What Would CM Punk’s Side Plate Look Like On the New WWE Title?
Leave a CommentWhat would the side plate for CM Punk’s side plate look like? A good question.
What would the side plate for CM Punk’s side plate look like? A good question.
Hokay. This is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY late. What I’m going to do here is recap a replay of last night’s RAW. This is for two reasons, I need more practice in real-time recapping, and I owe BWF my RAW recap.
So here we go!
We open with a recap of Elimination Chamber from Sunday. Alberto Del Rio beat the Big Show, Jack Swagger won the Chamber, and C.M. Punk lost. We get a reminder that Cena’s road to Wrestlemania starts tonight.
Live in the Cajun Dome! Cena’s out to address the WWE universe, and we’re reminded that it’s Cena vs. Rock for the WWE title. John reminds everyone that it’ll be John Cena vs. The Rock, and that’s when Punk comes out.
Punk accuses Cena of taking the easy way out. Punk says Rock beat him fair and square on Sunday, if you disregard the fact that Rock hit an official, and Punk had him pinned for “an 18 count.” Cena tells him to “sit this one out,” and “for once, it’s not about C.M. Punk.” Punk disagrees, reminding Cena how he brought prestige to the WWE title, and how Cena can’t beat the Rock, and how he’s never beat Punk. Punk tells him to walk away. Cena makes it clear he will not. Cena concedes that he hasn’t beat the Rock, and if he can’t beat Punk, then he doesn’t deserve the title shot. Cena agrees to give Punk the shot at Wrestlemania if Punk can beat him in a match, right here, right now. Punk decides to do this on his terms, and since he shouldn’t even be in this position, he decides to do this next week. Cena makes it official. Punk vs. Cena, Wrestlemania headline title shot on the line, next Monday.
We get an announcement that tonight will be the Rock’s championship celebration, and The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry, is up next.0
We’re back. We get a picture of Thomas Jefferson and one of his quotes as part of a “president’s day” tribute.
“ONE MAN WITH COURAGE IS A MAJORITY.” – Thomas Jefferson
Backstage with Sheamus and Matt Striker. Sheamus doesn’t know what went wrong last night, they were supposed to get revenge on the Shield, but didn’t. Ryback walks into frame and Sheamus call him a neanderthall. Ryback and Sheamus get up into each others’ face, when Chris Jericho steps in. He gets them to stop fighting and offers them a chance to team up with him in a six-man against the Shield. Sheamus and Ryback agree.
“FEED ME SHIELD” – Ryback
SIN CARA VS MARK HENRY
This was an out-and-out squash. Sin Cara got in one kick to the head, but it ends with a powerslam and a “world’s strongest slam.”
WINNER: MARK HENRY
Henry bullies the ref out of the ring and turns his attention to the fallen Sin Cara. Great Khali strides out (slowly) and after a stare-down, teasing a fight, Henry bails.
“IF I WANNA DANCE, I GIVE EM’ THAT. YOU DANCE, THAT’S ALL YOU GOOD FOR ANYWAY.” – Mark Henry
We go to a recap of the U.S. title match at Elimination Chamber, between the Miz and Champion Antonio Cesaro. We see Miz drop knee first into Cesaro’s groin, and get dq’d.
Vicki Guerro announces the six-man main event for tonight – Jericho, Sheamus, and Ryback vs The Shield via Twitter.
When we come back, Miz vs. Cesaro, NO DQ!
We’re back with a promo for FANDANGO, comming soon.
Miz is in the ring w’a taped-up shoulder and arm. We get a recap of last Monday’s RAW when Cesaro swung him into the guardrail.
NO DQ MATCH-U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS THE MIZ
Miz starts strong, but the match goes out to the floor and Cesaro sends the bad arm into the post. Cesaro throws Miz back in the ring with some chairs and a kendo stick. Cesaro wedges a chair between two turnbuckles in the corner, and tries to drive the Miz shoulder-first into it. Miz counters a few times and Cesaro has more luck with the Kendo stick. Cesar pins the bad shoulder of Miz between his knee and a chair, and works the arm. Cesaro sets Miz up in the corner for a charge, but Miz gets a shot to the face. Cesaro charges knee first and Miz ducks. Cesaro hits the chair in the corner. Miz drop-toe-holds him chest first into the other chair, and ends this with a figure four for the submission.
WINNER: THE MIZ
Later tonight, Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter will make a “State of the Union” address to the WWE universe. Right now, we’re getting a look at an Internet video made by Zeb and Swagger. (youtube.com/wethepeoplezeb) It looks like a public access channel video with a “Don’t Tread On Me” flag tacked up in the back. Zeb delivers a rant against immigrants with Swagger looming menacingly in the background.
We’re reminded that Cena vs. Punk is next week and the Rock’s championship celebration is tonight.
We come back to a pic and a quote of Abraham Lincoln.
“YOU CAN FOOL SOME OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME, YOU CAN FOOL ALL OF THE PEOPLE SOME OF THE TIME, YOU CAN’T FOOL ALL OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME.” – Abraham Lincoln.
Backstage, WWE tag team champions Daniel Bryan and Kane are arguing over what happened between them in the Elimination chamber last Sunday. Brian has requested a singles match and doesn’t want Kane coming out with him. Kane decides he’ll request a singles match and doesn’t want Bryan coming out with him. Kane warns Bryan that he’d better be a man of his word, because he doesn’t like snakes. Randy Orton overhears this, and takes exception to it. Kane explains that if a snake gets too close to him, he squashes it with his boot. Orton compares Kane to Barney the Dinosaur and Bryan laughs. Orton disappears, and Kane sulks off.
We go to Vicki’s office where Paul Heyman has been summoned. Vicki rags on Heyman about how useless his special stipulations were in the WWE title match. Later on, she will make a big announcement concerning his career, in the ring.
Team Ziggler (Dolp, Big E. and AJ) makes their way out as we go to break.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS DOLPH ZIGGLER
Ziggler’s in the ring as we recap Del Rio’s win over the Big Show at EC. Ricardo Rodriguez comes out to introduce Del Rio. The crowd is not into it. Ziggler goes right after Del Rio. Del Rio fights back. Ziggler goes up and over the ropes, lands on the apron. Del Rio hits the enziguri as we go to break…
Ziggler in control as we come back, choking Del Rio against the ropes. Ziggler with a dropkick. Choking again, and Big E. sneaks in a cheap shot at ringside. Ziggler gets a two-count with a fame-asser and goes up top. ADR cuts him off and hits a REVERSE FACE-LOCK SUPERPLEX. Ziggler up first. They trade punches, ADR hits two clothes-line, a tilt-a-whirl back-breaker, and a thrust kick for two. ADR gets a “Si” chant going but Ziggler hits the neck-breaker for two. Ziggler whips ADR into the corner, ADR gets the boots up, ties up Ziggler, and hits several forearms to the back and a back-stabber for two. Big E up on the apron. Del Rio knocks him off. Ziggler goes for the flying DDT, but Del Rio hits the arm-breaker for the submission.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO
After the match, Big E. blindsides ADR and beas him down. Ziggler realizes this is the best time to cash in the MiTB briefcase, but Ricardo swipes it and runs off with Big E. after him. AJ recovers the case, but Ziggler eats a huge kick from ADR.
Later tonight, the Rock’s celebration, and Kane vs.Randy Orton
And we got to break…
We are back with Intercontinental champion Wade Barrett in the ring, telling all of us about his big break in a major motion picture. We then get shown the trailer for “Dead Man Down,” in theaters on March 8th. We come back to Wade but Sheamus interrupts from the Titan-Tron to point out that Wade isn’t the star, Colin Farrell is. He invites Barrett to respond, but is told we’re out of time.
SIX PERSON TAG TEAM MATCH – TENSAI/BRODUS CLAY/AND NAOMI VS PRIMO/EPICO/AND ROSA
The Funkadayctals make their entrance w/Brodus and Tensai. Rosa and team MO-CO cut the music short with their entrance. Naomi starts off with Rosa, taking charge with high-flying moves. Rosa tags in Primo who goes after Naomi but Tensai makes the save and send Primo out. Naomi hits a sliding dropkick between Tensai’s legs on Epico and Rosa. Tensai and Brodus ends this with double headbuts and a double splash.
WINNERS: BRODUS CLAY AND TENSAI
We get a dance party in the ring before going to a WWE.com press conference in the Super-dome, where we get an announcement about Wrestlemania 30 being there next year, April 2014.
Up next is the “State Of The Union” address from Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter.
We come back with a quote from Harry S. Truman
“THE BUCK STOPS HERE.” – Harry S. Truman
Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter are in the ring with a podium and a “don’t tread on me” flag set up. Swagger claims that he took the weight of the nation on his shoulders when he won the EC match and became #1 contender to the WHC. He turns the mike over to Zeb, who claims the state of our union is “pathetic.” In summation, he basically accuses foreigners of coming here to take our health care, jobs, and resources, and how when Jack Swagger beats ADR, he will restore our nation to greatness.
Daniel Bryan makes his entrance as we go to break.
JACK SWAGGER VS. DANIEL BRYAN
Match is basically Bryan slipping out of Swagger’s grasp with his speed/agility until Swagger gets a chance to pound on the bad ribs of Bryan. Bryan fights back with quick strikes and high-risk high-flying. Bryan misses a charging drop-kick and Swagger works his leg. Swagger ends this with the “Patriot Act,” submission.
WINNER: JACK SWAGGER
Later tonight, Jericho, Sheamus, and Ryback vs. The Shield, and Vicki’s big announcement about Heyman.
We come back to a Wrestlemania promo and Vicki in the ring demanding our attention, preparing to make an announcement that could change Heyman’s career/life. She announces Brad Maddox as “assistant to the managing supevisor.” Brad says this was his reward for blowing the whistle on Heyman.
“IS THIS MY CUE TO VOMIT?” – Paul Heyman
Heyman says goodnight and gets ready to leave, when Vince makes his appearance on the Tron, stopping him. He reminds Heyman of last week when Heyman requested the DQ/count-out stip for the WWE title match at EC, and how Heyman said he do “anything” for it. Basically Vince challenges Heyman to a fight in two weeks when he makes his return.
And Break…
CHRIS JERICHO, SHEAMUS & RYBACK VS. THE SHIELD
Jericho, Sheamus, & Ryback each make a separate entrance, the Shield come down all at once through the crowd. The faces start off strong, with each man getting a shot at a Shield member. The faces dominate as we go to break…
We come back to the Shield beating down Sheamus. Sheamus fights his way free and brings in Ryback. Ryback hits hard and fast, tossing around the Shield, but he takes a spear when the ref isn’t looking. The Shield pile on Ryback with double teaming until one of them misses a charge. Ryback brings in Jericho, who takes over on the Shield. Jericho locks in the “Walls Of Jericho” while Sheamus takes a Shield member to the outside, brawling. Ryback is down, and the Shield leader takes out Jericho with a flying knee behind the ref’s back. Jericho gets pinned for three.
WINNERS: THE SHIELD
And break…
We come back with a quote from JFK.
“ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU, ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR COUNTRY.” – John F. Kennedy
DAMIEN SANDOW VS KOFI KINGSTON
Sandow comes out, berating the audience and claims his great-grandfather came up with the new deal. He attacks Kofi before the bell rings and brutalizes him, until R-Truth makes his comeback and the save. Sandow is left lying.
NO CONTEST
We go to Josh Mathews at ringside w/two of his co-stars from “G.I. JOE: RETALIATION,” and a clip from the movie.
The Rock’s celebration, up next…
We’re back with another promo for Fandango, and Randy Orton making his entrance.
RANDY ORTON VS KANE
We get a plug for the EXTREME RULES PPV as Kane makes his way to the ring. Match is back and forth until Daniel Bryan comes out to distract Kane. Kane loses focus and walks into an RKO for the three-count.
WINNER: RANDY ORTON
And break…
We come back to a local marching band making their way down to the ring. After they finish playing, the Rock makes his big entrance. First, he runs down Punk, pointing out how he beat Punk in two straight PPV’s so he could be here tonight as WWE champion. Rock says in 48 days he’s going to Wrestlemania, but not with the “spinny” belt.
“THE WWE TITLE SHOULD NEVER LOOK LIKE A TOY, AND IT SHOULD NEVER, EVER, SPIN” – The Rock
The Rock retires the WWE “spinner” belt, and talks about how the belt should “inspire” the people watching and respect the legacy of champions past. He then unveils the “New” WWE championship. It looks like a big ring, with the WWE logo taking up most of the face-plate over the word “champion,” and the Rock’s Brahma-Bull logo on each side. Rock asks the question “Who will the Rock face at Wrestlemania? John Cena, or C.M. Punk?” Rock is about to name his preference, when Cena’s music hits and he comes out. He’s facing down the Rock when Punk nails him from behind with the spinny belt. He tosses it aside, and says “I want that one,” while pointing at Rock. The show ends with Punk staring down the Rock and walking out, while the Rock paces around the ring in confuion and Cena tries to pull himself up.
Both John Cena fans and CM Punk fans were up in arms on tonight’s February 18th, 2013 episode of Monday Night RAW when the following was revealed as the new WWE Title Belt.
(Note: Spoilers)
Sorry it took so long.
We start with the recap of last week. Cena announces his challenge for the WWE title and gets beat down by the Shield, along with Ryback and Sheamus. Vince catches Paul Heyman in his lie and gets F5’d by Brock Lesnar before he can fire Heyman.
We open with C.M. Punk walking down to the ring, he walks up to a young fan and fakes giving him a “High-five” so he can snatch his “it’s my birthday” sign, and wreck it. Punk commanders a mike and orders Justin Roberts into the ring, forcing him to announce Punk as “The Peoples Champion.” He then denies over-reacting to his situation, clamming he acted the way anyone else would act…
“If you think I over-reacted… it’s clear to me you’ve never held anything as special as the WWE championship… in fact I doubt anyone in this building has ever done anything great in their entire life.” – C.M. Punk
Punk claims he was “screwed” and the title in its “physical form” stolen from him. He then addresses the video of Heyman with Maddox and the Shield from last week. He goes to fans in the front row, calling one “four eyes,” another “sweet-heart,” and asking Michael Cole if any of them saw him in the video. They each say no. Back in the ring, Punk compares Heymans claim that he wasn’t in the video, against Vince McMahon, who put HIS video on HIS Titan-tron on HIS television show…
“He is going to Doctor a video and he is going to play it on his television show, and all of you mindless, no-good, low down, fat, stupid, lazy people are gonna eat it up.” – C.M. Punk
Punk goes on to say Vince “deserved” to have his hip broken by Brock Lesnar, claiming it was Karma. Punk invites anyone to step up and try shut him up, promising to punch their face and toss them back on the side of the railing they belong. Punk continues his tirade until Smackdown GM Booker T, interrupts him. Booker has a miserable time trying to call Vicki “managing supervisor,” and informs him she allowed him to come out and decide Punk’s fate. Booker decides we can decide Punk’s opponent for tonight. We have to download the WWE app and vote for a “Wrestlemania Rematch.”
Our choices are…
Booker is out, and we go to Michael Cole giving us a tutorial on using the app. We’re promised an “epic announcement” about the hall of fame later tonight, and Ryback makes his entrance as we go to break.
Back from break, we get Randy Orton on WWE RAW-active, mentioning how perfect it would be to shut Punk up with an RKO, right here in Atlanta, the sight of his Wrestlemania victory over Punk.
WWE U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS. RYBACK
Cesaro makes his way to the ring waving the U.S. flag, as Cole makes a quick mention of his Wrestlemania “streak.”
Cesaro starts off with an amateur style go-behind, Ryback muscles out and tosses Cesaro w/a fireman’s carry-like lift. Ryback pummels Cesaro in the corner, Cesaro fights back with a head-butt. Ryback gets a hip-toss, drops the leg across the face of Cesaro, and gets a two-count. Ryback scoops him up and hangs him in a “tree-of-woe” position in the corner. Ryback stomps him for a few moments until the ref orders a break, and Cesaro rolls outside the ring. Ryback goes out and tosses Cesaro back in. Cesaro catches Ryback with a stomp to the head, and continues stomping. Cesaro picks Ryback up and hits a short-knee, European upper-cut, and a whip into the ropes. Ryback reverses it and hits a Thez-press. Ryback bounces Cesaro off the mat a few times and hoists him up by the head, tossing him into a corner. Ryback charges, Cesaro moves, Ryback hits the corner and Cesaro hits a clothesline to the back. Both men are down as we go to break.
Back from break, Cesaro has a headlock but Ryback shoots him into the ropes and takes him down hard just by standing there. He hits a few clotheslines then hoists Cesaro up, and plants him down (D-Lo Brown style.) Cesaro rolls out and walks off. Ryback goes after him, hits a clothesline to the back. Shot to the face by Ryback, and he rolls Cesaro into the ring. Cesaro catches Ryback by the head and drops down, pulling Ryback neck-first into the rope. Sliding kick to the leg by Cesaro and Ryback meets the edge of the ring with his face. Cesaro, on the outside sends Ryback into the post, then into the stairs. Ryback just beats the ten-count back into the ring. Cesaro pummels Ryback in the corner, the holding Ryback by the head, goes up on the top rope, plants his knee on Ryback’s shoulder, and shoves off, driving Ryback backwards into the matt with his knee on Ryback’s face. Cesaro gets a one-count. Cesaro charges in, but meets a knee-lift, an elbow, and takes a huge back-body drop, followed by a “Meat-hook” clothesline. Cesaro tries to escape through the crowd. Ryback catches him and puts him back in the ring. Cesaro hits a huge boot to the face, but Ryback catches him by the leg when he tries a second time. Ryback hits a Power-bomb and the “Shell-shock” for the pin.
WINNER: RYBACK
We get another plug for the app as we’re reminded we can choose Punk’s opponent for his Wrestlemania rematch. We go back to last week to see John Cena challenge for the WWE championship, and get beat down by the Shield. Sheamus runs in, and gets beat down. Ryback runs in, and gets beat down. We take a special look at the Shield, when we come back.
Back from break, we see Chilli from hip hop R&B group TLC in the crowd tonight. We then see Rey Mysterio on “WWE Active” doing a promo w/Matt Stryker, saying he should face Punk because he’s the only one who’s ever taken his hair. We then get a video package on the Shield, including a montage of beat downs on WWE superstars. We go backstage where Vicki Guerro is with Cena. She’s heard about his plan to confront the Shield tonight, and compares it to the movie “Death Wish.” Cena reminds her he won the Royal Rumble, he’s going to Wrestlemania, and the Shield needs to be stopped tonight.
We get another look at the video package for Trish Stratus, going into the HOF, and are reminded of the “epic announcement” later tonight, as we go to break.
We’re back, and this time it’s Jericho on WWE Active, saying it’s our second chance to see who the best in the world is.
Santino Morella hits the ring and Booker T joins Cole and Lawler at ringside, followed by the “Real American” Jack Swagger.
JACK SWAGGER VS SANTINO MORELLA
We start with a lock up, and Swagger puts Morella down hard. Swagger takes him back into the ropes and hits a knee. Swagger whips Santino into the ropes and Santino starts his “power-walking” bit, but Swagger kills it with a knee, followed by a tackle to the leg. Swagger pummels Santino in the corner but misses a charge. Morella ducks a big right and hits some punches. Swagger blocks a hip toss, but Morella ducks the clothesline and hits a few rights. Santino tries a whip, but Swagger no-sells, knees Santino, hits the Swagger-Bomb, and the “Patriot Act,” for the win. (Patriot Act = Ankle lock.)
We’re reminded of our chance to vote for Punk’s opponent as we go to break.
We come back with a promo for Wrestlemania, and we get an apology from the WWE. Apparently, so many people voted, the system crashed.
WHC Alberto Del Rio makes his entrance as we get a recap of his feud w/Big Show, starting with the attack on RAW and ending with the attack on Ricardo Rodriguez on Smackdown
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS CODY RHODES
Cody comes in strong with a flurry of punches and an Irish whip into the corner, Del Rio meets him with an elbow, and goes up top in the corner, catches Cody behind the head w/his feet and takes him down w/a Lucha style head-scissors, followed by body-drop and a kick to the back. Cody slaps Del Rio in the face, Del Rio responds by pummeling him in the corner and with an Inziguri to the shoulder for two. Cody throws a wide-kick to the leg that stops Del Rio. Cody gives Del Rio the knee-breaker, and takes over, stomping Del Rio into the corner. Cody hits a head-butt but misses a charge. Del Rio hits a clothesline, a tilt-a-whirl back-breaker, and a thrust-kick to the face for a two-count. Del Rio gets a “Si” chant going; signaling for the arm-breaker, but Cody shoves him off and hits the “Beautiful Disaster” kick off the second rope for two. Cody charges in, Del Rio hooks the arm-breaker, (not smoothly,) and gets the submission.
WINNER: WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO
Alberto gets the mike and apologizes for all the time he spent looking down on us. He calls Big Show a “bully” and a “Monster,” and promises the Big Show will pay for what he did to Ricardo Rodriguez, and he will be a champion for everyone who works to put food on the table.
Big Show comes up on the Tron, challenging Del Rio for a rematch for the title, from a hotel room in an undisclosed location. He says he’s staying away to protect Del Rio from his rage, and has Booker sending him the contract. Show warns Del Rio that if he tries to find him, or shows up here, Show will give him a worse beating than the one he gave Ricardo.
Jerry Lawler overcomes a few flubbed lines to announce Chris Jericho as the winner of the RAW Active poll, and C.M. Punk’s opponent tonight.
And we go to break.
We come back with a recap of team Rey/Cara defeating team Hell No (Bryan/Kane) in a non-title match on the last Smackdown.
Backstage, we see Daniel Bryan up in Kane’s face, blaming him for the loss. Kane accuses Bryan of not being able to take care of himself. Bryan says he’ll do just that in his match tonight, and tells Kane to stay backstage, so as not to ruin his chances at getting a spot in the Elimination Chamber. Kane says “fine.”
REY MYSTERIO VS WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION DANIEL BRYAN
They lock up. Bryan hits a knee, a snap-mare, and a kick to the back. Bryan hits another kick and gets three consecutive one-counts. Mysterio bridges up, catches Bryan on his feet. Bryan pulls him up, Mysterio hooks a body-scissors, into an arm-drag, hits a dropkick, and knees to Bryan’s face. Bryan pushes him off, Mysterio ducks a clothesline and goes for a head scissors, but Bryan drops Mysterio chest-first into his knees. Bryan gets a two-count, a stomp, and a wrist-lock/arm-bar. Mysterio grabs the top rope and flips out. Mysterio hits some fore-arm shots, Bryan hits an elbow. Bryan sends Mysterio up over the top rope, but Mysterio holds on, and hits a shoulder-block to the stomach. Mysterio goes to the top rope but Bryan takes out the leg, and Mysterio is in the “tree of woe” position. Bryan hits some short shoulder-blocks, but misses a charge and goes shoulder first into the post. Bryan on the outside and both men down as we go to break.
We come back with Bryan controlling the arm of Mysterio. Mysterio hits a few fore-arms, but Bryan takes him down in a German suplex, bends the arm, pinning the palm to the matt, and stomping the up-raised elbow. Bryan works the arm and tosses Rey out of the ring. Rey rolls up on his feet, but Bryan meets him with the dropkick. Bryan tries to dive into Mysterio but meets a fore-arm. Mysterio hits a dive off the top rope, hits two head-scissors, rolling through a sunset-flip attempt on the second, and hits a kick to the head for a two-count. Bryan blocks a “619” attempt, Mysterio rolls out of an imperfect “No-lock” and hits it on the second attempt. Bryan dodges a “drop of the dime” and locks in the “No-Lock” for the tap.
WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN
As Bryan celebrates, MARK HENRY MAKES HIS COMEBACK! Henry meets Bryan on the way to the ring and takes him out with no problem. Henry hits a “spine-buster” on Rey. Sin Cara tries to save Rey, but takes “the World’s Strongest Slam.” Rey is up and fights back, but ends up taking a WSS and a splash off the middle rope. Henry walks off, jaw-jacking with the crowd.
Punk vs. Jericho, after the break
We come back to Bryan demanding an apology from Kane, for not helping him out with Henry.
“Daniel, I’m hurt by your tone. Word’s hurt, and there’s nothing more powerful than our friendship.” – Kane
“Do you mean that?” – Daniel Bryan
“HELL NO!” – KANE
After that, we get a recap of Vince busting Heyman, and Brock busting Vince’s hip.
(It goes on a LOT longer than it needs to.)
Later tonight, Heyman is on MizTV.
We go live to Big Show’s hotel room where he’s on the phone, waiting for the contract. He answers the door for room service and the waiter stands there waiting for a tip.
“Get a better job.” – Big Show
Sheamus makes his entrance and his match is up next, after the break.
We’re back, getting another recap of the Shield attack on Cena, Ryback, and Sheamus, as well as a reminder Cena calls them out later tonight.
SHEAMUS VS WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION KANE
As the match begins, we’re told Daniel Bryan will be joining Randy Orton and Mysterio in the elimination chamber. The big men lock up, and force each other into the corner. Sheamus beats on Kane with fists, whips him into the corner. Kane hits a clothesline. Kane beats Sheamus down in the corner, whips him into the ropes. Sheamus hits a kick to the face but runs into a side-slam. Kane pounds and stomps on Sheamus, then tries to pull him out of the ring. Sheamus kicks him into the guardrail. They brawl a little on the outside. Sheamus tosses Kane back in the ring, but walks into a big right hand. Sheamus fights back and hits the “Irish Curse” back-breaker. Kane is back up first, but Sheamus takes him into the corner with a shoulder tackle, followed by a knee-lift, and a double axe-handle takes Kane over the ropes. Kane lands on his feet. Sheamus ties Kane up in the ropes and starts the fore-arm pummeling. Kane escapes and puts Sheamus down. Bryan runs out and gets into an argument with Kane. Kane shoves him off the ring by the neck, tells him to stay out of this, and walks into a Brogue-Kick, giving Sheamus the three-count.
WINNER: SHEAMUS
Bryan apologizes while smiling as we go to break.
RAW slam of the week: GUESS! (Lesnar killing Vince)
Welcome to Miz TV! Miz is trying to recap the attack on Vince (again) but Heyman interrupts, not wanting someone like Miz to soil his reputation. Heyman attempts to give Vince his “best wishes” on his hip surgery, but Miz interrupts him. Heyman denies having anything to do with Brock’s attack on Vince. Miz brings up the tape with him, Maddox, and the Shield. Miz calls him the biggest liar he’s met in his life, Heyman starts asking questions about Punk getting screwed and winning back the belt. Miz and Heyman are up in each other’s face, when Managing Supervisor Vicki Guerro decides to interrupt. She admits to signing back Brock Lesnar, and expresses her grief over what happened to Vince. As she starts to cry, Paul asks for a moment of silence, Vicki suggests they share a prayer, and Miz calls BS on the whole thing. Lesnar comes out, kills Miz, wrecks the set, he and Heyman walk off.
And we go to break…
We come back to a replay of the Miz TV chaos and a confirmation that Brock is under contract to WWE. Randy Orton makes his entrance, followed by Wade Barrett. As Barrett makes his way to the ring, we get a picture-in-picture promo from Bo Dallas and a recap of their feud, including Bo’s upset win and the attack on Smackdown.
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT VS RANDY ORTON
Barrett beats down Orton in the corner. Orton reverses an Irish Whip and hits the Thez-press. Orton pummels Barrett in the head and hits two fore-arm uppercuts. Barrett reverses a whip but Orton hits the clothesline, and Barrett rolls out the ring. Outside the ring, Orton bounces Barrett’s head twice on the apron, and drops him back-first into the top of the guard rail. Orton rolls him back into the ring for a two-count. Orton stomps away on Barrett. Barrett tries catching Orton with the clothesline but it gets botched. Barrett recovers with a knee, a suplex, and a “do-over,” clothes lining Orton over the ropes to the floor. Barrett goes outside, kicks Orton in the head, and bounces Orton’s head on the apron. Barrett rolls Orton back in the ring for two, drops a couple elbows on him, and hooks the chin-lock. Orton fights out of it, hits two clothes-lines, ducks one by Wade, and hits the scoop-power-slam. Orton hits the second rope DDT and teases an RKO, but Barrett rolls outside. Orton rolls him back in, but Barrett hits the spiraling side-slam for two. Barrett tries to hit the waste-land, Orton elbows out. Orton tries an RKO, Barrett shoves him off. Orton dodges a charging kick in the corner, and hits the RKO for three.
WINNER: RANDY ORTON
After the break, Punk vs. Jericho (for really realz this time)
We come back from break to a quick promo for “Fandango” coming soon to WWE.
C.M. PUNK VS CHRIS JERICHO
After playing to the crowd, the two men lock up and Punk gets in a knee followed by a chop. Punk mocks the crowd, letting Jericho take over with three big chops, an elbow, another chop, and a big suplex. Jericho hits a fist-drop and goes for a cover. Punk grabs a leg and trips Jericho down, taking over with vicious stomps. Punk gets a chop and a knee to the gut for two. Punk locks the arm, Jericho gets to his feet and pushes Punk back into the corner. Jericho fights his way free, Punk reverses a whip and meets the boot of Jericho. Jericho charges Punk and takes a kick to the stomach. Punk tries a tornado DDT, But Jericho shoves him off. Jericho takes Punk over the ropes and out to the floor with a clothesline. Punk hits the announcers table. Jericho hits a baseball-slide drop-kick, sending Punk back into the table. Jericho goes for the “ricochet-off –the-second-rope-in-the-corner” drop-kick, but Punk catches him, and pulls him neck-first into the ropes. Jericho is down and Punk laughs as we go to break
Back to the action, Punk hits a belly-to-back suplex, and three leg-drops to the back of Jericho’s head, for a two count. Punk locks an under-hook face-lock on Jericho. Jericho gets to his feet, Punk whips him into the corner, Jericho back-body-drops him over the ropes, Punk lands on the apron and tries for a flying clothesline, but eats the mat as Jericho side-steps him. Jericho hits two shoulder-blocks, gets sent over the top rope by Punk, but lands on his feet, climbs to the top, and connects with a fist off the top rope. Jericho hits a boot to the gut and the face-plant bulldog on Punk. Jericho tries a Lion-Sault, Punk gets the knees up, but Jericho grabs the legs and tries for the walls of Jericho. Punk kicks him off, into the corner. Punk misses a running knee, and Jericho hits some head-shots before taking Punk off the top rope with the “hurriconrana.” Jericho gets a two-count, goes for another Lion-Sault but Punk gets a shot to the back. Punk has Jericho up on his shoulders and tries for the GTS, but Jericho rolls out of it and schoolboys Punk into a “Walls of Jericho,” attempt. Punk hooks his head for a small package, Jericho reverses it, Punk kicks out, Jericho tries a clothesline, but Punk catches the arm and twists it into a neck-breaker for two. Punk hits the knee-lift in the corner, a short clothes-line, but takes too much time up top and misses the “Macho Man” elbow-drop. Jericho’s Lion-Sault connects for two. Punk hits a SICK kick to the head for another two. Punk locks in the “Anaconda-Vice” but Jericho makes the ropes.
“THIS IS AWESOME!” – The Crowd
Jericho hits two shoulder blocks from the outside and goes up top, but Punk kicks his leg out from under him and goes for the GTS. Jericho catches Punk’s leg on the way down and hooks the “Walls of Jericho!” Punk makes it to the ropes. Punk tries to lift Jericho, he can’t. Jericho goes for the legs; Punk twists him into the middle turnbuckle. Punk sends Jericho shoulder first into the post; and hits the GTS for a three count.
WINNER: C.M. PUNK
After the match, we get the huge Hall of Fame announcement. Our next inductee is BRUNO SAMARTINO! We get a package of Bruno’s career highlights, including winning the WWWF title in 48 seconds, coming back from a broken neck after three months, and meeting the Pope.
And we go to break..
We come back to Matt Striker interviewing Punk backstage. Punk calls The Rock a thief and says the title of champion belongs to him. He’s the best in the world, and he proves it every night.
From that, we go to a video package about Rock winning the WWE championship after ten long years, featuring a montage of headlines and TV spots about the Rock.
John Cena is backstage being interviewed about calling out the Shield. Cena talks about how the time to laugh and joke and smile comes to an end when you get picked on and pushed around. Tonight, he pushes back.
And break…
We come back to Big Show, eating, live from his hotel, and complaining on the phone about how long it’s taking to get the contract over to him. Show answers the door for a guy with the contract. While Show reads it over and signs it, the guy keeps trying to tell him something. Show refuses to listen. Show opens the door to let the guy out, and comes face to face with Alberto Del Rio. They have a vicious fight in the hallway that ends with Del Rio blinding/knocking out the Big Show with a fire extinguisher. Two men get out of the elevator, looking confused…
“It’s okay; my friend just had some bad Mexican food.” – Alberto Del Rio
Del Rio assures them he will get Show some help, and leaves Big Show with a wink.
Back in the ring, Brad Maddox is here, asking for a mike. He claims Heyman took advantage of him, and claims he is an “innocent.” He takes credit for giving McMahon the video of him with Heyman and the Shield, and calls himself the “hero,” of this story. He says it’s gonna be him and NOT Cena who dishes out justice to the Shield, and calls them out. They come down, admitting they took money from Heyman and that they they’re gonna enjoy beating him down. After Maddox is decimated, Cena makes his way to the ring through the crowd, followed by Ryback and Sheamus. The Shield attempt to flee, but the entire WWE locker room cut them off. The Shield is trapped, back to back in the ring. Cena and friends move in and the fight breaks out, for two and a half minutes. The Shield retreat as the show closes.
Question; WHEN DID TNA IMPACT START BOOKING WWE SHOWS? Let’s break it down, angles we don’t care about getting stretched WAY past the point we care, angles we might care about getting cut short, face/heel turns out of nowhere, any of this sounding familiar? We’re gonna look at last night’s RAW to find out.
The show opened with a special Veteran’s Day tribute to our military from John Cena, as a voice over; followed by a recap of last week with a dramatic voice over similar to “TMZ” or a promo for a soap opera. The voice over recapped the current major storylines including Lawler returning after a heart attack, Vicki’s crusade to embarrass AJ/Cena, C.M. Punk holding the WWE title for 358 days and facing Cena tonight, and Brad Maddox screwing Ryback and facing him tonight for a $1,000,000 contract.
Yes, WWE is using a dramatic voice over guy just like TNA Impact, just like TMZ, and every sleazy tabloid show. Why? I don’t know. I probably won’t in this life time.
RANDY ORTON DEF DOLPH ZIGGLER – Fast-paced back and forth match-up with a lot of high-impact spots in a short span of time. Match ends when Alberto Del Rio tries to distract Orton with a run in, and Orton side steps Ziggler’s fame-asser, getting the pin with a roll up.
ADR and Ziggler (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) gave Orton a beat down until WWE Intercontinental champion made the save. Teddy Long, Senior Advisor to Smackdown GM Booker T, came out and made this a tag team match (per usual.)
DEL RIO/ZIGGLER DEF ORTON/KINGSTON – Interesting moment when Kingston had a pin on Del Rio. It seemed to me the ref had to stop short on his count because Ziggler was out of position and late w/the save. Ziggler-Rio get the win after Rodriguez distracts Kingston and Del Rio hits an inziguri to the back of the head for a pin.
Any reason they just couldn’t book a tag team match in the first place? Why waste the time?
(I’m guessing because SOMEBODY wasn’t willing to job out; coughing noises, RANDY ORTON, coughing noises.)
We were reminded of Jerry Lawler’s return later tonight, and shown Vicki Guerro making her way to the ring from backstage.
We returned from break with Dolph and Vicki in the ring, discussing the definition of “Scandal,” and Dolph staying out to find the truth. We recapped Vicki’s video “evidence” with Dolph riffing on Cena and AJ. Vicki ordered AJ to come out to explain herself and kept demanding AJ admit that she’s having an affair as the crowd vehemently chanted “Shut up Vicki!” AJ admitted only to being “friends” with John and made a joke about Vicki throwing her “considerable” weight around. Vicki responded by playing voice mails from AJ’s phone, each one sounding like an intimate talk with Cena. AJ insisted they were faked and Ziggler asked if those nights in Cena’s hotel room were more disappointing than not speaking to him anymore. Cena came out but was stopped short by AJ, who slapped Ziggler right in the face followed by a big right hand by Cena. Ziggler and Vicki run off as we were reminded that Cena will face Punk in the main event tonight.
1.) WHY IS THIS STILL A THING!? Vicki HAS what she wanted, power over RAW, not that she’s using it for anything. And what good is attacking Cena doing her or Ziggler? You could say it’s strictly for attention, AND YOU’D BE GIVING US MORE MOTIVE THAT THE PEOPLE WRITING THIS DAMN SHOW DID!
2.) WHY IS THIS A “SCANDAL!?” Cena is divorced; AJ is not GM of RAW anymore, TRIPLE H MARRIED HIS BOSSES DAUGHTER WHILE HE WAS STILL AN ACTIVE WRESTLER! If they are having a “thing,” WHERE IS THE CONFLICT? WHAT IS THE BASIS OF VICKI’S COMPLAINT!? Vicki has nothing to gain here. She’s being an abusive authority figure for the sake of being an abusive authority figure. It’s annoying, tired, and played out.
3.) WHAT DOES ZIGGLER HAVE TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS? I don’t understand why Ziggler is helping Vicki take jabs at AJ and Cena, since Cena isn’t facing Ziggler at Survivor Series.
We get another look at World heavyweight Champion Big Show jumping Sheamus and Stephen Regal in a pub on last week’s Smackdown before going to an ad for IAVA.com, an organization dedicated to Iraqi/Afghanistan war veterans.
We came back to AJ and Cena backstage talking about Vicki and Dolph persecuting AJ over something that never happened, or could happen. AJ asked “never could happen?” A suddenly tongue tied Cena left the scene with AJ smiling at him. (Author’s note to Cena: RUN! FOR GOD’S SAKE RUN!)
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION BIG SHOW DEF WILLIAM REGAL – Sadly, little more than a squash as it was mostly Regal selling Show’s offense and getting in brief moments of resistance. After the match, Show threatened to KO Regal with the big right hand, however Sheamus made the save, getting Show down and putting the boots to him. Show runs off as Sheamus looks after Regal.
KAITLIN DEF LAYLA – We went right into this match from the break. The match barley went five minutes until Kaitlin caught Layla in her arms. After what I thought was a botched slam (I was wrong,) Kaitlyn hits a reverse DDT for the three-count. Divas Champ Eve Torres, guest commentator at ringside, stands up and we get a stare-down. After that, we get another look at Lawler having a heart attack and an announcement of his big return next.
We came back to Michael Cole and Jim Ross in the ring, introducing Jerry Lawler. Lawler made his way into the ring and gave both Cole and JR a hug. Lawler thanked the crowd for their support and compared his situation to the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life,” in that a near-death experience let him see how much he was loved. At that moment, WWE heavyweight champion C.M. Punk came out with Heyman. Punk mentioned how glad he was that Lawler left the ring before Punk beat him to death “again.” He accused Lawler of “disrespectful,” “bad taste”, by way of trying to go toe-to-toe with the champion at 62 years old. He said shame on you to the crowd for blaming him for Lawler’s attack, and that it’s nobody’s fault but Lawler’s. He reminded us all that he’s been champion 358 days and is now 9th longest reigning champion of all time. Lawler jokes about Punk’s reign being on “life support,” and Heyman responded by faking a heart attack. After Punk “saved” Heyman, Mick Foley came out to call Punk on the carpet. Punk claimed that since he got pulled out of the Survivor Series tag match, he and Foley had no business with each other, and Foley should concentrate on filling the “gaping hole” in his team. Foley responded by saying the WWE universe would decide who would get that spot late tonight. Punk suggested to Foley changing the team name to “Team Worthless,” in reference to him, his team, and the fans. Foley cut him off sharply, and let Punk in on a little secret about Lawler, “HE WAS DEAD!” He went on to say Punk didn’t care about lessons or respect. Punk referred to Foley as a “goof” who jumped off his roof. Foley informed Punk he would be the “special guest enforcer” in his match w/John Cena. Foley leaves with a “Have a Nice Day,” for Punk. We were shown a graphic confirming we would in fact have the option via Raw-active Twitter poll, and we went to break with a look at Brad Maddox.
We came back to Punk yelling at Heyman to “Fix it,” referring to Punk’s problems with Cena, Foley, Ryback, and the Maddox issue. After that, we go to ringside for the respective entrances of Sin Cara and Mysterio. Lawler was back at ringside. Justin Gabriel, Tyson Kidd, Primo, Epico, and the Prime Time Players (Titus O’Neal/Darren Young,) were in the ring.
8 MAN TAG: MYSTERIO, SIN CARA, GABRIEL/KIDD DEF. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS/PRIMO & EPICO W/ROSA MENDEZ – Good solid trading of back and forth tag team offense to start off. Ricardo Rodriguez came out to give Rosa a note, upsetting Primo before we went to break. If I remember correctly, they hinted at a Del Rio/Rosa paring a few years ago, when Del Rio first came in. It’s nice to see them finally resolving that loose end.
Match ends with Mysterio hitting the 619, and Gabriel hitting the 450 on Young for the pin. The match is followed by an ad for the National Guard, and a camera shot of Ohio National guard members in the audience, along with a “Thank You,” from WWE.
Backstage: Brad Maddox prepped for his match when Heyman approached him. We went to break as they walked off.
We came back to a promo for “Fandango” and a backstage segment with Ziggler and Miz giving each other a hard time. Foley steps in and Ziggler walks off. Foley gives Ziggler a “hi,” from Amy Schumer. Miz asks Foley for a spot on the RAW-active ballot and Foley agrees. Our choices to vote for via Twitter were #Santino, #Ryder, #Miz.
Now is it me, or should this have gotten WAY more build up? Wouldn’t it have made sense for Ziggler to have been needling Miz about his losses over the last few weeks, building up to Miz wanting to settle things with him and seeing this as his opportunity? And why didn’t Foley come to Miz with the offer? Wouldn’t that have gotten Miz some credit?
R-TRUTH DEF. TENSAI – U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro came out to call everyone fat and rude before joining the announce team. During the match, Cole and Lawler made a big deal of Cesaro carrying a satchel. Cesaro explained it was there to carry whatever he needed. R-truth dominated the match with high-spot offense and got the pin w/a “Little Jimmy.” Truth and Cesaro traded jabs at ringside, including a joke by Truth about Cesaro being “Europe in my face.”
After that, we get a look at the new WWE 13, video game, featuring Ryback destroying a player created Brad Maddox.
After a break we get a recap of the Brad Maddox situation leading up to tonight’s “Million Dollar Challenge,” as well as a recap of Vicki and Dolph tormenting Cena and AJ, AND a recap of Foley, Ziggler, Miz.
RYBACK DEF BRAD MADDOX – As Maddox came out, we saw an ambulance pull up to the side of the stage and Brad get visibly rattled. Brad walked to the ring as we were treated to a PIP promo of Brad claiming no one will forget his name. Ryback came out next, followed by a stretcher. The entire match is Ryback decimating Maddox, with Maddox getting ZERO offense. The match ends with Ryback getting the Shell-shock and the pin. After the match, medics try to take Maddox out on the stretcher but Ryback attacks, dumping Maddox off the stretcher and tossing him like garbage into the ambulance.
So, that whole thing with Heyman meant NOTHING!? That whole “million dollar challenge thing” goes NOWHERE? WHAT WAS THE POINT!?
Here’s another thing, let’s play this out on paper. A desperate young man, who’s had setback after setback, finally has a chance at his dream job and a million dollar contract, if he can beat an unstoppable monster. As he makes his way to the arena, the monster’s boss sends out an ambulance and a stretcher to intimidate him. Now if this were anywhere else in the world beside WWE RAW, who would YOU think was the “good guy?” And I know what Maddox did at HitC, what I’m saying is this makes Ryback look more like a heel than it does Maddox. And since Maddox lost, it comes off anti-climatic. The resolution falls flat.
SHEAMUS DEF. DAVID OTUNGA – We get a recap of Sheamus going after Big Show earlier tonight. While Sheamus destroys Otunga, Regal watches on the monitor in the back. Sheamus gets the pin with a combo of “White Noise,” and the “Brogue Kick.”
Backstage: Big Show attacks Regal.
We came back from break. Josh Mathews updates us on Regal’s condition. It’s a concussion and maybe a broken jaw. We go to a promo for the Wounded Warrior Project, an outfit designed to help returning soldiers with medical and psychological injuries.
Backstage: Kane makes his way to the ring when Daniel Bryan confronts him. They argue about Kane tagging with someone besides him with Bryan playing the role of jealous girlfriend. Bryan suggests going to Foley to protest but Kane just disappears on him. Bryan goes into his “NO!” routine much to the crowd’s delight.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION KANE AND THE MIZ DEF. TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS (CODY RHODES/DAMIAN SANDOW) – Miz wins the RAW-active twitter poll to be Kane’s partner, and the crowd seems happy about it. Daniel Bryan comes out, seemingly to cheer on Kane. During the match, Bryan managed to distract Miz, setting up an opening for the Rhodes Scholars to take over. The match ends with Bryan going after Miz but Miz sending him crashing into Rhodes. Kane gets the pin with the choke-slam, and Bryan and Miz argue over Kane.
I just wrote that.
Yeah.
Daniel Bryan is now Kane’s jealous girlfriend. I’m just moving on….
We take a look at WWE’s annual tribute to the troops, and our main event is up next.
JOHN CENA DEF. WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK – Foleys out first as “special enforcer,” followed by Punk w/Heyman, and John Cena. The crowd is actually split between a man who’s granted a record 300 Make-a-Wish foundation visits and a man who mocked someone for having a heart attack.
We came back from a break to find Punk in control of the match. Point of interest is Punk applying a “new/improved” version of the “Anaconda Vice,” down on the mat, hands locked behind Cena’s head w/the left leg hooked under the chin. Cena eventually escapes and takes over. Heyman runs in but is caught off by Cena, and Foley drags Heyman out. Punk tries to limp away from the match but Ryback is out and chases him back into Cena’s clutches. Cena gets the pin w/the AA. The match ends with Cena and Ryback staring each other down, both clutching the belt, with Punk on the outside, looking like he’s gonna cry.
You know, this DOES work in terms of story. We have two of the most powerful forces in the WWE on a collision course, with the defending champion either caught in the middle, or getting shut out altogether. The problem is I don’ see it as a story; I see it as THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW WWE DOES THIS. I often tell myself that WWE is trying to book Punk like Ric Flair, the clever heel champ who always finds a way to weasel out of losing the title, but then I remember Flair was never treated like a prison bitch.
In conclusion, this show didn’t really do anything to sell me on Survivor Series this Sunday. All they did was rush through angles they failed to build up properly over the past month. Do you know what my advice to WWE is?
Fire Russo, or whoever’s playing him.
MATCH RESULTS
RYBACK DEF JTG – Total Squash; JTG is for all intents and purposes a jobber. Ryback hits the shell shock for the three-count.
ORTON DEF BARRETT – We get a re-cap of Barrett’s win on the last Smackdown. Hard-hitting match; ending with an RKO out of nowhere. Orton gets the win.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS HELL NO DEF PRIME TIME PLAYERS – Side note; the PTP were wearing ALL Pink for this match. I don’t know if that was for the Breast Cancer campaign, or they got heat from the front office. Team Hell No wins despite arguing with each other.
WWE I-C CHAMPION KOFI KINGSTON DEF WWE U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO BY DQ – Miz joins the announce team for this one, and distracts Kofi, allowing Cesaro to get a shot in. Kofi tosses Cesaro right on top of Miz a few seconds later. Miz attacks Kofi, getting Cesaro DQ’d. R-Truth runs out to save Kofi from the double team by Miz/Cesaro.
3MB DEF CO-BRO – Santino knocks Drew McIntyre off the ring w/a flying “Cobra” shot, but this gives Heath Slater the opening to hit a swinging neck-breaker with the leg for a pin fall.
AJ DEF BETH PHEONIX – AJ wins with a small package, but Vicki comes out, saying she demands better of her roster, so after distracting AJ long enough for Beth to hit a clothesline…
BETH PHEONIX DEF AJ – With the Glam Slam, for a three-count.
RHODES SCHOLARS DEF SIN-STERIO – Sandow hits the neck-breaker on Sin Cara after a three way brawl on the outside with Cara, Cody Rhodes and Mysterio.
ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF JUSTIN GABRIEL – ADR locks in an arm-bar submission, and nothing much else to see here people.
BACKSTAGE SEGMENTS AND PROMOS
We opened with a recap of referee Brian Maddox screwing Ryback out of the WWE title by helping defending champ C.M. Punk w/a low blow and a fast count.
WWE champ C.M. Punk hobbles to the ring with Paul Heyman and his belt in tow. He denies having anything to do with Maddox and points out Maddox screwing him over with a bad call two weeks ago in a tag team match. Punk runs down a list of enemies and victories, saying he is kryptonite to resident “superman” John Cena, and declares himself “In-erasable,” (in regards to WWE wanting to erase him from history.) Mick Foley is out next. Punk compares Foley to Hurricane Sandy, and Foley craps on Punk making light of a tragedy. He gets the cheap pop for Charlotte North Carolina, and tells Punk he blew the choice Foley gave him a few weeks ago. He yells at Punk about tradition, to which Punk responds by showing Foley his bandages.
“THIS IS WHAT YOUR TRADITION DOES.”– C.M. Punk
Foley challenges Punk to a traditional Survivor Series match, Team Foley vs. Team Punk. Punk accepts, and Ryback comes out for his match. Punk and Heyman bail.
Backstage; Vicki is interviewing AJ. Seems the board of directors wants Vicki to consider hiring her back as a Diva. Vicki takes the opportunity to torment AJ with the “c” word.
After the Hell-no/PTP match, Vicki comes out to address the crowd about the Cena/AJ “scandal.” Cena comes out to confront Vicki. Vicki says she has video proof of their “relationship.” We are shown in order…
Recap:
Vicki calls John full of excuses and starts ragging on AJ about flirting with John. John cuts her off, and out comes Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler says this is all because of John’s “sophomoric urges.” Cena shoves Ziggler on his posterior and we go to break.
After the Kofi/Cesaro match, Vicki goes back to AJ (Yes, this was stretched out into three segments.) After more ragging, Vicki offers AJ back her job if she’ll just admit to thinking John is attractive. AJ refuses to compromise Cena and tries to walk off. Vicki calls her back, and decides to give her back her job (MAKING ALL THIS A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME.) She gives AJ a match with Beth Phoenix (see above,) later that night and warns AJ that if she ever touches her again, she’s gone. AJ says thanks, and skips off smiling.
After the Divas match, we get a word from Sheamus. He’s bummed about losing the title, but doesn’t regret anything because he was in the best fight he’s had since coming to the WWE. He promises to bring the fight to Big Show and next time, he’ll win the war and the world’s championship. Big Show comes out to gloat and rub the belt in Sheamus’ face. He calls Sheamus a “Ginger Snap.” Sheamus responds…
“Have you ever seen a Ginger Snap?” – Sheamus
Sheamus follows that up with an EFFORTLESS “White Noise” on Big Show. Sheamus walks off while Big Show recovers.
After a look at Sports Business Journal’s piece on Wrestlemania, we go backstage with Cena and AJ talking about their night. Cena leaves and AJ gives him the same stare she used to give C.M. Punk. (RUN JOHN! THIS ENDS BADLY!) Vicki spies on them from a few feet back. She starts after AJ but is interrupted by Beth Phoenix, who thanks her for restarting the match. Vicki resents being put in that position, and FIRES BETH! Side Note: Sara Del Ray gets a glimpse into a possible alternate future.
After the Sinsterio/Rhodes Scholars match, we’re backstage with Foley and Kaitlyn gushing about WWE 13 coming out Tuesday, when Heyman makes himself known. They hype up their presentation on their Survivor Series teams later tonight.
After a break, we get a video package of the WWE’s Breast Cancer Awareness Promotion with the Susan G. Komen foundation. After a lengthy rundown of all they’ve been doing, we get a ceremony in the ring where John Cena presents SGK reps with a check for ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
You know, I gotta admit. This was something. For whatever reason, WWE committed to this and did something really positive. I give them kudos.
After the Del Rio/Gabriel match and a break, we get our Main Event of the evening; Punk and Foley introducing their Survivor Series teams. Heyman has assembled the Miz, Team Rhodes Scholars, and Alberto Del Rio. Foley has Kofi, Team Hell No, Randy Orton, and RYBACK as the big surprise. This ends in a wild brawl (of course,) and Punk bails on his team while Ryback stares at him. After passing up the chance to end the damn show for three minutes, Ryback crushes Cody in the Shellshock, and we end.
We open w/a replay of Foley facing off w/CM Punk, followed by Punk taking a lead pipe to the gut by Cena, the attack on Foley, and the stare down w/Ryback.
Out first is WWE Champion C.M. Punk w/Paul Heyman. Heyman carries the WWE title. Punk calls Cena a coward and accuses Mick Foley of shooting him a disrespectful look and muttering something under his breath, which is why Punk put him down like a dog. Punk asks (rhetorically) if Mick would’ve disrespected Cena, The Rock, or Steve Austin like that. Heyman answers “no” to each one. He did listen to one thing Foley said, about his legacy and facing John Cena in Hell in The Cell, and that’s why he’s here to announce that it still will not happen.
Heyman takes the Mike and moves on to a most relevant piece of business. We see last week when AJ responded to his marriage proposal by slapping him. He points out she never said no, but she did put her hands on him, in direct violation of an edict by the WWE B.O.D. He reads the memo handed down, and demands AJ be removed from office, and replaced with him.
Vicki Guerro comes out w/Dolph Ziggler and reminds us of AJ attacking her 2 months ago, and we get Heyman vs. Vicki on the mike, briefly. Dolph interjects saying this is all AJ’s fault and suggests Heyman and Vicki team-up to take over.
AJ skips out, and informs us all she is on probation. She calls Heyman a “slimy, shady, greasy, creepy as all hell, worm-like excuse for a man,” and mentions she now has a “coach” advising her on running the show.
And Now Daniel Bryan is out. He says he’s just out to apologize for contributing to AJ’s mental state by dumping her. He refers to himself as a handsome, former world champion with “a great beard,” and he is now the Tag Team Champions, plural.
Out comes Kane to remind us AJ Lee is a “phenomenal kisser,” and agrees with Bryan about everything, except for one item. HE is the tag team champions – plural. This breaks down into everyone hollering at each other, until AJ brings it to a halt with a freak out. She reminds us she is still in charge and makes a tag team match, Punk/Ziggler vs. Team Hell No. AJ skips off and we get a promo for a World Heavyweight Championship debate between Big Show and Sheamus. We see Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio heading towards the ring as we go to break.
Side Note: Rey’s mask is designed to look like it’s half his, Half Sin Cara’s. Cara’s mask is half his, half Rey’s.
Nice touch
REY MYSTERIO/SIN CARA DEF PRIMO/EPICO W/ROSA – The masked Mexicans dominate a fast-paced match up while the Prime Time Players look on from the stage. Rey ends it with the 619 and a drop of the dime for the 1-2-3.
We go to break with a reminder of the Sheamus/Big Show debate coming up later.
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF BRODUS CLAY – This match starts as we come back from break. Cesaro cuts a picture-in-picture promo demanding appreciation in five different languages. Brodus looks strong until he takes a flying back elbow. Cesaro ends it with the neutralizer for the pin.
Backstage: Kaitlin is pulling up her sock over her injured ankle when AJ comes in with her executive coach Christopher J Stevenson. He’s here to evaluate her performance. She makes like she wants to make nice and asks Kaitlin for forgiveness. When Kaitlin smiles at her, AJ bursts into demonic laughter, saying she wasn’t sorry at all, and skips off, leaving CJS and Kaitlin to look confused at each other. We go to break, teasing JR appreciation night.
We come back from break with Zack Ryder in the ring and The Miz coming out. We’re told our social media ambassador for the night will be Larry King.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION THE MIZ DEF ZACK RYDER – Ryder actually dominates most of the match, but Miz ends it w/a power-bomb to the corner and the Skull-Crushing-Finale.
We come back from break with Smackdown GM Booker-T making his way to the ring. He introduces the Big Show. As Show comes to the ring, we recap Show giving Randy Orton the WMD on last weeks’ Smackdown. Booker then introduces World Champion Sheamus. Both men make quick opening statements. Booker reads them questions from Twitter. Sheamus keeps reminding Show about losing the World Championship to Daniel Bryan in 45 seconds. Show gets angrier. Show collapses his podium (by accident at first.) Then we go to a Tout from Rey Mysteri-O’Sulivan.
It’s Sheamus in a Mysterio mask.
Yep.
Both men tease a throw-down, but Show just storms off. We get a promo for the main event tag, and we cut to Ryback lumbering towards the ring as we go to break.
RYBACK DEF TENSAI – Michael Cole informs us of Jerry Lawler’s improving condition as the match gets under way. It’s a pretty even trade-off of power moves, but when Ryback attempts to lift Tensai into the Meat Hook, someone botches, twice. Cole and JR try to sell it as a block by Tensai, and Ryback ends this with a hard clothesline.
We go to break with a reminder that tonight is JR appreciation night.
When we come back, we’re introduced to breast cancer survivors and their families in the crowd as part of WWE’s breast cancer awareness month promotion w/the Susan G. Komen foundation.
WWE DIVAS CHAMP EVE DEF BETH PHEONIX – Before the match, we get a recap of Eve trying to suspend Beth, getting called on it by Booker T, and throwing Teddy Long under the bus. Eve cuts a picture-in-picture promo where she hard sells the entire Diva division just a little too earnestly. This was a short back-and-forth match with Eve winning by faking an eye injury, hitting a low kick, and the neck-breaker for the three-count.
Backstage: AJ introduces her coach to Wade Barrett. Wade gives her a tongue-lashing before storming off. AJ says her coach looks intimidated.
We go to break with a promo for the main event.
When we come back, John Bradshaw Layfield gives us a Tout about his successful climb of Mount Kilimanjaro as part of a campaign to raise money for underprivileged children.
SANTINO MORELLA DEF HEATH SLATER (DQ) – Short comedy match ends with Santino hitting the “Cobra” on Slater and Slater’s friends, Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal jumping Santino. Drew hits the “Future Shock” DDT on Santino and they shove the Cobra sock in Sandino’s mouth. Each man introduces himself to the crowd. Drew is still “the Chosen One;” Jinder is “the Maharaja,” and Slater is “The One Man Band.”
We go to commercial with a teaser for “JR appreciation night.”
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION SHEAMUS DEF DAMIEN SANDOW W/CODY RHODES – Earlier tonight, we had a backstage segment where Sandow and Rhodes both denied the WWE universe coming up with their name while bashing the debate segment. This was one of the most hard-fought matches on RAW in a long time. Both men were booked strong in this match and some are already considering this MOTY material. Match ends with Sheamus throwing Cody in the ring and hitting the Brogue Kick on both men.
We come back from break, with Cole in the ring re-introducing JR to the crowd. JR comes down from the stage, into the ring. Just as JR starts to speak, C.M. Punk heads out with Paul Heyman. Punk gives JR a big build up as a man who’s earned respect. He asks JR to call him “the best in the world.” JR refuses and gives Punk a dressing down. Punk stomps on JR’s hat and orders him out of the ring. JR is halfway gone when RYBACK steps into view. Ryback brings back JR and Punk decides discretion is the better part of valor and takes a hike.
ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF KOFI KINGSTON – Del Rio rides out in a $150,000 Mazarati, as Ricardo Rodriguez introduces him. We take a look back at last Friday on Smackdown as Randy Orton gets the WMD from Big Show, and gets attacked by Del Rio after the show. Kofi comes down with R-Truth and “little Jimmy,” while RR joins the announce team. Ricardo comes off a little disoriented on commentary. Kofi hits his spots but the match ends with him tapping out to the arm-breaker.
Backstage: AJ and her coach are talking. All seems well until AJ suggests that HE be the special guest ref. AJ says a coach “isn’t worth a damn unless he’s been a player,” and her coach “has never been a player.” She throws him out the building, and smirks like a Cheshire Cat.
Side Note: JR makes a boo-boo as he talks over AJ, suggesting Cole “do the reveal,” and apologizes for “talking when he should’ve been listening,” when they come back. Bryan and Kane make their entrances as we go to break.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (BRYAN/KANE) DEF WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK (W/PAUL HEYMAN) AND DOLPH ZIGGLER (W/VICKI GUERRO) – We come back with everyone in the ring. AJ makes her way out as “special guest ref,” for the match, and nobody is happy about it. The match itself is a well-paced back and forth tag-team battle, with AJ playing it as a hard-line ref. At one point, Heyman pulls Punk’s foot over the bottom rope to break a three count, and AJ sends him to the back. Vicki protests, and gets sent to the back. Ziggler chases after her, leaving Punk alone to take a choke-slam from Kane for the three-count.
RYTMANS RANT
AJ Lee IS the star of Monday Night RAW, good and bad. The good is AJ has taken this derpy gimmick and RAN with it. She has the intensity and charisma to play this big and it’s worked. The bad is she’s not technically in-ring talent right now, so she’s basically high-jacking the show from the wrestlers.
My problem with this is there’s no point to it. She can’t make herself WWE champion, and she doesn’t seem to care who the champion is, as long as she’s the center of attention. She’s basically playing this as an insane child who sees RAW as her toy box, and if you don’t play “right” she sends you into the cornfield. (Twilight Zone Reference:”It’s a good life.”) To me, this is a waste. AJ is just playing with her “power,” and doesn’t really seem to care about accomplishing anything.
Here’s another thing, WHO THE HELL ARE THE GOOD GUYS AROUND HERE? Going back to AJ, why should I be happy about her sticking it to the heels if she’s just going to turn around and be nasty to the faces? Are Bryan and Kane supposed to be good guys? Why is Bryan still a douche? WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR?
That’s all for this week boys and girls. I’ll see you next week with another Rytman recap and rant.
We open up with CM Punk opening the show as Cole/King recap his match w/Daniel Bryan @ MiTB.
“This may sound a little strange coming from someone who’s straight edge, but… I LOVE LAS VEGAS!” – CM Punk
Punk takes us back to the “pipe bomb” promo of last year and talks about how a guy who looks/talks/acts like him would never have been on the first RAW, let alone champion for eight months. He plans on holding that title next week on the 1000th episode.
(more…)
Unlike last week, I am coming into this episode with a better attitude. Perhaps this is a result of a vastly improved RAW (well, at least by comparison) and a mildly entertaining live Impact on Thursday. I’m not sure why my mindset is linked to other grappling content I partake, but it is. Let’s see if the WWE can continue this trend as Sin Cara returns tonight! Let’s have at it, shall we?
(more…)
Yeah, it’s Friday. Go to hell Rebecca Black. So I’m here to talk about Smackdown, and stuff. That’s how I roll. Let’s just get to it, shall we? Hey, it might be really good!
Or not…