned.

Peace out,

Drowgoddess

It’s that time of the week, so find the nearest line and cross it!

Woo hoo! We open with a wrestling match! Yaay! Oh. It’s Lance Rock versus Rhino. Less yaay.

Match #1: Rhino defeats Lance Rock. Total squash, this. Seriously, under two minutes, I think. He may be improved, but Lance Hoyt/Rock/Dallas whatever has never done much for me. Maybe it’s that chick tattoo. It almost doesn’t matter, because Rhino calls out the Front Line, who march out to the ring. The Motor City Machine Guns lag behind, and stay on the ring apron. Rhino, AJ Styles, and Samoa Joe talk about the Main Event Mafia and the brutal beatdown of Brother Ray (they still call him “Bubba,” though), and how they will raise the bar on the level of violence. They will do whatever it takes to beat them. Uh, guys, the Guns said this weeks ago, and when they acted on it and it didn’t quite work out, you went after them for it. No wonder Alex Shelley was making those faces in the background. He heard those words before! When he was speaking them.

JB interviews Kurt Angle in the back. Don’t care.

Lauren interviews the Motor City Machine Guns. Oh, I care now! Chris Sabin asks her how she would like to be the meat in a Motor City Sandwich. She looks disgusted. She clearly has neither class nor soul. The future Mr. Drowgoddess reminds everyone that he has been X-Division Champion four times, and that if he doesn’t win it again, his (and I quote) “hetero life mate” Alex Shelley will. A Jay or Silent Bob reference is always great. Alex Shelley gets the mic and points out two things. Firstly, that it was a given that he and Sabin would meet in the finals, and that Mick Foley was doubtless pleased because Mick thinks this will destroy the team. Mick is wrong. As long as one of them wins, which one doesn’t matter. Secondly, that people in Detroit aren’t talking about the auto bailout, they’re talking about which one of the sons of Detroit will be bringing the X-Division Championship home.                          

****RANTING SIDE NOTE**** This was a fun promo. I read another review of the show on another site earlier today, and the reviewer hated everything about everything. He went on at great length listing the things that people in Detroit would care more about than the X-Division title or the MCMG. It was a pretty long list. While he expressed his opinions well, the reality of the situation is not the point. Every wrestling promo is not going to be a nod to real-life current events. I don’t usually get involved in the “that’s offensive / get a life” flame wars that go on amongst wrestling fans, but I would be remiss here if I didn’t say that criticizing that promo in that way was a bit much, regardless of who made it. Is that even worth writing about? Jeebus, what else is Alex Shelley going to talk about? It fit the characters and the situation, so it doesn’t have to be true! Ok, rant over. As you were.

Match #2: Chris Sabin defeats Sonjay Dutt. Chris Sabin advances in the X-Division title tournament. Sheik Abdul Bashir watches from a chair on the ramp, bloodt towel on his head. Tenay and West actually talk about the number of phone calls between Dutt and Bashir that have taken place lately. For pete’s sake (whoever he is), are we throwing them together because they’re both brown? Is that it? The Evil Foreigners Convention? What year is this? Sheesh. Anyway, I’m probably reading far too much into this, but when Alex Shelley won his match against Jay Lethal, Chris Sabin interfered a lot. Alex Shelley didn’t get very involved in Sabin’s match tonight, and it seemed the tougher match of the two. Considering that Val got involved on Sonjay’s behalf, it seemed worth mentioning. Who cares, Chris Sabin won a match that didn’t suck, and on tv! All is right with the world.

Lauren interviews the Beautiful People and the fake Sarah Palin. Click. The only way this whole thing will be less of an abomination unto gods and men will be that if Daffney lets out a scream and reveals her true identity, and proceeds to mock the Beautiful People for weeks over how stupid they were to fall for her fake Sarah Palin, and it gets a Daffney/Angelina Love feud going. Then, I might consider forgiving them.

ODB’s Angle. Terrible name, please change it! Christy Hemme talks about getting into wrestling by winning the Diva Search, her Playboy cover, and so on. I didn’t know that she had been one of the “girls jumping on trampolines” from “The Man Show.” Raisha Ssaeed and Rhaka Khan come in and trash the set, beating up Hemme and ODB. I had no desire to see Rhaka Khan’s butt crack. None whatsoever. Oh, damn my eyes!

JB interviews Mick Foley and the Main Event Mafia in the MEM locker room. Everyone is laughing and partying. Booker is completely bad accent-less. Foley makes the MEM promise to stop beating down the Front Line. Oh, this is going to go well.

“Rough Cuts” segment for Robert Roode. Again, great segment, wrong guy. Is there a face turn in the works for Beer Money? I can’t see it. At all. A guy can’t be an effective heel if he gets portrayed as a likeable and sympathetic guy. At least James Storm got to stay true to his “Cowboy” gimmick. Robert Roode did not appear to be rich. Another bad idea. *sigh*

Match #3: Scott Steiner and Booker T (w/ Sharmell) defeat Matt Morgan and Abyss. Honestly, why not just rename the guy Abitch. That’s precisely what they’ve made him. Why did Morgan and Abitch lose? Sharmell grabbed him while he was down on the floor, and he swung back, not coming within a mile of hitting her. She sold it like he punched her in the face, and he freaked out over what he thought he did. The distraction allowed Booker T to use a metal pipe to hit Morgan in the ring, and a really sloppy axe kick to get the win. Is this situation inherently bad? No. If the announcers had played up the deviousness of Sharmell in deliberately tricking Abyss, and pointed out the pattern of no-good, scheming, cheating ways of the MEM, then it might have been worth something. But no. No, Tenay and West cannot ever criticize or blame the Main Event Mafia for anything that they do. They actually claimed that “once again, Abyss lost his focus.” Uh, no, Sharmell played him! The complete failure of the announce team to condemn any actions of the MEM is the single most frustrating aspect of the program for me, and I know that as far as most of you are concerned, that’s up against some pretty stiff competition. Oh, for a good heel color commentator to force Tenay back into a proper play-by-play role!

Kurt Angle promo about Jeff Jarrett and his three lovely daughters. I’m not crazy about involving non-wrestling family members on a televised wrestling show to begin with, but children rarely have anything positive to contribute as far as entertainment goes. We know Jarrett is not going to be murdered. We know that Angle is not going to adopt these children. It just comes off as creepy in a pedophile sort of way. Jarrett gets angry and fights his way to the ring, where he is held back by BG James, Scott D’Amore (for one night only, I’m sorry), and Terry Taylor. The only plus out of this whole segment is Jarrett questioning Foley’s allegiance and his association with the MEM recently.

Match #4:Kiyoshi defeats Consequences Creed. Kiyoshi is the latest version of the Great Muta, but I always dug Muta, so I’m ok with that. He looks really cool, with the black face paint and silver Kanji over it. Kiyoshi advances in the X-Division tournament. Now it’s Alex Shelley against Eric Young and Chris Sabin against Kiyoshi, with the two winners facing each other. It absolutely has to end with the Guns against each other. Creed got pwned. Plain and simple. That’s what happens when you steal Fritz Stephey’s AMP, Creed! He brings in Japanese guys to destroy you!  

More Beautiful People and fake Sarah Palin. See previous comments on this segment.

Tenay interviews referee Shane Sewell. Good interview. No way Sewell isn’t getting “fired” as a ref to be rehired as a wrestler. Otherwise, what’s the point to the Sewell/Bashir thing?

Match #5: Christy Hemme and ODB defeat Rhaka Khan and Raisha Saeed. Barely a match, this. Another two minutes or so. Do they really feel that they have no one else to push besides Christy Hemme? Rampant hotness aside, once you get them in the ring, Christy Hemme + Rhaka Khan = claw out my own eyeballs bad. Awesome Kong comes to the ring and lays out Hemme and ODB. Suicide makes his entrance. Wow, he beats up people who are not Chris Sabin or Alex Shelley. Who knew? Kong looks like she just got cast in the Reese Witherspoon role of the stage musical version of “Legally Blonde” when she sees Suicide, and the chick monster bails. Hmm. Someone has to make a joke about “Suicide is painless.” Anyone? Anyone? When the lights go out, Suicide vanishes.

JB interviews Sting and Kevin Nash. Yawn. Sting has nothing to say. He passes it to Nash. Basically, Sting is a craven tool. I have no interest in him and his supposed “conflict” over a war that he personally started.

JB interviews Mick Foley about his relationship with the Main Event Mafia and where he stood. Mick says he is not comfortable with what happened to Brother Ray. However, he has been disrespected by Alex Shelley more over the past several weeks than he ever was by anyone in the MEM in the 23 years of his career. When financial times are rough, you go with a proven seller, which the MEM is. He will be making decisions that are good for business. The analogy and the continued tease of a Foley heel turn are good, but the big problem is that if you break it all down, the things that Alex Shelley has said and done over the past weeks warrant none of the vitriol that Foley directs toward him. For all his ranting about how Alex Shelley is obsessed with Foley’s ass, Foley comes off as the man obsessed. Shelley really hasn’t done much. Maybe that’s the point, the old veteran guy is overreacting, and it’s supposed to be obvious. Dunno.

Match #6: AJ Styles and Samoa Joe defeat Sting and Kevin Nash. This is a Six Sides of Steel cage match. I absolutely despise with an unholy fiery passion of burning cage matches that can end in ways other than having to climb over the top and have both feet touch the floor. Otherwise, what point is there in doing a cage match? Yes, I include “escaping out the door” on that list. That’s stupid. This one allows you to get the win via pinfall. Grrrrr. AJ gets the win by climbing out of the cage, but the MEM went back on their word to Mick Foley about “no more beatdowns,” and proceeded to attempt breaking Joe’s arm in a chair. Sting didn’t help with this, but held off the rest of the Front Line. Yes, one guy held off the entire rest of the Front Line, who, it seems, forgot everything they ever knew about climbing things like cages, despite the fact that many of them have been in those sorts of matches as recently as this year! As usual, the show ends with the Main Event Mafia annihilating the Front Line, so the fact that the Front Line actually won a match was forgotten before the show even went off the air.

That’s it for this week. Next Thursday is December 25^th, and as many of us may be occupied, I don’t promise when my review of the Tivoed Christmas Day “Impact” will be up. It will, however, be up. In the words of my friend Arthur,

Happy Christokwaanzakkah!

Drowgoddess

Highlight’s of Jeff Hardy becoming psycho.

We start out with R-Truth.  This guy is awesome. I love the thru the crowd entrance.  He teams up with Matt Hardy (also good) to face Shelton Benjamin (also good) and Mark Henry (meh).  An actual wrestling match to start off instead of talking for a change, yay!  Good match, with Hardy and Truth winning. Truth pins Benjamin.

A Cena returns promo, enough already.  At this point I wish I could fast forward it.

Eve interviews HHH.  Whoa he’s speechless  because of Eve’s cleavage.  Lame!  Then he talks about great he is (zzzzzz).  Kozlv comes in and mumbles something and walks away.

Festus is in love with Maria, how sweet.  Miz & Morrison interrupt and insult Festus.  Where is Jessie?

Commercial break:  Guitar Hero World Tour, JT wants. (hint: if anyone wants to but it for me for christmas)

In case you missed it, we get a RAW recap of Miz & Morrison’s win over HBK & Rey Mysterio.

Speaking of Miz & Morrison, we get them in tag action against Jessie & Festus.  Morrison rings the bell duting the match, brilliant.  Miz & Morrison pick up the win and leave with the ring bell.  Good match.

Commercial Break:  The Eddie Guerrero DVD is out.  I think I’ll pass right now.  I have too many wrestling DVD’s to watch at the moment.

Recap of WWE’s tour of Europe.  I don’t live in Europe so I didn’t attend. 

It’s Game Time.  HHH vs Psycho Jeff Hardy.  Hardy got a lot of cheers from the fans, but not as may as HHH.  Did I mention that I hate HHH.  ”The Game” is a cool song though.  Really good back and forth match between the 2.  Hardy hits 2 whisper the winds, awesome!  Of course Kozlov gets involved.  HARDY ROLLS UP HHH FOR THE 3 COUNT!!!!!!!!!!! YES!  But then Kozlov goes and kills both HHH and Hardy. 

WWE.com is revamped.  Maybe I should check it out.  But not now though.

Commercial Break:  The Whopper Jr. is still $1.  And we still have the same 10 year old commercials for it.

Carlito spits in the face of people who don’t want to be cool.  I’m cool so I don’t have to worry.  Hurripop mocking The Brian Kendrick as he walks to the ring.  Tag match  Primo & Carlito vs Kendrick & Jackson.  Jackson is freaking huge compared to the other 3 in this match.  Thank god Carlito grew his hair back out, the shorter hair wasn’t working for him.  Not a bad match, fairly even when Kendrick was in the ring, Jackson dominating when he was in the ring.  Kendrick & Jackson win.

Commercial Break:  Cavemen still selling car insurance & Drugs are BAD, mmmkay!

Alright Kizarny is already lame and he hasn’t even debuted yet.

Recap of Undertaker/ Big Show feud.  yawn (not about the feud, but the recap)

Oh yeah there’s a PPV this Sunday, a pretty important one too Survivor Series.

Psycho Jeff Hardy is awesome!!!!!

Commercial Break:  Buy Smackdown vs. RAW 2009 or else.

AC/DC has the theme song for Survivor Series.  Their new CD “Black Ice” is awesome go buy it.

MVP is facing some jobber, guess the losing streak is over tonight.  Oh great, The Great Khali, he causes MVP to lose, LAME!  I miss the scary giant Khali, I HATE the babyface Khali.  BTW where is Smackdown’s so called highest rated segment, The Khali Kiss Cam?  Another Hurripop, he has nothing more to say about MVP.  I say “STOP BURYING MVP!”

Commercial Break:  I want a $199 Xbox 360.

RAW rebound. Damn, I really miss being able to fast forward thru these things.

Oh no a Diva’s match.  I need to check on the laundry, be right back. What, I come back ant this is still on?  Yawn.  LOL, the crowd is so quiet you can hear the lone fan chanting “We want puppies!”

Up next, the main event: talking.

Commercial Break:  Next week on Smackdown, the fallout from Survivor Series.

Dong, Dong, as we hear Undertaker’s music as he head’s to the ring to give Big Show his last rites.  He does his usual Big will rest in piece talk, then Big Show comes out and says that he will put taker in the casket.  Light’s go out, then come back on with Undertaker choking Viki, then he chokeslam’s her into the casket.  Big Show then throws Chavo into the ring, who takes a beating from Taker.  While Taker is occupied with Chavo, Show goes and saves Viki, while doing so, we find out that Show is either scared or grossed out by the casket.  Undertaker then tombstoned Chavo and we fade to black with both Taker and Big Show staring at each other.

All in all, a really good show, a lot of werstling with almost no backstage segments. Definateyly the best show of the week.  Well that’s all for now, thakns for reading and I should be back this weekend with a look at the Survivor Series.

Show results and analysis, after the jump!

Todd Grisham is announced as Mike Adamle’s replacement.  Ugh.  They couldn’t give us Joey Styles back?  I know he’s doing well in his WWE.com job, but come on!  What a f***ing disappointment.

Matt Hardy makes his way to the ring.  He says when he was drafted to ECW he was psyched!  He’s always been a fan, and considering that he’s been in some of the most extreme matches in the WWE, it’s a natural fit.  He’s got the biggest opportunity of his career at SummerSlam, challenging Mark Henry for the ECW Championship.  This brings out the World’s Strongest Champion.  Tony Atlas knows that Matt Hardy’s a bit intimidated by Henry, but Mark Henry was drafted to ECW just like Matt was.  Since he was drafted, he’s beaten Kane and The Big Show for the ECW Championship.  Since Matt’s been drafted?  Well, he’s lost his US Championship, but that’s alright.  Mark’s only here to give a little demonstration.  Mark Henry’s got an steel rod, which is a lot tougher than Matt Hardy.  Henry easily bends it in half, probably easier than the frying pan a few weeks back.  The only difference between the bar and Matt Hardy, is that the bar will bend, but Matt Hardy will break.  Henry hands the bar to Matt, who teases hitting the Champion with it.  Matt says there’s a difference to what Atlas said.  We’re not having a bar bending contest, we’re having a wrestling match.  Inanimate objects don’t fight back.  Matt Hardy fights back, and even though Henry can break every bone in Matt’s body, Mark will never break his spirit, and at SummerSlam, he’ll become the next ECW Champion.

Still to come – Miz and Morrison vs. Finlay and Hornswoggle, but up next, Ricky Ortiz tries to continue his “undefeated streak.”

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Saturday Night’s Main Event is This Saturday at 9PM EST on NBC.

Ricky Ortiz def. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo makes his way to the ring with Bam Neely.  Ricky Ortiz and his generic theme music is out next.  He’s running around on the stage and showing off for the fans like he’s some big name superstar or something.  Grisham says that technically, Ortiz is undefeated, since he hasn’t lost yet.  They lock up to start the match, which results in a huge scoop slam by Ortiz.  Chavo stalls, talking to Bam for a moment before getting back into things.  Headlock by Chavo, reversed into an Irish whip.  Chavo goes for a high cross body, but is caught and military press slammed by Ortiz.  Chavo starts to get aggressive, taking Ortiz down for a one count before locking in a reverse chin lock.  Chavo stays on the offense with a couple more submission moves before Ortiz uses his power to drive Chavo into the turnbuckles.  Ortiz hits some right hands and a big dropkick.  He wants up getting hit with a drop toehold into the turnbuckle.  Chavo rolls up Ortiz and puts his foot on the rope, which is held there by Bam Neely, but before the referee can count three, he catches Bam’s interference and disqualifies Chavo.

Following the match, Bam beats down Ortiz and holds him down for a Chavito frog splash.  Bam goes to get a chair, or something like that, but Evan Bourne makes the save, and escapes before Chavo and Bam can retaliate.  Grisham makes an Adamle-style comment:  “Evan Bourne has been a thorn in the side of Chavo Guerrero.”

Colin Delaney asks Mark Henry and Tony Atlas why they bailed on him instead of helping him out against Dreamer last week.  Atlas says that Colin needs to do something impressive to roll with them, and he let them down by losing to Dreamer last week.  Colin wants a second chance.  Atlas tells him that he can soften up Matt Hardy in a match later on tonight, and this week, Atlas and Henry will be in Colin’s corner.

Up next, Finlay & Hornswoggle vs. The Miz and John Morrison.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Miz & Morrison def. Finlay & Hornswoggle

Miz is out first.  Grisham’s Adamleriffic comments continue, as he points out that the Miz’s shirt means he’s a chick magnet.  Ugh.  He mispronounces Shaman too.  Morrison has some slap bracelets.  He slaps one that says “LOSER” on a fan at ringside, and he himself is wearing two that say “WINNER.”  Finlay and Hornswoggle make their way out, and they toss some inflatable shillelaghs out to the fans.  Miz kicks things off with Finlay.  Finlay is in firm control for the early part of the match, but when Miz backs him into the corner and gets the tag to John Morrison, the tide turns.  Finlay shoves Miz off of the apron, and as the ref is distracted, Hornswoggle sneaks up behind Morrison, and Finlay pushes Morrison over him.  After a break, Finlay has Morrison in a headlock.  Finlay remains in control for a while, even utilizing a backslide for a two count at one point.  Meanwhile, Tazz and Todd discuss fingernail care.  I kid you not.  Miz pulls Finlay off of a cover, distracting Finlay long enough for Morrison to take advantage on the outside.  Finlay’s arm hit the ring post, and that becomes Miz and Morrison’s focal point.  The former Tag Champs cut Finlay off from his corner while they work over Finlay’s left arm, but as Morrison got the tag back in, he missed a legdrop, and Finlay turned the tide in his favor yet again.  He hits a Celtic Cross on Morrison for a two count.  Hornswoggle tagged himself in, and goes for a spinning headscizzors, but is instead planted face first into the canvas.  Morrison makes the cover and gets the three.

After the match, Mike Knox attacked Finlay.  He creeped towards Hornswoggle, but Finlay picked up his shillelagh.  Knox seen it coming though, and booted Finlay in the face.

Still to come tonight, Colin Delaney takes on Matt Hardy.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

There’s an ad for the new Ric Flair DVD.  I’m going to meet Ric Flair in just two weeks!

Anyways, we get a replay of what happened before the break, what with the Finlay and Hornswoggle getting beaten up and whatnot.  Lena Yada asks Mike Knox to explain.  He says Finlay’s gone soft.  Being soft makes you a target, and Knox just took his opportunity.

A video package for Jenny McCarthy’s Generation Rescue airs.

Braden Walker wishes Matt Hardy luck.  Matt says Delaney is a real “wild cat.”  Haha, TNA references on ECW.  Funny.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

We get a recap from last week on ECW, when Colin was destroyed by Tommy Dreamer.  Matt Hardy makes his way to the ring.  Colin Delaney makes his way out along with Mark Henry and Tony Atlas, as Tazz ponders whether the ECW Championship weighs more than Colin.  Atlas and Henry stay on the ramp.

Matt Hardy def. Colin Delaney

Matt overpowers Colin to start the match.  Big surprise there, huh?  Mark Henry and Tony Atlas look on from the stage, as Delaney is literally whipped from pillar to post.  Delaney starts to make a comeback though, moving out of the way of a Matt Hardy elbow and booting Matt out of a charge.  He goes for a headlock, but Matt suplexes his way out of it.  Matt hits a side effect, and signals for the Twist of Fate, hits it, and picks up the win.

After the match, Henry and Atlas come to the ring.  Henry military press tosses Colin Delaney out of the ring.  Mark tells Matt that if he wants the title to come take it.  Matt stands up for himself, and Henry makes his leave, yelling “you’re gonna get yours” at Hardy as we fade to black.

My thoughts:

I’m severely disappointed that Todd Grisham is the new play by play guy on ECW.  Other than that though, this was a pretty good edition of ECW.  It’s still not up to pre-draft quality, but as long as they keep getting ratings, I guess they’ll keep giving us these kind of shows.  Todd Grisham said that Morrison gave him a list of nicknames, one of which he said was “the Salmon of Sexy.”  That just tells me that Grisham wasn’t watching this show before he wound up working there.  Hopefully Miz and Morrison aren’t stuck wrestling Finlay and Hornswoggle anymore after Mike Knox kicked Finlay’s leprechaun lovin’ ass halfway back to SmackDown.  Ricky Ortiz is still undefeated.  Hooray.  Is Colin Delaney a face or a heel?  Guess we’ll have to tune in next week to find out.  Overall, it was an alright show.